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The Void

Chapter Text

 

 

There will be times you will have to be your own friend and lover, your own shoulder to cry on and use your own hands to wipe your tears. Those times will feel lonely, but they will teach you how to stand on your own when no one has your back.”

                                                                                                                                                             - Her, by Pierre Jeanty

 

 

 

 

 

 

Someone had told him that he could get God laugh, by only sharing his plans with him.

Park Jimin was a nice guy, at least he had that thought in his head. His family was from Busan. He had spent his whole life there, before he could go up and moved into Seoul. There he had met a guy, named Min Yoongi.

Min Yoongi was two years older than him, but they got along really well since the get go. Yoongi was a little taller than him with his hair constantly changing his color. He liked the variety, as Jimin had learned later on. It turned out that Yoongi was swinging both ways. He often told the firstly shocked Jimin, that he didn’t look the face or gender, but the personality. They got along pretty well though. Yoongi was helping Jimin with his economy classes and Jimin was helping him with the singing lessons.

Jimin was majoring singing and ballet dancing and Yoongi music and economy. He wanted to become a producer one day. He also had a middle sized black notebook with the name “SUGA” written with golden letters on top of it. Yoongi had told Jimin that was his nickname when he was little. His parents and his friends nicknamed him that way, because Yoongi liked everything with sugar… and lots of it.

Yoongi quickly accepted Jimin into his circle and this is how he met his friends Namjoon and Hoseok. The later had a crush on Yoongi and it was pretty obvious at times, but when Jimin had asked his new friend about that, Yoongi had responded that he could never act on that crush. Mostly because he didn’t feel the same.

It was late at night when they both liked to talk about that. Yoongi would make his famous chocolate dessert and they would sit in their small living room, just laughing and talking. Yoongi had shared his life with Jimin, but he had told him that he wasn’t open like that with just anybody. When Jimin had asked him about Hoseok, Yoongi had become dead serious.

“I can’t hurt a friend like that, especially when I don’t feel the same,” Yoongi had told him. “We’ve talked and decided that we could be friends. I told him that I could walk out if that makes him feel uncomfortable, but he said that he has no problem with it. I believed him and… well. See, Jimin… I’m not created to fall in love. I don’t do that, because it hurts.” Yoongi had shrugged. “I don’t want to hurt people by pretending that I love them in that way… I’ve never fallen in love… never felt that feeling.”

“Oh, c’mon!” Jimin had laughed quietly. “Everyone had had a great love, hyung!”

Yoongi had shock his head. “Nope, not me. I thought I was broken, because I’d go only for the sex. Then eventually I got bored and… yeah. I just can’t love.”

“But you love your friends, right?” Jimin had smiled and Yoongi had giggled.

“This is different, Jimin-ah… Yes, I love all of my friends! I’d do everything for you, but… I just can’t love-love, you know? Not like you love your little Lia.” The elder teased him and Jimin had blushed.

Kim Lia was his high school crush, turned girlfriend later. She was even with him when he was in the college. Lia was a cute short brunette with cat-like brown eyes and a pale face. Jimin loved her company and she loved him too. When Yoongi had accepted him as his best friend, Jimin had decided that it was time for Lia to meet him. She was blushing all the time and Jimin couldn’t blame her. Yoongi was at his best charming self. Like seriously, he could make every person fall in love with him so easily.

When Yoongi had graduated, he asked Jimin to move out of the dorms as well. Jimin agreed, because he couldn’t imagine that he could find another friend like Yoongi. That was how they had found a nice little apartment on the last floor of a new building, close to the University. The apartment was nice and cozy – two bedrooms and a kitchen area with a nice living room with a huge sofa. The rent was affordable. Jimin and Yoongi both worked. Jimin was a half-time barista and Yoongi had found a job in his dad’s music company in Seoul. He needed the experience, before he could go on his own.

Yoongi himself was from Daegu, but he’d always avoid the subject when Jimin had asked him about it. Eventually, the younger one dropped the subject. It was a year since they lived together, when Yoongi had brought his new girlfriend. She didn’t last long though and Jimin wasn’t even surprised when she was quickly followed by a new guy. Then a month later, it was another girl. Yoongi was breaking hearts all over the place and honestly, Jimin felt sorry about the people. They always thought that they could be the one, who made Yoongi finally fall in love, but they were always left alone after that. Time gone by and he learned not to ask about their names. They wouldn’t stick around any longer. Jimin could hear them sneaking out in the middle of the night or in the early morning. Yoongi never shared his bed after the sex. He slept on the sofa in the living room. Jimin created his own routine as in to pass by the elder in the middle of the night and cover his body with a comfy blanket.

Meanwhile, things with Lia went serious and Jimin was actually thinking that maybe it was time for the next step. It was what his family expected of him. I was what everybody expected of him. Jimin was a good boy and he was supposed to do what they good boys do. When he thought that though, he got scared and he started to postpone it. He told Lia that they would get married when he graduated. When he actually did that, he told her that he had to have a respectful job. He told her he wanted to provide for her.

When he had asked Yoongi why he was feeling like this, the elder had simply riffled his hair and told him to do what he thought it was the right thing. Jimin didn’t feel right though. He felt so pressured to find a good job that Yoongi had to drag him out of their apartment for a drink with his friends.

“I still feel that I got something wrong, hyung!” Jimin was on his third whiskey, leaning over Yoongi’s shoulder and yelling at his ear. “Nobody wants me!” He hiccupped.

“Dude, you are so wasted!” Yoongi laughed himself. “… and so am I!” He looked around the club. “I need a fresh meat.” He licked his lips and downed his fifth glass of whiskey.

“Another one?” Namjoon was wasted himself, leaning back on the wall of the booth they had booked for the night. “Already?”

“I hate being alone!” Yoongi kept staring, but his face was lacking any interest.

 “Sometimes,” Jimin hiccupped and grinned drunkenly. “I envy you, hyung! You get to fuck around and don’t care… and I… had to be all responsible and marry… ” He gagged. “I feel sick!”

“Stop drinking!” Jin punched him on his shoulder and tried to sweep away his new glass of whiskey, but Jimin was quicker.

“Nuh… don’t wanna…” He downed it at once.

“What do you wanna?” Yoongi tried to focus his eyes on his friend. “Tell me, Jimin-ah?”

The younger giggled again. “I wanna dance!” He got up and dragged Yoongi with him. “Da-a-a-ance with me hyungie!” He pouted when Yoongi tried to pull back.

“You can’t fucking stand on your feet, Jiminie!” The elder pointed at him.

“You’re gonna he-e-elp me… Oops!” Jimin swayed and fell over his hyung’s chest. “C’mon!” He grabbed his hand and pulled him to the dance floor.

Yoongi probably realized that he was all fucked up when he agreed to dance with Jimin. But he couldn’t resist on his pouting. It was too cute for words. So, it turned out that he was mostly keeping Jimin’s balance and trying to stay still himself, than dancing at all.

Jimin was enjoying the moment of freedom. He was himself right now. He didn’t want to think about anything and just had fun. What better company to have fun than with his best friend? It was nothing wrong. He felt good every time Yoongi was a presence around him. His senses were put at ease and he could focus more. He could be himself with the elder.

When the music ended, they went back to their booth. Jin and Namjoon were nowhere to be seen and Yoongi ordered another round of whiskey. So they clicked their glasses again and laughed when some of the liquid went on the floor. Then Yoongi splashed some of the whiskey all over his T-shirt and Jimin laughed at him. The older one pouted and Jimin laughed even more, trying to clean Yoongi’s shirt with his hands. At some point the same hands had appeared on the older one’s shoulders and Jimin had moved closer.

The laughter had died down in the music when their lips had touched. Jimin never felt like this in his life. Not even with his long term girlfriend. The taste of Yoongi’s lips was exhilarating and… so delicious. He just couldn’t get enough and moved even closer, wrapping his arms around Yoongi’s neck and deepening the kiss. He moved when the other one finaly opened his mouth, so Jimin could finally kiss him properly. He felt so pliant in his arms when Yoongi took the initiative and his tongue basically delved into Jimin’s mouth, attacking and conquering him at full. 

“Stop!” Yoongi pulled back abruptly and the younger one whimpered. “Jimin, stop! What are you doing?”

“Trying something delicious,” Jimin didn’t know what daemon had gotten into him. “You are so delicious, hyung!” He licked his lips.

“I think you drank too much!” Yoongi was suddenly sober. “C’mon! Let’s get you back home, yes?”

The younger one giggled and put up his hands. “Whatever you wanna do with me, hyungie!”

Yoongi just shook his head and went to close the tab. When he went back for Jimin, the younger one was snoring in the booth, head resting over the table. Yoongi shook his head again and pulled him up, ignoring his protest.

Chapter Text

 

 "I wonder how I got by this week
I only touched you once..."

Void - The Neighborhood

 

 

Jimin woke up in his own bed, experiencing the worst of his hangovers yet. His head was pounding and when he opened his eyes to the light, a painful moan escaped his lips. He carefully sat up on his bed, sheets ruffled between his legs. A tired sigh escaped his lips and his look fell on the nightstand. There was a glass of water and an anti-hangover pill waiting for him. Yoongi had taken care of him again. Jimin reached out and took the pill, downing the water in one go. Then he leaned back on the headboard and closed his eyes.

He had fucked up last night. Oh yeah, he could only wish he was so drunk not to remember. Jimin’s drunkenness wasn’t like that though. He was able to remember everything in the morning after. In this case though, he wished he couldn’t. He had kissed Yoongi. His best friend Yoongi, who was always around him and helping him with his problems. The problem now was that Jimin had felt something. Yeah, that he did. On the other side, there was still his girlfriend, soon to be fiancée and he kinda got cheated on her.

“Good morning, sunshine!” The door of his room opened and Yoongi appeared there with all of his glory, holding a cup of steaming coffee. His now white hair was ruffled in a cute manner. His cat-like eyes were staring at still sleepy Jimin, who looked like a mess. “You are going to be late.”

“For what?” Jimin scrunched his nose. Good! Yoongi didn’t mention a thing about the kiss. Jimin sighed. Maybe he didn't remembered it. “I’m still jobless.”

“Hobi just called,” Yoongi leaned on the doorframe with all of his beauty. Jimin’s mouth went dry all of a sudden. Why he was able to notice this? He shouldn't! “He said there was a place opening at his studio. One of the instructors left unexpectedly. You have to be there…” Yoongi checked his watch. “… at ten. It means you have only two hours to get ready so… chap-chap!”

Jimin growled and pushed the cover away. “Did you call for me?”

“No!” Yoongi's face was dead serious, but Jimin knew him well enough.

“Thank you, hyung!” The boy said quietly and went into the bathroom, leaving puzzled face Yoongi behind.

“I just said-”

Yoongi’s words were cut off of the sound of the closing door. Jimin had to take a shower when he suddenly realized that he was wearing only a T-shirt and his boxers. That meant Yoongi had taken care of his clothes as well last night. That could only meant that Yoongi knew! Fuck! He remembered the kiss! The young man blushed and turned on the shower, trying to punish away the disturbing thoughts in his head.

When he was finally ready, he went to the kitchen area, where his roommate was prepared his breakfast and a cup of steaming coffee. “You are spoiling me!” Jimin mumbled and took the highchair on the kitchen bar.

“I’m saving myself from starving,” Yoongi chuckled from his place at the kitchen sink. He was leaning there, sipping of his coffee. “I have to visit my dad’s office today, so I’m going to be late… and probably not home for dinner. So, I’ve made you something to eat when you come back from practice.”

“You won’t be home?” Jimin put all of his effort not to pout. ”Then I should call Lia.” 

“Do that,” Yoongi shrugged and turned around, placing his empty cup on the kitchen sink area. “Good luck, Jiminie!” He said, patting the younger one’s shoulder on his way to the front door.

“Bye, hyung!” Jimin said over his shoulder and heard the front door slamming behind Yoongi’s back. A bad feeling bubbled inside his stomach, but he ignored it. It was good that his roommate didn’t want to talk of what had happened the last night. It was better in this way, because everything was a mistake.

When he looked his phone, Jimin was able to see that Hobi had texted him the address of his studio. The young man hurried on his way out of the apartment and carefully locked the door. He had to take the bus to the place, but he didn’t mind.

He arrived just on point. Hoseok was waiting for him outside, wearing his usual big smile on his face. Jimin couldn’t help but to smile back. The older one walked him inside the building and showed him the door of the director. They wanted him to dance on a random piece to watch him dance. Jimin didn’t mind. He was good with the free styling.

Two hours later he was the latest addition to Hobi’s dancing studio. The older one asked him out on a cup of coffee to celebrate it. Jimin agreed, basically because he knew he couldn’t call Yoongi and tell him the good news. When he and Hobi sat at the café, near the dance studio it started raining.

 “I knew you’re good for the job!” Hoseok grinned. “Yoongi-hyung has a good eye for talented people! He’ll become a good producer one day.”

“He vouched for me then?” Jimin chuckled. “I was right!”

Hoseok made a face. “You didn’t know that?”

“He said he wasn’t,” Jimin shook his head. “I didn’t believe him.”

“He’s always had a soft spot for you, Jimin-ssi!” Hoseok shrugged. “I was there when he told us he had a new roomie.”

“Oh?” Jimin took a sip of his latte. “I’ve never had such good friends before him. I mean, we can talk and talk… and I won’t get tired.”

“Yeah,” a sparkle of sadness washed over Hobi’s eyes, but disappeared just as quickly as it had showed there. “Yoongi has that effect on people.”

“Can you tell me more about the work time?” Jimin tried to change to subject.

It turned out that he succeeded just fine. He was about to work from eight in the morning to six in the evening. Hobi had assigned him three classes. Two of them were classical ballet and one of them was a modern one. Jimin was about to start on the next day.

Later that day, he decided to call his girlfriend and invite her over. Yoongi had warned him that he won’t be home until late, so the younger decided to take some advantage of the situation. So, he found himself, having a lovely dinner with his lovely girlfriend. She was so beautiful, Jimin thought, that he considered himself lucky.

“So they took you in right away?” Lia had laid back on him, while both of them were resting on the sofa.

Jimin nodded and planted a kiss over her bare shoulder. “I’m starting tomorrow.”

“This is why you called me?” She looked up into Jimin’s eyes and he smiled. “You wanted to celebrate?”

“Mhmm,” Jimin mumbled and leaned for a kiss. “I wanted to call you with the news.”

“That means we can think about our future plans!” Lia was excited and Jimin suppressed a frown. He definitely wasn’t ready to think about that.

His response was interrupted by the sound of a door opening and a woman’s giggle, followed by a kissing sound. Jimin froze on his spot. This couldn’t be happening.

“Yoongi-hyung!” Lia greeted the blond man cheerfully. “We didn’t know you’ll have company!”

Yoongi chuckled. “I didn’t either.”

Just then Jimin turned around to see his roommate. His new “piece of meat”, as Yoongi has called his conquests the night before, was a short blonde, hanging all over him. The couple looked slightly drunk and getting ready to do other stuff. Jimin knew the routine.

“This is…” Yoongi was about to present the girl, but Jimin interrupted him.

“It doesn’t matter, does it?” He scoffed and took Lia’s hand dragging her out of the sofa. He didn’t have to learn another name, soon to be forgotten later. “Let’s move to my room, babe!” Jimin leaned to kiss Lia’s neck and without any other word, he left the scene.

Sometimes he thought that he was only using Lia right now. And the reason was simple – the sex. She was able to satisfy his needs in every way possible. Especially that night, when he could hear the sounds coming from the Yoongi’s room. He wanted to become deaf and made sure that Lia’s voice was loud enough. It turned out to be a weird competition at one point.

If he had to admit, he had some weird kinks when it comes to the bed. One of them was that he liked to be fingered and Lia knew just how he liked it. He came for the last time early in the morning and lay back in his bed, listening to the silence in the apartment. A weird smile played on his lips. He had won. Lia was sleeping right beside of him and he didn’t feel the need to cuddle. It was just sex with her lately. Something had long gone and he was too afraid to admit that. Lia didn’t deserve him, but he was selfish enough to keep her close, just because he wanted to.

When he woke up in the next morning, the place beside of him was empty. Lia had left at some point in the morning, probably too late for work. Jimin yawned and stretched out, looking at the clock. He had enough time to take a shower and grab something for breakfast.

The apartment was quiet. Yoongi was probably still sleeping and Jimin was somehow thankful for that. He didn’t want to see him right now. He grabbed a piece of the cake that Yoongi had made two days before, and walked out of the apartment.

The day was long and filled with new impressions. He met new people at his work, one of them was still a student and the other one was teaching the kids. Taehyung was at his age and they got along pretty fast. He was from Yoongi’s hometown and had that left over dialect, Jimin found to be too cute for words.

The other one was his advanced modern ballet student Jungkook. He was a cute boy, looking like Jimin’s brother. But unlike Jihun, Jungkook was pretty talented. His bunny like smile and carefree persona were in contrast with his dedication of the dancing routines. Jimin liked him right away. It turned out that he was Taehyung roommate and they agreed to go out some time.

Jimin came back home to an empty apartment. If he had to be honest, he was relieved. His whole day was busy and tiring. He only needed a hot shower and a bed. The dinner could be skipped, he decided, because he wasn’t hungry. So, he did just as he had planned. After the shower, Jimin snuggled between the covers of his bed and fell asleep.

This was how his life fell into a new routine. He was at work, then back home, sex dates with his girlfriend and sometimes he was out and about with Tae and Kook. The both boys were such a nice company that Jimin found himself spending more and more of his time with them. He would meet Yoongi early in the morning, late at night or not at all. He felt as if he was drifting away from him, but strangely, that was the only thing he wanted right now.

The long conversations late at night were long forgotten, pushed away by the countless nights out with his new friends. The casual drink nights at the bar with Yoongi’s friends were replaced with his sex dates with Lia. Jimin stopped feeling regret at one point. He was still young and ready to have fun.

Then one night, Jungkook couldn’t go out, so Tae and Jimin went out alone. Tae introduced him to his company and took him to a new place, outside the city. He had asked him if he wants to feel something new and Jimin didn’t even hesitate. This was how Jimin had smoke weed for the first time. And he had liked it. Tae had told him that he would never bring Jungkook here, because the younger one was highly against that. Jimin totally loved it and that place became his and Tae’s secret. Park Jimin was happy with his life now and that was the only thing that mattered.

Chapter Text

 

 

Yoongi was missing Jimin. He had felt how the younger one was slowly moving away from him. He missed the long conversations they’ve had over night with a glass of wine in their hands. The distance between them only grew with the last few months. As the time was passing, they became almost like strangers in their own apartment. Their routine now was different. Jimin was coming back early, only able to take a quick shower and then go out again.

Yoongi could hear him coming back home late at night and sneaking into his room. He didn’t bother taking a shower until the early morning and then, Yoongi was still sleeping. When he used to wake up, Jimin was already out. He didn’t even bother to eat at home. Yoongi could tell that for sure, because his roommate simply wasn’t at home that much.

“I miss him,” he told Hobi one night, while they were out to their known place. Jin and Namjoon had just gone for their drinks.

“Who?” Hobi had to yell because of the music. “Jimin?”

“Yeah,” Yoongi nodded with a somber face. “I feel like he is moving away from me.”

Hobi blinked for a moment, not sure what to say. “Hyung, you know he has new friends, right? They are around his age and it’s only normal for him.”

“I know that,” Yoongi leaned back on the booth with closed eyes. “I just… miss him.”

The somber feeling almost ruined his night. He found himself making out with some dude at the bathrooms, but he couldn’t bring himself to enjoy it. His thoughts were jumping back to Jimin and his whereabouts. Jimin, his roommate, whom Yoongi missed that much. So, he excused himself and went back to his company.

“That was fast?” Jin looked shocked.

“Nothing happened,” Yoongi shrugged and took a sip of his whiskey. “I got bored.”

“Did you even talk with the guy, hyung?” Namjoon was staring at him.

“I wasn’t there for the talking, Joon-ah!” Yoongi scoffed.

“Um… sorry?” His dongsaeng put up his hands. “I didn’t want to-”

“He misses Jimin!” Hobi interrupted him drunkenly.

Two pair of eyes settled on Yoongi and he shifted on his place. “Thanks, Hoseok… thanks a lot!” He frowned.

“I never knew that you’re interested in the boy?” Jin rose up his brows.

“I’m not!” Yoongi shook his head. “He’s my roommate!”

“Oh?” Namjoon blinked. “I could swear I saw you two eating up your faces few weeks ago!”

“You made out with Jimin?” Hobi hiccupped and looked hurt.

“I was drunk,” Yoongi sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “He was drunk and things just… got out of control.”

“Oh?” Namjoon repeated himself. “But I saw how the boy was looking at you that night, hyung… He looked like…”

“It was a mistake!” Yoongi cut him off and got up from his place. “I have to go! I have to get up early in the morning!”

“Sure thing, hyung!” Namjoon grinned. “Good night!”

The other two repeated the words and Yoongi left after long goodbyes. When he finally stepped back into his apartment, he smelled a weird aroma in the air. The aroma led him to Jimin’s room. The door was half opened and he could see that the boy was already asleep. Yoongi tiptoed inside and sniffed the air. Then he froze. Jimin’s room smelled like weed. Jimin had started smoking weed.

“What happened to you, Jimin-ah?” The older one whispered, staring at the sleeping figure in the bed. His cover was kicked away on the floor and he was curled up. Yoongi sighed and went to take the warm material and wrap it around Jimin’s small frame. Then he froze again. Jimin was way too thin. He had lost a lot of weight.

Yoongi frowned and stepped back quietly. They had to talk. The void between them was getting too big. Something inside his chest clicked painfully, but Yoongi didn’t pay any attention to it. He felt sad, and on a verge of crying. It was as if he was losing something important in his life and he couldn’t do a thing to save it.

He reached to his bed just on time. Silent tears slid down over his face. This was the reason he was afraid of getting attached to someone. He ended up hurting himself. It didn’t matter that Jimin wasn’t his lover. It didn’t mind that Yoongi simply refused to let him into his heart. He was so careful not to do it. Jimin didn’t deserve this. He was too precious for this world and Yoongi didn’t want to ruin him. He didn’t want to be loved and to love back. Like he had told Jimin, he wasn’t made for love. Life was difficult enough to make it even more difficult.

Yoongi buried his face into the pillows and curled up in two under the covers. His hands fisted the sheets and he tried to breathe deeply. He had to make sure he was well enough to meet the morning. He had to meet the void between him and Jimin and find a way to cross it over. A void that had silently taken away their friendship. He wanted their friendship back. He wanted it back so badly, because if he could only have Jimin in that way, he was willing to do it.

He didn’t sleep that night. It was six in the morning when he found himself already awake and preparing something for breakfast. Yoongi knew that Jimin was about to wake up around seven. He had a late shift today, because one of his classes was on a break. Hobi was good enough to tell him this the night before.

Yoongi heard the shower was on just around seven and he sighed, turning on the coffee machine. Jimin liked his coffee hot and sweet. He was just like him, needed a lot of sugar in the morning.

“Oh, hyung?” Jimin walked in fully clothed into the kitchen area. “I thought you were sleeping.”

“I wanted to see you,” Yoongi shrugged and put a plate with breakfast in front of Jimin. “Eat!”

“Not hungry,” Jimin shook his head and looked at his watch.  He reached for the coffee though.

“You have time!” Yoongi’s voice went up a bit and Jimin threw a surprised look at him. “Please, I made this for you.” His voice softened. He saw the moment Jimin gave up and started eating. Yoongi sighed. “So… what’s up with you? We barely even talk lately.”

“I’m busy,” the younger one shrugged. “Lots of work and… I have new friends you know?”

Here’s that chest pain again. Yoongi frowned. “I know, but we used to talk, Jiminie. I miss that…”

Jimin shuddered a bit, but then chuckled. “I’m surprised that you have time to miss me these days.”

“What was that supposed to mean?” Yoongi clenched his fists.

“You are busy,” Jimin waved his fork, without looking at him. “I’m not complaining, hyung. People change, we do too.”

“Jimin-ah…” Yoongi trailed off, but Jimin was fast to get up and grab his bag.

“Have to go!” He hung the sports bag over his shoulder and smiled at his hyung. A smile that didn’t reach to his eyes. Yoongi saw it and his heart clenched. “Thanks for the breakfast… and for the talking. Bye, hyung!” He didn’t wait for a response and walked out of the apartment.

Yoongi just stood there, facing the void growing bigger between him and Jimin. He wanted to find something to fill it. He wanted to reach for Jimin again, but his hand was empty. His soul had to accept that something was missing. He had to accept Jimin’s words that people do change indeed. But he wasn’t ready to do that. Maybe Jimin was someone who was worth his efforts. Maybe it wasn’t too late for them to return to the start.

Yoongi covered his eyes and took a deep breath. He had tasted what it felt to be loved by Jimin once. Just once and since then, he wanted more. But he knew he couldn’t have it and made sure that his nights were filled with pleasure. He even thought that he would forget that kiss back in the club, just few months ago.

Now, Yoongi wanted more, but he wasn’t sure if it was too late for him. The void… the stupid void was trying to suffocate him. He wanted to quit! He wanted to leave so badly. He wanted to escape from Jimin and he had even tried. It was useless.  

