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a step out of my own shoes

Summary:

Kaminari Denki doesn't feel like being Kaminari Denki

Notes:

Hello! Be warned that this wasn't proofread at all just some spontaneous fic that I made from projecting to Kaminari. THere is some hinted suicide reference, blatant self hate. So please proceed to read witht hese warnings in mind. THank you and enjoy reading some angsty kaminari

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

It was hard to feel alright.

“Kaminari-kun! Up!”

He wheezes out before taking a leap of faith to Ashido’s arms. His body was screaing for the infirmary but he can’t not yet. Never. Instead, he focuses his directional gadgets to the ground and his target. It misses and he feels a crashing pain course through him. Shit. Shit not the time.

Kaminari sees Ashido and Shouji get rounded by villain robots so he directs his item to it instead. His left to the offending robots and his right to the target. If he goes above what he usually does, he can do it.

Bingo.

It hits but so was his limit.

He felt his heart constrict. He could hear Ashido’s cheers. He could feel himself falling. Out of consciousness.

“KAMINARI?!”

When he comes to it, there was no one around but Recovery Girl. It was late at night and Kaminari was grateful for the silence. The old Pro Hero recites his condition, just over quirk usage as usual. He was going to be fine and he was not to use his quirk for a day. It was okay. Kaminari could handle that.

“How are you?”

“You just told me my status Recovery Girl,” he laughs “I’m okay with just a rest”

The older woman sighs and inches closer “Understood. But take this day for a bed rest. I’ll be writing notes to your subjects today. Do want visitors?”

He has that option?

“Why of course,” she huffs “Anything that would disrupt my patient’s well-being are not allowed within the four walls of this infirmary.”

Kaminari looks down to his hands and he could still feel the tingle of his quirk. But they look so so small today.

“…No”

“Would you wish to remain here or back into your room?”

He looks at her again and he didn’t realize the old woman was sitting on his bed already. Recovery Girl removes her gloves and holds his right hand. He was scared of accidentally electrocuting her but nevertheless he feels the warmth of her palms. It was soothing.

“Would you like a pass home?”

Home. Back to his mom?

Denki, what’s these abysmal grades?!

His sisters?

Kyahah! Whey whey!

No. That was not home.

“… I would like to stay here.” He says after a while “Can I?”

“Of course darling,” she gives him a smile. “You should be of to rest now. Aizawa would fetch you two days from now and I would have Lunch Rush bring your lunch. Tomorrow is Curry Rice and Pudding. Such a great day is it not?”

He smiles. It certainly is.

So he falls asleep with the warmth of Recovery Girl’s hands on his.

When he wakes up again, there was a basket of his favorite things and a letter. In it was a soda, crunchy chips and chocolates. The letter was a hazard though. He could already see the burn mark from the corner, erasing the ri from the TO: Kamina. Ah, oh so sweet Bakugou.

But he doesn’t touch them.

Instead he pulls up his curtains and shies away from the basket and the world. Later, he says to himself. When he feels like being Kaminari Denki again.

He doesn’t know why. He doesn’t know when. But he would have… these days. He never knows what to call it. He doesn’t know what it is even. He just have days where he doesn’t feel like being Kaminari Denki. When he looks at his hands it was all too wrong. Somedays it was a size too big, sometimes it was two sizes small. The ruffles of his shirt doesn’t feel right. His uniform feels wrong.

It was just a day of wrongs.

And he doesn’t make anything right.

As he does everyday anyway.

“Kaminari-kun?”

He turns to his side and finds Recovery Girl with a tray of food. Curry rice with pudding. Just as promised.

“Here’s your lunch. You’re friends left some snacks so if you’re up for it, you can eat them anytime.” He knows but he doesn’t comment “There’s a shower room and toilet if you want to wash yourself. I have to go and supervise the third year’s evaluation. God knows what injuries these buffoons get”

He cracks a smile and takes the tray off the lady.

“Thank you, Recovery Girl”

“Anytime my lad. Just call Aizawa or even All Might if you need company, or if you need me.”

“Okay,”

Recovery Girl stops for a while before kissing his forehead. Huh? “For speedy recovery,”

Then she leaves the room and KAminari confused. Hasn’t she already cured his injuries? He looks around his body to find nothing the quirk would work for. Weird. He partakes in the lunch instead and notes that the curry was exquisite as usual and the pudding was phenomenal. He should tahnk Lunch Rush later on for bringing him food.

Finally full, Kaminari swings his feet off the bed and checks his toes. IT was still manicured black even if some was chipped. They still feel a size wrong but he can walk. He takes the tray and brings it to the bathroom for a wash. At least the first wash so the lunch ladies don’t have to scrub too hard.

