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Where do broken hearts go

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Louis Tomlinson was a devoting police officer, one of his kind. He was very smart, very caring and most importantly very free single man, right?

He was working with his best friend Zayn Malik, they knew each other ever since Louis stepped in London with his best friend eight year ago. He studied at the police academy with him and ever since they were inseparable.

 

Zayn Malik just had broke up with his love of his life Gigi Haddid and he seemed can’t get over her. So lately Louis spent all the possible time with him to cheer him up. Like today, after work he took him to get wasted at their lovely pub where they stayed till the sun rose.
When Louis returned to the flat he shared with his... Well with Harry Styles the most attractive Doctor the city could see. Harry was already up, already dressed, and just had finished his coffee and on his way to dress his coat to leave.

 

Louis just took off his coat, when he heard shuffles coming from the bedroom. And then Harry showed up looking at Louis with wide eyes

“ where have you been? “

 

Louis sighed dramatically “ you are leaving already? “

 

Harry chuckled and took his Cell phone and keys from the table beside the door and he nod his head “ you stayed the night out again, lou”

 

Louis collapsed on the couch “ I was with Zayn”

 

Harry nodded and stood behind the couch and gave him a quick massage on his tensed shoulder “ see you at night maybe? “

 

Louis closed his eyes “ maybe curly”

Harry sighed and then he left to the hospital.

 

Harry was a great doctor even he was still young but every one admired his work. He loved his work and always had dreamed to be a doctor.

 

He was a paediatric, he always had a thing for the children and they lived him once they saw him.
It was the middle of the day when he just finished passing around his cases. He was checking the cases on its ipads when he heard “ do you have a minute Styles? “

 

He closed his eyes and sighed. He was expecting that to be honest. He turned his back and smiled sincerely “ hello Matt”

 

Matt moved closer and leaned on the desk Harry was standing by and he looked at Harry “ have you think about what I told you? “

 

Harry saw Niall, his nurse friend laughing at the corner of his eyes

 

He focused on Matt and tried his best not to hurt him “ Matt.. I told you before.. “

Matt stopped him “ but you promised me to think about it”

Harry sighed “ no, you didn’t take me no as an answer and you gave me time to think.. I just.. Matt let’s be friends shall we. Nothing else ever going to happen”

“ Harry.. Are you sure about it? I mean you won’t regret it I promise “

Harry saw Niall shaking his head and laughing hysterically

“ I am so sorry Matt, I am really sorry but it’s not gonna work”

“OK tell me, is there anyone else? “

Harry shook his head “ no one else. I am just focusing on my career right now”

Matt nodded “ yeah, yeah.. Anyway, you can’t blame me for trying to have my chance with you”

Harry smiled shyly “ thanks for the compliment”

“ it’s not.. Really I am being honest with you. You are an amazing person and who ever wins your heart is a very lucky man”

Harry looked down and didn’t answer. Matt left him looking really disappointed. And once he was gone Niall was at his place

 

“ what is wrong with you?”

Niall was Harry’s best friend since five years, he was a good man, easy going, and always took good care of Harry when he killed himself in work and forget about himself.

“ what? “

“ are you sure you are gay Harry? “

Harry looked at Niall giggling, Niall finished “ this is the sixth handsome, attractive, smart person you turn down ever since I met you”

Harry huffed “ oh Niall.. “

Niall argued “ I mean it, it feels like you do it on purpose. Like you are happy with this... You know what you look happy. No you are happy. What? Don’t you have needs like any other guy? When was the last time you got laid? “

Harry flushed and walked away “ I am not discussing my sex life with you Niall”

Niall followed him “ I don’t wanna hear it anyway it must be miserable Harry.. I have never seen you with a guy before. Or a girl” then he gasped and looked at Harry’s thing “ is there anything wrong I should no? “

Harry cheeks turned red “ god Niall... Stop it”

“ then why? Why aren’t you with anyone now? Or ever? And why do you look like you don’t give two shits about being a lonely miserable attractive young man”

Harry smiled “ I am not miserable “

 

Niall shook his head “ I have to talk to Louis about it”

Harry looked at him, Niall “ we must find a way to make you see someone, I mean I know Louis always trying to set you up with people but he always fails.. We will make a plan and we will make it work”

Harry looked suddenly off, he sighed “ whatever Niall. I have a surgery in ten minutes I have to go”

*****

Harry spent seven hours at the surgery, it was critical and he almost lost the kid two times. So all he needed now was some sleep.

“ oh here he is” yelled Louis when he saw Harry
Harry frowned and looked at him “ what are you doing here? “

Louis laughed “ waiting for you”

Harry walked to the stuff room followed by Louis, and when he opened the door he saw Zayn, Niall and Liam sitting all there dressing their regular clothes
Harry looked between the four of them “ what is going on? “

Niall left his seat “ we are helping the two of you”he pointed between Harry and Zayn “ to get laid tonight “

Harry looked at Louis “ what? “

Louis laughed “ come on curly, go change you clothes “
Harry didn’t move, Zayn sighed “ come on Harry, let’s get over with this”

Harry left the room but he gave Louis one last look.
*****

At the pub. The five men were sitting drinking. Harry was awfully silent, and he looked like he wished to be in any place but here.

 

Liam who was also a doctor works with him and Niall at the hospital nudged him “ what is the matter? “Harry looked at him and left his beer and took a big gulp “ I am just tired that’s all.. “

 

Louis then yelled across him “ Harry... Look behind you now”

 

When Harry did, there was a man who obviously was checking Harry, sitting on the bar, when their eyes met, he smiled and raised his glass. Harry looked at Louis again who was giggling

 

“ come on give it a shot” Niall said

 

Harry looked at the table trying not to be angry. He was fuming from inside, because he didn’t believe what Louis just did.

Liam and Zayn “ go”

Harry looked at Louis who was still giggling and he raised his brow challenging

Harry stood up “ you know what. Maybe I should “

And he left the table without meeting anyone’s eye. Specially Louis.

Harry walked knowing he was about to do a mistake. He headed to the man who smiled widely at him, he gave him the room to sit beside him

“I ha e been checking you ever since you showed” the man said

Harry smiled and looked at him “ really? “

The man nodded and waved for the bartender “ two more”

He looked at Harry “ so what do you work? “

Harry wanted to curse himself, but he had to put the face and do the show for his friends, for Louis.
“ I am a doctor, and you are? “

Then man looked surprised “ wow... Someone important you are.. Well I am an accountant “

Harry smiled “ why are you here alone? “

The bartender out the two glasses in front of them, the stranger man gave Harry his and then he leaned closer to him “ I needed to win myself a good company “

Then he slid his hand down Harry’s back, and that was enough. Harry jumped from his seat “ damn.. I am sorry. I can’t do it. I am married.. I am sorry” and then he stormed out side the pub.

Once he was outside for the fresh air. He heard a voice from behind “ what are you doing? “

And he could punch him in the nose right now, he turned his back and faced Louis “ me? Really? What the hell was that? “

Louis was shocked “ what? “

Harry yelled “ why do you keep trying to sit me up with people, for fuck sakes Louis. Why? “

Louis yelled back “ so what I always do that”

“ and I always hated that”

“you always refuse to move. What was that? “

Harry walked closer “ that was me telling you I had enough.. I am fucking had enough. Why are you doing that to me? “

“ doing what? “ Louis yelled

“ are you okay guys? “

And it was Zayn. Of course it was Zay
n.

Harry stopped talking, he looked down and calmed his nerve a little bit.

“ I am going home”

He turned his back to leave but Louis grasped his forearm “ why? The night just started”

Harry looked at him shocked and hurt. He felt betrayed and he couldn’t take it anymore “ then go and enjoy your night” he said and he sat his arm free and he walked away.

*****

It was 4 am when Louis entered the flat. Harry was on the couch, eyes red and puffed, the TV was on and he obviously cried his eyes out.

Louis didn’t notice him at the start. And when he saw him he froze “ you still up? “

Harry looked at him, he then left the couch and turned off the TV and walked to his room. Louis tried to stop him “Harry wait... “

But Harry ignored him

Louis took a deep breath and he walked to the kitchen and drank some water. Then he walked the his bedroom.

He opened the door and it was dark. He put out his pants and his shirt. He then lied on the bed. He looked at the ceiling and then he looked beside him where Harry was sleeping giving him his back

Louis hugged him but Harry said “ I can’t do that anymore”

Louis froze and didn’t speak, Harry closed his eyes and the tears fall down from his eyes “ it has been five years lou. You promised me less than that.. And I just. I had enough”

Louis closed his eyes “ can we talk later about it Harry”
Harry tensed between his arm and then he sat on the bed, he looked at Louis even if it was dark Louis knew he was upset

“ why are you doing this to me? I am your husband Louis, I am your fucking husband.. Even if no one knows you know. You can’t keep trying to set me up with strangers.. You stayed there watching him trying to touch me.. What is the matter with you? “ Harry was screaming

Louis sighed “ I didn’t know you will go Harry, you never go”harry left his bed “ fuck… I had enough “

Louis sat on the bed and turned the light on, Harry was crying and Louis looked at him shocked “ what do you mean? “

Harry looked down “ I need a break”

 

“ what? “

“ I need a break to think about it, and I need you to think”

“ Harry I can’t.. You know I just can’t

Harry looked at him again with hurt “ then we should split”

“ Harry.. “

Harry was walking out the room “ we need to sleep. We have work tomorrow “ and he left the room.

Louis stayed on his bed. Shocked and scared. Did Harry just said that? Split? What does it even mean

Chapter Text

Louis couldn’t sleep last night, he couldn’t make his mind stop thinking and he couldn’t stop crying.

 

He knew Harry had fed up but he never saw a Harry that determined like that before, he never saw him hurt that much. They always play that game. Louis tries to sit him up with strangers but Harry always refuses so that was the first that Harry went on with the game.
Louis couldn’t face everyone and tell them he was gay. He still remember the day he came alone to London while Harry had to stay to finish his school. Louis was two years older than Harry and once Louis was eighteen he joined to to train to become a young police officer. So when Harry finished his school and joined the medicine college in London he moved right away to be with his partner and live with him.

 

He still remembers how Harry was hurt when Louis introduced him as his friend, and he almost lost his mind when he knew that no one knew Louis was gay and pretended to be straight.

 

Harry wanted to leave Louis but Louis promised everything will change but he just needed time as his boss was a huge homophobe and Louis didn’t want to lose his job. The first three years were like a struggle for Harry. He had to pretend with Louis and follow his plan. He was dying inside when he saw Louis flirting with girls. When he kissed any. Harry struggled a lot that he almost fall into depression and stopped doing anything. He just killed himself studying and nothing else. He stopped eating, he stopped talking, he stopped having fun. One day Louis took it to a next level, his work mates started to suspect him and teased him for how much he cared for Harry. So he had to prove to them something. He left the pub with a girl and he took her home. He thought Harry was with Niall but to his surprise, right after having sex he saw Harry emerging from his room with red eyes.

 

That night Harry collapsed and he didn’t stop crying, he packed his bag immediately and he intended to leave. Louis couldn’t accept that, he felt he was really losing Harry so he had to persuade him.
Louis proposed.
Harry said yes.
They married in the very next day alone.
Just the two of them, no one was there, no one knew.
At the start Louis asked Harry to keep it this way, Harry accepted he was still under the surprise. Louis promised him that it would only last for few months. But it lasted for five years.
Five years secretly married. Five years and no one know.

 

Louis left his bed and he walked outside the bedroom to look for Harry, he expected to see him on the couch but he there was no sign for Harry.
Louis sighed and then he returned to his room to call Harry, but once he rang he heard Harry’s phone ringing from the living room. So Harry was taking his morning jog.

 

He moved to the bathroom and then he washed his face, brushed his teeth, brushed his hair and he dressed.

 

He was in the kitchen drinking his coffee when he heard the door was opened and Harry’s loud breathing was heard.

 

Seconds and Harry entered the kitchen and headed to the fridge. He took a bottle of water and then he looked at Louis

Louis was looking back at him “ you are going to work now? “

Louis nodded, Harry walked and sat in front of him “ have you think about what I told you? “

Louis sighed “ what exactly do you want Harry? “

“ I want us to be married “

“we are.. “

“ we are not” then he chuckled in sarcasm “ don’t do this, don’t play dumb on me lou, you know exactly what I am talking about”

Louis huffed “ I can’t harry”

“why not”

“come on... “ Louis yelled and left his seat

“ don’t say the same bullshit about your boss. He loves you, he loves me. He wouldn’t care, why would he care about who you are sleeping with? “

Louis snapped his head up to him “ are you fucking kidding me? Don’t you live with us Harry? I mean you are the expert in this.. You are the one who got bullied for being gay”

“and that’s why I am telling you it’s okay.. It is nothing, we are nit hurting anyone. They don’t have to understand us. We don’t have to prove anything to them or convince them. Let them believe what they want. I mean your friend Zayn is muslim and he doesn’t give a shit about me. His family is very religious and they accept me okay”

Louis yelled again “ they are the exception Harry”

Harry left his seat “ god, what is the matter with you?”

“what is the matter with you? What had changed, you accepted to get married in secrecy what happened? “

“ you promised me months.. It has been five years... Five” harry was losing his mind “ I don’t deserve to be neglected this way.. I deserve much better than this”

Louis sighed and he walked closer to Harry “ baby.. “
then he took his hand “ I can’t.. I can’t lose my Job”harry looked at him and he calmed a little “ but you won’t “

Louis looked down, Harry sighed “ why are you scared? “
“ I am not scared”

“ then why? How come your job is more important than me? “

Louis huffed “ God Harry.. Why are you so difficult? “

“ me? Difficult?” he took his hand from Louis and stepped back few steps, he looked down to rearrange his thoughts, he then looked at Louis

“ you need to choose”

Louis looked at him mouth opened, with big eyes
Harry was crying now “ I am sorry.. I am sorry to make you do this.. But I need you to pick me, please.. Please Louis think about it. Don’t ruin what we have”

Louis chuckled angrily “ ruin what we have? Harry it’s you who is asking for this”

He rubbed his face “ God I can’t believe how you think, I can’t believe how selfish you are... “

“ I am your fucking husband... They need to know the world need to know. I need people to stop flirting with me.. I need to love you openly in front of all of them.. I need you to stop breaking my heart on the daily rhythm.. I am not asking for a lot Louis.. I need to be free”

Louis was looking at Harry, he knew he couldn’t answer that, he knew Harry has every right to be angry at him, to ask him.

Harry finally shook his head “ you know what? It’s not just about your boss Louis. You don’t need anyone to know.. Not even our friends.. Not even Niall.. I can’t do this anymore.. Shit I can’t “

Then he walked out of the kitchen while Louis felt he can’t breath. He really can’t breath. So he left the whole house running away from everything.

******
Louis was angry, really angry. He entered the station and was ready to fight with anyone. Specially that one who always had his eyes on Harry

“ hay Tommo”

Louis huffed in frustration, he tried to ignore him and walked to his desk, but Nick Grimshaw followed him.
“ what with you today? “

Louis rubbed his temples “ Nick.. I am really not in the mood for you”

Nick laughed “ mood for me? You don’t need to be in mood for me. It’s not about you anyway, it’s about your lovely curly head friend”

Louis yelled “ for God sake Nick.. Leave him alone he said no like million times.. “

Nick shrugged “ I don’t care. I will keep trying.. I like him and you know me. Never take no as an answer”
“and what will you do, huh? “ he snapped

“ I just need to show him I deserve him”

Louis stood from his desk and stood right in front of Nick “ you stay away from him”

Nick frowned “ why? You are not his guardian angel.. I want him”

“ let’s see how boss would say about it? “

Nick rolled his eyes “ oh please, the boss here knows about me, he can’t do anything.. Beside he loves Harry..”

then he laughed “ he is my brother Louis. Even if he is the greatest homophobe alive. He loves me”

Louis was losing his temper now “ stay away from harry”

“why would I do that? What is the matter with you today, why are you acting as a jealous boyfriend “

Then Louis grasped him from his collar “ I am not saying it again Nick. Put him out of your mind or I swear to God”

Nick pushed Louis hard, it was when Zayn suddenly showed up from nowhere and stood between the two men

Nick was telling now “ you do not have a fucking say in this tomlinson so you stay the hell away from me”

Louis was going to attack again when Zayn stopped him, Louis yelled “ try me Grimshaw.. Just fucking try me”

Nick laughed sarcastically “ yeah.. Whatever. Let’s see what is he going to say”

Louis was going to attack again, but Zayn pushed him away, and he guided him out of the station.

Louis yanked his hand away from Zayn’s grip once they were outside

He was still angry, anxious, and all his body was shaking
“ what was that about? “

Louis looked at him “ give me a cigarette “

Zayn frowned and shook his head “ no you quit “

Louis yelled “ give me a fucking cigarette “

“no” Zayn yelled back.

Louis walked away and he kicked the wall and yelled in frustration.