If he couldn’t have him as something more, Yoongi wanted him as a friend. His best friend. And he wanted him back for good.

Two weeks later Yoongi wasn’t even near to reaching his goal. If anything, Jimin looked even more distanced than before. Just as he thought that things couldn’t get any worse, Lia called him one night sobbing.

“Yoongi-hyung? Something happened!” She was crying over the phone. “Jimin…”

“What?” Yoongi was fully awake.

“You have to come home, please! I can’t wake him up!” The girl was freaking out. “Please!”

Yoongi didn’t answer. He simply hung up the phone and was quick to put on his clothes. It was raining that night. Yoongi could barely see the lights of the cars coming at his direction. He didn’t care. He drove on his instincts. The only thought of his mind was Jimin.

When he finally reached Lia’s apartment, he banged on the door. The girl was fast to open and when she did, Yoongi just moved past her. His eyes narrowed looking around. He saw Jimin, lying on the sofa. His eyes were closed and his face was pale, but he was breathing. One of his hands was dangling over the sofa, his fingers touching the ground. Yoongi’s heart clenched again.

“What happened?” He asked on his way to his friend. “Lia? What happened?”

“He came here for dinner,” the girl was sobbing. “We were talking and he was explaining how-”

“Get to the fucking point!” Yoongi spun around to face her. His face was dark. “We’re losing time here! Tell me what the fuck happened?”

“I-i… we were just talking and he was… he was…” Lia kept babbling, obviously out of her mind and Yoongi did something he never thought he would do. He slapped the girl. She stepped back holding her face, but at least she stopped babbling.

“Snap out of it!” Yoongi snapped.

“What? Why?” She was still holding her face.

“Your babbling is neither helping me… nor Jimin! Start talking!” Yoongi finally knelt close to Jimin’s head and took the boy’s arm. His pulse was steady.

“He took something!” The girl was finally regaining her control. “He said he feels bad and that would lift up his mood.”

“Did you see what he took?” Yoongi frowned. “Was it in a bottle? Did he pull it out of his pocket?”

“It was a-a small pink… pill and there was a strange symbol over it,” Lia licked her lower lip. “Then he-he just fell asleep. I tried to wake him up, but-but I couldn’t!”

Yoongi took a deep breath.  “A drug then…” His look fell over Jimin’s pale face again. He looked so calm. “What are you doing, Jiminie?” He mumbled under his nose. “Why?”

Jimin woke up an hour later with a headache. Yoongi could tell by the look of his face. The boy was squinting his eyes when they happen to meet the light. “Hyung?” His voice was groggy, but surprised nevertheless. “What are you doing here?”

Yoongi clenched his teeth and turned off the lights. Only the street light was penetrating the room.  Then he returned back on his place, sitting at Jimin’s legs. The younger had put his folded arm over his eyes. “What the fuck are you doing Park Jimin?” His voice was harsh, but Yoongi couldn’t do it otherwise.

“Not of your business,” Jimin’s voice was distant again. “I’ve asked why are you here?”

“Your girlfriend called me!” Yoongi tried to suppress the anger in his voice. “She couldn’t wake you up, because of that shit you took!”

Jimin smirked. “It was good though.”

“The fuck is wrong with you?” Yoongi finally snapped.

“Where’s she?” Jimin sighed, finally uncovering his eyes. “Where is Lia?”

“Fast asleep!” Yoongi braced himself. “I promised her I’ll take care of you!”

“Good!” Jimin sat up and reached for his leather jacket. “Can you take me home then? I have a class early in the morning.”

Yoongi clenched his fists and took a deep breath. “Sure. Let’s go!” He got off the sofa abruptly. Jimin followed him.

They drove in silence. The rain was still heavy and Yoongi had to be careful. Instead, he was throwing hidden looks at the boy, sitting on his right. Jimin was facing the window. He was deep in thought apparently, drawing small figures over the glass. Something was off and it was like that since the night they had kissed. Yoongi wasn’t a fool. He might’ve been slow, but now he could pinpoint the moment where Jimin started drifting away from him.

He turned his look back on the road and his fingers clenched around the cold leather of the steering wheel. The rain was pouring like Hell.

 

Chapter Text

The last few months felt like bliss. Jimin was close to be happy with his life. He never felt how everything was slipping between his fingers. He was having fun, going out and make himself give in to the pleasure. He never felt how the void between him and Yoongi grew bigger with every passing day. It felt easier with every passing night though. He didn’t have to see him. He didn’t have to feel broken every time he was able to see him with another toy. Therefore he kept runing away from him, away from his feelings for him. Yoongi wasn't going to be something more than a good friend. Maybe Jimin didn't even wanted him as a friend. Maybe only a simple roommate he didn't have to see that often. 

Jimin was happy though, because his newfound freedom didn’t let him think of Yoongi. His unrequinted feelings weren’t as messed up as before. He knew what he wanted in this life and didn’t think for the day beyond tomorrow. He was good with Lia, making visits from time to time. But mostly, he spent his nights with Tae and Kook. They were going out and had fun. When Kookie wasn’t available, Tae would take him to their place and introduce him to a new source of pleasure and oh, Jimin was so eager to try something new every time. It was better than the sex actually. It made him feel so high and light and so far away from his problems. He didn’t feel the fall. Not even the slip, but weirdly he didn’t care after awhile. The only thing that mattered was the next free night and the pill that would give him the world.

That night he had slipped again. Tae had given him a new one. He insisted that it was better than the other ones. So, Jimin had decided to try it out. His friend was right of course. The side effect was that the pill put him to sleep. He liked that dream though. It was filled with Yoongi and his intoxicating presence. It felt so wrong and sinful, but Jimin couldn’t let go of it. He wanted to touch Yoongi, wanted to kiss him again. He wanted to feel what it feels like to be loved by Yoongi. But that was only a dream. Yoongi would never love him like this. Jimin knew that as he knew that the sun would rise the next morning.

The boy wanted to hide. He wanted to dig a hole and stay there until his sinful feelings were long gone. He wanted them away, because it was wrong… right? He was a normal guy, right? He shouldn’t feel this way! It wasn’t right. It wasn’t and at the same time he was longing for Yoongi. He wanted him so bad that it hurt him. That was why he was taking every drug he could use. He wanted the escape.

The pill was good, but not when you had to wake up to your nightmare. That same nightmare was staring at him with his cat-like eyes, trying to reach his soul. Jimin wanted to stay away so bad. That’s why he ignored the itching pain in his chest and buried his feeling deep into his mind. He ignored Yoongi’s questions and every sign of worry over his face. It was better this way.

“We have to talk!” Yoongi insisted when they finally got back home. Jimin paused on his tracks.

“We don’t have to talk about anything, hyung!” The younger one sighed. “Just go to sleep. I’m sorry you had to drive in this weather.”

“Shut the fuck up! I’m sick of it!” Yoongi rose his voice up. “Why are you doing this to yourself?”

Jimin turned around. Slowly. “It is not of your business, hyung! With all due respect, but I really-”

“You made it my business!” Yoongi snapped, running his hand through his messy hair. “And I’m not keeping it quiet! Not when you’re ruing your life like this!”

Jimin clenched his fists. “It’s my life and I can do whatever I want to!”

“Why?” Yoongi dashed to him and grabbed his shoulders, shaking him roughly. “Just tell me… why?”

“Because I want to have more fun,” Jimin’s eyes were distant and he was doing his best to stay that way. He couldn’t crack now. He couldn’t fall again. He had to stay strong. “Now please, let me go!”

“No!” Yoongi shook his head. His grip on Jimin’s shoulders tightened. “Not letting you go like this. We’re going to stay here and talk until you tell me what the reason is for all this!”

“Hyung!” Jimin hissed and tried to pull off, but Yoongi was stronger.

“Tell me!”

“No!”

“Tell me!”

“No!”

“Jimin!” Yoongi was shaking him again and Jimin felt the first crack in his wall. “Tell me!”

“No!” But this time Jimin’s voice was filled with tears.

“Please?” Yoongi’s voice softened, but his grip was still firm. “Jiminie…”

“Don’t!” Finally Jimin cracked and his walls fell apart. “Don’t call me like that… as if my name means something to you!”

“What?” Yoongi blinked.

“We’re friends, right?” Jimin’s head hung between his shoulders. He looked so broken… and he felt just like that. “The bestest of friends… and this is going to stay… best friends.”

Jiminie…”

“I told you to stop!” Jimin gasped.

“Why?” Yoongi tilted his head so he could try and look at Jimin’s eyes, but the younger was still hanging his head between his shoulders. “I always call you like that. What’s the difference now?”

“You! You are the reason! Your-your voice… sounds like you actually care about me!” Jimin shook his head. “I need you to stop doing this and let me move on, okay?”

“What?” Yoongi suddenly released him and Jimin stepped back. “You don’t want to be friends anymore?”

“No… I… I have to patch myself up, before I can do anything, but… ” Jimin stopped abruptly and looked up just to see Yoongi’s confused expression. How dare he? “Fuck you, Yoongi!” He suddenly spat the words. “How did you mess me up that bad? Huh?” Jimin suddenly punched his friend in his chest. Yoongi barely moved. “Why? Tell me why you’re so easy to be loved? Damn you! Damn you!” Jimin kept punching him until Yoongi finally wrapped his arms around the fragile body and dragged him on the floor with himself. Jimin finally calmed down and only his sobs echoed in the room.

Yoongi didn’t say a word. He was holding his friend tightly, like his dear life. Jimin had fisted his shirt and sobbed like a little child. He was falling apart now and he could feel how every piece of his own self was hitting the floor painfully.

Yoongi finally spoke. “The kiss, right?” His chin was resting on the top of Jimin’s head. The younger one was still crying. “You remember everything… and so do I. I’m sorry, Jimin!” He started swaying the younger’s body calmingly. “It’s my fault! I’m so, so sorry!” His words meant to comfort Jimin only made him cry even more. “I’m sorry! I… really am… I… I didn’t mean it to happen… I should’ve stopped you! I’m so sorry, Jiminie!”

Jimin couldn’t utter a word this time. He didn’t tell him to stop. He didn’t have the strength to do it. He just wanted to sit there, pouring his heart out, just as the rain was pouring outside. It hurt. It hurt so much that he wanted to escape again. He wanted to feel as numb as only his drug was making him feel the past few months. That was the only thing helping him not to let go of this fucking life. What he felt was wrong and hurt so much, but he still wanted it. He still wanted Yoongi and not as a friend anymore. Something had happened along the way. His eyes were set on his friend so many times before. Then he suddenly had caught himself wanting to be close to him. Their late conversations were something precious. But they started hurting him. Every night he felt closer and still impossibly away from Yoongi.

Even now, Jimin could hear the other’s heartbeat. His head was resting on Yoongi’s chest. Yoongi was hugging him. Something more, he was holding him tight, but Jimin felt so far away. He wanted something that Yoongi couldn’t give it to him. He wanted Yoongi's heart, but at the same time he was blaming himself for wanting it so bad. Jimin shouldn't feel in that way. He shouldn't want to be loved from his best friend, like the lovers do. He shouldn't think of how Yoongi's lips would feel over his own one more time. He shouldn't snuggle in him like the dear life. JImin was wrong. He was a sinner and he knew it, but he couldn't help himself. Still, he wanted Yoongi's heart for himself. But how could a man without a heart could love like that? How could someone like Yoongi would love someone like Jimin? Jimin was nothing special, just an ordinary guy, or so he had thought so... not so long ago.

“You should let me go now,” Jimin finally whispered, brushing his face over Yoongi’s T-shirt. “I’ll get better, I promise! I just need some time.” He was really trying to believe to his own words.

“I should, yeah…” Yoongi trailed off, but he didn’t let go. If anything, his arms around Jimin tightened.

Jimin took a deep breath. “Hyung?”

“I know, I should do it… I know.” Yoongi repeated himself. “But why I have the feeling that I’m going to lose you if I do that?” Was it only JImin's imagination, but his hyung's voice trembled. He simply shook his head. His chest tightened again.

Jimin bit the inside of his cheek in attempt to stop his sob. “I’ll be right here hyung… and everything will be okay. You don’t have to worry about me.” He tryed to calm Yoongi, but apparently it didn'yt work.

Yoongi shook his head. “You don’t get it, Jimin! You don’t get it at all… in the last few months I was here. I was here and you weren’t. You just kept slipping through my fingers and I couldn't catch you. It doesn’t matter how hard I try. It doesn’t matter how long I try… you are just… slipping away from me.”

“Hyung…” Jimin suppressed another sob. Why it had to hurt so bad!

“You don’t get it!” Yoongi’s voice lowered to a whisper. “There’s this void now planted between us and I… I want to reach you, but if I make another step… if I just do it… I’m going to fall there. But… but I want to be there, I want to save you!”

“I don’t need saving, Yoongi-hyung!” Jimin tried to stabilize his voice. “I’m good, I swear. I just need something to put me back on the right track.”

“What? Drugs? Sex? I know you think that something is wrong with you, but Jimin-”

“Stop!” Jimin lifted up his head to finally meet Yoongi’s gaze. “I’m doing it because that’s the only way, hyung! I'm trying really hard to forget you!”   

“You really don’t get it…” Yoongi whispered and his head tilted to a side. “Your life is too precious to give it up that stupidly!”

Jimin blinked few times then his tongue slid between his lips for a moment. “I’m not giving up… I’m trying to live.”

Yoongi’s eyes were so focused now. His gaze was so intense that Jimin’s mouth went dry. He didn’t feel how Yoongi slid his fingers over his chin. His eyes were so focused over Jimin’s lips and the next thing he felt was how Yoongi’s thumb slowly slid over his lower lip. Jimin’s breathing became erratic and he bit the edge of his lip, careful not to touch Yoongi’s thumb. The younger’s eyes finally closed with a heavy sigh and his head was tilted aback. He felt another breath hitting his lips gently. A soft hand touching his face features. Then another pair of lips was lying on top of his ones, a soft tongue sliding over them, waiting for entrance. Then the same soft lips planting a feathery kisses, making sure everything was alright.

Jimin finaly gave up. His lips parted in the moment Yoongi’s tongue touched them again. His hand was at the nape of his neck now, gently massaging his scalp. Jimin never felt like this… never before. He met Yoongi’s tongue with his own, trying to savor the feeling of being loved like that. Now Yoongi was holding his face with both of his hands. Jimin was free to run, but he didn’t want to. He felt like a butterfly pulled to the light. She knew she was going to burn, but she couldn’t stop. Jimin was the same. His hands wrapped around Yoongi’s neck, pulling him closer. If that was the last thing he could get from him, then so be it. If that meant that his suffering will grow bigger after this, the Jimin was going to take it. It was better this way. He knew he couldn’t get anything more from Yoongi. But he couldn’t quit either.

Yoongi was his drug now. Jimin knew he was going to destroy him, but it didn’t matter anymore. Yes, he was like the damn stupid butterfly and he got burned again.

Chapter Text

The days after that night followed as if nothing had happened. Jimin knew that and Yoongi knew that as well. But something had changed. Yoongi never got to see Jimin again for the next few weeks. Yes, they were still roommates, but Jimin was either out or sleeping. Yoongi fell into his old habits of going out and random fucking. It didn’t feel the same though. It felt as if he was cheating.

“I hope you use protection at least!” Namjoon had scolded him one evening. Yoongi was just back from the club’s bathroom. He had taken his seat back and downed his whiskey.

“Of course I do!” Yoongi scoffed. “I might be horny, but I’m not stupid!”

“You don’t look horny though, hyung!” Namjoon stared at him knowingly. “You look like you want to prove something to yourself.”

Yoongi bit his lower lip angrily and raised his hand up to order another whiskey. “I’m doing whatever I want, Joon!”

Jin sighed and leaned back on his seat. He wasn’t impressed by the younger’s angry behavior. “I think you act destructively, Yoongi! This is not good for you!”

“How do you know what is good for me, huh?” Yoongi snapped.

“You just look different, hyung,” Hobi added quietly. “As if something or… rather someone hurt your heart!”

“I don’t even have a heart, you moron! Have you fucking forgotten about this? Huh?” Yoongi hissed, not paying attention of the pain into Hobi’s eyes. 

“Yoongi!” Jin scoffed. Out of all of them, he was probably the only one immune to Yoongi’s moods. “Get a grip of yourself, kid!”

“Sorry!” Yoongi snapped and leaned back on his seat, thankful to the full glass of whiskey in his hand. “My bad! I just had a terrible week.”

“No problem,” Hobi tried to smile. “We all have it sometimes. Have you seen Jimin lately?”

Yoongi trembled barely noticeable with that name. “He’s my roommate. What do you mean?”

“That boy is overworking himself lately,” Hobi shrugged. “I know we have an important concert by the end of this month, but he’s beyond insane.”

“Why?” Jin asked, but his look fell on Yoongi. The younger’s attention was on Hobi now.

“He comes before his dancers and goes long after we’re gone.” Hobi shrugged. “I swear! The other day he almost passed out from exhaustion. I barely see him eat something and every time I ask him out for lunch, he always says that he was already full. But when? I never see him eating!”

“Huh,” Yoongi simply said, closing in himself.

“The only people able to talk to him right now are Tae and Kook!” Hobi continued. “You know Tae, hyungs?” He looked at Jin and Namjoon. “You met him once or twice.”

“The boy with the boxy smile?” Namjoon nodded. “He’s constantly changing his hair color. What is it now?”

“Red!” Hobi grimaced. “Whatever… he and Jimin are close. As in secrets whispering and stuff.”

Yoongi’s interest was full on again. “Close? Define close!” A sudden pang of jealousy touched his chest.

“They were going out almost every night and I know that only because Jungkook, that good kid, worries too much about them.” Hobi shrugged. "I don't know if they are fucking each other or anything."

“Jungkook?” Jin’s head tilted again and he looked at Yoongi’s direction. Yoongi had gritted his teeth. Something was really off with him. “You’ve never mentioned him before. Who’s he?”

“He’s one of mine and Jimin’s best students!” Hobi smiled proudly. “The boy is really talented in everything he does. He’s majoring singing… last year at the University. He’s in Jimin’s modern ballet class and in my hip-hop and r’n’b one.”

“Hmm really?” Yoongi made a mental note, trying NOT to think about Tae and Jimin. “An idol material you think?”

“Definitely!” Hobi agrees. “Kook has a great future and the best thing is that he’s so nice and grounded. He’s maintaining his diet well, works out and has excellent degrees at the University.”

“Maybe I should put a word to my dad about him?” Yoongi made another mental note. “If he’s that good, it would be a shame if his talent got wasted!”

“Really? Thank you, hyung!” Hobi grinned. “He won’t disappoint you!”

“So you were saying about Tae and Jimin…” Jin waved his hand.

“Ah yes!” Hobi coughed. “Most of the nights Kook is at home, managing his study and his health… but Tae and Jimin aren’t. The go out without him and he’s worried that they were going to some bad places.”

“What places?” Yoongi frowned, although he already had some idea.

“Like… bad places!” Hobi shrugged. “Tae and Kook-ah are close friends, but the younger pulled back slightly, when Tae went over board and took him to a weed place. Kook-ah didn’t like it and that place wasn’t mentioned again… up until Jimin showed up.”

“Huh,” Yoongi gritted his teeth again. He didn't even knew who that Tae was, but he could feel a strong hate towards the guy.

“Yeah,” Hobi shrugged. “I’m just worried for the boy. He looks so fragile.”

Hobi didn’t know how close he was to the truth. Yoongi was the only one knowing the painful truth. He knew everything, but he made it even worse and now he didn’t know what to do to fix it. He couldn’t lie to Jimin. He couldn’t tell him that he meant nothing to him, because that would be a lie. He couldn’t tell him that he loved him, because that could be a lie as well… right? He didn’t have a heart. He didn’t care about people. They were just meat to him, as his own mother had told him once. He was unable to love, she had told him. Nobody could love him. Nobody could give their heart to him, because Yoongi couldn’t love.

“Hyung?” Joon shook his shoulder. “Are you okay? We’re ready to go.”

“Hm?” Yoongi looked at his old friend. “Yeah, yeah… let’s go.”

It was raining again, but this time Yoongi was thankful that he didn’t have to drive. The taxi was a great option for him. But he hadn’t gotten his umbrella, so… he was about to get soaked on the way to his building. When he finally reached the entrance, his clothes were drenched. He didn’t pay attention though. A nice and hot shower would fix all this.

The guard smiled him from the desk at the foyer and Yoongi nodded politely. He got into the elevator and waited until a soft sound announced that he was on the last floor. He got out in a hurry, already feeling the cold. His teeth were chattering and he tried to unlock the door in the fastest way possible. The first thing he noticed was that Jimin was at home. He could see his shoes; nicely put right next to the door.

Then he could see a glimmer of light coming from the half open door of the bathroom. Yoongi frowned, forgetting his drenched clothes. He tiptoed to the bathroom and heard Jimin’s gagging noises and then the flush of the water. Yoongi waited for awhile, but Jimin didn’t come out. He walked in and stopped.

The younger one was sitting right next to the toilet, head leaning on the cold wall. He was breathing heavily and his body trembled. “What have you taken this time?” Yoongi’s voice was hoarse.   

“Just a piece of weed!” Jimin giggled weirdly. “The shit didn’t stand a chance with my stomach apparently!”

“And before that?” Yoongi leaned to touch Jimin’s forehead with his palm. It was clammy, not burning. That was good at least.

“A few shots of whiskey!” Jimin finally snapped his eyes open. His pupils were dilated and Yoongi cursed under his nose.  “What? How bad I am… mommy?” He giggled.

“I’m not your mother!” Yoongi scoffed and tried to pull Jimin’s body up. He was so light that frightened him.

“Nope, you’re not!” The younger giggled again. “You are my sunshine!” He sang drunkenly.

“Stop it!” Yoongi shushed him, walking them both to Jimin’s room.

“Fine then! Oops!” Jimin yelped when Yoongi dropped him off on his bed. “You are the moon to my sunshine!” He grinned again and pointed at himself. “I’m the sunshine, right? So… I’m the Sun and you are my Moon… soooo far away from each other. They are always chasing after one another. Over and over again... and over and over again... ” He laughed. “Funny, huh?”

“No!” Yoongi snapped and opened Jimin’s wardrobe. “You have to change before bed!”

“No fun at all!” Jimin pouted his lips instead.

“You have to sleep, Jimine…”

“The same word… same voice… I told you to stop! You-you bad boy!” He tried to point at Yoongi, but failed. "Tae also thinks the same!" He sighed.

Yoongi gritted his teeth. “I think I’ll have a word with this… Taehyung guy!”

“Tae is a good friend!” Jimin grinned again. “He understands me…” He nods.

“Yeah- yeah…” Yoongi managed to pull off Jimin’s blouse. Then he reached out for his pajama T-shirt. That was a difficult task, but Yoongi managed to work it out. “Good! Now your pants!”

“It’s wrong!” The younger one laughed. “You know? You don’t have to undress me!”

“Jimin, please… work with me here, yes?” Yoongi sighed and the boy surprisingly gave up. He let his hyung dress him up with his pajama pants and put him to bed. 

“Nighty… my moon!” The younger yawned and was asleep as fast as the light.

Yoongi shook his head and went to take a shower himself.

Later that week he got invited by Hoseok to see Jungkook in action. Yoongi had indeed talked with his father about him. His father had listened to him and asked him if he wanted to be the one to take care of Jungkook’s case. He was going to be his first protégé. Yoongi had agreed right away. He was a bit nervous, but his father had put his trust on him and Yoongi was willing to do his best.

When he had arrived at the studio, Hoseok was the one to welcome him. He was smiling as per usual. “Yoongi-hyung!” He waved at him and Yoongi smiled. “I was so happy when you called!” The boy needed so little of his attention to feel happy. Sometimes Yoongi felt guilty about him. 

“Did you talk with Jungkook about this?” Yoongi asked his friend and he shook his head.

“No, I wanted you to be the one,” Hobi grinned. “I swear! The kid will be so happy!”

“I hope so!” The elder shrugged. “Let’s go and see him dance.”

“Sure,” Hoseok nodded. “He is at Jimin’s class right now. Let’s go!”

Yoongi simply followed his friend to one of the rooms on the first floors. There was a nice music coming from the inside. The first thing he saw when he walked in was Jimin. He was standing in front of the mirrors. His eyes were closed and his body moved graciously around. His movements were so clean and filled with softness. The music was simply one with him. The sight was mesmerising.

“Did you see, guys?” Jimin asked, his back still facing the door. “Here is when you have to move your right arm up,” he showed the movie by reaching his right arm above his head and curved it nicely. “Then move it in a circular move in front of your face, without breaking the frame. Got it, Jungkook?” Jimin turned on his left to a nicely built raven haired boy.

“Yes, hyung!” Jungkook nodded and jumped up. “Like this?” He showed the move and Jimin nodded with agreement. “And how about I move my head like that along with the move?” He showed it and Jimin frowned a bit.

“I don’t know,” he bit his lower lip. “Let’s try with the music, shall we?” Then he turned around and his eyes met Yoongi. “I didn’t know we’d have guests today?” He looked at Hoseok.

“Yoongi is here to see Jungkook,” Hobi grinned and Jimin frowned with just no reason.

“Me?” The tall boy turned around.

