Things that should come easy to Kuk Wing-ching, but don't:
1. Lying on a bed, sheets unwashed for three weeks now (it's all his fault, really, it was his turn to do the laundry last week but they had been working on a particularly difficult case and anyway, they had both been barely around) singlet riding high on his stomach, trousers undone, boxers pulled down to mid-thigh, propped up only with his elbows as he looks up at Sheung Sing. Sheung Sing, with his eyes like molten fire, fingertips raking over Wing-ching's skin, across his stomach, lower, lower. Honestly, Wing-ching should be used to this by now, given how sex is pretty much their post-case ritual. They've got to fuck it out of their system.
(To be fair, Wing-ching isn't sure if that was always the case for Sheung Sing, but then again it's not like he wants to think of Sheung Sing's sex habits with Hiu-yee, who he pretty much considers to be his sister-in-law. And, well, this isn't anything that betrays her, right? This is just a... Thing. Something to get rid of the adrenaline in their system, from the cases they work on together.)
But anyway, back to being underneath Sheung Sing, as Sheung Sing moves closer and Wing-ching gulps hard and squeezes his eyes shut as sing touches him, brings both their cocks together and spits on his palm and jerks them off at the same time. Wing-ching is panting heavily and he doesn't dare to look at Sheung Sing, and his traitorous heart is hammering wildly against his chest as if it's trying to leap out and present itself to sing and tell him look, I beat for you, please tell me that there's meaning to all this.
Wing-ching bites hard on his lower lip when he comes, not trusting the words that will come out of his mouth. His canine catches on the soft flesh, and it draws blood.
2. Standing in for Sheung Sng at Ching Ching's parent-teacher meeting. This should come as second nature to him, and most of the time he tells himself that this is some semblance of normalcy, that he actually has a kid to look after, especially since how any chance of that happening had been completely obliterated when he had worked as an undercover cop. Who the hell would risk bearing his child, knowing that someday both the triads and possibly the cops could go after him?
The teacher asks if Wing-ching is really Ching Ching's father. Wing-ching leans in and tells her about the story of his missing finger, and about how he used to be an undercover cop. He makes it sound like it was nothing. Like it was just a fleeting dream, nothing more.
(He's shaking inside when he thinks of the day he almost died, when he should've lost more than just a little finger. He's shaking inside when he brings Ching Ching out and grins and asks her to pick out a lucky horse for gambling because remember Kuk Wing-ching, you don't get to choose who lives and who dies, he's shaking and shaking and shaking so fucking badly but he doesn't want Sheung Sing to know)
3. Following Sheung Sing as they try to catch Shan Gau. Why the fuck should this be different from their usual routine? He'll follow Sheung Sing to the ends of the earth. He'll follow him to hell and back. He's never going to leave him. He's not going to make the same mistakes as he did before, not going back for Yau Sir.
The orders were to stay put, to secure the car crash site with the stolen drugs. But Madam Man had gone into the woods, and Matt Sir had followed her, and god only knows how Wing-ching is more than happy to let them play out their primetime drama of a family feud since Shan Gau killed Yau Sir, and Yau Sir is Madam Man's son. But Sheung Sing, fucking Sheung Sing ever righteous, ever courageous, bravery to Wing-ching's cowardice, insists on going after them, telling Wing-ching he can stay at the crash site if he wants to.
But in his heart of hearts Sing-ching knows, Shan Gau is fucking crazy, he's a mountain dog, for fuck's sake. he's spent so much time hiding, and if he sees Wing-ching again... He'll never be able to survive this and the best part is that he's never going to be able to open his mouth and tell Sheung Sing that the truth is he's less scared of him losing his life and more afraid of how Sheung Sing may never be able to go back to Ching Ching again, to, to—
'Look what we have here.'
Shan Gau. His teeth is bared. He's going to kill Wing-ching.
Things that shouldn't come easy to Kuk Wing-ching, but do:
1. How he keeps letting his walls down with Sheung Sing, how he tells him about Iris, about his parents, fuck he basically raised Sheung Sing as a cop, looked after him taught him stayed by his side and now look at him, he's his Sing Sir while he remains as Sergeant Kuk Wing-ching probably destined to stay at this position for rest of his life but oh, oh, watching Sheung Sing grow as a police officer fills his heart with so much warmth it's ridiculous
2. How he lets himself fall with Sheung Sing even though he really, really, shouldn't, soft touches of their hands, leaning too close after getting drunk together at the karaoke
3. How he's losing the will to fight back against Shan Gau who's strangling him, maybe, just maybe, if he died, he'd be able to atone for his sins, to apologise to Yau Sir, to stop fucking up—