Apparently there was only so slowly that Morgan was willing to go, because it didn’t take long for Morgan to get them into Reid’s bed, kissing and touching him gently. He frowned when he removed Reid’s shirt, thumb stroking absently along the bandage just beside his nipple.
“I hate seeing you hurt,” Morgan admitted quietly after a moment, and Reid smiled softly, stroking his palm over Morgan’s buzzed scalp.
“I’m not so fond of it either,” he admitted lightheartedly, and this was easy. Even if Reid was shirtless, lying below his longtime friend and colleague, the careful caring and concern wasn’t anything new between them. Morgan laughed then, a low, hearty sound before he leaned over and took Reid’s nipple into his mouth.
Reid groaned, arching against the other man’s body. His whole body was sensitive, always had been, but his nipples were especially so, and Reid found himself shivering at the reminder that Andrew had threatened to cut them off. Still, he forced himself to shove that memory aside, focusing on the way that Morgan licked and sucked his nipple, punctuating it with a sharp bite that made Reid groan even more loudly, almost feeling the blood rushing to his cock.
After a thorough couple of minutes, Morgan moved to his other nipple, a dark hand skimming across Reid’s pale, slender stomach. Even though Morgan had admitted he’d never been with a man before, he didn’t seem at all fazed by the lack of breasts and curves. As Spencer cupped the back of his head encouragingly, he found himself wondering where Morgan had found that sense of comfort, found himself absently wondering if the other man spent his free time watching gay porn, or—
Morgan pulled away unexpectedly, sitting up as he straddled Reid’s hips with a knowing grin. “You’re thinking so loud I can almost hear you,” he scolded, smiling as he reached down to the hem of his own shirt and pulled it over his head. And for a moment, Reid wasn’t thinking of anything except Morgan’s perfectly-sculpted chest. He groaned, his eyes riveted by the sight, and he reached up and touched the hard muscle absently.
“What’re you thinking about?” Morgan asked idly after a moment, not missing the way Reid’s eyes darkened with lust when they looked at him. It was a reaction he was quite pleased with, if he did say so himself. He worked hard to maintain his musculature, and the attention he got for it was a pleasant reward, though nothing compared to the way that his strength and stamina had saved his life so many times in the field.
Reid stared at his chest for another long moment before finally tearing his eyes away, meeting Morgan’s gaze again.
“I was thinking you’re the fucking sexiest guy I’ve ever been this naked with,” Reid said candidly, and Morgan couldn't help but laugh at the uncharacteristic words. Despite everything that had happened, part of him still had a difficult time believing that Reid was sexually experienced, but the unexpected candor seemed to throw that doubt right out of the water.
“I dunno. Some of those guys whose pictures I saw…they looked pretty sexy to me,” Morgan said after a moment, his tone teasing. Reid either missed the teasing behind the tone or refused to rise to the bait.
“None of them could hold a candle to you,” Reid said seriously, his voice unsteady. He lowered his eyes, suddenly uncertain. “Are you sure you want to do this with me? That you don’t want to find some…equally sexy man to do this with? Because…you could have anyone you wanted. Honestly.”
Morgan found himself endeared by the sudden uncertainty—it was so Reid, the flustered shyness that Morgan recognized so easily. He was beginning to reconcile the Reid he knew with the Reid that had been revealed on this case. Beginning to see that the unexpected sexual side of Spencer Reid wasn’t at odds with his awkward personality but was somehow a complimentary part of it. Morgan grinned.
“Jeez, show a man your abs and he freaks out on you,” he teased softly, and Reid met his eyes with a frown that morphed after a second into a smile. Morgan caught his hand and leaned over, placing a soft kiss on the knuckles.
“You need to relax, Reid,” Morgan said after a moment, soothingly. “I’m exactly where I want to be. And you’re pretty sexy yourself, you know. And not just what’s up here.” He touched his fingers to Reid’s temple. “Although the way you can pull any scrap of random knowledge out of there is pretty sexy in itself.”
Reid opened his mouth, looking for a beat like he was going to argue or maybe quote some statistic, but after a moment he seemed to quell the urge and just nodded, smiling softly. He reached out and wrapped his hand around Morgan’s waist, pulling him down for another kiss.
