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Dreaming about you.

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Steve screams it out in the middle of the night and sits up in bed. Not again that dream… That dream about Bucky… About how he fell from the train and he couldn’t do anything against it. Every time he wished he could have saved his best friend.  Every time he failed just like when it happens. It breaks Steve time and time again that it happens but he can’t do anything against it. He keeps on dreaming it if he wants it or not. Yes he could stay wake so he doesn’t dream it but if that is the solution?

Steve sighs and looks at the clock 4 am in the morning… He could try to go back so sleep again while hoping that dream doesn’t return. Or he could go out and run. Run for a couple of hours to get his mind somewhere else. Somewhere else then Bucky… He chooses the last one. To run for a while maybe till he really is tired. Who knows?


 - after an hour of running -


Steve still runs but suddenly felt himself less at ease. As he slows down he looks around himself more. He doesn’t see others… yet it almost feels like someone is watching him. But who would watch him at this hour of the day? It is way too early for others to be up and running. So what was the presence he felt? He looks again with narrow eyes around himself. Trying to figure out which way it could come. He walks slowly into a direction and makes sure he is focused on what he sees and hears. Who knows he will find a clue because of it. 

Who ever it is needs to have a lot of guts to watch him and keep hidden. If that person doesn’t want to be found then he better not give that vibe off. But how much Steve walks around slowly he doesn’t see anyone.  It almost looks like a ghost is watching him. But that doesn’t make sense does it?


‘Hey Cap! You’re early!’ Steve suddenly hears. He blinks for a moment and sees Sam running towards him. Sam? But he normally stars to run at 6/7 am? Has he been looking around that long then? Could it? No it couldn’t… It wouldn’t be…


‘Everything okay Cap?’ Sam asks again a little more worried this time and stops in front of his friend. ‘You look like you’ve seen a ghost of something.


‘Yeah everything is okay…. Well not fully.’ Steve looks around one last time and gets the feeling that who ever It is… it isn’t following him anymore…


‘Cap, you’re starting to make me worried here…’ Sam looks to his friend and lays a hand on his shoulder.


‘I’m fine. What ever it was it’s gone now… I’ll talk about it later. I have to beat you first at running rounds.’ Steve smiles at his last remark and started to run again.


‘That isn’t a fair start Cap! You cheated!’ Sam shouted after him as he started to run.


Steve kept on running as he laughs at Sams comment. It was good to have his mind somewhere else now and not something what would make him worry. Just having fun with a friend. That is all he needs and want right now instead of worrying out things.


  - Another hour later -


Sam pants as he rests against a tree. Why did he run with Captain America again? It’s always impossible to keep up with the guy. Well at least he seems more at ease now then when he found the guy.


‘Thanks Sam I needed that,’ Steve stops next to Sam and stretches himself.


‘You’re welcome.’ 


‘Want to head back to my place? I know you would want to know more Sam and I think you left some spare clothes last time you were there.’


‘I think I did yes and I’m dying to know what that was. So let head over to your place… Well that is if there is breakfast included.’


‘You make a hard bargain Wilson.’ Steve chuckles. ‘Off course I’ll make you breakfast too. Then we can easily talk meanwhile.’ 


  - At Steve’s place -


’So what was wrong when I found you? It’s not like you to feel so spooked.’ Sam asks as he starts on his breakfast.


‘Have I told you what I dream about?’ Steve asks back. He is not fully sure anymore who he told about his dreams about Bucky since it is kind of personal.


‘That memory you keep seeing? About Bucky and the train?’ Sam asks carefully. He didn’t want to upset his friend with the details.


‘Yes, that one… I got it last night too and decided afterwards to go for a run…’ Steve started. ‘But when I was running… I suddenly felt a presence. I never have felt it there but it felt like it was watching me. That it was there because of me. And only wanted to see me because when you joined me I didn’t feel it anymore.’ 


‘That’s strange. You sure you didn’t just pretend it? Not that I would judge if you did.’


‘No Sam. I didn’t pretend it. I tried to look for who ever was watching me but couldn’t find it. As if it knew what I was going to do before I did it. As if it knows me.’ 


‘Okay that is kind of creepy but since I’m with you you haven’t felt it again?’ 


‘No, I haven’t felt it since… So its fore sure only watching me when I’m alone… then again it could also be nothing and  that I pretend it like you said.’ 


‘Keep me up to date Cap. And if I can do something you better tell me.’ 


‘I will Sam thanks.’ 


After breakfast they both went their own way. Both had things to do so they couldn’t stay close to each other. Steve was wondering if he just imagined it that morning or if there really was someone. But as long as he doesn’t see or find anything he wouldn’t know for sure.


Steve decided to go to the Smithsonian. They still had an exhibition about him and the Howling Commandos. It wouldn’t hurt going there if he already had nightmares about Bucky. Maybe his mind will get some peace when he steps a bit back into the past?


  - At the Smithsonian -


Steve put on his cap a bit more towards his eyes. He didn’t want everyone to recognize him. Especially not here where they will make pictures of him for sure. He just wanted now to have some peace and quiet… Well not fully quiet with the kids around here but just maybe for the time that he is here at the Smithsonian that the people would leave him alone. 

Steve walks through the exhibit and looks to every piece there is. He immediately remembers the past and people and quotes from everyone there is.  His unit… His Howling commando’s… His friends and his best friend Bucky. How much he misses them all. Especially Bucky… He really means the world to him…


Steve blinks for a moment as he looks towards the pillar with Bucky’s information on. Is that? No… It couldn’t… But the guy… The guy looks like Bucky… but with long hair… But as Bucky… Steve shook his head for a moment and wanted to walk towards the guy who looks much like his best friend. Unfortunately there are people in the way and when he could walk further towards the pillar he doesn’t see the guy anymore. He frowns and looks around. The guy needs to be somewhere doesn’t he? But why can’t he see him in the crowd here? It couldn’t be Bucky right? Steve really started to doubt. 