Being Kaminari Denki was hard. He has this certain volume to keep. He was to be loud enough so everyone could know he was there but not too loud to irate his friend. He can’t also be too quiet or they’ll get suspicious or worried. If a grin slips off, there was fifteen questions to ask so he just let it be. Smiling wasn’t hard. Laughing wasn’t hard. It was all timing.

Coming in the bathroom, he was faced with a mirror.

He looks for better for worse, a bedhead and bags under his eyes. Huh, he looks like he has been dragged through another one of Aizawa’s ruse. Everyday look then, he hums. He puts down the dishes and starts getting to it.

Then his face feels wrong.

He looks up again and he sees the unpleasant twitch of his lips. The tightness of his cheeks and his forehead was a bit tad bigger. He frowns, scrunches his nose and smiles at the mirror. There. A compelte Kamianri Denki.

For good measure, he pulls both of his cheeks which forces himself for some toothy smile. He looks ridiculous. He could already hear Sero and Kirishima’s laughs, Ashido and Jirou’s giggles and Bakugou’s complaints that he looks stupid.

But he doesn’t feel any of it.

So he drops it. He wipes the mirrors with dirty water and leaves the bathroom. He’ll just apologize to Recovery Girl later.

He puts the dishes next to the basket of snacks and he slides under the blankets. But he doesn’t sleep.

 He stops himself from thinking that he disappoint his friends because he wasn’t around. He was missing a lot. They surely feel betrayed that Kaminari was skipping school.

He stops himself from thinking that he was burdening Recovery Girl. Surely she hasn’t planned on shouldering a students welfare overnight… Oh gods what if she has a family and he stops her from going home-

No. Stop thinking.

He stops himself from thinking about all the lessons he missed. Surely he was already stupid, one school day wouldn’t really affect him. He was sure he would still need more tutoring from Yaomomo even if he attended.

He stops himself from thinking.

He forces himself not to think but his mind never comes blank.

He hates this. He hates missing out. He hates burdening Recovery Girl when she’s so busy. He hates this. This. This thing whatever this was. He hates himself for being like this.

Weak. SO weak. And he dares himself to be a hero?

Kaminari Denki? A hero? Who was he joking-

“Recovery Girl?”

He freezes from his spot. Someone was here.

He shuffles under his blanket. Hoping- hoping that this person, guy girl whatever, would leave. He doesn’t have time to gather Kaminari Denki. No time. He was still broke-

“Oh, hello. Have you seen Recovery Girl?”

His breathe hitches but he responds. Too rude if he didn’t. He just shakes his head and closes his eyes. Get the hint-!

“Okay. It should be because she sent me here to accompany you.”

He snaps his eyes open. What?

“I don’t expect you to speak with me. Frankly, people in generally doesn’t want to speak with me.” It was a guy. He was talking to a guy. Okay. Sent by Recovery Girl?

“She said she has a ward in the infirmary and I have to check on him. Just in case, she says.” The voice was warm, how could a voice be warm? “And I can see. Is today a bad day?”

He nods.

“Those days sucks and I don’t blame you.” What? “So do you want to do anything? I can just be silent here and read classical literature. You don’t have to talk with me.”

That caught his attention. He forces his body to turn and finds himself face to face with a purple haired lad. Oh, it’s SHinsou. The transfer student waves and true to his words, there was a hardbound on his hands.

“… what do you have there?” his voice is scratchy. Which reminds him he hasn’t drank at all.

Shinsou, like some kind of mindreader, grabs a water bottle from his snack basket and gives it to him. The purple haired lad relaxes on his seat and shows the cover.

Grimm’s fairytale.

He snorts “Classic literature? Really?”

“Nothing beats like a childhood story right?”

He’s right about that.

“So what do you want to do?” Shinsou asks.

“Can you read to me?”

The words fly off his mouth without thinking twice and he reels back by slapping his mouth and covers it tight. Shit. He didn’t mean that. He braces for some insult, jeering our anything else. It was strange for a grown teen and he doesn’t blame Shinsou to get so weirded out.

However all he hears is some page ruffles and clearing of throat. “Okay, here we go. So once upon a time,”

The blond raises an eyebrow at him.

“-the little girl- what. Why are you looking at me like that? You asked me to read to you right?”

He nods dumbly. Huh. “S-Sorry. You can continue.”

“Right okay. So like the little girl right? She goes on an adventure,”

And Shinsou continues. He figures out by the first two sentences that he was reading Little Red Riding Hood. Just a little girl disobeying rules, grandmas eaten- the usual.

