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WILSON

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"I think he's sad."

"I think he has OCD"

"I think he was dropped on his head as a child."

 

Changkyun hears how they talk about him. He's quiet but he's not deaf.

He also knows they say it out of love, because no one else had ever even noticed he was hurting inside. He won't let anyone in. But his members... he's fallen for them. And he's learning to let them in.

It's all of those things they say, and none of those. There is an itch he wants to scratch and they can feel that about him too.

 

"I bet he just has some weird fetish."

"He likes smelling me. That's weird, right?"

"He cries at night."

"He needs to stop biting me. My mom even asked about the bruise on my bicep."

"I found a doctor's note for antidepressants in his stuff a few months ago."

"Has he been eating ok?"

"Do you know what he's been feeling?"

"He survived training. It's ok, he's strong."

 

His members know him so well, that it makes his heart beat strong enough to drown all the world in blood. He loves them so much.

He knows there's an ache inside himself, but it's always been there, so he shoves it under the proverbial rug and moves on. Keeps breathing. He has responsibilities and won't let some personal insecurity or whatever get in the team's way. He's just sorry to be worrying his members. The thing is, the closer they get, the more precious to him they are and the more he bleeds and the more it shows. In a vicious cycle.

He remembers everything and saves it.

But no matter if it's good or bad, it still hurts in some way.

 

"He's always been this way," they say.

"We would know if something was wrong. If something bad was going on with him. We would know."

 

He doesn't like worrying them. That's the worst.

Little bits of their conversations filter into his mind and stick to his brain. There should be a washing machine for his head, but he's afraid all it would do is tumble all his thoughts around, twist it all even worse and make it hurt more. It already feels like a tornado inside him. Some kind of natural disaster. Like an ice-age or stampeding butterflies. Something like that.

Whatever is making his heart hurt... hurts. Everything hurts. Kindness and sadness and frustration and everything in between.

He can't help remembering it all...

 

"He's such a sweetie. You know what he did for me the other day?"

"He's the only one that knows how to show a little respect around here."

"That child needs to learn some respect. And boundaries."

"He's hiding."

"He took so long in the bathroom it almost worried me."

"Have you read his latest lyrics?"

"I wonder if he's ever been in love."

"His mom told me he doesn't talk to her, he keeps his problems to himself."

"Annoyingly noble. He should just punch and shout or something. I'll take him to the gym and he can murder the punching bag."

"He fell asleep on my shoulder yesterday."

"I swear he was moaning in his bunk last night. That, or a cat died."

"He's so gross sometimes, I swear."

"He does laundry more than Kihyun."

"It's not the first time."

"That level of confidence is unhealthy."

"Can someone please tell him to use a different perfume than that one that crawls down my throat?"

"I'm never going drinking with him again!"

"I bet he could be one of those people who live on an island by themselves. Changkyun and Wilson."

"Listen, I'm only gonna say this once. That piercing is hot."

"People don't get tattoos like that just out of the blue."

"I called his mom to tell her he was ok. We're all ok."

"He's so easy to shop for. Is that normal?"

"He said he wanted to go, so I went."

"I wish I had the time to be lonely."

"He needs to stop working like that. Don't get me wrong, the music is good, but..."

"Whatever's bothering him is bothering me."

"I'm getting tired of that look on his face."

"Shut up. Like your arms are any bigger than a toothpick."

"You know those tight pants with the holes? I bought them from the stylists for him. He said he'd wear them."

"The little prick put salt in my coffee."

"He should smile more."

"Naked. Butt naked. What the fuck!"

"Don't you just want to hold him in your arms forever?"

"He needs a girlfriend."

"He needs you to not be a dick to him."

"—Changkyun?"

 

It goes on and on.

"...Ch-Changkyun?"

Oh.

Changkyun.

There's a hand touching him too, warm on his shoulder as the fingers press into him.

Changkyun finally looks up. "P-pardon?"

It's Jooheon, looking back at him with a concerned frown and a cute tilt of his head. Changkyun sniffles and wipes his face on his sleeve. He can't hide his tears if Jooheon has already caught him.

This mind had gone down the rabbit-hole again.

"What's wrong?" Jooheon asks him, and sits down beside him.

Changkyun had started crying on the couch, but now he's hugging his own knees, sitting on the floor at the foot of it. Couches are for normal people. The floor is for fools.

"You didn't hear me come in?"

Changkyun shakes his head. No, not this time. This time it felt like Jooheon had been in his head. He shouldn't be there; it feels unhealthy inside his own head. No one should be there, not even Changkyun. Either way, he shouldn't be leaking black sludge onto his members... Yet, if Jooheon is there, beside him, then maybe it's ok to rest against him, just for a little while.

Fresh tears spring forth, and Jooheon puts an arm around him and lets him cry.

It's not the first time they've found Changkyun crying on his own.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Changkyun shakes his head still. So Jooheon sighs and pulls him onto his lap, as if he's cradling a baby.

This is good. This feels so good that Changkyun curls into Jooheon's body further, breathing him in and shoving his nose in his chest. He smells like he's come back from the gym, or dance practice. His hair is clumpy too, from dry sweat. Jooheon hasn't showered yet.

Changkyun doesn't think when he reaches a timid hand up to touch him; but when sense catches up half-way into the motion, he pulls it back, knowing he shouldn't.

But it's too late, Jooheon had seen his hand creep closer and so he twines their fingers and kisses his hair. "Don't be shy. You can tell me anything."

It hurts when they love him, and it hurts being loved, and it hurts loving them in return.

He wants to not hurt. He just wants love.

He holds Jooheon tighter, until Jooheon repositions him again, making him straddle his legs so he can see his face and still keep him embraced. He wipes his thumb across Changkyun's tear-stained cheek, and is taken by surprise when Changkyun captures his wrist, licking the salty taste from his skin—

Shit. That had been weird. He shouldn't have done that. He's not thinking straight. "Sorry," Changkyun stumbles to say. His face burns with shame for having done something stupid like that.

They always catch him doing gross things like that.

"You're a little weird," Jooheon chuckles. "But we know that already," he says softly.

Changkyun knows this mood; they're always too nice to him. Even though it's evident Jooheon is slightly uncomfortable—he'd had just licked his thumb! Ugh.

The younger shakes his head. "I'm sorry." His head is bowed. His eyes follow how Jooheon's other thumb is rubbing comforting circles into his side. On the edge of his t-shirt.

"Why? Nothing to be sorry for," Jooheon returns, taking his face into both his hands and watching him closely. Trying to understand what makes their youngest so emotional in this moment.

Changkyun misses that hand on his waist, but this might be worse. Now he feels a lump in his airway if he avoids Jooheon's gaze, so he lets their eyes meet, and lets him see how fragile and torn he is right now. Jooheon, of course, pulls him closer,

"You've been heartbroken since I've known you. Can't you put some of it on me too? On any of us?"

Changkyun's lips curl up, because that's such a nice thought, but it's not one he can accept. It's ok though, they're ok, just like this.

"Should I call Hyungwon? You can talk to him instead."

"No, I think he's working. He had headphones jammed over his head."

"You mean he's not sleeping?" Jooheon jokes, and it makes Changkyun smile finally.

"Well, you never know," he replies cheekily. "That was over an hour ago."

Jooheon's hands wrap around his shoulders then and Changkyun can't take the weight of that caring gaze anymore. He falls into Jooheon's shoulder, where his nose can breathe him in, and that's where he wants to be as he calms down. He's determined to get his mind out of the darkness it had been in.

He doesn't like his own feelings. He knows his ideas about acceptance, love, sex, family, are weird; all of it is twisted together for him, and it's not normal. On the other hand, he's been filling a void in his heart with it and that's not right either. He sighs deeply and unfortunately it prompts Jooheon to ask him more questions.

"So who are you heartbroken over?"

"Who says I'm heartbroken?"

Jooheon chuckles. "I've only spent nearly every day for the last four years with you."

Changkyun scoffs, feeling defeated. He's never been asked this directly, this close to the truth of why he's been a mess his whole life. Maybe it's ok to say something small. They care for him after all; they know he's weird already and they haven't kicked him out of the group yet. So he sighs also, and takes a deep breath.

"Is it weird if I say I like more than one person?"

Jooheon pulls them apart, hands firm on Changkyun's slim shoulders, looking into his eyes with happy surprise. "You like someone?!" Changkyun bites his lip between his teeth. Maybe this wasn't a good idea to say anything. His cheeks color.

"Not exactly like that."

"They don't like you back?"

"Not like that either."

"I don't understand." He's chasing Changkyun's eyes but he won't meet his gaze anymore. Too shy. "Tell me who. Do I know them?"

Changkyun chews the inside of his cheek nervously, knowing he's in hot water now. "...You could say that."

—He could turn catatonic. He could fake it. It would be annoying and horrible, but it would get him out of this mess. ...And then Jooheon would tell whatever they're talking about now to Minhyuk, and Hoseok, and they would pester the shit out of him like children, until he gave up who his secret crush is. While Hyungwon jokes and prods him in the ribs, asking if she's hot, and Kihyun would stare back and reply that she's probably ugly and that's why he's not saying anything—

Damn. He's stepped in it now. He can't drag it on any longer. He's at a good place in his career if anything severe should happen between them, so he supposes his will has been made...

One more chance to escape: "Please don't ask."

Jooheon's smile is sad, a little pitiful, and remorseful that he's pushing Changkyun, but, "That hasn't worked so far, has it? Your whatever is getting worse, isn't it?"

"Maybe."

"So are you lonely?"

Changkyun shakes his head. But then he bites a lip and nods instead, a melancholy pinch between his eyebrows. "And not lonely." Both of them are the problem.

The other rapper does that cute tilt of his head again. He looks into Changkyun's eyes as deeply as he can and tries to ascertain some kind of conclusion from all the mess Changkyun has said. "Uh. So you like someone—two... Two girls, but they're your friends? So too close and far away at the same time."

Changkyun gulps. Yeah, that's pretty much it. Except he's about to put the last nail in his coffin:

"N-not girls," he says, voice breaking horribly in the middle and it comes out sounding like air by the last syllable.

He can feel the shock of this information shake the very air in Jooheon's lungs. "...What?" he says softly; he shouldn't jump to conclusions.

But Changkyun can see Jooheon's eyes flicker with fear, uncertainty, love, something, everything, he doesn't know... Changkyun's heart is breaking again and it clouds his vision. "It's not a-a crush," he says, voice trembling, unnaturally low even for him, as he takes Jooheon's hand in his. He wants to play with his fingers to calm down. "They pay attention. They care. I think."

These lighter kind of confessions lighten the concern on Jooheon's face too. And he watches Changkyun raise his hand and smell his wrist, having forgotten that something like that is weird because of how often Changkyun has done it. He curls his face into Jooheon's palm, like a cat, and then goes back to his wrist, peeking a tongue out to taste his skin, and maybe that's a little more weird. Jooheon lets him do it anyway. He's waiting for Changkyun to explain more.

But instead Changkyun is preoccupied with kissing Jooheon's wrist. He's not watching Jooheon's reactions. He's getting lost in his skin, pushing his lips onto the surface, feeling the texture, how the two surfaces press together. His lips move up his forearm, bending it and pulling Jooheon closer, so he can press his nose in and breathe in at the crook of his elbow—but this makes Jooheon laugh and push him away.

They meet eyes for a second, just a second, and Jooheon understands that Changkyun isn't kidding around. His friend goes for his neck next, breathing in deeply, and his exhale staggers like a jagged knife; so Jooheon worms arms around him. He doesn't get Changkyun. He gets him, but also doesn't. He can feel Changkyun's ache in his own heart and yet he doesn't understand...

Lips meet his neck, softly. Like when Changkyun had kissed up his wrist. But also not the same because Jooheon can feel his hot breath encircle him now and it makes him queasy. They're too close.

