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Never Can Say Goodbye

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Julian had been asleep for two hours when he was woken up by his phone beeping. He didn’t even have to check who the message was from; only Kai ever risked trying to wake him up at three in the morning.

You ever just watch yourself make bad decision after bad decision?

He groaned into his pillow, realizing that Kai was clearly in the middle of another all-nighter caused by his severe procrastination abilities. Honestly, he was going to be the death of both of them at this rate. If Kai pulled one more all-nighter this semester, Julian was going to have to start sedating him.

You gotta stop pulling all-nighters, man and just do your shit earlier

Sleep is for weaklings

Kai I swear to god



Julian shouldn’t have expected anything else from the idiot. While he may have found Kai’s sleeping habits extremely unhealthy, Julian had to appreciate his stubborn determination.

What work did you save to the last minute this time

A paper for history of piano music

It’s due tomorrow

Idiot. That’s all Julian had to say on the matter. Very clearly ignoring the fact that during his first two years of university Julian was just as bad, and Kai, unlike him, actually finished the work.

So I’m going to repeat my earlier statement

You gotta stop pulling all-nighters, man, and just do your shit earlier

*Incoming Call from Kai*

He was going to regret this, he thought as he picked up the phone.

“I have had three espressos in the last hour. Is that going to kill me?” Julian barely understood what Kai was saying, He couldn’t believe a 19-year-old was going to make him die of concern before he turned 23. “My hand won’t stop shaking, like really shaking.” To be fair, it sounded like Kai might die first.

“You might be dying; how would I know?” Julian mumbled into the phone.

“Damn, that sucks. There was so much I wanted to do.” Julian snorted at that one. But deep down he was hoping he might be on Kai’s to-do list. Briefly berating himself for that awful pun, Julian shoved the thought out of his mind before responding. “Dug your own grave by staying up all night. Again.”


“Simply the truth. Now can I go to bed or did you call me for a reason?”

“Maybe I just wanted to hear your voice.” Julian knew Kai was joking, but his heart skipped in his chest. How the hell was a 3am call making him fall harder for his best friend? “But actually, why am I trying to double major again? Cause it sucks and I need your awesome motivational skills right now.”

Julian had often wondered how Kai dealt with his schedule. A double major in Sports Journalism and Music Theory, a starter on the football team, and Kai somehow still managed to stay at the top of his classes. They had met on the team last year; but unfortunately Julian had to graduate after just one season of them playing together. He and Kai were stunning together in midfield and had become fast friends and, well, for Julian, his feelings had gone beyond friendship. Can’t blame him for it though: Kai was smart, funny, and talented beyond belief at both piano and football.

He could picture Kai now, sitting on the floor of his room with scattered papers everywhere, on the verge of a caffeine overdose. But Julian knew that if there was anybody who could deal with all of it, it was Kai. “You’re doing this because you love music and sports and you weren’t able to give either of them up. I know it’s a shit ton of work, but if there is anybody who can handle it it’s you.”

“Ehhh, now there is one person who believes in me. Thank you Jule.” Kai didn’t sound convinced, but at this point there wasn’t much he could do. Julian just had to hope that when he woke up, Kai won’t have died from a caffeine overdose or lack of sleep.

“I would say anytime, but please no more 3am calls. I wonder how close you are to reaching the point where the lack of sleep makes you hallucinate?” Julian had a strong feeling Kai was in fact quite close.

Kai snickered, “Aren’t you just the funniest. You can go to bed now though; I’m sorry for waking you up. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Don’t worry about it, Kai. I’m here when you need me.” He put his phone back down on the counter before falling back asleep and dreaming of a familiar pair of green eyes.

The next morning Julian dragged himself out of bed just in time to get to work. Being a barista in a small coffee shop was probably the most stereotypical thing he could do right after college (without even mentioning the fact that he’s a writer), but it was a good way to make some extra money and keep the nice apartment he was sharing with Jannis. It had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that it was also where Kai stopped for his morning coffee fix and was one of the few times Julian got to see him now that Julian had graduated… nothing at all to do with that. He’d been at work for two hours before Kai finally showed up. He looked like a walking corpse. Kai’s usually perfect curls falling flat on his forehead, a look Julian had never seen on him in public. The bags under his eyes only accentuated how tired Kai looked; the usual spark in his green eyes was missing as well. Despite Kai’s disheveled look, Julian couldn’t help but laugh as Kai sat down at the counter and proceeded to drop his head smack down on to the hard surface. “Ow”

“Did you expect that to not hurt?” Julian asked as he set Kai’s iced coffee down in front of him. “You look like an extra from the Walking Dead, or maybe a White Walker actually.”

“I know you just said some words to me, but I no longer know any words. Musical notes too for that matter; I can’t look at anymore sheet music.” Kai immediately started chugging down his coffee at an alarming rate the second it was within his reach. It was a record setting time, Julian clocked it at taking a solid five seconds, beating last week’s record of seven seconds. “I want another.”

Julian glared at him, “Not gonna happen. I already put an extra shot of espresso in that one and I’m scared if you have more caffeine you’ll start shaking and eventually die of a heart attack.” Julian was really concerned. Kai looked exhausted, more so than he had ever seen him. Kai hadn’t even managed to change out of his joggers and t-shirt, which Julian was pretty sure he’d been wearing since his practice the day before. “I can’t keep supporting your lack of sleep with shots of espresso. Honestly if you laid down on the floor right now people would assume you’re a dead body and call the police.”

“You’re being dramatic, I look great.”

“You’re going to die at training this afternoon. I never thought you’d let yourself die on a bad hair day.”

“Will you throw me a nice funeral? The hair’s a non-issue; someone can make it look nice before my wake” Kai gave him his signature grin. His stupid smile could get Julian to agree to anything. “Fine, but I’m sticking to a budget and unfortunately I think that means I won’t be able to afford taking your corpse and to get its hair done.”

Kai laughed, “Screw the hair then. Just make sure there’s some good food, that’s all I care about.”

“There’ll be a full feast.”

“You’re a pain in the ass; now give me more free coffee. That’s all that you’re good for.” Julian rolled his eyes but gave in anyway. Kai could get him to do anything at this point. “My boss is going to fire me if I keep doing this.”

“You’ll survive – you’re on your way to becoming a famous sports journalist and all.” Kai nearly spilled the coffee in his attempt to snatch it from Julian. He moved it out of his reach just in time. “HEYYYY, give it!” Julian’s eye roll could probably have been seen from space, as his friend leaned over the counter and made grabby hands for the cup.

“How have you managed to convince people you’re 19?”

“I talk about classical composers until they fall asleep and or they have forgotten that we were discussing my age. Now give me the coffee.” Kai made another grab at the cup.

Julian retreated again, “You can have the coffee, if you come over tonight.”

