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Where To Start

Chapter Text

I wouldn't know where to start
Sweet music playing in the dark
Be still, my foolish heart,
don't ruin this on me

“Issy, guess what?”

Isak yawns and nuzzles his nose on the back of Even’s neck. What time is it, anyway?

“What, boyfriend?” Isak whispers, not wanting to wake Even up.

“I love dick.”

Isak laughs as quietly as he can. He really seems to have a type, and that type is tall blonde idiots. Who starts something like that with a “guess what”?

“That’s nice. I love it too.”

“No, I mean it. I love dick. Is that okay?”

Isak tries to push the soft clouds of sleep out of his brain. This is apparently a conversation he wants to be awake for. He yawns again, rubbing his eyes, and turns on his back so he can look at Magnus.

“Why it wouldn’t be?”

It’s so dark he can barely see Magnus. But what he sees looks worried.

“Because I’m your boyfriend, and her boyfriend, and I’m not supposed to love dick because I’m not really gay, just gay for you?”

Ah. It’s this conversation. Great. Isak only wishes they wouldn’t have to have it in the middle of the night, whispering, so that Even could sleep. But here they are, and this is it. The Talk, part Isak doesn’t even know anymore. It doesn’t matter, Magnus has always been there for Isak and this is something Isak at least believes he can really help Magnus with. The gay thing.

“Honey. Baby. I’m pretty sure you’re allowed to like dick even if you’re not gay.”

Magnus makes a tiny little sound that Isak decides to believe isn’t a protest. Isak pushes himself quietly on his side so he can face Magnus, and hug him. His hair smells like warmth, Isak thinks, his face buried in it.

“It’s okay honey. You can like whatever you like, and you can tell me about it too. I want to know you.”

“Mm.” Magnus sighs and presses his forehead on Isak’s shoulder. “I want to do it.”

Isak’s drowsiness falls away like a curtain. He doesn’t need to ask, he knows that Magnus wants to have anal sex and that he wants to have it with him, and right now. Still, he asks.

“Are you sure?”

Isak closes his eyes and sighs as quietly as he can when he feels the hot breath on the side of his neck, followed by greedy lips. Magnus seems to be sure. Okay. Isak slides his hand along Magnus’ skin and stops at the arch of his lower back.

“Which way round?”

Magnus pauses. Isak can almost feel him blush, his face feels hotter.

“I want you inside me.”

Isak has to kiss Magnus because he can’t contain the horniness those words awake. The kiss is slick and deep. Magnus parts his lips to make way for Isak’s tongue, and Isak pushes it a couple of times in and out. Just a little sample of what’s about to happen. Magnus whimpers softly and Isak pulls back. He presses his finger on Magnus’ lips.

“Don’t wake him up”, Isak whispers. Magnus’ eyes grow wide and his mouth is open again. He nods, he understands, he thinks it’s hot as well. Lucky Isak. He gets to be the first man to fuck Magnus, and he can do it very, very quietly.

With Even sleeping in the same bed.

Isak has to kiss Magnus again. He grabs the sheet he’s been using as a blanket - a proper blanket is too much when you’re in the middle - and pulls it over them. Magnus turns on his back and Isak moves so he’s partly on top of him. Magnus feels so different under him than Even does, somehow sturdier. There’s a brittleness in Even’s body that Magnus doesn’t have.

But Even’s movements, or his presence, are way, way more confident than how Magnus is right now. Even is brittle, but Magnus is fragile. Isak is happy he has learned so much with Even - and himself - so that now he can handle Magnus with all the care he needs. He didn’t expect it to happen this way round, at least not the first time. He imagined Magnus wanted to fuck her.

Somehow this is making him really proud. Magnus has come so far.

Hell, Isak has come so far himself, too. With Issy-Missy. With himself. With this thing he is forming with Magnus and Even. They still don’t know what it is, but they’re in no hurry. They just keep going with the flow. It has worked well this far.

This flow he is now being carried by with Magnus is a nice one. It’s in the waves of the sheet, in the continuous movement of their bodies against each other. They sleep naked. That’s super convenient right now, they don’t have to undress quietly. The kiss is getting so wet though that it’s better to take a break. Isak turns his lips under Magnus’ jawline, Magnus pushes his head back.


