Today was Rey and Ben’s anniversary, and he had no idea.
Letting out a bitter laugh, Rey downed the rest of the wine in her glass, immediately grabbing the bottle for a refill. She’d passed tipsy about three glasses ago and was steadily working her way towards getting drunk enough that she couldn’t remember how pathetic she was.
Exactly one year ago today, she’d first laid eyes on Ben Solo when he’d strode in through the front door of Maz’s Bar, and that had been it for her. Rey’s gaze had been immediately drawn to his dark, windswept hair and his broad shoulders straining at the leather of his jacket, and she couldn’t look away. Then he’d gotten close enough that she could see that his eyes were a dark, expressive brown, his deep voice just slightly nervous and embarrassed as Poe introduced him to everyone, and she’d gone weak in the knees.
It had been one whole year of hopeless pining and endless daydreams. Twelves months of hating herself for never being brave enough to ask him on a date. Three hundred and sixty-five days of pathetic, unrequited love.
Rey snorted at that one, taking a healthy gulp of her wine. She wasn’t stupid or drunk enough to think that she actually loved Ben, no matter how much her friends like to tease her. Loving someone meant actually knowing them intimately, and the most intimate she’d gotten with him was being squished together in a booth and talking about childhood pets.
Setting her glass down, she grabbed the carton of ice cream from her coffee table, spooning a huge messy bite into her mouth. Chocolate was supposed to fix everything, right?
Her phone rang next to her and she squinted at the name for a second before caving and answering. Rose would just keep calling if she didn’t.
“Hey,” she mumbled, licking chocolate off of her spoon.
“Are you drunk?” Rose immediately questioned, whipping out her concerned mom voice.
Rey considered lying but didn’t think she was coherent enough to pull that off right now. Or cared enough, for that matter. “I may have had a bit to drink. I’m wallowing in self-pity, don’t judge me.”
“I’m not judging, I’m worried. You know how I feel about you crying over Ben when you haven’t even-“
“Yes, yes, I know,” Rey interrupted. “If we’re going to talk about how much of a coward I am, you’re gonna have to wait for me to refill my glass of wine.”
Rose’s voice immediately softened. “You’re not a coward, you’re just scared because you really like him. Maybe you should just drunk dial him and tell him how you feel. If it goes badly, we can all play it off as you being intoxicated and you can say you don’t even remember it.”
It said a lot about how much Rey had been drinking that she actually considered it for a second. Just for a second before reason set it.
“That is,” she said, “without a doubt, the worst idea you’ve ever had. And that includes our matching Halloween costumes last year.”
Rose snorted loudly, static crackling through the phone. “All I’m saying is, maybe a little liquid courage will give you the push you need.”
“Yeah, a nice push right into a blissful, drunken oblivion where I don’t have to think about Ben and his stupidly pretty face,” Rey muttered.
She got where Rose was coming from, she really did. They’d had this talk a million times, same with Finn and Poe. All three of her traitorous friends pushed her to go for it all the time, and constantly schemed terrible plans to get her and Ben together.
She loved and hated all of them.
“Listen,” Rey said before Rose could keep going. “I’m going to spend the rest of the night on the couch, drinking wine and eating ice cream until I inevitably cry myself to sleep.” It was supposed to come out jokingly, but fell flat since they both knew it was probably true.
The sound of muffled voices came through the speaker, which meant that Rose was probably explaining to Finn and Poe how pitiful she was being. They’d invited her out tonight to some club or bar, but she hadn’t been in the mood to have a good time. She needed to punish herself for being a spineless chicken.
“What are you wearing?” Rose suddenly asked.
Rey blinked, looking down at her pajamas and realized that she’d dripped ice cream on her shirt at some point. “Uh, my jammies? The ones with the kitties and rainbows.”
On the other end, someone, probably Poe, snickered loudly.
Rose shushed him. “Okay, maybe you should go change and get a little cleaned up.”
“What? Why? If you guys show up here, I’m not leaving. I already said-“
“No, no, we aren’t coming to get you.” An ominous pause followed. “Just- don’t be mad, I promise you’ll thank me later.”
Uh. What the hell did that mean? But Rose hung up before Rey could ask.
She looked down at her ice cream splatted top again then shrugged. Getting off the couch sounded really exhausting right now and when they showed up, because she wasn’t an idiot and they obviously were going to, they could see that she meant it about not going anywhere. If they thought she was going to let them push her out of here, they were about to be sorely disappointed.
Just to spite them, she had another glass of wine, nestling deeper into the couch.
Ten minutes went by, then twenty, and Rey started to get impatient. She wasn’t going to sit here all night, waiting for them to show up. Okay, technically, her plan had already been to sit here all night, but they didn’t know that for sure. What if she’d wanted to go to bed early, or have a depressing session with her vibrator?
An idea crossed her mind and she laughed to herself, getting up clumsily and going to her room. The floor decided to tilt slightly and she nearly stumbled, but caught herself on her door, giggling. It took a minute of digging through her closet, but finally, she found what she was looking for, holding the giant dildo up triumphantly.
