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Blue Rose: The Fifth Dimension

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Woke up this morning with light in my eyes
And then realized it was still dark outside
It was a light comin' down from the sky
I don't know who or why

 

Her pretty brown hair was tucked under her headphones, as Audrey was hiking through the forest just outside of town, alone at night. She wasn't afraid, despite everything that had happened. Despite Laura Palmer's murder, the whole strange case of Leland Palmer, and the whole bizarre ordeal that had taken place leading to the three and a half week coma she'd just woken up from days ago. She had a devious smirk on her face as The Byrds were singing in her Walkman, making her moonlight trek more enjoyable. 

She nearly tripped as her foot connected with a fallen branch in her path, stumbling and catching herself, balancing against the tree. She took a deep breath. Nearly falling kind of rattled her. She just leaned on the tree a minute, listening to the song, breathing in the fresh Washington air. Well, here was as good a place to stop and take a pee break as any. There was probably no one around for miles, and if there was, she had a purse with a small-caliber pistol that Agent Cooper had suggested she carry. She pulled down her panties and hiked up her short skirt, sighing softly as she began to piss, her stream a soft yellow that looked as refreshing as lemonade.

 

Must be those strangers that come every night
Whose saucers shaped light put people uptight
Leave blue-green footprints that glow in the dark
I hope they get home all right

 

Suddenly she saw a burst of light out of the corner of her eye! A strange electrical humming sound as the silhouettes of what appeared to be men began to glow into static-like form. She pissed all over herself, her leg and her skirt, falling backward onto her butt, conveniently behind the bushes. She cursed under her breath, her heart pulsing and racing in fear and confusion, unable to process what's happening before her eyes. She immediately took her headphones off her ears and she stopped the tape with a hesitated shaky tap of the finger. She kept her mouth shut and watched carefully, pulling her panties back up, still drenched in her own urine. She was a little excited by this, to tell the truth. Was she really seeing some form of interdimensional space aliens while listening to Mr. Spaceman?

There were two men. One dressed in blue, one dressed in gold. She couldn't get a good look at either of them through the bushes but the golden one had a very shapely figure, a feminine posterior and a bit on the pudgy side, but broad at the shoulders. It spoke with a man's voice.

 

"This is Captain Kirk speaking, we appear to have touched down in some kind of forest, very dark, very eerie," he said into the strange device in his hand, "Scotty, where are we?"

 

Audrey heard electrical interference of some kind, almost like a dead phone signal.

 

"Communicators are down, sir," the man in blue said, pulling out a larger device of his own. "I'm scanning the biometric fields now."

 

The one who had identified himself as Captain Kirk paced slowly, in the direction of the bushes Audrey was hiding behind. She felt more pee dribbling down her leg and whimpered quietly.

 

"Spock, what are your readings?" Kirk said after a few moments of surveying with his eyes. She could see them just well enough to say they looked greenish-brown.

 

"We appear to be on Earth, Captain, the animal and plant life match it perfectly. Quantum dating would put us in the late 20th century, but this is not the Earth we're used to," Spock said, in a very monotone deep voice.

 

What the hell?  Audrey listened on, a chill running down her spine as she slowly began to creep to better cover, a huge tree trunk that was probably the remnants of the old Ghostwood logging operation before the mill was burnt down. Kirk was pretty clearly in view now, a very handsome man, and she felt herself getting a lady boner from staring at his butt. Stupid alien hunk making me Horne-y.

 

"What do you mean not the Earth we're used to?"

 

"Well, Captain, there's something very off about the atmosphere. There's an unprecedented, perhaps even illogical amount of electricity in the air. The tricorder's readings show that we should be in an extremely intense lightning storm right now, yet there are no signs of such weather. By all means, we should be experiencing electrocution."

 

Kirk turned back around to face Spock, standing uncomfortably close to him.

 

"Would it be your assessment that we've entered another dimension? It feels... strange. Not just because we've... traveled through time, but everything just feels, different, somehow. The last thing I recall is telling Scotty to beam us down to the planet Rigel, to assist one of the Starfleet colonies there. I remember the Enterprise was shaking strangely like something was happening to her..."

 

"I'm experiencing the same feeling," Spock said, "it would be most logical to assume we were transported through some form of a dimensional rift."

 

Audrey was dumbstruck, her heart racing faster and faster as she tried to process all she had just heard. As the man named Spock drew closer, she caught a glimpse of him, his skin a greenish-grey and not human by any means. His ears were pointed at the ends, like some kind of elf, and she began to tremble with fear like she hadn't experienced ever before at the sight of this ghoulish creature. She wanted to get away, as fast as possible.
She stayed crouched and started walking as fast as she could while still being quiet, headed for any direction except towards the two alien beings.

 

Spock perked his ears, glancing towards where the girl had been. "Captain I think we've been spotted."

 

"I had a feeling we were being watched," Kirk said, smugly grinning, "did your scanner detect a girl?"

 

"Not at first, but now that I'm checking the reading again, I see an apparent humanoid, most likely young and female, within one hundred meters. It could be closer, these readings are unreliable due to the electrical interference. I must say, I'm impressed that you guessed so accurately. What led you to make that deduction?"

 

"Can't miss the smell," Kirk laughed.

 

Spock raised his right eyebrow inquisitively, pausing a moment. He had no comment on his Captain's strange fascination with women half his age, but it puzzled him to no end.

 

"Well I suppose it's time for research," said the pointy-eared man.

 

The two held hands and began to walk through the woods together. Audrey held her breath, hiding inside a hollow log as they walked right past her.

 


Hey Mr. Spaceman, won't you please take me along
I won't do anything wrong
Hey Mr. Spaceman, won't you please take me along
For a ride