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Like the Real Thing

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“Engage privacy locks.” Kathryn gave a good long pause to make sure that order was enacted before continuing, “Begin program 5616 Alpha.”

A boring name that no one would think to look into, not that Kathryn hadn’t security locked every inch of this program’s code. Still, it never hurt to take precautions, especially in this instance.

A perfect replica of her quarters materialized around her. Kathryn, walked over to the bottle of champagne sitting in ice on her table; she knew it wasn’t real but it steadied her nerves none the less. She shouldn’t be doing this. She knew that, but at the same time she didn’t even care at this point, at least not in this moment.

The familiar beep of the door chimed before she’d even finished pouring a glass.


The doors slid open and there he was.

“Commander.” She acknowledged, “Please come in. What can I do for you?”

“Captain… Kathryn. I-”

And then she was in his arms as he crossed the distance between them in a few long strides and his strong hands were holding her, one across her shoulders and one at her waist. She tilted her face up into his, mouth opening against his tantalizing lips.

“Chakotay…” She murmured into his skin, pressing their foreheads together.

“I can’t stand it any longer... I had to come here.”

He recaptured her lips as she tangled her fingers in his dark hair. She arched her head back as he began kissing from her jawline down.

“I know. I can’t bear it anymore either… command structure be damned.” She gasped, pushing him back against the sofa. He took the hint and sat down, bringing her with him. She ground her hips down in a circular motion against him and he responded with a groan.

She leaned back, pulling off the cumbersome layers of the top half of her uniform, and then shifting her attention to doing the same for him. Pressing her body torso back against his, she was rewarded with the sensation of his hot skin against hers.

“You are so beautiful.” He told her, locking his eyes on hers and refusing to break contact as he reached around to unclasp her bra. She let that fall away and threw it behind her, before wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him fiercely, her newly exposed nipples stiff against his chest.

She tried to push out of her mind what kind of circumstances the holodeck had lifted these details about his reactions from. She didn’t want to know what kind of holo-scenarios Chakotay might be running in his spare time. If she did then she’d have to think about how unethical building this program had been in the first place, let alone using it. She’d told herself it was necessary, that she’d run the simulation once, get it out of her system, and that would kill the tension between them and keep the whole ship from being off balance due to top two officers’ interpersonal issues.

That was all well and good, but this was far from the first time she’d run this program. Simulating having sex with her first officer had done nothing to assuage her desires to have the real thing.

“Pants off.” She commanded, standing up to get rid of her own, only to have him reach up to do it for her, cupping her ass as he did.

“Let me help.” He said, looking up at her face as he kissed his way down one of her thighs from the hip, dragging her pants ahead of his lips.

He hooked his fingers under the edge of her panties, pulling them down and sliding down to the ground on his knees to get a better angle.

“Kathryn.” He groaned, following it up with the flat of his tongue against her clit. Her knees threatened to buckle in response.

Where did you learn to do that with your tongue, Chakotay? She wondered as his tongue curled inside of her skillfully, What kind of program are you running that the computer knows you do it?

Instead she steadied herself with one hand on his shoulder and the other in his hair.

“Chakotay!” She moaned as the pleasure overwhelmed her.

Kicking off her boots and the rest of her clothing from around her ankles, she slid down to undo his pants and push the rest of his clothing down, she guided him back onto the couch, straddling him so that his hard cock was lined up against the wet heat of her opening, arching her hips up she sank down onto him as she pressed the rest of their torsos together, her breath heavy against his ear as she shuddered with the pleasure of having him inside her.

He held her hips in his hands, rubbing slow circles against her sensitive skin.

Working her hips around him, her head fell back and he look the opportunity to lock his lips on the pulse point at her collarbone. She shifted her hips so that he pressed harder against her front wall as she rode him and their pelvises rubbed together, providing gentle stimulation to her clit.

His hands slid up her sides until he reached her breasts and pressed his thumbs against her nipples, the rest of his hands cupping and supporting.