"Kyun..." he tries saying. But those lips kiss him again, fingers digging into his arms to hold him, and then he can feel Changkyun's tongue on him. Light, but not teasing. Changkyun is scoping out how much Jooheon will let him do. His nose is pressed into his skin, pushing up under his ear and he can hear all Changkyun's breaths—they're needy and hurt and no matter how weird this is, Jooheon won't move away. Changkyun has been weird like this before. Maybe not quite so broken like this, but this time he won't push him away. He feels like they're finally getting somewhere. So he can understand that last part of him, whatever he keeps locked away from them that makes him hurt so much.

They know he's hurting. They all know. He was broken when they got him in the mail. They tape him together where they can. It feels like all they can do.

Changkyun's breathing is choppy again, on the verge of tears, so he settles himself by biting down on the thick muscle of Jooheon's collar. He's shaking. Teeth and hot mouth cramped on the other rapper's flesh, he breathes through his nose and his heart beats only more wildly. Shit. He's supposed to calm down. He shouldn't... he shouldn't cross that line.

One thing in his mind, another in his heart. When his teeth come up off Jooheon's skin, the area is wet and he tastes him on his tongue and can't help dragging his tongue on him again. And again.

Kiss. And lick. And his fingers are trembling on Jooheon's arms too. He moves them higher, to his shoulders, pinning him to the edge of the couch, as he sits up closer, over his dick, so he's flush against Jooheon's front. Here, he can press his own dick into his abs, and take his friend's head into his hands, tilting it to run fingers though his hair one way, and then the other way... He kisses along Jooheon's jaw line, and inhales as much of him as he can and—fuck, he's so hard right now. He rubs himself against his body and presses closer still—he can't imagine what Jooheon must think of him right now, letting loose like this—his lips move up Jooheon's face and Jooheon can hear his breaths like foghorns in his head—this is too much. Changkyun is hard. He can feel him through their clothes.

"Kyun," he says finally, and pushes some space between them. "You ok?"

Changkyun is not ok.

"I really love them..." Changkyun says, so quietly, so broken, that Jooheon can barely hear him. Unlike a second ago when just his breath was blowing up his brain. Changkyun swallows thickly, and more tears streak down his face. Jooheon catches them with his thumbs and Changhyun finally looks him in the eyes. "I... I really love you," he says. It's so soft, so lovely, like no one has ever said to him before, that it makes Jooheon's heart flutter. He wonders if that's the right emotion to feel right now, but Changkyun has one more thing to say: "I feel like I finally found a home, you know?"

There are so many things that could mean, but Jooheon has no time to think of any of them.

Changkyun's tear-wet lips are against his suddenly, kissing him so sweetly, shaky hands framing his jaw, that he's frozen. They've never kissed this way before. There's a part in the back of his head that says he shouldn't be kissing his groupmate; but another part tells him that Changkyun's lips are like wet little pillows pressing against him...

Changkyun pauses when he realizes Jooheon isn't kissing him back—too scared to pull away but too anxious to keep kissing, he just keeps their mouths together, heart exploding in his chest, until he's nearly hyperventilating and fresh tears soak his cheeks and—suddenly Jooheon is kissing him then.

The taller rapper cradles his face and moves their lips, molding their mouths together into a real kiss, pulling Changkyun close to him again, even if he can feel his hardness this way; he tilts his head and presses a thumb along his jaw and kisses him deeper, more passionately, letting Changkyun crumble into his body, fall over him, melt into him, where he can breathe him in like he likes so much.

He loves this so much it hurts. His heart is beating in his throat, can't believe Jooheon is letting him do this, and yet he wants more. He opens his mouth to him, and goes searching for his tongue and Jooheon meets him, curling them together and Changkyun feels like crying again. He doesn't even know what kind of tears these are, but they're raining down his face as he licks deeper into Jooheon's mouth, more hungry to taste him, pressing him down, pressing onto him too—he wants everything—fuck, he tastes so good. Like sugar. Or drugs. This is what drugs must be like...

Fuck—his chest is tight, heart in his throat, pulse racing—his whole body is vibrating—Jooheon is holding him, arm secure around his waist, another in his hair, and fuck—he's just shaking so bad...

Jooheon stops their kiss. Everything is too hot, but not just that—Changkyun is so high and restless, he can feel his panic attack shaking his body. "Hey. Hey... it's ok. Calm down."

He soothes down Changkyun's arms. Their eyes are connected, his vision is shaky, lips trembling, all of him is hot like fire. He needs to calm down. Changkyun really is having a breakdown and Jooheon hasn't ever been this close to it before. Hoseok had hugged him, held him in his arms like a baby last time. That was over a year ago.

"Tell me what's wrong. It's ok, I'm right here," Jooheon says. "Damn... you're shaking like a leaf. I can get you water..."

"S-stay," Changkyun croaks, like the words barely escaped his throat. His lungs are running away from him, and his face keeps making strangled movements as he tries to hold back a million emotions. As Jooheon holds him, he can feel the shudders pull at his muscles, every part of him hurting, and Jooheon has no idea what to do. Changkyun's whole frame is shuddering worse than an earthquake, labored from drawing both too much and too little air into his lungs, far too quickly. And his eyes are so wide, Jooheon thinks he can fall into them.

"Please... please," he begs. "It's ok. Don't cry. Don't shake, I have you."

Changkyun ruptures into another stream of tears, and this time he shakes his head like a wet dog, his pain splattering on every surface, drenching Jooheon's heart—When he stops, his face is still doing that thing where every muscle seems conflicted on what emotion to express, still his lungs burn from too many inhales and exhales, his chin bobbing along with his bottom lip, swallowing repeatedly to force all his pain to stay down...

Minhyuk rushes to their side and neither had even noticed him come in; he's flush against Changkyun's back the second they realize he'd entered, immediately having jumped in to help—"Changkyunie, it's ok, calm down, we're here... we're here, it's ok," he soothes. His eyes are huge as they stare back at Jooheon over Changkyun's shoulder. "What's wrong? Why is he crying so bad?"

And it just spills from Changkyun's lips because he can't hold it in anymore:

"Mohae was—for our group."

Neither have any idea how to process that. Minhyuk had just walked into their dorm and recognized Changkyun's panic attack, while Jooheon is still on the part about trying to get him to calm down so they don't send him to the hospital—shit, he doesn't even know what happens if someone hyperventilates, what happens after?

"It's ok," Minhyuk says, rubbing palms up and down Changkyun's back. The youngest was burning, Jesus... "Breathe, ok?" His hands move to rubbing his arms, anything to get Changkyun off that ledge he was on.

There's nothing they can do but wait; and then it feels like it's too soon before Changkyun is still edgy but more in the realm of being able to have a conversation. Jooheon has been looking him in the eyes and somehow Changkyun's crazy feelings are starting to come through to him.

"Mohae... was for us?" he repeats, minutes later.

Minhyuk is confused. He comes around to sit at Jooheon's side so he can finally see Changkyun's face clearly. Damn, the boy looks a mess. His sweet eyes are shot, cheeks all kinds of blotchy colors, eyelashes made darker from wetness and framing the sadness within. You can see into his soul right now... Minhyuk came in at the peak of whatever was going on between the two. He takes Changkyun's fingers in his hand and massages between his knuckles like he knows the youngest likes.

"What does that mean, puppy?" The pet name isn't something Changkyun lets him use often, but he was near calling the poor boy 'baby', so 'puppy' is probably better. Minhyuk can't stand to see him hurt. His instinct is always to care for him and pet him and wrap him in hugs. He knows how much pain the youngest is hiding; it isn't fair that he keeps it shut away like that. Seeing it now so plainly is heartbreaking.

Changkyun's eyes haven't left Jooheon's though. He knows Jooheon gets it by now. He's not a brick. Changkyun isn't talking about a dedication.

But Jooheon bites his lip between his teeth. He has no idea what he's supposed to say.

And then he knows: "How much more do you want?"

Changkyun's eyes flicker, the light in them, something changes. "Everything," he says, and his voice sounds like it came from the clouds.

And so Jooheon pulls him into his mouth again, cups his cheek and kisses him, so he'll never cry again. He pulls him flush, pushing his tongue into his mouth and Changkyun moans against him—it sounds like sin—and Changkyun's mouth is hot, wet, soft, velvet, and Jooheon suddenly loves kissing him. He's always liked kissing, but with Changkyun he can get lost. Maybe he understands a little now. Because this is overwhelming. He holds him tight, holds and squeezes all the parts of his body that he can, just so Changkyun won't stop kissing him.

Minhyuk clears his throat. And he waits.

He clears his throat again to get their attention, and finally they stop to look at him, because they'd been making out and Changkyun had been grinding on Jooheon like an amusement park or something. Hello, he was still here. Right in front of their faces. He might be the most cavalier of their group, but this is too much even for him.

"Please explain. Please explain, because I don't get this," Minhyuk says, index finger indicating between the two rappers twined together. The switch from crying to kissing had been too sudden.

And that's when some sense comes back to Jooheon as well, and he gulps. "Uh... Changkyunie... Changkyunie is ok. Ok?" He's saying gibberish. He has no idea what to say to explain making out in plain sight with a groupmate.

Changkyun however, feels a little bolder, his breaths are unnaturally deep and forced, but he's getting himself under control a bit better, and so he reaches for Minhyuk's hand and pulls him closer. "I said a lot to Jooheon before this, and I don't want to say it again. Not right now."

"—He said nothing. Nearly nothing actually, before you got here."

But Changkyun talks past him. "I just love you. Ok? That's it," he says, staring squarely at Minhyuk now, and Minhyuk's eyebrows peak.

"We're still talking about... Mohae?"

"Yes." The youngest looks at him with love and devastation but also some kind of confidence that wasn't there before.

"Kyun..." Shit, he has no idea what to say either. "I love you but, that's a bit much, isn't it?"

"That's not the kind of thing I'm supposed to feel, right?"

Minhyuk's look says it all. He clutches at his forehead then, trying to dig up feelings within himself, so he can reply to this in a human way, so he's not just letting Changkyun talk at him, so he can really understand what makes him say these things. He feels assaulted with this kind of information. It's life-changing. It just got dropped on him. It's so sudden, if he's assembled Changkyun's meaning correctly...

There's so many memories flooding his brain, thinking back to clues, to moments that would explain this moment right now.

This has to be a joke, but it's not. Minhyuk knows it's not and it's crushing his heart the more he looks back at the youngest, as if he were the one having an attack right now: He breathes. He breathes... in and out.

"Kyun. Tell me, ok? You want more from me? Like... stuff? Is that what this is about?" He doesn't even know how to verbalize what the two had just done in front of him. Maybe he could kiss Changkyun too... Maybe. If that's what he wants... God, the more he thinks about this, he recognizes that this must be Changkyun's big heartbreak. Not what he'd been thinking at all. He thought the boy was depressed. "Are you depressed?" It leaves his mouth before he can think better of it. He cringes at how harsh it sounds to ask something like that so blatantly. "Do you need more love? Are we not giving you enough?"

"Just love me."

"I do love you. I love you so much, puppy. But—like that?"

"Not like that."

"Not like that?"

"Ok, maybe like that."

Minhyuk sighs. "You're serious, aren't you?"

Changkyun doesn't reply, but Minhyuk pulls him forward, until their lips are together. So softly. Just a peck that lingers. And then Minhyuk is looking him square in the eyes. Is this what Changkyun wants? Did he get it right? "I'll give you anything as long as you never scare me like that again. You don't know how much it hurts to see you in pain, ok? Just tell me. We'll do it. Ok? Anything." And his words are as solid as his voice.

The change in Changkyun's demeanor is like magic dust. He doesn't move, not really, but he swallows and licks his lips and makes the smallest of motions to pull Minhyuk close again.

"Min," he murmurs, voice lost in the air between them. His heart is on fire. How could Minhyuk say all that to him so cleanly? It was barely a second ago that Minhyuk had even walked in. How could he accept this so easily? It's heart-wrenchingly beautiful. "Min..."

