Chapter 1: Stressed Out
Summary:
Waking up in the morning had never been a struggle for Seokjin. Yeah, he felt tired, but he had a feeling that today was going to be a good day.
Notes:
Thank you for waiting! Here is the first chapter. I hope you like it! This is the unedited version cause I got so excited to share it that I didn’t wait for my friend’s edits. Once the edits are done I’ll just update the chapter.
Enjoy!!!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
3:30 am, the clock read. Another early morning for Seokjin due to his determination to get the new choreography memorized. He knew he was not the best dancer in the group or the best vocalist, but he puts all of his energy into each comeback to make it perfect.
“One, two, three.” He said out loud before starting the music again. There was a dance move at the end of the Fire choreography that he couldn’t get right, no matter how much he practiced. Hoseok gave him some tips on how to master it, “keep your arms like this bend to the side” Hoseok showed him during rehearsal, but he still couldn’t do it. He had been practicing every day for the last three weeks to work on his dance steps, yet; he couldn’t get it right. It was frustrating for him. It was annoying how his body didn’t want to move like his brain wanted to. Hopefully, today, he would get it right for his sake. He still had two more hours left to practice before going back to the dorm and sleep. After all, one hour of sleep should be enough for him to get his energy back.
Waking up in the morning had never been a struggle for Seokjin. Yeah, he felt tired, but he had a feeling that today was going to be a good day. It was the day they were going to go over their Fire choreography and then record the dance practice video. He was looking forward to the reaction of ARMY because this had been the most challenging choreography so far. However, hours later, as he was going over the choreography with the members, he made the same mistake. Why did it turn out to be a rough morning for him? After practicing for hours and hours.
“Why do I keep making the same mistakes,” he asked himself, but he didn’t give up. The energy his teammates gave him made Seokjin push forward. The way Yoongi, Taehyung, and Jungkook always made him laugh lessened his stress, and with Hoseok and Jimin helping both Namjoon and him correct their mistakes, it didn't leave him room for self-doubt. The members loved him, and he loved them too.
After hours of practicing and recording the practice video, it was finally time for them to return to the dorm for a well-deserved rest.
Untalented.
Bad dancer.
Pig.
Fat.
Ugly.
Worldwide Handsome? Yeah right. We all know Taehyung is the actual visual of the group.
Seokjin is the least attractive.
Why is he even in the band?
BTS would be much better if Jin just quit!
Those were some of the comments Seokjin saw while scrolling through Twitter and in their dance practice comment section, while he was on his way to the dorm. “Maybe they were right,” he thought. Lately, no matter how much effort he made into the new choreography, he was still making the same mistakes (even though he did so well for the practice video). Hobi said this would be, by far, the hardest choreography they have done, and so far, he was right. It made Seokjin want to quit; it made him want to throw it all away and become a regular college student once again.
“I am a fat untalented idol, and I don't even deserve to be in the same room as my bandmates. I truly am a burden to them, and they would be better off without me,” Seokjin kept repeating to himself. Life cannot be any more stressful and unsatisfying.
After arriving at their dorm, Seokjin knew something was wrong. Why was he having all of these negative thoughts? Seokjin knew that most people who write hate comments on twitter or any social media platform do it to spread hate, but those words kept eating him up, causing him to think about them all the time. Maybe they were right, and he was all those things his “so called fans” said about him.
He excused himself and went to his room. Luckily, Yoongi, his roommate, and the rest of the members decided to watch a movie in the living room, even though they were all exhausted. Luck was on his side; he thought because he needed some peace and quiet. He was not in the mood to talk to anyone, not even with his eternal roommate, Yoongi. He put his bag down on top of his desk; he’d take out his dirty clothes and water bottle tomorrow morning. He was too tired to do anything and Seokjin just wanted to lay down on his bed to reflect on his dance practice from earlier. Yes, he worked extra hours after training to perfect the dance moves. He even woke up three hours earlier than the rest of the members for an entire month to put in extra time so that his performance would be flawless. Seokjin didn’t want to disappoint his fans or his members. He wanted to do his best. He had to prove to himself that he could be as talented as the rest of his teammates. Seokjin could not let any of his fans down. Despite all his hard work, why did he felt like such a failure?
Seokjin got up and went to the restroom to get ready to go to sleep; he was exhausted, both physically and mentally. He looked in the mirror and saw his reflection. He thought to himself that the comments were right; he was ugly. How did he ever came up with the idea of calling himself “Worldwide handsome”? When he was so average looking. Suddenly, he felt a sharp pain in his head. He started to hear someone yelling at him and repeated the same words over and over again,
“UGLY PIG, UNTALENTED, BAD DANCER. UGLY PIG, UNTALENTED, BAD DANCER. UGLY PIG, UNTALENTED, BAD DANCER.” he quickly covered his ears, trying to make the evil thoughts go away. He started to mumble out loud, “you did great Seokjin, there is nothing to be ashamed of. You should be proud of yourself,” while tears were running down his cheeks, but it didn’t work.
“Make this go away!” he screamed while more tears fell down his pretty face. ”I don't want to suffer anymore.”
White. All Seokjin saw was white, and then a voice started to play in his head once again, causing him to stop crying. “Jinnie did great today,” the voice told him. It sounded like his voice but child-like. It gave him a sense of hope and peace that he much needed at the moment.
“Yesh, Jinnie is a good boy, no one hate Jinnie for making a mistake,” Jinnie said while looking for his toothbrush. He giggled when he saw it, it was pink, his favorite color at the moment.
“ooltoong booltoong meotjin mom-mea-e, bbalgan oseul ibgo, saekom dalkom hyangnae pun-gi-nun, meot-jaeng-ee tomato (tomato)/With a muscular body, Wearing red clothes, Giving out sweet and sour scent, is The Stylish Tomato! (tomato)” Jinnie sang along and then hummed to his favorite song while brushing his teeth. After he finished, he skipped to his closet and grabbed a pair of jammies to wear to sleep. Opening his closet, Jinnie saw his favorite blue Mario T-shirt. It was big enough that it covered him to his knees. He then grabbed a pair of black shorts, and when he was about to close the door, he saw a Mario plushie fall. Jinnie squealed when he saw it. He picked it up and gave it a big hug and a kiss on the head.
“Mr. Mario, you are going to sleep with me tonight,” Jinnie said, while happily walking to his bed. After he covered himself and Mr. Mario with his blanket and gave the plushie one last kiss and hug, Jinnie fell into a deep slumber feeling the happiest he had felt in months.
Notes:
I love Jin so much that I felt bad writing this chapter. Also I'm not sure when he started calling himself Worldwide Handsome but for the sake of the plot let's just say it was during the Fire Era.
I would love to know your thoughts and any feedback would be appreciated so please feel free to leave a comment.
About updates, I’ll try to update every week if possible but if not every 2 weeks will be my goal. Depending on how the edits are going.
Chapter 2: Awareness
Summary:
Suddenly, his eyes landed on Seokjin’s plump lips and he knew had to kiss them.
Notes:
Hey guys! I’m back with another chapter. I hope you are enjoying the story so far. I’m enjoying writing this story so much that I decided to upload the unedited version first and then once my friend makes the edits I’ll just update the chapter.
As as for updates, I think I’ll just upload randomly because I already have the next 5 chapters written. I just need to edit them.
Enjoy the chapter! Let me know what you think so far of the the story. Is it interesting? Cause I have a whole bunch of drama coming up in the next few chapters hahaha
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Yoongi felt tired after a long day of practice. All the members knew that he was the least energetic person in the group. He would rather be at his studio composing songs than go outside, but the life of an idol required him to learn different dance routines, so he had no other choice but to practice for hours. They just arrived at the dorm after hours of practicing the choreography for their new song Fire and recording the practice video, when Jimin suggested to watch a movie.
“Come on, guys, let’s watch a movie, any movie. I don’t want to go to sleep just yet. Plus, we all need a little break every now and then,” Jimin said to the group, putting on his best puppy eyes. It always worked.
Yoongi looked at him with widened eyes. “Was Jimin crazy? How can he have so much energy after a long day of practice? Either he must be getting old, or Jimin was the definition of the energizer bunny because, after today’s events, he felt like crawling to his bed and never getting out!” he thought to himself.
Not surprised by it, Hoseok, Taehyung, and Jungkook immediately shouted “yes” at the same time. On the other hand, Yoongi and Namjoon made eye contact and caved into the request. There was no way of getting out of it when most of the members agreed because that was how their group’s democracy worked, majority rules. When he was about to get a final confirmation from their oldest hyung, Yoongi noticed that Seokjin was already on his way to their shared room. Before Yoongi could say anything, Seokjin told them to go ahead without him. Lately, Yoongi had noticed that their hyung had been staying up later than usual or waking up early for the last couple of weeks. He knew it was due to Seokjin putting extra hours of practice for their dance routine, so he forgave his hyung for leaving him behind when he also wanted to go to sleep. Yoongi admired his hyung, because, despite the goofy personality, he knew Seokjin was a hard worker who didn't let others see his struggles and only showed the result, which was always perfection.
Thirty minutes into the movie, and Yoongi realized that all the members were asleep. He didn't remember who suggested watching Paranormal Activity, even though they all knew that Hoseok got scared easily, but he guessed everyone wanted to enjoy their movie time. Plus, the movie had more silent scenes than scary ones, so Hoseok was going to survive.
He decided that since everyone was asleep in the living room, he might as well get them blankets. Quietly, he got up from the couch and went to his room to get the blankets, but he was also concerned about Seokjin, so Yoongi decided that he might as well check up on him too.
Arriving at his room, he noticed that Seokjin was asleep. Curiosity got the best of him, and he walked closer to their oldest member and saw that his hyung was hugging the Mario plushie he gave him as a gift a few months ago. Yoongi’s heart skipped a beat. Yoongi remembered how he bought that plushie. He was passing by a video game store on his way to look at some pianos and instruments that were on sale when he noticed the Mario plushie on the window display, and he instantly knew that Seokjin would love it.
His heartfelt a warm and satisfactory sensation seeing his hyung hugging the plushie that he especially got for him. Lately, he had been developing special feelings towards his hyung. More than just platonic love. Love that made him want to kiss those plump lips, bury his face between his hyung’s neck while leaving multiple hickeys to show others that he belonged to him, and putting his arms around Seokjin’s small waist.
“No, no, no! Yoongi, you can’t be thinking like this about him, he’s your teammate, your hyung,” he said to himself.
Yet, by pure impulse, he couldn’t stop himself from staring at Seokjin’s beautiful face. How could someone so perfect even exist? Without even thinking of what he was doing, Yoongi leaned in and gave Seokjin a small kiss on the forehead. He felt like he was in heaven, so he went in for another one, this time on the left cheek. Without him realizing it, his eyes landed on Seokjin’s plump lips, and he knew he had to kiss them. He was centimeters away from touching those beautiful lips when he came to his senses. He withdrew, and his heart started to beat so fast that he felt like he was going to have a heart attack.
“No, I can’t be doing this,” he whispered.
Feeling all flusher and his cheeks turning pink. He turned around and grabbed some blankets from the closet and left. He was just glad his hyung didn’t wake up.
—————-
Seokjin woke up feeling like a new person with no worries at all. Despite having some sore muscles from yesterday’s practice, his mind was clear that it felt like a dream, that he was feeling so stressed out and overwhelmed last night. He started to remove his blankets to get up and make breakfast for himself and the members since he was feeling in such a good mood when suddenly, he stopped his movements when he felt an object fall to the floor. He got up to pick it up and realized it was the Mario plushie Yoongi gave him a few months ago. Oh, how he remembered the surprise he got when Yoongi walked into their shared room with the plushie. Seokjin felt special and happy at the same time because he knew Yoongi was thinking of him.
And then he realized that for some strange reason he wanted to sleep with the plushie last night. Maybe that was the reason he slept so well?
“Maybe I should sleep with it from now on since it helped me last night." he thought.
Once he finished making his bed, he realized that Yoongi’s bed was empty. Yoongi was probably sleeping in the living room with the rest of the members, which he wasn’t surprised at all because he knew they were not going to have the energy to finish watching the movie.
As he walked to the kitchen, he spotted his band members sleeping on the living room couch. Well, more like Yoongi, Hoseok, and Jimin were sleeping on each other’s shoulders while Jungkook, Taehyung, and Namjoon were sleeping on the floor with their heads resting on the knees of the members who were sitting in the couch. It looked uncomfortable, but he stared at them with fondness. Those were his brothers, his family members that he cherished so much and loved with all his heart.
He looked at the clock; it was 6:30 am so he decided to wake them up in half an hour so they could get ready for practice. It should give them enough time since practice started at 8 am. Once he got to the kitchen, he wasn’t sure what to make for breakfast. Instead of dwelling on it, he decided to make a simple American Style breakfast: toast, sausage, bacon, and scrambled eggs. He was in such a good mood that Seokjin knew he was going to have a beautiful day at dance practice, despite the offensive comments he read yesterday. Seokjin just wanted to keep improving himself. Usually, he dreaded going to practice because he knew he was going to mess up and take longer than the others to get the choreography right. But not today. He was feeling this rush of energy he had not felt in a while.
After making breakfast and setting up the table, it was time to wake up the members.
“Hey, guys! It’s time to wake up!! We are late! Get up!” He shouted. He noticed how each of the members started to groan and slowly rub their eyes but not moving from their spot.
“Wake up, guys! It’s time to go; we are going to be late!” he yelled one more time.
“What the hell hyung? Why are you yelling so early in the morning for?” Yoongi said.
“It’s not that early, Yoongi, it’s only 7 am,” Seokjin explained.
“Hyung, that’s still early,” Jungkook scoffed with a smile on his face.
“Anyways, like I was saying. Get up; breakfast is ready. I made American style breakfast, I know you all love bacon, so go sit down before I eat it all,” he announced while laughing.
Before he could speak again, a very energized Yoongi and an even more excited Taehyung ran towards the kitchen. The rest of the members just looked at the two goofballs like they were crazy, as they slowly walked to the kitchen table.
“The run to the kitchen probably sucked all the energy out of Yoongi?”, Seokjin thought to himself, taking a bite of his toasted bread. Yoongi looked so out of energy but kept glancing at him, and when their eyes met, Yoongi looked the other way, with a slight blush on his cheeks, which confused the elder, but he decided to ignore it since it wasn’t that serious. Seokjin then looked around the table and noticed that Namjoon and Hoseok were talking about upcoming promotions and dance practices. “They never seem to get any rest from work,” he thought, while slightly shaking his head. That was what he loved about them, though, so hard working.
On the other side of the table, Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook were being loud and playing around while eating. It got to the point where Yoongi glared at them, and with that single glare, the Maknae line tone down their voices. It was amazing to see how terrified they all got whenever Yoongi got annoyed or angry.
Seokjin was at the end of the table, observing everyone while eating his breakfast until Jimin’s voice caught his attention.
“Tae-Tae pwease, give Jiminie some of your bacon,” Jimin whined, giving the most adorable pout and bouncing up and down like a kid.
“Pretty please, don’t be mean. Give Jiminie more bacon.” Jimin pleaded. Taehyung and Jungkook just looked at each other and smirked.
Then, their laughter filled the room.
“Ash! Jimin-Hyung, you act like such a baby, and you talk about Seokjin-Hyung not acting his age.” Jungkook said while giving Jimin some bacon.
“Kookie, you know you love me no matter what, besides I still got my bacon,” Jimin said with a sassy tone, while happily eating his extra piece of bacon.
Laughter filled the room once again. Yet, in Seokjin’s mind, it was different. He wanted to be the one who was being spoiled, to be the one who acted cute and to be the baby of the group. Without him realizing it, Seokjin did what he never thought he would do in his life.
“Jinnie wants bacon too! Don’t give it all to Jiminie! Give Jinnie bacon pwease.” he said, with the most adorable pout, while making grabby hands. The members all looked at him in shock. What was their oldest member saying?
After seconds that felt like minutes of silence, laughter filled the room for the third time. Since Seokjin had been acting more outspoken and making jokes lately because he wanted to change his image to portrait his real personality, the members didn’t notice that his behavior was different from usual. Instead, they found it funny that their oldest hyung was acting like a baby. No one noticed that he was acting any different, except for Seokjin himself.
The laughter of the members snapped him out of his headspace, and he kept thinking. What the hell just happened?
Notes:
For those who don’t know the Energizer Bunny reference I used. There is a battery company called Energizer which airs commercials using a bunny playing drums that goes around from one place to the other and never stops. Stating that the battery has a lot of power.
So I was just saying that Jimin has a lot of energy.Anyways, I hoped you liked the chapter. Please leave a comment below and let me know your thoughts. Any feedback is appreciated!!
Chapter 3: Dance Practice
Summary:
“Mmmh, Hobi...ahh” Yoongi moaned trying to catch his breath before Hoseok connected their lips once again.
Notes:
Congrats to the boys for winning Top Social Artist and Top Duo/Group last night at the BBMAs!! Plus the performance with Halsey was amazing!!!!!
Okay, now to my update. I want everyone to start paying attention to the tags. I’m going to add a few new tags each chapter coming up so please pay attention to them. Especially in the future chapters cause some themes I’ll mention will be sensitive to some people. I’ll still put a warning before each chapter when I think it’s necessary to make sure.
This is my longest chapter so far. I really enjoyed writing it. There is light smut in this one, if you want to call what I wrote that lol
Sorry for any grammar mistakes like I mentioned before this is the unedited version.
Anyways, enjoy the chapter!!!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Stomping of feet, panting, and music was all you could hear in the room. It had been four hours since practice started, and Seokjin and his bandmates were going over songs they were going to perform in their upcoming concert. It was an intense morning, but it was going to be worth it when their fans enjoyed the show. After half an hour of body moments and perfect coordination, the dance teacher told them that it was time for a break. With a sigh of relief, all of the boys dropped their bodies to the floor, gasping for air, only when the smell of food filled their nostrils that they gathered at the table where the staff had bought them several different dishes for them to enjoy. While picking up some food and placing it on his plate, Seokjin said to the group,
“Guys, did you know you are all living in a bubble?”
“What are you talking about hyung?” Taehyung asked, with a confused expression.
“Huh? What?” Jimin added.
Seokjin noticed that the rest of the members were staring at him like he had grown a second head.
“Unbelibubble, ” he finally responded after seconds of silence, followed by his laugh, which sounded similar to someone wiping windows.
In seconds, Jimin was on the floor laughing like it the funniest joke in the world; Yoongi had his face covered with both hands in embarrassment by his hyung’s bad joke while the rest of the members were either unimpressed or just giggling at their oldest hyung’s joke.
After fooling around for a few more minutes and enjoying their meal, everyone started to look at their phones to catch up on either emails, texts, or just watching some videos on YouTube. While eating in silence, Seokjin’s mind wandered to this morning’s incident. Why was his behavior so childish? Seokjin knew what he did, but he also knew that he wasn’t himself, yet it felt right. Was this a different part of his personality that he never knew about, or was he imagining the whole thing? He knew whatever that was; it made him feel free of worry; it made him relaxed and not think about anything other than what was in front of him. Maybe something was wrong with him, but what could it be? He didn’t feel sick; he didn’t have any symptoms of a cold or anything that indicated that he was getting sick. However, Seokjin recalled having no memories of last night, but he still woke up feeling great, contrast from this morning’s incident, which was so crystal clear in his mind that he couldn't seem to forget about it.
“I think it’s time I do a little research and look it up on Naver.” he thought. When he was about to grab his phone, his actions were interrupted by the loud singing of Jungkook and Namjoon.
“Baby Baby, baby, oh! Oh, baby baby baby, oh”. Jungkook sang along, followed by a very goofy looking Namjoon.
“Can’t they be any more extra?”, Seokjin thought while laughing. All you could hear in the room was Seokjin’s laugh, followed by the rest of the members, encouraging them to keep signing. Especially, Hoseok, he was dancing to the song. Lunch couldn’t get any more chaotic than this, and it made Seokjin happy to be part of moments like this one, it brightened up his day.
“Yah! Why are you both singing this song!? It’s such an overplayed song,” he yelled, with a smile on his face. After that chaotic performance by their leader and their Maknae, lunch break was finally over, and it was time to go back to practice.
“Baby,” that word had been stuck on Seokjin’s mind since lunch break. They were in the middle of practicing the choreography of their song “I Need You,” and Seokjin couldn’t concentrate on the dance routine. He tried to follow the choreography, but it was like his mind was wandering elsewhere, and the only thing on his mind was the word baby. Does he want to be a baby? How could he? He was an adult. It was impossible. It would be nice to not worry about working long hours a day or not to have a packed schedule. To be able to watch cartoons, color, and be carefree. Yet, here he was an adult in the real world, with a real job that he needed to do every day. Seokjin didn’t hate being an idol; it was just that with being an idol came with a lot of stress and insecurities.
“Seokjin-Hyung, Seokjin-Hyung!” It was what snapped Seokjin out of his thoughts. He didn’t know what was happening. All he saw was himself standing in the middle of the dance studio, and the dance instructor, Hoseok, and the rest of the members were staring at him with worried expressions. It seemed like he had stopped moving halfway through the song and was so engrossed by in his thoughts that no matter how much they tried to call him to asked what was wrong, he just stood there in deep thought.
To say Seokjin felt embarrassed was an understatement, he felt useless and inferior to the others. “Why was he so unprofessional to just blank out like that?” He thought.
Before anyone could say anything to him, he grabbed his bag and walked out of the dance studio. He heard voices calling him as he closed the door, but Seokjin was so angry at himself for being so unprofessional that he ignored them. He wanted to go back to the dorm, but he knew he didn’t have a ride, and it was too risky to go out by himself. So, after walking around the long hallways of the building, he found himself in front of an empty bathroom and locked himself in there. Once he closed the door and made sure it was safe, he fell to the floor, sobbing. He couldn’t believe this was happening to him. This morning he thought he was going to have a great day, but it turned out to be the worse. He was useless, stupid, and a piece of shit for stopping like that in the middle of their dance practice.
“I’m a bad idol, a bad coworker, a bad band member, and a bad boy... yes I’m a bad boy,” he said to himself. With the biggest tears forming in his eyes, he started to cry his heart out, falling deeper into his headspace.
“Jinnie.... bad... boy... hate... everyone... hate... Jinnie.” Jinnie sobbed while hiccuping between each word. Jinnie cried for what felt like hours until his eyes were no longer producing tears. He placed his thumb into his mouth and started to suck on it while moving back and forth for comfort. He felt better. He felt right. He wanted to hug his Mario plushie, but he realized that it was not there with him, so just he let out a small whimper.
“Jinnie misses Mr. Mario... maybe if Jinnie is a good boy, I will get him?” he whispered to himself. Jinnie stayed in the bathroom until he got out of his headspace when he heard a knock on the door and recognized two familiar voices. It was Hoseok and Yoongi.
——————
Hoseok considered himself to be the hope of the group and ARMY. He had a bright and fun personality but could get serious when it required him to be, such as dancing. He cared a lot about all of the members, so when he saw that their oldest hyung ran out of the practice room with eyes full of embarrassment and fear, Hoseok was instantly concerned and wanted to ask him if he was all right.
Once Seokjin left the room, all the members gathered around and started to talk.
“Is he okay?” Taehyung asked.
“I don’t know; he was standing there like a zombie. It was weird, but I’m worried about him. He looked hurt.” Namjoon said in a concerned tone.
“Maybe we should go after him?” Jungkook replied.
“Hmm, I’m not sure, you know how hyung is. He likes to be left alone,” Namjoon explained to the group.
“I still think we should follow him and ask him what’s wrong,” Yoongi said.
And with that, Yoongi ran after Seokjin.
“I’ll go with him, two people are better than one,” Hoseok noted while looking around for his phone.
“Okay, but keep us updated,” Namjoon stated.
Hoseok gave him an approving nod and picked up his phone that was on the table and left to catch up with Yoongi. Luck was on his side because he found Yoongi at the end of the hallway looking around. Once he caught up to him, Hoseok asked, “Any ideas on where he will go?” while looking around the long hall.
“No, but I’m sure he’s still in the building. He knows best not to leave by himself.” Yoongi answered him.
After looking around for the next half an hour and still no leads on where Seokjin was, they were about to go back to the other members when they heard small whimpers coming from inside a bathroom they were passing by. Both of them stopped, instantly, and immediately started knocking on the door.
“Is anyone there? Jin-Hyung, are you in there? Open the door!” Yoongi yelled, but no one answered back.
It was not until five minutes later of constant knocking on the door that the whimpers came to a halt and another 5 minutes until a sad-looking Seokjin opened the door. You could tell he had been crying because his eyes were red and puffy, and his expression showed signs of sadness.
A soft “Sorry” was heard from Seokjin, and instantly Hoseok hugged his hyung, followed by Yoongi, who took Seokjin's hand and started walking. They both knew they needed to get back to the dorm. Seokjin was not in the best condition to go back to practice, so Hoseok texted Namjoon and told him they found Seokjin and that they were heading back to the dorm, but to continue with dance practice without them. When he finally got a reply with an “okay” from Namjoon, Hoseok told Yoongi to head towards the parking lot so that they could go back to the dorm.
The ride to the dorm was quiet. None of them said a word, but it didn’t feel uncomfortable. Once at the dorm, both Yoongi and Hoseok took Seokjin to the bedroom. They wanted him to rest and recover from whatever he was going through, but once they got inside the room, the silence was broken down by Seokjin’s loud sobs.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m such a failure. It was very unprofessional of me to stop midway of practice. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” Seokjin sobbed while falling on his knees. Hoseok felt like his heart was shatter into a million pieces. He had never seen his hyung break down like this before; Even when things got complicated for the group during their debut days. His hyung was one of the strongest people he had ever met. Hoseok saw Yoongi squat down and hugged Seokjin while saying, “it’s not your fault hyung. It happens to everyone. You are not a failure.”
Hoseok noticed tears forming at the corner of Yoongi’s eyes, and for the second time, his heart shattered, seeing both his hyungs in such a bad state. By instinct, Hoseok hugged both of them and pulled them towards Seokjin's bed, so they could all be lying down next to each other.
“It’s okay, hyung, let it all out. We are here for you. We love you”. Hoseok whispered into Seokjin’s ear.
After ten minutes of Seokjin crying on his shoulder, his hyung finally started to fall asleep. It was not until another five minutes passed that Seokjin was eventually knocked out.
Making sure Seokjin was comfortable, Hoseok told Yoongi that he was going to take a quick shower; he needed some time to think.
Once he got inside the shower, he started to reflect on the events that had happened earlier in the afternoon. What could have caused Seokjin to break down? It was eating him alive, not knowing what inflicted his hyung so much pain. He needed to find a way to help his hyung, but how, he thought. After getting dressed, he headed back to Seokjin’s room. He didn’t want to wake up the elder, so he opened the door as quietly as possible. What he saw once he entered the room was a shock to him. Yoongi was kissing Seokjin, who was still sleeping.
Feelings that he had been trying to suppress deep inside arose once again because Hoseok had two secrets that he promised himself not to tell anyone, and one of them was that he was in love with Yoongi. He was never planning on confessing his love for Yoongi, but seeing his hyung kissing Seokjin gave him hope. Hope that maybe, just maybe, he would accept him. It may be awkward and not the right moment, but he might not have another opportunity to confess.
“Hmm, I can use this to my advantage,” he thought. With that mindset, he cleared his throat, scaring Yoongi, who blushed once he noticed Hoseok was standing in front of them.
He signaled Yoongi to follow him out of the room so they could talk without interrupting their hyung’s slumber. Once they got to the living room, Yoongi had his head down, avoiding any eye contact. It was quiet, and no one said a word until he decided to break the silence.
“Are you in love with Seokjin-Hyung?” He asked Yoongi, but he knew the answer already. Hoseok just liked the way Yoongi got all flustered by the question.
Yoongi didn’t say anything, but the blush on his cheeks gave him the answer he needed.
Hoseok knew that this moment was the only chance he would get to confess his love for Yoongi, so he took the opportunity.
“Yoongi, I love you, I have for the longest time,” he confessed while placing one hand on each side of Yoongi’s soft cheeks. Before his hyung could say anything, Hoseok leaned forward for a kiss.
Hoseok felt like he was in heaven when their lips touched. Yoongi’s lips were so soft and sweet like cotton candy. The kiss was gentle, just their lips pressed against each other, and when he realized that his hyung didn’t push him away, Hoseok started licking Yoongi’s bottom lip. Gently, Hoseok laid him down on the sofa, while moving one of his hands under Yoongi’s shirt, touching his hyung’s soft and white skin. It got a gasp from Yoongi, which allowed him to insert his tongue inside and explore his hyung’s inner cavern. Their tongues touched and started to move in sync, exploring each other’s mouth.
“Mmmph, Hobi...ahh!” Yoongi moaned, trying to catch his breath before Hoseok connected their lips once again.
The kiss with Yoongi was making him feel so aroused that there was no way he was going to let him go. After a few more minutes of intense make out. Hoseok pulled away, both of them panting for air, and he rested his forehead against Yoongi’s and between pants, his hyung told him, “Hobi... I...I love...Seokjin-hyung”
“That’s okay,” he said, before connecting their lips once again because Hoseok’s second secret that he promised not to tell anyone, was that he was also in love with Seokjin-hyung. And he was determined to claim both Yoongi and Seokjin as his boyfriends.
Notes:
So, did you liked Hobi’s secrets??
Please let me know what your thoughts are on this chapter and the overall flow of the story. Is it interesting?
By the way the song Jungkook and Namjoon were singing was Baby by Justin Bieber.
Please look forward to the next chapter!!!!
Chapter 4: Just Let Me Love You
Summary:
“You need to be quiet hyung, if not, you’ll wake up Jinnie-hyung who’s sleeping next door” Hoseok told him. A groan was his only response.
Notes:
WARNING ⚠️ SMUT IN THE FIRST HALF OF THE CHAPTER. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!
Okay, now that you read the warning it’s time for this update. This chapter has been the most difficult to write for me so far. I’ve never written smut before so hopefully the chapter is okay and sorry if it’s not any good. I noticed I lack descriptive words for the smut part of the story.
Anyways enjoy the chapter!!!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
"Aaahh...Hobi...more, please!" Yoongi moaned. He cannot believe this was happening to him right now. He was in Hoseok's bed, both of them half-naked with Hoseok in his boxers and him in his pajama pants. After their make out section in the living room, Hoseok took him to his room where they were currently grinding on each other. He didn't know if it was because of the pleasure he got from kissing Seokjin's sweet plump lips earlier or the fact that Hoseok was a great kisser, that he was allowing the younger to continue with no resistance at all. Still, those thoughts were thrown out the window when Hoseok started sucking on his neck and nibbling on his earlobe.
“You like that Yoongi-ah? You like it when I touch you down here, or would you like something else?” Hoseok seductively whispered in his ear while using one of his hands to palm on his bulge.
“Mmm...” He let out, feeling so much pleasure going through his body that he wanted more. The need to have Hoseok inside of him only grew stronger. Was he going crazy? Never in his life would he have thought of having sex with one of his band members, except for Seokjin.
Moving his hips upward, to try to get more friction from Hoseok’s hand, he increased his pace, wanting the sensation to last longer.
“Someone is a little desperate,” Hoseok told him with a smirk on his face.
“Mmph...aah,” he moaned while picking up the pace once again, wanting to cum.
Hoseok removed the hand from his bulge, making him whine from the loss of friction, but it didn’t last long because Hoseok connected their lips and kissed him deeply. Once they separated to catch some air, with a trail of saliva connecting their lips, Hoseok moved down to kiss his neck while sucking hard enough to leave hickeys on his sensitive milky skin. Trailing down all the way to his chest, he saw Hoseok take one of his nipples into his mouth and started sucking on it, hard, while the other hand twisted the other nipple, making him let out a high pitch moan.
"...HOBI..." he yelled.
"You need to be quiet hyung; if not, you'll wake up Jinnie-hyung, who's sleeping next door," Hoseok told him. A groan was his only response.
Hoseok continued to kiss him down to his happy trail until the younger was in front of his noticeable hard length. Hoseok started mouthing it, getting soft moans from him, and slowly started pulling down his pants and underwear until he felt the fresh air hit his sensitive skin. Yoongi's length sprung out, it was hard and veiny, but long and thick and pre-cum was already leaking out.
Hoseok grabbed his length with both hands and started to kitten lick the tip; and moved his tongue up and down the throbbing length. Yoongi saw stars; he had not felt so much pleasure in a while. Hoseok took his dick into his mouth and started bobbing his head up and down. At first, it was slow-paced, but rapidly Hoseok hollowed his cheeks, taking the length further into his mouth. Yoongi placed both hands on top of Hoseok's head, setting up a faster rhythm.
Sniffles of moans were all you can hear in the room. He was trying to keep down his voice, but he couldn't, he just felt so good.
"Oh, god... Hobi more," he said, panting for air in between each moan. He felt like he was going to cum any second. Trying to collect himself, he felt Hoseok relaxed his jaw, taking his dick even deeper into his throat, deep throating him. Yoongi was at his limit, and his body was cover in sweat. He could feel the warmth of Hoseok's throat, and when Hoseok swallowed, it caused his dick to get even harder from the tight movement the throat made.
It was like Hoseok knew he was about to cum because the younger withdrew from his length, causing him to whine. Why must he torture me like this? Yoongi thought.
“Turn around for me. On your hands and knees, Yoongi, I want to see that pretty hole of yours.” Hoseok ordered him.
Blushing, he turned around.
Once on his hands and knees and his ass up in the air, he heard a “pop” sound. It was Hoseok probably opening a bottle of lube.
When did he get it? He thought. The anticipation was killing him, but not for long because Hoseok grabbed both of his ass cheeks and spread them wide enough to see his hole. He felt a cold sensation that sent shivers down his spine, and he knew it was Hoseok pouring lube on his entrance. Anticipation was killing him, and then, Yoongi yelped at the feeling of Hoseok’s wet and warm tongue licking his rim.
“Aaaaaahhhh!” he screamed in pleasure.
“Baby, you have to keep quiet.”
"mmmh," Yoongi responded. He got a chuckle from Hoseok, who went back to licking a stripe up and down his ass crack before going back to nibbling at his rim. Once again, sucking and slurping on it over and over again until it started to get soft. Without warning, Hoseok pushed his tongue inside of his hole. Feeling the wet muscle inside of him, Yoongi tightened around it. It felt so good that he wanted to feel the tongue deeper in him. Hoseok started to push in and out of him, eating him out and earning moans from him, and he knew he was a moaning mess at this point.
“Aaaah! Ho-Ahhh... bi!” he tried to speak, but no words came out. He pushed his ass back against Hoseok’s tongue, wanting to go faster and deeper.
He wanted more, so when Hoseok added a finger along with his tongue, he loved the feeling of being stretched out. Yoongi was so close to cuming, “I’m...going to...cum,” he whimpered.
“Not yet, we are just getting started,” Hoseok responded, taking his tongue out entirely and replacing it with an additional finger. Now, two fingers were stretching him open. He felt the scissoring of the fingers, loving the feeling of being stretched out.
“THERE! RIGHT...THERE HOBI!” He screamed when the fingers found the bundle of nerves that send a pleasurable chill down his spine.
Drool was dripping down Yoongi’s chin, and he could barely think straight. The pleasure was so intense he might pass out. Hoseok pressed both fingers right on his prostate, getting a high pitched moan out of him. He was ready to cum any second with just Hoseok’s fingers.
“I'm so close, Hobi,” Yoongi softly whined, trying to maintain his position and not have his hands or knees give out. When he was at the peak of having his orgasm, Hoseok grabbed his length, pressing a finger on the tip, preventing him from cuming.
“NO!” he cried.
"Not yet, baby, I want you to cum when I'm inside of you, please hold on for a little longer," Hoseok commanded him.
He was not a patient person, but he wanted to satisfy Hoseok as well. So with that in mind, he nodded and tried his best to hold back.
With a final stretch on his hole, Hoseok pulled down his boxers, letting his dick out by the ruffling sound that echoed in the room. It was hard with pre-cum leaking out of it from what Yoongi could tell, due to the position Hoseok had him.
Hoseok positioned himself on his entrance and slowly started to enter him, earning a groan from both of them.
“Yoongi, you feel so good... and so tight...I could spend all day bury inside your tight hole...” Hoseok said to him, panting between each set of words.
“Let me know when you are ready for me to move, ” Hoseok continued.
After waiting for a minute to adjust to the length, Yoongi gave Hoseok a quick nod of approval, but he soon regretted it because Hoseok started to ram into him at such an intense pace that he thought he was going to get split in half. Slapping of skin, the creaking of the bed, and moans were all you can hear in the room. Hoseok was abusing his hole over and over again.
“Faster... deeper!” he yelled. So, Hoseok went faster and deeper, hitting his prostate just like he wanted to. Keeping the animalistic pace, Hoseok griped his hand on each side of his hip to push even deeper into the hole, causing a silent cry from him. There were so many sensations and feelings going through his mind.
“More...Hobi..I’m...almo-aaahh,” he screamed so loud that he was sure the neighbors heard him. With a final hit on his prostate, he finally came, spilling all over the sheets. Spurs of cum dirty the bedsheets, while some landed on his stomach. After a few more thrusts, Hoseok came inside of him, loving the feeling of the warm liquid. He’d never felt so satisfied in his life that he forgave Hoseok for not wearing a condom. After a few more thrusts to get them through the high of their orgasms, they collapsed to the bed, covered in sweat and panting. That was the best sex he had ever had, Yoongi thought to himself.
—————-
He cannot believe he just had sex with Yoongi. If this was a dream, he never wanted to wake up. Currently, both him and Yoongi were curled up together under his bedsheets. Yoongi was resting his head on his chest while he had one hand wrapped around Yoongi's waist. Their legs were mingling together, pressing their bodies even closer, and he had never felt so happy in his life. They have been in this position for the last ten minutes, neither of them saying a word. Hoseok knew they had to talk about what just happened before there were any misunderstandings. So he took the initiative to be the first one to speak up.
“Yoongi...” he softly said, while caressing his hyung’s back for comfort.
“Hm?” Yoongi responded, not lifting his head from Hoseok’s chest.
“We need to talk about what just happened...”
That got Yoongi to get off his chest and to sit up straight. Regret, confusion, and sadness was all over his hyung’s face. They really needed to talk before it ruined their friendship, which could potentially have a negative effect on the band.
“I know,” Yoongi whispered, looking down.
“First of all, try to listen to me all the way. I have a lot on my mind, and I want you to know the truth, so try not to interrupt me, okay.” He said, grabbing his hyung’s soft hands.
Yoongi nodded so he continued.
“I love you Yoongi...for a very long time. I don’t know what it was about you that I found so attractive, but when you smile, showing that gummy smile of yours, it makes my heartache. I want to be beside you, to be the cause of your smile and to be your support. I love your dedication to your work that serious side of you is what I admired the most about you. I also want to apologize for taking advantage of you after I saw you kissing Seokjin-hyung. I was desperate; I thought I would never get a chance to confess my love to you. I know you probably regret sleeping with me, but I want you to know I’ll remember it as one the best moment of my life.”
“Hoseok...I-“ Yoongi interrupted, finally looking at him in the eye.
“No hyung, let me finish talking, there is more you should know,” Hoseok told his hyung, making Yoongi look down again.
“I...love Seokjin-hyung too...” Hoseok confessed, and he heard a loud gasp from Yoongi after his words came out, who was now looking at him with widened eyes and his mouth slightly open. He knew Yoongi wanted to say something, but he continued speaking before he got interrupted again.
"I love you both... I love YOU, Min Yoongi, and I love our adorable and cute Seokjin-Hyung. Don't ask me how it happened or how it is possible. My heart loves both of you equally. That's why when I saw you kissing Seokjin-hyung earlier, I took the risk of coming onto you. I don't regret having sex with you, hyung, but I do regret taking advantage of your feelings. I want to be with both of you. I know it may not be possible because not everyone can love two people at the same time. Plus, we don't know if Seokjin-hyung has any feelings towards us. I'm sorry, hyung. I'm sorry for being so selfish, but I can't help feeling this way towards the both of you." He said out loud; tears were falling down his cheeks. All of his bottled up emotions were finally out in the open. He felt relief and sadness at the thought of being rejected or judge. It was never his intention to cause any harm to any of his members due to his selfish love.
Yoongi placed a hand on his right cheek, and with his thumb, his hyung wiped away some of his tears.
"Hoseok, I don't know what to say. Just don't cry, please. It breaks my heart to see you like this. I want to start by saying that I love Seokjin-Hyung with all my heart. I'm surprised by what you just told me. To be honest with you, I don't regret having sex with you either, but my feelings for Seokjin-Hyung are much stronger. I have never thought of loving two people at the same time. It must have been difficult to suppress your feelings, and you must have had an even more difficult time admitting your love for both of us. It's torture for me to deal with my feelings towards hyung, but I cannot imagine myself loving more than one person." Yoongi told him, wiping away more of his tears.
"Give me a chance Yoongi, please? I know we can make this work. It might be difficult at first, but I feel complete with the both of you, and you never know, hyung might like one of us, or maybe he's like me, and he likes the both of us. We can find the right time to confess to him, but while we plan our confession, we can work on our relationship. Maybe you can come to love me like I love you. Please!" he begged, this was his only chance of making his dream a reality.
"You know it doesn't work like that, Hobi... I can't force feelings I don't have."
"I know, that's why date me. Get to know me. True, we know each other due to us living in the same house and being coworkers but get to know me as a potential partner and lover. Just one chance is all I'm asking for," he pleaded, grabbing both of Yoongi's hands while placing kisses on them.
“I don’t know Hoseok, this can potentially hurt the three of us, and I don’t want that to happen.”
“I know, but I love you both. Now that I know there is a chance to make it a reality, of the three of us being together, I won’t give up.”
“How do you know it will work out? We don’t even know if hyung likes one of us. Heck, we don’t even know if he likes men. You know he is private about his personal life.”
“True, but we won’t know until we try. I was about to give up on both of you, but when I saw you kissing hyung earlier, all my hopes came back. It can work out Yoongi, give me, no, give us a chance. Take your time to think about it. You don’t have to give me an answer right now,” he said, with a desperate tone.
Hoseok saw Yoongi thinking hard. There were minutes of silence, and when his hyung withdrew his hands from Hoseok's, he knew he had gotten rejected. I’m ready to accept my faith, he thought to himself.
"I know I might regret this later, but okay, Hoseok. You win, make me fall in love with you, the same way I'm in love with Seokjin-Hyung." Yoongi told him, blushing.
"Wh...at?" Hoseok tried to say, but the shock was too much to handle. Bundle of emotions went through his head. He couldn't believe what he just heard, was it that easy to agree to be in a polygamist relationship? Did Yoongi agree to satisfy his desires? No, that couldn't be, he knew his hyung, and he was not that type of person. Letting his thoughts aside and hopefully reminding himself to asked his hyung why he agreed so quickly at a later time. Hoseok hugged Yoongi like his life depended on it and placed both of his hands on Yoongi's cheeks before bringing their lips together for a soft and light kiss.
After their kiss, both of them went back to cuddling. Yoongi was once again resting his head on Hoseok's chest, and their legs were tangled together. Hoseok was in heaven.
“You better take me in a date on our next break,” Yoongi teased him with a chuckle while showing him, his beautiful gummy smile.
“Anything for you, my love,” he said, earning a pinched on his nipple.
“Ow, what was that for hyung?” he whined while rubbing his nipple to ease the pain.
“It’s too early for you to call me that,” Yoongi replied.
After a moment of silence, laughter filled the room. And suddenly the “ding” sound got their attention. It was Hoseok’s phone. It was a message from Namjoon asking him how Seokjin-hyung was doing and letting him know that practice was over, and they were on their way back to the dorm.
“I think it’s time we get up and take a shower,” he told Yoongi, who nodded in agreement.
"Go ahead and take a shower first. I'm going to start cleaning and replace the bedsheets," Hoseok said, making Yoongi blush before entering the bathroom.
After they were done with their shower, getting dressed, and cleaning up the bed, they went back to Seokjin and Yoongi's shared bedroom.
Seokjin was still asleep while hugging a Mario plushie. Yoongi and Hoseok each went on opposite sides of Seokjin's bed to slipped under the blankets, making Seokjin be in the middle of them. Both of them wanted to sleep with their most precious hyung while hugging him. So the both of them put an arm around Seokjin's small waist and connected their hands when they touched in the middle of the waistline — burying their faces on each side of their hyung's neck, inhaling the sweet strawberry smell.
"I gave him this Mario plushie. I guess he loves it a lot because this is the second time I've seen him sleeping with it." he heard Yoongi whispered, who he noticed snuggled further into Seokjin's neck.
“Really? Maybe I should get him a plushie too?” he whispered back, so he would not wake up their hyung while inhaling more of the sweet scent.
“Maybe that should be our first date...getting him another plushie,” Yoongi said, yawning.
“Maybe...we should...”
“Yeah...” was all Hoseok heard before falling asleep with the two people he loved the most in the world.
Notes:
The plot has thickened!! Sope are officially together!
I love to read your comments so please let me know your thoughts.
Please look forward to the next chapter.
Ps. A little hint: The Mario plushie and the plush Hoseok is going to give Seokjin will play a big role in future chapters so keep that in mind.
Chapter 5: Research and Tea Party
Summary:
“Appa... Jinnie wants Appa...” he started to say, noticing that his voice was more high pitched than normal and was calling himself Jinnie, so he let himself relaxed, slipping into his headspace.
Notes:
Hey guys!
This chapter is more of a informative/exploration part. It’s to set things straight and to help move the story forward. I’m not sure if it’ll be boring compared to the last chapter but it’s important!
Enjoy the chapter!!!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Seokjin woke up with the feeling of being suffocated. Slowly opening his eyes and blinking a few times to adjust his vision, he noticed two bodies hugging him. It was Yoongi on his left side and Hoseok on his right side. Suddenly, the memories of yesterday’s events came back to his mind; and regret, embarrassment, and sadness filled his heart. He slowly removed one hand at a time from his waist, trying not to wake up neither of them. Once he was free, Seokjin went to the bathroom to brush his teeth and wash his face before heading to the living room. It was still early, 5:15 am to be exact, so he knew he had time for himself before the rest of the members woke up. He grabbed his phone and laid down on the sofa, getting comfortable and bringing his legs up, so he was sitting in a fetal style position. He needed to figure out what had been happening to him lately. Opening the browser on his phone, he went to Naver and started his search. At first, he didn’t know what to type, so he just wrote what had happened to him.
“Behaving like a child.”
“Lost of memories.”
“Feeling at peace.”
None of those searches gave him a concrete answer and were talking about children, not an adult. Immediately, an idea popped up into his mind, and he typed.
“Adult behaving and talking like a child.”
Still, he didn’t get the answer he was looking for; instead, Seokjin got links to mental illnesses and Personality Disorders, but he knew it didn’t apply to him. It was back to square one , he thought. He truly wanted his Mario plushie with him and wished he had brought it, instead of leaving it on his bed between Yoongi and Hoseok. The thought of the plushie gave him another idea of what to type, so he wrote.
“adults talking to stuff animals”... but the only links he got were different types of research studies questioning if adults were allowed to sleep with stuffed animals or to talk with them. It wasn’t the answer he was looking. Frustrated, he threw his phone to the side of the couch.
“Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck!!!!” He thought.
“What the hell is wrong with me…?” he continued. Tears were starting to form due to the frustration of not knowing what was wrong with him.
“Maybe this shit is a freaking kink for all I know.”
With that thought in mind, it clicked, so he quickly picked up his phone and typed “Adults behaving like a child kink,” and with that, the results were completely different. He saw links saying daddy kink, so he clicked on it, and the definition he got fascinated him.
“A kink involving the depiction of sexual activity or tension between a father figure and a (usually) younger character.”
However, that wasn’t an accurate description of his behavior lately, so he scrolled down more, and his attention landed on the definition of “Daddy Dom/little boy.”
“Daddy Dom / Little Boy. DDLG/DDLB or MDLG/MDLB is a relationship in which one person is the caregiver or "daddy" (or "mommy"), and the other is childlike.”
Childlike, little boy, and lastly, caregiver were the only words that stood out to him. He was not prepared for what he was about to see next. Once, he scrolled further down and saw another question asking, “What does it mean to go into Little Space?” Little space...that word alone caught his interest, and he immediately clicked on it.
“Little space is the place your Little goes when they go into their mind space. Littles have a certain mind space that is younger than their physical age.”
“This is it! This is the answer I've been looking for.” he whispered to himself. Hope-filled his mind because he was finally getting the answer he was looking for, so he went back to the main page and searched, “Little Space.” This time, the results were more specific than before and he was glad because he was finally getting to the root of his problems.
He clicked on the first link with the definition of Little Space, and his eyes widened as he read it.
“Littlespace is a mindset in which an adult relaxes into a state of carefree, responsibility-free safety. It may be a developed time in which an adult relives childhood memories, scenarios, or desires that were unachievable in their adolescence. An adult in littlespace may involve another adult referred to as a caregiver, engage in activities viewed as childish, and some may even participate in adult sexual interaction during their time in littlespace. While in littlespace, the adult is usually, but not always, referred to as an adult baby, little, or middle. A standard that all people interacting and involved in this type of scene is that they are all of legal adult age” (Urban Dictionary, 2019).
Wow… I’ve never heard of this before, but it’s exactly what I’m going through , he thought.
“The act of regressing into a childlike state; such as a baby, toddler, or child” (Urban Dictionary, 2019).
He further read, and now everything made sense to him, the child-like behavior, the loss of memories two nights ago, and the vivid imagery of behaving like a little kid during breakfast; plus, the accident in the bathroom after yesterday’s dance practice. He cannot believe he found the explanation he was looking for. Seokjin felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his chest. He knew what was happening to him now, but he still needed to do a lot more research and think about how this new information would affect him in the future, but for now, he was happy he had a name to his behavior.
So he continued with his search, and he decided to look up “caregiver/ little space.”
“The Dom in a DDLG relationship. Usually, the person that takes care of a little.”
Why does Yoongi and Hoseok come to mind? He thought.
Was it because they saw him breakdown yesterday and took care of him? Was it because he felt comfortable waking up next to them? Was it because he had strong feelings towards them even though he knew it was wrong to like two people at the same time? Sighing, he let his thoughts wandered to imagine how nice it would feel to have either of them or even both of them as his caregivers, but life was not that easy, and dreams rarely come true.
Ignoring his feelings, he went back to his new problem because now that he knew the name and reason for his behavior, he needed to know how to control it. According to the research he just did, Seokjin could slip into his Little headspace at any time by using triggers or a caregiver, but since he didn’t have a caregiver and he was still new to the whole Little Space community, he needed to find his way to trigger himself into going into Little Space on his own.
“Hyung...”
Jimin’s voice startled him. He figured it was time for him to stop his search and continued at a later time, so putting his phone inside his pocket, Seokjin got up and walked towards Jimin, who was currently on his way to the kitchen.
———
It had been a week since Seokjin found out he was a Little and that he could go into Little Space. He had a lot to learned and to read, so whenever he had time during their break, he took out his phone and looked up more information about Little Space. So far, he read that Littles (that’s the name given to the person who regressed in age) liked coloring, playing with toys, watching cartoons, wearing cute and baggy clothes, drinking out of a sippy cup, playing dress-up, using pacifiers for comfort, and some even go to the length of using diapers, but he knew he didn’t want to use diapers, so he ignored it. He also learned that there were three types of Little Space (baby, little, and middle) in which each one regressed into different age range, and he knew he needed to find out his age range. The most exciting part of his research was the caregiver part, the person who took care of the Little. Seokjin would love to have someone take care of him, to love him and pampered him with love but he also read that this relationship can lead to sexual acts; but he knew he was not going to do anything sexual unless it was with someone he trusted, and for the most part, Seokjin wanted to keep the caregiver/Little relationship platonic.
At the thought of a caregiver, Hoseok and Yoongi came into his mind once again. Should he tell them? Maybe they could help him and be his caregivers?... Nah, they would probably think he was a freak. Seokjin ignored those feelings and chose to focus on finding time to experiment with Little Space because he needed to know how to regress and how to control it, so he didn't cause any trouble to the group.
With that thought in mind, time went by fast. By the time he realized, it was already New Year's, and many months had passed since he discovered he was a Little, and he still didn’t find any time to experiment with his headspace. When their manager told the group that after the Seoul Music Awards performance, they were getting a week-long break, he was overjoyed. He could finally regressed back into a Little because he had been preparing all these past months by buying all the necessary things he would need to help him go into Little Space. He kept the items locked away so no one would find them, and even if someone did find them, he had made sure the online shops sent his packages with minimal information in the box. Seokjin was lucky he had not slipped into his headspace during all these months, maybe it was due to his mind being relaxed by buying all those items preventing him from regressing.
————
A week passed, and they just finished their last award show, and Seokjin couldn’t be any happier.
“Finally! A break!!!” Jungkook said once they all arrived at their dorm.
“Yes! I can’t wait to go home and visit my family and spend time with them,” Taehyung answered.
They all agreed with him, except for Seokjin.
“Actually... I think I’m going to stay in the dorm this week. My parents are out of the country, and I want to catch up on some sleep.” he told them, with the hopes that no one would feel sorry for him and decided to stay behind to keep him company.
As if they were reading his mind Hoseok spoke up, “Yoongi and I can stay with you if you like hyung, we were just going to go visit our families for the first half of the week and then we were thinking of meeting up to hang out for the second half before we get back.”
“No...it’s okay Hobi, I don’t want to ruin your vacation,”
“It’s fine hyung; it’s not a bother at all,”
“No, I insist... go and spend time with your family and then enjoy the rest of your vacation. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine!”
“Fine...but if you need anything, just call Yoongi-Hyung or I, and we will be back here, okay?” Hoseok told him, noticing a sign of hesitation in his voice, but Seokjin decided to ignore it.
“Okay, thanks, Hobi-ah,” he told Hoseok, feeling relief.
He was glad Hoseok or Yoongi didn’t insist on staying; if not, his plan to regress would have failed.
————
It was currently 3 pm, and Seokjin was in his room taking out different boxes from his closet, all of the members had left this morning, so he was finally all alone. He was opening the boxes with all the items he had purchased over the months; their purpose was to help him regress into his baby, little or middle headspace, which he still needed to figure out. He had gathered different items for his investigation; from different coloring books, toys (like a police car and a blue dinosaur), baggy clothes that he found very cute, like his new Mario shirt, and a purple sippy cup with a blue dragon imprinted on it that he found so adorable. He even got a teacup set with the thought of having a pretend tea party with some plushies, which lead to him buying more plushies. Seokjin even got a brown bear with a red bowtie, an iron man plush, and of course, he already had the Mario plushie Yoongi gave him, so he was all set. Even though he was hesitant at first, he bought a pacifier, just in case, it would help him. Other triggers he found out that might have helped him were animal-shaped food, so Seokjin got animal crackers and dinosaur chicken nuggets; they were hidden in the kitchen, and he was lucky no one found them.
He was excited and scared of what he was going to do, but he did his research. He watched countless videos of other Littles and how they regressed, so research-wise, he was ready, emotionally, he was terrified, but he knew it had to be done. This was going to help him relieve some stress, and since he had done it twice already, involuntarily though, he was sure he'd do it again, but this time, he would be in control. It might be difficult at first, but he knew he'd be able to do it. He had the whole week to himself to explore.
After putting on his baggy Iron Man T-Shirt with matching pajama bottoms, he headed to the kitchen to fill his sippy cup with some apple juice he got. After he filled his sippy cup, he headed to the living room where he had previously set up his animal coloring books and crayons on the carpeted floor and turned on the TV. He laid flat on his stomach with the coloring book in front of him and crayons on his left side. With his right hand, he had the remote control and started to browse through the channels until he saw Spiderman Adventures playing and decided to watch it while he was coloring.
He started coloring a cat; he grabbed a yellow crayon while Spiderman was playing in the background. This is fun and relaxing , he thought. He took a sip of his apple juice and started humming to the Spiderman theme song.
“Spiderman, Spiderman ...la la la la la Spiderman” he sang, giggling at the end.
Ten minutes had passed, and he finally finished coloring the cat, and he wrote at the bottom of the page, “for Yoonie Appa” and a heart next to it.
“Appa... Jinnie wants Appa...” he started to say, noticing that his voice was more high pitched than usual and was calling himself Jinnie, so he let himself relaxed, slipping into his headspace.
Jinnie was sad; he wanted to see Yoonie Appa so badly. He got up and went to his room to grab his Mario plushie. When he came back, he looked at it and said, “from now on, your name is Kitty cause Yoonie Appa reminds me of a cat,” making the biggest smile.
“Kitty, are you going to keep me safe now that Yoonie Appa is not here with me?” Jinnie asked while pouting and hugging the plushie.
Jinnie turned the page of his coloring book and saw a cute squirrel with chubby cheeks.
“Hobi Appa!” He giggled.
“Jinnie misses him too...wish he was here with me, but you’ll keep me safe. Right, Kitty?” Jinnie asked the plushie again.
Jinnie grabbed his sippy cup one more time, drinking a sip of his juice, before going back to coloring while watching Spider-Man.
--------------
It had been four days since he slipped into Little Space. He noticed that his age regression range was a middle, which meant he regressed from a six years old all the way to a twelve-year-old. Although he did turned into a Little, once, which was a toddler to five years old, but that was when he was stressed out after he read some bad comments on Twitter. Now he knew, stress was one of the reasons for his regression.
These past few days had been the most relaxing days of his life. He figured out that coloring, watching cartoons, eating animal crackers and dinosaur chicken nuggets, cuddling with Kitty, and thinking of Yoongi and Hoseok as his caregivers helped him regress further into Little Space. Maybe he really should talk with Hoseok and Yoongi about him being a Little. Maybe they could help him by being his caregivers, plus he won’t need to hide all his Little items in the far depth of his closet, but before he could do that, he needed to have a deeper connection with his headspace.
Another day went by, and now he had decent control of his Little headspace and wanted to try the tea party roleplay. Besides, the members were coming back home in two days, so it was now or until their next break, and he didn’t know when that was going to happen.
He had most of his Little items in the living room. His coloring books, plushies, sippy cup, a blanket and all that was left were the tea cups for the tea party. He went to his room and got four sets of cups, one for each of his plushies and himself. This was going to be so much fun , he thought.
Once he was in the living room, he needed to get into his headspace, so he thought of Yoongi and Hoseok and grabbed Kitty, kissing it while hugging it, making him slipped into his headspace.
“Kitty, are you going to help me set up the tea party?” Jinnie said, excitingly.
Sitting down on the living room carpet, he put Iron man on his right side, the brown bear on the left-hand side of him, and Kitty right across from him to create a circle. He placed a teacup in front of each plushie, and after he finished he yelled,
“WELCOME ALL! LET THE TEA PARTY BEGIN!!” trying his best to imitate an upper-class gentleman.
Facing all his plushies, he asked, “So… Mr. Bear, where did you get that cute bowtie?”
“Oh, this old thing, my wife gave it to me for my birthday last year,” Jinnie said, using a deeper voice, pretending it was the bear talking to him.
“It’s sooo cute; I love it!” He replied.
“I can ask my wife where she got it. I think she told me there is a purple one. I know that’s your new favorite color,” Mr. Bear told him.
“Really!? You’ll do that for me! You’re a good friend Mr. Bear, and Jinnie loves you very much!”
“I love you too Jinnie! Just remember to be a good boy, and you’ll get a reward.” Mr. Bear warned him.
“Of course, I’m a good boy! A very good boy.” Jinnie happily replied.
Now facing Kitty, Jinnie started talking in a high pitched voice, pretending that Kitty was talking to him.“So, Jinnie… I heard you were looking for a daddy? Is it true?”
“Yesh, Jinnie wants a daddy, but no one wants to be Jinnie’s daddy… Yoonie Appa and Hobi Appa don’t want to be my daddies, and it makes me very, very sad. Don’t they love me…?” Jinnie asked, while looking down and taking a small sip of his pretend tea.
“I'm sure they want to be your daddies if you ask them.” Iron man reassured Jinnie, using his robotic voice.
“But…what if they don’t like me. I want kisses, cuddles, and to watch TV with my daddies,”
“I’m sure they’ll do that for you Jinnie, you are so adorable!” Kitty complimented him.
“Ding!” Was the next sound that came into the room before Jinnie could answer. It was Seokjin’s phone. Jinnie grabbed it and saw it was Yoonie Appa.
“Appa!!” He yelled.
“He says Hobi Appa and him are coming back tomorrow, and they have a BIG surprise for Jinnie!!” He squealed, jumping up and down, telling his plushies the excellent news.
He couldn't wait to see his daddies tomorrow, but first, he needed to finish his important tea party. After all, he was the host, and he couldn't let his guests down.
Notes:
I want to say that before writing this fanfic I knew only a little about little space, due to the other stories I’ve read but I decided to do a deeper research so all the definitions I wrote are real and from Urban Dictionary.
I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter and let me known your thoughts.
I love reading your comments and if you have any predictions on what’s going to happen let me know.
Ps. I feel like people are forgetting about the summary. So reread it again cause from next chapter on things are going to get a bit chaotic.
Chapter 6: The Date
Summary:
“Hyung... I got you a present... you remember the text Yoongi sent you, right? So here it is... I hope you like it. I got it specially for you.” Hoseok nervously said while giving him the gift.
Notes:
Guys! This is the turning point of this story. I can’t wait for the next chapters to be finished so you can read them. I’m scared and excited at the same time lol
Please enjoy the chapter!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
It had been months since Yoongi agreed to date Hoseok. They still haven’t gone on their first date yet, due to their busy scheduled, but he had gotten to know Hoseok as a person a lot better. To say he was actually falling in love with him surprised Yoongi the most. As to why he agreed to go out with Hoseok after having sex for the first time months ago? Well, to be honest, he doesn’t even know. It was just instinct or called it a feeling that their relationship would work out. Throughout the months Yoongi had learned that Hoseok was very possessive, not the overly, I need to keep him locked up in a cage, type of possession, more like, “he is mine, and I don’t want others to disrespect or treat him horribly.” It made Yoongi feel wanted; it made him feel loved and valid. Yoongi had learned that Hoseok liked to spoil him a lot, to the point where he got annoyed. From cuddling with him, bringing him food, buying him cute presents, or helping him when he needed it, which he secretly loved, to some degree. Yoongi had told Hoseok that he had started to see him differently, maybe with love, he wasn't sure yet, but Yoongi was confident that he saw himself being with Hoseok for a long time.
He was on his way back to Seoul to meet up with Hoseok after spending a few days with his family. They were finally going to go shopping for a plushie to give to Seokjin after months of trying to find some free time to buy it. They planned to stay in a nearby hotel in Seoul and go to the nearest mall to look for the plushie and then go back to the dorm a day early to spend some time with their hyung before the rest of the members came back.
When their hyung announced that he was not going to go back home to visit his parents, Hoseok and he both wanted to stay with Seokjin during the entirety of the vacation to keep him company, but, Seokjin insisted that he was going to be okay and for them to enjoy their vacation. Hoseok and him were both sad, but at the same time, they respected their hyung’s decision. At first, they were worried about Seokjin being by himself, and they believed it was going to be the perfect time for them to confess their feelings towards him, but after their hyung argued that he was going to be okay, they gave up on staying.
He and Hoseok have been discussing when and how to confess to Seokjin now that their relationship was more stable, and they believed now was the perfect timing.
Yoongi was sitting on a bench in front of the bus stop with his small carry on when he got interrupted from his thoughts.
“Yoongi-ah!” Hoseok said out loud, startling him.
He was usually not taken by surprise or got scared easily, but maybe his thoughts had softened him up, or perhaps it was Hoseok, he didn’t know.
“Sheesh, don’t ever do that again, Hobi!”
“Don’t be like that hyung, you know you love me... you look beautiful today by the way...”
“Thanks... you too,” he said blushing.
It was true, another thing he learned to appreciate about Hoseok was how beautiful and sexy he was. It was not like he thought Hoseok was ugly before, but now that they’ve been going out for a few months, he found Hoseok’s slim waist, toned body, long legs, and beautiful smile, so sexy. Hoseok was wearing a dark blue jacket and underneath, a tight-fitting black shirt that highlighted his perfect muscles along with ripped skinny jeans. He had a small carry on and a see-thru tote bag. It made Yoongi want to drag him to their hotel room and stripped him naked. That was another thing he noticed about Hoseok, that the younger kept his promises. After their first night together, they talked about getting to know each other better before doing anything sexual, and it was only until he was comfortable enough with their relationship that they were going to have sex, and most importantly, Yoongi had to be the one to initiate everything. Let’s say, Yoongi was ready to let Hoseok fuck him again or maybe fuck Hoseok. After all, he would love to see his boyfriend’s wrecked face.
Once they checked in into their hotel room and put down their bags while getting comfortable in their bed, they decided to start brainstorming on what kind of plushie they would get for their hyung.
“So what do you think hyung will like? Maybe another Mario plushie... maybe Luigi?” Hoseok asked him.
“I’m not sure... when I got his current plushie, I wasn’t even thinking of getting it until I saw it. It was a coincidence. So...I say we go to the mall and let the plushie come to us… if that makes sense?”
“Wow... that’s not a bad idea. Let the plushie choose us, not the other way around. It sounds like this is some kind of movie or something,” Hoseok noted, laughing.
“Hey, that’s how it happened with me...don't laugh at it.”
“I’m joking; you know that hyung. You’re so adorable when you get angry.”
“So...want to watch a movie and then dinner after we find the plushie?” Yoongi asked, blushing.
“Hmm, that’s not a bad idea. It sounds nice. I like it Yoongi… Okay! Then it’s settle! Plushie hunt first, then a movie, and finally dinner! Not bad for our first official date, huh?” Hoseok said, excitedly.
“I guess so... it sounds like a normal date to me, though, but yeah, it’s not bad,” he replied.
“Yoongi... you’re such a mood killer!”
“I’m not...”
“Yeah, yeah, you're not. Now get ready and let’s go! I can’t wait to spend some time with you while we look for hyung’s plushie. Do you think he’ll love it?”
“He still has mine, and he sleeps with it a lot, so I’m sure he’ll love any plush you get him,” Yoongi explained, getting a bear hug from Hoseok, who pepper kissed him all over his face, which he loved.
“Let’s get ready now, or we’ll waste more time!” He told Hoseok while placing a kiss on his lips, which Hoseok happily corresponded.
——————
They have been at the mall for over an hour, and they still haven’t found an excellent plushie to buy for Seokjin. All the ones they have seen so far were either too small or too big or didn’t feel like hyung was going to like it. They were both frustrated, tired, and hungry. They decided to go for another round before giving up and try again, another day, at a different mall. They were on their way to a toy store when they passed by a kid's clothing store. On the window display, there was a new line of Care Bears. Yoongi stopped immediately because his eyes landed on a bright, yellow sunshine bear.
“Hobi... I think I found it,” he whispered to himself, then took Hoseok’s hand and dragged him to the store.
“What? Where are we going hyung?”
“I found it. The perfect plushie for hyung,”
“Really?! What is it?”
“I’ll show you when we get there,” he said to Hoseok while entering the store.
“Here!” Yoongi showed him, taking the sunshine bear and handing it to Hoseok.
“Sunshine bear...?”
“It’s perfect! You are our sunshine, your positive energy always lifts our spirit, and you’re our hope. It’s absolutely perfect!”
“Hyung... you’re a genius! You are right; this is perfect. Hyung will look at this bear and think of me. It’s perfect hyung! I love it! Let’s go buy it!” He said, loudly, while dragging Yoongi to the cashier.
After buying the plushie, they went for a movie in which Yoongi didn't remember anything because he was too focused on Hoseok’s hand intertwined with his own. He couldn’t focus on the movie at all, or even remember the name of it, how could he? When he was touching Hoseok’s long and beautiful fingers. Afterward, they went for dinner, since they were starving after a long afternoon of shopping and watching the movie. It was during dinner that Hoseok brought up the question.
“Hyung, how are we going to confess to Seokjin-Hyung?”
“I was thinking maybe after we give him the plushie? I already sent him a text message telling him we are going to go back to the dorm tomorrow. So...I’m sure he’ll be in a good mood, and even if he rejected us, we'd know he’ll have your plushie for him to remember us by. It will be the least he could do for us,”
“Hmm, you are right. I’m scared and nervous, Yoongi...”
“Me too, Hobi, me too, but we promised to confess to him no matter what. Besides, I think our relationship has gotten stronger these past months. I like you more than before. Hobi... I thought I was going to regret going out with you, but I was so wrong. You’re an amazing friend, but much more of an amazing lover. You make me feel special, loved, and you spoil me too much. To be honest, I find it suffocating, but I love it. Your presence alone makes me feel better when I’m stressed out. I love you Hoseok, and I’m ready to take our relationship to the next level,”
“Hyung... I love you too, and my feelings for you have only gotten stronger.” Hoseok confessed to him, blushing.
“I never knew you cared so much about me, and I’m happy your feelings have changed for me... I love you so much, hyung,” Hoseok continued, grabbing Yoongi’s hands.
“Hyung... can I ask you a question?”
“Sure, go ahead, Hoseok-ah.”
“What do you love about me? What changed your mind?”
“Umm...do you really want to know?” he asked, feeling like his face was going to overheat.
“Yeah, I do. I need to know,”
“Fine... I love that you make me feel like I’m the most special person in the world. Love the way you smile, the way you’re there for me when I need it the most, even when you don’t think you’re helping me, I love that burning passion you have while dancing. Most importantly, I love the Hoseok, who is madly in love with Seokjinnie and me. Who is willing to risk it all for the three of us to be together. Your love for us is genuinely true, and that’s all I needed to start falling for you...I love you, Hoseok; I truly do love you.” he declared, giving Hoseok a gummy smile while seeing Hoseok’s face turned red like a tomato.
—————-
Last night’s date was fun and relaxing. They were currently on their way back to the dorm, and both of them were nervous and excited. Yoongi’s stomach was hurting from being so nervous. He couldn’t wait to see their hyung. Five minutes later, they arrived at their dorm. Hoseok took out the items that they got at the mall, plus their suitcases, and made sure to give the plushie they got to him so he could keep it safe before giving it to Seokjin.
Once they opened the door, they saw Seokjin sitting on the couch watching TV.
“Hyung! We’re back!” Yoongi yelled out.
“Welcome back! I missed you guys! How was your vacation? Come here sit next to me, tell hyung all about it,” Seokjin instructed them, making room for them on the sofa. Hoseok and Yoongi made eye contact and put their luggage in a corner and joined their hyung. Not before seeing Hoseok grab the wrapped up plushie and taking it with him. Seokjin was cradling in his hands the Mario plushie he gave him, making him look extra cute. He couldn’t wait to see Seokjin’s reaction when Hoseok gives him the sunshine bear.
“So...how was your vacation? Did you guys had fun?”
“Yeah, we had fun, hyung. I saw Micky again and got to play with her all day long,” Hoseok responded.
“Same here, hyung. I saw Holly too and spend a lot of time with my parents. I missed my mom’s cooking.” Yoongi continued.
“How about you hyung? What did you do on your vacation? Were you able to catch up on sleep?” Hoseok asked.
“Of course, I did! I had a very relaxing and nice week off! I’m energized and ready to start work again.” Their hyung answered, sounding very excited and with a lot of energy.
After a few minutes of silence and just the sound of the TV, Hoseok spoked up again.
“Hyung... I got you a present...you remember the text Yoongi sent you, right? So here it is... I hope you like it. I got it, especially for you.” Hoseok nervously said, giving Seokjin the gift.
Excitement could be seen on Seokjin’s face as he unwrapped the gift. Once he got it opened, a loud squealing noise was heard, scaring Yoongi. The next thing he saw was Seokjin jumping on top of Hoseok, saying, “thank you thank you” over and over again while giving him a bear hug.
“I love it so much, Hobi! Thank you so much!”
“I’m glad you love it, hyung,” Hoseok replied.
After talking for ten more minutes Yoongi and Hoseok excused themselves. They wanted to take their suitcases to their rooms before getting to their real objective of the night: confessing to Seokjin.
Before leaving, Yoongi turned to Seokjin, who was still sitting on the couch, and told him,
“Hyung... can we talk to you after we finish unpacking?”
“Sure...Yoongi, is everything okay?”
“Yeah, it’s just something Hoseok, and I have to tell you,”
“Okay. I’m going to take a quick nap, and when you guys are ready, we’ll talk, okay?”
“Okay, hyung.” Yoongi and Hoseok said at the same time.
Once Yoongi and Hoseok were in their perspective rooms, they started to unpack. Yoongi couldn’t believe he had so much stuff to organized when he just went away for only a week. Why does he have so many things to unpack?
Time flew by, and an hour already passed, and he was almost done organizing his stuff. Well, he still needed to organized some music equipment he got, but that could wait for later. He wanted to check up on Hoseok, plus he was super nervous now that they were going to confess to Seokjin, so he needed to get some encouraging words before they talk to their hyung.
Knocking on Hoseok’s door, he called out, “Hoseok,” but he didn’t get a response, so he knocked one more time, “Hobi, are you in there?”
Suddenly, the door slammed open, and a very fluster Hoseok came out.
“Yeah... hyung I'm here, just finished unpacking. I was in the middle of dragging my suitcase to the closet when you knocked. So what’s up?”
“Just wanted to talk before we confess to hyung,”
“Oh, sure, come in.” Hoseok directed him inside the room.
Once Yoongi was sitting down on Hoseok’s bed and Hoseok next to him. He spoke up, “I’m scared… Hobi, what if he doesn’t like us, and we get rejected. I’ll be devastated if that happens. I don’t want to make our relationship awkward.”
“Hyung, I'm sure it will be fine. I have a feeling hyung like us. Call me crazy, but I’m sure things will work out for us.”
“That’s not guarantee though... we don’t really know what he’s thinking at all,”
“True, but like I said before, we won’t know until we try... now come here, sit on my lap and let me comfort you.”
Blushing and extremely embarrassed, Yoongi sat on Hoseok’s lap, wrapping his arms around Hoseok’s neck. He leaned in for a kiss. It was light and soft, but it was helping him relaxed. So, he went in for another one and another one until they were fully making out, and before he knew it, Hoseok started to slipped one hand under his shirt.
“Hobi!” He moaned.
——————-
Seokjin cannot believe what he was witnessing right now. Hoseok and Yoongi were on Hoseok’s bed, and Yoongi was sitting on Hoseok’s lap, making out.
“Hobi!” He heard Yoongi moaned.
His heart was breaking into little pieces, and he felt like curling up in a ball and forget everything he was seeing. He just came to check up on Hoseok because he wanted to thank him one more time for his present but also to tell him he had something important to confess too. Seokjin was going to ask them to be his caregivers, but all those thoughts were thrown out the window now that he knew that they were in a relationship and in love with each other. Closing the door, he walked to his room, not before grabbing Kitty and his new plushie, which he named, Sunny, that he forgot in the living room.
Curled up under his bedsheets, with one plushie on each side of him, Seokjin slipped into his headspace.
“Jinnie is sad, Kitty...Sunny... I can have no daddies anymore because Yoonie Appa and Hobi Appa have each other... and they cannot make room for me,”
Tears were now falling down his beautiful chubby cheeks.
“Yooni...Appa...Hobi...Appa...I...love...you.” Jinnie said each word, trying not to sob loudly.
“Sunny... Kitty... Maybe Jinnie should look for a different daddy? Cause they won’t love me...”
With that in mind, Seokjin was determined to not tell Yoongi and Hoseok about him being a Little and instead, look for a different caregiver. It was for his own sake, and he couldn't get in between them now that he knew they were in a relationship. He couldn't be so selfish.
Notes:
Yeah... what do you guys think will happen next? Are you guys ready? Cause I’m not. Lol
Like always please let me know your thoughts on the chapter and story overall.
Ps. I have the next 4 chapters already written. All I need is to edit them and add/take some parts out depending if it fits the story. Hopefully, I’ll update faster depending on the edits.
Chapter 7: Caregiver
Summary:
Jinnie: Do you know BTS?
Notes:
There are a few time skips in this chapter. I tried my best to not make it confusing. I feel nervous about this chapter for some reason. Hahahaha maybe cause I know what’s going to happen next lmfao
I hope you enjoy the chapter.
It’s longer than I thought it would be but it should be a quick read.
Ps. For those who don’t know. DD/LB means Dom Daddy/Little Boy. It’s the official name for the Caregiver/Little Space dynamic.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
It had been a month since Seokjin saw Hoseok and Yoongi making out on Hoseok’s bed. After going back to his bedroom that night, he cried his heart out, and when Hoseok came into his room asking him if he was ready to talk, Seokjin pretended that he had a bad headache to get away from confronting them. He was too hurt to speak to them and just wanted to go into his Little headspace. Seokjin didn’t know or cared about what they wanted to tell him. It could have been about their relationship, which he was not in his best condition to listen to, especially coming from them because it would only break his heart once again. Besides, all his hopes and dreams of having them as his caregivers were gone entirely. He couldn’t come in between their relationship, even if he loved them with all his heart. The best thing he could do was to let them be happy, even if he was suffering on the inside.
Thanks to their busy schedule, they haven’t had time to rest because the group was preparing for their upcoming album while practicing the new choreography for their song DNA. The single communication Seokjin had with Yoongi and Hoseok was work-related, in which he was grateful. He recalled a few times that whenever they spoke with him, it felt like they wanted to say something else, but they were holding themselves back. He hoped never to be left alone with either of them because he couldn't bear to hear about their love for one other.
Despite his broken heart, Seokjin was still determined to look for a different caregiver, he didn't know how, but he knew that if he wanted to have one, he'd need to look online. It might be dangerous, but at this point, he was ready to risk it all. Seokjin was getting tired of not having a caregiver; it had been over half a year since he discovered he was a Little and had better control over his headspace. He knew he was ready to add another person into his life. However, he had been hiding it so well from all the other members that he was not willing to risk any of them finding out, especially Hoseok and Yoongi, so Seokjin had to be very cautious about picking his caregiver. At this moment, though, they were so busy with their new album to even look for one, so he decided to wait until he had some free time to start searching for a caregiver.
———————-
A few months passed, and BTS was on the rise for world domination. They just won their first award at the BBMAs, Top Social Artist, and were starting to get recognized by the western music industry, even though they still had a long way to go. They also just moved into a bigger and more beautiful apartment in the wealthiest neighborhood in Seoul, where each member now had their separate room except Hoseok and Jimin. For some reason, they decided to be roommates still. He was surprised, to be honest, because he thought Yoongi and Hoseok would want to share a room, but he chose to ignore it since it wasn’t his business. He was just happy that now that he had his private space, he was able to leave his Little items lying around since no one dared to go into each other’s room. He still was careful, though, but not as much as when he was roommates with Yoongi.
It was on their rare day off that Seokjin was able to brainstorm ideas on where to find a caregiver. He was currently on their couch; Jimin, Jungkook, and Taehyung were with him on the other side of the sofa curled up under a blanket. They were watching Avengers, and even though he loved superhero movies, his mind was somewhere else. He was glad that the other three were not paying attention to him because they were too engrossed in the film.
He started his search by typing “little space community meetups.”
There were many different communities online related to Little Space that it amazed him. He couldn't believe it was something a lot of people did and that he was not alone. His search wasn’t as successful as he thought it would be. He only found forums and Q&A type of websites where people just asked questions like how to hide their Little space items or how to get into Little space. When he was about to give up, he saw a question that caught his interest.
“How to find a caregiver?” It was obvious the question was exactly what he was looking for, so he clicked on it. Some answers he saw were many addresses to specific clubs or to a Little Space/Caregiver convention, which he never knew existed until now. Seokjin would love to attend a convention or go to one of those clubs, but he couldn’t risk going anywhere in public because their popularity had grown so much; he couldn't risk getting caught by the media. Looking through more answers, he found one with a link to a sort of meetup type of website where a Little can find a caregiver.
Kind of like a dating site , he thought. Perfect. It was perfect for him. His only problem was getting recognized by other people; after all, he was still a member of BTS. It was too risky for him to engage in these types of websites.
Maybe if I buy their silence, it will work out? He thought, but Seokjin was not stupid to pick a caregiver who would threaten him or abuse him, and even if he fell for their trap, he was strong enough to defend himself. Why was it so tough to find someone who would accept his Little side, who would love him, and spoil him a lot? He just wanted a caregiver.
With those thoughts in mind, he signed up for the website. First, he wrote down a fake name and uploaded a picture of a cute alpaca, since he noticed that not all profiles had a picture of the actual person. Even if he had written his real information, others would think it was fake because who would believe Kim Seokjin, Worldwide Handsome, and a member of BTS was a Little. No one. Plus, he would reveal his real identity in the chatroom, only if he finds the caregiver worthy of his time.
If he does find the right caregiver, he had to make sure to hide it from the other members. He couldn’t abruptly bring a random person into their home; it would only cause trouble for him. So Seokjin started thinking since he just recently bought a condo in the same building where he lived with his band members, he would take his potential caregiver there. So there would be zero chances of any of the members finding out what he was doing or that he was a Little. Perfect , he thought.
After ten minutes of filling out all the information it asked for; Like what type of caregiver he was looking for, what he wanted as a Little and the rules he needed to follow. Plus, the expectations of his caregiver, like how he must obey the rules while he was in Little Space, even though he will need to modify those rules once they met up to accommodate with his caregiver. And most importantly, setting up punishments and rewards, but that was only after he finds a caregiver. Once Seokjin was finished, he pressed the submit button, and his profile was public and ready for business.
After a few days of not logging into the account because he was busy with practice and promotions, he finally decided to check his inbox during his break to see if he got any requests. He noticed that he got numerous messages and friend requests. He decided to message some profiles that caught his attention. A profile with the name “Kim Jimin” was the first one to perk his interest. First, it was funny because it looked like the name Jimin would have if he were married to him. Second, the cute profile picture of a handsome man wearing a plain blue T-shirt. Let’s see how this guy acts, he thought before sending him a message.
Jung Yoonji: Hey!
Kim Jimin: Hello, sweetheart. Want to suck daddy‘s dick?
Jung Yoonji: What????!
Kim Jimin: Want daddy to wreck you so hard you won’t be able to walk for the next two weeks?
Jung Yoonji: You’re gross. Bye!
What the hell was that…? he hoped that not all the people on the website behaved like that guy. If so, he won’t find a caregiver anytime soon. Thankfully, the break was over, and he decided to come back another time and test his luck. Hopefully, he could talk with someone decent.
Next time Seokjin login to the website was when they got back from a fan meeting. Even though he was tired, he wanted to check up on his account one more time before looking for other ways to find a caregiver.
He saw a profile with the name of “Kang Tae Hyun,” it didn’t have a picture, but he decided to give it a chance.
Jung Yoonji: Hey!
Kang Tae Hyun: You want daddy to suck your pretty little dick and cum all over your adorable face?
Jung Yoonji: First of all, my dick is not little and second, gross. Go fuck yourself!!
Okay? This was definitely not working. He was only chatting up with perverts so far. Maybe he should give up and look somewhere else. He was about to close the chat room when he got a new message from a username called “Lee Minho, aka Sugarbear.” Seokjin would be lying if he didn’t think it was the actor Lee Minho, but what were the chances of a famous actor like Minho to be using the website just like him. Utterly impossible.
Sugarbear, the username alone caught his attention too. It reminded him of Yoongi and Hoseok. Sugar for how sweet and adorable Yoongi was and bear for the sunshine bear Hoseok gave him. Oh, how Seokjin wished they were his caregivers, heck, he thought all of the members would be great caregivers, but he was not willing to risk damaging their friendship for a lifestyle he chose to follow. Seokjin wanted the members to not worry about him; after all, he was the oldest, and he was the one who needed to take care of them, not the other way around. With those thoughts in mind, he opened the message “Sugarbear” sent him. Hopefully, it would lead to something.
Sugarbear: Hey… sorry... this is my first time on these kinds of websites. Don’t really know how to approach other people. What do you say in these kinds of situations? I’m not trying to make it awkward Hahahaha
Jung Yoonji: It’s okay. I’m new to this website too. I’m just glad you’re not a pervert who just wants to have sex. I’ve got plenty of those already...
Sugarbear: Really!? I’m so sorry that happened to you.
Jung Yoonji: It’s fine. I told them to go suck a dick and that they are gross. Lol
Sugarbear: Omg! Really!? I like your attitude.
Sugarbear: So, do you mind me asking...How did you get into DD/LB?
Jung Yoonji: Hmm… I guess I just slipped into my headspace by accident, twice actually, then I found out I was a Little. How about you? How did you get into being a caregiver?
Sugarbear: Wow, that must have been tough. As for me, my ex-boyfriend was a Little, and he introduced me to the whole DD/LB community, but he cheated on me with another guy and left me…
Jung Yoonji: I’m so sorry to hear that! No one deserves to be cheated on.
Jung Yoonji: Stay strong!!! ☺️
Sugarbear: What made you look for a caregiver? If you don’t mind me asking.
Jung Yoonji: It’s been over a year since I discovered I was a little, and now that I’m comfortable with my headspace, I want to look for a caregiver. How about you? Why are you looking for a Little?
Sugarbear: Ah, I see… I’m just trying to move forward with my life. And I’m still interested in DD/LB so...here I am on this website lol
Sugarbear: It’s been nice talking to you? Mind me asking your name? Jung Yoonji? Is that your real name? Cause the last person I spoke to lie to me about their name.
Jung Yoonji: Hahahaha sorry…that’s not my real name. I’m still skeptical about this website, so I used a fake name.
Jung Yoonji: Kim Seokjin. My name is Kim Seokjin.
Sugarbear: Hahahaha It’s okay, Jinnie? Do you mind me calling you that? I’m perfectly fine calling you Seokjin; I understand if you are uncomfortable.
Wow… Being called Jinnie by a stranger felt weird, but this could be his future caregiver, so it should be okay, right? Plus, this Lee Minho guy didn't seem so bad.
Jung Yoonji: It’s fine! I don’t mind you calling me Jinnie. I kind of like it!!!
Jung Yoonji: What do you want me to call you?
Sugarbear: How about Minho hyung for now. And once we get to know each other better, I would love for you to call me Daddy Minho...if that is fine with you?
Sugarbear: Sorry!! Is that too strange? I’m very nervous, to be honest. You’re the most decent person I’ve talked to on this website so far.
Jung Yoonji: Omg! Same! I’m going to be honest with you… I like the sound of daddy Minho. It makes me want to go into my Little headspace hehe, but you are right. For now, I’ll call you Minho hyung!
Jung Yoonji: How old are you, by the way? I’m 26.
Sugarbear: Jinnie, you are so adorable! Hopefully, this will work out, and I can be your daddy. I’m 31, so yeah, I’m your hyung. Lol
Jung Yoonji: *blushing* thank you. I’m sorry, hyung, but I have to go to sleep now. It’s late, and I have to get up early tomorrow. It was nice talking to you. I’ll message you later.
Sugarbear: It’s okay, Jinnie. Get some sleep! You’ll make hyung upset if you don’t get enough sleep. Message me whenever you are not busy. I can’t wait to chat with you more.
Sugarbear: By the way, did I tell you that you’re so adorable, Jinnie.
Jung Yoonji: Thank you, hyung… you get a good night's sleep too. Talk to you later. Bye!
Jung Yoonji: HYUNG! You’re turning me into a blushing mess.
Sugarbear: Night, Jinnie.
Sugarbear: Cute!
End of Chat
Well… that was interesting. It was fun and new. Seokjin just hoped this potential caregiver would give him all the love he was looking for.
——————-
The next time Seokjin messaged Minho hyung was a week later. They were in America, on their way to the Prudential Center for their concert in Newark, NJ. He was lucky that no one was sitting next to him, and all the members were taking a nap. He felt terrible for not contacting his hyung for so long. Hopefully, Minho hyung was not angry or started looking for another Little.
Jung Yoonji: Hi, hyung... I'm sorry for not messaging you sooner. Work has been keeping me busy. I hope you haven’t forgotten about me 🥺
Sugarbear: Jinnie...sweetheart, I’ll never forget about you. I’ve been waiting patiently for your message. It’s okay. Work takes a lot of time. I’ve been busy too.
Jung Yoonji: Thank you, hyung!!!! You are the best!!! ☺️ What kind of work do you do?
Sugarbear: I work in an IT company. It can be kind of boring, but the pay is good, and it helps me get through life. How about you? What does Jinnie do for a living?
Jung Yoonji: I like it when you call me Jinnie… it makes me want to be Little… but I can’t… not right now…
Jung Yoonji: I’m sorry, hyung. I don’t want you to be angry with me, but for now, I can’t tell you what I do for work. I can only tell you that I work in the entertainment industry and I want to trust you...but it’s too soon. I’m sorry, hyung, please don’t get angry at me!!
Sugarbear: Jinnie, I’ll never be angry at you. It’s okay. I understand. Working in the entertainment industry can be difficult. I’m not mad at you, Jinnie.
Sugarbear: I love calling you Jinnie. I can’t wait to see how you look like. I bet you’re as beautiful as your name.
Jung Yoonji: Thank you, hyung… you are the best. I can’t wait to see how my daddy looks like too. *blushing*
Sugarbear: I could get used to you calling me daddy lol
Jung Yoonji: You’re making me blush… again!
Jung Yoonji: Sorry, hyung, I have to go now. I need to get back to work. *kisses*
End of chat
————————
It had been two months since he started chatting up with Minho hyung. He still haven't told him that he was Jin, a member of BTS, and Minho Hyung haven't even asked him for a picture, which he was glad. Seokjin told Minho hyung that the moment he asked him for a photo, then it meant that he was ready to reveal his identity. After getting to know him better, he had learned a lot about his hyung, like how he was a foodie just like him, very humble, liked the color purple, and had two younger sisters. His mom passed away when he was ten, and his father raised the three of them by himself. He also learned that his past relationship messed him up. He was heartbroken, and it took him a long time to recover from the pain of his boyfriend cheating on him. Seokjin was ready to take their relationship to the next level, and by doing that, he needed to reveal to Minho hyung his profession and his identity. If his hyung could share a sensitive topic like his mother’s death and his struggle with his last break up, then Seokjin had faith in him to keep his identity a secret.
It was on a rainy day when dance practice was canceled, and all the members were at home, that he got time to text Minho hyung once again. They were all gathered in the living room and ready to watch TV. Taehyung, Jimin, Namjoon, and Seokjin were sitting on the couch in that exact order while Hoseok, Yoongi, and Jungkook were sitting on the floor. They were going to watch the Flash since they wanted to catch up before the new season came out next month. Seokjin was not paying attention to the show at all because he started to message his hyung a few minutes after the episode began. He didn’t care about the show; he could always rewatch it again on his own time because right now, his main priority was to talk with Minho hyung. They had already exchanged phone numbers, so he didn’t have to log in to the website anymore.
Jinnie: Hyung!!! I miss you so much!
Minho Hyung: Is my Jinnie needy today? Lol, I miss you too!!!
Jinnie: Maybe...I want you to send me a picture of yourself. I want to know how my daddy looks like.
Minho hyung: I would love to send you my picture Jinnie! So... if you are asking for my picture, does that mean you are ready to tell me about your job?
Jinnie: Yes, hyung...I’m ready. I hope you don’t get disappointed after seeing who I am. I don’t consider myself good looking.
Minho Hyung: Jinnie!! What did I tell you about belittling yourself? Hyung doesn’t like it at all. You are beautiful, no matter what.
Minho Hyung: *image attachment*
Excitingly, Seokjin opened the attachment, and what he saw was a very handsome man. His hyung had the cutest bottom nose, thin pink lips with beautiful dark brown eyes, crescent-of-moon eyebrows that were thin and narrow, and a sharp jawline, making him look manlier. His hair was light brown, highlighting his tan skin while his shoulders were not as broadly as his, but Seokjin could sense the masculinity he radiated. Seokjin was speechless and asked himself, how did he get so lucky to find such a kind and handsome caregiver?
Jinnie: Hyung!!!! YOU ARE SO HANDSOME!!
Minho Hyung: Aww, thank you, Jinnie. You’re making me blush.
Jinnie: Seriously, hyung, you are very good looking. How did I get so lucky to have a daddy so handsome!?
Minho Hyung: JINNIE stop… you're making me blush so badly. Lol
Minho Hyung: So… now that you saw how I look like when will I get to see your beautiful face?
Jinnie: Give me a minute. I’m picking out the best picture to send you.
Jinnie: *image attachment*
Jinnie: Hyung?
Jinnie: Is something wrong? Why are you not replying?
Jinnie: Do I look that ugly? Please hyung, say something!
Jinnie: HYUNG!!
Oh god.. did he ruined everything by sending him the picture. Why was his hyung not replying? Before he got the chance to panic, even more, he got a new message.
Minho Hyung: Jinnie… you are so beautiful! Like godlike beautiful. I’ve never seen someone as beautiful as you in my life. I’m speechless and shock.
Minho Hyung: Are you a model or an actor? I feel like I’ve seen your face before… but I don’t remember where.
Jinnie: Hyung, you're making me blush… I’m not a model or an actor… I’m an idol.
Jinnie: Do you know BTS?
Jinnie: My stage name is Jin from the boyband BTS…
Minho Hyung: I knew I'd seen your face before! Your band was in the news for weeks after you won the Top Social Award at the BBMAs. I can’t believe I’m talking to one of the biggest idols in the music industry.
Jinnie: You’re exaggerating hyung. It was thanks to our fans that we won that award.
Minho Hyung: It’s a big deal, Jinnie… not every artist outside the United States can say they won an award at one of the biggest award shows in the western music industry.
Jinnie: You’re making me blush…
Jinnie: Hyung, now that you know my face and my profession… I was thinking we could meet up in real life. I want to see you.
Minho Hyung: Are you sure? You just told me about your real identity. I don’t want to put your career at risk.
Jinnie: No, it’s okay, hyung. I want to meet you. I want you to be my caregiver.
Minho hyung: If that’s what you want, Jinnie. I would love to see you too.
Jinnie: Then it’s settled. In two weeks we have a week off. Want to meet up then?
Minho hyung: Okay, that sounds perfect.
Minho Hyung: I can't wait to see my baby boy! You are going to get so many kisses and cuddles when we meet up.
Jinnie: I can’t wait to see you too, daddy Minho. I’m going to be a good boy until I get to see my daddy.
Minho Hyung: My beautiful Jinnie… I’ll take good care of you and spoil you with lots of love and cuddles that you won’t want me to leave. Hahahaha
Jinnie: I can’t wait, daddy.
Jinnie: I have to go now, daddy. I can’t wait to see you in two weeks. I’ll send you the details later, okay.
Minho Hyung: Same. I can’t wait to see you. Okay. Bye-bye, my sweet angel!
Jinnie: Bye-bye, Daddy.
Seokjin was a blushing mess; he cannot believe he just invited Minho hyung over to his apartment. He couldn't stop looking at their conversation over and over again while smirking and giggling every time his eyes landed on the words baby or beautiful. He couldn't wait to see his new daddy and cuddle with him.
Seokjin was too focused on his phone that he was unaware of Namjoon and Jimin staring at him with a questionable look, thinking who was his hyung texting and why does he keep giggling.
Notes:
Yeah... this is happening.
Let me know what your feelings are on this story. Do you like it?
Please look forward to the next chapter!!
Chapter 8: The First Meeting Pt.1
Summary:
“Jinnie’s Little Rules
Rule #1: Always sleep with Kitty and Sunny...”
Notes:
I split this chapter into two parts so expect another update today!!! Just need to reread the next chapter one more time and I’ll upload it.
I enjoy writing this chapter and it gave me a lot of ideas for the plot. I’m still hesitant about the flow of this chapter so let me know if it sounds okay.
Sorry for any grammar mistakes I made. Also if you are confused about the story plot or this chapter or anything in general let me know. I’ll try my best to clarify it.
Anyways enjoy the chapter!!! I look forward to reading the comments.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Ever since Hoseok gave Seokjin the plushie, his hyung had been avoiding both Yoongi and him. He didn’t know why, and it was stressing him out, but the worst part was that he had a feeling that his hyung was hiding something important from them because Seokjin had been isolating himself from the group. Lately, his hyung had been in his bubble and was always on his phone, which was very concerning. Hoseok wanted to find out the truth by talking to him, but every time they had a conversation, it was only related to work. Hoseok wanted to ask what was troubling his mind, but he chickened out every time because he didn’t want to upset him. He talked with Yoongi about Seokjin-hyung’s odd behavior, but his boyfriend also didn’t know what was wrong, especially now that they were no longer roommates.
His relationship with Yoongi had been stable, which he was glad for, plus their feelings for each other had only gotten stronger despite this set back with Seokjin. They were both deeply concerned for their hyung’s sudden attitude and were determined to find out the truth because Hoseok had a feeling that if they didn't, something terrible was going to happen, and he would never forgive himself if their hyung got hurt.
Hoseok was in his studio, working on some beats when he heard someone knocking on his door. He got up and opened the door only to see that it was Yoongi, Namjoon, and Jimin. He was curious as to why they were all gathered in front of his studio.
“Come in,” he said, leading them to the couch.
“What’s going on? You all look so, how do I describe it, devastated,” he continued, making him worried due to the serious expressions on each of the members’ faces.
“Hoseok, have you notice anything different about Seokjin-hyung recently?” Jimin spoked up.
“What do you mean? Different? Like how he’s been distancing himself from us? Other than that, I’m not sure what else is wrong with him. Is hyung okay?”
“We are not sure. Lately, he’s been acting weird. He’s been isolating himself in his room, and when he’s with us, he’s always on his phone. It’s fine if he’s on his phone, all of us are like that too, but he’s always giggling and acting like a teenager who’s talking to their crush, and when you get close to him, he’ll turn his phone screen off, so you won’t know what’s he’s looking at.” Namjoon admitted.
“Really? When did you see him do that?” Yoongi asked Namjoon.
“A week and a half ago. When we were watching the Flash, he was on his phone throughout the whole show. He thought I didn’t hear him, but he was giggling, blushing, and getting all bubbly. Do you perhaps think he is dating someone?” Namjoon explained.
Instantly, Hoseok and Yoongi made eye contact, with fear in their eyes. What would happen to their feelings for their Seokjin if Namjoon’s theory was correct?
“Maybe… I’m not sure. I’ve never seen hyung act like this, though. Even if he were dating someone, hyung would never isolate himself from us. I don’t even remember the last time he hung out with us without him being on his phone.” Jimin replied.
“Exactly, I’ve been concern about that too. I think we should keep an eye out on him. Does anyone know what his plans are for our week off?” Yoongi asked the group.
“Not sure,” Namjoon answered, while Jimin and Hoseok just shook their heads in disagreement.
Nobody knew what was going through their hyung’s head lately.
“I can’t get over the fact that he’s been so secretive. He’s always been like that, but now he’s even more secretive to the point where he doesn’t even let anyone into his room. He hasn’t said out loud to not go inside his room, but the way he stares at you when you go near it, it’s super scary, like if he’s going to kill you if you dared step inside,” Hoseok explained.
“Does Jungkook and Taehyung know anything?” He continued.
“No, I don’t think they know. Should we tell them? Maybe they’ve seen something or know what is going on with hyung.” Jimin asked them.
“I think that’s a good idea. We need to figure out what’s going on before it gets worse. I don’t know… I have a bad feeling about all of this. Call me crazy, but I feel like if we don’t figure out what’s going on soon, something bad is going to happen,” Namjoon admitted.
“Same.” the rest of them said at the same time.
They needed to know what was wrong with their hyung before it was too late.
—————-
It was during their break from dance practice when he heard Jungkook ask Seokjin what his plans were for the upcoming week. Hoseok immediately made eye contact with Yoongi, Jimin, and Namjoon. All of them knew they had to keep their ears open for any clues that might indicate what was happening with their hyung.
“Nothing much, Kookie. Just going to visit my family, since last time we had a week off, I wasn’t able to go,” their hyung answered.
“Oh, I see. That’s good hyung.” Jungkook replied.
“How about—-“ Hoseok noticed how his hyung stopped mid-question when his phone started to ring.
“Sorry, Kookie. I need to get this call.” Seokjin said while leaving the practice room.
Once Seokjin closed the door, Jungkook turned around and faced them.
“See! I told you! He is seeing someone! Maybe he’s not even going home at all, and he’s just going to spend the whole week with his lover,” Jungkook said, with a smirk on his face.
Hoseok didn’t like the idea of his hyung seeing someone else, and he hoped Jungkook was wrong.
————————-
To say Seokjin was nervous was an understatement, he had been anticipating and counting down the days till he got to meet his hyung. He was terrified of meeting up with Minho-hyung, but at the same time, he was happy to finally be able to go into Little Space. A few days ago, Minho-hyung called him during his break from dance practice to asked him what kind of bedtime stories he would love to read because he wanted to get him some books. Seokjin was so happy because he hadn’t bought any storybooks since he had no one to read it to him, but now that he had Minho-hyung, Seokjin could finally start to enjoy his bedtime stories like he always wanted. Seokjin did not know what to expect or if things would turn out, alright. All he knew was that this was what he always wanted: A caregiver who would love him and take care of him.
So there he was, 7 am getting ready to meet his caregiver for the first time. The rest of the members were still sleeping since it was the start of their well deserved week-long vacation. He decided to text his band members, telling them that he left early to visit his family instead of waiting for them to get up. It would prevent any scenarios of them asking him questions or maybe tagging along with him. He wanted to spend the whole week with Minho-hyung and de-stress himself. Most of all, he was looking forward to being in Little space. He missed being Little so much, especially now that he was going to have a caregiver. Well, depending on how it went with his hyung.
When he got to his apartment, he decided to make breakfast since he had restocked the fridge with food to last them the whole week. While cooking, he was also getting mentally prepared for his hyung’s arrival. Seokjin had all his Little items in his apartment already because he had bought them bit by bit over the course of days so the other members wouldn’t find out what he was doing, and of course, he made sure to bring Kitty and Sunny with him. They were his comfort stuffies, after all. As soon as he finished setting up the table, the doorbell rang. He let the security person downstairs know beforehand of his hyung’s arrival, so his hyung won’t have any trouble getting inside since they lived in a neighborhood where security was tight. Setting down the plate he had in his hands, Seokjin took a deep breath and mentally prepared himself one last time before opening the door. Once he opened the door, he noticed that his hyung was even more handsome and taller than him in person. He felt his heart skipped a beat.
“Come in hyung,” he finally had the guts to say, directing him to the kitchen but not before telling his hyung to put down his carry-on in a corner close to the living room.
“Come, sit down hyung. I made breakfast for us. I hope you like it.” Seokjin shyly told him.
“Jinnie, my god, you made breakfast for daddy? How lovely of you. I see you’ve been a good boy, indeed. It looks amazing!”
“Thanks, hyung, I thought we could enjoy a small breakfast before we talk… and get to know each other more. It’s nice to finally see you in person.”
“Why are you so adorable!!? I want to eat you right up! Can’t wait to see your Little side!” his hyung cooed at him while pinching his right cheek.
“It won’t be long hyung. After breakfast, we can talk about my Little rules, punishments, and rewards, and we will be all set to start. I have all of my Little items in here anyways.”
“… can I ask you a question?”
“Sure, go ahead.”
“Do the other members know you’re a Little? I mean, I’m sure they won’t mind being your caregivers... why look for a person online?”
“Sadly... they don’t. I haven’t told them because I don’t want to burden them.”
“I don’t think that’s true, though. I’m sure they’ll love you and your Little side.”
“I guess so… anyways let’s enjoy our breakfast,” Seokjin shifted the conversation, taking a bite of his omelet.
Breakfast was amazing and relaxing, especially when his hyung complimented his cooking skills, which made him feel very happy. After they finished their meal, they went to the living and sat down on the couch to talk about the rules, punishments, and rewards. It was a crucial conversation they needed to have to make sure he was safe during Little Space. Also, they needed to be clear of the rules so that no boundaries would be broken, and both were clear of what could be done during Little Space or not. It was a lot of thinking and talking, but it was necessary in ordered to have a proper and healthy Little/ Caregiver relationship. Seokjin already had a few rules written down beforehand, all he needed to do was to verify it with his hyung and add any more rules they came up with.