“That’s a win, win for me. Now hand it over”

“Is it still a win if I can drug you with sedatives and make sure you sleep tonight? You have a game tomorrow and I can’t trust you to not stay up again.” While this was true, Julian really just wanted to spend time with Kai. In a totally platonic way of course. Not in any other way. “Also, I can kick your ass at FIFA and Fortnite and make you the pasta you like the night before games.”

Kai’s eyes brightened up at the mention of pasta and Julian couldn’t keep himself from smiling. “That’s a deal. Now give me the caffeine, before I’m even more late for class.” Julian handed it over and watched as Kai managed to chug down half it in one sip as he stood up to go. “It’s a miracle you are single. I don’t know what I’d do if I had to split your time with somebody.”

Fuck me, I'm so far gone was Julian’s only thought as the door shut behind Kai.

Julian was sitting on his couch trying to finish the piece he was writing about the Leverkusen game that had just finished, when Jannis came home from work. “Hey, where’s your boyfriend? Thought he was coming over tonight.”

“His practice ran late; he’ll be here in like 15 minutes.” It took him a second and a snicker from Jannis before he realized what his brother had said. “Wait a minute! He’s not my boyfriend.”


Julian slammed his laptop shut. “He is not interested in me or interested in men in general.”

Jannis laughed as he made his way to his room. “You are an idiot. Absolute idiot.”

Julian followed him out of the room. “I am not! I know he’s not interested, and I don’t know why you think otherwise. Besides, doesn’t he have some sort of thing with that girl Sophie or whatever.”

His brother just laughed as he set his bag down. “An absolute dumbass, you are. You think he wouldn’t tell you if he was seeing somebody? Really, I wonder how we are related.” Jannis just grinned at him before making his way back to the kitchen. “Speaking of you being the biggest idiot on the planet, have you told him about the job offer?”

Julian groaned as he sat down on one of the kitchen stools., he should’ve known Jannis would bring it up. “It’s not important.”

“Not important my ass.” Jannis said slamming the bag of chips he had taken out onto the counter. “You get an offer from one of the biggest media companies, in the world, mind you. Sadly, the big flaw is that it requires you to move and you are too scared to tell your best friend, because you are madly in love with him.”

“I don’t see how me being madly in love with him has anything to do with me not telling him.” He answered stealing one of Jannis’ chips.

“HA!” His brother screamed pulling the bag away from him.

“Ha, what?” He asked stealing the bag right back.

“That’s the first time.”

“The first time what?”

Jannis stole the chips right back. “The first time you openly admitted that you love him.” Jannis smirked and left for his room leaving Julian in the kitchen to plan whether he should throw himself off his own roof or someone else’s.

Twenty minutes and many thoughts about how to murder Jannis later, Julian heard the buzzer for his apartment go off. He put his laptop aside, and buzzed Kai in, before getting started on their meal.

“Hey Ju!” Julian looked up to see Kai walking into the kitchen. He had clearly showered after training, seeing as he didn’t look like the sweaty disaster he normally was right after. Not that Julian minded – he found sweaty Kai just as nice to look at it, “Sorry I was late, you know how Bosz is, and then I felt bad showing up sweaty, so I showered.”

“It’s not a problem; when do either of us ever show up on time?” Julian smiled as Kai sat down on one of the kitchen stools. “I should also apologize because I’m just starting to cook; I completely blanked.”

Kai grinned that stupid grin that made Julian’s cheeks heat up, “I can’t believe you’re apologizing for not having cooked me dinner at a specific time. If it wasn’t for you, I’d be living off of coffee and ramen.”

“Yeah, you’re not wrong there; you lack any and all cooking ability.” Julian couldn’t help but laugh at Kai’s offended expression. He just looked so adorable, with the squinty eye brows and the pouty lips. Kai hadn’t bothered to style or dry his hair after his shower, so his curls were falling over his forehead, and Julian had to hold himself back from running his hand through brown tangles. Kai’s eyes still showed how tired he was, but they had a bit of the spark in them again. “Besides with fact that you have only slept three hours this week, will just make you more of a disaster.”

“That is not true.” Julian snickered, letting Kai realize just how wrong that claim was. “Okay, the cooking part is true. BUT I have in fact slept 15 hours this week. None of it was last night, but that doesn’t mean I’ve only slept three hours.” Kai looked pretty proud of himself and Julian could help but my smile at Kai’s ability to be positive about everything.

Kai filled him in on how his week went and the reasons why he hadn’t slept this time. Julian struggled to stay focus on cooking, but it was easy to get distracted by Kai. His friend kept running his hands through his curls and biting his lip when he took a second to think, and Julian couldn’t help but wish he could run his hand through Kai’s hair instead. He turned away from Kai when he started to feel himself blushing, pulling two bowls out of the cabinet as Kai transitioned to talking about practice that day and the reasons why Bosz had kept them late, Apparently the new midfielders just couldn’t connect on the pitch. The two of them chatted about tactics Bosz was trying to use, while Julian finished cooking and filled the two bowls, “Sounds like you guys are missing me.” Julian joked as he handed one of them to Kai.

“You can’t even imagine.” Kai laughed as he stood and grabbed a fork from the drawer before making his way to the couch. “We’re so bad this year, nobody is able to assist me like you did.”

Julian scoffed as he sat down next to Kai. “I didn’t just assist, I scored too…”

“Whatever you say, buddy…” Too lazy to even argue, he just rolled his eyes, before digging into his dinner and focusing on the show Kai had thrown on. After five minutes of silence, his friend spoke up again, “What about you though?”

Julian just looked at him confused for a second. “I mean, I always talk about how my life is going and school and complain about my classes and Bosz and practice. You haven’t told me much about how you are doing recently. I just mean like today when you joked about getting fired, I was just thinking about how job searching must be going cause I doubt you want to be working at a coffee shop your whole life and you haven’t talked much about it since you graduated. Not that I don’t want you there, the free coffee is great and all, just I feel bad cause you deserve to be successful. I’m sorry, I’m rambling.” By this point, Kai had hidden his face behind his bowl, as much as possible, but Julian could still see the blush forming on Kai’s cheeks. Julian was royally screwed it was like Kai already knew something was up with his job, not to mention his heart beat a little faster at the thought of his crush thinking about him.

“First of all, Kai, put that down before you spill all over my couch.” His friend grumbled in annoyance before setting the bowl down on the coffee table. “Second, stop apologizing for rambling cause you know I don’t care and finally I never mentioned how jobs were going cause up until this week nothing’s worked out.”

It took Kai a second to before he sat up in excitement and hugged him. “So something has finally worked out! Julian that’s great!!. What is it?” He let go when he realized Julian didn’t share his excitement. “The job would require me to move…to Turin.”

“Oh...” Julian watched as his best friend processed the news, nervous about how he’d react. “I’m really happy for you it’s just…”

“I haven’t said yes, yet.”