Morgan smiled into the kiss, letting Reid have his way—but after a moment of taking charge, Reid seemed to draw back, surrendering control of the kiss to Morgan. Morgan didn’t mind that at all; he cupped Reid’s chin in his hand, mindful of his injured neck, and kissed him deeply, but there was something very hard and very persistent poking into him. It was novel, feeling another man’s erection against his, knowing that he’d been the cause of it. He was surprised by how much the palpable proof of Reid’s arousal turned him on.
After a long moment, Morgan pulled away, leaving both of them breathless as he scooted down a little to rest on Reid’s thighs, reaching for the button of Reid’s pants. He met Reid’s eyes after a moment, looking for any uncertainty in them, but all he saw was lust.
“Okay?” he asked as he toyed with the button. Reid drew in a shuddering breath.
“You’re in the driver’s seat, Morgan,” he breathed after a moment. “You can do anything you want with me.”
Morgan chuckled softly. “You might come to regret saying those words,” he warned.
Reid smiled wickedly. “I doubt that.”
The gentle teasing was all the encouragement that Morgan needed; he undid the button and then pulled down the zipper, and with a bit of maneuvering, managed to help Reid out of his pants, Reid kicking them the rest of the way off. This was novel too, this gentle, knowing teasing; Morgan wasn’t used to being with anyone he knew as well as he knew Reid, and he felt like that should have scared him, but it didn’t.
The move left Morgan in just his jeans and Reid in a pair of light blue boxer briefs—and Morgan took a moment to just take it all in, to notice the way Reid’s erection strained against the fabric. After a moment, he reached out experimentally to stroke Reid through his underwear.
“Oh,” Reid groaned breathily, head rolling back. That first touch always got him, and even though fabric, it was amplified by the realization that this was Morgan doing this, touching him. After a moment, though, Reid forced himself to look back up at Morgan, to take in the other man’s expression of bewilderment at his first, experimental strokes of Reid’s cock.
After a long moment, though, Morgan froze, his body going stock-still. Reid noticed immediately, his arousal forgotten as he sat up. He reached out to touch Morgan’s arm before he thought better of it, reluctantly pulling his hand away. He couldn’t deny that his heart was racing; his first concern was for Morgan’s mental stability, but the second was the chilling fear that Morgan had realized men weren’t his thing after all.
“Hey,” Reid said softly, trying to break Morgan out of whatever memory had snatched him away. “Are you okay?”
The words seemed to get through to Morgan; after a long moment, he managed to pull in a shuddering mouthful of air, his eyes falling closed as he took several more deep, uneven breaths in an obvious attempt to calm himself. Reid remained still, not sure how to comfort the other man, not sure if he could.
After a long, silent minute, Morgan sighed and settled back onto Reid’s thighs, though he made no attempt to move away. It seemed to take an eternity before he opened his eyes and reached out to cup Reid’s cheek gently, looking down at him from his higher vantage point.
“I know…you said…go slow,” Morgan said after a moment, his tone tentative, clearly expending an extreme amount of effort even trying to get his words out. “But I dunno…that I can do slow.”
Reid searched Morgan’s eyes for a moment, trying to search for a sign of what the other man wanted from him. Morgan’s words were so vague, so open to interpretation that it was hard to tell—and the fact that he wasn’t pulling away, remained straddling Reid’s thighs, made the moment even more confusing. It was obvious enough that they’d pushed things too far, somehow; Reid wasn’t sure what had triggered it, but there was no mistaking that Morgan was remembering something incredibly unpleasant.
“Do you want to stop?” Reid ventured after a moment when Morgan gave him no other clues to go on. The older man just shook his head adamantly. “Morgan, you don’t have to feel obligated to finish what you started. We can stop whenever you need.”
Morgan shook his head again, frustrated, seemingly fighting to find the words to express what he wanted. “I don’t want to stop,” he insisted. “I just want to…change gears.”
Reid raised an eyebrow. Continuing the car metaphor, of course. It was obvious enough that Morgan didn’t want to talk about it, didn’t want to address the dark place he’d just gone to in his mind. Reid took a deep breath.
“Okay. You’re in charge, Morgan.”
Morgan rolled his eyes at the obvious attempt to reassure him of his power in the situation, although part of him appreciated the effort, as clumsy as it was. He slid off the bed determinedly.