Zayn was standing beside him watching, when Louis finished his tantrum. Zayn finally sighed “ is it about Harry? About last night? “

Louis looked at him and Zayn shrugged “ he looked really hurt last night. I mean lou.. That was stupid”

Louis huffed but didn’t yell again “ we always play this game”

“not after last time. He was really disappointed and you promised him no more”

Louis shook his head and closed his eyes. Yes… definitely was stupid

“ so, what happened? “

Louis took a deep breath “ he wants me to declare our marriage.. He says he had enough”

Zayn bit his lower lip “ actually, he has the right for this.. It has been years Louis.. “

“five”

“ damn.. Five already? “

Louis nodded, Zayn sighed “ and what are you planning to do? “

“ I can’t do this Zayn.. “

“why? “

Louis looked at him, Zayn said “we both know it has nothing to do with boss.. Not after when nick cameout”

Louis looked down, Zayn sighed “ you are losing him Louis. If you kept doing what that , you will lose him eventually. No one can live the life he chose. It’s very hard, anyone else would run away”

Louis whispered “ please, stop.. “

Zayn walked closer “ I am not trying to upset you Louis, I am just trying to make you see. This has to end… you need to do something “

“I am trying “

“ are you? “ Zayn asked honestly, “ cause I have never seen you Trying Tommo, you keep pretending you are not a couple till you really believed it, you even pretend when I am around.. I know the truth but you still keep pretending , you even flirt with girls when there is only me around “

*******
Louis returned his home late at night, the place was so quiet and he realized there was no Harry. He checked the bedroom and the bathroom and there was no sign for Harry.

Louis sat on the couch thinking of how he would make Harry forgive him, how he would fix this.

Louis slept on the couch and next thing he wake up still in his place. He stretched his body and then he left the couch. He looked again for Harry and again Harry wasn’t found.. Harry didn’t come back home.

He was in his bedroom when he noticed that his closet was slightly opened and it was nearly empty.

He panicked and rushed to it, he opened it and he realized what happened. Harry took all his clothes and left.

Chapter Text

Who do you think the sick character would be?
Harry or Louis?
Would love your hear your thoughts

I will write again guys thanks for your support. I realised there are alot who are waiting for my work and also realised writing is the only thing that makes me happy... I write for you and I write for myself ❤️

Chapter Text

Louis didn’t sleep the last night, he spent the night on the couch. In the dark. Quietly.

He spent the night thinking what to do to fix this. This time Harry was the angriest among the years that he left the house. Harry took his clothes and left Louis alone which was very confusing. Louis didn’t have to wonder where Harry was, he knew he was with Niall.

When the morning came Louis already had his plan. He would go to the hospital and he would talk to Harry. He would convince him to come back and Harry would do that , Harry always came back.

Louis entered his bed room to get dressed and it felt gloomy. He stared at the bed where Harry always slept and he took a deep breath. He always knew he wouldn’t have a chance to survive without him. Harry wasn’t just his husband, he was his best friend. His brother. His anchor.

He opened the door and he walked outside to his car. And once he got inside he remembered the first day they bought that car. It was Harry’s choice and Louis’ color. He remembered that Harry paid half of its cost and he never took his money back. He never asked and Louis knew he never cared.

Louis entered the hospital and he was looking around him for any familiar face. He saw Liam talking to a nurse and he rushed to him

Liam saw him before he talked and Liam turned into worried state “ what happened? “ Liam walked to him few steps while Louis was running

“ where is Harry? “ Louis asked out of breath

“ what?! “ Liam frowned

“ Liam where is he? “

Liam looked around him looking for Harry “ I don’t know. I saw him maybe an hour ago.. I guess maybe he is at OR.. But why?”

Louis looked down trying to calm his beating heart “ OK, Niall?? “

Liam nodded “ sleeping.. “

Louis left, he didn’t wait for what Liam had to say. He ran to the room Niall used to sleep in, he knew it, he always wake him up with Harry.

Louis opened the door but Niall wasn’t sleeping, he was awake sitting on the bed and he was holding a file filling some papers.

He looked at Louis and when he saw his face he startled “ what happened? “

Niall left the bed and he jumped on his leg “ everyone okay? “

Louis frowned “ where is Harry? “

Niall frowned and shrugged “ he was having a surgery, I guess he is still in there. Why? What happened? “

Louis bit his lower lip, Harry wasn’t staying with Niall
“ Tommo? “

Louis sighed and sat on the chair beside the table “ we had a fight and he left the house..”

Niall raised his brows “ you had a fight and he left? “

“ yes Niall” Louis said impatiently

But Niall almost laughed “ what did you hit each other? It sounds like a couple… harry won’t leave because of a stupid fight. What did you do Tommo? “

And Louis got it. Of course Harry wouldn’t go to Niall because he would have to explain himself. And this something he couldn’t do.

The door was opened and Louis thanked God for who ever entered. But it was Harry.

He looked between the two men and then he headed to the bed and he collapsed on it.

Niall felt there was tension in the room “ Harry.. Did you leave your flat? “

Harry looked at Niall and then at Louis, he sighed and buried his face again in the pillow “ I am so tired.. I have been standing up for five hours. My head is going to explode and I am not talking about anything now”

Niall looked at Louis and shrugged. Then he left the room.

Harry was still burying his head and when Louis saw his shoulders he noticed how tensed they were

“ just go louis” Harry said

But Louis moved towards him “I need to talk”

“I don’t.. “

Louis snapped “ then don’t.. I will talk”

Harry looked at him, and then he sat on the bed and looked at Louis

“ you left? “

Harry didn’t talk he was just staring, Louis “ you never leave… no matter what happened before you just never did that”

Harry looked down, Louis “ we are adults Harry, we don’t do that.. We sit and talk.. Wasn’t that your strategy to work things out”

Harry chuckled sarcastically and shook his head.
Louis continued “ I know you are angry and I am sorry for what happened… I promise you that will never happen again”

Harry looked at him surprised, Louis was so nervous and the look on Harry’s eyes added more tension in his nerves “ but don’t leave. Come back.. Where are you staying anyway? “

But Harry didn’t answer him.

Louis sighed and sat beside Harry “ Harry, we have been through a lot… don’t ruin it now”

Harry looked at him “ ruin it? “

He shook his head again and stopped talking to rearrange his thoughts and now Louis knew the storm was coming

“ you are not blaming me for ruining this marriage.. Don’t you dare do this”

Louis argued “ I am not. “

“then what are you doing? “ Harry left the bed and looked at Louis furiously “ for the last five.. No for forever.. Ever since I met you and I have been struggling alone.. For God sake I deserve a little respect.. “

Louis left the bed too “ excuse me..back home everyone knows.. “

“who knows Louis… our families? They don’t count.. I know you asked every single one of them not to say any word about us.. I know okay. So who else knows? Zayn? You even asked him not to let me know he knows..” he shook his head “I had enough… I am done”
Louis “what the hell does it mean? “

“it means either we tell people or you can kiss this marriage goodbye”

“are you threatening me Harry? “

Harry stopped talking and looked at Louis in the eyes “ no, I am trying to protect us “

“how? How is pushing me to declare this marriage is protecting us? “

Harry took a moment starying at Louis then he asked “ why did you marry me Louis? Why did you propose knowing that I will say yes..”

“what kind of question is this Harry? “ Louis answers nervously “ I love you, I can’t risk my job Harry”

Harry was still watching him “ you should love me enough to take the risk”

Louis groaned “ my God Harry. Don’t be that selfish”

“selfish? Now I am the selfish one? Can’t you see the truth for one second? What is the fuck is wrong with you? “ he pressed his fingers in his temples and closed his eyes

Louis looked at his face and he saw how pale and exhausted Harry looked. He wanted this fight to end. He wanted to take him home and put him in bed and sleep in his lap.

“ what do you want Tomlinson? “

Tomlinson.. He says it when he is so mad

Louis swallowed thickly and said “ I want you to come back? “

Harry opened his eyes “ will you tell the people about us? “

“ Harry… “

“then no” Harry said and gave him his back

Louis looked at him “ what? Are you planning to stay out forever? “

Harry looked at him narrowing his eyes “ are you planning to keep us in dark forever? “

Louis didn’t answer him, he looked down.

Harry took a deep breath “ I have a surgery in two hours. I need some rest..” he lied on the bed again. He closed his eyes and Louis was still watching him. harry was sick and Louis knew if he touched his forehead he would find him hot. But he didn’t. He slowly walked out of the room and left Harry alone.

******

Harry was left alone in the room, he was closing his eyes and he didn’t want the tears to betray him when he was fighting with Louis, but once Louis left he sat his tears free. And he cried. He never expected to feel like this before. He always gave Louis excuses but he never imagined there would come a day when he would have to pay for this.

He was thinking recently for This, recently means two years. He was thinking for the Last two years to make Louis declare their marriage, to make Louis came out but every time they talked about it he was seeing how restless Louis would become and he never wanted to put any pressure over his shoulders. So he always retreated and stop talking about it. But this time Harry really had enough. He had been waiting for five years and five years were a lot. Louis would have to do something to prove to Harry that he still wanted him in his life. Harry knew how much Louis loved him but he felt that it was not enough, he needed more. And Louis must give him more.

 

The door was opened again and Liam entered
“ Harry. Are you awake?”

“no” he said still hugging the pillow and burying his face in it.

He felt a heavy weight beside him on the mattress “ what happened? “

Harry sighed but he didn’t talk

“ Harry, I know there was something.. So what is it? Did you fight again? “

Harry finally rolled to be on his back, he looked at the ceiling “I can’t do it anymore”

Liam was watching his best friend and he nodded “ did you tell him? “

Harry looked at him and he didn’t talk, Liam sighed “ when you showed up last night at my door steps I knew there was something but you looked so awful to talk, actually you look more awful now but I need to know”

 

Harry shook his head and sniffed “he doesn’t want to come out”

Liam bit his lower lip, Harry continued with tears in his eyes “ and I can’t do it anymore.. I can’t keep pretending that it’s okay.. It is not okay” he looked at Liam

Liam nodded “ I know, I know.. But you are pushing him Harry”

“pushing him? I have waited for five years Louis… fuck.. I can’t keep doing this.. It’s killing me” he sat on the bed and again he closed his eyes and rested his head on his knees

“ headache again? “ Liam asked worriedly

“it never goes away” harry whimpered

“ we should check this up Harry.. “

“ I know” then he looked at Liam “ can you not tell him I am staying with you? “

Liam nodded and sighed “ but he will figure it out by himself”

Harry shook his head “ no, he thinks I am sleeping at a hotel since I am not with Niall”

Liam “ he will lose his shit when he knows about me”

Harry shrugged “ well.. Zayn knows and they keep it a secret from me.. “

“Zayn is your best friend since forever”

“you are my best friend too.. “

“thanks but…”

“but what Liam? “ he snapped at him then he sighed “it’s my life too. He doesn’t have a say in it”

Then the door was opened again and Niall entered “Here you are”

Then he sat on the chair in front of the bed “ now.. Spell it. What is the matter with your lunatic friend? “

Harry sighed and left the bed “ I have a surgery "

Niall raised a brow “ okay, but we will talk Harry.. I am not leaving this behind. He seemed freaking out and you look miserable… so I will know”

Harry nodded his head and he left the room.

*****

Harry just left his surgery, he was feeling awful and he felt he was radiating heat from all his body, his hands were shaking violently that he could not finish the surgery by himself and he asked for Liam to do the work for him.

 

He was in the adjacent room trying to steady himself and having a full breath when the door was opened.
He looked at Liam “ Harry… are you okay? “

Harry nodded closing his eyes “ yeah.. It is nothing. I am just nervous that’s all”

Liam put his hand on Harry’s shoulder “ something happened okay? … it’s louis”

Harry looked at him with narrowed eyes, Liam sighed “he has been shot”

“oh God” Harry gasped

“ he is on the way.. Zayn is with him.. They will be here in five minutes”

Harry didn’t have to hear anything else. He ran himself out of the room, he ran outside the hospital. And he saw the ambulance coming. He rushed to it and he helped opening the back door.

Zayn was the first one he saw. With a hand in a sling. And blood all over his clothes. Then on a stretcher was lying Louis.

The medics put him out of the ambulance and Harry didn’t pay attention to what was being said. He was looking at Louis. Who was unconscious with blood on his chest.

He saw Liam right behind him talking with the medics and then they all rushed inside.

Except for him and Zayn.

Zayn was looking at Harry “ he will be okay” Zayn said
Harry finally looked at him, then he frowned “ you are hurt too”

“i will be fine”

Harry was fighting himself. He didn’t know what to do. To run after his husband and it felt okay, he was his best friend too and everyone knew that. Or to stay here because he was too scared to get inside. Louis didn’t look okay, there was blood. A lot of blood and that was scary.

 

Harry finally said “ let’s look at you”

Chapter Text

"and he jumped at the line of fire without hesitation, you know your friend and you know how he never think?”
Zayn said looking at Harry's hand that was stitching his wound.

Harry was trying his best to keep his hand still and to keep his tears at the back of his head. He wasn’t responding at all and with every word Zayn said he felt tensed and barely could see Zayn’s wound.

The wound wasn’t something serious. The bullet just scratched his arm and he was okay

Harry wasn’t talking, he was just listening and trying his best not to cry. He finished Patching Zayn up and he put his hand on his thigh. They were shaking violently now and Zayn must noticed, Zayn put his hand in Harry’s and he looked at him but Harry couldn’t move his eyes away from the ground. If he faced Zayn he would collapse.

“ he will be okay harry” Harry sniffed and nodded his head

“ he is a fighter.. We both know that” Zayn said again.

Harry again nodded his head, Zayn looked at the door of the Er they were in “ what do you think is happening there? “

Harry took a deep breath. He knew he shouldn’t be here with Zayn. He should be there with Louis, he should be in OR trying to save his husband’s life. But he knew he just couldn’t because if he did he would show what he shouldn’t, he might reveal Louis’ secret and that might hurt Louis. And he never wanted to hurt Louis.

Suddenly the door was opened and Niall was the one who entered he looked between Zayn and Harry and then said “ he is okay.. He is out of surgery and he is in his way to his room now”

Zayn jumped on his feet “ are you sure? “

Harry was still looking down, still scared that Niall might know anything if he saw his face. Although all he wanted was just run now to Louis and hug him between his hands but he just couldn’t.

Niall nodded and looked at Harry “ come on Harry, I know you need to see him”

Harry finally gathered all the courage in the world and raised his head. He looked at Niall and slowly stood up. Although everything spun around him for a second he didn’t care. He just left the room and walked with Zayn’s to Louis room

 

***

Harry was talking to Liam to understand what exactly happened to Louis before entering his room. He tried to remain calm because Niall was there when Liam told him about his husband case.

Louis was shot twice in his chest. Thankfully it didn’t hit any vital organ, and it only the flesh that was wounded. Liam had removed the bullets and cleaned the wounds. Louis was considered lucky to came out of it with the least damage.

Harry waited Till Niall and Zayn leave Louis’s room. His heart was beating fast and he could barely control his nerves . So once the two men were out. Harry rushed inside.

He closed the door behind him and looked at Louis. He was still unconscious of course. At the first look Louis looked like sleeping. But with every step Harry took towards him, his heart sank and he felt tears were falling freely on his cheeks.
Louis looked too small at the hospital bed and although Harry had seen millions of patients at Louis’ position, although he saw Louis himself before at the bed but with only a hurt knee. This time it felt different. It felt scary.

Harry looked at Louis’ face, it was too pale and his lips were chapped. He slowly moved his eyes and he saw his chest that was covered with a huge gauze and he closed his eyes crying hard. He covered his mouth to suppress the sobs and he sat beside him on the chair. Slowly he took his hand and he kissed it. He then looked again at his face and sighed

“ you can’t do this you idiot.. You promised me. You promised me you will never get shot first day you worked.. Why did you break that promise? Damn Louis it’s like you are breaking everything between us recently and I... “ he cried and covered his eyes with his hand.

Suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder, he gasped and looked. It was Zayn smiling at him softly.

He sat beside him and he sighed “ I know you need your privacy.. But I also know you need some support “

Harry tried to smile, Zayn continued “ he is okay Harry.. Don’t panic”

Harry looked at what Zayn was looking and he was looking at Harry’s hand. His hand was trembling violently and then Harry sighed

Zayn “ I know you will stay with him. I will just go home for few hours.. The drug you gave me made me drowsy and I really need some rest”

Harry nodded frowning “ yeah.. Of course.. But you can’t drive”

Zayn nodded “Niall is giving me the ride”

Harry nodded, Zayn stood up and said “ do you need anything? “

Harry shook his head and looked again at Louis. Zayn watched Harry for a moment before patting his shoulder softly and then he left.

*****

Louis felt awful pain in his chest. He wondered what it could be? And he was thinking to wake Harry up to ask him, maybe Harry could give him some puffs of his inhaler and he woudl feel comfortable again.

Then he heard the regular peeping. Peep peep peep. What was that?

He decided to open his eyes, and no he wasn’t home. And no he wasn’t beside Harry too.

He looked around him and first thing he saw was Harry sleeping in a painful angel on the chair next to him. He looked at the machine that was monitoring his heart beats and then the memories rushed in his mind.
He cursed and he covered his eyes.