Isak presses his palm against Magnus’ mouth and slides down quickly. He can feel Magnus moan on his hand as he gives Magnus’ nipple a little kiss. He pushes at the hard nub with his tongue, flicks at it a couple of times, then stops and lets go. Magnus is breathing heavier, doing his best to keep quiet, and that struggle is turning Isak on so bad.

He slides back up and presses his lips on Magnus’ ear.


His whisper makes Magnus shudder. Then Magnus pushes his head and hand out from under the sheet and gets the tube from the night stand. He dives back in with it and Isak welcomes him with a kiss.

“I’m starting with my fingers. I can keep doing that as long as you want me to.”

Fuck, it’s hot to whisper things like this so quietly, so close to Magnus’ ear. The way it makes Magnus ripple against him feels incredible. Isak can still remember his first time, and based on how Magnus moves and sighs it seems that Magnus is experiencing something similar.

That’s good. That’s so good.

Isak is so fucking happy he can’t help but wonder how the fuck is that possible. But he knows better than tempt fate. He takes what he’s being given, and now it is this beautiful boy’s virginity.


“Yes”, Magnus gasps, “fuck yes.”

This is the point where Isak would say I love you if he was with Even. But he isn’t, and he doesn’t, he feels this huge, formless and all-encompassing tenderness. Affection. Love, yes, so much, but not like that just yet, and that technicality is important now. It’s not time. It will be, Isak is pretty sure of it, and it might be soon, but not yet.

“Spread your legs for me babe.”

Magnus obeys. He slides his thighs apart. Isak wraps his leg around Magnus’ and presses his body against him. He takes the lube and spreads it on his finger.

“Have you tried this yourself?”

Isak can feel it again. The rush of warmth on Magnus’ face. He smiles, and kisses him, still smiling.

“That’s fucking hot.”

Magnus relaxes. He seems to really need a lot of encouraging and validation. Isak is more than happy to provide. He keeps whispering to Magnus, right under his ear, how hot he thinks it is that Magnus has touched himself like that. While he’s speaking, he brings his hand between Magnus’ legs and spreads his cheeks with his thumb and middle finger. He presses his finger slowly, bit by bit, inside his boyfriend.

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Isak pushes his finger bit by bit inside Magnus. Magnus does his best to stay relaxed. He knows from experience - which Isak finds hot, and that’s just so, so nice - that it is crucial if he wants to find any sort of pleasure. He needs to relax. It just feels so different when someone else does it, when someone else’s finger slides into him like this. Each knuckle makes him jump a bit, no matter how relaxed he’s trying to keep himself. It’s finally happening. He’s going to have real sex with Isak.

Not like what they’ve been having isn’t real sex, but. Still. The idea feels different. Penetration. With a dick. Proper sex. Sex-sex. Fucking.

Holy shit, Isak’s going to fuck him.

Magnus’ eyes grow wide when he comes crashing back to the reality, where Isak’s finger is inside him and he is going to be fucked soon. Shit. He’s so fucking hard. It doesn’t hurt at all, Isak is being super careful, and he is so fucking beautiful, and Magnus is almost certain he loves him. He’s totally gone for Issy-Missy, but Isak is coming up in his thoughts and his heart more and more often.

Isak, who’s going to fuck him. Fuck.

“Are you okay?” Isak whispers right against his ear. Magnus is shaking, he realizes it now, he’s shaking.

“Yes”, he manages to gasp, through all this. He even turns his hips up a bit, against Isak’s hand. Spreads his legs a bit more. He’s okay, he has been thinking about this for a while now and finally he just had to take the leap of faith. To trust that Isak would catch him.

Isak kisses him. He tastes so good. Even with his breath stuffy with sleep, Isak tastes great. Magnus kisses him back, trying desperately to keep quiet, as Isak moves his finger inside him.

Magnus grabs Isak and pulls him as close as he can. He feels Isak’s finger slide out and as it comes back in he pushes his hips again, to meet it. He hears how Isak sighs, so quietly it’s barely more than breathing, and his fingertips press into Isak’s skin harder, his leg coils around Isak’s leg tighter. It feels good. It’s not like anything he has ever experienced. Isak is inside him, and that’s the weirdest and the best part.