“So you’re going to say yes.”

“That’s not what I meant, Kai. I don’t know what I’m going to do.” Julian hated seeing that look in Kai’s eyes. His friend looked so confused and hurt by the news. He couldn’t help but think that it was one of the few times Kai actually looked his age. “I have until summer to decide; they don’t need a new writer till the start of next season. I just don’t want to talk about this tonight.”

“Clearly not, seeing as you didn’t even tell me originally. When did you hear from them?”


“It’s Friday, Julian.” The look on Kai’s face made Julian heartbreak and the fact that he’d used his actual name was just an extra stab in the gut. “We’re best friends! Why wouldn’t you tell me about this?! I don’t think we’ve kept a secret from each other since the day we met. This is a major life decision or moment or whatever you want to call it and you waited five days to tell me. Why?”

Julian was stunned, “Kai, I don’t know…I wanted to tell you. But then you’ve barely slept all week and you’ve had so much work and I didn’t want to bother you with it.”

“You’re never a bother to me Ju. I can’t believe you’d think that.” Kai’s voice had completely shifted away from the yelling to so soft he could just hear it. “There has never been a time, where you haven’t been there for me at a moment’s notice. I fucking called you at three am last night for a little bit of motivation and you picked up. You do so much for me, of course I want to know what’s going on in your life.”

“I’m sorry. I really am, I just telling you made it real and like I actually might leave.” If Julian ran his hand through his hair one more time, he was going to start going bald sooner than he wanted. “I can’t talk about it, yet.”

Kai gave him a small smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Alright, but please keep me updated on it. Now, how about I kick your ass at Fortnite?”

“We can play, but there’s no way you’re kicking my ass.” Julian returned the smile and went to grab the controllers, before settling back down on the couch.

Four games later, Julian decided to call it quits for the night after Kai let out a yawn so loud it could shake the building. “I think it’s time you finally get some sleep.” Kai gave him an annoyed look. “But it’s only ten and I don’t want to go. Your couch is comfy.”

Kai was giving him puppy eyes, and Julian was truly and absolutely fucked because there was no way he could say no to that look. “Then stay here and sleep on the couch. You’ve slept here before and your game isn’t till the afternoon.” Kai’s smile in response could have melt ice and Julian was glad the room was dark and hid his blushing cheeks. He couldn’t help himself when Kai smiled like that at it him. “I mean this way I can make sure you sleep.”

Kai scoffed, “I’m not that bad…” Julian gave him a pointed look while tossing him a blanket and pillow. “You didn’t sleep last night… or four nights ago… and then three nights before that…”

“Okay… I’m a little bad.” Julian was about to respond before he made the mistake of looking at Kai. He couldn’t keep the smile off his face when he looked over to see how Kai had curled up on his couch. Julian had to force himself to look away before he got caught staring, “Good night Kai”

“Hey, Julian?”

Julian stopped in his room’s doorway, “Yeah?”

“If I asked you to stay, would you?”


Chapter Text

If it hadn’t been for the exhaustion from doing an all-nighter the previous night, Kai wouldn’t have slept. He had laid awake on Julian’s coach for an hour trying to analyze the look his friend had given him before disappearing into his room without saying a word. Kai hadn’t meant to ask the question, but he couldn’t hold it back. The idea of Julian leaving was terrifying to him. The older man had drawn Kai’s attention from the moment he stepped on the pitch at Kai’s first practice.

He had come to terms with his sexuality years ago, but that didn’t make it easier to tell others. So when Kai realized he was falling for the midfielder who had become his closest friend, he had kept it to himself. But now he was regretting that, what if Julian felt the same way? Kai could see the longing hidden in Julian’s eyes after he asked if he’d stay if Kai I asked him to, but he couldn’t be sure. Their friendship wasn’t worth the risk, was it?

To keep himself from musing on the subject for too long, he pulled himself up from the couch and into the kitchen to find where Julian hid the coffee. It didn’t take long; at this point Kai could sniff it out. He quickly made himself a mug and sat down on one of the kitchen stools to lazily scroll through Instagram. It briefly crossed his mind to try and cook something, but for the safety of everyone in Julian’s apartment building, he elected not to. 

“Shit, you found it…” Kai looked up to see Julian walking into the room and his heart stopped. Julian had decided to not put his shirt back on after waking up and Kai was struggling to keep himself together. He’d seen Julian shirtless when they played together the previous year, but this was different. Julian had put on a bit more muscle and mixed with his adorable bed head and the way he bit his lip as he poured himself a cup of coffee, Kai was struggling to think coherently.

Kai took a sip of coffee giving himself an excuse to have a second to pull himself together. “Um… I guess you’re just shit at hiding things.” 

“You’d be surprised.” Julian gave him a small smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Thanks for not trying to cook, by the way. I’m sure the rest of the building appreciates it too.”

Kai scoffed, “Only I get to make fun of my inability to cook anything.” At this point Kai had a system: not to look right at Julian; he knew he wouldn’t be able to keep himself from staring. Julian was making it difficult though, as he went about making breakfast, all Kai could think of was how great it would be to wake up to this everyday.

“You nearly burned my eyebrows off last year with only a microwave at your disposal,” This time Julian really smiled, “I believe that gives me the right to insult your kitchen skills.”

Kai tried to look offended, but Julian was not wrong. He couldn’t keep himself from laughing at the memory of his friend’s terrified look when he a had come back to his apartment to find smoke pouring out of the microwave. “Laugh all you want Kai, I’m still going to make you pay me back for the microwave.”

“You’ve been saying that for months.” Kai went to steal a sausage from the plate Julian was putting them on, but his friend slapped his hand away with a pointed look. “Come on, I’m hungry. I’m the one who’s got a game today.” He pointed out as he sat back down.

Julian set a plate of food in front of him, “I can’t believe I cook you breakfast and this is the treatment I get in return.” He grabbed his own plate before sitting down next to Kai. Kai took the opportunity to quickly appreciate how Julian’s joggers hung low on his hips showing of his v-line. He looked up and found himself looking right into Julian’s eyes. Shit he’d been caught staring, “Uhm…”

Luckily he was saved by Jannis walking in on their awkward eye contact. “Hey dumbasses, did you save any for me?”

Julian pulled himself together first, but Kai could see his friend’s blush no matter how hard Julian tried to hold it back. “Why would I ever cook for you Jannis?” 

Jannis went to steal from Kai, but Kai quickly raised his fork in defense. “What did I do to deserve to starve?”

“Be a pain in the ass,” Kai muttered as he shoved the last of his eggs in his mouth to keep them away from Jannis. Julian let out the cutest giggle at Kai’s antics, before taking up his own defensive actions as Jannis turned to his food.

Jannis dramatically threw his hand over his heart in desperation, “And to think I was going to come to take photos for you at your game!”

