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Could it be worse? (Yes, Penny could be here.)

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September 28th
2:38 am

PEnn @PennieParker
homecoming is in one month and i am already dreading it but, what can you do

↳ McThicc @MichelleJonees
Screw the non realistic ideals and just go with your friends?
↳ PEnn @PennieParker
no, not that, i cant find a dress i look good in ;-;
↳ McThicc @MichelleJonees
false, you look nice in anythhing
↳ PEnn @PennieParker
awe MJ !! uwu

↳ Chicken Coop @bartonboi
I will literally drive to your apartment and shake the sense into you
↳ PEnn @PennieParker
awe we stan one (1) gentle boi ! !

↳ paRAsiTE@ElectronicBrock
Okay but,, sleep?
↳ PEnn @PennieParker
(✿˘艸˘✿) hahahaha, good one insomniac brother
↳ Parasite@ElectronicBrock
okay but,, im literally doing a segment thing
↳ PEnn @PennieParker
kckckskckss,, i took one out of your books, I'm working for the Bugle ( ̄ω ̄)
↳ Parasite@ElectronicBrock
touche i guess

[view more replies]

 

September 28th
3:13 am

PEnn @PennieParker
h-holy shit,, is spider-man a furry?

↳ Spooderkid @MilesMo
w-what?
↳ PEnn @PennieParker
Is Spiderman A Furry?
↳ Gwenda @GwenStacyy
a-are you really contemplating this rn?
↳ PEnn @PennieParker
I Need To Know Gwen ! !
↳ (S)indy @MoonPie
I mean, technically the spider people would be Buggies
↳ PEnn @PennieParker
im sorry, whaT

[view more replies]

 

September 28th
4:41 am

PEnn @PennieParker
[Attatched video of Harry Osborn biting down into a wrench and tossing his sandwich]
ksksksjksjs Hazzie does the weirdest things when he's sleep deprived

↳ HAzz @HazzieOsborn
You fool, you absolute mad lad, what have you done
↳ PEnn @PennieParker
i regret nothing
↳ Gwenda @GwenStacyy
Are you having a sleepover without me!?
↳ PEnn @PennieParker
i regret one [1] thing
↳ HAzz @HazzieOsborn
You will be the death of us all one day
↳ PEnn @PennieParker
yea that's fair.

↳ Ned @Nedwards
Big fake, but ok
↳ PEnn @PennieParker
nooo, im not fake take it backk
↳ Gwenda @GwenStacyy
You are kinda big fake :/
↳ PEnn @PennieParker
;-; Hazzie they are b u l l i e s @HazzieOsborn
↳ HAzz @HazzieOsborn
No?? That is?? i l l e g a l

[view more replies]

 

September 28th
6:04 am

PEnn @PennieParker
nihilism is the prime belief and is the only true view of life that is valid. in this essay, i will

↳ keen @haryeet
Have you been stocking up on Caprisuns again?
↳ PEnn @PennieParker
no?? well yess, but that doesn't matter ^-^
↳ keen @haryeet
@starks Come get your daughter.
↳ PEnn @PennieParker
[hissingcat.png] vile, evil, levi!
↳ Toby Stack @starks
i- levi?
↳ PEnn @PennieParker
i needed a word with the same letters as vile and evil; levi

[view more replies]

 

September 28th
6:54 am

Alii (-ω-ゞ @starkstan
Who is @PennieParker and why is she considered @starks daughter??

↳ Meggie @Spideystan
Omg Alli i have no idea, but she goes to Midtown!!

↳ keen @haryeet
She's the most adorable person ever uwu,, y'all's don't know what you're missing out on
↳ PEnn @PennieParker
you lyin piece of shazam

↳ Blossom !! @laylaa
Whomst? Is there tea to be spilt?
↳ Bubbles <3 @daisyyjones
So this 'PennieParker' is like, a highschooler and its wild cause she has an internship @ SI
↳ Buttercup @megaraisaqueen
@laylaa We found out from your cousin Sam
↳ Blossom !! @laylaa
@sammiam Thannk uuuuu
↳ Bubbles <3 @daisyyjones
Can we appreciate her sleep schedule though?
↳ PEnn @PennieParker
lmao what 'sleep schedule'

[view more replies]

 

September 28th
7:14 am

PEnn @PennieParker
it has just occurred to me,, ive known @haryeet for five months now and not once have we called each other or skyped.