It was an absurdly large, fleshy colored monstrosity that Poe had gotten her as a joke for her birthday a few months ago. He’d announced that it was the closest he could come to finding one in Ben’s size for her. He was lucky she hadn’t jabbed him in the throat with it.
She’d tucked it away, saving it for the perfect time to whip it out when Poe was least expecting it.
Back in the living room, she placed it on the coffee table, upright and in full view of anyone who came in. She hooked her phone up to the TV, then searched for some ridiculously over the top porn video that she could play when they came in. Twice, she had to stop because she was laughing so hard at the thought of the look on their faces, especially poor Finn, when they walked in on this.
It was another fifteen minutes before a knock sounded on the door, which Rey had spent drinking and finishing the last of her ice cream. The second she heard it, she pressed play on the video she’d picked, something entailing lots of bondage and potentially group sex.
“Use the key,” she called, wondering why Rose wasn’t just letting them in.
Another knock sounded and she groaned. Maybe Rose forgot her key here. Moans and the distinct sound of someone getting spanked filled the room as she climbed to her feet and went to get the door.
“You guys are interrupting-”
She got the door open and froze, heart screeching to a halt inside her chest.
“Uh, hi,” Ben said, looking a little uncertain. “Finn called and said you weren’t feeling well and asked if I’d stop by to-“ He cut off suddenly as his eyes drifted behind her and widened.
Rey spun around, already knowing what he was looking at. The dildo, proudly jutting up from her coffee table, like a terrifying declaration of her love for massive dicks.
When she whirled back to face him, he was bright red, staring very firmly at the wall next to the door.
“No, no, no,” she got out in a rush, feeling her own face heat up and the room spin dangerously. “That’s not mine! I mean, it is mine, but not to use. I couldn’t use that thing even if I wanted to. Not that I want to! It was supposed to be a joke, I thought you were-”
She stopped talking, covering her face in mortification.
“Why are you here?” she finally asked, working up the courage to peek at him.
He cleared his throat, lifting a grocery bag while refusing to meet her eyes. “Finn, uh, he called me and said you were sick. He asked me to bring you a few things and check up on you.”
Rey immediately knew what was going on. That dirty rotten bastard. This was the ultimate betrayal.
She stepped aside, gesturing into her apartment, narrowly missing hitting her hand on the door frame. “Come on in, I’ll explain.”
He walked in hesitantly as she shut the door behind him. Fleshy smacks and screams of pleasure came out of the TV, and his eyebrows lifted so high that they disappeared under the hair swooping over his forehead.
“Oh my god,” Rey mumbled, running over and pausing the video. “Listen, I know this looks-“ She stopped, snatching the dildo off of the table and running over to her bedroom door, throwing it across the room to land on the bed.
Ben was standing in the middle of her living room, looking borderline scarred for life. And she just stared at him, in her little girl pajamas with ice cream stains, wondering how the fuck she could possibly salvage this situation.
“Okay,” she finally sighed, plopping down on the couch and gesturing for him to do the same. He set the bag of stuff he’d brought her down, then joined her tentatively. She didn’t blame him, he was probably wondering what sort of kinky weird shit she did on this poor couch. “I’m sure this looks awful, like really awful, but I didn’t know you were coming over. I thought that Finn and Poe and Rose were stopping by to try and get me to go out with them, so I was just messing with them. I swear that was not at all what it looked like. Not even a teeny tiny bit.”
His blush was starting to fade and even while she was embarrassingly drunk, his beauty was still like a smack to the face.
“It’s fine,” he said, smiling slightly. “I’m sure it would have been really funny.”
Her breath whooshed out of her in relief. “That’s what I thought. I’m really sorry, I’m beyond embarrassed right now.”
Ben just shrugged, obviously trying to make her feel better, his face still tinged pink. “Don’t be, I was just… surprised. Why didn’t Finn tell you he’d asked me to come check up on you?”
She grimaced, not having thought of a good excuse yet. “I, uh- well, he didn’t say anything because I’m not actually sick. He lied to you, like the terrible, traitorous friend he is.”
His dark eyebrows came together in surprise. “Why would he lie to me?”
“Because, uhm, well…” Rey grabbed her wine glass and downed the contents in one gulp. Oh, fuck it. “This is kind of a setup? I can’t remember if that’s the right word. But I might have mentioned crushing on you a little bit over the last year, so they thought it would be funny to send you over. Friendship goals right there.”
Ben looked like he didn’t know what to say, pure shock on his face. “You’ve been into me? For a year?”
“Yep,” she replied, popping the word childishly. “Actually, one year exactly. Happy anniversary,” she told him sarcastically, lifting her glass in a mock toast, then remembered it was empty. “Hey, hand me that bottle, will you?”
He grabbed it off the table but didn’t hand it over, eyes roaming up and down her. “Are you sure you need another drink?”