Kai immediately pushed his plate towards Jannis, with just a bite of sausage left on it. “All yours!”

“I’m surrounded by children,” Jannis muttered as he picked up the last piece before hunting through the fridge to find actual food.

“Says you!” Julian was still holding his plate close to him in case Jannis was going to try and steal again. Kai had to admit he did look a bit like a defensive toddler. Showing his true maturity, Jannis just stuck his tongue out at his brother. 

As much as Kai wanted to continue to joke around he realized that if he wanted to stop back at his room before his game, he had to get going. “Speaking of Jannis taking photos of my game, if I want to be in time for it, I’m gonna have to go.” 

Julian checked the time on his phone before reluctantly nodding in agreement. “Didn’t realize we slept so late.” Kai stood up to rinse his plate off, but Julian nudged him away so Kai could put his shoes on and grab his bag.

“You two are both coming, right?” Kai gave Julian a hopeful smile. If he was honest, asking Jannis to come take photos at his game was really a way to make sure Julian would go.

Julian smiled back, “Wouldn’t miss it.”

After the door had closed behind Kai, Jannis turned on Julian immediately. “That was disgustingly domestic.” Julian just rolled his eyes and went to go get changed, but much to his annoyance Jannis followed him. “Come on Julian! Tell me you didn’t notice that he couldn’t stop staring at your abs! Which you definitely did on purpose, by the way. I know you don’t walk around here shirtless.”

Julian continued to ignore him as he dug through his closet looking for something to wear. Jannis, still being a prick, had sat down on his bed waiting expectantly for a response. “I’m not going away…”

“Fine…” He gave in hoping it’d get his brother to leave. “I purposefully didn’t wear a shirt this morning in the hope of getting his attention. You happy?” He threw a pair of socks at Jannis’ head. 

Jannis dodged just in time, “Very much so.” Much to Julian’s joy, Jannis got up to leave. “By the way Julian, wear the white button up with the sleeves rolled and your denim shorts. It’s your best spring look.”

“You sure?”

“Definitely, also your legs need to see the sun. They’re scary pale.” Jannis just made it out of the room, right as another pair of Julian’s socks hit the wall where he’d been standing.


Julian and Jannis made their way down to the field just in time to catch the last minutes of the warm-up. Not many people went to the games, Julian guessed that there were maybe a hundred or so people sitting in the small stand on one side of the pitch. A majority of them were college girls hoping to grab the attention of any of the players. He sighed when he noticed one group of them were focusing right on Kai. “He’s not interested in them.”

“How do you know?” Julian gave his brother a pointed look before looking back at the group, who despite his lack of interest in women, were quite attractive.

Jannis just shook his head, “You two are idiots.” 

“Hey!” Julian was brought out of his thoughts and looked over to see Kai jogging over to him and Jannis. The warm-up had come to an end, and the players were gathering the spare balls. “You guys made it!”

Julian scoffed, “I can’t believe you doubted us!”

Kai’s smile in response could honestly kill a person if the boy wasn’t careful. “I was expecting you to make it, just you know, not on time.” 

“HAVERTZ!!!” Kai nearly jumped out of his skin. Julian could see his ex-coach/Kai’s current coach shooting an angry look over to them. “Okay, I gotta go. Wish me luck, this team really needs it.” Kai grumbled the last part as he turned to jog back to his team.

“You don’t though! Score one for me yeah?” Julian yelled after him.

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard your name and score in the same sentence!” Kai joked before picking up his pace and ignoring the fact that Julian was flicking him off.


Julian couldn’t help but smile to himself when he saw the group of girls, who’d been ogling Kai before, shoot him jealous looks. Maybe things weren’t as hopeless as he’d originally thought. He thought back to the moment right before Jannis had interrupted them that morning. When Julian had turned to look at Kai only to see his best friend was definitely not looking at his face. The moment Kai realized he’d been caught, he had seemed like had been about to say something. Of course, Jannis had chosen that moment to walk in. Julian wasn’t even sure he hadn’t dreamed the whole moment up.

Jannis left him to his thoughts as he fussed around with the various lenses he had brought. Julian was glad Kai liked having Jannis take pictures of him playing; it gave him an excuse to tag along. Watching Kai play was one of Julian’s favorite things: not only was he extremely attractive but he was extremely talented. His sweat-soaked jersey clinging to his abs only enhanced the stunning shots he could put in the back of the net. Julian couldn’t help his thoughts though, and watching Kai play really did put some interesting images in his head.

“Hey bro, back to reality.” Jannis was waving his hand in front of his face. “I would normally ask what you were thinking about, but based on the way you’re blushing right now, I don’t think I want to know. Come on, they’re lining up and I want to be near the goal they’re shooting at.” 

His brother’s statement only made his blush worse as he followed him to the goal where the opposing team’s keeper was.


The game passed almost painfully slowly, with Kai being the only person on his team who seemed to want to put anything into the game. He did manage to put a goal in, but it had been merely a consolation goal due to the fact that their opponents had already gotten four past their keeper.

 Julian and Jannis hadn’t stayed long after a dejected Kai had come up to them and let them know that he was “going to nap away his sorrows”. Julian couldn’t blame him, if he had been in Kai’s position he’d be doing the same. And as much as he’d like to spend more time with Kai, he had to write a piece about some game that had been on today. Julian probably should have watched it, now that he thought about it, but that’s what recordings were for, right?

The moment he got back to his apartment with Jannis, he changed into his sweats and t-shirt and threw on the game. It wasn’t a very good game and Julian wasn’t surprised when it ended in a scoreless draw. He was quite capable of making it sound like the most thrilling game ever, but he couldn’t help but groan at the extra work he was now going to have to put into the article.

“That was shit; how are you supposed to write about that?” Julian looked over to see Jannis.

Julian groaned, “Don’t even get me started… if you think the ending was bad, should have seen the first half. I’m going to have to totally bullshit the entire thing.”

Jannis plopped himself down on the couch, “I’m assuming you don’t need to rewind any part of that and I can put on something else.” Julian just nodded before opening his laptop and trying to decide how to make the one yellow card of the game sound like a winning goal. “Have you heard from him?”


“Kai of course. He seemed pretty disgruntled after the game.” Julian looked up curiously at his brother. “What do you mean?”

Jannis just shrugged, “I don’t know, he just seemed to keep glancing over to you everyone once in a while. I mean he’s usually obsessed with you, but usually he can turn it off during games. Have you told him about the job yet?”

“Last night, why?” 

Jannis just sighed, “You’ll figure it out eventually.”

Deciding he was tired of his brother’s weird cryptic statements, Julian relocated to his room. Jannis had gotten in his head though; could Kai really be that upset about him leaving? He didn’t believe it, it was probably just his game and lack of sleep keeping Kai down. It kept bothering him and he eventually gave in to the urge and decided to text Kai.