She dug her fingers into his shoulders, increasing the force of her thrusts, orgasm building. Finally she spasmed around him, waves of euphoria drawn out and intensified as he spilled inside of her calling her name.

They were both still panting heavily as he cupped her face in his hand and began, “Kathryn, I lo-”

“End program.” Kathryn interrupted. She wasn’t sure where the computer was coming up with that declaration, but she certainly needed not to hear it. She needed not to make this feel any more real than it was.

Gathering up her clothes, Kathryn swore that she was going to delete this program and start practicing Vulcan meditation instead.



“Engage privacy locks.” Chakotay commanded, stepping into the holodeck, “Begin program Epsilon Delta Four.”

He’d barely stepped into the captain’s simulated quarters before she was on him, pressing him up against the doorframe with her kisses and her body.

“Chakotay…” Her voice was a low breathy moan.

“Kathryn…” He responded, placing his hands on her hips and lifting her up so that she was easier to kiss.

He hated himself for this weakness, this violation. He knew why they couldn’t be together; their situation here in the delta quadrant was too precarious to risk upsetting the command structure.

That was why he’d initially had the computer generate a holographic version of Kathryn based on her time in the holodeck. He needed some closure, to talk it out, but he knew that she needed him to remain silent and pretend they didn’t both notice the way he looked at her and how close they always ended up to one another.

His lack of discipline had been exposed when, instead of reacting to his declaration of love and desire with regret, holo-Kathryn had leaned in and kissed him, fingers running over his face sweetly, tracing his lips and his tattoo. He should have said end program. He should have deleted the damned thing. Instead he kissed her back. Instead he kept coming back to make love to a simulation of the woman he could never be with in real life.

“It’s getting harder.” He confessed, as much to himself as anything, nuzzling her face with his forehead, “Every day out there it is getting harder to act like I don’t love you, to keep my hands off of you…”

“You’re here now. Don’t think about that.” She replied, mouth insistent against his, “Let’s get to the bedroom, I don’t think my back can take another round on the floor or the table right now.”

He took turns with her, discarding one another’s clothing until they were both naked by the time they reached the bedroom.

Paralyzed for a moment, he drunk in the sight of her, all feminine curves and milky white skin.

He tried not to think about where the holodeck was pulling this data from, what kind of holoprograms or novels his captain might be running, after all he was already violating her privacy in running this one

He walked behind her, pressing their bodies together, kissing her neck. He carefully removed all the bobby pins from her beautiful hair, letting it fall free around her face and shoulders; with her hair down she always looked softer, more accessible.

She leaned her head back to meet his lips.

He reached around to massage her breasts with his hands, his growing erection pressing against her lower back.

She moaned and spun around, kissing him hard and guiding him back onto the bed, before crawling between his legs and sucking on his balls as her hand stroked the length of him, thumb circling the tip.

His body shook in enjoyment as his guilt took a back seat for the moment, propping himself up on his elbows so that he could see as well as feel her.

“My turn.” He groaned, feeling himself getting dangerously close, as he pulled her up his body, until she was sitting against his face, legs on either side of his head, arms braced on the wall.

“Chakotay!” She stifled the cry by biting down on her lip, as he pressed his tongue inside her, one hand on her hip and the other against her clit.

“Don’t hold back, Kathryn.” He begged into her skin, “Let me hear you…”

He was rewarded with a string of moans and whimpers, her husky voice calling out his name.

As they trailed off, he released his grip on her hip and she slid down his body, kissing him slowly and deeply, as she rubbed the length of him along the lips of her opening. He shuddered against her, the hot press of her body against his overwhelming.

She shifted her hips and sank down onto him, surrounding him and eclipsing the prior sensations. He moaned into her mouth, hands tracing the smooth skin of her curves, as they found their rhythm.

It didn’t take long before she was convulsing around him and he was filling her, their names a cacophony amidst the other sounds of pleasure.

She rested her head on his chest and he wrapped his arms around her, not willing to retreat from this fantasy just yet.