“Hyung, I wrote some rules I thought were important, can you look over them to see if you agree with them?”
“Jinnie, of course, do you mind reading it for me. I love hearing your voice. It’s so beautiful,”
“Okay, hyung.”
Looking at the paper, Seokjin started to read,
“Rule number one: Always sleep with Kitty and Sunny...Those are Kitty and Sunny! They are my favorite stuffies in the whole wide world!” Seokjin squealed while pointing at the two plushies that were across the room on another couch.
“Rule number two: Daddy will never take away comfort stuffies from me (Kitty/ Sunny).
Rule number three: Always listen when told to do something.
And finally, rule number four: No sex during Little Space.
Those are all the rules I have for now hyung. Anymore you want to add?” Seokjin asked his hyung, who was looking at him with fondness as if he was the most precious being in the world.
“I like those rules already, Jinnie. Hmm, how about...Daddy’s words are final?”
“Sounds good, hyung. Let me write it down. Anymore?”
“Take care of yourself, eat lots of food and water.”
“Hyung, you know I take care of my health, right?”
“I know, but I want to make sure. And that brings me to the next rule. Always tell daddy when something is wrong.”
“Okay, hyung, you’re so caring.”
“Of course! I want you to be safe and happy. Oh, I have another rule. Remember, you are loved.”
Blushing Seokjin just nodded.
“Any more rules hyung?”
“Oh, how about sending daddy updates during the day? Because I want to make sure you are okay. I get to worry about you, especially when you have a heavy schedule. I want to make sure you are not sick or hurt.”
“But hyung, what if I forget?”
“That makes me think of another rule. Always answer by saying Yes, Daddy/No Daddy.”
“Yes, daddy…” Seokjin replied, blushing, feeling like his face was burning in embarrassment. He was not used to calling anyone daddy, but it felt nice saying it out loud.
“That’s my baby boy. I have two more rules in mind, and if you are okay with them and we don’t have any more to add, then we can finalize your Little rules and move on to punishments, okay?”
“Okay...but hyung, I have a question first before we move on.”
“Sure, go ahead Jinnie, ask me anything you want,”
“Did your ex-boyfriend follow all of these rules too? Why do you think he cheated on you when you are so caring?”
“It's hard to explain… I’m not sure, to be honest. I feel like all he wanted was to get punished, and all he did was act like a brat to break all the rules. After some point, I think he thought I wasn’t harsh enough to contain him, so he found someone else.”
“Oh...I’m sorry, hyung...I shouldn’t have asked you about something so sensitive. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay, Jinnie. It’s normal to be curious. Let's keep going with our rules, okay? The last two I have thought of are, no saying No! So, no matter what you think or feel, when I say no, it means no, and you will have to follow it. The other rule is always say ‘I love you’ and give daddy kisses.”
“Hmm, I like the last one the most. I look forward to it. I think I wrote everything down. Do you want me to read them out loud to verify it?” Seokjin asked, blushing.
“That’s a great idea, Jinnie. Go ahead, read them,”
Putting the pen down on the table and holding the piece of paper with one hand, Seokjin started to read the rules out loud.
“Jinnie’s Little Rules
Rule #1: Always sleep with Kitty and Sunny.
Rule #2: Daddy will never take away comfort stuffies from me (Kitty/ Sunny).
Rule #3: Always listen when told to do something.
Rule #4: No sex during Little Space.
Rule #5: Daddy’s words are final!
Rule #6: Take care of yourself (eat lots of food and water).
Rule #7: Always tell daddy when something is wrong.
Rule #8: Remember, you are loved.
Rule #9: Send daddy updates during the day.
Rule #10: Always answer by saying Yes Daddy/No Daddy
Rule #11: No, saying, No!
Rule #12: Always say, ‘I love you’ and give daddy kisses.”
“Okay, sounds perfect to me, Jinnie! Anything else you would like to add?”
“Nope, I think it sounds good hyung. Now for the punishments. Do we have to do this part, though? I don’t like punishments.” Seokjin explained while pouting.
“Jinnie, you know that if there are rules, then there are also punishments, in case you don’t follow them. It’s how things work. I know you don't like them, but it's necessary, so I know what you are fine with me doing as a punishment. It’s for your safety.”
“Okay, hyung, but I don't know what to write as a punishment.”
“Hand me the paper, since I have previous experience, I can say some punishments, and you let me know if you think they are fine or not. However, if you think of any other punishment while we brainstorm, then make sure to tell me, okay? Remember, this is whatever you feel comfortable with.”
“Okay, hyung.”
“Then it's settled, hmm, the first punishment that comes to mind is to write outlines. What do you think of that one?”
“It's not bad at all; let's write that down,” Seokjin confirmed, feeling a little better knowing that one of the punishments was to write.
“Oh, I have another punishment, timeouts! It’s not bad at all; it will help you reflect on your actions if you misbehave.”
“True,” Seokjin replied.
“No playtime and no bedtime story. Are those a little harsh? What do you think?”
“....” Seokjin remained silent. He was starting to hate his punishments.
“Jinnie, You have to say something to me, especially if you don’t agree with any of the punishments. After all, it’s whatever you are comfortable with.”
“Yes, hyung. I agree with those punishments. I was just sad thinking about having no bedtime stories or playtime. It makes me sad.”
“You’re so adorable. Remember those are only going to be enforced if you misbehave, so as long as you’re a good boy, then you should be all set,”
“Hyung, do you think I’ll be a good boy?”
“What makes you say that?”
“I've never been in my Little headspace with a caregiver before, so I am not sure how I'll behave. I've always been by myself during Little Space...I’m a little scared.” Seokjin told his hyung.
“It's okay, Jinnie; we can take it slow and start with whatever you are comfortable with. We can stop at any time you want. No pressure at all.”
”Really? You won’t get mad at me?” He asked while tears were forming at the corner of his eyes.
“Jinnie, why would I get mad at you. Being in Little Space is the most submissive thing you could do, and for you to pick me as your caregiver, it shows you trust me. If you trust me, that means you know I’ll stop whenever you are uncomfortable. I will never force you to do anything you are not comfortable with. Never!” His hyung reassured him while whipping away some of the tears that were starting to fall down his cheeks with his thumb. He felt better knowing that his hyung cared so much about him.
“Okay, then let’s get back to the punishments, and remember you have to tell me if you don’t like them. Hmm, how about early bedtime and no coloring book time?”
“Those are reasonable. Oh, I have one. No snacks and no cuddling time!” Seokjin added while wiping away the last few tears that were falling down his cheeks with the back of his hand.
“That’s a good one, Jinnie. See, there is nothing to be afraid of.”
“True,” He said while giggling.
“Okay, I have a few more rules, but they are the harshest ones yet. Let me know if you are uncomfortable with them, okay? And I mean it. If you don’t like them, we won’t write it down.”
“Okay, hyung. I understand.”
“So the first one is spankies, and the last one is to take stuffies away for the rest of the day or until Daddy says so. I’m not talking about your comfort stuffies; it’s the other ones you play with.”
“Those are harsh, but like what you said before, that if I’m a good boy, it won’t happen, so I’m okay with them.”
“Good! Now to make sure we are on the same page, read them back to me.”
“Okay,” he answered while taking the paper from his hyung.
“Punishments
Number 1: Write Lines
Number 2: Timeouts
Number 3: No Playtime
Number 4: No bedtime stories
Number 5: Early bedtime
Number 6: No coloring book time
Number 7: No Snacks
Number 8: No cuddling time
Number 9: Spankies
Number 10: Take stuffies away for the rest of the day or until Daddy says so”
“Great! It sounds good to me, now want to move on to the rewards? I know you’ll enjoy writing those out.” His hyung said while laughing.
“Of course! I’m ready. I have a few in mind already.”
“Oh, really, this is going to be fun. So what are they?”
“Extra cuddles, watching movies, new coloring books, and late bedtime!” Seokjin shouted, almost screaming from the excitement.
“Wow! Those are great ones. I have a few more I want to add too. How about a trip to the toy store AND go out to eat. How does that sound?” his hyung asked him.
“Really!? Yes!! I love it so much!” He said, jumping up and down.
“Okay, now read them back to me so we can finally finish with everything and get you into Little Space, besides we’ve been here, talking for almost three hours already, but I think it was worth it.”
“Okay, hyung. Rewards!
Number 1: Extra cuddles
Number 2: Watching movies
Number 3: New coloring book
Number 4: Late bedtime
Number 5: Trip to the toy store
Number 6: Got out to eat.”
“Very good! This was long, but I’m glad we got everything down. If you have anything else to add or take out, later on, we can always modify it, okay?”
“Yes, hyung!” Seokjin responded while thinking that this week was going to be the best week of his life. He had a kind caregiver that loved him and cared about his well-being. Seokjin was glad he took the risk and signed up for that website.
Notes:
Rules, punishments and rewards are essential for a DD/LB relationship.
Let me know what your thoughts are on this story so far.
Ps. Pay attention to the rules and punishments. Some of those rules are going to be broken and some punishments are going to happen in future chapters. Just prepare your hearts!!
Chapter 9: The First Meeting Pt.2
Summary:
“Oh no! He ate grandma!” Jinnie said worryingly.
Notes:
Yaay! Second update of the day. This chapter is more fluffy and cute in my opinion but I also tried to leave hints for future chapters. Lol I tried that was the goal hopefully I succeed it lmfao
Enjoy the chapter!!!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
After writing out the rules, punishments, and rewards, it was time for Seokjin to get into his Little headspace.
“Jinnie, how do you usually get into your headspace? I need to know so I can help you go into Little space.” Minho-hyung asked him, and Seokjin didn’t know how to answer. He didn’t have a particular way to enter Little Space, but there were certain items and actions that triggered him.
“I usually use Kitty and Sunny, but sometimes I change into comfortable clothes and just watch cartoons,” Seokjin said, feeling nervous.
“Hmm... I see. Want me to pick out some clothes for you to wear and afterward we can cuddle while we watch cartoons? Does that sound okay?” His hyung told him.
“That’s perfect! Let’s go to my room so you can pick out my clothes,” he squealed while taking his hyung’s hand and directing him to the room upstairs.
Once they were in front of the closet, his hyung started looking through his clothes. Seokjin didn’t have a lot of Little clothes. He mostly used oversized sweaters or shirts to make him feel Little.
“How about this one?” His hyung asked him while showing him an oversized purple sweater Jimin gave him for his birthday last year. It was comfortable, so he just nodded.
“Jinnie,” his hyung said in a serious tone.
“Huh?” Seokjin responded, avoiding eye contact with his hyung. Did he do something wrong already? he asked himself.
“Remember the rules. You have to answer me using your words, not just by nodding. The rules are very important to remember if you want this relationship to work. Besides, we are trying to get you into your Little headspace, so following the rules will also help you slip into your Little side.” His hyung explained to him.
“Yes...daddy,” Seokjin replied, still looking down ashamed by already being scolded, but somehow starting to feel Little.
“I’m not angry at you, Jinnie, I want you to understand that this is all about trust, okay.”
“Yes, daddy. I understand. I’m sorry.”
“There is nothing to apologize for, Jinnie. Just try to remember the rules.”
“Yes, daddy. Jinnie likes that purple sweater daddy picked for me. I want to wear it.” Seokjin restated, slipping further into his headspace.
“That’s my baby boy. Now let’s take you out of your current clothes and get you all comfortable. Then, we can go cuddle and watch cartoons.”
“Yesh, daddy! I can’t wait to cuddle with you!” Jinnie said, raising both arms above his head to allow his daddy to take off the shirt he was currently wearing. After Jinnie was done changing into his oversized purple sweater and black pajama shorts, he was ready to watch cartoons.
Jinnie and his daddy were lying down facing the TV while being curled up together on the living room couch. Jinnie had his back pressed against his daddy’s chest while his daddy’s big and strong hands were around his tiny waist. Jinnie felt so comfortable and cozy. He was hugging Kitty, but he was sad he had to leave Sunny on the couch across the room since he only had room for one. Daddy Minho asked him what he wanted to watch, and he answered Paw Patrol. It was currently his favorite show, so Jinnie was excited to view it.
“Paw Patrol Daddy! My favorite is Skye cause she is fearless just like Jinnie!” he explained while pointing at the TV.
“Aww, my Jinnie is fearless. What a brave boy I have!”
“Yesh, Jinnie will protect Daddy Minho from danger. I’ll come to your rescue when you need help!” Jinnie declared, excitingly.
“That’s my baby boy,” his daddy told him while hugging him tightly, Jinnie loving the feeling of strong arms around him.
After watching two episodes of Paw Patrol, Jinnie felt sleepy, so he started to rub his eyes ready to fall asleep, feeling safe being wrapped up by the arms of his daddy.
“Jinnie...sleepy...daddy.” Jinnie yawned.
“Sleep, Jinnie. We’ll take a nap together. I’ll wake you up when it’s time for lunch.”
“Night night, daddy...I wuv you.”
“Aww, Jinnie, I love you too.”
Feeling the happiest he had been in a long time, Jinnie fell asleep.
—————-
Slowly opening his eyes, Jinnie tried to adjust to his surroundings. He was currently on the couch by himself, covered by a soft blue blanket that he knew his daddy placed on top of him. He smelled the aroma of food coming from the kitchen but couldn't hear any movement. Where was his daddy? Did he leave Jinnie?
“Daddy?” he whispered but got no answer.
Tears were starting to form in his eyes, and a little bit louder, he spoke up, “Daddy!” but still no response.
Jinnie was worried that his daddy was no longer there, so with a high pitch scream, he yelled, “DADDY MINHO” sobbing uncontrollably and looking for either Kitty or Sunny to get some comfort. He couldn't believe his daddy left him. Was Jinnie a bad boy?
All of a sudden, Jinnie felt a pair of arms wrapped around him.
“Jinnie. Sweetheart, what’s wrong? Why are you crying? Are you hurt?” It was his daddy. Jinnie felt such a relief to see him that he started sobbing loudly, grabbing the back of his daddy’s shirt tightly.
“Da..ddy...Jin...nie...scared... I didn’t see you...thought you left me all alone.” he cried out until his sobs finally slowed down to whimpers.
“Shh, I’m here. Jinnie, I’m not going anywhere. I was just in the bathroom. I’m sorry I scared you.”
“Sunny and Kitty...Jinnie wants...” he said. His tears were finally stopping.
Letting go of Jinnie, Daddy Minho went to look for his two favorite stuffies. Sunny was on the couch, and Kitty was on the floor; getting both of them, his daddy placed them on each side of him. He hugged them so tightly as if his life depended on it. Jinnie felt better; he felt loved.
“Jinnie, sweetheart? Want to eat something? I made pancakes. I know it’s not breakfast, but I thought it would be fun for you to eat. And I got your dragon sippy cup too, so what do you say, ready for lunch?”
“Yesh, daddy. Jinnie’s hungry. Daddy is the best!” He replied, while hugging his plushies and giggling. He had the best daddy in the world, and he couldn’t ask for anything else.
After lunch, his daddy thought it was a good idea to color. So there he was lying down, flat on his stomach in the living room carpeted floor while his daddy was sitting on the couch watching him. His new coloring book was Paw Patrol theme, so he looked for his second favorite character, Chase, to color it.
“Daddy.” He let out, coloring the police hat Chase was wearing.
“Yes, Jinnie...what’s wrong?”
“Daddy, you remind me of Chase.”
“Really? How come?”
“Cause Chase is a police dog, and he keeps people safe, and you also keep me safe, so you’re just like him.”
“Jinnie...that’s so sweet of you. You’ve been a good boy today.”
“Thank you, daddy.”
“You're very welcome! You have good manners too. Now go on, keep coloring, and you can tell me all about Paw Patrol,” his daddy instructed him, making him bounce with excitement.
Jinnie talked about Paw Patrol all afternoon and throughout dinner. It was his favorite show after all, and his daddy just listened to him patiently, he did have the best daddy in the world.
———————-
It was bath time, and Jinnie felt annoyed because he didn’t want to take a bath. He wanted to continue talking about Paw Patrol with his daddy. However, his daddy said it was time for a bath, and afterward, Jinnie had to get ready to go to sleep. He wanted to stay up all night and talk with his daddy.
“Jinnie doesn’t want daddy...”
“What?”
“No bath...daddy Minho... I want Paw Patrol instead.” he softly said, his face turning into a frown.
“Jinnie, you know you have to take a bath. It’s been a long day of playing, and you have to get clean up.”
“But daddy!”
“Jinnie,” His daddy said, harshly, scaring him.
“Daddy...l—“
“Jinnie! You want a bedtime story after a bath or not?!”
“Yesh... I want a bedtime story.”
“So listen to daddy. Take a bath now, and then we can read the bedtime story I got for you. How does that sound?”
“...” Jinnie hated the way his daddy was acting, but he wanted a bedtime story, so he knew he had to obey.
“Jinnie... answer me. Is that fine with you?” His daddy asked him with annoyance in his voice.
“Yes... daddy,” Jinnie hesitantly replied. He just wanted to talk about Paw Patrol, so why was his daddy getting angry at him?
“Sweetie, you have to understand you have to get clean up before going to bed. Plus, we can talk about Paw Patrol tomorrow. We have plenty of time to do that, but now it’s bath time.” his daddy explained to him, using a softer voice, making him feel a little better. True, a bedtime story was not bad at all.
After his bath, Jinnie and his daddy were in his bed, covered by blankets, while Daddy Minho had a book with different types of stories to read to him. It was wonderful. He couldn’t wait for his daddy to read him a story. So there he was, going threw the collection of stories in the book, to pick one out. His eyes landed on a little girl wearing a red riding hood. Pointing at it he said,
“Daddy, I want you to read me this story tonight!”
“Oh Little Red Riding Hood, good choice, Jinnie. Now get comfortable so we can start storytime.” his daddy instructed him, so Jinnie grabbed Kitty and Sunny, putting each plushie on each side of him, ready to hear the story.
“Once upon a time, there was a little girl who lived in a village near the forest. Whenever she went out, the little girl wore a red riding cloak, so everyone in the village called her Little Red Riding Hood,” His daddy read to him. He was so excited. He wished he had a riding hood too.
“Daddy, Can I get a riding hood too? But I want mine to be purple.”
“Of course, Jinnie, we can get you one.”
“Yaay!” He said excitedly, and his daddy continued reading the story while he chipped in when he wanted to read the lines.
“ ‘Remember, go straight to Grandma's house,’ her mother cau...tioned. ‘Don't daw...dled along the way...and please don't talk to strangers! The woods are... dangerous." Jinnie read.
“Daddy? Why are the woods dangerous? And why is she going by herself? Do you think she’ll be okay? Can we go with her?” He bombarded his daddy with questions.
“Oh sweetheart, she’s a brave girl, so she went by herself. And the woods are dangerous because there are big bad wolves in there—“
“OH, NO! Is she going to be okay? Wolves are scary... Jinnie, no like bad wolves.” he interrupted.
“Let’s keep reading and see what happens, okay?”
“Okay, daddy,”
“Little Red Riding Hood was enjoying the warm summer day so much, that she didn't notice a dark shadow approaching out of the forest behind her...Suddenly, the wolf appeared beside her.” His daddy continued to read.
“No!! daddy, the bad wolf!” He yelled, with fear in his voice.
“Don’t worry, Jinnie, daddy is here to protect you,” his daddy reassured him, before continuing to read.
“The wolf, in the meantime, took a shortcut...The wolf let himself in. Poor Granny did not have time to say another word before the wolf gobbled her up!” His daddy read.
“Oh, no! He ate grandma!” Jinnie shouted worryingly.
“A few minutes later...Red Riding Hood knocked on the door...The wolf jumped into bed and pulled the covers over his nose... ‘Who is it?’ he called in a crackly voice.” Jinnie read, but he was too worried to continue with the story, so he let his Daddy read for him.
“‘Grandmother! Your voice sounds so odd. Is something the matter?’ she asked.” His daddy continued read.
“Bad wolf! Run! Daddy, she needs to run away.” Jinnie begged while tears were forming in his eyes.
“Yes, Jinnie, you are right.” His daddy answered back with a chuckle.
“‘But Grandmother! What big teeth you have,’ said Little Red Riding Hood, her voice quivering slightly.
‘The better to eat you with, my dear,’ roared the wolf, and he leaped out of the bed and began to chase the little girl.”
“Daddy... is the wolf going to come eat Jinnie too, if I’m a bad boy?” Jinnie asked, letting a single tear fall down his chubby cheeks.
“No, sweetie. I’ll keep you safe from any bad wolves.” his daddy reassured him.
“She ran across the room and through the door, shouting, ‘Help! Wolf!’ as loudly as she could.
A woodsman who was chopping logs nearby heard her cry and ran towards the cottage as fast as he could.”
“Yesh!!! Little Red Riding Hood ask your daddy for help! He can protect you just like Daddy Minho will protect me!” Jinnie yelled, with relief in his voice.
“Daddy? Is the woodsman her Daddy?”
“No, Jinnie, he’s just a nice guy helping her out.”
“Oh...”
“Let’s continue with the story,” his daddy told him, and Jinnie nodded his head in agreement.
“He grabbed the wolf and made him spit out the poor Grandmother, who was a bit frazzled by the whole experience, but still in one piece...There, there, child. You've learned an important lesson. Thank goodness you shouted loud enough for this kind of woodsman to hear from you! The woodsman knocked out the wolf and carried him deep into the forest, where he wouldn't bother people any longer.
Little Red Riding Hood and her Grandmother had a nice lunch and a long chat... THE END,” His daddy declared, then closed the book. He turned to Jinnie and said,
“So, Jinnie, how did you liked the ending?”
“Happy. I’m glad grandma is okay. I was a little scared the big bad wolf will eat her too, just like with grandma.”
“That is true, but you know what the woodsman said it was because she shouted and asked for help that the big wolf didn’t eat her,”
“Daddy...if she didn’t ask for help, her mommy would be sad cause the wolf would have eaten her.”
“That’s so true, Jinnie. You are so kind.” his daddy replied, giving him a kiss on the head while Jinnie snuggled closer into his daddy’s chest.
“Now, it's time to sleep, Jinnie.”
“Yesh, Daddy Minho. Night night.”
“Good night, my strong and brave big boy.”
And so the two of them drifted to sleep.
—————
The whole week felt like a dream to Seokjin. Never in his life would he have imagined he would have such a loving and caring caregiver. It was a day before his vacation ended, and so far, he had enjoyed being in Little Space, especially with all the fun he had with his new caregiver, Minho Hyung. Never had he felt so relaxed in his entire life. However, Seokjin had to go back to the dorm a day before the end of his vacation because Minho Hyung got a call from work asking him to return as soon as possible, which he understood. They were currently eating lunch before Minho-hyung had to leave. He was going to miss his hyung, but he knew that they could meet up again, and besides, they could still talk on the phone or text.
“Jinnie, can I ask you a question?”
“Sure, go ahead, Minho-hyung,” Seokjin replied.
“How did you get your plushies, Sunny and Kitty?”
“Oh, Yoongi, which is one of my band members got me Kitty, and Hoseok, another band member, got me Sunny.”
“Oh, I see. Why are they your comfort plushies, though? Is it because you have feelings for them?”
“What!? Hyung, are you a mind reader? How did you know? Is it that obvious?” He said, surprised. Were his feelings for Hoseok and Yoongi that noticeable? If his hyung knew about them...could Hoseok and Yoongi also know about his feelings?
“Well, now that you explained the origins of those plushies, then yeah, you’re very obvious. Jinnie, do you wish they were your caregivers instead of me?”
“No, hyung! I love that you're my caregiver, you’re the best and as for them...they... I know they don’t know anything about me being a Little. I don’t want to be a burden to them.” Seokjin answered, feeling sad. Deep inside his heart, he wished for Hoseok and Yoongi to be his actual caregivers, but he knew it was impossible. Not when they were going out, and there was no room for him in their hearts.
“If you say so, Jinnie, but so that you know, there is nothing wrong with you being a Little. It’s very adorable, and I’m happy you picked me as your caregiver.”
“Me too, hyung. Me too...”
After lunch, his hyung left, leaving Seokjin by himself in his apartment. He was cleaning up the mess they’ve made, and once he was finished, he got Kitty and Sunny since those were the only items that mattered to him and left his apartment. He walked to the elevator and pressed the UP bottom to get to the floor where the apartment he shared with the members was located. After waiting a few seconds, the elevator door opened only to reveal the shocking faces of Taehyung, Yoongi, and Jungkook. His face didn’t show it, but he was more scared, nervous, and shocked than them.
“Hyung?...” Taehyung spoked up, as he got inside the elevator with Sunny and Kitty on each arm.
“Hey, I came back yesterday to clean up my apartment. I was on my way back since our vacation ends tomorrow,” he answered, to make it less awkward.
“Oh, I see. How’s your family doing?” Yoongi asked him.
“They are great. I missed spending time with my parents so much. I just wished our vacation was longer.”
“Same!” Jungkook finally said, after being silent the whole time.
The rest of the elevator ride was quiet, and no one said a word, not even when they got inside their apartment. He was glad they didn’t ask him a lot of questions about his vacation. Besides, Seokjin was feeling so happy that he was not going to let anything ruined his mood. After all, he finally had a caregiver, and he couldn’t be any happier.
Notes:
I know nothing about Paw Patrol. I literally just searched children shows and it one of the first shows that pop up. Hopefully it wasn’t so bad.
So yeah... the Little Red Riding Hood will have a lot of meaning in this story lol
This is the link of where I got the story from:
https://www.dltk-teach.com/rhymes/littlered/story.htmLet me know your thoughts and please look forward to the next chapter!!!
Chapter 10: Rule #9
Summary:
“I would love to go, Yoongi-chi. It’s been a while since we all hang out anyways.”
Notes:
Yaay! Another chapter! I like how this chapter turned out. Nothing much to say today lol
Enjoy the chapter!!!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Yoongi woke up to the sound of loud voices. He didn’t know what was happening or who was making all the ruckus, but it was too early in the morning to be so loud. Taking his time, he climbed out of bed and went straight to the bathroom. He proceeded to brush his teeth and wash his face; afterward, he went to his closet and picked out comfortable clothes to wear, nothing too fancy, since he was just going to go to dance practice. After getting dressed, he went to the direction of where the commotion was coming from and find out what all the noise was about, hoping that it was something very important to make him wake up an hour before his alarm went off. When he got the living room, he noticed that all the members were there, except for Seokjin. He wondered if his hyung was still asleep, despite all the noise, or if he was getting ready to go to practice. Yoongi was always worried about his hyung’s well-being, especially since last week’s encounter in the elevator.
Taehyung, Jungkook, and Yoongi were on their way back to the apartment when they met their hyung in the elevator; supposedly, he was coming from his apartment, which was weird because he rarely went there, but Seokjin claimed he went to clean up. However, the most suspicious part of his hyung’s story was that he didn’t have a suitcase with him, only the plushies Yoongi and Hoseok gave him, which made Yoongi’s heart skipped a beat with happiness. It made him feel happy to know that Seokjin loved the plushies Hoseok and he gifted to him.
Still, he was confused as to where Seokjin’s belongings were and if he left them at his apartment, or was it all a lie? Once they entered their apartment, Seokjin greeted the rest of the members and went straight to his room. Seokjin didn’t come out until dinner time, which was silent most of the time, except for side comments every now and then by either Hoseok or Jimin. No one wanted to talk or asked their hyung what was wrong or why he was acting so strange.
Yoongi made his presence known by clearing his throat, which caused all five heads, standing in the middle of the living room, to turn around in his direction with worry expressions.
“Hyung...” Namjoon spoked up.
“What’s going on? Is everything alright?” He asked, feeling worried.
“Hyung...it’s Seokjin-hyung he left early this morning. Didn’t you see his message? He said he wanted to go to practice early, again.” Jimin sighed.
“What? Are you for real? Why did he do that? This is like the 5th time he’s done that this week!”
“We don’t know. I thought spending time with his family was going to help him recover from whatever he was going through, but he’s just getting worse.” Namjoon told him.
“Plus, the talk we had with him a few days ago didn’t help at all,” Jimin added.
It was true that after their busy schedule resumed, their hyung made a habit of going to the studio at least an hour before the start of practice. After the third day it happened, all the members confronted him and asked him why he kept going early, but his only response was that he wanted to get extra hours of practice to improve his dancing and singing skills.
“I don’t know what’s the big deal! True, he’s been acting strange, but it’s probably because he has a lover. Remember how we met him in the elevator the day before our vacation ended? Well, he was coming from his apartment. And I told you before; he probably didn’t go home like we thought he did. He probably went to meet up with his lover,” Jungkook stated, voicing out his opinion. However, Yoongi glared at Jungkook because he had a feeling it was more than just a lover.
“Shut the fuck up, Jungkook. That’s your only explanation for everything. This is more than a just simple lover. There is more to it, I know it. Do you think if this were about a lover, he would be acting like this? You know we don’t keep secrets like dating, between us. Remember when Jimin had a girlfriend last year or when Namjoon went on a date with that nice noona last month? If you don’t have anything informative to say, then stay quiet,” Yoongi yelled, he couldn’t take the attitude of their youngest member anymore.
“Stop being such an asshole, Yoongi. It’s not like I don’t care about our hyung...it’s just that... what’s wrong with him being secretive? True, he should trust us with his problems, but we can’t force him to tell us what’s wrong with him. He was probably fucking his lover all week long and look at you, being all worry,”
“What did you just say--”
“Calm down Yoongi-hyung. I understand you’re upset with what’s happening with hyung, but we can’t be fighting between us. It will only cause more problems and Jungkook, stop saying things about Jin-hyung when you don’t have any evidence at all.” Namjoon intervened before the argument got physical and affected the whole group.
“Whatever, y’all are just making a big deal out of this,” Jungkook shrugged while sitting down on the couch.
“Kookie, this is hyung we are talking about. The hyung who is always there for us, who makes us smile. The one who asks us if we are okay and if we are having any struggles. The hyung who is so selfless that he doesn’t take care of himself until he knows that all of us are fine. This is not a simple sudden change of behavior from him. There is something else going on with him, and like his brothers and family, we need to find out the truth to help him, like he always had helped us,” Jimin explained, trying to lessen the tension in the room.
What Jimin said was right though, they needed to help their hyung, but how?
Jungkook didn’t say anything after Jimin finished speaking, in which Yoongi was glad because if the younger had uttered another word with his stupid reasons about their hyung’s behavior, one of them would have ended up in the hospital.
“So, what do we do now...?” Taehyung finally spoked up.
“I don’t know... we already asked him to stop going to the studio so early in the morning, but he’s still not listening. I mean, it’s good that he’s getting extra hours of practice, but I don’t see any improvements from his regular mistakes at all. You would think that with all the extra hours, he will fix all the mistakes the choreographer and I have pointed out,” Hoseok stated.
It was true, their hyung haven't gotten any better and still made the same mistakes and always improved them by the end of practice, so Yoongi wondered, why did Seokjin needed to wake up so early in the morning?
“Guys, there is no point in arguing over this right now, we are late for practice already. We can talk about it later. Hopefully, one of us will think of something.” Namjoon advised them.
So leaving his thoughts aside, Yoongi went to his room and grabbed the bag he had previously organized the night before and headed to the main entrance to wait for their manager, with the hopes of finding out later what was wrong with his precious hyung.
—————
It was during their lunch break that Yoongi thought of an idea. He wanted to ask Seokjin-hyung to go shopping with him. Maybe, just maybe by going out, his hyung would forget whatever was on his mind and felt comfortable enough to tell him what was wrong. So, while they were all eating, he said out loud,
“Seokjin-Hyung...” getting the attention of not only Seokjin but also the rest of the members.
“Yeah, Yoongi-ah, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I just wanted to ask you if you would like to go shopping with me next weekend? We have the weekend off, so I thought we could hang out and go shopping, and maybe go watch a movie, what do you say?” He asked, with the hopes that his hyung would agree to go with him.
“That’s a good idea, hyung! Can I come with you guys?!” Taehyung excitingly asked.
“Can I go too?” Hoseok added.
“So what do you say hyung? I promise it’ll be fun.” He told Seokjin, waiting patiently for his answer.
He saw his hyung thinking hard with hesitation in his eyes, but after a few seconds of silence he finally said,
“I would love to go, Yoongi-chi. It’s been a while since we all hang out anyways.”
Seokjin's answer got a shocking expression from all of the members; they couldn't believe their hyung just agreed.
“Great hyung! I can’t wait to hang out with you!” Yoongi replied.
“Same!” Taehyung and Hoseok said at the same time.
Yoongi was glad he took a risk and asked him; hopefully, their date would help his hyung open up more, and they could figure out what was wrong with him.
———————-
It had been a week since Seokjin met up with Minho-hyung. He missed being in Little Space, but he knew he had other responsibilities. Minho-hyung had been texting him every day, and he had made sure to keep him updated with all of his everyday activities such as dance practice, what he ate, and especially how he was feeling. Talking with his hyung every morning before dance practice became a habit that he enjoyed a lot. He made the excuse of going early in the morning to put in extra hours of dance practice, but he knew the members didn’t believe him because they had confronted him a few days ago asking him why he was always leaving early. It made him feel guilty for lying to them, but he wanted to talk with his hyung. It made him feel Little and loved.
It was during their lunch break that Yoongi asked him to hang out with him next weekend. He knew he had been neglecting his band members and distancing himself from them. He also knew that he couldn't keep ignoring them, or it would affect the group overall, and he didn’t want that to happen, which made him agree to hang out with not only Yoongi but also Hoseok and Taehyung, who decided to tag along.
Seokjin remembered that he had previously planned on seeing his hyung next weekend. Being in Little Space was important to him because it helped him relieve stress, but his members were even more important, so, despite his feelings, he unlocked his phone and texted his hyung.
Jinnie: Hyung, I’m sorry! I have to cancel our plans for next weekend. Some of the members and I are going to hang out! Sorry! I’ll make it up to you! I promise!
Minho Hyung: It’s okay, Jinnie. Who are you going to hang out with?
Jinnie: Taehyung, Yoongi, and Hoseok. We promise to go shopping.
Minho Hyung:...oh, I see... have fun! And remember to keep me updated throughout the whole day. I want to make sure you are okay.
Jinnie: Yes, hyung. I promise. Sorry about canceling on you! I promise next time I get a break from work; we’ll meet up.
Minho Hyung: It’s okay, Jinnie. I’m not angry or anything...I have to go back to work now. Take care, and don’t forget to text me later today.
Jinnie: Yes, hyung. Take care! Love you, daddy!
Minho Hyung: Love you too, my sweet baby boy!!!
Seokjin was happy that his hyung wasn't angry with him. He was so lucky to find such a caring and understanding caregiver.
In a blink of an eye, their weekend off approached, and the four of them were currently in a clothing store looking for new outfits. Jin was looking through a rack of sweaters, he wanted to buy a new one that would make him feel Little, yet he couldn’t find the perfect one. He previously had sent a message to his hyung like he promised to, telling him that he was thinking of getting a new sweater, and he would send him a picture if he found one that he liked.
He was still looking through the racks of clothes with no luck when he heard,
“Hyung, how about this sweater? It will look good on you,” Taehyung told him, holding up a purple sweater with different splashes of paint on it, which he instantly knew, it was not his style.
“Hmm, I don’t like the different paint splattered all over them, Tae.”
“Then how about this one,” Hoseok asked, bringing to his eyesight a light pink sweater with a hoodie.
Anything that Hoseok or Yoongi picked out for him, he would gladly buy; after all, they hold a special place in his heart. He was going tell Hoseok he loved the sweater when Yoongi interrupted,
“Hobi stop it, hyung already has a million pink-colored sweaters; let’s get him another color,” Yoongi said while looking through the racks for a different sweater.
“Found it!” Yoongi yelled, making Seokjin jump from the sudden high pitched voice.
“Hyung! This one is perfect for you. I’m sure you’ll love it,” Yoongi told him while showing him a baby blue sweater with a single white line on both sleeves which were long enough to hide his hands, giving him sweater paws. It would definitely give him the perfect oversized look he wanted. With a bright smile, he said,
“I love it, Yoongi-shi! You know me so well!”
“You’re exaggerating hyung. I’m glad you love it,” Yoongi told him with a blush on his cheeks. Cute, he thought.
“Okay, now that we found the sweater for hyung, let’s keep shopping for more clothes, and then let’s go out to eat!” Hoseok interrupted them.
“Let’s hurry then! So we can eat. I’m starving!” he said, prolonging the last word to show how hungry he was feeling.
“Hyung, you are always hungry,” Taehyung told him while laughing.
“True, but I’m still growing, so I need all the food I can eat to grow up big and strong!”
“Hyung, you know that’s not true, you just have a big appetite. Stop making up excuses,” Taehyung teased him, making the four of them laugh out loud at their silly remarks. They continued with their shopping, not before grabbing the light pink sweater Hoseok picked out for him and adding it to his basket along with the baby blue sweater. After buying all the clothes he wanted, he made sure to send a picture of the sweaters to Minho-hyung, which he knew his hyung was going to love.
It was lunchtime, and the four of them decided to go to a steakhouse. Seokjin felt like he was in heaven since steak was his favorite. He was enjoying the time he was spending with Hoseok, Yoongi, and Taehyung; he really missed talking to them, laughing, and just plain goofing around, it was times like these that he cherished the most. They were eating their meal when Taehyung suddenly spoke up,
“Seokjin Hyung... can I ask you something?”
“Sure, go ahead, Taehyung. Ask me anything you want.”
“Are you feeling okay?”
“Huh!?”
“Lately, you’ve been acting so distant. You rarely hang out with us anymore. We all miss you so much, and you’re making us worry. You know... if something is going on, we are all here to listen to you. We will never judge you or anything.”
“Tae...”
Looking around the table, Seokjin noticed the worry expressions of Yoongi, Taehyung, and Hoseok. Was he really so engrossed in his Little Space agenda that he neglected all of his brothers? He should be ashamed of himself. True, he needed to be in Little Space to make him feel better and feel loved, but his family, his members, were much more important to him.
“I’m sorry... I know I’ve been acting so weird lately. I’ve been so overwhelmed and stressed out. I didn’t feel like talking with anyone. I know I have a lot to work on, professionally, and that’s what’s been bugging me. I want to put on my best performance for our fans, but my body doesn’t agree with me.”
“Hyung, you are the most hardworking person we know. You always give it your best, and your result shows it,” Hoseok reassured him.
“You can always come talk to us if you are feeling down. We don’t want you to isolate yourself and deal with everything by yourself.” Yoongi added.
“Thanks, guys. I promise to be more open with everyone and to try not to isolate myself anymore. I know... I’ve been neglecting all of you, and that’s causing tension within the group. That’s not what I wanted, and I apologize. I should probably apologize to everyone else too?”
“It’s okay, hyung. I’m sure we all feel the same way. We want what’s best for you.” Taehyung calmly said to him. He really had the best band members in the whole wide world, and he couldn’t be any happier.
After finishing their lunch, they went to watch a movie and then went back to the dorm to get ready for the next day since they had to wake up early to film some scenes for their new music video.
Once he was in his room lying down on his bed, and after organizing the clothes he got earlier today, he heard his phone vibrate. That was when he realized that Seokjin forgot to send a text message to his hyung. And the last message he sent was the pictures of the sweaters he got.
“Shit!” He said out loud.
He quickly unlocked his phone and noticed that he had five unread messages; they were all from his hyung.
Minho Hyung: Those are lovely sweaters you got, Jinnie. I can’t wait to see how they look on you when you wear them later. I bet they look lovely on you.
Minho Hyung: Jinnie, are you okay? Haven’t gotten a reply yet.
Minho Hyung: Jinnie! Stop making daddy worry. Reply back.
Minho Hyung: ARE YOU OKAY?!
Minho Hyung: ...Rule # 9
Fuck! He just broke a rule. What was going to happen to him now?
Notes:
Yeah... I don’t know what say.
What are your predictions? I would love to hear them!
I’m loving the comments I’ve been getting lately. It makes me feel like I’m actually writing something people like so thank you for those who leave a comment and thank you for all the people who are reading this story!! 💜💜💜
Please look forward to next chapter!!!
Chapter 11: Spankies
Summary:
“Don’t worry daddy! Fireman Jinnie is here to rescue you!”
Notes:
It took me longer than I thought to edit this chapter. For some reason, I wasn’t satisfied with the flow and kept editing it over and over again and I’m still not satisfy with it. I tried my best but if you don’t understand any part of it please let me know and I’ll try to explain as best as I can.
Enjoy the chapter!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Seokjin was currently laying down on his bed, looking at the ceiling feeling restless, he couldn’t sleep after today’s events. He was happy he got to spend time with Hoseok, Yoongi, and Taehyung, but now he was freaking out. He knew he messed up by forgetting to reply to his hyung. It was not his fault. Seokjin understood it was not his fault; His hyung should realize that he was busy. Seokjin was scared of replying and wanted to ignore his hyung, but he knew that was only going to make the situation worse. Seokjin didn't want to find out what his punishment would be now that he broke a rule; He never liked the idea of a punishment. It scared him just thinking about it, especially since he didn't know if his Little Side would be traumatized by it. Although he knew some of the punishments were not horrible, he was mainly terrified of getting spankies or getting his plushies taken away. It wasn't that he didn't trust his hyung; it was that fear had completely taken over him. How could he have been so careless? Knowing that he hated the idea of being punished.
It was the fact that he had never been in a Little/Caregiver relationship before or even been scolded by anyone while being Little that made him forget his rules even outside of Little Space. He wondered what punishment(s) his hyung would pick out for breaking rule number nine. After all, he still didn't know Minho-hyung well enough or his ways of punishing. His best bet was to ignore him; he knew it was childish and immature of him, but Seokjin was consumed by fear, and he didn't want to deal with the consequences at the moment. After much consideration, he decided to ignore his hyung for the time being and tried to get some sleep. He shouldn't let this situation distract him from his duties as an idol.
A few days passed, and Seokjin still didn’t have the guts to text his hyung. Every night for the last few days, he’d been thinking of the consequences that his actions were going to bring him. Sitting up straight on his bed while reading the last five messages, Minho-hyung sent him over and over again. Knowing that his hyung was probably angry at him and his punishment was probably going to be worse now, Seokjin decided it was time to suck it up and face the consequences. He couldn't ignore his caregiver forever, so taking a deep breath he started to type,
Jinnie: Hyung, I’m sorry... can we talk?
Minho Hyung: Jinnie, daddy, is very angry at you.
Jinnie: I’m sorry, daddy. Jinnie didn’t mean to ignore you. I... was just scared of punishments. Jinnie, no like them.
Minho Hyung: I know, sweetheart, but rules are rules, and you broke one. So, to make sure you don’t break them again, I need to punish you, plus you have been ignoring me too, and that’s not nice at all.
Jinnie: But daddy...I don’t want punishment.
Minho Hyung: I know, but we’ll talk about it more when we meet up next time, okay?
Jinnie: Yes, daddy.
Minho Hyung: That's my baby boy.
Seokjin was glad he texted his hyung because he felt like a weight had been lifted off his chest, but at the same time, he was scared of what would happen once he met up with him. Happiness filled his heart when he realized that his disobedience didn’t affect the relationship he had with Minho-hyung. At first, their conversations were awkward; not a lot of words were exchanged between them, but over time it went back to normal, and the best part was that there was no further talk of any punishment, which he was glad for.
Over the days, Seokjin managed to balance his time between texting with his hyung and spending time with the members. He had promised his band members that he would not isolate himself anymore. Seokjin was glad he kept his word because every second he spent with them these past few days were the most precious memories in his life. Everything was perfect, and he couldn’t be any happier.
Two weeks passed in a blink of an eye, and they just finished with a fan meeting after a long morning of recording. It’d been a chaotic schedule for all of them, but he loved it anyway. Arriving at their apartment, he got the urge to go to the bathroom, since he didn’t feel like going upstairs to his room, he went to the one they had near the kitchen. When Seokjin was about to close the door, he heard his phone vibrate. It was his hyung, asking him when they could meet up. Excitement ran through his body at the thought of seeing his hyung. Seokjin really missed his hyung and being in Little Space so badly. After staring at his phone, he replied by saying that next weekend he was free since they had no schedule planned for those days. Putting his phone back in his pocket, he used the bathroom, washed his hands, and headed to his room, thinking that soon he’d able to go into Little space.
———————
After an exhausting week of fan meetings, two concerts, and filming for their next music video, it was time for their weekend off. Once again, making up another excuse, Seokjin told the members that he was going to go hang out with Ken and Seundul for the weekend. Everyone knew they were his best friends and always hung out when they had free time, which was the perfect excuse to cover up his meet up with Minho-hyung. Telling the members goodbye, he headed to his apartment, hoping that he wouldn’t run into anyone he knew on his way there. Luck was on his side, and he got to his apartment safely. Once Seokjin got inside, he was feeling thrilled to finally be able to meet up with his hyung once again.
Just like last time, Seokjin let the security person downstairs know of his hyung’s arrival. While waiting, he decided to dress comfortably. Going to his closet and looking for a comfortable shirt to wear, he found the baby blue sweater Yoongi picked out for him last time. After putting it on, loving the sweater paws it gave him, that barely showed his beautiful long fingers, he picked out some black shorts he saw and a pair of blue socks. He wanted to be as comfortable as possible to make him feel Little. After finally getting dressed, he headed to the living room where he had previously put down Kitty and Sunny. Since he was wearing the sweater, Yoongi picked out for him; he decided to carry Sunny for the time being, wanting to feel the presence of both Yoongi and Hoseok. If he was honest with himself, he still had not gotten over his feelings for them; he couldn't believe he fell in love with Yoongi and Hoseok after breaking down in front of them, maybe it was because they made him feel safe and loved. Yeah, he had a kind caregiver who was understanding, but the connection he had with Yoongi and Hoseok was more in-depth. He felt horrible for deceiving his hyung, and he wanted to love him too, but he just couldn’t... his heart didn’t allow it. Despite his feelings, he was content with the relationship he had with his hyung, so hopefully, in the future, Seokjin would come to like him more, after all, he trusted him enough to be his caregiver.
After ten minutes of waiting, the doorbell finally rang. Carrying Sunny with one hand, he opened the door,
“Come in, hyung!” he said, directing his hyung to the living room.
“Hey Jinnie, how’s my big boy doing? Did you miss daddy?”
“Of course!” He replied, giving his hyung a kiss on the cheek.
Once they reached the living room and they sat down on the couch, Seokjin placed his head on the lap of his hyung. He felt so comfortable and cozy.
“I see you are wearing one of the sweater you got last time...”
“Yeah! Doesn’t it look adorable on me! I love it! It makes me feel Little!” he excitedly said, while his hyung was petting his hair.
“It sure does...”
“I can’t wait to spend the whole weekend with you, daddy. I really missed you. Jinnie was sad that we no see each other.” Jinnie told Daddy Minho, pouting while slipping further into his headspace.
After a moment of silence, his daddy asked him,
“How about...to make up for the time we missed, we make you a pillow fort and play firefighters? I can be the person you rescue, and you could be the brave fireman? How does that sound?”
“Yesh Yesh!! Daddy, I wuv the idea. Jinnie is going to be the bestest fireman in the world!” he yelled, eagerly removing his head from his daddy’s lap and walking in the direction of his room, to get pillows and blankets for their fort.
A few minutes later, he came down the stairs carrying a pile of pillows and blankets that covered his view; he was lucky he didn't trip down the stairs. Laying the pillows and blankets down onto the floor, he started to build the fort. Finally, after ten minutes of struggling and with the help of his daddy, Jinnie finished building the enormous fort and grabbed the hand of his daddy, making him sit down in the middle of the fort.
“Help! Help! Oh, will a brave fireman come to my rescue!?” His daddy screamed while pretending the fort was on fire.
Jinnie had a pirate hat on and the purple riding hood his daddy previously gave him; While holding a rope with both hands, that he found in the closet, Jinnie pretended it was a hose to put out the fire.
“Don’t worry, daddy! Fireman Jinnie is here to rescue you!”
“Oh, help! I’m burning!” His daddy cried out in agony while moving side to side, trying to get away from the fire.
Making the noise of splashing water and pointing the rope at the direction of the fort, Jinnie tried to extinguish the fire, and after five minutes of struggling, he finally put the fire out, feeling proud of himself for rescuing his daddy from the horrible fire.
Getting inside the fort and dragging, as best as he could, his daddy out of there, he was finally able to rescue him.
“Oh, my sweet Jinnie... you just save your daddy from the horrible fire.” His daddy exhaled while lying down, flat on the living room floor, trying to catch his breath.
“Jinnie is a good boy! Yaay!” Jinnie said, satisfied at his amazing work.
“Yes, you are amazing!!”
Jinnie was feeling proud of himself, to be able to rescue his daddy from the terrible fire, but that contentment didn't last long because the happy atmosphere turned scary when his daddy sat upright and looked at him straight in the eyes with a serious expression, and he said to him,
“Now my brave fireman, let’s clean up cause we need to talk,”
“Yes, daddy...” Jinnie shyly replied, moving the pillows and blankets from the floor and onto the couch.
Once he was done, Jinnie sat down next to his daddy, wondering what he wanted to talk about. Then suddenly, Jinnie remembered, he broke a rule AND had been a bad boy.
“Oh, no.” Jinnie whispered to himself.
After his daddy saw that Jinnie was comfortable enough, he continued to speak,
“Jinnie, do you know what this talk is all about?”
“Yes...daddy.” Jinnie answered, his voice trembling.
“So, do you know you’ve been a bad boy, right?
“But daddy, I can—“ he tried to defend himself, but his daddy didn’t let him finish his sentence.
“No, Jinnie, no excuses. It’s time for a punishment.”
“No, daddy! I don’t want a punishment!” Jinnie begged while tears were forming in his eyes.
“Jinnie!”
“Nooooo!!!” He yelled louder, tears now falling down his chubby cheeks.
Jinnie got up and stomped his feet while crossing his arms and screamed at the top of his lungs, “NO PUNISHMENT FOR JINNIE! I’M GOOD BOY! NO PUNISHMENT FOR JINNIE, DADDY!!!!!”
“JINNIE!” his daddy raised his voice for the first time. In all the time, his daddy had taken care of Jinnie, never had he raised his voice, and it made Jinnie trembled in fear.
“NOOOOO!!!” He screamed once again, turning around and walking towards his room, not before his daddy getting up from the couch and grabbing his wrist, stopping him.
“Jinnie! You’ve been a bad boy, I was going to go easy on you, but you are being a brat, and brats get spankies.”
Hearing the word, Jinnie felt scared; he didn’t want any spankies at all. Quickly pulling away from his daddy’s grip, he turned around and faced him,
“No, daddy! Jinnie no wants spankies...please... I’ll be a good boy!” He said, pleading for his life.
“No, Jinnie. You broke more than one rule, and I need you to understand that you can’t break them,” his Daddy firmly told him, pulling Jinnie to the couch, bending him so that his stomach was resting on his daddy’s lap. His daddy pulled down his shorts, sending shivers throughout his whole body at the sensation of cold air hitting his now expose bum bum. Jinnie didn’t have any time to protest when he felt a hard stinging sensation on his right cheek; he knew he just got his first spanking, of who knows how many...
“Aaaah! it...hurts...da...ddy...no...more, ” he sobbed uncontrollably while hiccuping between each word.
“Jinnie, you are getting a total of 5 spankies, but it could be more if you don’t tell me what you did wrong,”
Jinnie was scared; the sensation of his daddy’s hand lingering on his bum bum was hurting so badly.
“No more dad—aaaaahhhh!” he let out an agonizingly long screech before he could finish talking, feeling another slap on his left cheek...the pain only got worse.
“Tell daddy what you did wrong, Jinnie!”
“Jinnie bad.” he finally confessed, squeezing his eyes shut, not wanting any more spankies.
“That’s a good start, but it’s not what I’m looking for.”
“Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!” Jinnie screamed louder when his daddy’s palm hit his bum bum for the third time.
“No... more daddy...Jinnie scared...please,”
“No, jinnie, you haven’t told me what I want to hear. It looks like it’ll be more than five spankies in total. Unless you tell me what you did wrong.” his daddy stated, massaging his bum to ease some of the pain, but it didn't work.
“No...more...daddy...it hurts...”
“This can go all away if you tell me what you did wrong, Jinnie.”
“Aaa—-“ he tried to scream, but instead he let out a silent choking sob, Jinnie just couldn’t take it anymore.
“Jinnie...didn’t talk to daddy...and daddy angry at Jinnie...Jinnie, sorry.” he surrendered.
“That’s my good boy. You still have another thing you did wrong, that you haven’t told me.”
“Nooo!” He screamed when he felt the fifth spanking.
“So, does my Jinnie know the other rule he broke?”
“No...” he softly mumbled.
“I can’t hear you Jinnie, what else did you do wrong?” his daddy repeated, hitting him for the sixth time.
“No...Jinnie said...no to daddy...”
“That’s my baby boy! Now, are you going to follow the rules and be a good boy to daddy?”
“Yes, daddy...just no more spankies... it hurts.” Jinnie softly answered, whimpering and his body shaking from the shock.
Massaging his bum bum and giving him a kiss on each cheek, to make the pain go away, his daddy pulled up his pants and sat him down sideways on his lap. Jinnie buried his face on his daddy’s neck to get some comfort.
“Jinnie, my sweetheart. Daddy is sorry for hurting you, but you disobeyed me by not replying back, and additionally, you said no to me.” his daddy told him, placing a kiss on top of his head.
“I’m sorry, daddy...”Jinnie said, whipping away his remaining tears.
“Now, what do you say we cuddle and watch some cartoons?”
“Yes... daddy, I would love to,” Jinnie replied, slowly moving his head and snuggling towards his daddy's chest. After a few minutes of silence, Jinnie felt asleep after a painful punishment.
—————
It had been a few days since Seokjin saw his hyung, and he had been regretting their whole relationship. First, his hyung had been more demanding on their communication. Seokjin had to text him at least six times a day and report what he was doing, in full details. Plus, Seokjin had to let his hyung know about the people who were with him, which was too overwhelming for him. Why did he have to report back to his hyung like if he was on parole? It made him angry.
Secondly, Seokjin couldn’t stop thinking about the punishment his hyung gave him a few days ago. His guts were right; he hated any kind of punishment; he still didn’t agree with his hyung’s reasons and despised himself for agreeing to the whole idea. True, he forgot to reply to his hyung for one afternoon. It wasn’t like he ignored him on purpose, well maybe afterward, but that wasn’t the point. His hyung should know he was busy; after all, he was an idol who traveled all over the world, had countless concerts, photoshoots, vocal and dance practices, and much more. Unfortunately, it was typical of his job to barely have time to rest, and there was no end to their hectic lifestyle as the band grew more popular. Seokjin really liked his hyung, he was kind and friendly and made him feel special, but he couldn’t have him interfere with his work. His job was more important, and unless his hyung changed his possessiveness of wanting to know his every whereabouts then, it might be time to talk with him and maybe end it all. It would break his heart because Seokjin really cared about his hyung. After all, his hyung accepted him for who he was, and despite the punishment, he still considered him an incredible caregiver.
Making up his mind, even though it was difficult, Seokjin finally decided to end his relationship with his hyung, it was the right decision for him and the group. After the conversation he had with Taehyung, Hoseok, and Yoongi about being open with the members about his problems, maybe it was time to trust his bandmates and tell them the truth, that he was a Little and wanted to be in Little Space. He knew they would understand him and not judge him, plus, he trusted them with his life. However, before he even considered telling the members, he needed to end his relationship with his hyung.
Hopefully, Minho-hyung would take it well; after all, this could potentially break his heart even if he was the nicest caregiver Seokjin had ever had.
Notes:
I hope you enjoy this chapter. Let me know your thoughts!
Please look forward to the next chapter.
Ps. Please prepare you hearts cause the next two chapters are going to be so heartbreaking to read. I’m sorry 😭😭😭
Chapter 12: Reality Pt.1
Summary:
“Jimin...Yoongi and I have something very important to tell you” Hoseok says, while showing Jimin their intertwined hands and placing a kiss on Yoongi’s soft lips.
Notes:
WARNING ⚠️ SMUT ON THE FIRST PART OF THE CHAPTER AND VIOLENCE IN THE SECOND PART!!!
Okay, now that you’ve been warned. Enjoy this chapter! I can’t wait to read your comments!!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Hoseok didn’t know how they got themselves in the situation they were currently in, but he had no regrets whatsoever; after all, he was horny and was craving Yoongi’s touch. Currently, they were upstairs locked up in his bathroom. Yoongi-hyung had him pinned up against the wall nibbling on his neck while slightly sucking on his sensitive skin.
Yoon...Nghh....gi,” he tried to say while letting out small pants. He felt his pants getting tighter and tighter. Was he really that horny? Or was it because they haven’t had sex in the last few months due to their packed schedule? Whatever the reason was, he didn't care. Hoseok felt Yoongi move away from his neck and trailed up to connect their lips. The kiss was slow at first, just a few pecks until his hyung started licking and biting on his bottom lip. Hoseok became desperate to feel more of his hyung, so he parted his lips slightly for Yoongi, granting him access to his mouth.
“Aah...Mmmh,” he moaned when he felt Yoongi’s rough tongue against his own while moving in sync, eagerly exploring each other’s mouth. The taste of sweet honey was driving him crazy, and he couldn’t get enough of it. Hoseok place one hand at the back of his hyung’s head, pushing him closer to deepen their kiss, earning a muffled moan from Yoongi. They were both desperate for each other, and both didn’t want to stop the roughness of their tongues until they needed to gasp for air, which left them both panting against each other’s foreheads.
“Hobi...” his hyung mumbled, placing a small peck on his lips.
“Yeah, hyung,” he replied.
“I want to suck you off...”
“What?!” Hoseok said in shock; his hyung had never taken the initiative during sex.
“Fuck, yeah hyung...shit, I think my dick just got hard,” he chuckled, seeing how his hyung‘s face was beet red from embarrassment. It made him leaned in to connect their lips one more time.
After they separated, Yoongi got on his knees and started unbuckling his belt, desperately, while pulling down his pants and underwear all the way down to his knees, freeing Hoseok’s hard dick. He was already leaking with precum, which didn’t surprise him from how horny he was feeling. Yoongi took his length with both hands and started to move them up and down.
“Aah...nghh,” he softly moaned at the sudden sensation.
He felt shivers throughout his whole body when his hyung started to kitten lick his length, loving the sensation of the warm muscle pressed against his sensitive dick. The warm heat felt heavenly against his shaft, and when his hyung stopped and flattened his tongue, only to roughly start going up and down his length once again, Hoseok saw stars.
“Fuck,” he said, feeling so close to cumming. Yoongi started to suck, softly, at the head of his shaft, causing him to squeeze his eyes shut and stifled a moan.
“Hyung...stop teasing me.”
“Is my Hobi sensitive today? I barely touch you, and you are already so close to cumming?” His hyung asked, chuckling and going back to lick his length.
“Hyung, please,” he begged, Hoseok was so close to cumining and so shamefully desperate.
“Aaah!...oh god hyung!” Hoseok moaned when he felt his hyung’s warm mouth around his dick.
He didn’t know how much longer he was going to last, opening his eyes, he looked down and saw his hyung bobbing his head up and down his length, and the sight of it alone was driving him crazy.
“Aah! Hyung. I’m so close...please,” he begged some more while moaning between each word. Hoseok place both of his hands on top of his hyung’s head, guiding him to go deeper and faster, he couldn’t take it anymore.
Yoongi understood his actions of need and bobbed his head up and down at a rapid pace, taking his length deeper into his throat. Unexpectedly, he felt a sudden tightness on his already hard dick, which made him reach his limit.
“Hyung, I’m—-” he moaned out, gripping his hyung’s hair and cumming inside the warm mouth. He knew his hyung swallowed all of his cum when he looked down again and saw his hyung desperately sucking on the head of his dick, with a smirk on his face.
“Fuck, hyung, you are going to be the death of me.”
“I know you love it, though,” Yoongi said, chuckling while getting up.
“Are you ready to get wreck by me, Hobi?” Yoongi seductively whispered into his ear, nibbling on his earlobe.
“Oh fuck yeah, hyung, wreck me so hard that I would never want to top you ever again!” he eagerly declared, feeling his dick getting hard.
Hoseok was ready to get fucked up by his hyung when a knock on the door startled the both of them.
“Hyung! Are you in there?” Jimin’s voice echoed throughout the walls of the bathroom.
“Shit, it’s Jimin,” Yoongi whispered to him while helping him pull up his pants.
“What do we do?” he asked.
“I don’t know.”
“Hyung?! Jin-hyung said to come downstairs so we can watch the movie we all agreed on watching earlier today. Are you in there?!” Jimin said, this time louder.
“Have you seen Yoongi-hyung too?! We have been looking for him, but he’s nowhere to be found,” Jimin continued to say.
“Fuck! Hoseok. What do we do?”
“I don’t know hyung...damn! How could we have been so careless?”
“Let’s just tell Jimin about our relationship, Hoseok. I’m sure he’ll keep a secret.”
“What? Are you crazy?” he whispered.
“There is no other way, Hoseok. He knows someone is in here and who else would it be...it’s you. This is the room you share with him after all.” Yoongi told him.
“True, but I can just try to go out by myself and close the door behind me, so he won’t know you are here with me. Why does he have to know?”
“Hoseok, I don’t mind telling him. In fact, I don’t mind telling all of the members that we are dating. We can tell them one by one. I just want Seokjin-hyung to find out last.”
“Hyung...”
“Hobi-hyung! Are you in there? Please say something. Why is the door lock? Are you okay?” Jimin yelled, with worry in his voice.
“Hyung, we don’t have time to talk about this right now… Fuck! Fine! But don’t blame me later if this gets way out of hand.” he replied, intertwining his hands with Yoongi and opening the bathroom door.
“Hyung? What’s going on? If you were in there, why didn’t you answer, and why is Yoongi-hyung with you?” Jimin asked, confused.
“Jimin, Yoongi, and I have something very important to tell you,” Hoseok said while showing Jimin their intertwined hands and placing a kiss on Yoongi’s soft lips.
————-
Ding! Ding! Ding!
Seokjin’s phone rang for the fiftieth time today. Frustration ran through his mind as Seokjin was once again interrupted from his task of writing lyrics for a song he was composing. Sighing, he got up from his desk and walked to his nightstand where his phone was currently charging, he looked at it, only to realized that it was his hyung texting him again.
“Oh my god! I’m trying to write some lyrics. What the fuck does he want now?” he said to himself while walking back to his desk and closing his notebook. Ever since he made up his mind about ending his relationship with his hyung, Seokjin had been anxious and overwhelmed due to the fact that he didn’t have the time to meet up with him and adequately end their relationship. Their schedule had been so hectic lately, and he had no time to spare at all. Seokjin had been trying to keep up with the constant messages, which he had come to hate because it was always the same topics: asking Seokjin what he was doing, if he had eaten anything, or who he was with. He didn’t mind telling his hyung such details, but when it interrupted him while he was trying to do his job, then that was where he crossed the line. For example, last week, they were in the middle of a photoshoot for the concept photos of their new album when suddenly his phone started to ring over and over again from the constant messages he was receiving. When the staff realized it was his phone, it was brought up to his attention. He had no other choice but to apologized for the disturbance and turn off his phone completely. Seokjin felt embarrassed and humiliated for being the cause of the interruption. It was unprofessional of him, and he felt guilty for the rest of the day. It only certified that it was the right decision to break up with Minho-hyung. However, if he didn’t want to end on a wrong note, he had to reply back. Sighing, he opened the message and started to type,
Jinnie: Hey, hyung, I’m alright. Just working on some lyrics for a new song. What about you?
Minho-hyung: Wow, Jinnie! That’s amazing! I wish I could write music like you. I’m alright. Just tired from working overtime.
Jinnie: hahaha, thanks hyung...I try my best. I’m not the best at it, but I do give it my all to make songs that reflect my feelings. Oh no! I hope you get some rest.
Minho-hyung: Don't be like that, Jinnie! You’re a fantastic artist! And thanks! I’ll try to sleep after I get something to eat.
Jinnie: Thank you...
Minho-hyung: Are you okay, Jinnie? You seem a little down.
Jinnie: Yeah. Just a lot on my mind...is it possible to meet up on my next day off. I want to talk to you about something.
Minho-hyung: Of course! Just take care of yourself! And although I’m worried, I’ll wait until we meet up so you can tell me what’s wrong.
Jinnie: I’ll talk to you later, and I’ll let you know when we can meet up. Now I want to finish writing these lyrics. Bye-bye!
Minho-hyung: Bye, Jinnie...
Shutting off his phone completely, Seokjin went back to writing his lyrics. It should help him distract his mind for the time being.
Another hectic week passed, and after a morning of practice at the studio, they finally had the afternoon free to do whatever they wanted. He texted his hyung early in the morning when he was told about their schedule, letting him know that he was free in the afternoon and if he was available, to meet up with him at his apartment. Their conversation should not be more than an hour-long, so Seokjin was not too preoccupied with making up an extravagant excuse to tell the members.
Once practice was over, all of the members packed their bags; no one wanted to stay behind to do anything else because they felt nice having an afternoon all to themselves. On their ride back home Seokjin spoke up,
“How about we watch a movie when we get back?”
“That’s a great idea, hyung! What movie should we watch?” Taehyung asked, excitedly.
“Anything superheroes is fine with me,” Jungkook stated.
“Fine,” Namjoon responded.
“Okay, a superhero movie it is!” Hoseok reaffirmed.
All were agreeing to watch a superhero movie once they got home, each member went back to their phones or just chatting with each other.
Arriving at their apartment, all of them agreed to meet up in the living after they freshen up a little bit. After twenty minutes of relaxing, Seokjin went downstairs to see if all the members were ready. Taehyung, Jimin, and Jungkook were sitting on the couch scrolling through superhero movies while waiting for the rest of the members to show up.
“Where are the rest of the guys?” Seokjin asked, getting comfortable on the couch.
“Not sure, they know we are going to watch a movie though. You know how they are, they take forever to get down here.” Jimin told him.
“Let’s go look for them. We don’t want to waste any more of our precious time,” Jungkook said, anxiously.
“You guys go ahead...I want to go to the convenience store and get us some snacks since it looks like it’ll take a while for everyone to settle in,” he told them.
“Hyung, I can go with you if you like?”
“It’s okay, Taehyung, you guys go ahead and gather everyone. I’ll be back,” he reassured them, walking away from them and heading to the front door. It was the perfect opportunity for him; he knew the members were going to take forever to settle down to watch the movie, which was a reasonable amount of time to meet up with his hyung and break up with him.
Arriving at his apartment, Seokjin was nervous. His heart was beating so fast that he thought he was going to faint, while his hands were sweaty and his body didn't want to stay still. It was a difficult decision for him to make, but it was necessary, not only for his sake but for the band.
After ten minutes of waiting, the doorbell rang. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door, and there stood, his kind and caring hyung, smiling at him. He was starting to get second thoughts, but he shoved them away, he needed to end this relationship.
“Get inside hyung; I was waiting for you,” he said in a serious tone directing his hyung to the living room.
“What’s wrong, Jinnie? You’re making me nervous. What’s all of this about?”
“Come, sit down next to me hyung. I need to tell you something important,” he said, moving aside to make room for his hyung on the couch.
“Okay, now you are scaring me. What’s going on?”
“Hyung...lately, I’ve been so overwhelmed. Not only from work but—“
“Did something happen with the other members?” his hyung interrupted.
“No, it’s nothing like that hyung...it’s just that your constant texting...they are overwhelming. I can’t deal with them anymore. You are too possessive.”
“Oh...Jinnie, you know that is one of the rules. To make sure you are okay.”
“Yeah, I know hyung, but it’s too much. I can’t deal with it anymore,” he stated, looking at his hyung straight in the eyes. He could see the hurt expression his hyung had, making him feel bad.
“We can modify the rules if you want? Remember, that’s what we agreed to do in case you changed your mind. We can make this work!”
“No, hyung...I’m sorry. I don’t want to do this to you, but I think it might be for the best to end our relationship.”
“WHAT!?” His hyung yelled, causing him to jump from the sudden outburst.
“You are kidding me, right, Jinnie? Only because of that, you want to break up with me? That’s stupid!”
“Hyung, I don’t want this anymore. I plan on telling the rest of the members about me being a Little and—“
“Oh, I see! I know what this is all about. It’s your stupid crush on Yoongi, and Hoseok isn’t? You can’t stop liking them, so now that you have no more use for me, you are going to go after them. Perfect! Just fucking perfect!”
“Hyung...that’s not it. You are taking this way out of hand.”
“No, Jinnie, YOU are ridiculous. How could you do this to me, knowing about my last relationship?! You’re so insensitive.”
“It’s not like that hyung. I’m sorry, but I can’t be with you anymore. I’m sorry.” He apologized, getting up and walking towards the kitchen, he needed to make some tea to calm his nerves down.
Seokjin got up from the couch, and as he walked to the kitchen, he felt his hair being yanked and his body being dragged backward.
“What the hell! What the fuck are you doing? Let go of my hair!” he screamed in pain.
“Fuck you, Seokjin! I tried to be nice to you, but you are such a brat. There is no way in hell you are fucking breaking up with me.” his hyung told him, forcefully throwing Seokjin to the couch.
“How dare you touch me! Fuck off! I never want to see you again!”
“No, Seokjin! YOU will wish you never met me. I’m never letting you go. You are mine and mine alone.” his hyung demanded, getting on top of Seokjin, caging him, and placing both hands on his neck, squeezing them tight.
Seokjin couldn’t breathe, no matter how much he struggled and fought against his hyung’s hands that were around his neck. He couldn’t break free. He needed to do something fast, or his hyung was going to choke him to death.
“Jinnie, you belong to me and no one else... do you understand?” he heard his hyung say, barely concentrating from the lack of air. How stupid could he be? He let a stranger into his life, to satisfy his desires, and now he was surely going to die, he couldn't believe he let this person fool him.
Seokjin struggled some more, trying to get himself free before he completely lost consciousness or he was going to die. Out of nowhere, he got the energy to kick upwards, and by pure luck, he hit Minho-hyung between his groins causing him to release his hands from his neck. Making Minho-hyung fall to the floor in pain. Coughing and gasping for air, Seokjin got up from the couch as best as he could and made his way to the door, he needed to get out of there, fast, before his hyung killed him, but life was not that easy...because suddenly he fell to the ground. His hyung had grabbed him by the ankle. Once again, his hyung was on top of him, but this time, grabbing both of Seokjin’s wrists and raising them above his head, pinning to the ground.
“Now hear me out, Seokjin...from now on you are to obey me completely. No matter what you think, I’m in power here. My word is absolute. If I text you to meet up, you’ll have to agree no matter what. If not, not only will your precious band members suffer the consequences, I’ll go to the media and tell them that Kim Seokjin is a pervert who likes to act like a little kid to satisfy his desires. You are a pervert Seokjin, an absolute, disgusting pervert who’s only good aspect is your looks. You are lucky you are handsome because if not, who in their right mind will associate themselves with a pervert like you — a fucking slut who can’t keep his legs closed. YOU MAKE ME SICK KIM SEOKJIN!!” his hyung told him, releasing his wrists and walking to the front door, leaving him there on the floor, speechless and hurt. Tears were now falling down his cheeks; he couldn't believe this was happening to him. Seokjin felt like his world was crumbling right before his eyes.
Notes:
So...what do you think?
Aah! I felt so sad writing this chapter 😭
Please look forward to the next chapter!
Ps. Prepare your hearts once again cause next chapter...yeah it’s going to be intense! 😭😭😭
Chapter 13: Reality Pt.2
Summary:
“Hyung! What happen!?” Yoongi heard Namjoon yell, with fear in his voice, as they saw the back of their hyung disappear into the distance.
Notes:
WARNING ⚠️ THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS A RAPE SCENE. IF YOU FEEL TRIGGERED BY IT, PLEASE DON’T READ!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Yoongi couldn't believe they just told one of the members about their relationship. True, he was the one who insisted on telling Jimin, but now panic had taken over, causing him to have second thoughts. What was he thinking? If he was a nervous wreck just telling Jimin, he couldn't imagine how much of a nervous wreck he’d be when they confess their relationship to the others. Hoseok and Yoongi were currently sitting on the bed, while Jimin decided to get a chair to sit directly in front of them, intensely staring at them in silence.
“So, Yoongi-hyung and I are dating,” Yoongi heard Hoseok say to Jimin for the second time, whose eyes were so wide open from the shock.
“Like seriously going out? Boyfriends?” Jimin finally talked, after being silent for the last few minutes.
“Yes, Jimin. Hoseok and I are dating. He is my boyfriend, and I’m his boyfriend. It’s not that difficult to understand. Plus, you just saw us kissing.” Yoongi declared, with annoyance in his voice. Why was Jimin acting like they were the first same-sex couple in the world?
“OH MY GOSH!! That’s so cute!! I’m so happy for you both!!” Jimin squealed all of a sudden and jumped on top of them, giving them a tight hug.
“Aww! You guys make a cute couple. Why didn’t you tell anyone? How long have you been dating? Were you having sex in the bathroom just now? I’m so sorry for interrupting!” Jimin kept blabbering; it was cute how excited he was for them.
“Stop squeezing us to death, Jimin! We’ll tell you everything, but you need to promise first, to not tell anyone.” Hoseok asked. Yoongi felt relieved when Jimin let go of them and went back to his seat, anymore hugging, and Yoongi was sure he would have suffocated.
“Why do you want to keep it a secret hyung? You know all of us will accept your relationship no matter what!” Jimin told them, with sadness in his eyes.
“Jiminie. It's not that we don’t trust anyone. It’s just that our relationship was complicated since the beginning, but now, we...it’s stronger now, and we have decided it was time to tell the other members, but one by one. We have our reasons, and I want you to understand and promise us to keep it a secret.” Yoongi glared at Jimin, hoping he would understand their point of view.
“Ah, I see.” Was Jimin’s only response, avoiding eye contact with him.
“If it makes you feel a little better. We can let you know when we tell the next member about our relationship so that you won’t feel lonely. I know you want to celebrate.” Yoongi continued to tell Jimin.
“Yeah, that would be nice. I guess I’ll be the only one to know for the time being. I’m seriously happy for you guys! Hobi-hyung, Yoongi-hyung, congratulations on your relationship!!!”
“Thanks, Jimin,” Hoseok responded with a bright smile on his face.
Yoongi felt relief to have such a trustworthy friend and band member. The three of them were interrupted with a knock on the door. It was Taehyung, with a very sleepy looking Namjoon behind him.
“There you are! Come downstairs so we can start watching the movie. Jungkook is getting very irritated, saying that we are wasting time.” Taehyung told them.
Sighing and getting up, Hoseok, Jimin, and Yoongi walked towards the door to go downstairs and start the movie Jungkook was eagerly and patiently waiting to watch.
“Is Jin-hyung back yet?” Jimin asked Taehyung.
“No, not yet.”
“Where did hyung go?” he asked.
“Oh, he said he wanted to go to the convenience store to get us snacks,” Taehyung replied.
“Oh, I see.”
“He should be back soon, though. He left before we started looking for you three. It’s been an hour since then.” Jimin told him.
Even though Yoongi had a bad feeling about his hyung’s trip to the convenience store, he shoved it aside, as he was too nervous that they just told Jimin about their relationship.
Once the five of them arrived at the living room, he noticed that only Jungkook was there, sitting down comfortably on the couch and scrolling through movies. Each member got comfortable and sat down, either on the couch or on the carpet. Hopefully, their eldest hyung would arrive shortly. Yoongi sat down next to his boyfriend on the couch, and Jimin, as apparent as he was, sat down next to him. Hopefully, they haven’t made a mistake by telling Jimin. First, the younger seemed too eager to tell the members. He understood his urge to celebrate their happiness, but Yoongi was not too happy about letting Seokjin-Hyung know about their relationship, just yet. As if on queue, he was interrupted from his thoughts when he heard the front door opening.
“Hyung is back,” Yoongi told the members who all turned their heads towards the direction of the small hallway that leads to the front door. Yoongi was not prepared for what he was about to see; it was Seokjin-Hyung looking distressed. His face looked like he’d been crying, messy hair, wrinkled shirt, like if he had fought someone, and for some reason, he had his hands around his neck, like if he was trying to hide something. His hyung avoided eye contact with everyone and ran towards his room, leaving the six of them in shock.
“Hyung! What happen!?” Yoongi heard Namjoon yelled, with fear in his voice, as they saw the back of their hyung disappear into the distance.
They were positive Seokjin-hyung heard Namjoon talking to him, but their hyung didn’t even bother turning around to say anything; he just kept going up the flight of stairs; Something was definitely wrong. Yoongi turned around and made eye contact with Hoseok, and as if they were reading each other’s minds, both of them got up at the same time. They needed to get to the bottom of what was happening to their hyung, which made the rest of the members follow their lead. They ran up the stairs until they got to their hyung’s room. Even though he was the first one to get up from the couch, for some reason, he was the last one to get up the flight of stairs and to their hyung’s front door. Yoongi saw Jungkook trying to open the door, but it was locked, so instead, the younger started banging on it.
“Jin-hyung! Are you okay!? Open the door!” Jungkook yelled but got no response.
“Here, let me try.” Hoseok took over and started banging the door louder, only the sound of Hoseok’s fist making contact with the door was heard.
“Hyung!! Open the door! Please! What happen? Are you okay?!” Yoongi heard Taehyung shout from where he was standing.
The six of them were all worried about their hyung; he had never acted like this before. Seokjin-hyung looked so broken, so sad that it crushed his heart.
“Hyung! At least say something. Tell us you are okay. Please, say something!” Yoongi yelled, his voice was trembling from the fear of not knowing what was happening to their hyung.
After a few seconds of silence that felt like minutes, a very soft and hurt voice was heard coming from the inside.
“I’m fine. Just leave me alone. I want to go to sleep. Please...”
“Hyung! We don’t know what is happening, but just remember, we are here for you if you ever want to talk about it. Please don’t shut yourself in your room anymore. Please,” Jimin replied back.
They were all sad. Sad that their hyung, their most precious oldest hyung, was going through a rough time, but they had no idea how to help him at all. Since they knew their hyung was not going to come out of his room all night long but relieved that they at least heard his voice, the six of them headed back downstairs to the living room. Even though they were all sitting down on the couch, with a random film playing, none of them were in the mood to concentrate and just sat there in silence while the movie was playing in the background. The only thoughts in Yoongi’s mind was that they were all deeply worried about their hyung.
—————-
Rage, hatred, and betrayal were the only feelings going through Seokjin’s mind at the moment. He couldn’t believe he let himself be fool by such a bastard. How dare Minho-hyung threatened him? And even use the members as hostage to blackmail him. Seokjin was not going to allow anything to happen to his brothers. Even if he had to sacrifice his own life. He was no fool, he knew it was time to tell BigHit about his current situation, but first, he needed to tell the members about him being a Little, that was the whole purpose of breaking up with Minho-Hyung. His conscience was screaming at him for being such an idiot for putting too much trust on a person he met online. Who could blame him, though? When he was desperate and lonely. After all, Seokjin couldn't have the people he truly desired.
Seokjin knew he needed to get back to the apartment, where all the members were waiting for him since he was sure they were probably worried about his whereabouts. Quickly going to the bathroom, he saw himself in the mirror, and the sight alone saddened him. He looked like he had been ran over by a truck, his hair was sticking out in every direction, swollen puffy eyes from crying like a baby, and red fingerprints, already bruising, around his neck from when Minho-hyung tried to choke him to death. He was a mess, a fucking mess. As best as he could, Seokjin splashed some water on his hair and tried to comb it, to at least make it look decent enough, then proceeded on wash his face, trying to make his eyes look less swollen, although he knew it wasn’t going to make much of a difference. Fixing his shirt as best as he could, he closed the door to his apartment and went back upstairs to where his band members were waiting for him. Seokjin was nervous, he knew he was not in the best condition to talk to the members about his secret, at the moment, so when he got passed the front of door and was on his way to the living room, he instantly put his hands around his neck, trying to cover up the fingerprints and ran to his room. He heard some of the members asking him questions with sounds of concern, but he didn’t care. Seokjin needed to organize his mind first; then, he would be ready to talk.
Shutting himself in his room, he crawled to his bed, and a few minutes later, he heard someone banging on his door. Knowing it was the members, Seokjin covered himself with his blankets, hugging Kitty and Sunny. Seokjin knew the members were not going to leave him alone until they at least knew he was all right, so as best as he could, he told them to leave him alone and that he was fine, even though he wanted some comfort. Closing his eyes, once Seokjin heard footsteps walking away from his room, he cried himself to sleep.
Seokjin didn't know how many hours of sleep he had gotten, but he woke up with his body feeling sore. Blinking his eyes a few times to adjust his vision, he came to the realization of yesterday’s incident. He couldn’t believe this was happening to him. Now he needed to find the right timing to talk with the members about his problem. Hopefully, they would understand. Checking the time, he saw it was still early, 5 am. He climbed out of bed and went to the bathroom; he saw that his eyes were even puffier and redder than before, sighing, he washed his face and brushed his teeth. They had another practice section at the studio later today and recording of new songs until late evening. At the thought of it, he knew it was going to be a long day for him. However, he needed to find the right time to tell the members.
In ordered to organize his mind, he left their apartment and headed to the studio at 6 am, three hours before practice started, and an hour before the members were scheduled to get up and get ready.
He was sitting down in the middle of their dance studio when his phone vibrated, he looked at it and realized it was Minho-hyung. Fear ran throughout his whole body; shaking a little he opened the message,
Minho-hyung: Jinnie, I want you to meet with me today. Remember, it doesn’t matter what time. I’ll be waiting for you.
Jinnie: Hyung, I get out late today.
Minho-hyung: Did I not make myself clear. Meet me at your apartment after work! I’m waiting for you.
Minho-hyung:*image attachment*
Seokjin was wondering what his hyung meant by he was waiting for him when he received an image via text message. Opening it, he saw his hyung sitting on his couch. How the hell did he get inside!? Seokjin knew he had not given him the passcode to the door, panicking, Seokjin called his hyung, and after the first ring, his hyung picked up.
“Hey, Jinnie, sweetheart. Like my surprise?” his hyung answered, laughing.
“HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET INSIDE MY APARTMENT!” Seokjin screamed, he needed to know or else he'd be putting them all in danger.
“Oh, Jinnie. I’ve got my ways. Like I was saying earlier, I want you here after you are done with work. Don’t tell anyone. You don’t know what I’m capable of, Seokjin. Don’t test me...I can make your life a living hell. Oh, don’t forget to bring those stupid stuffed animals you care so much about. Bye, Jinnie, see you soon, my love.”
Without letting him reply, his hyung hanged up on him, leaving him with fear of what was going to happened to him. If his hyung could get inside his apartment, he didn't want to know what else he was capable of doing.
———-
Seokjin didn’t like the idea, but he did what his hyung told him. Throughout the day, he avoided the members; he knew they were worried about him, just from the glances he was receiving now and then. He was glad he covered up the fingerprints around his neck before anyone arrived, or they would interrogate him. Making up an excuse to leave first after recording their new songs, which he knew no one believed him, Seokjin went straight to his apartment, but first, he stopped by the apartment he shared with the members to pick up Kitty and Sunny. Once he got inside his apartment, Seokjin saw the back figure of his hyung sitting down on his couch, watching TV. Noticing his arrival, his hyung turned around.
“Hi there Jinnie, good to see that you made it.”
“What do you want hyung,” Seokjin growled back, he was not going to let him push him around, even if he was scared to death.
“Oh, don’t be like that. I’m just here to spend some time with my baby boy. Isn’t that why I’m your caregiver? To take care of you when you are in Little Space.”
“Not anymore, remember we broke up! How did you even get inside my apartment anyway?” He asked.
“None of your business Seokjin. Now, put on these clothes I got for you and start coloring. I want you in Little Space.” His hyung demanded.
“Hyung, you know going into Little Space is not a superpower. I can’t just magically switch headspaces just because you want me to,”
“I don’t care how you do it. Get in these fucking clothes, and when I come back with your sippy cup, you better be in Little Space. If you have to, use those fucking stuffed animals. I don’t give a fuck, you freak. You better be in Little Space when I come back or else,” His hyung warned him, leaving Seokjin in the middle of the living room with a yellow sweater that was big enough to cover him all the way to his knees and a pair of black shorts.
After hesitating for a few minutes, he started to put on the clothes his hyung gave him. After Seokjin was done changing, he noticed a few coloring books and a set of crayons on the living room table. Taking Kitty and Sunny and placing them next to each other on the carpet, where he was going to color, he laid down flat on his stomach and started coloring. Seokjin didn't know if it was because he was told to do so or because he had Kitty and Sunny with him or even because he was coloring, but he felt himself slipping further and further into his headspace.
“Is my big boy being obedient?” Jinnie turned around after hearing his daddy’s voice.
“Yesh, daddy,” Jinnie said nervously. Lately, he had been scared of his daddy because he had been acting like a big meanie.
“I’ve got your sippy cup with apple juice.”
“Thank you, daddy,” he politely answered, grabbing the sippy cup and taking a few sips of the apple juice.
“Jinnie, I want you to be finished with the apple juice before I come back. Okay.” his daddy told him before leaving the room once again.
“Yesh, daddy,” he replied, feeling relief that his daddy was leaving.
Minutes later, Jinnie was too focus on coloring the T-Rex dinosaur that he didn’t notice that his daddy had come back.
“Jinnie, come over here I have a surprise for you,” his daddy interrupted his coloring time.
“Yes, daddy, be right there,” Jinnie responded and put down his crayon and headed to the direction of where his daddy’s voice was coming from.
(Warning! Raping Scene Starts)
Hearing voices coming from the kitchen, he headed in that direction. Entering the kitchen, Jinnie was surprised when he noticed that his daddy was talking with two other people. Jinnie wondered who they were and why was his daddy talking to them. They seemed scary to him; one of them had a big belly, kind of like Santa, and was bald. The other person was skinny and was wearing glasses.
Jinnie was scared.
“Daddy?” he said, hiding behind the kitchen door.
“Oh, Jinnie, come over here. Did you finished your apple juice, sweetheart?”
“Yesh, daddy. I finish all of it.” Jinnie said while walking towards his daddy.
“Good. Now let me introduce you to some good friends of mine.”
“This is Jason,” his daddy said, pointing at the Santa looking hyung.
“and this is Lee.” his daddy continued, pointing at the hyung with glasses.
“Hi, I’m Jinnie.” he softly introduced himself, wanting to be polite, but on the inside, he was terrified of the new hyungs.
“Jinnie, these nice hyungs want to play with you today. Doesn’t that sound nice?”
“But I don’t want to daddy.”
“Jinnie!!” His daddy raised his voice, making him flinch.
“But daddy!”
“No, Jinnie! They will play with you today! Daddy’s words are final!”
“NOOOOO!” He screamed while hugging Kitty, tightly, and running away from the kitchen.
“Jinnie! Come back here!” he heard his daddy shout while he was running away, but it was in vain. Jinnie felt someone grabbed his arm, stopping him from moving.
“No, daddy. Please, no play with those hyungs!” Jinnie begged while tears were falling down his chubby cheeks.
“Now Jinnie, sit down on the couch and PLAY with those hyungs or you’re not getting Kitty back,” his daddy told him, snatching away Kitty from his arm.
“NOO! Daddy! Give Kitty back! Don’t be a meanie!” he pleaded while trying to get his best friend back.
“No! You’ll only get him back once you play with your nice hyungs, ” his daddy stated, walking away with Kitty.
Now, Jinnie was in the middle of the living room, crying his heart out from the loss of his best friend when he felt the movement of feet walking towards him.
“Now, Jinnie, come sit next to hyung,” the Santa looking one said to him, and it sent shivers down his spine.
“No!” Jinnie yelled back.
“Now, Jinnie, be a good boy, or you’ll get punished.”
“You’re not my daddy, so you can’t punish me.”
“Oh, sweetheart,” glasses-hyung said, getting behind him, locking his arms around his waist and dragging him towards the sofa, where Santa hyung was sitting. Jinnie was struggling as best as he could, kicking, scratching, and even biting, but nothing worked, glasses-hyung was too strong. More tears fell down his cheeks at the thought of not being able to getaway.
Jinnie let out a gasp, while his body shivered in fear when he was forcefully pushed on the lap of Santa-hyung, who made him sit sideways. Suddenly, he felt the hands of Santa-hyung touching and caressing him between his thighs.
“No..touchy there...please,” Jinnie begged, trying to move away from the lap of Santa-hyung but failed to do so.
“Now, Now, Jinnie. Hyung just wants to play with you. Now be a good boy and stay still.” Santa-hyung whispered in his ear, caressing his hand up and down Jinnie’s thigh faster and faster, until the hand reached further up, touching his shorts, where his big boy parts were located. Jinnie’s body shook in terror. Where was daddy Minho to help him?
“D-daddy Minho,” he tried to yell, but only a whimpering sound came out.
“Oh, sweetie, he left already, and won’t be coming back in a while. Not until we finish playing.”
Santa-hyung proceeded to do a stroking movement on his clothed big boy parts, making Jinnie feel like he was going to faint. All of a sudden, he felt a pressure on his back, it was glasses-hyung, giving him kisses on his neck, sending more shivers throughout his whole body.
“No!” he tried to protest but with no luck. Jinnie was paralyzed from the fear of being touched by strangers.
At the moment, Jinnie was going to protest some more, his tummy felt like it was on fire, it burned, and his whole body felt weak that he couldn’t even lift his arm. What was wrong with his body? Was he sick?
“Aah...no...no touchy Jinnie there...please,” he said when he felt glasses-hyung’s hand go under his sweater and pinch his little buds, twisting them around.
Quivering at the touch, Jinnie tried to shake off the hand of glasses-hyung away from his buds. It made him feel funny, and his whole body felt like it was on fire.
“Oh, Jinnie, you taste so sweet, and you're such a good boy for your hyungs,” Glasses-hyung whispered in his ear.
Jinnie felt his upper body slowly being pushed backward, making his back rest on the lap of glasses-hyung. Now his whole body was lying flat on the laps of the two hyungs. Jinnie felt his hips being pushed upward only to realized that Santa-hyung was taking off his shorts and undies at the same time.
“No.” he weakly objected while trying to use his hands to prevent him from taking his shorts off, but it was no use, Jinnie felt so tired. At the same time, glasses-hyung pulled his sweater upwards, just enough to expose his tummy and chest. Jinnie felt so hot, was he going to die? No, he didn't want to die; he wanted to see Hobi-Appa and Yoonie-Appa.
“Appa!” Jinnie cried out.
“Oh, Jinnie, we already told you Appa won't be here until we are done playing. Now my baby boy, let’s get to the fun part.” Santa-hyung said, making him shudder in fear.
Jinnie arced his back when he felt a warm pressure on his pee-pee. As best as he could, he looked down and saw Santa-hyung eating his pee-pee. Why? It was not something you should eat. Santa-hyung immediately started to move his head up and down Jinnie’s pee-pee, making Jinnie feel a weird sensation.
“No...d-don't...It feels funny...my pee-pee feels funny...” Jinnie cried out in pain, but Santa-hyung wasn't stopping. Santa-hyung just bobbed his head up and down, faster and faster. Jinnie felt like he was going to pee, and so he did...all over Santa-hyung’s mouth.
“Jinnie! My gosh! You taste so good. I can’t wait to be inside of you.” Santa-hyung said to him. What does he mean, inside of him? Jinnie just wanted to play with Kitty and Sunny.
Jinnie was suddenly flip over, so now his bum bum was facing the air, and his face was on top of glasses-hyung’s pee-pee.
He felt a cold sensation and a painful pressure entering him.
“AAHH...NO...IT HUWRTS...PLEASE STOP!” He screamed, but the pain only got worse.
“Scream for me, baby boy. I want to hear you scream my name. Lee doesn’t. He looks fucking hot, taking my finger. He’s so tight. Shit! I can’t wait to eat him out and then bury myself inside his tight hole.” Jinnie heard Santa-hyung say, but he didn’t know what it meant, but his instinct told him it was not good at all.
After a while of feeling only pain, the unbearable pressure entering him was starting to feel a little better, but unexpectedly, he was taken off the lap of the two hyungs and forced to be on all fours, like a doggy. Jinnie felt something wet forced itself inside of him, and his hips were being pushed back and forth by Santa-hyung’s hands.
“AAAAAHHH!” he yelled.
“Jinnie no like...DDADDY MINHO! HELP!!! It hurts!” he screamed but lost his energy when once again, his pee-pee felt funny, and he had to pee again.
“Now, Jinnie, you’ve been neglecting me. Open your mouth. I have a big lollipop you can lick, while your other hyung preps you some more.” Glasses-hyung told Jinnie while lifting his head up only to come face to face with glasses hyung’s big pee-pee. Being forced to open his mouth and take the big pee-pee inside, Jinnie felt like he was going to choke. The hands of glasses-hyung were now on the back of his head, guiding his movements. Jinnie wanted everything to be over, and he didn't like what was happening to him. Jinnie hated daddy Minho! Why did he leave him here with such meanie hyungs? Jinnie wanted to go back home to Yoonie Appa, Hobi Appa, and his real hyungs.
“Lee, hand me a condom. I think our little Jinnie is ready to have my big dick inside of him,” he heard Santa-hyung say. Jinnie was not prepared for the pain he was going to experience. And that was when he felt the worse pain in his life, a pain so intense that he thought he was going to be split in half. He wanted to scream, but glasses-hyung’s pee-pee was preventing him from making any noise. Jinnie just felt the pee-pee going further and further inside his mouth, almost choking him. Jinnie knew he was going to pass out any minute, his mind felt hazy, and he couldn’t think anymore.
“Fuck! Jinnie, you feel so tight! You’re taking my dick so well. Yes! Take all of hyung’s dick inside your tight hole. Fuck! This is the best sex I’ve had in a while,” Jinnie heard Santa-hyung say.
“Fuck, yes! I know what you mean, Jason. Jinnie’s mouth is so warm and tight around my dick. He’s taking it so well...aahhh! I think I’m going to cum any second. Aaaaaahhhh! Fuck!” Glasses-hyung screamed. Jinnie felt like he was going to die. He was in so much pain. Jinnie didn’t like it at all...Jinnie just wanted to die.
“AAAHHH! i'm CUMMING!” Jinnie heard both hyungs yell at the same time. All of a sudden, Jinnie felt a warm liquid inside his mouth and on his bum bum. The feeling to pee came back again, and too scared to think of anything, he just let it all out. Was he going to die now? He was so scared.
Jinnie felt his body being lifted once again and laid down flat on the couch. That was when he heard the voice he had been seeking to listen to since the beginning, daddy Minho was back, and he was surely going to save Jinnie from this nightmare.
“Now that you had your fun hand me the money. I’ll call you back when Little Jinnie here is ready to take more customers. Man, I hit the jackpot with this one.” Jinnie heard his daddy say before his mind went blank and passed out.
Notes:
I’M SORRY!! I’M SORRY!! I’M SORRY!! I’M SORRY!! 😭😭😭😭😭
Let me know your thoughts on this chapter!
Please look forward to the next chapter.
Chapter 14: Trapped
Summary:
“FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!!” He screamed, scrubbing harder and harder until his skin turned red.
Notes:
After writing last chapter I was a mess, so to compensate for it, there’s a lot more fluff in the second part of this chapter ☺️
I hope you enjoy this chapter!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Filth: Seokjin felt like the filthiest person in the world. He woke up half an hour ago and was currently lying down on the couch, with no shorts or underwear on, and his sweater raised to his neck. He knew what those bastards did to him. They touched him. He didn't remember every single detail about the incident due to his Little side blocking most of the memories, but he did know that he was raped by the two perverts that Minho brought to his apartment. They took advantage of him while he was in Little space and destroyed his innocence from the core, making his body shudder at the realization that he was no longer pure.
Anger: Seokjin felt hatred towards himself, for being so stupid and falling for Minho’s trap. He wanted to kill that bastard for selling his body to strangers. Why did he agree to meet up with him anyway? Seokjin knew he shouldn’t have trusted Minho after almost choking him to death, yet he couldn’t let Minho roam around freely in his apartment. He never got the answer on how Minho got inside his apartment, and now that this happened, Seokjin needed to talk to security; To let them know that he was attacked and to arrest him the next time Minho tried to come near their property. Anger was consuming him.
Guilt: Seokjin felt guilty for not resisting enough to the harassment of the people who raped him. If he had at least kick one of them between their groins, Seokjin would have more chances of escaping. If he had at least punch and knocked one of them out, he would not have been raped. He knew two against one was not fair, but if he had stayed at the studio and told everyone about his situation, this whole incident would have never happened.
Shame: Seokjin felt shameful for being raped. For letting those disgusting pigs touch him and have their way with him. For feeling pleasure while they were raping him and cumming more than once. Maybe he really deserved what they did to him, for being a pervert and liking the whole concept of Little Space. After all, it was not normal for an adult to want to be treated as a child or even go in the headspace of one. Yet, the worst part of his shame was for being naive and letting Minho trick him in going into Little Space, knowing how violent he was the last time they met.
Seokjin wanted to crawl into a hole and never get out. He didn't know how he was going to continue living with his life. A bundle of emotions was devouring him to the point where he didn’t want to get up from the couch; he just wanted to stay there and rot to death, after all, that was exactly what he deserved. He didn't know if it was morning or nighttime as he had lost all sense of time, but what he did know was that he needed to get up and take a shower. He needed to get rid of all the filth in his body. He vaguely remembered that the fat bastard who penetrated him used a condom, so how come he felt so wet? Fuck, the condom broke, and now he was feeling the wetness between his legs. Plus, there was a sour and bitter taste in his mouth, probably from all the cum he was forced to swallow while his chest felt sticky. Seokjin had a headache and felt nauseous, but he didn’t know why, and honestly, he didn’t care; whatever happened to him now, he deserved it all.
As best as he could, he got up from the couch and headed to the bathroom. He ignored the mirror because he felt too ashamed to look at his reflection; besides, all he was going to look at was a sick pervert who let strangers raped him.
Getting inside the shower, he turned on the handle, letting the water hit his body. After standing under the water, for who knows how long, he grabbed the bath sponge and poured soap on it. Slowly, he started to scrub his arms, neck, chest, and then finally between his legs. Sadness overcame him, causing tears to start falling down his cheeks, and no matter how much he scrubbed, the filth didn’t go away.
“FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!!” He screamed, scrubbing harder and harder until his skin turned red. His legs felt weak, and he fell to the floor of the shower, curling up and hugging his knees while hysterically crying, letting the warm water hit his whole body. Seokjin didn't know for how long he had been in the shower, but he was starting to feel cold, so he decided it was time to get out.
Placing a towel around his waist, he headed to his closet, grabbing a simple white-colored long-sleeve T-shirt and skinny black jeans, the less attractive the clothes made him look, the better. He didn’t want any attention on him because he was ugly and filthy. After fixing his hair, without looking in the mirror, he walked to the living room. He remembered that he needed to get Kitty and Sunny before even thinking of going back to the apartment where the other members were probably waiting for him. Noticing that Sunny was on the floor next to the table, he grabbed it and started to look for Kitty, but after looking for five minutes, Kitty was nowhere to be found. Panic ran through his mind, where could it be? Then he remembered, Minho took it away from him and promised to return it after everything was over, but now he realized that it was a lie. Seokjin felt like his heart was being ripped in half. Kitty was one of his comfort stuffies. Without it, his Little side would become anxious, and he wouldn’t be able to control his emotions when he was overwhelmed. He needed that plushie to relief some of the pain he was currently having. Both plushies gave him a sense of love and warmth that he was seeking; besides, they had a deeper connection with him since they were gifts from Yoongi and Hoseok.
After looking through every corner of the living room for his phone, Seokjin found it underneath the couch, and as fast as he could, clicking on the messages, he started to type,
Jinnie: WHERE IS KITTY!? YOU BASTARD! GIVE HIM BACK! I KNOW YOU HAVE IT!!!
Minho-hyung: Look who just woke up. Good morning to you too, Jinnie. I had fun last night. Your precious plushie is currently with me, chilling.
Minho-Hyung:*image attachment*
Opening the image, he saw Minho hugging Kitty. Fuck! What was he going to do now? He needed to get the plushie back as soon as possible. His thoughts were interrupted when he got another message.
Minho-Hyung: If you want to see your precious Kitty, meet me at your apartment tomorrow night or else. After last night, I think you will be wise not to disobey me or say anything to anyone. I wuv you my precious Little freak.
Seokjin felt goosebumps all throughout his body. He knew he shouldn’t agree to Minho’s demands, but he really depended on Kitty to comfort him, especially when he was in Little Space.
Jinnie: Okay...you sick bastard. You’ll pay for what you did to me. I don’t know how, but I’ll make sure you rot to death.
Minho-Hyung: hahaha, you wish. I’ve got you wrapped around my finger Kim Seokjin, but I would like for you to try if you can.
“Curse you to hell, Lee Minho!” Seokjin growled, covering his face with both hands, he was frustrated at the thought of being in the hands of Minho, and he couldn’t do anything about it.
As much as he wanted to cry himself to sleep, Seokjin knew it was time to go back to the other apartment. He wasn’t sure how he was going to face the members; after all, just yesterday, he was fully prepared to tell them about his Little headspace but now, that this had happened to him, he wasn’t too sure anymore. He was scared of being judged or being pity on. He didn’t want them to feel pity towards him because it would only make him feel worse.
Grabbing Sunny, his only source of comfort and putting his phone in his back pocket, he left his untidy apartment. Seokjin could barely walk; his back felt like someone was stabbing him with a knife, and he was limping all the way to the elevator.
Once he got to the front door of the apartment, he took a deep breath and gave Sunny a tight hug before coming face to face with reality. Then he opened the door. He knew the members were probably angry at him for leaving all night long, but he didn’t care, he was not in the right mindset to talk with anyone or hear their scolding. Seokjin knew he needed to pass through the living room in ordered to go to his room, and he just hoped that no one was there. Walking inside the apartment, the living room came to his view, and to his misfortune, he noticed six figures squeezed together on the couch. He tried his best to walk as quickly and quietly as possible, but it was in vain, as he saw all six members turned around and looked at him with mixed expressions of relief, worry, and anger.
Seokjin just stood there frozen, as the sudden attention started to bring him memories of last night.
“Hyung! Where have you been!? We’ve been so worried about you!” Namjoon asked him, walking towards him, followed by the other members.
“Yeah, hyung, you had all of us worry. You have to tell us when you are not coming home. We thought something bad happen to you when we couldn’t get a hold of you.” Jimin told him, seeing Taehyung and Hoseok nodding their heads in agreement.
Looking at the floor to avoid any eye contact, Seokjin felt like his soul was leaving his body, like if he was dreaming. He knew the members were just worried about him, but he couldn’t stop his mind from wandering to the memory of the hands and fingers of those two strangers touching his body. He felt nauseated; he just wanted to die. How could he make all of this go away?
“Hyung...” he heard Yoongi say when suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder. As quickly as his body could move, he looked up and noticed that it was Jungkook; he knew it was their precious Maknae, but his body betrayed him, and fear consumed him, and he slapped Jungkook's hand away.
“STAY AWAY! DON'T TOUCH ME!” He screamed, moving backward until he was against the wall, with the fear of being touched again.
His body was trembling, and tears were starting to fall down his cheeks. Seokjin couldn’t handle it anymore; he just wanted to die; he wanted to disappear from this world.
“STAY AWAY! STAY AWAY! STAY AWAY! STAY AWAY!!” Seokjin begged, closing his eyes and crouching down to the floor while placing his hands over his ears to make it all go away, dropping Sunny in the process.
———-
Yoongi didn't know what was worse, staying up all night long worrying about his Seokjin-hyung’s whereabout or seeing his hyung breaking down right in front of them.
“DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME! STAY AWAY PLEASE!” Yoongi heard Seokjin scream while retreating to the wall. He would be lying if he didn’t feel like his heart was being ripped in half. What was wrong with their hyung? Jungkook barely tapped him on the shoulder when he started screaming as if someone was attacking him. Yoongi looked around the room only to see Jimin and Taehyung hugging each other while crying, due to seeing the condition of their oldest hyung.
Jungkook was just stood there, in the same spot, frozen, probably too shock and confused as to what he did wrong. As for Hoseok and Namjoon, they were both pale. Their faces were a mixture of concern, scared, and sadness, which was understandable since none of them knew what was happening.
Hysterical cries were all you can hear in the room.
“STOP! DON'T COME NEAR ME...PLEASE...” Seokjin-hyung screamed in agony.
Suddenly, Seokjin looked up, showing the most hurtful expression Yoongi had ever seen.
In a blink of an eye, his hyung turned sideways and started to vomit.
“HYUNG!” all of them shouted in unison.
“Jimin, Taehyung go to the kitchen and get us some towels; the rest of you come help me carry hyung to the couch.” he heard Namjoon tell them.
As fast as his body could move, he was next to Namjoon and Hoseok, who were helping their hyung get on Jungkook’s back. Seeing that they could handle their hyung without his help, Yoongi looked at the mess in front of him. He had to clean it up, noticing the Sunshine bear Hoseok gave to their hyung just barely missed being dirty with vomit. Once he moved it aside, Jimin and Taehyung came back with their hands full of towels.
Minutes later, Jimin, Taehyung, and Yoongi cleaned up the vomit and walked towards the couch where their hyung was currently resting, making sure he grabbed the plushie.
“How’s hyung? Did he throw up again?” he asked Namjoon, who was currently wiping away some vomit from their hyung’s chin.
“He’s fine, but I think he fainted, and look at this,” Namjoon told him, gesturing his hands to his hyung’s neck, pointing at finger marks that were starting to turn purple.
“WHAT! Are those finger marks?!” He said a little too loud for his liking, which caught the attention of the rest of the members. Hoseok was immediately next to him looking at the finger marks, and slowly all the members took turns looking at the brushing neck.
“What do you think is wrong with him? He basically just had a panic attack… are those marks related to him being so isolated from us?” Jimin asked out loud.
“I’m not sure, to be honest, but hopefully, he’ll wake up soon,” Namjoon replied.
“Yeah,” Yoongi said, and with that thought, ten minutes later, Seokjin-hyung slowly opened his eyes, looking straight at him, making his heartache at the hurt expression his hyung had.
“Yoonie Appa?” his hyung softly whispered to him.
“What?” he gasped, looking around the room only to see the same confused expression on the rest of the members. What did their oldest hyung just called him?
“I’m sorry, Yoonie Appa, the big bad wolf took Kitty away from Jinnie. Now Jinnie sad cause he misses Kitty so much.” Seokjin-hyung said, sitting up straight while tears were falling down his cheeks.
“But Jinnie still has Sunny with him!” his hyung continued to tell him, looking around the room until his eyes landed on Yoongi’s hands. Looking down, he noticed that his hyung was looking at the plushie he was holding. Was Sunny the name of the plushie Hoseok gave to him?
“SUNNY!!” His hyung squealed in happiness, jumping up and down when he noticed the plushie. Moving forward from the spot he was standing in, he gave “Sunny” to Seokjin-hyung, who immediately hugged the plushie like his life depended on it.
“What’s wrong with him? Why’s he acting like that?” he heard Jimin say.
“I don’t know...” he answered him while looking at their hyung, who was now sitting on the carpeted floor, playing with the Sunshine bear.
He saw Hoseok approach their hyung and carefully sat down next to him. The rest of the members saw what Hoseok was doing, and on cue, all of them sat down in a circle, surrounding their hyung who was now in the middle of the circle, calmly playing with the plushie.
“Jin-hyung?” Hoseok asked.
“NO! Jinnie is no hyung! Jinnie is just Jinnie.” His hyung scolded Hoseok while pouting; it was adorable.
“Jinnie...” Hoseok continued.
“Yesh, Hobi Appa,” Jin-hyung replied, smiling for the first time since the breakdown.
“Ummm, are you okay?” Hoseok asked.
Yoongi just glared at Hoseok. Why would he ask such a stupid question after seeing their hyung breakdown in front of them?
“Jinnie, don’t listen to what Hobi Appa just said, now tell me, who is Kitty?” Yoongi asked, trying to stir the conversation in a different direction.
“Kitty is my best friend, but Daddy Minho was being a meanie to Jinnie and took him away, and he now doesn’t want to give him back.”
“Daddy Minho?” Jungkook repeated, with a smirk on his face. Yoongi knew what was going through the Maknae’s mind. However, it wasn’t the right time to address it.
“Stop it, Jungkook,” he said, glaring at the younger. If looks could kill a person, he was sure Jungkook would be six feet underground at the moment.
“Why doesn’t Daddy Minho want to give you Kitty back?” he asked, turning his attention to their hyung, who was now hugging Sunny to prevent himself from crying.
“Cause he’s being a meanie to Jinnie. Jinnie didn’t do anything bad. I’ve been a good boy...just like Daddy Minho told me to be, but he...but he still took Kitty away.” his hyung replied, tears were starting to form on his hyung’s beautiful eyes.
A chill ran down Yoongi’s back, asking himself who the hell was this daddy Minho person his hyung kept mentioning? And was he the one who hurt him? Making eye contact with Hoseok, he knew that they needed to find out the truth, but none of them were sure what was wrong with him or why was he acting so strange. Suddenly his train of thoughts was interrupted by Seokjin-hyung speaking.
“Appa, Jinnie hungry.” he heard, noticing that his hyung was looking at Hoseok with puppy eyes and then looking around, making eye contact with each one of them to reassure that he was indeed hungry and it was so precious.
“Of course, Jinnie, what would you like to eat?” he asked, pinching Seokjin’s chubby cheeks. Yoongi couldn’t stop thinking about how adorable their hyung was acting even though he had no idea why Seokjin was acting so child-like.
“Hmm, gummy bears?” his hyung announced, tilting his head sideways.
As adorable as Seokjin-hyung looked at the moment, gummy bears were not a proper meal at all.
“Jinnie, how about some pancakes? I know you love those?”
“NO! Jinnie wants gummy bears!” his hyung whined while crossing his arms in disagreement.
Why was his hyung acting so stubborn? He looked around the room and saw the rest of the members trying to hold back a burst of laughter. Their hyung was acting too cute, and even though they didn’t know who this “Jinnie” character his hyung was playing, they were all happy to see him complain about food instead of crying in agony.
Sighing, Yoongi got up from the floor and headed to the kitchen, leaving Seokjin-hyung with the other members. Hopefully, they would convince him to eat something other than gummy bears.
Entering the kitchen, he realized that none of them had breakfast because they were waiting for their hyung to get home safely, and it was now almost lunchtime. However, now that their hyung was back, he concluded that the rest of the members were probably hungry. Yoongi knew he had to give his hyung a decent meal to eat, without making him upset for not having his gummy bears, so he decided that he might as well cook food for all of them to make up for their missing meal.
After thirty minutes of preparing their food, he called everyone to the kitchen table. Of course, Seokjin-hyung was still acting as Jinnie, so holding Sunny, the sunshine bear, his hyung sat down with a pout on his face.
“What’s wrong, Jinnie?” Yoongi asked, trying to hold back from pinching his hyung’s adorable chubby cheeks.
“Jinnie doesn’t want pancakes! Appa I want gummy bears!” his hyung insisted while looking at the pancakes with disgust.
Yoongi looked around the table, wondering what they have been doing for the last thirty minutes. He thought the members would at least try to convince their hyung about eating something decent. All he got were headshakes of disapproval, knowing that they failed. He wasn't surprised though, as their hyung was very stubborn once he made up his mind.
“Jinnie, how about you eat your pancakes and then have gummy bears?”
“NO! I want gummy bears NOW!” his hyung screamed while pushing the plate away from him. How stubborn could their hyung be?
“Gummy bears! Gummy bears! Gummy bears! Gummy bears! Gummy bears! Gummy bears! Gummy bears! “ his hyung repeated over and over again while banging on the table with fisted hands.
“Fine! How about you eat your pancakes with gummy bears?” He replied, giving up. Their hyung’s stubbornness was on a different level.
“Yaay! I wuv you, Yoonie Appa!” His hyung said excitedly, getting up from the chair and giving him a kiss on the cheek. Yoongi felt like he was melting at the feeling of Seokjin’s plump lips still lingering on his cheek. He placed his hand over the cheek, his hyung just kissed, and looked at Hoseok, who was staring at him with love and envy.
Lunch was a disaster, their hyung kept refusing to eat the pancakes he made and only ate the gummy bears. Hoseok and Taehyung tried to get him to eat, but it resulted in pieces of pancake being thrown at their faces, which cause a childish Jungkook to start throwing food all over the kitchen table. It was a nightmare, but the laugh his hyung made was worth it, in a sense. Even though they still didn’t know what was wrong with Seokjin-hyung or why he was behaving like a child and called himself Jinnie, they were content to see him smiling. They were more concerned about the bruises on his neck and who was daddy Minho. Yoongi had a lot of questions to ask but no one to answer them. Well, there was Seokjin-hyung, but he was in no condition to talk at all.
All seven of them gathered in the living room after lunch. Yoongi, Seokjin, Hoseok, and Jimin were all sitting on the couch, and Jungkook, Taehyung, and Namjoon were on the carpeted floor, all covered up in blankets. They were watching Paw Patrol; for some strange reason, their hyung wanted to watch it, and to not upset him once again, the six of them decided to let him watch the show, realizing how stubborn their hyung could be.
After thirty minutes of watching Paw Patrol Yoongi looked at his right side only to noticed that Seokjin-hyung was leaning his head on Hoseok’s shoulder, sleeping soundly while hugging Sunny, the sunshine bear.
“So, what the hell just happened? Are we not going to talk about hyung’s behavior?” he spoke up softly, enough for the rest of the members to hear but not loud enough to disturb their hyung from his slumber.
“I have no idea what the hell just happen hyung. All I know is that someone is hurting him from the finger marks on his neck,” Hoseok replied.
“What do we do now?” Taehyung asked the group.
“I don’t know, let’s just ask hyung more questions once he wakes up. Maybe he’ll be himself and tell us what is wrong.” Namjoon told them.
All of them agree, and the room went back to silence, just the sound of the television playing Paw Patrol was heard. A few minutes later, Yoongi’s eyes couldn’t stay open anymore. Maybe it was because he had not slept all night long worrying about their hyung’s whereabouts. With a satisfying feeling of having his hyung safe and sound, Yoongi drifted off to sleep with the hope that when they all wake up, their hyung would be feeling better.
Notes:
I hope you liked this chapter.
Please let me know your thoughts.
Ps. Once again, I want you to prepare your hearts for next chapter. If you were disturbed by last chapter, please skip next chapter cause you will probably hate me once you read it. 😭😭😭😭😭 I’m sorry!
Chapter 15: Kitty and Sunny
Summary:
“Kitty!” He squealed in delight, seeing one of his comfort stuffies again.
Notes:
WARNING ⚠️ VIOLENCE/RAPE SCENE AT THE END OF THIS CHAPTER. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.
I’ve had this chapter written up two days ago but for some reason the more I edit it the longer it got lol 😂
Please make sure you read the end Notes as I have a few things to clear up and talk about on this chapter.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Seokjin woke up with his head resting on Hoseok's shoulder. The proximity of their bodies made his heart beat faster than it should be, and his body temperature to rise up. Making him realized, once again, that he was deeply in love with Hoseok. He wanted to be with him forever and with Yoongi too, but he wished for the impossible. After the terrible incident that happened to him, Seokjin knew Yoongi, and Hoseok would never want to touch him.
Snuggling closer to Hoseok, he ignored the painful memories coming back into his mind, but he knew he had to face reality sooner or later and tell the members the truth. Seokjin wanted to crawl into a hole and never get out when he remembered that he went into Little Space in front of everyone. How could he had been so careless? True, he wanted to reveal his secret to everyone, but not that way. What would the members think of him now that they’ve seen him as Little Jinnie? He was scared of being judged, scared of being seen as a freak, but more importantly, scared of being rejected by the people he considered family. He just wished that the members were understanding enough and accept him for who he was and what truly made him happy.
Seokjin noticed that everyone was still asleep, either on the couch or on the floor, and as much as he wanted to keep snuggling with Hoseok, he knew it was time for him to get up and take a shower. So as quietly as possible, he squeezed himself out of Hoseok, and Yoongi, who was on his left side and walked towards his room, making sure to take Sunny with him.
Once he got in the shower, still feeling like the filthiest person in the world, he let the warm liquid fall down on his body and just stood there, trying to forget last night's incident; even though he knew taking another shower was not going to help him get rid of the disgusting feeling still lingering in him.
Satisfied enough, he got out of the shower, and without even looking in the mirror, he combed his hair. Then, placing a towel around his waist, he walked over to his closet and started looking through his clothes until he came across the light pink sweater Yoongi picked out for him and decided to wear that instead, while also picking out a pair of grey sweatpants. He wanted to be as comfortable as possible and didn’t want to impress anyone or catch anyone’s attention.
After getting dressed, he lay down on his bed, wanting to think of what he was going to do next. First, when was he going to have a proper conversation with the members and fully explain what happened? Second, how he was going to deal with Minho, but most importantly, how to get Kitty back.
The vibration of his phone interrupted his thoughts. Picking the phone up from where he left it charging earlier, he noticed it was their manager, Sejin.
“Hello,” He answered.
“Where are you guys!? It’s past 5 pm, and all of you are not here. We had many episodes of BTS Run to record today, but no one showed up. Why did no one answered my calls? You basically missed all morning and most of the afternoon of your schedule. Where is Namjoon? What is going on!? You are all in trouble!” Sejin-hyung bombarded him with multiple questions, making him panic, knowing that they were in trouble.
“We are so sorry hyung, we overslept. I just got up, but I’ll go downstairs and wake the rest of the members up. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. We’ll be right there! Please don’t be angry at the rest of the members...it was my fault. It was all my fault. I take all the blame. Please!” Seokjin begged, trying to advert the blame to himself, after all, he was the one who made the members stay up all night waiting for him to come home, and to make it worse, wasted their time when he went into Little Space.
“You can all tell me what happened once you get here. Now go on, wake everyone up, and I’ll be there as soon as possible.”
“Okay, thank you, hyung. We’ll be ready before you get here.” he acknowledged, hanging up and running down the stairs to where all the members were still sleeping.
Seokjin knew he should start by waking up the light sleeper first, which was Yoongi.
“Yoongi-chi, wake up,” he lightly shook Yoongi’s shoulder. After a few seconds, just like he thought, Yoongi started to groan.
“What?... What do you want hyung… I’m trying to sleep.”
“I know, but you have to get up. Manager Sejin called me and told me we missed a whole day of work. We are in serious trouble!”
“WHAT!” Yoongi yelled, making Namjoon’s body stir at the sudden noise.
“Yes, Yoongi...we are late. We need to get to the studio as soon as possible. Sejin-hyung is on his way to pick us up.”
“Shit.” He heard Yoongi whisper, before looking around the room to see who else was awake.
“Go, get ready. I’ll wake everyone up,” Seokjin instructed, and with a nod of approval, he saw Yoongi getting up from the couch and walk towards the stairs.
In the meantime, Seokjin started waking up the remaining members who were still sleeping. After ten minutes of constant attempts, especially with Jungkook and Hoseok, who were the worse heavy sleepers he’d ever met, all of the members were upstairs getting ready. While he was waiting, Seokjin was on the couch holding onto Sunny. He was determined to take the plushie with him everywhere he went since he feared losing his only source of comfort.
Another ten minutes passed, and one by one, they all started to gather in the living room. As soon as Jimin, who was the last one to get ready, stepped into the living room, the doorbell rang. Seokjin knew it was Sejin-hyung, so picking up his bag and holding onto Sunny with his other hand, he walked to the door, followed by the rest of the members. He knew they shouldn’t give any more reasons to make Sejin-hyung or the staff angry at them; Even though he knew he was at fault for forgetting about work after last night's incident. However, he still didn’t understand how the rest of the members forgot something so important as work. Even if he wanted to ask them, they didn’t have time to even speak to one another, as they had a busy day ahead of them.
————-
It was an awkward and silent car ride to the BigHit building. No one dared to speak as they knew what they did was unprofessional of them. Once they got to the studio, the staff and some producers, scolded them for skipping work, which only caused them to feel ashamed of themselves. Seokjin, as well as the rest of the members, were determined to make up the time they had lost, so with that in mind, all of them spent the next few hours working non-stop to catch up with their schedule.
Time went by so fast that when Seokjin noticed, it was already the day he had to meet up with Minho. He was terrified of Minho. He stopped calling him Minho-hyung because after what that bastard did to him, he hated him with all his heart and never wanted to see him again. Minho was the cause of his pain and suffering; his body trembled at the image of him being raped while in Little Space. After a lot of thinking, he knew it was time to tell the members the truth. Him being a Little, meeting Minho online, going into Little Space, and most importantly, Minho selling his body to strangers, which resulted in him being raped while being in Little Space. It was a difficult decision, but he was willing to risk it all as long as he never got to see Minho ever again and got his precious Kitty back.
It was currently 8 pm, and they still had five more hours of practice left before they were all content with themselves after causing so much inconvenience to everyone. Seokjin was standing in the corner of the practice room, drinking some water and thinking that it was the right moment to tell everyone the truth. After all, they were on a ten-minute break before they started practicing again. Taking a deep breath and gathering all the courage he could get, he walked towards them. He noticed that some members were busy eating snacks, drinking water, or merely resting on the floor. He felt like he was going to pass out from how nervous he was feeling, but he needed to tell them because he didn’t want to meet up with Minho ever again.
“Guys...can we talk for a bit,” he said, getting the attention of everyone.
“Sure hyung...come, let's all sit down on the floor so we can talk,” Namjoon said, and all of them gathered where Yoongi was already sitting. Seokjin made sure to sit where he had a good view of everyone as he wanted to see the reaction of every single one of them.
“Before I start, I want everyone to listen to me carefully and try not to interrupt me. I have a lot in mind and… it was complicated for me to get the courage to tell all of you...but I have faith that you’ll understand me.” He said, making sure he made eye contact with each one of them. Noticing how they all had a serious expression and were very attentive to his every move.
“Okay...I want to start by saying that lately, I’ve been so overwhelmed. Well...more like stressed out. I’ve discovered a few things about myself these past few years that made me feel like I was suffocating. Lately, I’ve come to accept myself for who I am, but some things... have happened to me that made me want to isolate myself. I know you guys care about my well-being, but I wasn’t ready to talk about it until recently... Two nights ago something happened to me, and I think it’s time for you to know about it. Maybe you can help me…” he voice out, blinking a few times to stop the tears that were starting to form at the prick of his eyes and taking a few deep breaths to keep his breathing under control. His hands were starting to tremble in fear remembering that he was raped and that Minho tricked him. He could feel himself so close to crying, but he didn’t want to show such vulnerability in front of his brothers, so as best as he could, he held back the tears.
“Is it related to the bruises you have around your neck? Or is it about your lover, daddy Minho, you mentioned yesterday? Are you guys in some kind of weird daddy kink relationship or something?” Jungkook interrupted him.
“...what?” Seokjin replied in shock, did his Little side really talked about Minho? He cursed himself for being so talkative during Little Space.
“Don’t be like that hyung...we all know you secretly have a kink of being choked or being tied down. Is that the big thing that happened to you lately? You discovered your kinky side?” Jungkook continued, smirking at him.
“What!? How dare you talk to me like that, Jungkook! You don’t know anything about me!” He yelled back, feeling like his heart was being ripped in half. He felt so offended and was starting to regret wanting to tell them the truth.
“Jungkook shut up! Why do you always bring that up? It’s getting annoying. If you don’t have anything useful to say, then keep your mouth shut”, Seokjin heard Yoongi say. He wanted to disappear...did Jungkook really think of him as a kink maniac? And when did he ever mentioned liking being choked?
“Come on, what's the big deal about hyung being into kinky stuff?”
I’m not into kinky stuff...and what I want to tell you guys is not about a kink...
“Stop being jealous that hyung has a boyfriend now only cause you are single!”
Minho is not my boyfriend... he was my daddy.
“And he likes to get choked during sex.”
It wasn’t during sex, Minho really wanted to kill me.
“And likes to be pampered during sex, and that’s why he acts like a kid so his boyfriend can baby him to death.”
I just like going into Little Space...and don’t like the idea of having sex while being in that headspace.
“We shouldn’t be surprised at all; everyone has a kinky side. That's probably the big discovery he made lately. And now that he found a person that can give him what he wants...he probably wants to introduce us to his boyfriend.”
I was raped, Kookie...and I’m scared of meeting up with my Minho, who caused all of it. I will never put your lives at risk for my selfishness; Minho should just rot in hell for what he did to me. Can’t you understand my pain…? I just want to be Little...what is wrong with that?
“And—”
“STOP!” Seokjin yelled at Jungkook; he couldn’t take it anymore.
“Forget about it! I was going to tell all of you but now...forget it. I’ll just deal with my problems by myself. I don’t need you guys.” he said while getting up and walking towards the other side of the room where his bag was located. He couldn't believe he was about to tell the members the truth, but if this was how one of them felt about him, then forget it. He’d just deal with Minho by himself.
“No, wait hyung! Don’t listen to Jungkook; he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.” Hoseok explained to him, walking behind him, trying to calm him down. Seokjin was not going to stay in a room where he was seen as a pervert, so taking his bag and Sunny, he walked to the door. He needed to get to his apartment before Minho showed up. His real battle was just starting, and he was not going to lose it.
“Where are you going?” Namjoon asked him.
“None of your business!” He screamed back before slamming the door shut and headed to his apartment. He was angry at Jungkook for think of him as a sick pervert with a daddy kink. True, DD/LB was in the category of BDSM, which is a kink, but there was nothing wrong with him wanting to be in Little Space. He just wanted to be free of worry and forget everything that had happened to him.
———-
Seokjin arrived at his apartment an hour later. Before entering his apartment, he made sure to change the door passcode and made a mental note to change the locks later, just in case Minho was able to force himself inside using a key. He was still confused as to how Minho was able to get inside his apartment because, aside from security, no one else had the key to the lock or the passcode. He took a deep breath before stepping inside and hugged Sunny, his only emotional support at the moment, and prepared himself to get Kitty back at all cost. Seokjin knew he took a significant risk by bringing Sunny with him as Minho could also take it away, but he was not stupid, not this time. The first thing he did once he got inside was to place Sunny in his room, to keep it hidden and minimized the chances of being taken away. Besides, the conversation he was going to have with Minho was going to be in the living room, but he still didn’t want to take any chances of Sunny being taken away.
Once he placed Sunny in his room, safe from any harm, he went back to the living room. He saw the messy state his whole apartment was in since he didn't even bother cleaning up the last time he was in there. He would be lying to himself if he didn’t feel goosebumps all over his body as the memories of that night came back to his mind. Filth and bitterness consumed his body, and he wanted to throw up; the thought of those two strangers touching him and belittling him made his stomach turned.
Closing his eyes to collect himself and taking a deep breath, Seokjin started to organize the table in the living room. He saw that the crayons were all over the place; his coloring book was on the floor while his sippy cup was hidden under the table. He hated the idea of having a dirty apartment, and he needed to make it clean as soon as possible. So he bends down to pick up the sippy cup that had fallen under the table, when suddenly, he felt his hair being yanked backward while his body was being pulled upward, making him stand once again.
“What the Hell!? Let go of my hair!” he screamed in pain, did someone sneaked into his apartment? How?
“Oh, how is my Little freak behaving today?” Minho's voice echoed throughout the room, making his body quiver in fear. How was Minho able to get inside his apartment?
“Give Kitty back! And let go of my hair!” he demanded, trying to break free from Minho’s grip.
”I don’t think so, Seokjin...you can’t be making demands like that. First, let’s get you change. You have another visitor today.”
“What! Are you crazy!? You think you can sell me to strangers! Let go of me NOW!”
“Seokjin, you are mine, and I can do whatever I want with you. Now, stop bitching and get dressed!” Minho told him, dragging his body by the hair to his room.
Forcefully being thrown into his bed, making him bounce up and down from the impact, Seokjin looked up to see Minho walking towards him with a maid outfit in one hand and Kitty on the other.
“Kitty!” He squealed in delight, seeing one of his comfort stuffies again.
“If you want THIS back, change.”
“No! Why do I have to listen to your demands? You can’t sell me like I’m some piece of meat.”
“You really are underestimating me, aren’t you Seokjin?” Minho glared at him, placing Kitty and the maid outfit on a small table near the TV stand. Minho walked back towards him and yanked him by the hair one more time, tilting his head backward, causing him to groan in pain. All of a sudden, he felt something forcing its way inside his mouth, as best as he could, he tried to keep his mouth shut, but when Minho pulled his hair even tighter, it caused him to scream in pain creating an opportunity for Minho to shove, what felt like pills, down his throat.
“What the hell did you just made me swallow?!”
“Oh, just a little something to help you get in the mood.”
“What!?”Seokjin replied, trembling in fear at the thought of being forced to take drugs.
“Did you roofie me? You sick bastard!” He yelled, feeling anger consuming him.
“Sweetheart, you’re too adorable…I want you to stay awake when your next customer comes in. I just gave you some aphrodisiac to increase your sexual drive. You are going to enjoy it a lot more this time, like a slut you are...since I don’t want you in Little Space.”
Dumbfounded from what he just heard, Seokjin just stood there, letting anger take over his body. Did Minho really hated him that much? What did he do to deserve all of this? How stupid could he be to fall for the same trap twice?
“Now, get dressed, or you won’t see Kitty again...oh look what we have here,” Seokjin noticed Minho picking Sunny up from where he had left it earlier. Fuck! What he feared the most was coming true. Was he that naive to think that Sunny was going to be safe from the clutches of Minho? Fear consumed him, at the thought of never seeing Kitty and Sunny ever again.
“NO!! Give it back! Don’t take Sunny too!” He pleaded, running towards Minho but only getting shoved down onto the floor.
“Now get dressed...oh and bother putting any underwear on… you won’t need it. I’ll be back in ten minutes with your next customer. I think you are going to like him... this time.” he heard Minho say. Seokjin was on the floor, in shock, as he saw Minho walk away with Sunny, not before throwing him the maid outfit.
As soon as he heard the door of the bedroom close, he let out a growl in anger. Seokjin felt disgusted at the idea of being touched by another stranger. How could he let this happen again? He really was stupid for thinking that he was strong enough to fight against Minho. He should have asked for help, but it was already too late.
He felt trapped...he WAS trap like a mouse with no odds of getting out. He got up from the floor and went to the bathroom to get dressed; after all, he had no one to help him get out of this nightmare. Once he got inside, he looked at the outfit he was being forced to wear; it was a simple black and white maid dress that went down to his knees paired up with white high knee socks. He hated the idea of not wearing any underwear; he felt vulnerable; he felt exposed to whoever was going to walk through that door. After getting dressed, he went back to sit on his bed waiting for his fate; after all, what other choice did he have?
(Warning!! Start of the rape scene!)
As he waited for the door of his room to open, he remembered that he had his phone with him, it was in the front pocket of his sweatpants so as quickly as his body could move, he got up and went to the bathroom, where he had left his clothes laying down on the floor. Crouching down, he took out his phone and, with trembling hands, started to call the police. Yet, he was meant to suffer... as his phone was suddenly taken away from his hands as he was about to press the call button.
“Give it back!” he screamed, looking up only to come face to face with his new rapist. Shivers went down his spine as he realized it was no other than Santa-hyung... the fat bastard who raped him last time. Fuck!
He needed to run, there was no way he was going to let him touch him again, so as best as he could, he got up from the floor and made a run for the door, but it was all in vain as Santa-hyung grabbed him by the waist and carried him to the bed. No matter how much he wanted to protest, it was no use, as his body was starting to feel weak...the aphrodisiac was starting to take effect.
“You look stunning in that maid outfit, my Jinnie,” Santa-hyung told him while laying him down on the bed, grabbing his wrists with one hand and raising them up above his head, while the other hand started to spread his legs apart. Seokjin was terrified. Tears were starting to fall down his cheeks at the thought of what was going to happen to him.
“Oh...this is a nice surprise…” Santa-hyung seductively whispered into his ear as the hand started to crawl its way under his dress until it touched his expose length.
“No…” he tried to fight back, but his body was too weak, and he felt like it was on fire.
Seokjin gasped as he felt the hand of Santa-hyung start to slowly stroke his length, making his body shudder at the sudden sensation. He hated himself for wanting to cum, for wanting Santa-hyung to go faster and relieve him of the intense pain he was having.
“Aaahh!” he shamefully moaned, thrusting his hips upward to get more friction.
“Oh, is my Jinnie desperate today...no worries, I have something very special plan for you today,” Santa-hyung told him releasing his wrists and getting up from the bed.
“Now be a good boy and stay still for me, okay?” he heard, but his mind was starting to feel hazy, and his vision was blurry. He could barely focus, but as best as he could, he looked to his right side and noticed Santa-hyung walking to the same small table next to the TV stand. After a few seconds, Santa-hyung came back holding something which he wasn’t able to see clearly as his mind was starting to focus again on the intense warmth feeling at the pit of his stomach.
“Get on the floor and on your knees, now!” Santa-hyung commanded him, but his body was too weak, he could barely move.
“I won’t repeat myself, Jinnie! On your knees, Right now!!” Santa-hyung yelled. Fearing for his life, Seokjin slowly started to crawl out of the bed and do as he was told.
Once he was on his knees, barely holding himself up, he saw Santa-hyung approaching him with a pink collar and handcuffs, making him gulp in fear.
“Pink suits you...my pretty little slave,” Santa-hyung said to him while placing the pink collar around his neck.
“Now, give me your hands.”
Seokjin wanted to protest at the idea of being bound by handcuffs, but with shaking hands, he moved them forward, losing hope, as he saw Santa-hyung cuffed them up.
“Now, give master a blow job, and you’ll get a reward,” Santa-hyung demanded, caressing Seokjin’s right cheek, making his body shuddered in fear.
Seokjin looked up and saw Santa-hyung unbuckling his pants and pulled them down only to reveal his already erect length.
“Now, Jinnie, are you ready to suck daddy’s dick?” Santa-hyung told him, placing the length directly in front of his mouth. Seokjin wanted to vomit, he didn’t want to be anywhere near the guy’s dick, yet his body was betraying him as his own body felt hot, and his dick was already hard and leaking with precum. He really deserved what was happening to him, for being such a slut. Jungkook was right.
“Get on with it, we don’t have all night, ” Santa-hyung forcefully shoved his dick into his mouth, making him gag at the sudden penetration. Grabbing the back of his head, Santa-hyung started to move, making the length go deeper into his mouth. However, Seokjin was not going to let him keep abusing his mouth, so as hard as he could, he bit down on the length.
“Fuck!” He heard Santa-hyung scream in agony while shoving Seokjin to the floor.
“You slut! How dare you bite me!?” Santa-hyung screamed in pain. Taking it as a sign to finally free himself from the nightmare, as best as he could, since his hands were still cuffed together, Seokjin crawled towards the door.
“Come back here!” He heard Santa-hyung yelled, feeling his legs being pulled back, stopping him from moving forward.
“NOO! LET ME GO!” He screamed. Squirming side to side with force, but it was in vain.
“You are going to pay for what you did, you slut!” Santa hyung snarled, yanking him by the hair and dragging his body back towards the edge of the bed.
“On your hands and knees now!” Santa-hyung ordered him. Seokjin’s mind was starting to feel hazy, his vision was blurry, and his body felt weaker. Seokjin was too scared to find out what was going to happen to him now that he had disobeyed. As best as he could, he got on his hands and knees, but not before his upper body giving out and collapsing to the floor.
When would this nightmare end? How much does he have to suffer before everything was over? Seokjin was interrupted from his thoughts went he felt his dress being lifted upwards, sending shivers down his spine. The hands of Santa-hyung were caressing his ass cheeks while placing kisses on them. He felt disgusted...he felt used.
“Aaahh…” Seokjin moaned, feeling the tongue of Santa-hyung licking him up and down his asscrack. He felt so ashamed of himself. The sensation of the wet and slimy muscle touching him made Seokjin want to throw up. Eventually, the licking came to a sudden stop, and the damp tongue landed on his entrance. He felt Santa-hyung vigorously sucking and licking on his rim until it was soft enough to push the wet muscle inside of him.
“Aaaahhh!” he moaned out in shame. He couldn’t believe he was feeling pleasure while being raped.
He heard a chuckle and then felt the tongue forcing its way further inside of him.
Seokjin’s moans, the sound of slurping, sucking, and licking were all you can hear in the quiet room. Santa-hyung was eating him out, and he felt like throwing up.
After minutes that felt like an eternity, he couldn’t feel the wet muscle inside of him anymore, making him sigh in relief. All of a sudden, he felt a cold liquid being poured onto his entrance and felt the wet tongue once again, this time pushing its way deeper inside of him.
“Mmmh...Ahh...stop...please,” he moaned out, hating the pleasure he was feeling. However, Santa-hyung didn’t stop. Instead, he grabbed his hips and started to move them back and forth until the tongue was buried deep inside Seokjin’s hole.
“STOP,” He begged when the sensation inside of his stomach was feeling too intense, making him cum all over the floor. Seokjin was panting for air, but he gasped at the feeling of a finger forcing its way inside of him.
“It’s time for your punishment,” he heard Santa-hyung say to him, taking out the finger.
“Stay still and don’t move, I’ll be back with a BIG surprise for you, my lovely Jinnie,” Santa-hyung whispered into his ear, before getting up to bring back the big surprise he was not looking forward to finding out. Seokjin felt like he was going to pass out any minute and was too weak to protest. Giving up, he just stayed there, still, while his body felt like it was on fire. Although he was feeling too much pleasure for his liking, he knew it was due to the drugs Minho gave him... yet it just made him feel worse. He wasn’t strong enough to fight back.
Noticing the movement of feet came to a stop, Seokjin let out a silent scream when he felt his entrance being stretched out to its limit and something slowly forcing its way inside of him. It was too big, and it was causing him pain. Then, he felt himself being lifted upwards and forced to sit up straight, making whatever was being shoved inside of him go even deeper until it was all the way to the hilt.
“AAAAAAHHHHH!” he screamed in agony, falling to the ground while feeling waves of vibrations all throughout his body.
“Look at you! You are eating up the vibrator I put inside of you so well. What a little slut you are!” Santa-hyung told him, while he was screaming in pain. Seokjin wanted to die. He wanted to make all of this go away. He couldn’t take it anymore.
His body just laid there on the floor, feeling the worst pain in his life while the vibrator was moving inside of him. He needed to cum, he couldn’t take it anymore, and so he did, which angered Santa-hyung, as he was lifted upwards once again. Seokjin was manhandled to be on his knees and forced to look upwards to see Santa-hyung straight in the eyes.
“Who gave you permission to cum?” He asked Seokjin, walking away to the table once again and coming back with a gag and a whip.
“Time to continue with your punishment,” Santa-hyung said to him while putting the gag on him.
“The pain I felt when you bite down on my dick was a ten out of ten, so in ordered to punish you for what you did...you are getting ten lashes...so turn around,”
Seokjin felt his heart sinking...he was not an animal to get lashes for disobeying, and even then, nothing in this world deserved to suffer by a whip. He wanted to escape, yet his body felt too weak to run away. Seokjin was on his knees, and he couldn’t move from the fear, plus his hands were cuffed, and he had a vibrator shoved in his ass... there was nothing he could do, so all he did was turn around.
“I can’t wait to see your beautiful back covered in blood and red marks...you will look even more beautiful,” he heard, feeling the zipper of the dress being pulled down, exposing his back. Then, Seokjin felt the rough hands of Santa-hyung caressing his back before placing a kiss on his right shoulder.
“Are you ready?” Santa-hyung whispered into his ear, making his body shiver. He was not ready, who would be? He wanted someone to come save him from this nightmare, but he was all alone.
“ONE!” he heard Santa-hyung yell, before feeling the sharp sting of the whip hitting his bareback. Seokjin wanted to scream, but the gag wouldn’t let him, only muffled sounds were heard in the room.
“TWO!” his body trembled at the feeling of his skin tearing up as Santa-hyung hit him with more force.
“THREE!” his body couldn’t take it anymore. The pain was too intense, so he started to fall sideways but was stopped by Santa-hyung’s hands.
“Not so fast, Jinnie, we are just getting started...”
“FOUR!” Seokjin jumped in pain, making the vibrator still inside of him go more in-depth, causing him to feel overstimulated.
“FIVE!” memories of the time he went to Italy with his parents came to his mind as he tried to block out the pain.
“SIX!” memories of the members came to his mind, and regret filled his heart at the thought of never seeing them again. He should’ve trusted them more.
“SEVEN!” his mind was now going blank...the pain was too much for him to handle.
“EIGHT!” Seokjin wanted to die; it was his only way to escape this horrible nightmare.
“NINE!” Seokjin wanted to disappear; there was no hope at all. He could feel a warm liquid, which he assumed was his blood dripping down his back.
“TEN!” he couldn’t take the pain anymore, so he passed out...letting the darkness consume him.
Notes:
First I’M SORRY! 😭😭😭 I don’t like to write about Jinnie suffering but it’s part of the plot.
Second, We all know Kookie will never say or think like that about Seokjin. He loves him too much but for the sake of my plot he needs to be a jerk in this chapter. 😭😭
Third, after doing my research I realized roofies and aphrodisiac are different. Roofies knocks you out, especially mixed with alcohol and sadly it’s commonly used at clubs (for the infamous date rape). And aphrodisiacs are used to enhance your sexual drive which can also be use to rape someone as it causes your body to become weak from the overstimulation.
Fourth, in this chapter I wanted to portrait Seokjin as feeling guilty for having pleasure while being raped. We all know it wasn’t his fault (it was the drug) but I wanted to make this as realistic as possible. This is how some people really feel during and after being raped (according to my research).
Fifth, if anything on this chapter is inaccurate please let me know. I like to make my fanfic as realistic as possible and any source of criticism is welcome.
Let me know your thoughts and please look forward to next chapter.
Ps. I know BTS will never skip work! They love what they do so much and have such a dedication that this will never happen. Lol 😂
Chapter 16: Kookie
Summary:
Today was the day Jungkook was going to go to jail...because he was going to murder whoever did this to his hyung.
Notes:
WARNING ⚠️ THERE ARE A LOT OF SUICIDAL THOUGHTS IN THE LAST PART OF THIS CHAPTER THAT MAY TRIGGER SOME READERS. PLEASE READ WITH CAUTION!!!
Hey guys!!! I’m finally back with another update.
I hope you enjoy this chapter!
Sorry it has taken me a while to update. I had two chapters prewritten after posting the last chapter but I got a new phone and in the process of transferring my info from one phone to the other, one of the chapters got deleted (I keep my rough drafts in my phone, then just copy it to google doc to edit it) and I didn’t have it backed up yet. So I was frustrated and decided to take a little break from writing. Anyways, I’m finally back and ready to update as soon as possible.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“Why did you tell him that Jungkook! you’re such an asshole!” Yoongi yelled, slamming him against the wall.
“Why are you making such a big deal out of this? Don’t tell me you're also into kinky sex and want to fuck Jin-hyung?”
“...” Yoongi hyung said nothing. His hyung just stared at Jungkook with widen eyes by the words he just let out.
“...oh I see. I think I get it now. You’re are in love with hyung and can’t stand the idea of another person having sex with him, ” he blurted out, smirking, while his hyung’s face turned red as a tomato but he wasn’t sure if it was from anger or embarrassment.
“...And? So what if I’m in love with Jin-hyung. It’s none of your fucking business, just shut up Jungkook, don’t utter another word for your own sake!” his hyung warned him and walked away to the other side of the room. Jungkook just stood there, in the same spot, motionless, just staring at the five disappointing faces of his hyungs. First of all, he couldn't believe his Yoongi-hyung was in love with Jin-hyung. Secondly, he didn’t understand all the anger towards him, they should be glad he spoke up. Plus, he was just stating the truth and what was wrong with that?
Now, he understood why Yoongi-hyung was acting so offensive every time he brought up the idea of their hyung having a secret lover or being into kinky sex, it was because Yoongi was in love with him and what he said was very insensitive. He just wanted to let everyone know that no matter what if Jin-hyung was into various types of kinks, he would support him. Who was him to judge the sex life of others? But everything came out wrong and now all of his hyungs were angry at him. Was he really being an asshole? Probably. He shouldn’t have interrupted his hyung, but he needed to know if his weird behavior was related to a new boyfriend or not. Jungkook had two theories about his hyung’s weird behavior. One, Jin-hyung was into breathing play and other various kinks, which he doesn’t know anything about it. Second, he had an abusive boyfriend. How else would you explain the finger marks around his neck? He needed to know the answer as soon as possible because he was not going to tolerate anyone hurting his hyung; his precious and lovely hyung, who had taken good care of him since debut. Why doesn’t anyone understand that he was as worried about Jin-hyung as everyone else? He didn’t mean to come out as an asshole, but now everybody thinks he was one...
Knowing that everyone in the room was angry at him, he went back to the eating area and continued preparing his snacks before their break ended. He wanted to apologize but he knew it was not the best time to talk, not after making everyone angry. While he was pouring some hot water into his cup, he felt a tap on his shoulders. Looking up from the cup of ramen he was preparing, he noticed that it was Namjoon. Great, now he was going to get a scolding from their leader…
“Jungkook, I’m not sure what led to your behavior just now, but I hope you reflect on your actions and try to apologize to hyung once we get back home,” Namjoon-hyung told him while grabbing a bottle of water.
“Yeah...I guess so...I think I went overboard and was just plain disrespectful towards both Jin-hyung and Yoongi-hyung. Especially Jin-hyung, I interrupted him without even letting him speak.”
“Good, I’m glad you know what you did wrong. Now...let’s finish eating so we can continue with dance practice.”
“Okay hyung, but I just hope the rest of the members don’t start giving me the silent treatment...”
“Don’t worry about it. They’ll get over it, plus Jin-hyung probably went back to the dorm; he needs time to calm down and as for Yoongi-hyung... you know how he is, just give him time and try to apologize to him later. Just make sure you apologize to Jin-hyung first.”
“Yeah, I will.”
And with that in mind, Jungkook went back to eating his snacks and before he knew it, it was time to start dance practice.
Jungkook would be lying to himself if he wasn’t distracted all throughout practice. He kept replaying the scenes from earlier over and over again. After much thinking, he realized that he was indeed an asshole for talking over Seokjin-hyung, he didn’t even let him explain himself. Maybe it would have been great if he had kept his mouth shut and not speak at all, after all, he wasn’t sure what was actually wrong with his hyung. It was now 5 am and it was time to go back to the dorm and get ready before their schedule started once again in the afternoon. Hopefully, Seokjin-hyung was there and would be willing to hear him out so he can apologize.
Jungkook was placing his dirty clothes inside his bag when he felt a tap on his shoulder once again. Turning around he realized it was Hoseok-hyung.
“Kookie, I think it would be best if you stayed behind for a little bit...umm, Yoongi-hyung is not in the best mood right now and for your own safety, it would be best to not be in the same van as him. I know he’ll calm down eventually but for now, I’ll tell manager Sejin to come to pick you up in an hour, okay?” Hoseok-hyung told him. Even though his feelings were hurt he knew it was for the best, after all, he didn’t want to cause any more trouble to the group. Nodding his head in agreement, he grabbed his bag and went to the opposite side of the room and sat down on the floor. He took out his phone and started looking through it, maybe he could finally catch up on some TV shows while he waited for his ride home.
“Bye Jungkook” Jimin and Taehyung waved at him, with guilty smiles.
“Bye,” he responded, knowing that he deserved everything that was happening to him. With a final goodbye from Namjoon, Jungkook was left alone in the practice room. Hopefully, time went by fast enough so he could go home and take a shower.
Half an hour had passed and he was starting to get bored of browsing through different streaming apps to find something to watch. He still had half an hour left to go before manager Sejin came to pick him up. Maybe he should take a nap and get some rest before going home? Getting his bag and using it as a pillow, he laid his head down and tried to get some sleep. However, as soon as he closed his eyes his phone started to ring and he lazily grabbed it from where he left it earlier. He noticed it was Seokjin-hyung, maybe his hyung wanted to talk...maybe it was time for him to apologize.
“Hello, hyung?” He answered, starting to get nervous, maybe his hyung just wanted to yell at him again.
“Ko...o...ki...e...” his hyung faintly whispered, the voice was so weak, he could barely hear him.
“Hyung! Are you okay? What’s wrong?!?
“...” Jungkook didn’t get a response, just the sound of uneven breathing.
“HYUNG! Are you okay? please say something!” he desperately asked, he was starting to get worried.
“No...help...me Kookie...I can’t...ahh move...it hurts...”
What was going on? He’d never heard Jin-hyung sound so weak, so broken.
“Where are you?”
“I’m...at my...ahh, apartment...” he heard his hyung say, he could hear sniffles of cries and whimpering like if he was in pain. Were his suspicions right? Did he get an abusive boyfriend? If so, he was ready to kill someone. No one hurts his hyung and gets away with it. No one!
“Hyung, please don’t worry, I’ll be right there. I’ll tell the rest of the members to go over first. Everyone should be at the apartment already. They can help you while I get there. I’m still at the studio—“
“NO! Please don’t...tell them...not yet. I don’t want them to...see me like this...please.”
“But hyung...”
“Please, Kookie...just get here, please...I need you...”
“Fine, hyung. I’ll be there as soon as possible. Just try to hold on for a little bit longer.” he said, hanging up. Grabbing his bag, Jungkook quickly ran down to the lobby. He couldn’t wait for Manager Sejin, he needed to get back home as soon as possible. Making up an excuse he asked the receptionist at the front desk to call him a cab. In less than five minutes he was on his way to his hyung’s apartment, hopefully, everything would be alright.
———————
Twenty minutes later, Jungkook was standing in front of his hyung’s apartment with his hands shaking and heart beating faster than it should be. He was nervous, but most importantly he was scared of finding out what was wrong with his hyung. Moving his sweaty hands to ring the doorbell he noticed that the front door was slightly opened. Now that was weird, his hyung would never leave the front door open, never. Pushing the door, with caution, he went inside the apartment. Slowly walking inside, he could sense the tense atmosphere in the apartment. When the living room finally came to his view he saw the messy state it was in. Papers everywhere, toys and coloring pencils, which he found weird, and blankets all over the floor. Now he knew there was definitely something wrong because his hyung liked to keep his place clean and neat. After checking out the kitchen, which was in a worse condition than the living room, there was still no sign of his hyung. The only place left was the room upstairs, so as fast as he could, he ran up the stairs until he was in front of the master bedroom. Slowly, opening the door, he poked his head inside but he was not prepared for what he was about to see.
Shivers ran down his spine when he finally saw his hyung, on the bed, laying down flat on his stomach, naked, with his back covered in blood. It felt like he was entering a crime scene, but it was worse, as this was his precious hyung laying there.
“HYUNG!!!” He yelled, running to the bed. He felt anger, sadness, and fear as he saw the state his hyung was in. His back had many cuts going in different directions that were slightly bleeding.
“What happened? Who did this to you?!”
“Kookie...” Seokjin-hyung weakly said to him, sobbing into the pillow. Today was the day Jungkook was going to go to jail...because he was going to murder whoever did this to his hyung.
“It hurts...it hurts...”
“Hyung...what happened? Who did this to you?” He repeated, he needed to know. The state his hyung was in was too gruesome to see and just plain cruel. Jungkook may not be an expert in sexual play, but he could tell this was done by a whip, but too much force was used, causing the skin to tear and bleed.
“...it hurts...”
“Hyung...” he said, looking further down his hyung’s body only to noticed that there was a dildo shoved inside of him. What kind of sick bastard would do something so horrible?
“Hyung...umm, I need to take...that dildo out...you will feel a little better afterward.”
It was an awkward thing to ask but he needed to help his hyung, even if it meant taking out the dildo himself.
“Okay...I’m so sorry Kookie...I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay hyung. I’m the one that should be apologizing…”
He felt like a jerk for even doubting his hyung. How stupid could he have been? He let his hyung suffer and now guilt was eating him up.
“Okay...I’m going to pull it out, so bear with me. At the count of three, I’ll take it out,” he announced, moving closer to his hyung’s bottom, noticing that blood was around the dildo. Was it from the lashes or was it from the dildo being forced inside? He doesn’t know but it was a horrible sight to see.
“One, Two, Three!” He counted, pulling the dildo out.
“Aargh!!” his hyung screamed in agony.
“It’s out hyung...It’s out. Now we need to get you clean. Do you have a first aid kit? We need to disinfect your wounds.”
“No...I’m rarely here, so I don’t bother to keep one.”
“Hyung, I have to call the rest of the guys. I can’t help you out by myself. Plus, they can bring the first aid kit we have and can help me move you...”
“...no...please don’t call them.”
“Hyung...stop being so stubborn. You need help! Whether you like it or not I’m calling them.”
“NOOO! Please...don’t aaahh—“ Seokjin-hyung pleaded while trying to get up, but it only caused him to fall back on the bed, in pain.
“No hyung, it’s for the best. Trust me.” Jungkook said, seeing his hyung burying his face into the pillow and slightly nodding. Taking out his phone, he called their leader.
“Hello,” Namjoon-hyung answered.
“Hyung, all of you need to come to Seokjin-hyung’s apartment. He’s hurt and please bring the first aid kit. Please hurry!”
“What!? What’s going on Jungkook!? Tell me now!”
“Trust me hyung, get here as soon as possible and don’t forget the first aid kit!” he demanded, hanging up before getting any reply from his hyung. Jungkook was devastated, he couldn't bear to see his oldest hyung in so much pain.
“They’ll be here soon hyung,” he said, while slightly parting the sweaty bangs away from his hyung’s forehead, only to notice a flinch whenever he touched him, so he stopped. Jungkook didn’t want to cause any kind of discomfort or pain to his hyung.
“Kookie, can you get me a blanket to cover my lower half? It’s in the closet, please,” Seokjin-hyung asked him. Agreeing that his hyung was indeed too exposed for his liking, he got up and grabbed a warm blanket and placed it over him.
“Thank you…”
“You’re welcome, hyung...I love you hyung...did you know that?”
“Aw Kookie, I love you too. You brat! I...Love...you so much” His hyung told him, crying, causing his heart to ache as he felt useless for not helping his hyung earlier.
Five minutes later, the vibration of his phone startled him. It was Namjoon-hyung, texting him that they were all outside waiting for him to open the door.
“Hyung, they are here. Wait for me. I’ll be right back,”
“Okay, Kookie, just be careful, ” His hyung worryingly said to him. How could his hyung be worried about him when he was in so much pain? Seokjin-hyung was really selfless and it pained him to think that someone had been taking advantage of him.
Jungkook was finally downstairs hesitating on opening the door. He knew he couldn’t keep his hyungs waiting for long so taking a deep breath, preparing himself to face the fury of his five hyungs, he opened the door. By the time he realized what was happening, he felt himself being slammed against the wall by no other than Yoongi-hyung.
“What the hell did you do? Why is hyung hurt?”
“Let go of him. Let him explain,” he heard Namjoon say.
“Fine but he better have a good explanation.” Yoongi-hyung backed away from him, making Jungkook let out a sigh of relief.
“First, let’s get inside...but I’m warning you. Hyung is...” his voice was finally breaking, he doesn’t know if it was because the emotions were finally catching up to him or he was so relieved to see his hyungs but he felt tears forming. Jungkook couldn’t hold in his sadness anymore. He let the tears fall down his cheeks while remembering the condition he found Seokjin-hyung in. Jungkook looked down in embarrassment for showing such a weak state in front of his hyungs, but they needed to prepare themselves before they saw their hyung.
“Kookie,” He heard Jimin and Taehyung say before being wrapped around the arms of someone, looking up, he noticed it was Hoseok, who had a worried expression on his face.
“Kookie, you’re making us worry. Is hyung in a bad condition?” Hoseok-hyung asked him, but he couldn’t speak, so he simply nodded.
“Let’s get upstairs then, what are we waiting for,” he heard Yoongi-hyung say, and then he saw all of his hyungs walking in the direction of the stairs. None of his five hyungs were emotionally prepared to see how much Jin-hyung was suffering, but he hoped everything would turn out alright.
————————
Seokjin was in so much pain and felt like he was going to die. Last night was the worst night of his life, Santa-hyung raped him over and over again whether he was conscious or not. When he woke up this morning, he realized he couldn’t move at all and the pain on his back was so intense that it felt like he was being ripped in half. He needed help. He needed to get someone to help him but he didn’t know who, so as best as he could, he got his phone and randomly dial one of the numbers. Luckily, it was Jungkook who he called, his sweet and lovely Maknae. He wasn’t mad at him anymore, after all, last night he realized that he was indeed a sick pervert just like Jungkook told him. A scum of the earth who deserved all the pain and suffering in the world.
Seokjin didn’t want Jungkook to call the other members, as he didn’t want to show them such vulnerability but after thinking about it, Jungkook was right. It was time to stop trying to handle everything by himself, plus the wounds needed to be clean. Regret and guilt filled his heart as Hoseok and Yoongi’s face came to his mind. After everything that had happened to him, he doesn’t deserve to love them. He was dirty, filthy and most importantly he was a slut who let strangers use his body for their own sexual desires. Plus, he lost Kitty and Sunny and he would never forgive himself for that. Maybe it would be better for everyone if he just died…
Seokjin was lying flat on his stomach with his face was facing the door, waiting for their Maknae to come back with help.
“Hyung,” Seokjin heard Jungkook’s soft voice and saw the door slowly opening.
“Kookie...” he said while looking at the shock expressions of the other members. He felt ashamed for making them see him in such a state and felt bad for traumatizing them.
“HYUNG!” Yoongi and Hoseok yelled at the same time, running towards him. They were both looking at him with a hurt expression, with tears forming in their eyes. He couldn’t believe the two people he loved with all his heart were looking at his filthy body. Seokjin just wanted to disappear and end-all of his suffering.
“Hobi...Yoongi-chi...it hurts,” he wailed in between sobs, the pain was so intense that he couldn’t hold it in anymore...not in front of them.
Seokjin’s loud sobs were all you can hear in the room. If you ask him, he regretted not telling his friends about him being a Little, he regretted not telling them about Minho but most importantly he regretted not telling them the truth after the first time he got raped. Maybe he shouldn’t have been so stubborn and tried to handle everything by himself, yet he had to let everything go to his head after the fight with Kookie. He was an idiot for thinking that he was strong enough to fight against Minho. That bastard...he took Kitty and Sunny from him and now he would never see them again and the thought it alone broke his heart.
“Hyung...who did this to you? What the hell happened? Tell me NOW!” Hoseok demanded, Seokjin just remained silent, as he was too scared of what they were going to say to him once they found out that he was raped, not only once but twice.
“Can you please help me clean my wounds and get me dressed, then we can talk...I have a lot to tell you guys but...not like this... please,” he begged, trying to hold back more tears from escaping. All he wanted to do was cry and hide in his room and never get out. He was scared of being raped once again, to see Minho, to have the rough hands of Santa-hyung touching him. Fear was consuming him.
“But hyung...you are hurt! Who was the one who did something so cruel to you? We need to know now!” Hoseok continued talking.
“I agree with Hobi, tell us hyung. We deserve to know the truth. No more lies, no more secrets and no more delays. We need an explanation now.” Namjoon demanded, with annoyance in his voice. Were the members tired of dealing with him? Who wouldn’t be? after all, he was a useless piece of shit who deserved to die.
“I was raped..” he softly said, burying his face under the pillow. He couldn’t bear to see the disappointment expressions on the faces of his band members.
“What?” He heard a few of the members say in shock. Seokjin was getting annoyed, couldn’t they just leave him alone and talk about this later?
“I SAID I WAS FUCKING RAPED! THERE! NOW THAT YOU ALL KNOW THE TRUTH! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW!? YOUR HYUNG IS A FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT WHO LET A STRANGER RAPED HIM FOR HOURS…” he screamed while throwing the pillow in the direction of where the members were standing. He had tears running down his cheeks and was shaking in fear. Seokjin couldn’t do it anymore. He wanted to die, he wanted to disappear from this world. What did he do to deserve all of this pain and suffering?
Silent. The whole room was silent. Seokjin knew he had disappointed all the people he cared about the most. They probably felt disgusted just seeing him, especially now that they knew he was a used up toy for people to play with. What he didn’t expect to see next was for Jungkook to punch the wall multiple times, Jimin and Taehyung trying to stop Jungkook from hurting his hand, for Hosoek to go on a rampage and start throwing everything that was in his way, especially the multiple sex toys that were on the small table next to the TV stand, for Yoongi to fall on the floor and start crying his heart out and for Namjoon to be in complete shock that he was frozen and wasn’t moving at all. The room was in chaos and Seokjin was the cause of it.
None of them deserved to have a hyung like him. All he was doing was causing them pain. He should just die...he should just die and end everyone’s misery.
“Hyung…” Yoongi crawled towards him with tears falling down his cheeks.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry...we are a failure for not noticing earlier. We could have prevented this from happening. I’m sorry...I’m sorry…” Yoongi sobbed uncontrollably on his arm. Why was Yoongi sorry? He hadn’t done anything wrong, none of them have done anything wrong. Why were they apologizing to him? he should be the one asking for forgiveness for being such a bad influence on them and risking their lives to satisfy his own desires...
After half an hour of letting everyone accept the truth and let it sink into their minds that he was raped, most of the members were now somewhat stable. At least Hoseok and Jungkook had calmed down and weren’t trying to destroy everything they saw. Jimin and Namjoon helped him clean up the wounds on his back and put ointment on it, so it wouldn’t get any infections. Afterward, they wrapped up bandages around his chest and back, making him feel better. However, he still had to clean up the cum mixed with blood that was dripping down his thighs. He felt humiliated to be seen by them but he was too weak to move and needed their help.
“Here hyung, let me help you,” Jimin said to him. Using Jimin’s shoulder to support himself, he walked to the bathroom. The other members just stared at him with guilt and sadness as he limped his way to the bathroom.
“Sit here hyung, I’ll get you a washcloth and we can clean you up,” Jimin said, making him sit down on the toilet seat.
“Thank Jimin-ah…” he replied, making him pleased at the thought of having such a caring friend, despite the situation he was currently in.
“Jin-hyung...are you sure you don’t want to go to the hospital? It would be better to get a doctor to look at your wounds.”
”No, I don’t want to go. It would cause a lot of problems no only for me, but for the band.” Seokjin confessed. The last thing he wanted to do was to create a scandal and ruined their reputation.
”B-but hyung!”
”Enough Jimin! Just help me clean up...please.”
“Okay... but can I ask you something?” Jimin asked him. Seokjin was not in his right mindset to answer a lot of questions, but he knew Jimin and the rest of the members needed an explanation so he agreed.
“Yeah go ahead, ask me anything you want.”
“Umm, was the person who did this to you...your lover?”
“No...Jimin, that sick bastard wasn’t my lover at all...don’t tell the other members yet, but this is the second time this has happened…” Seokjin confessed, seeing the shock expression on Jimin’s face.
“Hyung...why didn’t you tell us?! We could have helped you! Don’t you trust us?”
Seokjin saw the sad expression Jimin was giving him and it was heartbreaking. How much of a burden had he become to the members?
“I trust you guys but I don’t know Jimin. I was naive thinking that I was able to handle everything by myself but look at what happened to me. I’m mentally destroyed and no one will ever love me.”
“That’s not true! I love you hyung, don’t say that. We all love you so much. You're not alone anymore. We’ll get through this together.” Jimin reassured him and continued to clean him up. Seokjin really hoped that what Jimin said was true because he didn’t know how much more he could handle before he broke down...he was so close to losing his mind.
After cleaning him up Jimin took him back to the bed. He noticed that the bedsheets were already changed and there were no signs of the sex toys that were on the floor, which he was glad for. He never wanted to see anything that would remind him of what happened last night.
“Hyung, we picked out some clothes for you to wear while you were washing up. If that is fine with you…” Taehyung told him, at this point, he didn’t care about anything. He could even wear a Potato sack as long as he didn’t have to look at his filthy body anymore.
“Thank you guys,” He weakly said, and with the help of Jimin, who had been very attentive towards him, Seokjin put on a blue long-sleeve sweater, some underwear, and black shorts.
“Hyung here, take these painkillers, it should help you with the pain,” Jimin said to him, giving him two pills of aspirin.
“Thanks, Jiminie, aside from the pain, I feel better. Can we go back to our apartment? I don’t want to be here anymore.” He asked. Every corner of his apartment brought up bad memories. Seokjin was ready to get out there, he needed to get away from this place as soon as possible. He didn’t feel safe and he was not going to put everyone in danger.
“Sure, let me go tell everyone,” Jimin told him, walking to where Namjoon was picking up the last few items that were on the floor caused by Hoseok and Jungkook’s rampage.
In seconds, he saw Namjoon walking towards him,
“Hyung, are you ready to go?”
“Yeah,” he answered, nodding in agreement. He saw Namjoon turned around and faced the rest of the members.
“Jungkook, Hoseok, come here and help me carry hyung. We are leaving and going to our apartment right now.” Namjoon stated.
In an instant, Hoseok and Namjoon helped him get on Jungkook’s back, who carried him down the stairs. Closing his eyes, he was mentally preparing himself to revealed his biggest secret: that he was a Little, once they got back to their apartment. Hopefully, the members would take it well and didn’t destroy their apartment, again.
Notes:
We are finally half way through the story!! 😭😭😭
Thank you so much for all the kind comments I’ve been getting lately. I’m very happy people are enjoying reading my story.
Please look forward to the next chapter and don’t forget to let me know your thoughts. I try my best to edit each chapter but if there is something you don’t understand about the story plot, I’m more than happy to clarify it; so don’t feel bad asking me.
Ps. I’ve been wanting to give out my twitter account for the last six chapters but I always keep forgetting 😭😭
Here is my Twitter, if for some reason, you would like to follow me @Kumasama92
Chapter 17: Little Jinnie Pt.1
Summary:
“HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CALM DOWN WHEN HYUNG WAS RAPED BY TWO STRANGERS WHILE HE WAS SO VULNERABLE!! LOOK AT HOW THEY LEFT HIM?! THEY USED A FUCKING WHIP FOR FUCKS SAKE, HOW ARE ALL OF YOU SO CALM!?”
“I agree with Hobi-hyung, I demand to know the name of those bastards.” Jungkook voice out.
Notes:
I’m back with another chapter!!! I had to split chapter 17 into two parts because it was going to be super long so look forward to another update, probably tomorrow (I still need to edit some parts).
I hope you enjoy reading this chapter!!
My Twitter:@Kumasama92
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Seokjin would be lying to himself if he wasn’t feeling nervous at the thought of being judged by the members once he told them that he was a Little. It had been ten minutes since they arrived at their apartment and they were all in the living room, in silence. Jungkook had laid him down on the couch so he could rest, while the other members were on the carpeted floor looking at him like scared animals. He knew the time had come to reveal the truth, even though he was scared. He wasn’t sure where to start the conversation but being quiet was not going to help him at all.
“I guess it’s time we talk...” he said, slowly sitting up straight, he wanted to look at their faces while he told them, he didn’t want to hide from them anymore.
“Hyung, tell us what really is going and no more secrets, please,” Jungkook said, the rest of the members agreeing with him. Seokjin was so nervous that he thought he was going to get another anxiety attack, but taking a deep breath, he gathered some courage to finally speak up.
“Okay, but I want you all to promise me to be compassionate and understanding about the actions I’ve made so far. It’s taking me a lot of courage to say what I’m about to tell you. I trust you guys, you’re my brothers, my family and it will break my heart if telling you the truth will ruin the bond we have.”
“We promise hyung, now tell us,” Namjoon anxiously said, and that was all it took for him to take another deep breath and start opening Pandora’s box.
“...I’m a kid at heart. We all know I love goofing around, make jokes, and act silly. It’s part of my personality and my way to lighten up the mood in the room…”
“Yeah hyung, we all love your dad jokes, your silly actions, and your laugh… yeah, we definitely love your laugh, right guys?” Taehyung said while looking around the room to see all of the members agreeing with him.
“Well...I love acting silly, it helps me be stress-free and be more relaxed...I also enjoy watching cartoons, Disney movies and most definitely I love coloring books. What I’m trying to say is that I like to put myself in the mindset of a child...”
“Okay...but what does that have to do with anything that has been happening to you?” Jimin asked him, and although he wanted to tell them straight up that he was a Little they would probably not understand what he meant, so he talked about being a kid at heart first, as his way of getting them to understand his point of view and hopefully it would work.
“Umm, What I'm trying to say is...do any of you know what a Little or Little Space is?” he asked, even though he knew none of them had a clue of what it was, and he was right because looking around the room, he saw all of them shaking their heads in disagreement.
“It’s when a person goes into the mindset of a child, kind of like regressing mentally, to a younger age. For example, remember how two nights ago I was behaving and acting like a kid?” he explained, getting a nod from them, and remembering his stubbornness of wanting gummy bears, which he was still embarrassed about.
“Well, that was me in Little Space. When I’m in Little Space, I like to color, watch cartoons, play with toys...do things a little kid will do. It helps big me, the one talking to you guys right now, feel more relax...feel less stressed out.”
“Is that a mental illness, hyung?” Namjoon asked him, and he wasn’t surprised at the question though. Seokjin had seen a lot of articles stating that Little Space can be seen as mental illness when he was doing his research, but it was all false.
“No, Namjoon. It’s not a mental illness. It’s more in the BDSM category, but it’s not like it’s S&M, where it’s sexual, it can be though, but in my case, it’s more platonic...more innocent. I just want to free my mind and forget the stress of life.”
“Oh I see, again, what does this have to do with what happened to you?... more importantly tell me the name of the bastard that hurt you hyung!?” Jungkook insisted, noticing the anger oozing out of the Maknae who was now fisting his hands like if he was ready to punch someone.
“Kookie, try to calm down. Getting angry won’t help me at all. What happened to me, already happened and nothing you do will change that. And to answer your other question, well...you see...when you’re in Little Space...you’re like a kid who depends on their parents. Your parents take care of you, remind you to brush your teeth, make you food, etc. So, it’s the same when a person is in Little Space, they may need what we call a caregiver. Although you can be a Little without having a caregiver, but in my case, I need one. I need another adult who can take care of me...a mommy or a daddy...”
“Daddy Minho...” Yoongi snarled, his facial expression turning into a mix of anger and sadness. Seokjin wondered if Yoongi or any of the other members were disappointed in him for being such a pervert.
“Yes, exactly. Minho was my daddy. He took care of me when I was in Little Space...I met him online...and it was the biggest mistake of my life,” he confessed, his voice trembling and body shaking from the fear of remembering all he had suffered at the hands of Minho.
“Hyung...if you are not ready to talk about it, please don’t force yourself...” Jimin told him, sitting down next to him and gently rubbing his back.
“No Jiminie, I need to say it. I need help...if not I’ll end up dead.” He bluntly stated, sadness filled his heart seeing how all the member’s expressions turned pale from the shock.
“So like I was saying, I met Minho online. I discovered my Little side a few years ago and was dealing with it by myself but I wanted a caregiver. I wanted to ask you guys for help but I was scared of being judged, so instead, I looked online and found Minho...”
“Hyung, you know we will never judge you. If being in what you call, Little Space makes you happy, then we don’t mind at all.” Hoseok reassured him, making his heartache. How stupid had he been for not trusting them? But it was too late for regrets, the damage was already done.
“I wish I had told you all but I was just scared. So back to Minho...he was nice at first and we would meet up at my apartment. I’ll go into Little Space and everything was nice until he started to get possessive. While in Little Space, I had a set of rules to follow, so I don’t misbehave and punishments that are enforced if I didn’t follow those rules. I can explain more in detail about rules and punishments later, if you all want me to, but for now, let’s just say that it’s necessary to have them for the safety of the Little and for the caregiver, so no boundaries would be broken. And one of those rules was to tell him everything I did and reply to his texts immediately...”
“Now everything makes sense. Why you were constantly on your phone and isolating yourself from us.” Taehyung affirmed, the other members agreeing with him.
“Yeah, and it was interfering with my job. Remember that one time my phone kept ringing while we were doing a photoshop? Well, it was Minho constantly texting me. After that, I said enough was enough. I was not going to have an outsider interfere with my job...so I decided to break up the Little/caregiver relationship we had...”
“So you guys broke up?” Yoongi asked.
“Yeah, but our relationship was only based on the caregiver/ Little dynamic, not sexually, but he...didn’t take it too well...he got...” he tried to speak, but tears were starting to cloud his vision and he felt like something was blocking his air pipes.
“A-umm...he tried...umm...he tried to choke me...to death...when I told him I wanted to break up with him...” he finished saying, looking down at the floor after the words came out of his mouth, while tears were streaming down his cheeks. His breathing was increasing causing him to place a hand over his chest to try to control it because he had to continue telling them the truth. Feeling a pair of hands gently rubbing his back, only to look up and realized it was Taehyung, who was now sitting on his right side, he continued to talk.
“Umm, I never wanted to see him again but...he threatened me, he told me he was going to go after your lives and he’ll destroy BTS by telling the media that I’m a Little...that I’m a pervert, a freak who’s only good aspects are my looks...”
“Hyung...you should have told us, we could have helped you.” Namjoon growled out in anger. Seokjin regretted not trusting his band members; he was surprised they were all talking it all so well, especially Hoseok and Jungkook. He expected them to go on another rampage but he was glad they were not angry at him for being so stupid.
“I know, I broke up with him because I was going to tell all of you the truth but he...he...umm...you probably know what I’m going to say next...but I need to say it again so you can understand me...so after I tried to break up with him, he ordered me to meet up with him. I had no other choice...then he tricked me into going into Little Space. More like ordered me to get into my Little headspace. And...umm, he bought...I’m sorry this is too hard for me to say,” he stopped talking, he wanted to continue speaking but remembering the touches of Santa-hyung and Glasses-hyung made his stomach turned and his body to shiver.
“It’s okay hyung, take your time...we are here for you,” Hoseok reassured him. After a few minutes of silence and only the sound of his sniffles were heard in the room, he was ready to speak again.
“So...like I was saying, I was in Little Space and he bought two complete strangers. I didn’t know when or how, but when I was distracted with coloring...they got inside my apartment. When he called me to the kitchen, I noticed they were there with him and Minho told me they wanted to play with me. My Little side was scared of them...I didn’t want to but Minho took Kitty away...and ...and...they raped me...while I was...in Little Space...” he confessed, barely controlling his emotions. He wanted to throw up, he felt sick remembering the touch of those two bastards.
“WHAT!!? THEY DID WHAT TO YOU!” Hoseok yelled, getting up from the floor. Seokjin had never seen him so angry in all the years they’ve known each other. He noticed Hoseok's face turning red from the anger and had a deathly glare as if he was ready to kill someone. Yoongi was no better and the rest of the members were in shock. Did they think he was dirty, now that they knew exactly what had happened to him?
“I’M GOING TO FUCKING KILL THAT BASTARD FOR WHAT HE DID TO YOU. TELL ME WHERE HE LIVES HYUNG. TELL ME NOW!” Hoseok continued to yell, Seokjin felt like a weight had been lifted off his chest. This was exactly what he wanted to hear, to have someone who cared so much about him, to protect him from any harm. Now he was an uncontrollable mess, he placed both hands over his face and started crying his heart out. He couldn’t hold it in it anymore.
“Hoseok!...Hobi please calm down, I understand you’re angry, we all are, but look at Jin-hyung...this is not the best time to demand anything...” He heard Namjoon advice Hoseok.
“HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CALM DOWN WHEN HYUNG WAS RAPED BY TWO STRANGERS WHILE HE WAS SO VULNERABLE!! LOOK AT HOW THEY LEFT HIM?! THEY USED A FUCKING WHIP FOR FUCKS SAKE, HOW ARE ALL OF YOU SO CALM!?”
“I agree with Hobi-hyung, I demand to know the name of those bastards.” Jungkook voice out.
Once again the room was in chaos, and if this was how they were going to react now; he didn’t want to imagine what would happen when he told them it wasn’t just one time he was raped.
“Umm, there is more...” he said, removing his hands from his face and looking at the members, which got the attention of everyone in the room.
“Umm, yeah they raped me...but Minho sold me to them. I was basically his prostitute. His Little freak as he called me...”
“Hyung, that bastard deserves to go to jail for what he did to you!” Taehyung said to him, noticing how tears were falling down his cheeks.
He took a moment to look around the room and saw the horrible state they were all in. Everyone was crying, some more than others. Jungkook was ready to go on another rampage but it looked like he was trying to control himself. As for Hoseok, he finally sat back down and was next to Yoongi, they had their hands intertwined, supporting each other. It broke his heart to remember that they were in a relationship, the two people who owned his heart were dating each other and there was no room for him. He knew it wasn’t the right time to be thinking about the feelings he had towards them, plus, he didn’t deserve them anymore, not after being used up and for being such a pervert.
“He's a monster hyung… how could he do that to you... even worse, how could he do that while you were in Little Space. Those sick bastards tortured you and left you bleeding…” Jungkook spat out.
“The two strangers raping me didn’t happen last night Kookie...what happened last night was the second time Minho sold me. I was raped and tortured all night long...I wasn’t in Little Space last night so Minho drugged me so I wouldn’t escape…”
“WHAT THE HELL HYUNG!? YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOU WERE RAPED MORE THAN ONCE! YOU SHOULD HAD TOLD US SOONER. WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US? BUT DON'T WORRY HYUNG, I'M GOING TO KILL MINHO. HE’S GOING TO REGRET WHAT HE DID TO YOU. MARK MY WORDS, I DON'T FUCKING CARE IF I GO TO JAIL!” Hoseok yelled, releasing Yoongi’s hands and getting up to walk towards him. Hoseok made Jimin move out of the way so he could sit next to him. After giving Seokjin a gently hug, Hoseok placed a kiss on top of his head while gently rubbing his back. Was it weird of him to like seeing Hoseok so angry? Seokjin wanted to be wrapped around Hoseok’s strong arms forever, he wanted to kiss those rosy red thin lips and melt into them. Was he a pervert for having dirty thoughts about Hoseok even though he was just raped a few hours ago? Maybe he was…
“Is that why you had a panic attack the other day and went into Little Space?” Jungkook asked him.
“Yeah, that night when you guys were worried about me...that’s when it happened...”
“Hyung, you should have told us...” Taehyung said.
“That’s what I wanted to tell you guys last night...but I got angry and left. I had to go meet Minho and get Kitty back... if you guys don’t remember Kitty is my Mario plushie, but...I was scared of going by myself and wanted help.” he told them, seeing all eyes land on Jungkook, who had a guilty look on his face.
“Don’t be angry at Jungkook, he didn’t know anything... I got angry and thought that I was strong enough to face Minho by myself… to protect the things I love but he took Sunny too, that’s the Sunshine bear Hosoek gave me, and I fell for his trap once again...”
“What happened last night hyung? Was it Minho who raped you?” Yoongi curiously asked him.
“No, it wasn’t Minho. Umm, last night I wanted to get Kitty back but...I don’t know how Minho got inside my apartment. Before I knew what was happening, he yanked me by the hair and dragged me to my room to wait for the next customer… and he took Sunny away. Minutes later, one of my previous rapists entered the room. I call him Santa-hyung because he is fat and bald...the worst part was that Minho drugged me and because of that, I couldn’t escape. When I tried to run away, Santa-hyung gave me ten lashes. As you can already tell, he raped me over and over again all night long until he was satisfied...” he finished saying, seeing how all of the members had tears running down their faces with a mixture of anger, sadness, and regret. He wanted to tell them it was not their fault, that it was his fault for being a freak of nature, for wanting to be in Little Space so badly that he risked his own life.
“Umm, and that’s it...that’s all... umm I understand if you guys hate me and find me disgusting for what happened to me...”
“Hyung! How could you say that? We would never, EVER, think of you like that. We love you and accept you for who you are. Plus, we saw how you were during Little Space and it was so harmless and innocent. That bastard just took advantage of you and he deserves to rot in jail or better yet, die.” Yoongi said to him.
“I agree with Yoongi-hyung, you are not disgusting or anything. It’s not your fault. You’re still our wonderful, handsome, innocent and lovely hyung that we all love and nothing will change that.” Hoseok told him. Seokjin felt better now that he had told them the truth because he knew that he was finally with the people who truly loved him.
“I’m scared though...Minho took Kitty and Sunny, my comfort stuffies, without them, my Little side won’t calm down at all. I’m afraid I’ll have another panic attack…”
“Comfort stuffies?” Namjoon asked him. How careless of Seokjin to forget that the members were still not familiar with Little Space terminology.
“Yeah, comfort stuffies...they are stuffed animals that I have become fairly attached to, therefore, when I’m in Little Space they make me happy. They give me a sense of comfort.”
“Ah I see, but hyung...they are just plushies after all, can’t you just get another one and make it your new comfort stuffy?” Jimin asked him. True, they were just stuffed animals at the end of the day, but they were so precious to him because they were gifts from Hoseok and Yoongi.
“...but I love those plushies with all my heart...I can’t just replace them.”
“Why?” Jungkook asked him. Why was their Maknae being so noisy? He didn’t want to tell everyone that it was because he was in love with Yoongi and Hoseok and the plushies represented them and that was the reason they were so special to him.
“Umm...Hmm...they are just special to me, yeah, they are special…” he said looking down, blushing, trying to avoid any eye contact with Yoongi and Hoseok.
“Hyung? Do you want to go into Little Space right now? You said it helps you feel better. Want to give it a try? We’ll all be here to help you.” Hoseok told him, making him look up and noticed that all the members were agreeing with Hoseok.
“But...we have to go to work in a few hours?... and all of you don't really know a lot about Little Space. Are you sure you’re prepared to take care of me?”
“We are hyung, don’t worry about it. True, we have to go to work later, but we can try to get you into Little Space before we go. Besides, you're not going to go to work in your condition, so you might as well stay here at home and be in Little Space while you wait for us. I’ll just tell Manager Sejin that you are sick and stayed home sleeping. It should be fine.” Namjoon explained to him.
“Are you sure? I won’t be a burden? I don’t know how my Little side will react now that I’ve been raped twice...maybe I won’t be able to go into my headspace at all. Plus I don’t have my main triggers with me…”
“Main triggers?” Taehyung said confused, he realized once again that the members had a long way to go to learn about Little Space but it was fine, he could teach them along the way.
“Yeah, triggers, they are items, actions or thoughts that help you go into Little Space. For example, for me, Kitty and Sunny instantly help me go into Little Space. They are my source of comfort after all…” he answered blushing, knowing that he may have sound weird telling them how much comfort those plushies brought to him.
“Oh I see, so if you don’t have those plushies you can’t go into Little Space?” Jimin continued the series of questions.
“Not necessarily, there are other ways to go into Little Space, like thinking of your caregivers or things you love... watching cartoon…coloring. I know all of those things sound weird but yeah…” he awkwardly said, feeling scared of being made fun off.
“I have a bunny plushie in my room, will that work?” Jungkook asked him.
“Oh, I have some color pencils I use for my artwork, you want to use those while we buy you some later?” Taehyung continued to ask him.
“That’s a great idea! I think even without your comfort stuffies you can still go into Little Space,” Namjoon excitedly said.
The members were really trying to make him feel as comfortable as possible. He couldn't believe he waited so long to tell them that he was a Little.
Notes:
This is the chapter everyone has been waiting for! I hope you all enjoyed it and let me know your thoughts.
If you have any questions about this chapter or the story in general please, let me know and I’ll try my best to explain it.
Please look forward to the next chapter!! 😊
Chapter 18: Little Jinnie Pt.2
Summary:
“Appa…”
“Yeah sweetheart”
“Jinnie wants gummy bears...can I get some gummy bears, please? I’ll be a good boy, pretty please” Jinnie asked him, with pleading eyes.
Notes:
It took longer than I thought to edit this chapter!!
I’m not satisfied with the flow of the chapter but hopefully it should be easy to understand. If not, please let me know and I’ll try my best to clarify it.
My Twitter: @Kumasama92
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Hoseok was enraged, he couldn’t believe everything that had happened to Jin-hyung. His heart was consumed by anger and he felt like he was ready to kill those sick bastards that dared touch his precious hyung. Guilt filled his heart at the thought of being so naive and absorbed in his own happiness that he thought everything was alright. He should have listened to his guts and forced his hyung to tell him the truth. He felt a wave of rage imagining those strangers forcing themselves onto his hyung. How dare Minho take advantage of Seokjin and used him like a prostitute!? Hoseok knew he let his hyung down as he had promised himself to protect him from any danger, but he couldn’t even do that. While he was happy with Yoongi, which he didn’t regret one bit, his hyung was suffering alone. Maybe if Yoongi and he had confessed their feelings sooner nothing bad would have happened. No matter how much he regretted not being able to prevent his hyung from being abused by strangers and a psychopath, the past couldn't be changed, and no matter how much he wanted to take revenge and felt so angry towards the situation, he needed to stay strong for their hyung. At this moment, Jin-hyung needed all the love and support he could get and he was willing to do anything to help him heal.
Hoseok didn’t care if his hyung was a Little, even though he still wasn’t sure how it worked or what it meant, but as long as his Seokjin was happy, he was fine with taking up the role of a caregiver. He just didn’t want to see Jin-hyung cry anymore nor be in pain; he wanted to see the hyung who always made silly dad jokes, that made everyone groan but secretly loved, but most importantly, he wanted to hear his hyung’s squeaky window cleaning laugh again. Even if it meant endless cuddling sections late at night that lead to wrapping his arms around Jin-hyung’s tiny waist until it made him feel safe and loved. He knew that Yoongi and he could make Jin feel safe and help him recover from all the suffering he had been through. Hoseok didn’t care if his hyung didn’t even return their love, as long as he was happy.
With those feelings in mind, he suggested for your hyung to go into Little Space before they had to go back to work. It was risky, as none of them knew what to expect, but he was ready to take responsibility. The love for his hyung was so deep that he was willing to do anything for him.
“Hyung, I got the plushie,” Jungkook said, entered the living room. Hoseok wasn't sure if making their hyung go into Little Space would make him feel better but it was worth a try.
“Thank you Kookie,” His hyung replied, taking the plushie and cradled it in his arms. Jin-hyung looked so adorable, so innocent and so cute. How could someone be so perfect? Hoseok was falling in love with him all over again. He made eye contact with Yoongi, who gave him a weak smile, realizing that they both needed to have a deeper conversation about what just happened and figured out what they were going to do. Both of them cared so much about their hyung and were devastated. Maybe it was time to confess their feelings, even though it was not the best moment, but they were determined to express their love, even if they got rejected. Either way, they would be there for their hyung.
“Is Taehyung back yet?” Jimin asked.
Taehyung was upstairs looking for coloring pencils and some blank papers. If his hyung drew some pictures, he was hoping it would help him go into Little Space. Hoseok was nervous because he didn’t know what to expect once his hyung was in Little space. They all needed to figure out how to handle their hyung along the way, Naver should help, if the moment was necessary.
“Not yet, but he should he be down here soon,” he answered with excitement in his voice, he couldn’t wait to see the cute side of his hyung.
“Umm, there is another trigger that can help me go into Little Space...” Jin-hyung told them.
“What is it hyung? Whatever it is, we can get it for you.” He replied.
“I have a sippy cup hidden in the kitchen cabinet… if you fill it up with apple juice it should help me...” Seokjin-hyung answered, and Hoseok thought it was the cutest thing he had ever heard. His hyung, with a sippy cup plus the bunny plushie...it was too much cuteness to handle.
“I’ll get it for you, hyung. It’s in the cabinet, right? Which one?” Yoongi asked walking towards the kitchen. Hoseok really hoped that the sippy cup would help his hyung, if not, they would really need to search it up on the internet.
“Yeah, it’s in the cabinet on the right, next to the fridge. It should be at the far end, it’s a purple and white sippy cup with a black and white panda.” Jin-hyung responded.
Hoseok’s heart skipped a beat at the idea of spoiling his hyung for hours and hours. He wanted to see him happy and if a sippy cup would make him smile, then he was willing to buy all the sippy cups in the world. It was weird, he didn’t feel any kind of disgusting feelings at the thought of his hyung acting like a little boy, in fact, it was the opposite, it gave him a warm, satisfactory feeling in his heart to see one of the people he loved with all his heart, be so happy, so carefree.
“I got them! It took a while but I found the coloring pencils and some blank papers,” Taehyung informed them, placing the items on the small glass table in the middle of the living room.
“Then I think we are ready...we just need the sippy cup, ” Seokjin-hyung stated, blushing, and avoiding any eye contact. It was cute.
“Sippy cup?” Taehyung asked.
And at that moment Yoongi-hyung entered the room holding in his hand the purple and white sippy cup.
“Here’s the sippy cup, hyung. Where do you want me to leave it?”
“On the table, next to the coloring pencils and paper, ” Jin-hyung replied, noticing that the tips of his hyung’s ears were turning red from the attention he was getting.
“Are you ready, hyung? Are you ready to go into Little Space?” he asked, getting the attention of everyone in the room.
“Yeah, but there are a few things I need to say before we start, but first, can someone help me get up so I can go sit down on the floor where the Little items are placed,” Jin-hyung asked them, pointing at the glass table where all his items were organized. Hoseok was not going to let his hyung sit directly on the carpeted floor, so getting up from where he was sitting, he went to get a soft pillow and placed it where his hyung was going to sit, noticing that Jungkook was helping Jin-hyung get up from the couch. Once his hyung was settled down, all of the members sat down on the floor, on the opposite side of the small table, making sure they had a good view of their hyung.
“Okay, so before we start I want to tell you a few things about Little Space and how it works,” His hyung told them, and he agreed with him, they still had a lot to learn about Little Space but he was willing to study all he could for the sake of helping Jin-hyung feel better.
“So, when I go into Little Space, I like to call myself Jinnie...so in order to maintain my headspace, I want you all to only call me Jinnie. No hyung, Seokjin, and definitely no Seokjin-hyung…”
“We understand, hyung, ” He heard Yoongi say.
“Oh, once we begin to try to get me into Little space, you can start calling me Jinnie, it’s another trigger for me and it will help me go into Little Space,” His hyung continued, seeing how all the members were nodding their heads in agreement.
“I don’t know if you all remember but when I was in Little Space last time, I called each one of you different names...it’s what my Little side has determined to call you. It may change as time goes by but don’t be alarmed if I call you Appa... or hyung,”
Appa: Hoseok remembered Jinnie was calling him Hobi-Appa, and Yoongi-hyung, Yoonie-Appa, but the rest of the members hyung, which he doesn’t know why but it made him feel special. He liked the idea of being a caregiver for his hyung, so he could spoil him to death and shower him with love.
“Yeah, we won’t be surprised hyung, I promise,” Jimin stated.
Seokjin-hyung then proceeded in taking out a black coloring pencil and a piece of paper, placing it in front of himself, and started to draw. The mission of getting their hyung into Little Space began.
“What should I draw?” his hyung asked them.
“How about your stuffies? I know you don’t have them with you, but maybe if you drew them it would help you?” Namjoon suggested, and it was a good idea.
“Okay, I’m going to start now so remember no more calling me hyung from now on. Oh, and using words like sweetheart and baby boy...words you use towards a child, it should help me go into Little Space too,”
“Okay, hy—Jinnie,” Jungkook said, noticing that the Maknae almost made the mistake of calling Jin-hyung by the wrong name.
For the next ten minutes, the room was silent, just Jinnie trying to draw Kitty and Sunny while sipping on his sippy cup every once in a while, and the rest of the members just watching their oldest hyung with admiration. It was relaxing, but he was wondering if their plan had worked and they were able to get their hyung into Little Space. Another ten minutes passed and when he thought their plan had failed, Hoseok heard small sniffles. When he looked for the source of the sniffles, it turned out it was Jinnie looking at the drawing of Kitty and Sunny, letting tears fall onto the paper.
“Hobi...Appa,” Jinnie softly whispered, looking at him with teary eyes and a rosy pink nose.
“Oh sweetheart, what’s wrong with my baby boy?” He answered, it hurt him deeply to see Jinnie so sad.
“Jinnie wants Kitty and Sunny, but...they no here…Appa I want them...”
“Sweetie, I know you miss them but want to play with the bunny Kookie gave you instead?”
“Yes! Hy—Jinnie, I don’t mind you playing with the bunny I gave you. Look, the bunny is sad that you don’t want to play with him,” Jungkook told Jinnie while taking the plushie that was resting on Jinnie’s lap and cradled it in his arms, slightly petting it. It got Jinnie’s attention and Hoseok was happy to see that their Maknae was putting a lot of effort into making Jinnie feel better.
“But Kookie, I want Kitty and Sunny...no Mr. Bunny…”
“Mr. Bunny?” Jimin asked, looking confused.
“Yesh, Mr. Bunny!” Jinnie answered, pointing at the plushie Jungkook had in his hands.
“Oh…” was all Jimin let out, looking at Hoseok with pleading eyes. What were they supposed to do now? At least Hoseok was glad their hyung was in Little Space.
“Hobi Appa…” Jinnie continued to whimper. Moving closer to where Hoseok was sitting until Jinnie was on his lap, sitting sideways. Jinnie clenched his fists and tilted his head, burying his face at the crook of Hoseok's neck, while letting out small and soft whimpers.
“Don’t cry, my sweet baby boy…” Hoseok said to Jinnie, gently rubbing the injured back trying to calm him down, but it was in vain as it only made Jinnie cry louder. Hoseok looked around the room and saw the sad expressions on all the members. They were completely at a loss on what to do...maybe they weren’t really prepared to take care of their hyung while he was in Little Space.
“Jinnie...please don’t cry…” Yoongi worryingly said, sitting next to Hoseok.
“Want to watch some cartoons, Jinnie?” Taehyung suggested, but it was no use as Jinnie just shook his head in disagreement and continued to cry.
“Hobi, I think it would be best to let Jinnie cry all he wants… to let his emotions settled in. Remember, sometimes crying is the best solution to get over any painful memories. Of course, the memories won’t go away, but after crying, he’ll feel better,” Namjoon explained, and maybe he was right. They should let their hyung cry out until there were no more tears left.
“I think you are right.” He confirmed and started gently rubbing Jinnie’s back.
“My sweet and lovely baby boy, it’s okay to cry. Cry all you want. Yoonie Appa, your hyungs and I...we’re here for you.” Hoseok said, and with those words, Jinnie immediately started sobbing.
“Kitty...Sunny…miss...them...Appa…” Jinnie hiccuped between sobs.
After fifteen minutes that felt like hours of Jinnie’s constant crying, small sniffles were all you can hear in the room.
“Yoonie Appa...Jinnie’s back hurts...I think I got a boo-boo…” Hoseok heard, seeing Jinnie moving away from the crook of his neck and looking at Yoongi-hyung with saddened eyes.
“Want me to kiss it better, Jinnie?” Yoongi-hyung replied, earring a shy nod from Jinnie. Hoseok thought it was adorable.
Yoongi-hyung then moved to the opposite side of him, to be able to have access to Jinnie’s back. Without removing the shirt and being very careful, Yoongi placed small kisses all over Jinnie’s back, earning small giggles from their baby boy.
“Appa, it tickles…” Hoseok heard Jinnie giggled. It was the cutest thing he had ever heard and seen. Hoseok was glad that apart from missing Kitty and Sunny, their hyung was still able to laugh. Maybe over time Jinnie would forget about those two plushies and get replaced by new ones.
“Tae-Tae...want to watch cartoons with me?” Jinnie asked Taehyung after Yoongi-hyung stopped attacking him with kisses. Taehyung replied by making his famous boxy smile while eagerly nodding in agreement.
“Can I also watch cartoons with you, Jinnie?” Jimin asked, which made Jinnie, shyly, nod his head.
“Kookie...Mr. Bunny... do you both want to watch cartoons with Minnie, Tae-Tae and I?”
“Of course, Jinnie! I would love too, isn’t that right Mr. Bunny?” Jungkook asked the bunny, which he used his hands to move the head, simulating that the plushie was agreeing with him, earning a beaming smile from Jinnie.
“Mr. Bunny, Jinnie sorry for being a meanie and not wanting to play with you. Would you forgive me?”
“Of course Jinnie, you’re so adorable so of course I’ll forgive you,” Hoseok heard Jungkook change his voice into a deeper one and to pretend the plushie was answering. Their Maknae really knew how to take care of their hyung, even if he was reckless sometimes.
“Jinnie, want to eat popcorn while we watch cartoons?” Namjoon asked, which caused Jinnie to eagerly agree.
“Okay then...so everyone that wants to watch cartoons, go sit on the couch, while I make some popcorn and bring us some drinks,” Namjoon said, getting up.
“Now Jinnie, let's get up so we can watch cartoons with your hyungs,” Hoseok told Jinnie.
“Appa…”
“Yeah sweetheart”
“Jinnie wants gummy bears...can I get some gummy bears, please? I’ll be a good boy, pretty please!” Jinnie asked him, with pleading eyes.
“Of course Jinnie, I'll go and tell Jonnie to bring you some gummy bears too,” Yoongi reassured Jinnie, who then walked happily to the couch, sitting between Jimin and Taehyung but not before giving Yoongi-hyung and him a tight hug.
“Hyung’s so adorable Yoongi...I’m falling in love with his Little side. It makes me want to protect him even more.”
“Same...Hobi...I think we should talk after things settled down. I feel so guilty about what happened to him...we need to confess to him...even if we get rejected.”
“I was going to ask you the same thing. Hyung, we can’t delay this any longer, let’s talk more about this later, though. Now, go get hyung his gummy bears. We don’t want another tantrum like last time.”
“Yeah, that was a nightmare but adorable at the same time… and Hobi, I love you,” Yoongi told him, whispering the last part into his ear, making him blush.
“I love you too Yoongi…” he replied, seeing Yoongi’s cheeks turn slightly pink. Hoseok couldn’t help but think about how lucky he was to have Yoongi as his boyfriend and the only thing that would make it better was for Jin-hyung to be part of their relationship.
Two episodes in watching Paw Patrol, Hoseok noticed that Jinnie was drifting off to sleep. Hoseok knew they had to get ready to go to work soon and even though they were enjoying their time with Jinnie, they had to leave soon. Although he didn’t want to leave Jinnie by himself, it was the only way because they couldn’t afford to skip work again.
“Namjoon, it’s time to get ready for work,” he said.
“I know, we should tell Jinnie we are leaving soon and ask him to behave until we get back. He seems sleepy watching the cartoon, maybe he’ll sleep during the time we are gone.”
“I hope so, I don’t like the idea of leaving him alone, but we can’t skip work again.”
“I know,” Namjoon responded, giving him a worried look.
Hoseok got up from where he was sitting and walked towards Jinnie, who was leaning against Jimin’s shoulder. He took a deep breath before waking up his little Prince.
“Sweetheart, Jinnie, wake up, my love,” Hoseok said, shaking Jinnie’s shoulder a little, seeing how Jinnie just groan and stirred at being woken up.
“No...Appa, Jinnie sleepy.”
“I know sweetie, but we have to get you ready before we leave. You’ll be staying by yourself until we get back home. You’ll have to be a brave boy for a little bit.”
“No, Jinnie wants to go with Appa…”
“I’m sorry Jinnie, but you got a boo-boo and you need to rest so it can get better.”
“Yoonie Appa can just kiss it better, that way I can go with you.”
“Oh, Jinnie...what if all of your hyungs and both Yoonie Appa and I give you kisses on your boo-boo? Would that help you be a good boy and wait until we get back?”
“...Yesh Appa, Jinnie would love kisses from everyone. Jinnie will be a good boy and wait…”
“You guys heard that? It's time to spoil our little Prince with kisses.” Hoseok announced, looking at the rest of the members who were smiling and ready to spoil to death their adorable Jinnie.
After an hour of getting ready, and each of the members taking turns to kiss endlessly Jinnie’s boo-boo, that earned a series of giggles from Jinnie, it was time to go to work.
“Don’t open the door to anyone?” Jungkook told Jinnie who was cradling Mr. Bunny in his arms.
“Yesh Kookie.”
“Call us if you don’t feel well.” Taehyung continued.
“Yesh Tae-Tae.”
“Take care, and I left some apple slices on the table. If you feel hungry, eat those, okay!” Yoongi-hyung stated.
“Yesh Appa, Jinnie wuvs apples.”
“Try to get some sleep as well but if you get bored, we left you some blank papers so you can color,” Jimin said.
“Jinnie no sleepy, so I’ll just draw.”
“And we’ll get you a surprise when we get back, so wait for us like a good boy you are,” Namjoon declared, earring a huge smile from Jinnie.
“Yesh!! Jinnie can’t wait for the surprise!”
“We love you Jinnie,” both Yoongi and Hoseok said at the same time while placing a kiss on top of Jinnie’s head.
“I wuv you Hobi Appa, Yoonie Appa,” Jinnie replied and with that, they all left Jinnie by himself in the apartment. Hopefully, time would go by fast so they could return to their lovely little Prince.
—————
Jinnie was cradling in his arms Mr. Bunny while seeing his hyungs and Appas go to work. He felt sad that he was not going to see them for a few hours but Joonie told him that they would bring him a surprise, so he was going to be a good boy and wait for them. Jinnie walked back to the couch and laid down to watch some cartoons. Although he loved Paw Patrol with all his heart, he wanted to find another show to watch. Grabbing the remote control, he surfed through the channels until a purple dinosaur caught his attention.
“Barney is a dinosaur from our imagination, And when he's tall. He's what we call a dinosaur sensation…” the TV played. It fascinated him how big the dinosaur was and wondered why it was by itself in the middle of the park. Jinnie found out that the dinosaur’s name was Barney and wanted to be friends with other kids. But where were his other dinosaur friends? Was he lonely just like Jinnie? Maybe they could be friends?
As he kept watching the show, Jinnie’s tummy started to rumble, he was hungry. He remembered Yoonie Appa told him that there were some apple slices on the kitchen table, so laying down Mr. Bunny he walked to the kitchen and saw the small plastic plate with slices of apple. He also saw his sippy cup next to it, so going to the fridge and with much struggle, he poured himself some juice into the sippy cup. Once he was ready, he walked back to the couch and started to enjoy his snack while watching Barney.
After he was done eating, he laid down flat on the couch while starting to get sleepy. He let sleep consumed him because maybe by sleeping, he would get to see his appas and hyungs sooner...
Jinnie was disturbed from his slumber when he felt a soft hand patting his head. It felt nice and he wondered, were his appas back? Maybe it was his hyungs with the surprise they promised him? Slowly opening his eyes, rubbing them to try to adjust his vision, he sat up straight.
“Appa…” he said.
“How’s my Little freak doing today? Are you behaving like a good Little slut you are?”
“Daddy Minho…?”
Notes:
😭😭😭
I have a love and hate relationship with cliffhangers. I love how it gets me hooked up for the next chapter but I hate that I have to wait for an update Hahahaha
Let me know your thoughts and please look forward to the next chapter!
Chapter 19: The Big Bad Wolf
Summary:
He felt something wet and slimy force its way passed his teeth and into his mouth. He could barely breathe. Was he going to die? If so, his only regret was not to see Kitty and Sunny one last time...
Notes:
WARNING ⚠️ VIOLENCE AND IMPLIED RAPE. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.
I’m finally back with another chapter! It took forever to finished writing this one, but I finally got it done.
I hope you enjoy the chapter!!
Please read the endnotes as I got important information to say about future updates.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“Daddy Minho...” Jinnie softly mumbled, confused at how his Daddy got inside the apartment. His Daddy was crouched down in front of him while giving Jinnie a warm smile. Jinnie was a good boy just like his Appas have told him because he didn’t open the door to anyone, so why was Daddy Minho here, next to him? Jinnie knew his daddy had been a meanie to him lately, especially after taking Kitty and Sunny away from him. Even big Jinnie didn’t like Daddy Minho anymore. His mind was telling him to run, run far away as possible, sensing a cloud of danger in the air.
“Did you miss me?... I got a surprise for you,” Daddy Minho asked him, still petting his hair, softly, like if he was the most precious baby in the world. Jinnie was not going to lie to himself, it felt nice having someone stroke his hair and get the attention that he always wanted. If it wasn’t for the warning signal his brain was sending him, he would let his daddy dote him with love, all day long. Trying to not let the sweet words of Daddy Minho persuade him, Jinnie remembered the story his daddy read to him a few months ago: The Little Red Riding Hood. He felt his heart skipped a beat at the realization that his daddy was a liar, just like the big bad wolf in the story, and if he didn’t get away soon he was going to get eaten. Jinnie didn’t want to get eaten, not now...not when he finally had his hyung’s and Appas taking care of him.
“No, Jinnie don’t want surprise...Jinnie doesn’t like Daddy Minho anymore. You’ve been a meanie to me. I don’t like you!” Jinnie snarled out, slapping away the hand touching his hair. He didn’t want any surprises from Daddy Minho, he knew his daddy was lying to him again. As fast as he could, he got up from the couch and headed to his room where he had his phone. Jinnie saw on a TV show that it was best to call for help whenever he was in danger, so Jinnie needed to call Hobi Appa to come help him.
“Where do you think you’re going?! I’m not done with you just yet, ” Jinnie heard and felt a hand yanked him by the hair and forcefully throw him back onto the couch. Jinnie’s back made direct contact with the arm of the couch causing him to groan in pain, as he badly hurt his boo-boo. Maybe it was the impact he had with the couch, but it caused him to fall onto the hard floor, making him arch his back in agony once again.
“NO! IT HURTS! LET JINNIE GO! DON’T BE A MEANIE!” He yelled, trying to fight back by swinging his arms in all different directions trying to hit daddy Minho, who he sensed was nearby, but it was no use as he felt a pressure on his chest and his hands raised above his head. He adjusted his vision and saw that daddy Minho was now straddling him, pinning him to the floor.
“Oh, my sweet Little freak. You’ve been a bad boy. It’s time to punish you...”
“Jinnie no bad boy. Daddy Minho is the big bad wolf. Jinnie hates bad wolves!”
“I don’t care what you think. I think it’s time I have some fun with you. I was going to get some hyungs to come play with you but...I think this time, I'll be the one playing with you, ” daddy Minho told him, squeezing his wrists tighter, making him winced in pain.
Jinnie was scared and he didn't know how to get away from Daddy Minho’s grip. Before he knew what was happening Jinnie felt wet and icky kisses on his neck and it made his whole body shiver in fear. He wanted to leave, he wanted to fight back, but the boo-boo on his back was hurting him and daddy Minho was too strong.
“NO! LET JINNIE GO! NOOO!!” Jinnie screamed, squirming his body to try to get away from the big bad wolf but it was no use as he was quieted down by daddy Minho’s lips being pressed against his own. Jinnie just let the tears out, where were his Appas and all his hyungs to help him? Was he left all alone once again? Jinnie didn’t want to face the wrath of daddy Minho by himself, so he let his mind slipped away. He felt something wet and slimy force its way passed his teeth and into his mouth. He could barely breathe. Was he going to die? If so, his only regret was not to see Kitty and Sunny one last time...
Seokjin realized he had slipped out of Little Space when he felt Minho’s tongue forced its way into his mouth. Feeling the wet and hot muscle explore his inner walls. He felt disgusted, he felt like throwing up and hated how weak he was once again for letting Minho have his way with him. What did he learn from the last two times he was raped? Nothing! Nothing at all. He was useless in thinking that he was free from Minho’s clutches once he told the members the truth but he was totally wrong.
“Do you like daddy’s kisses my sweet Little freak?” Minho dared to ask him. Who would love being forced into a kiss by a pervert? Especially, the person who had been selling his body to strangers. No one, no one at all.
“Fuck you! You sick bastard.” he growled while gasping for air. He saw the facial expression of Minho turned from amused to surprised and he took that second of vulnerability to free his wrists and kicked upwards to hit Minho’s groins.
