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Love Is for Losers

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 - No, mom, I really appreciate your attempts to find me a boyfriend, but I am not meeting with that guy… Why?.. Well, because I’ve had enough already! Give me a break. I really want to concentrate on my work for a while, okay?… And talking about work - I’m gonna be late if we continue this conversation!.. Yes, my car’s still in service… Mom, I really have to go now, okay? The bus is not gonna wait. Yeah. Love you too. Bye!

You hung up, growled through clenched teeth, grabbed your bag and rushed out of your flat. The next moment you realized you forgot your wallet. You growled again, turning back to your door. You were totally gonna be late today. Why the hell were you such a goddamn loser?..

You reached the bus stop exactly the moment your bus closed the door. Great start of the day. “Okay, don’t panic”, you told to yourself. If you catch the next bus and then would walk really fast (preferably, run), you still were able to arrive to the school, where you worked as a teacher of literature, in time.

Finally you reached the school porch and the lesson hadn’t started yet. Success! You rushed to the teachers’ common room, grabbed a pile of notebooks with your students’ homeworks and hurried to the classroom, checking your watch on the way. It distracted you and of course you bumped into someone. The notebooks fell on the floor.

- Hey, watch your step!..

You lifted your head and met a pair of green eyes. It was Coach Bill, apparently not in the best of moods. Well, your mood wasn’t great either.

- Why don’t you watch your step first?! - You snapped, ripping the notebook he just picked up from his hands.

Grabbing the rest of your stuff, you continued your way. There was no time to fight. The lesson was about to start. As you entered the classroom you realized you were actually glad that you had at least this interaction with Bill. You shook your head. What were you telling your mom about in the morning? You wanted to concentrate on work.

***

Actually, Coach Bill was the man you almost dated. Why almost? Well, the story was quite simple. And with your brilliant “luck” in romantic relationships you were totally not surprised that all went wrong once again.

You started working in this school less than a month ago. Bill also was new here. At first he seemed a bit too grumpy to you, but later you came to a conclusion he was quite a nice guy. You liked him because you always thought that an honest grumpy face is way better than a fake smile. Especially after your previous relationship. You ex-boyfriend was a liar and a cheater and you didn’t know who you hated more - him for being such a fuckhead, or yourself for being stupid enough to trust him. Falling for wrong men - that was pretty much your style. But Bill didn’t seem fake, so when last week he suddenly asked you out, you decided why not?

You set the meeting on Friday, and to tell the truth, you were really looking forward to it. You haven’t been on a date for ages. But on Friday morning Bill found you at work, and his guilty face immediately let you know that something went wrong.

- Look, y/n… I’m really sorry, but I’ve just realized I’m meeting my daughter tonight… I… Don’t know why, but I was sure we’re meeting next Friday, but apparently it is today… Ugh, so stupid…

He looked quite miserable, so you tried to give him your warmest smile.

- That’s okay, I understand. We confuse stuff sometimes. Good thing you remembered before it was too late, - you said soothingly. - We can go out next week, it’s really not a problem.

And it really shouldn’t have been a problem, but…

You were sleeping soundly when something woke you up in the middle of the night. You rubbed your eyes; your still not completely awake brain thought it was your alarm at first, but no, it was your phone ringing. 

- Hello, - you mumbled, glancing at the clock. What the hell? It was 3 a.m.… On the other end of the line you heard a familiar, yet obviously drunk voice.

It was kinda hard to get what exactly Bill was telling you. All you could understand is that the meeting with his daughter didn’t go well, and he had a fight with her, and his ex-wife, and now he got drunk as a skunk and decided to apologize once again about your date that didn’t happen and also to tell you about how much he fucked up in all details.

When you finally got rid of him you collapsed on the pillow with a sigh. Great job, y/n. Apparently you found another guy with issues. A man with drinking problems - that was something new in your collection of messed up relationships… However when you woke up, and thought about it again, you decided you may give him a second chance. All depended on how he was gonna act.

On Monday you expected him to come over to apologize, explain what happened, or simply to talk with you… But he seemed to just avoid you instead. On Tuesday he kept avoiding you. It was already Wednesday, and all he told you was “watch your step”. Oh well. Maybe it was for the best that your date didn’t happen.

***

You decided not to bother yourself much thinking of Bill. You had quite a lot of things to do without him. Lesson plans, for example. Since you were teaching French literature at the moment, you thought it might be a good idea to show the students some videos about Paris, maybe parts of Notre Dame Musical… The teacher who used to work here before you was your good friend; she quit the job because they moved to another town with her husband and kids and suggested you her place. You remembered her talking about some videotapes, so you called her.