“It would be easier if I didn’t.” She whispered, almost inaudibly.

“If you didn’t what?” Chakotay asked.

“Need you so much.” She replied.

“Me too…” He agreed. How did the hologram know? He had to stop doing this. It wasn’t healthy and it wasn’t right.



Kathryn was considering ending this program and changing back out of the long silk night gown she’d brought. The fact that the Chakotay character hadn’t arrived and she’d been there almost ten minutes was a sign. She needed to stop doing this. It was unethical. It was counterproductive.

Then she heard the door slide open and he walked in, all broad shoulders, tan skin, and soulful gaze.

“Chakotay!” She almost choked, breathing him in as their wrapped their arms around her, the familiar scent was overwhelming, somehow more convincing than ever.

“Kathryn…” His lips were soft against hers as he cradled her cheek in his strong hand.

“You’re overdressed.” She smiled, pulling at the top layer of his uniform and enjoying his quick reaction: pulling it over his head, followed by the other two layers.

“I didn’t get the memo on the change of attire.” He raised his eyebrow playfully.

“If you want, I can go change back into my uniform.” She teased back.

“I didn’t say I didn’t like it.” He whispered, pulling her back against him and brushing her ear with his lips. She exhaled deeply, relaxing into the comfort of his embrace, make believe as it might be, “I happen to be a big fan.”

“And what would that be a fan of?”

“Your smile.” He started, kissing her lips, “Your hair. Your neck, especially that sensitive spot right there.”

He continued down her body, placing a kiss at every place he mentioned, and the list was exhaustive. By the time he made his way back up to her lips she was tingling everywhere.

“Of course that’s just your body. If could get into things like that face you make when an experiment doesn’t go the way you’d hoped or that thing you do with-”

She cut him off with a kiss: hard, deep, unrelenting, before sinking down to her knees and undoing his pants, mirroring his earlier kisses as she worked her way down his the insides of one thigh and calf and then back up the other leg. She licked her way from the base of his growing erection to the tip, hands massaging the tops of his legs.

“You mean this?” She grinned.

“Yes. That… Definitely that!” He gasped as she proceeded to take him in her mouth, swirling her tongue for added emphasis. She moved one hand down to cups his balls as she slid her mouth up and down his length, enjoying his strong bodily reaction and salty taste of him.

“I’m not going to last much longer if you keep that up.” He managed, between ragged breaths.

Slowing her movements, she rocked back on her ankles and let him help her up to her feet. He kicked free of his boots and the pants tangled around his ankles. Their mouths found each other once more, as his hands roamed all over her nightgown, feeling her stiff nipples and the warm wetness growing between her legs. The friction through the thin material was tantalizing.

“Table. Now.” Her words came out jerkily, as the need to feel him inside of her right now overwhelmed her. They walked together, her being led backwards by him as he pushed the hem of her nightgown up around her waist, their pelvises pressed together as her backside hit the table and she used that leverage to wrap her legs around him, arching her hips up until they were lined up and he slid easily inside of her.

Her head rolled back as she anchored her arms behind her on the table for leverage, and he peppered her neck and shoulders with kisses. She raked her hands through his hand and down his back, as their hips met with eager thrusts, pressing him as deeply inside of her as possible. Her reached up and cupped her breasts with his hands, keeping them from bouncing painfully and rubbing the nipples with slow circular movements through fabric.

“Chakotay!” She cried out, digging her fingers into his back as she hit her peak, squeezing so tightly around him.

Coming back to herself, she learned back a little, increasing the friction as they moved together and apart, the pressure increasing with their pace until he collapsed against her, pulsing deep inside of her. They stayed there, foreheads pressed together for a few moments, and then he pulled away.

She was surprised when he got down on his knees and buried his head between her legs, licking their combined juices from her body, and then continuing to use his hands and mouth, a palm against her clit, thumbs against her entrance and tongue curling against just the right spot until she collapsed back on the table, spent.

