Stormy to Valtor [heart eyes emoji]: [one attachment]
Valtor to Stormy: Good afternoon, Stormy. That’s a picture of your face you just sent me.
Stormy: it’s called a selfie [grinning face with big eyes emoji] i can help you catch up on pop culture terms if you’d like
Valtor: That won’t be necessary. Is there a particular reason you sent me this ‘selfie’?
Stormy: nope [grinning face with big eyes emoji] just wanted you to have it
Valtor: Stormy. This is the fifth picture of your face you’ve sent me this week.
Stormy: you counted?? [grinning face with big eyes emoji x2]
Darcy to Valtor [peace hand sign emoji, smiling purple devil emoji]: [one attachment]
Valtor to Darcy: Darcy, in the event we need to leave immediately, I would suggest you keep your clothes on.
Darcy: don’t be coy, destroyer of worlds, i have clothes on.
Valtor: Not really.
Darcy: i just wanted your opinion on my new lingerie. maybe the picture doesn’t make it clear enough. i’m down the hall if you’d like a better look…
Valtor: I’m actually going to sleep. Good night.
Darcy: it’s not even six o’clock???
Stormy to twice as cool as ice [snowflake emoji]: i have a question
Icy to Stormy: Shoot.
Stormy: just out of curiosity, does valtor text you a lot?
Stormy: oh okay. maybe he’s just not good at it yet. i should help him…
Icy: He doesn’t text me at all because I won’t give him my number.
Stormy: wait what? why?
Icy: I told you, I’m over him. He doesn’t need to text me; we’re not sixteen. If he wants to talk to me, he can talk to me in person.
Stormy: oh… yeah, i guess…
Icy: Anyway, I’m going out. Talk later.
Valtor to Darcy: Darcy, would you please do me a favor?
Darcy to Valtor [peace hand sign emoji, smiling purple devil emoji]: sure, what’s up? [smirking emoji]
Valtor: Can you find out who our male guest is?
Darcy to HWIC [crown emoji]: who did u bring back to ur room? anyone i know?
Icy to Darcy: None of your business. Figured you’d be happy; now you only have Stormy to compete with. And that’s not exactly hard to do.
Darcy: i know what ur doing wiatch.
Icy: I’m not “doing” anything.
Darcy: mhm. [eyeroll emoji]
Icy: But if you meant *who…
Icy: His name is Drew, and you don’t know him. He’s much older and more experienced than the little boys you hooked up with in high school.
Darcy: yk it’s working right? he asked me to find out instead of texting u himself.
Icy: He can’t text me himself; I won’t give him my number because I. Am. Over. Him.
Icy: But by all means, if he wants to swing by my room and introduce himself…
Darcy: ha ha.
Darcy to Valtor [peace hand sign emoji, smiling purple devil emoji]: his name is drew. he’s older.
Valtor to Darcy: How much older, exactly?
Darcy: idk older-older. icy always went for older guys.
Darcy: do u wanna get out of here? icy’s occupied, stormy can surely find something to do… we could go to this hookah lounge a couple towns over…
Valtor: I’m actually going to sleep. Good night.
Stormy to Valtor [heart eyes emoji]: [one attachment]
Bloom to murderous asshole: valtor, i heard you learned to text
Valtor to UNKNOWN: Still learning. Who is this?
Bloom: bloom. i wanted to let you know i’m done playing games. if you know something about my birth parents you need to tell me RIGHT NOW.
Valtor to Last Remaining Flame to Extinguish: Ah, Bloom. How bold of you. Your parents. Let’s see if I can remember what I did with them…
Bloom: IF u can remember??
Valtor: Do you have Icy’s number?
Bloom: ??? NO?
Valtor: Then I guess I can’t remember.
Valtor: Did I do a smiley face right? Is that more or less preferred than emojis?
Valtor: I’m listening…
Bloom: don’t u literally live with her
Bloom: can’t u just talk to her in person?
Valtor: That’s… a little complicated.
Bloom: ok but can’t you just ASK HER for her number?
Valtor: I have. She refuses to give it to me.
Bloom: oh my dragon.
Bloom to mirta [dead rose emoji]: would lucy have icy’s number?
Mirta to bloom [fire emoji]: lucy WISHES she had icy’s number… [annoyed emoji]
Bloom: fml nvm
Bloom to murderous asshole: ok wait
Valtor to Last Remaining Flame to Extinguish: New information?
Bloom: don’t her friends also live there? or can u not talk to them either?
Bloom: how are you a part of the team if you never talk to them [woman facepalming emoji]
Valtor: I could talk to them, but I’m trying not to. They scare me.
Bloom: THEY scare you but ICY doesn’t??
Valtor: [two attachments]
Bloom: dear dragon…
Valtor: Now you see why I’m avoiding them.
Valtor: Can’t figure out the blocking feature.
Bloom: if i show you how to block their numbers will you tell me about my parents?
Valtor: Nice try. No Icy, no parents.