Even though he was in pain, as his back was throbbing and going numb, he quickly made his way to the front door. It was his only way to freedom, his freedom from being raped once again. With shaking hands, he opened the door and bolted down the long hallway to the elevator. For the first time ever, he cursed himself for living in such a big and luxurious apartment. It felt like an eternity before he saw the doors of the elevator but after much struggle, he was finally there, about to press the button that would take him to freedom. Yet, before he could even press the button that would take him away from this nightmare, his view was forced to come face to face with the wall, feeling how his head was constantly making contact with the hard wall, over and over again. His mind was now hazy and his vision was blurry, and he knew for sure he might have a concussion. Once again he was yanked by the hair, and Seokjin was surprised that he didn’t have a bald spot by how often and forcefully Minho gripped his hair.
It was a miracle, he thought as he felt his body being dragged backward.
“Stop! Let me go!” He screamed in pain, the strength on his legs were starting to weaken and no matter how much he tried to free himself, it was in vain. Minho had grabbed him by the waist and started to pull him back in the direction of the apartment. He just saw himself being dragged throughout the long hallway, hoping that the security guard would see what was happening to him and come to his rescue. Seconds later, he was pushed inside the apartment, where he knew his worst nightmare was about to begin.
—————
It had been an hour since the six of them arrived at the studio. The manager had informed them that today was just going to consist of a series of interviews and a recording section for their next album, and Yoongi couldn’t be any happier. His guts were telling him to go back home as soon a possible, he wanted to be near Jin-Hyung and make sure he was okay.
“I wonder how Jin-hyung is doing?” Hoseok whispered into his ear, while they were on a small break after a long interview.
“I hope he’s sleeping, it'll make time for him go by faster.”
“I hope so,” Hoseok reassured him, and Yoongi really wished it was true. They needed to talk to manager Sejin about what happened to Jin-hyung so the police could arrest the people who hurt him, but most importantly they needed to get a doctor to come to their apartment and inspect the wounds on his hyung’s back. Even though Jimin performed first aid, just cleaning the wounds and cuts, it would be better to have an expert take a look at it, just in case. Yoongi also needed to talk to the members about taking their hyung to a therapist. He knew that as much as they love and cared about their hyung’s well-being if they really wanted Jin-hyung to heal, he needed to see a professional. Yoongi knew it was a long road ahead for their hyung to recover or at least get passed the traumatic experience, but he was willing to wait for as long as he could to see their hyung smile again. Despite all of them still being new to the whole Little Space/caregiver dynamic their hyung was talking about, he knew that if going into that Little headspace would help their hyung heal, then he was willing to make many sacrifices to make sure it happened.
All of them were on an hour-long break before starting the last part of their schedule and then be able to go home. They had gathered in the break room, eating and relaxing. Yoongi could sense the awkward atmosphere but he didn’t say anything and continued to eat his food.
“We need to talk about Jin-hyung, ” Namjoon finally spoke up, not only getting his attention but the rest of the members.
“There’s a lot to talk about and so little time... so I’m thinking of letting each one of us speak on how we feel about everything that has happened recently. We need to make ourselves clear before we can move forward and help Jin-hyung.” Namjoon continued to say, as the great leader he was, and Yoongi thought it was a brilliant idea. That way, everyone would know what they were comfortable with and what their opinion on this whole situation was.
“I’ll start first,” Hoseok told them, locking eyes with him. He instantly knew what Hoseok was going to say just from that simple eye contact. Hoseok was going to tell everyone that they were dating and that they were both in love with Jin-hyung. He didn't know if it was the right moment to bring their love life to light or if revealing their relationship would cause more stress to the group but if Hoseok was determined to tell the members, then he was going to support his boyfriend no matter what. Besides, this would make everything easier for them when they finally confessed their love to their hyung. And if they get rejected the dynamic of the group won’t be so awkward since everyone would know the reason behind the dispute.
“I know this is random but I promise it will make sense once you hear everything I have to say...First, Yoongi-hyung and I are dating. We’ve been going out for about two years...”
“WHAT!!?” Jungkook and Taehyung yelled at the same time, looking between Hosoek and him, which made him feel embarrassed that their relationship was now finally exposed.
“Congrats Hobi, Yoongi-hyung!” Namjoon excitingly said to them, with a smile that showcased his dimples.
“Thank you...” he replied back, feeling shy at the sudden attention.
“I already knew! I’m so happy for them! They make such a cute couple,” Jimin told everyone. Yoongi could tell by the way Jimin straightened up his posture, to make himself seem taller, that he felt proud of being the first one to know about their relationship. It was adorable.
“Wait, but you told me you were in love with Jin-hyung?” Jungkook asked him.
“I was going to say the same thing, ” Taehyung added, and Yoongi thought that their Maknaes were really smart to connect the dots so quickly.
“Yeah, that’s the second part Hoseok was going to say...I’m in love with Jin-hyung but I’m also in love with Hoseok,” he told them, looking at the shocking expressions of everyone.
“Me too, I’m in love with Yoongi AND Jin-hyung...and we plan on confessing our feelings to him, even if we get rejected. It may not be the right timing but we feel guilty and it broke our hearts when we found out how much hyung had been suffering all this time.”
“Exactly! We want to let you all know that we will be there for hyung no matter what. We may not be familiar with Little Space but we are willing to learn for his sake.” He added, and Yoongi saw the mixed expressions of the members, maybe it was not such a good idea to tell them so soon?
The room became silent, all the attention just focused on Hoseok and him. Yoongi noticed that all their heads were thinking, hard, and processing everything that they just heard, which he understood as it was a very heavy topic.
“I support the both of you! If Jin-hyung returns your feelings then I will support the three of you no matter what.” Namjoon stated.
“Same,” the Maknae line responded with smiles on their faces and he couldn’t be any happier to have such lovely and supportive band members.
“Thank you, guys. We really appreciate it a lot.” Hoseok responded.
“I have one thing to say, though,” Namjoon interrupted.
“Sure, go ahead Joon.” Hoseok encouraged him to speak.
“You said... the both of you feel guilty about what happened to hyung and that’s why you want to confess. I don’t want to be rude but is the only reason you are confessing to hyung...because you feel guilty? If so, I don’t think I approve of this confession. I don’t want you guys to pity him, he’s going through a lot already and it’s not fair for him.” Namjoon said.
Did Hoseok and him really sounded like they only cared about themselves and were pitying their hyung? Which was not true and they needed to make themselves clear!
“No! Namjoon! It’s not like that at all. Yes, we do feel guilty for not being able to help hyung sooner but we love him with all our heart and we want to be with him forever. We want to be throughout his recovery and we want to be his support. Maybe what I said came out wrong but I want you guys to know that the feeling we have for hyung is real and sincere.” Hoseok told them.
“Yes, we love hyung so much, for more than two years. That’s how our relationship started, our mutual love for hyung. We will never pity him for what happened to him. We love him with all our heart.” He continued. Yoongi saw that Namjoon’s expression changed from serious to a smile which indicated that they convinced him that their feelings were truly sincere. They were not going to confess to their hyung just because they pity him or felt guilty. Their love was much deeper than that. Their Hyung was the missing piece in their relationship. Only by being three instead of two, would their hearts feel whole and complete.
“Okay, now that we made that clear. I want to continue with our talk, so I’ll go next.“ Namjoon told them, agreeing that they didn’t have a lot of time to talk since they still had to go to the recording studio in a few minutes.
“I’m very confused. Even though hyung told us about Little Space...I’m still confused about it.”
“Confused about what?” Jimin asked, and Yoongi agreed with him. What was there to be confused about? Their hyung just liked to be a little kid and what was wrong with that?
“I’m confused about what lead him to be a Little... like I understand the concept, once he explained it to us but maybe I’m just overthinking it...but how can an adult want to be a little kid? It doesn’t make sense to me,”
“Joon, you always overthink everything. There is nothing wrong with hyung being a Little. Yeah, it’s difficult to grasp on the whole idea, but does it matter what lead to it? Shouldn’t we all be happy that hyung found a way to relieve his stress and be himself? Most importantly, shouldn’t we be happy that hyung was brave enough to tell us the truth even though there was a chance we might have rejected him or judged him. In my opinion, I don’t care about him being a Little, as long as he’s happy. Plus, after what happened to him, being a Little should be the least of our concerns.” Hoseok explained, and it was true, they should be focusing on capturing the bastard that hurt their hyung.
“I agree with Hobi-hyung, we need to find that bastard that dared hurt hyung. Jin-hyung being a Little might be different but I don’t care as long as he’s happy.” Jungkook said. Yoongi noticed how their Maknae’s aura was so strong, so dark as if he was ready to kill, to attack, like a wild animal defending their territory, so he made a mental note to keep an eye on him so things won’t get out of hand.
“I also agree,” Taehyung added, seeing how Jimin also nodded his head.
“Fine, let’s focus on helping hyung instead of worrying about small details like what lead to Little Space. So what do we do now?” Namjoon asked them, blushing, probably feeling embarrassed by what he said.
“I think we should tell manager Sejin about what happened. The higher-ups need to do an investigation to catch this Minho guy who hurt our hyung, as well as the other people who raped him.” He said.
“I’ll talk to him after our break is over,” Namjoon confirmed, talking up his role as the leader.
“And a doctor needs to come see hyung’s wounds, they need further examination and treatment. The wounds look deep and just first aid won’t help with healing.” He continued to say, seeing how the rest of the members agreed with him.
“And one more thing, hyung needs to go see a therapist as soon as possible. If we want him to recover, it’s best for him to see a professional...”
“I agree with you, hyung, I was going to suggest the same thing. Aside from our support, seeing a therapist will help him a lot.” Jimin answered. Yoongi was glad all the members were on the same page with what needed to be done. This was just the beginning of their hyung’s recovery but he knew that with their love and support, his hyung was going to get through it.
Yoongi still needed to have a serious talk with Hoseok later, so that as a couple, they could comprehend what happened to their hyung, while thinking about their possible future together and what it meant to be in a polygamist relationship. However, they first needed to get through this recording section so they could go back home to their sweet Little hyung.
——————
“Namjoon, did you forget something important you needed to do?” Yoongi asked while they were in the van on their way back to the apartment. It was a long recording section but it was finally over and it was time to focus on seeing their hyung. Namjoon talked with Manager Sejin about the situation and he promised to talk with the higher-ups. It was a serious matter and they needed to hire a private investigator to catch this Minho person and his accomplices.
“What are you talking about, hyung?”
“Well, I remembered that someone promised our little Jinnie a surprise when we get back home. So where is his surprise, Joon?” He amusedly said, seeing the panic look Namjoon had once he realized that he had forgotten to buy their hyung a present.
“Shit! Hyung, what do I do now! I totally forgot...”
“How about we just get him some cake?” Taehyung suggested.
“Good idea, Taehyung!” Namjoon excitingly said, switching places with Hoseok who was sitting directly behind the driver.
“Sir, can you please drive us to the nearest bakery? It’s urgent!” Namjoon politely asked, and with an “of course” respond from their driver, they were all on their way to the nearest bakery.
After struggling to find the perfect cake for their hyung, all of them collectively decided on a vanilla cake with strawberries on top. It said “We love you Jinnie!” with a Purple Heart on the side. It was perfect for their adorable little hyung and he couldn’t wait to see the expression on his face when he saw it.
They just got off the elevator and were walking down the long hallway to their apartment, talking about how much they all couldn’t wait to see their hyung’s reaction to the present they got for him. Jimin was given the task of holding onto the medium size white box with the cake inside since Namjoon refused to carry the box, afraid he was going to drop it.
When they stopped in front of their apartment door, they all sensed something was wrong.
First, the front door was unlocked and second, you can vaguely hear voices coming from the inside. Before he could even collect his thoughts to tell everyone to hurry inside, Yoongi saw from the corner of his eye, Hoseok and Jungkook running inside the apartment. He knew everyone was thinking the same...their hyung was in danger. As fast as his legs could run, he finally got to the living room where he noticed a strange man being pinned up against the wall by Hoseok. He quickly scanned the room to find their hyung and when he found him, Yoongi saw his hyung in the middle of the living room, on the floor, naked, and gasping for air. Immediately, he knew the identity of the stranger...it was Minho, and he cursed himself because he had an idea of what had been happening inside their apartment while they were gone. He ignored Hoseok and Jungkook who were focused on destroying the person who dared hurt their hyung because as much as he wanted to be part of it, his main focus was Jin-hyung, who he noticed was crying. He ran to where his hyung was laying down on the floor and crouched down in front of him.
The sight alone made his blood boiled. His hyung had freshly made finger marks around his neck and looking further down, Yoongi noticed blood mixed with semen between his legs that was dripping down onto the carpet.
“Hyung!” He desperately cried out, taking off his long sleeve shirt and carefully placing it over his hyung’s shoulders.
“Yoongi...He...I don’t know how he got inside...I’m sorry...” Jin-hyung said between sobs, his body shaking in fear.
“I’m here, hyung...we are here. He can’t hurt you anymore,”
“Yoongi...” Jin-hyung repeated, looking at him in the eyes, tears were falling down his cheeks. Before he knew it, Jin-hyung jumped towards him, making him fall to the floor, while hugging him tightly. Once he adjusted his mind, he noticed that his hyung placed his head on Yoongi’s chest and started to sob loudly. He carefully returned the hug and sat up straight and placed his arms around his hyung’s waist, carefully. Yoongi needed to get him out of here, out of this hell hole, but how?
“BASTARD! I'LL SHOW YOU HOW IT FEELS TO CHOKE SOMEONE! SEE IF YOU LIKE IT!” Hoseok’s loud and terrifying voice echoed throughout the whole room making his hyung flinched in fear.
“You bastard! how dared you hurt him!” Jungkook yelled.
Then a loud crashing sound was heard and as much as he wanted to turn around and see what happened between his boyfriend, Jungkook and this Minho person, he couldn’t leave his hyung’s side. Yoongi’s back was facing the scene unfolding and his only view was the top of his hyungs head, who was now clinging to him for dear life. He couldn’t move, even if he wanted. He just wished that both his bandmates were safe.
“So you’re the famous Hoseok?! Little freak over there talked about you all the time. And Yoongi too.”
“STOP FUCKING CALLING HIM A LITTLE FREAK. YOU SICK PERVERT!”
“PERVERT? Me, a pervert, when Jinnie over there is a fucking slut who spreads his legs for anyone. You make me laugh.” Minho scoffed.
“STOP! JUNGKOOK! YOU’RE KILLING HIM!” Yoongi heard Jimin screamed in fear, then another loud crashing sound echoed throughout the room. Yoongi flinched once he heard splattered of glass as it made an impact with something, and he was sure by the sound, it was a body.
“OH MY GOD! YOU’RE BOTH HURT!” Taehyung’s concern voice was heard. Yoongi saw the shoulder of his hyung trembling, he was surely crying. Being in the middle of this fight was not helping him, it was only causing more trauma to their hyung. Yoongi hated himself for being so weak, for not being able to get his hyung out of here, as his legs were weak from the fear he was having. A lot of people thought he was a strong and serious person but on the inside, he really was a coward. He was also so concerned about Hoseok and Jungkook. Were they going to die fighting this bastard?
“YOU’RE THE SICK BASTARD HERE! DIE AND GO TO HELL!” Yoongi heard Jungkook growled and then the sound of constant punches were heard all throughout the room. He could feel his hyung trying to get away from his arms and look behind him but he held onto him tightly. He didn’t want his hyung to see such a brutal scene, it was the minimum he could do since he couldn’t take him away from this nightmare. The scene behind him was pure chaos and there was no way of stopping Hoseok and Jungkook’s fury. It was like they were werewolves protecting their territory from an enemy and they were not going to stop until the threat was gone.
“JINNIE ARE YOU HAPPY NOW!? YOU PERVERT. YOU THINK HOSEOK AND YOONGI WILL LOVE YOU BACK WHEN YOU’RE SUCH A SLUT?”
Yoongi felt his hyung tensed up by the words that were being aimed at him. Noticing that his hyung was trying to look behind them once again. Yoongi was so focused on restraining him from moving that he didn’t even pay attention to what Minho was saying.
“STOP! SHUT UP, YOU MONSTER!” Jin-hyung screamed, still hugging him tightly. His hyung’s chest was now heaving and Yoongi feared he might be getting another anxiety attack.
“OH, I SEE. YOU DON'T WANT THEM TO KNOW YOU'VE BEEN IN LOVE WITH THEM FOR A LONG TIME. YOU SICK PERVERT. YOU’LL NEVER GET RID OF ME! YOU'LL NEVER BE HAPPY WITH THEM EVEN IF I DIE, I'LL HAUNT YOU FOREVER. YOU CAN'T GET AWAY FROM ME, MY LITTLE FREAK!” Minho yelled, hysterical laughing until a loud noise that sounded like a punch quieted him down.
Yoongi’s eyes dilated. Did he heard correctly? Did this Minho person just said that his hyung was in love with Hoseok and him? This couldn't be real, he must be dreaming.
“Manager Sejin! Come here and bring the police. The person I told you about trespassed into our apartment and hyung is hurt. Please bring a medic!”
Yoongi must really be dreaming, was Jin-hyung also in love with them?
“Jungkook! Hobi-hyung, you’re both bleeding!”
Hyung was in love with them...
“I’m fine, Taehyung. Is Jin-hyung okay?”
Their love was mutual...
“Yoongi-hyung is with him, he should be okay. Namjoon-hyung called for help already, they should be here soon.”
The Kim Seokjin was really in love with Hosoek and him...
“I’m fine Jimin, just a few cuts, nothing serious. Hobi-hyung looks more hurt than I am.”
Mutual. Love. Finally...
Trying to comprehend what just happened, he felt a pair of strong arms hugging him from behind, scooping his hyung and him at the same time. He immediately knew it was Hoseok and Yoongi was sure they were both feeling the same way...happiness.
Happiness in knowing that their love was reciprocated.
“Yoongi, I love you. Jin-hyung...I love you. I love you. I love you so much. My heart skips a beat just seeing your beautiful smile. I love you. I love you both. I love you...I love you both, with all my heart...” Hoseok repeatedly told them. Yoongi hugged Jin-hyung tighter, feeling a returned squeezed that confirmed that their hyung heard what Hoseok just told them.
He wasn’t sure what was going to happen to them in the future but this moment...this moment right now, was the happiest he had felt in months. Being sandwiched between the two people he loved with all his heart was all he could focus on and nothing else mattered.
Notes:
I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and I have important news about updates. When I uploaded the first chapter of this story I had 70% of the story all planned out and some parts written but now I’m getting closed to that mark. So in ordered to plan out the rest of the story I’m going to take a 2 weeks (maybe 3) break. 😭😭😭
I was going to take a break starting from last chapter but I ended with a cliffhanger, so I decided to at least write this chapter and take a break then.I hope you all look forward to future updates because it’s going to be more focus on Jin recovering, Yoon2Seok relationship and fluff, lots of fluff.
Anyways, I can’t wait to read your comments. Please let me know your thoughts and what you think will happen next.
Ps. Everyone kept commenting on how Minho got inside the apartment. Well, I left clues on previous chapters and on this chapter as well.
😆
Chapter 20: New Fanfic and Update on Future Chapters
Notes:
My Twitter: Kumasama92
Chapter Text
I hope everyone is having a good day! It’s been a week since I last updated and wanted to update all of you on my process.
1. While I was writing new ideas for this fanfic I decided to complete a new fanfic (MinJin) that I had in my drafts for months. If you like smut then this is a fanfic for you. It’s was my first time writing a smutty centric story so I hope it wasn’t so bad but I’ll leave the link just in case some of you want to check it out.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/19406944/chapters/46183849
2. My brainstorming for this fanfic is going great! I can’t wait to start writing new chapters. I'll probably take off three weeks instead of two so I can write out some chapters.
3. Since I had some free time, I went back and did some editing on the chapters I currently have. Nothing major just some grammar mistakes that a lovey reader bought up to my attention. I think it’s easier to read now than before and re-reading the story gave new ideas for future chapters.
Thank you for always leaving nice comments and I really appreciate any kind of criticism for the story plot and my writing. I don’t mind it at all, it helps me improve my writing.
Please look forward to future updates and I’ll be back in two weeks. 😊😊
Chapter 21: Guilty
Summary:
It didn’t matter if he went jail, it didn’t matter if his career would suffer, it didn’t matter if he became a murder, all that it mattered to him was to protect and defend his hyung.
Notes:
Im finally back with another chapter!!! 😭😭 so happy. I have so many new ideas and I’m ready to continue with this story.
I hope you enjoy this chapter!!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
At the age of fifteen Jungkook decided to join BigHit Entertainment after seeing a video of his hyung, Namjoon, rapping when he was still debating on which company to sign a contract with. In the end, he decided that the label his hyung was signed under was the perfect company to pursue his dreams. It was his dream as a young boy to become an idol and just like his hyung, show off his amazing skills on stage. However, he would have never imagined it would turn into a lifelong journey with six amazing hyungs who have taken care of him like if he was their brother. The admiration and love he had developed for all of his hyungs throughout the years was so strong that he considered them family. Jungkook was never a person who would cry easily, it took a lot to make him break and one of those breaking points was seeing his hyungs in pain. Therefore, when he found out that Jin-hyung was raped, abused and plain humiliated, he was furious. He saw red and all he wanted to do was kill, kill those motherfuckers who dared put a hand on his precious hyung. It didn’t matter if he went jail, it didn’t matter if his career would suffer, it didn’t matter if he became a murder, all that it mattered to him was to protect and defend his hyung.
Bringing him to the current situation they were in, all of the members, except Jin-hyung, came back home after a long afternoon of promotions and were faced with the bastard that hurt their hyung. Rage was the only feeling Jungkook had in his heart. He was completely in shock when he got inside the apartment and realized that Minho had trespassed into their apartment and he just wondered how? How was that possible? When they lived in such a high-class neighborhood where security guards were on duty twenty-four seven in the front lobby. Yet, he ignored those thoughts in an instance because his main focus was Minho and Minho only, who he knew needed to be eliminated.
Words were exchanged as well as punches and he didn’t care if he got hurt as long as this person in front of him was dead. Hobi-hyung and him interchangeably hit Minho and even had him pinned up against the wall. Jungkook was not paying any attention to what that bastard was saying to Hobi-hyung because his instincts were just telling him to kill and get rid of the enemy.
“PERVERT? Me, a pervert, when Jinnie over there is a fucking slut who spreads his legs for anyone. You make me laugh.” He heard Minho say, the poisonous words snapped him out of his deep thoughts and made him launched himself towards Minho. Jungkook was not going to tolerate anyone talking in such a horrible manner about his precious hyung, so he punched Minho in the face over and over again, even when they both fell onto the glass table that shattered into a million pieces, he didn’t stop. He noticed that Yoongi-hyung was on the floor hugging their hyung. And Jungkook wondered, what was he doing? Yoongi needed to get their hyung out of here, somewhere safe! Yet, they were on the floor hugging? Jungkook didn’t understand why... Why waste time hugging when Yoongi had the capability of taking their hyung to safety?
Minho uttered some words that he didn't pay attention to but caught the interest of Jin-hyung who proceeded to respond. Then the bastard dared to utter more words and Jungkook couldn’t take it anymore. They were wasting time talking instead of killing this bastard. Talking was useless and unnecessary because the more they talked, the more Jin-hyung was going to suffer which once again made him furious as to why Yoongi-hyung was still hugging Jin-hyung and not taking him to safety! So he hit Minho and quieted him down. Jungkook felt like he was doing all the dirty work but he didn’t care, as long as he saw Minho dead on the ground. He noticed how he was left all by himself as Hobi-hyung walked towards Jin-hyung and Yoongi-hyung. He was not going to lie to himself, he hated how his hyung just left him to deal with the bastard instead of helping him out. However, those feelings should be saved for later, right now, his main priority was to eliminate the enemy who was semi-conscious on the ground.
Once he saw that Minho proved no threat, even though his mind demanded to kill him, he let his body fall onto the floor. Jungkook really wanted Minho to die in the most painful way possible but as long as he went to jail, he would be happy.
“I’m fine Jimin, just a few cuts, nothing more. Hobi-hyung looks more hurt than I am.” He asserted, gesturing at the pile of bodies hugging and crying. He wasn’t sure if it was from sadness or happiness but he would find out later when they all talk about what just happened. In that instant, his body reacted faster than his brain. He saw Minho launched himself towards his three hyungs with a shard of glass in his hand with the intention of stabbing Jin-hyung, luckily, Hobi-hyung took a protective stance and got up just in time to shield the people he loved.
However, Jungkook went berserk when he heard a loud cry of pain from Hobi-hyung as Minho stabbed him on his left leg. He was fuming as he saw the glittering glass inside his hyung’s leg and the screams of agony that he let out. His mind went blank and all he thought was kill, kill and everyone you love would be saved. So that was exactly what he did, he got up from where he was sitting on the carpeted floor and grabbed Minho by the neck, slamming him against the floor covered in glass. Jungkook then straddled Minho’s waist and started to punch the face of his enemy over and over again, he didn’t care if his hands were bleeding or his knuckles were hurting from the impact. He just hit and hit all over again, thinking that the person in front of him needed to die; the person in front of him needed to be eliminated from this world or Jin-hyung was not going to survive nor live in peace. What felt like an eternity, he hit the now swollen face, seeing how his punches were slowing down as the impact of his fists were not as strong as before. He vaguely heard Jimin asking him to stop, but he ignored it. His mind only had one goal and it was to kill this Minho person and he was not going to stop until he was dead. So he grabbed a large shard of glass that came to his view and used both of his hands, even though the glass was cutting him, to stabbed Minho on the chest, over and over again...Kill. Destroy. Protect.
———-
“Oh thank god the police are here!” Hoseok heard Namjoon sigh in relief. He was currently on the floor trying not to move as the shard of glass that Minho stabbed him with was still inside, oozing out blood that was dripping onto the floor. It was a nightmare for Hoseok, he just saw Minho moved towards his hyung with a shard of glass and he knew he had to protect the people he loved. Jin-hyung was not going to get hurt, not again. He did what the had to do and fought Minho with all his heart, and then he felt the pain on his leg. He didn’t care if he was never going to be able to dance ever again or even move, as long as Jin-hyung and Yoongi were saved. If it wasn’t for Jungkook, he would have been dead. Was he too distracted by the realization that Jin-hyung was in love with them? Probably. Was he a coward for not killing that bastard before he confronted his hyung? Most certainly. Was he a useless lover for not taking Jin-hyung and Yoongi out of here and get them to safety? Definitely.
Hoseok didn’t care if he was hurt or if he was bleeding to death because all he was feeling at the moment was regret and guilt for being all talk and no action. Where was his brave attitude when he found out Jin-hyung was raped? Where was his determination when he agreed with Jungkook that they would kill the bastard that dared hurt their hyung? It was nowhere, and he felt like dirt and a piece of shit for not being able to protect the people he loved. Jungkook had to take care of his job, as the protector of Jin-hyung and Yoongi. Protecting Jin-hyung was his priority, along with Yoongi, but he was no protector at all. The guilt was eating him alive and there was no going back. He was useless and he didn’t deserve to be loved by them.
“Hobi, here let me help you.” Yoongi softly said to him, helping him get up from the floor and onto the couch where Jin-hyung was sitting down, avoiding eye contact with everyone. He sighed in relief at the realization that his hyung was wearing a shirt and a pair of shorts that he knew Yoongi got for him because he remembered that when he entered the apartment earlier, Jin-hyung was naked.
“Thanks, hyung,” He said, looking down, he felt ashamed to look at anyone. How could he call himself Yoongi’s lover when he couldn’t even protect Jin-hyung.
“Jungkook, here, sit next to Hobi-hyung. The doctor is going to look at all of your wounds.” Taehyung said to Jungkook, who sat down next to Hoseok. Jungkook looked like he was in another world, so unfocused. Hosoek noticed that the Maknae’s hands were bloody, he didn’t know if it was Jungkook’s own blood or the bastard’s blood. He just knew that Jungkook deserved all the praise in the world for doing the job he couldn’t do.
“Okay, the doctor will take a look at your wounds and then we can talk,” manager Sejin told them, with a concerned expression on his face. It really was a chaotic scene in their apartment so he understood their manager’s concerned. He could see that Minho’s body was on the floor, not moving, and a shard of glass stabbed on his chest, which made him feel envious once again of Jungkook for being able to eliminate the cause of Jin-hyung’s suffering.
“Sir, we’ll start with you first, you have glass in your leg,” the doctor told him but he didn’t care about himself, he wanted the doctor to treat his hyung or Jungkook.
“No, start with them first, I can wait.”
“Hobi, you have glass inside of you. It’s dangerous to keep it inside for too long. It can start to get infected. Plus, we don’t know if you need surgery or not!” Yoongi worriedly told him, but he refused to get help, not until he knew the others were treated first. It was his punishment for being such a coward.
“No, help the others first. It doesn’t hurt that bad,” he repeated and with that, he saw how the doctor moved onto Jin-hyung who flinched at the slightest touch. If it wasn’t for Yoongi being next to their hyung, who reassured him that everything was going to be okay and that no one was going to hurt him, then his hyung would probably have gotten another panic attack.
It took longer than expected to get the three of them all bandaged up and it was definitely a pain in the ass to take the glass off his leg, but luckily the doctor said it was going to heal fine and the glass didn’t penetrate too deeply. However, if he felt any numbness before his next appointment, to go to the emergency room.
“Okay, now that you three are patched up, we are having an emergency meeting,” manager Sejin told everyone. He saw how the rest of the members hovered over them, with worried expressions on their faces.
“So...the police took the intruder out of here. It looked like he’s severely beaten up and most likely dead, from that shard of glass in his chest. However, he will be taken to the hospital to verify his death once again and PD Bang already paid off all the people here, so what happened in this apartment will never be known by the public so rest your minds. We are going to release an official statement stating that there was a robbery in your apartment, it would explain the amount of security and medical staff in your building. Although, we still need further investigation on how this person got inside the house.” their manager said to them. Hoseok was just worried about Jin-hyung because he knew his hyung had to go through a lot of interrogations to let the police know about what happened and to give his testimony. Plus, Jin-hyung was the centered of this whole situation and as much as he wanted to protect him from retelling his pain, it was necessary to help capture Minho’s accomplices.
“Hyung, can we have this talk tomorrow? Jin-hyung...actually, all of us need to rest. Tomorrow we should be ready to talk.” Hoseok said, seeing how most of the members, except for Jungkook who looked like he was in deep thought, agreed with him.
“Okay, but I’ll be here early in the morning to talk. This needs to get done as soon as possible, this is a serious matter and if this guy has accomplices they might get away if we don’t act quickly.”
“Yes hyung, don’t worry we will be ready tomorrow,” Namjoon reassured their manager and with those final words the seven of them were left all alone in their apartment.
“I’m going to sleep, call me if you need anything,” Jungkook told them, getting up from the couch, avoiding any eye contact. Perhaps Jungkook was angry at him for being a coward and not helping him take care of Minho because the expression on his face showed disappointment. Yet, Hosoek knew he deserved everything that happened to him. His only regret was not helping Jin-hyung on time.
“Hobi, we should also go to sleep. You and Jin-hyung are badly injured and you both need to rest” Yoongi said to him and his boyfriend was right. Their hyung should be their propriety, he’ll just worry about Jungkook later.
“Okay, let's go to Jin-hyung’s room to sleep. He’ll feel more comfortable there.” Hosoek said, but then he realized that this whole situation was probably overwhelming for their hyung and maybe it wasn’t such a great idea to just decide on what they should do without asking his permission first because it can make him uncomfortable.
“Hyung, do you mind if we sleep with you tonight? We don’t want you to be by yourself...” he asked Jin-hyung, who looked at him with saddened and frightened eyes, but a slight nod of the head gave him the answered.
“Good… then it’s settled we’ll sleep in your room. Goodnight everyone. We are going to sleep, we’ll talk in the morning” he said to the rest of the members and with the help of Yoongi, the three of them left to their hyung’s room to try to get some sleep. Hopefully, this should be the beginning of their hyung’s recover.
Notes:
I’m so glad Minho is finally gone and I can finally move forward with the story. I have big ideas for the rest of the story and I can’t wait to reveal them Little by Little! I’m so excited!!!
The tone in this chapter should set up the drama for the next few chapters until the big revelation happens! Can you guys guest what it could be? 😝 you guys are not ready for it, all I can say it’s not bad. No more suffering for Jin so please look forward to future chapters.
I can’t wait to read your comments.
My Twitter: Kumasama92
Chapter 22: Mistakes
Summary:
“Hyung…”
“...”
“Hyung, please wake up!” Yoongi heard as he stirred around in bed. Who the hell was waking him up after the long and difficult day they all had? He was exhausted and didn’t want to get up in the next twelve hours.
Notes:
WARNING ⚠️ SUICIDAL THOUGHTS ON THE SECOND HALF OF THE CHAPTER!!
Yaay finally a new chapter!! I kept editing this chapter over and over again but it just kept getting longer lol I’m glad it’s finished.
Please excuse any grammatical mistakes and if there are any parts you don’t understand please let me know and I’ll try my best to explain it to you.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“Hyung…”
“...”
“Hyung, please wake up!” Yoongi heard as he stirred around in bed. Who the hell was waking him up after the long and difficult day they all had? He was exhausted and didn’t want to get up in the next twelve hours.
“Hyung please, I don’t feel my leg and I think it’s bleeding. Please get up!”
“Leg, bleeding, numbness,” he whispered to himself and opened his eyes wide as reality hit him. Hoseok was in pain, bleeding and he couldn't feel his leg. Yoongi bolted out of the bed and went straight to turn on the light of the room. Once his eyes adjusted to the light, he saw Hoseok sitting up straight, his back leaning against the headboard, while one hand was placed on the injured leg.
“Shit, Hobi we need to get you to the emergency room now” he said louder than he expected because it got Jin-hyung, who was sleeping in the middle of them, to wake up.
“Hobi, you’re bleeding!” Jin-hyung said, looking worried and on the verge of tears. Yoongi couldn’t help but feel guilty for bringing only bad memories to their hyung instead of helping him recover. He knew his hyung’s recovery was not going to happen overnight but at least he hoped to only bring good memories to help relieved some of the painful ones he already had.
“Hyung, stay with Hobi for a bit, I’m going to wake up Namjoon and call Manager Sejin. In the meantime, use this cloth and put pressure on the wound” he commanded, giving his hyung a blue cloth, who took it. Knowing that his boyfriend was in good hands, he ran down the hallway to wake up their leader but once he got to Namjoon’s room, it was empty. Where could Namjoon have gone? He needed him right now and he was nowhere to be found so he went downstairs and as he walked to the living room, he saw that Namjoon had been sleeping on the couch.
“Namjoon, wake up!” He said, shaking Namjoon’s shoulder to make the younger wake up.
“Wake up! Hoseok is bleeding and he needs to go to the emergency room. Now!” He shouted. Yoongi was desperate, he couldn’t let his boyfriend bleed to death.
“What? Hobi is what?” Namjoon replied, who was now wide away as the words he said were starting to make sense.
“Yes, Hobi is bleeding and he said he doesn’t feel his leg. Now hurry and call manager Sejin, he needs to go to the emergency room as soon as possible. I’ll go back and get Jimin, Jungkook and Taehyung to help me bring him downstairs” he responded and with a nod from Namjoon, he went upstairs to his wake the Maknae line.
It took another five minutes to gather their three youngest members but he realized that Jungkook was in no condition to help at all, in reality, their Maknae should also go to the emergency room as well. Jimin brought to his attention that Jungkook had a fever and his hands were turning slightly reddish. Jimin noticed the condition of their Maknae as he was helping Jungkook change the bandages earlier because they were bleeding through. A fever was never a good sign, maybe Jungkook was developing an infection and that was not good at all, which made him more concerned as he knew Hoseok and Jungkook should both really go to the Emergency room as soon as possible. It was one problem after another and Yoongi felt so overwhelmed by everything that was happening to them lately. Yet, he had to be strong, not only for his boyfriend but for the rest of members.
In the end, Jimin and Taehyung helped him carry Hoseok down the stairs where the paramedics were already waiting for him along with manager Sejin and Namjoon.
“Hyung, Jungkook also needs to go to the emergency room, he has a fever and Jimin said his hands were turning red with hints of blood on it. It will be best to take a look at his hands before an infection develops” he stated. Yoongi knew this was going to be a long night for him but as long as the people he loved were safe and getting the treatment they needed, he didn’t mind sacrificing his sleep at all.
It was now four in the morning and Yoongi was sitting in the waiting area of the emergency room with Manager Sejin and Namjoon. Hoseok was admitted to an emergency surgery while Jungkook had a few stitches on his hands, aparterly the wounds on his hands reopened. They didn’t know how it happened because their Maknae kept his mouth shut and didn’t say a word. Yoongi knew something was happening to Jungkook but he didn’t know what, maybe it was the shock of killing a person, but Jungkook was just defending them, it was for self defense, so he should not feel guilty for killing a person. He was also worried about Hoseok, his boyfriend had been in surgery for an hour and they haven’t heard any news about him.
“I’m going back to the dorm, I need to talk with Seokjin about what happened last night. An officer is on his way to the apartment, he said he found some clues about Minho. Plus, since Jungkook will need to stay overnight for observation or at least until his fever goes down, there is no need for me to be here. You both can wait until Hosoek gets out of surgery and let me know how it went.” Manager Sejin told Namjoon and him. As much as he wanted to go back to the apartment and be there for his hyung, he was more worried about Hoseok. It was probably the wrong decision but who can blame him, when he was so overwhelmed and his boyfriend was fighting for his life.
“Okay, hyung. Just let us know if anything happens.” Namjoon answered and he just nodded in agreement.
It was another hour before the surgeon came into the waiting area and asked for the family members of Jung Hoseok. The doctor proceeded in taking them to a private room and informed the two of them that Hoseok’s surgery went well and in the next hour they could see him, as they were just waiting for the anesthesia to wear off. Yoongi was so relieved that everything went well and he couldn’t wait for to see Hoseok and tell him how much he loved him. So for the next hour Namjoon and him lingered in the waiting room, talking about how happy they were to know that Hoseok was fine, until a nurse come to get them and walked them to Hoseok's room.
As soon as the door opened Yoongi ran to the bed and saw that Hoseok was smiling at him. How close was he to never seeing that smile ever again? How close was he to never hear Hoseok’s sweet voice? He will probably never know, but he was glad Hoseok was strong enough to survive the surgery.
“Hi, my love” he whispered into Hoseok’s ear. He felt embarrassed but he didn’t cared at all, he was very happy to see his boyfriend alive.
“My love…? I could get used to hearing that, my sweet kitten”
“Stop it, you had me worried sick. Don’t scared me like that ever again” he said, while tears were running down his cheeks. He felt so relieved to see Hoseok that he forgot Namjoon was in the room.
“Don’t forget I’m here…” Namjoon said, clearing his throat.
“Hey Joon, don’t worry. You’re still my best friend. I love you too” Hosoek replied, and then laughter filled the room.
“Where’s Jin-hyung? Is he outside?” Hosoek excitedly asked them, looking at the door.
“No, he’s at the apartment. Manager Sejin said the police are going to interrogate him about what happened last night” Namjoon replied.
“WHAT?”
“What’s wrong Hoseok?” He asked. Hoseok's expression changed in an instant and he didn’t know why. What was wrong with Seokjin being questioned by the police? It was protocol but it should also help catch Minho’s accomplices.
“What’s wrong? You want to know what’s wrong? YOU is what’s wrong! Why are you here Yoongi? You should be with hyung right now. He needs us more than anything but you are here wasting your time being with me instead of being there to support our hyung. Do you know how lonely he must be feeling right now? Maybe he thinks we don’t care about him. You should had stayed by his side instead of being here.”
“but Hoseok, you were getting a surgery. What was I supposed to do? I was so worried about you!”
“Don’t be. Hyung is our first priority. I was going to survive the surgery but hyung needs us right now. He’s probably scared being by himself and with no one to support him”
“But Jimin and Taehyung are with him. He’s not alone” Namjoon interrupted them.
“It’s not the same. We are the ones he needs right now, we are to be his support. We are his strength, his pillar. Our presence alone will help him feel safe but right now he’s all alone…how could you leave him by himself Yoongi…”
Yoongi felt guilty, maybe Hoseok was right. He should have gone back to the apartment to be with his hyung instead of staying behind and waiting for Hoseok to wake up. Maybe he really was a bad person and now Hoseok was angry at him for neglecting their precious hyung.
————-
How unsatisfying can life get? Was there even a reason to live anymore? What was the point of living when all that was left were painful memories and a low self-esteem? Seokjin was lucky he was able to go to sleep after everything that had happened to him. Maybe it was the comfort of Yoongi and Hoseok or maybe because he felt safe being next to them, he wasn’t sure, but he was in a deep slumber when suddenly he woke up due to a loud noise. Fear ran throughout his body at the idea of Minho trespassing into his room once again. He knew for sure he had went to sleep in between Hoseok and Yoongi, but he still felt scared at the thought of Minho coming back to raped him or even worse, Santa-hyung or Glasses-hyung. Even though he knew Minho was dead, he couldn’t helped fear for his life. When he finally realized what was happening, he noticed that Hoseok was next to him, bleeding.
“Hobi, you are bleeding” he said, concerned. He couldn’t bare to see someone he cared a lot about suffering.
“Hyung, stay with Hobi for a bit, I’m going to wake up Namjoon and call Manager Sejin. In the meantime, use this cloth and put pressure on the wound” Yoongi said him and he did exactly what he was told. He couldn’t let someone so important in his life bleed to death.
“Hobi, please hold on. Please” he begged, trying to hold back the tears that were starting to form. Seokjin was such a cry baby; why can’t he be strong and not cry for once in his life?
“It’s okay hyung, I’ll be fine. Please don’t cry. It hurts me to see you so sad”
“But Hobi you are bleeding. How can I not worry about you? It’s all my fault… If I wasn’t such a freak Jungkook or you wouldn’t have gotten hurt so badly”
“Hyung! Look at me”
“…”
“Look at me right now, hyung!” Hoseok raised his voice for the first time, scared, Seokjin did as he was told and looked at Hoseok straight in the eyes.
“Don’t you EVER say this was your fault. You’re not at fault at all! It was all that bastards fault for hurting you”
“Bu—“
“No, hyung. This will never be your fault, plus Jungkook did everything in his power to protect you and I am very proud of him. Unlike me...I didn’t do anything…”
“Wha—“ Seokjin was going to ask but was interrupted by Yoongi, Jimin and Taehyung who came in to help Hoseok get down the stairs to where the paramedics were ready to take him to the emergency room.
After ten minutes of getting Hoseok in the stretcher and forced Jungkook to go along with the medics, Jimin, Taehyung and Seokijn were left all alone in the silent house, while they waited for any news of the two injured members.
Seokjin doesn't know how much time had passed. He was just sitting in the living room couch starting into space, waiting for any news of Hoseok or Jungkook. He texted Yoongi, but he didn’t get a reply at all which was making him worried. Was Hoseok okay? Was he in such a critical condition that Yoongi couldn’t replied back to him? Seokjin was such a nervous wreck that he kept flickering his fingers trying to control his nerves, it was no used as his imagination started to go wild thinking of all the bad things that could have happened to Hosoek and Jungkook.
“Hyung..” He heard, which startled him. He hated sudden voices or noises, as it reminded him of how Minho forced its way into his apartment. Trying to control his breathing and heartbeat, he was able to realize that it was Taehyung and Jimin staring at him with worried expressions.
“What? Is something wrong. Have you heard anything from Namjoon or Yoongi yet?” He quickly replied, maybe he sounded rude, but he didn’t care because he was feeling so overwhelmed that all his mind was focused on was Hoseok and Jungkook.
“...yeah, Namjoon-hyung called us saying that Hoseok needed to go into surgery and Jungkook needed to stay overnight because his fever was not getting any better and the doctors gave him stitches…” Taehyung said to him, and he felt his heart break into a million pieces. This was all his fault...this was all his fault and he will never forgive himself for the pain he was causing to Hoseok and Jungkook. Due to his selfishness and desired to pleased his Little side he got two important people in his life hurt. Maybe Minho was right...he was a freak and no one will ever love him for who he truly was and Minho will forever remind him of that reality.
Another hour passed and Taehyung was keeping him company in the couch waiting for any news of Hoseok and Jungkook. Suddenly, they heard the front door opened and he freaked out. Was it Minho? It couldn’t be, Minho was dead. Seokjin quickly reached out for Taehyung’s hand and grabbed it as hard as possible because if it was Minho, he needed to get Taehyung out of here as soon as possible. He couldn’t let anyone else get hurt.
“It’s okay hyung, it’s only Manager Sejin” he heard Jimin say, and it was not until he saw their manager and a police officer, that he felt a little relief and finally let go of Taehyung’s hand.
“Hey Seokjin, Officer Kang is here to ask you a few questions about what happened and about Minho…”
“How’s Hoseok? Did he get out of surgery? And Jungkook? How’s his hand?” he asked, he didn’t cared about giving his testimony, all that it mattered to him was how his two precious band members were doing.
“They are okay Seokjin, the doctors are taking care of them. If anything, they’ll contact me but they are both strong, they’ll get through this...now, do you think you are okay with answering some questions to the officer? It’s important to catch the rest of Minho’s accomplices” manager Sejin asked him again. Seokjin was never going to be ready to talk about what happened to him or that it was because he was a Little that everything turned out like it did. He really needed Hoseok and Yoongi to be by his side right now, to give him strength, to make him feel safe and reassured him that nothing bad was going to happen. True, he had Taehyung and Jimin right next to him but it wasn’t the same. He felt so vulnerable, so naked and so scared that anything will hurt him and the idea of retelling everything that Minho did to him terrified him to death. However, Yoongi had all the right to be next to Hoseok, that was his boyfriend in surgery after all, so Seokjin didn’t blamed him for leaving him all by himself to face the sad reality that he will never have the two people he loved with all his heart because he was dirty, he was filthy and no one would ever want a used up toy as a partner.
“Yeah, I can talk” Seokjin finally said, his heartbeat started to quickened, and he could feel his hands shake in nervousness. He couldn’t help but look down on the carpeted floor where stains of Hoseok or Jungkook blood still lingered.
“Hi Seokjin...My name is officer Kang and I’m just going to ask you a few questions about what happened, Okay?” The officer told him and he just simply nodded. Words couldn’t escape as he felt a knot in his throat.
“First...tell me what happened yesterday night.”
“...”
“It’s okay, take your time. Remember every detail can help us find Minho’s accomplices”
“Umm, I was sleeping and...I woke up when I felt someone petting my hair. I thought...I thought it was one of the members but it turned out to be Minho. I don’t know how he got inside! No one has the passcode or keys to this place…” he explained, he just hoped none of Minho’s accomplices were able to sneak into their apartment and come hurt him or the members.
“About that. We checked the security cameras...for how long has the security on guard been working here?” officer Kang asked Manager Sejin.
“About two years, why?”
“Well, from the security clips we saw, it was that security guard who gave the keys to Minho and that’s how he was able to get inside. We already arrested him and are interrogating him at this moment to know more about his relationship with Minho and why he gave him the keys”
“WHAT, YOUR KIDDING ME?” Manager Sejin yelled, and to Seokjin everything made sense now. How Minho was able to sneak into his apartment, how Minho was able to bring Glasses-hyung and Santa-hyung without his permission. And most importantly, how Minho was able to get inside the apartment where he lived with all the members. How stupid had he been for not thinking that their security guard was working with Minho? He put everyone at risk and almost killed them all.
“So...Seokjin, continue with your testimony.”
“Okay… so he became violent and tried to raped me but I ran away and I actually got to the elevator but...he caught up to me and dragged me back into the apartment and he...and that’s when he raped me…” he finally said, while tears were running down his cheeks. His body was shaking and even though Taehyung and Jimin were sitting on each side of him holding his hand, he felt so vulnerable. He needed Hoseok and Yoongi, he needed them so badly...he was scared, he was so scared of being consumed by the fear he had towards Minho.
“I know it’s difficult, but can you tell me what was your relationship with Minho? How did you meet him?”
“...”
“It’s okay take your time. I know this is difficult to talk about” officer Kang reassured him. He really didn’t want to talk about Minho at all or the fact that he was raped more than once or that he was a Little. Seokjin being a Little was what started all of this, he hated being a Little, he hated it with all his heart.
“We are here for you hyung” Taehyung told him, and even though he felt a little relief that he had the support of two of the members, he really wished it was Hoseok and Yoongi next to him.
“I met him online...In a website for Little Space…”
“Little Space? What’s that? Can you elaborate” Officer Kang asked him. Seokjin really wanted to disappear, he didn’t want to be judged or be seen as a freak.
“It’s when an adult goes into the mindset of a child. It's complicated to explain but the best way I can phrase it is...that it’s kind of like a kink, where I go into the mindset of little kid. So that was my relationship with Minho, he was my daddy and he took care of me when I was in Little Space... but everything turned bad one day...he...umm...he bought two strangers that also raped me.”
“Seokjin, I know it’s difficult but can you describe these two strangers as detailed as possible. It will help us identify them better. Plus, we’ll check the security cameras too”
“Well, both of them were taller than me, I think over 6’ and one of them had a beer belly and the other guy was skinny with glasses. Both had black hair and that’s all I can remember. I’ll immediately recognize them if I see them though” he said, and saw how officer Kang just wrote it all down on his little notebook.
“Umm, I was raped twice. The first time was by the two strangers and the second time it was by the beer belly guy. All of this happened in my apartment downstairs. That’s where I would meet up with Minho…”
“Okay, good to know. We’ll check the cameras outside your apartment for the last few months to see if we can find these two guys. That’s all I have for now. Thank you Seokjin, you’ve been very brave. If anything else comes to mind that you think it’ll be important to catch these two guys please let me know”
“Okay, Officer Kang” Seokjin replied and with that manager Sejin escorted officer Kang to the door.
Disgust, guilt and filth were all Seokjin could think off at the moment. Retelling his story made him relieve everything he’d been through. He’d been thinking the same thing all night long...he really needed Hoseok and Yoongi to be by his side. He’d feel better, he’d feel safe and he’d forget about how filthy his body was and will always be. Yet, his mind was telling him that they hated him. What Minho confessed to them about Seokjin being in love with them probably turned them off and now they hated him. Maybe that was why Yoongi wasn’t next to him right now and instead chose to be next to Hoseok. It was probably stupid of him to think that way becuase he knew Hoseok was in surgery but he wanted their support, he wanted their presence. He hated being consumed by fear because he wanted to die, he wanted to run away, and he wanted to end everything as the Little freak he really was and will always be. He really had no reason to live anymore… everyone would be better off if he was dead.
Notes:
I dislike that it ended on such a sad part. It’ll get better though, I’m just building up emotions for future chapters. I hope it wasn’t that bad.
Let me know your thoughts and I look forward to reading your comments.
Please look forward to future chapters!!
Ps. I’m working on a fanfic (with another writer and it’s going to be more than 15 chapters) and I can’t wait to start writing it/post the first chapter. It’s Hoseok centric and I hope some of you will check it out once we post it. I’ll keep you guys updated on it. 😊
Chapter 23: Shadow
Summary:
“Yesh! Yesh Appa! Jinnie would wuv to help!” He excitiently yelled.
Notes:
I’m back with another update 😭😭😭 I’ve been sick with a cold these past few days (but I’m better now) and I’ve been slowly working on this chapter. It felt like I’ve been editing this chapter for an eternity, maybe cause I was not feeling well, so I’m very happy to finally upload it.
I hope you enjoy the chapter!!!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“Jinnie, can you hand me the measurement cup? It’s on your right.” Yoonie Appa asked him. He was very happy that after a long day of work his Appa was able to spend some time with him. Today they were going to attempt to make a homemade pizza and Jinnie was determined to show his Appa that he was the bestest chef in the world.
“Here Appa” he happily said, as he passed the transparent measuring cup. Jinnie had a white chef hat on his head that his Appa told him it was called a toque, but it was too difficult for him to pronounce so he just called it a hat. He found the hat funny looking due to how tall and hollowed it was, as if it was the neck of a giraffe but at the same time, he thought it made him look cool. Yoonie Appa and him were wearing matching aprons, they were both beige colored with a white alpaca in the front, which was his favorite animal at the moment. Jinnie felt like he was the luckiest boy in the world, he had an Appa who took care of him as if he was the most precious baby in the universe and a daddy who doted him with lots of hugs and kisses. Jinnie had to start calling Yoonie Appa, Appa and Hobi Appa, daddy because it was getting confusing on who he was referring to since he was calling them both Appa.
“Jinnie, now that we have the dough ready and all flattened on the pizza pan, we need to spread the tomato sauce. Want to do the honours?”
“Yesh Appa! Jinnie is number one chef in the world, so of course I’ll help you” he answered, taking the wooden spoon with both hands and scooping some of the sauce from the jar, while carefully placing it on top of the pizza dough. He spread it in circles until all of the white and pale dough was covered in red sauce. Once he was finished he looked at his Appa with puppy eyes waiting for further instructions, he was a good boy so he always made sure to listen to his Appa.
“Good job Jinnie! Number one chef indeed. You did an amazing job, sweetheart!”
“Thank you, Appa! What’s next? Cheese?...I want pepperoni, no I want—” He blabbered, Jinnie was so eager to know what they will do next and was having so much fun preparing the pizza that he forgot they were making it especially for his daddy. It was a get well gift since his daddy just got out of the hospital after getting hurt. It was all Jinnie’s idea and Yoonie Appa praised him for being such a caring and sweet boy.
“Remember Jinnie, this pizza is for daddy so we have to add the topics that he likes”
“...but Appa, pineapple are yucky. Jinnie no likes them.” He said, pouting because he wanted pepperoni with lots of cheese not pineapples which was his daddy’s favorite.
“Do you want daddy to get better?” His Appa asked him, and he did want his daddy to get better so he can cuddle with Jinnie and give him lots of kisses.
“Yesh…”
“Okay, then pineapples will make daddy veeery happy and will help him heal faster.”
“Really?”
“Of course, did you know eating fruits and vegetables make you big and strong?”
“No, Jinnie didn’t know...So if I don’t eat fruits and vegetables I’ll never grow up big and strong like you or daddy...?”
“Exactly! So be a good boy and take those pineapple slices and place them on top of the tomato sauce, oh but first let’s add the cheese” Yoonie Appa told him, and he did exactly as his Appa instructed him. He wanted his daddy to get better and if meant eating pineapple pizza then he’ll do anything. After slowly placing the slices of pineapple on top of the cheese, it was time to put it in the oven so it can cook as they set up the table for lunch.
“Okay, now we just need to put the pizza in the oven. Want to help me?”
“Yesh! Yesh Appa! Jinnie would wuv to help!” He excitiently yelled. He never used an oven before so he was very curious on how it worked. Taking one oven mitt at a time and putting them on, he helped his daddy placed the pineapple pizza in the oven. It was very hot and Jinnie wondered what would happen if he placed his sippy cup with milk inside. Will the oven heat it up nice and warm like he liked it? He should probably asked his Appa to do it for him next time.
“Okay, now that the pizza is in the oven, go wake up daddy and tell him lunch is almost ready. I’m going to set up the table while we wait for the pizza to finish cooking” Yoonie Appa told him. Jinnie was a good boy so he went up the stairs as fast as his legs could take him to wake his daddy up. Jinnie couldn’t wait to surprise him with the pizza they made, it was going to be the best lunch ever!
Since Jinnie knew his daddy was asleep he slowly opened the door and entered the dark room. He then proceeded on turning on the lights and walked to his daddy’s bed.
“Daddy…” he softly said because he didn’t want to startled or scared him. When he saw his daddy didn’t woke up, Jinnie walked even closer to the bed until his knees were touching the side of the mattress.
“Daddy, wakie wakie. Jinnie and Appa have a big surprise for you!” he said slightly louder, which got his daddy to stirred in bed until he was facing Jinnie.
“Good morning my sweet Jinnie. How is my big boy doing today?”
“I’ve been good daddy. Appa wants us to go downstairs for lunch.” He replied. Something was different about his daddy but he didn’t know what it was. Jinnie saw him sit up straight with his back resting against the headboard, while yawning.
“Daddy...your voice sounds odd, are you still not feeling well?” He asked.
“Yeah, I think I’m getting a cold Jinnie” his daddy answered, coughing. Jinnie really hoped the pizza they made will help him feel better.
“But daddy, what happened to your hair. It’s all gone! Did you shave it off?”
“Yeah Jinnie, it’s because I’ve been using so much hair dye lately. I want to grow it from the root, so I shaved it all off.” His daddy told him and it made sense to him. Daddy was a famous idol and he needed to look his best.
“But daddy, you have a big belly. Like if you ate a whole cow” Jinnie continued to ask. It was weird, this morning he didn’t have a big belly at all.
“Oh I just ate a lot today so my stomach grew twice as big” His daddy told him. Jinnie was worried that his daddy was so full that he won’t have any room for the pizza they made.
“Daddy, what big hands you have...”
“Oh it’s so I can grope you better.”
“What!?” He said. What does grope mean? He didn’t like the tone his daddy was using.
Suddenly, Jinnie felt someone grabbed him by the waist, so he quickly looked behind him and saw that it was Daddy Minho. Jinnie quickly looked back to the bed where his daddy was sitting only to see Santa-hyung evilly smiling at him.
“You thought you could escape from us Little Freak. We will never let you go, you’re our toy forever” Daddy Minho said to him, hysterical laughing.
“NO LET JINNIE GO! DADDY, APPA HELP!!!!” He yelled but no one came. Jinnie was left all alone to deal with the Big Bad wolves once again...
“NOOOO LET ME GO! LET ME GOOOOOO” Seokjin yelled as he rapidly blinked his eyes to adjust to the darkness.
“Shit, that fucking dream again” he said to himself as he wiped away the tears falling down, with the back of his hand. He noticed that he was drenched in sweat while his heart was beating rapidly as fear consumed him. For the last two weeks Seokjin had been having the same dream over and over again and he dreaded going to sleep for that same reason. Minho was not going to let him have any decent sleep because he was always haunting him every night.
It’s been two weeks since that awful day and Hoseok and Jungkook were discharged from the hospital a week ago. For the whole week they’ve been home, Seokjin had been avoiding Yoongi and Hoseok. Seokjin knows he had no right to be angry, but he was scared of comforting either of them because his feelings were revealed by Minho. He feared being rejected so acting angry was his only solution, but he knew it was very immature of him. Seokijn didn’t want to be the reason for any arguments between Yoongi and Hoseok since he knew the feelings he had for them were not reciprocated. After all, who would love a dirty used up toy whose only good aspect was to spread his legs to pleased strangers.
During that week of avoiding Yoongi and Hoseok he didn’t dared come out of his room or to go into Little Space. He was afraid of being in his headspace and refused to sink into it, even though his mind begged for it. Seokjin really wanted to go into Little Space, he wanted to be carefree and not think about anything but Minho also traumatize him while being in his deepest source of comfort so what was the point of going into Little Space if he was also going to emotionally break down once he entered it? While his wounds on his back were slowly healing because Jimin and Taehyung had been very caring towards him and had come to change his bandages twice a day, his mental state was crushed. He really appreciated their hard work even though he felt horrible for being such a burden to them, actually, he was being a burden to the whole group because due to his condition, Hoseok and Jungkook hospitalization, BTS were giving a month hiatus. He hated himself for being the cause of their hiatus. Why was he such a useless hyung?
There wasn’t much to do throughout the day but sleep and even though he hated the nightmares that sleeping brought to him, it was his only way to make time go by fast. Mr. Bunny had become his only source of comfort since the police were never able to find Kitty and Sunny, which broke his heart. Maybe he was meant to suffer and that’s why Kitty and Sunny were ripped apart from him? So taking Mr. Bunny and giving the plushie a big hug, he went back to sleep and wished Minho wouldn’t appeared in his dreams once again.
Two more days passed until he realized that he couldn’t be cooped up in his room all day long. Seokjin needed to patch things up with Yoongi and Hoseok because if he was going to be rejected, then he needed to at least hear it directly from them. Once he knew their feelings, which he was positive it was not reciprocated, he can focus on dealing with the heartbreak. He looked at the clock, as he had lost track of time, and realized it was three in the afternoon which he thought was a good time to talk with them as they were probably full and calm from lunchtime. Seokjin’s mother always told him that a full stomach can brighten the mood of others so this was the perfect time to talk with them. Seokjin grabbed Mr. Bunny and got up from his bed as he had determined that the plushie was his new best friend and he was going to take it with him whenever he went out of his room. He really wished his Little side would come out but no matter how much he tried to go into his headspace, it wouldn’t happen.
Without even looking in the mirror he washed his face and brushed his teeth. He put on a blue baggy long sleeve shirt and paired it up with black shorts. He walked out of his room and headed towards Hosoek’s bedroom. According to Jimin and Taehyung, Yoongi had been sleeping in Hoseok's room since he got out of the hospital, to take care of his boyfriend. He envied Yoongi and Hoseok and wished he could sleep in the same bed with them, like the night of Minho’s death because he trusted them with his life and knew they will never harm him. They make him feel safe, they make him feel loved and maybe if he asked nicely they will allowed him to sleep in their bed.
He walked down the long hallway as he thought about how he will bring up the topic of his feelings for them. Seokjin was so deep in his thoughts that he bumped into a soft yet hard surface. Trying to figure out the cause of his set back he realized it was the chest of a person, so he looked up to find out who he had bumped into.
“Hyung, you finally decided to get out of your room” Namjoon said to him. It’s been two weeks since he’d seen any of the other members, aside from Taehyung and Jimin, that he had forgotten how deep and husky Namjoon’s voice was and how much he missed hearing it.
“Yeah, I was just going to have a talk with Hoseok and Yoongi. Do you think now is a good time?”
“...yeah, I’m sure they won’t mind talking with you. They will always welcome you with open arms. They lov—“
“They what?”
“Nothing, never mind...So why do you want to talk with them?... If you don’t mind me asking.”
“...oh just some things we need to cleared up. Nothing urgent”
“Oh I see…”
“Can you come with me? At least until I know they are okay with me being there?” He asked. Seokjin really needed someone to forced him to go through with his confession and with Namjoon being there, it was less likely he’ll chickened out.
“I’d love to hyung. Let’s go to their room now” Namjoon said to him and with that, they walked together to Hoseok’s room.
“WHAT THE FUCK YOONGI!?“ Seokjin heard as they stood in front of Hoseok’s door. Were they fighting? He vougly heard words being exchanged but he barely could cypher what they were talking about.
“It’s a bad time to knock…” he said to Namjoon who looked as dejected as him and gave him a weak smile and a small nod.
“Jin—Little—Freak” he heard, he wasn’t sure what they were talking about but he sure knew it was about him and his Little Space. Did Hoseok think he was a freak for going into Little Space? if so, he wanted to die. He felt a sharp pain in his chest and it was starting to become difficult for him to breath. Hoseok and Yoongi hated him...They both hated his Little side...they think he was a freak just like Minho. And with those thoughts in his mind Seokjin let darkness consumed him.
————-
Ever since the hospital visit he got from Yoongi and Namjoon on the day of his surgery, Hoseok had been feeling guilty. He didn’t mean to be rude to Yoongi and he understood his boyfriend’s dilemma because if he was in the same position it will be difficult for him to make the right decision. Was there even a right choice to make? Or even an acceptable one? Probably not because both Yoongi and Seokijn were important to him. What he said to Yoongi that day was very insensitive of him and he immediately apologized once Namjoon intervened before the argument got out of hand. He was thankful for their leader because Hosoek regretted every word that came out of his mouth that day. Yoongi wasn’t at fault, none of them were and he was just talking in the heat of the moment.
At first, it was awkward to talk with Yoongi after their argument but after constantly apologizing and a lot of talking, both of them understood that fighting was not going to resolve anything at all. It took a week to finally get discharged from the hospital and he was very happy to get out of that cramped room where all he saw were the same four walls. Yoongi and the other members visited him, as well as Jungkook, during his stay. Even though Jungkook’s fever went down after two nights and his stitches started to properly healed, their Maknae decided to stay in Hoseok’s room until he was discharged. Hoseok remembered that Jungkook was very shy the day he came to visit him. He especially remembered how guilty he felt for not keeping his promise of helping Jungkook take care of Minho.
“Come in” Hoseok said, as he looked at the door to see who was knocking, as the door opened, he noticed it was their Maknae, Jungkook. Hoseok was feeling awkward after everything that had happened. Was Jungkook angry at him for being such a coward? Was Jungkook disappointed in him for not keeping his promise of helping him deal with Minho? He hoped not because Hoseok was very proud of their Maknae for defending them. Manager Sejin informed them that the police had determined that Jungkook was not guilty of murder becuase it was self defense. After all, Jungkook saw that all their lives were in danger and took a stance of defense. Hoseok was glad their Maknae didn’t get in any trouble because Jungkook was their hero...their savior.
“Hyung...how are you feeling?” Jungkook shyly asked him.
“Aside from the pain, I’m good. I’m ready to go home, though. I can’t stand staying here anymore, it’s so boring and I want to go back to my room!”
“I bet, I felt the same way the two days I stayed cooped up in my hospital bed.” Jungkook said, chuckling as he closed the door and moved forward to his bed and sat down on the chair in front of him, that was usually used by Yoongi.
It was silence for the next few minutes but it didn’t bother him. Hoseok felt like Jungkook wanted to tell him something but didn’t have the guts to say it out loud.
“Jungkook...thank you for saving my life. Especially for standing up to Minho. I know Seokjin-hyung has a long way to recover but his biggest fear and obstacle is no longer here”
“But hyung...I’m a murder. I killed another human.”
“But it was self defense, Jungkook. You were just protecting all of us…you should be proud of yourself”
“...I don’t know hyung...I don’t know, but I’ll try to keep what you said in mind”
And with that short and simple conversation the awkwardness between the two of them faded little by little. Jungkook spent the rest of Hoseok’s hospital stay with him. Maybe he didn’t want to be alone or maybe he wanted to keep Hoseok company but in the end, he really appreciated his presence, it made time go by faster.
However, once they both returned home after Hoseok was discharged, Jungkook had avoided the rest of the members and spent all day locked up in his room. Namjoon was the only one he’d allowed to see him, according to Yoongi, which he didn’t understand why but as long as someone kept their Maknae company he was free of worry. As much as he wanted to stay calm and not overreact, he was more worried about Seokijn. He had been avoiding them for a week and had locked himself up in his room. He only allowed Jimin or Taehyung to see him which made Yoongi and Hoseok furious because they wanted help their hyung; they wanted to be his support and to be his strength. However, Seokijn was pushing them away and as much as they wanted to barged into his room and tell him how much they loved him, they respected their hyung’s wishes.
“Hoseok, we need to talk…” Yoongi told him. It’s been over a week since he returned home and even though he still couldn’t do a lot of movements with his injured leg, with the help of physical therapy, he was able to limp from his bed to the small couch he had across the room using his clutches. Jimin had been very kind to swap rooms, temporarily, with Yoongi so he can stay with him and help him out throughout the day.
“Talk about what?”
“Jin-hyung. We need to talk with him. He’s been isolating himself so much and I’m worried about his mental health”
“Me too...but what do you want us to do. We can’t forced him to talk to us” Hosoek said and it was true, there was only so much they could do and they can’t force their feelings on their hyung because it will only pushed him further away.
“True, but maybe we can talk with Jimin and ask him to persuade hyung to at least hear us out.”
“But he has been so down lately, maybe he won’t talk with Jimin”
“Well, we need to find a way or hyung is going to think we don’t love him back. Plus, Jimin told me he’s been refusing to go into Little Space.”
“What?! But Little Space will help him relax and hopefully relieve some of the painful memories” he said, trying to calm down. He knows how important it was for their hyung to go into Little Space. How come no one told him about this until now?
“Do you think it might be because of Minho? Maybe his Little side only wants Minho as his caregiver and not us…”
“WHAT THE FUCK YOONGI!?”
“What?!”
“You can’t be serious? Do you really think hyung misses that bastard? Absolutely not!”
“Maybe not Seokjin, but maybe Jinnie…”
“Jin will never want that bastard even in Little Space. He called hyung a freak! And hyung despises him, I just know it!!” He semi-shouted. Hoseok was furious and he couldn’t believe Yoongi was thinking something so absurd.
“JIN-HYUNG” Hoseok heard as he was about to add to his argument. Yoongi and him made eye contact and immediately knew something had happened to their hyung. Yoongi ran to open the door as Hoseok grabbed his clutches and slowly walked to see what was happening. As he got closer, he saw Seokjin on the floor, passed out, and he didn’t know why. Namjoon was holding Seokjin by the waist as Yoongi grabbed their hyung’s legs to placed his body, laying flat, on the floor so his head rested on Namjoon’s lap.
“What happened?” He asked Namjoon, who looked as shocked as them.
“Hyung wanted to talk with you...so we came to your room and we heard you guys arguing... and then he suddenly passed out. Everything happened so fast.. I don’t know” Namjoon said, with panic in his voice.
“Take hyung to my bed…” he said, and with that he saw Namjoon and Yoongi move their hyung to the bed as he walked to the small couch. He can’t believe they let everything escalate to this level. Yoongi and him have been too preoccupied with themselves that they neglected their hyung, once again. Hoseok knew communication was the key to a healthy relationship so he felt stupid for not insisting on having a proper talk with their hyung, instead he let fear consumed him.
“Yoongi...I think it’s time we talked with him. No more waiting. No more misunderstandings. Once he wakes up... everything should be said and that’s final.” He stated, they were putting their hyung’s health at risk for being such cowards.
“I agree with you, Hobi...hyung has been suffering long enough. We can’t keep delaying this anymore.” Yoongi said to him. Hoseok was glad his boyfriend and him had similar thoughts on what to do next. Now, they just needed to wait for their hyung wake up.
“I’ll leave you three alone...good luck! I know everything will turned out fine. I'll tell the rest of the guys to not disturb you...so feel free to take all the time you need once hyung wakes up.” Namjoon told them, as he walked to the door.
“Thank you Joon-ah, we really appreciate it.” Hoseok said and with that, Yoongi and Hoseok were left alone with their precious hyung, although unconscious on the bed. Hopefully everything will turn out alright once their hyung wakes up.
Notes:
Next chapter is THE chapter! I think I’ve been dragging this whole misunderstanding/lack of communication concept for too long. Get ready to cry tears of joy for the next two chapters. 😭😭😭
Let me know your thoughts and hopefully this chapter didn’t have too many grammatical mistakes. Like always, if there is anything you don’t understand about this chapter or the plot in general please let me know and I’ll try my best to clarify it.
I look forward to reading your comments!!
Ps. I think I was very sick or something cause I spoiled a part of the story on Twitter (the cuteness of Jin in this week’s BTS run episode reminded me of Little Space Jinnie hahaha). I already deleted those twts but if you follow me on Twitter and saw them please don’t say anything 🤫 lol it’s our little secret 🤭💜
My Twitter: Kumasama92
Chapter 24: Confessions Pt.1
Summary:
“Someone is eager, you thought we forgot about you, huh? Don’t worry little kitten, we will never forget about you.” Hoseok said to him, pinching his cheek.
“Little kitten?” Seokjin asked.
“Yeah, that’s what I call our boyfriend. Isn’t it adorable?”
“It’s cute…” Seokjin said and Yoongi felt embarrassed.
Notes:
So happy to finally post another chapter!
I feel like there hasn’t been a lot of character development for Yoongi and Hoseok so I wanted to make this chapter for them and hopefully I succeeded in expressing their feelings and doubts.
I hope you enjoy reading this chapter!!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Yoongi only had one regret in his life: not confessing to Seokjin right after he agreed to go out with Hosoek. He knew it was very irrational of him to have those thoughts but the guilt he was having at the moment was eating him alive. What would have happened if they confessed to their hyung sooner? What would have happened if he never agreed to go out with Hoseok? A bundle of emotions were crawling in his mind and he couldn't shake them off. It was weird, he knew going out with Hoseok was the best decision he’d ever made but maybe, just maybe if he had confessed to Seokjin first, everything would have turned out differently. He needed to voiced out all of these negative emotions or they will follow him forever and even ruined the relationship he already had with Hoseok.
As they wait for their hyung to wake up, he was determined to let all his concerns be heard. Yoongi was nervous and scared of what would happen once they start letting out all their feelings but he knew that’s what the three of them needed at the moment. Would their hyung push them away? Would Seokjin happily accept being in a poligamorus relationship? Of course he would, Minho told them that Seokjin was in love with them so why would there be any objections in going out? After all, their love was reciprocated and he was very happy that soon, all the love they had towards their hyung will be revealed.
“Joon…” Yoongi heard as he looked upwards from where he was sitting, while Seokjin’s soft and raspy voice echoed in the silent room. Hoseok had moved from the couch to the bed and was laying down next to their sleeping hyung. Yoongi on the other hand grabbed a chair and sat down near the bed, but close enough to be able to touch Seokjin’s hands, if he wanted to.
“He’s finally awake” Hoseok said to him as he nodded in agreement, his stomach turned from how nervous he was feeling. Was confessing to someone always this nerve wrecking?
This is it, this is the moment of truth , Yoongi thought to himself.
Yoongi can’t believe they were finally going to confess to their hyung. He just regretted taking so long to make their feelings known...
“Hyung...you're finally awake.” He softly said, as he got up from the chair and helped Seokjin sit up straight and leaned his back against the headboard.
“Do you want an extra pillow for your back?” He asked, Yoongi wanted to make sure Seokjin was as comfortable as possible.
“It’s okay, I’m fine. Thank you, Yoongi”
Nodding in agreement, Yoongi sat on the bed instead of the chair, he wanted to be as closed as possible to his hyung.
“What happened?” Seokijn asked them, looking around the room, confused as to where he was laying down and how he got there.
“You fainted. You don’t remember? Namjoon prevented you from hitting your head as you fell to the floor” Hoseok replied.
“Oh…”
“How do you feel? Any headache?” He asked, because they needed to make sure their hyung was not hurt or in any pain before they proceeded.
“Aside from being a little light headed, I’m okay.”
“I’m glad to hear that...are you thirsty? Want some water?” Yoongi added.
“Nah, I’m fine. Thank you…”
Yoongi can sense that the atmosphere was awkward and very heavy. He wondered how they were going to bring up the conversation they needed to have with their hyung.
For the next five minutes, none of them said a word until Hoseok decided to break the silence. Yoongi had always admired how brave and strong his boyfriend was and envied him for always taking the initiative during crucial moments.
“Hyung...can we talk?”
“Talk about what?” Seokjin-hyung asked. This was the decisive moment, this was the start of their conversation and Yoongi was prepared for anything.
“About what Minho said before he died,” Yoongi continued.
“Oh...yeah we can talk…” Seokjin softy responded, looking down while nervously playing with his fingernails. Yoongi noticed that the topic they were going to talk about was making their hyung nervous but it was necessary so they can all move on… so Seokjin could move on and properly heal.
“Is it true what he said? Is it true that you have been in love with both Yoongi and I for a long time?”
“...”
“Is it true…?” Hoseok continued.
Seokjin just looked down at his fingernails, avoiding any eye contact. If his hyung was not going to say anything then Yoongi would have to take charge for once in his lifetime.
“Hyung... I love you.” Yoongi finally said, he felt like a massive pressure had been lifted off his chest. He had been hiding these feelings for a very long time and he was finally letting them out.
“What?” Seokjin gasped, looking at him in shock and then at Hoseok, who only smiled back at him. Yoongi smiled at the scene in front of him and nodded to himself, thinking that this moment right now was the most peaceful time in his life.
“But...but you are going out with Hoseok?”
“I know, and I love him too” He stated, Yoongi noticed the shocked expression on his hyung’s face. Was his hyung speechless? Probably.
“Hyung, there is more” Hoseok added.
“Go ahead, tell him” Yoongi said chuckling, because he was happy. He was happy they were finally able to confess their feelings towards the person they have been seeking these past two years. Their missing piece of the puzzle, their light, their Little hyung.
“Seokjin, I love you. I love you so much. Will you be my boyfriend?” Hoseok asked and Yoongi was amazed on how straightforward his boyfriend was, after all, if it wasn’t for Hoseok he would had never considered confessing to Seokjin in the first place and instead, he would had kept his feeling buried deep inside.
“You too—What!? This...this is too much. I...I…” Seokjin tried to speak, but instead Yoongi saw his hyung bring his knees towards his chest and rested his head on top of it, letting out small sobs that were faintly heard in the quiet room. Yoongi felt like crying, it pained him to see his hyung with so much sadness. Was his confession not what his hyung wanted to hear? Was he going to get rejected? Or better yet, were they both going to get rejected? A series of emotions were running through his mind until he couldn’t hold it in anymore. He let a few tears escape and looked at Hoseok, who he noticed was already crying his heart out. Yoongi gave him a weak smile because finally...finally, even if they get rejected, their feelings were being exposed to the person that mattered the most. Yoongi and Hoseok let their hyung cry until he was ready to talk to them, but they just hope that the answer they were going to receive will be the one they wished to hear.
After five more minutes of only sobs being heard in the room, it finally came to a stop and the room once again was in complete silence, but it wasn’t awkward or sufficading as before.
“I..I..love...you Yoongi...I love you...Hoseok. I’ve always have love you both...for a very long time.” He heard Seokjin say, hiccuping between each set of words. Yoongi couldn’t hold himself back, he launched forward and straddled his hyung, burying his face between the crook of his hyung’s neck while placing an arm on each side of Seokjin’s broad shoulders. He was crying from happiness, from knowing that his hyung shared the same feelings as them. He felt a pair of arms around him and Seokjin and he knew, from the touch, that it was Hoseok who was engaging them in a group hug. Yoongi started to cry harder because after all this time their feelings were finally reaching one another. He hated this whole misunderstanding scenario, he hated their lack of communication and he hated being such a scary cat, but now all of that was gone. Their love was finally mutual and there was nothing that was going to separate them.
“Yoongi, Love. Let go of hyung, your hugging him too hard” Hoseok softly said to him but Yoongi didn’t want to separate from their hyung. He wanted to stay buried between the crook of his hyung neck while breathing in the sweet scent of strawberries.
“Yoongi, please. My back hurts, don’t worry I won’t go anywhere.” Seokjin-hyung whispered into his ear and he immediately sat up straight. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt his precious hyung.
“You can sit between my legs and have your back resting on my chest. I won’t feel your full weight that way. You don’t weight a lot anyways, but I’m still healing…” his hyung instructed him to do and that’s exactly what he did. Yoongi was feeling like he was in heaven, like if he was dreaming and he never wanted to wake up.
“Okay...I understand we are all happy about our feelings being mutual but hyung, you didn’t answer my question. Would you go out with me? Would you be my boyfriend…” Hoseok asked Seokjin who blushed at the statement and it was so adorable. Yoongi can get used to seeing the cute side of their hyung all day long.
“...yes...yeah, I’ll go out with you Hoseok..I would love to be your boyfriend”
“How about me? Would you like to be my boyfriend too Seokjin…?” He eagerly asked, which earned a small laugh from Hoseok.
“Yes, I’ll be your boyfriend Yoongi. I’ll be happy to..”
“Someone is eager, you thought we forgot about you, huh? Don’t worry little kitten, we will never forget about you.” Hoseok said to him, pinching his cheek.
“Little kitten?” Seokjin asked.
“Yeah, that’s what I call our boyfriend. Isn’t it adorable?”
“It’s cute…” Seokjin said and Yoongi felt embarrassed. How will he survived with two boyfriends who treated him like a baby and thought he was adorable? He wanted to be strong and independent like Hoseok and Seokijn not be little kitten as Hoseok called him. Yet, he was happy with everything that was happening to them. They finally confessed to one another and although they still had a lot to talk about, at least they were each other’s boyfriends. Yeah, Seokjin and Hoseok were now his boyfriends and he couldn’t be any happier.
————-
Was this whole situation a dream? Was Hoseok imagining everything that had happened to him in the last few hours? Was Seokjin really his boyfriend? Yeah, it must be a dream, but it wasn’t. It wasn’t a dream and he really just heard his precious and most lovable hyung say that he loved him, but most importantly he loved Yoongi too. Even though they heard it from that bastard Minho’s mouth first, he was pleased to hear it directly from Seokjin. Hoseok hasn’t felt this happy and satisfied in years, finally, the missing piece of their puzzle was connected. Yoongi and Seokjin were now his boyfriends. However, as much joy it brought to him knowing they were a threesome, he knew it was very important to voiced out his concerns and worries. He didn’t want to be a party pooper but it was necessary to make sure there weren’t any misunderstandings or miscommunication between the three of them. After all, they had each other as a support system and he wanted to make sure Yoongi and Seokjin both knew it to prevent any secrets between them, for the sake of their relationship.
“I know we are all happy and I don’t want to bring the mood down but we all need to talk. There is a lot to be said and we finally have the time to let all our feelings and concerns out in the open.” He stated and he got a nod of approval from both Yoongi and Seokjin so he decided to continue with expressing his deepest thoughts.
“First, I want to restate that I’ve been in love with the both of you for a very long time. I’m not sure how it happened or when but by the time I knew it, I was deeply in love and there was no going back. Yoongi...for some strange reason I always considered myself to be the backbone of our relationship. I’m the one who needed to protect you and Seokjin from any harm so when we found out what was truly happening with him, I felt like a failure… I let the two people that mattered the most to me down. I wasn’t able to protect hyung from that bastard…” he said, looking down in shame. He hated how useless he was feeling but he needed to let his boyfriends know the truth.
“Hobi...you’re not use useless or a failure. There was no way of knowing what was happening to me. I never told anyone and that was my mistake. I should had told at least one person, maybe it would have prevented me from seeking a caregiver online and put myself in so much danger. I could have been killed if it wasn’t for you or Kookie.”
“Hyung, I didn’t do anything at all. Jungkook did all the work. I’m all talk and no action. I was so engrossed in knowing you loved us that I completely let my guard down.”
“Hoseok...don’t beat yourself down like that. You protected us when we needed it the most. Yeah, I’ll have to admit we were both distracted by Minho’s words but who can blame us? It was the answer we were seeking all this time. I should be at fault too for not taking hyung out of that room before things got worse. Maybe you wouldn’t had gotten hurt…” Yoongi said to him, as tears were falling down his cheeks. It really hurt Hoseok to see his boyfriend so hurt, so sad.
“It’s not your fault at all, Yoongi. No one is really to blame because it’s all that bastards fault for barging into our home” he replied, and as much as he wanted to believe those words himself, a part of him still felt guilty for not saving their hyung from the clutches of Minho.
The room became silent once again, as everyone processed what they just heard.
“I want to say something that I want to get off my chest...” Hoseok heard Yoongi say and he was curious as to what it could be. The both of them always shared their deepest thoughts and had countless conversations about their insecurities and concerns, but maybe there was something else bothering his boyfriend.
“I'm not trying to say I regret everything that had happened between us Hoseok, but I have one regret that has been eating me alive and will not let me moved on. Maybe if I say it out loud I can finally be free of this guilt. Umm...ever since I found out what happened to hyung, I regret not confessing to him sooner. Seokjinnie, Hoseok and I have been planning on confessing to you for almost two years but we never found the right opportunity to do so.” Yoongi said snuggling closer to their hyung’s embrace.
“Oh…I see” Hoseok heard Seokjin whispered.
“Yeah, two years. Well...there was one time we attempted to confess. Remember that night Hoseok gave you Sunny? That night, we were planning on confessing...but then you said you were not feeling well and started to isolate yourself more”
“About that...umm...that night...I...I the reason I started to isolate myself was because I saw the two of you kissing. That same night I wanted to ask you both to be my caregivers and confess everything, like how I was a Little and about Little Space, so I went to Hoseok’s room to let him know I had something important to discussed but then I heard you. I heard you moaned out Hobi’s name and saw you two kissing and...I ran away. I couldn’t get in between the two of you and I felt like there was no room for me. That night, I cried my heart out and came to the conclusion of not telling anyone about anything. Instead, I was going to look for a different caregiver and after hesitating for a long time, I went online and that’s how I found Minho…” Seokjin said to them and Hoseok was devastated. That night, they were so close to strengthening their relationship but due to their negligence they pushed their hyung away and caused a series of painful memories to him. Hoseok was angry at himself for once again being so useless.
“Fuck...hyung. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. It was our fault you met that bastard.” He bitterly said, Hoseok despised himself, how can he do that to their little hyung?
“It’s not your fault, no one is at fault, really. I was the one who pushed everyone away. I had many opportunities to tell any of the other members the truth but I chickened out. I was afraid of being judged, I was afraid of being seen as a freak because let’s be honest with ourselves, how often have you heard someone say they are a Little and enjoy being in the mindset of a child? It’s rare for some to be so open with their Little side but if you look closer, it’s very common. Besides, not everyone is as open minded as you all are and I’m very lucky to have such supportive and amazing band members in my life.”
“Hyung, we will never judge you. If being in Little Space makes you happy then we are here for you. We will support you no matter what. Right Yoongi?” He said, looking at Yoongi and his Little hyung with admiration and love, he wanted to let them know that he was there for them no matter what.
“Of course! We will never judge you or make fun of you for being a Little. True, Hobi and I have a lot to learn about Little Space so we can take care of you better, but we are willing to learn and adapt to anything as long as it makes you happy. If you are happy, we are happy and we love you no matter what headspace you are in: Seokjin or Little Jinnie. They are both our adorable and amazing Little hyung” He heard Yoongi say and he agreed with him wholeheartedly.
“Yah! Are you both going to start calling me Little hyung? Is that my new nickname…?”
“You don’t like it? Does it make you feel uncomfortable?” Hoseok asked, true, it was a cute nickname that just came out of their mouths on the spot and it was so fitting for their adorable hyung but if it made him feel uncomfortable then they will stop. After all, they didn’t want to make their hyung feel any discomfort.
“No...it's not uncomfortable. It’s kind of cute to be honest, it’s just that... it’s embarrassing to be called Little hyung... but I don’t mind...if you guys call me that” his hyung said, blushing.
“Aww, hyung you’re so adorable!” He squealed, as he got closer to Yoongi and Seokjin. He carefully patted their hyung’s head and placed a kiss on top of his head.
Hoseok knew they still had a lot more to talk about, that their conversation was just getting started but he felt happy. He felt like everything was going to be alright, now that they knew that all their feelings were mutual.
Notes:
Finally!! Yoon2seok are finally Together after everything that has happened. 😭😭😭
I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I can’t wait to read your comments.
Please let me know what you think will happen next.
Ps. We are getting closer to the big revelation I talked about before. I’m sure most of you will be shock!!! (In a good way cause like I said before no more suffering, we had enough to that) 🤭😂
My Twitter: Kumasama92
Chapter 25: Confessions Pt.2
Summary:
“P-please, d-don’t…” he tried to say, but no proper words were able to escape his mouth. He felt inferior to everyone else, what was the point of living if all he did was suffer?
Notes:
Finally another update! 😭😭
In this chapter I wanted to portray Seokjin with different types of emotions, I’m not even sure how to explain it, but when a person goes through a traumatic experience and they don’t know if it’s appropriate or not to express certain type of emotions and they get confused or feel guilt for it (hopefully that made sense)
I hope I succeeded and it wasn’t all over the place.I hope you enjoy this chapter!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
When did life get so complicated? When did Seokjin stopped communicating with his fellow members whom he considered family? His lifestyle as a Little would have been completely different if he just had confessed to someone, anyone, but he had to make the wrong choices in life and what did he get in the end?...only painful memories. Yet, he was starting to see the light even if it’s just a ray, with the realization that Hoseok and Yoongi also returned his feelings. Seokjin was surprised but most importantly he was dumbfounded at the idea that his one sided love was never one sided, in fact, it was reciprocated all along. When Yoongi told him that he loved him, he was shocked and relieved at the same time. However, once he heard Hoseok, his sweet and lovely Hoseok, confess his love for him, he felt like everything was falling into place. He felt happy, he felt like nothing, not even Minho’s shadow, could bring him down.
“Hyung, tell me if you want me to get up, if you can’t take my weight.” Yoongi said to him, who was snuggled up in his chest, laying down between his legs.
“I don’t mind. It feels nice…” he said and it was true, Hoseok next to him and Yoongi in between him, Seokjin felt safe. He felt the warmth he always wanted to feel and he didn’t want to let go, he didn’t want to separate from the two people he loved with all his heart. Seokjin couldn’t believe he was so naive in thinking that Hoseok and Yoongi were going to turn him away if they knew he was a Little. If he had just told them about Little Space, maybe a lot of events would have turned out differently. Yet, he couldn’t dwell on the past, he needed to move forward but he was afraid. The nightmares were not letting him sleep at night and Minho’s image was always following him; it didn’t matter if he was awake or not. Just hearing the door opened made him hide under the blankets, at the thought of it being Minho or Santa-hyung coming into his room to rape him again.
“Umm, can I sleep in here. I don’t want to sleep in my room by myself?” He shyly asked and hoped his new boyfriends were not going to reject him on such a simple request. After all, Hoseok and Yoongi have been going out longer than with him and were more comfortable with one another.
“Of course Seokijn, you are always welcome here. Don’t forget you are our boyfriend now. Hoseok and I are no longer a couple but a threesome and that includes you and the three of us will always be together.” Yoongi reassured him, and he felt happy, happy to be able to be near the people he knew will never harm him.
“Hyung, can I ask you a question?” Hoseok asked him, softly patting his head. Seokjin was scared at sudden physical contact. Even though he hadn’t shown it so far, on the inside, he was freaking out. He knew Hoseok and Yoongi would never harm him in any way, yet he still felt scared of suddenly being yanked by the hair or forced into pleasuring strangers.
“Sure, go ahead,” he replied.
“Jimin told me you refused to go see a therapist.”
“...”
“Hyung, you know seeing a therapist will help you recover. I know you have us now but that’s not enough. You need professional help”
“It’s enough for me, though. I don’t need anyone else, I don’t want to go see a therapist. They are going to make me remember all the horrible events that happened to me and I don’t want to…” he said. Jimin and manager Sejin have been insisting these past two weeks for him to go see a therapist but he always refused. He hated being a burden to others, he hated talking about his deepest thoughts, but he mostly hated the idea of telling a complete stranger about his insecurities and fears.
“But hyung, you know a therapist will never force you to talk about what happened or anything you are uncomfortable with. They will never judge you. It’s at your own pace and slowly they will help you try to find healthy coping mechanism.” Yoongi said to him, but he didn’t care as he was clouded by fear. Why couldn’t he just stayed in Hoseok’s room until he felt better? That was all he needed at the moment…
“I still refuse to go but I’ll keep what you told me in mind…” he finally said to them, seeing Hoseok's sad and concerned expression. He assumed it was the same for Yoongi, even though all he could see was his boyfriend’s head resting on his chest.
“Fine...we won’t force you to do anything you are uncomfortable with, but do you mind explaining to me why you haven’t gone into Little Space? It will really help you…” Hoseok asked him and he agreed with him. Seokjin really wanted to go into Little Space but his Little side was refusing. He knows that unless he resolves his insecurities and doubts as “big Jinnie”, his Little side won’t come out. Both his headspaces were traumatized and he was scared, he was scared of being hurt again, even though he knew he was surrounded by people he loved. Besides, what was the point of going in Little Space when he no longer had Kitty and Sunny?
“I can’t…”
“What!?” Yoongi and Hoseok shrieked in unison. Hoseok looked at him in shock and Yoongi sat up straight, turned around, and looked at him straight in the eyes.
“What do you mean you can’t?” Yoongi added.
“I just can’t. My mind won’t let me be in that headspace…”
“Is it because of Minho? Is your Little side scared Minho will show up.” Hoseok asked and he wasn’t sure.
“Probably, I'm not sure to be honest. I’m mostly scared of being hurt...and I don’t want to go through anything traumatic ever again” he slightly raised his voice. His body felt the anger and frustration he had towards himself. Seokjin hated how naive he was for falling into Minho’s trap so many times and for letting him get away with everything. He felt his body trembled as fear consumed him or was it another panic attack?...he wasn’t sure, but he felt like running away and not coming back. It wasn’t that he hated being with Hosoek and Yoongi, he was happy, but his body was betraying him. He felt tears form at the prick of his eyes and he wanted to scream and let out all the bundled up emotions inside of him.
“Hyung….” he heard Yoongi say to him worryingly. Seokjin hated showing such vulnerability but he couldn’t control himself, especially not in front of Hoseok and Yoongi. He felt a hand on his back, slowly moving in circles trying to calm him down, but instead of letting the soft hand soothe his emotions, he just flinched at the touch. It wasn’t that his back was hurting because it was actually healing nicely, he just hated the sudden contact. He felt like the filthy person in the world and he didn’t deserve to be touched by anyone.
“P-please, d-don’t…” he tried to say, but no proper words were able to escape his mouth. He felt inferior to everyone else, what was the point of living if all he did was suffer? What was the point in going out with Hoseok and Yoongi when they couldn’t even touch him without feeling disgust? What was the point of going into Little Space if all he was going to do was cry and suffer? He hated himself for being happy one minute and sad the next.
“I-I’m so-r-rry…” he whimpered. He wanted to crawl into a hole and never get out.
“No need to apologize hyung, we won’t force you into doing anything that you don’t want to do” Hoseok told him and he was glad because he didn’t want to go see a therapist and he especially didn’t want to go into Little Space. All he wanted to do was sleep and stay next to Hoseok and Yoongi, his new boyfriends.
————-
Three days have passed since Hoseok and Yoongi confessed to him and they became his boyfriends. Three days since he haven’t left their room, and three days since all he did was sleep and wake up in terror as he repeatedly had the same dream of Minho over and over again. The first time it happened, Hoseok was frightened by the screams of terror that he let out and Yoongi thought someone had trespassed into their house once again. However, after explaining his dream to them and how he had been constantly having them, to the point where he couldn’t sleep, they comforted him. They snuggled up on each side of him and wrapped one hand around his waist until he was squished in between them. True, it didn’t stop the nightmares from happening again later that night but as he woke up screaming with night sweats, and hearing reassuring words from the two people that mattered the most to him, he felt safe. Seokjin wasn’t sure how long the nightmares were going to last but he knew sooner or later they will disappear and let him have a decent night's sleep.
Another night passed and Hoseok suggested for Seokjin to take part of his physical therapy section. He wasn't sure if it was a good idea, since he didn’t want to cause any more damage to Hoseok’s leg but his boyfriend insisted that everything was going to be fine so he finally decided to agree.
“Hyung, sit on the couch with Hoseok while I move the table to the corner. We need space for his therapy.” Yoongi told him.
“I want to help” he said, but Yoongi refused and he wasn’t sure if he should feel annoyed at Yoongi for thinking he was a weak and fragile little animal or to be happy that his boyfriend cared so much about his well being that he didn’t want him to do any heavy lifting. He wanted to be useful, he wanted to return back to his regular routine but his mind and body wouldn’t let him. Seokjin saw as Yoongi moved the table to a corner and walked to the closet. He wasn’t sure what they needed for the therapy but as Yoongi took out a yoga mat and placed it in the middle of the room, he knew it was similar to the exercises they do on a regular basis for work. As soon as Yoongi was done placing the mat on the floor, there was a knock on the door.
“Come in” he heard Yoongi say and saw the door slowly opening. To his view, came a tall and beautiful female with raven black hair, very slim and she was wearing black medical scrubs.
“Oh, we have a new face today,” he heard the beautiful therapist say, looking at him with a smile on her face.
“Yeah, this is my hyung. He’s going to join us today.” Hoseok responded, smiling ear to ear showing his pearl white teeth. For some strange reason, Seokjin felt a sting in his heart at the thought of Hoseok sharing that smile with someone other than Yoongi and him. Hoseok was theirs and only they were allowed to see his beautiful smile
“Nice to meet you!” The therapist said to him. Putting on his best fake smile, he got up from the couch and shook her hand.
“Now that introductions are over. Hoseok-shii, we are going to do the same as last time”
“Okay” Hoseok replied and Seokjin saw how his boyfriend got up from the couch, using the crutches as support, and went to the floor to laid on top of the yoga mat. As the therapy session continued and the therapist became more focused on moving Hoseok's injured leg, Seokjin felt anger, even though his reason behind it was very childish. There was no reason to be jealous of the therapist when she was just helping Hoseok get full control over his leg and to be able to dance once again, yet his negative thoughts were dominating him. Why was someone else touching his boyfriend? Why was it her and not Yoongi helping Hoseok out? Why was Yoongi fine with someone else being in their room? All of these negative thoughts were consuming him and he couldn’t stop. Even though he was burning with rage on the inside, he showed his best smile to not bring any suspicion as he didn’t want Hoseok to feel any burden for his immature thoughts. After an hour, the therapist called it an end to the therapy session and left the room; Seokjin couldn’t be any happier. He just made a mental note to not tell Yoongi or Hoseok about his jealousy or they will probably scold him, which they had every right to do so.
“Hyung” Seokjin heard as Yoongi picked up the yoga mat.
“Is something wrong, Taehyung?” Hoseok responded. Seokjin really wished nothing bad had happened to any of the other members because they had suffered enough with all the problems he had brought to the group.
“Nothing is wrong. It’s just that manager Sejin wants to have a meeting in the living room and told me to come get you” Taehyung said, and Seokjin wondered what their manager wanted to talk about. Was Minho not dead? And that’s what those nightmares were signaling him about? A cold chill ran through his spine at the thought of Minho being alive.
After five minutes of getting Hoseok down the stairs and into the couch, all of the members were assembled in the living room ready to hear what their manager had to say. Seokjin was sitting between Hoseok and Yoongi, as it was his safe haven, while the rest of the members were scattered throughout the L shape couch. It’s been over two weeks since he had last seen Jungkook and to his surprise their Maknae looked tired. Jungkook had dark circles under his eyes, had lost some weight, and looked very sad. Seokjin wondered how their Maknae had been dealing with this situation and he wanted to ask, but he was also scared of the answered. What if Jungkook was angry at him for being the cause of his pain? He rather not find out.
“Okay, now that we are all gathered here. I want to update you all on what’s going on. First, the police have informed me that the two men suspected of being Minho’s accomplices have been arrested and are behind bars. They admitted to their crimes after a lot interrogations and after being told that Minho was dead. Also, the police guard that was guarding the building has confessed that Minho had been bribing him for months to let him inside the complex, using the spare key. To secure your safety, we have changed you locks and hired our own bodyguards to be placed downstairs.” Manager Sejin exhaustively said to them. Seokjin felt relieved that it wasn’t news about Minho being alive and that Santa-hyung and Glasses-hyung were finally arrested and were no longer going to hurt him.
“Seokjin…” he heard their manager address him, which caused him flinched.
“Yeah” he softly said. What did their manager have to say to him? Maybe Minho really was alive...
“H-how much did you know about Minho?”
“...not much just his basic information. Why?”
“Well, the police wanted me to ask you if you can tell them all you know about Minho. They discovered very serious information about him and with your testimony, it might help solve a case that has been opened for the last five years.”
“Oh..” was Seokjin’s only response. There wasn’t much he could answered to the police aside from basic information, like what he did for work and that he had just broken up with his boyfriend after finding out he was cheating on him. Still, he hated the idea of talking about Minho because it only bought him painful memories.
“A police officer will come in ten minutes to take your testimony. If that is fine with you?” Manager Sejin informed him. What other choice did he had when the police were on their way to see him? None at all so he just nodded in agreement.
———-
After ten minutes of waiting the doorbell finally rang and Seokjin got scared. Fear consumed him as he naively thought that it was Minho, so he grabbed Yoongi’s hands tightly and leaned forward towards him so that he was hiding his face on his boyfriend’s chest.
“It’s okay hyung, it’s just the police.” Yoongi reassured him, but he still felt scared. Why was his body and mind betraying him when his heart knew that Minho was already dead? He hated feeling useless, he hated feeling like Minho owned a part of his heart and was never letting him live in peace.
“Good afternoon” Seokjin heard the officer say to them. He really hoped that the interview wasn’t long because he really needed to go back to Hoseok’s room and feel safe once again.
“Good afternoon” he repeated with his face still pressed on Yoongi’s chest, but he knew that if he wanted this to be over he needed to face reality, so without letting go of Yoongi’s hand he turned his head sideways and came face to face with the officer.
“Seokjin, right?” the officer asked, looking at his direction and he just nodded in agreement.
“Thank you for agreeing to give your testimony once again. It will help us a lot”
“So what is the big discovery you got on Minho?” Hoseok’s intervened before he could say anything and he was glad he did because he was already regretting agreeing to talk with the officer.
“I’ll tell you all after I get some answers from Mr. Seokjin” the officer responded, and looked at him straight in the eyes.
“So, Seokjin do you mind telling me all you know about Minho.”
“Well...there is nothing much I know. He told me he worked for an IT company and was living by himself. He had two sisters and that his father single handedly raised them. Hmm, oh he told me that he just got out of a bad relationship...but other than that I didn’t know much about him.”
“Interesting…can you tell me more about the bad relationship he told you about?” The officer asked, while writing down all he had previously said on a small notepad.
“...ah-Umm, you know what Little Space is, right? You probably read it in the initial notes I gave the night of the incident.”
“Yeah, I read that report. So please continue” the officer said to him.
“Well, he told me his previous boyfriend cheated on him. We met online and he said he was looking for a Little so I asked him why. Then he told me that his ex-boyfriend was also a Little, just like me, and he liked the idea of being a caregiver, so he was looking for a new relationship…” Seokijn finally said but recalling those events made him realize how naive he was for falling into Minho’s trap.
“Seokjin, i'm sorry to inform you but what he said to you was a complete lie…”
“What? What do you mean?” Yoongi asked, holding his hands tighter.
“Well, there was an ex-boyfriend but there was no cheating or break up. Minho was a serial killer...and a sneaky one to be honest.” The officer said, as he heard various gasps coming from the members and manager Sejin. Great, he brought a serial killer into their home. How stupid could he had been… all to satisfy his Little side. Seokjin really hated himself now that he knew the truth.
“Like I was saying, that ex-boyfriend you talked about, there was no bad breakup or cheating. Minho killed him after raping and torturing him for days and when he was done, he threw his body over the Han River. The death of that young man was one of the cruelest one I’ve seen...and I’m glad you were not harmed in any way. We never had any leads on his wearabouts as he always ran away before we gathered any concrete evidence on him but now with your testimony and what he did to you, we can affirm that it was him and reopen not only the young man’s case but three more that have been unresolved for the last few years.” the officer said to them and he felt a knot forming in his throat. He felt disgusted at how close he was to being killed.
“Im sorry about the sudden news but, that’s all I’ve got to say for today, thank you Seokijn for you testimony once again”
“Thank you for coming” manager Sejin answered and lead the officer to the door.
“Hyung” Hoseok said to him, placing his hand on top of his shoulder.
“Yeah” he simply replied, looking at his boyfriend with pleading eyes, he really wanted to go back to Hoseok’s room and never get out. Before he could reply and asked to go back to the room, they were interrupted by their manager’s voice.
“Okay, now that we are all here, I wanted to update you on what’s going to happen next.” Manager Sejin explained to them.
“You all still have two more weeks of rest, then practice and recording sections will resume, except for Hoseok. You still have a long way to recover so take all the time you need with physical therapy. And Seokjin… please reconsider seeing a therapist. Please, it’s for your own good…” manager Sejin begged him but Seokjin just averted his eyes.
Seokjin didn’t know how much longer his will to live would last, even though he had Hoseok and Yoongi. He wanted to go back to Hoseok’s room and never get out yet he knew in the back of his mind that going to a therapist was going to help him, but he felt like such a coward and didn’t want to face the reality that he was raped, used, and humiliated for being a Little. All he needed now was to be in Hoseok’s room and be snuggled up between Hoseok and Yoongi. He just hoped all these negative thoughts would leave his mind soon, before he regrets hurting himself.
Notes:
I hate ending a chapter on such a sad note but it’s necessary for what’s going to happen next.
I look forward to reading your comments!