And tears blossom in his eyes again. "Shit. Puppy, puppy, don't cry." It's a different feeling this time, but Minhyuk still wraps hands around him, thumbs brushing away the water streaking down his plump cheeks. Changkyun rubs his face into Minhyuk's palm just like a puppy, and Minhyuk comes closer. He looks down at Jooheon for just a moment—"Is this ok?" he asks, maybe Jooheon knows more. And Jooheon's reply is a tiny nod and an expression that negates it because he actually has no idea.

Changkyun is melting, blubbering suddenly. "Y-you're so—It's so—I don't know how it happened... It just hurts, and I can't. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry—"

Minhyuk kisses his temple. "Don't be sorry. Feelings are weird." He kisses under his eyes, catching some of the wetness with his mouth, kissing up into his hair, and then pulls his face into his chest. "But you are so weird," he laughs then, even when he knows he shouldn't. "What on Earth is in your mind? What happened today?"

The grasp Changkyun has on Minhyuk's sweater is threatening to tear the fabric. He still doesn't know how to explain himself; but the way Minhyuk smells, and the way he holds him, the sweet things he says, is all so comforting that... he's pulled into a strange place again. That la-la-land where it's ok to fall into the depth of his feelings. "MinMin," he begs. "I really love you... don't make me say more."

He's rubbing his flushed face into the softness of Minhyuk's sweater, but more importantly, Minhyuk's body, because he can feel and smell him, and how solid he is beneath his fingers and Changkyun isn't holding his sweater anymore, he's holding Minhyuk and he wants to kiss Minhyuk. He's wanted to kiss Minhyuk for years now; ever since the day he stomped down his own pain and told Changkyun it's not his fault for wanting to debut. It's not his fault the world is cruel. And it's not his fault this shitty industry plays games with their lives. They pinky-swore to be friends and Changkyun fell in love. He's kissing into Minhyuk's sweater, making a wet patch until Minhyuk realizes this and pulls his face up.

"Hey. Hey, you want kisses? Is that it?" He's careful, he can see how fragile Changkyun is right now. Barely stepped off a tightrope but still a thousand meters high.

"Min... I want everything. I'm so in love it hurts all the time. I don't know what to do with myself anymore, you have to believe me."

He's so serious. No amount of Minhyuk telling himself this isn't real is going to make time turn back. This is their new present, this is now. The doors to Changkyun's solitude have opened and he's about to walk through.

Still, Minhyuk can't say he's not scared. "I believe you... Take it slow."

The youngest doesn't know what slow is. He's done slow. He's waited his whole life. Fuck sewing the tears in his heart slowly, he can do a messy job, that part is barely a concern right now... The way he wants Minhyuk is like a bonfire, there's only so long to keep that shut away.

Changkyun has his tongue in Minhyuk's mouth before either of them even know it's happening—"Let me kiss you, please—" he's sobbing between their lips, begging for something he already has. "Please..." He's frantic in the way he pulls at Minhyuk's face, coming up on his knees to get closer to Minhyuk, pushing his hand under Minhyuk's soft sweater to feel his even softer skin. "I can't—" he's still blubbering, words fading into Minhyuk's mouth, and Minhyuk is letting him; he's kissing him back, even through his surprise. He's got a thumb making circles on the younger's cheek to calm him down again, even while trying to keep up with his tongue. He crawls closer to him—all better senses that tell him he shouldn't be making out with Changkyun, especially not when he's so emotional and distraught, having flown his mind—and he just twines his tongue with his however Changkyun wants; letting him move their mouths however he wants, no matter how deep, Minhyuk meets him. God, he'll burn up from this. Changkyun is so needy... He can literally feel all Changkyun's emotions; they're seeping into him, from how his nails are scratching up his torso, to that turbulence in his lungs, and those little whines deep in his throat. Minhyuk can feel himself fall into lust. It's dangerous.

He doesn't want to let go of Changkyun's kiss, that's the truth, but maybe he still has an inkling of sense in him to break away just enough to speak. He runs fingers through Changkyun's hair, pushing it back repeatedly so he'll look him in the eyes.

"I have you. We can do anything you want. We can go at any pace, ok? Please don't cry."

Though because he says this, Changkyun does exactly the opposite, eyes wet again—with sorry tears for making Minhyuk worry—and then he's licking past Minhyuk's mouth, nearly in his ear, turning into a puddle again. "I won't c-cry again," he says—that's highly doubtful. Changkyun doesn't cry in public, but he cries plenty by himself; Minhyuk isn't stupid. And also right now, when his voice had broken, right there, right over Minhyuk's heart it feels like—and fuck, he just can't take this—he pulls Changkyun's mouth back into his, and kisses as deeply as he knows how, needs to show him he's not alone.

"Baby, we have you. Ok?" he pleads with him. Changkyun's heartache is pulling him into a frenzy as well. It all makes his head spin. He wants to kiss him forever. As long as he's happy, Minhyuk is happy, that's how connected he feels right now.

"I won't cry," Changkyun speaks into his neck. Licking up the length of it and sending shivers down Minhyuk's spine.

Jooheon laughs. "Don't let him go for your neck. That's how he got me."

That makes Minhyuk look at him—right, he's not alone with Changkyun, Changkyun is literally still in Jooheon's lap—and his ears turn red with embarrassment. They shouldn't get carried away.

He turns back to Changkyun, to detach him from his neck. "Can you settle down?" he asks, as gently as he can. He's scolding a child. He's not trying to push their baby away, but Minhyuk is the oldest in the room and should be acting smarter. "I want you. You've paraded your hot little tongue all over me and I want you, but please, not now." His ears are burning scarlet, he can't believe he's saying all this, but it had dawned on him that this is a big deal and he needs to take it more seriously; can't get lost in Changkyun's plush and way-too-enticing mouth. Otherwise he'll just kiss him all day.

"But you believe me?"

"I believe you. I love you too," he says. "I love you very much. So much I can't believe I kissed you." He pecks Changkyun's lips again as affirmation, and continues, "But you're behaving wacky right now and I can't make out with you for an hour. So calm down."

It's unbelievable that Changkyun scoffs suddenly. "Shit. I'm not a child," he groans. "Ugh."

For a moment, he's gone back to the stoic Changkyun they all know, and this is enough for Minhyuk to pet his hair one last time and stand up. "You're ok, ok?"

"I'm fine, it's not like I'm gonna fuck you right now," he eye-rolls. And maybe that was TMI, because even as a joke, it went straight to Jooheon's dick. He's still straddling the line between all his emotions.

Minhyuk leaves them with a dubious eyebrow, but knows he needs to find Hyungwon—Hyungwon is home right now, right?

---

Hyungwon has headphones on, immersed in whatever on his laptop, essentially dead to the world. Even to Minhyuk because he doesn't see him until he's waving a hand in his face.

"Earth to Hyungwon!"

When the lanky model of their group pulls off his headphones, some of his music comes blaring into the space between them. He's got his eyebrows up, attention and curiosity on Minhyuk, who looks agitated in a way Hyungwon can read immediately isn't normal.

Minhyuk has started pacing the room in front of him instead of even talking yet. This must be serious. Even Minhyuk has a serious side and this is it. He saves his work and shuts off his music.

"Tell me. What happened?"

"I—" Minhyuk starts, and pauses. And starts again. "I—I honestly don't even know how to say this with words, it's so crazy. I came in here to tell you the world just got flipped upside down and I don't even know how to say it."

"Is it bad? How bad? Just tell me."

"Don't worry. Nobody died. It's not like that. It's not even bad actually, it's just..." Minhyuk pauses with his fingers against his lips, still tingling with sensation; he can feel the rush of what had happened in the other room still coursing through his body. He should feel sick, but he doesn't. It's like nothing he's ever felt before. He's kissed Changkyun. Jooheon had kissed Changkyun too. The moment felt... surreal. Crazy, and reckless, and disgusting even... He wonders if Hyungwon will be ok with this.

Either way, he needs to say it. They're all gonna know eventually, there's no way to keep this quiet.

"Don't freak out. Ok?"

"I'm not gonna freak out," Hyungwon eye-rolls. He makes a come-on gesture with his hand urging Minhyuk to just talk already. Haven't they known each other long enough to weather anything? Hyungwon obviously doesn't understand the gravity of what has just happened...

"It's just—it's not a normal thing. It's not anything you're probably thinking of." Hyungwon just raises an eyebrow at him again, unamused. "It's Changkyun... he kind of..." And Minhyuk swallows around the lump in his throat. "God, how do I say this—?"

"Ohmygod!" Hyungwon yells. "Just say it—!"

"—I kissed him."

"You... what?"

Suddenly Minhyuk has his face in his hands, shaking his head. "I kissed him. He was having a panic attack when I came home a few minutes ago—Jeez, I don't even know what time it is right now—And he was shaking like crazy, on Jooheon's lap—and I have no idea what the hell happened before that because that's when I came in. And he said—I don't even know how to say this part too, because it sounds crazy—" He makes erratic motions, his speech picking up speed the more he talks, "—he said Mohae was for our group. I think he means the seven of us, and he's not kidding. Next thing I knew he was kissing Jooheon—"

"He kissed Jooheon too?"

"—Don't interrupt. They were fucking making out—it was the hottest thing I've ever seen. It's insane, I know that, but he's so frazzled right now. You should see him. You should see him and you'll understand. He's so... so pretty. His face is a mess. He's shaking—he's literally crying buckets—"

"Minhyuk," Hyungwon stops him. He's come to wrap him in his arms. "I don't know about Changkyun, but you're shaking."

"Shit. Sorry," Minhyuk laughs. "Are you following what I'm saying?"

"So he snapped finally and kissed Jooheon and then you kissed him too?"

"Yes, basically. I think."

They stare at each other when words no longer seem capable of communicating the feelings they need to express, and as Hyungwon understands more, the calmer his eyes become. The gravity is sinking in, clamping over his heart. The young one's big heartbreak... it wasn't supposed to be like this. But he's known Minhyuk for half his life and if that's how Minhyuk looks into his eyes right now... he understands. Kind of.

The sigh Hyungwon heaves off his chest is like a giant boulder. "I should be grossed out or something shouldn't I?"

"I don't know. Should you?"

"Probably. But if you're talking about what I think you're talking about, then I'm honestly kind of happy he's not shutting everyone out anymore. It's been so damn long now. I don't get him at all..."

"Yeah. Well, here it is. Happy surprise I'm-sexually-attracted-to-my-own-teammates!" Ha. Ha.

Hyungwon sighs again. He hates having to wake up and be pragmatic. "He said that?"

"No. But I'm pretty sure that's what he means. Mohae only goes on and on about how much he wants to fuck someone. Well, that someone seems to be us."

Hyungwon stares at him a moment. "...You're sure you're not kidding right now? Because this isn't something to joke about."

He receives a smack across the shoulder. "I'm not kidding. I'm fucking hard from him—" Minhyuk growls with a lewd gesture down to his still semi-erection, and Hyungwon's eyes blow open like never before.

"Wow. You mean actually making out. Making-out with tongue and touching and shit."

"Yes! What other kind of making out do you know? God," Minhyuk scoffs.

Hyungwon rubs at his temples, then across the rest of his face. "Ok," he takes time before replying. "I'm supposed to find emotions and stuff to deal with this now?"

On the surface he's trying to fight off reality. But on the inside, he knows the truth already. It's not hard to absorb each others' feelings after being together so long. A whisper, a touch, a nuance... it doesn't take much for Hyungwon to see the future already—this new thing, it isn't easy. It's a reality that alters the very foundations of their group...

"He's ours. He's fragile. You know that."

"I know, I know. But this? Really?" He'd prefer if their life stayed easy. If this is real, if the implications of this thing are real...

"Go talk to him. Try not to hurt him."

"I'm not gonna hurt him! Who do you think I am?"

"You're insensitive sometimes."

"I'm better than Kihyun," Hyungwon grumbles. "Watch him put a fist through his jaw if he tries to kiss him."

