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Silent Feelings

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“Why will the world let me have everything but you?” Rowoon thought as he watched Chani laughing with Taeyang.

 

Everyone knew that Rowoon loves and adores Chani. All the members, staffs, the fans. The proofs were everywhere. Every video from their fan meeting will contain at least a moment of Rowoon hugging or interacting with Chani.

 

However, no one really knew how much Rowoon loves and adore the younger man. No one knew that the love he has towards the younger were no longer a brotherly love.

 

Rowoon didn’t know how it started. All he knew was that, one day, Chani smiles make him feels funny inside. Every laughter coming out of the younger’s lips sounds like music to his ears. Every touch lingers and sends shiver down Rowoon’s spine.

 

“Rowoon-ssi, are you listening to what I said just now?”

 

Rowoon snapped out of his thoughts and were met with eight pairs of eyes staring at him.

 

“I’m sorry, hyung,” he laughed nervously at Youngbin who just sighed in defeat.

 

“As I said earlier, we will end the practice session here. Let’s do your best again tomorrow, alright? But for now, I want all of you to clean up, eat and get some good sleep,” Youngbin sternly told them.

 

‘Yes’ and ‘alright hyung’ were thrown at the leader’s direction. Everyone went to their bags to pack up for their things. Rowoon was too absorbed in packing up that he didn’t realise of the fact that Chani was standing next to him. He flinched slightly when Chani’s arm touched his slightly as the younger reached out to his bag.

 

“Oh. Sorry hyung,” the younger apologised.

 

“No, it’s alright. I’m just a little bit surprised, that’s all,” Rowoon assured. He mentally wanted to slap himself for scaring the younger.

 

Chani smiled at him and nodded. Rowoon would be lying if he said that it didn’t make his heart skip a beat.

 

 

“Rowoon-ah, are you really okay?” Inseong asked when Rowoon entered their dark shared room.

 

Rowoon stopped in his tracks. He really wanted to tell Inseong about it but he was scared that the older might thinks differently of him.

 

“Yes, I am, hyung,” he said as he went to his bunk.

 

“I know that you're actually not okay Rowoon-ah. So please tell hyung what's wrong,” Inseong demanded.

 

Rowoon sighed, “Promise that you won't tell anyone?”

 

Inseong nodded.

 

“I’m gay.”

 

“We all know that Rowoon-ah. You've told us that like a month after our debut remember? So please te-”

 

“And I'm in love with Chani,” Rowoon cut off.

 

It was silence. The only thing that can be heard were the light snoring from Dawon and Chani who was still deep in sleep, completely passed out due to exhaustion.

 

“Have you told him yet?” Inseong asked.

 

“Why would I do that hyung? He won't even want to look at me in the eyes anymore if I told him. I can't actually have him when he obviously doesn't feel the same way as I do,” Rowoon sadly said.

 

“Just try. You might never know what will happen,” the oldest of the group advised as he slipped under his blanket, leaving the tall guy to his own thoughts.

 

It was around 1am and Rowoon was still awake when a body slipped next to him.

 

“Chani?”.

 

“Who told you that you can’t have me? I’m yours whether you like it or not,” the maknae said as he cuddled closer into the other’s chest.