- Oh, right, the videos! Yes, there were really nice ones, I recall, - she said to you. – They must be in the utility room, you can take the keys from it downstairs. Look for a box with my name on it. Maybe you’ll find some other useful stuff there… Oh! By the way, there’s no light in that room… For some reason no one wants to fix it. So you better not close the door.

***

The utility room was small and dark. You unlocked the door and sneaked inside, leaving it open. There were quite a lot of different things on the shelves around, but you tried to concentrate on the box with the name you needed. Ah, there it was. You were looking for the video cassettes between the books and other stuff tucked there, when a sudden noise caused you flinch.

- Hello? Is anyone here?

As you stepped out from between the shelves, you saw Bill again. He seemed pretty much surprised to find you there.

- What… What are you doing here?.. - He asked, frowning a bit.

- Looking for some supplemental materials, - you shrugged. - What else can I do here?

- Oh. Yes… Sure… And I’m here for the balls… Basketballs, I mean, - he let out a small laugh. - Okay, that joke was dumb enough.

- That really was.

You wondered why the two of you were just standing there staring at each other instead of just do what you came here for.

- Look, uh… y/n… I’m sorry for being a dick this morning, - Bill said, ruffling the hair on the back of his head a little nervously.

- Well we all have our bad days. I wasn’t super polite with you either.

- And I’m sorry for what happened last week, actually, - he blurted out suddenly. – I fucked up real big time and I should’ve apologized earlier, but it was just… Embarrassing… Kinda…

- Water under the bridge, Bill, really. Shit happens, - you replied, returning to the box. You totally didn’t have much desire to talk about all this right now. Maybe this guy deserved a second chance, but it was a hard day and you didn’t feel like having a serious conversations at all.

Bill looked like he was about to say something else, but you probably sounded really annoyed so he sensed your mood and just nodded.

- Alright, - he murmured to himself. - Balls. Let’s find the balls…

You turned your head to glance at him exactly the moment he made a step into the room and put his hand on the door handle.

- Wait, don’t…

“Close”, you wanted to say, but it was too late - the door swung shut leaving the two of you in complete darkness.

- Shit. Don’t worry, - said Bill’s voice. - I’ll open it.

You heard him fumbling with the door for a little while.

- What the hell? It’s… Locked. Hey, do you have the key, y/n?

- I… - You mumbled, slowly realizing what was happening. – I left the key in the door. Oh God… We’re trapped…

You suddenly felt like it was getting harder to breathe. Small room became like 20 times smaller. This suffocating claustrophobic sensation together with the darkness made you lean against the wall with a ragged gasp.

- Hey… - You heard the coach stepping closer to you, his hand brushing against your arm as he was trying to locate you. - What’s wrong?

- I… Think I’m having a panic attack, - you whispered frantically.

- Uh, okay… Just try to calm down, - His hand lay on your shoulder, stroking soothingly. - Breathe. Breathe with me, okay? In and out… In and out…

You found his arm in the darkness, gripping onto it. It felt comforting - holding onto someone. Closing your eyes, you did as he said - tried to concentrate on breathing in the same rhythm with him. It worked: you felt like the panic was ebbing away slowly as Bill kept stroking your shoulder.

- There…  - You heard his whisper. He was standing really close right now and you shivered, suddenly feeling his stache on your skin as his lips gently touched your forehead. The gesture was soft and full of sudden tenderness you didn’t quite expect from him. You were usually quite sensitive about people invading your personal space, but in that case you didn’t want to push him away. You blamed it to darkness that scared you, so you didn’t want to lose the contact. Something was not quite okay though.

- Um… Bill? - You asked shakily.

- What?

- Your hand…

- Oh… Oh! - He jerked, only now noticing that one of his hands was right on your breast. And you realized your nipple hardened under his palm. Embarrassing. Good thing he couldn’t see you blushing like a fresh tomato.

- Sorry, - his hand slid up to your shoulder. - I didn’t mean, I…

He cleared his throat, - Are you feeling better?

- Yes… Yes, I am… - You mumbled. - Thank you.

You didn’t know what made you do it, but you leaned into him, tiptoeing, and kissed his cheek. Bill probably expected something like that even less then you, because his breath caught for a second, his grip onto your shoulders tightening a bit, and as you leaned back against the wall, he made a small movement towards you, his breath hitting your temple.

The following things happened really fast:

You lifted up your face; his hand moved to cup your cheek; and finally he placed his lips on yours. Kissing your upper lip hesitantly at first, he sighed against your mouth.