Minhyuk reaches out to Hyungwon, asks to be held, and receives the embrace he needs to steady himself. Hyungwon pets his hair and sighs again.

...This is big, isn't it?

---

"Changkyun—you can't. They're right in the other room."

His warning isn't even heard. Changkyun is pulling at the crotch of Jooheon's pants, having trouble pulling his erection out past the fabric. "Just take these off," he begs. 

Jooheon is high on him, he's never been this way before, but having Changkyun frantic in his lap and in his mouth, with his teeth all over his neck and fingers up his shirt, and that hardness in his pants has made his mind fuzzy. It's transformative, mollifying, mind-bending, exciting. All the crazy things at once. He's trying desperately to cling to some common sense, but it's leaving fast. If Changkyun wants to drag his pants off, underwear too, then he wants that also. In the next second, Changkyun has pulled all his own clothes off too—all his fucking clothes off—and he sits back in Jooheon's lap completely unabashed by his nudity, pushing his face into Jooheon's neck like he's in heat.

Truthfully, he might be. Normal people don't react this way, not like this. Changkyun has his hands on Jooheon's dick immediately, tugs him thrice and then brings his hand up to his face—not to spit in it like normal people, but to smell it and moan from it. What the fuck?

"Kyun, don't. I need a shower."

Changkyun presses that same hand over his mouth to shut him up. "You're so fucking hot, don't you dare shower."

"Don't be gross." Jooheon talks but it's like someone else’s voice. He's hovering somewhere above his own body. His junior—his little brother—shouldn't be coming on to him. His mind is wavering between knowing how crazy this is, and knowing how badly he wants to please Changkyun right now. Even as he chastises Changkyun, he's enthralled, and gross is sexy, and up is down. It's not rational—Changkyun isn't either. 

He slinks down between Jooheon's legs to push his nose into the base of his erection. He gets maybe one good inhale of what feels like pheromones to him before Jooheon yanks him back up in alarm. Changkyun protests, "You have no idea how bad I want you in my mouth."

"—Kyun! Jesus!" Jooheon balks. It's bad enough they're so naked together. Granted, Jooheon still has a shirt on, but Changkyun doesn't even let him hide behind that—he's got it lifted over his head and thrown across the room before Jooheon can protest any more. Then Changkyun's tongue is in his mouth again, fingers on his nipples, and then down his torso leaving a trail of fire. Jooheon is so hard it hurts and it's all Changkyun's fault.

"I don't care," Changkyun whines. "I just don't care anymore. I want you. I've touched myself for three years now and I finally—"

"Just don't blow me. Not yet, ok?" Jooheon is too shy for that. He's trying to keep a last shred of dignity. "Come here. Just kiss."

But just kissing means Changkyun is spitting into his hand and curling it around both their dicks, making Jooheon's heart jump into his throat—then he pushes it back down with his tongue, because he's kissing like a tongue-fucking marathon. It doesn't even take a breath more before Jooheon is a moaning mess under him. What the hell was happening right now? No matter how he tries to hold back, it's all unraveling. He's letting Changkyun fist him, sloppy and fast like they're in grade school, and their kiss is so good too that he doesn't know which one feels better, but he definitely feels mentally impaired. The worst is how much he wants this, all of this, because Changkyun's need is his own now.

Of course, that's when Minhyuk and Hyungwon catch them.

"Fuck," Hyungwon's swear comes first, followed by a whole train of Minhyuk's.

"Are you fucking kidding me right now?" They're not even covering their eyes. "I left them fully clothed, by the way."

Changkyun completely ignores them, while Jooheon is too high to think about anything except Changkyun's body right now. This is really too much for him. Sense has abandoned him in favor of giving all his attention to Changkyun. It doesn't matter how wrong this is. Changkyun is his, and they take care of each other. Changkyun is taking care of both of them. Jooheon has never felt something so intense like Changkyun—more like a supernova instead of a person—An hour ago this was unthinkable. Now it's unavoidable. It's urgent...

The two older watch the youngest pair for a whole minute, walk all around them to see the action develop from all angles and then Hyungwon goes to fetch them the lube. As calm as ever, he places it at their side and flops down on the L-side of the couch where he can have a good view. "Knock yourselves out."

Minhyuk smacks him, then takes his phone to the other room. Of all their members, Hyungwon is the one who rides the waves best. Then Minhyuk. But in this kind of turbulence, he too needs to calm down. And he needs to tell the others. This can't wait. Their schedule says the rest of them should be at the company building right now. It won't take them more than ten minutes to get here. And then the sky can fall.

He takes a deep breath and types:

Come home. Personal thing. Bring the others.

Hoseok's reply is almost instant.

? ...On our way.

Still, it doesn't lighten the weight on Minhyuk's chest. He feels light-headed and heavy-hearted over Changkyun and all this business. Everything is moving so fast.

---

Ten minutes pass like ten seconds. Minhyuk is on the floor, sitting at Jooheon's side when the last three members of their group walk in.

And stop.

Minhyuk knows what view they have from where they are, and he swallows down his fear of whatever is about to happen.

Hoseok, Hyunwoo, and Kihyun are like the parents in their group, yet all their eyes are currently focused on one spot—probably childish to do so but they have good reason.

Don't look, Minhyuk wants to shout. But it's inevitable...

Changkyun is sitting on Jooheon's dick, their lips locked together, both ass-naked. From their vantage across the room, the three can see explicitly where the two youngest are joined. It's graphic. Pornographic. Disgusting. Unimaginable if they weren't stopped dead in their tracks by it.

Jooheon is fucking up into him slowly, Changkyun's pink rim stretched taught on him, glistening with whatever was making them slide together so well. Hyungwon looks like he has a content smile on his face where he's lazing on the couch admiring them, and Minhyuk is the only one who actually looks back at the three newcomers, with candid concern in his eyes—his index finger to his lips when he sees their shocked and angry faces, before they can make a sound in protest. The one soft look says so much to pacify them. Their expressions change to ones of worry and curiosity, drawing closer even in apprehension, needing an explanation, wanting to comfort.

This is something extreme, the tension of a tight-wire that's finally snapped.

Minhyuk gets up, and calls them into the other room quietly.

---

"I'm distraught," Minhyuk starts. He's jittery again and it's evident in his voice, now that he's forced to explain the unexplainable. Again. It feels even worse this time around. "I had to explain this to Hyungwon too—"

"Then maybe you know where to begin a little faster," Kihyun implores; a few seconds of suspended disbelief having dissolved, now that Minhyuk is a fine target for his outrage.

Hoseok has his bottom lip chewed painfully between his teeth but he places a consoling hand on Kihyun's shoulder to shut him up. Minhyuk needs to explain that—what's going on out there.

There's no real explaining it though... is there? Changkyun and Jooheon fucking, while Hyungwon and Minhyuk just lounged around them by the look of it... No pun, that feels like a hard thing to explain.

Minhyuk sighs and paces again.

How do you explain love? Minhyuk understands now. It hurts so deeply...

Yet Kihyun is badgering his skull—

"Fucking talk, or I'm going out there to slap sense into them!"

Hoseok puts that same hand on his shoulder but this time Kihyun throws him off in anger. But yeah, sure, he'll shut up. Let's hear it a little faster.

"You guys know how Changkyunie is. You know how his moods are..." Minhyuk sighs. He hopes it sounds relatable. A way to broach this monster he feels no capacity to tackle.

"It's his fault?" Kihyun chirps before he can stop himself and Hyunwoo swats him upside the head this time.

"I know, right? Little baby Changkyunie, all grown up, breaking rules," Minhyuk laughs, mirthlessly. Then sighs. Already he feels defeated. "I know you guys want the fastest explanation possible, so here it goes—"

---

When the four return to the living room, the happy couple are still in the same position they'd been left in, and Hyungwon is still watching them like it's a movie... Silently, Minhyuk takes his place beside Jooheon. The pleasure on both their faces is electric, and strange as it may be, Minhyuk wants to be near. Changkyun is magnetic.

All eyes on Changkyun and Jooheon. Mostly on Changkyun. That's their brother. But also a foreign being suddenly. Something curious. But they're gathered together, and perhaps that's what's important. Otherwise they're watching. Examining. Waiting. Unsure how to approach.

Jooheon might be delirious, but Changkyun can feel those eyes on him. He's felt them for years, every time his real emotions threatened too near to the surface. So he knows he's fallen off the deep end. He knows there's no return from what he's done now. They can all see it plainly.

"Did Minhyuk tell you I'm fucked in the head?"

"No. He said you've been hurting and we all know it," Hoseok replies. His words, though meant to soften the tension, actually echo perversely.

What happened is: Hoseok had pulled up on his phone Changkyun's original lyrics to Mohae, which had been even more graphic than what the album song turned into. There was a lot of lip-biting to stem the tide of swears at the end of reading. And then they agreed that there had been many suspect moments over the years to tell them that Changkyun needed them to take care of him—no matter how dark, twisted, and feisty he was, he still had the biggest heart they knew of, and they would take care of him. It was decided in a matter-of-fact way that needed little discussion. Yet short as it was, their conference left a ringing in all their ears; so talking again doesn't feel right yet.

"Ohhh. You guys had the talk."

"Not that much to talk about, in my opinion," Hyunwoo grunts as he finally takes a seat beside Hyungwon. And the other two gather on the opposite end of the couch past Minhyuk, creating a bubble of sorts to shelter the youngest two. It feels like the only thing they can do now: just gather and watch. Give the atmosphere a chance to settle. Albeit, uneasily. Trying to process what's before them, what little Minhyuk had said, in their own way. This affects all of them. They are seven and one at the same time; never before as vividly as now.

The only sounds are hitched breathing and beating hearts, as Changkyun moves smoothly atop Jooheon.

Even in the middle of watching sex though, Kihyun doesn't pull punches. He's the first to dive in and say, "Talk, Kyun. I wanna hear your side of this."

"I want this," is all Changkyun replies. He arches back, making waves with his body to get Jooheon's dick to rub inside exactly how he wants. He's getting the hang of how this kind of sex is supposed to feel, and between the seven of them, he feels no shame. Not anymore. His body is spread taught, so they can all see the snap of his hips, so sinful, like a buffet. Sweltering hot. Making them all twitch in their underwear just from watching—it's a new feeling, but undeniable. "Thiss." There's a slight hiss to his voice.

But Kihyun doesn't look satisfied. Turned on, yes, but not pleased with the lack of explanation.

"You wanna torture him for answers?" Hyungwon asks, in that lazy drawl of his. "It is what it is."

"Not torture. But... Kyun. Come on, use words."

"I said everything already. I'm broken. What more do you want?"

"No, baby, you're fine~" Minhyuk interjects to soothe. "You have us, ok?"

Kihyun makes a annoyed smacking sound with his mouth, but sighs in the end. He hasn't even complained about Minhyuk's stupid new nickname for the young one. "So this is just how it is now?"

"That's just how it is," Hoseok affirms, too calm. Entirely too calm. And it's enough to quell any last objections.

In the quiet, they watch the sensual undulations of Changkyun's body, and all the expressions playing over his face. Jooheon's hands are massaging up his thighs and abdomen, and he's meeting Changkyun's motions, but Changkyun is doing most of the work now. His little moans are just under his breath, always threatening to make a real sound, but he's not there yet. He wants this feeling for longer. He's calm. His soul feels better being joined this way. After a while, the emotions bubble all the way to the surface and he whines softly. "You have no idea how good this feels."

"Yeah?" Jooheon asks, with a tentative but toothy grin nonetheless. His eyes have been like stars shining for the younger one this whole time. He feels good, enough that his dimples pop. Changkyun makes him feel so loved it's like a thousand blankets; and if he feels good too, then he'll pull the whole tapestry of stars down from the sky for him. This experience is wild, but the more they bask in it the more it feels like heaven.

"I could do this forever," Changkyun says. "Please make this last forever." They way he talks is delicate and tugs at the heartstrings, full of so much need, so much love radiating off him. It fills the void left by the silence, in this room.