“Yes,” Hobi called him with his hand and Jungkook walked to them. “I told you I have a surprise for you, Kook-ah.” He smiled. “This is Min Yoongi. He’s working at Min Productions.”

“I’m Jeon Jungkook!” The boy bowed 90 degrees. Yoongi was impressed. “Nice to meet you, mister Min!”

“You can call me hyung!” Yoongi smiled. “I came here to tell you that we are interested in your future, Jungkook. We want to help you if you want us.”

“Me?” Kookie’s eyes grew big. “My future?”

Yoongi chuckled. “Yes. My friend here,” he patted Hoseok’s shoulder. “He spoke a lot about your talents, your good grades and your wish to become and idol.”

“Hyung?” Kookie turned to look at Hobi and he nodded with a smile. “Really? Is this real?”

“It’s very much real!” Yoongi chuckled again. Something in this boy reminded him of his little brother. Maybe it was because of his round face and the bunny like smile, but he decided that he was going to put all of his efforts to help him. “So… what do you say? I’m not going to lie to you. It’s going to be a long process, but if you are as good as Hobi is telling me, you and I could work good together!”

“Yes!” Kookie jumped up in joy and clapped his hands. “I mean, yes… yes of course!”

“Good!” Yoongi nodded. “Now I’ll let you back to your dance class before your teacher gets too angry!”

Jungkook chuckled and ran back to Jimin. Jimin’s face was blank. “In position now!” He snapped and the dancers took their positions. “And five-six-seven-eight!” He played the music.

Hoseok stayed in the room and watched the rehearsal. For some reason, Jimin had given all the difficult moves to Jungkook. The boy was dealing with them effortlessly. Yoongi was impressed and he whispered that to his friend. Then he got the “I told you so” look from him and grinned.

When the rehearsal was over, Jimin’s face was still dark. Yoongi frowned and walked to him without even thinking of what he was doing. “Hey?” He called and Jimin looked at him. “See you home for dinner?”

“No,” Jimin shook his head. “Tae and I are going to be out! Maybe I will sleep at his place. See you tomorrow, hyung!”

Jimin was fast to walk out the door and Yoongi was left with another bad feeling in his chest. “Hobi?” He called his friend. “Is Taehyung here? I’d like a word with him!”

Chapter Text

 

"No matter where you go, you'll never have control
No one makes it out alive, no one makes it out alive
In paradise"

The neibourhood - Paradise

 


 

Taehyung was there and by the end of one of his worst shifts ever. The kids were getting on his nerves and he was longing for that night of freedom. Kookie was staying at home, so that left him with Jimin. It was even better. He felt free to be himself with the boy. Jimin had even promised him that he could spend the night at his place. So they could be on time for work on the next morning.

“Kim Taehyung!” Hobi’s voice made him frown and he turned around. “I’d like you to meet someone.”

The voice of his friend sounded serious and Tae cursed under his nose. Right next to Hoseok, there was a nice looking guy. His hair was bleached white and his face was pale. His cat-like eyes were narrowed and intimidating. Tae didn’t like him and he didn’t even know him.

“This is Min Yoongi!” Hoseok nodded at the man beside of him and Tae blinked few times.

“You are Chim’s roommate?” Tae rose up his eyebrows.

“Chim?” The other one spat the word. Now Tae was sure the disliking was mutual.

“That’s how I call him!” The younger grinned, showing his boxy smile. “We think it’s cute.”

Hoseok sighed and shared a look with Yoongi. Then he just left the scene. There was no need Tae and Yoongi to be polite to each other anymore.

“What are you doing with Jimin?” Yoongi was straight forward and Tae clicked with his tongue. Did he catch a pang of jealousy here?

“Whatever makes him happy?” He shrugged being as vague as possible. 

“I’m not sure what that means, because I’ve never seen him in such bad shape before!” Now Yoongi’s whole posture was intimidating. “Look, kid! I don’t know you and I’m not sure what you’re doing with your life! Frankly, I don’t care! But I won’t let you drag Jimin down with you!”

“The fuck you’re saying?” Tae hissed. “I’ve never forced him to come with me!”

“You didn’t stop him either!” The elder rolled his eyes. “Just stop before it’s too late! I’m warning you!”

“Or what, huh?” The younger one challenged him. “What are you going to do to me?”

“Don’t test me, kid!” Yoongi scoffed. “You don’t know me!”

“So do you!”

“Fine!” Yoongi frowned. “But I’m telling you – you mess with my best friend… I’ll make sure you go down! Got it?”

He didn’t wait for a response. He simply turned around and left. Tae just stood there, staring at the empty space. So that was Min Yoongi. That was Jimin’s weakness. The man certanly had an appealing, but yet cold aura. Still, Tae couldn't get how Jimin could get so worked up over him. Taehyung just shook his head and went to take a shower before leaving.

They went to the weed palace, as Jimin had named it. The place wasn’t that crowded and they were able to pay for a booth. The room was filled with heavy smoke and quiet laughter. It was pretty relaxing and Tae couldn’t think of anything wrong with that.

“How are you, Chim?” He asked his friend, who was lying back on the wall, enjoying his second joint. “You are a bit too quiet tonight. Is there something bothering you?”

Jimin sighed and his eyes opened. “He was at my job today.” He inhaled the smoke deeply and then pushed it away. A light cough echoed in his chest.

“As in Min Yoongi?” Tae mirrored Jimin’s actions. “I saw him too.”

Jimin smiled, but Tae knew the smile was fake. “He’s probably in hunt for a new meat.” He tried to finish his joint, but it wasn’t possible in one go. So he coughed, trying to take a deep breath. Eventually the coughing stopped and he was able to breathe again. “I’m actually surprised he went for Kookie.”

Tae frowned. “Kookie? You know he’s not into guys! I’ve tried my luck, sadly it didn’t work.” He was proud that he could hide the bitterness in his voice. If only...

Jimin tried one of his fake smiles again. “So what? I wasn’t into guys either!”

“You still aren’t!” The joint was apparently hitting his brain already, because Tae chuckled. “Why do you think you are?”

“You know!” Jimin got irritated, probably because of the same reason. “Why I have to repeat myself? You know I hate it!”

“You’re not into any other guy, per se!” Tae tried to explain through his unexpected giggling. “Only him! I mean we've tried it, but didn't work, remember?” He hummed. "You even threw up, Chim-ah... so I think your Yoongi is the only exception."

“The fuck!” Jimin scoffed angrily. “Don’t mess with me again! I thought we’re friends!”

“The best friends ever!” Tae stated, but Jimin was shaking his head.

“Nah-nah, the best friend spot is taken for me!” He finally finished his joint and coughed again. “I have Yoongi!”

“You are breaking my heart, dude!” Tae grabbed his chest and Jimin giggled.

“You knew that, TaeTae! Besides, you have Kook-ah...” Jimin sang and his friend giggled even louder. “We should leave that shit!”

Tae sighed and got up carefully, swaying from side to side. “You’re so right, Chim! Let’s be responsible and go home.”

“Yeah, let’s!” Jimin followed his friend’s example and got up slowly. 

They called a cab to Tae’s place. When they went there, Jimin just planted himself on the sofa and started snoring right away. Tae frowned for a moment, but he left him there. His friend was obviously very much wasted. The stuff they smoked that night was good. It didn’t leave the bad taste in your mouth. It was nice and clean.

Tae yawned and went to his own room. He was fast asleep soon after. When he woke up on the next morning Jimin was gone. He had left a note that he was going home to change and they would see each other at work. Tae sighed and took a shower. He didn’t bother to eat, because he wasn’t that much into the breakfast.

When he got to work, Jimin was running late. Kook was there however and Tae smiled. Kookie was his weakness, just as Yoongi was Jimin's one, although he would never admit that to anybody. “Hey, Kook-ah!” He waved at the boy, sitting not so far away at the café. “Why are you here so early?”

Kookie grinned. “I’m about to sign a contract with Min Productions! Can you believe, Tae? My dream is finally coming true! I called my parents yesterday! They are so happy!”

“So that’s why Min Yoongi was here yesterday?” Tae tapped his chin and sat at the opposite side of Kook.

Kookie nodded. “Yes! Hobi-hyung talked about me and Yoongi-hyung decided to take the risk with me! I have to graduate first of course, but I’ll have a job ready for me when I’m done. My trainee days will start as soon as I graduate! Can you believe that?” Kookie repeated himself.

“I’m so happy for you, Kook-ah!” Tae forced a smile. At least someone else’s dream was about to come true.

“I wanted to celebrate last night, but you and Chim left!” Kookie was still grinning happily.

Tae coughed and took a sip of his coffee. “Yeah, we had other plans.”

Kookie’s smile went away just as fast. “I got it, okay.” He got up and took his sport’s bag. “See you around!” He nodded and left.

“Kook-ah… did I lose you already?” Tae sighed with sad eyes, but let him leave. He knew Jungkook’s opinion about the places he liked to visit. Tae couldn’t help but to miss the time they were closer. Just as Jimin had Yoongi, Tae had Kookie once.

Tae and Kookie were close since the High School. They both were transferred students. Tae was originally from Daegu and Kookie was from Busan. Taehyung’s parents had sent him to live with his aunt and uncle in Seoul. They hoped that he could receive better chances in life in that way. Kookie’s parents were poor and they moved to Seoul for better chance to find good jobs.

Unlike Kookie, Tae was a problematic child since the very beginning. He was always in the bad companies and with lower grades. His aunt, who loved him as his own son, tried to put some sense into his life. She tried to help him find his dream, but Tae was really confused. He wasn’t good in just about everything, but he loved to sing and dance. When he had approached with this news to his parents, he had received a strict no. The uncertainty of the musical business was well aware for everybody.

So Tae had simply given up. He had found no point of trying to do something; he knew he would never do. That was around the same time he had stopped dreaming and started working. Finding this job was thanks to his friend Hoseok. He knew Tae from the clubs they used to gather together. Hoseok was a year older than him, but apparently had seen something the others didn’t. He also tried to help Tae… until he had also given up. Tae simply wanted to live a day by day and not thinking about tomorrow.

Jungkook was the golden kid. His family adored him and helped him with everything. He was repaying them by studying hard and getting good grades. His music teacher had approached them with the words that Kookie had a very beautiful voice, angelic she had said. Kookie’s parents were so happy that helped their son to be accepted to the University. Now he was last year majoring singing and dancing.

Kookie had everything he wanted. He was also working harder than anybody Tae knew. He was careful with his diet and allowed himself to drink only once in awhile. There was time Tae wondered what the golden boy had found in him. Jungkook was the closest to a best friend, Tae ever had. The boys used to get along. They would leave school together to just hang out. Sometimes Jungkook was able to even make Tae study for his exams. But that was a rare occasion.

When they grew up and it turned out they were at the same University, their friendship grew bigger. Kookie was the only one who supported him when Tae came out as bi. Everybody else was quick to judge him. But not Kookie. Never his Kookie. But then… one night Tae went out with some of his colleagues from the University. They showed him places that he liked. They taught him how to smoke weed and the best places to buy a good pill. Tae had made the mistake to share with Kookie. He had tried to take him to these places, but Jungkook didn’t agree.

He had stated his opinion of how badly Tae looked at his life. Then he had decided to step back. It wasn’t right away, but in time the void between them grew bigger. Tae knew what he was doing was a mistake, but he couldn’t quit. His life wasn’t as good as Kookie one was. He wasn’t so lucky to have such parents. He wasn’t so lucky to even have a dream.

But he missed his best friend. He missed his Kookie.

Chapter Text

"I wonder how I got by this week
I only touched you once, uh
Lately I can't find a beat
I used to feel the rush."

The neighborhood - Void


 

 

 

 

Jimin arrived back home early in the morning. He was half expecting that Yoongi was still asleep. He wasn’t surprised when he saw him, sitting in the living room, staring at his phone. His white hair was messy, because he had probably taken a shower. His attire was the usual black ripped jeans and a black shirt with a V-neck.

“Look what the cat dragged in the morning,” he didn’t even look at Jimin, but the younger frowned.

“I’m busy!” Jimin snapped and started walking to his room. “I have to take a shower and go to work.”

“You’re not going today!” Yoongi simply stated and Jimin stopped. “I just called Hobi!”

“Tell me you did not just do that!” Jimin was furious. “What now, you can control my life?”

Yoongi had the decency to snort when Jimin turned around and stared at him. “When you don’t care about it yourself…”

“I hate you!” Jimin clenched his fists. “Stop messing with my head! Did you hear me, hyung?”

Yoongi didn’t say a thing. He simply got up and threw his phone onto the sofa. When he looked at Jimin his face was dark. He pushed his tongue inside his cheek and the younger stirred. Yoongi was angry. “It would be so much easier for you if you hated me!” He said quietly, putting a lot of venom into his voice. “But you don’t… do you?”

Jimin gasped and took a step back. “Okay now…. That was a low blow even from you!”

“It hurts, hm?” Yoongi took a step forward and Jimin a step back. “Maybe I’m trying to make you hate me! Don’t you want that, kid? To be free of me? Is that what you’re doing every night?”

“Fuck you!” Jimin clenched his fists. As if Yoongi had read his mind.

“Why are you so angry?” Yoongi did another step and Jimin another step back. It was like dancing. “Because I’m telling the truth?”

“What I am doing with my life is not of your business!” Jimin licked his lips. What he needed now was a joint and a good one. “I decide how to live it, right?”

Yoongi hummed and moved forward again. Just then Jimin realized that his back was hitting the wall. He gulped painfully. His hands slid helplessly over the both sides of his body. They were shaking. Yoongi finally moved to stand in front of him. His hand reached and rested on the wall on Jimin’s left side. His head tilted to the side and the younger’s mouth went dry. Damn it!

“What do you want? Hm?” Yoongi leaned closer. “What would take for you to stop poisoning yourself? Tell me Jimin!”

Jimin felt like a caged animal. His limbs were feeling like they were paralyzed. His breathing became erratic. Yoongi was never like this before. Never like this. His cat-like dark eyes weren’t as soft as Jimin remembered them. His features were sharper… then he got it! Yoongi looked like a hunter and Jimin was the pray.

“I don’t want to be one of your meat pieces, Yoongi!” He finaly said it.

 “What do you want, Jimin? Tell me!” The elder lowered his voice, ignoring Jimin’s answer. “I want you to tell me!”

“I just… wanted to feel the rush,” The younger simply whispered.

I can make you feel the rush,” now Yoongi was whispering into his ear. “Just ask me… Jiminie…”

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Jimin thought to himself… the temptation was too close… too damn close…

“Do you want me to be your drug, Jiminie?” Yoongi’s lips slid over his neck. “Hm?” Then a soft kiss was planted just under his earlobe. “Do you want your Moon to show you the stars, sunshine?

That was the last straw and Jimin simply gave up. “I want you!” He gasped finally. He could swear Yoongi was smiling. “But… I don’t… want to be… a piece of meat… please…” Damn it! Now he was begging. Damn the idiot he was!

“Never, sunshine…” Yoongi slid his other hand on the nape of his neck. His long fingers dig deep into his hair. “Never with you…” Yoongi sighed and planted another kiss over the exposed skin of Jimin’s neck. “Look at me now!” He half ordered and Jimin was eager to submit. “Look at you,” the same long fingers slid over Jimin’s face. “You are so beautiful…” The elder gasped and Jimin’s mouth opened slightly. “So beautiful for hyung…” Yoongi finally leaned in and crashed his mouth over Jimin’s one.

Jimin was unable to move. He was stuck with the emotions. God! It felt like the drug he was taking, but ten times better. And it was real this time. He could feel Yoongi’s hands touching his body. The kiss was ten times better than it was everyone in his drug induced hazes. Just then he felt his phone buzzing into his pocket.

“It’s… Tae…” Jimin was able to say between kisses. “I have to… pick up… and…”

Yoongi snatched the phone out of his hand and thew it over the sofa, right next to his one. “Let him ring!” He caged Jimin again and rested his forehead over Jimin’s one. “You’re busy!” Before Jimin was able to respond, Yoongi took his hand and led him to his own bedroom.

Even though Yoongi was his roommate, Jimin had rarely been in his bedroom. Everything was in dark colors, even his bed. Black satin sheets covered the mattresses. Yoongi’s bed was huge and soon Jimin would prove to himself how soft it was also.

He was right of course. Yoongi simply pushed him back and he fell onto the bed with a soft thud. Yoongi took his time and moved in to stand between Jimin’s legs. “You look so beautiful in my bed, sunshine…” he whispered and hovered above Jimin’s body. One of his legs slid in between Jimin ones.

The younger’s heartbeat fastened. He licked his lips and moaned when Yoongi finally leaned in to kiss him. He felt how Yoongi grabbed his hands and pinned them at the both sides of the bed. Their fingers intertwined. Jimin felt completely helpless, but that only made the blood rush into his veins. His mind was in full mess. There was only the feeling. He let Yoongi to take off his shirt, feeling his long fingers tracing over his body. His hands were free now, but Jimin was unable to move. His eyes were closed and his head was tilted aback with his mouth slightly open.

Then Yoongi’s knee pushed up and Jimin almost jumped off of the bed. The elder had touched his impossibly erect member. Jimin found it hard to breathe. The friction between his legs and Yoongi’s kisses all over his body almost made him insane. When he heard Yoongi’s quiet chuckle, Jimin knew that he was in trouble… but in a good one.

His eyes snapped open when he felt how his pants had snatched away along with his boxers. Before he was able to react, Yoongi’s mouth devoured his length. “Oh, God!” His body arched.

“Hmm,” the elder mumbled, his delicious mouth was still wrapped around Jimin’s length. His head moved up and down slowly, savoring the taste of Jimin. It was turn on to even look at him. “Don’t come!” Yoongi placed his hands over his hips, stopping them from bucking further. “It’s still early...” He moved away and Jimin whimpered. Yoongi chuckled while taking a small bottle of lube and condoms from his nightstand. “Patience, sunshine… Lay on your stomach now!” He ordered and Jimin complied right away. “Good boy,” the elder traced Jimin’s firm buttocks with his long fingers. “Such a beauty!” Then he slapped the soft skin and the younger moaned. “Oh, you like it?” Jimin heard another chuckle. “We’ll work on that later …”

Jimin was about to whine again when he felt a long and slippery finger diving into his hole. Yoongi moved carefully before adding another one. Jimin tried to stay still, but he couldn’t. His hips moved along with Yoongi’s fingers. He felt another one sneaked in at the same moment Yoongi had planted a kiss between his shoulder blades. “More…” Jimin panted, fisting the sheets. “Please…”

“As you wish sunshine…” He could hear Yoongi’s mumble. To his surprise he moved him to lie on his back. Then he hooked Jimin’s legs over his shoulders. “I want you to look at me now. You’ve never done this before, so you have to trust me.” Yoongi moved forward, so Jimin’s legs were touching his chest. “Look at my eyes and relax, sunshine.”

Then he pushed forward, slowly entering Jimin’s tight hole. The younger whimpered from the unexpected pain, but his eyes never left Yoongi’s face. The pace was so slow that he thought he was going crazy, but Yoongi didn’t want to hurt him. He yelped when the other one was fully inside of him. The feeling was so exhilarating that Jimin didn’t know what to do with himself. His heart was beating fast and then… then Yoongi leaned to kiss him while pulling back just as slowly. Jimin moaned into his mouth, eager for more. There had to be more… and oh! There was! Yoongi pushed back in and grabbed Jimin’s hands by his wrists. He was pinned again to the bed. But this time, he couldn’t even feel it. The only thing he could feel was Yoongi moving inside of him, hitting that sweet delicious place and making him want to close his eyes. He almost did.

“Don’t close your eyes! Look at me!” Jimin moaned with frustration because he was close. “Good boy…” Yoongi panted again. “I want you to look at me all the time, Jiminie…”

“Yoongi please… please!” He begged and didn’t even know for what. “Please I want… I…”

“Come for me, sunshine! Come!” Yoongi’s moves became harsher and erratic and Jimin couldn’t hold on any longer. He came with a loud scream, seeing the stars just as Yoongi had promised him. Yoongi followed him soon after, breathing heavily. His hips kept moving until he was spent. When he finally pulled out, Jimin whimpered from oversensitivity, but Yoongi hushed him with a kiss. His eyes opened just in time to see how his lover was discarding their condoms.

Jimin thought that now Yoongi would leave him alone. He wasn’t the cuddling type and that was his routine after the sex. But Yoongi surprised him. He went back to his bed, pulling Jimin up so he can lay at the one of his pillows. The elder took the other one. Then he carefully covered them both with a comfy blanket. Jimin’s eyes closed when a lonely tear appeared on his face.

“Shhh, don’t cry, Jimine…” Yoongi reached out and whipped the tear away. Then he wrapped his arm around the other one and pulled him closer. Jimin’s head nestled under his chin and close to his heart. “Just try to calm down and take it all in, okay?” Jimin simply nodded. He felt so good now, wrapped in Yoongi’s arms. He didn’t want to think about anything else, but this moment.

His hand lay over Yoongi’s heart and he could feel it calm and steady beating. Yoongi had told him he didn’t have a heart. He had proved that to Jimin so many times and yet, Jimin wanted it badly. His eyes closed again and he sighed. His leg slid in between Yoongi’s ones and the other one pulled him even closer. Jimin shuddered from the strong emotions, rushing into his heart. He tried to calm and steady his own breathing and Yoongi let him. He was just there for him. He was cuddling him as the most precious thing in this world.

Then Jimin felt the other one’s hand tracing his back. “Can I be your drug now, sunshine?” He heard Yoongi’s haggard whisper. “Would you let me?”

Jimin took a deep breath and nodded over Yoongi’s pale chest. He didn’t know if he could do that anymore. He didn’t know if he could quit, but he knew that Yoongi was better than any drug in his life. Better than anything in his life. Jimin was so scared now. He never felt like this before. Not even with his girlfriend. Damn! She would be so broken when he breaks up with her. Jimin didn’t care before. But now he did. Now he had Yoongi. He finally had Yoongi and he let a part of his pain slip away.

He planted a kiss over Yoongi’s heart and felt how he whimpered. “I’ll try for you, hyung!” Jimin finally found his voice. “I’ll do everything for you… I promise!”

Chapter Text

"...We were too close to the stars
I never knew somebody like you, somebody
Falling just as hard
I'd rather lose somebody than use somebody
Maybe it's a blessing in disguise (I sold my soul for you)
I see my reflection in your eyes.."

 

The Neighbourhood - Reflections

 

 


 

 

 

 

The night before…

Yoongi was sitting in the club with his friends and staring into the empty space. The empty glass was still in his hands, but he had forgotten about it. His mind was somewhere else right now. His heart, his missing heart was hurting. But how an empty heart can hurt? That was the question. Yoongi’s thoughts were in a full mess. He was so confused.

“Yoongi?” Jin’s voice finally made him to snap out of his trance. Yoongi blinked twice and looked at his friend. “Are you okay? You were staring into the empty space for far too long.”

Yoongi sighed and leaned his head back on the wall. “I don’t know what to do, hyung! I’m so confused and I… I don’t know what to do.”

“Jimin?” Jin moved to sit close to his friend.

Yoongi nodded. “I thought he would get better, but he doesn’t.” He ran his fingers through his messy hair and placed the empty glass onto the table. “Instead he’s sinking deeper and deeper and I… I want to help him, but I don’t know how! This makes me angry and it hurts me the same time. I don't know what's wrong with me!”

“Have you asked yourself that question, Yoongi?” Jin was careful with his words. “Have you ever thought about how you really feel when it comes to Jimin?”

Yoongi shrugged and looked down. “I care about him of course! He’s my best friend and you know that!”

Jin paused, knowing how easily Yoongi could be triggered if he said the wrong word. “Is it only a friend feeling really?” The elder asked. “I know you’re always saying that you don’t have a heart and you can’t love…”

“I can’t!” Yoongi scoffed. “You know why I can’t!” His look lowered to the empty glass again. 

Jin sighed. “That happened a long time ago, Yoongi… You should just let it go!”

The younger shook his head and gritted his teeth. “No! My mother was right!”

“Your mother was hurt and didn’t know what she was saying!” Jin snapped. Yoongi tried to say something else, but Jin put up his hand. “It’s okay, I won’t argue with you! We were talking about Jimin here. You think he’s getting deeper into this drug shit?”

Yoongi nodded. “I’m actually scared of what he might want to try next!” He licked his lips. “I saw his arms… he’s clean at least for now. I only know about the pills and the weed… and the alcohol. I’m scared about him, hyung!”

Jin stared at his close friend. He was obviously blind of what was right in front of his eyes. He was blind for his own feelings towards that boy. Who could’ve blamed him though? He had spent his whole life thinking that he couldn’t love. Thinking that he didn’t deserve to be loved. And even now… when there was finally someone in his life. Jimin was special since the very beginning. Yoongi had never claimed that he had a best friend before. He wasn’t a soft person, but Jimin had awakened that side of him. It was obvious that they both enjoyed their time together and their friendship. It was also the way Yoongi treated the boy. He was unusually warm for the first time since a long while. His eyes weren't as dead as before. He was also specific when he had told Jin that Jimin was his best friend and not a brother. Ever since that moment, Jin began hoping that there was some hope for Yoongi after all. But it had taken him some time to realize what he was feeling towards Jimin was something more. In fact, his stubbornness was still in the way of his happiness. 