Rey tried to roll her eyes but it made her too dizzy. “I’ve just been hideoulys betrayed and tricked by my so-called friends into telling you that I like you, and showing you my giant dildo, that I’d just like to say again, has never been in my body. Are you actually asking me if I need another drink?”
He thought for a second then refilled her glass. “Fair enough.”
“I knew I liked you for a reason,” she muttered.
They sat in quietly for a minute, the silence deafening. Ben wouldn’t stop staring at her, and she was trying her best not to stare back.
Rey suddenly felt unbearably sad, probably disgusting looking in her messy pajamas, sitting next to the guy who’d been tricked into showing up and then got her love confession dumped on him.
“I’m sorry you had to come here,” she sniffled, tears welling up in her eyes. “Finn is a big jerk for calling you.”
“Oh, Rey, no, don’t cry.” Ben reached towards her then stopped, looking helpless and pained. “Listen, I’m not upset. It’s okay, just- please don’t cry.”
She tried, she really did, but a few tears slipped out, hot as they slid down her cheeks. “It’s the wine,” she explained miserably.
Gently, he took her glass from her hand and set it on the table. “Let’s just be done with that for now then, okay? Do you want help getting to bed or something?”
Rey shook her head, wiping at her face. “I’m not tired.”
“Okay.” He glanced around, his pretty hair shining in the light and making her want to touch it. “Do you want to watch a movie or something? I can stay with you until you’re ready to go to bed.”
Watching a movie with him sounded like the best thing in the whole world just then. “You’re so sweet,” she told him, patting his arm. “But you can go home. You don’t have to stay here with me, though it’s very…” She had to stop and think for a second to find the word she was looking for. “Very chivalrous of you.”
Ben frowned at her. “I don’t feel comfortable leaving you alone right now. Why don’t we put on something to watch and I’ll stay here with you for a bit?”
Rey wasn’t sure if she was supposed to keep protesting, but the thought of having one nice thing happen tonight was too irresistible. And spending time with Ben always qualified as a nice thing.
“The remote’s on the side table,” she told him, grabbing her blanket and wrapping it around herself. Finn always said she made “couch nests”, but she just liked to be comfortable.
Ben turned on some British baking show, then got up and brought her back a glass of cold water, watching to make sure she drank some.
“Thank you,” she muttered, taking a few sips. “I should have known you’d choose a baking show.”
He glanced at the TV. “I can change it if you’d-”
“No, I just mean, I remember you told me you liked baking.” She closed her eyes, trying to pull up the memory. “You said that your favorite thing to bake was a breakfast quiche, a recipe that you got from your grandma. Grandma Penny, right?”
“Padme,” he corrected, but he was smiling softly at her and it made her breath catch. “And you told me that a pie for breakfast was fundamentally wrong on all levels.”
Laughing, Rey felt herself blush, heat spreading up her neck and to her cheeks. “In my defense, I didn’t know what a quiche was. You’re the one who described it as a breakfast pie, so of course, I was thinking something sweet.”
Though she was embarrassed, a huge part of her was screaming over the fact that he remembered their conversation. It had been a tiny, insignificant thing, small talk while they were waiting for their friends to show up, but he’d remembered.
“If you decide to still talk to me after this, you should make me that breakfast quiche sometime,” she told him.
Ben was quiet for a long second. “I’m not going to stop talking to you,” he told her, and there was something in his voice that she couldn’t put her finger on.
“It’s okay,” Rey said and she meant it. “I’m sure this is awkward for you, but it means a lot that you’re being nice to me.”
“I’m not-“ He cut himself off, shaking his head. “We can talk tomorrow, when you’re a bit more sober and likely to remember.”
She nodded; it made sense that he wouldn’t want to have to break her heart twice.
They watched the show in silence, until Rey started to get sleepy, her eyelids too heavy to keep open. She wasn’t quite sure how it happened but the next thing she knew, she was slumped over, her head on Ben’s shoulder.
“Sorry,” she mumbled, too tired to move.
He didn’t say anything, just lifted his arm so she could rest her head more comfortably, draping it across the back of the cushions.
Rey fell asleep with his arm around her, matching her breathing to the steady rise and fall of his chest.
“Ugghhh.” Rey opened her eyes blearily, squinting at the bright light streaming in through her bedroom window. Her head was heavy and her mouth felt like a sandbox, dry and gritty beyond belief.
Last night was fuzzy, and she struggled to sort through her memories as she sat up, the room spinning. As things started coming back, she felt like she was going to be sick. But first, she was going to murder her friends.
She couldn’t remember how she got to her room though, and as she managed to get out of bed and stagger to her feet, she noticed a glass of water and two aspirin on her bedside table. Maybe Rose came home and took pity on her.
Gulping down the cool water, it took Rey a minute to realize that she smelled something cooking. Rose never cooked so maybe the guys had stayed the night.
As she stumbled out into the kitchen though, raking her hands through her mess of hair, Ben was at the stove. A startled squeak escaped her before she could hold it back and he spun around quickly, wooden spoon in hand.