Hey, Haven’t heard from u since the game

Just wanted to make sure ur good

Half an hour went by before his phone buzzed with a response from Kai.

Took a great ass nap

Other than that not great…

Julian felt terrible because a small part of him had some hope that it meant Kai did like him as more than a friend. Maybe he should say something… but what if he decided to take the job? How could he think of himself as a good person, if he told his best friend he loved him and then left for another country? Not a great idea…

He could always not take the job… but then again, the idea of continuing to write periodic articles about random games that weren’t even in major leagues wasn’t very appealing to him. It would be completely unreasonable to give up such a big career opportunity for unrequited love. Maybe it was requited, but he had no way of knowing unless he told Kai. As previously mentioned though he can’t just tell Kai he loves him and then leave?

I’m sorry anything I can do?

Can I kick your ass at Fortnite?

Always cheers me up


But you have to bring food

Deal, cheap pizza here we come

“Hey, Jannis! Kai’s coming over with food!” Julian got up and took a look in the mirror to make sure he looked at least a little put together. Jannis came in a moment late, “Should I leave?”

Julian shot him an annoyed glance, “Nothing’s going to happen, idiot. We’ve been over this.”

“Normally I would mean it like that, not this time.” Jannis had sat down on the edge of Julian’s bed. “You two actually need to talk. And I know you’ll hold back thinking I’d be in my room with an ear against the door listening to every word.”

“You would be doing that.”

Jannis rolled his eyes, “Not the point. I don’t know what your plan is with the job. You won’t tell anybody what your thoughts on it are. But you can’t leave Kai hanging like this; he looks at you like you hung the stars. I can’t let you just keep him at a distance like this, he’s my friend too.” 

Julian face planted on his bed next to his brother. “I don’t know what I’m going to do Jannis. I’m so in love with him, but this is the opportunity I’ve been waiting for. Last night he asked if he asked me to stay would I?”

“What did you say?” 

Julian sat up, “Nothing, but the scary thing is I would.” 

Jannis patted him on the back, “Kai would never ask you to stay. He may want you to, but he wants the best for you and he knows how important starting your career is. He’d never be that selfish.”

His brother was right, Kai would never do that. Julian groaned and fell back onto his bed, with his head in his hands. “How did I get myself in this situation?”

“You’re a dumbass, that’s how.” Sometimes it amazed Julian how quickly Jannis transitioned between supportive sibling and pain in the ass little brother. “Honestly though, get it out of the way. You can’t keep him dangling like this. I’m gonna head over to Sam’s and let you two finally talk this out.”

“What if I don’t want to?” Julian did his best to add some sass, but his rising panic levels showed through.

Jannis merely responded by whacking him with a pillow. “Good luck! Also, send me a text if I shouldn’t come back tonight.” He left with a wink.

Julian grabbed his laptop and headed back to his living room and settled down on the couch. He probably had half an hour to get as much of the piece done before Kai showed up. In typical him fashion though, he ended up writing one word and staring at his computer for 25 mins before giving up. He had hoped getting some work done would calm him down, but it hadn’t.

Much to his surprise instead of the usual ring of the buzzer outside, there was just a knock at his door. “It’s open!” 

“Hey! I found the cheapest pizza between here and campus.” Kai’s looked quite proud of himself as he made his way into the living room and dropped his bag down on one of the chairs, before setting the pizza down on the coffee table. “We’re probably going to want plates, it’s like 75% grease.”

 Julian stood up to get them, “Probably, but if you get any grease on the coach I will kill you and then bring you back so Jannis can too.” Kai grunted in understanding as he settled down on Julian’s couch.

He quickly grabbed two plates from the cabinet and went to grab two beers from the fridge, when his phone started ringing with a call from an unknown number. Usually Julian didn’t pick up unknown numbers but when you’re in the middle of a job search, you couldn’t risk missing a call and thank fuck he answered.


“Hi! This is Sam Jones from Sky Sports. I was hoping to talk to Julian Brandt about a position?”

Chapter Text

Kai wasn’t sure what was taking Julian so long, his friend had just gone to get beers and plates. He couldn’t have gotten lost in his own apartment… Before he could go check on Julian, he came sprinting out of the kitchen.

“Kai! Come on!” Kai didn’t have a chance to react before his friend was pulling him off up the couch and towards the door. “Woahhh, Julian where are we going?”

Julian just threw Kai’s shoes at him, “You’ll see, just get your shoes on and hurry.” Kai had less than thirty seconds to pull his sneakers on before Julian was physically dragging him out the door. “Julian, please tell me what’s up?”

His friend stopped and looked him the eyes, “Trust me Kai, it’s good.” Shit; Kai couldn’t say no to those eyes and he let Julian guide him out of his apartment. Kai couldn’t place Julian’s sudden need to go somewhere, his friend hadn’t mentioned anything since their talk last night.

As they made their way down the road Julian started to finally explain himself, “I got a phone call in the kitchen.”

“And?” Kai was confused. It wasn’t like Julian to act all mysterious; it was one of the things Kai liked most about him. Julian never tried to hide anything from him, though of course this whole job thing was starting to get in the way of that.

“Well, do you remember what I said when I first got the job at the coffee shop?” Julian was looking at him expectantly with a spark of mischief in his eyes.

Kai did remember, it was the day he realized Julian was sticking around after he graduated and not moving somewhere else immediately. Honestly, one of the best days of his life. “You said it was only a temporary job until you accepted a full-time job. That you’d quit the moment you could.” He couldn’t understand why this was important, Julian said he still had time to decide.

Julian nodded and smiled as Kai realized they had made their way to said coffeeshop. His friend grabbed his hand again and pulled him through the door. “Hey Bernd!”

“Yeah!” The tall blonde who ran the shop walked out of the kitchen, “Hey, Julian, what’s up? You’re not on the schedule for today.”

“I’m quitting”

Kai just gaped at Julian. “You are?”

Bernd just smiled, “I’m taking you finally got a job you wanted?” Julian nodded but still didn’t say anything else. Kai hated the suspense of this all. “Good for you Julian! Stop by next Friday I can have your last pay check written out.”

“Thanks Bernd! You’ve been the best.” Bernd waved Julian’s compliment off and Kai just sat there trying to comprehend everything that was happening. “You said yes to the job?” He was trying his best to keep himself together, but Kai couldn’t keep his eyes from starting to tear up. Julian was going to leave him…

“I didn’t take that job, Kai” Julian was smiling at him.

“Jule, can you please quit this mysterious thing and tell me what’s going on?” Kai begged following Julian outside as his friend left the shop. “I’m really confused, can you please be honest with me?”

Kai couldn’t deal with this anymore; Julian’s behavior was starting to really put him on edge. His best friend sat down at one of the tables outside and looked expectantly at Kai, waiting for him to sit down. As he took the seat directly across from Julian he returned the expectant look his friend had given him hoping that he would finally get an explanation.