Steve started to look around the Smithsonian while hoping he could find the guy he just saw. He needed to know if he saw it right. He needed to know if it could have been his Bucky. His best friend… His…. Never mind…

Chapter Text

Who is that guy?

Why does he look so familiar?

I don’t know him.

Or do I?

No! I can’t know him…

Yet… I want to be near him.

No I don’t.

Something inside me says I really do want to be near him.

I can’t.

Not too close…

He can’t see me…

He isn’t allowed to see me.

He might recognize me.

Like in the Smithsonian.

There was a guy called Bucky Barnes on a pillar…

Bucky Barnes…


I don’t know him.

So he can’t know me.

Yet Captain America sounds familiar.

He looks like him…

Like Captain America.

Is it him?

No… It can’t…

It can’t be him.

He is my mission.

Captain America is my mission.

I can’t be too close to him.

Yet I would want to…

Chapter Text

Steve keeps running. Running and running after a guy with a mask on the lower half of his face. Who is he? Where does he think he is going? He needs to know who that guy is. Deep inside him it’s saying he knows him. Knows him pretty damn well… But all he could see were a black mask, long hair and a metal arm. How can he know someone from just that?  He doesn’t know someone with that description.

Steve changes quickly direction. Maybe if he cut the guy off he will be able to catch him and will find out who he really is. Unfortunately his target jumps towards the fire-escape and climbs to the roof. Damn there goes his idea. Steve quickly adapts himself and goes after him.

The guy stops suddenly at the end of the roof. He doesn’t jump yet. He is just standing there. Steve frowns for a moment but grabs his shield just in case. But the moment Steve looks towards him he notices that the other is going to jump. Steve throws his shield towards him so he couldn’t escape. The guy turns fast around and catches it with his metal arm.

For a moment they both look at each other. But the moment Steve wanted to ask him something the guy throws his shield back. Steve has to catch his shield or the shield would hurt him. Looking back to where the guy was with shield in hand Steve couldn’t see him anymore. He runs towards the end of the roof and scans the surroundings. Where was he? Where could he have gone in a matter of seconds?


Steve groans when he hears his alarm clock. He tries to shut that thing up but hits every time just next to the button. ‘Oh please just shut up.’ 

After his 5th try he finally hit the right button. He opens his eyes slowly and noticed he didn’t wake up from a nightmare. The nightmare where Bucky fell from the train… Now he dreamt about a guy with a mask and a metal arm. He had the feeling he knew him. But how? The guy certainly was fast if he could catch his shield that quickly.  He would be the first who could do that. No one ever has done that.

Steve suddenly notices a breeze. He frowns and looks towards the window. He closed that before he went to bed… but… how is it open now? He isn’t a sleepwalker so he couldn’t have been the one who opened it. Or he hadn’t closed it fully… Strange…


Steve gets out of bed and walks towards the window. The feeling of being watched came back again as he looks outside of the window. He didn’t see anyone but he could feel someone was there. Could who ever is watching him be the one who opened his window? If that’s the case then he could have been inside his bedroom…

Steve closed his window and looks around. He needs to find out if someone really has been inside and left any clues.


 - Outside Steve’s place -


I was lucky to get out just before he woke up.


He sleeps so peacefully.


Even if he sometimes stirrs because of his dream.


I wonder what he was dreaming about.


Was it a good dream?


At least it wasn’t a nightmare…


Then he would have jumped up quickly… too quickly for me to get away.


He still can’t see me…


Even if I want to be close to him…


I don’t know what he does to me…


It looks like he has me under his spell.


That he has me in control… even…


Even if he doesn’t know who I am… 


And where I am…


I want him to know….


But it can’t…


I don’t even know who I am…


  - inside Steve’s home -


Steve looks around and doesn’t really see any signs of someone being here. But for some reason the window was open… Okay he is calling back-up. He walks over to the table and grabs his phone. He presses a button and wait for the other to answer.


‘You know it’s 7 in the morning and a normal person would still be asleep at this hour?’ He hears at the other side.


’Someone was in my house…’ 


‘And I’m up. Who was it and where is it now?’ 


‘I don’t know Natasha. That is the problem. My window was open when I woke up while it was closed when I went to bed.’ 


’Strange… I’m coming to your place… and in the meantime…’




‘Make me some breakfast.’


And she hung up. Steve looks at his phone to see if he has heard it right. Okay he knows what he has to do now besides waiting for Natasha to come over. He hopes she can help him with her being a spy. And who knows she will notice the presence too. He hopes she does and who knows can find out where it comes from.

Chapter Text

‘Okay, tell me what happened and slowly Steve so I know what you are saying.,’ Natasha says to Steve the moment he opened his front door. 


Steve lets her inside and she does while looking around. ‘Are you sure you don’t want to have some breakfast first?’ 


‘Are you sure you want to wait before you know what I can find?’


‘I guess you have a point.’ 


‘I always do,’ Natasha smirks. ‘So let me see where that person went inside.’


Steve nods and walks over to his bedroom with Natasha following him.


‘And you’re saying that you haven’t noticed anything?’ Natasha says surprised.


‘No… that’s the strangest part.’


Natasha looks around the bedroom. She closed the bedroom door and looks at it. She frowns a bit and walks over to the window. She checks it carefully to see if there are any traces on the window with how someone came silently inside.

Steve want to ask her something the moment she walks back to the bedroom door but raises her hand to stop Steve from starting to talk. He wonders if she really can find what he is hoping for. But nothing’s sure.