“Oh,” he said, looking surprised despite the fact that he was the one currently cooking in her kitchen. “Good morning, how are you feeling?”
She crossed her arms, resisting the urge to run away and hide. As it was, she couldn’t even look him in the eye. “Uh, confused. And hungover. What are you still doing here?”
“Making you breakfast.” Ben hesitated, shifting from foot to foot. “I’m guessing you don’t remember asking me to stay last night.”
And this would be a great time for the ground to open up and swallow her whole. Now that he mentioned it, his hair was definitely rocking a bedhead look and his shirt was wrinkled.
“Nope, I definitely don’t remember that.”
“Ah, well, you uh-“ He turned back to the stove to stir something in a pan, but Rey guessed he just didn’t want to look at her. “You fell asleep and I carried you to your bed, but then you woke up and started begging me to stay. You… well, you were crying and talking about how everyone always leaves…” He trailed off, shrugging. “I just slept on the couch and thought you’d be hungry when you woke up.”
Rey covered her face, not sure which was worse; the fact that she’d drunkenly cried all over Ben, or that she didn’t remember him carrying her to bed.
“I am so sorry,” she apologized, voice muffled by her hands. “I don’t even know what to say. I’m just mortified beyond belief.”
“It’s okay.” Ben’s voice was tense despite his words, and the ones that followed made her feel sick. “We should probably talk though.”
They did, but Rey needed a few minutes alone to try and get her thoughts straight. Her head was still spinning and her mouth felt disgusting beyond words.
“Do you mind if I grab a quick shower first?” she asked, not wanting to force him to be here any longer than necessary, but still hoping he said yes.
Ben was nodding as he stirred. “Of course. This will probably be done by the time you get out, so that’s perfect.”
She practically ran to her room, relieved to get away from him. Grabbing a change of clothes and her phone, she went to the bathroom and locked the door, turning on the shower and filling the room with steam.
As she brushed her teeth, she checked her phone. There were at least a dozen missed messages from her friends; Rose letting her know that she wasn’t going to be coming home, Finn begging her not to be mad at him, and Poe sending her a cluster of pictures that walked you through how to properly apply a condom.
Rey ignored all of them, too mad and overwhelmed to even think about responding.
Her shower made her feel slightly more human, like she was scrubbing away the taint of the night before. But no matter how long she stayed in there, she’d still have to face Ben after.
Heat burned at the back of her throat when she thought about the things she’d told him last night, everything that he’d seen and heard. Not only had she embarrassed herself more than a single person probably ever had in one night, but she ruined her relationship with the guy that she was probably at least halfway in love with.
It had been a year and she was still learning so many things about him, still experiencing what an amazing guy he was. The way he made her feel still hit her out of nowhere sometimes, a tight band across her chest and a heat in the back of her throat. And he was about to disappear from her life.
She squeezed her eyes closed tightly, refusing to let a single tear fall. Actions had consequences and she would face hers like an adult. Maybe if she hadn’t been so childish and cowardly, and just told him how she felt months ago, this wouldn’t have happened.
Coming out of the bathroom was one of the hardest things she’d ever had to do.
“Hey,” she said awkwardly, tugging at the sleeves of her sweater as she sat down at the counter. “Whatever you’re cooking smells good.”
On cue, Ben’s timer went off and he opened the oven, Rose’s floral print oven mitts crammed on his huge hands. “I made quiche,” he told her, setting it on the counter, steam wafting off of it in white tendrils. “I’m not sure if you remember, but you asked-”
“I remember,” she interrupted, then bit her lip, giving him an apologetic look. “You didn’t have to do that. Or stay the night. Or, really stay here at all last night. I’m so sorry for making you feel like you had to, it was… well, it was terrible of me.” She swallowed heavily around the lump in her throat. “Drunk Rey isn’t very fun.”
Ben let her apologize, cutting carefully slices out of his quiche and putting them on mismatched plates, placing one down in front of her. He didn’t say anything as he handed her a fork, then poured her a glass of orange juice.
“Eat,” he finally said, but it was soft. “Be careful though, it’s hot.”
Maybe he was making her wait as a form of punishment, a way to get back at her for putting him through this. Even as the thought crossed Rey’s mind, she dismissed it, knowing that wasn’t his style. Maybe he just didn’t know what to say.
She hadn’t thought she wouldn’t be able to eat, too nauseous from nerves and her hangover. The first forkful made her stomach growl and it was so delicious that she immediately went in for a second one, upset stomach forgotten.
They ate in silence, Rey declining when Ben offered her a second piece. While she appreciated what he was doing, and couldn’t deny that his quiche had been delicious, the wait was killing her.