“I can’t get enough of you.” He murmured, standing back up and leaning over to kiss her, the taste of their collective orgasms still on his tongue.

“I could say the same.” She confessed, running her hands over his face.

“I suppose it is a good thing I love you.” He smiled, a smile that dropped as she flinched.

“Chakotay!” She called as he turned away. Sitting up she tried to find his eyes but for once he was looking away, “Wait. You know this is a poor idea as well as I do…”

Why was she even bothering. This wasn’t Chakotay. This was a hologram programmed to help her remember why she had to maintain her distance from the real Chakotay. Any more intimacy between them would completely erode whatever resolve she had left and how was she supposed to give orders to him after they’d exchanged I love yous?

“Why can’t you accept my love, Kathryn? I’m not asking for anything you don’t want to give. Even before this…” he gestured to their surroundings and post-coital state, “I was yours. I will always be yours, whether we are lovers or not. You will always command my respect and admiration, as well as my obedience.”

“Computer.” She choked down the tears that were threatening to well up in her eyes, “End program.”

The last thing she saw before the program dematerialized was Chakotay’s surprised expression, and expression which did not fade away with their surroundings.

“Chakotay?” She asked, realization suddenly dawning on her.

“Kathryn?” He stammered, recognition spreading across his face at the same time.

Her hands rushed to pull her clothing back into place, before realizing the ridiculousness of the situation.

“I suppose we have some things we need to discuss.”

“You could say that.” He agreed, reaching for his discarded pants.

Kathryn could feel the color spreading across her face. Shame and guilt hit her like a torpedo. She replayed the day’s encounter over in her mind, the added intensity, the tension. She should have known.

“I can’t even begin to excuse my actions. The explanation is actually worse than the situation at hand.”

“Let me guess. You created a holoprogram with a holographic version of me.” He suggested, pulling his pants back on and ruffling his hair embarrassedly.

“An impossible violation of your trust and privacy. I know.”

“Considering that I did exactly the same thing to you, I think we can call it even.” That explained his reactions, the fact that he hadn’t seemed surprised by her lack of preamble to throwing herself at him, “I’m sorry… I thought maybe I could resolve some things… without jeopardizing…”

“Before we agree to give up on apologizing to each other over this whole mess… Did you know it was the real me today?”

It was important that they move forward without any lingering deceptions. They’d tried it the other way and it had clearly failed.

“Not in the slightest. I mean today felt different...better... but I just assumed-”

“That you were falling deeper into the trap you’d set for yourself?” Kathryn pressed her fingertips against the bridge of her nose.

“Exactly. Which begs the question, how did we end up in the same program? I specifically asked for the one I created, and I assume you put privacy locks on yours like I did mine.”

“Naturally. I suppose we will have to investigate. Though if we do find a crewmember is responsible, we might not want to publicize the knowledge, given the circumstances."

“No one ever said we had to tell them why they are being assigned to scrub the manifolds with a toothbrush. Though… I suppose that depends on how our next conversation goes.”

Kathryn took a deep breath, meeting his eyes and the look of hope in them. Her feelings for him overcame her embarrassment.

“Well, I don’t suppose it would do any good to pretend this never happened. After all, that’s what got us here.”

“You know I’d never seek to take advantage…”

“I know. The fact remains that it’s complicated. Still, I guess we will have to work out the details later… in my quarters.”

“Good.” He smiled that special smile that was only for her, pulling on various layers of clothing, “I’ll bring some wine.”

“Half an hour?” She asked rhetorically, an uncontrollable grin spreading across both of their faces.

“I’ll be there. Besides, not that today hasn’t already been wonderful, but I had some ideas about what our first time might look like to make up for.”

She wrapped her hand around the back of his head, kissing him deeply with an open mouth, “I had some ideas as well.”

“I guess this explains some of the details my holoprogram picked up.” Chakotay grinned mischievously.

“I might have been able to resist, if I hadn’t experienced that tongue thing you do first hand.” She conceded.