‘Do you want the good news or the bad news?’ She says as she turns towards him.


Steve shrugs. ‘Does it really make a difference which I know first?’


‘I think not because the good and bad news is that he has only been here in the bedroom.’ She says to him as she looks around. ‘Just here… nothing is missing so he was just here watching you sleep… as if that isn’t creepy…’


‘He? Nat… Do you know who broke in?’ Steve asks surprised even if he is a bit creeped out about the fact that someone was watching him sleep. 


’No, I don’t know for sure who it is but I can’t think of someone who could be the one who was here… even if I don’t know why…’


‘Who was it Nat?’ Steve looks at her. He really wanted to know.


‘I’ll tell you during breakfast. While you think if there were more strange things.’ She says as he walks out of his bedroom and walks towards the kitchen.


’Strange things?’ Steve says softly as he walks after Natasha. Suddenly he thinks about what he dreamt about last night. It wasn’t the nightmare as usual…

He places sandwiches in front of them so they can both eat from it.


‘Does a change of dreams qualify too as something strange?’ Steve suddenly asks.


‘Depends on what you dreamt before and for how long.’ Natasha replies back between bites.


‘Well… the last couple of weeks I dream about the day Bucky fell from the train… Every time clearly in my mind.’ Steve says as he looks down. He notices that Natasha lays her hand on his. Steve couldn’t help but smile softly. He was thankful for having her in his life. ‘But this night I dreamt about a stranger with a mask who was running away from me. I wanted to catch him but he was just as fast as me so the only way of stopping him was throwing my shield… he caught it with his metal arm…’


‘Stop! What did you just say Steve? A metal arm?’ Natasha looks slightly surprised.


‘Yes… Long hair, a mask over his mouth and a metal arm… left arm if I can recall.’ Steve thinks as he describes it to Natasha.


‘Steve… I don’t know how to bring this without sounding unbelievable… But you described the person I thought could have gotten inside your bedroom.’ She says as she looks at him. 


‘Who is he Nat?’


‘They call him the Winter Soldier… He is credited over 2000 assassinations in the last... 50 years…’ 


‘Sounds like a ghost story…’


‘Unfortunately he exists. I’ve met him during one of my missions. Going after him is a dead end. I know because I tried.’


‘Yet the ghost seems interested in me.’


‘Yeah but for what reason? Especially since he could have killed you without you even noticing it and yet he didn’t.’


‘I don’t know Nat but I hope I will find out.’


Natasha nods but looks suddenly towards the window.


‘You feel it too?’ Steve asks surprised. ‘As if someone is watching me. Watching us…’


‘Just now… and it could be him…’


‘I’m going after him,’ Steve says as he stands up.


‘You can’t,’ Natasha immediately grabs his arm. ‘You’ll loose him. No matter how hard you try to keep looking at him. He finds a way to get you off his trail.’


‘What do you expect me to do then Nat?!? Wait till he comes back inside again?’ 


‘Yes, just that. But this time be aware that he is inside and catch him.’ 


‘You’ll help?’ He asks with a smile.


‘Oh yes!’ Natasha says with a smirk. ‘Maybe Wilson wants to join too.’


‘I can ask him but for now we need to think of a plan.’

Chapter Text


‘So... we are trying to catch a ghost?’ Sam asks with a frown as he looks to Steve and Natasha.


‘Yes... well that is... the assassin who’s watching me,’ Steve replies.


‘Oh so now you know it’s an assassin who is watching you? Couldn’t you have picked a better one?’


‘Wilson! It’s serious. We don’t know what it wants with Steve. He has been in his bedroom last night,’ Natasha replies sternly then.


 ‘In his bedroom? Holy shit! So he was just there watching you?’ Sam asks with big eyes as he looks to Steve


‘Yes, we think so,’ Steve replies awkwardly as he scratches behind his head.


‘The Winter Soldier isn’t easily caught. So we need a good plan to catch him and questioning him.’ Natasha tells the guys. ‘But I think we could catch him only if we use Steve as bait.’


‘Because he is fascinated by me and probably doesn’t see me as a threat?’ 


‘You got it!’


‘Hmm… It could work.’


‘It will work if we plan this perfectly.’


‘So you want what? That Steve stands in the middle of the park asking that assassin The Winter Soldier to come out and talk to him? Sam asks with a frown. ‘And we try to sneak up on him silently?’


‘If we do that then I will sneak up on him since I’m silently enough.’


‘What if… I’m going to the park to draw something. Appearing to have my guard totally down. You guys are close but not too close that The Winter Soldier really notices that you guys are there to look after me?’ Steve asks.


‘He has seen us both with Steve so he knows there is a connection between the three of us,’  Natasha says then and looks to the window. ‘Not sure if he is spying on us now.’


Steve looks to the window and shakes his head. ‘I don’t feel anyone watching us now. So for now we’re safe.’


‘You never know for sure Steve that he isn’t watching.’ Natasha tells him. ’But I think he isn’t either. So we better plan things carefully so we could catch the Winter Soldier.’


’This is going to be fun,’ Sam says as he notices Steve grabbing paper and pencils. ‘What are you going to do?’


‘Drawing things out,’ Steve says as he starts to draw a map of the park by head. 


‘He is right,’ Natasha looks at the drawing. ‘We can plan where we need to be with the map Steve is drawing. To see where Steve needs to be to be visible from everywhere and where we need to have him still in our sight.’ 


Sam looks at Steve’s drawing of the park. ‘Hm… so Steve better be there… in the center of the park… near the lake.’ Sam point to the place on the map. ‘We could use the lake to advantage. Either for Steve to get away or to put The Winter Soldier in there to catch him.’