Ps. I started a new fanfic the other day, it’s Taejinkook omegaverse. If you like that kind of writing trope please check it out. 😊
https://archiveofourown.org/works/19932100
Chapter 26: Euphoria
Summary:
“Yoongi hasn’t returned home in four days...I’m worried. I hate it when he gets so engrossed in producing music that he forgets about everything.” Hoseok told him and Seokjin agreed.
Notes:
I’m finally back with another update!!!
First, I wanted to thank everyone who reads this fanfic for the 10K hits!! It means a lot to me and motivates me to write more.
Second, I had this chapter finished two days ago but I felt something was missing and last night I figured it out so after doing some editing I was finally able to post it today.
I hope you all like it!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Two weeks passed in a blink of an eye and everyone, except Hoseok and Seokijn, slowly returned back to their regular routine. Namjoon and Yoongi would go to their studio for hours or until their bodies demanded for them to get some rest. Jungkook would spend half of the time at home or at vocal practice. Similarly to Jimin, who would go to the dance studio and work on perfecting the new choreography that they will eventually need to learn as a group. Finally, Taehyung, he would either practiced his vocals or joined Jimin at the dance studio. Everyone was busy except Seokjin, he wanted to go back to dance practice but his body and mind wouldn’t let him, as his muscles constantly ached, he had severe fatigue, very strong migraines and negative thoughts that consumed him from the constant nightmares he had at night. Hoseok and Yoongi had demanded for him to rest at home because they didn’t want him to collapse during training, so after listening to them he spent most of his days looking after Hoseok. He didn’t get jealous anymore when the therapist stopped by or when she touched his boyfriend because he realized that she was a very nice person and he was being illogical for letting jealousy take over his mind. For once, he was thankful for knowing how to cook because when he was not helping Hoseok, he was in the kitchen cooking some meals for them; it helped him distract his mind even if it was for a short amount of time.
“Seokjin” he heard Hoseok say to him while they were laying on the couch watching TV. It was three in the afternoon and Hoseok and Seokijn had just finished eating lunch and were cuddled up on the couch as they waited for the rest of the members to come home. Seokjin had his head resting on Hoseok’s firm chest, which was an action he had come to love as it brought him a sense of security.
“Yeah” he replied.
“Yoongi hasn’t returned home in four days...I’m worried. I hate it when he gets so engrossed in producing music that he forgets about everything.” Hoseok told him and Seokjin agreed. Yoongi had been cooped up in his studio and hadn’t even returned home or replied to their text messages for the last few days. They know their boyfriend hadn’t had a decent meal or slept adequately but how do you separate a workaholic like Yoongi from his studio? There was no way.
“Same, do you think he’s getting enough sleep?” He asked, but he already knew the answer.
“I doubt it…”
“Want me to go to the studio and check up on him?”
“ Are you sure, hyung?!”
“What? Is there a reason I can’t go check up on one of my boyfriends?”
“No, it’s not like that. It’s just that...are you sure you are able to go out by yourself, won’t you feel scared or start to panic?” Hoseok worryingly asked him and he understood his boyfriend’s concerned. It’s only been a little over a month since everything happened and he wasn’t anywhere near one hundred percent back to “normal” or as normal as he wanted to be. His negative thoughts followed him everywhere, even when he was feeling happy. Even though he knew Minho was dead, Santa-Hyung and Glasses-hyung were in jail, and there wasn’t anyone that could harm him; he still wondered why he was feeling like a worthless piece of shit?
“I’m positive. I can’t be paranoid about what happened to me for the rest of my life... I need to stop being scared. I know I have you and Yoongi and the rest of the members, who I know will protect me.” He answered.
“Fine, but take your phone with you and call me as soon as you get there, okay?”
“I promise. You’re such a worrywart, I’ll be fine” he said moving his head upwards and giving Hoseok a kiss on the cheek. These past few weeks Seokjin had been honest with Yoongi and Hoseok about everything, about his fears and worries and especially about his Haphephobia. Immediately, both of them apologized to him for being so insensitive and not realizing that their actions were causing him to panic...but he didn’t mind; after all, they weren't even aware his fear of physical contact that he had developed. Besides, he couldn’t be a burden to them and even if he had to fake his feelings of happiness, he would start to move forward. Unanimously, the three of them came to an agreement that Seokjin would be the only one who can initiate any type of physical contact with Hosoek and Yoongi which included hugging, cuddling, holding hands, and even kissing. Seokjin knew it wasn’t fair to limit any physical contact between Yoongi and Hoseok only because he was scared, so he told them that they could make love as long as they told him beforehand but to Seokjin’s surprise, they both refused. Hoseok and Yoongi told him that they would only engaged in simple physical contact like kissing and cuddling and they weren’t going to have any sexual relations until he was ready. Seokjin knew he was nowhere near comfortable with pecks on the lips, making out or even masturbation and asked his boyfriends if they were certain that they really wanted to limit the contact with each other to only kissing and light touches, but they insisted until he had no other choice but to accept their final choice. On the inside, Seokjin was proud of having them as his boyfriends because they really respected his decisions.
After getting dressed for the next half an hour, Seokjin was ready to find out if his lovely and sweet boyfriend, Yoongi, was alive.
“Hyung, give a big hug and kiss to our little kitten for me. Oh, and tell him to come back home, I miss cuddling with him.” Hoseok requested before Seokijn grabbed his backpack and headed to the front door.
“Of course. Although, you know he will get annoyed once I call him little kitten.” He said chuckling.
“But we both know he loves it”
“True” He said, sending a flying kiss to his boyfriend who was still sitting on the couch and who caught it with one hand. Seokjin wanted to get some normalcy in his life so he forced himself to act happy or ignored the fact that his mental health was at its limit. Saying goodbye to Hoseok one last time, he left the safety of his home and walked to the studio where he hoped his other boyfriend had not starved to death.
It took half an hour for him to get to the Big Hit Entertainment building. He had forgotten how tiring it was to walk for a long period of time, but his body felt alive, a rush of energy he hadn’t felt in a long time overtook him and it felt relaxing. He was lucky no fans recognized him or he will be in trouble, but it was probably because he was wearing a face mask and sunglasses; very celebrity like in his opinion, but he was overjoyed that he made it safe and sound. As he entered the front doors of the agency he remembered what Hoseok said to him, “call me as soon as you get into the building” Hoseok’s voice echoed in his mind and that was exactly what he did. Seokjin took out his phone and dialed his boyfriend and waited as the phone rang, after the second ring, Hoseok picked up.
“Hey hyung, you made it!” Hoseok cheerfully said to him.
“Yeah, I’m just calling like you told me. I’m walking to Yoongi’s studio at the moment. I hope he’s alive...but I’ll drag him back home even if I have to fake cry” he responded, with determination in his heart as he really wanted Yoongi to have a decent amount of sleep and a nice hot meal.
“Oh he’ll definitely come back if you cry, so put on your best acting skills. I’m sure you’re the only one he’ll listen to at this point”
“Wish me luck. I’m in front of his studio right now”
“Good luck hyung. I love you! Say hello to Yoongi and tell him to behave” Hosoek said and hung up before he could reply. After taking a deep breath, he knocked on the door but got no answer. He knocked for a second time but this time louder and still got no response, now he was starting to get worried. Was Yoongi really passed out from overworking himself? He hoped not. When Seokjin was about to go to Namjoon’s studio to asked for help, he saw the door slowly opening. As the door fully opened, to his view came a grumpy, messy hair, tired looking Yoongi. Yeah, his boyfriend really overworked himself out.
“Hey there, looks like someone is alive” Seokjin smiled and shyly waved his hand.
“What do you want hyung. I’m busy.”
“First of all, that’s no way to talk to your boyfriend and second, I just came to check up on you and see if you were alive. It looks like you’re barely making it, though.”
“Whatever, make yourself at home” Yoongi muttered and directed him inside the studio. As he walked inside, Seokijn noticed the empty cups of ramyeon and water bottles all over the small table and the messy state of the room.
“Are you the house inspector?” Yoongi annoyingly said to him.
“No, but this place is a mess, how can you stay cooped up in here?” He asked as he picked up some clothes that were laying on the couch and moved them to the side, making enough room for him to sit down. Yoongi on the other hand, sat down on the office chair facing him but to Seokjin, it looked more like a gaming chair from how cushioned and comfortable it looked. They were in complete silence for the next two minutes, just gazing into each other’s eyes. He noticed Yoongi’s dark circles and tired eyes, he really made a good decision in coming to the studio and check up on him.
“I missed you hyung…” Yoongi finally broke the silence, unintentionally making puppy eyes at him, at least he thought it was not intentional but it didn’t mattered, Yoongi looked cute.
“I missed you too and Hoseok misses you. Please come home. You need to have a proper meal and get some good rest. Hoseok is waiting for you and he said he wants to cuddle with you. We know how much you love cuddles.” He teased Yoongi who only blushed.
“Stop it hyung. You and Hoseok always turn me into a blushing mess. You are the adorable one here, we should be making you blush, not me.”
“Aww, is our little kitten embarrassed of a wittle attention? You’re so adorable” he mockingly said, getting up from the couch and walking towards Yoongi who never left his eyes off him. Seokjin really wanted to move forward from the negative thoughts he had in his mind and by doing so, he really needed to forced himself to start allowing his boyfriends to touch him, maybe little by little he’d feel comfortable once again. As he stood up directly in front of Yoongi he leaned down as he cupped his boyfriend’s cheeks and placed a small peck on the soft lips. It was a quick and quite insignificant peck but to Seokjin it was everything he needed at the moment, even though his body was betraying him as he felt terrified by the touch but he would never show it. Who needed to know the battles he had with his inner demons? No one.
“Hyung...d-did you—“
“Yeah, I just kissed you. Now stop acting like a shy teenager and let’s go home” he said laughing, masking his trembling body, while sitting down on Yoongi’s lap sideways. He rested his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder while he placed his hands around Yoongi’s neck.
“I love you Yoongi. I missed you…we missed you. Please come back home.” he mumbled.
“I love you too hyung...Okay, I’ll go back, just give me an hour. I really need to finish this song but I promise once I’m done we’ll go back home, together”
“Promise?”
“Promise” Yoongi said to him. Seokjin felt safe in the arms of Yoongi and he was content with himself that he made a little progress, now that he finally had the courage to share a small kiss with his boyfriend. Seokjin wasn’t sure if he would be able to move forward and leave Minho’s shadow behind but at least he wasn’t a burden to Hoseok and Yoongi.
“Yoongi-Chi...” he whispered, still resting his head in Yoongi’s shoulder.
“Yeah”
“I think I’ll go to the practice room while I wait for you. I know I’m not ready to come back to work but I want to start spending some time with the other members. I want to start recuperating” he said.
“Even though I’m still terrified of sudden contact, even if it’s from Hoseok and you…” he wanted to add but held back.
“That’s a good idea, hyung. Just be careful and call me if any happens. Okay.”
“Okay, I will.” He said getting up from Yoongi’s lap and placing another quick peck on the soft lips, then on the forehead which caused Yoongi’s cheeks to turn rosy pink. What did he do to deserve such an adorable boyfriend? What did he do to have so much happiness in his life?...when all he wanted to do was die...
And with those thoughts he walked out of Yoongi’s studio and headed to the practice room.
——————
As he walked through the long hallways of the agency, Seokijn reflected on all the events that have been happening to him lately; being raped, being taken advantage off physically and mentally and Minho’s death. He hated being tied down by that bastard’s shadow and he wanted to be strong enough to fight it, with the help of Yoongi, Hoseok and the rest of the members but a sadness that lingered in his heart was not letting him. He knew he had to go to therapy but he still refused to accept the fact that he needed one and he was glad manager Sejin and his boyfriends stopped insisting him to go. Life wasn’t perfect and he was nowhere near recovered from the wounds he had in his heart but at least he was starting to move forward even if it was just a little, at least that was what he wanted to believe.
Today, he made a huge process by giving Yoongi a kiss on the lips even if he forced himself. Seokjin felt like a terrible boyfriend for not engaging in any sexual acts, like kissing, with Hoseok and Yoongi but he was forcing his body to accept the terrifying touches he gave to his boyfriends on a daily basis. It was not like he was going to have sex with them right away or that sex was the only reason for going out with them, it wasn’t anything like that, it was just the guilt of being useless, for not being able to satisfied the sexually appite of Hoseok and Yoongi.
Seokjin finally reached the practice room and slowly opened the door, as he peeked his head to see who was inside, he saw the back of a person in the middle of the room which he immediately realized that it was Jungkook. His sweet and lovely Maknae whom he felt guilty for putting him in so many terrifying circumstances which caused him to take the life of another person, even though Minho deserved it.
“Kookie” he softly whispered, getting the attention of Jungkook who turned around with widened eyes, shocked.
“Oh hyung, What brings you here? Did Hoseok come with you? Is he even allowed to come back so soon?” Jungkook bombarded him with questions, while wiping away some sweat from his neck using a small towel. It had been over a month since he last stepped into the practice room. The smell of sweat lingered in the air and as strangely and grossed as it sounded he missed it. He missed practicing long hours a day until his body couldn’t stand up anymore and he was drenched in sweat. Seokjin wondered when he’d be able to come back.
“No, Hoseok didn’t come with me. I came by myself to check up on Yoongi…he’s been cooped up in his studio for the last few days and we were getting worried” he answered, sitting down on the floor crossed leg and looking up at Jungkook who was now chugging down some water.
“Oh, I see. Are you okay, though? Are you able to be by yourself?”
“Kookie, I’m not a child. Of course I’m fine being by myself”
“You know what I mean, hyung. Aren’t you afraid of being by yourself?” Jungkook sincerely asked him and Seokjin’s wanted to say he was fine but his heart begged him to be honest. He needed to stop being so stubborn and naive in thinking that he was able to handle everything by himself. After all, his stubbornness was the cause of everything that had happened to him.
“I’m still paranoid...b-but I’m okay. I know the people who have hurt me cannot come after me anymore. A-and I have...I have you guys. I know you will protect me no matter what.” He answered, playing with his fingers and looking down on the floor.
“Hyung, of course we’ll be here for you no matter what and I know Hosoek and Yoongi will keep you safe. After all, they are your boyfriends, congratulations by the way, and I know they will make you happy.” Jungkook said, sitting down next to him, making their shoulders lightly brush against each other. Seokjin tried his best not to show that he was uncomfortable with the sudden contact and he knew it wasn’t that big of a deal as it was just another shoulder touching his own, but his haphephobia was taking over and he couldn’t stop his body from trembling in fear.
“...”
“Hyung?” Seokjin heard Jungkook worryingly ask him.
“...”
“Hyung, are you okay? You’re sweating” Jungkook added, touching his forehead, which caused Seokjin to flinch and back away as fast as he could from him. Their Maknae just sat there looking at him dumbfounded and with one hand stretched out in the air. Now he had done it...Jungkook probably thought he was a burden, a hopeless hyung who was scared of a little touch.
“I-I’m s-sorrry. I-I just hate suddenly being touched. It freaks me out and reminds me of what happened to me” he softly said, feeling his body trembled and tears forming at the prick of his eyes. He felt awful for feeling scared of Jungkook when he knew nothing bad was going to happen to him...when was this nightmare going to end?
“It’s okay, hyung. I’m sorry for making you feel uncomfortable. I’ll try my best from now on to not cause you any discomfort”
“It’s okay...Kookie it’s not your fault. It’s mine”
“What are you talking about? This is not your fault at all! You are just traumatized by what that bastard did to you.” Jungkook snarled, he knew the anger wasn’t directed towards him but at Minho and his accomplices but he wanted to be scolded, he wanted to be yelled at for being dumb and easily decieved by Minho. Why was no one blaming him for everything that happened? Seokjin, slowly crawled back to where Jungkook was still sitting and sat down next to him but left a space between them, while trying to calm his nerves down. Closing his eyes and taking a few deep breaths he started to feel less suffocated and more relaxed.
“Kookie?” he asked, opening his eyes and turning his head sideways to take a good look at their Maknae’s face.
“Yeah, hyung”
“I’m...sorry. I’m sorry for everything. It was my fault you got hurt and it was my fault that cause you to do something so horrible...I’m sorry” he pleaded and hopefully Jungkook would forgive him, for everything he caused in their lives.
“If me forgiving you will make you feel better then I forgive you but just know that it was never your fault, hyung. I did everything I had to do to protect the people I love, even though I’m not proud of myself. My therapis—“
“Wait, did you say therapist?” He interrupted.
“Yeah, I go see a therapist twice a week. It’s been two weeks since I started and I still have a long way to recover but I feel a little bit better after talking with my therapist. He gives me advice on how to organize my thoughts and many other coping mechanisms. It’s not easy to recover, knowing you killed another person…” Jungkook admitted, looking straight ahead to the other side of the room, while leaning his head against the wall. Seokjin was surprised that Jungkook agreed to go see a therapist so easily. Didn’t he feel scared of revealing such sensitive information to a stranger? Of being judged? Of being seen as a freak even though the person won’t admit it?
“Oh I see…”
“Hyung, you should go too...it will help you”
“What?”
“You should go see a therapist too. I know you’ve been hesitant about going and refused to go but...let me tell you from personal experience. It’s not good to hold everything in, it’s not healthy for our physical and mental health. If it wasn’t for Namjoon-hyung who convinced me, then I would probably have fallen into a deep depression or worse, even take my own life…” Jungkook confessed to him, and he was shocked. Seokjin had been too focused on his own problems that he never asked Jungkook how he was feeling. He was glad Namjoon was there to help their youngest member from doing anything that he will regret later.
“I-I’m scared. I’m scared of retelling what happened to me...and don’t know how to control my emotions…” he admitted.
“That’s their job hyung. The therapist is there to help you find ways to deal with all these negative emotions. Like what you can do when you have an anxiety attack or when you feel overwhelmed. And you don’t have to tell them everything that happened to you or even say anything at all. It’s what you feel comfortable with. Trust me hyung, I really encourage you to go. I promise it won’t cause you any harm. I wouldn’t be telling you to go if I knew you were ever in danger. I love you so much...You are the cause of my euphoria.”
“Euphoria?” He asked, confused because he didn’t know the meaning of the word.
“Yeah, euphoria. A feeling or state of intense excitement and happiness. You are the cause of my happiness hyung. You are my euphoria.” Jungkook told him, smiling ear to ear showing off his bunny front teeth. Seokjin had never been told that he was the cause of someone’s happiness and he felt emotional knowing that he was Jungkook’s source of happiness.
“Kookie, that’s so sweet.” He replied, smiling back.
“THAT’S IT! THAT’S WHAT MY SONG IS GOING TO BE ABOUT” Jungkook shouted, scaring him.
“What? W-what are you talking about?”
“The song, hyung. The solo songs we were told to write”
“Solo songs?”
“Yeah, they didn’t tell you? For our next comeback we are all getting solo songs and they told us to start writing a song and mine is going to be about my source of happiness, my euphoria, which is you!” Jungkook excitingly said to him. He never knew how lovely it felt to be the source of someone’s happiness and for it to be their Maknae, he felt honored.
“Oh I see. I didn’t know…”
“Yeah, I was stuck on what theme to write about and you are my everything hyung. Since before we debuted you’ve been there for me and I feel happy just being by your side. Thank you for always protecting me from the big scary world when I was just a little boy and thank you for making me feel like I was at home, when I felt like quitting and going back to Busan because I was homesick.”
“Kookie you are making me blush. I just did what anyone else would do. You are our Maknae and my sweet little brother. Of course I’ll protect you and take care of you”
“Hyung, you are too humble with yourself. I’m very lucky to be in a group with six amazing hyungs and a wonderful oldest hyung. Without you, I don’t know if I’ll be here and be part of BTS”
“Now you’re really making me blush. Stop it!” He said, as his cheeks turned bright red. Jungkook really knew how to make him feel special and loved but it was also very embarrassing to hear someone you love, say how much you mean to them. Maybe there were good reasons to fight the darkness within him...
“Oh hyung...c-can I sleep with you tonight? Like we used to do in the past?”
“...”
“It’s okay if you don’t want to…”
“No, it’s okay Jungkook. Let’s sleep together tonight” he answered. Seokjin really wanted to patch things up with Jungkook and asked more questions about therapy, maybe it would help him convince himself to finally go. And maybe by being next to someone he loved, other than Yoongi and Hoseok, it would help him relieve some of the fear of being touched he had come to dislike.
“Great! I also want to talk to you about something else and give you Mr. Bun-B—- I mean Mr. Bunny back. Namjoon-hyung said you dropped it when you fainted in front of Hobi-hyung’s room”
“Oh I totally forgot about Mr. Bunny to be honest. Hoseok and Yoongi have been my source of comfort lately that I kind of forgot about it. I’m glad you had it”
“Oh Yoongi and Hoseok have been keeping you busy then” Jungkook amusingly said to him, smirking.
“Yah! It’s not like that at all. They just help me go to sleep” he said blushing.
“I know hyung. I know, I was just joking. I’m glad they are helping you.”
“Me too. They are the best thing that happened to me lately. I’m glad they are by my side”
“I’m very happy for you hyung. You deserve to be happy...okay just give me a few minutes to gather my stuff and we’ll head out”
“Okay...Oh, but let’s wait for Yoongi, though. He needs to go home or he’ll collapse. He told me to wait for an hour and we still have fifteen minutes left, so after you are done let’s go to his studio and head home together.”
“Okay hyung. That’s fine. I can’t wait to get home. I miss spending time with you”
“Same. Kookie, same.” He replied and with that Jungkook got up from the floor and headed to the other side of the room and started packing his bag. Seokjin was glad he had a conversation with Jungkook. It gave him a different perspective of the situation and about therapy. He still needed to do a little bit more thinking before he decided to go and ask Jungkook more questions but he thought it was time to give therapy a change, for his own sake. Seokjin had to make sure to tell Hosoek and Yoongi that he was going to sleep in his own room, with Jungkook, or they would get worried about him. Hopefully, tonight he won’t have any more nightmares that would make him scared Jungkook or even get another panic attack. He was just glad he was finally getting some normalcy in his life after everything that had happened to him. It felt nice knowing that there was someone who cared so much about him even if he didn’t deserve such kindness.
Notes:
Get ready! Next chapter is THE chapter where I have a big surprise waiting for you all!! I left a tiny hint in this chapter but not enough to know what it is about. Lol can you guess what it could be??
I look forward to reading your comments.
Ps. I know there was something else I wanted to say but I completely forgot. If I remember I’ll just say it on the next chapter. Lol
My Twitter: Kumasama92
Chapter 27: Koo Koo
Summary:
“Yoongi.” Seokjin whispered. His hyung was sitting between Jungkook and him, while resting his head on Yoongi’s shoulder.
“Yeah, hyung. What is it?”
“Umm, is it okay if I sleep in my room tonight?”
Notes:
It’s been a while!! I’m finally back with another update. Sorry it has taken me a while to update, this was a difficult chapter to edit (probably because it’s a long chapter and I didn’t want to cut out certain details or make two separate chapters) but I was finally able to finish it!!
Enjoy the chapter and read the end Notes for a surprise.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
For the last few days, Yoongi had spent all day and all night cooped up in his studio working on new songs for their comeback. He was exhausted, stressed out and he really wanted to go back home but like always, he was so caught up in his work that he ignored his surroundings and emerged himself in the beats of music. Therefore, when his boyfriend came to visit him and check up on his condition, he snapped. Even though Yoongi didn’t want to show any kind of rudeness towards his hyung, the combination of his tired body and mind made him behave in a disrespectful manner.
“What do you want hyung. I’m busy.” he lashed out at Seokijn who looked at him with a sad and hurt expression. Maybe he went too far and the tone of his voice was more sharp than he wanted it to be but Yoongi couldn’t stop himself from letting out such hurtful words.
“First of all, that’s no way to talk to your boyfriend and second, I just came to check up on you and see if you were alive. It looks like you’re barely making it, though.” Seokjin responded, surprising him. He sighed in relief knowing that his words didn’t hurt his hyung’s feelings. However, that didn’t stop him from acting like such a douchebag.
“Whatever, make yourself at home” Yoongi responded, with annoyance in his voice. What was wrong with him? He hated how he was behaving; Seokijn didn’t deserve to be treated in such a horrendous manner.
Yoongi noticed that Seokjin was looking around, inspecting every inch of his untidy studio and that irritated him.
“Are you the house inspector?” He snarled out, feeling like such a jerk, but he couldn’t stop himself.
“No, but this place is a mess, how can you stay cooped up in here?” Seokjin asked him and he just rolled his eyes as he plopped down on the chair. He didn’t need anyone to remind him of the messy condition the studio was in, even though in the back of his mind he appreciated the sentiment behind Seokjin’s actions and for worrying about his well-being.
Seokjin proceeded to sit down on the couch, only after moving out of the way, some of the dirty clothes that were laying around; then the room went into complete silence. After seconds that felt like minutes, he admitted defeat. What other choice did he have? When his beautiful Seokjin was staring at him with so much fondness.
“I miss you, hyung...” he whined. Yoongi hated himself for acting like such a brat but in actuality he missed seeing his adorable boyfriend even though he felt embarrassed by voicing out his feelings; Maybe it was time to go home….
“I miss you too and Hoseok misses you. Please come back home...You need to have a proper meal and get some rest. Hoseok is waiting for you and he said he wants to cuddle with you. We know how much you love cuddling.” Seokjin pleaded, knitting his eyebrows together showing his worried expression. Yoongi really wanted to cuddle with Hosoek and Seokjin because he missed both of his boyfriends and it broke his heart by the lack of affection he was giving them lately. His boyfriends probably thought Yoongi didn’t want to spend time with them; thus, ignoring them by staying in the studio for days, but who can blame them? When he had been cooped up in the studio so engrossed by his work that he forgot about his two lovely boyfriends waiting for him back home.
Nevertheless, as much as he was determined to leave the stuffy and unclean studio and go back home, Yoongi was not mentally prepared for the small peck on the lips Seokjin was going to give him as he confessed his homesickness. Seokjin’s soft and plump lips pressed against his own felt heavenly and he wanted more, he wanted to drown into those lips until his hyung was a moaning mess. He wanted to suck and lick those thick and sinful lips until they were swelled up as Seokjin granted Yoongi access to his mouth. Yoongi was a hot mess and he wondered why? What was wrong with him? Was he going insane from just a peck on the lips... because Yoongi wanted more, he needed to have sex with Seokjin and he needed to have sex with Hoseok but as much as he wished to engaged in sexual relations with his two boyfriends Yoongi knew he couldn’t; for the sake of Seokjin, for the sake of the promise he made. To Yoongi, the lack of sex wasn’t the problem, there wasn’t any problem at all, it was just his body betraying him by getting horny or maybe it was the stress he had pilled up? He wasn’t sure. Yoongi made a mental note to talk with Hoseok and Seokjin once they got home before his desires made him commit something he might regret later. Communication was essential in their relationship, especially after everything that happened to them and Yoongi was not willing to have any more misunderstandings; not anymore.
“Hyung...d-did you—“
“Yeah, I just kissed you. Now stop acting like a shy teenager and let’s go home” Seokjin said to him, but Yoongi was so shocked by what just happened that he was speechless. What would this kiss mean in their relationship? Was Seokjin ready to have more than just light contact? He wasn’t sure, but Yoongi was just glad Seokjin was starting to move forward, maybe sex wasn’t the answer or the next move in their relationship but maybe peck on the lips or make outs we’re in the near future.
As Yoongi finished the song he was working on and remembered the events from earlier, an hour passed in a blink of an eye and he was ready to go home with Seokjin. He really missed spending time with both of his boyfriends; plus Seokjin and Hoseok were right, he missed cuddling the most. He was a sucker for cuddles and he could spend all day being embraced by Hoseok and Seokjin. As he walked to the door of his studio, he sent a message to their manager to get the car ready, if they were going to go back home he preferred for Seokjin to not walk. Even though Seokjin was healing from his wounds at a fast pace, Yoongi didn’t want to overexert his hyung in any way.
“Yoongi-chi, are you ready?” Yoongi heard as he closed the door of his studio.
“Oh hyung, you’re here. I was about to go pick you up.”
“Well, I’m here. You told me about an hour, so here I am and so is Jungkook”
“Hey hyung” Jungkook said, coming to his view. Yoongi hasn’t had a proper conversation with their Maknae since the incident so he was relieved to see how cheerful Jungkook sounded, even though he looked tired and worn out.
“Hey Jungkook, how you been? Are you finished with practice?”
“Yeah I’m going home...with Seokjin-Hyung and you.” Jungkook shyly told him. Yoongi needed to make the awkwardness their Maknae was creating disappeared before the relationship between them shattered. After all, they are all family and he didn’t blame the younger for anything that happened.
“Oh okay. Then let’s go” Yoongi answered, directing them towards the elevator. Once they got to the front lobby Yoongi saw that their manager was already waiting for them; and he was relieved by the decision he made earlier because he didn’t feel like walking or make his precious hyung over exhaust himself; and now that Jungkook was also going home with them, he was satisfied by the choice he made. After all, he didn’t want to put Seokjin or Jungkook in any danger of collapsing in the middle of the street by making them walk.
As they made themselves comfortable inside the car and were starting to drive back home, he felt someone tapping him on the shoulder.
“Yoongi.” Seokjin whispered. His hyung was sitting between Jungkook and him, while resting his head on Yoongi’s shoulder.
“Yeah, hyung. What is it?”
“Umm, is it okay if I sleep in my room tonight?”
“What? Why?” He slightly raised his voice. Why would his hyung want to sleep by himself? Were this the consequences of the small peck on the lips he got earlier? If so, he takes it back, he takes back all the feelings he had about the kiss, as long as his hyung didn’t distance himself.
“...I want to sleep with Jungkook tonight.” Seokjin added.
“Oh”
“It’s nothing bad. It’s just that we have a lot to talk about and he has something important to tell me. You can spend some alone time with Hoseok if you want. I don’t mind... I was never against the both of you being intimate with one another. I don’t want you to limit yourselves only because I'm such a useless boyfriend...who can’t even kiss without getting scared” Seokjin confessed to him and all the thoughts he had earlier completely disappeared from his mind. The need to have sex, the sexual appetite he was having ...it was all gone. Did his hyung really feel like a useless boyfriend only becuase they were not having sex? Was sex even necessary to express the deep love he had towards him? No, not at all. Sex was just another form of love and if Seokjin wasn’t ready to have any intercourse, even if he had to work day and night to forget the desired he had towards his hyung, then he’ll wait. He won’t even have sex with Hoseok becuase it was not fair for Seokjin, it was not fair for their relationship becuase they were in a polygamous relationship and it wasn’t just Hosoek and Yoongi anymore. Yoongi really needed to have a serious talk with Hoseok before they confronted Seokjin and tonight was the perfect opportunity.
“Hyung, you know it’s not all about sex. We’ll wait for you no matter how long it takes. We love you so much!”
“But… don’t you feel like doing more than just cuddling and small pecks on the lips?”
“Of course not! I love every second we share between the three of us, even if it’s just cuddling or small pecks on the lips”
“...”
“We’ll talk more in detail about this later, okay? When we are with Hoseok, so we can sort everything out but for now. I’m fine with you spending some time with Jungkook. You both needed it but if anything happens come get us, okay?”
“Okay…”
“Oh hyung”
“Yeah”
“Next time you don’t need to ask for my permission to spend time with any of the other members. We are all family. I know they won’t harm you and if you are fine being with them...alone, then Hoseok and I won’t stop you.”
“Thank you, Yoongi” Seokjin said to him.
The rest of the car ride was silent but Yoongi didn’t mind, he loved the peacefulness he was having being next to his hyung.
After ten minutes of being stuck in traffic, Jungkook, Seokjin and Yoongi reached their apartment. Yoongi was relieved to be back home after days of staying in his studio; this was his comfort zone, where he could finally rest and not worry about work. Although he will miss sleeping with Seokjin, he was happy that his boyfriend was getting back to his regular social activities. When they got inside the apartment Yoongi realized that only Hosoek and Taehyung were home. Apparently, Namjoon was still at the studio working on some songs and Jimin had gone out with some friends and they were both coming back home until later that night. So the five of them spent some quality time together until it was time to go to bed. They watched TV, caught up on each other’s progress and fixed the broken bond that was caused by the incident.
“Hyung, it's time to go to bed” Yoongi heard Hoseok called out to Seokjin who was busy chatting up with Taehyung and Jungkook. It was nice to see his hyung trying to get some normalcy in his life, he just wished Seokjin accepted the fact that he really needed to go to therapy. It was not healthy and Yoongi was already seeing the signs of depression and anxiety which was very concerning to him; he needed to talk with Hoseok about figuring out a plan on how to convince Seokjin to go as soon as possible, for his hyung’s sake.
“Hoseok, Umm...he’s going to sleep with Jungkook tonight. So leave him alone and let him socialize” he interrupted, seeing the hurt and confused expression on his boyfriend’s face. He wanted to tell him that there was nothing to worry about but they both knew his hyung was not comfortable around other people, especially during the night. Who would be after everything that had happened to him? It was a miracle Seokjin was able to talk to them or any of the other members...getting raped was not something you can easily forget about.
“What? Why? Explain to me now Yoongi! What’s going on?” Hoseok demanded, glaring at him. His boyfriend’s expression was serious like nothing he had ever seen before; Like a beast ready to attack their prey but Yoongi didn’t let that intimidate him.
“Not here. Let’s go to your room and we’ll talk there” he said, grabbing Hoseok’s crutches and guiding him up the stairs and into their room. Hoseok had made a lot of progress with gaining mobility of his injured leg, even the therapist was surprised, but it still wasn't at its full potential and still needed to use crutches to walk.
Once Hoseok and Yoongi got to the room, they were both silent. Yoongi could feel the thick and heavy atmosphere in the room, like if Hoseok was ready to explode.
“Hobi, try to calm down. It’s not that serious” he tried to reasoned in hopes that his boyfriend would not go on a rampage.
“Calm down, really hyung?! You want me to calm down after not knowing what’s going on? Why is hyung sleeping with Jungkook...he should be here with us. We are his boyfriends and he belongs here, not there!!”
“You’re overreacting. What’s wrong with Seokjin wanting to spend some time with Jungkook or any of the other members? Shouldn’t we be happy he is trying to move forward?”
“But Yoongi, What about his nightmares? His Haphephobia? If we are not closed by he’ll start to panic…” Hoseok explained and Yoongi agreed, but they couldn’t force their hyung to stay by their side. It wasn’t fair as much as they wanted to keep him wrapped up in a bubble, away from any danger; they needed to let his hyung face his biggest fears.
“I know, but we can’t force him to stay with us. Plus, I think it’s safe to say that Jungkook will never hurt him. Jungkook will protect him at all cost. Plus, I informed Seokijn that if anything happened tonight, to come to us. We are here for him after all.”
“Good, I’m glad you told him that but I still wished he was here with us...” Hoseok sighed, and Yoongi agreed with him but it was no time to be worrying about Seokjin when they knew he was safe; They needed to have a more serious conversation about something that could affect their relationship in a negative way.
“Hoseok we need to have a serious talk about hyung ...but first let’s get ready for bed. I’m tired and need a long shower” Yoongi informed his boyfriend who agreed with him.
So for the next hour they took turns getting ready for bed. After putting on his comfy grey t-shirt and pajama pants Yoongi was all set, he just needed to wait for Hoseok to get out of the shower, so as he waited, he got under the covers and thought of ways to start the conversation. It was not going to be easy but it was important to voiced out his concerns. After waiting for five minutes, Hoseok finally came out of the shower with only a pair of boxers and joined him in bed, placing the crutches to the side of the bed. Yoongi would be lying to himself if he didn’t feel like his heart skipped a beat by seeing his boyfriend’s bare chest. Seokjin’s kiss really left him with a dirty mind...he should be ashamed of himself.
Hoseok and Yoongi were in bed cuddled up together, while their legs intertwined. Yoongi had his head resting on Hoseok’s chest and as comfortable as he was, he really missed Seokjin.
“So...what did you want to talk about Yoongi?” Hoseok broke the silence and Yoongi knew it was time they talked about their sexlife and Seokjin.
“Hyung kissed me today…”
“WHAT! Oh my god! Where? How? Tell me everything” Hoseok squealed, sitting up straight, resting his back on the headboard but still letting Yoongi rest his head on his chest.
“Well, it wasn’t anything too deep. Just a peck on the lips but it felt amazing. It felt like I was kissing marshmallows. God, I thought I was going to melt when our lips touched. I wanted more, I need more now that I’ve tasted his lips...Hoseok, I got super horny after we kissed…”
“Isn’t that normal though? We love him and we want to make him feel special through physical contact. I know we have to hold ourselves back because Seokjinnie is not ready but there is nothing to be guilty about for feeling aroused, whenever the one you love touches you. I get like that all the time when you touch me or when hyung cuddles with me.”
“Really? Aren’t I a pervert for letting my lower parts react by itself knowing what Seokijn went through?” He asked, Yoongi really needed to know if his actions were illogical or justifiable because he felt like he betrayed his hyung for being such a horny boyfriend.
“Of course not, my love! It’s normal. It shows how much we love him. True, it’s not all about sex and we won’t stop loving hyung only becuase we can’t make love. The way I see it, if we ended our relationship only becuase we can’t have sex with him then it proves that our love was not sincere and it was pure physical attraction and that’s not true. We love hyung no matter what. I can spend years not having sex with him and I’ll still love him the same”
“Me too Hobi, me too” he softly whispered. So he really wasn’t a pervert for having all these desires for his hyung? He was glad he talked with Hoseok because he felt like a weight had been lifted off his chest.
“Now...you said hyung kissed you.”
“Ye—” Yoongi tried to say, but before he could finish talking he noticed that his head was being tilted backwards and felt Hoseok’s soft lips on his. Unlike with Seokjin, it wasn’t just a simple peck on the lips. It was more intense, more desperate and he just melted into the movement. He slightly parted his lips to grant Hoseok access into his mouth. Yoongi felt his body shivered as the hot and wet tongue slithered inside and touched his own.
“Mmmh” he moaned into Hoseok’s mouth, Yoongi really needed this and he wanted more so he placed one hand behind Hoseok’s head and pushed it downwards, bringing his boyfriend's tongue deeper into his mouth. Just the smacking of their lips and muffled moans was all you can hear in the quiet room. However, their kiss was interrupted by the banging sound of the door being opened and then closed. As fast as he could, Yoongi separated from Hoseok and looked towards the door. Yoongi didn’t know who would dared intrude into their private room but that’s when he remembered that he told Seokjin that if anything happened, to come to them. Yoongi’s eyes widened as he saw Seokjin run to the closet and shut himself in there, as small whimpers were heard throughout the room.
“Seokjin…” Yoongi said after he jumped out of the bed, followed by Hoseok and was standing in front of the door of the closet. Yoongi was terrified, what happened tonight with Jungkook that made his hyung hide inside the closet?
—————
After spending some quality time with a few of the members that were home, it was time to go to sleep. Seokjin was focused on the conversation he was having with Taehyung and Jungkook that he hadn't noticed that Hoseok and Yoongi had left the room. He really wanted to sleep with his two boyfriends, but Seokjin knew he had to speak with Jungkook or he’ll regret it later.
“Hyung, What do you say we go to sleep?” Jungkook informed him.
“No fair! I want to sleep with hyung too. Please hyung?!” Taehyung asked, making puppy eyes at him. He couldn’t resist Taehyung’s cuteness and he was about to agree but Jungkook had other plans.
“You can’t, hyung! Seokjin-Hyung is only sleeping with me tonight.”
“Why? Why only you?” Taehyung whined.
“Cause he loves me more. So wait your turn” Jungkook teased and before anyone could say anything, Seokjin felt himself being pulled by one hand and guided by up the stairs and into his bedroom. Maybe it was the shock of what just happened or the intense love he was receiving from the other members but Seokijn didn’t flinch or felt panic with Jungkook’s sudden physical contact. Seokjin was glad that he didn’t caused a scene by getting a panic attack because he’ll only embarrassed himself.
As he turned on the light of his room, he saw that it was exactly as he remembered, even cleaner than before. Probably one of the members cleaned his room and he was very thankful. Seokjin have not had the guts to step into his room since his feelings for Hoseok and Yoongi became mutual because he didn’t want to be alone. He didn’t want to drown into despair by negative thoughts caused by Minho.
As he looked around the room, his heart ached by how lonely he felt without Hoseok and Yoongi.
“Hyung” Seokjin was interrupted from his thoughts.
“Yeah, What is it Jungkook?”
“Do you want to take a shower first or want me to go first?”
“Hmm, I’ll go first.” He replied. He needed to calm his emotions first and a shower was the perfect method.
“Okay. Oh, while you’re taking a bath, I'm going to go back to my room and get Mr. Bun-Bunny”
“Okay...” he answered and walked to his closet. He picked out the pajama set he was going to wear and took it with him to the bathroom. Seokjin didn’t want Jungkook to take a look at his ugly and disfigured body when he changed.
Seokjin didn’t spend a lot of time in the shower; it was quick as he was more tired than anything and was ready to go to sleep. Why was he so weak? Was it from the short walk to the studio? Seokjin really hated his body...it was so fragile like it was made out of glass.
After drying himself up and brushing his teeth as well as other nightly routines, he walked out of the bathroom only to noticed Jungkook sitting comfortably on his bed with Mr. Bunny on his lap. Seokjin had forgotten how much comfort that plushie brought to him; and it reminded him of how much he wanted to go into Little Space but couldn’t, not when he still had constant nightmares about Minho.
“Here hyung, I’m going to take a shower” Jungkook told him, handing him the plushie. As their youngest member got inside the bathroom, Seokjin was left alone with the silence of his room. He hated being in his room, it brought back memories he wanted to erased from his mind; however Seokjin knew he couldn't run away from his problems forever but he could try...
Cradling the plushie in his arms, Seokjin walked to the bed and got under the covers, patiently waiting for Jungkook. After fifteen minutes, Jungkook came out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist and water dripping down his muscular and toned body. How he envied Jungkook’s body, nothing compared to his own as he had lost a lot of weight since the accident happened from the lack of appetite. Besides, his body was ugly with the scars that Santa-Hyung had left on his back; which will always remind him that he was filthy and a slut for letting others use his body as they pleased.
“Hyung, ready for bed?”
“Yeah… so is Mr. Bunny” he shyly said, averting his eyes as he noticed Jungkook had taken off the towel from the waist and was using it to dry of his upper body and curly hair. When he felt the other side of the bed sinking, he knew Jungkook had put on some sweatpants and was ready to go to sleep. Looking to his right, he saw Jungkook was facing him. Since before debut, they had the habit of sleeping while facing each other, so as he tightly held Mr. Bunny, he moved his body and faced Jungkook, who was shirtless.
“It’s been awhile, hasn’t it hyung?”
“Yeah...it feels like old times” he answered, smiling at Jungkook. It definitely had been a long time since he had spent some quality time with someone other than Hoseok and Yoongi. It felt refreshing, it felt relaxing to have some normalcy in his life.
“Hyung…” Jungkook spoke out.
“Yeah”
“Umm, I don’t want to keep insisting on the same topic but have you thought about what I said earlier today? About therapy?”
“...yeah, a little.”
“So, are you willing to try?”
“I don’t know Jungkook. My feeling all over the place, I’m not sure…”
“That’s more reason for you to go, hyung. Trust me, you’ll start to feel better once you let out all the emotions you have bundle up inside of you.” Jungkook advised him, and he was probably right.
“Were you scared? Were you scared the first time you went?” He asked, Seokjin needed to know if he was a coward or it was normal to feel scared.
“Of course hyung, I was so nervous that I thought I was going to pass out but...but Joonie told me everything was going to be okay”
“Ah I see... so it’s normal...Wait a minute! Joonie? Since when do you call Namjoon, Jonnie?! It’s always been RM-hyung, Namjoon-hyung or Rapmon-hyung, since you’re the only he allowed to still call him by his old stage name and not get in trouble” Seokjin asked, surprised by the sudden turn of events.
“Well, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about, hyung. Umm...Joonie and I started going out last week…” Jungkook confessed to him and Seokjin was shocked and speechless. Forget the conversation about therapy, this was news to him and he wondered why no one had told him sooner. When did Jungkook harbored feelings for Namjoon? How did those feelings came to light? He had so many questions running through his mind that he didn’t know where to start. Seokjin knew that tonight he was not going to get any sleep because he needed to know the whole story. Seokjin was happy, he was happy because Namjoon’s unrequited love had been reciprocated. Their leader had been in love with Jungkook ever since their second year after debut but never had the courage to confess as Jungkook was still underage and Namjoon knew his love was never going to be returned.
“Kookie! I’m so happy for you and for Namjoon too! Congratulations! You two make a wonderful couple” he squealed as he set aside the plushie and placed it in the space between the two of them; Seokjin grabbed Jungkook's hand while giving it a tight squeeze to express his excitement.
“You’re not surprised?” Jungkook asked, confused.
“Of course not, Namjoon has been in love with you for a long time and I’m so happy that it’s finally mutual”
“Really? Jonnie never told me that… he told me he realized his love for me after the incident and that’s when he asked me out”
“Really? Typical of him. He’s shy Kookie, he’ll never admit his dying love for you. He always came up to me and talked about how much he loved you.” Seokjin teased Jungkook by giving the younger a pinch on the cheek. He wanted Jungkook to have all the happiness in the world and he knew he was going to get it by being with Namjoon.
“Oh really? You need to tell me the whole story later so I can tease him. That will be his punishment for not asking me out sooner” Jungkook huffed, with a smirk on his face. Namjoonie be prepare, you are going to die of embarrassment, he thought to himself.
“When did you realized you were in love with him?” Seokjin continued to ask.
“Since the first week we all met…I know I was only a little boy back then and there was no way hyung was going to like me back, so I gave up all hope of ever being together. Plus, over the years he went out with different girls, which made me lose all hope of ever having anything with him…”
“Oh, that was to get over you. For a person with such a high IQ he’s really dumb. I told him to confess to you once you turned eighteen but he refused. He said he wanted to move on and forget about you so he thought of the brilliant idea of going out with different girls. It was a stupid plan and in the end, it failed” he stated. Seokjin should have a serious talk with Namjoon; first to congratulate him and second hit him so hard for being so stupid and taking a long to confess.
Seokjin was enjoying the conversation he was having with Jungkook and he was glad Namjoon’s unrequited love had finally come to an end. As he stared into the eyes of their Maknae, he noticed a spark of doubt or was it concerned? he wasn’t sure but Seokjin knew that Jungkook wasn’t finished with their conversation and wondered what else was there to be revealed; Hopefully, it was more great news.
“Hyung...can I ask you something” Jungkook spoke out, catching his attention once again.
“Sure, go ahead. What is it?”
“Umm, I know it’s way off topic and I understand if you don’t want to talk about it...but can a person be a caregiver and a Little at the same time?” Jungkook asked him, and it was an excellent question. Seokjin had read during his research that it can be possible but he never looked deeper into the topic. Why was Jungkook asking him? He found the question very random but proceeded into answering it as best as he could.
“Hmm, I think I read that it’s possible, they are called switches. People who have a “Switch” personality can put a barrier between both headspaces; so one moment they can be the caregiver but also slip into their Little headspace. Unlike me, who can only be a Little because if I see another Little, my Little side will come out because it will triggered me into going in Little Space. Does that make sense? Why do you ask…?”
“Just...asking, I was doing research on Little Space and was curious, since I didn’t read anything about that topic. Now I get it, though.”
“Is it because I refuse to go into Little Space? I told you that I can’t go into my headspace even if I wanted to. I’m too traumatized that it broke my Little side’s heart into a million pieces. I’m not sure what would happen if I slipped into my headspace and I don’t want to find out!” Seokjin voiced out, pulling Mr. Bunny closer to him and hugging the plushie tighter. Seokjin hated the direction the conversation was heading to and he really wanted to runaway. Why does everyone wanted him to go into Little Space? Even if he wished to slip into his headspace this instant, he couldn’t make it happen.
“But hyung, it’s for your own good, it will help you a lot...What if I help you? Would you agree?”
“How are you going to help me Jungkook? Unless you have Kitty and Sunny there is no way I’m going into Little Space. I tried so many times…and I’m tired. I’m tired of everything. My main source of comfort is gone, so just leave me alone!” Seokjin snarled out as his voice cracked and tears were starting to cloud his vision. Why couldn’t this conversation be over? He didn’t want to be reminded of the comfort stuffies that he will never see again.
“Koo Koo…” Seokjin heard, as he tried to hold his tears back.
“What?” He sniffled.
“Koo Koo, when you go into Little Space I want you to call me Koo Koo instead of Kookie.”
“Okay?... if that’s what you want…” He answered, confused. Why does it mattered what he called Jungkook during Little Space, it’s not like he’ll even go into his headspace any time soon. Seokjin didn’t want to be in the same room as Jungkook anymore, he wanted to go back to Hosoek and Yoongi. He needed their presence, he needed their sweet and comforting words to control his emotions.
“Jinnie…”
“...”
“Jinnie...don’t ignore Koo Koo!”
“What? Stop that! It’s not going to help. You’re wasting your time” he shouted back, Seokjin was starting to get scared as if something terrible was going to happen to him.
“Why do you think it’s not going to work? Koo Koo just wants to help Jinnie. After all, Appa said I might be the bestest help; plus I’m a good boy and Jinnie’s big brother, so of course I’ll help” Jungkook replied. What was wrong with their Maknae’s voice, it sounded so child-like? No...it can’t be. Seokjin was terrified of asking any questions as he knew the answer and it sent shivers throughout his body.
“Appa? Jungkook...are you okay?”
“No Jungkook! Koo Koo is Koo Koo and I am Jinnie’s big bwother!”
“Koo Koo... are you in Little Space?” he asked, shocked. What the hell was going on?! Since when was Jungkook able to go into Little Space? Why was this happening to him?! Seokjin was dumbfounded as he stared into their Maknae innocent eyes with fear because if Jungkook was in Little Space… he knew it was going to triggered his Little side and he didn’t want that, not now...
“Yesh, Koo Koo is Little… Jinnie no likey?”
“STOP! PLEASE! Stop calling me Jinnie. I don’t want to go into Little Space” he yelled out, sitting up straight and slowly moving to the side of the bed, as he cradled Mr. Bunny in his arms.
“Why not? Yoonie and Hobi will take care of Jinnie? I wuv when Appa takes care of Koo Koo, so why not?”
“STOP!” He begged, getting up from the bed and throwing the plushie at Koo Koo with all his strength. Seokjin sensed himself slipping further into his headspace and he hated feeling so vulnerable, so close to his Little side. Just hearing words like Appa, Jinnie, Koo Koo, and Big Brother were making him feel Little and he needed to get out of this room before he goes further into his headspace, but he knew it was too late...
“Ouchy Jinnie! That hwurts and Mr. Bun-Bun fell on the floor. It got an ouchy” Koo Koo said to him, catching his attention.
“Koo Koo! Stop! Please, I don’t want Little Jinnie. Please” he begged as he crouched down on the floor and started whimpering.
“Jinnie, why are you cwying?” Koo Koo asked.
“Leave Jinnie alone. Angwy at Koo Koo for being a meanie” Jinnie cried out, hugging his knees, as tightly as possible. Jinnie felt scared, Jinnie he felt lonely and most of all, Jinnie realized that his Appas were not there to protect him. He brought his knees even closer together and placed his head down on top of them; Jinnie just wanted his Appas.
“Yoonie Appa? Hobi Appa?” Jinnie softly called out, looking up to only come face to face with Koo Koo who was in front of him, looking straight into his eyes.
“Appas no here, but Koo Koo will protect you. I’m Jinnie’s big bwother!”
“NO! JINNIE WANT APPA!” Jinnie screamed, fear overwhelming him as he felt Koo Koo’s soft hand touch him. Jinnie needed to get out of there or the Big Bad Wolf was going to come eat him. Therefore, using all his energy, Jinnie pushed Koo Koo out of the way and ran to the door. He heard Koo Koo calling out for him but he ran, he ran to Hobi Appa’s room where he knew he would be safe and no one will harm him.
Notes:
SURPRISE!!! Little Koo Koo has made an appearance!
I know most of you guess it right, but were any of you surprised by Namkook’s relationship?
So now that I have that established I want to announced that there will be a spin-off for Namkook’s story after this fanfic ends. It won’t be as long as this one but you will get to see a more in dept side of Namjoon/Jungkook’s relationship, plus we will also see Little Jinnie and Koo Koo.
I’m not saying this fanfic is going to end soon, cause I still have a lot to add to this story. Just wanted to put it out there, that there will be a side story that I want you all to look forward to reading in the future.
Please let me know your thoughts and I look forward to reading your comments.
Ps. I’m not familiar with how the spelling goes for words like Bwrother (brother) or Hwurt (hurt) so let me know if I spelled it right or if it’s wrong, so I can fixed it. I would really appreciate it!
My Twitter: Kumasama92
Chapter 28: Hobi Appa’s Closet
Summary:
“Hobi, I think I’m going to go downstairs and get us some food and essentials before Jinnie wakes up. You know he will start to panic if he knows I left the room, so I’ll be as quick as possible” he broke the silence by softly informing Hoseok of his plan; it was risky because Jinnie could wake up at any moment but they needed food and Yoongi really needed to stretch out his legs.
Notes:
WARNING ⚠️ SMUT
Now that I’ve warned you, please be advised that it’s probably not the smut most of you probably imaged, so I’ll leave a warning before the scene starts, in case anyone doesn’t want to read it.
I hope you like the chapter.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“Seokjin! What’s wrong?!” Hoseok yelled, with a pained expression on his face as he tried to analyze their surroundings. Hoseok didn't know what was wrong with his hyung nor why he had shut himself in the closet. He wanted to barged inside and dragged Seokjin out of that dark space, but Hoseok knew he couldn’t; As it would only upset his hyung even more and he didn’t want that. It was devastating to hear the agonizing cries Seokjin let out, and although the door of the closet didn’t have a lock on the inside and you can easily opened it, Hosoek saw that Seokjin’s agonizing cries only increased whenever Yoongi slightly opened the door, which caused them to give up. Why was his hyung so hurt? What happened tonight?
Hoseok knew it was a terrible idea to let Seokjin sleep with Jungkook, it was too soon. His boyfriend was not prepared to be around other people, not yet, as being with others triggered memories that were not healthy for his mental health. Hoseok hated himself for allowing Yoongi to persuade him into agreeing but it was too late for any regrets, they needed to figure out what happened and how to make their hyung feel better.
“Hyung, please open the door. Please” Yoongi begged, as tears were streaming down his cheeks. Hoseok hated to see his boyfriend so sad, so heartbroken. However, the wailing sound of Seokjin’s cries only intensified in volume and no matter how much they tried to persuade his hyung to come out, it was futile; fear ran through Hoseok’s mind and body. He needed to see his hyung, he needed to comfort his lovey boyfriend and whispered encouraging words into his ear to make the pain go away. Hoseok’s train of thought was interrupted when the door flung open and to his view came the rest of the members, who had worried expressions. Hopefully, one of them will give him an explanation of what was happening and why his boyfriend was crying his heart out inside a small and cramped room.
“Where’s Jin-hyung?” Namjoon demanded, as he entered inside and Hoseok was taken aback. How dare Namjoon come inside his room making demands when he should be asking for an explanation, not the other way around?!
“What the hell happened Joon? I need answers, right now!” He yelled back.
“Not now Hoseok. Hyung’s in Little Space and started to panic”
“WHAT!” Hoseok and Yoongi yelled in unison.
“How? I thought he couldn’t go into Little Space. He told us he wasn’t ready yet. Was it Jungkook? WHAT THE HELL DID JUNGKOOK DO TO MAKE SEOKJIN SLIP INTO HIS LITTLE SIDE!!” Hoseok screamed, demanding an explanation. Was this Jungkook’s plan all along? That was why he asked Seokjin to sleep with him tonight, to forced him in going into Little Space? The younger should have consulted with them before doing something so risky, so dangerous.
“Koo Koo Sowwy...d-didn’t w-want...J-Jinnie to c-cry…” Hoseok heard Jungkook say hiccuping between each set of words and whipping away his tears with the back of his hands. Koo Koo? Sowwy? What was going on? Hoseok was really confused and as he looked around the room he noticed that Yoongi had the same reaction as him, as well as Taehyung and Jimin.
“Koo Koo?” He asked out loud, afraid to confirm his suspicion.
“Yesh, Koo Koo. Koo Koo is Little just like Jinnie, right Appa?” Jungkook said, sniffling and looking at Namjoon with innocent doe eyes.
“Of course, sweetheart. You and Jinnie are both our adorable baby boys” Namjoon answered, patting Jungkook’s head with a fond smile on his face.
Hoseok heard the various gasping sounds coming throughout the room. It was shocking, Jungkook was a Little and Namjoon was his Appa.
However, everything became crystal clear to Hoseok; Seokjin slipping into his Little side, why Jungkook wanted to sleep with his hyung tonight and the close relationship Namjoon and Jungkook had developed ever since the incident. No one talked about it, but it was weird that only Namjoon was allowed to go inside Jungkook’s room, but that didn’t matter to him because if they were happy, then he was happy for them. After all, they were all family and supported each other no matter what.
“KOO KOO GO AWAY! JINNIE NO WANT TO SEE YOU! MEANIE!!” Jinnie’s screams were heard throughout the quiet room. Which brought Hoseok back to reality and remembered why they were all gathered.
“J-Jinnie...A-Appa, Jinnie h-hates Koo Koo…” Jungkook stuttered, while big fat tears were streaming down his chubby cheeks.
Dealing with one crying Little was tough enough but now that there were two, Hoseok wasn’t sure how they were all going to deal with the situation. They were all still new to the Little Space community and the only time they put their knowledge to the test was when Seokjin went into Little Space before the incident. He just hoped Namjoon had the answers, as their leader looked confident enough about the topic. With pleading eyes, Hoseok looked at Namjoon seeking out a solution to their dilemma.
“Now, now, Koo Koo. You know that is not true. Jinnie is just hurt and he doesn’t mean what he just said.” Namjoon told Jungkook who looked at their leader with throbbing eyes.
“But Appa, he called me a meanie and Koo Koo is no meanie. I’m Jinnie’s big bwother!” Jungkook whined.
“Yes sweetheart, I know you are Jinnie’s big brother but right now he’s grumpy so let’s give him some space, okay?”
“B-but…”
“Now listen to Appa, Koo Koo! Jinnie needs his space and once he’s ready to talk with you, he’ll come get you. Isn’t that right, Yoongi? Jinnie will come talk with Koo Koo once he is ready?”
“Aah, Umm, Yeah! D-don’t worry Koo Koo, once Jinnie is ready to talk, we’ll take him to you. Don’t worry.”
“Pinky Pwomise?” Jungkook said, extending out his pinky towards Yoongi, who proceeded into intertwining his own pinky with him.
“Promise” Yoongi repeated, giving Jungkook a warm gummy smile.
“We are going to go now. If you need help, please call us. We’ll be downstairs.” Namjoon stated, placing a hand around the Maknae’s waist and guiding him towards the door, followed by Jimin and Taehyung who were so shocked by what just happened that they were speechless.
Once the door was closed, Hoseok sighed in relief. Now that the three of them were alone in the room once again, Hoseok and Yoongi needed to figure out a way to get their Little Jinnie out of the closet to consoled their precious baby boy. Hoseok missed Little Jinnie and even though the circumstances were not how he wanted it to be, he was glad Seokjin went into Little Space; Hopefully, it would help relieve some of the stress his hyung had built up inside.
“What should we do now, hyung? How do we get Jinnie out of there?” Hoseok asked.
“Not sure, but now that we know he’s in his Little Space, we know how to address him”
“True” He replied, as they walked closer to the door of the closet.
“Jinnie, sweetheart. It’s Yoonie Appa, please come out.” Hoseok heard Yoongi say; Hopefully they would succeed in getting their hyung out of the dark closet and into their bed, where they can cuddle and comfort their baby boy.
“...”
“Jinnie...It’s me, Hobi Appa. Please open the door. I promise Koo Koo is not here anymore. It’s only us.”
“NOOO!” Jinnie screeched, making Hoseok’s heart ache.
“Sweetheart please, we just want to help you. There is nothing to be scared off. It’s only us, your Appas, we won’t hurt you”
“B-but the b-big b-bad wol-lf is going t-to c-come eat m-me…” Jinnie whimpered.
Minho...was the only image that popped into his mind. Fucking bastard, destroying Little Jinnie’s innocence from the core, no wonder his hyung couldn’t go into Little Space. The scars in his mind were still fresh and the fear of Minho was so deep that it caused his hyung to suppressed the only coping mechanism that will help him heal. Even though he knew being a Little was more than just dealing with stress, but still, it was his boyfriend’s best method to help with the scars in his heart.
“No one is going to come eat you, our sweet baby boy. We will protect you. No big bad wolf will come here” he said, feeling a knot forming in his throat. Hoseok was devastated by the thought of his hyung not feeling safe around them. They were his boyfriends and no matter what, they will protect him even if it’s from a bastard’s shadow.
“Please Jinnie, we will protect you, just let us inside. Appa will never hurt his baby boy…” Yoongi stated, as tears were falling down his cheeks. Hoseok reached out to his boyfriend’s cheekbone and with his thumb, wiped away some of the tears that were falling down. He leaned forward and placed a reassurance kiss on top of Yoongi's head, to give his boyfriend strength that everything was going to be alright.
Hoseok and Yoongi processed to sit down on the floor, facing the door, in hopes of making their presence known by their hyung. Hoseok wanted to show their baby boy that they were not there to harm him; in fact, they were there to shield him from my danger.
“Jinnie, when you are ready to come out, Yoonie Appa and I will be here waiting for you. We will not leave you by yourself. Trust us, we will never let you get hurt by the Big Bad Wolf ever again.” He stated, as he intertwined hands with Yoongi for support.
Five minute passed, then ten, and it was not until two hours passed that the door of the closet slowly started to open. To Hoseok's view came his precious little hyung, with puffy red eyes, rosy cheeks and a red runny nose.
“D-Daddy, Jinnie scared!” Jinnie wailed, jumping out of the closet and landing onto Hoseok’s lap. Hoseok repositioned himself so that Jinnie was sitting sideways on his lap; Jinnie buried his face in the crook of Hoseok’s neck, while letting out small sobs. He saw Yoongi rubbing small circles on Jinnie’s back to sooth the painful cries and Hoseok looked at his boyfriend who gave him a weak smile. At last, Jinnie was in their arms safe and sound.
Hoseok and Yoongi knew this was just the beginning of Little Jinnie’s recovery, but at least they were able to get him out of the closet and in their embrace, where they knew their baby boy was going to be safe.
—————
It’s been a few hours since Jinnie got out of the closet and attached himself like a leech to Hoseok, who didn’t mind being glued to their hyung for the rest of their lives. Yoongi was very relieved when Jinnie opened the door because it was a step forward in the right direction to make their baby boy feel loved and recovered from his pains. However, Yoongi was worried about the emotional attachment Jinnie had developed towards the both of them; for Hoseok, it had been more physical, attaching himself to the hip and not letting go for even a second, but for Yoongi, it was more of his presence; Yoongi couldn’t get up from the bed or make a sudden movement that indicated his departure or Jinnie will throw a tantrum. Which consisted of yelling, kicking and crying for his Yoonie Appa to return to his side. It was a difficult situation because they couldn’t get any food or essentials for themselves or for their hyung, making Hoseok and Yoongi stuck in their room, until further notice.
“Yoongi, I think Jinnie is finally asleep” Hoseok whispered to him, with tired eyes and a weak smile. It’s been a long night of Jinnie’s constant cries, panic attacks and tantrums, but they were content that their precious boy was finally sleeping.
“I’m so relieved, he needed to sleep. It will help him feel better. After all, he’s been crying non-stop for the last few hours.”
“Yeah, do you think he’ll feel better if we get him his sippy cup or Kitt—never mind. I forgot Kitty and Sunny are gone…I wondered what that bastard did with them”
“I'm not sure, but I was thinking we can try to get him identical plushies? You know, to replace the ones he lost. It will help Jinnie feel better…” Hoseok suggested, and it wasn’t a bad idea. It was a brilliant way to get his hyung to slip into his Little side more often.
“I think that's a great idea, Hobi. We should look into that later once Jinnie feels better.”
“Great, hopefully we’ll be able to find new ones or at least look a likes of Kitty and Sunny” Hoseok added, and then the room went silent. Just the three of them piled up in bed. Hoseok was hugging Jinnie and Yoongi was on the opposite side, caressing Jinnie’s back.
“Hobi, I think I’m going to go downstairs and get us some food and essentials before Jinnie wakes up. You know he will start to panic if he knows I left the room, so I’ll be as quick as possible” he broke the silence by softly informing Hoseok of his plan; it was risky because Jinnie could wake up at any moment but they needed food and Yoongi really needed to stretch out his legs.
“Good idea. Go ahead, I’ll take care of Jinnie until you get back” Hoseok reaffirmed him and Yoongi slowly got out of bed, but not before placing a small peck on Hoseok’s lips.
As he closed the door of the room and walked down the stairs, Yoongi thought of what to get Jinnie besides the sippy cup. He was still new and ignorant about Little space and he wasn’t sure what else he could do to help his Little. Maybe he should ask Namjoon...
As if their leader knew Yoongi needed his help, once he got the living room, he saw Namjoon sitting down on the couch with Jungkook resting his head on his lap. It was a very adorable scene to witness and he hoped soon, Hoseok, Jinnie and him will display the same love for one another in front of the members.
“Hey Joon” he interrupted, as he walked closer to the couch.
“Oh, hey hyung, how are you doing? How Jinnie? Is he feeling better?”
“How’s my little brother doing? Is he ready to talk with Koo Koo” Jungkook excitedly asked, sitting up straight, once he heard Jinnie’s name being mentioned. Yoongi had completely forgotten that their Maknae was a Little and was taken aback by the sudden squealed; however, he didn’t let his face showed his surprise feelings but on the inside he was shocked.
“I’m sorry Koo Koo, Jinnie is still not ready to talk...he’s sleeping right now but once he’s awake, I’ll come get you, okay?” He answered, and saw the disappointment look on Jungkook’s face.
“Buuut! You can help me out by picking little items you think Jinnie would love to play with?” He added, seeing the sad looking eyes sparkled in excitement.
“Yesh! Yesh! Koo Koo would wuv to share his toys with Jinnie! Oh, Appa can I go to my room and pick out some stuff for Jinnie? Can I? Can I pleeease!” Jungkook begged, but in an adorable way. Yoongi was glad Jinnie will have a good brother like Koo Koo to keep an eye out for him and vice versa.
“Of course, sweetheart go ahead, but just don’t make a mess, okay?”
“Okay, Appa I promise.” Jungkook responded and ran upstairs to his room.
“Sooo hyung, how about us, caregivers, go to the kitchen and talk, while we prepare some food for Hoseok and Jinnie?”
“Sounds like a good idea,” he answered, chuckling as they walk to the kitchen. Yoongi needed to talk with Namjoon about the relationship he had with Jungkook but for now, he needed to get some food inside his stomach.
Once they got to the kitchen, Yoongi noticed that Jimin and Taehyung were sitting on the island table eating a good serving of tteokbokki, which he had missed so much.
“Here hyung, have some tteokbokki. I know it’s your favorite.” Taehyung said to him, taking out a small plate and serving him some of his favorite dish.
“Mmmh” he moaned as the spicy rice cake filled his mouth. It tasted better than he remembered and it warmed up his empty stomach.
“Hyung sit down, we’ll get things ready for you,” Namjoon instructed him to do and he complied; his dark circles and pale skin said he hadn’t slept at all and needed a long nap.
“So how’s Jinnie? Is he feeling better? How about Hoseok?” Jimin bombarded him with questions. Yoongi knew it was going to be a long day since it was only five in the morning, and he needed to explain the condition of their hyung to the rest of the members because it was not fair for Jimin and Taehyung to be left in the dark; they should probably have a family meeting to update each other on Jinnie and Jungkook and what it would mean to the group by having two Littles in the house.
“He cried himself to sleep... and Jinnie doesn’t want to let go of Hoseok; he’s attached to him like glue and as for me. I can’t even get up from bed without him having a panic attack. I’m lucky he’s in deep slumber right now or I would have to call you guys to bring us food” he sighed, as he reached out for more tteobokkki.
“I’m sorry...it’s all my fault. I should had never told Jungkook about helping Jin by going into Little Space” Namjoon apologized. Yoongi understood the leader’s guilt but it was no one’s fault.
“Don’t apologize Namjoon, it was bound to happen. Hoseok and I knew Jin was going to go into Little Space eventually; it just happened earlier than we expected it to be...”
“But—“
“No Namjoon, stop feeling guilty. It’s not your fault or Jungkook’s.”
“Hyung, why didn’t you tell us Jungkook was a Little? How did it happen?” Jimin averted their conversation, looking at Namjoon who was sorting out their food in different food containers.
“Hmm, we were going to tell you eventually...Jungkook was so eager to tell Jinnie first because he wanted to be the big brother for once…”
“But how did Jungkook realized he was a Little?” Taehyung added.
“Well, it was after the incident. He was inconsolable and would constantly cry. He was devastated by what happened and no matter what I said he wouldn’t sleep or eat. I thought about Jin-hyung and how he used Little Space as a coping mechanism, but I know not everyone can be a Little or forced themselves into Little Space. So I did a lot of research and gave it a try by using triggers. I was positive it was not going to work since being a Little is not acting like a little kid or anything in that style. To my surprise, using triggers, or more specific Mr. Bun Bun, Jungkook was able to slip into his Little side”. Namjoon explained.
“That makes sense. You should have asked for our help though. We feel left out...” Taehyung said, pouting.
“Sorry...but now that Jungkook is a Little you can help me take care of him, once in a while” Namjoon suggested.
“Really?!” Taehyung and Jimin shouted in unison, excitement in their voices.
“Of course, we are all family and we will take care of each other” Yoongi added and it was true, he trusted all the members to be near Jinnie and Jungkook. He knew their Littles were never going to get hurt by anyone in the group.
“Appa! Yoonie! Jinnie is cwying!” Koo Koo interrupted their conversation.
“What!? Koo Koo, how do you know?” Namjoon asked.
“Koo Koo was going down the stairs with Mr. Bun-Bun and my blankie when I heard Jinnie cry. I think he got an ouchy cause he was saying that it huwts”
Yoongi looked at Namjoon with widened eyes. What could have happened to Jinnie? Was Hoseok okay? He needed to go upstairs and help his baby boy and boyfriend before anyone got hurt.
“Namjoon, can you take the food and essentials for us in a few? I think Jinnie is probably looking for me and since Hoseok can’t walk without his crutches because he’ll lose his balance, he probably can’t contain Jinnie from throwing a tantrum...”
“Of course hyung. We’ll get things ready for you guys, right?” Namjoon responded looking at Jimin and Taehyung who nodded in agreement.
“Can Koo Koo go too? I want to help Jinnie” Jungkook asked Yoongi, but he knew it was not safe to bring another Little into the room until Jinnie was feeling better; it could angered Jinnie and he didn’t want that to happen.
“I’m sorry Koo Koo, but not now. Maybe after Jinnie calms down a little. Just help your Appa prepare the food for Jinnie and you can sort the items you want to give him”
“Okay...oh here. My favorite pacy, for Jinnie” Koo Koo excitedly said to him, handing him a purple pacifier. Placing a kiss on top of Koo Koo’s head and thanking the Little, Yoongi ran up the stairs to find out what was wrong with his boyfriend and Jinnie.
[WARNING SMUT SCENE STARTS]
Yoongi was out of breath once he arrived to Hoseok’s room. When he reached out for the door knob, he stopped his movement as he heard a loud grunting noise coming from inside. Yoongi recognized that sound, it was undeniably Hoseok’s voice. What could be happening inside?
“DADDY! MORE! DADDY PUNISH ME MORE! I-I’VE BEEN A BAD BOY!” Jinnie’s screams were heard, followed by loud moan.
Yoongi’s body shivered in fear, what he was imagining cannot be happening on the other side of the door. It can’t be…so as fast as he could, he slammed the door opened and to his view came the reality that he wanted to deny. His Jinnie, his precious baby boy was having sex with Hoseok, his precious boyfriend. Hoseok was on the floor gripping Jinnie’s hips as Jinnie bounced up and down Hoseok’s hard cock, while playing with his nipples.
“Mmm please mor—aaahhh” Jinnie meweled, as Hoseok bucked his hips upwards to meet Jinnie’s demands.
Yoongi lost all sense of reality; he ran towards his two boyfriends and yanked Jinnie out of Hoseok’s hard length. It disgusted him, it turned his stomach at the thought of Hoseok doing something so horrendous to their hyung when he was in Little Space. Yoongi felt betrayed, he felt lost and most importantly he felt rage towards Hoseok. How could he betray him like this? How could Hoseok do the same thing as Minho?
“HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO JINNIE?! I TRUSTED YOU!!”
“Yoongi let me explain. It’s not what you think...”
“IT’S NOT WHAT I THINK? YOU WERE FUCKING OUR PRECIOUS HYUNG! IT’S EXACTLY WHAT I SAW! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT. I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU!! AND I ESPECIALLY DON'T WANT YOU NEAR JINNIE EVER AGAIN!!!” He yelled, feeling his voice crack and tears falling down his cheeks. He was betrayed by the only person he trusted to protect his hyung from any danger.
“NOOOO! DADDY COMEBACK, DON'T LEAVE ME!!!! PLEASE COME BACK!! DADDY! DADDY! DAAADY!!” Jinnie screamed as he tried to run towards Hoseok but was held back by Yoongi who was holding onto him tightly. Yoongi saw how Hoseok pulled up his pants, got up from the floor as best as he could and grabbed one crutch that was on the bed, and the other one that was near the nightstand and walked towards the door.
Today, Yoongi was betrayed by the love of his life, his only support system and the person that kept him sane. Today, Yoongi died on the inside...
Notes:
I have mixed feeling about the ending of this chapter. I hope it wasn’t very disturbing to read.
Next chapter we’ll see what happened inside the room but from Hoseok’s point of view.
Please let me know your thoughts and any theories you have.I look forward to reading your comments.
My Twitter: Kumasama92
Chapter 29: Double-Edged Sword
Summary:
“What did you do to my little bwrother” Koo Koo confronted Yoongi as he restrained Jinnie from following Hoseok.
Notes:
WARNING ⚠️ SMUT
Once again there is more smut, but it’s not the kind you would want to read. Please read at your own risk as it’s a very sensitive topic and may trigger some readers.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Hoseok was tried, he could feel himself falling asleep at any moment. Yet, he knew he had to stay awake for the sake of his hyung and for Yoongi. It was like all his energy had been sucked out of his body and as much as he wanted to move, he couldn’t and if he did, the danger of waking Jinnie up was high. Plus, his stomach was growling from hunger and he couldn’t wait to for Yoongi to come back with some warm and delicious food to feed his stomach. As he watched his precious Little Jinnie sleep, Hoseok noticed the reddish and puffiness under his boyfriend’s eyes and he remembered the stressful night the three of them had to endure. Jinnie would not let go of Hoseok and attached himself to him like if his life depended on it, although he didn’t mind because he loved to cuddle with Jinnie, he was worried about his mental health as it was not healthy to be so emotionally attached to another person, even if they were your boyfriend. As for Yoongi, Jinnie needed to feel his presence in the room, that’s why it was difficult to go to the bathroom or even stretch out their legs and were stuck in bed. Jinnie was in full control over the situation and as much as they voiced out that they were not going anywhere and that their only reason to get up from bed was to bring him Little items and other essentials, Jinnie refused to listen; instead, tantrums were in the picture as well as constant cries that broke his heart into a million pieces, but the most devastated feeling for Hoseok was Jinnie’s panic attacks whenever he felt like Yoongi was not in the room. It broke Hoseok’s heart to see his boyfriend so vulnerable, so emotional broken. He wished Yoongi would come back to the room before Jinnie woke up because he was in no condition to assist with a panic attack as his leg was still in the process of healing and even if he was able to get up, by leaning against the wall for support, he easily lost his balance without crutches.
“A-Appa…” Hoseok heard Jinnie whined and stirred in discomfort; nervousness ran through his body as what he feared the most was starting to come a reality.
Please, let Jinnie fall back asleep or at least make Yoongi appear at this instant, please! Hoseok thought to himself. He was not prepared to comfort a crying Jinnie by himself.
“A-aappa…” Jinnie repeated, his voice shaking in torment and body quivering in fear.
“Shush, my big boy. Daddy is here for you” Hoseok replied back, softly stroking Jinnie’s hair, with hopes that his precious baby will fall back asleep but he knew it was futile.
“NOOOOOOO!!!! I WANT APPA!!!!! PLEASE I WANT APPA! WHERE IS APPA, DADDY?!! AAAPPPAAA!!!” Jinnie screamed at the top of his lungs, scaring him. Before Hoseok knew it, he lost control over the situation and Jinnie got away from his embrace, kneeling in front of him looking at Hoseok straight in the eyes with anger. Then, Jinnie proceeded to scan the room in distressed looking for Yoongi but after realizing that his Appa was not present, Hoseok saw his boyfriend grabbed pillows and started to throw them to the floor, then towards the door, and then directly at his face. Hoseok really needed Yoongi to help him, what was taking his boyfriend so long to come back?
“Jinnie, please calm down. Appa will be back soon. Please!” He begged, as he protected his face from the pillow that Jinnie was using to repeatedly hit him with, but it was useless. No matter what he said, Jinnie was still crying and hitting him.
“I.WANT. APPA.” Jinnie said while hitting Hoseok with the pillow after each word and he couldn’t do it anymore, it was devastated to see his precious baby so heartbroken, so upset. What can he do to make the pain go away? How can he make Jinnie calm down until Yoongi returned? Hoseok needed to think of a solution before Jinnie got hurt but what could he do?...
“While in Little Space, I had a set of rules to follow, so I don’t misbehave...and punishments that are enforced if I didn’t follow the rules. I can explain more in detail later about rules and punishments, if you all want me to, but for now, let’s just say that it’s necessary to have them for the safety of the Little and for the caregiver, so no boundaries would be broken.” Seokjin’s words echoed in Hoseok’s mind. Rules? Punishments? Seokjin hadn’t mentioned Little Space after telling the members the truth about Minho and that he was a Little, but maybe giving Jinnie a punishment will calm him down while he waited for Yoongi, but what kind of punishment could he enforced? Hoseok wasn’t sure; what kind of punishment did his mother give him when he was a little boy?
“Time outs!” Hoseok said out loud, avoiding being hit by Jinnie’s bare hands. Jinnie was out of control so he needed to act fast before his baby got hurt.
“Jinnie!” Hoseok shouted, grabbing both of Jinnie’s wrists and holding him still. Jinnie was a mess, tears were streaming down his chubby cheeks, puffy red eyes and a red runny nose. It pained Hoseok to see someone he loved so much display so much pain but hopefully his plan will work out.
“Jinnie, you’ve been a bad boy.” Hoseok continued to say, and he saw Jinnie’s eyes widened in fear. Was the punishment going to work? He hoped so, because he had no backup plan.
“I think you should get a punishment,” he added, feeling guilty by what he just said. Hoseok hated to resort to this method but he had no other choice if he wanted Jinnie to calm down.
Everything happened so fast that by the time Hoseok knew what was happening, he was pinned down to the bed by Jinnie. Hoseok looked up to see Jinnie staring at with with hooded eyes. What was happening? Hoseok knew he needed to get out of the room and call for help. Maybe Jinnie was going to beat him up to avoid the punishment, but to his surprise Jinnie leaned down and forcefully kiss him on the lips. Hoseok felt uncomfortable, Jinnie, his precious baby boy was kissing him and he knew it wasn’t right. So with all his strength he pushed Jinnie off him and crawled to the side of the bed and got his crutches that he had left next to the nightstand. As quickly as he could, he got up but when he was about to walk forward he felt one of his crutches being pulled backwards, making him lose his balance. When he thought he had regained his stability, he felt a sharp sensation on his back, as he fell forward onto the floor. Hoseok knew Jinnie had gotten aggressive and was demanding sexual acts while in Little Space, but he couldn’t complied to the demands; it was morally wrong and he hated himself for even mentioning any type of punishments.
Hoseok was now on the floor, unable to walk so he turned his body so he was facing the bed and saw Jinnie holding one of his crutches and looking at him with lust in his eyes.
“Daddy, time for Jinnie’s punishment?” Jinnie asked him, tilting his head sideways and giving Hoseok an innocent look.
“Stop, Jinnie! This is not the kind of punishment you want. Get away from me!” He yelled back, crawling backwards as he saw Jinnie move forward towards him but it was too late as he was once again pinned down to the floor. Jinnie crashed their lips together and kissed him messely; the kiss was sloppy and Hoseok hated every second of it. Jinnie started to kiss his jawline and trailed down all the way to his happy trail and stopped at the hem of his pajama pants.
“Jinnie...please Stop!” Hoseok begged but got no response; his body was trembling in fear. Just thinking about what could occur between his boyfriend and him if he didn’t get away send chills down his spine.
“Aaahh!” he yelled in agony, as Jinnie gripped harshly on his injured leg and spread his legs apart, making Hoseok gasp for air to relieve some of the pain.
“Daddy, please punish me...with your big pee pee” Jinnie said to him, who was now settled in between his legs, mouthing on his clothed length. Fuck! Where the hell was Yoongi? Hoseok didn’t want to be forced to do anything with Jinnie and he was not going to, even if he had to knock Jinnie out into unconscious.
Hoseok used both hands to gripped Jinnie’s head and pushed it away from his lower regions but it was no use as Jinnie bit down hard on his private parts, making him scream in agony.
“Fuck Jinnie! Why did you go that!? It hurts” he yelled trying to reach for his private parts but Jinnie kept his legs apart and hands pinned to the floor. Hoseok didn’t know what was going to happen to him, all he knew was that he was not going to punish Jinnie by having sex with him...over his dead body.
“Jinnie is going to be a good boy, daddy, so please punish me. I need to be punished...” Jinnie whispered, standing up above Hoseok and take his pants off followed by his shirt. Now, Jinnie was naked in front of Hoseok and as much as he would have loved to admired his boyfriend’s beautiful body, this was not the right moment. He prayed to God that Yoongi would show up at any second to save him from this nightmare, before it too late.
Hoseok hissed as he felt his member come in contact with the cold air, and he instantly knew he wasn’t aroused at all. Who would be in this situation? No one. He felt Jinnie’s hand rubbed up and down his length trying to make him hard but he felt disgusted by the touch. He arched his back when he felt a warm heat around his length, so he looked down and saw Jinnie attempting to give him a blow job…Hoseok’s vision started to get clouded with tears, this couldn’t be happening to him.
“Jinnie stop, you are going to hurt yourself” Hoseok hissed in pain as he felt Jinnie forcing his length inside the tight entrance.
“IT HUWTS DADDY, IT HUWTS!” Jinnie yelled. Hoseok knew there was no way Jinnie would be able to get his length inside the tight hole without any preparations or they will both get hurt if done by force. Hoseok gathered all his strength and pushed Jinnie forward with the hopes of preventing any further penetration, which caused Jinnie to fall on top of him. Jinnie had his face on the crook of Hoseok’s neck while their chests were pressed against each other. Hoseok needed to figure out a way to get out of this situation.
“Please Hoseok, fuck me already. I need it, please punish my filthy body.” Hoseok heard, and he gasped as he analyzed what he just heard.
“Jin-hyung…” he exhaled. What happened to Little Jinnie? Was his hyung out of Little Space?
“Fuck! Hoseok, please I needed it. Fuck my slutty hole until I’m filled to the brim with your cum!” His hyung continued to say filthy words against his neck, grinding on his length.
“Hyung…”
“Please!!” Seokjin moaned, which was getting him aroused; Hoseok felt conflicted and knew it was a huge mistake to act on pure arousal but at least he will feel less guilty having sex with his boyfriend now that he was not in Little Space; even thought Hoseok knew his hyung was still not ready for any kind of sexual relationship; At least he got his consent.
“Fine, but don’t get angry when Yoongi yells at us” Hoseok responded. Hoseok knew he couldn’t get any lube to ease the pain, so he coated two fingers with saliva and pushed a finger inside his hyung’s tight hole.
“Mmmh” Seokjin grunted, feeling the hot breath against his neck and the tightness around his finger. Hoseok started to slowly move the finger up and down until he knew Seokjin was ready for another one and it was not until he felt his hyung was loose enough to take his length, that he guided Seokjin to slowly insert his hard length inside the still, tight hole.
“Fuck” he cursed as he felt the tightness around his cock. Seokjin started to slowly move up and down his length creating a rhythm.
“DADDY! MORE! DADDY PUNISH ME MORE! I-I’VE BEEN A BAD BOY!” Jinnie’s screams were heard, followed by loud moan and Hoseok was confused. Why was his hyung calling him daddy? It can’t be ...He looked directly at Seokjin seeking for an answer.
“Got you daddy! You are finally giving Jinnie his punishment…” Jinnie said to Hoseok, smirking and increasing the pace as he bounced up and down his length. Hoseok was dumbfounded, was it possible for a Little to act like they were out of Little Space? Fuck, his stomach turned at the realization that he was having sex with Jinnie and not Seokjin, his boyfriend…
“Mmm please mor—aaahhh” Jinnie meweled, as Hoseok bucked his hips upwards trying to push Jinnie off himself but it was no use as the pain in his leg was throbbing.
Suddenly, he saw a pair of arms grabbing Jinnie and taking the Little off Hoseok and he sighed in relief. There was only one person who would come help him in this situation and it was Yoongi.
“HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO JINNIE?! I TRUSTED YOU!!” Hoseok heard Yoongi scream and he was devastated. He needed to explain himself before there were more misunderstandings.
“Yoongi let me explain. It’s not what you think...” He tried to speak up but it was futile as Yoongi was consumed by anger and there was no way of getting through him.
“IT’S NOT WHAT I THINK? YOU WERE FUCKING OUR PRECIOUS HYUNG! IT’S EXACTLY WHAT I SAW! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT. I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU! AND I ESPECIALLY DON'T WANT YOU NEAR JINNIE EVER AGAIN!!!” Hoseok heard, and he hated himself. Yoongi was right, he didn’t deserve to be near Jinnie after what he had done. Hoseok was just like Minho and he will never forgive himself for the horrendous act he just committed.
“NOOOO! DADDY COMEBACK, DON'T LEAVE ME!!!! PLEASE COMEBACK!! DADDY! DADDY! DAAADY!!” Hoseok heard Jinnie scream as he walked out the door, ignoring the concerned look the other members were giving him as he walked down the long hallway. Hoseok needed to get out of this house, far away from the people he loved because he was a rapist, he was trash just like Minho and deserved to go to jail.
—————-
“What did you do to my little bwrother” Koo Koo confronted Yoongi as he restrained Jinnie from following Hoseok.
“Stop Koo Koo! Yoongi has his reasons” Namjoon tried to defend him but it was useless as Koo Koo proceeded to hit him while Jinnie struggled to get away from him.
“KOO KOO!” Namjoon warned the Little, who stopped hitting Yoongi and look at the floor with saddened eyes.
“But Appa...Yoonie is being a meanie to Jinnie…” Koo Koo whimpered while trying to hold back his tears. Yoongi knew that none of the members were aware of what just happened in the room, especially not Koo Koo, who was so innocent, so caring towards Jinnie.
“Koo Koo, Jinnie can’t see Hobi for a while since he is sick so that’s why he can’t go after him”
“Jinnie is sick?” Koo Koo asked him, concerned about his Little brother.
“No, sweetheart. Jinnie is not sick, It’s Hobi, HE is the one who’s sick so he won't be here for a while.”
“Oh…” Yoongi heard Koo Koo say, staring at Jinnie who was now on his lap crying his heart out. Yoongi needed to protect Jinnie from Hoseok; he can no longer trust anyone with Jinnie even if it’s someone he loved and trusts.
“Jinnie…want my pacy” Yoongi heard Koo Koo say while patting Jinnie’s head. Jinnie looked up, hiccuping while trying to hold back more tears from escaping. Jinnie nodded in agreement and Koo Koo proceeded to place the pacy in his mouth; it was an adorable site to see but Yoongi was dying on the inside because Hoseok was going to pay for what he did.
A day passed and Yoongi was overwhelmed by what had happened between Hoseok and Jinnie; he really wanted to kill his boyfriend for doing something so horrendous to their baby boy. However, he was more concerned about Jinnie’s mental health. Since Yoongi kicked Hoseok out of the apartment, his little prince had been heartbroken; Constant yelling, kicking, and crying were heard throughout the room. Even Koo Koo was still angry at Yoongi for being mean to Jinnie by not allowing him to see Hoseok, even after repeatedly explaining to the Little the fake reason as why he couldn’t; but Yoongi didn’t care, he didn’t trust Hoseok anymore, not after he had sex with their boyfriend while in Little Space.
“Hyung, can we talk?” Namjoon interrupted him. Yoongi was in his room taking a nap or at least trying to, since Jinnie had become closer to Koo Koo and they were playing in the living with Jimin and Taehyung, while he got some sleep.
“Sure, come in…” he confirmed and directed Namjoon to the side of the bed. Namjoon proceeded to sit down, while Yoongi sat up straight with his back leaning against the headboard.
“...can you tell me what happened, hyung? I’m really worried. Manager Sejin told me Hoseok is at the studio and he isn’t saying anything.”
“...”
“Please, hyung. I can help you sort out whatever happened. It’s not good to keep things inside of you and you know it” Namjoon continued to say. Yoongi knew Namjoon was right and he should probably confess what happened… for his own sake.
“...umm, when I came in the room after Jungkook told me he heard Jinnie cry, I-I s-saw Hoseok having...having sex with Jinnie…”
“WHAT!?” Namjoon yelled, making him flinched but he was glad he was not the only one who thought how wrong the scene he witnessed was and the reason behind his anger towards Hoseok.
“How could Hoseok do something like that?! Jinnie… Jinnie was in Little Space and… Shit, that’s wrong, so so wrong” Namjoon continued to say, shaking his head in frustration.
“I know, that's why I kick him out. I don’t want to see him again. I don’t want him near Jinnie ever again.”
“Of course hyung, you are definitely right. Hoseok has some explaining to do but no matter what, I will protect Jinnie from him. He will never go near Jinnie ever again. Over my dead body; how can he do something so sickening.”
“I don’t know but I don’t want to see him again,” he added, letting tears fall down his cheeks. Yoongi loved Hoseok so much and they faced so many challenges to get where they are right now but to have sex with Seokijn, while his hyung was in Little Space… that was crossing the line.
“Don’t worry, we’ll get through this together. Why don’t we go to the living room and try to watch a movie with Koo Koo and Jinnie? He needs you right now, hyung…” Namjoon advised him and the leader was right; he needed to stay strong for Jinnie.
Slowly he got up from bed and headed to the living room with Namjoon; Yoongi was glad he had someone to support him through these tough times. Once they got to the living room, Yoongi saw Jinnie sitting down on the floor with Koo Koo, playing with LEGO blocks. Yoongi still remembered the horror he lived yesterday as he cleaned Jinnie’s private parts, at least there weren't any tearing or blood in his hyung’s entrance but the image will be implanted in his mind forever.
“APPA! Look! look! Koo Koo and I made a big tower!” Jinnie excitingly said to him, making granny hands; he crouched down and extended his arms to welcome a tight hug from his precious boy.
“Should we all watch a movie together?” He asked, and he saw the sparkle in both Koo Koo’s and Jinnie’s eyes. It definitely was a good idea to watch a movie.
“Yesh! Yesh! Yesh!! Movie!” Jinnie and Koo Koo screamed in unison jumping up and down in excitement. Making Yoongi giggled at the adorable sight in front of him. How can Hoseok do something so horrible to their innocent baby? He will never understand…
After much debate with the two Littles, Moana was selected as the chosen movie to watch. Yoongi didn’t mind seeing a Disney movie, since it made Jinnie and Koo Koo happy, so after getting some popcorn and two sippy cups filled with apple juice, they were all gathered in the living room enjoying the movie. Yoongi was not going to lie to himself, it was relaxing to watch a movie with his baby boy cuddled up next to him, but in the back of his mind, he couldn’t stop thinking about Hoseok. What lead his boyfriend to do something so disgusting, so morally wrong?
“Appa..” Yoongi was interrupted from this thoughts when Jinnie pulled down on his shirt, catching his attention.
“Hmm”
“Appa...I want to see daddy...when can we go see him? I miss him…” Jinnie whispered, frowning.
“Sweetheart, I know you want to see daddy but he’s sick...so for now, you can’t” Yoongi tried to convince Jinnie who looked upset; Yoongi hoped Jinnie won’t throw another tantrum.
“Okay…” Yoongi heard, sighing in relief knowing that Jinnie stop insisting him.
After the movie, Jinnie and Koo Koo decided to continue playing with their LEGOs. Jimin, Taehyung, Namjoon and Yoongi were spread out in the L shaped couch watching as their two precious babies were playing together.
“Appa, Look! Koo Koo made another big tower!” Koo Koo proudly said to Namjoon, who got up from the couch and walked to where Koo Koo was sitting, crouching down in front of him, patting the Little’s head who only giggled at the sudden affection.
“You’ve been a good boy Koo Koo. You’ve been an amazing big brother to Jinnie and have been behaving so well. I think you deserve a reward” Namjoon stated.
“Rweally?!” Koo Koo replied restlessly jumping up and down in excitement.
“Of course, sweetheart. What do you want your reward to be?”
“Hmm, I want hugs and kisses from TAE TAE AND MINNIE!” Koo Koo answered launching forward towards the two youngsters who greeted him with open arms. Yoongi heard the high pitched giggles Koo Koo let out as Taehyung and Jimin spoiled him with pepper kisses and tight hugs. He noticed that Jinnie was looking at them with envy; maybe his baby wanted a reward too? Yoongi was certainly ready to complied, after all, Jinnie deserved all the rewards in the world.
“Jinnie” he spoke up, catching Jinnie’s attention.
“Yesh Appa…”
“Would you like a reward too? You’ve been a good boy lately, so why not?” Yoongi said, smiling at his precious boy, with fondness in his eyes. He was ready to give the world to his sweetheart as long as he got to see him happy.
“Rweally? Jinnie is good boy?”
“Of course sweetheart. You are an angel! So tell me, what reward would you like?”
“Hmm..” Jinnie said, furrowing his eyebrows together in concentration. Then Jinnie proceeded to point at Koo Koo and the two members who were still hugging him. Oh, Jinnie wanted cuddles and kisses too, he can make that happen.
“Cuddles and Kisses?” He repeated to confirm Jinnie’s desires and Jinnie just nodded. Koo Koo noticed Jinnie’s gaze and moved away from Jimin and Taehyung, sitting sideways on Namjoon’s lap. Meanwhile, Taehyung and Jimin opened their arms, waiting for a second round of kisses and cuddles.
Yoongi saw how Jinnie crawled towards Jimin, kneeling between the younger’s legs. He found it weird, but ignored his thought. Then, everything happened so fast that his brain couldn’t process anything until it was too late. Jinnie leaned downwards and started mouthing on Jimin’s clothed length, moaning at the contact.
“JINNIE” Jimin shouted and pushed Jinnie to the ground, shock at what just happened. However, Jinnie got up from the floor and straddled Jimin’s lap and proceeded to passionately kiss him on the lips. What was wrong with Jinnie? This can’t be happening…
Quickly, Yoongi got up from the couch and detached Jinnie from Jimin, who looked so shocked that his eyes were wide open with fear.
“JINNIE STOP! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” Yoongi yelled, carrying Jinnie by the waist to the other side of the couch, away from Jimin.
“APPA! LET GO!!! JINNIE WANTS HIS REWARD!” Jinnie screeched back, trying to break free from Yoongi.
“Reward?” He repeated, what kind of reward was this? Mouthing on someone’s length and kissing them on the mouth, basically making out, who taught—Minho, was the only person that came to mind.
“YESH JINNIE WANTS TO DRINK MINNIE’S MILK!! MINNIE’S MILK THAT COMES OUT FROM HIS PEE PEE!” Jinnie screamed at the top of his lungs, leaving Yoongi speechless.
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Why was Jinnie saying such disturbing words?
Yoongi locked eyes with Namjoon, who was speechless at what they just heard and the only person that came to his mind was Hoseok, his precious boyfriend…
Notes:
There is a lot I want to say but I don’t know where to start.
I know there is a lot to talk about so if you have any specific questions or just want to comment on what happened in the chapter please feel free to write a comment below and I’ll try my best to answer them. Please just be mindful of what you say in consideration of others because this is a very sensitive topic.
Please look forward to the next chapter and I look forward to reading your comments.
My Twitter: Kumasama92
Chapter 30: Broken Hearts
Summary:
“We wanted to talk with you about what happened the other day…” Yoongi informed him.
“There is nothing to talk about.” He answered back, crossing his arms.
“But Hoseok, we—“
Notes:
I’m so happy to finally upload a new chapter!!!
I want to thank @poly_potato for beta reading this chapter for me! Thank you so much! 😭
I hope you enjoy the chapter.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Words could not express how hurt Yoongi felt by seeing Jinnie behaving like a wild beast. To see someone you love with all your heart suffering right before your eyes was devastating. The vulgar language used by Jinnie made his stomach turned. How can Minho teach an innocent boy, like Jinnie, so many filthy words and actions?
“MILK..MINNIE’S milk...Appa...pwease…” Jinnie begged, while trying to get out of his grasp. Yoongi carried the distress Little over his shoulder to the other side of the couch, to prevent further damage and attempted to lay Jinnie down on the couch, but to his surprise, the Little grabbed his shirt and pulled him down, making Yoongi fall on top of him. He rearranged his position and sat up straight while forcing Jinnie to sit sideways on his lap. Despite the Little still struggling to get away from him, Yoongi tightly held onto his tiny waist. He needed to prevent his boyfriend from attacking Jimin at all cost but he didn’t know what to do...Yoongi knew he couldn’t grant Jinnie’s wish because it was wrong, but how can he make his baby boy understand that drinking cum was not a reward?
“Jinnie!” Jungkook harshly yelled, making Jinnie stop resisting. Yoongi noticed how the Maknae got up from Namjoon’s lap and walked towards them. Jungkook’s facial expression was different, it was more mature, more grown up and Yoongi immediately knew that he was no longer in Little Space.
“Jinnie...” Jungkook repeated, this time the tone of his voice softer, more relaxed. Jinnie gripped Yoongi’s shirt tightly, hiding his face on the crook of Yoongi’s neck. He could sense that Jinnie was probably scared of Jungkook, but he knew it was for the best. Someone needed to let him know that sexual acts were not a reward.
“Please, Jinnie. Don’t be afraid, I’m not going to hurt you. I just want you to understand that you can’t have Minnie’s milk as a reward. It’s not healthy for you.” Jungkook said, sitting down next to Yoongi, running his fingers through Jinnie’s hair.
“B-But…” Jinnie sobbed and shook in fear. Yoongi didn’t want to see his precious boy heartbroken by a person who was death, so to help calm down his emotions Yoongi lightly caressed his back, drawing small circles with his fingertips. After a few strokes, he noticed the harsh sobs and heavy breathing were slowly decreasing to small whimpers. Yoongi sighed in relief.
“B-but...D-daddy Minho said...t-that if I-I drank milk from his pee pee, h-he’ll give Kitty and Sunny back…and J-Jinnie wants Kitty and Sunny as a r-reward…” Jinnie confessed, with his face still buried on the crook of Yoongi’s neck.
“Sweetheart…” Jungkook said, looking at Yoongi with sadness in his eyes and at that moment, Yoongi’s heart shattered into a million pieces just thinking about how much damage Minho caused to Seokjin while he was in Little Space. No wonder his hyung didn't want to slip into his Little headspace.
“Jinnie...daddy Minho was wrong. You shouldn’t drink his milk or anyone’s milk to get a reward. If you want Kitty and Sunny back, you can just ask us. We’ll help you get them back”
“Rweally?! Jinnie can get Kitty and Sunny back?” Jinnie perked up, looking at Jungkook with teary eyes.
“Of course, sweetheart. Anything can happen, but first I need you to answer a question. What happened with Hobi? Why did he had his pee pee in you?” Jungkook questioned and Yoongi’s eyes widened. How can Jungkook ask such a sensitive question?
“Jungkook!” He admonished, glaring at the younger who only returned the glare and continued to slowly stroke Jinnie’s head.
“Now, go on sweetheart, tell Koo Koo what happened?”
Yoongi heard and he didn’t like where the conversation was heading to, it was crystal clear that Hoseok had raped Jinnie, so what was the point of asking?
“Ummm, Jinnie see no Appa, so Jinnie kept hitting Daddy with the pillow. And Daddy said Jinnie was going to get a punishment so Jinnie started to kiss Daddy. Cause Daddy Minho told Jinnie that punishments are by kisses and with Daddy’s pee pee...”
“Oh Daddy Minho told you that?” Yoongi said, gripping hard onto the couch. He was furious, how could that bastard teach his Jinnie something so vulgar?
“Yesh...so that’s what Jinnie did. Daddy told me to stop but Jinnie pretended to be big Jinnie so Daddy agreed to give me a punishment.” Yoongi heard and his heart sank. Hoseok was innocent and he felt guilty for saying so many hurtful words to his boyfriend without even letting him defend himself. Yet, Yoongi didn’t regret anything. He made the right decision based on what he witnessed and he knew Hoseok would have done the same if their positions were switched. Nevertheless, he needed to apologize to Hoseok because he finally knew the truth of what happened.
“Can I get Kitty and Sunny now?!” Jinnie excitedly asked, jumping up and down on Yoongi’s lap. Yoongi looked at Jungkook with a questionable expression; Kitty and Sunny were no longer an option so how was Jungkook going to fulfill the promise he made with Jinnie?
“Kitty and Sunny are not with me BUT do you want to go see Daddy?”
“Rweally!!? Yesh! Yesh!! Jinnie would wuv to go see Daddy!!!”
“Good! Now… if you want to see Daddy, I want you to go get change while I talk with Yoonie Appa, okay?”
“Okay, Koo Koo hyung” Jinnie replied, kissing Yoongi on the cheek before getting off his lap, then ran to the stairs that lead to his room, but not before hugging Jungkook. Yoongi was happy to see Jinnie so cheerful and with a big smile on his face. However, he wasn’t sure what they were going to do about getting Kitty and Sunny back...it was impossible.
“Why did you tell him that?” He faced Jungkook, who was still sitting next to him.
“What? I just told him the truth. Plus, we found out what happened between Jinnie and Hoseok, so what’s the problem?”
“What’s the problem? Jungkook, Kitty and Sunny are gone. We don’t know what Minho did with them so how are we going to give them to Jinnie, huh?”
“Tsk tsk tsk” Jungkook answered, shaking his head side to side, while giving Yoongi an amused smile.
“That’s what you think, hyung, buuut I found Kitty and Sunny the other day.” Jungkook added.
“WHAT?!” Everyone besides Jungkook said in unison.
“What do you mean you found them? Not even the police were able to locate those plushies” Jimin asked.
“Well, I went to hyung’s apartment the other day. I was trying to look for some of his Little items before I talked with him because I wanted him to go into his headspace. While I was looking for his pacy, I found Kitty in the far back of the hallway’s closet and once I looked further, I found Sunny too. I was going to surprised hyung with them after he slipped into his Little side but he started to panic…”
“Oh my god! I’m so happy! Why didn’t you tell us?” Jimin added. Yoongi looked around the room in excitement and with a big smile on his face because having Kitty and Sunny back changed everything; Seokjin would be more willing to go into his Little side more often knowing that he had his two comfort stuffies back.
“Where are they?” Taehyung continued to ask and Yoongi was curious too. Why did Jungkook wait until now to reveal such wonderful news?
“They are in my room but I want to give them to Jinnie once he returns back from seeing Hoseok” Jungkook said looking at Yoongi straight in the eyes.
“Besides, you three need to have a long talk and solve everything that has happened lately. Unless I see you three all lovey-dovey and happy, I won’t give the plushies to hyung because what is the point of Jinnie having them, if his caregivers are fighting? Plus, this was all a huge misunderstanding and you know it.”
