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The Void

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There will be times you will have to be your own friend and lover, your own shoulder to cry on and use your own hands to wipe your tears. Those times will feel lonely, but they will teach you how to stand on your own when no one has your back.”

                                                                                                                                                             - Her, by Pierre Jeanty

 

 

 

 

 

 

Someone had told him that he could get God laugh, by only sharing his plans with him.

Park Jimin was a nice guy, at least he had that thought in his head. His family was from Busan. He had spent his whole life there, before he could go up and moved into Seoul. There he had met a guy, named Min Yoongi.

Min Yoongi was two years older than him, but they got along really well since the get go. Yoongi was a little taller than him with his hair constantly changing his color. He liked the variety, as Jimin had learned later on. It turned out that Yoongi was swinging both ways. He often told the firstly shocked Jimin, that he didn’t look the face or gender, but the personality. They got along pretty well though. Yoongi was helping Jimin with his economy classes and Jimin was helping him with the singing lessons.

Jimin was majoring singing and ballet dancing and Yoongi music and economy. He wanted to become a producer one day. He also had a middle sized black notebook with the name “SUGA” written with golden letters on top of it. Yoongi had told Jimin that was his nickname when he was little. His parents and his friends nicknamed him that way, because Yoongi liked everything with sugar… and lots of it.

Yoongi quickly accepted Jimin into his circle and this is how he met his friends Namjoon and Hoseok. The later had a crush on Yoongi and it was pretty obvious at times, but when Jimin had asked his new friend about that, Yoongi had responded that he could never act on that crush. Mostly because he didn’t feel the same.

It was late at night when they both liked to talk about that. Yoongi would make his famous chocolate dessert and they would sit in their small living room, just laughing and talking. Yoongi had shared his life with Jimin, but he had told him that he wasn’t open like that with just anybody. When Jimin had asked him about Hoseok, Yoongi had become dead serious.

“I can’t hurt a friend like that, especially when I don’t feel the same,” Yoongi had told him. “We’ve talked and decided that we could be friends. I told him that I could walk out if that makes him feel uncomfortable, but he said that he has no problem with it. I believed him and… well. See, Jimin… I’m not created to fall in love. I don’t do that, because it hurts.” Yoongi had shrugged. “I don’t want to hurt people by pretending that I love them in that way… I’ve never fallen in love… never felt that feeling.”

“Oh, c’mon!” Jimin had laughed quietly. “Everyone had had a great love, hyung!”

Yoongi had shock his head. “Nope, not me. I thought I was broken, because I’d go only for the sex. Then eventually I got bored and… yeah. I just can’t love.”

“But you love your friends, right?” Jimin had smiled and Yoongi had giggled.

“This is different, Jimin-ah… Yes, I love all of my friends! I’d do everything for you, but… I just can’t love-love, you know? Not like you love your little Lia.” The elder teased him and Jimin had blushed.

Kim Lia was his high school crush, turned girlfriend later. She was even with him when he was in the college. Lia was a cute short brunette with cat-like brown eyes and a pale face. Jimin loved her company and she loved him too. When Yoongi had accepted him as his best friend, Jimin had decided that it was time for Lia to meet him. She was blushing all the time and Jimin couldn’t blame her. Yoongi was at his best charming self. Like seriously, he could make every person fall in love with him so easily.

When Yoongi had graduated, he asked Jimin to move out of the dorms as well. Jimin agreed, because he couldn’t imagine that he could find another friend like Yoongi. That was how they had found a nice little apartment on the last floor of a new building, close to the University. The apartment was nice and cozy – two bedrooms and a kitchen area with a nice living room with a huge sofa. The rent was affordable. Jimin and Yoongi both worked. Jimin was a half-time barista and Yoongi had found a job in his dad’s music company in Seoul. He needed the experience, before he could go on his own.

Yoongi himself was from Daegu, but he’d always avoid the subject when Jimin had asked him about it. Eventually, the younger one dropped the subject. It was a year since they lived together, when Yoongi had brought his new girlfriend. She didn’t last long though and Jimin wasn’t even surprised when she was quickly followed by a new guy. Then a month later, it was another girl. Yoongi was breaking hearts all over the place and honestly, Jimin felt sorry about the people. They always thought that they could be the one, who made Yoongi finally fall in love, but they were always left alone after that. Time gone by and he learned not to ask about their names. They wouldn’t stick around any longer. Jimin could hear them sneaking out in the middle of the night or in the early morning. Yoongi never shared his bed after the sex. He slept on the sofa in the living room. Jimin created his own routine as in to pass by the elder in the middle of the night and cover his body with a comfy blanket.