“ you are awake? “ Harry asked

Louis looked at Harry, Harry looked awful but he was smiling anyway “ how do you feel? “

Louis sighed “ in pain.. What happened? “

He knew what happened, but he needed to hear Harry talking. He enjoyed Harry’s softness again.

Harry moved closer and he rubbed his arm so softly and said “ you have been shot”

Louis was watching Harry’s eyes and he knew Harry was crying

“ when? “

“last night” Harry added and then he played with his hair

“ you stayed? “

Harry looked at him and he frowned “ of course... “

Louis nodded “did someone from the station come? “

Harry nodded “they all came.. And promised they will come again”

Louis nodded “ good”

Harry sighed “what is it? “

Louis closed his eyes and shook his head, Harry moved his hands away “ don’t worry. No one knows I stayed the night here.. I work here and it’s okay”

Louis looked at him with wide eyes “ what are you talking about? “

Harry shrugged “it is written all over your face, you are worried that they knew"

“you are wrong”

Then the door was knocked and Nick popped his head “oh, you are awake officer Tomlinson”

Louis looked at Nick and tried all his beat to smile, Nick entered the room but he was looking at Harry instead
“Harry, nice to see you here? “Harry stood up and shook hand with him “ of course..Louis is my best friend”

Louis huffed in pain “ Harry is leaving now.. He has work, right? “ Harry looked at him shocked but he slowly nodded. Harry didn't know Louis said it only because he was jealous

“ do you need anything? “ he asked

“no Harry” Louis said resting his head in the pillow, but Harry walked closer in concern “ are you in pain? “

“ Harry do me a favour? “ Louis snapped at him.

Harry frowned then he took few steps backwards. He looked at Nick “ I think I should go then”

Nick was watching them with a smirk “ yeah.. Sure. I will find you later I need to have a talk”

Louis glared at Harry who smiled and nodded “ sure”
Then he left the room totally ignoring Louis.

Once the door was closed behind Harry, Nick looked at Louis “ how are you doing? “

Louis was frustrated and in pain “what do you want Nick”

Nick looked at him with narrowed eye “ you are a friend who got shot.. What are you talking about? “

Louis nodded “ fine.. I am okay, you can go now”

Nick smiled but he sat on the chair, he always found a way to tease Louis “ the boss is angry you know”

Louis chuckled, Nick added “ two agents had been shot..that is something “

Louis snapped his head to Nick “ two? “

Nick nodded “ you and Zayn? “

Suddenly Louis felt he couldn’t breath even his heart monitor started to scream loudly

Nick must panicked because suddenly Louis saw Harry and Liam by his side

“it’s okay Lou.. You are okay” Harry was talking to him and locked eyes with him, put an oxygen mask on . He then felt he lied down and then everything went black.

*****

When Louis opened his eyes next, he found himself still in the hospital room.

“ you had a panic attack “ Louis heard Harry’s voice, he looked beside him and there was Harry checking his vitals. Louis started to cry silently and when Harry looked at him he gasped “ Lou.. What? “

He walked closer to him, Louis covered his eyes and he couldn’t stop

“ why are you crying Tommo? “

Louis’ heart stopped. He looked at the chair where Harry was sitting in the morning but this time it was Zayn

“ you are alive? “

Both Harry and Zayn said “ what? “

Louis huffed in frustration “ fucking Grimshaw said you were shot”

Harry giggled and returned to his work, Zayn “ Tommo, you were crying because of me.. I am touched”

Louis groaned and then winced “ no”

Harry still giggling “ easy there”

Zayn laughed “I was shot trying to save your arse you Idiot” Zayn said and Louis saw Harry’s shoulder tensed for a second.

Louis looked at Zayn “ you are the idiot”

Zayn raised his brow “ you were shot twice in your chest at the middle of the fire.. I would never leave you there.. I saved your life so you owe me”

Louis chuckled closing his eyes “ I owe you nothing “

“ would you shut up” Harry suddenly snapped at them
Louis opened his eyes and looked at Harry While Zayn just looked down

Harry was nervous “ I am so.. Shit..i am sorry. I am gonna call Liam “

And he ran out of the room. Louis was still watching him.

“ he is worried.. He was worried sick about you and he was struggling to hide it”

Louis looked at Zayn and nodded, Zayn sighed “ you scared all of us Louis”

Louis nodded again but he looked at the door where Harry just left. He knew how scared Harry was, he remembered one time when Harry told him the scariest moment in his life would be if he got shot. He even made him promise him he wouldn't ever get shot. Harry was scared and yet Louis couldn’t help him. He couldn't help him as long as there were people. Selfishness? Yes he knew. He would calm Harry when they be alone in their home. Yes he would.

At the evening the door was opened again, and It was Liam and Niall who entered this time.

Zayn was still with Louis in the room. all of the station was there checking on Louis an hour ago, And finally they left but Louis’ head was very crowded and he had a horrible headache

“ how do you feel super Louis? “ Niall said cheerfully

Louis looked at him “ my head hurts”

Niall looked shocked “oh you have headache too? “

Liam giggled while checking Louis’ vital “ stop it Niall”

Niall looked innocent “ what? Only a superhero who put himself at the middle of the fire without his protective vest”

Louis sighed “ not you too... I was being lectured all along the day.. Now give me the meds and bring me Harry and go”

Niall laughed “ can’t do that”

Louis looked at them “ but I am in pain”

Niall sat beside him “ but you are superhero”

Louis groaned “ Liam”

Liam laughed so as Niall, then Niall said “ meds you will have. It’s Harry.. I think he is going on a date”

“ a what?!! “ Louis almost jumped from the bed and he winced with a scream.

Liam glared at Niall “not a date.. It’s just a talk”

Niall giggled “ talk? The guy took him for coffee.. Outside the hospital.. It is an official date.. You just forgot how date works Liam”

Liam looked at Louis “ it’s not”

“ with who? “

Niall said “ Grimshaw.. We all know how much he likes him. Actually I believe he is a nice guy and he really likes our Hazza... “

“Niall.... “ Liam interrupted him “ Louis had headache.. Go and get him something “

Niall was still laughing when he left the room.
Louis was frustrated, he was breathing fast and he wasn’t even trying to hide his anger

“ it’s not a date” Liam said

Louis Looked at him “ he is with him having a drink Liam.. He is having a blast while I am struggling to stay alive” maybe he felt he said so much because he pressed his mouth shut.

Liam was watching him “he didn’t want to go, it’s Nick who didn’t stop trying “

Louis closed his eyes, he knew how Nick worked and he knew he would do such a thing when he got his chance. And that was his perfect chance.

Liam sat beside him “ I will give you something for your headache and then you will sleep well”

Louis nodded but he didn’t open his eyes or said a word.

Louis opened his eyes later, he didn’t know what the time was but he saw faint light coming from beside him. He looked and he saw Harry sitting there wearing his glasses and doing his paper works. His face looked exhausted and his eyes were clearly red. Even from that distance Louis could see how red his eyes were

“ you need some sleep” Louis said

Harry looked at him and he closed the file he was reading, he put it on the table and he walked to him
“ how do you feel? “ he said while checking his vitals

“ chest hurts but I will survive”

Harry bit his inner cheek while reading his vitals on the monitor “ do you need some morphine? “

Louis shook his head “ no, I think I can take it”

Harry nodded and then he sat beside him on the bed, he put his hand in his forehead to check his fever

“ I am sorry “ Louis said

Harry didn’t look at him, Louis sighed “ I didn’t know it would end like this.. “

“ you were shot Louis..”

Louis nodded “ I am really sorry”

Harry took a deep breath “I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to be with you... But I was scared. I was very scared that something might happen to you and I wouldn’t be able to control myself ”

Louis took Harry’s hand

Harry looked at his eyes “ it’s killing me to see you like this. Please don’t do this again.. I was literally dying and I felt helpless... I wanted to hug you and to feel you but I waited.. I waited and I was the last one to see you because I didn’t want them to see me”

Louis nodded

“ and it hurts”

Louis wiped Harry’s tears, “ I am fine Hazza... I will be okay.. All your doctor friends here said that”

Harry sighed and then nodded his head “ no morphine? Are sure about it? “

Louis nodded. Harry sighed “ I had to tell your Lottie.. She was calling me and I told her”

Louis nodded “ it’s okay.. “

Harry was still watching him, then he said “ I love you”

Louis smiled “ I love you more”

Then the door was opened and a male nurse entered “ doctor Style.. I am sorry but you are needed at the Emergency room... “

Harry sighed “ I am not working.. “

 

“I know.. I am sorry but it is really urgent”

Louis nudged him in his hand and when Harry looked at him he said “ go.. I will wait for you. I am not going anywhere”

Harry nodded and then looked at the nurse “ do you have anything to do right now? "

The nurse shook his head, Harry stood up “ okay, stay.. And call me if anything happened.. Anything “

Louis smiled “ just go”

While the nurse entered the room and stood beside the bed. Harry looked at Louis “ I will be back soon..i hope”

Louis nodded and then Harry left.

The nurse was watching Louis and then he sat when Louis looked at him.

“ he is our best doctor” the nurse said

Louis nodded “ he is my best friend “

The nurse smiled “ one of his kind doctor Styles.. Are you close?”

Louis nodded but he felt nervous

then the nurse smiled “ my friend has been trying with him but he always says no.. Do you know if he is seeing anyone? “

Louis looked at him, the nurse “ I am not trying to be rude but I just hate to see my friend's heart broken again”

Louis rested his head on the pillow “ no.. He is not seeing anyone”

“then why... “

“oh please... I need some rest”

The nurse nodded shyly “I am so sorry.. Sorry”

Harry returned at the middle of the night, he was very very exhausted. Louis was already sleeping and all Harry wanted was to sleep with him. To feel him and to be close.

So he lied beside him and he buried his face on Louis’ neck and he closed his eyes

“ what did Nick need? “ Louis suddenly asked

Harry startled and looked at Louis “ you are awake? “

Louis opened his eyes “ so? “

Harry sighed “ nothing.. “

Louis was still looking at him, then Harry said “ you know Nick.. He asked me for a date”

“ and? “

Harry frowned “ and? “

Louis “ what did you say? “

“ of course not”

Louis sighed “ he won’t take no as an answer”

“I don’t give a shit about him” harry said

Louis looked at him “ he suspects something “

Harry looked at Louis again and said nothing, Louis added “well.. Not just him.. Niall and Liam too.. They were teasing me this morning about it, and pushing people away isn't actually helping "

“ what are you trying to tell me”

Louis sighed “ I think you should say yes”

“what!!!! “

Louis tried to take a deep breath “ just for few weeks and then break up with him... He will forget about you and he will put me out of his head”

“you are not serious are you? “

Louis “ Harry.. “

“you just told me yesterday you were sorry for trying to set me with someone as a game and now you are asking me to go with Nick in a date, on an actual date , no you are asking to be in a relationship "

“Harry.. “

“ don’t... Don’t Harry me.. That’s... Fuck that’s beyond everything.. Did you hit your head because this is the stupidest thing you have ever said”

Louis groaned “ listen to me... It just for few weeks”

“ do you understand what you are doing? “ Harry said

“ I do” Louis said louder then he groaned in pain and clutched his chest

Harry looked at his hand and he then didn’t talk.
He slowly left the bed and he sat on the chair
Louis looked at him but Harry was so angry.

“ okay.. Fine don’t do it I will find some way”

Harry looked at Louis’ face but he didn’t talk, he just stared at him.

Louis closed his eyes and he ignored him.

“ lou” Harry said, Louis opened his eyes and looked at Harry who carried a blank expression on his face

“ do you ever wanna come out? “ Harry asked, then he shrugged “ are you planning to keep us hiding for five more years? For forever? “

Louis sighed.

Harry took a deep breath, and then he nodded, he put his hand on the chair' hands ready to stand up “ you need some sleep”

he looked at Louis one more time then He stood up, Louis said “ Harry... “

“I will be out... I need some coffee. You need some rest”

And he walked out of the room.

Chapter Text

Next morning, Louis wake up on the sound of his sisters. He opened his eyes and found the twins were playing cards while Lottie was on the phone talking beside him on the chair.

 

“ Lou... “ one of the twins shouted and all eyes were on him.

The twins hugged him softly, Daisy “ we were worried Lou.. Don’t do this again” she sat beside him

And then Phoebe hugged him again and cried on his chest carefully away from his wounds, He wrapped his hand around her and he looked at Daisy and smiled “ I am sorry. I will be okay”

Then Lottie sat at his legs and was watching him with tears in her eyes, he looked at her and said “ I am really sorry, but I am okay”

She nodded and looked at his leg without talking. He knew how hard that was. They lost their mom and then lost their sister, so seeing him at this bed must btought awful feelings to them.

Daisy said “ Harry told us the bullets didn’t hurt any organs”

At mentioning of his name Louis looked around him, he wasn’t in the room.

“ he has a surgery “ Lottie said

Again Louis looked at her eyes and he could read something other than the worry. He could see sadness.
Phoebe said still in his lap “ when will you leave? “

“ I still don’t know baby, but soon I hope”

Lottie said “ okay, girls.. Could you go find Zayn. He said he wanted to see Louis when he wakes up
Phoebe hugged him again and the n they both left.

Lottie then looked at him “ you promised you will be there forever”

Louis nodded and opened his arms for her, she got close and hugged him and she cried on his shoulder “ don’t please, I am here and I am okay”

“you are not okay” lottie sniffed “ you were shot Louis... “

“won’t happen again, I am so sorry”

Then the door was opened again, Zayn entered followed by the twins

“ good morning “Zayn said

When Louis looked at him to answer he saw Harry entering also with Liam, they were talking whispering and Harry looked really tired and as if he was crying.
Zayn walked and sat beside him “ you are having a two weeks vacation for now. If your doctor” he looked at Liam “ said you need more the boss will give you more”
Louis hardly could move his eyes from Harry and looked at Zayn and then he nodded.

 

Liam Walked towards Louis, the look on his face was unreadable, he looked worried and anxious. He looked at Louis and tried to smile “ how are you feeling today? “

Louis nodded “ better”

Liam looked at Lottie “ your sisters are here. You must be better”

Then Niall entered and looked at Harry, he took him to the corner of the room and they talked, Niall talked and Harry nodded. Then Niall looked at Louis “ better Tommo? “

 

Louis nodded and then Niall left. Just like that, no jokes no teasing. Definitely something was wrong.
Liam “ I will decrease the morphine dose now and you might feel some pain but you can take it”

 

Louis nodded, he wanted to ask what was going on, but maybe because all his family was there he didn’t ask.

Liam left the room so as Harry. An hour later the family left Louis for some sleep.

At night, Louis was with some of his co-workers. Again Nick was there and again Louis felt restless.

Harry hadn’t come to his room ever since this morning and Louis didn’t have time to ask about him.

Only Zayn and Nick stayed with Louis. After all Nick was a good friend and Louis knew it.

Zayn was telling him about what exactly happened that night, and told Louis that it was Nick who really saved the day.

They were talking about Gigi who visited Louis and when she and Zayn met, Zayn believed her heart melted again.

“ she is a friend too Zayn, maybe that’s why she Came” Nick said

Zayn groaned “ she wanted to see me Nick”

“because you were also shot. And when you broke up she wanted to be friends and that’s what friends do”

Zayn sighed and looked at Louis “ what do you think? “

Louis took a deep breath “ I hate to say it, but I agree with Nick”

Zayn huffed.

Nick laughed “you love her this much.. Try to fix what happened”

“it’s not easy”Zayn said

“well at least try” Nick said then he looked at Louis “ can i talk to you about something without getting angry at me”

Louis frowned “ what? “

“it’s Harry”

Louis tried his best to keep calm, while Zayn was watching the two me, Nick said “ we went out yesterday.. I guess he finally approved only to put an end”

“ why are you so obsessed with him? “ Zayn said

Nick looked at him shocked “ have you met him? He is attractive, handsome young man, successful and.. He needs me”

Louis chuckled, Nick looked at him “ he does. He needs me to take care of him. He takes care of everyone and forgets about himself”

“ and you will do what exactly? He has us” Louis said as calm as he could

“ well, he needs more than a friend. He needs someone like me to watch over him. To protect him. To remind him to watch over himself, yesterday he almost passed out on me”

Louis was watching him with a shock,

“I am sure he tripped, we all know how clumsy Harry is”

Nick looked at Zayn “I know what I saw. And you heard what Niall said this morning “

Zayn looked down avoiding meeting Louis’ eyes,
Louis frowned and looked at Nick “ what did Niall say? “

Nick sighed “ he passed out at the middle of a surgery”

Zayn said “ he said he wasn’t sleeping okay.. “

“that’s exactly why he needs me, he needs me to warm the bed for him”

And if looks could kill, Nick would be dead back then
Zayn noticed how Louis was glaring at Nick, he stood up “ okay, we should go now”

Nick nodded and sighed “ Tommo, please talk to him convince him to give me a chance. He made it clear that he doesn’t want to be in any relationship.. I don’t know if he is scared or what… just talk to him”

Zayn took Nick’s arm and pulled him away towards the door “ let’s go Nick”

Zayn opened the door and they both left the room.