“I guess I can’t really put this off any longer,” Ben finally muttered, and though she’d been wishing it would just happen already, her stomach still sank. “You told me some things last night, about how you feel about me…”
Rey’s could feel her heart beating in her throat. “I wish it hadn’t come out like that. We’re friends, so it never seemed right to bring it up or say anything. I didn’t want to ruin that.” She looked away from his brown eyes, eyes that were far too soft and warm for their current situation. “I’m really sorry. I just- I’ve liked you for a long time and I tried to get over it, but I just can’t. I know how dumb that sounds, but it’s the truth. You’re just… you’re funny and kind and interesting, and I wish you weren’t, but here we are.”
He was silent for long enough that she looked over in concern, but his expression caught her off guard. Rather than uncomfortable or upset, he was gazing at her with a look that made something clench in her chest.
“Ben?” she asked, not sure why her voice came out as a whisper.
He leaned in slightly, eyes dropping down to her lips as she said his name. Suddenly, all of the air was gone from the room.
Though she saw it coming, and he leaned across the counter slowly, giving her time to pull away, his kiss still caught her off guard. His lips were soft against her own, just a brief kiss that was over before she had time to react.
“Why do you keep apologizing?” he asked quietly, voice a mixture of velvet and something deeper, rougher, raising goosebumps across her skin. His face was only inches from her own and this close, she could see the warmer caramel color in his eyes.
“Uh,” Rey responded eloquently.
Ben Solo had just kissed her. His mouth on hers, right here in her kitchen. Forming words suddenly became very difficult when all she could think was that she wanted him to do it again.
So she closed the distance between them, hands going up to clutch at his shoulders as their mouths met again.
He let out a surprised sound that morphed into a groan of approval, the noise sending a tremble of arousal down Rey’s spine. It wasn’t supposed to be anything more than another quick kiss, but his lips parted as he deepened it, and she couldn’t help but sink into the sensation.
Her hands found their way into his thick, dark hair, running her fingers through it and tugging, something that she fantasized about more times that she could count, especially with his head between her thighs. In return, he cupped her face, skimming the line of her jaw, pinky settling over the frantically beating pulse in her throat.
When his tongue plunged into her mouth, tasting her with a desperation that made her knees go weak, Rey nearly collapsed against the counter she was currently leaning over. The only thing keeping her up was Ben.
“Wait,” she gasped, pulling away, though she wanted to hit herself for doing it.
The sight of him, hair mussed from her touch, lips pink and eyes smoldering, almost sent her lunging back over the counter at him. Fuck it, she’d let him take her right here if it meant that he’d keep looking at her like that.
A deep, much-needed breath steadied her slightly. “What- what’s happening here?”
“What do you want to happen?” he asked, taking a deliberate step around the counter.
The response her body had to that question was unfair on so many levels and she shifted, trying not to rub her thighs together.
“I don’t mean like that,” she squeaked. “I mean- you just kissed me!”
“And I’d like to again,” Ben told her honestly, surprising her. Her sharp inhale was too loud as he took another step, close enough to touch. To her surprise, he reached out, and when he took her hands in his own, he was surprisingly gentle. “Do you really need to hear that you’re not the only one who spent this last year wishing they were braver? Do you need me to tell you that I’ve wanted to ask you out since the first night that we met in Maz’s? I can’t believe that you didn’t know.”
There was a very good chance that Rey’s jaw was currently resting on the tiled kitchen floor. Along with her knees and her spine, and everything else that decided to vanish from her body as she clutched at his hands, trying not to fall over in shock.
After a second, she managed to find her voice. “I didn’t know. Honestly, I didn’t.”
“You just refuse to see how amazing you are,” he murmured. “But it’s all I can see.”
Rey blushed furiously, face scalding hot. She couldn’t think of a single thing to say and Ben was looking at her like he wanted to drag her into the bedroom and ravish her. She was quivering in places she didn’t even know she could quiver in.
Stepping in closer, Ben crowded her up against the counter and her throat went dry. Never taking his eyes off of her, he lifted her hand to his mouth, pressing kisses to her palm. He brushed his lips against the inside of her wrist, something hot sparking to life just beneath her skin as he sucked a mark into the sensitive flesh. A quiet, breathy little moan fell off of her tongue before she could stop it, and she felt his small smile against her wrist.
Lifting his head, he gently pulled aside the neckline of her sweater, baring her shoulder for attention. He kissed and nipped until she was practically panting, arching her neck in a silent plea. She wanted his sinful mouth on every inch of her skin.
Ben was determined to take his time though, driving her crazy as he lingered on each spot before moving on. By the time he reached her throat, scraping his teeth over her pulse and sucking marks that she knew were going to leave blooms of red on her skin, she was ready to beg.
“Kiss me,” she murmured, twisting her fingers into his hair to try and pull him to her more.
Apparently, all she’d needed to do was ask, because his mouth was on hers immediately, hot and demanding. Without warning, his hands slipped down to the backs of her thighs, scorching her skin even through her jeans, and he lifted her up onto the counter, swallowing down her gasp of surprise. Vaguely, Rey registered the sound of a glass falling over, but she ignored it because Ben stepped between her open legs, pressing firmly against her.