↳ keen @haryeet
I- wha- i cannot, i don't understand??
↳ PEnn @PennieParker
that's ! what ! im ! saying !
↳ keen @haryeet
Call me ASAP

↳ Ned @Nedwards
You have??? c l a s s ? ?
↳ PEnn @PennieParker
i see no problem here
↳ McThicc @MichelleJonees
You dumb thot
↳ PEnn @PennieParker
hnnnngggg he- aah @nedwards @ladybossii
↳ McThicc @MichelleJonees
?? are you dead?? i didn't cover for you so that you would die
↳ PEnn @PennieParker
he- Accent?? Big uuugh hnngg
↳ Ned @Nedwards
This just in; Penny's Accent kink strikes again
↳ PEnn @PennieParker
NED NO

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Chapter Text

September 30th
7:38 am

PEnn @PennieParker
ive decided. i am no longer planning to go to homecoming. no, i will not be taking questions :)

↳ Milkshake@ladybossii
    Come to homecoming with me?
   ↳ PEnn @PennieParker
       i will not

↳ Ned @Nedwards
Oh come on, go to homecoming!
   ↳ PEnn @PennieParker
       i will not

↳ Bet @betsybrant
You know you'll regret not going Penny!
   ↳ PEnn @PennieParker
       false

↳ keen @haryeet
Go to homecoming Penny
   ↳ PEnn @PennieParker
       incorrect
      ↳ keen @haryeet
          What if I go with you? :)
         ↳ PEnn @PennieParker
             are you coming to ny?!?!?!?

[view more replies]

 

September 30th
8:03 am

PEnn @PennieParker
ive decided. i am once again planning to go to homecoming. no, i will not be taking questions :)

↳ Milkshake@ladybossii
What changed?
   ↳ PEnn @PennieParker
       no, i will not be taking questions :)

↳ Ned @Nedwards
Really? Why the sudden switch?
   ↳ PEnn @PennieParker
       no, i will not be taking questions :)

↳ Bet @betsybrant
I couldn't even convince you in first block! Did Cindy get to you?
   ↳ PEnn @PennieParker
       no, i will not be taking questions :)

[view more replies]

 

September 30th
4:41 pm

PEnn @PennieParker
[Attatched video of Penny attacking Harry Osborn with a pillow and a vicious pillow fight breaking out]
this asshole actually fucking tackled me!

↳ HAzz @HazzieOsborn
You?? Started this??  You're so passive Agressive
   ↳ PEnn @PennieParker
       i will chew your fcking face of
      ↳ HAzz @HazzieOsborn
          K i n k y ;3

 

[view more replies]

 

September 30th
4:41 pm

Alii (-ω-ゞ @starkstan
@PennieParker and @HazzieOsborn are the cutest?

 Meggie @Spideystan
Omg i know! Ship name #Pazzy or #Parksborn ?
   ↳ Alii (-ω-ゞ @starkstan
       Ahhh! Definitley #Parksborn ?
      ↳ Bubbles <3 @daisyyjones
          Not even, Its #Pennley for the win!
         ↳ Meggie @Spideystan
             Please, Parksborn has so much chemistry!
            ↳ Alii (-ω-ゞ @starkstan
                Exactly! Parksborn beats Pennley by 3000!

↳ Buttercup @megaraisaqueen

#PennleyvsParksborn Pennley is definitely better!

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September 30th
4:41 pm

Trending on Twitter

1 #OOGotOneFirstTry
2 #ChalkOverTidepods
3 #ThanosSnapped
4 #PennleyvsParksborn
5 #GotchuKing

[view more trends]

 

Toby Stack @starks
Why is my kid trending on twitter, why are so invested in her love life?

 Pepper @Starksceo
    It's a PR nightmare
   ↳ PEnn @PennieParker
       Hi Ms. Potts!! :3
      ↳ Pepper @Starksceo
          Hello Penny! :`)
         ↳ Happy @Starksguard
             I take it security needs to be bumped up?
            ↳ Toby Stack @starks
               Yes! Happy! thank you!