Louis was lost in his thoughts, he knew there was something wrong with Harry, but he was exhausted right? He always got exhausted because of his work, but he never lost his conscious. He needed Harry.

The door was opened again, he thought it was Harry hut it was Liam, good Liam was good. Liam was Harry’s friend, he must had known what happened.

Liam walked directly to his chart to check his vitals.
“ Liam.. “ Louis said, Liam looked at him “ tell me what is wrong with Harry"

Louis could swear he saw Liam’s face lost his color “ what do you mean? “

“ you know what I mean.. He passed out this morning”

Liam sighed “ he is okay, he wasn’t sleeping lately and he was so stressed out. That’s why”

“ Harry never sleeps well Liam.. What is happening? “

Liam shrugged “ that’s it”

Louis huffed “ what are you hiding? “ maybe he moved wrong because he groaned in pain.

“easy” Liam said and helped him to find his comfortable angel. Louis was watching Liam helping him but Liam was avoiding looking at Louis.

Finally Louis sighed and rested his head on the pillow “ alright. Where is he? “

Liam again checking his charts and writing down in it “ in a surgery.. “

Louis realized Liam would not talk “ did Zayn leave? “

Liam “ no he is still here”

“okay, can you call him for me? “

Liam finally looked at him, he nodded and put the chart in its place and then be left the room.

Few minutes later the door was opened again and Zayn entered “ you wanted to see me”

Louis nodded, he sat slowly on the bed “ and if you lied to me I swear to God… “

“ he passed out” Zayn cut him.

And then he walked to sit at the chair beside the bed “ at the middle of his surgery. He passed out and he is okay now. He is stressed and he is now sleeping”

Liar Liam.

“ have you seen him? “ he became restless

“ I have… so did you When he came this morning”

Louis rubbed his face “ where is he now? “

“ he is having some rest” Zayn said “ I can call him for you, but obviously he is angry at you”

Louis nodded ‘ he is”

“what did you do? “

Louis shook his head in frustration “ it was stupid.. I might asked him to go on a date with Nick”

“you did what? “ Zayn was seriously shocked “ what is wrong with you? “

Louis sighed “ I know..

“you don’t know. You are asking him to be with Nick? NICK? Nick loves him and that is okay with you? . Don’t you even feel jealous a little bit”

“of course I do.. I trust Harry”

Zayn left his seat angrily “ why are you doing this? “ he shook his head still trying to understand “ what did he say? “

Louis shrugged “ he was angry… asked me if I ever will come out… but..”

“will you? “Zayn asked

Louis looked at Zayn shocked, Zayn shrugged “ cause if you will say yes then I will tell you are lying. What are you doing prove just the opposite.. Do you understand what you are doing to him? “

“ yes Zayn.. “

“no Louis you are actually don’t” then he sighed “ you are losing him Louis . If one day he left you then he had the every right to. And you won’t even can blame him”

The door then was opened, Niall entered the room and headed directly to Louis, he injected something In his canula .

Louis looked at him “ Niall.. Where is Harry?”

“ I am here”

Louis looked and Harry was just entering the room. He looked at Louis and he didn’t smile or anything, he looked exhausted and he was still angry at Louis.
Niall was checking Louis’ blood pressure, Zayn stood up “ I will go now. I will see you tomorrow “

Louis knew Zayn was angry too, he nodded d and Zayn left the room immediately.

Harry frowned “ what is wrong with him? “

Louis sighed and closed his eyes. He didn’t want to talk while Niall was still there.

Niall wrote the reading the chart. He noticed the nervousness was filling the room. He finished his work and he looked between them two and then he said “ I will check you later Louis”

Louis nodded and smiled “ thanks Niall”

Niall was watching Harry he tried to smile to Louis “ don’t mention it.. Get well soon”

And then he left the room.

Louis looked at Harry “ what happened this morning? “

Harry looked at him with a frown, Louis sighed “ you passed out? “

Harry nodded “ I did.. It’s not like the first time I pass out”

“Harry, you only passed out twice because of reasons. One you were hit at your head and the other you had a bad asthma attack “

Harry was nodding, he then sat on the chair “ I am fine”

Louis was watching him, Harry shrugged “ I am.. Nothing is wrong.. Just was tired”

Louis bit his lower lip and then he nodded.

“ Liam just told me they reduced your dose.. Do you feel pain? “

Louis sighed “a little. But I can take it”

Harry nodded “ I was… “

Then the door was knocked and opened again. A lady entered “ oh God Louis… “

Then she ran to him and hugged him so tight that he winced, but he didn’t unlock the eye contact with Harry, Harry was shocked with wide eyes and . “ I am so sorry baby, I am sorry”

She then looked at Harry who was watching them with a hurt face “ hi Harry”

Harry tried to smile “ hi Sarah”

Sarah then looked at Louis again “ I just heard. Nick just told me.. God baby.. How do you feel? “

Louis nervously said “ I am better.. You didn’t have to come”

She smiled and sat at the bed beside him “ are you kidding me.. You know how important you are to me”

Louis looked at Harry again, Harry was looking down and then he stood up slowly

“ Harry don’t go” Louis said begging, he saw the look on Harry 's eyes and it hurt

Sarah looked at Harry “ yeah stay Harry.. How are you doing? Still single”

Harry looked between her and Louis, she was holding Louis’ hand. Their fingers were locked together and Harry couldn’t take it anymore.

He shook his head looking at Louis and then he left the whole room.

Once he was out the room he was crashed with Liam
“ watch out.. “ Liam said joking

But Harry looked at him with wide eyes, Liam “ what? “ he became into panic state at once

“ can’t.. Brea-th” Harry said swaying

Liam was watching Harry who was clutching his chest, and he was going to fall , Liam “is it your asthma? “

Harry looked down trying to breath, trying to stand still. Liam helped him to a side room, he sat him on a couch and he knelt beside him rubbing his chest “ what is it Harry? “

 

Harry was closing his eyes, Liam “ this is not your asthma Harry, there is something else.. What do you feel? “

Harry just shook his head, but he was crying
“ I need a divorce Liam”

Liam looked at him worried and also shocked, still rubbing Harry’s chest “ what happened? “

“ he is seeing someone” Harry then looked at Liam with tears in his eyes “ he is still seeing Sarah.. Why? Why is he doing this to me? Why? “

Liam nodded “calm down Harry. We can fix this”

Harry shook his head “ I have to end this.. It took too long, it's killing me.. I have to end It”

“okay, just try to breath with me okay? “

Harry nodded and closed his eyes again “ Liam.. “

“ I am here.. “

Harry slurred “I will…. “ then he collapsed on Liam’s lap
He passed out again.

Chapter Text

Liam was walking through the hospital corridors, anger all over his face and he was ready to punch someone.

“ why the rush? “ Niall asked coming towards him

Liam looked at Niall and he didn’t answer, he just went on his way. Niall followed him without saying any other word.

Liam opened a room's door where Harry was examining a little kid, they both were giggling and Harry was trying to ease the kid's pain

He looked at the opened door where Liam stormed in followed by Niall

“ Dr Payne.. “ Harry said smiling

“ DR Styles “ Liam said glaring

Then Harry looked at the kid parents still keeping his smile “ I will be right back”

Then Liam and Niall left the room, then Harry walked after them .

Once they were outside, Liam turned to Harry “ I asked you not to leave the bed”.

Harry frowned “ I have work to do. And you said don’t leave my bed as long as I am dizzy. I am not dizzy”

Liam groaned “ Harry you know what I mean”

Harry sighed and looked at Niall who was watching them “ what is going on? “

Liam looked at Niall “ he passed out again last night I told him not to leave the bed”

Harry argued “ I feel fine. My blood pressure was a little high”

“too high” Liam said

Harry looked between them “I am okay now. I made nurse Lilly check it again and it was good”

Liam shook his head “ you are lying”

Harry looked at Liam “ you don’t expect me to lie there on the bed doing nothing while kids need me”

Liam sighed “ there is something wrong. “

“God Liam there is nothing wrong. Stop it please. Don’t add pressure on me”

Liam stopped talking and Niall said “okay, at least take it easy will you? “

Harry nodded “ I can do that”

Harry looked at Liam “now excuse me.. I have work”

Liam just walked away while Niall smiled and left too.

*****

Harry was with Niall doing some rounds, Niall gave him a file of the next case and when Harry opened it, he was shocked and panic covered his face, he couldn’t read any word.

He closed his eyes and opened it again, still blurred vision.

He squeezed his eyes with his fingers and opened it again, still nothing. Everything was doubled, and words were written above each other.

Niall noticed “ are you okay? “

Harry looked at Niall and he looked again at the file trying to see any word but it was the same.

Niall walked closer to him and put his hand on Harry’s shoulder “ Harry? “

Then another nurse came holding a file and looking at it with a confusion “ Dr Styles? “

Harry looked at her, she gave him the file “ what did you write? It doesn’t make any sense”

Harry took the file and of course he couldn’t see
“ okay, we will fix this Ann” it was Niall who talked, looking at the file in Harry's hand

He then took Harry’s hand and they walked to the stuff room. Niall sat him on the couch harry was still squeezing his eyes shut

Niall “ since when? “

Harry opened his eyes “ huh? “

“ blurred vision? Difficulty with writing? “

Harry sighed and pressed his temples with his fingers, “ headache” Niall added looking at him with huge concern

“I am fine”

“you are not fine. God damn it” Niall snapped at him.

Harry was watching him, Niall “ what do you hide? “

Harry chuckled “ I hide nothing.. "

Then the door was opened and Liam entered, he looked at Harry “ your friend wants to see you”

Harry looked at Liam and didn’t answer, Liam sighed and sat in front of him “ he keeps asking about you. He is worried”. Harry chuckled and then rested his head on the back of the couch and closed his eyes.

Liam said “ he says he has an explanation “

“what is going on? “ Niall asked

“ nothing is going on” Harry snapped at them

Niall and Liam stopped talking, then Niall looked at Liam “ blurred vision, dysgraphia, dizziness, headache that never goes away..”

“ tingling? “

Niall looked at Harry and said “ yeah.. Things fall from his hands all the time”

Harry stopped “ guys stop it, you are making a big deal”

“ is it you? “Liam asked

Harry stopped talking, Liam asked again standing up this time “ what happened? “

But Harry huffed and stormed out of room slamming the door behind him

*****
Harry was walking in the corridors when Zayn called his name, he huffed and stopped walking, he turned to face Zayn who was running towards him

“ I have been looking for you” Zayn said

Harry shrugged “ I am here”

“ Louis wants to see you”

Harry nodded “ okay, I will be there”

He was going to walk but Zayn grasped his hand, Harry stopped and looked at Zayn

“ what’s wrong? “ Zayn asked

Harry didn’t talk, Zayn said “ are you ignoring him? I mean… okay you have every right to be angry about Nick but…”

“he is seeing Sarah” Harry cut him, then he yanked his hand away, he shook his head in disbelief “ who are we kidding? You know we are married Zayn.. And yet you let him see Sarah.. “

Zayn was double shocked, first Harry admitted being married to Louis and second was Louis really seeing Sarah

“what are you saying? “

Harry rubbed his face in frustration “ you know what.. I am busy.. You go and tell him. I am coming as soon as I finish” and he walked away.

 

Harry was angry, he was too angry from Louis. Louis had betrayed him for years, cheated on him after all the things Harry did for him. Harry felt it was too much and he had to put an end.

At the middle of the night, Harry finally decided to see Louis. When he entered the room Liam was there.
“ Liam..leave us alone"

 

Liam looked at Harry and nodded, he looked at Louis and said “ see you later”

Louis nodded but he was looking at Harry nervously. Once Liam left the room

“ finally you came. I was trying to reach you” Louis said
Harry nodded and he sat at the chair beside him.

“ Harry, there is nothing between us. Me and Sarah I mean. We met again last week but nothing happened. She wanted another chance but I didn’t give her an answer maybe that’s why she thought she could come and see me, but I swear there is nothing between us”

Harry was looking down, he refused to meet his eyes s
“ Harry. Look at me please “ a Louis begged with a cracking voice

Harry sighed and said “ Liam says you can leave at tomorrow night”

Louis nodded, Harry looked at Louis “ you need someone to take care of you”

Louis was watching him, Harry looked down again “ I am not coming back Louis. I took all my stuff. And I moved to live with Liam”

Louis whispered “ Harry.. “

 

“I contacted my lawyer this morning. I need a divorce, the sooner you signed the papers the better"

" harry what are you doing?"

Harry sighed and left the chair " i can't do this anymore. Not anymore. This will never stop and I had enough. You are trying to set me up with people and the you asked me to give Nick a chance. You met Sarah who asked for another chance but you didn't give her a word? Why?"

" I was thinking for a good answer"

Harry chuckled " how about I am sorry but I am married?" then he sighed "God lou..you keep spoiling everything and I am sick of it"

" why do you have to be selfish?".

Harry looked at him and smiled " what ever makes you better.. I am gonna go now.. You know how to fix this I mean if you ever wanted yo fix this "

Then he walked out of the room before Louis could see his tears that were threatening to fall
Once he was outside He rested his head on the wall and he cried.

Chapter Text

Louis was sitting on his chair, dressed his regular clothes his sweatpants and a comfortable hoodie. He was holding his phone in his hand and he was obviously trying to call someone. No one answered and that was upsetting him.

 

Zayn opened the door and entered the room “ are you ready? “

 

“ where the hell is Harry? “ Louis snapped at Zayn once he saw him.

 

Zayn froze at the middle of the room and looked at Louis confused “ should I know where is he? “

 

Louis took a deep breath that it hurt and he looked at Zayn apologizing “ I am sorry..”

“something happened? “ Zayn asked walking closer
Louis shook his head and tried to call Harry again.

Then Niall entered the room “ time to go” he said cheerfully

Louis didn’t look at him still staring at his phone, Niall stopped beside Zayn, Zayn shrugged “ he is trying to find Harry”

Niall looked shocked “ he is not here? I haven’t seen him since the morning “

“shit” Louis groaned and tried again

Zayn “ calm down. I am sure he is coming “

Louis looked at him “ you call him"

Zayn frowned “ what is wrong? “

Louis closed his eyes “ I have to find him”

Zayn knew there was something Louis couldn’t talk about. He looked at Niall “ where is Liam anyway?”

Niall looked at the door “ he is coming…”

Niall walked to Louis and helped him to sit on the wheelchair “ I can walk” Louis groaned

Niall nodded “ I know.. But it’s a long distance you won’t be able to finish it and no one is carrying you”

Then Liam entered “ oh I see you are leaving already? “

Then he walked to check the chart for the last time.
Louis looked at him and then he looked at Zayn, Zayn nodded and said “ Niall.. Can I have a word outside? “
And together they left the room.

Louis looked at Liam “ where is Harry? “

Liam gave him his back pretending reading the chart “ I don’t know”

Louis sighed “I know you know.. I know you know everything “

Liam looked at his shocked “I don’t know what you are talking about? “

Louis took a deep breath “ I am not that stupid Liam. I can see how close you are. I know he told you about us”

Liam hesitated “ what about you?”

Louis smiled and looked at Liam “ you are a good friend Liam.. Do you know that? “

Liam smiled and looked down, Louis continued “ he told you we are married. He also told you about the divorce”

Liam nodded “I am sorry things came to this end”

“this is not the end” Louis added hastily

Liam shrugged “ it is for him. He is so angry and heartbroken Louis. He is so depressed and you are not doing o anything about it”

“I am trying okay” he snapped “he doesn’t know what he asks for. It is a huge step for me I can’t make it in one day”

“ he gave you five years.. And you keep treating him badly over the years. To be honest I don’t know why it took him all that long”

Louis chuckled “ of course.. You are his best mate you will take his side”

Liam shook his head “ it’s not that trust me. But you need to think Louis. Harry now is seeing his lawyer. He is ending everything.. If you love him… if you still in love with him. Please do something cause he needs you now”

Louis finally looked down and wiped his tears “I am scared”

Liam frowned “ why? “

Louis sighed “ I am not him. I am not that kind man with a beautiful face. I am not that lovable. People won’t accept me”

“screw them… you have him, he loves you he accepts you. He is enough. You don’t need people to judge you”

Louis shook his head “ it’s easy to say.. “

“ Louis.. You are torturing yourself. You won’t be happy this way”

Louis looked at him “ I won’t be happy if I came out. I can’t Liam.. I just can’t “ he sobbed and then covered his face with his hands

Liam was looking at him, he nodded and then he patted his shoulder softly and begin to o push him outside the room.

 

Liam was standing alone at the middle of the hospital watching Zayn pushing Louis outside. And once they disappeared he said “ show yourself he is gone now”
Then Harry walked towards him, he was hiding behind the wall

Liam looked at him “ you could say goodbye”

Harry shook his head still looking at the point where Louis was

“ it’s done now, I need to get used to it”

Liam sighed “ no you don’t.. Why are you doing this to yourself”

Harry looked at Liam “ you can’t ask me that.. You know why”

Liam shook his head “ talk to him”

“and what do you think I was doing for the last five years? "

“ no you were keeping your mouth shut. And only ask him to came out.. He is scared Harry don’t you see”

“of course I see. And I always told him not to. He doesn’t have to be scared cause I will be there, but obviously I am not enough.. I am just not enough “ he wasn’t yelling but he was so angry.