Reid was worried for a moment that Morgan had changed his mind, that he did want to stop, but instead Morgan just began unbuttoning his jeans, pushing them down his thighs. His teasing tone had done its job to break the thick tension.
“Take those off,” Morgan indicated after a second, and Reid scrambled to obey, shucking his underwear quickly and tossing them over the side of the bed. He would have done anything Morgan said at that moment, anything to dispel the dark cloud that had formed behind the other man’s eyes.
Standing there in his black boxers, Morgan eyed Reid for long enough to make him feel slightly self-conscious. He almost wanted to cover himself—but it wasn’t apprehension or even mere curiosity with which Morgan was eyeing his nude body. There was a healthy helping of interest in there, and that allowed Reid to stand his ground, still under Morgan’s apprising gaze. After a long moment, Morgan smiled.
“Yep. You’re…definitely pretty sexy yourself, pretty boy,” Morgan affirmed after a moment, and Reid couldn’t help his blush then, covered his face with his hands to try to hide his reaction. Morgan laughed, though it was still a little shaky, moving to sit on the edge of the bed again. He grabbed both Reid’s hands by his wrists, pulling them away from his face and stealing another kiss.
“I love that you can call me ‘fucking sexy’ without breaking a sweat but the moment I say it back, you turn red as a lobster,” he said after he pulled away, his tone all amusement. Reid smiled gently.
“Call it a character flaw.”
Morgan laughed again, surprised how at ease he felt with the other man, despite the awkwardness his moment of hesitation had caused. After a thoughtful pause, he eyed Reid again.
“Thank you,” he managed after a moment, his tone still awkward. “For not…”
He couldn’t manage to finish his thought, but Reid seemed to understand his meaning all the same.
“Any time,” Reid affirmed lightly, although there was a tension underlying his tone, like he wasn’t quite sure how to proceed. Morgan took a deep breath; because he did want to proceed, didn’t want to let Carl Buford control his life anymore, not when he’d finally worked up the courage to even get this far. And not when he knew backing down now would hurt Reid, even though he’d be understanding about it.
“Do you have…?”
“There are condoms and lube in that drawer,” Reid indicated after a moment, pointing to the drawer on his nightstand. Morgan nodded, finding the items without much preamble before rolling back onto the bed, tossing them onto the comforter and blanketing Reid’s body with his own.
This was better, Morgan acknowledged, this was more comfortable for him. It was something not tainted by a single bad memory, him on top and pinning a perfectly willing partner to the bed. Not like the experimental touches to Spencer’s cock, the bizarre uncertainty of the moment that had immediately brought him back to something he didn’t want to remember.
What was new, though, was the press of Reid’s erect cock against his own as he pressed down against the other man. The moment he’d seen Reid fully nude, he’d wanted to touch that rigid column of flesh, unhindered by clothing between them, but he’d forced himself to deny the urge, conscious of the fact that he might react badly, as he nearly had just minutes prior. And if he was honest with himself, there was another part of him that still recoiled at the thought, at the idea of touching another man’s cock like that. Even though he wanted to, something was holding him back.
He ground his hips down against Reid’s, his boxers still between them; somehow, he hadn’t had the courage to remove them yet, even though he’d never been self-conscious about being nude before. The younger man moaned against his lips, thrusting up against him, and the slide of Reid’s cock against his was heavenly, even with the layer of fabric between them. As he kissed Reid, Morgan was able to forget the dark thoughts, was able to lose himself in the plush sweetness of Reid’s lips.
Morgan didn’t hesitate then as he grasped the waistband of his boxers with one hand, sliding them over his hips and wriggling out of them. And finally, his cock pressed up against Reid’s without any barrier, and they both groaned into each other’s mouths.
After a long moment, Morgan pulled back, looking down at the younger man. Reid lay back against the pillows, his hair disheveled, his lips red and swollen, his face flushed. The bandage on his neck was the only thing that marred the image of obvious need and arousal, and Reid’s evident enthusiasm went a long way to keep Morgan from having second thoughts.
Morgan followed Reid’s eyes down their nude bodies to where their cocks lay nestled next to each other, and he sucked in a sharp breath at the picture they made together. Reid actually groaned audibly.