[view more replies]

Chapter Text

October 3rd
2:04 am

PEnn @PennieParker
realistically speaking, if spiders banded together, they could actually eat all the humans on earth.

↳ Spooderkid @MilesMo 
    Oh worm? ;)
   ↳  S)indy @MoonPie
       Is this the spider upbringing? will we view them as our overlords?
      ↳ Gwenda @GwenStacyy
          But consider, Vee counts as one of us
         ↳ PEnn @PennieParker
             sis we been knew

↳ HAzz @HazzieOsborn
    Oh, so this is what we're doing now.
   ↳ PEnn @PennieParker
       i mean, if the shoe fits :)
      ↳ HAzz @HazzieOsborn
          You will always be shorter than me, i won't apologize for you being a gremlin!
         ↳ PEnn @PennieParker
             take that back you fucker!

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October 3rd
3:43 am

Spider Mother @nattieromanoff
Somebody decided to start up the prank war again and it just keeps spiraling but I am declaring this here and now. No repeats of the Glitter Incident.

↳ PEnn @PennieParker
    so what im hearing is, dont come to the compound this weekend?
   ↳ Clont Barton @arrowdude
       Jokes on you tiny, Prank wars extended past Compound barriers
      ↳ PEnn @PennieParker
          o shi- whaddup?
         ↳ Spider Mother @nattieromanoff
             watch out tiny, they're coming for you
            ↳ PEnn @PennieParker
                
w h a t,,, that is the most onmhbvjcd
               ↳ Birb Ruler @Falkoff
                   Oh no, they got her before she could finish the tweet.

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October 3rd
4:07 am

 

HAzz  @HazzieOsborn
[Attatched video of Penny Parker screaming for Harry while on top of the kitchen counter. Once Harry starts laughing, Penny turns to face the camera (and him) with a terrified face. The camera pans to the floor where there are dozens of spiders Crawling towards her.]

↳ PEnn @PennieParker
    divorced. i cannot believe you would expose me like this. im taking the kid too.
   ↳ HAzz @HazzieOsborn
       Literally payback, but w.e :)
      ↳ Spooderkid @MilesMo
          Penny, what?
         ↳ PEnn @PennieParker
             dont look at me, dont see my s h a m e
            ↳ HAzz @HazzieOsborn
                How penn, h o w
               ↳ PEnn @PennieParker
                   i dont need this, im moving out.
                  ↳ HAzz @HazzieOsborn
                      No wait, im making Phagetti
                     ↳ PEnn @PennieParker
                         . . . ill stay, but only for the pahgett.

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October 3rd
4:38 am

PEnn @PennieParker
fuck fake friends, MJ is my favorite and always has been.

↳ Milkshake@ladybossii
    Okay we been knew, but why are you telling us this
   ↳ PEnn @PennieParker
       
ned ate my fucking garlic bread

↳ Bet @betsybrant
    Wow, go off I guess.
   ↳ PEnn @PennieParker
       no wait, ily, youre precious uwu
      ↳ Bet @betsybrant
          
Nope, not falling for your uwus, keep them.
         ↳ PEnn @PennieParker
             :` 0

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Chapter Text

PEnn
@pennieparker
To quote everyone's Favorite Fighting Frenchman: "Bonjour Y'all" [AND PEGGY]
Location: Quantum Realm
Joined: March 2019
31 Following     19.8k Followers

 

Supposed Stark Intern has Twitter in an uproar following the creation of her account.

Twitter account claims to intern with Tony Stark,  Fact or Fiction?

Internet stunned by the alleged young Stark heiress.

Starks Secret Love Child Resurfaces?

 

 

12:11 pm

PEnn @pennieparker
casual reminder that Mr. Stark follows @haryeet

     keen @haryeet
     Ah fuck,, i cant believe you've done this

 

 

Stark hides children from public eye.

Starks not so secret kids

Supposed Stark Twins upheave the locals

How many kids has Tony Stark Fathered/Adopted?

 

 

12:28 p.m.

PEnn @pennieparker
hey look,, im your twin (。◕‿‿◕。) @haryeet

      keen @haryeet
      (☞゚ヮ゚)☞ ☜(゚ヮ゚☜)

      Toby Stack @starks
      No you aren't?