Liam saw how angry he was “ Harry.. I”

“just shut up Liam..” then he looked down “I was with my lawyer.. I filed for divorce and everything will be over soon”

Then he walked away, but he didn’t see that Niall was there and he heard everything.

*****
Zayn finally put Louis on the couch in his flat. He rested his leg on a higher pillow to be comfortable and he then opened the TV for him.

Lottie was there watching her brother who hadn’t said a word.

Zayn looked at him “ I need to go now. I will see you later”

Louis nodded and got lost in his Mind again, then Zayn looked at Lottie sadly who smiled reassuring. They walked to the door together and Zayn stopped in front on if it “ he is very depressed “

Lottie nodded “ that is huge you know. I never expected Harry to do this”

“ well we didn’t expect your brother to stay at dark for all this long.. Harry got all the right to be angry”

Lottie shook her head looking down “ I hate to see him this way, he is lost and he is so broken”

Zayn patted her shoulder “ maybe talk to him”

Lottie nodded “ yeah I will”

He kissed her cheek and then he left.

Lottie returned to where Louis was lying, and she sat beside him, he was resting his head and closing his eyes “how do you feel? “

Louis looked at her and smiled “ I will be better”

She took his hand and smiled back at him “ I know about Harry”

He nodded and closed his eyes again “ he wants divorce “

 

She nodded “ and what will you do? “

He shrugged “ give him what he needs”

She was shocked, she nudged him “ you are not serious.. What are you doing Louis? “

He opened his eyes again “ what exactly do you want me to do? He doesn’t want me more in his life”

“of course he does”

“then why does he want that”

“you know why lou.. I know you are more honest than that. You know Harry and you know how much he loves you but you keep making it harder on him”

He looked at his sister and then he shook his head and looked down, he didn’t talk again. He could not explain to his sister how scared he was, he knew that people wouldn’t accept him. People would judge him and he couldn’t stand the homophobe.

*****
Harry was still in the staff room of the hospital, he was tired of crying, tired of fighting and trying to look good. He wasn’t good and he wasn’t okay not physically or mentally.

The door was opened and Niall entered, he walked directly to him and he sat beside him without uttering a single word.

Harry looked at him waiting for anything but Niall kept his silence

“what is wrong? “

Niall shook his head “ I am okay”

Harry nodded and looked in front “ why do you look upset? “

“I am upset” Niall huffed

Harry looked at him again “what happened?”

Niall looked at him “ I waited. . I waited for so long and I kept waiting for you to come and tell me the whole ordeal but you never did. You tell me everything about you except that… lt makes me feel awful Harry I thought we were closer than that”

Harry was looking at him confused, then Niall sighed “ I know about you and Louis”

Harry opened his mouth to talk but he closed it again, Niall sighed “ you weren’t careful all the time you know. And I am a damn smart one. Still can’t believe you didn’t tell me”

Harry took a deep breath “ I am sorry, I wasn’t suppose to tell anyone. Liam just found out and Zayn Louis told him”

“Zayn knows? “ Niall screamed “ god I was the only one who didn’t know”

Harry closed his eyes “ it’s okay, it doesn’t matter now, it is over”

“ what’s over? “

Harry snapped “ us”

“why? “

Harry groaned “ God, you won’t understand “

Tell me then”

“because he doesn’t care.. Because he is too coward to come out. Because he wants to keep me for himself as long as we are alone but once there are audiences he wants to set me up with strangers. He wants me to go in a relationship with Nick.. Fuck he knows how Nick cares about me and he is not even jealous.. Because he stopped loving me long time ago and I was too stupid to hold on” he said pacing the room pulling his hair putting away all his anger.

When he looked at Niall he wasn’t alone. Lottie was standing there by him looking at Harry with tears in her eyes.

Harry looked at her confused he didn’t even know when did she came.

Niall stood up and excused himself patted Harry’s shoulder.

Harry looked again at Lottie and she was still crying “ please don’t leave us too”

Harry’s heart melted and he walked to her “ please Harry we can’t.. “ she sobbed and he hugged her tightly “ we can’t lose you too. Not you. Not after FIZZY please”

He rubbed her back and tears already had formed in his eyes.

She pulled away and looked at him “ you can’t.. “

“ I am sorry.. “

She sobbed again “please… “

Harry sighed and he took her hand and they sat on the couch, he looked at her and started “ you won’t lose me”

She cried, Harry continued “ you won’t.. The divorce wouldn’t change anything between us”

“stop” she covered her mouth then she said “ who are you kidding? It changes everything.. It changes the whole thing, we won’t be family anymore”

Harry squeezed her hand softly “ I promise… “

“ don’t “she snapped “ don’t give me promises you won’t keep.. You promised him always together didn’t you? “

Harry looked at her shocked “ what? “

She left her seat and she looked at him angrily “ I can’t believe you are doing this. I can’t believe you are leaving everything behind.. You promised Harry… you fucking promised”

Harry jumped in his feet “ he promised me too” he screamed

Then he looked at her “ few months Harry and then everyone will know. It has been five years and he never even tried.. I don’t deserve this Lottie I deserve better”

“ he is scared “

“ well he shouldn't I will be there with him… I will never leave his side. He had been through worse”

Lottie yelled “ that’s different.. “

“ how? I… “ then he stopped talking, he looked down and suddenly he collapsed on the floor.

Lottie screamed and knelt beside him “ what? Harry? What is it? Harry”

He was on the floor not responding. His eyes were opened wide and then all his body started to shake violently.

Chapter Text

Louis was sitting on his chair, dressed his regular clothes his sweatpants and a comfortable hoodie. He was holding his phone in his hand and he was obviously trying to call someone. No one answered and that was upsetting him.

 

Zayn opened the door and entered the room “ are you ready? “

 

“ where the hell is Harry? “ Louis snapped at Zayn once he saw him.

 

Zayn froze at the middle of the room and looked at Louis confused “ should I know where is he? “

 

Louis took a deep breath that it hurt and he looked at Zayn apologizing “ I am sorry..”

“something happened? “ Zayn asked walking closer
Louis shook his head and tried to call Harry again.

Then the Niall entered the room “ time to go” he said cheerfully

Louis didn’t look at him still staring at his phone, Niall stopped beside Zayn, Zayn shrugged “ he is trying to find Harry”

Niall looked shocked “ he is not here? I haven’t seen him since the morning “

“shit” Louis groaned and tried again

Zayn “ calm down. I am sure he is coming “

Louis looked at him “ you call him"

Zayn frowned “ what is wrong? “

Louis closed his eyes “ I have to find him”

Zayn knew there was something Louis couldn’t talk about. He looked at Niall “ where is Liam anyway?”

Niall looked at the door “ he is coming…”

Niall walked to Louis and helped him to sit on the wheelchair “ I can walk” Louis groaned

Niall nodded “ I know.. But it’s a long distance you won’t be able to finish it and no one is carrying you”

Then Liam entered “ oh I see you are leaving already? “

Then he walked to check the chart for the last time.
Louis looked at him and then he looked at Zayn, Zayn nodded and said “ Niall.. Can I have a word outside? “
And together they left the room.

Louis looked at Liam “ where is Harry? “

Liam gave him his back pretending reading the chart “ I don’t know”

Louis sighed “I know you know.. I know you know everything “

Liam looked at his shocked “I don’t know what you are talking about? “

Louis took a deep breath “ I am not that stupid Liam. I can see how close you are. I know he told you about us”

Liam hesitated “ what about you?”

Louis smiled and looked at Liam “ you are a good friend Liam.. Do you know that? “

Liam smiled and looked down, Louis continued “ he told you were are married. He also told you about the divorce”

Liam nodded “I am sorry things came to this end”

“this is not the end” Louis added hastily

Liam shrugged “ it is for him. He is so angry and heartbroken Louis. He is so depressed and you don’t do anything about it”

“I am trying okay” he snapped “he doesn’t know what he asks for. It is a huge step for me I can’t make it in one day”

“ he gave you five years.. And you keep treating him badly over the years. To be honest I don’t know why it took him all that long”

Louis chuckled “ of course.. You are his best mate you will take his side”

Liam shook his head “ it’s not that trust me. But you need to think Louis. Harry now is seeing his lawyer. He is ending everything.. If you live him… if you still in live with him. Please do something cause he needs you now”

Louis finally looked down and wiped his tears “I am scared”

Liam frowned “ why? “

Louis sighed “ I am not him. I am not that kind man with a beautiful face. I am not that lovable. People won’t accept me”

“screw them… you have him, he loves you he accepts you. He is enough. You don’t need people to judge you”

Louis shook his head “ it’s easy to say.. “

“ Louis.. You are torturing yourself. You won’t be happy this way”

Louis looked at him “ I won’t be happy if I came out. I can’t Liam.. I just can’t “ he sobbed and then covered his face with his hands

Liam was looking at him, he nodded and then he patted his shoulder softly and begin to o push him outside the room.

 

Lima was standing alone at the middle of the hospital watching Zayn pushing Louis outside. And once they disappeared he said “ show yourself he is gone now”
Then Harry walked towards him, he was hiding behind the wall

Liam looked at him “ you could say goodbye”

Harry shook his head still looking at the point where Louis was

“ it’s done now, I need to get used to it”

Liam sighed “ no you don’t.. Why are you doing this to yourself”

Harry looked at Liam “ you can’t ask me that.. You k ow why”

Liam shook his head “ talk to him”

“and what do you think I was doing for the last five years? "

“ no you were keeping your mouth shut. And only ask him to came out.. He is scared Harry don’t you see”

“of course I see. And always told him not to. He doesn’t have to be scared cause I will be there, but obviously I am not enough.. I am just not enough “ he wasn’t yelling but he was so angry.

Liam saw how angry he was “ Harry.. I”

“just shut up Liam..” then he looked down “I was with my lawyer.. I filed for divorce and everything will be over soon”

Then he walked away, but he didn’t see that Niall was there and he heard everything.

*****
Zayn finally put Louis on the couch. He rested his leg a higher pillow to be comfortable and he then opened the TV for him.

Lottie was there watching her brother who hadn’t said a word.

Zayn looked at him “ I need to go now. I will see you later”

Louis nodded and got lost in his Mind again, then Zayn looked at Lottie sadly who smiled reassuring. They walked to the door together and Zayn stopped in front on if it “ he is very depressed “

Lottie nodded “ that is huge you know. I never expected Harry to do this”

“ well we didn’t expect your brother to stay at dark for all this lo g.. Harry got all the right to be angry”

Lottie shook her head looking down “ I hate to see him this way, he is lost and he is so broken”

Zayn patted her shoulder “ maybe talk to him”

Lottie nodded “ yeah I will”

He kissed her cheek and then he left.

Lottie returned to where Louis was lying, and she sat beside him, he was resting his head and closing his eyes “how do you feel? “

Louis looked at her and smiled “ I will be better”

She took his hand and smiled back at him “ I know about Harry”

He nodded and closed his eyes again “ he wants divorce “

 

She nodded “ and what will you do? “

He shrugged “ give him what he needs”

She was shocked, she nudged him “ you are not serious.. What are you doing Louis? “

He opened his eyes again “ what exactly do you want me to do? He doesn’t want me more in his life”

“of course he does”

“then why does he want that”

“you know why lou.. I know you are more honest than that. You know Harry and you know how much he loves you but you are keep making it harder on him”

He looked at his sister and then he shook his head and looked down, he didn’t talk again. He could not explain to his sister how scared he was, he knew that people wouldn’t accept him. People would judge him and he couldn’t stand the homophobe.

*****
Harry was still in the staff room of the hospital, he was tired of crying, tired of fighting and trying to look good. He wasn’t good and he wasn’t okay not physically or mentally.

The door was opened and Niall entered, he walked directly to him and he sat beside him without uttering a single word.

Harry looked at him waiting for anything but Niall kept his silence

“what is wrong? “

Niall shook his head “ I am okay”

Harry nodded and looked in front “ why do you look upset? “

“I am upset” Niall huffed

Harry looked at him again “what happened?”

Niall looked at him “ I waited. . I waited for so long and I kept waiting for you to come and tell me the whole ordeal but you never did. You tell me everything about you except that… lt makes me feel awful Harry I thought we were closer than that”

Harry was looking at him confused, then Niall sighed “ I know about you and Louis”

Harry opened his mouth to talk but he closed it again, Niall sighed “ you weren’t careful all the time you know. And I am a damn smart one. Still can’t believe you didn’t tell me”

Harry took a deep breath “ I am sorry, I wasn’t suppose to tell anyone. Liam just found out and Zayn Louis told him”

“Zayn knows? “ Niall screamed “ god I was the only one who didn’t know”

Harry closed his eyes “ it’s okay, it doesn’t matter now, it is over”

“ what’s over? “

Harry snapped “ us”

“why? “

Harry groaned “ God, you won’t understand “

Tell me then”

“because he doesn’t care.. Because he is too coward to come out. Because he wants to keep me for himself as long as we are alone but once there are audiences he wants to set me up with strangers. He wants me to go in a relationship with Nick.. Fuck he knows how Nick cares about me and he is not even jealous.. Because he stopped loving me long time ago and I was too stupid to hold on” he said pacing the room pulling his hair putting away all his anger.

When he looked at Niall he wasn’t alone. Lottie was standing there by him looking at Harry with tears in her eyes.

Harry looked at her confused he didn’t even know when did she came.

Niall stood up and excused himself patted Harry’s shoulder.

Harry looked again at Lottie and she was still crying “ please don’t leave us too”

Harry’s heart melted and he walked to her “ please Harry we can’t.. “ she sobbed and he hugged her tightly “ we can’t lose you too. Not you. Not after FIZZY please”

He rubbed her back and tears already had formed in his eyes.

She pulled away and looked at him “ you can’t.. “

“ I am sorry.. “

She sobbed again “please… “

Harry sighed and he took her hand and they sat on the couch, he looked at her and started “ you won’t lose me”

She cried, Harry continued “ you won’t.. The divorce wouldn’t change anything between us”

“stop” she covered her mouth then she said “ who are you kidding? It changes everything.. It changes the whole thing, we won’t be family anymore”

Harry squeezed her hand softly “ I promise… “

“ don’t “she snapped “ don’t give me promises you won’t keep.. You promised him always together didn’t you? “

Harry looked at her shocked “ what? “

She left her seat and she looked at him angrily “ I can’t believe you are doing this. I can’t you are leaving everything behind.. You promised Harry… you fucking promised”

Harry jumped in his feet “ he promised me too” he screamed

Then he looked at her “ few months Harry and then everyone will know. It has been five years and he never even tried.. I don’t deserve this Lottie I deserve better”

“ he is scared “

“ well he shouldn't I will be there with him… I will never leave his side. He has been through worse”

Lottie yelled “ that’s different.. “

“ how? I… “ then he stopped talking, he looked down and suddenly he collapsed on the floor.

Lottie screamed and knelt beside him “ what? Harry? What is it? Harry”

He was on the floor not responding. His eyes were opened wide and then all his body started to shake violently.

Chapter Text

Harry wanted to open his eyes, he felt headache as usual but it was different it was severe and he wanted to throw up. Slowly and gradually he opened them.

First thing he saw was white. White ceiling, white curtains, and white cover.

Shit… that was the hospital. Harry was lying on a hospital bed.

He sat bolt up right and the pain shoot all over his body. He was breathing fast and he looked at his hand it was hooked with wires and needles.

 

“ easy” Niall said from beside him. Harry looked at him with big eyes.

 

Niall didn’t smile as usual “ lie down.. You will faint again”

 

He helped Harry to lie his body and again he returned fixing the drugs in the IV pole.

“ do you remember what happened? “ Niall asked,
Harry was looking at him and wondering why Niall looked so angry or maybe sad.

Niall looked at him waiting for an answer, Harry shook his head. He didn’t remember anything. Last he remembered he was sitting alone in the stuff room.
Niall finished fixing the drugs. He then took Harry’s hand and checked if the drug was moving freely through the cannula to Harry’s body

“ what is this? “ Harry asked

Niall looked at the drugs fixed on the IV pole “ lorazepam”

Harry frowned looking at Niall, Niall looked at him “ you had a seizure.. It lasted for nearly four minutes”

Harry couldn’t form a word, Niall sighed and explained“ then you lost your conscious.. And it happened two hours ago”

Harry looked in front of him and cursed under his breath.

Niall was still looking at him “ did it happen before? “

Harry looked at him still shocked “what? No never”

Niall nodded “ those symptoms Harry.. Do you know what do they mean? “

Harry sighed, and no he had no idea. His brain stopped working, he never knew he had epilepsy before, and was it even epilipsy ?