Nobody had expected that this friendship could develop into something more. Well, no one but Jin. Jimin – the perfect boy, who was so “normal” and Yoongi – the bad boy, “the heartbreaker”… the boy without a heart. But Jin knew that Yoongi had a heart and his heart was quite big. He also knew how that heart had grown colder over the years. He even knew the reason why, but it wasn’t his story to tell. Now he wasn’t so surprised that Yoongi couldn’t see the real love right in front of him. He was absolutely sure that Jimin was as blind as his best friend was. But at least the younger's boy eyes couldn't lie. 

“You know him better than anyone, right Yoongi?” The elder said carefully. “What do you think would make him stop?”

Yoongi shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Really?” Jin looked at his friend carefully. “You must know something that he would want more than his next doze.” He was really trying to push his friend into the right direction. Even just a little bit.

Yoongi thought for a moment and then his face went blank. “I can’t give him what he wants, hyung! He will suffer… a lot.”

“So you know the answer then?” Jin leaned back on his chair and turned around to answer to a question Namjoon had asked him. His friend had just returned from the dance floor.

Yoongi sighed and moved forward to lean his arms on his knees. He knew what Jimin wanted. He had seen it into the boy’s eyes. If Yoongi was selfish enough, he could’ve used that sooner, because damn it! He wanted it too. He wanted Jimin for so long, but he didn’t want to ruin their friendship for a simple one time sex. Because that was what he wanted, right? That was what Yoongi ever wanted. No strings. Just sex. This was the reason why he didn’t cuddle with his lovers. They weren’t about to stay past the night. This was why he was calling them a piece of meat. Because they were always like this, just a body to satisfy your need and nothing more.

He couldn’t do that to Jimin. He knew that and he was scared. He was scared of losing the boy after that. Just sex, right? No emotions! Jimin didn’t need that and Yoongi didn’t act on it. Jimin had to have a stable, normal life. He was on his way to do it, but then all of a sudden something had snapped at him. Yoongi wasn’t sure until the first kiss happened… and then the second one. But he still was with his girlfriend; Yoongi was sure about that at least. The spark in his eyes had gone away however. It happened after that damn kiss!

Maybe Jimin had realized something about himself that he didn’t want it. He didn’t want to be with any guy. He never once showed any interest in guys before. Yoongi knew that his family was traditional. Maybe he felt guilty and then… everything had gone down. 

Yoongi slid his hands over his face and then up through his hair. He didn’t want to step into that void. But if that would help Jimin to stay away from the drugs he could do it, right? Jimin had called him his Moon… well maybe if Yoongi was able to show him the stars, everything would be good, right? Right!

He sighed and got up from his place, nodding at the others for goodbye.

 

The day after…

Holding someone into his arms was something new for Yoongi. He had never done it before, but something about Jimin made him want to protect the boy. He wanted him to feel safe. He wanted him to feel secure, especially when Jimin had snuggled in him. His fragile body finally relaxed after their first time together. But Yoongi couldn’t sleep.

His thoughts were moving forward. He didn’t know what to do after that. He had never known someone like Jimin before. He had never seen his reflection in someone else’s eyes like he had seen himself in Jimin’s ones. After all, Yoongi had fulfilled his promise. He had shown Jimin the stars. He had taken him there, but the scary part was that he had seen them as well. He had never allowed himself to do that before. He had never even tried.

Yoongi cuddled Jimin even closer and felt how his chest was about to burst. That wasn’t good. That hurt like Hell! It wasn’t supposed to hurt that way when you were helping someone. You weren’t supposed to feel their pain as yours, but Yoongi was feeling it all the same now. His eyes filled with tears when he leaned to plant a soft kiss over his lover’s forehead. But he couldn't cry and he hated it. Sometimes the tears in your eyes weren't enough. 

Jimin was too precious for this world. He wasn’t ready to face it and Yoongi was afraid that he could be broken so easily. If that happened, Yoongi was about to lose him for good. And damn it! It was too close! It still was too close! Another wrong step and he could fall into the void.

“Stay!” Jimin held onto him tightly all of a sudden. “I don’t want to be alone!”

Yoongi took a moment, before he was able to answer. “I’m here, sunshine! I’m never letting you go!”

When Jimin looked up to his face, Yoongi was smiling softly. He had never done that before… not with anyone. “I thought this was a dream,” Jimin’s eyes were filled with tears. “I thought… if this was a dream… I didn’t want to wake up, you know?” He traced his fingers over Yoongi’s lips. “I was able to see you like this only in my dreams… when I take something stronger… This is why I didn’t want to wake up… I never wanted to wake up.”

Yoongi planted a kiss over the small fingers. “You don’t have to use anything to see me like this, sunshine… You have to promise me! You can have me instead, okay?”

Jimin nodded, but the tears didn’t let go of his eyes. “I don’t know what to do now,” the younger’s voice was cracked. “I feel like I fell down and broke into small pieces… and now I’m trying to put myself back together again.”

Yoongi took a deep breath. “I can help you… okay?” He slid the back of his fingers over the other one’s face. “We could do it together… because I’ve never done this before, sunshine. You know that! I’ve never had someone like you before. I don’t know… what to do… but we’ll learn together, right?”

Jimin nodded again and moved up to kiss him again. It wasn’t a passionate kiss this time. It wasn’t a seductive one either. It was soft and touching. It felt as a feather touching his lips. Yoongi responded to it. His tongue slid over Jimin’s lips and they parted open for him. His eyes closed and he gave into the new feeling blooming inside of him.

Yoongi was pretty sure what that feeling was, but unlike before, he didn’t want it to stop… even for a moment. It frightened him as Hell! But he knew, yes he knew that Jimin wasn’t just anybody in his life. He was somebody that Yoongi wanted to stay… at least until he realized that Yoongi wasn’t worth loving like that. Now was not the time to think about that though. Jimin needed him.

The younger didn’t let go of him the whole day. They spent it lazing around in their apartment, watching TV and talking, mostly talking. Yoongi even cooked for Jimin. He hadn’t done that in awhile, because the other one was always out and about these days. Jimin enjoyed it and his eyes shone. Then Yoongi felt weirdly proud of himself.

They had to go out in the evening. Yoongi had promised to his friends that they would have dinner together. So, they had booked a table in the restaurant, near Yoongi and Jimin’s place. It wasn’t that expensive and the food was good. Jimin felt nervous the whole time he was preparing to go out. What should he dress up? He set on a black blouse with a V-neck and a pair of ripped jeans. The black leather jacket was a good asset to his attire. Yoongi’s eyes were filled with admiration when he saw him. His heart skipped a beat when Jimin walked to him with his usual shy smile lately.

“Gorgeous,” Yoongi whispered and leaned in for a kiss. And just then he realized that Jimin was his now. All this beauty of a man was his. He never had someone like him before, someone so precious. “C’mon,” Yoongi said and grabbed Jimin’s hand, slipping his fingers between Jimin ones. “We don’t have to be late, right?”

Jimin nodded with a nervous smile and they left the apartment.

 

Chapter Text

Chapter nine: Started with a little bit

 


 

 

Yoongi and Jimin were the last ones who arrived at the place. Namjoon, Jin, Hoseok and Jungkook were already there. Jimin frowned a bit when he saw his student there, but didn’t say a word. Yoongi held his chair to sit down. Then he let his hand linger over his shoulders. Jimin looked up and saw how Yoongi winked at him. The boy blushed and looked down at his clasped hands.

“We were about to start without you,” Jin joked a bit. “Where have you been?”

Yoongi didn’t even tremble. He took the chair next to Jimin and shrugged. ”We were busy.”

“So Jimin is okay?” Hoseok looked between the couple.

“Y-yeah,” Jimin nodded and grabbed the Menu to distract himself. He let Yoongi talk.

“Whatever you order, order it twice, sunshine!” He nudged Jimin’s shoulder with his own one. “We share same tastes.”

“Sure thing,” Jimin smiled shyly.

“So, Jungkook?” Yoongi turned around to look at his new protégé. Jimin tried to suppress his jealousy spark. “Did you sign the contract already?”

Jungkook nodded. “Yes, hyung! I went today and I sign it. My parents asked me to tell you how happy they are!”

Yoongi waved his hand dismissively. “It’s not a big deal, kid! You are the talent; we are only your help to grab your dream.”

Jungkook blushed and looked down at his plate. Jimin ordered the food and leaned back on his chair. He felt Yoongi’s hand rested over his thigh and stiffened. But the other one didn’t pay any attention to that. He was deep in talk with Namjoon. It was a small gesture that made Jimin’s heart to flutter. The pang of jealousy he had felt towards Jungkook back at the studio and just few minutes ago was gone now. Yoongi wasn’t there to search for a new meat. It turned out he was there wanting to make Jungkook sign with his company.

“Sunshine?” The elder waved his hand in front of Jimin. “Are you here?”

Jimin snapped out of his trance. “Yeah, yeah, hyung! Why?”

Yoongi smiled and nudged him. “The food is here.”

“I smell something different in the air tonight,” Jin said teasingly. “I’m sensing a change? What is it?”

Yoongi simply shook his head and Jimin blushed. “Nothing…” Yoongi finally mumbled under his nose.

“When you say nothing then it means something!” Jin grinned. “C’mon! Spill the bean!”

“We are… together?” The statement sounded more like a question in Jimin’s voice. “I think?”

“Yes, we are!” Yoongi shrugged again and returned to his food as if that wasn’t anything special. But it was special, because Yoongi never even had a boyfriend or a girlfriend before. They all knew he wasn’t into the relationship thing.

“What the fuck?” Hoseok exclaimed. “You just said you don’t have a heart, hyung!” He was staring at Yoongi. “Where the hell did you find it?” Jimin could sense the hint of Hoseok’s pain and bit his lower lip. The jealousy spark was here again and he wondered when it would be gone. But he knew there was nothing he had to be afraid of. It was only Hoseok, his friend.

Yoongi didn’t answer. He just threw a smile at Jimin, as if they all had the answer in front of their eyes. The younger just blushed. He had never seen this look focused over him. If he had to think of, he had never seen this look in Yoongi’s eyes.

“I knew it!” Jin whispered to himself, trying to hide his smile behind a napkin. “I knew it!”

“When did that happen?” Namjoon looked shocked. “I mean… I thought Jimin has a girlfriend…”

“I have to talk to her soon,” Jimin looked at Yoongi and the other just squeezed his hand tenderly. A pang of guilt crossed his heart.

The others kept talking about them with Yoongi, but Jimin leaned back on his chair. Yoongi didn’t look scared of annoyed at all. But then what Hoseok had said earlier about Yoongi not having a heart stuck with him. How could a man without a heart feel love? Was it possible? Maybe it was just for the sex, but if that was the reason, Yoongi could’ve had everyone who wanted. Why he had set his eyes on Jimin now? Maybe… Yoongi could love? Maybe he could try and love him someday, Jimin thought. Until then, the boy swore to himself that he was going to stay away from the drugs and make sure that Yoongi was proud of him. Yoongi, his Moon…  Jimin smiled. Damn it! He hadn’t smiled in a long while.

Just as they were about to leave, Jimin excused himself and went to the restroom. When he came back, he overheard an interesting conversation between Yoongi and Hoseok. He was about to turn around the corner, but stopped.

“I thought you couldn’t love anyone?” Jimin felt the pain in his friend’s words. ”What changed it? Why Jimin and not… me?” The younger stiffened.

“Hoseok-ah…” Yoongi trailed off and Jimin was on the verge to show himself. “I told you before. I love you… as a friend, but I can’t give you what you want from me. And Jimin is… he always was something special in my life. I didn’t know what exactly, but he was and still is. I… we can walk out of you, if you feel that way… do you want to?”

“No” Jimin heard how his friend took a deep breath. “I only want you happy… and Jimin too…”

When Jimin finally showed himself, Hoseok turned his head the other way and walked back into the restaurant. “I’m sorry…” Jimin said quietly and looked at Yoongi.

“For what, sunshine?” The elder turned around to look at him. “You’ve done nothing wrong, yah?”

Jimin shrugged. “I don’t want my friend to suffer.”

“Same,” Yoongi wrapped his arm around Jimin’s waist. “But we can’t choose our loved ones, Jiminie.”

Jimin stirred when the other pronounced his name like that and snuggled in him. When they walked out of the restaurant, Jimin’s head lay over Yoongi’s shoulder in attempt to seek closeness. Yoongi didn’t mind apparently. That was a new territory for the both of them, but they were trying nevertheless.

“Hyung?” Jimin spoke quietly. “I know you’re not ready to love me yet, but… I just wanted you to know that it’s okay. I’ll be thankful for everything you can give to me.”

“Jimin-ah…”

“It’s okay,” Jimin’s arm sneaked around Yoongi’s waist as well. “When you are ready, I’ll be here, I promise!”

Yoongi pulled him closer and nodded over his head. Jimin smiled again and felt strange warmth embracing his body. He felt as if he was at home now. Yoongi was his home.

When they finally got into the apartment, Jimin went to sleep in Yoongi’s room. Yoongi wrapped his arm around Jimin’s waist and pulled him in. They spent the night snuggling and trying to feel each other as closer as possible. Neither Jimin, nor Yoongi knew what it was to feel someone like this. Yoongi, because he had never spent more than a night with someone. He never cuddled someone like this. He never felt the need to do it.

Jimin was never as close to someone as he felt with Yoongi. He never felt the need to snuggle with his girlfriend. She knew that and never insisted on it. Moreover, he never felt the weaker in a relationship. He had to be the one to lead when it came to Lia. This was how he had taught that was right… and normal. Jimin always pushed himself to do it. The truth was, he was meant to follow. And now, the feeling of being able to be weak, to be himself… it felt liberating.

They woke up in the next morning almost at the same time. Jimin was the first one. He felt someone’s arm over his waist, but he was afraid to open his eyes. What if everything was a dream? He didn’t want to feel alone again. But when his eyes finally opened, he was met with the most beautiful face in the world. When he was sleeping, Yoongi looked vulnerable, like a little kid. Jimin smiled when he felt his heart flutter in his chest.

“I know you’re awake, sunshine!” Yoongi mumbled and Jimin blushed all of a sudden. “It’s time for work?” He yawned and his eyes opened.

“Mhmm,” Jimin nodded over the pillow. “I forgot my phone yesterday though,” he sighed. “I didn’t even charge it.”

“Oh?” Yoongi smirked all of a sudden. “Because of me?”

“Hy-u-u-ung!” Jimin whined and hid his head under the covers, hearing Yoongi’s laugh.

“Okay, okay!” He felt how Yoongi got out the bed. “I’ll turn on the coffeemaker and you can take a shower!”

“Okay!” Jimin showed his head just in time to see Yoongi out the door.

There was a long day ahead of him, so he had to hurry. Jimin sighed and went to take a shower. He came back few minutes later, wearing his sports suit. His light blond hair was messy, but he didn’t bother to put it in order.

“Breakfast is ready!” Yoongi greeted him with a smile and put a plate before him. Jimin frowned. “Nu-huh! You are going to eat!”

“What if I’m not hungry?” The younger pulled out his puppy dog eyes. “I can have only coffee and-”

“Eat!” Yoongi scoffed. “I can see your ribs!”

Jimin blushed furiously. “I’m not that thin!”

Jiminie…

“Fine!” The younger scoffed. “I’ll eat! Happy?”

Yoongi grinned and started eating, sitting right next to Jimin. The younger shook his head and grabbed his fork. They were both ready just few minutes later. Yoongi grabbed Jimin’s travel mug and poured his coffee there.

“Here,” he handed it to Jimin but when the younger was about to take it, Yoongi quickly pulled It back.

“What now?” Jimin furrowed his eyebrows. Yoongi pointed his lips and the younger one blushed again. He had to work over that blushing! But right now he decided to be bold and wrapped his arms around Yoongi’s neck, giving him more than the peck he was probably asking for. When Jimin pulled back, he snatched the travel mug out of Yoongi’s hand. The other one looked zoned out. Jimin chuckled. “Hey, hyung? Work?”

“Work? Ah, yes!” Yoongi shook his head and turned around, looking for something. “Where are my keys?”

“Here!” Jimin dangled them before Yoongi’s eyes. “Let’s go! We’re gonna be late! I’m going to take the bus.”

“Nu-huh!” The elder refused just like that. “You’re coming with me! We’re in the same direction.”

Before Jimin was able to response, Yoongi grabbed his hand and took him to the car. The younger tried to stop grinning on the whole way there. Why he was like this? He had a lot to do that day and he couldn’t let himself be distracted in that way.

But then, when Yoongi stopped in front of the dance studio, he pulled him in for another kiss. Jimin knew that he had lost the battle. He was sure that he would think about Yoongi the whole day. The elder was about to take him from work and they even made plans to cook together. Jimin stood outside the car and waited until Yoongi drove off.

“Hey!” Tae’s voice startled him and he almost jumped off of the ground. “What happened with you, Chim? I’ve tried calling you the whole day!”

“Sorry, Tae!” Jimin sighed and smiled at his friend. “I didn’t feel well and I had to stay home.” He lied.

“But you’re better now?” His friend looked at him closely.

“Yeah!” Jimin threw his arm around Tae’s shoulder. “Let’s get inside! It’s chilly!”

They both walked into the dance studio. Jimin saw in his program that he was set with Jungkook’s group the whole day. He smiled. Now, when he knew that Yoongi wasn’t interested in Kookie, Jimin wanted to help the boy. Maybe they could work out a routine for him. That could help him with improving his skills.

When Jimin walked into his dance room, it was already filled with people. He smiled to the group. “Good morning!”

“Good morning, teacher!” It was the group’s response.

“Take your positions please?” Jimin looked around and saw Jungkook at the back. He pointed at him and called him with his finger. “Come here, Kook, please! Today we’re going to do some footwork! You know some of the modern dances are tied with your footwork, right?” His question was followed with nods. “Okay, so… I’ll show you a footwork routine and I’m going to ask of you to memorize it, okay? But first… let’s stretch out to some good music!”

The students smiled. It was rare occasion that their teacher was in a good mood, but today he was. He even let them have a longer lunch break. Jimin went to the near cafeteria and bought a sandwich for himself. Then he decided to take a picture and send it to Yoongi. The other one sent him two thumbs up and Jimin giggled.

“Are you giggling alone now?” Tae joined him and Jimin was quick to close his phone and shove it into his pocket.

“Nah,” he shrugged. “I saw something funny. How long before you finish?”

“I have two more classes, why?” Tae tilted his head. “You want to go out?”

Jimin shook his head. “I have plans for tonight.” But if he had to be honest, he wanted some weed in his system and that drove him crazy, because he knew that he shouldn’t do it.

Tae blinked with confusion. “With your girlfriend? She can’t wait?”

“No,” Jimin’s smile died down. “She can’t wait!” Damn! Why he felt like he had to lie to his friend now?

“Okay then,” Tae shrugged. “Rain check?”

Jimin nodded. “Rain check!”

They kept talking about other stuff, until was time to go back and continue with their groups. Jimin felt full of energy that day. He knew exactly why, but he didn’t want the world to know… yet. It wasn’t fair with Lia. He had to talk to her.

Yoongi was waiting for him when he finally left the studio. Jimin smiled and ran his last steps to the car. The elder barely waited for him to get into the car and leaned for a kiss. “Hey, sunshine!” He greeted him when he pulled back. “How was your day?”

A huge smile appeared on Jimin’s lips. And this was how Lia was forgotten.

Chapter Text

 

 

Chapter ten: Ignorant bliss


 

 

 

Yoongi knew Jimin, but he was about to find out even more of him.

When they both had finished with the dinner, Jimin decided that he didn’t feel sleepy, so they were about to watch some movie. This was how they ended up watching Goblin. Yoongi couldn’t get the plot, so Jimin had to explain everything to him. They were both lying on the sofa. Jimin was resting almost on top of Yoongi and had draped his leg over the other ones. His chin was laying on top of Yoongi’s chest and the elder was ruffling his hair, while Jimin was doing his best to talk Yoongi into the tv show.

Then at some point, Jimin decided it was better if he move up and plant a kiss over Yoongi’s neck. That one kiss wasn’t enough though and then he planted another. Yoongi just left him do whatever he was planned.

“Hyung?” Jimin whispered close to his ear. “Is it too early if… you know?”

Yoongi chuckled. “I know?” He sat up, pulling Jimin to sit on top of his lap. “What are we? College kids?”

Jimin pouted, placing his hands on Yoongi’s shoulders. “You know!” He insisted.

“I thought you would feel a bit sore today,” Yoongi slid his hands up over Jimin’s thighs.

The younger rested his forehead over Yoongi’s one and sighed. “Take me to the stars again… my moon…” Then he captured the elder’s lips with his ones. Yoongi let him take the lead this time. He felt that Jimin needed it.

They kept kissing like that for a long time, moving their bodies from time to time. Yoongi slid his hands up Jimin’s back and reached to his hair, yanking the younger’s head aback so he could suck on his neck. Jimin was holding tightly on his shoulders, moaning softly. Yoongi’s dominant side had taken over and he apparently didn’t mind that at all.

When at one point, Yoongi had taken Jimin’s hand and dragged him to his bedroom, the younger hadn’t protested. They kept kissing, rubbing their bodies in sync until that wasn’t enough. Their clothes were long forgotten on the floor and now only the flesh was between them.

That was something new for Yoongi, another new. He had never slept with someone twice. But now, he was eager to do it with Jimin. He was so eager that he almost forgot himself. Jimin was like clay in his hands and Yoongi wanted to try new ways to pleasure him. Jimin was more than open for suggestions as it turned out.

Yoongi guided him carefully to lie over his stomach, so he can use the lube and make sure the glide is perfect. But Jimin was impatient. He wanted more and he wanted it now. Yoongi put all of his strength not to take him right there and then. He moved his fingers inside of the younger instead. Just when he added the third finger, Jimin’s moans became louder and his hips started pushing back. Then Yoongi finally gave up and slid into the wanting body a bit easier than the day before. Jimin yelped from surprise, but then when his body adjusted to the stretch, he felt the need to move.

“More… please, Yoongi!” Jimin had fisted the sheets and bucked his hips and as if Yoongi was waiting for it. He pulled back slowly and then rimmed his way back. Jimin’s body jumped forward, but Yoongi’s grip on his thighs was firm. He repeated the movement. “Oh… Good… ” The younger keened. Yoongi had reached the prostate apparently and now was hitting it repeatedly.   

Yoongi slid his fingers over Jimin’s back up to his hair and grabbed a fist of it, pulling Jimin up. He was now half sitting, half leaning on Yoongi bouncing on his length. “Touch yourself now, sunshine…” Yoongi moaned into Jimin’s ear. “Touch yourself for me!”

So Jimin did what he was asked for. Seeing this, Yoongi’s movements went crazy. He was hitting the younger’s prostate hard and fast and soon he felt how Jimin clenched around him and fell down on his belly. His body was shaking while he was spilling into the condom. Yoongi didn’t last much longer and allowed himself to see the stars again. Ah! It was so beautiful and dangerous at the same time.

After a long while, when they were both lying spent in Yoongi’s bed and into each other’s arms, Yoongi felt how Jimin cuddled into him again. He must have been suffering for that closeness for a long time. Yoongi simply wrapped his arm around Jimin and pulled him closer. The calm breathing showed to him that the younger was already asleep.

Then Yoongi allowed himself to feel calm again. Jimin was safe now, wrapped into his arms. He wasn’t outside, giving his life for some bunch of pills… or a piece of weed. They both had to deal with the world in the morning, but the morning was so far away now. Yoongi yawned and reached out to turn off the night light. The world could wait for a night.

Jimin didn’t know what woke him up. It wasn’t Yoongi, he was sure, because he could feel his arm loosely wrapped around his middle. But there was some noise, Jimin was sure of that as well. His eyes opened slowly and then his whole known world crashed down. There, by the door was standing his girlfriend, well… now his ex-girlfriend. She had covered her mouth with her both hands, staring at the bed. The same bed, where Jimin and Yoongi were sleeping just few seconds ago. Well, Yoongi was a heavy sleeper, so Jimin wasn’t surprised that he hadn’t woken up.

“Lia…” he mumbled and stared at her. She was shaking his head negatively, kept staying there. Jimin tried to feel guilty. He tried indeed. What he felt was something close to disappointment… to himself. He had to call her the day before. Now it was too late. “Lia!” He snapped and get off the bed quietly. Thankfully, Yoongi had woke him up in the middle of the night and made him put on his pajama pants at least.

Jimin rushed to the young shocked woman by the door and pulled her outside, closing the door behind his back. When he turned around, he felt a sharp pain cutting through his face. Then he realized that the girl had slapped him. He placed his hand over the sore place and waited for her, waited for her to talk.

“How could you, Jimin!” She finally sobbed. “How could you do this to me?”

“I’m sorry,” he said out of obligation. “I never meant to hurt you. Things just… happened!”

“Happened? How? When?” Lia shook her head. “How I didn’t notice how sick are you?”

“Sick?” Jimin took a step back. “What do you mean?” There it was. The disgust into her eyes.

“You and-and…” she pointed at the closed door. “… him? You both are sick!”

“No!” Jimin shook his head in return, trying to ignore the pang in his chest. Maybe he was sick, but then why Yoongi felt so right with him? Why they clicked together as one? “No, Lia… you-you don’t understand! This is...”