“Oh God,” he said, his voice unsteady, sounding more like he was musing out loud than really speaking to Morgan. “I want to suck your dick so badly right now.”
Morgan let out a noise halfway between a laugh and a groan. It was rare, in his experience, that women were so vocal—or so enthusiastic—about sucking dick. And as appealing as that image was, his dick disappearing between Reid’s impossibly pink, plush lips, he knew that if he let that happen, he’d never get around to fucking the other man—and if he were truthful with himself, he wasn’t fully confident in his ability to reciprocate any other way. He was only halfway convinced that he could even do that, and that was only because he’d had anal sex with a woman before, and that had taken a lot of prodding on the girl’s part before he’d been able to agree.
“Next time,” he said lightly, his voice thick with arousal—although it wasn’t really a promise, because all the doubts Morgan had just then were the same ones that would be there the next time. “I want to fuck you, and we’ll never make it there if I let you do that.”
Reid groaned somewhere around when Morgan said the word fuck, and Morgan wasn’t even sure he’d heard or processed the rest of what Morgan had said. After a moment, Reid moved to roll over beneath him, but when Morgan caught on to what he was trying to do, he grabbed Reid by the shoulder before he even registered what he was doing, rolling Reid back onto his back. Reid looked up at him questioningly.
“Like this,” Morgan said after a moment, a tone of finality in his voice. “I need to see your face.”
Reid nodded slowly, his eyes searching Morgan’s, but he didn't press, much to Morgan’s relief. It was a fixation he’d had for a long time in his teens and early twenties, the fear of hurting his partner. He’d gotten over it as he’d slowly learned that sex wasn’t always the shame-filled, painful thing he’d thought it was, but this was a whole new ball game. He needed to see Spencer’s face, or he’d never be able to go through with this.
“Okay,” Reid agreed breathily, lifting his legs to give Morgan access to what he wanted. Morgan settled between Reid’s legs, taking in the sight of the other man spread wantonly for him. He groaned softly, resting his head against Reid’s knee for a moment as he tried to keep himself from cumming on the spot. He’d always been afraid of this, afraid that if he let himself acknowledge it, he’d find that men did it for him more than women ever had.
It seemed that fear hadn’t been unfounded.
After a moment, Reid’s hand stroked Morgan’s bare scalp. “Okay?” he questioned softly after a moment, and Morgan looked up and met Reid’s worried gaze. It was clear in Reid’s eyes that he was one more moment of hesitation from stopping this for Morgan’s own good.
“Yes,” he assured the other man, and this time he really meant it. “Just trying to make sure this doesn’t end before we even get started.”
Reid laughed at that, wrapping a leg around Morgan, pressing his heel into Morgan’s lower back as he handed Morgan the tube of lubricant. Morgan smiled as he took it, finding Reid’s obvious eagerness made it much easier to avoid worrying about what he was doing.
Slowly, he poured lubricant on his fingers, dripping some onto Reid’s entrance. Reid twitched as the cold substance touched his flesh then laughed softly, spreading his legs further as he waited for Morgan.
Experimentally, Morgan rubbed his finger around the puckered entrance before sliding it inside to the first knuckle. The younger man’s body yielded to him easily, and he slid the digit all the way inside, moving it gently. Reid let out a soft sigh, like the air being let out of a balloon, and he pressed back against the intrusion. Morgan crooked his finger experimentally, moving it unsuccessfully a few times before he found what he’d been searching for and heard Reid moan loudly, writhing beneath his fingers. He took a moment to recover before looking at Morgan with an accusatory glare.
“You know way too much about what you’re doing,” he complained breathily, although his tone was teasing. “Please don’t tell me that you’ve been studying gay porn, because then I’ll start imagining you watching it, and this really will be over before it starts.”
Morgan snorted. “Fine, I won’t tell you then.”
Reid laughed breathily, arching against Morgan’s hesitant hand. “You’re not going to hurt me,” Reid said, tone uncomfortably perceptive. “Come on.”
Morgan gave in to the gentle prodding and added another finger, and after the initial resistance, they slid in easily. Reid’s eyes fell closed as he moved, seemingly unconsciously, back against the intrusion, making a low sound that was almost a purr. Morgan watched Reid’s face carefully, but Reid hadn’t been lying; his expression was all contentment and pleasure as Morgan’s fingers moved inside him, punctuated by occasional moans as Morgan found his prostate. Seeing how much Reid was enjoying it was incredibly hot.