You still didn’t push him away. Something just didn’t let you. You did absolutely otherwise instead, parting your lips, letting him kiss you deeper, shivering as the tips of your tongues touched.

It was so weird. He was practically a stranger. But the kiss felt good, it felt intimate… You didn’t want it to end. As his moustache tickled your lips you realized you’ve never kissed someone with stache before… And to tell the truth it was much better than you could expect. Sighing with pleasure you let your hands stroke the sides of his neck before gripping onto his hair. It felt nice and soft under your touch. It felt like you kissed him a thousand of times already… How it was even possible to feel that close to a man you barely knew?  You felt dizzy. That throbbing heat in your lower belly… The more he kissed you, the more aroused you got. You let out a ragged half-moan half-sigh as he let go of your mouth, his lips moving to the underside of your jaw and down your neck, tickling your skin with his whiskers. Your knees were weak. Your heart beat fast inside your chest, breath quickened. Now, it was high time to push the man away… But you couldn’t, didn’t want to. Just kept caressing his hair, pulling him even closer. Seizing your waist, he pressed himself firmer against your frame and you found out you were not the only one who felt arousal - you could undoubtedly sense the hardened bulge through his pants.

“Enough, y/n, push him away…”

Impossible.

His hot breath at your collarbone and his kisses and soft nips almost made you whimper.

You lifted your leg a little, bending your knee, letting your lower bodies touch in search of friction, because the aching heat between your legs was getting hard to bear. He grabbed your thigh, hand slipping under the skirt of your dress and… Quit kissing you for a moment.

There were rather strict rules about teacher’s clothes at school. Of course it wasn’t possible to go to work with bare legs, but this September was just unusually hot, so instead of pantyhose you decided to wear stockings. Your skirt was long enough, so it totally didn’t seem explicit…

- Whoa. That’s hot, - Bill breathed out, facing you again, as his fingers brushed above the hem of your stocking. His fingertips on your bare skin caused you tremble and you pulled him into another desperate kiss, completely losing the ability to think about anything else except him caressing your thighs under the skirt and his tongue exploring your mouth. Bill moaned softly as your hand reached between your bodies, cupping his bulge. He went back to kissing and tickling your neck and throat while you kept stroking him through the material. At this point you both already knew what was about to happen. Your body flinched as he reached your panties, fingers running along your slit. Even through the fabric the sensation was electric.

- Wait, let me…

Your hands were shaking as you fumbled with his belt, struggling to open his pants. He pressed his temple against yours, breathing raggedly when you finally pulled them down and took his cock in your hand.

- You sure you wanna do that? - He asked in a hoarse whisper.

- Uh-huh, - all you managed to reply. Your throat felt dry. He shuddered against your body as you gave him a couple of firm strokes.

- I’m… Not gonna last too long, I guess, - he went on, his voice slightly shaky. - I… had quite a long time of… abstention.

- It’s okay. Me too, - you hushed softly, placing a kiss on the side of his neck. At this you felt him pulling your panties down finally. As they slipped to your feet, he let his fingers tease you a little, brushing in between your folds, earning a few quiet whimpers from you. You wanted him inside you badly, and your wetness definitely let him know that you were ready. Kneading your butt he lifted you up a bit, placing his hard cock at your entrance.

You bit your lip with a gasp as he thrusted hard into you. Burying his face into the crook of your neck and breathing deeply he gave you a few moments to adjust to him before he started moving, slowly and smoothly and it felt so deliciously good!.. Holding onto his shoulders, you wrapped your trembling legs around his waist as his pace intensified, breathy moans and gasps escaping your lips as he hit the right spots. His lips found yours again, muffling the sounds of your arousal with a sloppy and feverish kiss. You felt him twitching and you knew you were close too. You shifted just a little and your body shuddered violently as your clit rubbed against his shaft. A couple more hard and deep thrusts and you walls clenched, contracting around his length, bringing you to the state of absolute ecstasy. He followed you almost immediately, growling into your mouth. His head fell back into the crease of your neck as he panted, trying to regain his composure.

You were a trembling mess and Bill kept holding you close until your breath became normal again and the aftershocks of your climax ebbed away.

- You okay? - He asked, carefully putting you back on the floor

- I am, - you replied, and he kissed your temple. Once again, the gesture felt so incredibly soft and intimate it made your heart shrink. You stood like that: eyes closed, his forehead pressed to yours, your fingertips brushing his cheek. But the next moment you started to realize what you’ve just done… Banging against the wall in the utility room… Brilliant. Like a couple of teenagers fucking in the closet. And by the way you were still locked.