The door was opened and Liam entered, he saw Harry “ you are up”

Harry nodded, Liam was having the same frown Niall was having

He walked closer to Harry, he checked his chart and then he sighed “ what else? “

Harry looked at him, Liam said “I need to know all the symptoms Harry.. This is not good”

Harry nodded “ okay.. Er.. I am always nauseous, I vomited few times”

Liam shook his head “ when? When all this started? “

Harry shrugged “ I don’t know.. I mean it’s not the same. I always have headache you know. The vomiting started maybe over a month ago”

“a month? “ Niall shouted

Harry sighed “ I didn’t know it was something serious.. I mean it’s not right? “

Liam then said “ we need to do some CT scanning and MRI”

Harry groaned “ I don’t think it’s important.. “

Liam was walking out he stopped and said “ Harry… catch this”

He throw Harry a small ball but to their surprises Harry lift his hand so far away form the ball direction and it fell on the ground. They all looked at the ball with a huge shock.

 

*****

Harry and Liam were in the CT scanning room. Both were looking at the screen . Both were silent and both were with glassy eyes.

Liam finally said “Harry.. “

Harry shook his head he tried to clear his voice, he wiped his tears hastily and looked at Him “ I know”

Liam said with a cracked voice “ this is serious.. We need to start the treatment now “

Harry shook his head and looked down “not now”

“ what? Are you kidding? “ Liam said but still with soft tune

“no, and don’t tell anyone”

Lima was still looking at him with a huge shock on his face, harry looked back at him “ please”

Liam shook his head and took a minute to think “ what’s in your mind? “

Harry sighed “ just for few days. I have some unfinished business “

“ what business Harry.. Look? “ he pointed at screen to show him his point.

Harry nodded and stood up, he looked again at the screen and said “ just few days Liam.. Then I will do whatever it takes”

And he then left the room and closed the door behind him.

Harry rushed to the bathroom where he locked himself at one stall and then he collapsed on the floor.

He cried, he hugged his knees and he cried, he was too scared and his mind started to run through thoughts and ideas about what was going to happen. Would he survive? Would he live? Would he be cured? “

“ open the door Harry”

It was Niall, he was knocking on the door.
Harry cried harder and he tried to say with a steady voice “ I am okay Niall… just.. Give me a minute”

He heard Niall sighing and then he heard sound of shuffles.

“ you know. We are gonna make it together right? “

Harry chuckled and wiped his tears, Niall added “ I am not gonna let you die. You are my best mate. Although you kept your fuking marriage as a secret but you still my best mate”

Harry shook his head and then he stood up, he opened the door. Niall was sitting in the marble sink in front of him. He saw Harry and he shrugged “ you are not gonna die”

Harry nodded and walked closer and opened the faucet then he gave a shaking breath “ how could this happen? “

 

He looked at Niall “ how am I gonna tell my mom. She just lost Roben” then he closed his eyes “ and the girls just lost Fizzy”

 

“hay” Niall said sternly “ no one is gonna lose you, okay? “

 

Harry looked at the running water “ I have to tell Louis, when I first know I thought I shouldn’t but I need to, I need him”

 

Niall nodded “ yes.. “ he jumped on his feet “ tell him. He is your partner.. Just forget about anything and let’s focus on getting better, okay? “

 

Harry closed his eyes “ it’s grade three Niall”

 

Niall shook his head “it doesn’t matter, it’s curable and you are strong and young and you are gonna beat it. Not that stupid tumor that gonna destroy you, you are strong”

 

Harry nodded, Niall then said “ you need to talk to Lottie”

 

Harry looked at him confused “she was here when you seized, she didn’t want to leave but Louis needed her”
Harry nodded “ okay”

 

Niall patted his shoulder but Harry hugged him really tight. Niall rubbed his back and said “ I will be there, I am always here”

 

******
Harry was waiting in front of his and Louis' flat door. When Lottie opened the door and saw him she jumped on him and hugged him tight “ oh thanks God”

 

He smiled and hugged her too, he tried his best not to cry “ where is Lou? “

She looked at his face examining him “ inside”

 

Harry nodded and entered the flat. He headed directly to the living room where Louis was. Louis was on his feet and heading towards them but when he saw Harry he froze. Harry ran to him and hugged him.

 

Whatever happened between them Louis was always his safety, his anchor. Louis was always giving him strength and making him feel warm and home. And at that moment that was exactly what he needed. To feel safe and home.

 

louis pulled away and looked at Harry's eyes “ are you okay? “

 

Harry looked at him with tears in his eyes, Louis “ Harry? “

 

Then they heard the door rang again, Lottie went to open the door

“ this is Nick” Louis said, then he looked at harry “ is that okay with you? “

Harry looked down and slowly nodded, Louis was still looking at Harry’s face, confusion covered his face and he wanted to know what was wrong

“hello there”Nick said and he walked towards them.

Then he looked between the two of them “ so did you tell him? “ he asked Louis.

Louis sighed and said “ not yet”

Harry looked at Louis “tell me what? “

Nick huffed “ since Louis here is having a long vacation, we were thinking to go on a trip and since he is still injured we need a doctor. So you are invited”

Harry smiled “ where are you going? “

Nick shrugged “ it doesn’t matter as long as we are all together, Spain.. Paris whatever“

Louis was looking down, Harry’s smile died and he said “ who are we? “

Nick stared to count on his hand “ Zayn and Gigi.. They are back together, obviously that accident helped both of them to regain their girlfriends”

Harry whispered “ girlfriends? “

Nick laughed “ are you sure you are flat mates? I mean you literally know nothing about each other”

Harry was looking at Louis “ Lou.. What is going on? “

Nick answered “ Sarah is going on. They are back”

Louis didn’t raise his head up, and Finally Harry nodded. He looked down and he wiped a falling tear
“ so are you in? “Nick said hopefully

Harry looked again at Louis “no.. I can’t.. I have some unfinished business before… “ he sighed, then he smiled and looked at Nick “ have fun”

He was walking away, but Nick yelled “ we need a doctor with us.. “

Harry looked down with a painful smile “ I won’t be able to help”

Then he walked away passing Lottie who was watching him crying too. She took his hand and she said “ don’t go”

 

Harry looked at her and then he smiled, he hugged her and he left.

Chapter Text

Harry was in the bedroom Liam gave him in his flat, he was fixing his hair while his phone was ringing. Harry totally ignored the phone that obviously was ringing longtime ago and obviously Harry didn’t pay it any of his attention.

 

He was looking at his hair after fixing it, he remembered how much he loved his hair. How much time he spent fixing it and admiring it, he remembered the time when he grew it long and he remembered how much he loved tying it in the half bun.

 

Finally he wiped his tears and he huffed and looked again at the phone that was still ringing. And then he took it and put it in his bag, he took the green beanie that Louis bought him when Harry finishes his last exam. And then he took his bag and left the whole room.

 

Outside were Liam and Niall waiting for him, once they saw him they stopped talking and they hopped on their feet.

 

Liam “ take care of yourself buddy” and then he hugged him while Niall carried the bag. Harry hugged Liam tight and Liam felt Harry was shaking between his arms, he rubbed his back “ you will do good I know you will”

 

Harry pulled away and looked down, he nodded and sighed “ I am too nervous “

Liam nodded “ I know.. But you need to be strong for them. It will not be easy”

Harry took a deep breath and looked at Niall “ I am sorry for dragging you with me”

Niall smiled sadly “ are you kidding.. I wanted to do this, I missed Anne and Gems”

Harry smiled and he walked towards the door, Liam called “ Harry.. what about Louis? “

Harry looked at him and said “ I will talk to him later”
Then he left the flat.

 

*****

 

Louis was in his bedroom holding the phone angrily calling Harry for the millionth time this morning while glaring at the papers in front of him. When he got no answer and the doorbell rang he stormed outside the room despite his pain.

Lottie opened the door for Zayn and Louis took his jacket and said “ let’s go”

Zayn exchanged a look with Lottie who shrugged and then he followed Louis outside the flat.

In the car Louis was still trying to call Harry and of course Harry didn’t answer “that fucking cunt”

Zayn looked at him with big eyes because never ever before Louis insulted Harry

He waited till Louis put the phone down and said “ still not answering”

“ he sent me the papers, he sent me the fucking papers he was serious”

He was holding the file in his hand and waving it violently to show Zayn. Zayn slowly nodded and then he said “ I told you that was stupid to keep going with Sarah”

“ Zayn” he said sternly and Zayn shrugged “ what do you expect from him anyway. Of course he would do that”

“shut up”

“no.. You need to open that eyes of yours and to clear your mind. You don’t want to come out then Don’t. But Don’t keep replacing him… stop what you are doing “
Louis yelled “ I have to protect my cover”

“from whom.. Who is obsessed with you and watching you all the time to know who you are hanging on with and don’t tell me Nick cause he gave no shit about you”

Louis took a deep breath and didn’t say any other word.
He was banging on Liam’s door and once he opened the door he stormed inside yelling Harry’s name.

Liam was expecting that he didn’t stop Louis or was even shocked. Zayn followed Louis looking shyly at Liam. Liam nodded and then closed the door behind him.

Louis searched every single room then he walked furiously to Liam “ where is he? “

Liam sighed “ he is not here”

“ where? “Louis said impatiently.

 

Liam put his hand on his shoulder “ let’s have a seat”

Louis yanked his hand strongly and gritted his teeth “ just tell me”

Liam “ okay, he is at his mom’s”

“what? “ Louis said frowning and confused “ what is he doing there? “

Liam shrugged “I don’t know.. I guess he needs some time for himself”

Louis shook his head angrily “ I have been trying to call him, his lawyer sent me the papers “

Liam nodded “ yeah I know. I am sorry “

Louis sighed deeply “do you know when he is coming back? “

Liam shrugged “ a few days. He has to come back it won’t take long”

Louis nodded and walked to the door, but Liam said “ take it easy on him Louis”

Louis chuckled sarcastically “ he wants to divorce me.. We need to talk”

“then talk… don’t runaway or be angry. Explain to him why did you start your relation with Sarah again.. Tell him why do you want to set him up with Nick”

“he knows..”

Liam “ he knows you are selfish.. He doesn’t know why.. You don’t even know why” then he looked at Zayn who was looking down “ say something “

Louis looked between the two of them “ what? Are you now talking about this behind our back? “

Liam got angry “ don’t say it like we mean harm here. We are your friends.. We need to save this”

Louis groaned “ God we don’t need you. That’s why I kept it in secret”

“ No” it was Zayn then he looked at him “ that’s not why you kept it in secret. You weren’t even planning to come out. But I don’t know how could you do this or why did Harry let this happen. He was blindly in love and he trusted you”

 

Louis just looked down and then he walked away.

*******

 

Harry arrived to his family at night, Anne was waiting for them and she made them a lovely meal with every dish Niall loved.

They ate and enjoyed the conversations they shared. And then Niall excused to have some rest, it was his way to give Harry and his family the privacy.

Harry sat on the dinning table and he made his mom and sister his famous tea.

“ okay, is it about Louis? Cause baby we know” Anne started

Harry smiled “ I know you know. But I sent him the papers this morning. He might be very mad and maybe try to call you”

Gemma was watching her brother without saying any word

Anne “ are you sure that what you want? “

Harry sighed and closed his eyes, he shook his head “ of course not. I always imagined growing old with him.. But he.. He doesn’t want me anymore”

Anne took his hand “ Harry, that’s not right.. You know that’s not right”

Harry shrugged “ if he signed the papers then I am right” he tried to smile.

He looked at Gemma who smiled “ what’s wrong? “

Anne looked between them and then she looked at Harry, who smiled truly “ you always have that power Gems.. You read me without talking “

Anne frowned “ what’s wrong”

He took Gemma’s hand and his mom was still holding his other hand “ I have something to tell you.. But I don’t need you to freak out okay? “

Anne put her other hand on her heart “ oh God.. What is it? “

He swallowed thickly and he wished Louis was there with him, he always found his way with words, he was the one who told his sisters about his mom disease. He was the one who told them about FIZZY. And Harry wanted him at that moment exactly .

“ recently.. I wasn’t feeling okay. Always having a horrible headache and always drowsy. Then I seized and.. Liam and Niall got worried and asked me to do some scans”

Gemma wiped her tears while his mom shook her head, he squeezed their hands and said “ I have a brain tumor”

Anne gasped while Gemma closed her eyes and put her other hand on her mouth.

Anne looked at him with a huge shock “no”

He nodded and tried to smile “ it’s true. It’s called Anaplastic astrocytoma, it is a rare malignant brain tumor. It comes in four grades based upon how fast the cells are reproducing and spreading at the nearby tissue. Grades III which I have might be malignant and may be referred to as high-grade. It is located at my parietal lobe.. That’s why it is causing me the symptoms I have”

Anne cried and was still shaking her head “ no, no.. That’s can’t be.. Please.. Please tell me it’s not true.. Please “

 

“mom” harry couldn’t hold his tears anymore, he started to cry too “ it’s gonna be okay”

“is it curable? “ Gemma asked

And his mom looked at him waiting for the answer, Harry nodded and he wiped his tears “ it is. I have to do a surgical excision and removal of as much as the tumor as possible. Sometimes, only a portion of the tumor can be safely removed because malignant cells may have spread into surrounding brain tissue. Because surgery often cannot completely remove a tumor so I should do radiation therapy and chemotherapy following the surgery”

 

Gemma shook her head and then she hugged him tightly, and then Anne also hugged them both
Gemma said to both of them “ we are gonna make it.. You will be okay”

Anne nodded and then cupped her son’s face “you won’t leave me Harry. I won’t let this happen. Baby promise me please “

 

He smiled and kissed her hand “ yes mom, I am not going anywhere”

 

*******

Harry was on his bed reading the 22 text Louis sent, Gemma knocked the door and entered the room.
He smiled at her and gave her a space beside him. She lied there and she rested her head on his chest.
He played with her hair still reading the texts Gemma was reading with him “ he is angry”

Harry nodded and then he kissed her hair “ he is”

“ so? “

“I am angry too” he said with a frown

She sighed “ he doesn’t know” she stated

He nodded, Gemma looked at him “ will you tell him? “

Harry took a deep breath “ I don’t know.. I should right? “

“of course you should.. He is still your husband “

Harry didn’t talk, Gemma looked at him and then she said “no, you need to tell him. Harry this is serious, this is not a cold or your appendix again although he lost his mind the last time... “

 

Harry huffed “I know. And that’s why I don’t want to tell him. He will feel sorry for me”

Gemma frowned “ shut up.. He loves you”

He looked at her shocked, she said “ what? “

He shook his head smiling “ are you supporting this now? “

She looked at him and then she sat on the bed and she hit him on his forehead

“aw.. Why was that for? Tumor there remember “
She hit him again , he smiled rubbing his forehead

“because you are stupid. Do you think I didn’t support your marriage? “

He shrugged “ you always fought me.. “

“because he doesn't want to come out, because that was hurting you and I don’t like to see you hurt”

Harry was still watching her, she sighed “ okay, maybe I gave you all the signals that proved to you I am against this. Maybe me and Louis don’t get long because of his stupid decision or maybe because I knew from day one he had no intention to speak loud.
But.. I know he loves you and I know you need him”

“I don’t “ Harry sighed

 

“ you do. You need him, you need his

power, you need his strength.. You need his existence with you. It will make you feel better it will make you heal better”. He looked at the phone and his sister was totally right

 

“ call him, ask him to talk, tell him what is going on with you. He will pick you. I know he will”

 

Harry slowly nodded, because that exactly what he wanted to hear, he wanted some hope. He wanted to believe that Louis would pick him and would never leave his side.

Chapter Text

Harry spent two days with his family trying to explain every possible thought or idea that crossed their minds just to keep them calm. He asked them not to come with him till he set the date for the brain surgery, he promised them he would take extra care of himself and he would ask for help when he needed it.

The only problem was Louis. He didn’t try to call Harry again, he didn’t call his family, it felt like he didn’t care. It drove Harry insane. And when he called Liam he told him Louis was in Paris with Zayn and some friends.

Niall was driving them back when he looked at Harry who was talking to Liam, last night the headache was unbearable that he couldn’t sleep for a second so he decided to go to the hospital to take some strong painkillers and sedative to sleep.

When he put the phone down, Niall looked at him “ I am sorry for that”

Harry smiled “ it’s okay Niall.. It just the start right? “

Niall huffed and looked at the road again “ Louis called me last night? “

Harry looked at him and waited, Niall shrugged “ he seemed worried about you”

Harry chuckled “ yeah, right”

“Harry...”

“we talked about it Niall. No I am not gonna tell him. And yes he will sign the papers I know he will”

Niall “ you don’t give him any reason not to”

Harry looked at him shocked “ really? “

Niall huffed nervously “ you should tell him”

Harry shook his head and looked at the side window “ I won’t and you and Liam promised”

Niall looked at Harry, Harry looked down “I don’t need his pity Niall... If he knows now.. He will stay just because I am sick. I don’t need this. I won’t stay in the dark again”

Niall nodded “ you won’t.. If he knew he will do what you want”

“because I am sick? “

“no because he loves you”

Harry looked at him “ you didn’t tell him you know about us, did you? “

Niall shook his head “no I didn’t. But as a best friend of both of you I know. I have seen that through the years. I know”

Harry looked down and didn’t talk till they reached the hospital. He was thinking of Niall' words, of Gemma's words. Of his heart's words. They all said tell Louis the truth, only his damaged brain told him not to, and Harry decided to listen to it.

