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Death is Not Recomended

Chapter Text

My day got exciting when I heard my family and I were going skydiving. At first I thought that was ridiculous because my family isn't exactly rich and I have three brothers who do not deserve any kindness they get considering the youngest one is an eight year old brat who not only talks to himself but can't speak correctly or do anything for himself. Then there's my older brother who can't go a day without trying to beat the snot out of me only to cry himself to sleep while sobbing to his seventh girlfriend in two years. When I learned that my grandpa on my step-dad's side of the family set everything up, it all made sense. Don't get me wrong he's a good guy for a retired drill sergeant, but he's just too generous for a sixty year old.

On the way there my brothers, as per usual were picking on me while, of course grandpa "saw" nothing and completely ignored everything that was happening less than a foot away from him. By the time we got to the plane I was ready to push my brothers out with no warning and face the consequences. As we were getting on the plane after the explanations the man who gave me my parachute smiled weirdly and said, "You will thank me later."

The hell

Putting that aside my brothers were actually half decent once we were in the air and listened to the instructor's directions on the recommended time to pull our parachutes. Finally, we were in line to jump when my little brother who, needed to be strapped to my older said, "It feels like real life Fortnite," which caused me, who was thankfully last in the line and wanted this trip to be as perfect as possible, push him and my older brother out the door before any thing else could be said positive or not.

Just as I was about to fall the instructor grabbed my shoulder to say that if I ever did that again I would be banned. Me being the smartass that I am said, "Sir I don't expect to ever have the chance to skydive again," and before he could say anything else fell backwards while giving a two finger salute.

The feeling of falling backwards with my hands behind me head was great and I felt like I could've been a bird with how graceful it seemed. When I finally felt like there was something important to do like paying attention to my altitude I decided to flip and try to find my family who, I was surprisingly close to and fell into a nose dive to try and get closer so I wouldn't have to walk to far with the chute dragging me away. As I was about to reach them my older brother pulled the cord to his parachute while I was close enough to slam into it face first and knock me away while laughing like a mad man as I spiraled into his view.

When I righted myself enough to realize that the ground was getting very close I panicked and tried pulling my cord.

WHY THE FUCK AM I NOT SLOWING DOWN.

After trying to release my lifeline four times I remembered "You will thank me later." That bastard gave me an empty bag, for a parachute. Was he trying to kill me specifically or was it just some random choice out of the group. Before I had time to think about the truth everything went dark with a sickening crunch.

Chapter Text

When I woke up everything was pale blue and I was laying on a wooden bench. After looking around I noticed it looked like a cathedral and there was nobody on the podium. (as if there would be anybody) As I got up to try and leave a small girl that looked around eight walked through them.

As she turned around to greet me she said, "Ah you're already awake, that makes things easier."

"How did you die?," came from my mouth before I could put lid on myself and then winced at my tactlessness.

"I know you have no tact but you couldn't put it a bit nicer or at least hesitate, after all, I look like an eight year old," she said as she pulled a dictionary sized book out of nowhere.

I sighed as I realized who it was, "Okay God where am I," I said smirking as she scowled for not rephrasing my question, "because this does not seem like heaven and even if it is I shouldn't be here."

"Heaven looks like however it does when the person last imagined before they died," she said as she flipped through the book, "and the last time you imagined, it as was a cathedral Nero. Contrary to your belief though, you should be here after what you've been through. It makes up for your attitude."

"Fine then, what's with the book," I sad trying to get a good look.

"This book is your life, and as short as yours was it focuses on thoughts more than anything. I have to say, not many people are as creative as you so I'll be lenient with your wishes are," she replied calmly as she closed the book and made I disappear.

The second I heard wishes my mind started racing for a way to spend what I assumed to be eternity and after going through her words and stopping on creative I got an idea, "What about multiverse theory." I said with an excited gleam in my eyes.

She smiled and said, "As rare as that request is the universes are at your fingertips Nero, so which one?"

Immediately I responded, "Fairy Tail is in my thoughts most often so why not try and help clean up the scumbags there."

"Mage or-"

"Who wouldn't want to be a wizard?," I interrupted.

"What type of magic do you want and where and where do you want to be placed in the world?," she said not missing a beat.

"Could I be placed in Lucy's Magnolia house in the year X772 with 3rd generation ice dragon slaying magic, teleportation, requip, and if possible could you make something new?,"

After thinking for a few seconds she nodded and responded, "What type of magic?"

"So you know the etherious made by Zeref?," after a nod I continued with a hopeful look on my face, "Could you make it to where they had keys that acted as if they were opposites of the zodiac spirits?"

After a waiting a few seconds for her to respond and almost losing hope she turned around and a black glow could be seen coming from her and when she turned back around she held thirteen red and black keys. As I reached forward to grab them she pulled back to say, "Just so you know these keys are as strong as the thirteen most powerful celestial keys and not only work as if they were prison cells instead of gates but take more magic power to summon, so if were you I would wait before trying to summon them or else the strain may kill you. Also for making me work harder for once I did something a little emasculating." and held them back out to grab.

Completely disregarding the last bit I grabbed the keys gingerly and with a smirk I responded, "Don't worry, I have no intention of dying again."

"Good also, you don't have the dragon seed anti-bodies and dragon slaying lacrima completely ready" she said with a smile as she swiped her hand and I disappeared ready to completely destroy the timeline.

When I woke up the ceiling was a dark blue but the bed I was in looked exactly like Lucy's.

It was real.