Finally, Morgan added a third finger, and Reid groaned, hips undulating against the pressure. After a few gentle thrusts of Morgan’s fingers, Reid’s eyes snapped open and met Morgan’s, his pupils dilated with obvious arousal.
“Please, Morgan,” Reid begged after a moment. Morgan smiled softly as he continued to move his fingers.
“Please what?” he prodded with a wicked grin. Reid groaned, flushing deep red.
“Fuck me,” he finally breathed out, face burning. Morgan smiled, endeared by the paradox of Reid’s needy forwardness with his awkward shyness. He did, however, remove his fingers and grab a condom, ripping it open and rolling it expertly onto his dick. He made sure to coat himself with more lubricant before positioning himself, pressing in slowly as he watched Reid’s face for any sign of discomfort.
Reid groaned at the pressure, unable to hide a slight wince—and Morgan stilled for a few seconds, trying to calm his own moment of almost-panic, giving the other man time to adjust. He reached out and stroked Reid’s cheek gently. “Sorry,” he murmured softly.
Reid just shook his head, wrapping his legs around Morgan’s body and digging his heels into Morgan’s back, as if trying to prevent the other man from retreating. He opened his eyes slowly.
“Don’t be sorry. It’s a little uncomfortable at first—and in case you didn’t notice, you’re fucking huge—but trust me when I say I’m still loving every second. So just move.”
Morgan smiled widely, unable to help it. “Did you just attempt to divert my attention by complimenting my dick?” he teased.
Reid smiled unabashedly. “Yes. Did it work?”
Morgan thrust the rest of the way into the other man’s body, and Reid moaned, throwing his head back and tightening his legs around Morgan’s waist. Morgan groaned softly as well at the feeling of sinking into Reid’s tight heat.
Morgan moved slowly at first, tentatively—partly because he was afraid of hurting Reid, but partly because the other man was so unbelievably tight that he was certain that if he moved any faster, he’d cum on the spot. He watched Reid’s face carefully as he moved, looking for signs of discomfort, but after the initial push, Reid’s face was all beautiful, needy pleasure.
Morgan rolled his hips slowly, finding a rhythm, and he couldn’t stop staring down into Reid’s face, his slightly parted lips, his flushed skin, his hooded eyes. It was both beautiful and unbelievable for Morgan to behold the sight, because this wasn’t something he’d ever been able to convince his mind a real person, someone besides a paid actor in an adult video, would ever find so pleasurable. And when he’d done it with a girl, she hadn’t been so forward and wanton in her pleasure.
But it was clear that Reid did enjoy it, was obvious in the way he was rolling his hips back against Morgan’s thrusts, the way his heels dug into the older man’s back, as if trying to pull Morgan impossibly deeper inside himself. Morgan groaned, finally assured that not a fiber of Reid’s body or mind was objecting to this experience.
Morgan finally let his guard down, burying his face in the nape of Reid’s neck with another groan, the movement forcing Reid to lift his hips even higher to meet Morgan’s thrusts. He breathed a soft sigh into Reid’s neck—one of relief, a release of tension he hadn’t realized had remained in his body even after he’d assured Reid he wanted to proceed.
Reid’s hand moved to cup the back of Morgan’s skull, and there was something absurdly gentle about the gesture, like he was trying to reassure the other man. His moans were loud in Morgan’s ear, and he let out a litany of very un-Reid-like curses and pleas, which would have made Morgan laugh if they weren’t so busy shooting right to his dick.
He pulled back finally, resting back on his knees as he grasped Reid’s thighs, unlacing the other man’s legs from around him as he sped up the rhythm of his thrusts. Reid moaned, fisting his hands in the sheets, his eyes closed as he squirmed helplessly. The most palpable proof of his desire was the way his hardened length lay rigid against his stomach, weeping a steady stream of pre-cum even though neither of them had so much as touched his dick.
Morgan marveled at that for a moment as he moved his hips, the way that Reid hadn’t even made a move to touch himself despite how hard and needy he obviously was. Maybe, Morgan thought, he was the type who wouldn’t without his partner telling him to, and that thought sent a surprising streak of heat straight through Morgan’s body.