Bloom to the witchy ms. g: Hi Ms. Griffin,
I’m unsure if you have your cell phone at this time given that you’re currently imprisoned in your own school, but would you happen to have access to the student records from the 2000-2004 school years? As in, would you be able to do some sort of spell to make said records appear in your cell? Please let me know at your earliest convenience.
Thanks, and hoping you escape soon,
Bloom [hug emoji]
Ms. Griffin to Bloom: No need to be so formal, Bloom. I do not have those means at my disposal. Why do you ask?
Bloom: i need icy’s phone number.
Ms. Griffin: Whatever for?
Bloom: *whoever and valtor. in exchange for information about my birth parents.
Ms. Griffin: Oh dear heavens he’s fallen hard hasn’t he? And she’s playing the game well with that older guy she’s had here for the past week…
Ms. Griffin: I don’t recall him chasing after me when I rejected his advances…
Bloom: uhhh what?
Ms. Griffin: Nevermind. My advice: didn’t that Riven fellow date Darcy? Maybe he can be of some use.
Bloom to riven [eyeroll emoji]: musa wants to break up with you.
Riven to firecracker [firecracker emoji]: WHAT?! how do you know???
Bloom: everyone knows but listen
Bloom: i have an idea of how u can change her mind
Riven: oh yeah and what’s that?
Bloom: go to cloud tower and steal icy’s phone.
Bloom: to prove ur not still hooking up with darcy.
Riven: darcy?? bloom, i haven’t had a real conversation with darcy in like a year and a half. i think musa knows i’m not interested in her.
Riven: unless… she thinks icy has proof i’ve been sneaking around with darcy?
Bloom: you didn’t hear it from me. when you get the phone, give it to me. musa doesn’t wanna see you rn so i’ll be your middle man.
Riven: wait! how am i supposed to break into a witch school overtaken by valtor and all three of those witches, let alone steal icy’s possessions all by myself? she’ll kill me!
Bloom: i believe in u [oncoming fist emoji]
Riven to princess skyler [blonde princess emoji]: i think we should put together a rescue mission and go save ms. griffin and her students from valtor and the terrible three
Sky to Moody Asshole: That’s bold of you, Riven. What makes you say that?
Riven: ok you got me. your gf asked me to convince you. it’s for that transmagic pumpkin chick’s ugly friend.
Sky: This is Bloom’s idea?
Riven: sure is
Sky: Saladin said we can go tomorrow at 4 AM. Prepare the ship.
Riven: sweet. always knew you being whipped af would come in handy someday.
Sky: At least my relationship isn’t on the rocks. [smiling face with smiling eyes emoji, peace hand sign emoji]
Riven: you know too?!
Riven to musa: musa, we rescued ms. griffin and her students but i wasn’t able to get the phone. but i swear i am not cheating on you with darcy.
Musa to riven: are you high??
Riven: not rn no
Musa: [eyeroll emoji]
Musa: then wtf are you talking about?
Riven: what do you mean wtf am i talking about? bloom said u wanted to break up with me bc u thought i was still into darcy, WHICH i am not, for the record.
Musa: OK 1) that’s not why but 2) i need to have a little chat with our dear friend bloom. brb…
Riven: wait that’s NOT why?
Riven: THEN WHY?!
Bloom to baby [red heart emoji]: hey if u hear anything weird about me don’t believe it ok
Sky to My Girlfriend [pink glittery heart emoji, smiling face with smiling eyes emoji]: Okay Bloom! [smiling face with smiling eyes emoji, thumbs up emoji]
Bloom to murderous asshole: i’m trying rlly hard (u can ask my friends, they’re all mad at me bc of it) but i’m having no luck in getting icy’s number. can’t we make some other deal? like i find a way to distract her friends so you can ‘make a move’?
Valtor to Last Remaining Flame to Extinguish: No. Try harder.
Bloom: no wonder she doesn’t like you.
Valtor: Hey! We don’t know that for sure.
Bloom to sad murderous asshole: uh-huh. how’s her house guest btw?
Valtor to [snowflake emoji, crown emoji]: Now that that Drew character is finally gone, hopefully to find himself a job, I was thinking we could meet up tonight to discuss the next phase of our plan for inter-world domination. Does 7 work for you?
Valtor: Reply so I know you’re getting my texts.
Valtor to Last Remaining Flame to Extinguish: I have an update.
Bloom to sad murderous asshole: which is?
Valtor: I told her I needed her number for mission purposes. She reluctantly agreed.
Bloom: great so about my parents
Valtor: Wait. There’s more.
Bloom: [downcast face with sweat emoji]
Valtor: I think she gave me the wrong number. I’m sending lots of texts but she isn’t answering.
Valtor: What is ‘hhhhhnnnnnffff’?
Last Remaining Flame to Extinguish ’s phone is off.
Valtor to [snowflake emoji, crown emoji]?: I know I entered in the number you gave me correctly.
Valtor: Does 7 work for you?
Icy to UNKNOWN: Who is this?
Valtor: This is Valtor.
Valtor to Last Remaining Flame to Extinguish: I have a plan.
Bloom to sad murderous asshole: what is it
Valtor: I’ll give you the number Icy gave me. You’ll text it and tell me if it’s her.