Meanwhile, things with Lia went serious and Jimin was actually thinking that maybe it was time for the next step. It was what his family expected of him. I was what everybody expected of him. Jimin was a good boy and he was supposed to do what they good boys do. When he thought that though, he got scared and he started to postpone it. He told Lia that they would get married when he graduated. When he actually did that, he told her that he had to have a respectful job. He told her he wanted to provide for her.

When he had asked Yoongi why he was feeling like this, the elder had simply riffled his hair and told him to do what he thought it was the right thing. Jimin didn’t feel right though. He felt so pressured to find a good job that Yoongi had to drag him out of their apartment for a drink with his friends.

“I still feel that I got something wrong, hyung!” Jimin was on his third whiskey, leaning over Yoongi’s shoulder and yelling at his ear. “Nobody wants me!” He hiccupped.

“Dude, you are so wasted!” Yoongi laughed himself. “… and so am I!” He looked around the club. “I need a fresh meat.” He licked his lips and downed his fifth glass of whiskey.

“Another one?” Namjoon was wasted himself, leaning back on the wall of the booth they had booked for the night. “Already?”

“I hate being alone!” Yoongi kept staring, but his face was lacking any interest.

 “Sometimes,” Jimin hiccupped and grinned drunkenly. “I envy you, hyung! You get to fuck around and don’t care… and I… had to be all responsible and marry… ” He gagged. “I feel sick!”

“Stop drinking!” Jin punched him on his shoulder and tried to sweep away his new glass of whiskey, but Jimin was quicker.

“Nuh… don’t wanna…” He downed it at once.

“What do you wanna?” Yoongi tried to focus his eyes on his friend. “Tell me, Jimin-ah?”

The younger giggled again. “I wanna dance!” He got up and dragged Yoongi with him. “Da-a-a-ance with me hyungie!” He pouted when Yoongi tried to pull back.

“You can’t fucking stand on your feet, Jiminie!” The elder pointed at him.

“You’re gonna he-e-elp me… Oops!” Jimin swayed and fell over his hyung’s chest. “C’mon!” He grabbed his hand and pulled him to the dance floor.

Yoongi probably realized that he was all fucked up when he agreed to dance with Jimin. But he couldn’t resist on his pouting. It was too cute for words. So, it turned out that he was mostly keeping Jimin’s balance and trying to stay still himself, than dancing at all.

Jimin was enjoying the moment of freedom. He was himself right now. He didn’t want to think about anything and just had fun. What better company to have fun than with his best friend? It was nothing wrong. He felt good every time Yoongi was a presence around him. His senses were put at ease and he could focus more. He could be himself with the elder.

When the music ended, they went back to their booth. Jin and Namjoon were nowhere to be seen and Yoongi ordered another round of whiskey. So they clicked their glasses again and laughed when some of the liquid went on the floor. Then Yoongi splashed some of the whiskey all over his T-shirt and Jimin laughed at him. The older one pouted and Jimin laughed even more, trying to clean Yoongi’s shirt with his hands. At some point the same hands had appeared on the older one’s shoulders and Jimin had moved closer.

The laughter had died down in the music when their lips had touched. Jimin never felt like this in his life. Not even with his long term girlfriend. The taste of Yoongi’s lips was exhilarating and… so delicious. He just couldn’t get enough and moved even closer, wrapping his arms around Yoongi’s neck and deepening the kiss. He moved when the other one finaly opened his mouth, so Jimin could finally kiss him properly. He felt so pliant in his arms when Yoongi took the initiative and his tongue basically delved into Jimin’s mouth, attacking and conquering him at full. 

“Stop!” Yoongi pulled back abruptly and the younger one whimpered. “Jimin, stop! What are you doing?”

“Trying something delicious,” Jimin didn’t know what daemon had gotten into him. “You are so delicious, hyung!” He licked his lips.

“I think you drank too much!” Yoongi was suddenly sober. “C’mon! Let’s get you back home, yes?”

The younger one giggled and put up his hands. “Whatever you wanna do with me, hyungie!”

Yoongi just shook his head and went to close the tab. When he went back for Jimin, the younger one was snoring in the booth, head resting over the table. Yoongi shook his head again and pulled him up, ignoring his protest.