“Jimin! Sleeping with another guy is wrong! You know that!” She was pointing at him with her small finger. “It’s a sickness and you should find a cure and then we-”

“What the Hell?” Yoongi stormed into the room just in that moment. “Can you repeat again? We are… what?”

“Yoongi!” Jimin stood in front of him, placing his small hands over his chest. “Don’t please! She doesn’t know-”

“You are sick!” The girl yelled. “Can’t you see that? It’s so wrong!”

“Lia!” Jimin now turned around to face her. “Please… just… go, okay? I’m sorry I hurt you like that, but it wasn’t meant to be, okay? Just… go!”

The girl shook her head with determination in her eyes. “I’ll make sure your parents know about this! I hate you, Park Jimin!” She turned around and stormed out of the apartment.

“No!” Jimin yelled after her, but she was gone. “No-no-no!” The boy repeated shaking his head frantically. “What’s gonna happen now?” He fell on his knees and grabbed his face. ‘I’m not ready! I’m not ready for this!’

Yoongi was fast to kneel right in front of Jimin. He took a hold of his shoulders. “Jiminie…” He spoke calmly, but his heart was racing. “Jiminie, look at me?”

It took some time but the younger looked up. “They are going to hate me, hyung!” He started sobbing, hating himself for it. “They are going to hate me so much!”

“Jimin-ah…” Yoongi cupped the younger’s face. “It’ll be okay, sunshine… it will be okay.”

“I’m such a disappointment to them, hyung,” Jimin wrapped his hands around Yoongi’s wrists. The sadness in his eyes shock Yoongi to his core. “I hate myself for being like this!” He sobbed. “I hate myself so much right now!”

Yoongi knew that whatever he was about to tell Jimin it wouldn’t work at all. Then he simply sat on the floor and dragged the younger into his lap, wrapping his arms around him. Jimin hid his head at the crook of his neck and cried. He cried for a long time. When Yoongi felt his body finally relaxing a bit, he helped him to back to now their room. Jimin curled up in two in the big bed and closed his eyes. Yoongi knew that he wasn’t going to sleep though. It was good that he didn’t have to go to work that day. The elder wasn’t sure how he would survive if he had to.

Jimin wasn’t able to eat the whole day. He was just lying there, staring at the empty space. It didn’t matter how many times Yoongi had tried to make him eat, nothing helped. He started worrying for the younger.

“Jin-hyung?” Yoongi decided to call to the only other person whom he trusted in the world. “Are you free?”

“What’s wrong, Yoongi-yah?” The elder spoke softly into the receiver.

“Jimin…”

“What have you done to him?” Jin snapped into his protective mode right away.

“It wasn’t me!” Yoongi sighed angrily. “Jimin’s girlfriend, she… she saw us in the bed together this morning and… she threatened that she would call Jimin’s parents!” Yoongi rubbed his nose. “My sunshine just freaked out and… I can’t make him get out of bed the whole day!” The young man sighed again, impatiently. “He hasn’t eaten the whole day! I don’t know what to do!”

“I’m coming right now!” Jin said and Yoongi could hear the noises around the elder, indicating that he was walking to the door already. “Just go there and be with him, okay? I’ll be there in 20!”

“Sure thing, hyung!” Yoongi hung up and went back to the bedroom.

Jimin hadn’t moved at all. He was just laying there in his frozen state and Yoongi’s heart skipped a beat. The younger was suffering silently. His face was dry. His eyes were barely blinking. Yoongi got scared for real.

“Oh, sunshine… what a poor Moon can do to you, huh?” Yoongi reached out and run his fingers through Jimin’s soft hair. His heart ached. “Why don’t you tell me, huh? Why don’t you tell me what this poor hyung can do for you?”

Jimin remained silent and Yoongi wanted to cry.

This was how Jin was met by the door. A very disheveled and worried Yoongi. The elder had never seen him like this before and he knew his friend for a long while. The boy without a heart was now suffering and not for himself. “How bad it is?” He asked, hanging his coat over the sofa in the living room.  “Did you try to talk to him?”

Yoongi nodded. ”I’ve tried everything, but he… he’s like closed in himself right now.” His hands were shaking while he was reaching out to open the door. Jin noticed that as well.

“Okay, let me see him!” Jin walked in quietly and saw the small figure curled up over the bed. Yoongi had covered him with a soft blanket. “Jimin-ah?” He called his friend quietly. “It’s me, Jin-hyung! Can you hear me?” It was quiet. Just as Jin had expected. He looked at Yoongi and the other one shrugged.

Jin went to sit over the bed, close to younger’s legs and looked at his face. “Jimin-ah, it’s okay if you don’t want to talk to us, but please… can you nod if you can hear us?” The younger barely moved his head. “Good, Yoongi… can you bring me a glass of water please?”

Yoongi rushed out of the room and Jin looked after him. “I hate myself… Jin-hyung…” Jimin’s quiet voice surprised him. The elder looked back at the boy. “I hate myself for being like this… like… not normal!”

“Jimin-ah…”

Jimin’s face was still facing the window. “But what should I do? I fell in love with the wrong person… and… I don’t think… I can let go of him…”

“This is not wrong, Jimin-ah!” Jin tried to convince him.

“It’s okay,” he looked at his hyung finally. “Don’t worry about me! Can you please call Yoongi? I want to talk to him.”

“Sure!” Jin was quick to get off of the bed and walked out.

That was his mistake. As soon as he was out of the room, Jimin sneaked out as well. Before he was able to react, the younger locked himself in the bathroom. The elder turned around in horror. “Jimin!” He banged over the cold wood. “Jimin open the door! Please!”

“Tell Yoongi that I’m sorry, hyung… tell him that… ” That was the last thing Jin was able to hear from Jimin.

Chapter Text

 

 

Chapter eleven: Always feel inadequate


 

 

 

 

 Yoongi could hear Jin’s voice and his banging over a door. The glass he was holding in his hand slid down and fell onto the floor. It smashed into little pieces, but he didn’t care. The horror of losing Jimin engulfed him and made his legs out of jelly. His mouth went dry and he felt as if someone hands were wrapping around his neck. They squeezed and squeezed until he felt the lack of air burning his lungs.  

This couldn’t happen again.

Not again.

“Yoongi!” Jin’s scream froze his blood and the young man was pulled out of his haze. He ran to the living room. “Bring something to open this fucking door, damn it!” Jin yelled, but he didn’t have to. Yoongi was already kicking the wooden door of the bathroom. It gave in on the third kick.

Yoongi knew what he was about to find there. He was right. Jimin was laying inside the tub and the blood was leaking out of his sliced wrists. His eyes were closed and his face was getting paler. Yoongi felt as if he was about to throw up, but he didn’t give in to the feeling. Jin was yelling at him to bring towels to stop the blood, but Yoongi was already in motion. He reached out and pulled two soft towels out of the rack. Jin pressed one of the towels onto Jimin’s left arm and Yoongi over his right one. He didn’t utter a word throughout the whole time. Jin was the man in the action. Yoongi was following his lead. He didn’t yell, nor cry. His face was blank. He knew what was about to happen now. This was why he shouldn’t love.

“We can save him, Yoongi!” Jin screamed into his face. “We have a chance this time! Don’t give up on me, boy!”

Yoongi simply nodded. Jin ordered him to press the both towels over Jimin’s wounds and that was how they reached to Jin’s car outside. Jin was caring Jimin’s small body into his arms and Yoongi kept pressing the towels. It was slow, painfully slow, but they managed to make it.

Jin made Yoongi sit at back seat and then lowered Jimin’s body there as well. The younger’s head was resting over Yoongi’s lap and Yoongi was holding his wrapped up and bleeding wrists. That was how they reached to the hospital. Jin rushed out of the car, screaming for help and Yoongi was left with Jimin. The younger’s face looked impossibly pale.

Yoongi wanted to cry so bad. He wanted to show an emotion, any emotion but he failed. A heart of stone, this was how his own mother had called him. He wasn’t able to suffer, she had said back then when he was holding his brother’s dead body into his arms. She had screamed into his face and Yoongi was just staying there and thinking how right she was. He felt strangely out of his body at that moment. He couldn’t cry back then… as he couldn’t do it right now as well.

They snatched Jimin out of his hands and he just sat there, watching. His bloody hands covered his face and his heart ached so bad that he couldn’t breathe. He had to. He wanted to cry so badly. He wanted to feel something. But he was right when he had Jimin that he couldn’t love anyone.

“Yoongi?” Jin’s voice penetrated his mind and Yoongi looked up. “You can come out now.” The elder told him and Yoongi followed his words like a robot.

He left himself to be led into the hospital entrance. Jin took him to a bathroom there and even washed his hands and his face. He took care of him as if Yoongi was the one needing his attention. When they were finished, his hyung took him out and they both sat at the waiting room.

“Park Jimin?” A nurse’s voice made them look up. Yoongi’s heart skipped a beat and he didn’t even notice how his hands clenched in fists. He was expecting to hear the worst. Then he got up along with Jin. “You are his relatives?” The nurse asked and Jin lied without even blinking that they were. “He’s feeling better now. We’ll keep him overnight for observation. You can take him home tomorrow!”

Just then Yoongi’s inner world crumbled and he took a sharp breath. “He’s alive?” He looked up at Jin and the other one nodded. “I just… I can’t…” He stammered and tried to turn around and run away. That was his routine. He didn’t know how to deal with the problems otherwise. Not when he was close to feel like his heart was always being there.

“No!” Jin grabbed his wrist and pulled him to sit back down. “Not this time! Jimin is alive, Yoongi! He needs you now! Do you understand? Running is not an option here!”

Yoongi hid his face into his hands and bent over. His elbows were leaning over his knees. “I want to do it so badly, hyung! It hurts so fucking much!”

“I know, but Yoongi-yah… this is not your brother,” Jin said quietly and the other one hissed as if he had felt a physical pain. “You should let that pain go, kid.”

Yoongi sighed and leaned back on his seat. “Sometimes I feel like it’s not real… like… if I keep running, it’s not real. That I can just call and… he will be there to answer.”

“It is real, and you have to realize that Jimin is also real!” Jin rubbed his back calmingly. “I hoped that you could open your heart for him…”

“I don’t have a heart!” Yoongi scoffed.

“Yes, you do.” Jin sighed. “I thought Jimin would help you to realize that.”

“You were hoping?” Yoongi looked confused. “He was… is my roommate! It was normal that I…”

“You were so found of him since day one!” Jin shrugged. “You’ve never let anyone else so close to you before. I know, I’ve been there.”

“But-”

“Fight for him, Yoongi! Don’t let him go!” The elder stared at the younger’s eyes. “Don’t let him slip away from you!”

Yoongi just bent his shoulders and looked the other way. Maybe his hyung was right. Yoongi knew that Jimin was someone worth fighting for. But as for his heart… Yoongi was still careful to believe.

Jimin was discharged on the next morning. Yoongi was there to take him home with him. The other one’s eyes were red. He had cried apparently. The elder decided that he would put his whole effort to bring Jimin back to life. So, when they went back home, Yoongi moved his stuff to Jimin’s room. He went to the bed, where Jimin was and wrapped his arms around the boy. The elder didn’t expect any reaction out of him, not yet anyway. But Jin’s words were stuck into his brain.

“I’m sorry, hyung…” the boy uttered and Yoongi felt how he fisted his shirt. “I didn’t think that I…”

“It’s okay, sunshine!” Yoongi cradled him in his arms carefully. Jimin was sitting across his lap now. He planted a soft kiss over the younger’s forehead. “I’ll take care of you now… I’m here…”

“But my parents…” Jimin sobbed.

“Shh-shh,” Yoongi’s voice hushed him. “Whatever it is, we’ll deal with it together, okay?” He felt how Jimin snuggled in him like a frightened child. “I’m not leaving you alone, Jiminie… Do you hear me? You’re not alone! Never alone!”

Jimin’s body shook in his arms, but Yoongi knew that he was doing better. It was going to take small steps, but Jimin would get better. He was ready to fight the world for that boy. When the younger finally calmed, Yoongi asked him to join him to the kitchen. Jimin took his hand right away. So, when Yoongi started cooking Jimin’s favorite dish, he could feel his presence there. Yoongi kept babbling for everyday’s stuff and carefully watched over his lover. Jimin was able to relax a bit and even ate his lunch. Yoongi joined him, enjoying his presence. The color was slowly coming back to Jimin’s face.

Then they decided to watch movies. Yoongi picked this time and Jimin agreed. When the elder sat on the sofa, Jimin cuddled in him, resting his head over Yoongi’s shoulder. Yoongi wrapped his arm around Jimin and pulled him closer, happy to feel him alive.

“You know that I love you, hyung?”  Jimin uttered.

“I know,” Yoongi answered quietly.

“Good,” Jimin sounded somewhat content with that knowledge. He nuzzled into Yoongi’s shirt and his hand fell onto the other one’s lap.

In that same moment, Yoongi wondered how someone could mean the world to him.  

Yoongi helped Jimin to change his bandages on his wrists on the next morning. Jimin had taken few days off and so did Yoongi. They needed some time to realize what had happened the other night. Yoongi was really careful when he was dealing with Jimin’s wounds. He was acting as if the younger was something precious and delicate. As if he was so fragile that he could be broken.

When Yoongi finished, he carefully lifted both of the wrists and planted soft kisses over them. Jimin’s arms shook after that. He was barely able to control his emotions now, but noticing how delicate Yoongi was with him, made his heart ache. Yes, the elder claimed that he didn’t have a heart, but his actions spoke otherwise.

Tae called Jimin on the third night of his home stay, wanting to see what his friend is doing. “Hey, Jimin-ah!” He sang over the phone. “I’ve heard that you’ve been sick again! How are you feeling?”

“I was bad… but feeling much better now, Tae,” Jimin was sitting in the living room, while Yoongi was in the kitchen, cleaning after their dinner. “I’m thinking of going back to work tomorrow!”

“Oh, good!” Tae sighed. “They made me take some of your classes and I’m so drained out tonight!”

“I’m sorry,” Jimin smiled, although the other couldn’t hear him. “How is Kook-ah?”

“He told me that you wanted him to work over his footwork,” Tae answered him. “So, that was what he was doing.”

“Good,” Jimin nodded. He could hear steps coming from behind him and turned around to see Yoongi entering the room. His heart melted. “I have to tell you something important tomorrow!”

“Really?” Tae gasped. “That sounds serious! Can’t you tell me now?”

Jimin chuckled when he felt Yoongi’s lips touching his neck. “Nope, see you tomorrow!”

“Bye!” Tae said and hung up.

Yoongi planed another kiss over Jimin’s exposed neck and then sat right next to him. “Who was it?”

“Tae wanted to check how I am,” Jimin shrugged and leaned his head over Yoongi’s shoulder.

“Oh… him,” the elder mumbled. “I’m surprised that he’s not already high!”

“Hyung,” Jimin trailed off. “You don’t know him. He’s a good guy, a good friend.”

“Good friends don’t want to drag you down with themselves!” Yoongi couldn’t help a snort. “I don’t like him!”

“Do you want me to stop seeing him?” Jimin looked up at Yoongi. “If you-”

“You have your own head on your shoulders, Jimin-ah,” the elder run his fingers through Jimin’s soft hair. “I just think you should choose your friends wisely. I have my own opinion about Taehyung, but I’m not going to force it over you.”

Jimin nodded and his head was back on his lover’s shoulder. “I miss the pills and the weed sometimes.” He admitted. “I don’t know why, but sometimes I just feel like I need a piece of joint. I liked the feeling.”

Yoongi’s calming moves over Jimin’s arm stopped. “I told you, you could have either me or the drugs! You can’t do both!”

“I know hyung!” Jimin was fast to answer. “I’ll always choose you! I promise! I just… I don’t know what I did to deserve you…”

Jiminie… ” Yoongi trailed off and cuddled him closer. “I’m not someone who’s worth it… you are. You have your whole life ahead of you and you still wanted to end yourself. Why?” He placed his fingers under Jimin’s chin and lifted his face up. “Why you said you hated yourself?”

“Because I… I always wanted to be normal, but I always felt so inadequate,” Jimin sighed. “Like… I grew up in a traditional family and did everything my parents wanted me to. I felt like fulfilling their dreams for me, not my own. But I was happy.” The younger sighed and took Yoongi’s hand in his own. “Just the smile on their faces made me smile. They wanted me to become someone respectful, to find a suitable wife and marry her. I thought Lia is the one,” Jimin shrugged. “My parents liked her and if I have to be honest I liked her too. I even felt love at the beginning. But the thing is… everything changed when I met you.”

“What happened?” Yoongi tilted his head.

“You showed me that there was another life beyond the stereotypes!” Jimin blinked, trying to discard his tears. “You were the first one to accept me, not expect something for me, but accept me for myself. You’ve become my best friend!”

“I still am, Jiminie…”

“I know,” the younger one smiled softly. “But then in time… you became something more and I didn’t even realize it how it happened. I just… fell so deep that I couldn’t see a way out! When I realized what was that feeling… then I started to hate myself! I was… and still am so scared and confused and… a part of me still regrets that I’m not normal!” The boy sobbed. “I felt like I was betraying my parents with my feelings for you! And… I can’t stop! I… just can’t!”

Yoongi planted a soft kiss over Jimin’s forehead, trying to console him. He was so delicate for this world…

 

Chapter Text

 

 

Chapter twelve: Stuck in here


 

 

 

The next time Taehyung saw Jimin, it was on the day following his phone calling. His friend looked a bit pale, but healthy nevertheless. There was something different in him. Tae could smell it. Jimin looked a bit sad.

“Hey, Chim!” The boys met at the cafeteria. “How are you feeling today?”

Jimin smiled and rolled his sleeves down, as if he was trying to hide something. Taehyung gave him a pointed look, but shrugged that If Jimin wanted to tell him something, than he would do that.

“A lot better,” his friend responded. “It was nothing serious.”

“Good then!” Tae grinned. “How about we celebrate it tonight? The weed palace? I’ve heard they’re bringing something new to the market! Maybe we could be the first one to try it!”

Jimin’s eyes grew big and he shook his head. “N-no, thank you! I have plans for tonight.”

Tae frowned. “Lia again?”

“Lia… yes!” Jimin nodded and blushed all of a sudden. “We-we have plans for tonight.”

Tae frowned again. There was something Jimin was hiding from him, but he was still too adamant to share. “Okay then.”

The boys entered the building and went to change their clothes before their classes. Jimin had only two that day. The both with Jungkook’s class. He was training him for his trainee days at Min Productions. If he had to be honest, Tae felt a bit jealous of his friend now. Jimin was able to see his Kookie the whole day. He was able to train him, to help him reach his dreams. Something that Tae wanted so badly for himself.

The first half of the day passed quickly. Then Tae decided to go to Jimin and invite him for lunch. They could go and visit the cafeteria alone. The door of Jimin’s studio was half open, so Tae could see his friend getting ready for his lunch break. Just as he was about to push the door open, he noticed how two male’s arms wrapped around Jimin’s waist from behind. Taehyung frowned. He heard Jimin’s giggle and then saw him lean back on the other male’s body.

“I’m at work, hyung…” he heard his friend’s weak protest, followed by a kissing sound. “What if someone sees us?”

“Hmm,” Tae froze on his place, when he heard Yoongi’s voice. Then he peered through the door to see more clearly. The elder was resting his chin over Jimin’s shoulder and planted kisses over his friend’s neck. “I don’t care,” Tae heard his voice again. “I had to see you!”

Jimin sighed and turned his face to his hyung. Then their lips met in a passionate kiss and Tae stepped back. His clasped his mouth and shook his head. Jimin had just lied to him. The person, Tae thought of his close friend had lied to him.

“Tae?” Hoseok’s voice startled him and he turned around. “What are you doing here? I thought you were going to grab some lunch?”

“I-I… yeah.” Tae stammered. “I thought I should check on Jimin first, but… he’s busy.”

“What do you…” Hoseok peeked in as well and then pulled back. The pain over his face was unmistakable. “I got it!” He suddenly snapped. Then his head shook. “I can keep you company if you want one.”

“Sure,” Tae nodded and they both walked down the corridor.

Later that day, Taehyung was sitting at the weed palace. He was not alone. Hoseok has joined him and now they both were trying the new portion of weed, the place had to offer. When in the early hours, Tae found himself pressed to his bed wrapped around Hoseok; he thought that Jimin’s betrayal wasn’t that bad.

The sex was good. The cuddling after was even better, but there was something missing. Taehyung was too tired to think of what that was. He was thankful to the person, who was currently wrapping him into his arms. Hoseok might have been the cure he needed. He could’ve been the source of Taehyung’s escape from his Kookie’s obsession.

When he and Hoseok met at work on the next day, they acted as if nothing had happened. Tae didn’t mind even one bit. He felt that his friend needed this. Now, he was sure that he also had daemons he wanted to escape. He also needed something to hold onto. If Tae could be that thing, they could only benefit from each other.

Meanwhile, that same morning Tae was able to see Jimin and Yoongi again. The elder was just parking his car close to the studio. Tae was at the cafeteria when he saw the scene before him developing.

Yoongi got out of the car and went to open Jimin’s door. Then he cupped his face and kissed him. Jimin was obviously enjoying the kiss. His hands hooked over Yoongi’s elbows and he leaned into his lover. Just before they could part ways, Tae saw how Yoongi took Jimin’s hands in his ones. Then he rolled his sleeves up and kissed Jimin’s bandaged wrists. Bandaged? Tae blinked. Now he was sure that his friend was hiding something for sure.

Jimin stood there, waving after Yoongi’s car disappeared out of his eyes. Then Tae saw him touching his lips briefly and smiling. A few seconds later, Jimin hang his sports bag onto his shoulder and walked into the dance studio. Tae shook his head and went to pay for his coffee. Then he followed his friend.

He found him in his studio, getting ready for the day. Tae walked in and looked around. Jimin’s students were just about to arrive. He was alone. “Hey, Jimin-ah?” He called him quietly.

Jimin wasn’t surprised to see him, Tae could tell. He smiled softly when he looked at him. “Hey, Tae! What’s up?”

“I thought I should check up on you,” Tae shrugged, shoving his hands into his pockets. “How are you doing?”

“Just getting ready for today,” Jimin responded quietly. “Why?”

“I just missed my friend,” Tae faked a smile.

“I’m sorry, Tae!” Jimin all but looked away. “I’m quite busy these days.”

“Lia?” Tae asked quietly.

“Yeah,” Jimin lied again.

“Interesting,” Tae tapped his chin and he saw how his friend froze. “I’ve never thought that Lia had a white hair and an Adam’s apple…”

“What are you-”

“I get that you don’t want to go out with me anymore, but at least have the decency not to lie to me!” He scoffed. “I saw you with Yoongi this morning… and yesterday here!”

Jimin’s eyes grew big. “Tae, I-”

“It’s fine, Jimin! It’s fine!” He twirled around on his feet and left the studio.

Later that day, Tae was there again. He had finished few minutes earlier and now was peeking through the door. Jimin was with Jungkook’s class again. Kookie was on the front row, trying to memorize the routine that Jimin had thought of him. His group was chosen to present the studio at the local talent event. Jungkook was the lead dancer.

Tae couldn’t help, but to admire the precision in his moves. Every movement was carefully thought of. It was as if Jungkook and the melody were in synch. Tae’s mouth went dry. He knew that he could only hurt himself right now. But there was some power that couldn’t let him get away. He had to suffer. Alone.

Later that day, he found himself in Hoseok’s bed again. A vision of raven haired, sweaty boy was passing through his mind, while he rocked his body on top of Hoseok. His eyes were closed and there was a smile playing over his lips. Nobody could take this dream away from him.

“Tae knows about us,” Jimin told Yoongi on their way back home. “He saw us.”

“So?” Yoongi looked like he didn’t care at all. “I thought we weren’t keeping this as a secret?”

Jimin turned his body to Yoongi and sighed. “I wanted to tell him, but not like this.”

“You care about him, huh?” Yoongi threw him a momentary look. “Jimin…”

“I know him, okay?” The younger bowed his head. “I know that he can be a bad influence, but I can tell you there is more than can meet the eye in him. Tae is… lonely.”

Yoongi frowned. “He almost made an addict out of you! Don’t ask me to be that sympathetic of him!”

“No, I know…” Jimin sighed and leaned his head over the seat. “I just… he looks so happy on the outside, but… I don’t think he really is.”

“Ah, Jiminie…” Yoongi tilted his head slightly. “You think Tae needs saving, but not every person wants to be saved from their personal Hell.”

“I know, hyung,” Jimin tried to smile. “I just… you know me.”

Yoongi smiled. “Yeah, I know you.”

Jimin spent the rest of the ride in silence. He was thankful to only observe Yoongi. His beautiful face and cat-like eyes… his cute nose and cat-shaped lips. Now he knew how they tasted and that felt somehow exhilarating. Jimin couldn’t believe that Yoongi was his now. He still felt like living in a dream.

And that same dream was about to be crushed one sunny Sunday. Jimin should have expected that. Nothing good in his life lasted forever.

Yoongi got a phone call from his father. He had to go to the company, because they needed his signature. He left Jimin in the bed, giving him a goodbye kiss. Jimin only scrunched his nose and shoved his head back under the pillow. They had sex few times during the night and now he felt spent… but in a good way.