Natasha looks at the map at where Sam points too. ‘From that place… he will be visible from everywhere yes and has a way to escape.’


Sam looks proudly.


‘I better not take my good stuff with me to draw then if I need to draw next to a lake,’ Steve tells them. ‘Then again it’s a good spot to draw. Have drawn there before.’


‘Sam, you better sit there,’ Natasha points to the place where Sam needed to sit. ‘Pretend to read the newspaper of a book while wearing a disguise.’


 ‘So I have the left side under my super vision?’


Natasha nods. ‘I will be sitting here under disguise watching the children. Off course I will be watching mostly Steve.’  


‘So you two have me covered. Both on one side of the park.’ Steve says as he looks at where they all need to stay. He puts a circle around the three places. 


‘Yes, you can see that every place is in our vision. So nothing could happen without us noticing,’ Natasha tells him. ‘As long as we are in contact with each other we know what The Winter Soldier is up to.’ 


’Tomorrow?’ Steve asks them. 


Natasha nods. ‘Better do this as soon as possible. We don’t want him to loose interest in you.’


‘Are you ready Sam?’ Steve asks. He knows that he doesn’t have to ask Natasha.


‘I’m ready. The Winter Soldier needs to be stopped if he keeps on watching you.’


‘Then we better make preparations for tomorrow.’ Steve tells them and the rest nod.

Chapter Text

After his friends left Steve starts to look for a sketchbook and some pencils. Some he wouldn’t mind loosing. Okay so a new cheap sketchbook so he won’t loose his sketches and some cheap pencils… Well that could be a problem… Cheap pencils… He starts to look in different drawers. He needs to have some doesn’t he? One time for Christmas he got some right? They didn’t know then that those pencils didn’t draw that good. But for this mission they would be perfect right? Especially the loosing part. Not that it would be fair for the one who gave it to him… Who was it again? Did he really forget it already? 

Steve scratches behind his head when he suddenly remembers where he had put it. He walks to a cupboard and opens it. He smiles as he noticed a blank sketchbook and pencils on top of them. Steve grabs them out of the cupboard and lays then on a table. Does he needs something else tomorrow? Pencil case… but nothing more right?


  - Later in Steve’s bedroom -


Steve freezes as he pulls off his t-shirt. He’s here again isn’t he… He can feel his eyes again on him… Steve pulls his t-shirt off and is glad he still wore a a tank-top under it. He doesn’t want to be so exposed when someone looks to him. He would only be more exposed for the one he loves… But he isn’t here anymore… He is already dead… Bucky…

Steve sighs and keeps his jeans on. Okay that could be uncomfortable but he isn’t going to put it off while The Winter Soldier is watching him. Again… 


Steve walks over to the window. Wondering if he would see someone. He’ll doubt it. While he closed the window he looked outside… Just like expected he didn’t see anyone… Where would he be then? If he wanted to watch Steve again? Steve looks for a moment longer outside but frowns when he still couldn’t see anyone. He will notice when that soldier gets inside right? Or does he only notice this feeling when he was watching him? It doesn’t really make him at ease but he couldn’t go and sleep somewhere else. The Winter Soldier will know then that Steve knows he’s here. He better not do that otherwise their plan on catching him wouldn’t be successful. Steve got in bed and closed his eyes. Trying to fall asleep… that would be difficult when knowing and feeling that someone is watching him.

He wished Bucky was here with him… next to him in bed. Having him in his arms as they fall asleep in bed. Having his Bucky close to him was all that he would have wanted…


 - Outside Steve’s place -


He is so handsome…

How he stands in front of the window…

In his tank-top…

Why does he do this to me?

I want to be close to him…

So close as possible…


The Winter Soldier got closer to Steve’s bedroom window. He looks inside. His eyes immediately on Steve. On his body and how he lays in bed. 


I want to get inside…

But I better not do that…

Not this time…

I want to be in his arms…

His strong arms…

I can’t!

I first need to find out who he is…

Who I am…

Why I feel like this…

But I can’t stay away that long from him…


 - Inside Steve’s bedroom in the middle of the night -


The Winter Soldier stands in front of him. Still with that mask in front of his mouth. Looking at him with a murderous gaze. ‘I don’t want to fight you…’ Steve says. ‘Please remember me…’ The Winter Soldier growls and dashes towards him. Steve knows he needs to defend himself but hurting him wasn’t an option. He couldn’t… he wouldn’t. 

Steve tries to evade all the attacks from the Winter Soldier. He noticed that the other was strong. Giving him a black eye… The Winter Soldier really was one of the elite assassins. That was for sure with what he could do. 


Suddenly he noticed that they were on top of something. What was it? A helicarrier? But it was crashing down and in pieces. They both needed to hold on top something or they will fall down… Steve tries to grab something but slipped… He started to fall down and the last thing he saw was the face of The Winter Soldier without his mask…


Steve jumps up from his nightmare. He panted and started to think about what he just dreamt. He was dreaming about The Winter Soldier… and that they were fighting.. But at the end… It looked like The Winter Soldier was… was… Bucky… Bucky? How could it be? Steve was so sure that he fell from the train.. He did. He had seen him fall. But how could The Winter Soldier look like him? Could it be him? Could it be his Bucky?


Steve sighs and wipes away the tears. He didn’t even know when I started crying. He misses Bucky so much now… And if The Winter Soldier is Bucky… That would explain why he would watch him right? But does he remember him? Steve looks towards the window. He isn’t here… even he would have wanted now… If The Winter Soldier really was Bucky.

