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Where To Start

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I wouldn't know where to start
Sweet music playing in the dark
Be still, my foolish heart,
don't ruin this on me


“Issy, guess what?”

Isak yawns and nuzzles his nose on the back of Even’s neck. What time is it, anyway?

“What, boyfriend?” Isak whispers, not wanting to wake Even up.

“I love dick.”

Isak laughs as quietly as he can. He really seems to have a type, and that type is tall blonde idiots. Who starts something like that with a “guess what”?

“That’s nice. I love it too.”

“No, I mean it. I love dick. Is that okay?”

Isak tries to push the soft clouds of sleep out of his brain. This is apparently a conversation he wants to be awake for. He yawns again, rubbing his eyes, and turns on his back so he can look at Magnus.

“Why it wouldn’t be?”

It’s so dark he can barely see Magnus. But what he sees looks worried.

“Because I’m your boyfriend, and her boyfriend, and I’m not supposed to love dick because I’m not really gay, just gay for you?”

Ah. It’s this conversation. Great. Isak only wishes they wouldn’t have to have it in the middle of the night, whispering, so that Even could sleep. But here they are, and this is it. The Talk, part Isak doesn’t even know anymore. It doesn’t matter, Magnus has always been there for Isak and this is something Isak at least believes he can really help Magnus with. The gay thing.

“Honey. Baby. I’m pretty sure you’re allowed to like dick even if you’re not gay.”

Magnus makes a tiny little sound that Isak decides to believe isn’t a protest. Isak pushes himself quietly on his side so he can face Magnus, and hug him. His hair smells like warmth, Isak thinks, his face buried in it.

“It’s okay honey. You can like whatever you like, and you can tell me about it too. I want to know you.”

“Mm.” Magnus sighs and presses his forehead on Isak’s shoulder. “I want to do it.”

Isak’s drowsiness falls away like a curtain. He doesn’t need to ask, he knows that Magnus wants to have anal sex and that he wants to have it with him, and right now. Still, he asks.

“Are you sure?”

Isak closes his eyes and sighs as quietly as he can when he feels the hot breath on the side of his neck, followed by greedy lips. Magnus seems to be sure. Okay. Isak slides his hand along Magnus’ skin and stops at the arch of his lower back.

“Which way round?”

Magnus pauses. Isak can almost feel him blush, his face feels hotter.

“I want you inside me.”

Isak has to kiss Magnus because he can’t contain the horniness those words awake. The kiss is slick and deep. Magnus parts his lips to make way for Isak’s tongue, and Isak pushes it a couple of times in and out. Just a little sample of what’s about to happen. Magnus whimpers softly and Isak pulls back. He presses his finger on Magnus’ lips.

“Don’t wake him up”, Isak whispers. Magnus’ eyes grow wide and his mouth is open again. He nods, he understands, he thinks it’s hot as well. Lucky Isak. He gets to be the first man to fuck Magnus, and he can do it very, very quietly.

With Even sleeping in the same bed.

Isak has to kiss Magnus again. He grabs the sheet he’s been using as a blanket - a proper blanket is too much when you’re in the middle - and pulls it over them. Magnus turns on his back and Isak moves so he’s partly on top of him. Magnus feels so different under him than Even does, somehow sturdier. There’s a brittleness in Even’s body that Magnus doesn’t have.

But Even’s movements, or his presence, are way, way more confident than how Magnus is right now. Even is brittle, but Magnus is fragile. Isak is happy he has learned so much with Even - and himself - so that now he can handle Magnus with all the care he needs. He didn’t expect it to happen this way round, at least not the first time. He imagined Magnus wanted to fuck her.

Somehow this is making him really proud. Magnus has come so far.

Hell, Isak has come so far himself, too. With Issy-Missy. With himself. With this thing he is forming with Magnus and Even. They still don’t know what it is, but they’re in no hurry. They just keep going with the flow. It has worked well this far.

This flow he is now being carried by with Magnus is a nice one. It’s in the waves of the sheet, in the continuous movement of their bodies against each other. They sleep naked. That’s super convenient right now, they don’t have to undress quietly. The kiss is getting so wet though that it’s better to take a break. Isak turns his lips under Magnus’ jawline, Magnus pushes his head back.

“Fuck..fuck..”

Isak presses his palm against Magnus’ mouth and slides down quickly. He can feel Magnus moan on his hand as he gives Magnus’ nipple a little kiss. He pushes at the hard nub with his tongue, flicks at it a couple of times, then stops and lets go. Magnus is breathing heavier, doing his best to keep quiet, and that struggle is turning Isak on so bad.

He slides back up and presses his lips on Magnus’ ear.

“Lube.”

His whisper makes Magnus shudder. Then Magnus pushes his head and hand out from under the sheet and gets the tube from the night stand. He dives back in with it and Isak welcomes him with a kiss.

“I’m starting with my fingers. I can keep doing that as long as you want me to.”

Fuck, it’s hot to whisper things like this so quietly, so close to Magnus’ ear. The way it makes Magnus ripple against him feels incredible. Isak can still remember his first time, and based on how Magnus moves and sighs it seems that Magnus is experiencing something similar.

That’s good. That’s so good.

Isak is so fucking happy he can’t help but wonder how the fuck is that possible. But he knows better than tempt fate. He takes what he’s being given, and now it is this beautiful boy’s virginity.

“Okay?”

“Yes”, Magnus gasps, “fuck yes.”

This is the point where Isak would say I love you if he was with Even. But he isn’t, and he doesn’t, he feels this huge, formless and all-encompassing tenderness. Affection. Love, yes, so much, but not like that just yet, and that technicality is important now. It’s not time. It will be, Isak is pretty sure of it, and it might be soon, but not yet.

“Spread your legs for me babe.”

Magnus obeys. He slides his thighs apart. Isak wraps his leg around Magnus’ and presses his body against him. He takes the lube and spreads it on his finger.

“Have you tried this yourself?”

Isak can feel it again. The rush of warmth on Magnus’ face. He smiles, and kisses him, still smiling.

“That’s fucking hot.”

Magnus relaxes. He seems to really need a lot of encouraging and validation. Isak is more than happy to provide. He keeps whispering to Magnus, right under his ear, how hot he thinks it is that Magnus has touched himself like that. While he’s speaking, he brings his hand between Magnus’ legs and spreads his cheeks with his thumb and middle finger. He presses his finger slowly, bit by bit, inside his boyfriend.