"I can't last forever," Jooheon chuckles, not in any rude way, still quietly, the way everything is right now, and Changkyun understands. He takes his hand and licks at his fingers.

"Want... you... so much," he says as his tongue drags along each of Jooheon's digits.

Minhyuk stands to shed his clothes then—at the reserved dismay of all who aren't Jooheon and Changkyun—and though he knows it's rushed, he can also feel Changkyun's heart beating and he wants to hold it safe. The tension is heightened even more awkwardly, but he's involved in this and can't pretend otherwise. Can't hold back because he understands. Naked now, like the pair entwined, he kisses Changkyun sensually and slowly, before he recovers his seat at their side.

"I can make it last longer for you. You want me too, right?"

From Changkyun's glassy eyes a lone tear escapes, thankful and raw from happiness, he blinks to keep more at bay. He nods, of course. His whole life, his whole life he's felt such a chasm inside himself that to have this now feels overwhelming. With every moment his members lie with him now, another band-aide is placed over his pain.

Jooheon pulls him back in close to his body and kisses over his face. "You promised not to cry."

"I'm sorry~"

"You wanna know how good you feel? I can tell you, because I'll never be able to be without you." Changkyun moans and shakes in his arms. "We love you. Your body too. You feel amazing. I'll kiss you every day."

"Do this with me too."

"This too. But I know the others want you too. You have all of us, ok?"

Hearing sweet words, no matter how saccharine, is so healing to Changkyun right now, that he whines and tightens around Jooheon's dick, pulling him deeper inside, trying to keep him near even with his body. He goes folding into his neck again, to smell and taste his skin again, to feel even more content in his home here. When he wakes up tomorrow, he'll feel shy again and act as calm as he can, return to his regular impassive expressions, but that can wait.

The new wave of kisses and sucking over Jooheon's neck, the slow drag over his cock for so long, the fireworks in his heart for this boy, has him panting, as this pleasure becomes overwhelming. He's struggling to keep it together now.

This wasn't a hard fuck. It was the softest Jooheon has ever had, but his heart is so full, and this event so monumental that he can't take it anymore. He traces hands across the planes of Changkyun's body to heighten the feeling between them.

"Can I come?" Jooheon whispers in his ear.

If it wasn't silent enough to hear a pin drop in the room, the others wouldn't have heard him as well, but they do, because they're watching intently. They see how gentle Jooheon is being with him. And Changkyun nods lightly. He whispers back to him, "Don't pull out." So Jooheon kisses his cheek and buries his face in Changkyun's neck.

When Jooheon comes in him, his cries are muffled in Changhyun's skin, and followed by kisses of thankfulness that make Changkyun whimper so sweetly.

And then Minhyuk lifts up their youngest and places him on his lap instead.

"Come'ere, baby Changkyunie," he says. "Come sit on me instead. I have you. You feel ok?"

Changkyun nods, a smile tweaking at the corner of his lips. He's dripping in Jooheon's semen when Minhyuk enters him, quickly so they don't waste valuable lubricant. So Changkyun has no time to feel empty. No, he feels so full and happy to be loved this way finally. Changkyun nods because he just wants to, and hides his face in Minhyuk's hair. He wants to scream from this feeling. Minhyuk is inside him! So fucking close inside his heart he might fucking cry again. That's why he needs Minhyuk's skin—to taste, to smell, to languish in and sate himself. The little puffs of his breath make Minhyuk shiver, but in return Minhyuk runs comforting hands over his spread thighs, encouraging the boy in his lap to relax more.

There are looks of disgust, discomfort, and perplexion around them—because one sex show was more than enough, but two? Right after? What was this, a gang-bang?—But Minhyuk knows how to soothe them all: "He's so pretty," he narrates. "And he feels so good on me." He's saying it for everyone, not just for Changkyun. He knows there are embers of lust around them, and he wants to fan them. He needs to, for Changkyun, for all of them now that they've arrived here. This uncomfortable tension needs to leave, and Minhyuk will make sure of it. "C'mon baby, tell me what you need and I'll give it to you..."

"Minn..." the youngest whines. Lips attached to Minhyuk's skin still. "You're inside me so deep..." He lets out a chest-rumbling sigh after saying that, and the shiver runs through all of them.

Changkyun's look is still timid, though he's brave enough now to chance a peek at the others around the room. He sees all their eyes on him, expressions milder than last time he'd looked. Yet a moment later he dives back into the security of Minhyuk's neck. Like a scared puppy. "He just needs to be held. Right?" Minhyuk coos at him. "He's so pretty, and we love him so much."

Hoseok is not the kind of person who can watch someone's heart on a platter and not feel affected. His own heart is in tangles because of what Changkyun has done today. Watching him suffer for so long, and the way he's still so shy to be loved is making him tear up also. Shit. No, it's not his time to cry. Hyungwon sees that look on his face and his eyebrow quirks at him for being a sappy bunny, but Hoseok can be strong today. He sniffles, then he slinks down to sit with Changkyun and Minhyuk on the floor at the foot of the couch where all the sex is gathered.

Hoseok pets his hair, where Changkyun is cradled in Minhyuk's arms. "Anything you want. What do you want? We can do anything," he says calmly. He's pushing himself to be brave.

It's Minhyuk that reacts first—a lengthy hiss of pleasure before he moans too. "—He got so tight on me when you said that, shit." He strokes down Changkyun's back and holds his ass apart to rut into him with more force. They've been fucking so quiet and slow that they were just rolling together, but Changkyun's body feels good. So good. Especially when he feels good in return. That's the goal: to help Changkyun feel whole, to be happy. That's what Minhyuk wants to see. Even if Changkyun is scared now, he's getting there; but there's still a war inside his head between wanting this, feeling fulfilled, and yet scared of having all his deepest emotions out in the open finally... These aren't normal feelings. You're not supposed to feel this way about your brothers.

"Hoseok," Changkyun mouths. It's audible, but quiet. "You're ok with me?"

"I'm ok with you. I love you. I'm surprised, but of course I love you."

When Changkyun turns his face to look at him, their eyes connect and Changkyun bites his lip. Minhyuk bounces him up and down his dick in more rapid succession now, the thrusts a little longer, those hands still keeping him spread. Minhyuk wants to show off his new treasure for all their members to see, while Changkyun is gaining the courage to be more vocal. They're moving together and Changkyun sighs from this content feeling spreading through him. Oh, this feels like how he'd fucked himself so good on Jooheon's dick at the very beginning, before they'd slowed down because he couldn't take it then. Except now he doesn't want to slow down anymore. This makes his thighs tremble from lust.

Hoseok can read these emotions on his face, so he encourages him with a hand that swipes through the youngest's bangs; but Changkyun is bold and captures that hand for himself, bringing it to his mouth to suck on two of the fingers. There's surprise around the room, and Hoseok lets out a puff of air, in sudden awe of Changkyun's behavior.

They're reminded of the time Changkyun had licked up and down Hoseok's entire forearm because of a dripping ice-cream cone. There had been a spark of lustful mischief in his eyes yet they'd all ignored it.

This is more than that now. He's licking Hoseok's fingers like they're an entirely different body part and it's erotic.

A mouthful of profanity is Minhyuk's blissful reaction to the visuals. Then he buries himself deeper in Changkyun's ass, petting up his sides too now, letting Changkyun take over their rhythm. "You're so hot, Kyun. We should have done this sooner. You're a little devil and you're making all of us want you, you know that?"

Minhyuk has his own way of making lewd swears sound like romantic sentiments, but he's not wrong. Clothed or not, they're all hard for him—no matter how much they shouldn't fall into this kind of black hole, they just know each other too well. When one of them jumps, the rest are with him. And all the feelings that come with it. They should take time to settle into their new reality, but the scene before them—as Minhyuk said, they want him too, in their own ways. You don't fight this.

Some may not be so vocal as Minhyuk, but they have him to say it for them.

Minhyuk's new endearment for their youngest spills from him like a mantra. It fills the room even louder than the meeting of their skin. "Baby, baby... you feel incredible riding me like this. You're so tight and soft and you've got such a pretty hole too."

"Jesus, Minhyuk," Kihyun flicks him over the head. "That's a bit much."

"You should feel him," Minhyuk returns, undeterred. "He's got the best little hole. The best sex of your life, I'm not even kidding. They way he pulls me on the inside, baby, you're incredible..."

Changkyun has his gaze set on Minhyuk now, taking his time with the languid rhythm he's set himself. Relishing in creating a wave of pleasure every time Minhyuk's dick rides his prostate. This is an entirely different pleasure than jacking off. It's low, radiant, something he's still getting used to; something he's lusting for and savoring. It's more subtle but so satisfying, and so deep at his core. He actually loves Minhyuk's attention and praise. Minhyuk could tell him such dirty things and it would only make him love him more. He drops down harder on his dick and it feels so good he nearly bites Hoseok's hand, whose fingertips are still hanging out of this mouth. Then he pauses to breathe for a moment; letting the heat of his breath spread over Hoseok, all the way down his spine. Then treats him once again like a pacifier.

The visuals are killing all the members again, so Hoseok removes his fingers from Changkyun's velvety mouth, and it makes the youngest look at him curiously; but it's not for long. Those fingers caress his cheek, coming to his chin and pulling him forward into a sweet first kiss. Their eyes flutter closed. Changkyun moans and pulls the elder closer, opening his mouth to him and welcoming him deeper. He whimpers like a candy confection when he tastes Hoseok's tongue, letting Hoseok curl with him. Hoseok is patient though; he cradles him, pours love into his mouth; kisses him so slowly that it feels like Changkyun is beating as one with his heart—

"You taste like Hoseok."

Hoseok smiles adoringly at him afterwards. "And you taste like Changkyunie."

Changkyun's eyes are so bright, but there's still sadness inside. Guilty for behaving this way, for being unable to hold his emotions to himself any longer. "You realize I've completely lost control, right?"

Hoseok only smiles at him, with pearly whites, and acceptance. Says, "That's ok. It doesn't matter anymore. Put it on us now. We have you." Because Changkyun has been alone for too long, and if this is in his heart, it's too much to lock away. "We want all of you."

It's the truth—Hoseok can feel it as surely as Minhyuk and Jooheon, likely the rest around the room. They're here now. There's nothing more for Changkyun to worry about or hold back from. He's trying to say that with his eyes, hopefully Changkyun understands by now. For a moment longer he holds their gaze, to make sure Changkyun is alright. Before they're joined again, because Changkyun has waited for so long and kissing Hoseok is heavenly. He needs to be joined.

And so another of them has fallen. Because Hoseok is soft, and irregular in his sexual preferences already, and kissing Changkyun is passionate beyond all dreams. The kind of love Hoseok never let himself believe could be real. Was this it?

Changkyun's mouth is wet, and his cheeks still have a million salt stains, and when Hoseok pulls away, he says, "I'll be right back." He needs to gather himself together, knowing he's about to do a whole lot more. Changkyun doesn't mind; he still has Minhyuk and four other pairs of eyes on him. Indeed, Hoseok is right back only seconds later, with a damp flowery-scented cleansing cloth he uses to wipe across Changkyun's face. Delicately over his features, contouring and caressing. To clean him up, because he's cried too much today. And that time is over now. "Minhyuk is right," he says, light as a feather. "You're very pretty. And not just like this. You're always pretty." His expression is caring; enlivened more when he sees Changkyun brightening up.

They've all known for a long time that Changkyun likes to be called pretty. They've teased him about it before. But now it's serious and heartfelt... because for them he is...

"So pretty," Minhyuk mimics. And Changkyun loves it so much he hides his face in Minhyuk's neck again, to hide a wide embarrassed smile this time.

But Hoseok takes his chin, makes him link eyes, and brushes his hair back. "You don't have to hide anymore. Not with us."