It became a race to see who could get the other one’s shirt off first and Rey was pleased that she won, baring his broad chest to her gaze. The only thing that pulled her eyes away was Ben’s sharp intake of breath as he pulled her sweater over her head.
“You’re gorgeous,” he told her, voice a low rasp. His eyes roaming across her skin and the heat in his voice made her clench with arousal, nipples straining at the lace of her bra. “You’ve always been so gorgeous.”
“So are you,” she said, and she meant it. His body was like a sculpture, smooth and firm and flawless. There had been many times over the last year where she’d watched him and thought that he couldn’t possibly be more attractive, the lines and muscles of his forearms and the perfection of his profile leaving her breathless; she’d been wrong.
He didn’t say anything, though she could see the tips of his ears were red where they were poking out of his hair.
When he leaned in to kiss her again, his palms skimmed up her sides, one flattening against the dip of her back to pull her firmly against him, the other coming up to cup her breast, thumb circling her nipple.
Moaning, Rey arched into his touch, biting back a cry when his mouth joined in. Heat was streaking down her spine and pooling low in her stomach as his tongue swirled around the hardened peaks, her bra clumsily yanked to the side.
Ben’s dark eyes devoured her as he pulled away and reached behind her, dishes scraping across the counter as they got shoved aside. Rey’s heart was pounding in her throat, panties embarrassingly wet as she let him lean her back into the counter. He thumbed the button of her jeans and when she nodded, swallowing heavily, he undid them and slid them off, her underwear going with them.
Almost completely naked and spread out on her kitchen counter, Rey still couldn’t believe this was happening to her. She had this terrible thought in the back of her mind that this was just some sort of dream, the fantasy of a pathetic, desperate girl.
But when Ben touched her, a thick finger slipping into her easily and she cried out, biting her lip to stifle the sound, she knew there was no way she was making this up. She’d fantasized and masturbated to the thought of him more times that she could count, and it never felt like this.
“Oh my god,” she gasped, rocking into his fingers, nearly choking at how good it felt, how much he was filling her.
When he removed them, she nearly whined, pushing herself up on her elbows, only to find him on his knees before her, his obvious erection straining at the front of his jeans.
“I want to taste you,” he said hoarsely, so much need in his voice that it made her core ache and she writhed against the counter.
“Fuck, please . Please, Ben.”
He lifted her thighs slightly to comfortably rest on either side of his head. “Say my name again,” he whispered, breath warm against the insides of her thighs.
At that moment, she would have done anything he’d asked. “Ben. Ben, please, I want your mouth on me. I’ve thought about it so many times, please just-”
Rey cut off with a gasp as he leaned in to kiss her clit, tongue flicking teasingly. He sealed his mouth around her, sucking and swirling with determination as his fingers dug into her thighs. Knotting her fingers in his raven hair, she tried to ground herself against the waves of pleasure threatening to pull her under.
When he pulled her closer to the edge, she could feel the dampness of her own arousal against her skin, slick on the counter.
She tried to watch, dizzy from the sight of his dark head between her legs and the occasional flash of brown eyes peering up at her, gauging her reactions.
There was a tight knot in her stomach that nearly snapped when Ben slid his fingers back into her, knuckle deep and so thick, pumping them in rhythm with his tongue. The way he was working her to her orgasm, like he was so needy for it and refusing to slow down until she came for him, it was unbearably sexy. No man had ever treated her like this, like her pleasure was important and wanted.
Rey lost it when his free hand lifted her hips slightly, that small change in angle allowing his fingers to brush that perfect spot inside of her, and he hummed in approval against her clit when she cried out. She unraveled, shaking and trembling and falling apart, swept up in the force of her orgasm.
“Holy shit.” Panting, she was boneless and sweaty, her skin sticking to the countertop.
Getting to his feet, Ben leaned over to kiss her on the cheek, until she turned her face and caught his lips with her own.
“Mmmmh,” she sighed, in a blissful little bubble. “Thank you for that.”
He huffed out a laugh, ducking his head. “You don’t have to thank me. Is it cheesy if I say the pleasure was all mine?”
“Kinda.” Grinning, she sat up and undid her buns that were definitely ruined by now. “And I can promise you, the pleasure was definitely all mine.”
He clearly wasn’t sure if he should be embarrassed or pleased with himself, though Rey knew which one was the right choice. No guy had ever come close to getting her off like that and though she could blame part of it on repressed sexual tension, there was no denying that Ben had unrivaled skill and enthusiasm.
As she slid down from the counter, holding herself up until she was sure her knees were still functioning, she eyed the noticeable bulge in the front of his pants. She hoped that had just been foreplay because if there was one thing she’d thought about more than Ben Solo’s mouth between her thighs, it was his cock inside of her.
“Do you want to move into the bedroom?” she asked, reaching out and tugging him over by his belt loops so she could trace a finger down his erection meaningfully. Hopefully, he got the message.