“I know and you are definitely right…” Yoongi shamefully said, looking down at his lap and twiddling his fingers. He felt ashamed for jumping to conclusions but he had every right to act the way he did because as much as he wanted to forget, the fact that Hoseok had sex with Seokjin while in Little Space was still fresh on his mind.
“Appa! Appa! Look, Jinnie got dressed all by himself!” Jinnie skipped into the room while jumping up and down in excitement. Jinne was wearing an oversized pink hoodie that gave him the most adorable sweater paws, black skinny jeans and some black and white converse shoes. It was simple, but his boyfriend looked adorable.
“You look amazing Jinnie! So cute!” Yoongi complimented the Little, who giggled after hearing his words.
“Can we go see Daddy now?”
“Of course, let me get my bag and we’ll go.” Yoongi said.
“I already contact manager Sejin and he’s on his way here to take you guys to the agency.” Namjoon informed him and Yoongi was glad because he didn’t feel like walking.
After waiting for fifteen minutes, Manager Sejin showed up at their apartment, ready to take them to see Hoseok. Yoongi was nervous, but he needed to apologize to his boyfriend and make up, for the sake of Jinnie and for himself.
“Sorry...” Yoongi heard while they were in the van on their way to the agency. Jinnie had his head leaning on Yoongi’s shoulder, while they had one hand intertwined.
“Huh?”
“Sorry…” Yoongi heard once again and realized that Jinnie was no longer in Little Space.
“Seokjin?”
“Yeah...I didn’t want to be in Little Space when we talk with Hoseok.”
“Oh, I see”
“Sorry Yoongi... for the trouble I caused. It’s all my fault.”
“Don’t say that, please. It’s not your fault at all.”
“But it is...I tricked Hoseok into having sex with me and that made you angry. I’m sorry…”
“Hyung…it’s not your fault. It’s not Hoseok’s fault either.”
“But—-“
“No, hyung. Don’t blame yourself. Let’s talk more when we see Hoseok, okay? It’s best for him to hear all of this too.”
“Okay…” Seokjin whispered and the two of them went into complete silence. As he looked out the window, Yoongi realized how nervous he was to see Hoseok, but he knew it was necessary to clear up all the misunderstandings. Hopefully, they will learn from this argument and their relationship will grow stronger. With those thoughts in mind, Yoongi kept looking out the window and wished for a good reconcile.
—————
To Hoseok, dancing was an escape from reality and throughout the years he discovered that producing music was a new passion that he also enjoyed. When he felt like he wasn’t able to cope with his emotions, he emerged himself into composing beats and melodies. As someone who started rapping a year before BTS made their debut, he had come a long way to be called one of the best. Although he wasn’t worthy of the name, he knew his music made people move and inspired them to become a better version of themselves. Now, that his leg was no longer in action and he wasn’t sure when he’ll be able to dance once again, composing music was his only option. Hoseok needed to escape reality; what he did to Seokjin while he was in Little Space was unforgivable. He was a rapist, just like Minho and he will never forgive himself for the crime he had committed. Yoongi and Seokjin didn’t deserve to be with him and he didn’t deserve to be called their boyfriend. He wasn’t sure how the dynamic of the group will function now that he was a rapist but he just hoped that the other members would look after Seokjin and Yoongi...that was his only wish. Hoseok didn’t cared about what happened to him, all that it mattered to him was that his boyfriends were happy.
As he continued to emerge himself in music, he came up with a beat for his new solo song that would be included in their next album. At this moment, aside from feeling like a scumbag, Hoseok felt like he was losing himself by not being able to dance, so the idea of writing a song about his love for dancing came to his mind. So there he was, tweaking and meddling with some sounds, that he wasn’t aware of the door of his studio opening and closing.
“Hobi…” Yoongi’s voice startled him, making him jump back on his seat and placed a hand on his chest. Great, aside from being a jerk just like Minho, now he was also a scary cat, although he always knew he was easily frightened, it never stopped to amaze him.
“W-What? H-how did you get inside?” He stuttered. Hoseok wasn’t ready to face his two boyfriends. Damn, he wasn’t emotionally ready to break up with them.
“Huh? Through the front door? What, you through we walked through the wall or something?” Yoongi sassed back, taking a seat on the couch, pulling Seokjin by the hand to join him. Hoseok noticed that his sweet and adorable hyung was wearing an oversized pink sweater that made him look extra small and wished he could cuddled with his cute boyfriend, but he knew those were a thing in the past, now that he was determined to break up with them.
“Whatever...what do you want? I’m kinda busy right now.” He stated, furrowing his eyebrows pretending to be angry. Hoseok wanted to look like the bad guy. Well, technically he was after raping his hyung, but he wanted to be the one they blamed for ending their relationship. It was the least he could do for all the damage he had created.
“We wanted to talk with you about what happened the other day…” Yoongi informed him.
“There is nothing to talk about.” He answered back, crossing his arms.
“But Hoseok, we—“
“I said there is no nothing to talk about. I know what you want to say and I agree. It’s best if we broke up. I’m just like Minho, I’m a rapist, a sicko for having sex with hyung while he was in Little Space. I don’t deserve to be with you. I’m thinking of quitting the band and go as far away as possible, where no one will ever find me. Heck, I’ll even go to the ends of the world so you two won’t have to see my face anymore. I’m a monster. I’m a beast, I’m just like Minho. I don’t deserve to be in the same room as——“ Hoseok rambled but was interrupted by Seokjin. His boyfriend came up to him and straddled his lap, making the chair he was sitting on slightly move further back. Before Hoseok could detest, his hyung’s lips were pressed against his own. Seokjin was licking, biting, and pulling on his bottom lip sending a pleasurable sensation all throughout his body that he didn’t want to enjoy, but he was and he needed more. He wasn’t sure what was happening but he knew for sure, that if this was going to be his last kiss with Seokjin, then he might as well enjoy it, even though he didn’t deserve it.
“Mmm” he moaned, as the kiss got sloppier and messier. He parted his lips to grant Seokjin access into his mouth and immediately their tongues touched, moving in sync to explore each other's mouths. Hoseok felt Seokjin cup his cheeks while tilting his head backward, taking control and deepening the kiss.
Suddenly, he felt someone biting and nibbling on his earlobe, which he immediately knew it was Yoongi. Hoseok let himself be manipulated by the two people he trusted with all his heart.
“I know the truth Hoseok” Yoongi whispered into his ear, feeling a hand crawled underneath his shirt caressing his bare chest. Hoseok couldn’t reply, due to Seokjin still kissing him, but his eyes widened by the words he just heard.
“It’s not your fault...I’m sorry… please don’t break up with us…” Yoongi sniffled against his cheek and kissed his jawline, while circling his fingertips on Hoseok’s sensitive nipples.
“Aaah—-mmmh” Hoseok moaned as he gasped for air when Seokjin finally separated from him.
“Don’t. You. Ever. Say. You. Want. To. Break. Up. With. Us.” Seokjin angrily said, pepper kissing him all over his face. Hoseok weakly smiled as he saw the pouty face his hyung had, which he always found adorable.
“Exactly! Don’t even joke about it. You are stuck with us for the rest of your life” Yoongi said, coming to Hoseok’s view. Yoongi rested his chin on Seokjin’s left shoulder and looked at him with sadness in his eyes.
“Now, let's talk. You need to hear what we have to say and don’t jump to conclusions before we finish talking, okay?” Yoongi said, walking to the couch.
“Are you two going to stay there? Or are you going to come sit beside me?” Yoongi asked, signaling them with his hands to move to the couch.
Hoseok loved how dominant Yoongi could be, so not wanting to make his boyfriend any grumpier, he complied.
Now the three of them were sitting down on the couch, Seokjin was in the middle of both Hoseok and Yoongi, while Hoseok sat down with his legs stretched out over Seokjin’s lap. Hoseok had a good view of both of his boyfriends and he prepared his heart to hear the words that they both had to say to him.
“So… like I was saying before. Seokjin told me what happened. I know Jinnie tricked you into believing that hyung was no longer in Little Space. I’m sorry for yelling at you…”
“But that’s no excuse for what I did. I’m a rapist...I’m just like Minho…” Hoseok said picking at the hem of his shorts, looking down in shame.
“NO!” Seokjin startled him, causing Hoseok look up and lock eyes with his boyfriends.
“Hoseok, there is no way you are like that bastard. He raped me and then he brought strangers to raped me. It was all against my will so never compare yourself to him. I tricked you and that’s how you agreed to have sex with me but you refused when you knew I was in the wrong headspace. You respected me… so don’t you ever say you are like Minho ever again!”
“I agree with Seokjin. Hoseok, you are not a rapist. Heck, you are nothing like Minho. He was a monster, he was a rapist. You, on the other hand, are a wonderful person and it was not your fault. It’s not your fault either Seokjin. Your Little side is traumatized and he didn’t know what he was doing.” Yoongi said intensely staring at Hoseok and Seokjin. Hoseok felt conflicted, he wanted to believe what his boyfriends were telling him but he still felt guilty. He still felt afraid.
“But…” he softly said, tears clouding his vision. He didn’t know what to say; there were no words to express how he was feeling.
“No buts, come home with us Hoseok. We miss you...I miss you.” Seokjin said to him, as tears were falling down his cheeks. Hoseok saw Yoongi comforting their boyfriend by wiping away his tears and placing gentle kisses on top of his hyung’s head.
“But...”
“Hoseok! Please, stop being so stubborn! Let’s all go home, the rest of the guys are waiting for us. We need to have a meeting about everything that happened and now with Jungkook being a Little, we need to know how the group’s dynamics is going to work” Yoongi insisted.
Hoseok had completely forgotten about Jungkook being a Little; He was too preoccupied by what he did that he neglected such an important information.
“Okay, you guys win. Let’s go home…” Hoseok sighed, admitting defeat. Hoseok still hasn’t forgiven himself for what he had done, despite the fact that Yoongi and Seokjin had forgave him and reassured him that it was not his fault. It was difficult to move forward after feeling so much guilt but maybe after the meeting, he’ll talk more with his boyfriends about where their relationship stands and how his negative feelings could affect them all.
Notes:
So Kitty and Sunny are finally back 😭😭
What do you think will happen in the future? How long will Hoseok feel guilty about what happened with Jinnie? What will happen to their intimate relationship?
Please let me know your thoughts and I look forward to reading your comments.
My Twitter: Kumasama92
Chapter 31: Trapped in the Middle
Summary:
What was the point of living if the people Seokjin loved hated him? What was the point of fighting through his struggles if the people he wanted nearby avoided him?
Notes:
WARNING ⚠️ SUICIDAL THOUGHTS ON THE SECOND HALF OF THE CHAPTER!
I’m back with another chapter.
Sorry it has taken me a long time to update. I wanted to write some chapters in advance before I updated again.
The first half of the chapter is edited but the second half, I’m still waiting for the final edits, so excuse any grammatical mistakes. I didn’t want to wait any longer to update so once those edits are finished, I’ll just update the chapter.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The past few days had been so nerve-racking for Yoongi that he felt like he’d breakdown at any moment. From witnessing Hoseok and Seokjin having sex, to finding out that it was Jinnie who tricked their boyfriend, the conflicts they were facing weren’t easy to solve. Everything was a mess and Yoongi couldn’t shake the feeling that it was not over. As he walked to the elevator, in the middle of his two boyfriends, Yoongi noticed the awkward and tense atmosphere around them, and he wondered why. True, their conversation from earlier was not over because they needed to hear each other’s opinions on how this incident will affect their relationship, but he knew it was not going to be easy to get past the fact that Seokjin had sex while in Little Space. He hoped for the best because he loved Hoseok and Seokjin. As the three of them entered the apartment, they heard voices coming from the living room.
“I guess they are waiting for us,” Hoseok said, linking arms with Yoongi and pulling him forward, while using the other hand with the crutch as support. Yoongi wasn’t sure how Hoseok could walk so perfectly despite his injury, but maybe therapy was taking its effect. Yoongi tried to grab Seokjin’s hand to drag him along but everything happened so fast that their adorable boyfriend was left behind. Yoongi noticed a pained expression on his hyung’s face and he wondered what was wrong. Was Seokjin not feeling well? Were his panic attacks creeping up on him? Yoongi really needed to talk with Seokjin about going to therapy. It was the only solution to panic attacks and depression.
“Finally! You guys are here! We’ve been waiting for you!” Jimin cheerfully stated, getting up from the couch and looking at them with so much fondness. Yoongi knew it was time for a family meeting, and for Jungkook to return Kitty and Sunny to Seokjin. He couldn’t wait to see the surprise expression on his boyfriend’s face once he saw the stuffies he'd been missing so much.
“Come, sit right here. We saved a spot for you guys,” Jimin added, directing them to a section of the L shaped couch, where the three of them could sit together, and where they had a good view of the other members. Hoseok unlinked their hands and walked to the couch semi limping, and plopped down onto the couch. Then, he noticed Seokjin walk passed him, in an attempt to sit next to Hoseok. However, Hoseok placed a cushion on the space next to him, preventing Seokjin from sitting down. Dejected, Seokjin moved further away creating a gap between the two of them. What was wrong with Hoseok? Was he avoiding Seokjin? It couldn’t be, but if so, it was very childish of him to keep rejecting their boyfriend. Yoongi walked to the couch and as he got closer he saw Hoseok retrieving the cushion, leaving an empty gap available for him to sit down. Yoongi glared at Hoseok but his boyfriend just averted his eyes. Hoseok clearly knew what he was doing and Yoongi was going to bring this issue up for discussion later tonight, once they were done with the meeting.
“Okay, now that we are all gathered. We need to talk,” Namjoon spoke up, getting all the member’s attention. It was obvious they all needed to talk, there was a new Little in the house and that could affect how the dynamics would function in the group.
“Jungkook is a Little…” Taehyung confirmed, looking at the Maknae in a unmalicious way.
“Obviously.” Jimin scoffed, giggling at the statement.
“Hey! Stop being so mean! I'm just trying to start up the conversation since nobody is making any effort.” Taehyung responded, furrowing his eyebrows and crossing his arms. Yoongi appreciated the sentiment behind Taehyung actions because it was not easy to talk about Little Space and the fact that there was more than one Little in their group.
“Ahem, Can I talk now?” Jungkook asked, looking shy and nervous.
“Sure, go ahead.” Hoseok replied, with a serious expression as if he was annoyed by the conversation. Yoongi just looked at Seokjin, who was looking down at his own lap, like if it was the most interesting thing in the world.
“Hyung… are you alright?” Yoongi whispered, placing his hand on Seokjin’s thigh, which earned a sudden flinch from his boyfriend. How could Yoongi forgotten about Seokjin’s fear of contact?
“Sorry.” He quickly said, retrieving his hand.
“It’s okay...I’m fine,” Seokjin softly replied, as if his energy had been sucked out of his body.
“Is hyung okay?” Jungkook asked and he just nodded in agreement.
“Okay, then I just want to start by stating the obvious. I’m a Little. You probably are all curious about how it happened and why. Well, it was after the incident with Minho. I was in such a horrible state that after going to therapy Joonie suggested for me to go into Little Space.”
“I wasn’t sure if it was going to work out, but I’m glad it did because Jungkook is starting to feel better.” Namjoon added.
“Joonie? Since when do you call Namjoon, Joonie?” Taehyung asked and Yoongi wanted to know the answer as well.
“Well…” Jungkook shyly said, playing with the hem of Namjoon’s shorts.
“We are going out...We confess our feelings and started to go out recently.” Namjoon stated, grinning ear to ear. It was adorable to see how Jungkook’s cheeks turned a light shade of pink from the attention he was receiving. Yoongi was happy for their relationship because Jungkook and Namjoon deserve all the happiness in the world.
“Congrats! I’m so happy for you guys!” Yoongi said, smiling. A series of happy squeals and congratulatory words were heard throughout the room. Yet, Seokjin remained quiet all throughout the happy celebration. It was weird, Yoongi knew it was not like Seokjin to not be happy for a member or to express his excitement.
“Oh yeah! Jin-hyung I got a surprise for you!” Jungkook shouted getting Seokjin’s attention. His hyung looked up, confused and uncomfortable by the sudden attention he was getting and started to bounce his leg up and down in nervousness.
“Close your eyes.” Jungkook requested and Seokjin complied. Yoongi saw Jungkook get up from the couch and walked to the table next to the TV stand and took out a blue gift bag, which he assumed it contained Kitty and Sunny.
“Okay. You can open your eyes now,” Jungkook said, standing right in front of Seokjin with the gift bag in hand. Jungkook placed the bag on his hyung’s lap who looked at it with curiosity.
“What is it? It’s not my birthday…” Seokjin questioned, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion.
“I know, silly. It’s a special surprise for my favorite hyung.”
“Oh okay…” Yoongi heard Seokjin whispered, opening the gift bag and looking inside. Seokjin’s eyes widen in shock at the realization of the bag’s content and looked at Jungkook with teary eyes.
“Kitty...Sunny…” Seokjin stared at the plushies with mixed feelings of relief and pain and Yoongi wondered how his hyung really felt about the plushies. He hoped it brought him joy. With trembling hands, Seokjin took out each plushie, set aside the bag and placed both plushies on his lap, gently petting them like they were the most precious creatures in the world.
“Thank...you” Seokjin said, his voice shaking and Yoongi knew his hyung must be feeling overwhelmed. Kitty and Sunny held a special place in Seokjin’s heart and Yoongi knew it was due to the sentiment behind each stuffie; they were gifts Hoseok and Yoongi gave to their hyung before their relationship started.
“I’m so happy you liked my surprise. I know you missed them a lot,” Jungkook expressed, smiling at the scene in front of them. Yoongi was getting emotional, seeing his boyfriend so happy by getting the plushies he loved with all his heart, it really made his heart shuddered in happiness.
Yoongi saw Jungkook walk back to the couch where Namjoon was sitting and plopped down. He looked around the room and noticed the rest of the members had the same expressions: fondness and relief. Seokjin would no longer suffer from the loss of his two precious stuffies and would be more willing to go into Little Space.
“Um—” Seokjin tried to speak out, his voice cracking by the tears he was holding back.
“What is it hyung?” Namjoon asked.
“A-ah, I-I...T-Thank you…for the plushies. I’m so happy. Umm, I-I also want to say that...that I made up my mind,” Seokjin stuttered, cradling both stuffies in each arm.
“About what?” Hoseok asked, looking worried as if Seokjin was going to say goodbye forever or break up with them.
“About going to therapy...I think it’s time I went…I think I’m ready.” Seokjin confessed and Yoongi felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his chest. He was beyond happy that his hyung made the decision to go, not by force, but willing. Yoongi sighed in relief knowing that this was the right step forward to Seokjin’s recovery.
“I’m so happy to hear that!” Jungkook excitedly exclaimed.
“I’ll let manager Sejin know, so he can arrange an appointment as soon as possible” Namjoon added.
“Thank you,” Seokjin answered, sniffling. Yoongi cup one of Seokjin’s cheeks and with his thumb wiped away a few tears that were streaming down. Seokjin weakly smiled at him, so Yoongi leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on the corner of Seokjin’s eye. Yoongi hated to see his boyfriend crying, even if it was from happiness.
“Ahem, sorry to interrupt the cute moment but now that we have settled hyung’s therapy, is there anything else anyone would like to talk about, before we all have dinner?” Taehyung asked.
“Hmm, aside from how it will affect us to have two Littles in the house, I’m all set.” Yoongi stated, getting nodding approval from the rest of the members.
“Well, I know we haven’t experienced Little Space as a whole group except when hyung slip into his headspace before you know...the incident.” Jungkook said, looking guilty by bringing up such a sensitive topic.
“Maybe we should set up another date where Jungkook and hyung can slip into their headspace?” Jimin suggested and Yoongi thought it was a brilliant idea.
“Sounds great!” Namjoon confirmed, getting nodding approval from the rest of the members except Seokjin, who kept looking at the plushies.
“Now, how about we all go eat?! I’m starving.” Jungkook whined, dramatically rubbing his stomach as if he hadn’t eaten in weeks. Yoongi was glad they had a meeting. A lot of issues had been solved and plans for future bonding had been scheduled. As he helped Hoseok get up from the couch, the realization that Hoseok was avoiding Seokjin became more evident. Seokjin got up from the couch and walked to the opposite side of Hoseok with a crutch in hand, ready to hand it to their boyfriend. However, Hoseok yanked the crutch from Seokjin and started to walk forward to the kitchen. Yoongi saw the pained expression on Seokjin’s face and his heart shattered into a million pieces. It was agitating to see the way Hoseok was acting towards their hyung and after dinner was over, Yoongi planned to have a serious talk with him and clear up this issue before it caused any more damage.
—————
What was the point of living if the people Seokjin loved hated him? What was the point of fighting through his struggles if the people he wanted nearby avoided him? Seokjin wasn’t naive to the sudden change of attitude Hoseok have developed towards him in a span of a few hours. Despite the kiss they shared when Hoseok tried to break up with them, his boyfriend had become distant but only towards him. It was never Yoongi. It was always Seokjin… He was the only problem.
It pained his heart seeing Hoseok reject him for a reason he wasn’t aware of or maybe it was his fault for acting like such a whore? Was the kiss from earlier too indecent for a person who was raped? Was he supposed to not have any physical attraction towards his boyfriends because he had been scarred and broken? Seokjin can't help but feel like the people he loved with all his heart had abandoned him for being dirty. Hoseok was avoiding him like the plague, and no matter how much he tried to touch his boyfriend, he was shoved away. It angered Seokjin the unfair treatment his boyfriend was giving him and he wanted to cry, cry until his eyes would no longer produce any more tears. Was he so filthy that Hoseok no longer wanted to touch him? Was he no longer desirable because he was raped? Who would want a used up toy? No one! And the scars on his back were a reminder of the pure filth he had become. Seokjin knew he couldn’t shed a tear in front of the members. To show such weakness would only cause a disturbance in the group, and he would rather suck up all the negative emotions inside of him, than exposed them. Seokjin already felt useless and empty that he wanted to fall to the ground and scream in agony. Yet, he was the oldest member of BTS and he had to set up a good example for the other members. Therefore, Seokjin needed to demonstrate that he was fine, that he was not broken on the inside, in order to ease the pain he had caused to the group.
Seokjin vaguely remembered dinner with the members. He felt like a mannequin, hollow on the inside and stoic on the outside, and as good as he could, he tried to pretend that he was aware of the surrounding conversation. Even though he was happy to have Kitty and Sunny back, Seokjin felt an unexplainable sadness that was eating him alive. Seokjin felt like he was going crazy with the polar-opposite emotions he was experiencing. One minute he was happy, and out of nowhere a sudden urge to run away as far as possible consumed his mind, and he didn’t know what to do but to complied to the commands of his body.
“I think it’s time we all go to bed,” Namjoon told the group, and he was relieved to finally end his torture. He wanted to go back to his room, to be alone. If Hoseok saw him as burdensome then there was no point in holding onto his last ray of hope in this world. If he was alone, no one would have to witness his pathetic actions of self-harm. Seokjin wanted to die, he wanted to disappear from this world, since he was certain that no one would even feel sad about his departure.
“Goodnight!” Seokjin heard Yoongi say to the group while linking arms with him, and walking towards the stairs, with a grumpy Hoseok trailing behind them. Seokjin wanted to protest because he didn’t want to be in the same room as Hoseok. He wanted to isolate himself in his room, and drowned in his sorrows of being rejected by his boyfriend. However, Seokjin suspected that Yoongi was aware of the situation, and was determined to fix it. Seokjin wished it was true because he was so close to his breaking point.
The three of them entered Hoseok’s room, and the sweet smell of vanilla penetrated his nostrils. It was a very familiar, yet so relaxing smell for Seokjin that he knew he was home; In a safe environment where no one would harm him, not even the demons inside his head.
“What do you say we all take a shower?” Yoongi suggested and Seokjin knew it was not a good idea. He didn’t want his boyfriends to see his filthy body; he didn’t want them to see the scars on his back that have just started to heal. Seokjin was ugly from the inside out and no one deserved to see his naked body in all its filthy glory.
“A-a...I” He tried to say, but was interrupted by Hoseok’s loud sigh.
“Fine!” Hoseok voiced out in annoyance, walking to the bathroom while carefully maneuvering the crutches, so it would pass through the bathroom door. Why was Seokjin such a burden? Even Hoseok hated him.
“Shall we go?” Yoongi smiled at him, extending his arm to take Seokjin’s hand. Maybe Hoseok just wanted to be with the sweet and adorable Yoongi and not with Seokjin, the dirty and disgusting whore.
“Hyung, let me help you get undressed,” Yoongi asked, when they got inside the bathroom. Seokjin wanted everything to be over, so he can go back to his own room and drown in his sorrows. Therefore, Seokjin raised his hands and let Yoongi take off his shirt. A chill ran down his spine as the cold air hit his warm skin. Yoongi trace a finger on the waistband of his sweatpants and looked at Seokjin asking for permission.
“It’s okay. I can take it off.” Seokjin whispered, his cheeks slightly blushing. Yoongi understood and walked to the other side of the bathroom where Hoseok was sitting down on a shower chair. It was not safe for Hoseok to stand up during a shower, so until his leg was back in shape, he needed to use a chair for support.
“Let me help you Hoseok,” Yoongi said, seeing their boyfriend struggling to take off his shorts. Seokjin finally took off his sweatpants and underwear, feeling so vulnerable by his nakedness. A low groan got his attention as he saw Hosoek staring at him. Was Hoseok disgusted by his body? Did Hoseok not want to see him naked? The negative thoughts started to flow back into his mind.
Try to hold it in. Don’t cry. Don’t show them your weak side. Seokjin repeated in his mind. He couldn't breakdown in front of Hoseok and Yoongi, he couldn’t embarrass himself.
A loud hissing sound echoed inside the bathroom as Yoongi took off Hoseok’s underwear, only for Seokjin to noticed that Hoseok had a hard-on. A realization came to his mind, maybe, just maybe if he satisfied his boyfriend by giving him a blowjob, Hoseok won’t ignore him anyone. After all, he was just a whore; a filthy slut whose only good aspect were his good looks and to satisfy others.
“Let me help you!” Seokjin shouted, a little too eager for his liking but moved closer to where Hoseok was sitting down.
“What?” Yoongi questioned, looking dejected by what Seokjin just proposed. Yoongi was the only one who was fully clothed because he was helping Seokjin and Hoseok get undressed, but Seokjin noticed a blush on his boyfriend’s cheeks that indicated how flustered he was feeling.
“I said, let me take care of your hard-on Hoseok. I promise, I give a good head.” Seokjin shamelessly confessed. Feeling a sense of satisfaction by being able to pleased his boyfriend. In his mind, he hoped it will prevent their relationship from breaking apart.
“W-What? I’m fine. Don’t worry.” Hoseok stuttered and Seokjin heart shattered into a million pieces. Great, he can’t even pleased his boyfriend when he needed it the most. What a useless partner he was to Hoseok and Yoongi.
“Are you sure? It looks uncomfortable. Want me to help you instead?” Yoongi proposed and Seokjin’s heart shattered into a million pieces once again, when Hoseok nodded in agreement.
Why Hoseok? Why are rejecting my touch? He thought. Seokjin came to the realization that he was the problem all along. Hosoek felt disgusted by him.
“Nngh!” Hoseok moaned as Yoongi grabbed the base of his length with one hand, and slowly started to move his hand up and down.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Don’t let them see you so weak. Seokjin repeated in his mind. There was no space for Seokjin in the relationship, he was just a three-wheeler who got in the way and only caused them trouble.
“Mmm—ah—hyung!” Hoseok moaned repeatedly as Yoongi took the length inside the warm mouth. Seokjin felt like he was intruding in a intimate moment, where he didn’t belong. He just stood there, in the middle of the bathroom like an idiot, with tears forming at the prick of his eyes.
Useless Whore! Slut! Filthy! No one will ever love you! Hoseok doesn’t love you. Yoongi doesn’t love you. None of the members really care about you. Seokjin, you are just a burden to them. You can’t even sexually satisfy your boyfriend, who preferred Yoongi over you. Ha! Who would even love a filthy whore like you anyways? No one. Kill yourself and end all of your misery.
The demons inside Seokjin’s head screamed at him. He couldn’t hold it in anymore. What was the point of living if Hoseok and Yoongi preferred each other and excluded him from any physical contact? Seokjin finally let a single tear fall down to his cheekbones. A single tear that represented how lonely he left and how he was all alone in the world. His breathing started to quicken and his heart become too tight on his chest. The urge to throw up crawled on his stomach and his body trembled in fear. Seokjin needed to get out of the bathroom as quickly as possible before it was too late.
A high-pitched screeching noise escaped his mouth and immediately he was on his knees, crying his heart out, while placing one hand on his chest. It was hard to breathe. It was too hard to accept the reality that Hoseok and Yoongi didn’t love him. They just took pity on him and pretended they cared about his well-being. Hoseok and Yoongi loved each other and Seokjin was just stuck in the middle of their relationship, as the useless and pathetic hyung who can’t even control his emotions.
Seokjin tried to crawled out of the room, but his chest was hurting so much that he thought he was going to suffocate; his chest heaving rapidly as he felt his air pipes threatened to close. What was the point of living if the people Seokjin loved hated him? What was the point of living if Hoseok and Yoongi didn’t love him? What was the point of fighting through his struggles if the people he wanted nearby avoided him? Maybe it was time for Seokjin to give up and drown into despair. After all, he would be better off dead.
Notes:
Please let me know your thoughts.
I know I’ve been dragging the whole “seokjin needs to go to therapy” sentence but let me know if you think Seokjin would be willing to go, now that he feels like he’s alone in the world. What do you think would happen to Jin and his relationship with Hoseok? Why did Hoseok act the way he did?
I look forward to reading your comments.
My Twitter: Kumasama92
Chapter 32: Dr. Lee
Summary:
“Of course, Hyung. I’ll definitely let him know.” Jungkook answered, smiling at him and trailing after the doctor. Hoseok gripped Yoongi’s hand tighter and hoped that his Hyung will forgive him for acting like such an asshole.
Notes:
I’m back with another chapter!
I hope you enjoy it!!!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The distinct smell of bleach, antiseptic and the scent of stainless steel made Hoseok's stomach turn; The way the hospital doors slid open and shut, made him jump in his chair. The series of screams, cries, moans, gasps, and grunts coming from the patients terrified him. Strangers talking in low voices, intercom calling out codes, squeaky wheelchairs, and a low-volumed TV made him panic. All of these noises the hospital had to offer were some of the most agonizing sounds Hoseok had ever heard. Being in a room with his members had never made him feel so cramped and he knew that everything that had happened was all his fault. The waiting room was in chaos as they all waited to hear any news from the doctor about their oldest hyung’s condition. Seokjin had been taken into the Emergency room due to intense chest pain and breathing problems. Hoseok was devastated by the scene he witnessed earlier that night while they were taking a shower. Seokjin started crying, heaving and holding onto his chest while trying to crawl away from the bathroom. Yoongi immediately got up from the floor and ran to their boyfriend, trying to stabilize his breathing but it was no use as Seokjin just started to panic more as soon as Yoongi called out Hoseok’s name for help. He knew it was his fault for the way he had been acting towards his boyfriend. To avoid any physical contact and ignore Seokjin’s caring words was very childish of Hoseok but he was scared. Hoseok was scared of hurting Seokjin and scared of breaking his delicate and fragile boyfriend by his mare touch. Hoseok viewed Seokjin as a doll made out of porcelain which could break at any moment if he touched it.
“This is all your fault Hoseok! How could you act like such a jerk?!” Yoongi shouted, glaring at him from across the room, ready to beat some sense into him, if necessary.
“I know…” he whispered as he looked down at the shiny hospital floor in shame.
“Whoa! Hey, let's not point any fingers. It’s not Hoseok’s fault that Hyung had a very bad anxiety attack,” Namjoon tried to explain, but Hoseok knew the truth. It was his fault and he will never forgive himself.
“No, it’s definitely Hoseok fault for acting like an asshole. Why the hell did you keep ignoring him, huh? Acting as if Hyung was a burden!” Yoongi asked, getting up from where he was sitting and walking towards Hoseok who was sitting in the corner, away from the rest of the members.
“Explain it to me Hoseok! What is your problem? Because I don’t understand!” Hoseok heard as Yoongi clenched fists full of his shirt, yanking him upwards so he was standing up. Hoseok averted his eyes, he couldn’t look at Yoongi straight in the eyes. He felt too guilty.
“I-I…” Hoseok tried to explain but no concrete words could leave his mouth.
“Fuck you, Hoseok!” Yoongi yelled and forcefully threw him back down onto the chair. Hoseok deserved all the hate he was getting. Tears started to cloud his vision and he wanted to crawl into a hole and get away from all the people he loved. Hoseok didn’t deserve to be near Yoongi and Seokjin as he only bought them pain.
“Is that true Hoseok?” Jimin asked and he just nodded in agreement. There was no point in hiding his actions. Hoseok was a jerk and he knew it.
“But why? What did Hyung do to make you act like that?” Jimin added. If Hoseok was going to be hated by everyone in the group, he might as well tell them the truth.
“I-I...H-he didn’t do anything. It’s all my fault...I-I feel so guilty about what happened between us the other day. I raped Hyung...while he was in Little Space and I will never forgive myself for what I have done.” Hoseok confessed.
“Hobari...” Jimin said, looking at him with pity.
“Hoseok, you know that wasn’t your fault, right? Jinnie tricked you.” Namjoon explained.
“You don't get it, it is my fault! I’m a rapist! I don’t deserve to be near Hyung. I can’t touch him, I can’t kiss him goodnight. I can’t cuddle with him. I’ll only bring painful memories to him. I’m just like Minho!” Hoseok expressed, raising his voice, as tears began streaming down his cheeks.
“Would you stop that, Hoseok! Why do you keep comparing yourself to that monster? You are nothing like him. Seokjin told you to stop. To stop with your insecurities! He knows it’s not your fault and it will never be! Please, just stop acting on your own and tell us. Tell us when you are feeling doubtful...don’t act like we don’t matter and especially don’t do stuff without consulting us first because it will only cause more misunderstandings…” Yoongi asserted, crouching down in front of Hoseok. He noticed Yoongi’s cheeks were stained with tears and the pained expression on his boyfriend’s face pierced right through his heart.
“B-But…” he tried to say but the knot forming in his throat prevented him from expressing himself.
“Hobi... don’t hold everything in. It’s not your fault and you know it. Stop blaming yourself…” Yoongi whispered and Hoseok wasn’t able to hold back all of his emotions. Maybe Yoongi was right, maybe he was being too harsh on himself when he knew he was as innocent as Seokjin. Therefore, Hoseok launched himself towards his boyfriend, which made Yoongi fall onto the floor from the impact, and buried his face in the crook of Yoongi’s neck. While his hands clenched fists full of Yoongi’s shirt and let out painful sobs. Hoseok cried until he felt like his eyes were dried out, while Yoongi drew circles on his back with his fingertips trying to soothe his pain. It was calming and he felt a little better, but the regret of acting so mean towards his Seokjin only grew stronger.
“S-sorry...S-sorry” Hoseok apologized over and over again, his body trembling as he poured all his emotions into painful sobs.
“I’m sorry for yelling at you...I know you didn’t mean to act the way you did 'cause you hate Hyung.”
“B-But—“
“Shush, don’t say anything. Just cry, cry until you feel better.” Yoongi whispered, feeling fingers combing his hair. Crying was helping Hoseok released all the emotions that were bundled up inside of him, all his insecurities and all his regrets.
“Family of Kim Seokjin!” Hoseok heard and quickly got away from Yoongi’s embraced and stood up along with Yoongi, who was whipping away some of his own tears with the back of his hand. Hoseok reached out for Yoongi’s hand and they intertwined their fingers, gripping tightly in an act of support. Hoseok was nervous to hear what the doctor had to say about their boyfriend’s health condition.
“Yes, we are Seokjin’s family. How’s he doing doctor?” Namjoon asked, taking charge of the situation.
“He’s finally stabilized. He has an oxygen mask to help him with his respiration for the moment, at least until we think he can breathe on his own without any problems. However, we suggest for him to see a therapist. Dr. Lee, the hospital’s psychiatrist, has been contacted and she will come by tomorrow to see him.”
“When can we see him?” Taehyung demanded, voice shaking with fear.
“Well...technically you can visit him right now, but he doesn’t want to see anyone at the moment, except for...give me one second,” the doctor said, looking down at the stack of papers he was holding.
“Jungkook. Mr. Seokjin requested for only Mr. Jungkook to visit him at the moment.”
“I’m Jungkook! please take me to see Hyung!” Jungkook spoke up. Walking towards the doctor as fast as he could. Why Jungkook? Why only him? Did Seokijn hate Hoseok after everything that he had done?
“Jungkook!” Hoseok shouted. He was not going to lie to himself, and say he wasn’t deeply hurt by not being the person Seokjin wanted to see, but he needed to let his boyfriend know his feelings of regret and that he will be waiting for the moment when his Hyung was ready to see them.
“Yeah?”
“Tell Hyung that I’m sorry. Tell him I didn’t mean to avoid him and make him feel like I didn’t care about him. Tell him I love him and that Yoongi and I will wait for him until he’s ready to see us.” Hoseok stated
“Of course, Hyung. I’ll definitely let him know.” Jungkook answered, smiling at him and trailing after the doctor. Hoseok gripped Yoongi’s hand tighter and hoped that his Hyung will forgive him for acting like such an asshole.
—————-
Slowly opening his eyes, Seokjin tried to adjust to the light that was beaming right at him by blinking a few times. He vaguely remembered what had happened to him but as he looked around, he noticed that he was not in Hoseok’s bathroom anymore. The room he was currently in was very white and the smell of bleach and antiseptic penetrated his nostrils, making him realize that he was in the hospital. Great, he caused another inconvenience for the members. When will he stop being such a burden?
He tried to sit up straight but the IV on his right hand and the pain throughout his body prevented him from doing so; therefore, he stopped struggling and stared at the white ceiling and wished for a nurse or a doctor to come to do their routinely vital signs check-up. After minutes of pure silence and just his breathing being heard throughout the room, the echoes caused by the movement of feet caught his attention.
“Oh Mr. Kim, you're finally awake,” a woman wearing blue scrubs came into his view.
“Let me go get the doctor, okay? I’ll be right back.” the woman added, smiling at him and walking away. After ten minutes, more footsteps were heard and he knew the doctor had come to visit him.
“Hello there Mr. Kim. My name is Dr. Choi. I'm one of the physicians at this hospital. I’m so glad you’re finally awake. How are you feeling?”
“I-I’m fine,” Seokjin said, his voice coming out huskier and raspier than usual.
“Good. Are you feeling any pain right now?”
“No, but why do I have an oxygen mask?”
“Well, the reasons you were brought into the emergency room was because you had chest pain and trouble breathing, but we came to the conclusion that you had suffered an anxiety attack. Luckily, there were no abnormalities with your heart or lungs. You were having trouble breathing, so we gave you some oxygen to help ease your breathing. The oxygen levels in your blood were very low when you came in, due to the anxiety attack you were having, but we were able to stabilize it. However, until we get those oxygen levels to where we want them to be, you’ll have to wear that oxygen mask.”
“Oh, I see… how long have I’ve been in the hospital?”
“Just a few hours.”
“Oh…” Seokjin replied, feeling dejected by the inconvenience he had created to his band members and the doctors.
“Another thing, we highly suggest you see a therapist while you are in the hospital. Would you be interested in seeing one? They can further help you understand what an anxiety attack is and how to prevent them from getting to the point where you have to visit the emergency room,”
“Y-Yeah that is fine with me…”
“Okay, good. Dr. Lee will come in tomorrow for a visit. Now try to get some rest,” Dr. Choi explained, and Seokjin’s heart skipped a beat by the name he had just heard.
“Dr. Lee?”
“Yes, She’s our hospital’s head psychiatrist. Usually, we sent her a referral for our patients and she’ll just send one of her colleagues for an initial evaluation, but once she saw your case, she exclusively wanted to be your therapist.”
“Why?” Seokjin asked. Lee was the real name of Glasses-Hyung and memories of being raped floated back into his mind. Was Dr. Lee related to Glasses-Hyung? It can’t be. Was Glasses-Hyung’s shadow going to follow him all throughout the process of his recovery? He hoped not.
“Hmm, I’m not sure, to be honest.” The doctor confessed. Seokjin feared for his life. If Dr. Lee was indeed related to Glasses-Hyung then it would make sense for her to specifically request for his case. A chill ran down his spine and his hands started to tremble. However, he couldn’t demonstrate his discomfort in front of the doctor so he hid his hands, as best as he could, under the blanket before the doctor could notice his trembling hands.
“Oh…I see” he weakly replied, averting his eyes. Seokjin knew that if he locked eyes with the doctor he would see through his facade and he didn’t want that to happen.
“Any further questions?”
“N-no, n-not at the moment.” Seokjin stuttered.
“Okay, that’s fine. Before I go, let me check your lungs and heart. Would you mind sitting up straight for me?” Dr. Choi instructed and with the help of the nurse, he sat up.
“Okay, take a deep breath and exhale slowly for me.”
“Argh!” he groaned midway through his breathing as he felt the cold stethoscope touch his warm skin.
“Sorry,” the doctor apologized and instructed Seokjin to take another deep breath. After repeating the process three more times, the doctor moved on to listen to the heart.
“You can breathe normally now.”
“Okay,” he answered, trying to relax his nervous body. Seokjin was surprised that he didn’t panic by the doctor’s touch but maybe it was because he knew it was for his own sake. If the doctor didn’t check up on him, then he won’t know if he was healthy or not. Besides, if he refused, the chances of staying in the hospital for a long time were high and Seokjin didn’t want that. Seokjin wanted to go back home, and crawled into his bed and never get out.
“Everything sounds good. Let’s keep working on increasing your oxygen levels and then we can talk about taking off the oxygen mask and discharge.”
“Okay, Thank you, doctor.”
“You’re very welcome. Oh, by the way, I was informed that some family members are waiting for you in the waiting room. Would you like for me to call them in?”
“...” Seokjin hesitated replying.
“If you don’t feel like having visitors at the moment, I can tell them to come back another day.”
“Umm, I’ll feel overwhelmed if I saw everyone at the same time. Can I just ask for one person?”
“Sure, that’s fine with me. Tell me their name.”
“Jungkook. His name is Jeon Jungkook. Tell them I only want to see him.” Seokjin declared. He wasn’t ready to see Hoseok and Yoongi. Plus, now that he knows how Hoseok felt towards his filthy body, he didn’t want to be anywhere near his boyfriend. Seokjin didn’t want to taint his wonderful Hoseok with his putrid body. However, he had come to the realization that he didn’t fit in their relationship as he was the odd one, he was the three-wheeler and most importantly Hoseok preferred Yoongi: the innocent, angelic and perfect Yoongi. Maybe Seokjin was not meant to be happy, he was not meant to be loved, and he was definitely not meant to be together with Hoseok and Yoongi.
“Okay.” The doctor replied and walked out of the room followed by the nurse, leaving Seokjin alone in the quiet room, to be drowned by his own insecurities. Seokjin doesn’t remember how much time had passed or if it was night time or day time. He just stared at the ceiling while trying to forget the reason that led to his anxiety attack. After a while, his eyes felt too heavy and drifted off to sleep with the hopes of not having any nightmares.
Seokjin doesn’t remember when he fell asleep but as he stirred in bed by the feeling of soft hands stroking his hair, he wondered if he was home, in his safe haven where he knew no one would harm him. The soft hand felt comfortable against his skin as it caressed his cheek, softly and gently, making him feel pampered by whoever was touching him.
“Hobi…” he whispered, his eyelids too heavy to open and find out who was the person touching him. Yet, deep in his heart there was only one person whom he wished would touch him and make him feel special, and that person was Hoseok. His lovely boyfriend who had the most beautiful smile and loves to cuddle with him. The feeling of Hoseok’s strong hands wrapped around his waist and the muscular chest pressed against Seokjin’s back every time they cuddled, made him feel protected in a way no one, other than Yoongi, would ever make him feel.
“Hobi…” he whimpered. Rubbing his cheek on the soft hand in an act of submission. Seokjin wanted Hoseok to touch him more, he wanted to feel his boyfriend’s heat against his skin.
“I love you Hobi. Please don’t leave me.” he confessed grabbing the hand’s wrist and placing small pecks on the palm of the hand, but there was no actual contact with the soft hand since he was still wearing the oxygen mask, so he slowly opened his eyes.
Reality came crashing down as he noticed Jungkook’s widened eyes and flustered face staring back at him. Seokjin immediately let go of the hand and sat up straight on the bed.
“Sorry…” he whispered, feeling his face and ears turning red from embarrassment.
“It’s okay.” Jungkook awkwardly smiled, leaning back against the chair he was sitting on. Seokjin couldn’t be more embarrassed by the way he acted in front of the younger. How could Seokjin let his desired to be with Hoseok take over him and caused such an embarrassing scene?
“Hyung,” Jungkook broke the silence, looking straight at Seokjin with determination in his eyes.
“How are you feeling?” Jungkook added.
“Fine...I just wish I didn’t have this oxygen mask but other than that...I’m ready to go home.”
“Did they tell you when they’ll take it off?”
“Not until my oxygen levels are more stabilized.” Seokjin shrugged. Why can’t he just take an oxygen tank home, so he can be more relaxed in the comfort of his own space?
“Oh, I see…” Jungkook said clenching his jaw and looking down at his lap while flickering with his fingernails.
“Is there something else you want to ask?”
“W-What?” Jungkook stuttered, looking up like a scared deer.
“Who do you think you’re fooling, Jungkook. I’ve known you since you were fifteen! I know your habits, and the only time you flick your fingernails, clench your jaw and look down in shame is when something is bothering you. So, tell me, what’s on your mind?”
“It’s nothing...”
“Really?” He said, raising an eyebrow. Seokjin hated when people he loved kept important information from him. Even if it was terrible news, he wanted to know the truth because eventually, he’ll know. The truth always comes to light, and he would rather hear it directly from someone he trusts than from a stranger.
“Umm, I-It’s Hoseok…” Jungkook admitted, looking unhappy.
“What the hell happened to Hoseok? Is he hurt? Is he not feeling well? Tell me Jungkook?!” Seokjin demanded feeling his chest tighten and his breath quicken.
“...” Jungkook stared at the floor.
“P-please...J-jungkook tell me...W-what happened... to H-Hoseok,” he added, his voice shaking in fear and he felt like the world was against him.
“Hyung, please calm down! Hoseok-hyung is fine. He’s not hurt or anything.”
“B-but—"
“Listen to me, please. He’s fine. Well, he had a breakdown earlier today but now he’s fine.”
“He what?!” Seokjin's voice rose an octave.
“He had a breakdown…”
“Why?”
“Really Hyung? You’re asking why! It was because you had an anxiety attack.”
“But that’s not his fault…” Seokjin stated, using his left hand to wipe away some of the tears that were streaming down his cheek. Knowing that his boyfriend’s life was not in danger Seokjin felt the pressure in his chest lessen, finally letting him breathe.
“H-he...he told me to tell you that he’s sorry. He’s sorry for ignoring you and acting like such a jerk. He didn’t do it on purpose. Well, technically he did, but his reason behind it was that he didn’t want to hurt you again. Hyung, Hoseok still feels guilty about what happened the other day.”
“I already told him that it’s not his fault...I thought he understood that it was my Little side who tricked him.”
“Yoongi-hyung told him that but hyung only started to compare himself to Minho…and they started arguing.”
“...this is all my fault! Hoseok and Yoongi rarely argue…” Seokjin sighed, feeling his vision clouding with more tears. Why was Seokjin such a crybaby?
“No hyung! Please don’t say that, they love you. They really love you and they are not fighting anymore. It was a necessary argument because we found out why hyung was acting so distant with you. Hoseok told me that they'll wait until you are ready to see them. Please don’t cry!” Jungkook said, panicking. Seokjin tried to hold his tears back as best as he could, by sniffing but it was in vain as he felt like he had let his boyfriends down.
“I-is that why he didn’t want to touch me? Because he thought he was going to hurt me?”
“Mm-Hmm, and I'm not sure what happened in the bathroom because they didn’t want to mention it, but if the reason you had an anxiety attack was because he avoided you, then I think you should all talk. It’s not that he doesn’t love you or anything like that, it’s that he’s afraid of hurting you. You’re so precious to them hyung and they care about your well-being, so I kind of understand why Hoseok acted the way he did.”
“You do?”
“Yeah, if I hurt a person I cared about, I’ll be afraid to be near them. I’ll be afraid of hurting them again, resulting in avoiding them. It’s not the right thing to do, but sometimes we are so clouded by fear that we can’t think logically.”
“I see...but I know Hoseok and Yoongi will never hurt me...”
“And I agree with you hyung. I think the three of you should talk and you need to tell them how you're feeling.”
“Maybe you are right. Umm...Jungkook,” Seokjin said, feeling a little bit better than before.
“Yeah, What is it hyung?”
“C-Can you tell Hoseok and Yoongi that I’m fine, but I want to rest tonight. Tell them to come and visit me tomorrow and... to bring me Kitty and Sunny…” he shyly asked.
“Of course. hyung. I’ll be sure to tell them! Anything else you would like them to bring you?”
“Nah, I think that’s all I need for now. Oh, by the way, the doctor told me I’m going to see a therapist before I leave. Her name is Dr. Lee…”
“That’s great! Wait, you said Dr. Lee?”
“Ye—“ Seokjin was about to answer when he was interrupted by a knock on the door and a five-foot tall, older lady entered the room.
“Dr. Lee!” Jungkook excitingly said, getting up from the chair and walking towards the therapist as if he had just seen a good friend after a long time. What was Dr. Lee doing here in his room? How does Jungkook know her? Wasn’t the visit scheduled for tomorrow? Seokjin had a lot of questions but was afraid to voice them out because he was scared of the answer.
Notes:
We’ll know more about Dr. Lee next chapter!
Hopefully, I was able to express accurately, an anxiety attack and being in the hospital due to one. Let me know if any of the information is incorrect and I’ll fix it right away! 🙂
What do you think will happen next? Do you like the pace of the story or do you think it’s dragging too much?
Please let me know your thoughts and I look forward to reading your comments.
My Twitter: Kumasama92
Chapter 33: Similar Faces
Summary:
“This is my hyung! The one I was talking to you about.” Jungkook’s voice startled him, making him flinch. Seokjin looked around the room, trying to find an escape from this nightmare, but it was no use as he was trapped in bed with no way out.
Notes:
Yaay! I’m so happy to finally post a new chapter!
I hope you like it!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“Dr. Lee! What are you doing here?” Jungkook asked the older lady, smiling ear to ear. Seokjin’s body froze instantly by the name...that name, Lee, brought back memories that he wanted to forget. Memories that made him have nightmares at night and made him want to give up on life. Why was his supposed therapist visiting him so late in the night and not tomorrow? Questions were running through Seokjin’s mind and it was driving him insane. His body trembled in fear and his heart quickened as the therapist approached his bed.
“This is my hyung! The one I was talking to you about.” Jungkook’s voice startled him, making him flinch. Seokjin looked around the room, trying to find an escape from this nightmare, but it was no use as he was trapped in bed with no way out.
“Nice to finally meet you, Seokjin.” The therapist walked closer to his bed and extended an arm for a handshake. However, Seokjin didn’t see an older and friendly lady, he only saw Glasses-hyung, evilly smiling at him, trying to touch his body once again.
“P-please d-don’t h-hurt me!” Seokjin slapped the hand way, panic overtaking him. He needed to get away from Lee as soon as possible, whom he knew was trying to hurt him. Seokjin yanked off his oxygen mask and started to crawl out of the bed, completely forgetting that he had an IV hooked on his hand.
“HYUNG!” Seokjin heard, and then a crashing sound echoed throughout the whole room. A sharp sensation penetrated his arm and he hissed as he felt his fingers getting wet. However, he didn’t have time to analyze his surroundings as he was more preoccupied with getting away from Lee. Seokjin ran to the corner of the room, but he felt trapped.
“Hyung, please calm down!” Jungkook begged him but Seokjin couldn’t comply to the younger’s request.
“G-get away f-from me.” he stuttered pointing at Lee who was calm as if nothing was happening in the room. As if Seokjin was sitting in bed, laughing at a joke Jungkook was telling him. Was this part of Lee’s plan? To make Seokjin look like he was insane, so he can take him away and rape him somewhere no one can help him?
“Seokjin…” Lee said to him with the softest voice he’d ever heard, but it made him panic. Was this the end? Was this how he was going to die? Was this his fate...his cruel faith by getting raped once again?
“NOO! STAY AWAY! DON’T HURT ME!!” Seokjin yelled at the top of his lungs and crouched down on the floor, bringing his knees closer together and placing his head down on top of his knees, while covering both of his ears, to make all the voices in his head disappear. Seokjin’s body was trembling and it was hard to breathe, and he wondered if this was the end of his short and miserable life.
————-
After saying goodbye to Jungkook the rest of the members decided to go back home. It had been a long day and they all needed to rest. Yoongi felt mentally worn out by the events that had happened. He was devastated by seeing his two boyfriends so hurt, both mentally and physically, but he wished for a speedy recovery for Seokjin and Hoseok.
Once they got to their apartment, none of the members felt like eating. Without their oldest hyung, they felt incomplete and with Jungkook visiting their hyung, there was a big gap in their hearts.
“I wonder if Jungkook was able to explain the situation to hyung.” Jimin sighed as he flopped down on the couch.
“I hoped so,” Taehyung replied sitting down next to Jimin. Yoongi saw Namjoon sit down on the couch next to the two Maknaes with a sad expression on his face that made him wonder if the younger missed his boyfriend. Yoongi decided to sit opposite of the L shaped couch, with Hoseok cuddled up with him. They were all sad to not be the one Seokjin asked to see, but as long as there was someone who was there for their hyung, they weren’t going to complain.
“Manager Sejin just sent me a message. He ordered some food for us and it’ll be here in an hour.” Namjoon informed them.
“But I’m not hungry,” Hoseok whined.
“You haven’t eaten all day. You should eat something.” Yoongi mumbled, resting his chin on Hoseok’s shoulder while wrapping his arms around his boyfriend’s waist.
“B-but—“
“No buts! You are eating something before we go to bed.” Yoongi demanded. He didn’t want his boyfriend to get sick from not eating, it would break his heart to see both of his boyfriends in the hospital. Yoongi noticed, from the corner of his eye, the puffiness under Hoseok's eyes and the dark circles that were starting to form due to the lack of sleep, and he was certain that these past events were starting to affect Hoseok’s body.
Yoongi felt Hoseok slack his body, so all the weight was on Yoongi’s chest and he immediately knew Hoseok wanted some comfort. His boyfriend was submitting to his embrace and wanted to be pampered, to feel loved.
“Sleep, for now, my love. I’ll wake you up when the food is here.” Yoongi softly murmured into Hoseok’s ear.
“Mhmm,” Hoseok hummed as a reply and Yoongi saw his boyfriend closing his eyes, for a well-deserved rest.
“Is hyung asleep?” Taehyung whispered from across the room, trying to be as quiet as possible. Yoongi simply nodded and placed a finger over his lips, to let all the members in the room, not just Taehyung, know to be quiet.
It stayed silent in the living room as they all waited for their food to arrive. Yoongi could hear Hoseok light snores, so he started to caress his boyfriend’s hair and neck, which he knew Hoseok loved. After five minutes, he could feel himself drifting off to sleep, the tiredness of the day finally consuming him.
“Hyung. Yoongi-hyung…” Yoongi heard as he stirred his body. When did he fall asleep?
“The food is here,” Jimin informed him and he blinked a few times trying to focus on the person in front of him.
“Mm…” he hummed trying to find the energy to talk.
“Wake up Hobi and we’ll see you in the kitchen,” Jimin added, walking away. Yoongi blinked a few times to try to adjust his vision, still feeling sleepy. He knew he had to wake up Hoseok so they could finally eat, but he desperately wanted to continue to sleep.
“Hobi...Wake up.” He said, trying to get up from the couch, but a sudden weight on his chest was preventing him from moving. Yoongi noticed the position he was in, it looked uncomfortable to others because Hoseok and him were snuggled up together in a weird angle, but Yoongi felt cozy by the warm heat of his boyfriend’s body. He groaned as he moved his body to the side, which resulted in Yoongi laying down on his back with Hoseok still on top of him, their legs mingled together and Hoseok's head on Yoongi’s chest.
“Wake up, sleepyhead.” Yoongi teased, ruffling Hoseok’s hair and pinching his cheeks.
“S-ng-top” Hoseok slurred, moving his head, just an inch, on Yoongi’s chest but still maintaining his position.
“C’mon, time to eat.” He said, trying to sit up straight but Hoseok just wrapped his arms around his waist and gripped tightly, making him fall back down on his back.
“No! I’m not hungry.” Hoseok whined and it made him chuckle.
“Since when did you turned into a cute and whiny baby?”
“I’m not a baby. Seokjin is our baby, not me!”
“Okay. Okay.” Yoongi giggled, combing his fingers through Hoseok’s hair. It was silent, just the sound of feet moving and the rustling of bags was heard in the room. Until Yoongi’s stomach started to grumble.
“You hungry?” Hoseok's soft voice was heard.
“Yeah…”
“...okay, let’s go eat.” Yoongi heard Hoseok say, unwrapping his hands from his waist and getting up from the couch using his crutches.
“Let’s go!” Hoseok told him, and Yoongi followed his lead, getting up from the couch and walking to the kitchen.
“You guys are finally here!” Namjoon exclaimed, with relief in his voice.
“Yeah, Yeah. So, where's the food?” Yoongi snapped, taking a seat next to Hoseok on the island table. Yoongi looked around and saw various dishes laid out on the table: Daeji Bulgogi, Jajangmyeon, Kimchi Jjigae, and his favorite, Tteokbokki. There were many more dishes laid out, but those were some of the plates that stood out for him. It was like a buffet and he wondered if their managers wanted to make them feel a little better by ordering some of their favorite food.
“Here hyung, your plate,” Taehyung said to him and he grabbed his chopsticks and started to pick the food he wanted to eat. As he was chewing on some of the Kimchi Jjigae he picked out, a loud slam of the front door startled everyone in the room. Seconds later, a distressed and crying Jungkook came into their view.
“Joonie!” Jungkook sobbed running to their leader’s embraced. Why was Jungkook crying? Did something happen to their hyung?
—————
“J-Joo-n-nie” Jungkook hiccuped while walking towards their leader. Hoseok had his chopsticks with rice in midair, and his mouth wide open, ready to take a bite when their Maknae stormed into the kitchen full of tears. What happened to their youngest member? And most importantly, was his boyfriend okay? An intense feeling of worry ran throughout his body making him feel anxious. Hoseok couldn’t shake the feeling that Seokjin had another anxiety attack or that there was something wrong with his breathing.
“Shh, calm down Kookie. There, There.” Namjoon said, drawing circles on Jungkook’s back while trying to soothe the crying member. Hoseok saw that their Maknae buried his face in the crook of Namjoon’s neck while sitting sideways on their leader’s lap.
“What happened?” Hoseok murmured, not specifically asking anyone just questioning himself as to what could have happened back in the hospital to make Jungkook break down. The younger rarely cried and when he did, it was either related to one of the members or when he felt like he was letting their fans down. Hoseok locked eyes with Najmoon, who only moved his head side to side being as clueless as everyone in the room, and had a worried expression on his face. After ten minutes of only Jungkook’s sobs being heard throughout the room, it slowly quieted down to small whimpers.
“How are you feeling, any better?” Namjoon said to Jungkook, who still had his face on their leader’s neck.
“B-better…” Jungkook murmured, finally lifting his head up and faced everyone in the group. Yoongi grabbed Hoseok’s hand and gripped it tightly and he knew his boyfriend was feeling the same way. They were both worried about their boyfriend and he hoped nothing bad happened.
“Tell us what happened, Jungkook? Is hyung alright?” Jimin asked, his voice shaking with fear. Hoseok knew he wasn’t the only one who was worried about their hyung. He just wished Jungkook would hurry and say what had happened.
“H-hyung…h-he...” Jungkook tried to say but Hoseok noticed that tears were threatening to fall down once again, and his voice cracked by the overwhelming emotions.
“Take your time, Kookie,” Namjoon told their Maknae, which only made Hoseok’s body tremble in fear by the anticipation. Jungkook’s condition was making his mind imagine a series of terrible scenarios of what could have happened to his boyfriend.
“Hyung…” Jungkook clearly answered, holding back his tears.
“Yeah…what happened to hyung?” Hoseok mimicked Jungkook’s tone of voice trying to prepare his heart for the worse. He was now sitting on the edge of his seat, waiting for the dreaded answer that he felt like they were never going to get.
“Hyung...h-had a p-panic and a-anxiety aa-attack…” Jungkook stuttered, looking down and Hoseok felt his heart sinking into despair.
“What! But how? We thought he was stabilized!?” Hoseok heard his boyfriend asked, gripping even tighter into his hand. Hoseok didn’t care if the circulation on his fingers were cut off or that he was feeling like they were going numb. Right now, Hoseok was feeling like life was punishing him for acting like such a jerk to his boyfriend.
“He was...but...but then something happened,”
“WHAT THE HELL HAPPEN JUNGKOOK! PLEASE TELL US NOW!” Hoseok shouted, ready to go straight to the hospital if Jungkook wasn’t going to tell him what happened to his Seokjin.
“Calm down, Hoseok. Can’t you see he’s upset? Let him speak when he’s ready.” Taehyung warned him, so Hoseok leaned back against the chair and took a deep breath.
“Sorry.” he apologized, noticing his mistake. His shouting only made Jungkook sadder and caused the younger to cry once again. He needed to calm down. Getting angry at Jungkook and demanding him to speak was not going to solve anything or make the situation any better.
“I-it’s okay. I’m ready t-to talk. It’s just a lot.” Jungkook spoke up, wiping away some of the tears that were streaming down his cheeks.
“What happened?” Yoongi asked, placing a hand on Hoseok’s lap and gripping it tightly. Hoseok saw it as a warning telling him to control his emotions and not to act on pure impulse.
“Hyung...Seokjin-Hyung had a combination of panic and anxiety attack. I’m not sure what caused it but but was scary to watch hyung panic to the point where he ripped off his oxygen mask and yanked out his IV... when he was trying to run away…”
“He what!?” Hoseok yelled, hearing various gasping sounds from around the room. Hoseok could feel his body trembled from how terrified he was feeling by hearing such horrible information. His eyes were forming tears that slowly started to fall down his cheeks. What the hell happened to triggered his lovely boyfriend to get a panic AND anxiety attack?
“Why was he running away? Who did he run from?” Taehyung asked and everyone in the room focused their attention back to the younger, who had all the answers they were seeking.
“Dr. Lee...”
“Who?” Hoseok questioned. He felt like he had heard that name before but he wasn’t sure where.
“Dr. Lee, the therapist who was supposed to visit him tomorrow and who happens to also be my therapist,” Jungkook confessed.
“Oh, she’s hyung’s therapist? I thought the therapist just had the same name. Didn’t cross my mind that they were the same person.” Namjoon said, looking relieved, but why would he be when this Dr. Lee person was the reason behind his boyfriend’s condition.
“Mmhmm...but once hyung saw her...he started to tell her to go away. To get away from him so she won’t hurt him. I don’t understand why, though? She’s so nice and hasn’t done anything to hyung,”
“You said it was the first time she visited him?” Jimin said, asking for a confirmation. Hoseok couldn’t get out of his mind that the name was oddly familiar, but where had he heard it before?
Dr. Lee. Dr. Lee. Dr. Lee.
“Yeah, Dr. Lee wanted to introduce herself before they started their initial session, so I’m not sure why hyung acted that way.”
“So what happened with hyung? Is he okay?” Yoongi bombarded Jungkook with questions. Still, Hoseok kept repeating the same name in his mind over and over again. He had to find out where he heard it before.
Dr. Lee. Dr. Lee… Lee.
“The doctor came and gave hyung a neutralizer to knock him out, but it took a lot of effort to calm hyung down. I was afraid he was going to hurt one of the nurses and doctors.”
“Woah, that’s intense,” Jimin whispered, but the room was so quiet that Hoseok was sure everyone heard it.
Lee. Lee. Lee...
Suddenly, his mind found the origin of the name and why his boyfriend acted the way he did. Dr. Lee was not the problem, the problem was the name: Lee. How could Hoseok forget!? One of the bastards that raped hyung was named Lee! At the realization, anger started to consume him.
“Fucking bastard!” Hoseok snarled out loud, gripping the edge of the table, hard, until his fingers turned red.
“What?” Yoongi asked him, confused by his words.
“Lee… the name Lee was the reason hyung had a panic and anxiety attack. Shit! How could I just realized it now!”
“What are you talking about?” Taehyung asked him, and the rest of the members had the same confused expression as the younger.
“Wait a minute! Wasn’t one of Hyung's rapists named Lee?” Yoongi confirmed and Hoseok just nodded his head in agreement. Dr. Lee’s name reminded their hyung of one of the bastards that raped him; therefore, triggering terrible memories.
“It all makes sense…” Jungkook stated, looking surprised by the revelation. Hoseok wanted to run to the hospital and comfort his boyfriend, but he knew it was not going to change anything. Seokjin was not in a good condition to have a proper talk.
“Woah, so a name can trigger his attacks?” Jimin questioned.
“Yeah, anything that reminds him of that event can trigger him. Like colors, items, sounds, similar clothing, etc.” Hoseok replied. He had done so much research on his own time, to better help his boyfriend through this tough time. Yet, he wasn’t able to prevent Seokjin from having a panic attack due to his immaturity. He will never forgive himself for being the reason for Seokjin’s hospitalization.
“Ah, I see…” Taehyung murmured, looking down at the table. The room was quiet, no one said a word because what can you say on such a sensitive situation? It was difficult for Hoseok to express how he was feeling. He placed a hand on top of Yoongi’s hand that was gripping on his thigh and squeezed hard. How he wished he could see Seokjin right now, how he wished to tell his boyfriend that everything was going to be alright.
“By the way, hyung.” Jungkook’s voice interrupted his thoughts.
“Yeah?”
“Before everything happened... hyung asked me to tell you and Yoongi-hyung to go visit him tomorrow. He wants to talk to the two of you and I explained as best as possible, you know, about the misunderstanding.”
“Really? He said that!” Hoseok perked up by the sudden news.
“Yup! And he said to bring Kitty and Sunny.” Jungkook told him and Hoseok was overjoyed. His boyfriend wanted to see him, his boyfriend was willing to hear him out, so he can properly apologize.
“Of course! We’ll be there tomorrow morning. Isn’t that right, Yoongi?”
“Of course! I can’t wait to see hyung.” Yoongi replied and intertwined hands with Hoseok. It had been a stressful day, but at least they had some good news.
“Will you be able to see him tomorrow, though? After the episode he had?” Jimin pointed out.
“That is true, but we are still going to go. Even if we can’t see him, we’ll make sure to leave Kitty and Sunny so he can feel some source of comfort.” Hoseok affirmed.
“Yeah, besides I want to see him…” Yoongi added, linking arms with Hoseok and placing his head on top of Hoseok’s shoulder.
“I’ll let manager Sejin know about Dr. Lee. Hopefully, they’ll figure something out. Dr. Lee is a good therapist, it will be a shame if hyung can’t see her.” Namjoon informed them all.
The food had been long forgotten on the table, and Hoseok’s appetite was completely gone after hearing the news of their oldest hyung. He was ready to go to sleep.
“We’re going to bed,” Namjoon said, taking Jungkook’s hand and walking out of the kitchen.
“Goodnight.” Everyone said to the couple and Hoseok knew it was time for them to do the same. They will need all the energy they can get for what they will have to probably face tomorrow.
“We should go to sleep,” Hoseok said.
“‘Mm-hmm,” Yoongi responded, still resting his head on Hoseok’s shoulder.
“Goodnight hyung,” Jimin and Taehyung said to them and he just smiled in response.
“...I want to sleep in Jin-Hyung's room tonight.” Hoseok requested. Tonight, he felt like being surrounded by his boyfriend’s sweet vanilla scent.
“I was thinking the same,” Yoongi replied, getting up from the chair and placing their dirty dishes into the sink.
As they walked to their Hyung’s bedroom, Hoseok hoped that they would be able to see Seokjin tomorrow, to reassure him that everything was going to be alright. Hoseok wanted to tell his hyung how much he loved him and how sorry he was for acting so immature. He wished it was sunrise, so they can rush to the hospital and bring Kitty and Sunny to their beloved hyung.
Notes:
A lot of things happened in this chapter. What do you think will happen with Seokjin? Hoseok and Yoongi? Do you think the pace of the story is going too slow?
Ps. I’m not too familiar with Panic and Anxiety attacks, so I’m not sure if I was able to portrait Seokjin’s scene accurately. Let me know if I wrote/described anything incorrectly so I can fix it!
I look forward to reading your comments!
Chapter 34: The Start of Us
Summary:
“Take a seat.” Yoongi heard and they proceeded to sit down on a pair of dark cushioned wooden chair that Yoongi noticed was worn out and tatty. For a fancy hospital, the furniture was surprisingly very outdated, but the condition of the furniture was the least of his worries. As long as Dr. Lee was able to help them, he didn’t care about anything else, especially not the furniture
Notes:
Yay! So happy to finally post another chapter!
I hope you all like it
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Hoseok slowly opened his eyes and tried to adjust to the dimmed light of the room. His whole body felt sore, and he knew it was from how emotionally and physically exhausted the day before had been for him. Hoseok wasn’t sure what time it was, but he had a feeling that soon he'd have to get up to go see his lovely boyfriend, Seokjin, at the hospital. He couldn’t wait to apologize to Seokjin for the disgusting way he had behaved, which Hoseok knew had lead to his boyfriend’s hospitalization. He separated himself from the warm body pressed against him and sat up straight to lookup the time on his phone. It was four in the morning, still too early to get up.
“I should sleep for a little longer,” he whispered to himself. Hoseok knew it would be wise of him to go back to sleep, and gather energy for the long day that awaited Yoongi and him. He sat his phone aside on the nightstand, and returned to the embrace of Yoongi. Hoseok placed his head against Yoongi’s bare chest and his arms around his boyfriend's waist. He couldn’t wait for Seokjin to return home so they can all sleep together. Without Seokjin, Hoseok felt incomplete and he knew Yoongi felt the same way. Hoseok inhaled Yoongi’s sugary smell, which had hints of Seokjin’s strawberry scent and slowly drifted back to sleep.
“Hobi...Wake up. It’s time to go see hyung,” Hoseok heard, groaning at the sudden voice interrupting his slumber.
“Hoseok, we need to get up or we’ll be late!”
“Five...more minutes.” He slurred, still wanting to sleep. His body still felt sore, and as much as he wanted to get up and see his hyung, Hoseok felt so comfortable laying in bed that he thought, for even a split second, that his hyung could wait, at least until he was well-rested.
“Shesh, and to think you were so eager for today to get here and were the one who was anticipating going to see hyung the most.”
“I am...but I’m so tired,” Hoseok mumbled, laying on his back and staring at the ceiling. He was slowly starting to feel more awake.
“So I am...but Hobi, I really want to go see hyung. Did you forget he’s our boyfriend? And is currently in the hospital?”
“I know...and I feel the same way. I want to go see him so badly. Give me a few minutes, I’m starting to feel more awake.” Hoseok stated, rubbing his eyes, and yawning.
“Fine…”
The room became nearly silent, only the sound of their combined breathing and the faint noises coming from the kitchen could be heard. It was probably some of the members lurking around the kitchen or living room.
“Yoongi…” he finally spoke up, sitting up and leaning his back against the headboard. He noticed Yoongi was laying down sideways and looking at him with a tired expression.
“Mm...”
“Do you think hyung is okay? Do you think he’ll see us today? Maybe he wants to isolate himself from us...and I don’t want that. I don’t want our relationship to crumble. I know we started out in a rough situation, right after hyung was attacked by Minho and there were a lot of misunderstandings. I made a lot of mistakes, like a lot of mistakes...and I will never forgive myself. I just want hyung to be genuinely happy. I want him to have a good night's sleep without having any nightmares or being disturbed by someone that hurt him. I love him so much that it breaks my heart to see him like this...all broken.”
“Same, I won't be sure if he’s fine until we go see him, but we need to convey our feelings to him. Remember that in a relationship communication is necessary… and let’s be honest. We’ve been lacking that part... We need to talk with hyung about what happened and I need to apologize to him.”
“Why? You didn’t do anything wrong!” Hoseok asked, confused. Yoongi hadn’t done anything wrong to hurt Seokjin, it was always him. Hoseok was the problem.
“I did…I gave you that blow job.”
“What? But what does that have to do with anything?”
“Well, after thinking it over. I have come to the conclusion that maybe that’s what triggered him in the first place. He barely started to give us pecks on the lips and was starting to get used to our touches. I don’t know, maybe seeing me giving you a blow job brought back painful memories. And I think it was very inappropriate to do that in front of him. I know he’s our boyfriend, but we still don’t know what level of intimacy he’s comfortable with. He gave us kisses, but that was him initiating everything. What if he hated it?”
“Wow, that’s so true and you really think so? Do you think that’s what caused his anxiety attack?”
“Yeah, so I’m going to apologize to hyung and then ask him more about it. I know we are not psychiatrists, but we need to know the reason for his anxiety attacks. I don’t want to make the same mistake. I don’t want to be the reason behind his attacks. I also don’t want him to feel uncomfortable around us. We are his boyfriends, we need to be there for him. I know he would do the same if any one of us were in his place.” Yoongi confessed and Hoseok was dumbfounded. How could he have been so naive into thinking that only their love could help Seokjin recover from the horrendous events that had happened to him? Even after all the research he had done to help his hyung recover, he still felt like he let Seokjin down. Hoseok was being too hopeful in thinking that the scars in Seokjin’s heart would heal on its own over time, just like the scars on Seokjin’s back.
“Hoseok...can I ask you a question?” Hoseok heard, getting his attention, so he looked at Yoongi straight in the eyes. Hoseok was mentally prepared for whatever his boyfriend was going to ask him.
“Sure, go ahead. What’s on your mind?”
“Why?... Why did you refuse Seokjin's offer to help you with your…you know, your hard-on? And why didn’t you refused when I asked you? I don’t get it. Do you not like hyung anymore? That can't be it, right? I know how you are and I know for sure you would never refuse the touches of Seokjin...so be honest with me. What happened? I just don’t get it...”
“What!? How could you think that of me?!” Hoseok's voice raised an octave. Why were his cowardly actions portrayed in such an ugly manner?
“No! No, that’s now how I feel Yoongi! That day, I refused hyung because I was afraid of hurting him. After what I did to him while he was in Little Space, I felt guilty. I felt like such a scumbag that no matter how much I wanted to touch Seokjin I knew I couldn’t. That day in the bathroom...The reason I got that hard-on was because of Seokjin. Just seeing his beautiful, naked body got me aroused. I rejected him because I was thinking about his well-being. I knew he wasn’t ready to engage in any sexual acts... I felt like he was forcing himself...so that’s why I asked you. Do you think that hurt him? Yoongi, do you think that’s the reason why he got that anxiety attack? I trigger something in him by thinking I didn’t care about him?” Hoseok panicked. It was never his intention to hurt Seokjin by refusing his touch. Hoseok just didn’t want to bring any painful memories to his boyfriend when he was just starting to move forward.
“I’m not sure. Maybe...but I think that’s something we should ask hyung. If that is the case...I’m not sure what we could do other than apologize. All of this is very stressful and we can’t act without consulting someone. If we make the wrong decisions, it can cause Seokjin to feel worse or get more anxiety attacks and that’s not what we want. Maybe we could ask for advice? Do you think Dr. Lee can help us? Maybe through group therapy for the three of us?”
“I’m not sure ...but a group therapy sounds reasonable but ...then we have to reveal our relationship. Are we ready to do that? I know there is a confidentiality agreement when you go to therapy but do you think Dr. Lee will follow it? Especially since she can sell this information about us dating to the media for a high price...it could really affect us all as a group.”
“Hmm, you got a point. Let’s ask Namjoon. It seems like he trusts this lady a lot. Remember how relieved he was when he found out that she was Seokjin’s therapist. Well, maybe she’s trustworthy?”
“I’m not sure… but okay, let’s ask him and see how it goes.” Hoseok answered, sighing to relieve some of the stress that he was feeling. There was a lot to consider if they wanted to help their hyung move forward. Maybe group therapy would help them figure out what to do. Hoseok knows it won’t be easy and their relationship won’t get better overnight, but taking the first step to fix their communication was what mattered the most. Hoseok will not have Seokjin end up in the hospital due to his ignorance and immaturity. Never again!
After thirty minutes of getting ready to go to the hospital and visit Seokjin, Hoseok and Yoongi walked to the kitchen where some of the members were already eating breakfast.
“Good morning hyung!” Jungkook cheerfully greeted them. Hoseok was carrying a tote bag that contained Kitty and Sunny and he couldn’t wait to see the look on Seokjin’s face when he was reunited with his comfort stuffies.
“Morning.” Hoseok heard Yoongi reply while yawning which caused him to replicate his boyfriend’s action. He was tired, but he was more than ready to go visit his Seokjin.
“Eat before you go see hyung,” Jimin said, directing them to the table where food was already laid out.
“So where’s Namjoon and Taehyung?” Yoongi asked while sitting down at the island table. Hoseok placed his bag down on the floor and his crutches to the side of the table, and started to pick out some of the food for him and Yoongi, who was more concerned about talking to Namjoon than eating.
“Hmm, Namjoon went to the bathroom. He should be back soon. And Taehyung is still sleeping. Is everything okay?” Jimin asked, raising an eyebrow and looking at Yoongi suspiciously.
“Yeah, everything is fine, Jimin, we just wanted to ask Namjoon a few questions about Dr. Lee, that’s all,” Hoseok added. He knew what was going through Jimin’s mind, the younger probably thought something was wrong with either Yoongi or himself or even with Seokjin.
“Oh… I see.”
“I can tell you more about Dr. Lee if you want, I don’t mind. She’s a very nice lady," Jungkook suggested.
Hoseok thought it was a brilliant idea because Jungkook was Dr. Lee’s patient, so if anyone knew how the therapist behaved it would be Jungkook.
“So...is she trustworthy?” Yoongi boldly asked. Hoseok loved how straightforward Yoongi could be and how he didn’t sugarcoat anything.
“Yeah, I guess,”
“You guess? Is she trustworthy or not? It’s that’s simple Jungkook,” Yoongi snarled. Hoseok glared at his boyfriend, the fierceness of his gaze causing Yoongi to looked down at the table ashamed.
“Sorry…I’ll just stay quiet.” Hoseok heard Yoongi apologize.
“Anyways...Jungkook, like Yoongi was asking is she trustworthy or not? We want to know because we were thinking of going to group therapy: Yoongi, Seokjin, and I. It would be beneficial for the three of us. We want to help hyung through his struggles, but also want to strengthen our relationship. However, if we do therapy we would need to expose our relationship. And you know, if the information of us three being boyfriends gets out to the public, it won’t be pretty. Hyung will have to face more struggles which would just build-up from on top of the traumas he’s already dealing with.”
“I see…that makes sense. You don’t want to add on more stress while hyung is recovering," Jimin commented. Hoseok knew it was not an easy decision, but they were determined to get help for their hyung, as well as themselves. There had been a lot of misunderstandings and a lot of mistakes had been made, and he knew it cannot keep happening. It wasn’t healthy for Seokjin and it wasn’t healthy for Yoongi and Hoseok.
“Well, so far Dr. Lee has been very supportive. She has helped me come up with healthy coping mechanisms. And suggested some plans for me to follow when I have anxiety and feeling overwhelmed. I even talked to her about hyung and I think that’s why she wanted to be his therapist. She knows what’s going on so I think she’ll be able to help him.” Jungkook stated.
“I see, but what about Seokjin though. Would he be able to withstand a session with her? Remember that her name reminds him of one of his rapists. I’m not sure how he will react if he’s left alone with her.” Jimin pointed out.
“True, but maybe if we’re there with him? Maybe he’ll feel better knowing that we won’t let anyone harm him.” Hoseok replied.
“True…”
“Joonie!” Jungkook suddenly shouted and all the attention was directed towards Namjoon who was looking flustered by all the attention he was receiving. Hoseok hoped talking with Namjoon will help them figure out what to do.
“Hey...why’s everyone so serious? Did something happen with hyung?” Namjoon asked, sitting down next to Jungkook, who was smiling ear to ear because of seeing his boyfriend.
“Nothing, just asking Jungkook about Dr. Lee,” Yoongi finally spoke up after being silent throughout the conversation. He hoped his boyfriend would control his emotions and not act on pure impulse, although Hoseok understood that anything concerning Seokjin was very important to both of them.
“Oh...what about her? She’s super nice and very helpful. I wished hyung would receive his therapy sessions with her. She has helped Jungkook a lot and although he’s just getting started with his recovery, I could see the progress.”
“Really? You have faith in her?” Hoseok asked.
“Yeah, I have spoken with her and she suggested for Jungkook and me to do like a couple’s therapy. So I can help him in my own way throughout his recovery and improve our communication.” Namjoon confessed to the group and Hoseok was surprised. The couple’s therapy was exactly what they wanted to do with Seokjin and to know Dr. Lee suggested it to Namjoon brought a sense of relief to Hoseok.
“That’s what we want to do...the couple’s therapy. Hoseok and I are just concerned about any leakage from her. Do you think it’s possible?” Yoongi stated his concerned and Hoseok agreed with his boyfriend.
“I doubt it. First of all, she'll lose her license if she reveals personal information about her patients. Second, Dr. Lee was specifically recommended by PD Bang, so I’m confident that she won’t say anything. Our agency would never want our relationships to be exposed to the public. It would be total chaos if it does so I’m positive she’s trustworthy.”
“Really? If he recommended her then I think we should trust her Hoseok.” Yoongi said to him and Hoseok just nodded his head in agreement. Hoseok was glad they talked with their group members and expressed their concerns. Now, Hoseok knew Dr. Lee would do everything in her power to help them out. He just hoped that Seokjin would be willing to see her after the bad encounter he had with her.
————-
It had been half an hour since Hoseok and Yoongi arrived at the hospital. They were both sitting down in the waiting area anxiously awaiting for Dr. Lee to call them. After talking to the doctor in charge of Seokjin’s health, they were informed that Seokjin was more stabilized, but had refused to eat all types of food and for anyone to go near him. It pained Yoongi’s heart to know that Seokjin had been suffering so much while they were at home sleeping. The only thought that brought a source of comfort to him was that their boyfriend had requested to see them. The doctor told them that Seokjin had been asking for them all morning, and instructed the nurses that once they arrived, to send them straight to Seokjin’s room. However, before they went to see Seokjin, Hoseok and Yoongi needed to talk with Dr. Lee. It was important for them to get the help they needed and now, Yoongi was certain that it was going to happen with Dr. Lee’s help.
“Mr. Yoongi? Mr. Hoseok?” A soft voice called out their name. Yoongi was surprised by the small figured that approached them. Was this short person Dr. Lee? She was adorable.
“Yeah, that’s us,” Yoongi answered getting up from the chair along with Hoseok and met the therapist halfway in the middle of the waiting area.
“Hi, I’m Dr. Lee. I was informed you both wanted to talk with me about Seokjin. Place follow me, we’ll talk more in-depth once we get inside my office.” Dr. Lee stated, directing them to the end of the hallway and into a small office. Yoongi was starting to feel nervous, his hands were sweating and his heart started to race rapidly, but he needed to stay strong for Seokjin. He needed to demonstrate to his boyfriend that he was a support system.
“Take a seat.” Yoongi heard and they proceeded to sit down on a pair of dark cushioned wooden chair that Yoongi noticed was worn out and tatty. For a fancy hospital, the furniture was surprisingly very outdated, but the condition of the furniture was the least of his worries. As long as Dr. Lee was able to help them, he didn’t care about anything else, especially not the furniture.
“It’s very nice to meet you. Mr. Min Yoongi and Mr. Jung Hoseok. I’m very happy you decided to talk with me before you visited Seokjin.”
“Nice to meet you. Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to speak with us.” Yoongi and Hoseok both said in unison and bowed to the therapist in front of them. Yoongi was very grateful that Dr. Lee was on the same page as them, at least the worries they were going to shared were going to be mutual, at least that what he wished for.
“It’s not a problem at all. I’m very happy to be able to speak with the two of you. Jungkook has highly spoken about you and after talking with him this morning, and giving me his permission to discuss certain topics that we have privately talked about, I am very confident that we will come up with a good solution to better help Seokjin.”
“Jungkook talked about us?” Yoongi asked with no malice in his voice, he was surprised by Jungkook's actions. The dynamics in the group had been shaky these past few months due to the incident with Minho, so Yoongi was very happy that despite how terribly they have been behaving, not just towards Jungkook but the whole group in general, Jungkook was still concerned about the well-being of not only Yoongi and Hoseok, but also Seokjin.
“Of course, Jungkook really cares about you. He cares about all of the members, to be honest, and he has been very concerned about recent events... but enough talk about Jungkook. Let’s talk about Seokjin.” Dr. Lee eschewed the conversation.
“So, Namjoon told me that my name reminded him of bad memories and that’s why he had a bad reaction when he saw me. Is that true?”
“Yeah, that’s what we think happened, but we want you to still be his therapist,” Hoseok confessed, and Yoongi agreed. Despite the fear that Seokjin had towards Dr. Lee, they trusted her, so they wished for their hyung to have the best care throughout his recovery.
“...well, I'm going to be honest with you, it’s going to be difficult for me to provide any type of care for Seokjin if he fears my name. He won’t stand being near me if I constantly remind him of painful memories. As a psychiatrist, I don’t recommend it at all, it will only trigger him and that’s not what we want. It would be wise if he sees a different therapist—”
“But we don’t want that...we want you to be his therapist.” Yoongi interrupted, clenching his fist in frustration. He understood Dr. Lee’s concerned but a part of him wanted to be hopeful, that Seokjin would not react in a state of panic once he saw the therapist.
“Yoongi...I understand your frustration but we need to think of what’s best for Seokjin. Right now, me providing him with therapy sessions are not going to be beneficial. It would close him up and isolate him even more and it would be extremely difficult to provide any care. My suggestion would be for him to get a temporary therapist. One where he feels safe and won’t be triggered. I would be in charge of selecting this therapist, so if you put some faith in me I would do everything I can to find the right person to help Seokjin. Of course, once Seokjin feels like he’s ready, I can be his permanent therapist, but first, let’s get his recovery started but with someone else. We all know he needs it as soon as possible, to help him start healing the wounds in his heart.” Dr. Lee expressed her concerns. It was a lot of information to handle and Yoongi was feeling overwhelmed. Why can’t anything they come up with go their way? Why must it be so difficult for their hyung to recover? He knows it takes time but he missed seeing Seokjin laughing out loud to a lame dad joke he said to the group or humming to one of their songs while enjoying a healthy meal. Yoongi glanced at Hoseok and noticed that his boyfriend had the same dejected expression as himself. When will the three of them be truly happy? When will the three of them enjoy a peaceful day where all they did was enjoy each other’s company, cuddle, and endlessly pampered Seokjin?
“Er...Umm.” Yoongi uttered, trying to organize his thoughts.
“Umm, we have a question…”
“Sure, go ahead. I know it’s a lot to take in, but I’m here to answer any concerns you may have.”
“Well, Hoseok and I were thinking of doing a couple’s therapy with Seokjin...as you already probably know, since Jungkook told you about it, but the three of us are in a polygamist relationship. We want to strengthen our relationship, especially our communication so we thought that maybe through therapy we could achieve those goals.” Yoongi confessed, impatiently waiting for Dr. Lee’s response.
“I wasn’t aware of your relationship with Seokjin. No one told me about it, not even Jungkook but...I can help you if you like.” Yoongi heard Dr. Lee declared.
“Really?” Hoseok voice out, confused and dumbfounded and Yoongi was feeling the same way. It amazed him how supportive their band members were of their relationship and how close they were to each other to not reveal any important information to anyone.
“Yes, I’m not lying. No one told me about your relationship, but now there are certain things Jungkook had mentioned to me before that makes more sense. Don’t worry, everything you say in this room is confidential, so there won’t be any leakage to the media if that’s what you're worried about. I’m very professional and respect my patient's privacy no matter their occupation. You may be idols, but at the end of the day, you are still human beings who face struggles and insecurities. I would never reveal anything you say or do in this room or in the future sessions we may have. I know it may not mean a lot coming from a person you just met, but you have my word. Although I may not help you directly in the couple’s therapy since my specialty is individual therapy, but I can at least refer you to one of my colleagues whom I know will keep everything a secret, just like me. Despite not being able to work with Seokjin at the moment, I have set my goal to help Seokjin to start his recovery and will do everything in my power to help you three start to patch up the relationship you have. It’s going to take time and the road to recovery is not easy, but with effort and support from loved ones, it can happen.”
“Thank you,” was all Yoongi could muster. Tears started to cloud his vision due to the bundle up emotions that roused up, and he'd tried to suppress over time, in order to support his boyfriends.
After hearing the therapist’s words, it brought a sense of relief that there was someone who cared about them, and who cared about Seokjin’s well-being. He may be exaggerating, but the immense pressure he had in his heart from how stressed he had been due to Seokjin’s health condition started to diminish. Yoongi knew this was the start of their recovery, the start of his recovery, and the start of a better future with his two boyfriends: Hoseok and Seokjin.
Notes:
I know it was mostly talking in this chapter, but we are slowly starting to move forward. Hoseok and Yoongi are more determined to strengthen their relationship with Seokjin and each other. We’ll find out more about Seokjin’s emotions and concerns next chapter.
I look forward to reading your comments.
My Twitter: Kumasama92
Chapter 35: Emotions Revealed
Summary:
“Don’t cry… Seokjinnie, don’t cry. It breaks our hearts to see you so sad. Please don’t cry...we won’t go anywhere. We’ll stay with you until you get discharged from the hospital if that’s what you would like. We’ll be happy to be with our adorable boyfriend who deserves all the love we can provide for being so strong, so brave.” Yoongi murmured, leaning down to place a kiss on the crown of Seokjin’s head.
Notes:
This is a very long chapter but I like how it turned out! ☺️😭
I hope you like it!!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Hoseok felt so relieved like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders after talking with Dr. Lee. So much so that the fear of losing Seokjin due to his ignorance instantly disappeared. All of their concerns and worries were starting to get resolved and he couldn’t be happier. Dr. Lee had reassured them that she would immediately start looking for a new therapist for Seokjin and a different therapist that would focus on repairing their relationship. He couldn’t believe he waited so long to ask for help to make his relationship with Seokjin and Yoongi stronger because, in his mind, he thought everything was going to work out by itself. He thought that by just showing his support to Seokjin, his boyfriend would start to feel comfortable with their touches and eventually stop associating their actions of love with Minho and his accomplices, but he was proven wrong. Seokjin’s recovery was more complex than he imagined. Yes, Seokjin needed to work on his individual traumas but also Yoongi and he needed to get help on how to assist their boyfriend without triggering him. Hoseok felt overwhelmed, but he was confident that little by little, and with the help of Dr. Lee, they would be heading in the right direction.
Dr. Lee had asked them for their phone number so when she was done with her search, hopefully soon, she would directly contact them and give them the specific details about the therapist Seokjin was going to see. Hoseok was eager to get started because he wanted to see Seokjin’s beautiful smile once again. He hated to see his boyfriend suffering so much that it made him feel hopeless by not being able to make the pain go away.
Hoseok and Yoongi were on their way to Seokjin’s room that was located on the top floor of the VIP section of the hospital, since the agency didn’t want any reporters or fans to invade Seokjin’s privacy, and he was starting to feel nervous. He knew they needed to talk about a lot of sensitive topics and Hoseok hoped that it would not make his boyfriend feel any discomfort. They had expressed their intentions with Dr. Lee and her only advice to them was, to be honest, but also to not overwhelm him with too much information. And that’s what they were going to do. Yoongi and him came to the conclusion that they needed to just focus on apologizing to their hyung for the way they have been behaving and asking Seokjin what triggered his anxiety that night. From there, they would focus on the most difficult part of their visit: how to convince Seokjin to still visit a therapist and let him know that Dr. Lee was a trustworthy person and not associated with Lee, one of his rapists.
“Are you ready, Hoseok?” Yoongi said to him as they stood in front of the door. Hoseok noticed the same worried expression on his boyfriend’s face and leaned forward to placed a kiss on Yoongi’s forehead, in hopes of calming down some of their anticipation and nervousness.
“I’m ready. I’m ready to see our Seokjin.” He said, smiling weakly. Yoongi returned a little bit of a smile and nodded in agreement. His boyfriend proceeded to knock on the door to announce their arrival and then unlock the door. The first thing he noticed as the door opened was the faint noises of the television playing in the background, and then the small curled up figured on the bed, which he obviously knew was Seokjin.
Carefully stepping further inside the room, Yoongi closed the door behind them and Hoseok took a deep breath preparing himself for what’s about to come.
“Jin…” Hoseok nervously said, loud enough for Seokjin to hear but soft enough to not startle his hyung.
“H-Hobi…” Seokjin’s soft and trembling voice echoed in the room, and Hoseok saw his boyfriend rapidly sitting up straight. He looked at them with puffy red eyes that were starting to get clouded with tears. It pained Hoseok’s heart to see someone he cared about so broken, so vulnerable.
“I-I…” Seokjin tried to say, reaching for them by throwing the blankets to the side, while trying to get out of bed. Hoseok noticed that Seokjin was still attached to an IV and could get hurt if his hyung moved further away from the bed just like Jungkook had told them had happened the previous night, and Hoseok panicked. He was about to move forward, with the help of his crutches, to stop Seokjin from yanking off the IV, when he saw Yoongi running up to the bed where Seokjin was struggling to get up. Hoseok hated that he was still bound by his crutches, he couldn’t act fast enough to help his boyfriend. However, he knew that if he wanted to get better and recover full mobility of his leg, he needed to be patient. Hoseok was just glad that Yoongi was there with him, to help him take care of their Seokjin.
“Careful, stay still...don't try to get up. Hoseok and I are here and we won’t go anywhere.” Hoseok heard Yoongi say to Seokjin who was refusing to sit back down on the bed and was grabbing a fist full of Yoongi’s shirt, restricting his movements. Probably too scared by the idea of them leaving him alone.
Hoseok slowly, but steadily walked towards the bed where Seokjin and Yoongi stood and sat down on the edge of the firm mattress setting his clutches aside.
”Seokjin, please sit down. We promise you that we won’t go anywhere.” Hoseok softly said, patting down at the mattress. Sniffling, Seokjin slowly crawled back to the bed and was tucked under the blankets by Yoongi, so only his upper body was exposed to the cool air.
“Let me go get a chair,” Yoongi said to him walking to the other side of the room and fetched out a black foldable chair. He placed it in between Hoseok and Seokjin, having an accessible distance between them in case anything happened. Hoseok looked at his Hyung who was still whimpering trying to hold back his tears, and it made him so angry by the thought of Minho having so much control over his boyfriend. When would his hyung stop suffering? When would Seokjin show them a genuine smile that melted Hoseok's heart?
“How are you feeling? Jungkook told us what happened yesterday…” Hoseok hesitatingly asked, trying not to make his Hyung panic by bringing back bad memories. However, they needed to talk about what happened so they can have a better understanding of what was going through Seokjin’s mind.
“P-please...D-don’t leave me alone with these strangers. D-don't go...please. I-I’m so scared...please don’t leave me. I-I need you Hobi...I need you both so much. Don’t go.” Seokjin wailed out, tears streaming down his cheeks and his nose tinted in a shade of red. Hoseok immediately glance at Yoongi who shared the same concerned expression as him. As if Yoongi was reading his mind, Yoongi rapidly got up from the chair and stood beside Seokjin bringing his hand to cup one of Seokjin’s cheeks that were wet with tears.
“Don’t cry… Seokjinnie, don’t cry. It breaks our hearts to see you so sad. Please don’t cry...we won’t go anywhere. We’ll stay with you until you get discharged from the hospital if that’s what you would like. We’ll be happy to be with our adorable boyfriend who deserves all the love we can provide for being so strong, so brave.” Yoongi murmured, leaning down to place a kiss on the crown of Seokjin’s head.
“Yoonie…” Seokjin hiccuped, looking up at Yoongi and then looking at Hoseok. Seokjin’s eyes screamed ‘I’m scared, I'm scared so please don’t leave me’ and Hoseok was even more determined to be an emotional support for Seokjin and he was positive Yoongi felt the same way. However, he first needed to apologize to Seokjin and let him know how sorry he was for the cowardly actions he had committed the night that led to his hospitalization. It was only fair for Seokjin to know the truth behind Hoseok’s actions.
After five minutes of just hearing Seokjin sobbing, the cries eventually were reduced to just sniffles and small gasping of air. Hoseok had scooted closer to Seokjin’s side so he was sitting closer to his hyung, near enough to bring his boyfriend’s face to his chest as Yoongi ran his fingers through Seokjin’s hair. It was so confronting. This was such an intimate moment for the three of them where they just felt each other’s body temperature in an act of confronting each other; specifically Seokjin who was the one most affected by the recent events.
“Seokjinnie… do you feel a little better?” Hoseok spoke up, ready to start the conversation that they all needed to have at the moment. It was difficult, but it was necessary for their relationship to strengthen.
“Talk about what?” Seokjin mumbled against Hoseok’s chest, then proceeded to sit up straight to look at him straight in the eyes.
“About what happened the other day in the bathroom. It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it, but I feel it’s necessary for us. Yoongi and I have some stuff we want to tell you. Don’t worry, it’s not bad and it’s not something you did. You’ve never done anything wrong Seokjin. It’s us, it’s something we need to apologize to you for.” Hoseok confessed looking down at the white blanket that was covering Seokjin’s body. Yoongi had moved back to the chair and was staring at them with a serious expression, ready to get the conversation started.
“Er…umm, go ahead, I guess. I’m ready. I know what I did was wrong and I’ve only cause inconvenience to everyone. I’m ready to hear you out and if you both decide to break up with me for how useless I am then as much as it would break my heart... I’m ready to accept my fate.”
“W-What!? Never say something like that ever again! You are not useless and you are definitely not an inconvenience to us or the rest of the members. We love you Seokjin, we love you so much that it makes me sad that you would think we would degrade you to such an extent for something that was never your fault.” Hoseok voiced out, clenching his fist in anger. How could he convince his boyfriend that he was not a burden? In fact, Seokjin was his source of happiness. How he wished he had confessed his feelings to his hyung sooner, way before anything happened with Minho, it would’ve prevented a lot of suffering and a lot of painful memories.
“I agree with Hoseok. You haven’t done anything wrong. And we are definitely not breaking up with you. Just because we want to talk with you, doesn’t mean we want to end our relationship. The day I discovered you loved us...it was the happiest day of my life. You were the missing piece of our puzzle Seokjin. Without you, Hoseok and I would be lost, so lost that we won’t know how to live our lives if you were not by our side. Even if I have to tell you over and over again until you get tired of hearing it...I would never stop telling you how much I love you Seokjin. I love you so much. I love you both so much that I don’t know how to convey all the feelings I have for both of you.”
“B-but...I’m filthy...I’m dirty! How could you love someone like me?”
“You are not filthy and definitely not dirty. Seokjin, you are the most beautiful person in the world. You’re so ethereal that I don’t know how Yoongi and I were lucky enough to capture your heart. Just like Yoongi said, we will tell you just how gorgeous you are until you get sick of hearing it and until you accept the truth. I don't want you to think we only care about your looks because we don't. We also love your personality, the way you are so attentive towards others. The way you smile at the simplest things in life, and the happiness you radiate whenever you are eating. Every single detail about you is so attractive that I would never get tired of it, in fact, it just makes me fall in love with you over and over again.” Hoseok added.
“Just hear us out. Don’t just jump to conclusions, okay? We have a lot in our minds that we think, no, we know is important for you to know.” Yoongi said glancing at his direction.
”Want to go first Hoseok? Or want me to take over for now?” Yoongi asked him, but maybe it was due to the overwhelming sadness in his heart after hearing how much hate Seokjin had towards himself that he nodded in agreement as he wiped away some of the tears that he was unaware were starting to stream down his cheeks. There was a knot forming in Hoseok’s throat preventing him from speaking so he knew it would be wise of him to let Yoongi speak first, while he collected himself.
“Okay, so the first thing I want to say is...that I’m sorry Seokjin. I’m sorry for giving Hoseok a blow job that night. It—-”
“It’s not your fault! I-I...It’s because I'm dirty. I can’t make Hoseok aroused like you do Yoongi…” Seokjin interrupted, furrowing his eyebrows in frustration. It pained Hoseok to see Seokjin so empty, with such low self-esteem; nothing compared to his hyung a few months ago who was so confident about himself.
“That’s not true!! That’s not true at all Seokjin and you know it. Hoseok would never think of you like that. You are not dirty. You are definitely not dirty! ...Seokjinnie, you’re so pure and beautiful that it amazes me how someone so extraordinary exist in this world.” Yoongi argued back and as he watched the conversation happening in front of him, Hoseok agreed with everything Yoongi was saying. He wanted to chip in into the conversation and explain himself, but he was still not ready to talk. He also wanted Yoongi to let out all of his bundled up emotions, without any interruptions. He could wait until it was his turn to speak.
“Like I was saying. I’m sorry for giving Hoseok that blow job. It...it was very insensitive of me. I thought you were ready to see sexual acts, aside from kissing, between Hoseok and I. Yet, I forgot to ask you how you felt before I did it and that was my mistake. Did seeing me do that disturbed you? Did it bring you bad memories? I’m sorry Seokjin...I’m so sorry. I’ll be more careful from now on. I won’t even touch Hoseok if it means you won't get an anxiety attack because of it. I don’t care about sex. Sex is meaningless if it doesn’t involve you and we love you so much that we could wait years until you are ready to even hold hands.” Yoongi cried out, kneeling down on the floor and burying his face on Seokjin’s lap, who had a shocking expression by seeing Yoongi’s breakdown.
Hoseok understood Yoongi’s dilemma because he felt the same way. Sex was not important to Yoongi and him because they have talked about it before. If Seokjin was not involved, it was pointless. They wanted to make love with Seokjin, not have meaningless sex out of pure excitement and lust. It didn’t matter if they had to wait months, even years to have sex with Seokjin or not have sex at all...he didn’t care. All he cared about was Seokjin’s happiness and well-being.
“Yoongi-ah...don't cry. I’m not upset about that. I don’t want you to start putting restrictions on your relationship with Hoseok. I understand I’m not worthy of your love and I’m not selfish enough to stop you from loving each other. Seeing you and Hoseok happy makes me happy.”
“But Seokjin...being together with you is what makes us happy. You hold us together, you complete us so much that it hurt me greatly that you belittle yourself so extensively. You are as important in our relationship as Hoseok and I. We want you to be part of our love making because it’s not just Hoseok and I anymore. It’s Seokjin, Yoongi and Hoseok. The three of us make a wonderful relationship...together, not in little sub units. It’s the three of us and that's final!” Yoongi added, cheeks stained with tears. Hoseok wondered to himself how can they make Seokjin understand that the three of them are in a polygamist relationship and it’s not just in small twosomes. Maybe Seokjin was having second thoughts about their relationship. Hoseok would have to make sure that wasn’t the case. He would not leave this room without letting Seokjin know how much they love him and how much it pains them to see him so heartbroken by the shadow of some bastard who he wished Seokjin would forget about. Although Hoseok knew the scars Minho and his accomplices had left on Seokjin’s heart were very deep, he had faith that therapy would help his boyfriend start to heal, and with their support too, of course.
“I’m sorry...I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings by my selfish thoughts. It’s just that I get insecure. After what happened...I hate my body. I hate it so much that I don’t want you both to see it. Even I can’t stand seeing it. It’s so unpleasant to look at, it’s so putrid that it makes me sick to my stomach.”
