All of this was too much. Hyunjin felt like he couldn‘t breathe anymore. He had fought so hard to be where he was right now but all of this seemed meaningless at the moment. He wasn‘t even worthy of being here, he didn‘t deserve to debut. He wasn‘t good enough. He just brought the group down.
All of these thoughts ran through Hyunjin‘s mind while he was sitting in the car, waiting to get back to their dorms. They had just finished one of their performances and he knew he messed up and that it was obvious. He knew people would talk about it and maybe even question JYP why he made him one of the main dancers. He didn‘t deserve it. He screwed up a simple step. The one that everyone learned fast, the one he even came up with. How could he be so stupid, how could he even be called main dancer after this? How-
Suddenly a warm hand took his and Hyunjin flinched.
„Hyunjin, stop overthinking this. It‘s okay to make mistakes.“ His boyfriend, Seungmin, whispered beside him.
Hyunjin just nodded but knew Seungmin was just saying this so he would calm down, because deep down he knew he screwed up too. Pathetic. Now even his boyfriend is thinking like this about him. Why is Seungmin even with him? He‘s nothing but a burden.
As soon as they got to the dorms, Hyunjin went into the bathroom and locked himself in it. He couldn‘t deal with Jeongin and Jisung right now, they probably would only be loud as well, making his anxiety even worse.
He released a shaky exhale, slid down next to bathtub and closed his eyes. Just seconds later the tears started rolling down his cheeks and he bit his lip so no one could hear him crying.
He had worked so hard for everything and now he messed up. Everyone would think low of him now for screwing up something so easy and—
A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts.
„Go away.“ Hyunjin choked out, not even caring if it was an older member. He just wanted to be alone.
„Jinnie, please.“ Seungmin‘s soft voice called and the older felt like crying again.
„Seungmin, I can‘t.“ He replied, voice getting quieter.
„I know, baby, I know but please let me in. Let me help you. I want to be there for you.“
Without giving it a second thought, Hyunjin opened the door and Seungmin immediately came in, locking it again so no one would interrupt them. He took a good look at Hyunjin, his eyes soft and comforting before he opened his arms widely and smiled at the older.
„Come here.“ he whispered and Hyunjin wrapped his arms around him.
And with that Hyunjin let out everything he had bottled up these last few weeks, he didn‘t just mess up today, recently he‘d felt like he‘d done it way too much. Maybe no one noticed, but he did and that was enough to make him feel disappointed in himself. Nothing worked and it was his and his brain‘s fault, why did he always have to overthink everything?
”Jinnie... Do you wanna sleep in my bed tonight?“ Seungmin carefully whispered after the older had calm down a little.
Hyunjin just nodded, not trusting his voice after sobbing so long.
”All right. Come with me love.“
Seungmin grabbed his hand softly and led him out of the bathroom where seven pairs of eyes looked at him worriedly. The younger just shook his head and mouthed not now to signal that he needed some time alone with Hyunjin and be with his boyfriend now. The others nodded but Seungmin didn‘t miss Chan‘s frown. He probably blamed himself for this, for not seeing Hyunjin doubted himself all these weeks.
When they entered the bedroom Seungmin let go of Hyunjin‘s soft hand and went to the closet.
”You can borrow one of my hoodies, I know how much you love them.“
Hyunjin smiled a bit at this.
”Yeah, you always have such big ones that they‘re even too big for me.“
”Aw, come on, you‘re not that much taller than me. I‘m not Changbin hyung.“
The older‘s smile widened and Seungmin did the same.
”I love your smile, it‘s so pretty. You‘re so pretty.“ Seungmin whispered and caressed his cheek before giving him the hoodie.
Hyunjin blushed furiously and quickly changed into the oversized hoodie.
It wasn‘t often that Seungmin showed his affection so directly through words. Usually he would show it through actions, so everytime he said something lovely to Hyunjin it made his heart flutter and he couldn‘t help but feel special. The younger didn‘t open up about his feelings easily but with Hyunjin it seemed to be the easiest thing in the world.
They both laid down on the bed, Hyunjin immediately resting his head on Seungmin‘s chest and sighed as the younger ran his fingers through his hair.
”I know you probably don‘t want to talk about it but Jinnie please remember that you are amazing at what you do. I‘ve never seen anyone who dances better than you. You have your own style and it‘s incredibly beautiful and breathtaking, you own the stage everytime. It‘s okay to make mistakes, everyone makes them. Even JYP himself. But you can learn from them and do better next time.“
Hyunjin sighed and nodded a bit, burying his head deeper in his boyfriend‘s hoodie.
”I know... it‘s just... hard you know? To not feel disappointed and be confident in it again.“
Seungmin frowned a bit and looked at the taller. Even with just the moonlight illuminating the room, he looked ethereal.
”It‘s okay. I‘ll always be there to catch you if you fall. I promise.“
Hyunjin looked up at him and smiled. The one that only Seungmin got to see. Full with love and adoration and trust.
”I know you will.“
And with that he softly pressed his lips against his boyfriend‘s and giggled into it.
Hyunjin may get overwhelmed from time to time, but Seungmin would always be there and pull him back to his feet.