He glanced down, biting his pink bottom lip. “We don’t have to- I mean, not that I don’t want to, but I’m not pushing- Unless you-”
“I want to,” she told him firmly, not an ounce of hesitation in her voice because she wasn’t feeling any. There was no doubt in her mind that she knew him and she knew that she wouldn’t regret this. She’d waited long enough and so had he, from the sound of it.
Taking his hand, she led him into her room and crawled onto the bed, unclipping her bra and tossing it aside. He hesitated, then undid his jeans and stepped out of them, boxers following right after, leaving them both naked.
With every inch of pale skin that Ben revealed, more and more moisture vanished from Rey’s mouth. The hunger that stirred to life in her gut at the sight was like an animal, devouring all other thoughts or wants besides his skin against her own.
Flushed and naked, they came together, mouths finding each other and hands roaming across sensitive skin. Ben ended up positioned above Rey, weight resting on his elbows but still a solid presence against her. She liked it, liked how firm and strong his body felt against her own.
Speaking of firm… she worked her hand down and took his cock in hand, feeling the velvety smooth hardness and the scorching heat of it against her palm. The thought of wiggling down the bed and taking him in her mouth, swallowing him down until he came crossed her mind, but she filed it away for another time.
With a tight grip, she pumped him slowly, smearing wet precome down his length with each pass of her hand. Ben gasped out her name, thrusting slowly into her touch. Groaning, he dipped his head down pressing kisses up the column of her throat. It was intoxicating, the feeling of power she had over him at that moment, knowing that she was the one making him growl and moan.
“I need you,” she choked out, the throbbing pulse between her legs making her dizzy with lust. He watched for a long second, plush lips slightly parted, as she writhed beneath him, parting her legs and arching up into his hips.
A deep groan rumbled up from somewhere in his chest as her heat slipped against his cock, and in one smooth motion, he thrust forward, filling her completely.
“Oh,” Rey gasped, clutching at Ben’s shoulders as he filled her perfectly, the delicious stretch sending a bolt of pure heat racing up her spine. “You feel so good.”
He hummed a low sound of agreement, then kissed her desperately, nipping at the swell of her lip and soothing away the sting with a swipe of his tongue. They moaned simultaneously as he started to move, the wet, obscene sounds of skin on skin filling the air.
As he settled on a steady pace, Rey reached for something to hold onto, panting and moaning as her fingers found Ben’s and the sheets of the bed, gripping both tightly. She wanted to buck into his thrusts, to dig her heels in and urge him on, but she couldn’t seem to do anything besides try to breathe and bite back her cries, eyes roaming across Ben’s face as he pinned her down with the careful force of his body and movement.
“Fuck,” he bit out, sinking deeply into her wetness. “Rey, you’re so perfect.”
With one hand, he gripped her thigh, lifting her hips slightly to slip into her a little farther, pounding into the spot that made white bursts of stars explode in front of her eyes. The other one snuck between them, circling and rubbing at her clit insistently.
Too many sensations were bombarding Rey at once, and it stole the breath right out of her lungs, sending a twist of molten heat spiraling through her gut. Everything in her clenched, the knot in her stomach tense and ready to snap.
“Yeah, let go,” Ben coaxed in a low murmur, the soft command contrasting against the drag of his cock inside of her and the press of his rough fingers against her clit. “I’ve got you, come for me.”
He was sending her quickly speeding towards the edge, helpless to resist him. But she could tell he was right behind her, his thrusts falling out of sync as he moaned, the rhythm broken beneath their rising orgasms.
When she came, the force of it tingling up the base of her neck and down to her toes, body clenching as pulses of pleasure swept through her, Ben followed a second later. He was throbbing and hot, shuddering against her as he filled her up, and the look on his face was devastating, streaks of red painted up his chest and throat, raw euphoria making his eyes flutter closed until all she could see was a sliver of rich brown.
Her name fell from his parted lips, a breathless, disbelieving gasp that seared itself in her brain. She’s heard him say her name a hundred times before in a hundred different ways, but never like that.
Exhausted and slightly dizzy with relief, Rey tried to slow her breathing, hearing Ben do the same, his big hands running up and down her legs soothingly.
After a minute, he shifted off of her, laying down beside her with a content sound that quickly morphed into one of confusion, his eyebrows coming together as he twisted his arm behind his back.
When he lifted the dildo from last night between then, Rey couldn’t help but burst into laughter. She’d forgotten she’d thrown it onto the bed after Ben came in and it must have gotten lost under her blankets.
He shook his head, the fleshy thing looking ridiculous in his hand as it swayed back and forth. “Are you ever going to explain this? Or do I not want to know?”
“Poe got it for me,” she told him once she’d stopped giggling. “It was a joke gift for my birthday. He said it was the closest he could find to your size.” She glanced down with a sly grin. “Looks like he was almost right.”
Shaking his head in amusement, Ben set the dildo carefully on the bedside table. “There’s the post-sex flattery. Always a guarantee to make sure you get more later.”