“In the kitchen earlier, I got a call from a guy at Sky Sports.” Julian finally raised his eyes to meet Kai’s. “I sent in an application and a few example pieces about a month ago, but I never heard anything from them, so I assumed they weren’t interested or had no positions. Turns out I was wrong; they have a full-time writer job opening up.”

Kai couldn’t help but be proud of Julian for it; if anybody deserved to finally start their dream job it was Julian. His writing was brilliant, and Kai often found himself reading his articles multiple times whenever he got writer’s block or couldn’t sleep at night. His best friend was crazy talented. “Julian that’s awesome, but…”

“It’s here Kai.” For the first time in a few weeks, Julian finally gave him a whole smile. “I don’t have to leave. I actually already said yes, so I definitely am not leaving.”

If you asked Kai later, he’d swear that he'd been possessed because he had no control over his actions. One second, he was just looking at his best friend beaming at him, the next he had Julian up against the brick wall of the coffee shop and their lips were meeting. He didn’t give Julian a chance to return the kiss before he quickly pulled away in shock at what he’d done.

Julian was staring at him shocked still leaning against the wall, “Kai…”

Kai covered his mouth in surprise still not able to comprehend why he’d just done that. “Jule, I’m so sorry.” He didn’t give Julian a chance to respond to him before he booked it down the road.


Three days had gone by since Kai had kissed him and while Julian still couldn’t believe it had happened, he hadn’t heard from Kai since. He’d texted him multiple times each day, but to no avail. Kai clearly didn’t want to talk to him. It was starting to make him nervous: what if Kai really did regret kissing him and actually wasn’t into him? Julian couldn’t think of any other reason why Kai would avoid him afterward… His new job hadn’t started yet and without the coffee shop job he had nothing to do all day but sit home and overthink the whole thing.

Julian kept running his thumb over his bottom lip still not quite believing that the love of his life’s lips had been there after he’d pined for so long. It had happened so quickly that he hadn’t been able to appreciate and understand what was happening until it was over. Kai had kissed him.



But he’d run away and now Julian wasn’t sure what to think at all. He’d tried to get Jannis to talk to Kai but Jannis got the same response he had, nothing. Kai couldn’t regret it that much, could he? Was kissing him that bad? This whole situation was bringing all of Julian’s doubts and insecurities to the surface. His life without Kai was really depressing, he was starting to realize. It wasn’t that he didn’t have any other friends, he’d even hung out with Sam, Mitch, and Bernd since. They had all pointed out that he hadn’t been himself and Julian couldn’t help but agree — his other half was missing.

“Hey, glad to find you looking sad and depressed on the couch again.” He looked up to see Jannis plopping down on one of the comfy chairs next to the couch.

Julian just rolled his eyes, “If you’re thinking of becoming a stand-up comedian, don’t quit your day job.”

Jannis snickered, “Whatever, but can you at least tell me what the fuck happened between you and Kai the other day? You haven’t really told me anything except you two haven’t spoken since you quit your job at the coffeehouse.”

“It’s not important.”

“Bullshit.” His brother’s face had dropped the joking facade. “You and Kai, who have been inseparable for the last year and a half, are suddenly not talking. That’s important. He’s your best fucking friend and you are in love with him. Wait! Is that what happened? Did you tell him that?” Jannis suddenly looked much more interested in the situation.

Julian groaned hoping to hide how close to the truth Jannis was getting. “That’s not it. I told you it’s nothing big.”

“Julian, I’m your brother. I know when you’re lying. What happened between you two?”

He sighed, knowing Jannis wouldn't drop it, “Kai kissed me.”

Jannis’s jaw dropped to the floor, “He did what now!?”

“You heard me.” Julian threw a pillow at his brother. “I told him I was staying here, then he kissed me, then he ran away. You happy?”

“He has a game in an hour.”

It was now Julian’s turn to be confused, “What do you mean?”

Jannis stood up excitedly, “You gotta go.” Julian couldn’t help but look at him like he was crazy. “Why would I do that? He’s made it clear that he doesn’t want to see me. He definitely regrets it and definitely realized that I have feelings for him and now he wants nothing to do with me and never wants to see me again…” His rant got interrupted by a high-speed pillow to the face.

“Shut up, Julian and tell me exactly what happened.” So Julian did. He recounted the whole afternoon to his brother and everything leading up to the kiss. Halfway through his telling of the story Jannis had sat back down and Julian could see the gears turning in his head trying to think through it all. “So you're telling me you didn’t react to the kiss or kiss him back?”

“Weren’t you listening? It happened so quickly, I didn’t know what to do. Then the next thing I knew he was running away and I just stood there like an absolute idiot unable to move.” Julian groaned thinking back to the fact that he had stood in that spot for almost a quarter hour after Kai had run off.

Jannis burst out laughing, “You’re a fucking dumbass, you know that?”

“Jannis, I’m bad at feelings. Just tell me what I did wrong,” Julian groaned, leaning back onto the couch.

His brother moved to sit next to him on the couch, “He thinks you didn’t like it or want it. Not responding to a kiss is never a good sign and when you didn’t he panicked and ran.”

“You’re younger than me… why are you so much better at this?” Julian was contemplating smothering himself with one of the cushions.

“Not important – now go to his game and tell him you love him!” Jannis laughed, stealing the pillow Julian was about to throw at him.

Julian made it to the field just before kick off. It was a bit weird coming to a game without Jannis there. Julian’s heart rapidly beating in his chest with the thought of what he was there to do was a solid distraction from the fact he didn’t have anyone to chat with, though. He made his way to the bleachers, taking a seat near one of the groups of girls who were there again trying to catch the attention of the players. Julian figured that’s the crowd he probably fit in with tonight.

The players were huddled on the far side of the pitch. Julian could pick out Kai’s curls from any distance, and to no surprise, Kai was in the starting XI again. After a quick cheer the players all lined up; Julian briefly noted a formation change from the previous game. Hopefully, it would help so Kai would win the game and be in a good mood afterward. His friend was out on the right wing adjusting the tape on his calf and Julian couldn’t stop himself from staring. As Kai stood up, he looked straight at Julian, their eyes meeting.

Kai’s eyes widened a bit but he shot Julian a small smile that had him feeling a bit better, especially when the girls threw a bunch of jealous looks his way again. The moment was interrupted by the whistle starting the game, and Kai immediately refocused his attention. Julian allowed himself to get distracted by watching Kai play. It was players like Kai that made his job so easy. Julian loved nothing more than watching someone play with not just skills on the ball but passion, emotion, and intelligence.