      PEnn @pennieparker
      come on mr stark, everyone knows The Daily Buldge nEVer l i e s

      keen @haryeet
      Op call em out

     PEnn @pennieparker
     @hoesborn come hold my flower (ʘ ‿ ʘ   )っ✿

      HAzz @hoesborn
      I got your flower bb ✿\(。-_-。)

 

 

12:44 p.m.

PEnn @pennieparker
A Thread on WHy we h a te The Daily Buldge (҂⌣̀_⌣́) (1/4)
It is a knock off of The Bugle. It decided to copy articles, buy off photographers, and overall it just became a bugle jr. which would be okay except it doesn't give any fucking credit to the original articles or anything.

PEnn @pennieparker
A Thread on WHy we h a te The Daily Buldge (҂⌣̀_⌣́) (2/4)
Our main man triple J isnt there so its usually bland as fuck. Jameson makes the Bugle interesting and passionate and it always shows in articles. The topics are relatable, the passion is awesome, and theBugle is iconic.

PEnn @pennieparker
A Thread on WHy we h a te The Daily Buldge (҂⌣̀_⌣́) (3/4)
The Buldge, though operating strictly online, is fake news. It's known for faking articles they don't copy, it's been sued for slander multiple times, and they've photoshopped so many fucking photos its not funny anymore.

PEnn @pennieparker
A Thread on WHy we h a te The Daily Buldge (҂⌣̀_⌣́) (4/4)
Fake ass bitches rejected my application for an internship on the account that I "fabricated a well constructed story" about an internship with Stark Industries. Well, it doesn't matter now but ya bitch is petty as fuck.

      HAzz @hoesborn
      daaaamn bb, go off i guess  ✿\(。o_o。)

      PEnn @pennieparker
      always (◡‿◡✿ )

      The Buldge Online@TheDailyBuldge
      Thank you for the feedback! We appreciate criticism, though we do see you are still manufacturing stories revolving previous internships and will politely disregard your statement. Have a nice day!

      PEnn @pennieparker
      (◡‿◡✿)    ||    (ʘ‿ʘ✿)    ||    (╯✿◕益◕)╯︵ ┻━┻

      legoboi @Nedward
      Uuh... Lego Hogwarts set?

      PEnn @pennieparker
      Lego HOgwarts with a movie marathon, fuck fake news, i dont give a fuck, it doesnt matter

 

 

October 2nd
3:01 a.m.

PEnn @pennieparker
hi, , yes, , , i?? am cancelled. this acc?? deleted. my life?? over. hotel?? trivago.

      Chicken coop @bartonboi
      What happened??

      Meme Queen @Shuurii
      ShE LIKED A PICTURE OF SOMEONE FROM THREE YEARS AGO !!!

      legoboi @Nedward
      I mean it could be worse Penny, it could've been like, 5 years instead : l

      keen @haryeet
      Not at a l l,,, it was of he who must not be named

      Fireball @johnnystrm
       o shit, waddup?? Do you want me to die you??

      Penn @PeanutbutterParkour
      yes plz, I was finna eat tide pods but you offered so..
   
      HAzz @hoesborn
      He who must not be named ? ? I-?
            Do I look like a   s n a k e   to you

      PEnn @prnnieparker
      sjskjs i forgot you had a twitter acc for a hot second, w h o o p s

 

 

4:38 a.m.

PEnn @PennieParker
i- they're    s w a r m i n g    me \(;~;)/

      keen @haryeet
      I mean, kill em? decimate em? absolutely obliterate em?

      PEnn @PennieParker
      i   w i l l   n o t ! ! (> o'n 'o)>

      keen @haryeet
          Adorable,, I'll kill em for you <(^u^<)

 

 

5:43 a.m.
PEnn @pennieparker
im sorry, you must be at least a lv.8 friend to unlock my tragic backstory

    HAzz @hoesborn
    Op what lv am I?

     PEnn @pennieparker
     maximum friend lv. (◡‿◡✿)

    McThicc @MichelleJonees
    Op,, what about me?

     PEnn @pennieparker
     friend lv. like 11/10 (◡‿◡✿)

    keen @haryeet
    Me next op

     PEnn @pennieparker
     a solid lv. 10  (◡‿◡✿)