“Do I need to worry about that?” Rey teased, but she was being a little serious. She wasn’t quite sure where this put them. More than anything, she wanted to date him and make it official, but maybe he was leaning more towards a friends-with-benefits situation. It didn’t seem like his style but Rey didn’t want to presume.
“It depends,” he said, deep voice serious. “You do realize that if we’re together, our friends are going to find out at some point. There’s no avoiding it. The teasing alone, it’s probably going to send us running in the opposite direction from each other after just a day.”
Grinning, Rey felt immensely relieved that he was joking with her and nudged him in the ribs with her elbow. “You’re right, now that I think about it, this is definitely going to be a one-time thing.”
He snagged her around the waist, pulling her back against him playfully, not letting go despite how much she wiggled and laughed.
“Don’t worry,” he told her, eyes a warm coffee color. “I’ll protect you from our scary friends.”
Rey looked at him, keeping her face straight. “Poe will probably bribe me into taking sneaky dick pics.”
Immediately letting go of her, Ben rolled away. “Nope, I’m out.”
“What happened to big, bad Ben?” she asked with a smirk as he pulled his boxers and jeans on, admiring the view.
“He doesn’t feel like having his dick as the subject of conversation for the next year.” He turned towards the door, not bothering to put a shirt on, but Rey caught his hand. “I’m just grabbing us some water,” he told her.
She bit her lip. “I know, I just… I know we’re joking around, but should we talk about-“ She gestured between them, trying to find the word. “Well, about us. What this is.”
Surprise crossed Ben’s face and he turned, taking her hands in his. “I guess I didn’t make it clear, but I’d like you to be my girlfriend. I thought confessing that I’ve spent a year pining after you might have made my intentions clear.”
“I don’t know,” Rey blurted out, waving her hand around. “This is a little surreal and I’m just trying to get everything straight. I’m still having a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that we just had sex.”
“Amazing sex,” he corrected with a huge grin.
She tried so hard not to smile back and failed. “Yes, yes, Sex God Solo, no surprises there.”
He spluttered, nearly choking on his surprise. “W-what?! Who calls me that? Is that a thing?”
“I guess you’d better ask Poe.”
As he muttered and cursed under his breath, tips of his ears fire engine red, Rey snickered internally. No one actually called him that, it was a nickname she’d come up with while a little tipsy and never shared it with anyone. Good to know her intuition had been right though.
When Ben was done being flustered, he focused on her again, taking a deep breath. “Just so we’re clear,” he said, “I’d like you to be my girlfriend. I’d like to hold your hand and take you to dinner and movies and Maz’s, and kiss you whenever I want, which will probably more often than socially acceptable, but I don’t think I care. I want to come over here and bake you treats you’ve never had and watch your favorite shows and hopefully, drag you back to bed after most of those things. And I want to be able to ask you all the questions that I’ve been dying to know for the last year and learn everything I can about you, because you’re the most interesting and incredible person I’ve ever met.”
Rey stared at him, protests forming on her tongue. I don’t deserve it. You’re wrong. Don’t waste yourself on me. This is a mistake you’re going to regret.
It was hard and it took her a few seconds, but she swallowed them down, a bitter taste coating her throat. She wasn’t going to insult him by telling him what he was feeling, or by questioning his desire to be with her. He was giving her a gift and she wasn’t going to throw it back in his face.
“I never stood a chance,” she told him simply. “From the second you walked into Maz’s and I saw you. I knew it was you, right then and there.”
She could see it in his eyes too, the disbelief and the doubt. And just as she had, he pushed it down, shoving it aside to make room for this new, hopeful thing between them.
“I’m gonna go grab that glass of water,” he said, the softest of smiles curling at the corners of his mouth.
Rey nodded, laying back against her pillows as he left the room. A few seconds later, she heard the faucet turn on, and a cupboard closing, followed almost immediately by the front door creaking open.
“I’m home,” Rose called, her voice filled with poorly concealed anxiety. “Finn and Poe are with me, I-” She cut off suddenly with a squeak of surprise.
A long pause followed, and Rey’s heart was pounding in her chest as she tried to hear what was happening.
“Well, hello there, shirtless Ben” Poe finally said, and she could hear the smirk in his voice. “And Rey’s panties. And smudgy ass print on the counter. I wonder what could have possibly happened here.”
“Not my counter,” Rose groaned, sounding thoroughly distressed. “Guys, I eat there.”
“Looks like Ben did too,” Poe snickered, laughing harder when several people made disgusted noises of protest.
Rey knew she should get dressed and go rescue Ben, but the thought of facing her friends right now, friends who were undoubtedly smug and going to rub this whole thing in her face, was just too much.
So instead, she pulled the blankets up around her chest and let herself grin as she listened to Ben stammer out excuses, probably on the brink of making a run for her bedroom.
And when he did, they were going to lock the door and not come out for the rest of the day. Day one of a new year that she’d bee spending with Ben Solo at her side.
She hoped their next one year anniversary ending up being slightly less disastrous, but not any less perfect.