And Changkyun whimpers. Pulls a lip between his teeth and sucks in air, throws his head back and lets Minyuk handle him. God... if he can trust them with this, then he's complete. His heart is choking him, he needs this so much... Minhyuk gives him a constantly changing pace, letting him decide which he prefers, but Changkyun can't settle on which of all these fantastic activities he wants most. It's like his birthday has come. He looks beautiful with a smile on his face, creeping up the corners of his mouth and knitting his eyebrows when his little pleasured sounds escape his throat.

Jooheon, who had drifted into a content haze of just watching after his climax, gives Changkyun a kiss on the head, and the words, "Just feel good, Kyun. We don't want anything else from you." Then he moves off the floor to the couch, as Changkyun's lovesick eyes follow him.

Hoseok lays a finger to his chin to direct him again. Making sure the youngest knows what's happening when Hoseok kisses across his jaw, and then touches down his body with intent—takes his neglected erection in hand and pumps him in time to how Minhyuk is fucking him, holding him steady by the hips and rocking up into his body. "Do you like this?" Hoseok asks, because he's taking bold steps here. Changkyun nods. "Which part?"

Changkyun's words come easier now. "Being full. Tasting you. Kissing. Smelling," he answers.

Hoseok kisses his mouth as reward.

And then he's picking up the youngest, turns him around, so he's riding reverse on Minhyuk's dick, and Hoseok can lay over him and stroke them together and kiss him. Hoseok wants to show him how hard he's made him also. Like giving back, not just giving in. "You like this?"

Yes, Changkyun loves this new position. "I love you more."

Damn, the things he says melt your heart. Hoseok can't even try to contain or categorize him. With newfound vigor—because feeling this crazy love reciprocated is making his heart erupt in fireworks—Changkyun's kisses escape their mouths and travel to Hoseok's neck, as the eldest plays fingers in his hair. But too soon Changyun pushes him away to lay flat on his back on the livingroom floor.

Unexpectedly, their baby is taking control—he needs more. That's ok; Hoseok wants it.

Changkyun says, "Take clothing off," and Hoseok does. Until they're fully nude and Changkyun comes off Minhyuk's dick to go crawl over Hoseok on all fours, licking up his abs like his body is ice-cream. With his ass up in the air this way, the others can see how wet he is, how pink and erotic his asshole is, how it flutters when he clenches, and how just looking at that little pucker lets them know he wants to be filled again. Not just that, but the full erection hanging between his legs, makes the others want to care for him; his body simply begging to be touched.

Minhyuk runs a patient hand up his spine, not enough to interrupt whatever Changkyun is doing to Hoseok's torso, but enough to get some of his attention. "Do you still want me?" he asks.

Changkyun groans and hot air fans across Hoseok's skin. "Come inside me," Chungkyun replies. He looks back to Minhyuk for a moment. "Fuck me harder."

But Minhyuk still takes it easy on him when he reenters his body. It gives Changkyun all the time he needs to set the pace, get accustomed to Hoseok, pay his physique all the worship he wants. Minhyuk and Hoseok share a silent look. They're going to let Changkyun do what he wants. So with the eldest spread for him, and Changkyun clearly infatuated with Hoseok as his meal, no one says a word when his mouth lands overtop Hoseok's dick. He licks him from base to tip, lapping up the bead of precome at the tip and savoring it. Then sucks more earnestly, and that's when Hoseok's breath turns sharp in response. Changkyun bobs his head, swirls his tongue to drive Hoseok wild—but actually this is unlike any blowjob he's had before—Changkyun is coming back repeatedly to dig his tongue into Hoseok's slit where he's most pungent, and then when his mouth drags lower, to his balls, he digs his nose into him also, eager to savor his scent. He's clearly drunk with joy, in a sick way most people avoid, but Changkyun loves those elements most. He loves tastes, smells, anything unique to his lover, wants to wrap these things around himself like a scarf. Hoseok has been encouraging and careful with him for years, providing him with support and counseling and all the shoulders and ears he may need to feel secure about revealing himself. All he did was make Changkyun fall deeper in love with him. For being so patient, for letting him so close. For cradling him. He wants to do the same for Hoseok now. He's caring for his dick more than blowing him. It takes him a while to fall into a rhythm, until he arrives at the same timing to how Minhyuk drives into him—then Changkyun is rocked between their bodies, filled from both ends and it's exactly what Changkyun has been craving. His breathing is shot, whimpers coming more fervidly now. This is so good, he could cry again... But since he promised not to, he lifts up to look at Hoseok—his brother's expectant eyes already on him, and choosing to ignore the lewd amount of saliva shining on Changkyun's lips and chin.

"Will you fuck me too?" Changkyun asks, voice low and dangerous. He wants it badly. Wants all of them, so heart and body can align.

"If you want that, then I want that," Hoseok answers.

With that approval, Changkyun's mouth moves up his body then. He'll wait for Hoseok to come inside him also. Like a collection. So his tongue licks over other areas of him, plays with his nipples, sucking like a child on his mother, or a puppy with a chew-toy; at one point getting too harsh with his teeth and making Hoseok moan deeply.

"Do you wanna bite me?" Hoseok knows already, but he's giving permission.

When Hoseok inhales, Changkyun opens his mouth wider and bites his milky white pectoral, around his tortured nipple. He keeps his teeth clamped in the flesh for a minute—it stings but it's peaceful. And then there are defined dental imprints when he releases; he soothes the skin with his tongue and smells the damage. Then drags his tongue higher up, leaving plenty of wetness in his wake, tasting along Hoseok's collarbone next. Here he sinks his teeth into him hard enough to leave Hoseok winded. His teeth are sharp, and over bone they make red dents deep enough to leave a mark for days. It's a surprise he doesn't break skin—Hoseok has a feeling Changkyun might want to. When his teeth and mouth move up again, to the juncture of neck and shoulder and the thick muscle there, Hoseok encourages him. He breathes deeply to prepare for it. "Come on, bite." Bite harder. It's ok. Slow and deep, Changkyun's teeth sink in. They linger, clenched on his muscle as his tears return. He bites again, deeper. It hurts. It's enough to break skin but it hasn't yet, purely because it's slow.

"Hoseok, you're gonna have marks all over you," Kihyun warns. Hoseok is the worst member to mark up because he's the one that has his shirt off half the time.

"It's ok," Hoseok says. "This time it's ok." He'll deal with it, he'll cover them up. And even if they show, they're from Changkyun, so it's ok. He'll wear them proudly. Even if it spoils his image, it's ok because it's a black mark on his reputation and not Changkyun's.

Changkyun understands this, how much Hoseok cares for him.

"I-I r-really love you..." Changkyun sobs, and breaks down again. "F-fuck... fuck me harder," he cries for Minhyuk. His teeth all over Hoseok's neck and shoulders, breath tremoring over his wet skin, making Hoseok shiver, Minhyuk fucks him harder. And Hoseok holds him steady so Changkyun can take it. Doing this while Changkyun's face is so close—Hoseok can't help kissing him again.

But this new pace is more intense, he can't kiss properly with Minhyuk pounding his ass this way. Changkyun slinks down Hoseok's chest, needs to focus on just breathing. He finds what he needs when he struggles to lift one of Hoseok's arms, to shove his face and inhale deeply in his perpetually clean armpit.

Hoseok can't help laughing. "—Kyun, I'd let you, but I'm ticklish." He holds himself back from recoiling for Changkyun's sake; waits for him to lick up his armpit and bury his nose in him, but that still tickles too much. When Changkyun comes up, he's chuckling too. The low rumbles vibrate throughout his body, all the way to how he squeezes around Minhyuk.

"Fuck—baby, you feel incredible," Minhyuk tells Changkyun. And then clarifies for the rest of them, "He's clenching on me." Still Changkyun's face is hidden, crying in Hoseok's shoulder once more.

"Give him what he wants," Hoseok says softly, as he tucks strands of Changkyun's hair behind his ear. And Minhyuk fucks hardest now, no longer able to hold back his orgasm.

It's a tidal wave when Minhyuk comes, skin meeting skin like a slap in the face, his every muscle tensing in the moment for all to see. It makes it clear this isn't just about Changkyun anymore.

After he pulls out carefully, he slumps down devoid of energy. Now those members behind Changkyun, seated on the couch, can see Changkyun's hole again—stretched and fluttering, having trouble closing back up after a vigorous fucking. And yet more semen dripping from his opening and down his slender thighs.

Changkyun can feel the wetness crawl down his skin. It's sinful and he likes it, so he tries tasting some of whatever mixture of come is dripping down between his legs after Minhyuk—but is stopped by Kihyun.

"—Don't. Not from there." Kihyun takes him by the wrist and turns him around. Changkyun has wide eyes; he didn't expect Kihyun would say anything or touch him in any way. He thought Kihyun would have been the member most disgusted with him. And it's true there's hesitation on Kihyun's face, but there's also a painful look of love, as he takes Changkyun's hand and places it over his own straining erection. "You can taste here if you want. I can come for you. Do you want that?" he says.

Unsure if he should enter the action, maybe he was too brazen to offer such a thing, he waits. Then realizes he still needs to make the first move—the youngest isn't yet strong enough to break these kind of barriers for himself. So he takes Changkyun's chin and he leans forward to kiss him. His eyes slip shut, lips nearly trembling for submitting to Changkyun this way. It's otherworldly falling into this feeling, he feels it like electricity heating him from the core. So Kihyun kisses timidly, and so sweetly at first, because he cares. Of course he loves Changkyun. This whole night is tearing him up inside. No matter the fight within himself, the surest part is how much he wants Changkyun to find healing. If a kiss will do it, then he'll kiss Changkyun for eternity. It's evident when Changkyun understands; that's when Changkyun's feelings stampede all sense—and the youngest comes back at him with a force that rips the wind from his lungs and Kihyun comes up panting from their kiss. No longer holding anything back, Changkyun takes over—his tongue runs sideways on Kihyun's cheek and then over his ear, where Kihyun can hear his excited breaths.

"Y-you'll come in my mouth?"

Kihyun groans. "Fuck. Yes." He's sure they all heard Changkyun say that. Fuck... what has he gotten into? How can Changkyun want this?

But there's elation on his face, as he replies, "I love you." As if he couldn't say the words fast enough, they tumble from this mouth. He's so sincere in all the depraved things he does and it warps Kihyun's mind. He can't look away, like a car crash, even when Changkyun pulls away to give him room to pull off his pants and underwear and spread his legs. Kihyun feels like in a trance. He's seated on the couch with Changkyun between his thighs. His eyes are constantly searching for Changkyun's but the youngest is admiring Kihyun instead. "Shit, you've got a pretty dick too," he states, and Kihyun flushes in embarrassment.

He lays his chin on Kihyun's thigh, just inhales. Lets Kihyun give him permission before following through on his promise.

Kihyun sighs. There should be a law against this. He wanted to be so angry but it's not working. As he takes Changkyun's hand in his, he just needs a moment of closeness before Changkyun ravages his dick. Kihyun is sure already that he'll want him again. And again. That once won't be enough. And he'll want to fuck him too, and get Changkyun to cry in bliss, and he'll never want to let go. Because he's been rapt by all Changkyun's debauched little actions tonight, all his breaths, and his rollercoaster of emotions, so he understands the gravity of this all. A moment's pause before Atlas shrugs, letting the weight of the world fall to smithereens, is something Kihyun needs. He thumbs gently over Changkyun's knuckles, to ease a burden Changkyun has been feeling so long. He understands now; Kihyun feels it too.

Hoseok comes up behind their youngest, and kisses his shoulders and nape from behind. Butterfly kisses. Slow is good in this moment, and Changkyun takes this time to guide Hoseok to his entrance, lets him coat his shaft in the mess of slick between his legs. So Hoseok can feel ready too. And then as he sinks down over Hoseok's full dick, the eldest wraps loving arms around his waist. Changkyun whines audibly, newly sensitive for having taken too long a break, but sated by being filled once more. He braces hands on Kihyun's knees, looking up at him, begging for acceptance as Hoseok fucks him from behind. His head falls back onto Hoseok's firm body, and his eyes link with Kihyun's.