His eyes followed all of Kai’s stunning runs, even as his team kept failing to find him. There was no denying Kai's perfect understanding of tactics. He found space between defenders better than anyone on the field and Julian missed the feeling of being down there with him. It was always easy to know where Kai was when they played together; Kai had clearly made him a better player.

Unfortunately, the game ended in a 1-1 draw. Kai sadly didn't score but he did assist his team’s one goal with a perfectly timed pass back to one of the freshmen whose name Julian didn’t know. Right after the whistle, the two teams quickly congratulated each other before heading off to their locker rooms to shower and change. Julian rushed down the bleachers, barely stopping to greet the few people who remembered him from the previous year.

He was on the last step when he heard someone behind him, “Hey, Julian right? Kai’s friend?” Julian turned around to see a petite brunette girl coming down the bleacher stairs. He recognized her as one of the girls who was always at the games and he was pretty sure she was in one of Kai’s majors. “Yeah, that’s me.”

“I’m Sophia.” She reached her hand out in greeting, which he politely shook. “I’m in a few of Kai’s music lectures, and I just wanted to ask if he was okay. He’s been kind of distant and quiet the last three days.”

“Oh, um.” Julian wasn’t quite sure what to say. “I mean I don’t know, he’s been distant with me too. I was hoping to catch him after the game.”

Sophia simply nodded in understanding, “I’m sorry for holding you up then! It was good to finally meet the boy Kai can’t shut up about!” She giggled before walking off. That sealed the deal; Julian knew he was doing the right thing. It seemed everyone knew they were meant to be together before they did.

He quickly made his way down to the athletic building to catch Kai as he left the locker room. As he got there, one of his ex-teammates Leon walked out. “Hey, Julian! What are you doing here? Kai just left for your place.”

“He did?” Julian couldn’t believe he’d missed him. He had to get back to his apartment. He didn’t give Leon a chance to respond before running as quickly as he could to the lot where he had parked. He wasn’t sure if he imagined it or not, but he swore he heard Leon call “Use protection!” after him.

Were they really that obvious to everyone else? How had they not noticed?

He made it back to his flat in record time, breaking about eight traffic laws in the process. He booked it upstairs and to his door, only to realize that Kai wasn’t there yet. Of course, he wouldn’t be, Julian chided himself, Kai didn’t have a car and had to walk. He groaned dramatically, falling down on his couch.

He absentmindedly scrolled through his phone as he tried to calm his anxiousness. He almost missed the knock on the door, so focused on the sound the buzzer that he didn’t consider that Kai could easily get let into the building by one of his neighbors coming up at the same time.

The moment he processed it though, Julian hurried to his front door and pulled it open to find Kai, looking just as nervous as Julian felt. His friend had clearly rushed out of the locker room because his curls were damp and unstyled. But what really had him a bit shocked was that Kai was wearing that goddamn jacket that he was always joking about stealing from Julian. He hadn’t even realized it’d gone missing and Julian wished he had let Kai steal it earlier. He looked back up to Kai’s face, blue eyes meeting green.

He was about to say something to fill the awkward silence, but was interrupted by Kai.

“I think I’m in love with you.”

Kai stood there quietly saying nothing else, clearing scared that Julian would reject him. Julian had been too scared to admit his love for Kai for the last year. But he wasn’t scared anymore. “I know.”

“Really?” Kai asked, stepping past Julian into the apartment. “That’s how you respond to my love confession?”

Julian allowed the door to close behind Kai, leaving them standing in his small entry hall. “Kai that’s not what I meant. You said you think you’re in love with me, but I know I’m in love with you.”

“Oh.” Kai's eyes widened in surprise, "So… I can do actually do this again."

This time instead of everything happening too fast for Julian to process, time seemed to slow down as Kai stepped towards him and glanced down at Julian's lips. He'd dreamed of this hundreds of times and finally he was able to really appreciate it as Kai slipped an arm around his waist and his other hand found its way to the back of his neck. Kai’s fingers carded through the blonde strands there and Julian allowed himself to wrap his arms around Kai's waist and pull him close.

As far as Julian knew time continued to slow down as they simply held each other for a minute until they were positive neither of them were going to run this time. Then finally Kai leaned down closing his eyes and Julian followed suit, letting Kai pull him into it.

He didn't consider himself a romantic but Julian swore that time stopped the moment their lips touched, and he never wanted it to start again.


Chapter Text

Kai couldn’t believe this was really happening. Julian Brandt, the love of his life, was finally in his arms. He’d been dreaming of this since the moment he’d walked into his first team meeting and saw that pale blonde boy laughing and knew it meant trouble for his feelings. It was impossible to describe how satisfying the feeling of finally kissing him and this time, having him kiss back.

It was all so overwhelming, Kai had to pull back to catch his breath again. Leaning his forehead down against Julian’s, they just stood there for a moment, holding each other close. This thing between them had been building for so long, now that it’d broken Kai was suddenly so clueless on what to do.

“Fuck.” Julian muttered. They had yet to move a muscle. “You don’t know how much I’ve wanted to do that.”

Kai couldn’t help but laugh, “I think we’ve both been blind.”

Julian smiled at him, “I can finally tell you just how fucking hot you look when you laugh.” He didn’t get a chance to respond before Julian had pulled him down into another kiss while walking him towards the living room. Kai didn’t even realize they had gotten there until Julian pulled him down next to him on the couch; he’d been far too distracted by Julian’s lips moving against his. 

They hadn’t sped it up just sat there on the couch, Julian’s hand on the back of his neck, holding him close. Not that Kai had plans of going anywhere, now that he had this. 

Julian eventually pulled back allowing them to catch a breath. “I can’t believe this is actually happening.” Julian giggled happily leaning down to Kai’s shoulder.

“You’re adorable.” Kai couldn’t help but run his hand through Julian’s hair as he kept his head on Kai’s shoulder. 

“I call you hot and all I get is adorable.” Julian pouted up at him, before hitting him with a pillow.

Kai dodged it, before pulling Julian close again. “Trust me I definitely find you hot. Just the other day when you came out of your room without a shirt on, I nearly dropped my coffee. And you know how much I love coffee.” 

“And here I thought you’d say something about getting a boner or something romantic but instead you’ve made it about coffee.”

“I may love you a lot, but I love coffee more and I’m extremely offended you quit the job that gave me free coffee.” Kai couldn’t help but keep smiling as he talked not quite believing this was all happening. 

Julian sat up a bit next to him, “Speaking of the coffee shop. I just want to know why you ran after you kissed me. I mean, for three seconds, I was the happiest I had ever been and then you were gone and my heart was shattered. Then not hearing from you just killed me because even if I couldn’t have you as my boyfriend, I still need you in my life and that made me realize just how much I do.”

Julian fixed him with an intense stare, and despite the serious conversation, Kai struggled not to get lost in those eyes. Kai wasn’t sure how he got this lucky; he couldn’t help but hate himself a bit for making Julian hurt in any way.