Chapter Text


Steve wakes up early in the morning. He wanted to sleep further but his body was wide awake. He groans and got out of bed and walks towards the shower. He really needed it. Also to get his mind to other things. The Winter Soldier… Bucky… Could they…. Really be both?

Steve shakes his head and goes into the shower. He lets the water go over his head and closes his eyes. Letting the water stream over his head trying to get everything out of his head. He wanted to know so badly of The Winter Soldier was Bucky but… it will distract him now… He needed to focus on his mission of today. Today is the day they will find out who is The Winter Soldier. Just an assassin with a fascination for him… Or Bucky… Bucky….


Steve shakes his head and turns off the water. He better makes himself some breakfast and make himself ready. He isn’t going to get his mind somewhere else then The Winter Soldier or Bucky… Bucky… 


After breakfast he decided to send Natasha a message about his dream last night. He needed someone who knew it too. In case he was going to do something stupid.



Hey Nat, I know we meet in a couple of hours but I need to tell you something before we start.



Steve, what is it? What do you need to tell me?



I dreamt something last night and I think I know who The Winter Soldier is. 



How? In your dream? Did you see in your dream who it was?



Yes, my dream showed me who The Winter Soldier is or who he could be. We don’t know if it’s the truth.



Steve, who did you see?






Your best friend?



Yes… That Bucky…



 As The Winter Soldier?






Even if it’s Bucky Steve. It isn’t fully Bucky. So who ever will be in front of you this afternoon isn’t fully him. 

Both will probably be inside of him. The Winter Soldier and Bucky in one body.



I know Nat… But it’s Bucky… He means too much to me… If he’s alive…



Steve. If you don’t put your feelings aside we can’t catch him and you will never find out of The Winter Soldier really is Bucky.



You’re right. I’m trying to do that but I can’t fully promise that. Thats why I told you.



I know. So I can stop you if you do something stupid.






 See you in a couple of hours Steve.



See you then Nat.


  - Meanwhile at the Smithsonian  -


 The Winter Soldier looks around the exhibition. How can he know what he sees there? It’s that guy he looks to right? Captain America… Steven Grant Rogers… Steven… Steve…. Stevie… 

And the guy next to him… in blue… That one is familiar… too familiar…. Did he…. Was that… him? 

The Winter Soldier looked further around the exhibition. This was so familiar… Every person and where they talked about… As if he really was there by event that is shown…

He looks to a video of Captain America and his best friend Bucky Barnes. So familiar… as if he knows what they said that moment… Steve… Captain America…

The Winter Soldier walks further again and noticed then a little and thin boy… Steven Grant Rogers…  wait.. is that the big guy too? Who was Captain America? He need to resist touching the photo. So familiar… Little Stevie… his… Stevie… Steve! 

The Winter Soldier swallows… That’s why he feels attracted to the guy… It’s his Stevie… But… is he… The one who was next to him in the video? 

He looks back and noticed suddenly a pillar with a face on it… That was the guy by Steve right?  

The Winter Soldier walks towards the the pillar and looks at the guy. James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes. Is he… It is… him? He looks like him… so much like him… James Buchanan Barnes… also known as Bucky Barnes… Bucky…. Steve and Bucky… He was… He is… He is Bucky… Could it be..?  


Could he really be Bucky Barnes and the guy he watches be Steve Rogers? No… It can’t… They can’t be… They can’t be them… because that would mean… that would mean… they were… lovers…

Chapter Text

Steve walks into the park towards the lake. It’s good weather so he can draw what ever he wants. He sits down against a tree next to the lake. Looks around for a moment to see if his friends could see him.


‘Do you guys see me?’ Steve asks through his earpiece. He doesn’t feel watched so he knows it perfectly safe to use it.


‘I see you perfectly Cap,’ Sam tells him through the earpiece while he looks over the book he is holding.


‘Same with me,’ Natasha tells them as she watches the children play meanwhile Steve in the background. 


‘Okay since you two can see me then I can easily start to draw till I get the feeling he is watching me,’ Steve tells them and makes himself ready to draw.


An half an hour has passed and Steve still didn’t get the feeling he was being watched. Even Sam and Natasha were wondering if the Winter Soldier was still after Steve. 

Steve doesn’t mind. He can draw in peace for now and since no one is in the view of the lake right now he could draw that easily.


’Nat, do you see anything suspicious?’ Sam asks through the earpiece.


‘Nothing yet Sam,’ Natasha replies back. ‘Just people strolling through the park or playing with their kids nothing more.’


‘I don’t see anything either,’ Sam frowns.



Steve looks at his drawing and is suddenly fully aware he had drawn himself and Bucky by the lake. He just finished it when he noticed the feeling… How long was he being watched? 



‘We’re watching Cap,’ Sam replies knowing damn well what it meant.


’To your left Steve. Someone is walking towards you and it wouldn’t surprise me if it’s him,’ Natasha tells him.


Steve looks at his drawing and draws slowly further. Aware that someone is walking towards him.



The Winter Soldier walks slowly towards the man sitting against the tree. His gaze on the guy's face… Could he really? Could he really be Steve Rogers?

He has fully hidden his metal arm. He didn’t want to draw attention. Neither scare the guy he is walking to… His Stevie right? 

He isn’t sure how Steve will react… if Steve’s feelings for him are still the same… after all that he did because of Hydra.


He stops right behind the guy. Well next to the tree so he can see what he is drawing. The lake he is sitting in front and… them? Their old-selves?

‘Oh Steve…’ he says without even noticing.


Steve drops his pencil. ‘Bucky?’ Steve asks carefully and without looking behind himself. He isn’t fully sure yet it’s Bucky. He doesn’t trust his emotions if it’s really him.


‘Yes… No… I don’t know…’ the Winter Soldier replies.