Changkyun's thighs are spread, knees bent on either side of Hoseok's. He's free and kindling this way, tension pooling in his groin, making his breaths chase each other. The proud erection between his legs bounces in time to Hoseok's rhythm, every thrust to his prostate making sweet puffs of air break from his throat. He's slim so every motion ripples over the muscles beneath his skin and Kihyun can see it all. His lips so red. Hair damp. Gaze so lustful. Changkyun is beautiful actually...

When he can't stand it anymore, being so close yet so far, Kihyun strokes his cheek and along his jaw, and nods.

Changkyun bends forward finally. Licks like a cat up Kihyun's length. Testing how Kihyun will react. He's taking the force of Hoseok's thrusts and still trying to be gentle for Kihyun. Thankfully Kihyun nods. And pets his hair, and it's enough encouragement for Changkyun to wrap his mouth fully over Kihyun's head. He makes it wet, savoring the taste and texture of Kihyun on his tongue. The weight of it especially makes him feral, as he fucks himself more hungrily on his member, urging Kihyun closer to pleasure as well. Wanting to please him with his tongue, with the way he hollows his cheeks, swirls and spits on him, licking him back down, flicking over that sensitive area below the head. Changkyun knows how to please. And how to tease. He makes Kihyun tremble as he watches him. He wouldn't change a thing about their youngest, weird as he may be, Kihyun loves him so much. And he craddles his jaw and spreads his legs more so Changkyun can suck him more comfortably.

Sharp feline eyes look up at him in contentment. Changkyun has wanted to taste and be filled by his members this way for years. The way Hoseok fucks him, bucks Changkyun forward onto Kihyun's dick, making him swallow him deeper each time; until Changkyun breaks past the last resistance and just lets him sink all the way down his throat. Even as he's coughing around the intrusion, he takes him even further on the next forward motion, until he's kissing the base of Kihyun's dick, nose pressed into the trimmed hair there. He moans so flagrantly here and it radiates over Kihyun, stuffed down his throat. Taking him this deep again, and again. It makes his throat raw, but he feels more complete to take them both to the hilt, so there's no more room and no escape, and barely any air—but when Changkyun is this high, air is negligible. He's lost in his own pleasure, nearly forgetting about Kihyun and how fast he brings him to a peak—until Kihyun is the one whining.

Mewling, "Kyun~ Kyun~ I'll come..."

And Changkyun hears him. He moans in reply and fucks him harder with his mouth, letting teeth scrape over him once in his zeal. This makes Kihyun lose the last of his restraint. He comes in ribbons over Changkyun's tongue—which Changkyun shows to him. He swallows half while milking the last drops of this blowjob. Then shows him his tongue coated in white; spits the remains back onto Kihyun's dick, only to have him shudder in oversensitivity as he licks it back up, and ultimately drinks everything Kihyun has to give him. He swallows visibly and presents his clean tongue this time. His eyes are fiery with ecstasy, as if Changkyun had come, not Kihyun.

Fuck, the boy is torturous. And nasty. But Kihyun is sad to be losing that gaze of his when he digs his face into Kihyun's spent dick instead. Here where Changkyun can still smell his release and loves it that way. But Hoseok's sex drives him forward, now unbounded, so that he's forced upwards on Kihyun's reclined body. His tongue drags up his torso as he moves, catching the taste of another member's sweat and skin, a unique personal aroma he loves learning. Until he's fully laying over Kihyun and making out with him in a breathy mess. As Hoseok fucks him harder. Kihyun can taste everything on his tongue; even how his heart hammers in his chest. With Changkyun climbed up into Kihyun's lap this way, Kihyun can be his brace. In this position, Kihyun can also take Changkyun in hand, and fist him in time to Hoseok's movements, so Changkyun flies high as a kite. Hand, dick, mouth, all coveting him, it's so much. If Kihyun wasn't helping to hold him, he'd have been pounded face-first into the couch by now. Hoseok is fucking him hard enough for the slapping sounds of their skin meeting to reverberate around the room. And Changkyun's mouth is trembling in his kiss with Kihyun. It's not a kiss so much as a way for Kihyun to muffle the constant stream of moans pouring from Changkyun. And if they're linked this way, then he knows Changkyun is still breathing.

"Do you want to come?" Kihyun asks the young one in his lap. He can feel his thighs tremoring too, from how close he is.

"O-only if you let me eat it," Changkyun replies. His voice is deliciously low, so much that Kihyun had not expected it. It's an assault to the ears to hear him so ragged, throat still raw from sucking cock roughly. Raw with sincerity too.

—If it's not one thing ripped straight from hell, it's another; never-ending with Changkyun.

Of course, Kihyun is even more shocked at the request. It goes against all his values. Something that depraved however—makes Kihyun wonder if Changkyun always eats his own come. He shoves down his own discomfort for this one time. Because even if Changkyun is nasty, he's sexy. He's theirs, and that's what matters most. He's been broken and this is how to heal him.

"We can do whatever you want," Kihyun promises. And he really means it. He pumps Changkyun through his release, making sure to catch all of it in his hand.

In his climax, Changkyun is breathtaking; taut like a statue for them all to admire—before he's trembling and convulsing, whimpering as he comes down, and it shows how fragile he really is. For his members who love him, he's lovely, like a gift. It makes a number of them stir, unconsciously gathering closer to him.

Hoseok stills inside him after. The look on his face says that it's torture to not come after feeling Changkyun's body spasm around him. But he stays still and lets Changkyun recover, and they all watch him lick his own come off Kihyun's fingers.

Changkyun is so deliberate about it, cleaning every last bit off Kihyun's digits. And even after, he's still sucking on the tips of those fingers. Because it's comfortable to play something in his mouth this way.

Hoseok gives him time. And then he says, "Changkyun, I'm so close. Where do you want me to come?"

"Inside me," Changkyun replies. Not missing a beat, no matter how relaxed he seems with Kihyun's fingers as his toy.

"You feel ok if I move, still?"

Hoseok rocks into him shallowly, to show him the difference. Actually Hoseok is right—he's sore and it hurts now. Changkyun should be done. Though none of the rest of them have been fucked in the ass, they know enough to be surprised when Changkyun still nods. There's an airy quality to his voice now. "Unless you want me to suck you off."

Minhyuk is smart to butt in with a quiet reminder—"Baby, that's not sanitary right now." But it's obvious Changkyun doesn't care about that at all, he probably likes it that why.

"So fuck me then. Come so good that I'll feel it in my mouth," Changkyun resolves; finally with enough strength to lift up and find himself a more comfortable position on the couch: laying nice and horizontal, letting everyone admire him with his thighs spread, dick already hard again.

That's when Kihyun gets up to pace around the room; because he needs to calm the heart beating savagely in his chest. He'd gotten swept up in the feeling of having Changkyun so close and it's mind-numbing. He needs to walk it off to find reality again.

It gives Hoseok room to find his place between Changkyun's legs again. He enters him gently, but Changkyun digs his nails into his ass and pulls him in tighter. So needy. Still heartbreaking for the members to see him this way.

"Hoseok, inside me, ok?"

"I know, I will. You feel incredible..."

"So do you. Make me full." Make me whole.

Hyunwoo is sitting near Changkyun's head now, looking down at him, so he runs fingers through his hair; feeling lucky to get to touch their youngest finally.

"You haven't had enough?" Hyunwoo speaks up.

"If you want to make me come again, you can fuck me too. I want more inside me," Changkyun replies, his eyes flicking up to look at the leader upside down. His eyes are hooded and dark with lust no matter the direction seen from. He's needy, but also blissed to be connected so intimately, and only heating up more; his senses more acute now that he's come once. Hoseok is kissing up his jugular as he rocks into him, and Changkyun feels the surrender in himself. His whole body is a puddle. Maybe it's supposed to feel this way.

Hyungwon whispers something in Hyunwoo's ear then. And though Hyunwoo comes away with a lip between his teeth, and Hyungwon with a raised eyebrow, Hyunwoo nods. And his ears turn red.

"Do you want all of us?" Hyungwon asks, his first words this whole time.

Changkyun's eyes close, as if he's never known such happiness in his life. He moans and shudders, and when he blinks his eyes open again, they're glassy with unshed tears. "Yeah, I want you too." And because he's the first member he can reach, he hugs Hoseok closer to him, a bit suddenly. He always needs his members closer. The elder makes a small oof-sound as he's forced to skip a beat of thrusts, but he pecks Changkyun's lips to say it's ok and continues—he's really so close. Changkyun's hands around his waist only make it better.

Hyunwoo moves to sit on the floor at Changkyun's side and kisses his forehead, pushing strands of his sweaty fringe from his face. Hyunwoo is concerned and careful with his touches. "I want you to be happy. And safe. We'll give you anything."

Changkyun moans, like gravel in his throat. And Hoseok spills within him because Changkyun's voice is lethal. He has enough leverage to shove Changkyun almost a meter across the couch in the last stretch of his orgasm, until Hyungwon has him wrapped in his arms and Changkyun is meowing and hissing and clawing up Hoseok's skin because he's so sensitive after having already come once that this nearly pulls him into a second—

Almost. He's shivering and quaking around Hoseok, milking him while shuddering from overstimulation, but still hasn't let him go. Changkyun settles them both by kissing up the elder's face and licking the sweat off his temples—But he'd held back. While Hoseok has had the most powerful orgasm of his life. He can't hold himself up and falls flat onto Changkyun; and this gives Changkyun a rest also, trapped between two members. Until Hyungwon detangles himself because he can't be crushed beneath two members, that's death.

The younger's hard dick is trapped between their bodies, but it's not unpleasant. Hoseok is resting, before he knows he needs to pull out—however, from what he's learned from Changkyun tonight, he can't do that yet, not before another member can take his place like Changkyun wants. His muscles are fried. Not even a workout at the gym tires him like this. Changkyun is satisfied though and that's what matters. He can feel his breath and nose in his hair, breathing him in, probably smelling how sticky he is with perspiration. And yeah, that's basically it. He turns his head to the side and sees Hyunwoo and Hyungwon getting naked. That's the last of the clothing any of them are wearing. All seven are naked now. Changkyun sees this too. He licks once more up Hoseok's wet neck and Hoseok gets off him finally.

The youngest moves to straddle Hyunwoo, who he pushes to lay on his back on the floor. He sinks down over him without hesitation and mewls at the feeling of another member's erection, chest rising with the deep satisfaction of being filled. Hyunwoo looks shocked to have this happen so quickly, so smoothly, but remains silent.

While Hyungwon lines up with his back; pushing his chest and hard length against the youngest's skin. "You want this too?" he asks softly into his ear. Because this was the plan.

Changkyun swallows thickly, already his mouth is too dry, needs something just a bit more from his members to sate him. He's so close to having it all, the way he's always dreamt. After fucking Hoseok, he could have fallen asleep; he's sore and happy and knows they're all with him and love him and everything he's wanted. But he's greedy too. So he nods and his head falls back on Hyungwon's shoulder. He can smell his neck this way. And he wants more.

"You sure you can take it?"

"You have to be inside me," Changkyun drawls.

Hyungwon wastes no time. He's pushing him forward onto Hyunwoo in the next moment, showing off where they're connected, where Changkyun is stretched taut around Hyunwoo's thick erection, and then prodding his own head against that rim. The squeeze in is mind-numbing and raw when Hyungwon manages to penetrate him too—it nearly has Changkyun yelling as he gets past that first resistance. Then Hyungwon moves slow; but two dicks is more than Changkyun felt ready for. This is way more intense—like he's being split in two. "Breathe," Hyungwon tells him, while Hyunwoo holds his ass spread and guides his motions this way. But Changkyun pants instead of breathes now, lungs in a vice, as his moans become pitched like the wails of a hurt animal; nails digging into Hyunwoo as he forces himself to take more.