He spreads his arms on the edge of the cliff.

He jumps.

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It’s subtle, but Isak can tell. Something happens in Magnus, something shifts. He seems more than simply determined now. Peaceful. Yes, sure, horny as hell, near desperate, but he really seems to be okay with this.

Hello, Isak’s new kink. A Magnus who is at peace with himself. Super hot. Isak’s blood is rushing, and he is trying to calm it down with the power of his will, but it’s not going too well. It’s getting hot under the covers, and Isak’s whole body is like throbbing. He likes it. It feels appropriate in this moment, this restriction. This desperate need that they both are holding back and keeping at bay. Isak kisses Magnus again, to taste it, and when Magnus pants into the kiss Isak can feel the pressure growing.

Hush, hush, quiet now, Isak hums in his head to that need of letting go. His lust wants to explode and expand, but instead Isak lets it fill his body up, until every cell is ready to burst. He feels it happen in Magnus too, how he is trembling. Now, Isak decides, and slowly eases another finger inside Magnus.


Isak pushes his mouth harder over Magnus’ lips. Shhh. He opens his eyes mid-kiss, looking at Magnus, whose eyes stare back at him wide and wild. It’s so much. Isak knows. He still remembers. He holds his hand still and keeps kissing Magnus until he can feel him settle again, relaxing against him. Good. Good boy. Nice and easy.

Isak places his mouth on Magnus’ ear again.

“I’m going to stretch you out a bit. You’re doing so great, babe.”

Magnus hums because he can’t moan. Isak kisses his shoulder, then his neck, and pull his fingers a bit apart, pushes them back together and moves them slowly in and out. He takes his time prepping Magnus, carefully. It wouldn’t be nice to be in pain when you couldn’t make a sound.

The way Magnus is sighing keeps getting more and more intense. Isak can tell he’s enjoying himself, he recognises these breaths. He has felt them against his skin many times before. He’s making Magnus feel good. And that’s making him feel good.

It’s almost time.

Isak has been waiting for this for ages. He wants to sleep with Magnus, he can somehow sense that it’s the final step holding Magnus back. Mags needs to go all the way with a guy. If he doesn’t, he’ll always be wondering, what if? Now he is going to find out, and Isak is going to do his best to make sure that if things go south, it won’t be because of his poor performance.

Shit. What if Mags thinks he’s performing poorly, himself? That can’t happen. Isak won’t allow it. He stops pulling his fingers apart for a moment and just slides them smoothly in and out, slowly, and kisses the lobe of Magnus’ ear before whispering to him.

“You feel so good. I love being inside you like this. Please tell me when you want more, or if you want me to stop, or just keep going. This is so hot.”

Magnus cusses under his breath. His hair is clamped on his forehead, he presses it against Isak’s head and gasps for air in big mouthfuls.

“Feels..weird. But good. Don’t stop.”

“You can touch your dick while I’m fingering you if you want to.”

Magnus almost laughs. And shakes his head.

“I’ll come. Not yet.”

Isak hums, softly, quietly, and rests his chin on Magnus’ shoulder.

“Okay. I’m here for you babe. Enjoy.”

After a while Isak gets back to stretching Magnus. He adds some lube and gets back to it, and soon he tries with the tip of his ring finger too. Teasing at the rim with it, like tapping on a door, or a window, asking to be let in. He can feel the throbbing need.

“Your body is ready, Mags.”

Magnus nods. He doesn’t say anything. Until he does. He opens his eyes and looks at Isak, and he nods again. More intently. Firmly. Isak looks at him and really tries to look like he wouldn’t mind if Magnus backed down.

“You sure?”

Magnus pulls his legs further apart.

“Take me.”

Isak nods.

“Okay.” Okay. He will do it now. He will take Magnus. Or, attempt to. At least. He pulls his fingers out and slides slowly, carefully, between his boyfriend’s legs. The sheet rises like a tent around them, Isak’s head being the pole, as Isak gets on his knees. He guides Magnus, his body, his legs, his hips, into a good position. He lubes his dick up really well. Nice and slick. He doesn’t want this to hurt at all.

Ready? Isak asks, with his eyes.

Yes! Magnus replies, with his lips.