‘It’s okay if you don’t know…’ Steve tells him softly. ‘Want to sit down?’


‘I’m not stable… I’m not sure it’s wise…’ the Winter Soldier replies.


‘I won’t force you to sit,’ Steve places his sketchbook closed next to him with the pencils and waits till the Winter Soldier sits next to him.


The Winter Soldier doesn’t know what to say. I’m sorry? I love you? I’m here? My Stevie? He shakes his head and remains silent.


‘Bucky… I’m sorry I haven’t looked further for you…’ Steve started. ’To prevent you from being taken by Hydra…’


Hydra… Hydra… HYDRA… HYDRA! Something clicks in the Winter Soldier's mind. His mission is right here. Kill Captain America!


Chapter Text


‘Bucky… I’m sorry I haven’t looked further for you…’ Steve started. ’To prevent you from being taken by Hydra…’


Hydra… Hydra… HYDRA… HYDRA! Something clicks in the Winter Soldier’s mind. His mission is right here. Kill Captain America!

The Winter Soldier jumps on top of Steve with a growl and pins him own.


Steve looks up in surprise to the Winter Soldier. It is Bucky… His Bucky… but with so much anger in his eyes… What did they do to him?


‘Bucky… it’s me… Steve…’ he tries to tell him but he only gets a growl back in response from the Winter Soldier.


‘I’m sorry for doing this,’ Steve tells him and pushes his knee up. Right between the Winter Soldiers legs. He feels for a moment the strength of the Winter Soldier lessen and immediately pushes him off and pinning him down under him. ‘You know me!’


The Winter Soldier growls back. ‘My… mission…’


Steve blinks for a moment. Mission? 


But in that second the Winter Soldier pushed Steve off him and tries to get Steve pinned down under him again.

Steve isn’t planning on being stuck again under him and tries to get the Winter Soldier under him.


Sam and Natasha keep watching them. Seeing them roll towards the lake…


’Lake!’ Sam shouts through the earpiece but it’s too late… Steve and the Winter Soldier both roll into the lake.


Sam and Natasha both dash towards the lake. They don’t know how long it takes before both guys will come back up. And who knows Steve needs help with the Winter Soldier.

Both look keep their gaze on the water. None of the guys came up yet… They couldn’t have drowned? That couldn’t be.


Suddenly Steve climbed out of the water and coughs. It almost looked like someone pushed him up.


‘Steve!’ Natasha says relieved and helps him with Sam to get him out of the water.


Steve breaths slowly when he lays down on the grass. ‘B… Bucky…’


’Sshhh… Sam will look around for him… Just take it easy now Steve.’ Natasha looks at Steve as she keeps watch on his breathing.


Sam looks towards the lake and focuses himself on the water. No where there were air bubbles… He couldn’t have drowned could he?


‘Nat… where is Bucky?’ Steve asks again when he breathing is more even.


Natasha looks at Sam who gestures that he doesn’t know. ‘We don’t know Steve…’


Steve sat up immediately and wants to stand. 


Natasha stops him. ‘You need to rest Steve otherwise you can’t help him.’


Sam walks back to them. ‘I’m sure he is alive and if he is as good as Natasha said he is.’ Sam says and lays a hand on Steve’s shoulder. 


‘He is probably hiding for his own safety,’ Natasha tells Steve. ‘Come.. we better get you home… and in dry clothes.’


Steve nods and stands slowly up with Natashas help. 


Sam stays close by his side as they walk away from the lake.

Chapter Text


The Winter Soldier watches them go. Once they are out of his gaze he gets out of the lake.

He was going to hurt Steve badly… His Stevie…

The Winter Soldier sits down. His mind all over the place. Who is he really? Bucky Barnes… The Winter Soldier… or something in between? Something from both? 

He doesn’t know it anymore. He wants to find out who he is inside. Who he wants to be… for one hundred precent. 

He doesn’t want to hurt Steve. He means so much to him… He just hopes Steve still feels the same…

His gaze goes towards the tree where Steve was sitting at… Is that? Did he forget his sketchbook and pencil?

The Winter Soldier walks towards it and grabs it. He is looking at the drawing closely. A drawing of them both by the lake. Sitting against each other with Bucky’s head resting on Steve’s shoulder.

He misses being him. Being young ones in love. He doubts Steve would want him now… He attacked him… But if he can’t have Steve… he better keep hold onto this… as a kind of memory of the past. Of how things used to be.

‘I’m so sorry Stevie…’ 


  - At Steve’s place -


Steve just finishes taking a shower and walks towards the living room. He sees his friends sit by the tv. It’s on but none of them are watching it. They immediately look towards him when they hear him.


‘How are you feeling Cap?’ Sam asks.


‘I’m… okay… I think?’ Steve says softly and smiles softly.


‘You don’t have to put on a brace face for us Steve.’ Natasha tells him.


‘We can understand how hard it can be for you…’ Sam adds.


‘It… It was Bucky…’ Steve sits down with a sigh between his friends. ‘He called me by my name… but he isn’t sure himself who he is…’


‘I noticed that when he attacked you,’ Sam says immediately.


‘It was my fault he did it. I think I triggered him into switching to the Winter Soldier.’ Steve sighs and looks down. ‘It’s my fault…’


‘Don’t blame yourself Steve,’ Natasha lays a hand on his shoulder. ‘You didn’t know what would trigger him.’ 


‘Still I feel bad for doing so,’ Steve says softly. ‘He said he wasn’t stable and yet…’


‘You know now for sure that the Winter Solder is Bucky,’ Sam starts. ‘I think thats a good thing for now. We only need to find out how to capture him again without triggering him and get it out of his head.’