"You ok?" Hyunwoo asks with concern. And though Changkyun's eyes are prickling with tears, he nods. Yes. Yes, this is perfect...

The pressure on his sore prostate is nearly painful, but even more is the way he's being stretched around the both of them. This hurts in such a good way. He's so full that he feels like he'll never be empty again. And it's the best feeling in the world.

Hyungwon massages his thighs to try to get him to relax more; he even runs a thumb up along Changkyun's rim where the stain is worst. While Hyunwoo's method is still pulling his ass apart to sit better inside him. They want him to be comfortable before they can fuck him properly, so they take their time and rock into him ever so slowly. Changkyun whimpers, tears creeping at the egdes of his eyes, but Hyungwon's lips are on his neck to soothe him. "Shhhh," Hyungwon whispers into his ear. "Shhh. It's ok. We have you."

The first to move more normally is Hyunwoo, whose dick practically punches Changkyun in the prostate because it's so tight, and the poor boy goes howling. Hyungwon gives Changkyun his fingers to suck on, to calm him down and quiet him, and takes over guiding the motions of their sex. It's obvious that Changkyun can't relax anymore from this on, so this is how they fuck him. Taut and near tears, blubbering over Hyungwon's fingers, drooling down his chin as he begs them for more. He says this is, "So good," and his voice is so small and desperate that the two elder members give him what he wants. Within the limits of not tearing his asshole, they fuck him down with force, holding him steady between them, paying attention to how he cries so they know it's still a good kind of pain. Yet neither can really imagine how he can find pleasure from this.

Hyungwon pets down his neck and chest when he can, to hold him flush against his chest; while Hyunwoo just watches his eyes. Changkyun focuses on breathing or else he's sure to run out of oxygen with his heart pushed so far up into his airway. He's nearly choking from how raw he feels all over; sensitive and trembling, he tries to hold on. No idea when he'll have this chance again. If ever. So even in his abused state he wants this to last.

Until he just can't hold back anymore. The pressure between his legs, flares into a white heat that breaks over his senses, muscles contracting at once, waves of this crashing one after another—he's rigid—then limp, wrecked from the force of his orgasm—like a ragdoll between his members. They hold him, bind him to reality still. But it's deathly tight for them now, Changkyun quaking around them both—"Kyun, what do you want? You're too tight."

"—No," Changkyun protests. "In me. Inside. Please..."

Minhyuk reaches a hand to one of Changkyun's trembling thighs. His special gift is being able to talk in that soothing tone; "Baby... it might hurt."

Changkyun makes a vague strangled noise of protest but shakes his head and pulls away from Hyungwon's firm grip. He falls onto Hyunwoo's chest—Hyunwoo who is dripping in sweat from this kind of sex, and kisses across his collarbones.

"Am I good? Do you like me?" he asks into Hyunwoo's wet skin.

"Love you," Hyunwoo replies, still winded from the impact of all this, even now that they're still. Sex has never been this tight in his entire life. Never this emotional either. He's never had someone literally drink the sweat off his body the way Changkyun is doing now. He wants to understand Changkyun, this desperation in him, really he does. So he meets his lips in a gentle kiss. Because Hyunwoo isn't great with words but he can show how he loves through actions.

And that's when Hyungwon kisses at Changkyun's nape and pulls out. "We don't wanna hurt you, ok?" he says against his ear.

The youngest objects, but Hyunwoo takes him by the hips and bounces him over his dick right after, so his complaints are hushed up in the impact of continued sex. Hyunwoo's trusts burn within him now, they both know it because they're looking right at each other. Yet nonetheless, Changkyun impales himself on his dick these last few times, driving Hyunwoo to fuck him hard, until Hyunwoo tenses, and Changkyun rides him through his climax. And after, when they're both over-sensitive. Hyunwoo is chuckling as he comes down from the high, because he's never had a high quite like this before.

For one, Hyunwoo doesn't fuck men. Two, he's never been alongside another in one hole. And three—just seriously, Changkyun is evil in the way he pulls you in, past all reason. It's too good. This is why you don't break rules; or else the world falls into chaos.

"You're e-evil, you know that?" He grips firmly onto Changkyun's hips and lifts him off his dick finally. He's smiling, but Hyunwoo isn't like Changkyun; he can't do the over-stimulation thing. He has no idea how Changkyun can take it. But his words are kind and Changkyun smiles at him in return, because he knows he's made the leader feel good.

They kiss idly for a few moments as Hyunwoo fully catches his breath, and then his eyes catch with Hyungwon's above, who's been waiting so patiently—the two of them flip Changkyun onto his back, so he's finally facing Hyungwon above him. Seeing him in this state is something of a shock for the youngest—Hyungwon is the last to come; he's hard and proud, lanky limbs on full display, with damp hair falling into his eyes, and plump lips parted from his labored breaths; fisting himself as Changkyun watches with wide eyes—probably since this is the first time he's seen a member actually jack off, and it's right there. This is not just a hushed whimper in the middle of the night, not something that can be ignored while they mind their own business. This time Changkyun has done this to Hyungwon and Hyungwon seems determined to make him remember. He's looking right at him, the effect of what Changkyun has done to him evident and aching between his legs. Glistening in however many other members' come, the slick of which he's using to pump his hand over himself. Come that had come from Changkyun's abused hole. Changkyun twitches just from being spread beneath the older model—he looks so good. And Hyungwon can see him tremble, waiting. They're building a connection just like this. Just from watching. Changkyun can feel the ghost of what Hyungwon is doing to himself. He's got his eyes fixed on Changkyun and Changkyun melts for him—if Hyungwon pleasures himself this way; if Changkyun knows it's for him, that Hyungwon loves him—he's salivating. It takes Hyungwon higher.

"Fuck, Kyun. You want this, right?"

Changkyun nods. Even licks his lips because Hyungwon looks delicious like this. If he had any more energy he'd want to take him in his mouth maybe, but watching him is good too.

Hyungwon breaks their lingering gaze first, bends to lick him from navel to neck, then speaks into his ear as he so likes. "I'll come all over you. You're so sexy," he praises. And Changkyun nods. He's soft for when Hyungwon says things so directly. Vocal and lewd is his style, so he can't help pulling Hyungwon into a scorching kiss, all tongue and heated breaths as Hyungwon reaches his climax and pulls back at his peak. He promised to come all over Changkyun and he does.

In his bliss, Hyungwon paints him in ribbons of come, all down his torso. And then Changkyun plays his hands in it, dragging Hyungwon's semen all the way up to his neck, as if to choke himself with it. Hyungwon watches the mess Changkyun makes of himself—they all do. He sees Hyunwoo's lips press to the youngest's temple, and he shakes the last drops he has onto Changkyun's body. Then he falls forward into his lips, crushing their mouths together, claiming his tongue and making Changkyun whine so pretty. Because Changkyun really is sexy beyond all limits and norms.

"Our beautiful canvas," he says between their lips, before stealing more fervid kisses from him. He could kiss Changkyun for ages, now that he's found this peace.

---

Sat around on the couch minutes later, now that they're all breathing normally again, Changkyun is seated at the center—right where they've positioned him, like a trophy on Minhyuk's lap—as Minhyuk tells him encouraging words, spoken into his hair as sweetly as only he can, and the others nod along.

He says things like, "Never be sad please," and, "We have you. Even like this," and, "Anything you need, we're together." Of course it's what Changkyun needs to hear. At least three others reach to squeeze various parts of Changkyun's body in affirmation as well. Because touch is so powerful a bond now.

But Changkyun waits. Quiet again, as he's been for the most part in this aftercare. Because what he really wants to ask is this: "Ok, but can I have this again?" Because he doesn't want this to be one time, and then they slip back into how it was before. No, he couldn't stand that. Even if it's selfish, he wants what they created together today, forever. Doesn't want it to dissolve. He wants to give himself and please his members in return. As he thinks about this, he forgets to doubt himself and that question finally slips off his tongue and into the room. Then he squeezes Minhyuk's hand so tight his knuckles turn white, because he needs the stability.

Minhyuk is kissing into his hair instantly, and petting him, replying, "All the time. We want you too."

But Changkyun wants to know from the others too. "Do you actually want me? Are you sure?" He's more timid as he looks at each of them in turn. He understands—they all understand—the weight of what Changkyun needs. Of what they've started. Of what they can no longer quell. They're in this together, no matter how they try to make light of it.

First to reply is Kihyun; who's the only one standing, right in front of their group, with a hand on a cocked hip. He's also the only one who bothered to put underwear back on. "I can make an exception for you," Kihyun says, almost flippantly. However, beneath the surface, it's anything but. He's agreeing to this new and completely fucked up relationship—walking into it with eyes wide open. But he'll try and keep his voice light for Changkyun's sake. And for the rest of them too, because he can see a few wet eyes around the room. "If gay sex is this hot. Gotta pay you back next time for that blowjob, right?" And he kicks at Changkyun's foot to get him to move on, because he can't say sentimental things very well. If they were alone, he'd have Changkyun on his back again already. To show him rather than tell. But right now isn't that time; and the members can read all the words he's not saying anyway.

Hoseok tugs Changkyun's hand to his lips, along with his attention, he lays a brief kiss over his metacarpals. He says only, "You're gorgeous when you're happy." Though Hoseok is the kind that would normally say a million words, this isn't the night. He'll make love to Changkyun again another day and whisper all the pretty words between them next time. It's a promise.

And then Jooheon, who's found his place at the foot of the couch again. He reaches for Changkyun's foot, kisses his ankle, and a flush spreads over his cheeks. "Stop it. We love you. I love you."

It makes Changkyun face heat up also. So he turns next to Hyungwon, even if just to pull his gaze away from how the rest are making him blush—even reaches out to him and Hyungwon links their fingers. "Don't be so insecure. We love you. Come to us from now on. Ok?"

Changkyun bites a lip and dips his head. "Ok."

"Seriously," Minhyuk punctuates. "Catch me in the shower any morning, and if you want, we'll get off together." Because he wouldn't be Minhyuk without volunteering extra information that no one asked for, which half of them groan at.

"Yes," Kihyun snorts. "Because that's our culprit who holds up the shower lineup to jack off in the mornings."

"Well, now there can be two of us. And if you want to join, you should be nicer."

Changkyun holds in his snicker. The banter lifts his mood.

"For me it's at night. After the gym," Hoseok proffers. There's a shrug in the loose way his shoulder bumps up. As if the topic has ended for him already. He's looking at his watch.

"Same," Hyunwoo murmurs. "After Jooheon falls asleep."

And Jooheon snorts out a real laugh. "I can hear you."

"Oh." Hyunwoo's face blossoms with embarrassment. But maybe it's good they're talking about this.

"Stop talking about this," Kihyun interjects though.

"Ok. But it's really-really ok?" Changkyun asks. "Because I didn't mean to..."

"We know," Hoseok says, and drags Changkyun to his feet, because this is done. They all need to go to bed and recoup tomorrow all the time they'd lost to this fuck-fest today. They have work to do.

Before Hoseok can steal him away to move on, Hyunwoo stands too, and catches Changkyun's wrist to get his full attention, curious eyes and all. He bites a lip timidly, looks straight back at their youngest, and asks, "Does—does it still hurt?" His other hand coming to rest over Changkyun's heart to show his meaning. Does your heart still hurt?

—No. No, he's more than fine. Especially since it's their clueless leader who's so sweet to him. Of course Changkyun smiles and shakes his head; for their whole group to know that he's ok now, at least for tonight. And then he lets Hoseok pull him into the showers to clean him up. Because he's a dirty boy with come all over him and a few tissues aren't nearly enough to make him fit for bed.

Afterwards, Jooheon steals him back, wet as he may be, because he's found love and wants to cuddle Changkyun selfishly tonight. And Kihyun yells at them to dry his damn hair or else mold will grow on their pillows.

And this is how everything is suddenly perfect.

Changkyun couldn't be happier.

---

 

THE END.