“Touch yourself,” he breathed raggedly, and Reid’s eyes shot open, meeting Morgan’s meaningfully.
“Don’t…need to,” Reid breathed out through clenched teeth, and Morgan felt breathless for a second, clutching Reid’s thighs even harder.
“So you can get off just from this? Without even touching your dick?” There was a low, seductive lilt to Morgan’s voice as he said the words—he wasn’t averse to a little dirty talk to get his partner in the mood. Reid groaned, his eyes falling shut again as his dick jerked a little against his stomach, and although he didn’t respond verbally, the deep flush that colored his cheeks was answer enough.
Morgan smiled, picking up his pace, fully cognizant in a second to the way Reid had responded to his words. The reaction bolstered him to continue.
“You love this don’t you?” he said in a breathless growl, though he couldn’t keep the slight tone of wonderment out of his voice. “You love my dick inside you, fucking you like this.”
Reid whimpered, thrashing against the sheets, biting his lower lip hard enough that Morgan was surprised he hadn’t drawn blood.
“Cum for me, pretty boy,” he said breathlessly, using his familiar endearment for the man—and that was all Reid seemed to need, because his dick jerked again, shooting ropey threads of cum along his stomach as he moaned. Morgan watched, so transfixed he almost forgot to keep moving his hips as Reid’s orgasm seemed to go on forever, his dick twitching, untouched, against his stomach as it continued to leak.
After what seemed like an eternity, Reid’s body fell still, sweaty and spent against the sheets. Still, he wrapped his legs around Morgan’s waist again, urging Morgan deeper inside him.
“Don’t you dare…fucking stop,” Reid breathed after a moment, looking up at him through half-lidded eyes, and Morgan was startled for a moment, didn't even realize that he’d stopped moving, so spellbound he’d been by Reid’s release. For a moment, his own pleasure had been secondary as his mind wondered at the way Reid’s body had reacted to this…this thing that Morgan had never been able to truly associate with pleasure before.
But the moment Reid spoke, it seemed to bring him back to his body—and he felt a sense of urgency, a humming under his skin as his dick seemed to throb inside the other man’s body, begging for release. He groaned, beginning to move again, and Reid’s movements seemed more calculated then, having already found his own release, the way he undulated against Morgan seeming geared purely toward bringing the other man the greatest amount of pleasure possible.
And still, as Morgan continued to fuck him, he released a steady stream of low, gentle moans—they’d lost their urgency but he was still so clearly enjoying being fucked, even though he was already so clearly spent. It was to that—Reid’s low groans, the deliberate movements of his hips—that Morgan finally came as well, emptying himself into the condom as he thrust unevenly into the body beneath him.
It was with the barest bit of conscious thought that remained in Morgan’s mind that he kept himself from resting all his weight on the man beneath him. It was second nature when he’d been with women, but even though he didn’t think of Reid as fragile or delicate, he was still conscious of the fact that he outweighed the younger man by quite a few pounds. He rested there, half on the mattress and half atop Reid, catching his breath for a long moment before he finally pulled out. Reid allowed his legs to fall to the bed slowly, sucking in long, deep breaths.
Neither of them spoke; Morgan couldn’t even begin to think of words, couldn’t work out precisely what was going on in his brain. Confusion played a big part, along with reluctant acceptance, and—right alongside that—singing elation.
Confusion because part of him still felt uncomfortable about what he’d just done, felt strange, as though he no longer fit properly in his skin.
Reluctant acceptance because he couldn’t remember being that aroused in his life, couldn’t remember having ever experienced that kind of intensity from sex, despite the fact that he’d been apprehensive, almost frightened. Acceptance because this seemed to confirm his every suspicion and fear that his dick responded far more strongly to men than it did to women.
The elation came from everywhere, from so many sources. From the fact that it felt so right to be with Reid, who’d known when to be concerned and when to sit back and let Morgan work through something on his own. Elation because he hadn’t let that moment of panic—that flashback to the first time in the cabin with Carl—derail the experience. Elation because how could he not feel that way after seeing it broadcast on Reid’s face as he came?