‘But how?’ Steve sighs. ‘He will probably be wary and afraid for hurting me.’


‘You don’t know that Steve,’ Natasha tells him. ‘You and we don’t know how he thinks.’


Steve nods and looks around. ‘Sam? Nat…? Have you guys seen my sketchbook?’


‘No… I thought that Natasha took it with her,’ Sam replies.


‘I thought you would…’ Natasha looks at Sam.


‘It’s okay guys…’ Steve says softly.


Natasha stands up. ‘I’m going to look for it.’


‘Nat…’ Steve starts but Natasha stops him.


‘I know how much it can mean to you so I’m going to look for it and you know you can’t stop me.’


‘I know I can’t… Thanks Nat.’


She smiles softly and walks out of the front door.


‘I’m sure she will find it Steve,’ Sam tells him.

Chapter Text

Steve sighs. Natasha couldn’t find his sketchbook. So someone probably has taken it. Even if there was only one drawing in it he still hates loosing it. Because that drawing… that drawing he just drew was of him and Bucky….


Bucky… he would love to have him back again. Back in his arms where Bucky belongs. Even if it needed to be in secret back in the day… But now… it’s more allowed. He could go out with Bucky if he wanted. No matter what he would love to have his Bucky back. He knows what he did in Hydra but he wasn’t himself. Steve doesn’t hate him for it… All he would want is to have his boyfriend back. But… he doesn’t know where Bucky is…


Steve sighs and gets into bed. Who knows Bucky will watch over him again… Steve couldn’t help the smile. If Bucky is going to watch him then at least he is glad Bucky dares to be close.


 - Later at night -


The Winter Soldier watches Steve sleep. He couldn’t help to get closer to the window again. He wants to be close to Steve. Only… he isn’t fully sure if Steve wants it too.


He see Steve sleeping peacefully but notices that he misses someone in his arms. His arms wants to hold something but Steve doesn’t have something to hold.


He opens the window slowly and gets silently inside Steves bedroom. Steve’s so pretty as he sleeps.


The moment he wants to see it more up close he got grabbed by Steve in his sleep. Winter Soldier keeps quiet when he got pulled into Steve’s arms. It feels so good… So like coming home… he doesn’t want to go. He could stay here for ever…


‘Bucky…’ Steve murmurs as he holds the other close in his arms with his head in the Winter Soldiers neck breathing in his scent.


Yes… the Winter Soldier wants to be Bucky… Is Bucky only with sometimes not a stable mind. But he is Bucky. Bucky Barnes. Steve’s boyfriend… not that the world knows about it… or is allowed to know… He doesn’t know… but he do know he loves to stay here. By Steve’s side as long as he wants him. He only needs to find out if Steve wants him again… as his boyfriend even if he isn’t fully stable and with what he did for Hydra…


  - The next morning -


Steve wakes slowly up. He slept really good. He’s got the feeling that he held something the whole night. But doesn’t know what. There isn’t anything close to him with he could hug. Except a blanket off course but that isn’t the case. It felt like a person right? Could it..? Could it be..?


Steve gets out of bed and walks towards the window. If the window is open then it could have been Bucky.

It could have been Bucky who he was holding during the night. He isn’t sure. He certainly knows he wants to find out.


He only needs to think about what he is going to do now... with knowing Bucky is alive and around... 

He needs advise... Advise from someone but not his friends... someone like Eileen.

Chapter Text

Steve sits down in a waiting room. With what has happened the last couple of days… He finds himself back again by the therapist. He wants an opinion of someone else instead of his friends. Someone who thinks rational. Not only thinks about Steve’s happiness.


A woman with blond hair walks out of a room and looks around. ’Steven?’


Steve looks up at the woman and stands up. She steps aside so he could walk into the room. She walks in after him and closes the door.


‘Sit down please,’ the woman tells him and gestures towards a chair.


Steve sits down and looks back towards her again. ‘I know I said I wouldn’t probably be back again…’


‘Something happened?’ The woman asks.


‘Yes, a couple of things happened and going to you have always helped Eileen so I thought I come back again for some advise.’


‘It’s good that you came back to me for it Steven,’ Eileen tells him and gestures to the couch. ‘Lay on it please and close your eyes.’


Steve nods and does what she asks. Did he feel someone watching him? He isn’t sure… 


Eileen grabs a chair and places it next to the couch. ‘Tell me Steven… What do you want to tell me?’


‘I… I think…’ Steve sighs. ‘I think I saw Bucky…’


‘Bucky? As in Bucky Barnes? Your best friend?’ Eileen asks.


‘Yes… It may sound weird but… I think he stood behind me… and before we could talk more…’ Steve tells her and swallows.


Eileen walks towards him. ‘Yes? What happened Steven?’


‘He turned into the Winter Soldier.’


‘Are you sure you didn’t imagine it?’ Eileen ask him as she stands by his head.


‘No. It was in the park where I was sketching.’


‘Okay and are you one hundred present sure it was him?’ Eileen asks him. ’Since all the history books are telling us that your best friend Bucky Barnes is dead.’


‘I know it’s him Eileen… I know it.’ Steve sounded sure. Very sure.


‘Just relax now Steven,’ Eileen tells him and lays her hands on his head. On his sleep and massages there. ‘Just relax…’


Steve nods slowly. He starts to feel more relaxed and relaxed as if what happened didn’t matter… didn’t happen…


Eileen takes her hands of Steve’s head after a few minutes. ‘How are you feeling now Steven?’


‘I’m feeling good Eileen. Really good as if I don’t have anything to worry about anymore.’ He says as he opens his eyes and sits up.


‘Just jog when you want to clear your head Steven that will help too and if you want you can come next week to see if it helped?’ Eileen ask him with a smile.


