Work Header

The Benevolent Ruler of the Universe

Work Text:

Goose licked a paw and surveyed the battlefield in front of her. 

It was a chaotic mess.

Sorcerers on the right of her, Asgards on the left, and she was stuck in the middle with the Wakandans. 

Not that she was complaining about that.

Wakanda understood how to worship the feline form.

Goose looked disapprovingly at a young Asgardian trying to sword fight with an alien dog creature.  She opened her mouth and let her tentacles loose for a second, snatching up the dog and eating it without pause.

It tasted vile.

She was going to have to go on a diet after the battle.

Goose gingerly made her way past the giant man knocking out one of the Chitauri sky lizards.  She sniffed.  Clearly the Chitauri had not learned anything in the years Goose had been active on Earth.  They were still mindlessly following the Titan and doing his dirty work.

She leaped over a mound of rubble and picked her way past a group of fighters exchanging blows with each other.

What was interesting, Goose thought, as she tracked the shiny object across the battlefield was the shiny object with six shinier objects.


And tasty.

Although the Tesseract had not tasted great when she’d regurgitated it.  But that might also have been the horrendous cat food Nicholas had tried to feed her before she had trained him into fresh fish, filet mignon and decent chicken livers. 

Not to mention the occasional criminal.  People still wondered what had happened to the Abomination.  Personally, Goose had found him a little chewy.

“Clint!” The man in the cat suit yelled at the archer to pass the gauntlet.

Good use of the pride, Goose concluded with satisfaction.  She stopped to rearrange her fur.  She wrinkled her nose at the dust which had landed but licked herself clean smartly.  She looked up and took out a second alien dog which had advanced on her while she had bathed herself.

Still vile.  

Maybe with some ketchup they’d taste better?

Maybe not.

Goose took cover with a sorcerer as the sky began to rain down laser fire.  She sniffed under her amber energy shield and meowed plaintively.

The sorcerer stared at Goose as though he couldn’t understand why there was a cat on the battlefield.

In Goose’s earpiece, which Nicholas had ensured was created especially for her, Goose heard Carol Danvers’ voice respond to Goose’s demand and proclaim she was on it.

Goose sniffed imperiously.  If Carol had been on it, she would have arrived at the start of the battle, but at least Carol was very good at blowing things up.

Thanos was going to miss that space ship.  Not to mention the military assets he’d held back for the second wave.

Goose set off again, spotting Carol’s trajectory and likely landing point.  She hurried her furry body past different fights and skirmishes and landed close to Carol.

“Hi, I’m Peter Parker,” the Spiderboy introduced himself tentatively.

“Hi, Peter Parker,” Carol answered brightly, “you got something for me?”

Goose was not surprised when Peter questioned how Carol intended to get through the alien horde.  She was very pleased to see a number of the women step forward ready to assist and lined herself up beside them.  It was about time the real hunters went to war.  Honestly, who really believed men could hunt properly?

Goose happily rampaged through the alien enemy, but her eyes caught Thanos throwing his blade and she leaped in time to avoid the explosion from the blade hitting the quantum tunnel.  That was going to fracture the integrity of the universe, Goose mused disapprovingly.

Goose landed happily on all four feet not far from the shiny object.  She noticed her peripheral vision the large purple Titan staggering towards it and a man in a metal suit hurrying to get there before him. 

She left them to wrestle, wriggled her bottom and leaped.

She landed right on top of the gauntlet.

The Titan had thrown the metal man away.  He turned to the gauntlet and froze at the sight of Goose sitting on top of it.

The Asgardian King also froze from where he had been about to attack the Titan.  She remembered him as a prince.  She surveyed him with a frown.  He had always had far too much hair.

“Is that a cat?” asked the metal man incredulously as he regained his feet.

“Do not engage the cat!” Nicholas’ voice squawked in her earpiece and presumably across the rest of comms channels on their side.  “Do NOT engage the cat!”

“Flerken!” The Titan spat out with disgust.  “I thought I had gotten rid of your kind an eon ago!”  He took a step toward her.

