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Oh God, Why Am I Here?

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Oh God, Why Am I Here?

Life sucks. I’m bored, my favourite Manga isn’t far off ending, cricket season had ended, and I’m no longer playing footy. Soon enough my phone pinged and I checked Facebook to see a friend request from “Riley Oscar Brownhill”. Shrugging my shoulders I clicked accept.

As I put my phone back in my pocket as I walked down the leafy Eastern Suburbs of Melbourne, dread came over me. This was exactly the start to literally every Self Insert fic I’d ever read. It couldn’t happen to me, right?


The wind going through the rustling of leaves almost sounded like a laugh. Great. The Universe was laughing at me now. For fucks sake.

I didn’t really delay the inevitable after that, checking my phone again, seeing a few messages pop up from my new “friend”.

ROB: Hey! You were thinking that you were bored of this world.
ROB: So I’m going to do you a favour, you’re heading into the One Piece World!
ROB: But first, you get three things so you’re not completely outclassed once you get there!

This was a tough choice. I could get a wicked Devil Fruit, like a Mythical Zoan or I could get Luffy’s training in that fic where he becomes a Marine. Um, To Protect Everything I think it was called, or even get to raise Luffy and Ace, which if nothing else would be entertaining.


I looked at my phone again and my heart fell. Well, at least I got some cool things before blowing my third fucking wish on something that is completely useless.

ROB: Fantastic, you’ve chosen your wishes! Now look to your left!

Doing as I told, I winced as I looked across and saw what could only be a Devil Fruit. Picking it up, I took a bite and swallowed it. It tasted like Brussel Sprouts, a rotting carcass and off cheese. Honestly, how I managed to stomach it is beyond me.

Now I know everyone probably hates the cliched “And then I fell through a portal to this other world” spiel, but I’m not sure how else to describe it. A small wormhole literally opened up below my feet and I fell straight down.

On top of a Straw Hatted man that definitely had red hair and two arms at this point.

And then I passed out.