“I don’t think you’re selfish. I think you're just traumatized by what that bastard did to you. You're so hurt that you don’t know how to channel those negative emotions you have inside of you. It takes time and both Hoseok and I will be here with you all throughout your recovery. Would you forgive me for my selfish actions that caused you to feel insecure about yourself? I love you hyung, just as I love Hoseok. I love you both so much.”
“I love you too Yoongi...and there is nothing to forgive, but if it makes you feel better then yeah, I forgive you Yoongi. I forgive you.” Seokjin answered, placing a kiss on top of Yoongi’s head.
Hoseok felt his heart beating so fast as he made eye contact with Seokjin because he knew he was next. It was finally his turn to become an emotional mess in front of the two people he loved so much. It was necessary and he was scared of what the outcome would be, but so far, everything was turning out pleasingly.
••••••••••••
“Sorry hyung, for getting your blanket wet with my tears. Let me go get some tissues and blow my nose.” Yoongi informed them, walking to the other side of the room where the nurse had left a box of tissues.
Once Yoongi returned with tissues in hand, he sat down in the chair while blowing his nose. Seeing how everyone was relaxed, Hoseok finally decided to speak up. He needed to find the right words to say or it may cause his Hyung to feel insecure or worse yet, get another anxiety attack in which he didn’t want that to happen.
“Seokjin…” Hoseok softly said, glancing at his boyfriend who flinched at his words. Great, he probably made him scared, scared of being scolded or rejected.
“Don’t be scared. I’m not going to hurt you or anything. I promise…” he signed, glancing at Yoongi who was looking at him with a questionable expression as if saying ‘really Hoseok, that’s your answer’.
“Sorry...I know you're not going to hurt me. I was just startled, that's all. You’ve been so quiet. I thought...never mind.”
“No, tell me. You thought what? I want to know.” Hoseok insisted.
“I...I-I thought you hated me. I thought you didn’t want me to be here with you and Yoongi. I thought you wanted me to leave you alone with Yoongi because you didn’t want me anymore... because I’m no longer attractive to you. I disgust you…” Seokjin confessed looking down, his bottom lip trembling in fear of probably being rejected once again by Hoseok while trying to hold back more tears. Hoseok hated to make Seokjin cry and that’s all they have been doing to their boyfriend since they got to the hospital room. He needed to make it all better somehow.
“Jinnie. My sweet and adorable Jinnie. You know that’s not true.” He gently said, swiping his thumb over Seokjin’s cheekbones to wipe away some of the tears that had started to stream down Seokjin’s cheeks.
“B-But…”
“Hey, Look at me...look at me and tell me if my eyes are lying to you.” Hoseok persisted and placed his index finger under Seokjin’s chin, and raising Seokjin’s head upward; Gazing into the dark and beautiful eyes of his boyfriend, that were clouded with sadness.
“N-no…”
“Exactly! Why would I ever hate you? I love you Seokjin. I love you so much that it crushes my heart that you would think that of me. I don’t find you disgusting for what happened to you nor think your body is filthy. I’m never going to leave you to face your struggles by yourself. Yoongi and I will be with you all through your recovery because that’s what boyfriends do. They support each other through the bad times AND the good times. Right now, everything seems dark, and so suffocating but I promise you that it will get better. Little by little... but it will get better and we’ll be here for you whenever you need an extra push or extra support with facing your fears and letting them go. Don’t let a bastard stop you from moving forward. It’s what they want you to do Seokjin, and I would do everything in my power to not let that happen because I love you. I love you so much...my strong and beautiful Seokjinnie.”
“If that is true...t-then why?”
“Why? What? Can you elaborate?” Hoseok asked confused by the question.
“W-hy did you refused my touches that night. Did you find my body disgusting? I know you did...what other reason could it be? for you to not let me help you out when you know I was trained by Minho... to satisfy others...”
“Don’t fucking mention that name! Ever!! Seokjin, you know what he did to you was wrong and he didn’t ‘train’ you. What he did to you and the things he made you do has no forgiveness! Seokjin, I would never stop telling you how beautiful you are, you’re the most gorgeous man I have ever seen in my life, no matter what you think about yourself. I know that with therapy it would help you see yourself in a better light...and to answer your question about that night. You want to know the truth? You want to know the truth about the worst decision I have ever made? The one I regret the most?”
“Y-Yeah. I want to know. Even if the truth would hurt me...I need to know.”
“T-then here's the truth. That night seeing you get undressed by Yoongi...y-you were. Shit! Hyung you were looking so sexy. Your broad shoulders, tiny waist and slim body along with your blush pink cheeks and plump red lips sent a pleasurable chill straight down to my groin and I instantly got hard. I didn’t mean to because I knew you were not ready to engage in any sexual acts. I also didn’t want to pressure you into doing something you didn’t want to do. Even though you offered your help, you looked so scared and I noticed you were forcing yourself to do it by the way you were shaking all over… So I declined for your own safety. I didn’t mean to trigger any bad memories. I’m sorry Seokjin. I’m sorry that my actions caused you to think I didn’t love you. That I didn’t want to be with you. I love you so much and want to keep you safe and wrapped up in a bubble away from all the things that can harm you and remind you of negative thoughts. I just wanted to protect you…” Hoseok poured out, mimicking the same position Yoongi had previously done, so as best as he could Hoseok knelt down on the floor and started crying on Seokjin’s lap. It didn’t matter that his injured knee was hurting. It didn’t matter that he was starting to get a headache from all the crying he had done since he got there. All that mattered and all he wanted to do was beg for forgiveness to the person that he loved with all his heart and had hurt so deeply due to his selfish actions.
—————-
“I’m sorry Seokjin. I’m sorry. I regret the things I did that night. I know that I even avoided you before that incident in the bathroom and it just makes me feel worse. I’m such a jerk. I can’t believe that this resulted in me giving you the silent treatment just because I was afraid of hurting you again. I'm so childish. I’m the worst boyfriend ever. I don’t deserve to be with you or Yoongi. All I create between us is fights and stupid arguments. And why is that? Because I’m so insecure about myself. I get scared that you would leave me for someone else who can treat you better than I ever will, and won’t harm you in any way. B-but I'm so selfish that I don’t want you to leave me Seokjin. I want you to stay with us forever. I’m sorry...I’m sorry.” Hoseok sobbed on Seokjin’s lap, who was shocked. In all the years he had known Hoseok he had never seen the younger so heartbroken. Actually to the point where Hoseok’s body was shaking from how powerful the emotions he was letting out were and it broke his heart. Seokjin never wanted to see his boyfriends so sad and full of guilt. If anyone should be at fault for everything that had been happening it should be Seokjin, for acting like such a whore. His inner desired allowed Hoseok to have sex with him while he was in Little Space. His body made Hoseok get aroused the night of his breakdown that resulted in Yoongi to give Hoseok a blow job. Everything was his fault and he would never forgive himself for the way his actions were creating so many misunderstandings between them.
“Shush... Let it all out Hobi. Cry all you want...I’m here for you.” He said, running his fingers through Hoseok’s hair.
“Yoongi,” Seokjin added, looked at his other boyfriend who was sniffling while looking at them having such a sincere moment. He signaled Yoongi to come near them to also comfort the younger man. In an instant, Yoongi was kneeling down on the floor next to Hoseok, both crying on his lap and Seokjin let out a small chuckle. It wasn’t a chuckle to laugh at them for showing him such vulnerability or that he thought the whole conversation was funny. Seokjin just found them both so cute and it brought a source of relief to see his boyfriends being so open about their insecurities with him. Maybe it was time for Seokjin to do the same and be honest with himself.
As he ran his fingers through Hoseok and Yoongi’s hair, in an act of comfort, Seokjin knew he had to tell them that he wasn’t ready to have sex with them. That he wasn’t ready for anything beyond holding hands or cuddling. That he had been forcing himself to believe that he was ready to engage in sexual acts, that he was fine by being touched by people he loved when he was not. A part of him wanted to move forward with his life and not let Minho control him, but another part of him wanted to make Hoseok and Yoongi happy. He knew, no, he believed that having sexual relations with his boyfriends was what they expected of him in ordered to be happy. So he forced himself to believe that he was comfortable with being kissed by Yoongi or Hoseok, but he was wrong and he regretted not being able to express the negative opinions he had about sex. It would have prevented a lot of misunderstandings and arguments.
•••••••••
Seokjin didn’t know for how long Hoseok and Yoongi had been crying out or how long he had shed his own tears of sadness while caressing his boyfriends’ hair, but he didn’t care. The three of them needed this moment of weakness. A moment where they conveyed their deepest burdens about their relationship that had been so close to shattering into a million pieces right before their eyes.
“H-hyung...I’m sorry.” Hoseok weakly said, hiccuping while trying to control his uneven breathing.
“M-Me too, hyung. I’m so sorry for everything we have done to you.” Yoongi followed and slowly started to get up from the floor to the chair. Not before helping Hoseok get up and sit down on the side of the bed where the younger had previously sat down.
“Since when did we all turned into such big cry babies?” Seokjin giggled, wiping away some of his own tears with the back of his hand.
“Since we all decided to stop communicating with each other instead of talking it out...like we should have done since the beginning. I guess we have a lot to learn about being in a relationship.” Yoongi scoffed, handing out tissue to Hoseok and then to Seokjin who proceeded to blow his nose. A series of small chuckles were heard throughout the room and Seokjin felt better. His mind wasn't clouded with negative thoughts compared to before. Maybe it was all the crying he had done or maybe it was Hoseok and Yoongi being honest with him? He wasn't sure, but for the first time since the incident with Minho, Seokjin felt genuinely happy. With a sense of hope that everything was going to get better over time. He knew the dark thoughts were going to come back eventually. They’ll haunt him until he felt like crap, but he had Hoseok and Yoongi to help him. He was not going to hide his feelings anymore because he wanted to move forward, he wanted to be happy with his two boyfriends.
“Can I come in?...sorry to interrupt your conversation, but I need to check up on Mr. Kim.” the nurse’s voice interrupted his thoughts. However, Seokjin didn’t mind, most of their concerns were voiced out already. Now, they were just trying to center themselves before talking about their future together.
“It’s okay. Come inside. We were done taking anyways.” Seokjin said, smiling. He was not going to lie to himself and say he didn’t feel a little tremor of having the nurse check-up on him, but he felt safe having Hoseok and Yoongi nearby. Seokjin was certain he wasn’t going to panic by the sight of the nurses or any doctor that wanted to check-up on him. He knew his boyfriends were going to protect him from any danger.
“Great! It won't take long. I'm just doing vital signs. By the way, I’m very happy to see a smile on your face Mr. Kim. It’s very beautiful.” The nurse complimented, reaching for the thermometer to be able to check his body temperature. Seokjin just blushed at the statement. The only reason he was able to smile and feel a little better about his hospitalization compared to before was due to his two wonderful boyfriends who never gave up on him. Even when he was feeling overwhelmed by his own emotions.
After checking Seokjin’s vital signs the nurse was ready to withdraw from the room and leave the three of them alone when suddenly, the nurse ceased her tracks and glanced at him with a worried expression.
“Umm...Mr. Kim, I know I keep insisting but I really advise you to eat some food. It’s been hours since your last proper meal. It’s not good to go hours without having any food in your stomach. You need to eat to get strong and healthy. Want me to order some lunch? How about some ginseng porridge? And Yuja Cha (Yuzu Tea)? How does that sound?”
“I think that’s a wonderful meal! Yeah hyung, you need to eat something. We also bought you some food from home that the guys help us prepared for you that you can eat while we wait for the porridge.” Hoseok informed Seokjin and winked at the nurse letting her know that they will make sure he eats his food.
“Oh my! Seokjin, You have wonderful friends. That's great! You could eat what they bought you since your doctor didn't put any food restrictions and I’ll be back once the food is ready, okay?” The nurse said to them and walked out of the room giggling. Seokjin wasn’t very hungry, his stomach turned at the thought of food, but he knew that if he told Hoseok and Yoongi about his lack of appetite they would get upset for neglecting his health. Maybe he’ll distract them for a while to make them forget about eating. Take the opportunity to express his concerning thoughts about sex, and let them know that he wasn’t ready for any type of physical contact, even though he had a feeling they already knew.
“Ahem...can I talk with you guys before I eat? It’s something very important that I need to let you both know and I have been keeping a secret from you. I think you already know though…” he said, clearing his throat to get their attention. Hoseok and Yoongi looked at him with worry in their eyes, and nodded in agreement. A nod that he interpreted as a signal to start expressing his thoughts.
“So first of all, I want to say that I love you...but I think you also already knew that. I think we made that clear already,” he chuckled, his own words making him blush. It always made Seokjin embarrassed whenever he talked about his love for Hoseok and Yoongi. He doesn’t remember when or how he fell in love with them but ever since he realized his feelings, his stomach would always get butterflies by the simplest expression of affection for them.
”Like I was saying, I love you both so much and I can’t stop saying it because it makes me happy. It makes me so happy to have not only one but two people that make me look forward to waking up next to them everyday. And the first thing I’ll see is two amazing and very handsome boyfriends who I know I want to be with them for the rest of my life… Yet, I feel like I'm letting you down... because I’m still not ready for our relationship to be intimate. What I’m trying to say is that I can’t have sex with either of you and that includes oral sex and kisses. I hope you understand me...I’m sorry.” Seokjin confessed, looking down at his lap, feeling like the worst person in the world. Would Hoseok and Yoongi want to stay with him after he confessed such a selfish request? He hoped so.
“We understand Seokjin. We want to make you feel comfortable around us and like we have said before, sex is not important to us. If we ever get to that point in our relationship, we want you to feel safe by our touches not be triggered by painful memories. We love you and we will wait for as long as it takes for you to accept our love.” Yoongi expressed. Seokjin looked at Yoongi in shock and then at Hoseok who was nodding in agreement. Maybe he had the best boyfriends in the world? It was the only explanation to justify the words he was hearing.
“You do? What if I’m never ready? What if I never want to have sex ever again?”
“Then we will never have sex. Seokjin, we just don’t want to have sex with you. We want to make love to you, which is totally different. Besides, having sexual relationships is not the only way to demonstrate how much we love you. Just by being with you through the good times and the bad is enough for us. We want to be part of your life, the same way you will be part of ours.” Hoseok added.
“B-but...I’m not worthy of your love or your patience. It’s not fair to make you wait forever. I hate my body so much. Everytime I look at it in the mirror it makes me nauseous. I image the rough hands of Minho touching every inch of me. I image Santa-hyung inserting his nasty tongue inside of me. I imagine Glasses-hyung forcing me to give him a blow job. All of those memories give me goosebumps and I can’t stop myself from comparing your touches to them. I know it’s not fair to you but my body and mind can’t stop itself from reacting that way… My body is so filthy. It’s so disgusting that no matter how much I scrub, the filth won’t go away. Why would you want to touch something so contaminated?...so unclean.”
“Your body is not contaminated or unclean. Your body is so pure Seokjin and you’re so beautiful that it pains Hoseok and I to hear you say something so awful about yourself. We love you no matter what you think of your body!”
“You’re just saying that to make me feel better. I know I’m dirty. I know I’m a used up toy that people no longer want.”
“No, we’re not saying this to make you feel better or because we pity you. It’s because we love you and it’s the truth. Besides, did the doctors tell you that you have a sexual transmitted disease? Is that the reason you think your body is dirty? Even if the answer is yes, you are still the purest person we know.” Hoseok asked him and Seokjin was taken aback. Why did Hoseok asked him a topic that brought him so much anxiety? His worst fear had always been that the test results for STDs he had gotten a while back were not correct and that he indeed was infected with a sexually transmitted disease.
“N-no...w-why are you asking me? Did the doctor tell you I have a disease? Hoseok! Please tell me it’s not true!” He snarled, his body shaking in fear.
“Eh!? What? No! Please try to calm down. The doctor never told me anything...I... I just asked because you keep saying that you were dirty and I hate it so much because I can't find a valid reason for you to think that way about yourself. I don’t like that you have a negative mentality about yourself when you are so gorgeous and pure. I’m sorry…”
“Hoseok! Please try to be mindful of what you say. That was very insensitive of you.” Yoongi scolded the younger who looked so ashamed of himself. Now, Seokjin felt guilty for being so weak and insecure.
“I-it’s okay Yoongi. It’s...it’s just that I panic every time I hear that question. I know I’m clean. I know I wasn’t infected by any diseases because the doctor told me. The doctor who attended to our wounds the night of the incident with Minho took out blood to get it tested and it came back negative. I know I don’t have anything but I still panic. I panic so much because if I ever decide to have sex with you and Hoseok...I don’t want to transmit any diseases… that’s my biggest fear. Even though I know I’m clean.”
“I’m so sorry hyung. That was very insensitive of me to ask. Please forgive me. I’ll try to be more mindful from now on.” Hoseok apologized, looking regretful about it.
“Oh Seokjin...thank you for telling us. I know it wasn’t easy and you must have been scared to let us know or that we might reject you because of it, so we really appreciate it. If it makes you feel a little better, I’m sure Hoseok will also agree with me, but we can get ourselves check out whenever you decide that you are ready to get intimate with us. The three of us will get tested and you’ll see that we’re all clean. That you are clean, and there is nothing you should be worried about. What do you think?”
“I think it’s a wonderful idea Yoongi! Hyung, don't we have the smartest boyfriend ever!? I agree with what you just said. Even if we all know hyung is clean...if it will make him feel better, less insecure about it, then I don’t mind.” Hoseok agreed, giving Seokjin a warm smile that melted his heart.
“You...don't have to do all that. I know there is nothing to worry about in your case. It's only me…”
”But Seokjin, that's not fair. We should all get check out and that final!” Yoongi firmly stated.
“Okay...if you all agree to it, I don’t mind. Thank you for being so understanding of me. Thank you for also not getting angry by not being able to touch me as much as I know you want to.”
“It’s okay Seokjin. We are not upset or angry. We just want you to feel safe with us and if not touching you until you're ready or that we have to wait for your approval to get initiate with you, in any type of physical way, then we don't mind.” Yoongi said, getting closer to Seokjin and taking his hand to intertwine their fingers together.
“B-but I feel like it’s not fair for you guys...and it’s not like I reject every single touch. Like I said I’m fine with cuddling...and holding hands...to some extent.”
”Oh! I thought of an idea. I-it might be weird and I don't know if it will work but do you know the traffic light system people use during sex?” Hoseok asked.
“Yeah what about it?” Yoongi questioned, looking confused by the question and squeezed Seokjin’s hand tight. Seokjin was wondering why Hosoek asked yet another question that he didn’t know how it would be related to him.
“Well, the traffic light system is used as a safety word between couples who engage in BDSM to make sure each person has a method to stop all activities, at any point in their sexual play, if they feel unsafe. So I was thinking that we could use it with Seokjin. You know, whenever we cuddle or when we want to touch hyung in any form. For example, ask for his color whenever we caress his hair while we’re cuddling or something like that to make sure that hyung is feeling safe. It will help us a lot...I think. And Seokjin could say ’red’ if he’s uncomfortable in any kind of situation and we’ll stop whatever we are doing and talk about it... because I’ll be honest, we don’t know what triggers you hyung and this way, you are in control of everything.”
“Wow, I never thought of using safety words before but...I think that’s a good idea. It sounds like it might work out. Yeah, let’s use it Hoseok. I want to try it out.” Seokjin replied, amazed by Hoseok’s words.
“Really? You’ve never used a safety word before?”
“No, never. Why?”
“It’s just that I got the idea while researching Little Space. Since Little Space is part of the BDSM community I just assumed you were familiar with it because you probably used it with Minho… but I guess not.” Hoseok confessed, and Seokjin was dumbfounded.
“I didn’t know I needed to have a safety word…”
“...but Seokjin from my research having a safety word is very important especially when you go into Little Space. It’s for your safety...so you could use it in case you feel uncomfortable or in pain or anything that’s making you feel unsafe.”
“I...I don’t know what to say. I researched Little Space and got the basics of it, but I guess I never did an in-depth search on what a healthy and safe relationship should be between a caregiver and Little. Now that I think about it, I never signed a contract with Minho...we just had rules and rewards for when I was in Little Space, but there wasn’t any mention of the safety word or anything like that.” Seokjin admitted, feeling stupid for being so naive and not doing a thorough research which lead him to an unhealthy and abusive relationship.
“...I see. It’s not your fault Seokjin. Even if you didn’t know, Minho should had known since he had more experience but he took advantage of you being new to a DD/LB relationship that he never mentioned it to you..but you know, when you are ready we can make new sets of rules for when you go into Little Space and a new contract between us three, and this time, we’ll do it right. You’ll have a safety word and take out any rules that can be harmful to you. Okay?” Hoseok said to him, smiling.
“Okay…”
“Great! So...do you still want to use the safety word for when we cuddle or initiate physical touches?”
“Yeah...I want to use it. Plus, it would help me for when I go into Little Space.”
“Okay! Good! I’m glad you like my idea. I thought I was overthinking this or it was not the right way to use it, but I guess if it doesn’t work out we can always try something else later on. I just want to do something that will help you feel safer when you are with us.” Hoseok explained and Seokjin agreed. He wanted to start to feel comfortable around the people he loved and the safety word strategy was a promising start. It was unusual to him since he never used it with Minho, but it was worth a try.
“Umm...I think it’s a good idea, but is it okay to use it?” Yoongi voiced out, with a concerning expression on his face.
“What do you mean?” Hoseok replied.
“Well, can’t Seokjin just tell us to stop if he’s uncomfortable or triggered? Or we can just ask him if he’s feeling okay while we cuddle with him. Is a safety word really needed? I think it’s an incredible idea, but only until we get to the phase of us having sex or when he’s in Little Space. Aside from that, is it possible to use it? Is it even allowed to be used outside of the perimeter of BDSM?”
“Good point, I had the same thoughts while I was thinking of it, but then I realized, what if hyung is scared to tell us to stop? What if he can’t think clearly during his panicking? Wouldn't a safe word be simple to remember, you know?”
“True...I mean we could try it out. It doesn’t hurt to see if it would work out or not. Maybe it’s not the right setting to use a safe word in but I want to try it out. I agree with Hoseok. I might be too scared to say anything or be triggered that I forget how to talk. Just knowing I could say red and you would know the bad memories of what happened to me are floating back in my mind and you would do anything in your power to make me feel better...it makes me feel safe.”
“Fine, if Seokjin is okay with using it then I don’t mind. I’ll do whatever makes you comfortable.” Yoongi stated getting a nod of agreement from Hoseok.
“So, what do you say we start using it now? Do you mind? I want to make sure you’re fine with us being so close to you. Seokjin...what's your color?” Hoseok asked him, scooting closer to Seokjin and placing a hand on Seokjin’s upper thigh, slowly caressing it up and down not in a sexual way, but just to bring Seokjin some source of comfort. Meanwhile, Yoongi placed a finger on his jawline and slowly traced it back and forth.
“Green...I guess. It feels weird to use it to be honest.” Seokjin stated, giggling by the words he was using.
“I know, but it’s for your safety. So I’ll ask again, what’s your color Seokjin?” Hoseok repeated.
“Green...I’m positive I’m green.” Seokjin answered, closing his eyes to feel the soft touches of his boyfriends’ fingers on his body while smiling ear to ear. There was a lot that he still needed to work on, internally, because his insecurities were not going to disappear overnight. The conversation with Hoseok and Yoongi was still not over and he still had a few more topics he needed to address, such a creating a new set of rules and contract for whenever he went into Little Space. Also, now that he found out about needing a safety word while he was in Little Space, it was necessary to talk about that also but for now, Seokjin was satisfied with everything that was happening. He was content by having his two lovely boyfriends so close to him that made him feel safe and protected.
Notes:
Seokjin is finally starting to move forward and his relationship with Hoseok and Yoongi is getting stronger.
I look forward to reading your comments.
My Twitter: Kumasama92
Chapter 36: Jinnie’s Apology
Summary:
“Green...I’m positive that I’m green.” Seokjin answered and it was true. He didn’t feel an ounce of fear for having Hoseok and Yoongi so close to him, even when they were touching his body in an act of comfort. In fact, it was the opposite. Seokjin felt special and protected by the two people that he loved.
Notes:
Surprise!!!!
I’m back with another chapter! This is a continuation of the previous one , so I hope you enjoy it.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“What’s your color Seokjin?” Hoseok asked him. A soft smile plastered on the younger’s face.
“Green...I’m positive that I’m green.” Seokjin answered and it was true. He didn’t feel an ounce of fear for having Hoseok and Yoongi so close to him, even when they were touching his body in an act of comfort. In fact, it was the opposite. Seokjin felt special and protected by the two people that he loved.
“That’s good to hear. Remember, don’t be afraid to use your colors if you feel any type of discomfort or panic. We’ll stop whatever we are doing and give you some time until you are ready to talk with us about the reason behind why your color changed.” Hoseok reaffirmed, grabbing one of Seokjin’s hands and placing a soft kiss on top of it. Hoseok's lips felt soft against his skin, so soft that it left a tingling sensation on his hand once the younger retreated back to his sitting position. Seokjin wondered if there will ever be a time when he’ll be able to kiss those soft, thin lips once again without being consumed by fear or the image of his rapist reappearing in his mind.
“I will...don't worry. All of this is very new and it will take time to get used to it, but I promise to be more open with you.”
”Good! Now...there is one more thing we need to discuss before you can eat. It's very important and Yoongi and I have thought about it all night on how to tell you because we have come to the conclusion that it's for the best...for the three of us.”
“Sure go ahead. I'm ready.” Seokjin confirmed, looking at Yoongi and then at Hoseok in the eye. It had been a long morning of just talking with his two boyfriends, but it was exactly what they all needed. Their communication was horrible and he wondered what they could do to make it better.
“Well...umm...how do I say this? Seokjin…” Hoseok said, struggling to get out the right words he probably wanted to express. Seokjin began to get nervous. What else was there for them to discuss about? Did he do something wrong once again?
“Seokjin...what Hoseok is trying to say is that we want you to see a therapist. I know you had a bad experience with the therapist the hospital assigned to you, but despite your first impression she is determined to help you. She wants you to see a different therapist, so you can start your therapy sessions without being triggered. We also discussed of doing couple’s therapy for the three of us. To help us with our communication and other issues we may have. I know it’s a lot after what happened last night but—”
“I’ll do it!” Seokjin interrupted.
“Huh?”
“I want to see Dr. Lee. Forget about finding another therapist, I want her to be my therapist. I know I was overreacting when I saw her last night and then panic overtook me, but I know my mind was playing tricks with me and really thought it was one of Minho’s accomplices, but I know now, it was all my imagination.”
“Seokjin are you sure? You don’t have to see her. Besides, you don’t know how you’ll react next time you come face to face with her. Your mind may be calm and collected right now but having her in front of you may trigger you...and we don’t want that.” Hoseok added, expressing his concern about Seokjin’s decision. Seokjin understood the reason behind his boyfriend’s uneasiness, but he was positive that his body and mind won’t react the same way. He wanted to get better, he wanted to gain control over his life that was being sucked away by Minho’s shadow. All he had to do was face his fears and wish for the best. After all, he wasn’t as lonely as he thought he was and he had two people who were going to protect him from any danger.
“Yes, I’m positive I want to see her. I’m not going to lie and say it doesn’t make me feel scared, but I know she won’t hurt me. I know it’s all in my mind. I know Minho is dead and his accomplices are in jail and that people who have the same name as them or remind me of them are not going to harm me. I just want you to promise me one thing?”
“Sure, what is it? We’ll do anything for you!” Yoongi replied.
“I want you both to be there with me when I go visit her. I know you can’t go inside during the sessions but just the idea of you both waiting for me outside makes me feel at ease. I know you will never let her hurt me, even though I know she isn’t capable of doing that.”
“Of course hyung. We promise you to be there for you whenever you go see her. We won’t let you face this by yourself. You have us now to keep you safe.” Hoseok promised and Yoongi agreed with him. Seokjin felt optimistic about everything that was happening. Although he knew his recovery was just beginning, he was hopeful that his mental health would get better, little by little.
———-
Five minutes passed and then ten more passed. It was the time Seokjin and his two boyfriends spent in silence with only the low noise of the television playing in the background. Seokjin didn’t mind the silence at all, it didn’t mattered to him anyways. The presence of Hoseok and Yoongi near him made him feel secure. It was Seokjin’s idea to wait for his food to arrive first, before they started eating. Yes, it was “we” because he wanted Hoseok and Yoongi to eat lunch with him. Even though he was not hungry, there was no escaping his fate in eating since he knew Hoseok and Yoongi will persist until he gave in. Maybe eating together won’t be so bad? Even though his stomach had no desire for any kind of sustenances.
“Oh Seokjin. I forgot to tell you but we brought Kitty and Sunny with us. Just like you requested last night.” Yoongi broke the silence.
“Really?!” Seokjin perked up as he heard the words Yoongi had said to him. He had forgotten that he asked Jungkook for Hoseok and Yoongi to bring his comfort stuffies.
“Yup! Let me go get them.” Yoongi said, walking to the corner of the room where he had placed his bag. Once Yoongi was back, Seokjin saw his two plushies squished together in a transparent tote bag, which he immediately recognized that it was Hoseok’s. He was the only one in the group who would use transparency bags as the younger thought it was more convenient while traveling. It would be less hectic during the security checkpoint in the airport. It made sense to Seokjin, but he hated the idea of everyone knowing the contents in his bag.
“Here.” Yoongi said to him handing him both plushies. Kitty and Sunny along with Hoseok and Yoongi were so dear to him that he wasn’t sure if he’ll be able to survive without them.
“Thank you! Thank you so much!!” Seokjin squealed in delight. He cradled in his arms both plushies and gave them a long and tight hug. He knew that now that he had his stuffies with him, he’ll feel less scared at night.
“You’re so adorable Jin.” Hoseok cooed, looking at him with tenderness in his eyes. Seokjin loved whenever Hoseok or Yoongi looked at him with sparkling eyes. It made him feel special, it made him feel like he was the only person in the world.
“He sure is! Our adorable Seokjinnie!” Yoongi added, making Seokjin blush and he knew his ears were starting to turn red from the attention he was getting.
Seokjin was about to tell them to stop making him into an embarrassing mess when a knock on the door interrupted their conversation.
“Hello! I got your lunch Mr. Kim!” The nurse’s cheerful voice echoed throughout the room. Great, time for the battle with his boyfriends’ to start, as he was still not hungry at all. He hoped that Hoseok and Yoogin will be satisfied with only a bite or two.
“Thank you.” Yoongi said, walking towards the nurse, taking the tray of food from her hands, and placing it on the overbed table.
“If you need anything else please press the red button on your remote control.” The nurse noted walking out of the room and closing the door. The aroma of food filled Seokjin’s nostrils but instead of a growling sound of hunger, his stomach made a growling sound of disgust. Why did he have to eat? He didn’t feel lightheaded or weak, so in his opinion there was no need for food. If the doctors found it alarming they should just give him nutrients through an IV.
“Wow! This looks good...for hospital food.” Hoseok admitted, looking at the ginseng porridge that Yoongi had uncovered on the overbed table that Yoongi had placed in front of Seokjin. He had set Kitty and Sunny beside him and under the blankets, so the plushies won’t get dirty by mistake.
“I guess. I bet it has a bad taste.” Seokjin said, looking down at the dish and making a disgusted face. Does he really have to eat it? Hoseok and Yoongi wouldn’t make him force it down...or would they?
“It can’t be that bad. Besides, we still have the food the guys prepared for you. I bet a homemade meal would be better than this .” Yoongi pointed at the bowl of porridge while walking to the end of the bed where Hoseok’s tote bag was placed to probably take out the trays of food they had brought for him.
“True…” he softly whispered.
“Here, lets try this first.” Hoseok suggested and moved closer to him, grabbing a spoonful of the porridge.
“Say ahhh!” Seokjin heard, seeing how his boyfriend brought the spoon closer to his mouth. However, Seokjin kept his mouth shut. He didn’t want to eat anything.
“No! I don’t want to eat! Not hungry!” Seokjin pouted, turning his head sideways to avoid the spoon full of food.
“Please Jinnie! Just one bite? See, it's not bad…Yum!” Hoseok begged him, taking a bite to show him the food was tasty.
“No!”
“Hoseok, stop trying to feed him that food. Here, give him the porridge Jimin and I made.”
“Wait a minute! If you had that with you, why did you tell the nurse to bring us the food from the hospital? It’s such a waste of food… and time.” Hoseok asked and Seokjin agreed with Hoseok. Why go through all the trouble of waiting for the food and waste ingredients to just throw it all away in the end.
“Well, I thought hyung would prefer a simple tasteless meal since his stomach may be sensitive. Plus, the nurse looked so concerned about Seokjin’s condition that I thought maybe with him ordering some food the doctors will know he’s getting better? And discharge him sooner?”
“Ah I see. Makes sense.”
“I’m still not hungry though.” Seokjin admitted. Making puppy eyes at Hoseok and Yoongi, with the hopes of melting their hearts so they won’t force him to eat.
“Now now. I know what you are doing there. And it won’t work with me.”
“No fair!”
“You’re so cute when you’re pouting but that won’t stop me from feeding you some of this porridge.” Yoongi giggled, moving to the other side of the bed, where Kitty and Sunny were placed.
“I’ll move them for now, okay?”
“Okay,” Seokjin answered as Yoongi placed the plushies at the edge of the bed and proceeded to laid down next to him in bed. Seokjin knew there was no escaping it, not when Hoseok and Yoongi were so close to him. He was going to be forced to eat. He just wished his upset stomach won’t betrayed him and caused him to vomit.
“Now, open wide!” Hoseok said to him seeing how the spoon got closer and closer to his mouth. Seokjin closed his eyes and opened his mouth wide, feeling how the spoon entered his mouth and the warm feeling of porridge touched his tongue.
“Is it good?” Yoongi asked him, caressing his hair as he swallow the warm liquid feeling how it traveled down his throat and into his stomach.
“Mm-hmm, good.”
“See, it wasn’t that bad. Now, ready for another bite?”
“Yeah…” Seokjin softly replied. And for the next few minutes Hoseok and Yoongi took turns feeding him the porridge while complimenting him. The praises brought him a sense of happiness and his mind was starting to feel foggy. Seokjin knew the feeling very well...it was the feeling whenever he was entering into his Little Headspace. The praise was making him enter into Little Space. Yet, he wondered if it was safe for him to be Little Jinnie in the hospital, where any nurse or doctor could see him.
“Yoonie.” He said, getting the attention of Yoongi who was busy running his fingers through Seokjin’s soft hair.
“Mm?”
“Jinnie is feeling Little.” He admitted, noticing the surprised expression on his boyfriends.
“Oh...does our Jinnie want to come out and be a good boy for us? Does Jinnie want to spend some time with his Appa and Daddy?”
“Yesh, Jinnie want. Jinnie wants to be with Appa and Daddy, but Jinnie scared...of the big and scary nurse and doctor.”
“It’s okay Jinnie. Appa and I will take care of everything. Let yourself slip further into your Little side, we’ll protect you no matter what happens.” Daddy said to Jinnie. Jinnie missed seeing his Appa and Daddy so much, so he let himself slip further into Little Space. Jinnie was going to be a good boy, so his Daddy and Appa could praised him so more.
————
“Daddy, Jinnie’s tummy hurts.” Jinnie said and Hoseok made eye contact with Yoongi who had the same worried expression. They were barely halfway through the small bowl of porridge that Yoongi and Jimin had prepared for Seokjin and Jinnie didn’t want to eat anymore.
“Just one more bit, please?”
“No! Jinnie no want!” Jinnie huffed, moving his head side to side in disagreement.
“How about a few sips of the Yuzu tea? I promise it taste good.” Yoongi suggested.
“No!”
“Now be a good boy Jinnie and drink your tea. See, it taste good. Yummy!” Hoseok exaggerated as he drank the Yuzu tea. He had to admit that it wasn’t the worst tea he had ever had but it wasn’t the best. However, he knew it would benefit Jinnie, nutrition wise, so he was going to make sure the Little drank it all.
“Rweally? It’s not yucky Daddy?”
“It’s not yucky. I promise.”
“...I’ll drink it, but I want Appa to have some too!” Jinnie demanded. Hoseok locked eyes with Yoongi who proceeded to take the cup full of tea from his hand and took a sip making an excited expression to demonstrate his satisfaction with the drink.
“Yummy!”
“Jinnie next! Daddy, Jinnie wants to drink it just like Appa and you.” Jinnie said bouncing with excitement. Hoseok found it adorable how easy it was to convince Jinnie to do something as simple as drinking tea, but at the same time, it made him feel angry. Not at Jinnie directly, but at Minho, for taking advantage of their sweet and adorable baby boy.
“Of course sweetheart. Anything you want.” Hoseok answered. Yoongi moved forward to bring the cup to Jinnie’s mouth who slightly opened it to welcome the warm liquid.
“Did you like it?”
“Mm-hm. Tasty!”
“Good, now drink some more and you can cuddle with Appa, Kitty and Sunny.” Hoseok requested and with the help of Yoongi, Jinnie was able to finish most of the Yuzu tea.
“There, all finished.” Yoongi stated and Hoseok saw him getting up from the bed before wheeling out the overbed table to the corner of the room. Yoongi walked back and grabbed Kitty and Sunny to bring them back to Jinnie who was smiling ear to ear in excitement.
“Appa! Cuddles!!” Jinnie squealed, making grabby hands. Hoseok felt a satisfying feeling in his heart by seeing the happy state of his boyfriend. He had a lot of regrets about not noticing the feelings Seokjin had towards them sooner. If only he had confessed, it would have prevented Seokjin from ever meeting Minho and all the events that followed. Yet, Hoseok knew he couldn’t dwelled on the past, and he had to think of the future. Their future together. Hoseok loved Seokjin, the caring and attentive hyung, and Little Jinnie, the sweetest baby boy in the world, and he knew Yoongi and he were lucky that Seokjin shared the same feelings they had for each other.
“Daddy cuddles too!” Jinnie added, snuggling closer to Yoongi’s chest, who was not able to contain a smile by the adorable actions of their baby boy.
“But Jinnie. The bed's not big enough for the three of us.” Hoseok whined, puckering up his lips pretending to be upset, in some ways he was disappointed because he loved to cuddle with Little Jinnie.
“Aappaa!”
“Aww, don’t cry Jinnie. Let’s see what we can do.” Yoongi responded.
“How about you go to the other side of the bed and Jinnie can laid down on top of me since he can’t move too far because he’s hooked to the IV.”
“Sounds good to me.” Hoseok expressed, taking his crutches and walking to the other side of the bed and getting under the covers.
“Jinnie, lay on your stomach so your head is on my chest. Be careful with the IV.”
“Like this Appa?”
“That’s Good. You did an amazing job following my instructions.” Yoongi praised Jinnie who only giggled. Hoseok extended his hand so he was drawing circles on Jinnie’s back and moved closer to Yoongi, who proceeded to rest his head on Hoseok’s shoulder.
The proximity of their bodies was so relaxing and peaceful that he wished they would never separate. It felt like a dream, a dream that he wished would never end. Looking back, it felt surreal that he was going out with Seokjin and Yoongi and despite the struggles that they may face in the future, Hoseok was certain they will fight through it.
“Daddy?”
“Hmm...”
“Jinnie’s sorry.” Hoseok heard, noticing how Jinnie’s voice was shaking, lifted his head up to look at Hoseok and then at Yoongi with watery eyes.
“What’s wrong sweetheart? Why are you sorry? You haven’t done anything wrong to apologize for.”
“B-But...Jinnie bad.”
“W-What?”
“Jinnie made Daddy give him a punishment and Appa got angry at us...b-but…” Jinnie wailed and buried his face back on Yoongi’s chest.
“Sorry! Sorry Daddy...Appa. Jinnie was a bad boy.” And Hoseok’s heart ached by the words he just heard. He still was not familiar with Little Space and didn’t know how much of the memories Jinnie retained while being a Little, but the idea that his baby boy was apologizing while being in his subspace terrified him because that meant that the events that happened affected both Seokjin and Little Jinnie in a deeper way than he initially thought.
“Jinnie…please don’t cry. It breaks our heart to see you so sad. Plus, you didn’t do anything wrong. You were just confused by what a punishment meant due to your previous Daddy.” Hoseok confessed. Running his fingers through Jinnie’s hair who only hiccup while trying to hold back more tears from streaming down. Hoseok leaned forward to place a kiss on top of Jinnie’s head and then on top of Yoongi who he knew was feeling heartbroken by the scene in front of them.
“B-But Daddy…”
“No buts! There’s nothing to forgive and you have not been a bad boy.”
“Daddy is right, our baby boy will never be bad and if you ever were, for some strange reason, we’ll give you the appropriate punishment. Not like your previous Daddy.”
“Rweally?”
“Of course. So enough crying! Give your Appa and I kisses on the cheek and try to get some sleep.”
“No fair!” Jinnie shouted and Hoseok was confused by the answer.
“You don’t want to give us kisses, Jinnie?” Hoseok asked. Stunned by the little tantrum Jinnie was having and he wondered why? He just asked for a kiss on the cheek...was it too much? Did he go too far? Maybe Jinnie wasn’t ready just like Seokjin.
“I do… Jinnie wants kisses! But it’s not fair that Jinnie is the only one getting kisses. I want Appa and Daddy to kiss too... b-but on the lips?” Jinnie blushed and Hoseok smirked. Jinnie was being very daring in Little Space. Maybe Seokjin wanted to see Hoseok and Yoongi kiss also, but was too afraid to ask for it, so his boyfriend channeled it to his Little Side which was more fearless.
“I think...we can make that happen, right Yoongi?” He said looking down at Yoongi who was also smirking. Hoseok leaned down and placed a small peck on Yoongi’s lips, it didn’t last more than a few seconds, but it was long enough to hear Jinnie giggling by their actions.
“One more!” Jinnie chuckled, so Hoseok placed another kiss on Yoongi’s lips, this time feeling Yoongi’s lips curled up into a smile. Hoseok found the situation entertaining, but at the same time, it was embarrassing to express their love in front of Jinnie, their sweet baby boy who was a beautiful giggling mess by seeing their display of affection.
For the first time in months, Hoseok felt like he was at peace, the happiest he had ever been. The two people he cherished the most were next to him and the three of them were enjoying a calm and peaceful afternoon just laughing and making meaningful memories. Hopefully, this was the beginning of many more moments of harmony to come.
Notes:
It feels like it’s been a while since we last saw Little Jinnie. Wasn’t he adorable in this chapter? 🥺🥺
Let me know you thoughts and what you think will happen next.
I look forward to reading your comments!
My Twitter: Kumasama92
Chapter 37: Endless Loop
Summary:
Seokjin could feel his heartbeat quickened, and his body start to shake in fear. The thought of not having control over his body, the feeling of not being able to escape the embrace of Hoseok and Yoongi was making him feel like he was in the presence of Minho, specifically Santa-Hyung.
Notes:
I'm so happy to finally be back with a new chapter!
Happy New Year everyone!! May this year bring you happiness and health. 🥰🥰
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Seokjin got discharged from the hospital a week ago, and he felt like nothing had changed since then, to be honest. Maybe he was being too optimistic with himself because after getting out of the hospital, Seokjin thought everything was going to improve for the better. The in-depth conversations he had with his boyfriends’ in the hospital room and the determination he had gathered to face his fears were just empty words. It didn't matter what he did, Seokjin’s traumas were still there: panic attacks, nightmares, anxiety, and the fear of physical contact. They were all present. It was very naive of him to believe that the pains in his heart would magically vanish once he gathered the courage to face them. Yes, very childish of him.
Seokjin blinked his eyes a few times to adjust his vision. He squirmed as he tried to get up from the bed to go take a shower because he was finally going to go see Dr. Lee later in the day, but two bodies were squeezing him from opposite sides, prevented him from doing so.
Seokjin knew it was wise of him to go visit his new therapist, particularly after last night's episode. The previous night was another sleepless night for Seokjin, and therefore it was the same for Hoseok and Yoongi due to his constant nightmares. It was the same pattern, Seokjin would peacefully sleep beside his two boyfriends, but that restful slumber would always get disturbed by Minho and his accomplices. Memories of their touches, their voices, and the horrendous actions that they had done to him would flood back into his mind making him wake up screaming and crying. It was a never-ending cycle that he despised.
“Hobi, wake up! I need to get up. Yoongi-ah, stop hugging my waist so tightly.” Seokjin whined, trying to free himself from the limbs of bodies that were tangled together with his own, but it was no use. Hoseok and Yoongi both had their faces buried on each side of Seokjin’s neck with one arm over his slim waist, and it was preventing his every movement. Seokjin could feel both their breaths against his skin, making him feel unbearably hot.
“Guys! Please let me get up! It’s not funny anymore. Stop!” Seokjin whimpered. The proximity of his boyfriends’ bodies was making him feel uncomfortable. At first, he found it cute, but now that they, unintentionally, were restraining him from getting out of bed, it was making him panic. Seokjin could feel his heartbeat quickened, and his body start to shake in fear. The thought of not having control over his body, the feeling of not being able to escape the embrace of Hoseok and Yoongi was making him feel like he was in the presence of Minho, specifically Santa-Hyung.
“Hobi! Please let me go! Yoongi! I-im scared...p-please w-wake up!” Seokjin’s said, his voice trembling in fear, and his breath accelerating making it difficult for him to breathe. He didn’t know what to do; he was trapped with no escape, and the shock caused by the proximity of Hoseok and Yoongi’s bodies was catching up with him. And with no other choice left within himself, Seokjin let himself go; he let the terror consumed him. He started to cry, more like wailed out loud, and the volume of his voice was getting louder and louder, that he was shocked that his boyfriends’ didn't wake up.
“STOP! LET ME GO! I'M SCARED! YOONGI! HOSEOK! LET ME GOOO!!” He screamed, body quivering. He didn’t know what to do to escape the situation, but he mustered all his strength to push Hoseok, who was on his right side, out of the way, and who fell on the ground with a loud thump.
Using the adrenaline rush he had gathered, he sat up straight on the bed and pushed Yoongi, who was on his left side to the ground, the younger landing on the floor with a loud thump.
“Jin?” Hoseok questioned, looking around the room confused, but Seokjin didn’t even acknowledge the words of the younger because, in that exact moment, he jumped out of bed and to the front door of the bedroom.
Seokjin ran and ran, and he didn’t know where he was going, but he needed to get out of the room. All he could hear were the concerning shouts of Hoseok and Yoongi coming from the distance.
After going down the stairs of their apartment, the living room finally came to his view, and he saw four confused yet surprised faces sitting on the couch, looking at him wide-eyed, which immediately made him stop his tracks.
It was the faces of familiar people who he knew cared for his well-being that made him realize that he had another panic attack. His body was still trembling in fear, and he felt so guilty for causing another uncomfortable experience to his boyfriends’ and now, the rest of his bandmates, that it made his knees weakened, causing him to crouch down onto the floor, letting out an unbearable and painful sob.
Seokjin no longer had any strength on his knees to be in a crouching position, so his body collapsed to the floor, and he curled himself up fetal style, trying to contain his emotions. Maybe if he didn’t move, all the painful memories would go away.
Seokjin hated to show such vulnerability in front of the members, especially the youngest ones since he wanted to demonstrate his positive and robust side, but at the moment, he was weak, he was in a state of mind where he couldn’t continue to function due to his traumatic experiences. Seokjin once again wanted to disappear from this cruel world that was making him suffer so much.
—————
“Jin!” Yoongi shouted as he saw Seokjin running out of the room. He didn’t know what was happening, but the state of panic on Hoseok’s face was pretty clear that Seokjin probably had another panic attack.
“Hoseok, I’ll go after him. Take your time. I’ll see what I can do until you get there. I’m sure Seokjin is going to the living room. That’s the only way out of the apartment.” He stated, getting Hoseok’s crutches that were closed to the headboard and handing them to Hoseok, who proceeded to get up and placed each crutch under each armpit.
“Okay, got it. Just be cautious of what you say and do. Remember, it could make him panic more.”
“Okay,” Yoongi replied and ran out of the bedroom and down the stairs.
It was a loud and painful sobbing sound that first caught his attention as he entered the living room. Then it was Seokjin, on the floor curled up in a fetal position loudly crying, and that image alone made his heartache.
”Jin!” Yoongi shouted, running to his boyfriend. He locked eyes with Namjoon, who only gave him a sympathetic expression. He wasn’t angry with anyone for not knowing how to help Seokjin. Usually, his boyfriend would contain his panic attacks inside Hoseok’s room because that was where Seokjin spent most of his time but also, to prevent the rest of the members from witnessing such a vulnerable side of their oldest hyung. Yoongi thought it was a ridiculous mindset for their hyung to have, but who was he to judge the decisions of his boyfriend after everything that Seokjin went through.
However, one question Yoongi needed to know the answer to right this second, was what exactly triggered his boyfriend to have a panic attack? What could have caused Seokjin to feel so frightened to the point of leaving the perimeters of his safe space?
“Seokjinnie, It’s Yoongi. Listen to my voice. Try to focus on it. Everything is going to be okay.” Yoongi said panicking, not knowing exactly what to do to stabilize Seokjin’s distress situation, but he remembered Hoseok’s advice of just talking to their hyung and maintaining his composure. Thus, Yoongi crouched down and gently rubbed Jin’s back, in hopes of getting his attention. But, the crying didn’t stop, nor did his breathing stabilize, and Yoongi was starting to get worried. His boyfriend’s chest was heaving up and down with no signs of stopping, and he knew it was not a good indication.
“Jimin! Go to the kitchen and get me a paper bag.” Hoseok’s voice echoed throughout the quiet living room. All of the members, except Hoseok, were crowding around Seokjin, and Yoongi was relieved to see his boyfriend. Hoseok always knew what to do during these episodes of panic.
“Okay!” Jimin replied and ran to the kitchen. Only the sound of the cabinets opening and closing were heard along with Seokjin’s unstable breathing.
“Yoongi, make him sit up straight. We need to stabilize his breathing first.” Hoseok commanded him, and he complied. Yoongi placed his arms under Seokjin’s armpits to get a better hold of his boyfriend and maneuver him upwards. However, the weight of Seokjin’s body caused Seokjin to slide sideways. Yoongi had no other choice but to back hug him, so now Seokjin’s back was against his chest, and sitting between his legs.
“I got the bag,” Jimin shouted, running to his side, breathing heavily and now practically out of breath. Yoongi watched as Hoseok took the paper bag from the younger, grabbed the tip of the bag, and placed it over Seokjin’s mouth and nose.
“Seokjin. Listen to me... I want you to breathe through this bag. Here, hold it.” Yoongi heard only the loud and uneven breathing of Seokjin resounding through the room.
“What should I do? Should I hold the bag for him?” Yoongi asked he wanted to be useful and not just stared at the scene in front of him like an idiot.
“No, at this point, he’s hyperventilating, so he needs to hold the bag himself. Just keep him from falling and tell him to listen to your voice to make him concentrate on you.”
“Okay,” Yoongi answered, and that was precisely what he did. However, Seokjin only panicked more, and Yoongi was starting to get worried. Should they call the doctor? Should they take Seokjin to the hospital again?
“Seokjin, breath in. Breath out. Yeah, just like that. Mimic what I am doing. Breath in…breath out. You're doing an amazing job. Now, try to take a few breaths without the bag.” Hoseok insisted.
Yoongi was beyond relief to have Hoseok by his side at times like these, where Seokjin needed them the most because he had never assisted anyone while they were in a state of panic. It was always the opposite. Yoongi had always suffered from anxiety attacks with episodes of depression since he was young, although he rarely got them anymore, but it still felt weird not to be the one who needed help.
After ten more minutes of Hoseok instructing Seokjin to breathe through the bag, and then without it, Yoongi could see that his boyfriend was starting to stabilize.
“Feel better?” Yoongi whispered, feeling how Seokjin’s body just relaxed against his chest.
“B-better. T-hank y-you.” Seokjin hiccuped, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall down by the tone of Seokjin’s voice.
“Jin, are you able to breathe a little better?” Hoseok asked Seokjin, who only nodded in agreement.
“Good. Now, how about you let Jungkook take you to our room? You’ll feel a little better there.” Yoongi added.
“N-No...I-I want to stay here.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah...I want to lay on the couch before I get ready to go see Dr.Lee.”
“Are you sure you want to go see Dr. Lee right after you had a panic attack? I think you should stay home.” Yoongi advised his boyfriend.
“No, I still want to go. It’s for my own good.”
“If that’s what you want…” Yoongi accepted, although he was firmly against the idea.
“Jungkook, can you take hyung to the couch? You’re the strongest out of all of us.” He added.
“Sure, I don’t mind at all,” Jungkook replied, walking towards them. Yoongi saw Jungkook bend his knees and placed one arm around Seokjin’s back and the other arm around the bend in their hyung’s knees. Using the strength of his legs, Jungkook instructed Seokjin to place his arm around his shoulder to make the process of picking him up more comfortable. In a blink of an eye, Jungkook lifted Seokjin from the floor. Yoongi was always stunned by the strength of their Maknae. How could someone so small grow up to be so strong?
Everyone in the room, except Hoseok, surrounded the pair until they got the couch. As much as they knew Jungkook would never drop their precious hyung, they wanted to make sure there weren't any accidents. In seconds, Jungkook gently laid Seokjin down on the couch, and Yoongi proceeded to place a cushion on the back of his hyung’s head, to make him feel more comfortable.
“Is there anything you would like hyung? Water? Tea? Maybe something to eat?” Hoseok asked, taking a seat on the opposite side of the L-shaped couch, setting his crutches to the side.
“Uh-uh, but I want to get cleaned up, though. I was going to take a shower before I went to see Dr. Lee, but I don't have the energy to take one anymore. But at the same time, I don't want to go all sweaty and feeling unclean.”
“I can give you a sponge bath if you like?” Yoongi suggested. Noticing that his hyung was furrowing his eyebrows in concentration. Maybe a sponge bath wasn't the best solution, but it was the only idea that popped up in his head.
“H-here?”
“Yeah. Obviously, the guys won’t be present when I give you the bath, but yeah, it’ll be here, so you don’t have to move at all.”
“I don’t know…” Seokjin replied, looking nervous, or was it scared? Was his hyung still not ready to let Yoongi see him completely naked? How about Hoseok? Would Seokjin have a problem with either of them helping him out by cleaning his most private areas?
“I-if hyung doesn’t mind. I could help him with his sponge bath?” Jungkook declared, seeing that all the attention turned towards their youngest member. If his hyung didn’t like them, Hoseok and Yoongi, his boyfriends, to touch and see his body, then Yoongi was convinced their Maknae was going to be rejected.
“Sure, I don’t mind. I-I actually think it’s a good idea.” Seokjin expressed, and Yoongi’s eyes opened wide in shock and could feel his heart destroyed by the words he just heard. What was going through Seokjin’s mind? Why was Jungkook accepted without any hesitation?
Why Jungkook? What made Jungkook so special that his boyfriend agreed to let the younger assist him with such an action that Yoongi considered personal, an action that only should be done between loved ones such as Hoseok and himself.
Yoongi felt betrayed; Yoongi felt like the relationship with Seokjin was moving three steps backward instead of forward. Were Hoseok and him not worthy of helping their Seokjin during challenging times? Were Hoseok and him never allowed to show any signs of affection towards their lovely boyfriend? As much as he wanted to confront Seokjin, Yoongi knew it was not the right time or place. Instead, he bitterly agreed to the demands of their boyfriend and let Jungkook take on a task that rightfully belongs to Hoseok and him.
————
Seokjin knew he had hurt Yoongi’s feelings by refusing to let him or Hoseok give him a sponge bath. He saw the unhappy expression on his boyfriend’s face, and it made his heart sting as if thin needles were poking it. He also knew it was very immature of him not to express his feelings of self-doubt to his boyfriends or disclose the reason behind his episode of panic after the discussion they had about being honest with each other while Seokjin was in the hospital. Seokjin had a feeling he was only causing more unnecessary misunderstandings, but he was still not ready to expose his filthy body and all its filthy glory to anyone. Especially not to Hoseok and Yoongi, who Seokjin was afraid would find him disgusting and unappealing due to the scars on his body.
Seokjin wished he had the courage to say the truth, that it was due to the physical contact he had with Hoseok and Yoongi that he got another panic attack; that it was due to his negative thoughts about Minho that made him panic even though his heart knew he was surrounded by the two people he loved with all his heart. But Seokjin knew it was not that easy to change one's mindset in the course of a week.
“Okay, everyone! Time to go. I need to help hyung clean up, so get out.” Jungkook ordered, shooing everyone away from the living room so that only the two of them were alone. Seokjin noticed the hesitation on Hoseok and Yoongi’s face as they walked away, but he didn’t know how to fix the issue he had selfishly created. Why couldn't he be honest? Why couldn't he be like Jungkook, who seemed so composed dealing with his emotions? Would there ever be a time when Seokjin would ultimately be able to express himself?
His lack of communication was the reason behind the disaster with Minho and his accomplices. His lack of discussion was the reason behind all the suffering he was dealing with, mind, body, and spirit. Seokjin knew he was the real culprit behind everything that he went through, for wanted to be in Little Space and bringing a stranger into his life. When would he learn his lesson of just being honest with the ones he loved?
“I’ll be back hyung. I'll bring the things we need for your sponge bath. Don’t move, okay.”
“Kay,” Seokjin quietly responded. He was looking down at his lap, flicking his fingernails, trying to calm his nerves.
Seokjin was feeling anxious after realizing that he would have to get naked in front of Jungkook. Yet, his mind wondered why he didn’t feel any fear or uncertainty by having their Maknae touch his body? Shouldn't he be afraid of every physical contact with another human being? But he wasn't scared of Hoseok and Yoongi, though; it was only when Seokjin was taken by surprise that he feared the touches of his boyfriends. His mind was all over the place, and Seokjin felt like he was contradicting himself by the way he was thinking, but even himself wasn't sure of the answers he was seeking.
“Are you ready, hyung?” Jungkook’s voice snapped him out of his thinking and noticed that the younger was crouching down in front of him with a medium-size bucket filled with water. In his right hand, Jungkook had a small scrub, and on his other hand, a washcloth along with a shampoo bottle. Seokjin immediately recognized the container of his favorite shampoo: rosehip scented. The aroma of the rosehip brought a sense of calmness, a sense of tranquility in his head, it was as if Seokjin was back home in his uncle’s farmhouse with no worries at all.
“Ready, hyung?”
“Mm-hm,” Seokjin replied, blushing by knowing exactly what was going to happen next. He would have to take off his clothes in front of the younger, and it made him feel shy. Jungkook instructed Seokjin to raise his hands above his head to be able to take off his shirt, and he found the situation silly.
“Jungkook-ah, you know I can take off my clothes on my own, right?” Seokjin laughed at the way Jungkook was treating him. As if he was a small child or if he was injured and unable to take care of his basic necessities.
”I know, Hyung, BUT I want to help you out. Panic attacks take a toll on your body and mind. I want to be useful.”
”Aww, that's so sweet of you. Thank you.” he cooed, feeling spoiled by the way Jungkook was caring for him.
After Jungkook took off his shirt, he felt the cool air hit his upper body, forgetting that the living room was always colder during the wintertime. Jungkook then continued to assist Seokjin to take off his pants along with his underwear, which he found very awkward. He made sure to avoid all eye contact with the younger, now that he was completely naked. Seokjin sat completely still waiting for Jungkook to start cleaning him.
“Now that we got the clothes out of the way. Time for your sponge bath.” Jungkook told him, seeing how the Maknae added three drops of the rosehip shampoo into the water and submerged the scrub inside the liquid until it was soaking up the now foamed water. The strong scent of rosehip filled his nostrils, and Seokjin felt relaxed just by the smell.
“Oh hyung, before I forget, let’s put a towel underneath you, so we won’t get the couch wet by accident.”
“Okay,” he replied, getting up just enough for Jungkook to neatly put a brown towel on top of the couch.
“You can sit now.”
“Thanks.”
“No problem, hyung. I’m so happy to be able to help you out. It’s not every day I get to give you a sponge bath.”
“You have never given me a sponge bath,” Seokjin clarified, chuckling by the pouty lips Jungkook was making. He was thankful to have such a wonderful friend who cared so much about his well-being.
As Jungkook gently started to wipe the front side of his thigh in an up and down motion, the room became silent. Just the sound of the splashing water whenever Jungkook went back to re-soak the scrub or washcloth.
The warm scrub felt gentle against his skin as Jungkook scrubbed up and down his leg. It was weird to have someone else clean him up. It was a task Seokjin should be able to do by himself, but having another person wash the sweat off him made him feel like a child who was dependent on his parents.
Ten minutes passed, and Jungkook had finished cleaning up his lower body, except his private areas. Seokjin made sure to wipe that area himself; He definitely didn't want any assistance in such an intimate region.
“Time for your upper body,” Jungkook told him, getting up from the floor and sitting down next to him. Seokjin turned to the side so that his back was facing Jungkook, giving the younger full access to his scarred back. Seokjin hated how the marks that Santa-hyung had left on his body would always haunt him. Ever since the incident, Seokjin made sure never to look in the mirror, not even after his scars were starting to heal properly. It was an image he was not ready to accept, just yet.
“Hyung?” Jungkook’s voice interrupted his thoughts of self-doubt.
“Hm? What is it?”
“Is everything okay with Hoseok and Yoongi?” Jungkook asked him. Seokjin wondered how the younger knew about it. Was it that obvious that there was some serious tension between the three of them earlier? He hoped not.
“Why do you ask?”
“Oh, nothing. Just making sure everything is alright...hyung, you know you can talk to me about anything. I’ll be here to listen to you and give you my best advice.” Jungkook declared openly, slowly washing his back. Seokjin didn’t know what to think of what Jungkook just said to him. Should he confide in him or not? Would Jungkook help Seokjin organize his thoughts? Maybe he should give it a shot and see what could happen.
“Thank you, Kookie. I really appreciate it.”
“No problem, hyung. I just don’t like it when you try to hold back your worries with your negative thinking. It's not healthy. It's good to let everything out.”
“I think you are right. Thanks.” Seokjin replied, and the room became quiet for the second time. Seokjin just relaxed by the soft scrubs of the washcloth as it moved throughout his back, cleaning his body.
Maybe Seokjin should really take Jungkook’s advice and ask a question he always wanted to know the answer to and never dared to ask.
“Umm, can I ask you a question?” Seokjin broke the silence. Mentally preparing himself for the words, he was going to utter.
“Sure, go ahead, hyung. Ask me anything.”
“Err, Umm, Have you—when you—….”
“Huh? Hyung, can you repeat that again? I didn’t understand what you said.”
“Umm, Have you ever felt scared whenever you have sex with Namjoon? Do you hate it when he touches you? When you have sex with him, doesn’t it bring you bad memories? How about when he’s just casually touching you? Like a hug or something, does it ever bother you?” Seokjin boldly asked. Not sure of what the answer would be, but he needed to know if his fears were justified. That his fear of having Hoseok or Yoongi touch him unexpectedly was not his body rejecting their affection of love. Even though he already knew the answer to his own questions.
”Is that what happened today? Is that the reason for your panic attack?” Jungkook answered back, stopping the movements on his back and re-soaking the washcloth with the scented water.
“Er...Y-Yeah...I’m a horrible person, right? For ignoring Hoseok and Yoongi instead of talking with them.” He stated, turning around to face Jungkook, who had the washcloth mid-air.
“Hyung, you’re not a bad person for the way you acted. Sometimes the body acts faster than the mind. And even if our hearts are screaming at us that everything should be okay, our mind is not cooperating and makes us do things we are not proud of.”
”True, forget everything I asked you then. It's not—“
“No, hyung! If you want my opinion, then I’m willing to give it to you.”
“You don’t have to force yourself. I know it doesn’t make sense. Forget about it.” Seokjin insisted, feeling embarrassed by the questions he just asked Jungkook. Of course, Jungkook wouldn’t feel the same panicking feeling whenever his boyfriend touched him. Seokjin was just the abnormal one.
“Jin-hyung! Stop being so pessimistic. I can partially hear your thoughts. Don’t belittle yourself so much. It hurts me to know you don't find yourself worthy of being loved...because you are! We all love you hyung, and I know Yoongi-hyung and Hoseok-hyung cherish you so much.”
“Sorry…” he whispered, looking down in shame. Since when did Jungkook became so mature? So reliable?
“There is nothing to be sorry for hyung. Just listen to me and stop overthinking everything. I want to answer your questions, and maybe it will help you sort out whatever insecurities you may have before you go see Dr. Lee.”
Seokjin just nodded in agreement and remained silent. Still avoiding any eye contact with the younger but attentively listening.
“Good! So to answer your question about feeling scared of Joonie’s touches...the answer is no. Whenever we have sex, I don’t get scared at all, not even when we cuddle or during any kind of physical interaction. Hyung, you have to understand that my traumas are so different than yours, but both are valid. My traumas are pertained to using my own hands to end the life of Minho. At the end of the day, I know I’m a murderer. A killer that got away with it.”
“But Jungkook, you know that’s not true. You are not a murder, you are my savior, my hero, and if it weren’t for you, Minho would still be alive. Just knowing that he is no longer here, makes me feel better. Thank you, Jungkook. As horrible as it sounds, I realized that I never expressed my gratitude for what you did. I’m very thankful for what you did. And I’m sorry. Sorry for being the reason behind your traumas.” Seokjin affirmed, grabbing both of Jungkook’s hands. He flipped Jungkook’s hands, so the palm of it was facing upwards. Seokjin could see the scars on each palm in the shape of a curve that was left by the glass Jungkook used to end Minho’s life. His gut felt a pang of despair and guilt for being the reason behind the scars. It was never his intention to scar, for life, the youngest member of BTS, a close friend, and a family member.
“Joonie says the same thing, and I know he’s right. I know both of you are right, but you know how it is hyung. The mind won’t stop screaming at you about all the horrible things you have done and make you believe you are a bad person...when I know in my heart, I’m not. I did it for you hyung. I did it because I knew he hurt you so deeply. That day, I lost all rational, and my mind went completely blank. By the time I realized what I was doing, he was dead, and my hands were covered in blood.”
“Oh, Kookie, I’m so sorry. I’m truly sorry for everything.” Seokjin voiced out, bringing Jungkook’s hands closer to his lips and kissing the scars on each palm of the hand, tenderly. In hopes of easing some of the pain that Jungkook may have had in the past, while it was healing. It was the least he could do.
“H-hyung? W-what are you doing?” He heard Jungkook asked, trying to retreat the hand back, but Seokjin held them tightly. He realized he never gave Jungkook a proper apology or his gratitude for defending him because he was so engrossed with his own demons.
Seokjin was grateful for the family he had created with his teammates. He was thankful for having Hoseok and Yoongi as his boyfriends. He was thankful for the bravery of Jungkook and the patience that the rest of the members had with him while he was recovering from his injuries.
Giving Jungkook’s scars one last kiss, he looked at Jungkook, smiling ear to ear. Noticing the confused face on the younger’s face, and without thinking about it, Seokjin launched himself forward and hugged Jungkook as tightly as possible, whispering in his ear how thankful he was for his bravery. Seokjin felt his shoulder start to get wet with what he assumed were Jungkook's tears while hearing a series of small sniffles. Maybe his words of gratitude would help heal some of Jungkook's wounds.
Seokjin knew there would be many setbacks in the future, but he was hopeful that he would be able to move forward. Now, he just needed to talk with Hoseok and Yoongi, but he would have to do it after he came back from therapy. Maybe he could ask Dr. Lee for some advice on how to be honest with himself.
Notes:
Jinkook needed this moment to talk. Jungkook needed to hear the words of gratitude from Jin, to help him heal his own scars.
Please let me know what you think of this chapter and what you think will happen next.
I look forward to reading your comments.
My Twitter: Kumasama92
Chapter 38: The List
Summary:
“Hey!” He replied, not really sure of what to say, even though his brain knew exactly what Taehyung had just asked him.
“Hyung, are you okay?” Taehyung repeated, this time, Seokjin knew he had to answer. Maybe the fear plastered on his face looked worse than he thought. Perhaps he looked so scared of the unknown that Taehyung needed to check upon him.
“Y-Yeah, I’m good.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, w-why?” He answered, flicking his fingernails, as he looked down at the carpeted floor.
Notes:
Yaay! I’m back with another chapter!!
It was very interesting and different to write this chapter but I’m happy with how it turned out!! 😭😭
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
After the sentimental moment between Jungkook and he, Seokjin finished his sponge bath and got dressed. He decided on a pair of grey sweatpants, paired up with the baby blue sweater that Yoongi had advised him to buy a while back and that he cherished with all his heart.
Seokjin was currently waiting for Hoseok and Yoongi to go to his appointment with Dr. Lee. Although he was starting to feel nervous about the meeting, he tried to maintain his posture. He had never been to therapy before, so Seokjin wasn’t sure of what his meeting with her was going to be like. What would Dr. Lee ask him? What should he say to her? Should he tell her his whole life story or start with him being a Little and how it led to the worst moment of his life? Seokjin kept asking himself over and over again, how much was too much information to disclose? Maybe he should ask Jungkook for advice before he left for his appointment, the younger should know more about it than he ever would.
Five minutes passed, and Seokjin saw no signs of his two boyfriends approaching. It was still early, two hours before his scheduled time to see his therapist, so he wasn’t worried. Jungkook had left the living room a while back, after helping him clean up the mess they had created, to go see Namjoon; the youngest member stating that he missed his boyfriend profoundly and wanted to be with him. It made Seokjin coo by the fondness between his two friends that he wasn’t bothered by Jungkook’s actions, even though Seokjin wanted the younger to stay behind so he could ask him some questions about therapy and Dr. Lee.
As he sat by himself in the vast living room of their apartment, Seokjin felt distressed about the anxiety that was starting to overtake him. His hands were beginning to shake, and his legs bounced up and down from the uneasiness of the unknown. Maybe he wasn’t ready to go see his therapist? Maybe Yoongi was right, and it would be best for him to stay home after the panic attack he had this morning.
“Hyung? Are you okay?” Taehyung’s husky and low voice snapped him out of his thoughts. Seokjin was surprised to see Taehyung holding a mug filled with coffee since he knew the younger didn’t like the bitterness of it. He felt like it had been a really long time since he had seen Taehyung, which was probably true since he spent most of his time inside of Hoseok’s room, and a smile formed on his face.
“Hey!” He replied, not really sure of what to say, even though his brain knew exactly what Taehyung had just asked him.
“Hyung, are you okay?” Taehyung repeated, this time, Seokjin knew he had to answer. Maybe the fear plastered on his face looked worse than he thought. Perhaps he looked so scared of the unknown that Taehyung needed to check upon him.
“Y-Yeah, I’m good.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, w-why?” He answered, flicking his fingernails, as he looked down at the carpeted floor.
“Hyung, you are not even looking at me in the eyes. Plus, I can tell you're nervous by the way you have your shoulders scrunched down. I know that posture anywhere. It’s when you are trying to hide your feelings and want to be as ‘invisible’ as possible.”
“H-ho—”
“How do I know? Well, it’s easy, hyung. We have been living together for the last five years, or is it six? I can’t remember, but I think it would be illogical to not know the habits of my band members, especially patterns of self-doubt.” Taehyung said, taking a sip of his coffee. Holding the light pink mug with both hands as he sat down on the other side of the L-shaped couch, having a good view of Seokjin, who only looked at Taehyung with widened eyes. True, it would be impossible to hide his feelings from his band members, especially after everything that had happened to him.
“That’s true. After everything I have been through, I wouldn’t be surprised if you guys knew everything that was going through my mind. I can’t help it, though. One minute I think I have everything under control. That my negative thoughts are gone and that I should only focus on my happiness, which is BTS, ARMY, Hoseok, and Yoongi. BUT in an instant, all my insecurities, my fears, and my doubts come flashing back, and I want to give up. I want to end it all and not be a burden to anyone. Especially not Hoseok and Yoongi...they are the last ones I want to cause any inconvenience.”
“Hyung... I can’t even imagine what you are going through or what it feels like to live in a state of panic after everything that has happened to you, but like Namjoon-hyung said, going to therapy should help. I’m not going to lie to you and say that you’ll feel better after your first visit with the therapist, and I’m sure you know it too, BUT it will get better over time. It’s good to have a neutral opinion from someone who isn’t biased towards your situation. We all know, and I know there is only so much we can do to help you. The rest, I believe it’s up to you and your desire to overcome it. From what Kookie has told me about Dr. Lee, she’s very good at her job, she’ll guide you on the right path, and we’ll be here to help you with anything that she suggests you do to make you feel better.” Taehyung explained, but Seokjin felt conflicted. His emotions were all over the place and even though he understood what Taehyung was telling him, fear was still consuming him. Maybe he’d feel better after his visit with his psychiatrist? Perhaps he’d feel less confusion and anxiety about his future. Maybe he’d find the answers he had been seeking all this time.
“Thanks, Taehyung. I really appreciate it. I’m not good at expressing myself, so I’m not sure what to say, but I’m thankful to have you and the rest of the guys here with me. I know that without your love and support, I’ll probably drown in my own sorrows and never get out. So many things have happened to me, and I've made a lot of decisions that I feel have disappointed a lot of people, but I want to move forward. I want to face my fears and stop hurting. To stand up to the monster that ruined my life and traumatized both my safe headspace and myself.”
“And I’m sure you’ll make it happen, hyung. You are a strong person, you’ll get through all of this, and of course, we’ll be here to pick you up whenever you are feeling down. We won’t let you lose this battle!” Taehyung wholeheartedly reassured him, a serious expression on his face.
Seokjin was glad he had a small talk with Taehyung. He knew it was the pep talk he needed, the reassurance that everything was going to be alright. At the back of his mind, he still thought of Hoseok and Yoongi, and his heart throb by the way he had behaved earlier. He knew he needed to talk with them about his insecurities and fears again. He needed to clear up any misunderstandings that he may have created once again. However, his first priority at the moment was to get through therapy, and the sound of voices coming from the staircase that connected the living room to the upstairs bedrooms indicated him it was finally time to leave the comfort of his home and come face to face with Dr. Lee, the person he wanted to make him start to see the good aspects about himself.
————-
The ride to Dr. Lee’s office was quiet. Hoseok and Yoongi didn’t utter a single word, and he wondered if they felt concerned or remorseless about his behavior of cowardness from earlier, which Seokjin knew was his mistake and should’ve not acted the way he did. He knew everything was his fault; after all, Seokjin could never be the same cheerful and optimistic hyung he used to be, because all he was good for was to create drama within the group and in his relationship with his two boyfriends.
After half an hour of Hoseok driving, and the car being in complete silence, they reached their destination. As he was getting out of the car, his stomach was starting to turn, and the sudden urge to run away crossed his mind once again, but he knew the session with the therapist was for his own sake. He needed to get through this moment for his well-being.
“Ready hyung?” Yoongi’s caring and sweet voice brought him back to reality. Seokjin saw his boyfriend extend out a hand to him, and he gladly took it. The warmth that radiated out of Yoongi’s hand made him feel like he wasn’t alone, that there were people who supported his decision. And so the three of them walk through the parking lot of the small clinic, ready to start his recovery.
Seokjin didn’t know how he imagined the office of a psychiatrist would be like, but a warm and welcoming atmosphere was not what he expected. The waiting area of the clinic was painted in a shade of light blue that made the room less suffocating. A row of chairs was on one side of the room and the front desk on the other side. In the corner of the small waiting area was a medium-sized plant that although he wasn’t sure what species it was, it made the quiet room feel like a normal, almost home-like place and not the terrifying one he thought it would be.
“Good afternoon, are you checking in?” The soft voice of the secretary, made him focus on the other side of the room, where a wooden door was closed. Was that where he was going to meet Dr. Lee? Beyond the locked door that he found terrifying. The nervousness in his mind grew again and he wished Hoseok and Yoongi would go inside with him, but Seokjin knew it was not possible.
“Y-yes, he has an appointment with the Doctor,” Hoseok answered, signaling Yoongi and him to walk closer to the desk.
“Can I get your name and date of birth?” The secretary asked him, looking at him with a friendly smile.
“Kim Seokjin. December 4th, 1992.”
“Okay, all checked in. Please fill this questionnaire assessment while you wait. Don’t worry about filling it all out; it’s a lot, but do try your best.” The secretary stated, handing Seokjin a clipboard with a thick stack of papers and a black ink pen.
Is this an interrogation? Why do I need to fill all of this out? Is it really necessary? Seokjin thought, grabbing what was handed to him and walking to the row of chairs, picking the seat at the end of the row, sitting down and looking at the set of questions written on the front page of the paper.
Ignoring Hoseok and Yoongi who trailed after him and who also took a seat—Hoseok sat next to Seokjin and Yoongi at the end.
As he read the first question, Seokjin was taken aback by the intimacy of it. Why was a question he didn’t even dare ask himself and wouldn’t know how to answer it without remembering bad memories written down for him to answer?
The questions below ask about anxiety and worrying.
In the last six months, have you experienced any of the following symptoms? If so, how often?
- I was very anxious, worried, or scared about a lot of things in my life. Never, A few times, Sometimes, Often or Constantly?
Seokjin read, not sure of what to answer. What would happen if he was honest? Would there be consequences? Seokjin had heard of patients being taken to psychiatric wards, due to being considered a danger to themselves as their mental health was not in the right mindset where they were safe at home. Would Dr. Lee take him away from the people he loved? He couldn’t let that happen, but deep inside of him, Seokjin knew that if he wanted to get better, he needed to be honest. Afterall, his dishonest behavior led to the many regrets he had in his life.
Determined to be sincere for once in his lifetime, he decided to select the option of “constantly.” It was true anyway, and so he moved on to the next question. He still had a long way to go, and Seokjin knew he’d be called in to meet with Dr. Lee in a matter of minutes, but he would try his best to answer as many questions as possible.
- I had trouble sleeping - I could not fall or stay asleep, and/or didn't feel well-rested when I woke up.Never, A few times, Sometimes, Often or Constantly?
He continued to read, and the many sleepless nights he had experienced these past few weeks floated back into his mind. Without even overthinking the question, he knew the answer would be ”continuously.”
Seokjin answered a few more questions, and he was finished with the first page. A million more to go, he sarcastically thought, flipping the page of the packet, ignoring the worried glances that Hoseok and Yoongi were giving him.
Sometimes, people experience a sudden, unexpected wave of intense anxiety or panic, usually lasting no more than 15 minutes.
In the past six months, did you experience such an attack with any of the following symptoms? If so, how strong were the symptoms? He further read, remembering about this morning’s panic attack and how he struggled to breathe. He knew he had to thank Hoseok and Yoongi for helping him through his state of panic. Even though he still felt a sense of alarm in his body, but not as strong as before, maybe it was the aftershock of this morning? He wasn't sure.
- My heart would skip a beat, was pounding, or my heart rate increased.
- I was sweating profusely.
- My hands, legs, or entire body were shaking, trembling, or felt tingly.
- I had difficulty breathing or swallowing.
Seokjin kept reading the series of questions, trying to get through the questionnaire as quickly as possible. And in his mind, all the responses to the questions he had read were yes. Yes, he felt his heart pounding, and his heart rate increased. Yes, he was sweating excessively while his body shook and trembled in fear. Yes, he had difficulty breathing. It was like the survey knew about all of his problems.
“Did you purposely avoid situations or activities in which you might experience a panic attack?” He whispered, sighing out loud by the question he just read. Why were the topics only getting more specific and harder to answer? If only he could ignore them and leave them blank. However, he had a feeling he would need to fill out the form regardless of the time or his willingness.
“Mr. Seokjin.” He heard his name being called, and he knew the time had come. The time had arrived to come face to face with himself, and with the person who was going to help make all the bad memories a little more tolerable.
“O-oh, yes! H-Here! T-That’s me.” He stuttered, gathering his personal belongings, which was just a bottle of water Jungkook had given him. “You need to stay hydrated, hyung.” He remembered the younger’s words, and he smiled at the sweet act of his band member.
“Hyung,” Hoseok’s voice stopped his movements.
“Yeah,”
“Er, just wanted to let you know that we’ll be here when you come out. Don’t forget that you are not alone. Yoongi and I will be waiting for you. You can do this!” Hoseok confessed, giving Seokjin a warm smile that melted his heart. How could they care so much about him after the way he pushed them away? How could they still support him after his behavior this morning? When they all agreed to be honest with each other and to not keep any more secrets or insecurities between them, but Seokjin felt he broke that trust this morning. Seokjin truly didn’t deserve to have Hoseok and Yoongi as his boyfriends.
“Thank you.” He simply replied, giving Hoseok and Yoongi a small bow, who only nodded their heads by his action.
Looking straight ahead, with a clipboard in one hand and a bottle of water in the other, he followed the secretary inside the door he had previously seen closed and was now wide open for him to enter.
————-
Seokjin was instructed to sit down on a cushioned chair that was facing a neatly organized desk, which he assumed was Dr. Lee’s. The secretary had informed him that the therapist had to make an urgent call, but should be back in about ten minutes, at most. And with no other choice left, he took out the clipboard and continued with his questionnaire. Maybe he’d get it done before the therapist came in? Probably not, but he would try his best.
In the next set of questions, we will be asking whether you experienced a traumatic event, and how you reacted to it.
How did you experience the traumatic event?
- Directly - I was a victim of a traumatic event.
Seokjin read, instantly knowing the answer to the question. Yes, he was a direct victim. Yes, he had suffered so many horrendous events that have scarred him for life. But as he read the next set of questions, it snatched his full attention because he knew it was exactly how he felt for the last few months and had no idea how to explain it to himself.
In the last month, did you experience any of the following symptoms caused by a traumatic event? Choose No or Yes for each option.
- I am haunted by memories, flashbacks, or nightmares about the event.
- I frequently felt fear, guilt, shame, or blamed myself or others for what happened.
- I lost interest in activities that I used to enjoy.
- I became irritable or enraged because of minor issues (or for no reason at all).
And as he finished reading the last question, Seokjin knew that they were all a yes. The questions were describing the feelings he had been experiencing for the last few months.
Ever since before Seokjin knew about Little Space, he knew something within himself was off, that he had something inside of him that he was not able to explain to himself, but once he realized he was a Little, he felt overjoyed by his discovery. Yet, his safe headspace was destroyed by Minho’s gruesome mindset.
A knock on the door interrupted his deep thoughts, and when he turned around, he saw the most adorable and small middle-aged lady he had ever seen. Hoseok and Yoongi had previously described Dr. Lee to him so that he wouldn’t be surprised or afraid of the unknown therapist, and it was exactly as they stated. Even though he had met her before, due to his panic attack, he wasn’t able to embed her features nor her body expressions. To Seokjin, she was adorable, and her posture and facial expression radiated a friendly personality.
He quickly got up from his chair and bowed, earning a warm smile from the therapist who bowed back to him.
“It’s nice to finally meet you, Seokjin. Please, take a seat.”
“It’s not the first time we meet, though,” he stated, not trying to sound rude or impolite. But as the memories of their first encounter at the hospital floated back into his mind and the way he had gotten a panic attack for associating her name to the bastard that raped him, it made Seokjin just want to die of embarrassment.
”True, but that doesn’t count, in my opinion. Why don’t we start over, huh? Hi Seokjin, my name is Dr. Nari. Very nice to meet you.” Dr. Lee said to him, and he was confused. Why would the therapist use a different name and her first name no less? It was weird, but then he remembered that the name “Lee” sent shivers down his spine, and he was thankful to her for being considerate. It made him feel at ease, even though he knew it wasn’t fair for her by having to change her last name just because it was the same name as the person who hurt him. At the end of the day, it was just a name and he wished that over time he’d stop associating the name with his traumas, or at least he hoped it would happen so he could stop living in fear.
“Nice to meet you.”
“So, before we start. I see that you have the questionnaire with you. Have you had a chance to go through it?”
“A little.” He answered, handing the clipboard to Dr. Nari. Who flipped through some of the pages and set it aside.
“That’s okay. This questionnaire is just a way for me to identify some of the topics we will probably address and discuss during our future sessions. It will also help me plan out some activities that are going to be beneficial for you.”
“Ah, I see.” He replied, feeling nervous. Everything was so new to him; he didn’t know what to expect.
“I can sense that you are feeling a little nervous. It’s perfectly normal to feel that way. Have you ever been to a therapist before?”
“No, never.”
“That’s perfectly okay, so basically since today is your first visit we are just doing introductions, kind of like the first day of classes, which will consist of mostly me talking about my capabilities, my profession, discuss a little more in-depth of the reason why you are here and what will happen during future consultations. This will be based on the questionnaire you gave me. That way I can plan out future sessions like I said before. As well as the schedule for the visits. I know your profession doesn’t allow you to be very flexible, but I can work around it, but we’ll get to that later.”
“Okay, I understand.”
“So let me start by re-introducing myself. As you already know, my name is Dr. Nari, and for various reasons, we both are aware, I will not state my last name. At least not until you are ready. I have a degree in psychiatry and specialize in sexual abuse treatment.
The first thing I want you to know is that you don’t have to do whatever I say you should do, it’s your choice to follow any of my advice, and I’m not going to judge you for your decisions. I also want you to get to know your options and your limits since it would help me plan out future sessions. But most importantly, I want you to know that I am here for advice, guidance, and a shoulder to lean on.” Dr. Nari explained, looking at him for confirmation, and with a nodding approval from Seokjin, she proceeded with her introduction.
“As I stated before, using the questionnaire you filled out, I’ll plan future sessions. For example, we can talk about anxiety and ways to cope with it. Like how to recognize the signs of a panic attack and how to try to prevent one, as well as make a list of activities you can do to distract your mind when you feel like you might be having a panic attack. And as we see each other more often, I can plan out more specific things—-oh but if there is anything you would like for me to start planning as soon as possible, please let me know, so I can start working on it for our next meeting.”
“Okay...I will,” Seokjin answered, and the events from this morning floated back into his mind. His fear of contact, his Haphephobia. Reflecting on the incident, maybe it would be wise to start working on the fear that could affect him significantly once he starts back his job as an idol. It would break his heart to reject the touch of a fan during a fan meeting only because he was afraid.
“Umm, actually, I do have a problem I would like to start working on if you don’t mind.”
“Of course, I don’t mind. These discussions are for your own well-being. If you want to work on a specific trauma, then that’s what we’ll do. So why don’t you tell me about it but also introduce yourself one more time? Tell me a little bit more about why you are seeking therapy.”
“O-Okay. Um, my name is Kim Seokjin. I am part of the well-known idol group BTS. I want to start working on my fear of physical contact. I feel like it would interfere, due to my profession, and it has interfered with my everyday life to the point of me having panic attacks, even around people who I trust and love. Umm, the reason I’m seeking therapy is because I have been abused both physically and mentally by a person who I thought was my… I’m not really sure what to call him. He wasn’t really my lover, but he wasn’t a stranger either. You see, I am a Little, I like to be in Little Space, and I know how the psychologist view people who like entering into that headspace. I have seen many articles when I did my research on Little Space, of it being called a “mental illness,” but it’s not. And I don’t want you to think I’m a freak and think I—-” Seokjin blabbered, feeling his heart rate increase and furrowing his eyebrows in frustration.
“Seokjin! Please, try to relax. Take a deep breath and hold it in for a bit and then exhale slowly.” And Seokjin did as the therapist told him. He slowly exhaled and repeated the process a few more times until he felt like he could breathe again, and his chest felt less congested.
“Feel better?”
“Y-Yeah.”
“Good, that was a simple breathing exercise. You could do those when you feel like it’s hard to breathe or when you get too overwhelmed and want to relax your emotions and mind.”
“Actually, Hoseok has guided me through it before, like this morning,” Seokjin confessed.
“Oh, really? Actually, I provided your boyfriends with a lot of resources to inform them of how they could help you. And one of them included this breathing exercise. I’m happy they have found my information useful.”
“I’m very happy to have them in my life. Without them, I don’t know what I would have done after everything that's happened to me.”
“It’s good to have support from loved ones. It could make the recovery process a little easier. To have others that will help you out whenever you feel like you have lost yourself. Of course, it all starts within yourself. You will get better. I’m not going to sugarcoat it and say it’s easy, or that you’ll feel better and overcome your fears overnight, BUT little by little, you’ll see progress. And you being here is already a considerable amount of progress.”
“Thank you. Therapy is so new to me, I was scared even to start it, but I felt I was losing myself. My rational thinking was shaken, and I couldn’t control my emotions or actions. So after realizing what my actions could create if not treated, I changed my mind.” Seokjin stated, looking at Dr. Nari and feeling his eyes pooling with tears. He felt so overwhelmed by everything. By the way, he wanted to get better, the way he had been acting towards his boyfriends and for taking so long to find help.
“I am very happy and proud of you for seeking that help. Little by little, we’ll figure everything out, but for now, you don’t have to tell me everything in one go. It’s only our first meeting. Also, I want you to know I’m not like those articles you have read. I have a very open mind about topics like Little Space. I know what it is, and I know it’s not a mental illness, despite what other psychologists have said about it. For now, let’s focus on what you wanted to work on, which, if I remember correctly, your fear of physical contact.”
“Okay, that’s fine with me.” He let out, reaching out for the box of tissue that was located in the front of Dr. Nari’s desk, probably knowing that any of his patients might need it. He wiped away the few tears that were threatening to come out and looked at the therapist, who smiled at him. She was making him feel like everything was going to be alright and he wanted to believe in her.
“For our next session, I have a task for you to complete. We’ll talk about our next meeting and how your schedule will look in a bit, and then you’ll be free to go. So for the task, it's very simple, but I want you to give it a lot of thought. It’s called exposure therapy, and it’s to treat your Haphephobia.”
“Okay, so what do I have to do?”
“You see, I want you to start making a list. A list of ten actions or scenarios that you find difficult to accomplish due to your phobia. We’ll discuss them in our next meeting, but the purpose of the list is that little by little, you’ll begin to get exposed to those scenarios you have written down on the list, which is why I want you to pick them out carefully and try to face them. It’ll be a list of one through ten actions or scenarios or even items that you’ll have to overcome, so it’s better for it to be written down and carefully picked. The number one being the task that brings you the least fear and that you think you could do, then slowly increase in difficulty until you get to the number ten, which is kind of like the final boss. The task that you cannot do at all, at this moment, because it's terrifying to you.”
“Sex,” Seokjin immediately replied, seeing the shock expression on Dr. Nari’s face.
“W-What? Excuse me?”
“Sex. I know what my number ten on the list will be. It will be to have sex with Hoseok and Yoongi without feeling this extreme fear of being touched by them even though I know they would never harm me.”
“Ah, I see. Good! That’s a great start! And keep working on that list until we see each other again, which brings me to the last discussion of our meeting—the schedule. I know you have a hectic schedule due to your career, but I can work with that. Here is a list of contact numbers in case you need to get in touch with me as well as my office number. For now, we could meet once a week, or at least until you resume your schedule. That's what the managers have informed me. So how about next Wednesday, at the same time?” Dr. Nari said, handing Seokjin a paper with all the information she had discussed. He would have to remember to save those numbers on his phone once he gets back home so he would have them in case of an emergency. As well as let Hoseok and Yoongi know about them.
“Okay, that’s fine with me.”
“Well, that’s all I have for today. Do you have any questions?”
“Not at the moment.”
“Well, if you do think of any, later on, you know how to contact me. I’ll be here to answer any of your questions or concerns.”
“Thank you...for everything.”
“You’re very welcome, and it was my pleasure to finally meet you.” Dr. Nari said, getting up from her desk and guiding him to the door, where he was met with Hoseok and Yoongi, who were patiently waiting for him in the waiting area.
“Thank you,” he repeated one more time to the therapist, who smiled at him.
Therapy wasn’t as horrible as he imagined it would be. In fact, it was very helpful and interesting. He now had the one task on his mind, which was to complete the list for his next meeting. Seokjin already had a few ideas in mind, but he wanted to think about it for a little longer, maybe he could ask Hoseok and Yoongi for some advice.
—————-
The ride back to their apartment was silent, but it felt less tense. Before he forgets that he needed to have a conversation with Hoseok and Yoongi, Seokjin decided to speak up.
“Umm, guys, can we talk about this morning once we get back home?”
“Sure hyung, but it will have to wait until Hoseok and I get back from the studio. Namjoon called while you were inside and said we needed to go to the studio to preview some new songs for our upcoming album.”
“O-okay.”
“We're sorry, Hyung. We both want to have a conversation with you too, but it’ll have to wait until later. You know work can’t wait,” Yoongi said to him, weakly smiling at him, probably feeling guilty. Yoongi was sitting next to Seokjin in the back seat of the car while Hoseok drove them to the apartment.
“It’s okay. I could wait until later.” And with those final words, Seokjin was driven to their apartment and dropped off by Hoseok and Yoongi, who immediately left after making sure he got safely inside the house.
Seokjin felt disappointed that he couldn’t speak with his boyfriends right away, but he understood that work was a priority for all of them.
Sighing with dissatisfaction with himself, Seokjin walked to the living room where he met with Jimin, who was sitting comfortably on the couch while watching TV.
Seokjin decided to approach the younger, remembering that he owed him an apology for the way he acted last time while he was in Little Space. Seokjin felt embarrassed of himself for the way he behaved, but he needed to get it done, or he’d feel guilty for the rest of his life.
“Hey,” he said, while slightly tapping Jimin’s shoulders, who jerked up by the sudden touch.
“Oh, Hyung! You’re back already.”
“Yeah, it was a short session, so it went by fast.” He answered, sitting down next to Jimin on the couch.
“How did it go?”
“It went well. I even got an assignment already.” He chuckled, feeling like he was back in grade school.
“Assignment?”
“Yeah, It’s for my fear of physical contact. My therapist wants me to create a list of the things I am uncomfortable with doing; you know physical contact wise so that I can expose myself to them little by little. It’s a list of ten things, number ten being the toughest.”
“Oh, I see. Have you thought of anything you want to add to your list yet? If you don’t mind me asking.” Jimin asked him, turning down the volume of the television so he could listen to him without any distractions.
“Hmm, a few. Mostly the last one on the list, the most difficult one. The final boss, as Dr. Nari said. You probably can guess what it is since my fear is self-explanatory.”
“Oh, I see, so being touched?”
“Yeah,” Seokjin replied, playing with the hem of his sweatshirt, trying to find the right timing to bring up the topic of when he gave Jimin a blow job while he was in Little Space without making it awkward, which he knew was impossible.
“Umm, Jimin.”
“Yeah, hyung. What’s wrong?”
“I’m sorry.”
“Huh? For what?” Jimin slightly tilted his head sideways in confusion.
“Sorry for...um, giving you that blow...job, while I was in Little Space. I bet it wasn’t the best experience in your life. I probably traumatized you. I’m sorry.”
“Aww, hyung. There is no need to apologize. I understand you didn’t know exactly what you were doing. You knew about it, in some ways, but your reason behind it was not your fault. I was surprised by it, though. But—”
“Exactly my point! You were so shocked you probably had nightmares.” Seokjin insisted.
“Not necessarily, but it did feel weird.”
“I’m sorry. I’m such a disgusting Hyung.”
“W-What!? No Hyung! Never say that about yourself ever again. You are not disgusting or anything in that style. You were just confused and hurt, and it was never your fault. I forgot about it already, so promise me that you’ll let it go and don’t let it bother you too much. I’m not hurt or traumatized by it, so please let it go and move forward. Please?" Jimin pleaded, noticing the hesitation on the younger’s body, probably wanting to hug him in the act of consolation. It was his only way of bringing some comfort to him, but knowing if it was done, it could cause Seokjin to panic.
Wanting to show Jimin that he wanted to move forward and was thankful for his kind words, Seokjin took off his shoes and laid on his back while he rested the back of his head on top of Jimin’s lap. He’d only done something so intimate with Hoseok and Yoongi, ever since the incident, but he wanted to demonstrate to Jimin that he wanted to try to face his fears. Besides, he knew Jimin would never harm him in any way.
“H-Hyung? What’s going on?”
“Just relax. I’m fine. I just want to take a nap while I wait for Hoseok and Yoongi. Do you mind being my pillow while I wait?” He asked, knowing full well the answer was going to be a yes.
“Of course Hyung. If that’s what you want. I don’t mind.”
“Great, cause I’m sleepy.” He giggled, hearing a small chuckle coming out of Jimin.
“Hyung?”
“‘Mm?”
“Can I...can I stroke your hair until you fall asleep? It’s okay if you don’t want me to do it, if it’ll make you uncomfortable.”
“Go ahead Jimin. I don’t mind.” He whispered, getting comfortable, and closing his eyes. To him, it was a great process to even close his eyes even though his body felt jittery by the sensation of Jimin’s soft and small fingers running through his hair. It took Seokjin, what felt like half an hour, to finally relax by the touch of Jimin and fall asleep.
When Seokjin woke up, after who knows how long, he was surprised by the feeling of a suffocating pressure on top of him. What could be happening to make him feel like he couldn’t move at all? What about the unknown weight that he was feeling? The idea of being constrained made him open his eyes wide. In his view, came Jimin, his lovely Jimin, who was pinning him to the couch. Jimin had grabbed his hands and placed them above his head using only one hand, from what Seokjin could tell because the pressure he felt was Jimin’s body on top of him.
“J-jimin? W-what’s going on? L-let got!” He stuttered, squirming around, trying to free himself but was held back by Jimin’s firm grip. Memories of when Minho and Santa-hyung, as well as the many times he was confined, floated back in his mind. His body started to tremble and fear was starting to take over him.
“Oh, hyung. You’re awake. Awesome! Soo... I did some research while you were sleeping about what your therapist said about exposing yourself to your fears, and I thought, why not try it out but with me. You felt comfortable when I touched you earlier, so I thought that maybe if I tried to touch you again, it could help you out.” Jimin said to him, smiling in such a kind way, that it made him want to cry. He knew Jimin wasn’t trying to make him panic, he knew Jimin didn’t have any ill intentions behind his actions, but his mind couldn’t process what was happening to him. All his mind and body could think was run, run away as far as possible, and hide, or he was going to get hurt.
Seokjin tried to break free from Jimin’s grip one more time but it was no use. Instead, he felt Jimin’s free hand crawled underneath his shirt, the soft fingers slithering up his waist until it reached his chest. Seokjin felt disgusted, Seokjin felt like throwing up, and when the soft fingers of Jimin’s hands slightly brushed on his nipple, he lost all sense of control. He thought of Dr. Nari’s breathing exercises she told him about earlier, but it didn’t work; his mind was too preoccupied with the feeling of being touched, of being raped again.
Using all the strength he had somewhat gathered, he somehow got Jimin off him, hearing a loud noise, probably from the younger hitting the floor and a series of “Heys” and “Hyung.” His legs felt like jello, but he ran, he ran down the hallway, crawled up the stairs, trying to stabilize his breathing and trembling body;and ran to Hoseok’s bedroom, where he knew he wouldn’t be touched, where he knew he would be safe from any danger.
Notes:
Please let me know you thought about this chapter. Why did you think Jimin did what he did? What do you think will happen with the conversation Yoongi and Hoseok want to have with Jin? And the other way around?
I look forward to reading your comments.
My Twitter: Kumasama92
Chapter 39: Demons
Summary:
“How’s Hyung?” Jungkook asked him, once he sat down, taking off his jacket and placing it behind him as well as his crutch.
“He’s okay. I guess. We didn’t get to talk much since we had to rush home to drop him off and then drive here.”
“Ah, I see. I hope everything went well with Dr. Lee. She’s very nice.”
“I think it did since Hyung looked very relaxed once he got out. So I assume everything went well.” Yoongi chipped in, taking a music sheet from the desk and looking it over.
Notes:
I am finally back!! And with a new chapter that will leave you wanting more.
I hope y’all like it.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Hoseok hated the idea of leaving Seokjin at home after his first appointment with Dr. Lee. He wanted to ask his hyung how it went and how he felt now that he met his therapist for the first time. Hoseok despised that he wasn’t able to ask his hyung the questions that could potentially bring comfort to his tormenting thoughts. He hated it with all his heart, but he couldn’t help it. He and Yoongi needed to be at the agency to review new songs for their upcoming album. Besides, he knew Seokjin would feel guilty for being the reason that they had to push back their schedule yet again, and it was the last thing he wanted to do to his hyung.
Entering the luxurious building of their agency, Hoseok was reminded of the days when they had nothing at all and how they all started from the bottom. With their agency nearly going bankrupt and with their resources so limited that they all thought they would never make it into the vast world of the music entertainment business, it was a miracle they were able to achieve this level of success. Yet, none of them, not even their CEO ever imagined they would come this far and become so popular outside of South Korea.
It was his dream to bring happiness to others through his music and dancing, and deep within himself he knew he had accomplished that and more, with the help of his six amazing band members. After all, dancing was his passion and Hoseok wouldn’t change it for the world, especially now that he had the love and trust of Yoongi and Seokjin.
He wondered what his life would be like if he never took the initiative to confess to Yoongi that fateful day, or if he got rid of his feelings for both his hyung’s and moved on? Hoseok knew it was ridiculous of him to think that way, to think of what could have happened in the past, when he was already blessed with so much happiness in the present. However, he couldn’t help it, just like he couldn’t help but remember that it was partially his fault that his Hyung sought out confort from another man that wasn’t Yoongi and himself.
If he had confessed sooner, if he had noticed the signs of desperation that his Hyung was giving him as if begging for help… Like the subtle expressions on his face after their days off that indicated the abuse he was receiving, maybe, just maybe Hosoek, would have prevented his Hyung a lot of suffering.
“Hoseok?” Yoongi’s soft voice snapped him out of his deep thoughts.
“Mm?”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, just thinking about Seokjin. Do you think he’ll be fine until we get back? What if he gets another panic attack or something happened during his visit with Dr. Lee that he may want to tell us?” Hoseok voiced out, a worried expression plastered on his face. How he wished to go back home and spoil their Seokjin all day long—Make him his favorite foods, watch his favorite movies, listen to music, etc.
“I’m sure he’ll be fine. Namjoon told me Jimin, and Taehyung are home so if anything happens, they will let us know. Besides, I think it's a good idea for him to spend some time with the other members. Remember what we talked about earlier? To let him interact with other people instead of only the two of us.”
“True, do you think he will be mad at us for suggesting he sleeps in his own room? It’s not that I dislike him sleeping with us, but I don’t think that’s healthy… for him to be cooped up in my room all the time. And today’s panic attack made me realize that even if he’s with us he’s not facing his fears, his traumas.”
“I hope not. I’m more worried that he’ll think we are rejecting him, which we are not. And I think that’s the first thing we need to make clear to Seokjin, that we are suggesting he sleeps in his room for his own sake and not because we are tired of him, or have stopped loving him.” Yoongi told him as they approached the door of the studio where they were summoned to go over the unfinished songs of their album.
“Yeah, let's just get this recording session over with so we can go home, okay?” He said, opening the door of the studio and was greeted with Namjoon, Jungkook, and one of their producers.
“Oh, Hyung! Hoseok! You guys are finally here.” Namjoon welcomed them, signaling Yoongi and him to sit down on the couch where Jungkook was already comfortably seated.
“How’s Hyung?” Jungkook asked him, once he sat down, taking off his jacket and placing it behind him as well as his crutch.
“He’s okay. I guess. We didn’t get to talk much since we had to rush home to drop him off and then drive here.”
“Ah, I see. I hope everything went well with Dr. Lee. She’s very nice.”
“I think it did since Hyung looked very relaxed once he got out. So I assume everything went well.” Yoongi chipped in, taking a music sheet from the desk and looking it over.
“So what do you say we get started? So we can all go home and see hyung,” Namjoon suggested, looking over some papers and writing some notes.
A series of “yes’,” “Okays,” and approval hums was all you could hear in the room, and so the recording session began, and Hoseok wished it would come to an end soon so he could go home to see his adorable and cute boyfriend.