And yet Morgan couldn’t seem to find the words to say any of that out loud, so instead he grasped Reid’s hand, pressing a soft kiss to his knuckles before sliding out of bed and padding toward the bathroom. He sensed Reid’s gaze following his, clearly apprehensive. He wanted to say something to reassure the other man that he wasn’t freaking out—not too much, anyway—but he couldn’t force any words out of his mouth.
Instead he discarded the used condom in the bathroom and made quick work of cleaning himself off before bringing a wet washcloth back to the bedroom where Reid still lay, eyeing the bathroom door with his body in a tense line. Morgan handed him the wet cloth with a shaky release of breath, meeting his eyes meaningfully, trying to say everything he wanted to express to Reid with just his eyes.
Reid took the washcloth, not breaking Morgan’s gaze for a long moment as he searched Morgan’s eyes, trying to confirm what he was feeling. After a long moment, he finally looked away, focusing awkwardly on cleaning himself up. Morgan’s heart was pounding in his chest as he couldn’t help but watch Reid wipe his own cum off his stomach, his now soft length. It was with some trepidation that Reid set the cloth aside on the nightstand for the time being, turning to meet Morgan’s gaze again. He swallowed thickly and took a deep breath before he finally steeled himself to speak.
“Are you okay? Or have I just irreparably ruined our entire relationship by letting you go through with that?” Reid finally managed to ask, swallowing past a thick lump in his throat.
Morgan sat back down on the bed reclined back against the pillows, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath to try to calm his racing heart, trying to find a way to both be truthful and reassure Reid. Reid didn’t deserve the emotional baggage Morgan was carrying around, not after the week he’d just had, and not after the mind-blowing sex. After a long moment, he reached out and grabbed Reid’s hand again, squeezing it reassuringly.
“It was good,” he assured the other man, and he mentally smacked himself as he said it, because it sounded like he was describing some friend’s mediocre cooking, just trying to be polite. He tried again, deciding tentatively that honesty was the best route to go with Reid. Reid was a profiler and knew Morgan extremely well; he’d know immediately if Morgan lied to him, even if it was to spare his feelings.
“It was…too good, and I feel guilty about thinking it was so good,” Morgan continued reluctantly. “And I know that that’s irrational, but I can’t stop it.”
Reid’s thumb ran soothing circles along the soft skin on the back of Morgan’s hand. “Okay,” he managed finally, his voice thick with uncertainty. “So where does that leave us?”
Morgan sighed, lowering his head and rubbing his eyes with his free hand. It wasn’t an easy question to answer.
“I don’t want to saddle you with all my shit, Reid,” he said finally. Reid’s response to that was immediate.
“Morgan, look at me,” Reid said seriously, and suddenly his tone was filled with a sense of certainty and authority so strong that Morgan didn’t even think, just responded. He opened his eyes and looked over at Reid, propped up on his elbow next to him. “Do you want to continue this?”
Morgan found himself at a loss for words. “I…” he couldn’t continue, his mouth suddenly inexplicably dry.
“No, Morgan. This must sound ridiculous coming from me, but don’t think, don’t rationalize. Just feel,” Reid instructed without hesitation. “Forget the baggage, forget whatever obstacles you’re worrying about. What do you want? Do you want to continue this?”
Morgan found a thousand objections in his mind but heedful of Reid’s words, he forgot them, just for a moment.
“I…yes,” he finally managed to breathe. And Reid’s face was deadly serious; it was the face he used during hostage negotiations or trying to talk an UNSUB into lowering his weapon. That thought almost made Morgan release a totally inappropriate laugh.
“Then shouldn’t it be my decision whether or not I want to be ‘saddled with your shit’?”
Morgan opened his mouth to argue but he found he had no ammunition with which to do so. He couldn’t tell Reid it wasn’t his choice to make, and if he even tried, he was sure he’d be at the receiving end of a long lecture about free will. And he knew how that would end, too.
“I don’t know how much I could ever give you, Reid,” Morgan finally admitted, chest tightening even as he spoke the words. He bit his lip. “…sexually,” he added after a moment, tentatively.
Absurdly, Reid smiled at that, sitting up a little more so he could place a chaste peck against Morgan’s lips.
“We’ll figure it out,” he said with a sense of conviction Morgan didn’t feel. But strangely, Morgan almost believed him.