 

******

Liam was with harry in the hospital at the stuff room. . He was watching Harry who was talking to some other doctor about the cases Harry will have to drop during his treatment. Harry told the stuff about his illness and it was hard, teary, and heart-breaking. They all cried and he was trying to calm all of them ignoring his own pain.

 

The door was opened and Dr Derek entered the room smiling at the three other doctors.

Harry smiled back and said “ I will be with you in a minute” and he looked at the other doctor again discussing the last case.

 

Then the doctor wished Harry luck because that what he really needed and then he left the room.

 

Dr Derek looked at Harry with a sad smile and said “ I have been reading your file and examining your scans WITH Liam the previous days. I am not gonna lie to you Harry but it is in so sensitive place. I can remove it, but I can’t remove all of it”

 

Harry nodded but pressed his mouth shut.

Liam continued “ we will continue with the radiation and the chemo and we hope for the best”

Harry again nodded “ so... Er.. According to what you see. I have what? Five years? “

Derek frowned “ Harry you are a doctor you know how does it work”

Harry smiled “ and because I am a doctor I need to know the whole truth “

Derek shared a look with Liam and then he looked at Harry “ well.. If I removed it like I want to without any surprises and with the radiation and the chemo... Then yeah maybe five years”

 

Harry nodded and looked down, he huffed and wiped his tears hastily “this is not how I expected to die”

 

Liam sighed “ Harry, let’s not talk about dying now, please “

 

Harry nodded and tried to smile “ I am sorry... Sorry”

Derek patted his shoulder “ we will do whatever it takes to make it work, okay... Just be strong for us”

Harry nodded and smiled “ Thanks Dr. Thank you”

Derek smiled “ we were my best intern.. “

Liam frowned and looked at his doctor “haaay”

Derek giggled “ he was, even when he chose another specialty”

Liam giggled too, Harry “ thanks Doctor, that means a lot to me”

“ so, next Monday? “

Harry nodded “ next Monday “

Derek smiled again and then he left the room.

Liam took a deep breath and looked at Harry, Harry sat on the big couch and squeezed his eyes “ now I am ready for some sleep, please “

Lima sat beside him “ okay.. “

Harry looked at him “ when does your shift end? “

“ it’s already ended”

“cool.. I guess I need a drink”

Liam frowned “ a drink? “

Harry nodded “ yup..and maybe I need to go to a pub and get drunk.. Dance like there is no tomorrow.. Cause seriously there is no tomorrow. I don’t know when will be the next time I am able to do that”

Liam nodded, Harry sighed “also.. I need to talk to Louis

“ will you tell him? “

Harry shook his head “ no, but I need to know about the papers. The divorce I mean. If I died at the table I don’t need him to be my widow husband “

Liam was looking at him, Harry shrugged “ I want him to be free.. Before anything could happen”

Liam shook his head “ I know it’s your decision.. But Harry.. That’s a lot, he has to know, let him decide.. It is his right"

Harry shook his head " not now..please"

Liam sighed " it's unfair"

Harry nodded “ okay..”

Liam finally sighed “ I will give Niall a call, we will see what pub to go” he stood up and looked at him “ how do you feel? “

“better” and he stood up too “ let’s go”.

******

Harry was having a good time at the pub, he was extremely drunk and he was dancing by his own. Maybe he wanted to let go for once. Maybe he wanted to forget about what he was going to face in the coming days. Harry was about to die and he wanted to live the rest of his life happily, and to be happy he needed Louis, and Louis wasn’t anywhere to be found.
Liam and Niall had to leave, they both had work for tomorrow and Liam asked a friend to watch over Harry and to give him the ride home. Obviously Harry didn’t want to leave, not just yet.

“ Hello gorgeous “ someone said behind Harry.

Harry with a half opened eyes and a vodka in his hand, he looked behind him and he screamed “ Nick”

Nick laughed “ what are you doing here doctor? “

Harry shrugged but he continued his dancing.

Nick said “ do you need a company maybe? “

Harry looked at him and giggled but he didn’t talk, he just danced and danced.

Nick whispered “ can we half a talk? “

Harry looked at him and he let Nick take his hand and drag him behind.

They left the whole pub and then Nick looked at Harry “ were you alone in there? Are you okay? “

Harry looked at the pub again “ Liam and Niall are there I guess” He slurred. Harry was swaying and he could barely stand

“ Harry, are you okay? “ Nick asked “ cause there is no Liam or Niall inside”

Harry looked at him frowning, Nick sighed “ let’s go home. I am gonna give you the ride”

Harry pouted, Nick took his hand again and he ushered him to his car. He opened the door and he sat him at the passenger seat

He got in the car and started it, looked at Harry “ to Louis’ place? “

Harry shook his head, but his eyes were closed and he was already falling unconscious or sleep“ no”

Nick huffed “ focus Harry.. Where do you want to go? “

Harry rested his head on the window and whispered “ no Louis... “

Nick put his hand on Harry’s pocket to find his phone “ where is your phone Harry? “

Harry didn’t answer. He slept.

Nick shook his head and took his own phone, he tried to call Zayn but there was no answer. He looked at Harry again and then he drove away.

 

******

Harry opened ned his eyes to an awful headache, the usual. He groaned and he then closed his eyes again and buried his head under the pillows
“ good morning there”

 

And he froze, he raised his head and looked at Nick with big eyes,

Nick was holding a big glass of water with two painkillers in his hand, he sighed “ you don’t remember? “

Harry sat slowly and looked beside him, his head hurt like hell and he had to close his eyes and press his palms on them to distract the pain

He felt Nick walking towards him, he sat beside him and he said “ take those.. They will help"

Harry wanted to laugh at that, he was beyond the painkillers now, he was about to have a brain surgery, where his skull would be cut opened and a huge ball shaped tumor would be removed

Harry opened his eyes and took the pills and he swallowed them right away with the water, anything might reduce the pain would be perfect

“ you are okay now? “ Nick asked

Harry looked at him confused “ what exactly happened? “

Nick huffed “ I saw you last night completely plastered at the pub, you said Liam and Niall were there but you were by your own. Zayn told me they left earlier and there was a friend watching you... He didn’t do a good job obviously ” he chuckled and then added “anyway, you lost your phone, I couldn’t call them, you said no Louis, so I took you here”

Harry nodded and then looked at the bed, Nick giggled “ nothing happened”

Harry smiled shyly, Nick said “ you were having a fever and I couldn’t let you sleep on the couch.. So once your fever was down I let you and slept on my couch.. It’s so comfortable so don’t feel guilty “

Harry looked at the nightstand where there was a plate with a cloth on it at him “ you helped with my fever? “

Nick shrugged “ my sister used to do this with her kids, so I asked her and she told me.. “

Harry covered his face with his hands “ oh god.. That’s embarrassing “

Nick smiled “ it’s really not.. “

Then he looked at Harry who moved his hands away, “ you were talking though.. “

And Harry’s heart was about to stop

Nick said “ you kept saying you were dying.. And you needed Louis”

Harry gave a nervous laugh, he left the bed although the whole place was spinning around him but he gathered his shit “ fever hallucinations... Doesn't count”

Nick left the bed too “ so you are okay? “

Harry nodded and looked at him “I was drunk, and then I ran a fever.. I could say anything..”

Nick nodded “ like you are married”

Harry froze, Nick added “ to Tomlinson? “

Harry closed his eyes and looked down, Nick then gasped “oh my God.. That is true? “

Harry couldn’t look at him, he couldn’t face him
“ Harry are you dying? “ Nick asked with a huge concern in his voice

Harry looked at him “I will explain.. “

*****
Later at night,

Harry opened Liam’s flat door, and he found Liam at his face with a concerned look “ where the hell have you been? And where the hell is your bloody phone? “

Harry was going to answer when he saw Louis
storming towards them “ he was FUCKING Grimmy, that where he was”

Harry looked between the two men and then he walked to his room

Liam followed him “was that true? Did you? “

Harry didn’t answer he just sat on the bed and took off his shoes,

“ is that what you wanna do? “ Louis said angrily

Harry looked at him, Louis “ you wanna fuck random people.. Is that what this is all about?

Harry chuckled sarcastically “ you can’t be serious “

Liam said nervously “ Harry. Please tell me this is not true”

Harry jumped on his feet “ why? Will you judge me now? Will I am an adult and I know what to do”

“Harry.. You are still married “

Harry gave a loud laugh “ really? To whom? “

Louis was watching him frustrated “ to me.. I didn’t sign the fucking paper”

“why should I care, I did”

Louis walked closer to him “ Harry... Don’t try me I swear to God...”

“what? Wasn’t that your idea? “

“no”

“really?” a harry yelled “Well I remember in order to save your bloody reputation and to keep your secret save I will have to go with Grimmy in a relation while you fuck Sarah.. “

“I didn’t... “

“you went to Paris with her, right after I sent you the divorce papers.. . What does this suppose to mean? “

“ and that how you answer? By fucking strangers”

“you wanted that Louis.. “

“I just wanted you to go with him on a date or two.. Not to his bed”

Harry laughed “ you can’t be jealous Louis.. “

Louis yelled “ God Harry stop this.. Why are you doing this? “

“you know exactly why”

Louis huffed and glared at him, Harry took a deep breath and rubbed his temples “ what do you what Louis.. Why are you here? “

Louis shook his head in disbelief “ what happened to you? How could you abandon us this easily”

Harry glared at him and said gritting his teeth “don’t you dare blame it on me”

Then he screamed “ you ruined us.. With your secrets and your fears.. You ruined us and you know what is the funny part...that I let you”

Louis “ we had a deal.. You know I couldn’t just come out that easily.."

“who are you kidding now? You will never come out Louis.. You will never do this”

Then he calmed a little “ please just sign the papers. We don’t want to go through this. Let’s just end it and live through.. We have two different paths Louis and you don’t need to be in mine”

Louis chucked “ but Nick will”

Harry “ maybe he will. At least he loves me freely”

“oh please he doesn’t love you. He just want to get under your pants and now since you gave him what he wanted... “

Harry laughed again “ oh God.. You always hate him”

then he walked closer to him “ he loves me Louis. And you know that. Not likes me.. No he loves me. He has been trying ever since we met. He never gave up. He tried and kept trying because he cares he respected my desires, he respected my No over and over. But he loves me and he always comes back to me. But YOU. WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME? “

 

Louis was watching Harry, then he looked down “ what did I do for you? What kind of question is that? I did everything for you. I cared for you, I watched over you.. I gave you my time, my love, I save your family with my money... “

 

And he said it, Liam gasped and Louis knew right away he did a huge mistake

Harry glared at him “ no, you didn’t say that”

Louis was trying “ I didn’t mean that... “

Harry shook his head angrily and gave them his back,
“ Harry... I didn’t.. I never meant this. Your money is myَ money remember.. “

“just shut up” Harry said with a broken voice, he looked down and he tried to cry “ you are right, you gave me your money.. That’s how you kept my mouth shut, right? The money you gave me and my family made me accept to be your fucking whore for years.. Every year you promised the next and I couldn't do anything because I owe you.. . “

“Harry.. “ Louis was crying now

Harry sniffed “ I will give it all back to you”

“no..”

“don’t worry.. This divorce will cost you nothing.. I gave you everything... And I gave you half of everything I own

“Harry stop” Louis whispered wiping his tears “ I don’t need the money, fuck...my mouth said it without
thinking... I never cared about the money.. I wanted you to have it”

Harry nodded, he wiped his tears again and he looked at Louis “ I need you to sign the paper as fast as you can”

Louis was watching Harry’s eyes, and never in a million years he would forget how they looked. He would never forget how he hurt Harry that day.

 

When he helped Harry years ago and his family, he promised himself he would never mention that ever again. He would never mention that he helped Harry and his family to have a house after his stepmom stole all their money and ran away. He would never mention how he helped Harry to finish his education. Or helped Gemma to find her job.
But now, he said it, in the worst time. He said it and Harry heard it...

 

Louis whispered “ I am sorry”

 

And then he walked away.

Chapter Text

Louis entered the police station alone. He wasn’t supposed to start work at that moment but Louis couldn’t just stay on bed while Harry was having a relationship with Nick. Ever since that day and he hadn’t seen Nick and no matter how many times he called him Nick didn’t pick up.

 

“ Tommo.. What brings you here? “ Zayn said running towards him.

 

Louis walked and ignored him and headed directly to where Nick was sitting. At the last minute and just before Louis could jump on him, Zayn grasped his forearm and guided him away

“ what the hell? “ Louis screamed

Zayn looked around him “ what are you doing? “

Louis glared again at Nick who had no idea what was happening “ I will just have a talk with him”

“about what exactly? You sure looking like a jealous husband “

Louis looked at Zayn “ you know? “

Zayn huffed “ he has been telling all the office the story”

Louis shook his head in frustration, his fist turned into ball “ fuck you Harry”

Zayn sighed still watching Louis ready to stop the attack at any time “ I don’t think Nick is the one you need to talk to”

Louis again shook his head “ I ruined it. I talked shit to him the other day and I think he will never want to talk to me again”

“ what did you do? “

“ I didn’t meant it, alright.. It just came out of my mouth”

Zayn was looking at him still waiting, Louis huffed “ I maybe said something about the money I gave them years ago”

Zayn nodded “ okay, and why does this upset him? “

Louis explained “ Harry is very sensitive about this topic. He always felt ashamed of what his stepdad did to his family. He doesn’t like to remember those awful days. I mean his mom almost died.. They were going to fall down. If it wasn’t for my family’s money I guess they would be no Style’s family anymore”

 

Zayn “ what exactly happened. You never told the story”

Louis sighed and looked down “ it isn't my story. Its Harry’s.. I don’t think he will tell the story to anyone”

 

Zayn sighed “ then what will you do now? “

 

Louis rubbed his face “ I don’t know.. I am angry. I am so angry and I need this whole thing to end”

 

Zayn “ you know how to end it”

 

Louis looked at him “ he cheated on me.. He slept with Nick... With Nick”

 

“ he sent you the divorce papers Louis, obviously he doesn’t want you anymore as long as you will behave the same”

 

Louis groaned “ not again.. “

“this is the only way Louis.. He is still trying to save this.. “

 

“how? By cheating on me?” then he huffed in frustration and he walked away.

 

“ Tommo... You are back”

 

Shit, that was Nick

 

Louis turned to face him “I am back”

Nick was walking towards him, he yawned at the start and then said “ welcome back”

Louis tried to smile and he was walking away, Nick stopped him “ listen.. I want to tell you something... I want to thank you”

 

Louis stopped walking and looked at him, Nick was smiling wide “ Harry told me you were the one who convinced him to go out with me”

 

Again his fists turned into ball

 

“ thank you for this opportunity... I mean harry is perfect in everything. I know how he means to you and I promise you I won’t hurt him”

 

Louis tried his best not to lose his temper, he just watched Nick talking

 

“ I am having a date with him tonight. My house, my cook” he laughed “ this will end up great”

 

Louis huffed and said “ have you finished yet? “

 

Nick raised his brow, Louis continued “ I hope both of you have a good time together “

 

“ I know about me, and I hope he feels the same.. So again thank you”

And he walked away, Louis tried to calm his temper but he couldn’t do it anymore

“ I don’t think you deserve him”

Nick froze and then turned to face him, Louis just shrugged “ I know who you are, and I know once you have what you want you will leave him... “

“you are wrong.. “

“am I? I know you since forever, even before you came out, when was the last time you had a boyfriend for more than a month.. Maybe twice.. You are a manwhore Nick. You can’t be in any relationship for long, you can’t commit and Harry of course doesn’t deserve this.. “

Nick smirked “ well... I guess you know me right. But Louis aren’t we the same? “

Louis almost yelled and Zayn took a few steps towards him “ I am nothing like you”

 

Nick gave a loud laugh “ oh, you are just like me. When was the last time you had a long relation Louis. I mean come on. I know you too”

That's because I am married you idiot, Louis wanted to scream

Louis was going to talk but it was Zayn who grasped his arm again and he walked him outside the station.

“let go of me Zayn” Louis said once they were outside the station and yanked his hand away

“ you were going to do something stupid Louis I know you”

“have you heard him? “

Zayn nodded and then said “ I think he suspects something “

Louis frowned “ do you think Harry said anything? “

Zayn shook his head “ no, but we know Nick.. He was always feeling you were hiding something.. But eventually he is a good guy”

“God Zayn.. “

“it’s the truth though.. “

Louis shook his head in frustration “ I can’t believe Harry is doing this”

“ I can’t believe you are blaming him”

“ stop taking his side.. You always do that”

“i don’t take his side for nothing.. He doesn’t deserve what you are doing to him”

“he wants a divorce.. “

“because you made him do that, you pushed him and kept pushing.. And he tried Louis.. I mean come on.. Five years playing you are not a couple while you are married is hard”

“it’s hard for me too”

“he has nothing to fear.. He was doing all this just for you”

Louis took a deep breath and leaned on the wall “ what do you want me to do Zayn? “

 

“ don’t lose him, not after all what you have been through.. It is not just five years.. It is all your life. You were always together “

 

Louis closed his eyes and he tried his best not to cry again. Then he looked at Zayn and said “ I can’t... I just.. It hurts” he put his hand on his heart

Zayn nodded “ I know.. You should talk again”

Louis nodded, and then he looked at the station again “ I thought if I kept my mind busy.. I won’t think of this”

“you need to think of this Louis.. This is your life”

Louis nodded but he did not say any other word.