He got awakened by the doorbell. Yoongi might have left his keys at work. Jimin shook his head and went to open, but as soon as the door opened, he wanted to go back to bed and pretend that he was still sleeping. His parents were there, waiting for him. His face went pale.

“We came to take you home,” his mother said gently and Jimin took a step back. His hands were shaking. He wanted to close the door, but it was too late now. “Lia called us…”

Jimin shook his head frantically. “No! I don’t want to go home! This is my home and I… How did you even find my address?” 

“With a little help, but… Jimin, be reasonable!” His father walked to him. “You have to get better.”

“I’m not sick!” Jimin covered his ears. “I’m not! I just love Yoongi!”

“Lia told us that you were in love with a man…” his mother’s voice was still gentle. “That’s not normal, honey.”

“I-I… ” Jimin stammered. “I know what I’m doing and I’m not a little boy anymore and… I have a job here and…”

“Jimin, please!” His father scoffed. “Don’t be difficult! You’re coming home with us, no matter what you want or not!”

“No, no!” The boy basically yelled when he saw the syringe in his father’s hand. “Dad, please! No! Don’t do this!”

“I’m sorry, Jimin…” but it was too late. Just as his father was ending with his shot, Jimin saw a well-known figure by the door. He was betrayed by the last person he had expected.

"How could you?" He mumbled with tears in his eyes. "How could you do this to Yoongi... and me...? I thought  we were friends..." The man stopped in his tracks for a moment, hesitating. But if Jimin had expected that his friend would change his mind and help him, he was lying to himself. The figure continue to walk to him and the... his body went light. He could still feel and hear the world around him, but he couldn't do a thing against it. Then... Jimin decided that if his parents wanted to do this to him, then he had another choice. His heart felt empty when  he was loaded into the waiting car outside. 

He could hear the words, coming from his friend, but he couldn't do anything to stop him. He felt so helpless now and he wanted to scream. Jimin wasn't sick! He was in love with Yoongi! Why they couldn't understand that? When the car finally drove off, it felt like a piece of his heart got ripped out of his chest. Jimin wanted to scream again, but he couldn't. How he could live without Yoongi now? How? Finally the sleep took over his wounded soul and he was taken away.

When Yoongi got back home that evening, Jimin wasn’t there. There was only a note with his name and a text saying that Jimin is leaving him. Just then Yoongi realized what a lie he had created. Yes, he had a heart. And the reason he knew this was that now, that same heart had shattered into small pieces. It hurt! Damn, it hurt so bad that he wanted to yell! He never thought that Jimin would leave him. He never thought that he had to live without his sunshine anymore. And what a person could do without the sunshine? Yeah, he could fell deep into his own darkness. So, Yoongi found a new bottle of alcohol and went to the rooftop. He sat on the edge of it and started drinking. When he looked up at the night sky, he saw no stars there. 

And that was so sad...

Chapter Text

 

 

Chapter thirteen: Maybe it’s too late, baby


 

 

 

It was three in the morning when Jin had awakened by his phone. He could barely keep his eyes open when he saw the name there. It took him less than a second to pick up.

“Yoongi?”

“I want to die, Jin-hyung… now! This thing… you know people call it heart? Yeah… it’s missing for sure now, hyung! And it hurts… so fucking much…” The voice he heard sounded scary and the reason was that it was lacking any emotion.

“Where are you, Yoongi?” Jin was already up. “Tell me!”

“The rooftop… of my building,” Yoongi trailed off. He must be drunk. “The city looks beautiful in the night. You can barely see the stars though and I love the stars… this is sad.”

“Stay there, okay?” Jin tried to calm his voice. “Just wait for me!”

“I’ll try,” came the answer and then the sound of nothingness.

Jin put a new record of speed driving through Seoul. That wasn’t the first time Yoongi had called him with this message. The first time was when he had lost his little brother. Yoongi was sixteen by this time and his brother only fourteen. He got overdosed with drugs and the sad part was that, it was on purpose. He couldn’t tell their parents that he was gay. No one was there to support Yoongi though. What his parents cared was only about their pain about their lost child. But Yoongi? Yoongi was forgotten and then Jin had to act quickly, he knew that… and he was only nineteen by then. He was also young, but he had to grow up overnight and make sure that Yoongi was not alone. He did not have to be alone in all this… and it took his father a long time to realize that his other son is still alive. Meanwhile, Jin had taken that role and Yoongi had leaned on him. And because of the Jin had to be strong, he had to be the grown up. Maybe that was what had saved Yoongi’s life back then.

When Jin reached the building, he didn’t bother to go to Yoongi’s apartment first. He went straight to the door, leading to the rooftop. It was slightly open and this was how he was able to get there. And here he was, Yoongi. He was sitting over the edge, dangling his legs into the empty space. That sight was like a déjà vu. Jin stepped closely.

“Yoongi-yah?” He spoke softly, seeing how the younger’s figure stiffened and then relaxed again. Yoongi didn’t turn back. “Hey, kid… Do you want to talk to hyung?” Jin closed the space between them and although he was afraid of heights, he knew that his friend needed him in that moment…

“He’s gone hyung!” Yoongi said quietly and lifted up an empty bottle of whiskey, trying to take another sip. “Ah, that shit finished too quickly!” He simply let the glass slid off of his fingers. They both could hear how it shattered mere seconds later.

“Jimin is gone?” Jin wanted to make sure. “Is that what you’re telling me?”

Yoongi nodded. “Ï thought everything was fine and… when I came back home it was empty, hyung… so empty.” Yoongi’s eyes were dry though, Jin knew how much he wanted to cry.

“Can I see the note?”  He spread out his arm with palm up. Yoongi pulled a wrinkled paper out of his pocket and placed it over Jin’s palm. Jin was careful to open it and read carefully the shot message there. It sounded like Jimin, but there was a problem… “This is not Jimin’s handwriting, Yoongi.”

Yoongi waved his hand dismissively as if nothing mattered. “Whatever, hyung. I just want to die now!”

“We both know you don’t really want that, Yoongi!” Jin put a careful hand over Yoongi’s back.

“Really?” The younger looked at his friend stubbornly. “And what do I want?”

“You want to cry, kid!” Jin rubbed Yoongi’s back. “I know how badly you want to do it!”

Yoongi’s shoulders hung all of a sudden and he looked down at the empty space beneath him. “Yeah, I do… I want to! I just..., hyung?” He looked up at Jin. “I lied to you.”

“In what, Yoongi?” Seeing the emptiness in Yoongi’s eyes, Jin’s heart clenched tightly.

“I told you I don’t have a heart,” the younger admitted softly. His voice was so soft that the elder wanted to cry. “It turns out that I do.”

“Yeah?” Jin tilted his head.

“Yeah,” Yoongi nodded. “The reason I know is… that he’s gone now.”

“Oh, Yoongi-yah…” Jin sighed painfully. Yoongi turned around and put his feet back on the solid rooftop. “You can cry, kid! God knows how big your heart is… you can cry…”

The younger shook his head. “No, I… have to be strong.”

“There is no need now,” Jin shook his head, sitting closer to his friend. “I’m here… there’s no need to be strong… Just let it out! Let everything out!” He hugged him even before Yoongi was able to react.

The younger’s body stiffened for a moment, but then his shoulders shook. Then… Jin could hear his quiet sobs and as if something clenched his throat. “It hu-hurts so bad, hyung… I… I want him back… I… just-”

“That’s right,” he was rubbing Yoongi’s back. “You can cry now… I’m here, Yoongi-yah! I’m here!”

It was maybe an hour later when Yoongi calmed enough to be back to his apartment. Jin decided to stay with him over the night. He didn’t want Yoongi to be alone in this moment. That kid had suffered enough for a lifetime, but apparently there was more. Jin sighed, leaning his head back on the sofa. What had happened with Jimin? He knew that the boy was helplessly in love with Yoongi. He wouldn’t just drop everything and go. Something wasn’t right in the picture.

Jin decided that he would try and figure out this mystery. Yoongi deserved his happiness with Jimin and Jin would do everything to help these lost souls. When the morning came, Yoongi was wide awake and aware of everything. He tried to act normal with Jin, but the elder didn’t let him bury his feelings away.

“I know you wouldn’t listen to me now, but…” he started. “Something doesn’t look right here, Yoongi. Jimin wouldn’t go like that!”

Yoongi shrugged, taking a seat next to Jin. “He got tired of me.”

“You are such an idiot sometimes!” The elder scoffed. “The boy loves you more than he loves himself! Even a blind man can see it!”

“But he left, isn’t he?” Yoongi’s mind was still blurry. “Maybe it’s for the best…”

“The best for whom?” Jimin rose his eyebrows up.

Yoongi just shrugged. Well, his friend might want to drown into his sadness, but Jin wanted to help him. He wouldn’t let everything slip away so easily.

When Jimin didn’t show at work, Tae got confused. He asked Hoseok, but the elder was strangely quiet. He told him that Jimin was probably out of town and now Tae had to take his classes as well. Then Tae went to ask Jungkook. If anything, the younger looked disappointed that Jimin couldn’t finish his training. Tae was good, but Jimin was better when it comes to routines.

That wasn’t the end however.

Tae knew that something was off. The atmosphere suddenly changed. He could sense that. As much as he wanted to be angry at his friend, Tae had to admit that it wasn’t in Jimin’s style to just up and leave. Jimin was someone you could count on. He was responsible when it came to his job. He loved it and loved what he was doing. Something more, he was set on helping Kookie to do better at the dance event. The younger had to show his qualities in front of Min Productions’ managers. It didn’t mind that he had already signed a contract. Kookie wanted to prove that he deserved it.

Then Hoseok started to act weird. He was still his drug and sex buddy, but he was strangely calm. He wasn’t as sad as he was before. Well, he wasn’t as smiley as he was before though. Tae even received an invite to join Hoseok’s company. He was reluctant at first, but then he decided that he was about to try. Kookie was the main reason of course. Hoseok knew how to seduce his interest. He knew that Kookie was Tae’s weak place.

So, one night two weeks after Jimin’s disappearance, Tae ended up in the same booth as Jin, Namjoon, Yoongi, Kookie and Hoseok. His friend was unnaturally bubbly the whole evening. He was in a good mood. Everything had stopped when Yoongi showed up.

Tae had never seen him like this. The elder had gone back to his dark hair. His face looked unnaturally pale when he looked around. Not even a hint of a smile on his facade. Yoongi just nodded instead of the usual greeting and ordered the first of many whiskeys that night.

Tae observed him quietly. When he wasn’t drinking, Yoongi was leaning back on the wall of the booth and played with his lighter. He looked at the small flame with a strange face. The concerning part was that, Yoongi didn’t smoke. Tae knew that for sure, because Jimin had told him and Jimin knew his roommate well. Well, roommate-turned-lover, Tae corrected himself mentally.

“Why so quiet?” Kookie had nudged him and Tae tried to smile, but failed.

“I was just thinking,” he tried to ignore the fucking butterflies in his stomach every time Kookie spoke to him.

The younger frowned. “Oh?”

“I can think, Kook-ah!” Tae frowned. “Don’t sound so surprised!”

“Hm?” Kookie shrugged. “You were staring at Yoongi, so… I’m assuming this is about Jimin-hyung?”

Tae nodded. “We didn’t part in good terms.”

Kookie frowned. “We didn’t part at all,” he said. “Jin-hyung told me that he thinks that Jimin-hyung might not have left willingly.”

“What?” Tae snapped. “How so?”

Kookie shrugged again. “He’s still trying to figure it out.”

“To figure out what?” Hoseok was back from the dance floor. He took his place at Tae’s other side.

“Jin-hyung thinks that Jimin didn’t leave willingly,” Tae repeated Kookie’s words.

Hoseok dropped the glass he was holding. “Oh, shit!” He cursed. The drink got spilled all over his pants and the glass had shattered on the ground. “Excuse me!” He said and left again.

Tae was staring at him with quizzical look on his face. “I’m calling it a night, guys!” Yoongi interrupted his thoughts and Tae looked at the elder, who was making his way out of the booth.

“See you tomorrow, hyung!” Kookie was following him with his look.

“Yeah, I guess!” Yoongi simply shrugged and left the place.

“I’m worried about him,” Jin said suddenly and took the attention. “He looks like he’s giving up…”

“Giving up on what?” Tae asked him.

“Life?” Jin answered, but sounded more like a question.

Outside, Yoongi was inhaling the cold spring air. He tried to feel something, anything at all. But that well-known emptiness was filling him up again. He shoved his hands into his pockets and closed his eyes for a moment. He didn’t want to go back to his apartment. It felt too cold… too empty.

“Hyung?” Hoseok’s voice startled him for a moment. “Leaving already?”

“Yeah,” Yoongi nodded. “I have to be somewhere.”

“Back home?” Hoseok tried again.

Yoongi frowned. “There is no home now, Hobi… you know that!”

“Just because Jimin left?” The younger hissed. “You act as if he broke your heart? But you were the one who were claiming that you don’t have any!”

“I guess I lied then!” Yoongi shrugged.

“So you are?” Hoseok looked startled.

“What?” The elder scoffed. He wanted to be alone.

“Broken hearted?”

“If the feeling of emptiness and pain at the same time could be called like this, then yes, I am!” Yoongi sighed. “I’m sorry, Hoseok-ah… I have to go!” He turned around and left the place couldn’t quite place the pain in the other one’s eyes.

Hoseok slumped his shoulders and stared after something he could never have…

What he had done?

Chapter Text

 

 

 Chapter fourteen: Fire!


 

 

 

 

A week later Yoongi’s apartment was caught on fire. It started from Yoongi’s bedroom and he was there. Thankfully, Jin had decided to visit his friend that day. He was able to pull out unconscious Yoongi just in time. Luckily the sprinklers worked and when the firefighters had arrived no other room was touched.

Jin watched as the paramedics took Yoongi to the nearest hospital. Then he called Namjoon to inform him what had happened and made sure there was no legal problem with it. Namjoon was one of the best lawyers in Seoul. When few hours later he had arrived at the hospital, he had found a dirty Yoongi, sitting on a hospital bed and staring down.

“What the Hell happened?” Jin rushed into the room. “What you were thinking?”

“It was an accident,” Yoongi simply shrugged.

“We both know it wasn’t an accident!” The elder scoffed. “Are you trying to kill yourself again?”

“I don’t know,” Yoongi’s voice was absent of any emotion right now. “Maybe?”

 “What are you doing, kid?” Jin sighed and sat right next to his friend. For his surprise Yoongi leaned on him. “You have people who love you, who care about you! What are you doing with yourself?”

“Playing with fire apparently,” it was an attempt for a joke, but Jin snorted. “Sorry! Too soon?”

Jin sighed. “I wish I knew how can I help you…”

“It’s simple… Just turn back time and make sure that I never met Park Jimin!” Here was that empty voice again.

Jin silenced. He knew that Yoongi wasn’t thinking at the moment. His face was blank and his emotional state wasn’t good at all. He just wrapped his arm around his friend’s shoulder and pulled him closer. Yoongi was like a little brother to him. He looked so cool on the outside, but only he knew how weak Yoongi could be. That was the reason Jin knew that his friend was an emotional wreck right now. He missed Jimin badly and he didn’t know how to deal with it.

It was bad for him.

It was bad for Jimin also, if he could guess that.

“Hyung?” The door was pushed open and Hoseok appeared in front of his eyes. Jin frowned. “Are you okay?”

“How did you know I was here?” Yoongi looked up for a brief moment. “Never mind…”

“I went to see you and they told me about the fire,” Hoseok tried to explain. “Are you okay?”

“He’s okay,” Jin answered instead. “I’m taking him home with me.”

“Is that bad?” The red-haired boy looked at Jin. “The apartment I mean?”

“Only his bedroom,” Jin paused. “He set his own bedroom on fire, but apparently he forgot to leave the place.”

“I wanted to stay,” Yoongi spoke all of a sudden. “You should’ve seen the flames… they were gorgeous!”

Jin noticed the pained expression on Hoseok’s face. Yes, he knew that the boy was in love with Yoongi for a long time. He also knew that his friend had pushed him away, because he didn’t feel the same. He also knew that Hoseok was with Tae now. It was like an unspoken secret. But apparently, the red-haired boy still had feelings for Yoongi. Yoongi, who looked emotionless right now. 

“Ah, hyung!” Hobi put up his hands. “That love for Jimin took enough of your time!”

“What?” Yoongi blinked.

“He obviously didn’t feel the same!” The younger snapped. “Who would run like that if he loves you?”

“Hoseok!” Jin tried to warn him.

“It’s not worth losing your life over him! He is nothing!”

“He was everything!” Yoongi snapped all of a sudden. “He is still everything to me… everything that I’ve had!”

“But killing yourself, because of him?” Hoseok stared angrily and Yoongi. “Setting your own apartment on fire?”

“I’d do everything for him!” Yoongi clenched his fists. “If he lets me… I would beg him on my knees to come back to me if I have to! I’d do everything, if only he… if… he wants me back!”

Hoseok took a step back. Yoongi’s outburst had apparently done something to him. His eyes looked huge. “You’d do… everything?”

“Everything!” Yoongi nodded. “And if I fail… then I… I’d just go away and deal like I know…”

“You mean killing yourself,” the other one mumbled. His head hang between his shoulders. “And I thought I was doing something good for you…”

“What?” Suddenly Jin’s face changed. “What are you talking about?”

Hoseok swallowed a limp in his throat. “I-I know where Jimin is.” He finally said.

“What?” Yoongi yelled. “You know what?”

“I know where he is,” Hoseok replied quietly. “I’ve always known.”

“And you didn’t tell me?” Yoongi’s face twisted into an ugly grimace. “Why?”

Hoseok shuddered. “I thought… if he’s out of the picture you, you would go back to your old self and…”

“What did you do?” Yoongi interrupted him. “Where is Jimin?”

“His parents took him back to Busan,” Hoseok swallowed hard. “They contacted me through my dance studio. They told me that Jimin’s girlfriend had called them with the news that Jimin was in love with a guy.” The younger sobbed. “They said that Jimin is just confused and he needed some time to re-think about his life choices.”

“What have you done?” Yoongi suddenly jumped out of the bed. He rushed to his old friend and squeezed his shoulders. “What have you done to him?”

“I thought it was the right thing to do!” Hobi sobbed. “But he didn’t want to go and his father… his father drugged him. He’s a doctor and he can… and… I helped them carry him to the taxi.”

Yoongi had never before punched his friend. He had promised to himself he was going to be a loyal person, who cared about friendships. He broke that promise today. His fist collided with Hoseok’s face and the other boy fell onto the ground.

“Yoongi!” Jin rushed to him and held him from behind. Yoongi was seeing blood.

“Get out!” He yelled to his old friend. Hoseok was carefully to stand back up. “Get out of my sight! I don’t want to see you every again? Do you hear me? Ever!”

Hoseok didn’t wait for another invite. He turned around, still with tears in his eyes and left the room. Yoongi turned around to face Jin. “I’m going to Busan!”

“You don’t know his address even!” Jin tried to put some sense into him.

“I’m going to check the registers!” Yoongi grabbed his jacket and stormed out of the room.

“Yoongi, wait!” Jin was barely keeping up with Yoongi’s tempo. “You don’t have any documents! How are you going to travel like that?”

Yoongi stopped abruptly. “You’re right!” He looked at Jin. “You’re going to drive me home, hyung! I have to change and then I’m going to be on the next flight to Busan!”

Jin sighed. “I’m coming with you!”

Yoongi didn’t wait for an answer and started walking again.

It took him less than ten minutes to get ready, put some new clothes on and pack his baggage, along with his documents. Jin was waiting for him in the living room. He wasn’t surprised when he saw his younger friend ready for action.

They were on the next plain for Busan, just as Yoongi wanted to. Jin had called Namjoon again to ask him for a favor and now they knew Jimin’s address. Yoongi was trying to look calm, but his body was shaking from nervousness. He was eager to see Jimin again.

It took them few hours to reach there. It was the early evening when the plane softly landed at Busan’s airport. They had to pass through the security and then walk to rent a car. Jin wasn’t picky, because he knew Yoongi was in a hurry. While they were driving to Jimin’s home, Jin could see how Yoongi’s left leg was nervously shaking all the time. Yoongi was nervous and impatient. He was anxious to see Jimin again.

“Calm down,” the elder wanted to sound calm. “We’ll be there soon.”

“I know,” Yoongi mumbled.

“Let me talk when we get there, okay?” Jin spoke again.

“Okay,” Yoongi nodded.

He was ready to agree with everything as long as he was about to see his Jimin after. Then Jimin remembered how Yoongi had called him once – “my sunshine” . Maybe indeed Jimin was Yoongi’s sunshine. Jin had never seen his old friend smile more than during the time when he was with Jimin.

It turned out that Jimin’s parents were living at the suburbs. Their house was a part of a small closed neighborhood. It was dark when they arrived and Jin parked the car outside the small house. It was beautiful place, he could say. Everything was green and calming… except the person right next to him. Yoongi was out of the car as soon as Jin had stopped the engine. 

“Yoongi wait!” He ran after him, but it was too late. Yoongi was already by the door and pushed the doorbell. Jin had to speed up, before the door could be opened.

“Good evening?” A short white-haired guy appeared before them. He wore a simple gray pair of pants, brown pullover and glasses over his face. “How can I help you?”

“Good evening, sir!” Jin had the decency to bow, but Yoongi didn’t even try. “We’re here to see Jimin! We are his… friends from Seoul.”

“Who are you?” the guy frowned.

“I’m Kim Seokjin and this is Min Yoongi…”

“No! I’m sorry!” He was about to shut the door as soon as he heard Yoongi’s name. “You can’t see him!”

“Let them in!” They heard a woman’s voice. “Let them in now!”

“But, darling… this is…”

“I know who it is!” A short woman’s figure appeared right next to Jimin’s father. “Yoongi…” She stared at him. “Let them both in!”

“But-”

“He’s gonna die Gyeong!” She grabbed his shirt. “I’m not going to wait for my son to die!”

“What?” Yoongi’s voice was close to a whisper. “What’s wrong with him?”

Jimin’s mother didn’t answer him. She took his hand and he followed her inside. His heart was racing when they climbed the stairs up to Jimin’s room. When she stopped in front of a brown wooden door, Yoongi wasn’t sure if he wanted to get inside. But he didn’t have another choice. He had to. For Jimin.

He was wrong. He could’ve stayed outside if they asked him. What he was able to see broke his already broken heart again. Jimin was lying in a big bed. There was an IV attached to his arm. His body was turned to the window and his figure looked smaller than usual.

Sunshine?” Yoongi spoke quietly and saw how the body on the bed trembled. “Sunshine, it’s me… Yoongi.”

“You’re lying!” came the weak voice from the bed. Jimin didn’t turn around. “Yoongi doesn’t know I’m here. He’s..,” a quiet sob echoed in the room.

Yoongi wasn’t able to resist anymore. He quickly rounded the bed and knelt right in front of Jimin’s face. “No, sunshine! Look! Look at me!” He placed his hand over Jimin’s clammy cheek, because the younger was keeping his eyes closed. “Open your eyes to see your Moon, Jiminie…”

Jimin sobbed loudly now. “No, this can’t be true! You’re not real… you’re not!”

“Look at me, please…” Yoongi pleaded, staring at the younger one’s face. It was so thin that it scared him. Jimin’s whole body looked unhealthy thinner than before. “Please, Jiminie…”

It took another moment before Jimin was finally able to open his eyes. “It’s really you?” He reached out a shaking hand to touch Yoongi’s face. “You’re here? For me?”

Yoongi swallowed hard. “Yes, sunshine! I came to get you back home.”

Jimin’s mother was observing the scene from the door. Soon Jin and Jimin’s father joined her. She was crying, watching her son talking again. Her shoulders shook quietly though. Her eyes couldn’t stop looking at how softly Yoongi touched Jimin’s face. How gently he was kissing Jimin’s wrists and how softly he was dragging his fingers though Jimin’s hair. The love, coming from his eyes was visible for everyone in the room. Then she knew that she had to let her son go. Jimin was never going to be the one she had dreamed of him. He was never going to follow her dreams, but his own ones.

Now she knew why he had closed in himself. Why he had refused to eat and why he wanted to give up on his life like that.

She could see the reason right in front of herself. That reason was a dark-haired boy, named Min Yoongi.

Chapter Text

 


 

 

Park Seoyun was raised in a traditional family. Her parents were strict when it came to her education. They wanted her to find a suitable guy and get married. Because of her natural beauty, it wasn’t that difficult. She had found her husband Park Gyeong at the University she was studying. They got married just as she had turned 21 years old.

She gave birth to her only son Park Jimin at the age of 22 years old. She couldn’t have more children, because of a medical condition, but she loved her son. He was a cute and tiny since the very beginning. Jimin had his mother’s plump lips and big eyes and his father’s face features. His blond hair he had taken from his father’s grandparents. His grandmother was an European and therefore, she had put some new genes into the Park family.

Park Jimin was raised in the same traditional family, just as his mother. Seoyun tried to raise him well and put her beliefs in him. She thought she’d done a good job. Jimin got together with the girl he’d got a crush on since High School. When he had moved to Seoul with Lia, Seoyun was beyond happy. She could see her son married to that beautiful girl and having a traditional family, just as she did. Her dreams for Jimin were big and she had put her hopes on him.