“I thought I had ruined everything,” Kai admitted. “Like you said, the idea of not having you in my life at all scared me shitless. And I thought I had really fucked it up. I had never even told you I was gay or even just kind of interested in guys and I had no idea if you were either. Then all the sudden I was pushing you up against a wall in public and kissing you. I just couldn’t hold it back. I thought you were leaving me for good, but then you said you were staying. I had no other possible reaction” Kai blushed at the memory, but continued. “I didn’t think you wanted to talk to me.”  

“I’d never not want to talk to you, except maybe at three in the morning,” Julian said, grinning wryly.

Kai couldn’t help but let out a small laugh. “I know that now. But I wasn’t sure and I’d never even come out to anybody before but suddenly there I was kissing the absolute love of my life, and then thinking I had ruined my relationship with my best friend. The only thing I could think to do was run.”

Julian stared at him a bit in shock, “Well, let’s try this.” Kai just shot him a confused look. “Hi, my name is Julian Brandt and I’m really gay. Your turn.”

“Was kissing you not enough of a tell?” Kai laughed. “Hi. My name is Kai Havertz and I’m also really gay -- especially for short blonde boys who are as pale as their white t-shirts.”

“Here I am trying to be nice and let you come out for the first time and all I get is mocking.” Julian was smiling, though, and Kai couldn’t help but smile too, knowing that things really weren’t changing all that much. “I can promise you though that I’m not gonna leave, Kai. I want you to be able to tell me anything, I’ll always be there for you.” 

Julian took a deep breath. “I remember seeing you for the first time at your first practice and I found you attractive as hell, but then you laughed and I really knew I was fucked. I thought, ‘this man couldn’t be more perfect,’ and then you started playing and I absolutely lost my mind. I just kept falling in love with you bit by bit but I didn’t even realize it until you played piano for me two months later. You get this look on your face while doing things you’re passionate about and every time I’d lose my breath and have to look away so you wouldn’t see everything I was feeling on my face.”

“Then there was the torture of seeing you in the locker room shirtless and wet after the showers and -- let’s just say I had to go home and shower again pretty often.” Julian blushed at the thought and Kai had to keep his mind focused. He didn’t want to ruin Julian’s confession by popping a boner to the sheer thought of Julian in the shower cumming while thinking of him. “Then I had to go and graduate and I didn’t know what I was going to do when I wouldn’t be seeing you consistently everyday. So I got a job at your favorite coffee shop, saying I just needed to make some steady money, but it was really just because of you.”

Kai was shocked and for another time the only reaction he could think of was pulling Julian’s face to his and kissing him hard. He let his lips fall open as Julian’s tongue ran along his bottom lip and he couldn’t hold back a quiet moan as Julian’s tongue slipped into his mouth. They didn’t rush anything; they just sat there, finally able to explore each other like this, but Kai pulled away in the end.

Julian groaned at the loss, but it was Kai’s turn to pour his heart out a bit. “Just listen for a minute, yeah?”

“Always.” Julian grinned.

Kai rolled his eyes with a smile. “That stupid fucking grin has never failed to turn me on. Do you know that? I noticed it the moment you rolled up to practice the first time laughing with Leon and I just couldn’t stop staring. I made it my mission to get to know you better. I knew you were hot even after a full 90 minutes with sweat in your hair and face beet red; there wasn’t a time you weren’t, but you made it worse when I realized you were the kindest person in the world. You always made it your mission to take care of me and keep an eye out for me despite me being the biggest disaster on the planet. I realized when I suddenly started subconsciously writing songs about the kindest blue eyes and softest blonde hair.”

“Am I ever going to hear those?” Julian quirked an eyebrow while smiling.

“Absolutely not.” Kai blushed just thinking about them. To make sure no one found them, he even bought a lockbox and hid it inside his desk. “They’re embarrassing as fuck.”

Julian shook his head. “I highly doubt that. Everything you’ve written and performed has been incredible, and I just went on and on about falling in love with you -- a short song can’t be that bad.” 

And yeah, fuck. Kai was really really in love with this boy. “Fine. One day, maybe.” 

“Good,” Julian grins, “Now: are we done talking?”

Kai nodded and was about to answer before Julian pushed him down on the couch, crushing their mouths together. It was nothing like their previous kisses, which had been slow while they’d been worried the other would run. This was a release of everything that had been pent up for the last year. WIth anyone else, Kai would have been embarrassed by his desperation, but this was Julian, so he held nothing back, grabbing Julian’s ass and pulling him close.

He moaned as Julian rubbed their groins together; even with the layers of clothing between it was the best thing Kai had ever felt. His cock was hard and leaking in his pants as Julian continued to rub their cocks together.

“Fuck, Kai” Julian muttered above him pulling his face away for a second. Kai opened his eyes to look into Julian’s, which held all the love and desperation his friend had held in. “This is so much better than I could have ever imagined.”

Kai answer by pulling Julian’s head down to his. Kissing him was addictive and when Julian sucked his lip into his mouth, biting it softly, Kai nearly lost his mind, his hips pushing up against Julian’s. He was not going to last much longer and Julian’s hand sliding under his shirt only brought him closer to his release.

Julian had picked up his pace, rocking his hips hard against Kai’s. Even with their clothes still on, the feeling of Julian’s dick rubbing against his was mind blowing. His orgasm hit him suddenly, his head falling back, groaning out Julian’s name as he came in his pants for the first time in years. 

He felt Julian lie down on his side next to him as he took deep breaths trying to regain his composure. 

“I’m sorry I came so quick.” Kai muttered as turned to face Julian, the two of them now lying on their sides facing each other. 

He had not expected Julian to laugh, “If you are apologizing for it then I have to apologize for that too.” Kai quickly realized that Julian had come, too. He raised his eyebrows in surprise, his cheeks reddening even further. “Hearing you say my name like that... How could I not?”

“Can I tell you something?” 

“What?” Julian looked at him curiously. Kai looked away a bit in embarrassment, “That was my first time doing anything with anybody.”

“WHAT?” He could see the shock written on Julian’s face. “I mean wow... how? Just look at you! You’re stunning.”

Kai laughed, “Never had someone I wanted to with before you. Not to mention I was too scared of getting outed, so I never did more than make out with people in dark corners of parties.”

“I’m taking that as a huge compliment,” Julian grinned at him.

Kai laughed, “Don’t get too cocky. You’re still an idiot.” Julian responded by pushing him off the couch. Kai groaned landing on his back, “That was not funny.” He gave Julian an exasperated look as the blonde grinned down at him. 

“I thought so.” Julian laughed as he got up from the couch and reached down to help pull Kai up. “Come on. Let’s go and get cleaned up, and then I owe you a post-game dinner.” 

Kai let himself get pulled up, “I could get used to this.” He smiled, following Julian to his bathroom.