‘I will Eileen. Thanks for the advise and making me more relaxed,’ Steve smiles. He gives her a hand and walks out of the room.


Eileen walks to her desk and watches him go.

Chapter Text

Eileen watches Steve go and the moment he is out of her office she grabs her phone and starts to call someone.


‘Yes boss… It’s me Eileen… Guess who just came back to me,’ She says smirking. ‘Oh Yes. It was Captain America and he told me he had found out the Winter Soldier is still around. Around and knows it’s his best friend Bucky Barnes.’


Eileen listens to the voice on the other side of the phone and nods. ‘Off course I took away his memories of the Winter Soldier and Bucky Barnes again. Just like I have always done.’ 


She plays with her hair while smirking. ‘You know that I have the power to do so and I have always done that for Hydra even now when they think it has completely fallen since Pierce.’


‘Yes. It will be troublesome if the Winter Soldier is around here… I can try and take away his memories but you know I’m not that affective by him…’


‘Yes sir. I have already asked Captain America to come back next week so I can see if he remembers something back. I’m sure he won’t and if he keeps coming he will loose all his memories of the Winter Soldier and Bucky Barnes just like you want.’


Eileen walks past the window towards her desk. ‘I’ll keep in touch with you sir. We’ll make sure Captain America keeps loosing those memories so we can go after the Winter Soldier without him in our way.’ 


  - Outside of the building -


Bucky looks inside the building. He knows that Steve went inside and that the woman has touched him. That woman… He growls softly. She touched him. He knows what for powers she has so he is sure she used those on Stevie. 

But what does he need to do now? Make sure to stop her or make sure to make Steve remembers him again…. His Stevie… He needs to get after Steve. To make him remember him again.


Bucky jumps out of the tree when he notices where Steve is walking and walks up towards him. He isn’t fully sure what to say. But then again wonders if he really needs to say anything.

He dashes towards Steve and makes sure that it looks like he accidentally bumps into him while it’s deliberately.


Steve looks surprised when someone bumps into him. He wants to say something to the guy but he notices who it is… or could be… Bucky? The guy certainly looks like him. But before he can say something the guy runs off so he isn’t able to say anything.

Was it really Bucky? No… it couldn’t be… Bucky is dead… But the guy… Steve looks confused but walks back towards his home. Maybe he will be able to think properly once he is there.


Bucky looks at Steve when he is out of his sight. Is he going to remember him? He did see him that is something he knows for sure. But was it enough for Steve to remember him after what Eileen did to him? He isn’t sure… all he can do is find out later. Or go back to Eileens place and make her pay.


 - Later that day at Steve’s place -


‘Come in. Come in,’ Steve tells his friends.


Natasha and Sam look for a moment to each other and then back to Steve as they walk inside. How did he get suddenly like that?


’Cap? Everything okay? You look more happy than yesterday,’ Sam asks. He couldn’t help being a bit suspicious about the sudden mood change.


‘Yes? I’m fine…’ Steve replies with a frown because of what Sam said. ‘I… I think I saw Bucky today…’


‘Cap, that’s great news after yesterday.’


‘Yesterday?’ Steve asks confused. This was the first time he saw Bucky. So what has that to do with yesterday? 


‘We tried to catch the Winter Soldier yesterday?’ Natasha tells him. ‘Thats the reason why you lost one of your sketchbooks.’


‘I…’ Steve frowns. ‘Did we really do that? As far as I know I just saw Bucky for the first time today when he bumped into me.’


Natasha stands in front of Steve and looks sternly towards him. ‘Rogers, you better aren’t pulling our legs because this is serious!’


‘I’m not! Nat, I swear!’ Steve tells her with big eyes. ‘What ever we did yesterday I don’t have any memory from it…’


‘But how?’ Sam asks confused.


‘What did you do this morning Steve,’ Natasha looks at him. ‘What ever it is it probably caused you memory loss.’


‘I just went to Eileen…’ Steve tells her. He doesn’t know what the problem is with going to her.


‘Eileen…’ Natasha repeats while he wonders where she heard that name before. 


‘Do you know her?’ Sam asks her right away.


‘Damnit Steve! How could you be so stupid!’ Natasha yells in his face. ‘Shield told you to go to Eileen when you wanted help with your past.’


‘Yes? That isn’t a bad thing is it?’ Steve asks her.


‘It is when we found out Hydra was active within Shield!’ Natasha tells them not amused. ‘You loosing your memory means she has something to do with it. Means she works for Hydra!’


‘Holy shit!’ Sam looks with big eyes towards Natasha. ‘So she probably caused his memory loss?’ 


‘I’m sure of it!’ 


‘I… I… I’m sorry,’ Steve tells them and scratches behind his head. ‘I forgot the part that hydra was shield too.’


‘I’m sure she wiped that out too from your mind,’ Natashas replies annoyed. ‘You better give me the address Rogers so I’ll pay her a visit.’


Steve nods and grabs a piece of paper. He starts to write the address on it and gives is to Natasha.


‘This is really messed up,’ Sam says. ‘Especially when you thought Hydra was wiped out.’


‘It never will be totally wiped out Wilson. Remember that,’ Natasha replies and looks to the address. ‘You stay here with Steve. I’m going to her right now.’


‘Nat…’ Steve starts but the look on Natashas face told him not to continue or there will be hell to pay.


‘I’ll guard him and tell him what happened yesterday. Who knows he will remember it again.’ Sam tells her.


Natasha nods and walks closer to Sam and whispers: ‘If Steve found Bucky then I’m sure Bucky found out too what’s wrong with Steve. I’ll see what I can do about him too.’


Sam nods and Natasha leaves.