Goose stared him down.  She remembered the war.  She had lost her mate and her litter.  She opened her mouth and picked up the gauntlet with one tentacle.

The Titan froze again.

“OK,” the metal man said loudly, “is anyone else seeing this because I’m seeing this and I’m not believing this!”

“I’m seeing it but I’m not sure I’m believing it either,” a costumed man with a shield and a hammer noted from just behind the Titan.

“Most Magnificent Thanos,” the oily tone of a squid-like slick of spit who was running up to assist the Titan had Goose reaching out with one tentacle and battering said slick into a pulp before throwing them to the far end of the battle.

“Woah!” The Spiderboy said landing beside the metal man.  “Did you see that?”

More Avengers were beginning to gather around the Titan and Goose.

Carol flew in and landed beside Goose.  “Goose, stop playing with your food!”

All of the Avengers looked at the motionless Titan.

The Titan looked back at them.

“Honourable Flerken!” Thor went down on one knee.  “Please if you would be so kind as to return the gauntlet so we can destroy this army for all time.”

Goose huffed.  The tentacle which held the gauntlet snapped suddenly and Goose grimaced at the surge of burning pain.  It was worth it to see the army of Thanos melt away into dust. 

Thanos glowered at her.  “You think you can defeat me?!  I am inevit…”

Goose ate him.

“That’s just gross!” The racoon noted.

“But that’s impossible!” The Parker boy proclaimed.  “I mean, the mass and weight of Thanos and the size of that cat…”

“Black hole,” the metal man theorised.  “A fold in the time/space, maybe?”

“I’m thinking quantum space?” said the large green monster who had ambled up to the group.

Goose sniffed at the theories.  She had always had a soft spot for scientists.

She ate the gauntlet for good measure.


Goose sat in a patch of sun and grass near to the lake and purred loudly.

Beside her the young kitten of her new human pet played with a shiny helmet.  It looked very tasty.

“I’m going to be just like my Mommy,” declared the young girl with the dark curls. 

Goose meowed in agreement.  Pepper Potts was a very good Queen and her choice of mate, Mister Potts, was also acceptable; a man who had conquered energy, created a new element and invented time travel.  Goose was looking forward to working with him.

Further down at the water’s edge, a group of sombre people gathered to say goodbye to a fallen comrade.

Goose ignored them.  She closed her eyes and let the voices drift over her as they began to return to the dwelling behind them.

“Any sign of the gauntlet?” asked the patriotic tone of the previously costumed Steve Rogers.

“Not yet,” Mister Potts replied.  “According to Fury, she’ll throw it up like a hairball when she’s ready.”

“We really need to return the stones to the timeline,” Rogers said.

Goose blinked one eye open.  Humans.  They had no concept of how their actions had already created multiple realities.  Returning the stones wasn’t going to do anything but create even more.

“Do you want to ask the cat if she wants to give back the gauntlet?” asked Mister Potts.

There was a beat of silence.

“I guess there’s no rush?” Rogers murmured.  “I mean, it’s time, right?  It’s not going anywhere…”

Their voices drifted away.

Goose gave a soft meow of satisfaction.

“I kind of miss Aunty Nat,” the girl beside her commented.  “She made the best peanut butter cookies.”



Goose remembered the Black Widow.

She had made really good cookies.

Goose poked the soul stone with a tentacle deep within her belly.  She felt a tickle at the back of her throat. 

She scuttled to her feet.

This was going to be…

She coughed.

She coughed.


Natasha Romanoff slid out of Goose and onto the banks of the lake.  She was dripping from head to toe in gooey slime.

“EWWW!!  MOMMY!  The cat threw up Aunty Nat!” The girl ran off to get her mother.

Goose meowed approvingly. 

Natasha looked back at Goose.  “What the…”

And really, Goose thought, was there any need for that kind of language?  She blamed Nicholas. 

She slinked off to sit on the bench as the humans came running.  Hopefully there would be offerings of cookies later.

Or perhaps the shiny helmet.

Goose was not fussy.

She was the benevolent ruler of the universe after all.