When Jimin had met Min Yoongi everything had started to shift and change. It was almost unnoticeable at the beginning. Seoyun couldn’t see the signs. But then, when Jimin had told her about his friend and roommate and his life style, his mother had advised him to switch the dorms. She didn’t want Jimin to have such bad influence. Jimin had refused, but she had accepted that. Her son was raised well; he couldn’t swing into a bad direction.

When Lia had called her with the news that Jimin had fallen in love with the same Min Yoongi, she got mad. She had told this to her husband and they both had taken the decision to bring Jimin back home. The intentions were good, but when they had to drag him out of his apartment, her mother’s heart almost broke. Jimin didn’t want to go. He had begged them until the medication started working and he couldn’t fight anymore.

When they finally got back home, Jimin had tried to escape. His father locked him into his room and then Jimin decided something else. He told his parents that he was going to starve himself to death. He didn’t want to live in such cage. Seoyun didn’t believe him at first. Jimin was a good boy. He had to listen to her.

But then he didn’t.

It was the forth day when his body basically gave up. He refused to eat and even drink water. His body became weaker by hours and his father hooked him to an IV. In that way, Jimin’s body would receive some food supply at least.

The week had passed and Jimin was still like that. He would lay and stare at the window. His eyes were empty and lifeless. When nothing had changed into the next week, Seoyun was on the verge of calling Yoongi herself. But she didn’t. She still hoped that Jimin could come to his senses.

It was until that night when Yoongi had finally appeared on their doorstep. The boy looked bad himself. His face was dark and she could see fresh wound covering his forehead. He was also thin, but not thinner than her son.

Then she had taken him into Jimin’s room and that was the first time she could hear his son speak since two weeks. She wasn’t blind and could see Yoongi’s face. The pain was clear in his eyes and he didn’t even try to cover it. He was hurting along with Jimin.

When the night finally embraced Busan, Seoyun had found herself sitting in her own dining room, watching how Min Yoongi was holding her Jimin into his arms. Her son was sitting on Yoongi’s lap, leaning his head weakly over his shoulder and trying to eat. Yoongi was carefully feeding him some soup.

“Careful, sunshine…” Yoongi was just telling Jimin, placing the spoon back into the bowl of soup over the small table. “I think it’s enough for tonight.” He brushed Jimin’s mouth with a clean napkin and leaned back, so Jimin could feel more comfortable.

“I feel so tired,” Jimin sighed. “But I don’t want to sleep.” His hand was lying weakly over Yoongi’s shoulder. “I’m afraid that if I close my eyes, you’d disappear again.”

“I’ll be right here, Jiminie.” Yoongi’s voice was soft, so soft that made Seoyun shudder. His eyes were full of love when he was staring at her son and Jimin’s eyes were like his reflection.  “You can sleep, okay?”

“Don’t let me go!” Jimin finally closed his eyes. “Promise me!”

“I won’t!” Yoongi pressed a soft kiss over Jimin’s forehead and his voice trembled. “I won’t ever! I swear!” 

Seoyun saw how his eyes closed for a moment and he took a deep breath before opened them again. Now he was staring at her. “I’m taking him with me,” the softness in his voice had disappeared completely.

“I know,” Jimin’s mother agreed with low voice. “I know you should and you will. I promise, we won’t stay in your way.”

“You won’t?” Yoongi’s eyes narrowed with confusion.

“I want my son happy, Yoongi.” The woman sighed. “I know you are his happiness.”

“You’re agreeing… that fast?” Yoongi still couldn’t believe that.

“I wanted him to be happy,” she tried to explain. “I wanted him to have everything in this world. You have to understand, he’s our only son! We were hoping for a different future for him.”

“I know,” Yoongi paused. “Jimin told me this awhile ago. We were talking a lot about you.”

Seoyun lowered her look to her clasped hands. “I know what we’ve done to him is wrong, but we thought it’s for the best.” She tried to contain her tears. “We were hoping that he’d get back to his senses, but… Jimin is not sick! At least… not mentally sick. It took me some time to accept that, but…”

“But he has mental problems, Mrs. Park.” Yoongi spoke quietly. “He tried to kill himself, because of you. He was so afraid to meet your disapproval that he was able to cut his veins.”

Seoyun shuddered. “I didn’t know… so this is why you were kissing his wrists?” She felt pain not knowing that she had caused even more pain to her son. That he was willing to die than accepting who he is.

Yoongi nodded, his head leaned over Jimin’s one. “I always kiss them to show him that I’m so happy that he is alive. There is no reason to feel ashamed of what he is. I’ve tried talking to him about that, but I think he still has some difficulties to love himself again.” The back of his fingers brushed Jimin’s face.

“You truly love him, huh?” Seoyun was finally able to see the bigger picture. She saw how Yoongi stiffened for a bit and then a soft smile appeared on his lips when he stared back at her.

“I love him, yeah!” His look fell onto the sleeping boy into his arms again. “I truly love him!” Yoongi chuckled bitterly over the confused look of Jimin’s mother. “Do you know how much he wanted to hear these words from me?”

“That you… love him?” The woman stammered.

“Yeah,” Yoongi shrugged. “When we first met and became roommates, I’ve tried to convince Jimin that I don’t have a heart… That I wasn’t meant for love.” He was staring at the sleeping Jimin. “He didn’t believe me, but I had to explain it to him why I’m having such life style.” Yoongi paused. “I have to tell him! I have to tell him my story one day, but… not now.”

Seoyun looked at her clasped hands. “I know you probably hate us right now, Yoongi. I could understand that, but… we’re not used to all… this.” She waved her hand at the couple. “It’s going to take some time.” She looked at the door to the kitchen where her husband and Jin were. “To the both of us.”

“I know,” Yoongi agreed with hushed voice. “I’m sure Jiminie will forgive you someday and so am I. But… I won’t force him to do anything that he doesn’t want to do, Mrs. Park. I want you to know that!”

Seoyun nodded. “I understand.” She sighed. “When do you want to leave?”

Yoongi frowned. “Probably early in the morning,” he said. “I want us to be on the first flight to Seoul. I understand that Jimin now has a certain medical condition, so I’ll make sure he will travel comfortable.”

“I’m sorry,” Jimin’s mother said once again. “We just… you know.” Her eyes were filled with tears and Yoongi nodded. “I’ll pack his bags.”

“We don’t need more than necessary,” Yoongi said and got up with Jimin in his arms. He was convinced once again how lighter he felt.

“No!” Jimin stirred in his arms at that moment. His small fists clenched into Yoongi’s shirt. “Don’t leave me!” He whimpered.

“Hush now, sunshine…” Yoongi’s soft voice appeared again, while he was walking back upstairs to Jimin’s old room. “Your Moon is here… don’t worry.”

Seoyun could see them both disappearing into the staircase to the second floor and sighed, walking to the kitchen. Her husband and Jin were sitting on the table. They were both with troubled faces and the woman stared at them.

“Yoongi and Jimin went to sleep for tonight,” she tried to stabilize her voice and placed her hand over her husband’s shoulder. “Yoongi wants to leave in the morning.”

Jin nodded. “I’ve booked the flight already. We’re going to travel Business class. Jimin would feel more comfortable in that way.”

“I don’t think he’s in condition to fly!” Gyeong snapped.

“And whose fault that is?” Jin responded in the same voice. "You almost killed them both! Are you happy now?" He scoffed. It was not only Yoongi he felt the need to protect now. It was also Jimin.

“If he wasn’t so stubborn-” Jimin’s father started, his face red, but he got interrupted by his wife’s voice.

“Enough!” She rose up her voice a bit. “Whatever happened, it happened! Now, I’m going to prepare Jimin’s bag for tomorrow and he’s going to leave with the boys!”

“But darling-”

“Or you want him to stay and die here?” Her voice was harsh now, but she didn’t care. “I’ve never thought that watching my son eating would be my only joy in this life! But he ate now, Gyeong! You should’ve seen him! And that only happened, because Yoongi fed him.” She sighed. “I don’t care if you want to take it or not, but our son is in love with another man! I don’t care how bad that makes you feel, but… if that makes him want to live, I’m willing to accept that! Now, excuse me!” She stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind her back.

Later that night, when she went to Jimin’s room to check how he is, she got stricken from the picture. Yoongi was laying on his back, wrapped his arms around the small frame of Jimin’s body. Her son’s head was resting over the left side of Yoongi’s chest and his hand was resting on the right side. There was smile dancing over his lips even in his sleep. Seoyun clasped her mouth. She didn’t want them to hear her silent sob. She didn’t want them to know that she was there and spied on such intimate moment.

Her son was going to be happy. Yes, she knew that. She also knew that she would accept Yoongi in their lives one day. Maybe when the wounds heal enough, they could do the next step and try to be a family again. Maybe even she would accept Yoongi as her son. That was in the future though, now… now she would just be thankful to the boy who had saved her son’s life. What he had said before? That he thought that he didn’t have a heart? Seoyun was ready to fight over that argument. She was able to see Yoongi’s heart, reflected in his eyes every time he was looking at Jimin.

Just then Jimin stirred in his sleep, whining silently. He fisted Yoongi’s shirt even tighter, probably still afraid that he was going to lose him. Seoyun bit her lower lip tighter when Yoongi cuddled her son even closer to himself. He didn’t wake up; he just did it in his sleep.  It was as if that was a second nature for him. He wanted to protect Jimin by any cause. Jimin's face then relaxed again and he went back into deep sleep. 

Seoyun closed the door quietly. Her son was in good hands now.

Chapter Text

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

Some wounds took more time to heal than others.

Jimin left his childhood home with no regrets. He even said goodbye to his parents, but he did not force himself to show more emotions than that. He waved at them from his place at Yoongi’s arms and then he was in the car, leading him back to his home in Seoul. It was a painful ride. He had exhausted his body these past few weeks and now he was paying for it.

Yoongi had made him eat this morning. It was that same lame soup again, but his body couldn not take any other food. His stomach had to learn how to deal with the food all over again. Jimin did not mind that. He was thankful that he was on his way back home. Wherever Yoongi was, there was his home. It might sounded cheesy, but that was how he felt. His mind and his heart were at peace now, but his body needed some healing.

“There we are, kids!” Jin stopped the engine and turned around to see Jimin’s smile. “How are you feeling Jimin-ah?”

“I’m good,” the boy nodded. “We can go now.”

Yoongi smiled right next to him and got out of the car. He pulled him out and they both waited for Jin, to wrap a warm blanket over Jimin’s lean body. “We’re ready to go, hyung!” Yoongi said.

Jimin was not in Yoongi’s arms only with the passport check. He was caring him throughout the whole way to the plane. They even visited the restrooms together, because Jimin did not have enough power to do that himself. The whole embarrassment had to be put aside. When Yoongi finally placed him at his first class seat, Jimin was close to falling asleep. He barely waited for the plane to take off, so Yoongi could make his bed and finally drifted away.

When he opened his eyes again, they were in Seoul and ready to land. Then Yoongi took him into his arms again and even planted a kiss over his forehead. Jimin sighed with pleasure and snuggled in him. They were parted again at the passport check and he was back in Yoongi’s arms on their way to Jin’s car.

“Where do you want to take him?” Jin asked Yoongi, while fastening his seatbelt.

“Why?” Jimin looked between them in confusion. “What happened to our apartment?”

Yoongi looked away for a moment. “There was a fire and…”

“Oh my God!” Jimin gasped and reached out to touch Yoongi’s forehead. “I was wondering from where this is. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, sunshine!” The elder smiled softly. “Don’t worry!” Then he looked at Jin. “Can you please call and check what happened while we were gone, hyung? Let’s visit the doctor first.”

Jimin lowered his look. “You called… for me?”

“I want you happy and healthy,” Yoongi slid his fingers under Jimin’s chin and made him look at his eyes. “I want you to know that I’d do everything for you to get better!”

“Yeah?” A small smile reached out to Jimin’s face.

“Yeah,” Yoongi’s thumb slid over the beautiful lips. “Then if everything is okay, we can go back home. Okay?”

The younger nodded and rested his head over Yoongi’s shoulder. Jin waited for Yoongi to nod, before he could drive off.

Jimin was mostly sitting at the doctor’s cabinet. Jin had to call the doctor, so they could have the current appointment. The doctor was a dietologist, specialized with cases of anorexia. Jimin’s condition was not that bad, as Yoongi thought, but it was just as serious. He had to listen carefully and lead notes. His mind was fully occupied of what he had to do to nurse Jimin back to health.

They had to put him on a special diet. He had to take certain foods at certain time. The doctor even made a proper schedule for the hours. Then he prescribed some vitamins and minerals he had to take. They had to call him back in a week to take Jimin’s measures.

Yoongi was shocked to see that his sunshine had lost more than fifteen kilograms for two weeks. His body was skin and bones and it took him a lot of effort not to cry when he saw him. Jimin on the other hand felt really embarrassed, but he knew that it was for his own good. He wanted to get better for Yoongi. He wanted his life back.

“Okay,” the doctor got up and Yoongi followed him. They shook hands and Jimin found himself in the elder’s arms again. “I’ll see you the next week, same time.”

Yoongi smiled and nodded with agreement. Then they left the doctor’s cabinet to see Jin waiting for them outside. “Everything is okay with your apartment,” he said. “They got rid of the burned furniture in your room, Yoongi and even cleaned the smell of smoke there. You can go back home if you want.”

“We do!” Jimin answered instead. His eyes went heavy again and he was eager to lie back at his own bed.

Yoongi chuckled. “You’ve heard the man!” He nodded at Jin, who was also smiling. “Let’s go!”

“I called Namjoon and the others,” Jin was telling them while driving to their apartment. “I told them you are coming back, Jimin-ah. Tae and Kookie were so happy to hear that! They said that they will come and see you tomorrow if you are ready?”

“Mhmm,” Jimin mumbled half-asleep, but then his eyes flew open. “Oh, my God! Hoseok! You didn’t tell him, right? He was… he was there when…” The younger stammered. His eyes were filled with tears.

“He’s not… available right now, Jiminie!” Yoongi tried to comfort him. “We know what he did. He told us where to find you.”

“Hyung!” Jimin suddenly panicked. “I don’t want to see him, hyung!”

Yoongi bit his lower lip. “You won’t see him, I promise you, sunshine!” When Jimin looked down he saw Yoongi’s fists. He was angry.

“I’m sorry, this is probably childish,” the younger lowered his look. “I just… I could never forget how he just stood there, doing nothing… and I begged him to help me! I begged him! But he never did! I didn’t know he hates me so much!”

“He doesn’t hate you sunshine!” Yoongi stroked one of his cheeks. “No one can hate you! He was just… confused.”

Jimin frowned. “I thought he likes me when he invited me to the dance studio, but maybe I was wrong then…”

“There is no need to talk about Hoseok now, okay?” Yoongi tried to change the subject. “We have to think of what to do with my room when we go back home, right?”

“What to do?” Jimin blinked with confusion. “What do you mean?”

“Well,” Yoongi took one of his hands and held it tight. “I’m guessing now we’re going to share a room, right?” Jimin blushed. “That’s a yes then. So, what to do with my old room?”

“You can make your home studio?” Jimin suggested. “Maybe even buy a modern piano? I know how much you like playing.”

“That’s a good idea,” Jin said while parking the car.

“He’s the smarter one between us,” Yoongi mused and they all laughed. Hoseok was forgotten for now.

They bid their goodbyes with Jin and few minutes later entered back into their apartment. It didn’t smell like smoke anymore. They had even changed Yoongi’s door. Everything else was just fine. Jimin had started yawning, so Yoongi was quick to take him to his room. The younger watched how his hyung was changing his bed sheets and the covers. Now Jimin had more time to watch over that beautiful face he had missed these past two weeks. Yoongi had dyed his hair back to black, but it suited him. He looked tired, but Jimin assumed that was because of his worries for him.

“I love you,” he said all of a sudden and Yoongi looked up. He was just finishing with his work. “You know?”

“I know,” the elder smiled and even winked at him. Jimin’s heart skipped a beat. “Jimin-ah?”

“What?” the boy looked dreamily.

“I love you too!” Yoongi said and waited for Jimin’s response.

He had to wait for awhile.

Jimin’s mouth hung open for a moment and his eyes grew big. Then he blinked few times, afraid that he was just dreaming all this. Yoongi had just told him that he loved him, right?

“You… love me?” He wanted to confirm what he had heard.

Yoongi nodded. “I love you!”

“Like… love me-love me?” Jimin blinked few more times.

Yoongi laughed. Laughed? “I love-love you!”

Then he rounded the bed and went to Jimin. He grabbed his hands and knelt in front of him. “I’m sorry it took me some time, Jiminie! But…  I lied to you!” He licked his lips. “I do have a heart, but… I was afraid to love. I was afraid to give it to someone… I still think that I don’t deserve you and your love for me, but I swear! I swear I’d do everything to deserve it!”

Jimin shook his head. “I don’t know why you are like this, hyung. You never told me what made you the person you are today and I was too afraid to ask you! You looked like you wanted to forget your childhood and I just… didn’t want to ask too much.”

“I’ll tell you when you’re ready to hear it, Jiminie!” Yoongi kissed his wrists again and got up on his feet. “Now, you’ve had a long day and you need to get some sleep, okay?”

Jimin wanted to argue, but he knew that his hyung was right. “And you?” He asked.

“I’ll call my father,” Yoongi blushed. “I think it’s about time you two to meet.”

Jimin blushed as well, but nodded. “Okay, hyung.” He yawned. “Call him then.”

“Sleep tight, sunshine!” Yoongi sent him a flying kiss.

Jimin pretended that he caught it. “See you soon, my Moon!” The elder grinned and closed the door behind his back. Then his face changed. He had to talk with his father.

Yoongi was playing with his phone in the living room for awhile. He had left Jimin to sleep. His sunshine needed it badly right now. He was going to need his whole strength to battle his nursing back to life. 

It was never easy to come out in front of your parent, but Min Sungho was nothing but supportive of his son. After what had happened in their family, it went down to them two to deal with the aftershocks of the tragedy. It made them feel closer than before, but the change didn’t happen overnight. It took them some time and mistakes to get to the place they were right now.

Yoongi?” His father’s voice made him clutch the receiver. “I’ve heard there was fire in your apartment… I was waiting for you to call me.”

Yoongi rubbed his neck nervously. ‘Yeah, about that… I’m okay.” He took a short pause. “This is not why I’m calling you, appa.”

“Is there something wrong, kid?” The worry in his father’s voice was clear. “Do you need some help?”

“No-no,” Yoongi stammered and took a deep breath. “Appa, I want you to meet someone.” His father didn’t answer for awhile and Yoongi got confused. “Appa? Are you still there?”

“Yes, Yoongi! I’m still here!” Sungho coughed. “I just… okay. Who do you want me to meet?”

Yoongi took a deep breath. His heart was racing. “His name is Jimin, Park Jimin.” He bit his lower lip nervously. “I think I love him, appa…”

Yoongi could hear his father gasp. “You love… Oh, my God! Thank you!” A sound that could be qualified as a sob startled Yoongi. Then his father spoke again. “You have no idea how long I was praying to find that special someone for you, my son! When can I meet the boy? Can you come over?”

“I’m sorry, but we can’t… currently. Jimin is… we’re dealing with his sudden anorexia... problem, and he has to lay down more.”

“What happened?” Sungho. “I’ll come over for sure! When do you need me to be there?”

“Tomorrow… at eight maybe? I’ll cook!” Yoongi sighed. “And I’ll tell you more when you come here!”

“Sure,” his father said softly. “Just take your time with him, okay? And don’t worry, your presence is not that needed right now.”

“Thank you, appa! Bye!”

“Bye, son…”

 

Chapter Text

 


 

 

When they woke up on the next morning, Yoongi found out how tough Jimin’s condition could be. Jimin was still too weak to hold his utensils, so Yoongi had to help him. But then, he might have had urged him to take in more food than his stomach was currently able to digest. Jimin had thrown up and his eyes were filled with tears and embarrassment. It took some time of cleaning, before Yoongi was able to take care of his lover’s needs to be embraced and pampered. It took him awhile, until he was sure that he was not seeing the guilt in Jimin's eyes. He thought he would never be the one to be put in such condition. He thought he would suck of taking care of a loved one. It turned out that no matter how difficult that was, Yoongi was able to find that inner strength, that he never thought he had. Love was a strange thing. It could give you wings sometimes.

Jimin felt really bad after that situation and fell into his self-hating mode all over again. Yoongi tried to be patient with him. He was careful and gentle when he spoke to him, but Jimin was… Jimin. His self-esteem was really low in that current situation. He was getting angry at himself and Yoongi started to figure out why.

Jimin was a dancer. His life was filled with music and dance and now, he was stuck to the bed for a month at least. Then it was going to take another month and even more for rehabilitation and building his muscles again. Yoongi’s sunshine was not from the most patient people.

“I’m such a burden!” Jimin sighed tiredly. “I hate this!”

Yoongi sighed. “You are not a burden, Jiminie… not to me.”

“I’m so sorry, hyung!” The younger bit his lower lip. “You have a baby now.”

The elder chuckled and pulled Jimin closer to himself. They were sitting comfortably on the couch. Well, Yoongi was sitting and Jimin was leaning on him. Yoongi had just helped him to go to the toilet and then to take a bath. He had washed every curve of his body carefully. Jimin sighed. He had done this to himself. Now he had to suffer.

“My dad is coming soon,” Yoongi checked his watch and Jimin stiffened. “What?”

“Maybe I should… be in our bedroom, hyung?” He licked his lips. “I’m not so presentable…. And what if I got sick on the table? That would be just gross…”

“Can you hush for a minute?” Yoongi rose his voice up just a tad bit. “My dad is coming here to see you, okay? I told him I was going to cook, but then called him this morning again. I explained to him why we can’t have dinner, but he insisted that he’d eat before coming here.”

Jimin blushed. “I feel so embarrassed.”

The other man just slid his fingers under Jimin’s chin and lifted it up. “I love you!” He said and felt how Jimin stirred. He still had not used to these words. But Yoongi found out it was especially easy to tell them to Jimin. At one point he had even wondered what had taken him that longer. “I want my father to meet my choice for a life partner, because you are important to me! Do you hear that?”

“You still love me?” The younger still hadn’t used to Yoongi saying these words.

“Always,” Yoongi smiled and winked at him. Then he leaned and pecked his plush lips. Jimin sighed. “Feeling better now?”

“Mhmm,” Jimin nodded and snuggled in his hoodie. Well, it was Yoongi’s hoodie, but Jimin loved to wear his lover’s clothes. They just smelled like him.

The door bell rang and Jimin stiffened again, but then relaxed and looked at Yoongi. He saw how the older got up and stretched out, before heading for the door. Jimin sat up, thankful to the pillows Yoongi had put around to support him. He run his fingers through his hair nervously and waited for Yoongi to return. He was surprisingly fast.

When Yoongi came back, Jimin noticed the not so tall man, right beside of him. He had grey hair and surprisingly tanned face. Jimin couldn’t tell how old he was, because he looked really youthful. The boy blushed. Yoongi had taken his father’s cat-shaped eyes and his nose. Everything else, Jimin assumed, had taken from the mother Jimin had never heard of.

“Good evening, Mr. Min!” Jimin blushed and bowed his head. “I’m sorry I can’t bow, but-”

“The miracle boy!” Yoongi’s dad walked to him with a huge warm smile on his lips. “So you’re the one, who brought my son’s heart back?”

Jimin blushed and Yoongi whined. “Appa!” But Sungho simply shrugged and sat close to the younger boy.

“I’m Min Sungho, Yoongi’s dad…” He kept smiling. “I’d love to get to know you Park Jimin! And let’s forget the formalities, yeah? You’re a part of our family now, so you can call me appa if you want.”

Jimin smiled shyly and looked at him. “Okay… appa Sungho!” The word felt strange over his tongue, but he knew that he’d get used to it.

Yoongi sighed and took his place, at the other side of Jimin. The younger leaned on him right away. He was obviously tired from the effort he was making just to sit straight. Yoongi wrapped his arm around his shoulders, so Jimin could lay even more comfortable on him. The boy sighed with pleasure.

“Why I never met you before, Jimin?” Sungho looked at the couple and a new smile reached to his lips. “I knew that you were Yoongi’s roommate, but we never met before.”

“I didn’t think it was that important,” Yoongi shrugged. “You know my lifestyle. I mean my lifestyle back then.”

A slight frown crawled over Sungho’s face. “Yeah, unfortunately, I know.” Then his eyes met Jimin’s again. “But I’m happy that Jimin’s in your life now. You look changed… and for the better.”

“I did nothing special,” Jimin shrugged. “If anything, I caused more trouble than I did something good.”

“Don’t talk like that, sunshine,” Yoongi touched Jimin’s forehead and the younger melted in his arms. “You know how much I’ve changed since everything between us got… serious.”

“I wish your mother could see you now,” Sungho whispered and Yoongi was fast to shot him a look. His face changed. It became colder.

“Don’t mention that woman in front of me, please! Never again!”

Sungho put his arms up. “I’m sorry, son. It won’t happen again! I promise! So, Jimin… what do you do for living?”