After three hours of tortuous work, the recording session finally came to an end. Hoseok’s body felt sore from all the times they spent recording, rearranging beats, thinking of lyrics, and much more. As he stretched his back and shoulders, he felt his phone vibrate. Hoseok wondered who it could be since they all knew he was going to be at the studio all evening. Then, Seokjin came to his mind and panic overtook him. As fast as he could, he answered the phone call only to be met with Taehyung’s trembling voice.
“Taehyung! What happened!? Is everything okay?” He asked, raising his voice, getting the attention of the other members in the room.
“H-hyung...I-I’m s-sor-ry...h-he...J-jimin…” Taehyung stuttered, telling Hoseok incoherent words that didn't make sense to him. Was Jimin hurt? What about Seokjin? And why was Taehyung on the verge of tears?
“What? I don’t understand what you are trying to say. Try to calm down. Everything is going to be okay.” He advised, but instead of an answer, Hoseok heard a loud sob coming from Taehyung and a chill ran down his spine.
“Tae, we are on our way. Wait for us, Taehyung. Just wait for us. Everything will be fine,” he said and hung up the call as he was looking for his jacket and crutch that were on the side of the couch. However, Yoongi’s concerned voice stopped his tracks.
“Is everyone okay?”
“I’m not sure. We need to get home as soon as possible. Taehyung was crying, and he couldn’t tell me anything.” And his answer was all the rest of the members needed to gather up their things and head out the door.
The ride back to the apartment was hellish for Hoseok; every second, every minute felt like an eternity, and no matter how much he tried to calm down his nerves he just couldn’t stop his body from shaking. There was an uncertainty in his mind that told him to hurry back home and be with Seokjin because their boyfriend needed them.
“Hoseok, everything will be alright, please calm down. You’re making me anxious,” Yoongi whispered to him, reaching for his hand and intertwining their fingers. Hoseok saw that Yoongi was right; he was overwhelmed with everything and was making his other boyfriend very worried.
“Sorry, It’s just that… you know, Seokjin needs us. I knew it was a bad idea to leave him at home.”
“I know, but there’s nothing we can do now. What’s done is done. All we need to do is go back home and see what happened.”
“Yeah, you are right.” He answered, letting out a big sigh, looking out the window, trying to distract his mind, but it didn’t work.
“T-Taehyung sounded like something terrible happened. He mentioned Jimin, but he couldn’t speak at all. And that’s what is worrying me.”
“I know, but let’s have faith that everything will be okay, and Seokjin is fine. That Jimin and Taehyung are both alright.” Yoongi said to him, gripping his hand, probably trying to comfort him.
After ten more minutes of intense silence, Hoseok saw the outline of their driveway, feeling like a huge weight had been lifted off his chest.
“Finally!” He shouted, unbuckling his seat belt and already getting ready to get out of the car. And as soon as the car came to a stop and the doors were unlocked, Hoseok sprinted out of the vehicle, up to the front entrance of their apartment building, leaving everyone behind. Maybe it was the adrenaline of being by Seokjin’s side as soon as possible and finding out what happened that made him forget his crutch and run as fast as he could that it even surprised him because his leg wasn’t at its best.
Hoseok knew Seokjin needed him the most; besides, the condition of his leg didn’t matter as long as he went inside. He knew Yoongi would be right behind him, knowing his boyfriend was also worried about their older boyfriend.
“Seokjin! Jimin! Taehyung!” He shouted as he opened the front door of the apartment and he was met with silence. Not a single person in sight, so he ran, as best as he could, feeling like his leg was going to give out on him at any point, and further inside the house but still nothing. The lower level of the apartment was empty, which caused him to panic even more.
Then he heard it, the shouts and screams of Taehyung and Jimin banging on what sounded like a door, and he was sure the noises were coming from the upper levels of the apartment...their rooms.
“Have you found them?” Yoongi asked him, panting for air, with Namjoon and Jungkook right beside him. They all had a worried expression on their faces, and with a nod of approval, he signaled them to the stairs, knowing full well that they all understood his answer.
“Let’s hurry then! What are we waiting for?” Jungkook exclaimed, leading the way up the steps, and as they approached the end of the staircase, the shouts and screams only became louder and louder.
“Hyung! Please open the door!” Taehyung shouted, his voice shaking, and both fists banging on the door.
“I’m s-sorry Hyung! I’m sorry!” Jimin yelled, his voice trembling, body shaking, and cheeks stained with tears. Hoseok was right, something did happen with his Hyung while they were away, and now the feeling of regret for not coming back home sooner hit him like a bucket of cold water. Hoseok saw Jimin on his knees, his head leaning on the door, hysterically crying, and it broke his heart. What could have happened while they were gone? And why was Jimin apologizing to the point of getting on his knees? Everything didn’t make sense to him, but he knew soon he’d find out the truth: one way or another.
“Taehyung! What happened? Why is Seokjin locked up inside my room? Did he have another panic attack?” He asked, trying to keep his emotions in control. He didn’t want to make his band members feel guilty for not being able to help their Hyung. Hoseok knew Seokjin was more willing to hear and relax with Yoongi and him, and he wasn’t ready to interact with the other members. This was the reason why he and Yoongi decided to suggest to Seokjin to sleep in his own room, to get him used to relying on the other members as well. It wasn’t that they didn’t want Seokjin to lean on their shoulders whenever he needed help, it was the contrary, but they also knew that being in Hoseok’s room all the time wasn’t the best way to get him to recover from all his past traumas.
“Hobari! I-I’m...s-sorry…I-I...I-it’s m-my...f-fault!” Jimin stuttered, rushing towards him and hugging Hoseok’s legs, tightly, hands trembling and asking for forgiveness that he wasn’t sure about. He had never seen Jimin, so heart broken, so mentally worn out until today.
“W-What?!” He let out, confused by what was happening. He crouched down, feeling the sharp pain on his injured leg, and tried to get Jimin to stop begging for forgiveness, but the younger didn’t let go. Instead just kept imploring to be forgiven.
“Taehyung, what’s going on?” He heard Jungkook ask, feeling the younger walking in their direction, probably as confused as him.
“Well, you see. Jimin...he tried to help Hyung. He really did, and he didn’t mean to make him panic.” Taehyung explained, trying to compose himself and not cry.
“What did he do?” Yoongi asked, the tone of his voice dark and sharp like a knife and with a serious expression on his face, from what Hoseok could imagine as Jimin never let go of him, making it difficult to move.
“Umm...Hyung! Please don’t be angry at him. He didn’t mean to...he just wanted to help him.” Taehyung begged, hands shaking in fear, and Hoseok wondered what Jimin did to make Seokjin panic. There were a lot of different types of triggers Seokjin had, that even a simple word or touch could send him into a panic attack and bring back memories that he wasn’t ready to face.
“What did Jimin do!?... What did you do, Jimin?” Namjoon stepped forward, taking in charge of the situation as the great leader of the group. Hoseok just wished the events that transpired weren't anything worse than this morning. He knew Seokjin was already in a sensitive state of mind. Recovering from a panic attack wasn’t easy; it left an empty and alarming signal in the body, as if ready for another attack. He just hoped the bad feeling in his gut was wrong. He really did, or he’d have to control his feelings of anger over leaving his hyung behind instead of taking care of him like he should have done in the first place.
“I-I...I-I’m s-sorry…” was Jimin’s only response. Now his hands were clutching on Hoseok’s shirt; uneven intakes of breath were all you could hear in the empty and quiet hallway. Hoseok wanted Jimin to stop crying. He hated to see any of the members so broken, but he was more concerned about Seokjin and needed Jimin or Taehyung, whoever it was, it didn’t matter, to tell him what happened or he’d surely go insane.
“I-I can explain…” Taehyung spoke up, grabbing the attention of everyone in the room. The tension and anticipation was driving him crazy. His boyfriend was locked up in his room, and he wasn’t even sure what was going on. Plus, two of his band members and closest friends knew the reason why but were so emotionally unstable that Hoseok wasn’t sure what to do. He was thankful that Taehyung was at least making an effort to control himself, for the sake of all their feelings and worrying minds.
“Just let it out already, what happened?” Jungkook repeated, the tone of his voice calm and understanding, as opposed to the tense atmosphere in front of them.
“You see...Jimin wanted to help Hyung. He really did, but...but it all backfired...and now, hyung is probably going through another panic attack.”
”B-but, what did Jimin do to make Hyung lock himself up in Hoseok’s room? I don’t understand. Get straight to the point, Taehyung. We don’t have time. Hyung is suffering in there, and we can’t help him unless we know what’s wrong.” Namjoon demanded, and Hoseok agreed with his friend. The faster they resolved this mystery, the faster Yoongi and he could help their boyfriend.
“I-I touched him…” Jimin confessed, his voice shaking and tears streaming down his cheeks. Hoseok locked eyes with Jimin, whose dark orbs screamed regret and sorrow. In some ways, he was beyond angry with the younger for doing something they all knew triggered Seokjin, but at the same time, Hoseok knew there must have been a reason behind it all. Jimin wouldn’t just touch Seokjin to cause their hyung any harm; there was no way Jimin was so evil and cruel to enjoy seeing their oldest member suffering.
“You did?” Namjoon added. A sharp moment of silence generated from the words Jimin said, which made everyone in the room come to a reality check—they all needed to stop acting on pure impulse without thinking of the consequences.
“Yeah...I’m sorry, Hyung...I’m sorry, Hobari, b-but I wanted to help him. And...and he told me that his therapist advised him to expose himself to scenarios that he found challenging, to prove to himself that he’s stronger than his fears. All I wanted was to help…but it all went down to the drain when Hyung panicked.” Jimin sniffled throughout the whole explanation, never letting go of Hoseok’s shirt. Hoseok was boiling with anger on the inside. He wanted to scold Jimin for doing something so reckless, but at the same time, he knew Seokjin needed him. And thus, he shoved away his fury and focused on what was most important to him—Seokjin.
“We’ll talk about this later. Right now, I need to help Hyung, so can you let me go?” Hoseok bitterly said, not caring about the way his tone of voice came out or that Jimin had a hurt expression on his troubled face.
“Yoongi... let’s go.” He added, now that he was free to move as Jimin had let go of his shirt and moved to the side.
Hoseok limped to the front door of his room, feeling the presence of Yoongi beside him and the pain in his leg now throbbing .
“Seokjin?...Jin, It’s me, Hobi. Please open the door.” He softly announced, knocking on the door, even though he had the key of the room in his pocket. If Seokjin really was having a panic attack after being touched in a way that triggered bad memories, Hoseok knew it would be a bad idea to just barge in the room. It could only make the situation even worse.
“Yoongi is here with me and no one else. It’s just the two of us, so please open the door.” He added, waving to everyone to go away.
“Are you sure?” Namjoon whispered, moving towards Jimin, who was still on the floor in a trance-like state.
“Yeah, It’s okay. Go to the living room. Yoongi and I got this, and if anything happens, we’ll call you, okay?” He amplified, getting a nod of approval from Namjoon and saw the rest of the members trail after their leader. Immediately, Taehyung was by Jimin’s side, who was still crying and probably feeling guilty, but Hoseok didn’t have time to address his friend’s feelings. Not until he knew their Seokjin was alright.
Once he saw that everyone was out of their sight, he turned back to the door, determined to make Seokjin open it for them. Hoseok was determined not to use his key because he wanted to respect Seokjin’s privacy, but under these circumstances, he would have no other choice left if their boyfriend refuses to let them in.
“Hyung! It’s Yoongi. Please open the door. We just want to see if you are alright.” Yoongi raised an octave, knocking on the door once again; hopefully, this time, Seokjin would let them in.
After a few minutes of silence, Hoseok thought there was no other choice left but to open the door himself. But to his surprise, it was as if Yoongi's pleading added to their wishes because they heard the lock of the door being unlocked, then saw the door slightly opening.
Into Hoseok’s view, came the familiar face of their hyung, with severely swollen eyes and a frightened complexion, who only trembled and shook.
“H-Hobi…” Hoseok heard, grabbing Yoongi’s hand and going through the now open door. Hoseok knew he was on a mission with Yoongi to comfort their boyfriend. He also knew that finding out what really happened between Jimin and Seokjin came later, right now their focus was to stabilize Seokjin’s emotions and ensure their boyfriend that there was nothing to fear… Especially not Jimin, their caring and adorable Jiminie should be the least worry in his mind.
—————-
Chaos. Seokjin's mind was in chaos, and he couldn’t help it. There was an intense fear of the unknown that couldn’t help but dragged him into the abyss of his traumas. Seokjin knew Jimin had no Ill intentions with his actions from earlier, but the familiarity of the touches he received from Jimin as they had been so similar to his rapists, especially Minho, scared him.
Jimin’s touch hurt as if a million needles were pricking him. The agonizing pain was so much that he thought he would faint. It was just a simple whiff, Jimin’s soft hands brushing on his delicate skin, but the damage that it bought was so intense that he saw red. A shade of red that reminded him of the whips Santa-Hyung gave him, his blood slowly dripping down his back. A shade of red that made him re-experience the forced penetrations that Minho made him go through. It was unbearable—-the pain, the memories, in his mind. Everything was all too much to handle, and Seokjin wished to forget everything. He wanted his mind to go blank and not think of anything or anyone. After all, what was the point of being conscious if all he was going to do was suffer? Seokjin wanted to get better, he really did, but it felt like there was a higher power, or maybe the universe that just wanted him to suffer...and perhaps it was time to give up.
And then, he heard it...the sweet voices of Hoseok and Yoongi. The only two people in this world that made him feel like there was a light at the end of the tunnel, especially in this cruel world.
“Seokjin...Jin, open the door. It's me, Hobi,” Seokjin heard, slowly coming back from the deepest and darkest headspace he had ever experienced in his life. It was as if he was stuck in the bottom of a well, where only darkness was his companion, and shame was his best friend.
”Hyung! It’s Yoongi. Please open the door. We just want to see if you are alright.” Yoongi’s concerned voice resonated in the room. Yoongi's voice was like music to his ears, and Seokjin could finally see where he was located. He was in Hoseok’s room, curled up under multiple blankets that Seokjin wasn’t sure where he got them from, probably from the closet since he knew that was where Hoseok kept them.
A part of him wanted to get up and run to open the door because he knew his boyfriends were not going to hurt him, but his body was betraying him. He felt like a defenseless child with no one to protect him from the shadows of his mind. It was frustrating, especially since he felt like everything was going to get better after he visited Dr. Lee but now he knew his scars were much more profound than he initially thought. Seokjin felt like he was taking one step forward and then three steps backward, and it was a cycle that he wasn’t sure when it was going to end. He wanted to get back to his usual self; he wanted to feel genuinely happy and not a painful numb, like pins and needles.
What did he do wrong with his recovery? Seokjin knew he took all the precautions necessary in order to feel better, but once he felt Jimin’s touch, every single emotion of disgust and shame came flooding back. Would Hoseok and Yoongi even want to touch him if he ever gets better? Would his boyfriends find his body disgusting and repulsive? Just the thought made him want to cry. Why wasn’t his negative thinking getting better? When all he wanted to do was live in peace with his two caring and adorable boyfriends. As much as he wanted to keep dwelling on his problems, Seokjin knew it had to come to an end, or he would never get better. He couldn’t keep hiding from his problems anymore and gathered all of his energy to get up from under the pile of blankets. He walked to the door of Hoseok’s room, hesitantly unlocked the door and slightly opened it until he was met with the familiar faces of Hoseok and Yoongi.
“H-Hobi…” he let out, scared of opening the door even further with the fear that someone, anyone would get past his line of defense and into the only place he considered safe. Yet, he was determined to be brave and trust in his boyfriends and fully opened the door to let Hoseok and Yoongi in. Once he completed his task, Seokjin quickly ran back to his cave, his pile of blankets that were now gathered on the floor next to the bed.
Seokjin heard the door closed, followed by the clinking sound of the door being locked. His heart skipped a beat when he listened to a series of footsteps that he knew belonged to Hoseok and Yoongi; however, that didn’t stop his body from trembling and clenching into his sweatshirt even tighter.
“Jin...baby? How are you feeling?” Yoongi said to him, and although Seokjin didn’t know where the younger man was located in the room, he knew his boyfriend was closed by. He heard the sound of the mattress sinking on his right side and the other on his left, and he felt his heart tightened by the anticipation. Would his boyfriends scold him for letting another man touch his body? Would they consider him a cheater for letting Jimin touch his filthy corpse? He hoped not, or he wasn’t sure how to handle another rejection by the people he loved so dearly.
“Jin...please, remember that we are here for you. Take all the time you need. We’ll wait until you are ready to come out and speak with us.” Hoseok added, which caused Seokjin to stop holding onto the tears that he thought were gone. A series of sobs were heard throughout the room, and no matter how much he tried to stop the tears from falling and get a hold of his emotions, it was impossible. It was as if Hoseok and Yoongi's presence unleashed a time ticking bomb that now had exploded and only bought chaos, a chaos that was only inside of Seokjin’s heart and mind.
“H-ho...J-jimin...h-he…” Seokjin tried to say, his lips trembling and never leaving the darkness of the blankets that were covering him.
“Shh...It’s okay. Don’t force yourself, Seokjin. Let it all out and cry. We’ll be here,” he somehow heard Yoongi say despite the sound of his loud cries overtaking the whole room. Therefore, Seokjin cried and cried until his eyes were no longer producing tears, or at least he thought. So, after what felt like hours, he slowly removed the blankets off himself, ready to face Hoseok and Yoongi. He squinted his eyes as the soft light of the room bothered his vision, but he tried as best as he could to focus his sight until he found Yoongi sitting on the bed with Hoseok right next to him.
“I-J—” he squeaked out, launching himself in the direction of the bed landing on top of Hoseok, who welcomed him with open arms. Both of them fell further down on the bed, Hoseok’s back laying down on the soft mattress and Seokjin on top of him, feeling the safe hands of his boyfriend keeping him from falling to the side. Seokjin’s vision started to get clouded again, and he knew the waterfall was about to start one more time.
Why was he such a crybaby? Seokjin knew crying wasn’t going to help him solve his problems, but Hoseok and Yoongi were there with him, and he had no other choice but to show his most vulnerable side. He buried his face on the crook of Hoseok’s neck and gripped his shirt tightly, letting out small whimpers.
“Baby, what’s your color? Tell us how you are feeling?” Yoongi asked him, and he thought about his emotions of self-doubt and how scared he felt minutes ago before his boyfriends came inside the room and how numb and painful it felt just to think. Now, after crying his eyes out, until he felt like they were puffed up and dry, he felt a little better, but Seokjin still was scared and disgusted by his actions. Maybe he really was a slut like Minho told him many times while they were together. Perhaps that was the reason Jimin touched him because the younger thought he was easy? In the end, he really deserved all the horrible things that happened to him.
“Y-yellow…” he mumbled, his face never leaving Hoseok’s neck, feeling guilty of making Hoseok uncomfortable by his body heat, tears, and snotty nose.
In an instant, an anxiety crept up on him, making Seokjin feel like he needed to compensate for his mistakes. Seokjin was a good boy. He really was, and he was going to make it up to his boyfriends one way or another.
Lifting himself from Hoseok’s neck and placing both his hands on Hoseok's firm chest to prevent himself from falling down, Seokjin looked up and came face to face with Yoongi who was looking down at them with sadness in his eyes with a hint of fondness.
Maybe his next move wasn’t the most logical thing to do after having a panic attack, but he didn’t know what else to do to make it up to his two most important men in his life. Seokjin reached out for Yoongi, who leaned down, probably thinking he was getting a hug, but instead, the younger was met with Seokjin’s plump lips. If he was a slut like Minho had told him, then he shouldn’t be afraid of having sex with Yoongi and Hoseok. Maybe if he overcame the fear of being touched, he’d feel better about himself and his life.
“Mmm—J-Jin...!?” He heard Yoongi speak, noticing a confused expression on his face and fear in his beautiful dark eyes. However, Seokjin needed to be aggressive if he wanted to repay his boyfriend’s kindness, so he grabbed the back of Yoongi’s head, and deepened their kiss. He hated every single minute of it—-the way their tongues brushed against one another, the way Seokjin’s lips connected with Yoongi’s soft and thin ones, and the way they were touching. It was a messy kiss, and he could feel the tears falling down his cheeks and into their mouths, tasting the saltiness of it. It was a kiss that he wanted to end as soon as possible.
Everything about the kiss was a making his body shake in fear, but he was determined to make his recovery happen—-he was determined to have sex with Hoseok and Yoongi. He couldn’t let the demons in his mind have control over him.
“H-hyung? W-what’s going on?” Yoongi stuttered as their kiss came to an end, a puzzled expression on his face.
Seokjin looked at Yoongi then at Hoseok, whose eyes were so wide from the shocking moment he just witnessed. He was determined to give them a proposal that he naively believed was going to make all of his pain go away.
“Yoongi...Hoseok, let's have sex…” Seokjin proposed, his body trembling in fear while more tears streamed down his beautiful face.
Notes:
Did everyone else felt heartbroken by the ending?
What do you think will happen between Yoon2seok?
I look forward to reading your comments.
My Twitter and CuriousCat: Kumasama92
Chapter 40: Loved ones
Summary:
“Yoongi...Hoseok, let's have sex…” Seokjin proposed, his body trembling in fear, more tears streaming down his beautiful face as he slowly began to take off his sweatshirt, discarding it on the other side of the bed.
Notes:
If you follow me on Twitter, you know I have been struggling all week to finish this chapter and I finally got it done!!!
Warning ⚠️: the first half of the chapter talks about sensitive topics such as sexual abuse trauma which can be triggering to some readers, please read with caution or skip it.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Warning ⚠️: the first half of the chapter talks about sensitive topics such as sexual abuse trauma which can be triggering to some readers, please read with caution or skip it.
—————————————-
If a person looked up the definition of sex, it is defined by the act of engaging in any sexual activity, which includes sexual intercourse. However, sex was not that simple and became more complicated when it involved love.
Lovemaking as the second definition stated, came to be a complex expression of love due to its desire to communicate the affection a person has for the other person non-verbally. It gives them the chance to express all the good feelings and thoughts they have about their lover. It should be an act that connected people on an emotional level with their loved ones, but for Seokjin, it had become a complicated situation.
Sex had become anger, disgust, fear, and anxiety all mixed into one giant ball of trauma, and he didn’t know how to differentiate between them. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to have sex with Hoseok and Yoongi, in fact, it was an act he would love to demonstrate to his boyfriends. Yet, the shadows of his rapist and the scars on his body were holding him back, creating a dark atmosphere for him.
It was the same reason why he was determined to have sex with his boyfriends, despite every single cell in his body screaming at him to stop. That his body and mind weren’t ready for an act so intimate and intense even if in his heart knew Hoseok and Yoongi would never take advantage of him or bring him any harm.
“Yoongi...Hoseok, let's have sex…” Seokjin proposed, his body trembling in fear, more tears streaming down his beautiful face as he slowly began to take off his sweatshirt, discarding it on the other side of the bed.
As the cold air in the room hit his bare chest, Seokjin was reminded of how much he despised his body. First, the scars that Santa-Hyung had left on his back were a reminder of how much pain a simple touch could bring to someone. Second, the way his body reacted to the disgusting touches of Minho and his accomplices made Seokjin question if maybe he was at fault? That he seduced them and incited them to do all those awful things to him while he was in Little Space. A bundle of emotions that were eating away at his heart creating a mixture of sadness and despair that had turned into fear, which was consuming his mind. He felt his chest tighten by the way he had exposed himself in front of his boyfriends. And he couldn't help but think if they would consider his body a used up doll and find him disgusting? Or maybe they’d learn that he was not capable of making love, that Hoseok and Yoongi would have to be resigned to the thought of never having sex with him? He wasn’t sure what to make of it, but the fear of not knowing was making him anxious.
Seokjin quickly repositioned himself so he was kneeling down in between Hoseok’s legs. He had used the confusion his boyfriends’ had, which was caused by the proposal he had suggested to spread Hoseok’s legs apart and unbuckled his pants, pushing it down along with his underwear past his kneecaps, so only Hoseok’s soft length was in his view.
The penis. The male reproductive organ that was used during sex and was supposed to bring so much pleasure to a human being. As Seokjin stared at the length in front of him, it made him laugh to himself just how much a biological organ had brought him so much suffering. Yeah, he had a penis of his own, but the idea of using it to bring harm to others was never a thought in his mind. Yet, how come others used it to bring him so much pain and suffering in his life? It was a question he would never understand, and as he took the soft length between his hands, it was enough exposure to send a chill of fear throughout his whole body.
His gentle touch was the catalyst for his boyfriends to snap out of their deep thoughts and realized what he was doing.
“W-wait a minute, Seokjin. What are you doing?!” Hoseok said to him with a panicked expression on his face. Seokjin felt sorry for Hoseok. He felt like every time something happened, sex wise, Hoseok was the victim. It happened while Seokjin was in Little Space, and now, it was happening again. However, Seokjin couldn’t help it; he knew he wasn’t strong enough to stop two people at the same time, so he took advantage of Hoseok’s weakness, his injured leg, to take control of the situation. It was a cowardly act on his part but he had to make sure that his boyfriends understood that he was ready to have sex, even though deep down in his heart he knew it wasn’t true.
“Sex. We are going to have sex.” He answered, moving his hands up and down Hoseok’s length, trying to make it hard and pleasurable for his boyfriend.
“W-what—-No! Let go of me Seokjin. Stop!”
“Why? Isn’t this what we all wanted? For the three of us to have sex?”
“Yeah, but not like this. Not when you are in the middle of a panic attack…” Yoongi added, looking at him with sadness in his eyes. Seokjin didn’t understand. Did they not want to have sex with him? Or maybe he did something wrong that made them want to reject him?
“B-But...I want to do it...see, I am touching his penis to make him feel good and it doesn’t bother me at all. But if you want, can I give Hoseok a blow job? Minho always told me I was good at it…” he said panicking, trying to make the situation better. Nevertheless, his body betrayed him, and his hands started to shake as he furiously tried to bring some pleasure to Hoseok’s member which was futile.
“Baby...a minute ago you told us your color was yellow, so there’s no way you are in the right headspace right now.” Hoseok told him, placing a hand on top of Seokjin’s as a way of telling him to let go of him and stop attempting to make him aroused. Besides, he saw that Hoseok wasn’t feeling any satisfaction by his touch as his length hadn’t hardened at all.
Seokjin felt like a failure as if he had let his boyfriends down, to not even do a simple task, as bringing pleasure to them, was a declaration that he was not worthy of their love.
“N-no...I’m green. I promise that I am green, so please. Let’s have sex. I want you both. I really do…” he pleaded, feeling guilty of lying to them. Feeling ashamed of being caught red-handed by the two men who mattered the most to him.
“Seokjin, you can’t be serious. Have you looked at yourself? You're shaking. Your hands are trembling and there is fear in your eyes. Hyung, please, let’s just stop this and try to get control of your emotions. You’re not ready yet. We'll wait until you are healed from the wounds in your heart, to even consider having sex with you.” Yoongi noted, looking at Hoseok, who nodded his head in agreement and then at Seokjin, who only averted his eyes. Why did he have to be such a scary cat? It was just sex, and not just any sex, it was sex with Hoseok and Yoongi, his boyfriends, so why was he so afraid of their touch, their lips, and their warmth?
“NO! We will have sex! I am ready for you and Hoseok. I am ready to give myself to you guys. I know you’ll never hurt me in any way. So please. Please. We need to have sex. Please…” Seokjin demanded, tears streaming down his cheeks. Maybe he was being irrational about the whole situation, but at this point, Seokjin didn’t care. He had one task in mind, and he was going to accomplish it no matter what.
Therefore, he slapped Hoseok’s hand away that was blocking his movements and leaned down until his mouth was centimeters away from the dick that was meant to bring him ecstasy. After controlling his emotions as best as he could, as the fear of his past came creeping up on him, Seokjin took a small breath and engulfed Hoseok’s length further inside his mouth until he had no other choice but to gag by the foreign member in his mouth. Seokjin wasn’t sure what to do; it felt uncomfortable to have Hoseok’s dick inside his mouth. He tried to suck on it, then licked it and twirled his tongue around it but nothing. It was as if he was choking on a cucumber, but more saltier and warm.
Seokjin remembered that he needed to bob his head up and down the length just like Minho had taught him, as best as he could, trying to maintain a good pace, however, his body felt tense, and trembled as if he was in the middle of his worst nightmare.
“Nngh!” He moaned, or at least he thought he did as his mind was becoming foggy, and his vision became blurry. Seokjin didn’t even know what was happening or if he was getting his boyfriend aroused. All that he was feeling was disgust, not by Hoseok’s body, but at himself, for being so dirty and useless.
Bobbing his head as fast as he could, feeling the length hitting the back of his throat, Seokjin felt someone pulling him from behind. Instantly, he knew it was Yoongi, but Seokjin wasn’t going to let anyone stop him until Hoseok came by the pleasure he was supposed to be bringing him.
“Mmm—-Nooo! Let me go!” He yelled, as Yoongi finally managed to detach him from Hoseok’s member.
“SEOKJIN!! Seriously, can you fucking stop it! For fuck's sake, can’t you see no one is enjoying what you are doing? We all know you aren’t ready...we know you still can't be intimate with us.”
“B-but...I am. Hoseok was about to cum too...why did you stop me? Why?” Seokjin asked, trembling, and feeling guilty about his efforts. He could feel tears pooling at the corner of his eyes so he tried to blink them away, trying to maintain his cool, but it was no use, and instead, more tears came out revealing his real feelings of self-doubt and regret.
“Lies! And you know it. Stop being so brave in front of us. You don’t have to do anything that you feel uncomfortable with just to prove to us that you love us. We know you care so much about me and Hoseok that you would even force yourself through something you despise...and hate it. As well as we know how much we love you. Just because we are not having sex, it doesn’t mean we love you any less. Hoseok and I are going to wait for the moment you are ready. Be it weeks, months, or years. We’ll be here for you no matter what. Our relationship is more than just being sexually active; it’s about love and understanding. Isn’t that right, Hoseok?”
“Of course! Seokjin, look at my dick and tell me what you see?” Hoseok asked him, making him confused by the question he was asked. Was Hoseok’s length different? Or did Seokjin do something to it, in his attempt to give him a blow job?
Seokjin just stared at his boyfriend’s dick, not really sure what he should be focusing on, so he decided to take a guess.
“Umm...I see...your dick?” He sniffled, finally feeling in control of his emotions for the first time, as if the question made him focus on everything that was happening in front of him.
“True, but did you notice the shape of it? Is it big? Small?”
“Big?” He replied hesitantly, even more confused than before. Why was Hoseok asking him such questions? It didn’t make sense to Seokjin, not in the slightest.
“I don’t get it.” Yoongi added, removing the hands that were on top of Seokjin’s shoulders, which were preventing him from continuing his task of giving Hoseok a blow job.
“Well, you see. I think shape is not the best word to use, but look at it. Aside from the shape, my dick is limped, it’s not hard in the slightest even though you were giving me a blow job. You see, I wasn’t feeling aroused at all, and the reason was that you weren’t enjoying it, Seokjin. Neither was Yoongi. If only you had seen the face you were making as you forced yourself down on me, it would have given you enough reason to feel sadness instead of excitement.” Hoseok confessed, pulling his underwear up as best as he could and covering his private area, as well as his pants. It was true, everything Hoseok was saying was true and he felt embarrassed by the way he had behaved.
“Don’t get me wrong. If the situation was different and you weren’t feeling so much fear just even to touch me or be seen naked by us, what happened just now would have been enough for me to get hard. Heck, I think I would have cum just by the touch, but we aren’t in that phase yet. And you need to understand that it’s not healthy for you to force yourself in situations that will only bring you more damage.” Hoseok added, sitting up straight, his back against the headboard. Seokjin just stared at Hoseok in disbelief. How could he had been so stupid? Hoseok was right. Yoongi was right. He was forcing himself to touch them in more intimate ways than just hugging and cuddling. Now, Seokjin felt ashamed of his actions. Why did everything have to go wrong when all he wanted to do was to be honest with himself?
“B-But...I want to be useful. What if I take too long and you don’t want to have sex with me when I’m ready? Maybe if I forced myself to have sex with you, the pain and fear would go away...”
“Hyung...baby. You know that will never happen. I love you so much that I will wait forever, and I’m sure Hoseok thinks the same way. We don’t need to have sex to show that we care about each other. There are more ways to demonstrate our love for one another until you are ready. Besides, forcing yourself in a situation that makes you panic is not going to make your phobia go away. It could make it worse.”
“Are you sure? Minho always told me that’s the only thing I’m good for. To please others...sexually.” Seokjin declared, seeing Hoseok’s expression change in an instant. Did Seokjin say something wrong, again? Was he not doing things right as he thought?
“First, come over here, you two. I want you both next to me.” Hoseok told them, signaling them to move, making Yoongi get up from the bed and walking to the other side, sitting comfortably close to Hoseok, but leaving a space big enough for Seokjin to settle down between them.
After they were all settled in and in each other’s embrace, Hoseok continued with his statement.
“Second, Seokjin, I need you to stop mentioning that name. It makes me mad, and my blood boils in anger to know he still has so much control over you.”
“I agree with Hoseok. Hyung...Baby. He’s no longer in control. He can’t hurt you anymore, so no need to follow his ‘advice,’ remember that the three of us are going out. The only names that should come out of your mouth should be ours…Sorry, I know that sounds possessive and controlling, but we love you so much that we only want what’s best for you. You’re our baby. You’re our Hyung. Our perfect little baby Hyung that we love and cherish with all the fiber of our being.” Yoongi said, placing a kiss on the crown of his head, making him feel guilty for mentioning Minho. If he were in their position, he’d also feel angry about any of them speaking about someone who had caused so much pain in their lives.
“Sorry…”
“No need to apologize. I know it’s not easy to forget about your former caretaker. Just remember that we are here for you now, and we don’t want you to force yourself to do something you are not comfortable with.” Yoongi added, softly caressing his forearm, which Seokjin noticed didn’t bring him any fear as he knew it was an act that was filled with love.
Seokjin sank further into the warm embrace of his boyfriends and let his emotions settle in, releasing the dark and intoxicating aura that was reopened by Jimin’s actions. This time, he didn’t hold back and began to sob as loudly as he could knowing full well Hoseok and Yoongi were there for him. His tears started to stream down his cheeks and his nose was a shade of rosy pink, but that didn’t stop him. Not anymore. If his boyfriends wanted to be part of his recovery process, they needed to see that he still had bad times, and this was one of them.
“J-jimin...he...he...touched me. I-I didn’t like it...but...but, I was s-so s-scared.” Seokjin stuttered, holding onto Hoseok and feeling Yoongi’s hand slowly stroking his back, trying to soothe his emotions.
“Shh, It’s okay baby, let it all out. Jimin is not here anymore and he’s not going to do anything that you don’t want.” He heard Hoseok’s voice, but he knew Jimin had no ill intentions behind his actions. Seokjin knew his band member was only trying to help, but he felt ashamed of himself for being so scared of Jimin, his sweet and caring Jiminie. Now, he wasn’t sure how he was going to face the younger.
As he let his mind break down in front of his boyfriends, Seokjin wondered if his life would have a happy ending? Where he would have some normalcy in his mind and heart, but for now, he was glad to have Hoseok and Yoongi beside him instead of dealing with the demons in his mind all by himself.
—————-
It had been a few hours since Hoseok and Yoongi were finally able to get Seokjin to fall asleep. While he didn’t want to witness Seokjin crying himself to sleep, Yoongi knew it was for the best. He knew crying was going to help his boyfriend let out all the negative, bundled up emotions inside of him and feel better afterwards.
The three of them were currently curled up together in their bed with only the dimmed light of the nightlight illuminating the room. Yoongi wasn’t bothered by the glow it created, and he was glad Seokjin was able to sleep under such conditions because he knew his hyung was a light sleeper.
Snuggling closer to his boyfriend, so his face was buried between Seokjin’s neck, Yoongi tried to process everything that had happened within the last few hours—taking Seokjin to therapy, working on their new album, rushing back home after Taehyung’s phone call, and finally, comforting their Seokjin. It was a lot to think about, especially after knowing the truth of Seokjin’s thoughts on being with them on an intimate level— or that he and Hoseok would leave him or break up if they didn’t have sex. He thought it was a ridiculous idea, but Yoongi understood that Seokjin’s traumas were still much deeper than they realized.
“Yoongi, how are you feeling?” Hoseok’s soft voice brought him back to reality. His boyfriend was looking at him with fondness, but his eyes were filled with tiredness from a sleepless night. He detached himself from Seokjin’s neck and positioned himself upward so he could have a good view of Hoseok. It was weird, Yoongi never imagined he would go out with Hoseok let alone Seokjin. When he first started to develop feelings towards Seokjin, Yoongi thought it was a wild phase, an idea that was never going to happen. Yet, here he was with not only one but two people who meant the world to him.
Destiny had a weird way to get people together, but he was just pleased with his current lifestyle that he wouldn’t trade it for the world.
“Mm, just tired. You? Sleepy?”
“Not really. I keep thinking of Seokjin’s behavior from earlier. To be honest, a part of me wanted to believe that Seokjin was ready for us. That he was finally going to be ours but at the same time, as I saw his face filled with fear and regret, it made me realize that we have a long way to go.” Hoseok whispered to him, trying not to wake up Seokjin or they’d probably feel guilty for waking him up from his slumber after all the stress he had been through.
“I agree...but I don’t mind waiting though. I love him so much that even if we never get to that stage, I’m never leaving his side.”
“Me too! Don’t get me wrong. I would love to get intimate with Seokjin and of course with you too but I prefer Hyung to be happy with himself and if it means not having any kind of sexual activities then I am fine with it. Our relationship is more than just sex, it’s real love…”
“I love you, Hoseok…” Yoongi randomly blurted out, catching Hoseok off guard who only smiled at him and leaned forward placing a kiss on his cheeks. Yoongi was surprised. It had been a while since he had felt his boyfriend’s touch, and it was making him blush excessively.
“H-Hobi…?”
“What? I can’t console my beautiful kitten when he’s feeling down?”
“Again with the nicknames? I thought we agreed to not use them, well, not often,” he chuckled, loving the pet name. Kitten. Yoongi was Hoseok and Seokjin’s kitten until the end of time.
“But you love it though and so does Seokjin.”
“I guess…” he mumbled, looking down, trying to avoid Hoseok’s gaze. Yoongi didn’t want him to see his blushing cheeks, but he knew it was a moment that he didn’t regret because he got another kiss, this time, on his forehead.
“Love you too, my sweet and adorable Yoongi.” Hoseok whispered before the room became silent but it wasn’t a tense and overwhelming feeling, but more relaxing. Yoongi basked in the presence of Hoseok and Seokjin, his two adorable and handsome boyfriends whom he loved with all his heart. However, they still needed to figure out how to deal with Jimin and the consequences of his actions which led to the current situation.
“Hoseok…” he broke the silence, hesitant to speak. Yoongi wasn’t sure how Hoseok was going to react by hearing the younger’s name. It could go both ways but no matter what, their first priority should be Seokjin’s well-being.
“Mm?”
“W-What...what are we going to do about Jimin? We need to talk with him…actually we need to talk with everyone. Hoseok, I think we need another emergency meeting.” Yoongi suggested, in hopes that after the meeting, their bond as a band and as friends would be stronger.
“I think you are right. Let me text Namjoon and let him know. Tomorrow we are going to have a meeting to clear everything up. However, I don’t want Seokjin to be included in this discussion.”
“Why? Shouldn’t he be the first one there? Why exclude him?”
“Well, I don’t want him to panic when he sees Jimin. Besides, I know Jimin will try to apologize as soon as he sees Hyung, and that could make him panic.” Hoseok said, but Yoongi thought it was a bad idea. It wouldn’t be a meeting without Seokjin, so why have one?
“I-I want to be in the meeting. Let me be there...I want to face Jimin and let him explain himself. Please! ” Seokjin’s raspy and sleepy voice echoed in the room, scaring him. Yoongi wondered when their Hyung had woken up? Maybe it was their talking, but they weren’t even that loud, but then, he remembered Seokjin was a light sleeper, so even a little noise would wake him up.
“Are you sure?” Yoongi asked, parting Seokjin’s bangs that were covering his beautiful eyes.
“Mm-hm, I need to be there. I understand you both want to protect me and I really appreciate it, but I need to see Jimin. I need to know what was going through his mind when he decided to do that.”
“You heard him. So what do you think, Hoseok?” Yoongi said, raising an eyebrow at Hoseok who only looked at him with hesitation in his eyes. Yoongi understood his boyfriend’s dilemma, but if Seokjin wanted to be part of the meeting, who was he to stop the brave decision of his Hyung.
“Fine! But stay close to us. I don’t want Jimin being near you for the time being, understood?!”
“Thank you.” Was all Seokjin said before snuggling closer to Hoseok and falling back asleep.
Yoongi didn’t know what time it was, but it was still late at night by the way the sun still hadn’t come up. After giving Hoseok a warm smile, he cuddled up with Seokjin and drifted off to sleep in hopes that tomorrow’s meeting would be calm and beneficial.
Yoongi woke up feeling like his body was being squeezed in half. Slowly blinking the sleep away and adjusting to the light of the room, he realized it was Seokjin who was hugging him tightly. His hyung’s hands were wrapped around his waist, and their bodies were pressed together in a hug that Yoongi found endearing. He looked around and noticed that Hoseok wasn’t in the room with them and he wondered if his boyfriend had left them to go talk with Namjoon, even though Hoseok had told him he’d text their leader about the meeting.
Yoongi knew they had to get up and get ready for the meeting after they ate some food, but he was so comfortable with Seokjin snuggled up with him that he didn’t want to move. However, his comfort zone was interrupted when the door of the room was opened, and in his view, came Hoseok, walking in their direction, using his crutch as support with another person right behind him that Yoongi couldn’t see very well.
“Hyung, you’re awake,” Taehyung’s cheerful voice echoed through the room. The other male was none other than Taehyung, and he walked inside the room with a bed tray filled with their breakfast.
“For our honorable guest...breakfast in bed!” Taehyung shouted, not realizing that Seokjin was still asleep, or at least he should have been because the noise of Taehyung and Hoseok barging in made his boyfriend stir up and looked around for the source of the noise.
“Yoo..nie?”
“‘Morning sleepy head. How are you feeling?”
“Mm...headache...and hungry.” Seokjin mumbled, rubbing his eyes. To Yoongi, his Hyung looked adorable, and he wished to pinch his cheeks and boop his nose to show his adoration, but he held himself back. He knew Seokjin wasn’t ready for a surprise attack of love, even if they were innocent ones like pinching his cheeks.
“Well, it looks like Tae got us some breakfast, so sit up straight so we can eat. Taehyung, do you mind going downstairs and getting Hyung some aspirin? He has a headache,” Yoongi requested as Taehyung placed the bed tray in front of them.
“Of course Hyung. Be right back!”
“Thanks!” He replied, seeing Taehyung walking out of the room. Yoongi signaled Hoseok to come to sit next to them, so they could all eat together, and his boyfriend obeyed, taking a seat at the edge of the bed, having a good view of Seokjin and him.
“Why don’t you sit closer? You don’t want me to feed you breakfast, huh?” Yoongi teased, earning a giggle out of Seokjin, which was music to his ears, and a pair blushing cheeks on Hoseok’s face.
“Haha, it’s okay. I already ate breakfast downstairs with the guys, but I don’t mind feeding you,” Hoseok winked at him, marking him blush.
“No fair! I want Hobi and Yoonie to feed me too,” Seokjin huffed, crossing his arms which surprised Yoongi. Just last night their boyfriend was having a panic attack and trembling in fear but now, he was acting as if nothing happened. Maybe Seokjin was being strong and making the effort of moving forward? Maybe Seokjin finally saw the light at the end of the tunnel? He hoped that was the case but Yoongi knew it wasn't that simple.
“Now, now. I can feed both of you. No need to be jealous.” Hoseok announced and scooted closer to them, inches away from the bed tray, and started to feed Seokjin a spoonful of scrambled eggs, who hummed in delight as soon as the food was placed in his mouth.
Seokjin’s sudden change in behavior was troubling to Yoongi. Why was Seokjin acting so bubbly? More cheerful than before. It wasn’t that he thought it was a bad thing, in fact, it made Yoongi happy. However, was it possible to change one’s behavior overnight? Probably not. Then it hit him, was Seokjin slipping into his Little headspace? It would make sense since Seokjin was using nicknames to call them instead of their full names. But maybe he should observe his hyung more closely and look for signs that would indicate Yoongi of his findings before he made assumptions.
“Yummy! So good!” Seokjin moaned in satisfaction, eating happily as if the long night of crying didn’t happen as if last night was a wild dream.
“Yoon? You okay?” Hoseok asked him, noticing that his boyfriend had a spoonful of Kimchi ready to feed him.
“Yeah...just thinking.”
“Mm,” was Hoseok’s response and brought the spoon closer to Yoongi’s mouth. His first instinct was to open his mouth wide and let Hoseok feed him, but at the back of his mind, he was concerned about Seokjin slipping into his Little headspace before they were done with the meeting. He wanted Seokjin to be fully aware of what was going on during their discussion with the other members and not be in a different headspace. Hopefully, his gut feeling was wrong and Seokjin was just trying to act like his usual self.
After eating breakfast, the three of them headed downstairs to the living room, ready to start their meeting. A meeting that should strengthen the relationship between all of them. Plus, it should put an end to the idea of others helping Seokjin without first consulting the therapist.
“How’s your headache?” Yoongi asked Seokjin once they sat down on the L-shape couch. Like always, Seokjin was sitting between Hoseok and him; it was their way of making sure their boyfriend felt their presence in every way possible. To others, it may seem possessive, even controlling in some ways, but to them, it was an action that made all three of them feel safe and sound. It was a strategy that made their dynamic functional.
“Little better...Yoonie, can we hold hands?” Seokjin asked, his voice shaking, and his hands were trembling on his lap.
“...umm sure. If that’s what you want, I’d love to hold hands.” He agreed, feeling the tips of his ears turning a shade of red. Yoongi comprehends Seokjin’s actions. Aside from the three of them, no one else was in the room, so the anticipation of waiting for Jimin to walk in was probably making him anxious. In some ways, he was also nervous about the meeting and how it would be, but Yoongi had to be strong for Seokjin’s sake.
With his approval, Seokjin locked their hands together, feeling the weight of his boyfriend’s shoulders on his body.
Yoongi was still concerned about Seokjin slipping into Little Space and was about to ask his hyung if he was feeling Little. However, his thoughts were interrupted when a series of voices were getting closer and closer to the living room—-the rest of the members had arrived and were ready to talk.
“Sorry we are late. We had some work...um to deal with before we came,” Namjoon apologized, sitting on the other side of the L-shaped couch accompanied by Jungkook, who never left the leader’s side.
On the other hand, Jimin and Taehyung were hesitant about where to sit down. Yoongi saw the fear and guilt on Jimin’s face as the younger tried to decide whether to sit near Seokjin or not and if looks could talk, Jimin would be screaming a million of apologies to Seokjin just by his mere gaze. Yoongi could feel Seokjin tighten up their hands together as a way of getting some reassurance from him. He felt terrible about the broken bond between Jimin and Seokjin, but he hoped that the meeting would help heal or at least forgive some of those wounds that were created.
In the end, Jimin sat next to Jungkook, and Taehyung sat next to Hoseok, the only space left on their side of the couch.
“So...we all know why we are here. What happened yesterday shouldn’t happen again, but I know we are all learning to be more useful, for the lack of a better word, to help Seokjin and Jungkook. However, we need to set boundaries so it won’t happen again. So...who wants to start?” Namjoon raised the question, looking around the room to see who was brave enough to start a conversation that Yoongi knew was going to be heartbroken, and in some ways, healing.
“I-I want to start… please.”
“Sure, go ahead Jimin.” Namjoon encouraged, noticing that Jimin’s shoulders were trembling, probably from the forceful action of preventing himself from crying. Yoongi was devastated by the appearance of Jimin. The younger male had red puffy eyes; a sign that he had been crying all night long and pale skin, probably from the sleepless night. It was a look that wasn’t even possible to imagine from a person who was so cheerful and kind.
“Seok-Seokjinnie-hyung...I’m-I’m…” Yoongi heard Jimin’s shaking voice as the younger tried to speak. He just felt Seokjin grip onto their locked arms tightly, after hearing his name being called. At times like these, Yoongi wondered what was going through Seokjin’s mind. Was his hyung analyzing every movement made by Jimin? —his tone of voice, his mouth, his body movement. Or was he led by feelings? It would always be a mystery to Yoongi, but he hoped that whatever Seokjin was thinking, it would be for the best, not only for the band members but for himself. He would hate to see Seokjin sacrifice his feelings and fears for the sake of others.
“Hyung...I’m-I’m sorry. My intentions were not to cause you so much pain. I didn’t want you to have a panic attack. It was the last thing I wanted to do...I know it was stupid of me to think I could help out, and Taehyung already scolded me for following advice on something I read online. I’m not a therapist or anything like that, so it was very insensitive and ignorant of me to do that to you. I’m sorry… please don’t be afraid of me…”
“But why did you think it would work?” Hoseok spoke up, his tone of voice serious but not to be dominating.
Jimin was shaking, trying not to cry during his apology, so to be called out by Hosoek; it made the younger male tense up. Yoongi could sympathize; his boyfriend could be intimidating whenever he was serious; everyone knew it, but he also knew that Hoseok wasn’t going to create problems within the group. They just genuinely wanted to understand why Jimin touched their Hyung, knowing full well that it could cause a series of emotions and fears to resurface.
“When Hyung came home from therapy… We were talking about the assignment his therapist gave him. Then, we talked some more, and before I knew it, Seokjin was sleeping, his head resting on my lap. I did some research online while Hyung was sleeping about exposure therapy just like his therapist had suggested, and I saw that being exposed to your biggest fears could help get rid of them or at least make them more tolerable. So I thought since Seokjin-Hyung was comfortable enough to rest his head on my lap and fall asleep as I caress his hair, that if I touched him, it would help him. Now, l see that it was very ignorant of me, and I would never do that again.”
“It’s not your fault Jiminie...I'm sorry because I shouldn’t be so afraid of your touches.” Seokjin replied, surprising everyone in the room. Why was Seokjin so forgiving? Yeah, Jimin was their bandmate, their brother, and family but some boundaries shouldn’t be crossed, and this was one of them. To touch Seokjin sexually as if they were having sex, knowing full well what their Hyung went through was beyond any forgiveness. Yoongi just pursed his lips, trying to control his emotions, and glared at Jimin, who only averted his eyes.
Coward, Yoongi thought. Was Jimin not aware of the consequences of his actions? Seokjin could be psychologically scarred for life more than he was initially, or even worse, make it impossible to even be near him.
A bundle of emotions were going through his mind, but he tried to compose himself, for the sake of Seokjin and Hoseok. Besides, his first priority should be his boyfriend’s safety and well-being.
“Hyung, you shouldn’t be apologizing. We know it’s not your fault.” Jungkook clarified a series of hums of approval were heard in the room. Everyone knows Seokjin should be the last person to ask for forgiveness when he was the victim.
“B-But...It was my fault. I incited Jiminie to do that to me. I shouldn’t have been so promiscuous…”
Yoongi just furrowed his eyebrows in confusion and frustration with the words he just heard. Was Seokjin out of his mind!? Why would his boyfriend think he, out of all people and after everything he went through, would be promiscuous? It didn’t make sense to him, and it pained Yoongi to know that someone he held so dear to his heart thought of something so vial about themselves.
“Okay, stop right there. Don’t say another word. First, Seokjin, you’re not promiscuous. And second you didn’t incite Jimin to touch you in a way that is considered sexual. It pains me to know that you think so negatively about yourself. It really does and I wish there was some way to make it better. I know it’s difficult, but now that we know Jimin’s side of the story. I want to hear a little from you. If you feel comfortable enough.” Namjoon intervened, which made Yoongi sign in relief that he wasn’t the only one who thought the same thing. At least he knew everyone was in the same place about Seokjin’s view about himself—-it pained them all.
Yoongi looked at Seokjin who had let go of his hand and sat up straight. Maybe it was an act to show that he was OK with speaking about the situation or a mask to demonstrate to them that he wasn’t afraid when, in reality, he was probably terrified. Either way, Yoongi felt a void in his heart that was left behind by Seokjin’s delicate and warm hand no longer connected with his.
“I’m not really sure what you want me to say, Joonie, but I am not going to lie to you all and say that I liked being touched by Jimin. But I guess it’s kinda obvious that I hated it...Yeah, in the beginning, I was comfortable with Jimin stroking my hair until I fell asleep. We even talked about other things that I had on my mind, but then, everything just happened so fast. One minute I was peacefully sleeping, and the next, all I felt was fear and as if I was trapped. Maybe what Jimin did was wrong, maybe I overreacted, but in the end, I think in some ways...it made me realize a lot about myself and my current emotions. First, I learned that I am nowhere near the point of where I want others to touch me, be it platonic or romantic. Second, I have become aware that I have become very dependent on Hoseok and Yoongi. Which is why I made the difficult decision of sleeping in my room from now on. It’s for the best...if I want to recover. Besides, I can’t be a burden to all of you forever...and Jimin can finally go back to his shared room with Hoseok.” Seokjin explained, looking down at his lap, avoiding all eye contact. Yoongi just drew circles on Seokjin’s back, at first, noticing a noticeable flinch in surprise by his touch, but once Seokjin realized it was him and all Yoongi wanted to do was comfort him, then his hyung was able to relax.
“Are you sure hyung? It’s-it’s not a bother at all. I don’t mind sleeping somewhere else if it makes you feel better. I don’t want you to feel bad about everything...it’s not your fault.” Jimin verified, trying to convince Seokjin to stay with them, but Yoongi knew that once their hyung made up his mind, there was no way of changing it.
“Stop insisting Jimin. I’m sure hyung will be fine. It’s funny...you know? If you think about it, I mean. Just yesterday morning, Yoongi and I were talking about the same thing. Way before anything happened...that we wanted hyung to sleep by himself and socialize with the other members. We realized we are too possessive in some ways, by not letting him face his fears at his own pace. It’s like we are keeping in a bubble, all wrapped up so he won’t get hurt. It’s not like we want him to stop relying on us, we just want him to have more time and space to figure out his way of doing things that will be beneficial for him in the long run.”
“Exactly, I agree with Hoseok. Seokjin, I don’t want you to think we don’t want you in our lives. You going back to your room is not because we don’t love you any more or anything like that, we only care about your well-being. And it makes me so happy that you were the one who suggested it because it means that you have also noticed it. Hoseok and I will always be here for you whenever you need us...we just want you to have your own space. So I’ll go back to my room, Jimin, he’ll go back to his shared room with Hoseok and you, well, you’ll be back to your private area where I hope will be more beneficial to you.” Yoongi added, looking at Seokjin fondly, with a warm smile on his face.
“But...you no mad at me?”
“Why would we be mad at you? It was very brave of you to make such a difficult decision and we'll support you all the way. No matter what you decide.” Hoseok answered, placing his hand on Seokjin’s back along with Yoongi’s, both trying to show their boyfriend that they weren’t mad or upset with his decision, in fact, they were proud. Yet, another part of Yoongi’s mind analyzed his hyung’s speech, it sounded very childish, and then he remembered his initial thoughts—-Seokjin was probably close to his Little headspace.
“Mm,” was Seokjin’s only response, locking hands with Yoongi once again. He glanced around the room, and saw that everyone was focused on Seokjin—how he was acting, his facial expression, and any signs of sadness. He felt pleased with himself, knowing that his boyfriend wanted to feel his presence by being near him, to the point of touching each other.
“Is that all we want to discuss? Does anyone want to speak their mind about this matter? This is your last chance cause I’m only going to say one more thing and this discussion is over.” Namjoon told the group, looking around to see if anyone wanted to say something, anything, but no one spoke up. After one last confirmation, Namjoon hummed in approval and looked at the group one more time.
“Okay, here’s my take on all of this...first, no one, I mean no one will do what happened yesterday. Do I make myself clear!?” Namjoon announced, followed by a series of approval and nods from everyone in the room, including Yoongi who was ready for the meeting to be over soon, so he could confirm his suspicion— that Seokjin was slipping into Little Space.
“Good! Second, Jimin I want you to stay away from Hyung—”
“W-what? Why? I said that I won’t do it again. Please. Don’t do that to me, I only want what’s best for Hyung. I promise I won’t do it again!” Jimin protested, but Namjoon signaled him to stop talking. Their leader glared at him and the younger just tensed up and looked down at the floor in shame, and Yoongi felt sorry for his friend. However, he knew it was for the best, at least for now.
“Like I was saying, Jimin you will stay away from Seokjin-Hyung, for now, at least until Hyung is comfortable enough for you to be near him. Understood?”
“Yeah, I-I promise to stay away…”
“Now, as for what’s going to happen next with the comeback and how are we going to handle the meeting with our producers…” Yoongi heard Namjoon say, but ignored the rest as his attention was caught by Seokjin’s strange behavior. He saw his boyfriend rubbing his stomach constantly, as if he was hurting and decided to take charge for once.
“Seokjin...baby, are you feeling alright?”
“Nuh-uh, Yoonie...Jinnie’s tummy hurts,”
“Jinnie baby, by any chance are you feeling Little?” Yoongi questioned, placing the palm of his hand on Seokjin’s forehead, noticing that his baby boy had a slight fever.
“Yesh...Appa it weally weally hurts…” Jinnie sobbed, placing both hands on his stomach, leaning his forehead on top of Yoongi’s lap, quietly crying, which didn’t go unnoticed by Hoseok nor Jungkook.
“What’s wrong with Seokjin?” Hoseok’s concerned voice echoed in the room, getting the attention of everyone else.
“AAPPAA!!”
“Shh, there, there Jinnie. Appa will make it all better.” Yoongi calmly said, drawing circles on Jinnie’s back, looking at Hoseok with a sad expression.
“It’s Jinnie. He slipped into Little Space. I think he was feeling Little since breakfast but held himself back until the meeting was over, but now, he has a stomach ache and a slight fever…Hoseok, we should get him to bed as soon as possible.” He explained, while Jinnie cried in pain.
“Okay, I think we are done anyway. Namjoon, sorry but we’ll have to talk about the album later, okay?”
“That’s Okay, Hoseok. Go take care of Jinnie and if you need anything let us know.”
“Thanks,” Yoongi and Hoseok said in unison, as he tried to make Jinnie get up to take him to their bedroom, so their baby could rest.
“Hyung, want me to carry Jinnie upstairs?” Jungkook spoke up, walking to his side with a worried expression on his face.
“Jinnie, do you want Kookie-Hyung to carry you upstairs?” He whispered in Jinnie’s ear, as the Little held onto him tightly and didn’t want to let go.
“K-Kookie?”
“Yes, Kookie-Hyung,”
“Y-Yesh, Jinnie want…” and with that reply, Jungkook scooped Jinnie up, carefully and took him upstairs. Yoongi was glad that they had the meeting and it didn’t go as terrible as he initially thought. Maybe Jimin’s strategy to help Seokjin didn’t go as the younger planned, but it did serve a purpose—it made Seokjin realize that he was being too dependent on them. Although Yoongi didn’t mind being over protective, he didn’t want his boyfriend to stay stuck in the past and be cooped up in all of his fears.
As he entered Hoseok’s room where Jungkook gently laid Jinnie down on the bed, he grabbed the thermometer that was on a cabinet on the dressing table because right now, his main focus should be his baby boy.
“Appa? Daddy?…” Jinnie whined, seeking out for them, and Yoongi noticed that Hoseok finally made it up the stairs and to the bedroom where their baby was lying down. Yoongi gently smiled and decided to forget all their worries for now. Their Jinnie needed him today, and he was going to fulfill his duty as his caregiver.
Notes:
Some of you may be aware but we are getting closer to the ending of this story 😭😭
What do you think of this chapter? How did Seokjin handle his emotions (of fear and self esteem) compared to other times?
Did Hoseok and Yoongi act accordingly?
Please let me know in the comment section below.
My Twitter/CuriousCat: Kumasama92
Chapter 41: Moving Forward
Summary:
Slowly, moving one leg forward, he proceeded to walk - he felt like his body was floating on air. His balance was terrible, but he managed to take four steps without leaning to one side more than the other. Immediately, the therapist was by his side, grabbing him by the arm and providing her shoulder for support.
Notes:
I’m finally back with another chapter. I’m not sure if anyone noticed but the total number of chapters have been updated.
That being said, we only have 10 more chapters left until this story ends 😭
I have outlined the rest of the story so updates should be more frequently.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
A week had passed since the incident between Jimin and Seokjin - a long week that hadn’t been easy for Hoseok due to ongoing issues with their album scheduling, getting used to sleeping with Jimin in their shared bedroom instead of with his boyfriends, and knowing that Seokjin and Yoongi weren’t by his side as often as before.
After the family meeting, Seokjin spent the next three days in bed, sick with a high fever and a stomach bug. Hoseok and Yoongi weren't sure how their boyfriend got sick, but they didn’t want to leave him alone, mostly since Seokjin was in Little Space.
It really warmed his heart to know that Seokjin chose to be in a different headspace despite everything that had happened. Hoseok wondered why their boyfriend didn’t tell them that his mind and body wanted to be Little, but they weren’t mad about it. In fact, it gave them a chance to redeem the time lost with their baby boy. Hoseok was glad that despite everything that had taken place, the meeting was a success, and Jimin was able to express his point of view about the occurrence even though Hoseok needed some time to forgive his friend for doing something that brought so much pain and suffering to one of his boyfriends.
“Hoseok, are you ready to start your therapy session?” the physical therapist asked him. Currently, Hoseok was on their living room floor, his body laying down on the yoga mat that was placed on the floor and ready to start his needed physical therapy. So far, he had been told that his leg mobility had improved dramatically and in a few weeks, or even sooner, he’d be able to walk without his crutch. Although Hoseok sensed that he’d only need a few more days before he could start walking without them. He could take a shower without any help, so he was sure it was a sign that his leg mobility was improving sooner than they all planned.
“Yes, I'm ready. When do you think my sessions will end?”
“Well, you’ve improved faster than I initially thought. Maybe we can try for you to walk back and forth without your crutch? How does that sound?” As Hoseok listened, a happy sensation filled his heart. Hoseok hated being bound by aluminum tubing. What if something bad happened like it had a few days ago and he needed to protect the people he cared for so dearly? With him being restricted, Hoseok knew it would be impossible to defend anyone.
“That would be great!” he said, as the physical therapist started to guide his leg up and down as much as he could handle to help warm up his muscles. Then, using one hand, she held onto the back of his knee cap and bent his lower leg up and down. Hoseok found the whole routine to be tedious, but if he wanted to improve his condition, there was no other choice but to comply with the demands of the therapist. After ten more minutes of warm-up, it was time to demonstrate to himself that all of his effort had not been in vain. Getting up from the yoga mat on the floor - with the help of the therapist - Hoseok got his body and mind ready to take some steps forward without using his crutch.
Slowly, moving one leg forward, he proceeded to walk - he felt like his body was floating on air. His balance was terrible, but he managed to take four steps without leaning to one side more than the other. Immediately, the therapist was by his side, grabbing him by the arm and providing her shoulder for support.
“Okay, that was a good start. Why don't you try it again. You’ve been using this crutch for so long that your body has forgotten to keep its balance without the help of one. It'll take a little time to get used to it, but from what I have seen, in no time you'll be able to walk without it,” the therapist complimented him, smiling at Hoseok even as he felt embarrassed for not being able to stand properly. He knew it wasn’t his fault, but he couldn't help but feel useless.
The rest of the therapy session consisted of Hoseok walking as best as he could, from one side of the room to the other. By the end of it, Hoseok was tired like nothing before. Not even when he worked day and night at the dance studio had he felt this exhausted before. It had been such a long time since he had used complete mobility of his legs that it left him feeling tired. However, he needed to go to the studio as soon as possible. Hoseok had received a text message from Namjoon stating that he wanted to talk to him in private about the upcoming album. The leader of the group didn’t specify any details, but it wasn't normal for his friend to request his presence so close to their comeback. Usually, all the details and production would be confirmed by their management a few weeks ahead of the comeback, but this time was different. A lot of precautions needed to be taken care of before they resumed their schedules.
Saying goodbye to the therapist, both agreeing for him to continue to practice his walking until their next meeting, Hoseok texted Namjoon informing him that he was on his way. He wanted to go find Seokjin and Yoongi, to let them know of his departure, but Hoseok didn’t want to bother them. Each of his boyfriends had their own set of plans to follow and he didn’t want to get in their way.
I'll just text them later, he thought, grabbing his bag and making sure that his phone was inside along with his wallet. His crutch under his armpit helped him navigate through the room.
The agency had suggested for him to not drive his car, even though his leg didn’t interfere with his driving as he could still move his feet and ankle - it was the upper part of his leg that he had problems with, but he could manage. However, Hoseok hated to depend on others, so he grabbed his car keys and drove to meet up with Namjoon. He would just have to keep his driving a secret from others, especially his boyfriends, or they would scold him for being irresponsible and putting his life at risk. Hoseok didn’t want to give them any more excuses to make them worry about him, especially Seokjin. His adorable boyfriend already had enough on his plate to be concerned about Hoseok also.
After twenty minutes of carefully driving to their agency, Hoseok arrived safely. He felt a sense of relief knowing that nothing bad happened, and if a manager was available when he had to return home, he’d asked for them to drive him back to avoid any problems. The last thing he wanted to do was fight with Yoongi or Seokjin.
Locking his doors, he walked to the elevator. He couldn’t wait to get rid of his crutch even though he had come to rely on it a lot. It felt weird not having anything to support him, but his therapist had told Hoseok it was a normal feeling and in no time he’d get used to not having it.
After pressing the button to the fifth floor, where Namjoon’s studio was located, he finally reached his destination.
He wondered what his friend had to say. Usually, the managers would hold a meeting to let everyone know of their comeback. However, recently, everything had been decided through Namjoon. As the leader, his job had become more demanding. Hoseok felt bad for causing so much unnecessary stress on him, but they all couldn’t help it. The events that had happened were out of their control.
Still, now that their lives were slowly but steadily going back to normalcy, Hoseok was determined to help Namjoon out, even if it was only by talking to him and listening to all of his concerns.
Getting out of the elevator he walked to Namjoon’s studio. Knocking on the door, Hoseok waited for Namjoon’s response to go inside. Just like on queue, he heard Namjoon saying “come in,” probably knowing it was him who had arrived. He did text him when he reached the building, telling him that he was on his way up to the studio.
Opening the door and making sure there was enough room for him to enter using his crutch, Hoseok entered the room. He always felt happy whenever he went into Namjoon’s studio as the way his friend had decorated the room felt home-like. It was a feeling of calmness that made Hoseok know everything was going to be fine.
He walked to the couch, taking a seat and placing his crutch to the side. He looked at Namjoon’s back who was sitting in the comfortable chair before turning around to face Hoseok.
“Glad you could make it, Hoseok. We need to talk about the comeback.”
“Again? Didn’t the manager tell us last time it was soon? Like in two weeks or something?”
“Yeah, but they keep changing it. They’re driving me crazy. I’m so irritated that they can’t make up their minds,” Namjoon let out, frustration in his face. Hoseok wished he could help him in some way, but how?
“So what’s the new plan? Like have they finally decided on a date? They can’t keep changing the comeback...our fans must be as frustrated as us.”
“Exactly! It’s our fans that I’m thinking about. They’ve been waiting for so long and after the last statement about our temporary hiatus, they must think we’re never coming back. I bet there are even theories stating we’ve disbanded…”
“I wouldn’t be surprised. Antis and the media like to talk negatively about us,” Hoseok said, rubbing his eyes and letting out a groan of anger. He knew their fans would wait for them until they were ready, but they couldn’t stop false rumors from spreading.
“True...but thankfully, they came up with a final date. Our comeback is officially scheduled for next month. It'll be a tight schedule for us but we can do it. I’m just worried about Seokjin...do you think he’s ready to go back to our hectic lifestyle. Especially interacting with our fans?”
“I’m sure he’s ready. My Seokjinnie is strong, very strong, and I know he’ll overcome everything he’s been through,” Hoseok said proudly, smiling at Namjoon who returned his smile.
“I’m so happy for you Hoseok. You not only have one but two people you cherish and love.”
“Aw, that’s so cute of you to say. Don’t worry, I love you too. You’re one of my best friends,” he replied, seeing Namjoon’s cheeks turn a shade of red. It was adorable how shy his friend could get.
“Anyways, make sure to tell everyone about the new comeback date. Wait, forget about it. I’ll just send a group message since not everyone is at home,” Namjoon changed the topic, and focused on their priorities.
“Fine, fine. I’ll let anyone who is at home know too. But one last thing before I go. You’re loved too. You have Jungkook who loves you so much, and I’m very happy that you finally have someone you can cherish with all of your heart.”
Namjoon hid his face behind his hands and excessively blushed as Hoseok got up from the couch and walked out the door. Hoseok felt content with leaving his friend in such a happy state. Hopefully their conversation was somewhat relieving and helped Namjoon relax his mind a little bit.
Hoseok felt annoyed that their managers and producers were creating so much pressure on his friend, but at the same time he was glad they all finally decided on a comeback date. A month felt like a long time, but it wasn’t. It gave him a short amount of time to get back on his feet. He was determined to make the idea of being able to walk without his crutch by the end of the month a reality if he worked hard enough. Maybe he should talk with his therapist about increasing their future sessions with the goal of preparing him for the comeback.
Once Hoseok got to the lobby, he was lucky that manager Sejin was in the reception area getting ready to go back home. If he asked nice enough, maybe his manager could drive him home. He felt tired, even though he didn’t do much, and wanted to relax.
After talking with him, manager Sejin happily agreed and drove him home with the promise of bringing Hoseok’s car back tomorrow morning. He had to confess his crimes if he wanted a valid explanation of how he got to the agency. Sejin scolded him for being so reckless and driving to the agency without having anyone with him. Hoseok just apologized and promised not to do it again, although he wasn’t sure if he would keep his promise. Things could happen that would make him act on impulse, but to not make his manager more angry or worried, he agreed to his demands.
After half an hour, Hoseok was saying goodbye to their manager. He walked up to their shared apartment, opened the door and entered the living room, seeing his two boyfriends doing exercises in front of the TV. They looked adorable, trying to follow the workout instructor on the television.
Hoseok felt a sense of sadness and happiness mixed together at seeing Seokjin so active. It had been a long time since he had seen his boyfriend doing something other than cry and scream in fear. He hoped this was a good sign that Seokjin was starting to heal. It was for the best. He couldn’t change the past even if he wanted to, but Hoseok had the power to create a better future for Seokjin. A future where his Seokjin was smiling and living a life full of happiness.
“Hobi!!!” he heard Seokjin yell, stopping his movements and running to Hoseok’s side. He noticed Yoongi walking up behind until both of his boyfriends were hugging him. It surprised Hoseok, especially coming from Seokjin as he still had his fear of being touched, but if his boyfriend had initiated the physical contact it meant he felt safe to touch Hoseok.
He smiled at the two men he loved with all of his heart, knowing that their future together was only going to be filled with happy memories. The bond that they all had was unbreakable and soon all the bad memories would be a thing of the past.
——————
A week had passed since all of the incidents that happened with Jimin took place. Seokjin felt bad for the way Jimin had to stay away from him as instructed by Namjoon, but he knew it was for the best. He knew he was still not ready to face his friend, at least until Seokjin had better control of his fears. What he didn’t expect was for him to drop into his Little headspace in the middle of their meeting. That day, he woke up feeling better after crying all night, and having his two boyfriends by his side. Seokjin thought it was the effect of relieving some of his feelings, but it turned into him feeling Little, accompanied with feeling sick - a stomach bug as Yoongi had told him. Therefore, for the next few days he spent it in bed, recovering from whatever had caused him to feel sick.
During that time, the list that Dr. Nari had instructed him to complete didn’t get done other than the three things he had previously written down. He wondered if she would be angry at him for not being able to write all ten things, but he’d have to find out during his next therapy session, which was a few hours away.
Seokjin was currently getting ready to go to see Dr. Nari. It had been a long week, but hopefully his time with her would help him feel a little better.
Making sure he had his list inside of his bag, Seokjin went down to the living room and waited for the manager to come pick him up. Unlike last time, Seokjin decided to go by himself. Hoseok and Yoongi had offered to go with him, stating that it wasn’t a problem and that as long as he wanted their company and support, they’d be there for him. However, Seokjin didn’t want to be dependent on them both emotionally and physically.
That was the reason behind his decision to have one of their managers take him to therapy. Besides, he knew his boyfriends had other duties to complete, and if he took their time away they wouldn’t be able to get anything done. Seokjin didn’t want to feel like it was his fault they were behind their individual schedules, so he felt like he made the right decision.
He opted to watch TV while he waited to be picked up. There wasn’t anything interesting to watch, so he decided to watch the news. Usually he’d stay away from such sources of media outlets since all they talked about were topics that made him anxious such as murders, abuse of power, and other negative stories that only made him feel terrible.
Seokjin wasn’t in the right mindset to add extra pressure like issues in their country that weren’t easy to fix. He knew it was a stupid mindset because as a citizen, Seokjin should be aware of their current situation. Still, his mind was clouded with all of his traumas and seeing the negative side of their country only made him feel worse. If he couldn’t even get through his day-to-day life without being overwhelmed by his own emotions, he didn’t want to imagine what it would feel like to add more information that affected people in his country.
He was so deep in his own thoughts that time quickly passed and the sound of his phone ringing snapped him out of whatever he had on his mind. It was the manager stating that they were in the parking lot waiting for him. Seokjin grabbed his bag and made sure he had everything once again; his mind hadn’t been the best lately so he didn’t want to forget anything important.
He made sure the door was locked. No one was at the dorms anyways; everyone was busy with their own stuff. He walked down to the lobby where he saw his manager patiently waiting for him.
The car ride to Dr. Nari’s office was quiet. Usually, he’d start a conversation with their managers, but today he felt like keeping his thoughts to himself. Seokjin was more worried about what his therapist would say about his incomplete list. He just hoped she wouldn’t be disappointed in him for failing such a simple and short task.
Forty five minutes later, Seokjin was sitting down in the waiting area, ready to be called in to start his next session. This time, there were a few other people waiting with him. Seokjin had previously failed to notice that Dr. Nari’s office also had two more therapists available for other patients. He looked around the room and noticed that the other people waiting weren’t nervous at all, or at least they didn’t show it.
Was it because they were used to the environment and routine of it? Or was it that after some time the nervousness of talking with a therapist went away? Seokjin wasn’t sure, but he hoped it would be the case for him. He didn’t want to feel this anxiousness within him every single time he came to see his therapist.
After five minutes of him waiting, Seokjin saw the door open and into his view came Dr. Nari. He always forgot how short she was, so when he got up and looked down at her before extending his hand for a handshake, it made him feel superior - at least height-wise.
“Come in, i'm so glad you could make it,” she said, guiding him inside. He took a seat, as well as Dr. Nari who had a smile on her face. Seokjin always assumed therapists were cold-hearted and rude people who didn’t provide any help at all. There probably were some, but he was lucky he had Dr. Nari to help him navigate through these tough times.
“So where do you want to start? Any particular topic you want to discuss during this session. Remember, this is your window time to talk about as much or as little as you want. A judgment free zone.”
“Well, I have made some changes in my life recently,” he started, feeling nervous. Seokjin wasn’t used to being so open with others, especially with someone he rarely knew.
“Oh, tell me more about it.”
“I stopped sleeping in the same room as my boyfriends.”
“Was that something that was a concern for you?”
“Yes, I felt like I was a burden to them because nighttime is not the best moment for me…,” he said, his hands shaking. It was the first time since talking with Hoseok and Yoongi that he confessed his constant fear of being touched and abused by Minho and his accomplices, especially at night. Hoseok had reassured him many times that he was safe, that no one was going to barge into his room and touch him. However, his mind and body didn’t listen and continued to panic at the quietest sounds.
“Why is that? Is there something specific about the nighttime that makes you fear it?”
“Yes…it’s the same reason why my life is so messed up right now...”
“I see. Do you want to talk more about it or want to leave it for another time. Remember, it's up to you. Whatever you feel comfortable with,” Dr. Nari explained, taking some notes and looking at him with an unreadable expression. Seokjin wondered if she felt pity for him. Who wouldn’t when he let a stranger into his life that later sold his body to strangers. Even he would feel pity towards himself.
“I...I want to talk about it some other time.”
“Okay, that’s fine with me. Why don’t we talk about the list I asked you to write last time. Were you able to come up with ten different things?” he heard and his body tensed up. Would Dr. Nari yell at him for not being able to complete it? Or would she look at him with disgust because he wasn’t even able to do such a simple task?
“Actually…I only wrote three things down. I’m sorry. I wasn’t sure what to write. I know it should be easy to write it down. It’s just that whenever I try to come up with something my mind goes blank.”
“Seokjin, this task is not meant to be easy. It’s okay if you don’t have one or anything written down. It takes a lot of time since it’s not meant to be simple. You should feel proud of yourself for having three written down, I usually get zero whenever I give my patients this task.”
“Really?”
“Yes, so don’t overthink it too much. We can work on completing the list, and then once it’s done, help you navigate through them so you can safely expose yourself to them. May I see the list? We can go over what you have right now. Maybe it would help you get a better idea of other things you may want to write down.”
Seokjin nodded his head in agreement and proceeded to take out the sheet of paper from his bag. He gave it to Dr. Nari who immediately started to look at it. The room became quiet as she read his small list, and it was only making him more nervous.
“I think what you have written down is good. I remember we briefly talked about the last one on the list... ‘have sex with Hoseok and Yoongi’ and I still think it’s fine to kept it at number ten. As for the other two, want to talk about them?”
“Yes.”
“Interacting with our fans (touching hands / being close to them). You wrote that as number three.”
“Yeah, I’m a idol after all. It’s my job to have some type of physical contact with our fans, especially during fansigns. Is it not good? Should I change it?” Seokjin asked, glancing at any other part of the room, except for where Dr. Nari was sitting. He didn’t want to see the disappointment in her eyes.
“I think you should keep it. It’s a good goal to put on your list. My only suggestion would be to move it down. Hmm, maybe closer to number ten. It’s up to you, though, if you want to change it, but I believe such a level of intimacy is still too much for you, right now.”
“You think so?”
“Well, I can't say for certain, but from what I have gathered, you need to start from scratch. Baby steps and then gradually move down the list. For instance, close your eyes and imagine being touched. How does it make you feel?”
Seokjin did as Dr. Nari asked of him and closed his eyes. He then went ahead and let his mind start to imagine being touched all over his body - his head, neck, chest, private area, etc. - and felt a chilling sensation all throughout it. Fear and sadness started to mix together and Seokjin’s hands started to shake. It was evident that such a simple task was too much for him to handle. He opened his eyes as fast as he could, trying to control his breathing. His heart felt too tight in his chest and was beating faster than normal.
Taking a few deep breaths and making sure that his hands weren’t shaking anymore, he focused his attention to Dr. Nari who was looking at him. Seokjin wasn’t sure what was going through her mind, or if she expected him to have a panic attack, but whatever she was looking for, she got it by the satisfied expression on her face. He remembered that she had asked him a question so Seokjin proceeded to answer it.
“Umm...I-I…”
“Take all the time you need. Although I think you got the point of my suggestion,” he heard, and she was right. Despite not being able to answer her questions, Seokjin felt scared, disgusted, and filthy all in one go. If he got all of those feelings just by imagining being touched, interacting with his fans seemed impossible.
“Yeah, I got it. I definitely understood what you’re trying to say. I think I should make ‘imagine being touched’ as number one on my list.”
“That’s a good idea. Remember that this fear list is a guide for you to follow, along with our talks, until you overcome your fear. Gradually you’ll expose yourself to them, in a safe and controlled environment, and we’ll talk about how it makes you feel and how to control your emotions,” he heard and nodded his head in agreement.
The rest of his therapy session consisted of talking about the other point he had written down on the list, and Dr. Nari concluded the hour by giving Seokjin the same assignment of completing his list.
Seokjin felt better now that he talked with Dr. Nari, and even discovered that he still had a long way to go to overcome his fear of being touched. She had told him that the first five things on his list should be stuff that he could easily overcome if he had a safe environment to help him expose himself to. The other five - it was up to his heart and courage to overcome.
What she said made sense to him, and it was the reason why Seokjin was determined to talk with Jimin as soon as possible. He couldn’t help but feel terrible for being the cause of Jimin not being able to be near him, even though Seokjin understood why Namjoon had made that decision.
Seokjin wanted to get back to normal. He wanted to move on. No more suffering at the thought of a bastard that was dead. If he wanted to move forward with his new lifestyle, he needed to patch things up with Jimin or he’d feel like he couldn’t change his direction towards a better future.
Notes:
Let me know your thoughts on this chapter.
Chapter 42: Cake and Panic Attacks
Summary:
Seokjin thanked Jungkook for being so helpful and left the comfort of their dorm and headed to the agency. Hopefully, Jimin was still there, although he had a feeling his friend wouldn’t stop practicing even after he’d perfected it.
Notes:
I didn’t expect to take so long to update this story but life hasn’t been the best for me lately, but I’m just glad I’m finally back with a new chapter 😅
I hope everyone likes it
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Determined to move forward from the mixture of emotions eating at his heart, Seokjin decided to talk with Jimin. He wasn’t sure how to approach his friend because Jimin had become more distant, not only with Seokjin but with the rest of the members as well. He supposed it would make sense for Jimin to not act like his usual self after everything that happened. Seokjin wouldn’t be surprised if Jimin blamed himself for being the reason behind his panic attack. The truth was that if he were in Jimin’s shoes Seokjin would also hate himself for causing pain to any of his friends or family, so Seokjin understood Jimin’s point of view. However, he knew their relationship couldn’t continue to be like this; hanging on a thin line because of their fears. They had to work it out somehow and fast. Their comeback was quickly approaching, and if their friendship continued to be weak, it would only cause more inconvenience to the group and Seokjin didn’t want that to happen. The last thing he wanted to do was bring more stress to Namjoon and his teammates for something that could be fixed by sharing their feelings and talking it out. Besides, chatting with Jimin had always been relaxing and easygoing, and he expected nothing but understanding from his friend.
A few days after his second meeting with Dr. Nari, Seokjin took the initiative to look for Jimin. It was midday and he had just finished working out at the apartment’s mini gym that the members had created for days where they felt like staying home instead of going to the company’s gym.
Seokjin took a shower, feeling more determined than ever before, and headed to the living room to look for Jimin when he spotted Jungkook casually getting a cup of coffee.
“Lucky!” he whispered to himself. Jungkook always knew the whereabouts of all of the members. It was a habit he had developed since their debut after getting lost in the city and remembering that one of the members had plans nearby.
So, Seokjin asked Jungkook for Jimin’s location, stating that he was worried about his friend, which was true. Jungkook didn’t question him and told him that Jimin was at the dance studio getting an early start on their choreography. Seokjin realized that Jungkook knew why he was asking about Jimin from the relieved look on his face. Plus, everyone knew - even Jimin - that their conversation was inevitable. If they both wanted to move forward, they had to talk about the events that had caused them so much harm.
Seokjin thanked Jungkook for being so helpful and left the comfort of their dorm and headed to the agency. Hopefully, Jimin was still there, although he had a feeling his friend wouldn’t stop practicing even after he’d perfected it.
Remembering that Hoseok and Yoongi weren’t home yet, he texted them his location. He was still afraid of being by himself as the darkness in his heart always crept up on him. However, Seokjin wanted to be brave; he wanted to be stronger than his fear.
Seokjin informed his boyfriends that he was hanging out with Taehyung at the studio as he was trying to get back to his regular routine before their official schedule began. It was a lie. A white lie to prevent anyone from interfering with his conversation with Jimin. He wasn’t even sure if they would believe him, but Seokjin wasn’t too worried about it.
He had one mission in mind and there was nothing in this world that would stop him from patching things up with Jimin; no one, not even his boyfriends.
Entering the agency’s front lobby, Seokjin went up to the fourth floor where most of the practice rooms were located. He was starting to get nervous, but Seokjin knew he couldn’t back out; not when he was so close to accomplishing his goal.
As soon as he got out of the elevator, Seokjin stopped his movement. Anxiety had overtaken him as he stood there motionless. If he wanted to prevent himself from panicking before his conversation with Jimin, he needed to remind himself that he was in a safe place. Dr. Nari had previously told him that the first thing he needed to understand was that there weren’t any dangers near him; that his abusers were either dead or rotting in jail.
Seokjin knew that fact, but his mind and body always failed to believe it. First, he needed to take a deep breath, hold it, and exhale slowly, just like Dr. Nari had taught him. Seokjin did as he remembered and before he knew it, his mind started to become clear. Not entirely, but enough to get him moving to the practice room.
I can do this. It’s just Jimin, my sweet and adorable Jiminie, Seokjin thought, giving himself a pep talk. Having better control of his mind and body, Seokjin peeked into each practice room, unsure which one of them Jimin was in.
But luck was on his side, and after peeking his head on the third door, Seokjin heard a familiar tune. Jimin had a habit of practicing their old choreography before starting their newest. He wasn’t sure why. Seokjin supposed the familiarity of their old choreographies helped Jimin feel closer to their past struggles. Therefore, it motivated him into perfecting the new one. Everyone in the group had different methods when it came to learning and Jimin was no exception.
Entering the room as quietly as possible, so as not to disturb his friend, Seokjin walked to the far end of the room, away from the wall mirrors. Mirrors still brought up bad memories that he wanted to forget, so he avoided them like a plague. He wasn’t ready to face them...just yet.
Besides, Seokjin wanted to wait until Jimin stopped to take a break or catch his breath to make notice of his arrival. He watched as Jimin danced to the beat of the music - almost swan-like - and moved to express the emotions within. His face showed sadness mixed with pain and Seokjin wanted to help, somehow. The idea of Jimin being unhappy made him feel miserable.
The beat of the music came to a sudden stop and only the sound of Jimin breathing deeply was heard.
Seokjin knew it was time to make his presence known, but Seokjin was starting to get anxious again. A flash of memories came to his mind, but it was accompanied with guilt.
He knew what Jimin did was wrong - touching Seokjin inappropriately without his permission - but he knew that his friend’s intention wasn’t to make him feel scared but to try to alleviate some of his fears.
“Jin-Hyung?” he heard, making Seokjin realize that Jimin had noticed him, even if he tried his best to stay away from his view.
“Hey…”
“W-what brings you here? If Namjoon finds out I got close to you…I’m never going to hear the end of it. He’ll probably extend the restriction.”
“It’s okay, Jiminie. He has no right to scold you when this is between you and me. Besides, I think I’m in a better headspace than before. I’m ready to talk about what happened.” Seokjin said, signaling Jimin to come closer to him until they were both sitting down on the practice room floor. Jimin kept a distance between them, but Seokjin ignored it and scooted closer to him until their shoulders were touching.
The truth was that Seokjin wasn’t afraid of Jimin at all. When he reflected on the past events, having woken up having the younger hovering over Seokjin did bring a lot of bad memories, especially knowing that the same exact scenario happened the day Minho died. However, Jimin was not the same monster who tortured him every night, nor the abusers his ex-caregiver brought to exploit him sexually.
“You are?”
“Yes, but I’m not going to lie to you and tell you that I’m not feeling overwhelmed sitting next to you. What you did to me...you should never do that to anyone ever again. Even if you think it’s beneficial to the person, just like you witnessed, no one really knows how others would react.”
“I-I understand...and I’m so sorry hyung. I’m really sorry and I would never do that again. Thinking about it...touching you, believing you’ll get over your fear only because we are friends, was very ignorant of me. That’s not how I imagined it would happen.” Jimin apologized, voice shaking. Seokjin noticed how Jimin’s hands were trembling, trying to control his emotions. He felt a throbbing sensation in his heart for being the cause of his friend’s pain, however, this conversation needed to happen for both of their sakes.
“I accept your apology...just don’t do that ever again. It could be mentally damaging to the other person.”
“I won’t. I promise.” Jimin said to him. Seokjin proceeded to take Jimin’s hands and intertwined their fingers together. It had been a long time since he had willingly touched someone else - other than Hoseok and Yoongi - and it felt strange. He would be lying to himself if he said that he felt comfortable with being so near Jimin. Their bodies touched and Seokjin could feel the heat radiating from Jimin due to the intense workout his friend had been doing.
Still, looking back to his initial experience with him, Seokjin was making progress. An improvement that he only hoped would help him get past his struggles.
“So that’s it? You forgive me and then what?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, all of this seemed so easy. So fast. I didn’t expect the conversation to be so...so calm.” Jimin said, looking at Seokjin straight in the eyes. What was he supposed to do? Did Jimin want to argue? There was no way that was going to happen. All of their feelings were expressed so what was there else to do but try to get their relationship to how it was before.
“Do you want me to hit you?” Seokjin innocently asked, not sure what his teammate wanted to hear from him.
“Because if that’s the case...I mean, I could do it if that would make you feel better?”
Seokjin started to reposition himself on the floor in an angle where he could hit Jimin even though it was never going to happen. They would never resort to using violence. He brought his arm up - pretending he was going to go for a punch - Jimin immediately closed his eyes ready to accept his “punishment”. However, instead of hitting Jimin, Seokjin opted to flick a finger on his forehead.
“Ouch, that really hurts.”
“Then stop overthinking. We talked and made up. Nothing more and nothing else. Things don’t have to be so complicated. I’m just glad we were able to have a civil conversation. Now, what do you say we continue with dance practice? Do you want to teach me some of the new choreography?”
“I’d love to!!” Jimin cheerfully said, getting up from the floor with so much energy and walking to the middle of the practice room where they spent the rest of the afternoon going over the new choreography. Seokjin was content with the outcome of the conversation. It was simple and straight to the point, and now he could focus on completing his list before his next session with Dr. Nari.
The week went by in a flash and Seokjin was waiting to be called to see Dr. Nari, but there was one problem… he hadn’t completed the list at all. Heck, Seokjin didn’t even think about what else to put on it. Now he was certain his therapist would be angry at him. Not only did he fail miserably at his task, but it was the second time he had done so. Would she yell at him? Call him useless and stupid for not writing anything down? A lot of ideas went through his mind and Seokjin could feel himself tearing up. He hated that he was showing such vulnerability in public but what else was he supposed to do? Seokjin wished Hoseok and Yoongi were here with him to tell him everything was going to be alright, but once again, he’d opted for going by himself to therapy. Now, he couldn’t help but regret his decision.
“Seokjin? Oh my, come. Let’s get you inside my office.” Was the next thing Seokjin heard as he let the tears fall down his cheeks. He wasn’t able to contain his emotions anymore as the overwhelming feeling of missing his assignment only grew. The next thing he knew, Seokjin was standing up, wiping his face and sniffling his runny nose.
“Here, some tissues,” he heard, taking the tissue paper and blowing his nose. Seokjin couldn’t believe he had broken down in public, especially in front of his therapist. Now, what would she think of him? Probably conclude that he was a big crybaby.
“I-I’m so-sorry…” Seokjin apologized, taking big breaths as he tried to control his breathing. He could barely talk and felt like his throat was closing up as his cries intensified. It was strange how Seokjin could easily start to sob for such a simple reason.
“I’m...sorry. I’m sorry,” was all he could say. Only the sound of his cries could be heard in the room. Somehow he had managed to sit down, his head bent down. Dr. Nari was kneeling down on the floor in front of his chair trying to get a better view of Seokjin’s face. Besides, if she wasn’t so close to him, it would be impossible to understand what Seokjin was saying.
“It’s okay, Seokjin. Let it all out.”
“But it’s not o-okay.”
“What do you mean? Did something happen?” Dr. Nari said, worried in her voice.
“I-I forgot to...to do the assignment...again,” he confessed, letting out more tears. His shoulders shook as he cried and there was nothing he could about it. What would be Dr. Nari’s reaction now, knowing the truth? Was she going to tell him to not come back until his assignment was complete? He hoped not. Seokjin was starting to get used to the idea of having someone neutral to talk to.
“Oh Seokjin...here, let me get you some more tissues. Then, we can talk about it.”
Seokjin felt Dr. Nari get up and go to her desk, and then come back with a box full of tissues for him to use. He could barely tell where she was as the tears in his eyes clouded his vision, but the sound of her footsteps made him realize she had gone to her desk and sat down in her chair.
He used the tissues and wiped away the tears as he tried to control his emotions. Seokjin shouldn’t cry about such an insignificant reason - at least for him it was - and instead listen to what his therapist had to say.
“Feel a little better? It’s good to cry. It helps relieve the built up emotions inside of us.”
“Mm...sorry for crying so much and I’m sorry for not being able to complete the list.”
“About that list, first I want to remind you that these assignments I give you are not supposed to add to your day-to-day stress. The tasks I give you are not school work where they will be graded or are mandatory to pass the grade. I will never be angry or yell, or even be bothered by you missing them. Second, there’s probably a reason why you weren’t able to complete it. Isn’t there?” Dr. Nari asked him. Seokjin felt a mixture of relief and anxiety. He hated to waste other people’s time, so for him to not come prepared for his next session really made him feel terrible.
“But if I don’t have my assignment done...what will we talk about during our sessions? Isn’t that the point of all of this... to get the conversation started?”
“Seokjin, the point of these assignments is not for us to have something to talk about, but to help you reflect on what’s on your mind. Like right now, we’re talking about why you weren’t able to get the assignment completed and why it made you feel overwhelmed. It's as simple as that.”
Seokjin remained quiet as he listened to Dr. Nari talk about the reason why therapy wasn’t as straightforward as he thought it was. He wasn’t sure how to interpret such information. At least she wasn’t yelling at him, which was his first concern, or telling him to not come back anymore.
He knew he had to reply back to all of her comments, so he wiped away a few remaining tears with the tissues and cleared his throat. Hopefully his voice wouldn’t come out too shaky and rough.
“I see. Maybe I was overthinking everything. It’s just that writing the list wasn’t my priority this past week…”
“Why’s that? Did something happen?”
“Our comeback was announced and everyone - including myself - have been actively involved in getting everything ready. Plus, I needed to talk with Jimin - one of my co-workers.”
“Preparing for a comeback is definitely time-consuming. It’s understandable that you barely had time to sleep let alone work on the assignment.”
“Yeah…”
“Do you want to talk about why you needed to have a conversation with Jimin? Did something happen between you guys?” Dr. Nari asked him, taking a few notes while attentively trying to give him her full attention.
“You see, the same day we had our first meeting, Jimin did something that made me have a panic attack. His actions triggered my phobia and caused a lot of problems. Then, Namjoon asked for a meeting to talk about what happened and concluded it was best for Jimin to stay away from me...for the time being.”
“Ah I see. Did Jimin perhaps touch you? Was that the trigger that made you panic?”
“Yeah...but now it’s all good. I talked with Jimin and we came to a mutual understanding that what he did wasn’t the right thing and that his actions affected me to a degree of panic and he should never do it again,” he answered, feeling nervous. Was Dr. Nari judging him for being such a scaredy cat, even though she had previously stated this was a judgment free space?
“Were you the one who initiated the conversation?”
“Yes...was it bad? For me to get the courage to speak with him. I treasure our friendship so much that I didn’t know how I would live knowing we were fighting.”
“No, that was very brave of you and a good decision. It shows your love towards Jimin and that you’re willing to talk it out to overcome your fears.” Seokjin listened, feeling happy at her response.
The rest of the session consisted of Seokjin talking more about his conversation with Jimin and how he couldn’t concentrate on anything else until he reconciled with his friend.
At the end of therapy, Dr. Nary assigned him the same task - try to complete the fear list - for next week, even if it was just a single point, it would be considered a big progress.
He spent his drive back home thinking that therapy wasn’t so bad and feeling hopeful that by next week he’d get his assignment completed.
————-
Yoongi had been content with his life lately - Seokjin was going to therapy, Hoseok was gaining his leg mobility back and he was working on the upcoming album. Slowly, everything was going back to normal, or as normal as it could be. He was extremely happy that Seokjin wanted to move forward. It wasn’t going to be easy, and even at night, he knew his boyfriend still had nightmares by the tired look on Seokjin’s face in the morning, but they were all moving along.
He was currently on his way back home. Yoongi had finished a meeting with Namjoon and the producers about selecting the tracklist for the new album. It was concluded that all of them were going to have solo songs - which they were all told previously. He needed to remind Namjoon to talk with each member and see how the process of their new songs was going. Especially Seokjin and Jungkook, who had been the most affected by the recent events. Yoongi found it interesting that the name of their next album would be Love Yourself: Answer, which sent the message to their fans of finally loving themselves. Considering the events that lead to their temporary hiatus, it was perfect.
However, Yoongi wished that there was something more he could do to help the people he loved. But what could Yoongi plan to bring some kind of joy into their lives? Then he thought of something so simple that he couldn’t help but giggle as he got out of his car.
A party. A small celebration to gather up the members and unite them together. Besides, this could be a small get-together before they resumed their busy schedule. It was perfect.
Satisfied with his conclusion, making sure the doors of his car were locked, Yoongi walked to the elevator and into their shared apartment. He hoped that Seokjin or Jungkook were not home so he could talk with either Jimin or Taehyung about his plan. They were always enthusiastic about organizing parties and getting all of the materials needed.
“Oh Hyung, you’re back,” Yoongi heard as he entered the apartment. To his luck, it was Jimin all dressed up in his jogging outerwear.
“Perfect timing.”
“What?”
“Before you go. I need to talk with you,” he said, signaling Jimin into the living room. Both of them took a seat on the couch and Yoongi could see the worried expression on Jimin’s face. He supposed with the way his tone of voice came out, what he was going to say sounded serious. But in reality all he wanted to do was organize a small party.
“No need for you to make that face, nothing bad is happening. I just wanted to ask you if you could help me organize a small party for Seokjin and Jungkook.”
Yoongi stated, seeing the instant change on Jimin’s face and how bright his eyes lit up hearing his idea. He was glad that they were both on the same page.
“Yes!! Of course I’d love to help. Let me text Taehyung so he can help us out. Oh this is going to be so much fun. It’s been a while since we had a celebration party.”
Over the next few days, Jimin and Taehyung were on a mission to get everything ready; from the decorations to the small cake they were going to decorate. Everything was set up to bring a small amount of happiness to their two most precious members that had gone through a lot. Yoongi had instructed everyone to clear their individual schedules for the upcoming Saturday. He wanted the day to be devoted to preparing everything for the party, as well as to have someone distract Seokjin and Jungkook while they set up the decorations.
After a lot of discussion, they all concluded that Hoseok should be the perfect one to take Seokjin and Jungkook out for a walk to the park, at least until they were all done with setting up. His boyfriend immediately agreed and when Saturday morning came, Seokjin, Hoseok and Jungkook were out the door.
As soon as they were gone, the rest of the members quickly gathered around and divided up the tasks amongst themselves. Namjoon and Yoongi were given the assignment of decorating the living room - blowing up balloons, party strings and making sure the space was organized and clean - while Jimin and Taehyung were in charge of preparing the food and decorating the cake.
Everyone was so busy with their tasks that before they knew it, most of the morning had gone by. Yoongi and Namjoon were done with the living room preparations and were just waiting for Jimin and Taehyung to bring up the cake so they could decorate it.
“You can tell Hobari that he can come back home. This shouldn’t take long,” Jimin told him and Yoongi proceeded to text his boyfriend who replied back with a happy face emoji.
He couldn’t wait to see the surprised faces on Seokjin and Jungkook once they saw what they had all been planning out for them.
Twenty minutes later, they heard the front door opening and a series of voices resonated in the quiet room. They all decided to turn off the lights and hide behind the couch and then surprise Seokjin and Jungkook when they walked in the living room. Yoongi thought it was a good plan and to his surprise it worked.
Seokjin and Jungkook both were shocked by their sudden appearance, and a small part of Yoongi wondered if they didn’t trigger them. One of Dr. Nari’s informative articles popped up in his mind about triggers and how important it was to avoid them. Yoongi couldn’t help but feel guilty. Did they all remember to create a safe environment for them by getting rid of things that could make them remember bad memories? So far, everything seemed to work in their favor even if a small part of himself said otherwise. Yoongi was determined to make sure to keep his negative thoughts away because this celebration was meant to bring happy memories not more painful ones.
“Eat all you want. We brought all of your favorites and more!” Jimin told Seokjin and Jungkook who gathered around the small table that they had set up. It was filled with different kinds of foods like Jjajangmyeon, Tteokbokki, Gopchang, and Gimbap.
“Here Seokjin. Have some. The meat is so good,” he heard Hoseok say to their boyfriend, feeding him. Seokjin opened his mouth and let Hoseok give him all different kinds of food. Yoongi found the scene in front of him so adorable that he wished to cherish it with all of his heart. Taking out his phone, he secretly took some pictures of his boyfriends and friends.
Lately, he hadn’t had time to catch up with Seokjin about his therapy sessions with Dr. Nari. They were all busy, so Yoongi knew that Seokjin was keeping a distance due to their schedules. Yet, he could tell that seeing a therapist was starting to affect Seokjin in a positive way. His boyfriend seemed more determined and relaxed around others, especially after finding out that Seokjin approached Jimin and talked about the incident that happened between them. To say Yoongi was shocked was an understatement. He was beyond impressed about the way his boyfriend had had the courage to face his fears. He knew it wasn’t easy to come to the conclusion of speaking with Jimin, let alone by himself with no one else knowing about it.
Their future was starting to look better, and as he stared around the room at all of the members that he loved with all his heart and his two boyfriends, Yoongi knew that it was only the beginning of many good memories.
For the rest of the celebration, everyone used the time to update each other on their lives; what they had done outside of their official or individual schedules, and what their plans were for the time being. It was moments like these that felt like they were in the past. It wasn’t until Taehyung announced that it was time to cut the cake that Yoongi could sense something wasn’t right. He didn’t know what it meant, so he looked around the room until his eyes landed on Jungkook. The maknae of the group looked tense as if something was going through his mind.
Yoongi was about to ask him what was wrong when Taehyung came in from the kitchen with a knife, asking if Seokjin or Jungkook wanted to cut the cake.
Suddenly, Jungkook started to scream incoherent words while covering both of his ears. Everyone in the room started to panic. They weren’t sure what had caused Jungkook to react that way.
“Taehyung! The knife! Put it away!” Namjoon yelled, anger in his voice, scaring Taehyung who ran back to the kitchen without thinking about it. That was when Yoongi realized that they indeed forgot to get rid of all of the triggers. How could they forget such an important thing. Sharp objects weren’t allowed in the house due to Jungkook being reminded of the moment he had killed Minho.
Yoongi immediately glanced back at Seokjin. He wanted to make sure the knife didn’t affect him negatively either. But he felt a sense of relief knowing that Hoseok was by Seokjin’s side, hugging him and telling him that everything was going to be alright. Seeing Jungkook panicking probably caused his boyfriend to panic also.
Yoongi sat down next to Seokjin, placing a hand on his back drawing small circles.
“You’re safe. Hoseok and I are here,” he whispered, seeing Seokjin’s body shaking.
Yoongi glanced once more at Jungkook who was being escorted out of the living by Namjoon. It seemed that the panic attack was serious, but luckily Jungkook had Namjoon by his side.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make him panic. I honestly forgot that sharp objects could trigger him,” Taehyung confessed, looking guilty.
“It’s okay Tae. It happens. It happened to me with Jinnie-Hyung before. We just have to be more careful from now on,” Jimin said, hugging Taehyung.
Jimin was right. They needed to be more aware of their actions and surroundings. Anything could be a trigger for them, so the rest of the members needed to be careful.
Even though the idea of ending their celebration on such a bad note left a bad taste in his mouth, Yoongi was happy that he had initiated the party. Even if it was for a short amount of time, being together with all of the members brought him happiness and he hoped it was the same for the rest of them. Next time, they just needed to take more precautions to prevent any panic attacks.
Notes:
Let me know your thoughts and look forward to the next chapter 😊
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andDNA on Chapter 1 Sun 28 Apr 2019 02:59AM UTC
Last Edited Sun 28 Apr 2019 03:45AM UTC
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