- Could you help me with my panties, Bill?.. - You asked, your cheeks burning.

- Oh. Sure.

He bent down, fumbled on the floor before handing you your underwear.

***

You both just finished fixing yourselves as you suddenly heard the footsteps.

- Hey, is there anyone here?

It was Jim, the security. He probably was making his usual round, checking if the lights were out and the doors were closed… At least you were hoping it weren’t your noises that brought him here.

- Ye… Yes, we’re here! - You yelled in reply. - The door locked accidentally!..

***

Jim didn’t seem suspicious as he opened the door and found the two of you inside. You just grabbed the cassettes and left as soon as possible, ignoring your wobbly legs, avoiding looking at both men.

Only when you sat in the bus you allowed yourself to sigh deeply and relax. What the hell was it? You’ve just had sex with Coach Bill. Just like that. How could it possibly happen to you? You closed your eyes, flashbacks of his moustache on your skin and his lips softy brushing against your temple sending shivers down your spine. You just did something extremely inappropriate… But how could it feel so good, so comforting, so… true, at the same time?..

***

The next day you managed to avoid Bill. It was not that hard. You had many lessons and were quite busy. You stayed at work late again, correcting the homeworks since you hated bringing the work home.

You saw him immediately as you walked out of the school. Bill was sitting on a bench next to the porch and looked a little lost. He gave you shy smile.

- Hey.

- Hey, - you smiled back. - Are you… Waiting for me?..

- Yeah, - he nodded and let out a deep sigh. - Um, y/n… Wanna talk about what happened yesterday?

Frankly speaking, you didn’t feel quite ready to talk about it yet, but he was right. You had to. That’s what normal adult people do. Talk.

- I guess we really should talk about it, yes, - you agreed, sitting on the bench next to him.

- I didn’t want it to happen like that… I really like you, you know… I might be in love with you… And… This was supposed to be kinda special, not just a bang against the wall… But actually I suck at this whole romantic thing, so it would’ve been awkward anyways, I guess. 

- Yeah, that really was awkward… I never expected something like this to happen with me, I’m usually pretty much composed… Wait, - the realization hit you all of a sudden. - You said you might be in love with me?..

- I think so… - Bill chuckled nervously. - It’s so weird, I almost forgot how it feels like to be into someone… I mean… The only serious relationship I’ve got was my wife, we met in college… But… I’m divorced now, also my daughter apparently hates me, so it’s safe to say I’m… Not good when it comes to women. I’m not good at being married and I’m not good at being single… And all the dating stuff… I was really surprised when you accepted my invitation, actually. I didn’t expect that, so I got both excited and terrified, and confused the dates, and then all went wrong, I got drunk and made it even worse… I’m such a loser, really… It’s not surprising that I failed again. But when I asked you out and you said yes, I thought… Maybe you’re the one… Maybe it could work out…

He sighed helplessly, apparently not knowing what else to say. You just stared at him, slightly overwhelmed by his words, and he didn’t dare to look you in the eye.

- Well… - you said softly, after a short pause, reaching out to touch his arm. - I… I am actually a complete loser at everything connected with love, dating and relationships as well.

- Huh? - He finally lifted up his gaze, frowning in surprise. - How come? I mean… You’re cute and smart and all…

- How come? I have no idea. Just keep falling for wrong men, I guess, - you shrugged. - I accepted your invitation because you seemed honest. My previous boyfriend cheated on me, and you didn’t seem like such kind of a guy. And… What happened in the utility room… It was awkward, yes. And…  Far from being romantic. But… It seemed right, and mutual. Did you feel it too?

He just nodded in reply.

For a few moments you were sitting there in silence, both thinking of the things you’ve just said to each other. You realized you felt comfortable just sitting next to him now, without saying a word. It was a good a sign.

- You know what, - you finally said. - Maybe you’re right. Maybe it could really work out, you and me. I mean… Maybe it still can.

- Really?.. - He beamed at you. - You think?

- Well, since we’re both such losers, maybe it’s a match, - you smiled. - Who knows? Ask me out again sometime and we’ll find out.

- Yeah… Yeah, I will… - He stumbled for a second. - I am, actually. I’m asking you out. Right now. Yep.

- Right now?..

- Yeah, why not? - He smiled a bit shyly through his moustache. - I’m free and if you’re not busy… I bet you’re starving after the working day, because I am… so we could go eat a pizza or something… But if you’re busy…

He stopped talking when your hand covered his.

- I’m not busy and it’s a great idea. Let’s do it.

You looked at him and saw his green eyes smiling.

- Let’s do it.