Bloom: if she won’t answer u why would she answer me?
Valtor: Because you two have your weird connection/opposites/history thing.
Bloom: and if this works you’ll tell me about my parents?
Bloom: fine i’ll try. what’s the number?
Bloom to ice bitch: this is bloom
Icy to DIE.: Ew no thanks.
Bloom: great, this is you!
Bloom: u should rlly talk to valtor
Bloom: he likes u
Bloom: a lot
Bloom: it’s embarrassing.
Icy: And what would YOU know about it?
Bloom: i just know a love story when i see one
Icy: Disgusting. Stay out of my private life, lose this number, and drop dead while you’re at it.
Bloom: [smiling face with smiling eyes emoji]
Bloom to sad murderous asshole: it’s for sure her
Valtor to Last Remaining Flame to Extinguish: Hold on, she just texted me. [dancing man emoji]
Bloom: great u got what u wanted now when ur done texting her TELL ME ABOUT MY PARENTS
Icy to UNKNOWN: Why is BLOOM texting me?
Valtor to [snowflake emoji, crown emoji]: Oh, so now you wanna talk to me?
Icy: Did you give that uppity pixie my number?
Valtor: I may have asked her to verify you gave me the correct number, yes.
Icy: Can’t imagine why you’d need to do that. You have Darcy and Stormy to text.
Valtor: Icy, I think we both know I was never really interested in your friends.
Icy: No? Then why did you give Stormy that new power and Darcy that gold bracelet?
Valtor: I heard you on Tides, you know. “He’ll disappoint me eventually.”
Icy: So? I was just being realistic.
Valtor: So, I tried to prevent that from happening by keeping things interesting for you.
Icy: Your definition of “interesting” is driving a wedge between me and the two people I swore my life to with a blood oath in the Dark Forest when I was 14???
Valtor: I said I tried. I didn’t say it worked.
Valtor: Although, I am quite certain I kept things more interesting for you than that Drew loser you spent a week in bed with.
Icy: Oh yeah, about that. We didn’t hook up.
Valtor: Excuse me?
Icy: He was some rando I found and spelled at a bar. He just sat in the corner and stared at the wall most of the time. You might’ve figured that out if you hadn’t been too jealous to come say hi.
Icy: I know how to keep things interesting, too, Valtor. And clearly? I’m a lottt better at it than you are.
Valtor: So, that meeting. I was thinking we could go out for it, just you and me. Is that acceptable to you?
Icy: If you change 7 to 8, I suppose.
Valtor: It’s a date.
Bloom to sad murderous asshole: hello????
Icy to queens of the universe [snowflake emoji, crystal ball emoji, cloud with lightning emoji]: And the winner is…
Icy: Was there ever any doubt?
Stormy: what-ever wiatch i didn’t even wanna date him anyway!
Darcy: were u planning on leaving his room sometime this century or
Icy: Guess we’ll find out…
Riven to darcy: heard ur precious leader got the guy. sucks for u.
Darcy to puppy dog [purple heart emoji]: uh-oh. the ex is texting the Big Bad Witch. trouble in paradise?
Riven: no trouble here. i’m a single man now.
Darcy: oooh. pixie broke ur heart and now u want me to fix it?
Riven: does that offend u?
Darcy: not in the slightest. i need some excitement in my life right about now. blast from the past may be just the thing to do it.
Riven: our place, twenty minutes?
Darcy: see u there, puppy dog.
Valtor to [snowflake emoji, crown emoji, blue heart emoji]: Is there a particular reason you still don’t have my number saved, miña raíña?
Icy to UNKNOWN: I dunno if you’ve earned it yet…
Valtor: I stole you that ancient dark artifactual ring you wanted, I enslaved an entire planet of fairies for you to torture at your leisure… I think I get a gold star in the boyfriend department.
Icy: Yeah? Why does Bloom keep texting you?
Bloom to murderous asshole i’m going to murder: valtor, i am not playing around. i did what you wanted and in turn you have ghosted me for an ENTIRE. MONTH. WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT MY PARENTS?
Valtor to Loser: Oh hey, it’s my favorite fairy, STILL texting my boyfriend.
Bloom: icy? give valtor his phone back RIGHT NOW. i’m warning you…
Valtor: No can do. But I can answer your question for you.
Bloom: you can??
Valtor: He lied. He never knew your parents. When I found his ice pod on Omega, his admission tag said he was sentenced A WEEK BEFORE the coven attacked your planet. Belladonna sent him as a diversion so all the warnings Griffin had given to the Company of Light? They’d think they were about HIM, that HE was the impending threat. Once he was out of the way and your people let their guard down, THAT’S when the coven attacked, froze your planet, and killed everyone except for you.
Valtor: Feel better? [smiling face with smiling eyes emoji]
Loser has blocked you.
Valtor to [snowflake emoji, crown emoji, blue heart emoji]: Why’d you have to go and ruin my fun?
Icy to UNKNOWN: She was boring me.
Icy: I’m more fun anyway.
Valtor: Facts. [100 emoji]
Icy to Valtor: :)