Jimin started talking reluctantly. He felt some strange tension in the air in the moment Yoongi’s mother was mentioned. But he knew not to ask Yoongi for more, not with his father around. A half an hour later, the boy’s eyes started to close. He was about to fall asleep in Yoongi’s arms.

“Feeling tired sunshine?” Yoongi asked him after awhile. “Do you want to take a nap?”

Jimin blushed, but he was tired indeed. “I’m sorry, hyung… I-”

Yoongi was fast to pick him up. He turned his head to his father. “Can you wait for me here, appa?”

Sungho nodded and smiled. “Yes, of course son. It was nice meeting you Jimin-ssi!”

Jimin smiled over Yoongi’s shoulder. “It was nice meeting you… appa Sungho.”

Sungho looked after the couple while they headed for their bedroom. He had never seen his son acting so gently before. It was as if the Sun was reflecting in Yoongi’s eyes every time he looked at Jimin. Maybe this time, his son was about to get cured from his ghosts from the past. Maybe this time he was going to be happy.

Just then, Yoongi walked out of the bedroom, closing the door carefully. “I’m sorry, appa.” He apologized. “Jimin is still recovering.”

“What happened to him?” Sungho asked when his son sat back on the sofa.

“His parents took him away from me,” Yoongi frowned. “This is what happened. They forced him to go back to Busan.”

“I don’t get it…” Sungho trailed off.

“Jimin and I…” Yoongi coughed and shifted a little. “We… got together pretty recently.” He shrugged. “You know he was my roommate, I told you that.” Yoongi waited for his appa to nod. “He had a girlfriend, but… we sorta fell for each other. I don’t know how that happened… I didn’t even feel how… but… she found us and then she called his parents.” Yoongi frowned. “See… they are a traditional family and… they wanted him to have a normal life and a girlfriend, possibly a wife. It was unacceptable for him to be in a relationship with another guy.”

“Oh?” Yoongi’s appa frowned.

“Yeah,” Yoongi coughed. “So… they took him and he decided to starve himself to death.”

Sungho shook his head. “Okay, I think I got it! The important thing now is that he’s safe with you!”

Yoongi tried to smile. “I want to think that way, yeah.”

“So you love him?” Sungho wanted to make sure. He needed his words.

Yoongi smiled and the smile touched his beautiful dark eyes. “I love him, appa.”

“Good,” Sungho sighed. A light smile touched his face. “Take care of him and keep him safe! I know you can do that, son.”

Yoongi nodded. “I do… and thank you for believing in me, appa. It means a lot!”

Sungho walked to his son. Yoongi got up from his place and stared at his old man. “I’m so proud of you, Yoongi!” His father embraced him. “I just want you to know that. And about that boy… Jungkook?”

Yoongi’s shoulders suddenly tensed. “What about him?”

“He’s good, talented… and I trust you, Yoongi,” his father’s smile disappeared. “I get why you want to help him and I hope it’s nothing personal.”

“Appa…” Yoongi shook his head.

“He’s not your brother, son.” Sungho whispered. “The boy has a striking resemblance to our Daehyun, but it’s not him!”

“I know that!” Yoongi answered a bit too harsh.

“Are you really?” His dad asked carefully. “I know what happened back then and how tough it was for you.”

“I doubt it!” Yoongi hissed. “You weren’t there! I had to deal with everything… alone!”

“I was his father, Yoongi…” Sungho looked hurt. “Don’t you think that I can suffer too?”

The younger just put his hands up. “I don’t want to argue with you, appa… I just wanted you to know how I felt.”

“I know and I’m sorry, son,” the older sighed. “It was my mistake, I know. I should’ve been there… with you and our family more. I was stupid and… I just wish for you to know how much I’m suffering. But this is not something that it could get easily forgotten,” Sungho reached out and touched Yoongi’s shoulder. The younger tensed a bit and his dad pulled back abruptly. “I’m sorry, I guess I’m never getting used to it to that no touching thing.”

“I still don’t like it,” Yoongi shrugged, but then a small smile touched his face. “But Jiminie does.” 

His father mirrored his smile. “I’m really happy for you, Yoongi-yah!” He said. “I hope that boy can heal your pain completely.”

Yoongi sighed. “I could never forget Dae, appa.” He said quietly. “That wound is still there and I don’t think that it would disappear completely. I have to admit though, when I saw Jungkook for the first time, I was also taken aback.” He chuckled bitterly. “I almost called him Dae, you know? But then… he’s way stronger than my little brother. He’s really talented and dedicated of what he’s doing. That is the reason I want him in our company, not because he’s a spit image of Dae.”

Sungho nodded. “Okay, son.” He smiled again. “I trust you if you say so. Does Jimin know about this though? Have you told him about it?”

“I want him to get better first,” Yoongi frowned. “He has his own nightmares to deal with.”

Sungho didn’t ask more. He knew his son well and this was why he got worried.

Chapter Text

 

 


 

 

 

 

Jungkook and Tae called to apologize and postpone the meeting. While Jimin was away, Tae had taken over his classes and because he wasn’t as advanced as his friend, Jungkook had to help him with the teaching. Jimin hoped that had brought them back together. They were roommates, but Jimin knew how strained they had become. He also knew the reason and it was hurting with Tae, but he also knew that was something his friend couldn’t control. Tae had feelings for Kookie, but Kookie was way more focused over his dancing and trainee days than anything else. Yes, Jimin also knew that Kookie liked girls, but his own current situation showed him not to hurry with his conclusions.

Jimin missed his friends and Yoongi, being very observant lately, suggested that they make a visit to the dance studio. Jimin was reluctant at first, but Yoongi insisted. The elder knew that his sunshine couldn’t refuse to his pout. Therefore, he had taken advantage of the situation and they were on their way to the dance studio on the next day.

The process of parking the car at the proper place, getting out Jimin’s wheelchair and finally placing the boy onto it was a difficult task, but Yoongi never complained, not even once. He was careful even when he spread a warm blanket over the younger’s legs.

“Maybe we can visit my job after that?” He suggested, while pushing the wheelchair into the building. “I don’t think you’ve ever been there.”

“I don’t like people watching me like that,” Jimin hummed, but loud enough so Yoongi could hear him.

He heard how his lover sighed. “I’m not going to argue with you, sunshine. You know what?” He stopped the wheelchair right in front Jimin’s former room in the studio and went to crouch before the younger. “I’ll leave you here for half an hour and then we can decide, okay? Plus, you have to eat your veggie foods in about… yeah,” he looked at his watch and cursed under his lips. “I think we left the cup in the car.”

“Yoongi!” Jimin hissed again, but Yoongi was up already.

“Suit yourself, sunshine.” He waved him with a wink and rushed out of the front door.

Jimin sighed with annoyance and just in that moment he heard something, coming from his former room. The boy struggled with his wheelchair a bit but managed to open the door in front of him. Soft music, accompanied with Jungkook’s voice, caressed his ears. His student was dancing and singing at the same time, without skipping a beat. It was impressive really. The choreography was one of Jimin’s forgotten ones. There was some heavy work with legs and pirouettes. 

Jimin frowned when the younger didn’t stretch his arm correctly. “You can do better, Jungkook!” He used his teaching voice without even noticing. Jungkook startled for a sec and stopped the music.

“Hyung?” He blinked few times. “I didn’t know you are here.”

Jimin wheeled himself further into the room and stopped in front of Jungkook. “Right, and just because I’m gone for awhile you are being lazy?”

The boy blushed. “I’m so sorry, hyung!” He said, but he smiled at the same time. “I’ll do better, but… can I hug you now?”

Jimin sighed and spread out his arms. Jungkook didn’t hesitate and hugged him tightly. “Oof, now boy!” He panted and the boy released him quickly. “I’m not as fit as before,” Jimin said apologetically.

“It’s okay, hyung…” Kookie kept smiling widely. “The important thing is that-”

“You’re back?” Tae’s voice interrupted them and they looked at the door. His eyes were open wide, as if he couldn’t believe of what he was seeing. “Tell me you’re back for good, Jimin-ah!” He rushed to him and hugged him just as tightly.

“Air, Tae?” Jimin patted his friend’s back. “I need air?”

“I, ugh… sorry!” Tae pulled back and stared at his friend. “Oh, my God, Chim! What they did to you?”

“I did it myself,” Jimin mumbled. “I didn’t want to live without-”

“Yoongi-hyung?” Kookie interrupted him and Jimin nodded. “Hyung wasn’t the best either. He even set his room on fire.”

“Kook-ah!” Tae scoffed.

Jimin blinked few times. “It was… him? Oh…”

Kookie blushed furiously and bowed his head. He looked like a guilty kid right now. Tae coughed amidst the awkward silence. Then he started explaining to Jimin the changes that they had experienced after his disappearance. Jimin relaxed a little and even laughed when Tae was complaining of the amount of work that he had to do in his absence.

“Speaking of which… I have to go,” Tae leaned to hug Jimin briefly. “I see you when I can, Chimmy!” Then he looked at Kookie. “We have rehearsal today, don’t forget!”

Kook nodded with a smile. “I’ll be here, Tae!” He followed his friend with his eyes, until Tae was out of sight and sighed.

“Okay,” Jimin looked amused. “What was that?”

“He promised me that he’d stop going to that place,” Kookie shrugged. “We started talking more, while you were gone, hyung. I have a feeling that we’re getting back to our friendship.”

“Aha?” Jimin could’ve sworn that he saw something more in the younger’s eyes, but he decided it wasn’t his place to ask more. “Okay then… about that arm move?” He went serious again. “I thought I taught you better than this, Kook-ah…”

Jungkook blushed again. “I can do it, hyung!”

“Then?” Jimin gestured with his hand. “Show it to me?” he wheeled his chair back and made room for Jungkook to start again. “Music, please and take your position!” He sounded like a teacher now. Kookie listened to him and took his place, opposite the mirror. “And five-six-seven-eight!” Jimin clapped with his hands and Kookie started again.

That was how Yoongi found them. He stood by the door, observing Jimin in action. He was a good dance teacher, very precise and on point. Even if he was in a wheelchair at that moment, Kook could understand him only by words. Jimin showed him few tricks with his arms and Yoongi stared at him with awe. If he wasn’t already in love with him, he was going to fall for sure right now.

Jungkook started again and Yoongi could see the fruits of Jimin’s work. His boyfriend was smiling proudly when he looked at Kookie. Now, looking at the kid, Yoongi could understand better his father’s words better. He had taken Kookie’s possible idol career far too personal. He was indeed a copy of Yoongi’s little brother and maybe that helped with his choice at the beginning. But Kookie wasn’t Dae… and he could never be Dae. His little brother didn’t own even half of the talent Jungkook had. Not his inner strength and dedication. Jungkook was strong and not only physically. There was something in him that made people care. Maybe it was his childish face or bunny smile, Yoongi wasn’t sure, but Kookie was someone who deserved to conquer the world. And Yoongi was going to help him.

“Sunshine?” he walked to Jimin when the music died down. “We have to go.”

Jimin pouted. “That fast?”

“Yes,” Yoongi smiled and looked at Jungkook. “Hey, Kook-ah!”

“Hyung!” He grinned. “I’m glad to see you!”

“I wrote something for you,” Yoongi said. “You should stop by one of these days and maybe try your voice a little?”

“Sure thing, hyung!” Kookie nodded.

“See you then,” Yoongi smiled in return and wheeled Jimin out of the room, but not before his sunshine to bid goodbyes with his friend.

When they got back to the car, Jimin looked already tired. Without saying a word, Yoongi put a plastic cup with veggies into his hands and started the engine. He could feel the younger’s stare on him, but didn’t say a word. He wasn’t ready to talk and besides, he and Jimin didn’t have any problem to be quiet, even together.

Yoongi started the radio. Soon, the only sound in the car was the soft music, coming from the stereo. Even if Jimin had noticed the change in the route, he didn’t say a thing. He started humming along with the music instead and Yoongi was mesmerized by his angelic voice. Jimin even began singing when a sad ballad song, echoed in the car. As if he could cry while singing. The feeling felt magical, but Yoongi didn’t like when Jimin was sad or when he was crying.

“Do you want me to change the station?” Yoongi finally looked at his boyfriend.

“Why did you start the fire, hyung?” Jimin asked quietly and Yoongi stirred. “Yes, I know, Tae told me.”

“I wanted to feel something,” Yoongi’s eyes focused back on the road. “So… to be honest, I don’t know how I even started it. But at one moment… everything felt so beautiful and peaceful. So peaceful, Jiminie. The pain was gone and the flames… they were mesmerizing. Then I realized that I didn’t have a reason to live, no one to live for… and no one would even miss me.”

“No!” Jimin gasped softly. “I-”

“You weren’t here and I didn’t know if you’d ever come back…” Yoongi trailed off. “I wish I knew what led me to this day. What made me start the fire, but maybe it was for the better then,” Yoongi squeezed the wheel. “That’s when Hoseok rushed into the hospital room and told me what he did.”

Jimin stiffened for a second. “He told me that it’s for my own good… That I needed some time to think in peace, but I think he was trying to convince himself.” The younger looked at his clasped hands. “While I was waiting for my parents to get my bags from our apartment, Hoseok sat with me and… he kept talking. He told me how you two meet and how he fell in love with you,” Jimin stirred. “And I… I couldn’t do a thing except to listen to him. I felt so helpless and angry, my Moon… I wanted to do something, to fight! But… he said that if maybe I was out of the picture, and now when he had realized that you can love… that you have a heart, that maybe you could look at him in a different way.”

Yoongi clenched his jaw and carefully parked the car at their apartment building’s parking. “I swear to you, if I see him once again-”

Jimin carefully put his hand over Yoongi’s one. “Don’t, hyung… I forgave him already. I won’t forget how he betrayed me, but… I can understand what it feels like to love somebody like that.”

“I won’t forgive, nor forget what he’s done!” Yoongi’s anger carefully died down, but was still there, burning under the surface.

Jimin knew that he couldn’t win this battle and stayed quiet.

Later that night, when Yoongi was holding his sleeping Jimin in his arms, he thought what happened once again. All the pain that he was being through. Then he realized that he did not lie to his sunshine. Yoongi never thought that he could hate someone in his life. He couldn’t hate his mother even and God knew that she had done enough for him to hate her. She made him into the person who he was today. Yoongi did not know how to feel or express emotions before Jimin. He couldn’t show his real self quite enough for the others to see. Instead, he had decided that he’d show them the persona they had to think he was. And it worked in that way. He even thought that he was happy. But then… when Jimin had marched into his miserable life, Yoongi had slowly realized that he had feelings too. He could suffer and he could love, and he could… hate.

He never thought that he was able in such strong feeling though. But even the thought of what Hoseok did to his sunshine was enough to set his blood on fire. Yoongi wanted revenge! Oh yes, he knew that he was probably over dramatic, but he couldn’t do otherwise when it came to Jimini. Jimin was his responsibility now. He was the person Yoongi loved more than his life.

The sound of a phone ringing interrupted his thoughts. He looked at the nightstand and saw that it was Jimin’s. Then he saw the hour – 03: 16am. It was Tae. Yoongi frowned and reached out, probably to hang up, hut Jimin was awake.

“Give me the phone, please…” Jimin yawed. “It could be something urgent.”

Yoongi sighed and shook his head. He reached out and placed the mobile into Jimin’s open hand. The younger took it and placed it close to his ear. Even then, Yoongi could hear the conversation and the sound of a very distressed Tae.

“Chim! Chim… oh my God! Chim…” Tae cried and Jimin sat abruptly on the bed.

“What happened, Tae? Where are you?”

“Hospital… I… Kookie and I… and now he is… and I’m….” Tae sobbed and Yoongi’s blood froze.

“What happened with Kookie, Tae?” Jimin tried to control his voice, but to no avail.

“A car hit us!” Tae sobbed loudly. “Kookie…”

Chapter Text

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

“You have to take me to the hospital!” Jimin said in a hurry after he hung up the phone. “Tae and Kookie got into a car accident!”

“What?” Yoongi’s eyes grew big on his face, but he wasted no time.

Just ten minutes later, they were in the car for the hospital. Usually, Yoongi was a careful driver, but he set up a record that night. Jimin did not bother to ask him to be careful. Their friends… well, his friends were in danger after all. He did not ask Yoongi why he was so bothered when he mentioned Kookie’s name. There were still some questionable marks on that territory. The subject was still touchy for Jimin and he did not want to discuss it yet. Kookie was someome, working for Yoongi's company. He was their trainee, but Yoongi was reacting too emotional when it came to him sometimes. Yes, Jimin had noticed that.

When they arrived, they parked outside of the hospital and Yoongi went out first. He pulled out Jimin’s wheelchair and helped him sat there carefully. Then he wrapped a blanket over his folded legs and they were ready to go. Yoongi pushed the wheelchair with Jimin to the Emergency Room, where Kookie still was. Tae was waiting outside, his arm wrapped in a cast. His blue jeans were torn in few places, his hair was disheveled, but he looked good enough. Yoongi’s voice echoed even before Jimin was able to open his mouth.

“What have you done this time, huh?” It was harsh, way to harsh and Tae visibly shrank into himself.

Jimin looked up at his lover puzzled. It was true that he had never liked Taehyung, but that reaction was a bit overrated. Tae got up from his place and sniffed. “Nothing, I swear! The car just… and I… and… we were so… busy… and… I didn’t…”

“Sh-hhh!” Jimin opened his arms and Tae was fast to hide there. He knelt before Jimin’s wheelchair and wrapped his arms around his friend’s waist. Jimin patted his head carefully. “It’s okay, Tae… Did you call his parents?” He tried his voice to sound calm and relaxed.

“They are taking the first flight back to Seoul,” Tae sniffed. “They were visiting Busan now and… they will be here in the morning.”

Jimin could feel, more than could hear his lover’s steps around him. He looked up and saw how Yoongi sat on the bench, where Tae was previously sitting on. His arms folded on his chest and his mouth spread on a thin line. His face was paler than usual and he could see how his hands were squeezing his biceps from time to time. He was scared… and nervous, but mostly scared. When Yoongi was scared, he tended to act like that. Jimin had lived long enough with him to know that. Yoongi did not like to talk about his emotions. But he was showing them for the ones, who knew him well enough.

“How is he?” Jimin asked already calmed Tae.

His friend finally got up and brushed his eyes. “I don’t know. All they told me was that he’s lost a lot of blood. It was awful, Chim!”

Just as Taehyung was about to explain everything, the medical team walked out of the Emergency Room. They were pushing a stroller with Jungkook lying peacefully on top of it. “We’re taking him to the surgery,” one of the doctors explained. “Mr. Kim, can you sign the papers, please?”

“M-me?” Tae stuttered. “Wh-why? What papers?”

“Mr. Jeon noted you as his emergency person!” The doctor was walking and Tae was walking with him. “He has to have a surgery, because there is something stuck in between two of his vertebras. We have to act fast to relieve the pressure. His ability to walk might be in danger!”

“Where I have to sign?” Taehyung asked and followed the doctor quickly.

Jimin stayed behind, observing Yoongi. Tae did not need him right now. But he could feel that Yoongi does. His lover had not moved from his place. He was now staring the white wall opposite him. It was if he was not there at all. Jimin sighed and wheeled his chair there. When he stopped, his hand slipped over Yoongi’s one. The elder trembled.

“What now?” He asked with an absent voice. “He’s alive.”

“Yes, Yoon…” Jimin said carefully, “he is alive. He is going to be okay.”

“Mhmm,” Yoongi nodded slowly and his head hung between his shoulders. “How much time do we have before… your friend is back?”

“We can just go to the waiting room?” Jimin rubbed Yoongi’s shoulder. He did not know how he knew that, but he was sure that the elder needed his touch. “Or maybe the cafeteria? We can have a cup of coffee, while waiting for the news. I’m sure Tae will be okay, waiting alone.”

“I could really use a cup of coffee,” Yoongi sighed and got up. “Let’s go, okay?”

Jimin nodded and did not ask more.

The cafeteria was almost empty by this hour of the night. It was almost five in the morning, but there were only two or three tables occupied. Jimin waited for Yoongi to go and buy them some decent coffee and sighed, while watching him. Yoongi looked like he had seen a ghost. He acted strange ever since they got the call. Was he that close with Jungkook? Jimin knew that his jealousy is useless now. He knew there was not a thing between Yoongi and Jungkook. He knew his lover wanted to help his friend and therefore, he had become Kookie’s manager. But at the same time there were still questions in his head. Besides, he just could not imagine Yoongi as a cheater. 

“Here you are, sunshine!” Yoongi placed the steaming cup in front of Jimin. “I also set up an alarm for your breakfast around eight. You don’t have to miss it!” He said and put his phone in his back pocket. “Also… I wanted to show you something.” He pulled out his wallet and after a short hesitation opened it in front of him. Jimin knew that Yoongi liked to keep his wallet to himself. He never let anyone touch it. The younger never gave a second thought why, up until this moment. “I think it’s time to show you something,” Yoongi pulled out an old photo. It was crumbled around the edges, but he put it onto the plastic table and slid it over to Jimin. "I was waing for the right moment, but... the moment never came and... personally, I want to forget that part of my life. But also... I don't want to hide something that big away from you."

The younger reached out and took the old photo with a trembling hand. Then he experienced one of the big surprises of his life. “Why there is an old photo of Jungkook in your wallet?” His eyes grew big when he looked at Yoongi. “Is that your way of… breaking up with me?”

“No, Jimin!” Yoongi reached out fast and touched his lover’s small wrist. “Look at the photo carefully,” he sighed heavily. “This is not Jungkook… this was my brother.” His cat-like eyes were filled with pain.

Jimin listened to him and indeed. The boy in the photo was smiling with the same bunny smile that Jungkook had. The resemblance was striking, but this was not Jungkook. The photo was old and the boy there looked young. “Was… your brother?” Jimin’s voice trembled. “You said was… not is?” A nasty feeling settlled into his stomach.

“Because Dae passed away when he was fourteen,” Yoongi took a deep breath. “Overdose.”

“Oh, my God!” Jimin cupped his mouth. “I’m so sorry, Yoon! I-”

“It’s okay,” Yoongi answered him, but he did not look at him. His hands wrapped aroud his cup of coffee. It was still steaming. “I don’t like to talk about it that much.”

“I still can’t believe you-. No!” Jimin stopped talking abruptly. “Actually, I am not surprised that you haven’t told me about this. We’ve been together as friends for more than six-seven years, but never that close enough.” Jimin passed him the photo back . “I mean, you know me and… unfortunately now, my parents. But now when I think of… you haven’t mentioned anything about your past.”

“Because I don’t want to remember it, Jiminie.” Yoongi’s voice was surprisingly soft, but also filled with pain and regret. “It’s still painful to remember it. And I still don't know how to deal with it.”

“You lost your brother,” Jimin’s hand itched to touch Yoongi’s one, but something was stopping him. “It’s normal that you feel hurt.”

“It’s because of him, my mother told me that I don’t have a heart,” Yoongi whispered and Jimin had to lean in to hear him. “She said that I don’t love him as much as she does… and… if I did, I should’ve prevented it to happen.” He bit his lower lip. “She said… she said that I don’t deserve to be happy while my brother rests in his grave, but-,” he was desperately trying not to cry. His hand, which was holding his brother’s photo, was shaking. “I believed her and now-”

“Yoongi?” Jimin interrupted him. His small and soft hands covered Yoongi ones over the table. “Your mother was wrong,” he was trying to find his lover’s eyes, but Yoongi was looking down at his lap. “You have a heart, love… a huge one!”

Finally Yoongi looked up at him. “I-”

“He’s okay!” Taehyung’s voice interrupted them and Yoongi pulled back abruptly. The blank mask on his face was on. “They transferred him to his own room now.” Tae walked to them. “Are you going to drink it?” He nodded at the cup of cold coffee before Jimin. His friend shook his head. “Good!” Tae took it and gulped it down in one go. “You always like it with more sugar!” He frowned. “Anyhow! They said we have to wait for him to wake up and see how he is. Also, his parents are here now and also waiting.”

“What happened?” Yoongi’s voice was low. His eyes were piercing now. “You never told us.”

Tae blushed all of a sudden. “We were arguing and there was a red light and… we barely stopped, but… ” He trembled. “There was another car in the same intersection and it hit Kookie’s side and then… it’s all blur.”

“Who was driving?” Yoongi’s voice was polite, but Jimin could see through it.

“Yoongi-” Jimin tried, but with no avail.

“I did,” Tae’s voice went lower than usual. “And I know what you think, but-”

“No!” Yoongi scoffed and pushed his chair back. “You don’t think and that is your problem!” He looked at Jimin. “I’m going to check on Kook-ah and I’m coming to get you, okay?”

“Okay, hyung!” Jimin nodded slowly and waited until Yoongi walked out of the cafeteria. Then he sighed and looked at Tae. “Take a break, huh?”    

Tae nodded briefly and took the seat that Yoongi had vacationed. “I’m clean, by the way,” Tae mumbled. “I haven’t been to our place since two weeks already.”

“Good,” Jimin smiled reassuringly.

“We were arguing that nigh though,” his friend could not look at him.

“There is no need-”

“We were arguing because of me,” Tae insisted and Jimin felt the need of his friend to talk. “I feel so stupid now! So stupid, damn it!” He banged his head on the table and Jimin shuddered.

“Calm down, Tae…” Jimin reached out and rubbed his friend’s back. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Tae nodded.