Isak supports Magnus’ leg as he pushes it just a bit further to the side. He’s so done with thinking, he needs to get inside this guy and that needs to happen right now. Isak guides his dick in its place with his free hand and pushes. He feels the tightness. He feels the slight resistance, and he feels it give in.

He’s sliding into Magnus. His dick is going up his ass. Bit by bit it’s disappearing into Magnus, in his body, in this lovely, beautiful fragile thing Isak has the privilege of holding. Isak doesn’t notice he’s holding his breath before his lungs are burning, and he gasps, at the same time with Magnus, the moment he reaches the end. He’s all the way inside.

Isak stays there for a bit. He’s letting Magnus get used to him. To this, being penetrated, being filled up like this. He’s glad he is the one who gets to do this with Mags. Be his first. He had thought that honour might go to Even, but no, here he is. Here they are. Isak reaches down and strokes at Magnus’ cheek softly. He feels Magnus nod, and he pulls back so slowly it feels like torture.

He keeps the pace slow for now. He leans on his hands, Magnus between them, and looks down into his eyes. This is how it feels, babe, when someone is inside you. Doesn’t it feel good? It’s so nice, isn’t it? Isak moves so slowly the bed doesn’t make a sound, and Magnus is doing his best to keep quiet as well. Isak sees the flow of emotion in his eyes and he remembers, even after all this time, he remembers his first time.

God, he was in love. He still is. But back then, it was different. Every fibre of his being wanted nothing but Even, more of him, closer, ever closer. It was fucking magic that Isak could still love the same person he had once loved like that.

Does Magnus love him like that?

Isak moves inside him in soft, rocking motion. He looks in his eyes, trying to see if there is something similar to what he felt back then. He can’t tell. It doesn’t matter. Isak sees how much Magnus is enjoying this, and that’s enough.

It’s definitely not bad for Isak himself, either. It’s good. It’s really good. This whole setting is seriously turning him on, and the silence, the suffocating heat their bodies generate and the sheet gathers, the way Magnus looks at him, his skin glistening and his mouth slightly open, his lips forming a silent ah every time Isak pushes into him -- it’s good.

Isak keeps staring at those lips. He does that so intensely it takes a moment for him to understand they’re moving differently now. Magnus is speaking. He’s saying something Isak can’t make out. Isak leans in, lowering his ear closer to Magnus’ face.

“Harder. Go harder.”

Well, fuck yes.

Isak pushes himself up again so he can fuck Magnus properly with making as little sound as possible. He considers adding more lube but decides not to. Magnus feels slick enough. It might make noise, too, lovely filthy sounds, that have no place in this bed right now. Magnus covers his mouth himself as Isak pushes into him harder. Faster. Longer strokes, deeper in, and now he grabs Magnus’ hard dick. Moves his hand back and forth in the rhythm of his thrusts. He has to, if he wants to make Magnus come before he does. He wants to, he wants to make Magnus come with his dick inside him.

That has to happen soon.

This is just so hot.

Isak keeps pushing into Magnus, over and over again, chanting it with his lips without sound. Come. Come. Come. Come on, babe, come.

Magnus comes. Isak stops moving when that happens, he just milks the dick in his hand until nothing more comes out. He pulls out slowly, letting Magnus get accustomed to not being filled up anymore. It doesn’t take many strokes for him to come as well. He lets their cum mix in his hand and wipes it on his skin, then on the corner of the sheet. It’s going to need a wash anyway, from all their sweating.

Isak crawls next to Magnus and strokes at his cheek.

“You okay?” Isak whispers. Magnus nods, exhausted.

“Thank you.”

“Back at you. You were really great.”

Magnus mumbles something and nuzzles against Isak. He’s already half asleep, and Isak cuddles him until sleep takes him over.

Even shifts.

He’s awake. And he’s letting Isak know he’s awake, which means he’s been awake for a while. Isak turns around slowly and presses himself against Even’s back.

“Sorry for waking you up.”

“S’cool”, Even mumbles. “Mags asleep?”


“Thank god. A minute more and I’m wetting the bed.”

Isak bites his cheek to keep himself from laughing. Magnus might wake up. He lets go of Even.

“Get going then.”

Even slips out of the bed and sneaks into the bathroom. Isak turns slowly on his back and stares at the ceiling, a faint smile on his lips.