It was so random So so so random but he can’t comment on it. Enthralled by SHinsou’s voice. He makes good pitch change to indicate character dialogue. Pauses for dramatization. In the middle of the story Kaminari pulls the basket close, picking out a chocolate and offers the crispy crackers to SHinsou. The other teen accepts and continues reading between crunch.

When the story ended, Kaminari thought the story telling was over but Shinsou continues on. Princess and the Pea. He chuckles, how odd. The The End didn’t really feel the end at all if he reads it that way.

“You finally laughed.”

“Huh?”

Shinsou crumples the wrapper and throws it to the bin, perfectly missing the bin. Kaminari tilts his head in confusion. What?

“Your laugh is pretty.” Kaminari could see Shinsou’s ear go red

“Oh,”

He… doesn’t really know what to say to that.

“Uh, so yeah, uhm” Shinsou stumbles over his words and Kaminari finds that so so endearing. Wasn’t he supposed to be eloquent since his quirk requires talking.

“You’re weird,” Kaminari tells him.

“I hope it fits to your taste,”

Now it was Shinsou’s turn to slap a hand on his mouth. Kaminari could clearly see the red on his cheeks and ears and gods that was so cute. So he chuckles, feeling light. Feeling the size of his limbs go right.

“I thought cheesy pick up lines was my forte?” he chirps. Kaminari wiggles his toes. They feel okay now. Good that’s great.

Shinsou mumbles something under his breathe. He didn’t really hear it, too elated that he finally feels a size correct. Kaminari swings off his bed, he feels like walking back to the dorms. So he stands up and goes to the bathroom.

“Where you going?”

The blond cheekily grins “The bathroom. Wanna join me lover boy?”

Shinsou groans but he doesn’t follow Kaminari. That was okay. Kaminari feels okay now. He enters the bathroom and finds some dirt on the mirror. He should really clean that.

So, he does. He gets a damp tissue and carefully cleans t so there’s no traces that Kaminari even dirtied it in the first place. It was great, he doesn’t feel too alienated from his fingers anymore.

When he goes out, he finds Recovery Girl has returned and she was berating Shinsou for something about trash. Kaminari snickers, serves him right. He realizes that the sun was setting again and he should really check that letter.

Thank you for saving me and Shouji-kun! Hope we can play Mario Kart soon. Bakugou is such a sore loser :////// -Mina! <3

Bro, heard what happened. You did great in the evaluation! Hope you get well soon so Aizawa could  give you that awesome A -Kirishima

Bakugou sucks at Mario kart. I miss my Mario kart buddy. Hope you liked the soda! There is only os much pleading we could do for Aizawa to pass the soda dude you have no idea. Hope you enjoyed! ; - ) -Sero H.

Get well soon Kaminari. It’s too quiet when Bakugou’s the only one bitching around -Jirou

Don’t listen to these idiots. GWS -Lord Explosion Murder

He snorts. Ah yes, the ultimate squad. He should really get out and play Mario kart. He can’t wait to give Bakugpu a blue shell again.

“Ready to go?”

He grins at Recovery Girl and gives her a salute “Yep! Thanks a lot Recovery Girl!”

The old Pro Hero looks at him up and down before turning around. “Good. Now get some actual sleep. No skipping or I’ll hound Aizawa and Present Mic at you when you dare to skip. Shinsou, accompany your friend back to the dorms. God knows what accident he’ll get into this time.”

Kaminari chuckles and lets Shinsou hoard him outside.

They walk slow back to the dorms. SHinsou was telling him about some assignment in hero history and that he didn’t really miss much aside from boring lectures. That makes Kamiari feel a little better. Right before they step onto Height Alliance’s entrance porch, Shinsou grabs his hand which forces him to meet his purple eyes.

“How are you feeling?”

He hums a little bit. He curls and uncurls his fingers, his toes. Huh. He feels okay.

“Like Kaminari Denki,”

Notes:

I just want to say- i don't know what kaminari has. I'm merely projecting what I feel in some days. I really really love kaminari and I relate to him the most, next to Kiri and Izu. ALso the kamishin is just wishful thinking. His angst was hinted a bit. Idk if they're together or just starting. I just love their dynamic.

Also i refuse to believe CHiyo is not a bit tad motherly. Professional yes and she knows mental health would be a serious matter so she's used to this. She has been in UA for too long for not knowing what to do in bad days. For asking for consent. I dont know, maybe i havent read any motherly chiyo. Well i havent portrayed her /that/ motherly but you get it.

i hope you enjoyed that entire tirade and if you have clue what symptoms this is I'm actually up to know. Thank you and have a fantastic day