 

*****

 

It was Sunday morning, Harry couldn’t sleep last night, he was suppose to do a surgery next morning and his mind was running through awful ideas and he caused himself an anxiety attack.

 

He was in the kitchen alone since Liam was still in the hospital, Harry had lost his appetite the moment he knew about his cancer and he was only trying to stay awake because of the nightmares, he was only drinking coffee recently, stupid.. He knew but he could not help it.

 

The door was rung and he walked slowly to open, he was Nick, they was suppose to have breakfast outside this morning but Harry instead asked him to come. He couldn’t stand going out or even stand putting any kind of food inside.

 

“ morning sunshine” Nick said cheerfully

 

Harry only giggled and let him in, Nick closed the door and he said “I brought breakfast.. “

 

Harry sighed and said “ this way”

 

Nick followed Harry “feeling poorly this morning? “

 

Harry sat on the kitchen table and said “ I couldn’t sleep, and I can’t put anything in my mouth.. This is my fifth cup” he raised his coffee

 

Nick frowned and opened the donuts box and he put it in front of him, Harry closed his eyes right away and turned his face to the other side trying not to vomit.
Nick frowned deeper and sat beside him “ should I call Liam or something? “

 

Harry shook his head “can you please.. “ he pointed at the box. Nick nodded sadly and closed the box and pushed it away

 

Harry took a deep breath “ I am fine.. Just nervous. And so as Liam, he is trying to avoid me.. And I don’t want to add pressure on his shoulders”

 

Nick agreed, he looked down then he said “ anything form Louis? “

 

Harry shook his head, Nick “ I thought he will come by last night”

Harry nodded “ Niall didn’t know, so he told him I was staying at home”

“so he spoiled the plan”

Harry smiled “he saved you a fight”

Nick nodded, he bit his lower lip, Harry was watching him “ okay, what? “

Nick sighed “ okay, I know this is a game we are playing on him. But Harry it will lead him to sign the papers... And you need him”

Harry shook his head “no”

“Harry.. “

 

“not anymore.. I mean I always needed him, I always relied on him.. But not anymore, not this time”

Nick was watching Harry “ he loves you though.. “

Harry chuckled “I have been saying this words a lot lately.. He doesn’t love me enough “

Nick “ you know I am with you right? And I hate what he is doing to you.. But.. I think you should tell him about tomorrow “

 

Harry shook his head “ no.. No I can’t “

“ he deserves to know Harry.. Don’t do this to him”

Harry took a long breath “ I know him, okay. If I tell him now then he will think I use this card to push him to not do it.. And I.. I don’t want to use my illness for my own satisfaction... If he is not gonna do it. Then be it”

“but... “

The doorbell cut them.

Harry stood up “ I guess it’s Liam.. He forgot his keys”

Harry walked to open the door ignoring the dizziness that he suddenly felt. But once he opened the door, his blood froze in his veins

“ I need to talk” Louis said and wake inside closing the door behind him

 

He looked at Harry “I am sorry about the other night.. Those words I said I never meant them to sound like that”
Harry gathered his shit and looked cold when he said “ they are the truth though.. “

“no Harry, they are not.. And stop saying that. I don’t care about the money and you know that”

 

“I will pay you back”

 

“God.. Stop it for God sake” he yelled

 

Harry looked behind him at the kitchen and then looked at Louis, Louis frowned “ is there someone inside? “

 

Harry sighed, and then Nick came out “everything is okay here? “

 

Louis gasped, then he gathered himself but still was feeling angry, he looked at Harry “ so you are serious in this? “

 

Harry looked at Nick “ you mean me and Nick? Yeah I think so”

 

Then Nick walked and stopped beside Harry, he wrapped his arms around him and looked at Louis “ what brings you here Louis? “

 

Louis was fuming, he looked down and then he looked at Harry “ nothing.. Just finishing some business with harry, I thought I could fix it but obviously I don’t even have to try”

 

Nick looked between them “ I can leave you two to talk”

 

Both Louis and Harry said in union “ no”

Harry was looking at Louis “ we are done”

Louis only nodded “yeah.. We are”

He took few steps backwards, he looked again at Harry and he saw him crying, for a minute he wanted to return back and hug him. He wanted to apologise and tell him everything would be alright. It was his weakness, Harry’s tears were his weakness. But he thought Harry knew this weakness and maybe he wanted to use it against him, he told himself he needed to be strong and he needed to let go. Harry already wanted a divorce and maybe Louis should give him what he wanted.

,******
After midnight, Louis was sitting on his couch, holding some pics of him and Harry together, he felt heartache and he wanted to cry. Harry was his best friend since they were neighbours twenty years ago, then he was his boyfriend fifteen years ago. And then he became his husband five years ago. That was history, that was an era, and ending that era of course hurt.

 

He felt the door was opened, he froze. Only Harry who had the key. Was it Harry?

Louis jumped on his feet and headed to the door. Harry was standing at the table beside the door and he was putting the key on it. He looked at where Louis was standing and Louis gasped. Harry looked tired, pale, with red eyes and red nose. Harry was also crying.

“I signed the papers” Louis said nervously still looking at him trying to examine him and find out what was happening.

 

Harry nodded “I am here to take the rest of my clothes, and to give you back your key” his voice cracked

“ you can keep the key Harry, maybe we are divorced but we still can be friends”

Harry looked at him, and Louis never expected what came next. Harry rushed to him and he hugged him so tight and he cried

 

Louis wrapped his hand around him “ then why? “ Louis cried too “I thought that what you want”

 

“it is”Harry said burying his head in Louis’ neck sobbing

Louis sighed “ why are you crying then? “

“you are crying too”

 

They stayed like that for a long moment. It was Harry who pulled away first. He looked at Louis’ eyes “ I want you to know that I am.. Really grateful to have you in my life”

Louis clutched his shirt and his heart beated fast “ it’s just a divorce... I am not going out of your life and no one is dying”.

 

Harry swallowed thickly and he struggled clearly to put a smile. He then looked down and said “ you helped me through a lot Louis. Not just me, my family too.. “

 

“hazza.. “

 

“no please.. Let me. Let me finish and tell what’s in my heart”

 

Louis nodded but he started to be sacred, Harry wasn’t okay at all. He was shaking and he was extremely nervous and why did he looked pale

“ I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you. I wouldn’t be doctor Style.. “

“I didn’t do any... “

Harry glared at him and Louis raised his hand “ okay, i won’t talk again”

Harry nodded but he was still crying “ you were my everything.. And you gave me everything “ he wiped his tears “ but i really wanted us in light Lou.. It was killing me and I... “ he sighed and looked down “ it doesn’t matter now. We are divorced”

Louis nodded “ we are divorced”

Harry shook his head and sobbed again “ we are divorced.. “ he looked at Louis and tears were falling freely on his face “ God.. What did we do? “

Louis couldn’t taken it anymore, he hugged Harry again. It was torture seeing him like this. After all that that was his love, his life. That was his Harry.

“ I will always be here” Louis whispered

Harry looked again in his eyes, and Louis saw million words were written in the eyes but he could not read. He knew Harry wanted to say something. The way he looked at his eyes, like he was looking for something, for his safety maybe. He always told him that. That Louis was Harry’s safe place.

 

Louis said with tears filling his eyes “ we can cancel everything. We can tear the papers and pretend nothing happened.. I love you Harry I always will”

Harry shook his head, he took Louis’ hand and he kissed it with closed eyes. Then he looked at his face and cupped it by his hands he gave him one long kiss, one long last kiss

 

Louis felt something weird, the kiss tasted weird, and his heart ached so much. Even with his eyes closed Louis knew Harry was crying and if he opened his eyes he would cry too, so he kept them shut.

 

“ I love you” Harry whispered in his ears and then he let go.

 

When Louis opened his eyes he was alone. No Harry, no kisses, nothing. Just him.

 

Louis closed his eyes and he cried. He lost Harry. He cried like he cried when he lost his mom, when he lost his sister. The difference only was he had Harry both times, but this time he cried Harry. And he was alone.

Chapter Text

Harry was shaking, every part of his body was shaking and he could not stop. He knew he had to go to the hospital early and the surgery would be at night. The problem was he couldn’t stand and he couldn’t move. He was scared as shit.

 

He stayed lying on the floor of the bathroom since that dizziness spill that hit him when he leaned down to bring his toothbrush that he dropped. He couldn’t raise his head ever since and his mind told him that that would be his life form that moment .

 

He didn’t cry, but he was scared. Cause he realized how weak he would be, and also how alone.

 

“ Harry? “ a knock on the door, Liam was there, he didn’t want to leave Harry after he showed up late at night crying, and they decided to go to the hospital together.
“ Harry, I am gonna come in” Liam said with a concerned voice and Harry couldn’t answer him.

He heard the door was opened and a gasp “ Oh God.. “

Liam knelt beside him, and he touched his shoulder “ what happened? Are you dizzy? “

Harry closed his eyes and he tried to sit, Liam helped him and Harry leaned his back on the wall “ you are shaking.. What do you feel? “

 

Liam asked examining him with his doctor eyes
“ it’s okay” Harry said weakly that he internally winced, he hated being sick, he hated being weak. It was always Louis who took care of him. But not any more.
Liam was still watching him, Harry took a deep breath and opened his eyes, finally the bathroom stopped spinning “ I got dizzy”

Liam nodded, Harry looked at him and tried to smile “ I am sorry”

Liam frowned “ what for? “

Harry shrugged “ I know I am scaring you, I know operate on me would be hard.. I mean I can’t even imagine seeing anyone from you unconscious between my hands.. How about with opened skull? “ he chuckled

Liam smiled and patted his shoulder “ that’s why you chose paediatrician.. You have the kindest heart”

Harry smiled “ I mean it though “

Liam nodded and then he leaned beside him on the wall “ well I am scared, but I know we can make it, Dr Derek is one of the greatest.. So I know you are in safe hands. Besides if I couldn’t be in with you I will drive myself crazy”

 

Harry sighed “ mom and my sister will be here.. I need someone to be with them”

Liam looked at him “ Sophie and Niall will make sure they will be okay”

Harry nodded, he looked at Liam and said “ is it okay to be scared? “

 

Liam tried his best not to cry, he nodded “ yeah.. It’s totally okay “

Harry smiled and hugged him “ if anything bad happened.. I want you to know that I don’t blame you”.

 

“ shut up Harry Styles.. “

Harry nodded “ just remember that”

“ fuck of Harry, you should trust me in this”

Harry giggled and closed his eyes again.

Liam sighed “ what happened last night? “

Harry took a deep breath “ he signed the papers”

“oh”

“ and then I went to see him”

Liam was shocked “ and then? “

“ I needed him I guess. I mean I know I need him I always did.. But I... “ he wiped his tears “ I guess I took this too fast.. Maybe I should have given him some time. “ he looked at Liam waiting for an answer, Liam only smiled “ what happened? “

Harry shook his head “ I didn’t tell him, I just want to see him off.. I wanted to see him and touch him while I am still on my legs”

 

“ you should tell him, you still can”

“no.. “

“why not, he signed the papers.. I know you need to tell him”

 

“I need to stop needing him Liam.. I need to rely on myself in this”

“you don’t have to do it alone”

Harry looked at him “ I am not alone, I have you guys”

“it will make you feel better, I know you are scared.
Maybe Louis will make you feel better? “

Harry closed his eyes “ no, no... I will do this”

Liam tears fell and he wiped them hastily “ I think we should go now”

 

*****
At the hospital. Harry was in his room, lying on his bed while Gemma was examining the room, Anne was sitting beside him hand in hand

 

“ last time the room was better”

Harry giggled “ give it a rest, come on.. “ he patted the spot beside him. Gemma was nervous and she was trying to hide it with any talk.

 

She looked at him and she walked and sat beside him.
He looked between the two of them “ I love you guys.. “
Gemma groaned “ Harry.. “

Harry shook his head “ I am not trying to be dramatic or anything... I am just being realistic.. I mean.. If anything happened” his mom squeezed his hand and he looked at her “ if... And nothing will happen I promise.. But only if.. I need to know that I love you, you are the most important thing in my life”

 

His mom nodded “ we love you too.. So stop being dramatic and be okay. Come back to us alright “
He smiled and hugged them both.

Then he looked at them again “ Louis signed the papers last night”

 

Anne didn’t talk while Gemma “ he still has no clue right? “

 

Harry nodded

Gemma shook her head “ that’s unfair Harry.. He doesn’t deserve this”

“we are not married anymore”

She chuckled “ come on.. In situations like this people should be surrounded with the people they love.. You want him here stop being a bloody stubborn “

Harry didn’t talk, Anne looked at him “ do you want me to call him? “

Harry tried his best to look strong and convincing “no, mom.. I am okay”

 

Anne “ I can.. “

The door was opened and Dr Derek followed by Liam entered “ are we ready? “

 

Harry swallowed thickly and he kissed his mom on her forehead strongly and then looked at the doctors and nodded.

 

Dr Derek nodded and said “ okay, we will take you now to get ready.. No goodbyes or anything. You will be just fine”

 

Harry smiled and nodded.

Then two nurse entered and pushed the bed outside the room.

At the operation table, Harry and Liam and the nurses were there . Getting ready and waiting for Dr Derek

 

“Liam.. “ Harry suddenly said

 

Liam looked at him “ yes.. What? “

“get me a phone”

Liam frowned, Harry looked at him “ I need him to know.. I need it to be me who tells him”

Liam sighed “ Harry.. “

“please.. I was stupid I know ... Please “

Liam nodded “okay, okay... You will have to get out of here.. You can’t talk here”

 

“I am sorry “ he whispered crying.

Harry was sitting on the surgery table alone, he was removed to the adjacent room and they all left the room for him.

 

A phone in his shaky hands and he was again thinking whether or not calling Louis.

 

Finally he dialled the number and after the third ring
“hello Liam... “

 

Harry’s heart was beating fast, tears were cascading his face “ it’s Harry”

A silence then “ are you okay? “

Harry shook his head “no”

He heard shuffles “ okay, where is Liam.. “

But Harry didn’t talk, Louis “Harry? Answer me? Are you hurt? What happened.. Where are you? “

“at the hospital “ Harry’s voice cracked

Louis “okay.. Good.. Now, find Niall or Liam I will be there in fifteen”

 

“no”

“no? “ Louis’ voice was nervous and Harry knew that voice, he used it when whenever he was nervous and worried

 

“ you can’t see me after fifteen minutes “

 

“ what is going on? “ Louis almost cried

“I am so sorry to tell you this now.. I am so sorry to tell you this way "

 

“Harry please.... Just say it”

Harry closed his eyes and pressed his mouth shut, okay that was stupid.

 

“I am in my car.. I am coming okay.. Just stay with me.. Okay, whatever is going on... Just stay”

 

Harry shook his head again “ i can’t “

“ Harry.. Are you doing something stupid? Did someone hurt you? Did... Did Nick hurt you? “

 

Harry actually smiled, because Louis was still caring
“listen love.. Just talk to me.. Okay.. Tell me what is wrong “

“stop the car” Harry said

“Harry.. I am coming to you.. “

“I can’t tell you while you are driving.. “

 

“you are scaring the shit out me please “ Louis was crying now, he sniffed “ tell me.. What is going on.. “

Harry sighed and gathered the courage left in him and said
“I am having a brain surgery.. Like now”

 

Silence

 

“Lou? “

 

“I don’t understand.. Will you do the surgery.. Or”

 

“no.. “ Harry sighed “ Liam and Dr Derek are operating on me.. I have a brain tumor Louis... And they need to remove it as fast as they could”

“no you are not” Louis whispered

 

Harry cried “I am sorry, i am sorry.. But I couldn’t do it without hearing your voice... I need it to be the last thing I hear before... “

 

“oh God.. Listen to me you asshole..don’t go... Wait for me.. I am coming.. Don’t.. Oh God.. Is it.. I mean.. Now? “

 

“ yeah... Actually it suppose to be ten minutes ago.. But at the last minute I wanted to call you”

 

“I would kill you if you didn’t... Hiding this from me Harry! What were you thinking? “

 

“ I am so sorry “

 

“no... Fuck no” then he screamed “move away your fucking twat” harry heard with a long horn

 

Harry actually giggled, and then Louis screamed again “ just wait for me okay? “

 

But the door was opened and Liam entered “ we have to go now..”

 

Harry was still crying, he nodded

 

“ is THAT Liam? I will fucking kill him if he lays a hand on you before I see you”

 

“ I will see you when I wake up.. “

 

“Harry no” Louis cried

 

Harry took a deep breath “ tell me something to calm me down.. I am scared lou.. “

 

Louis was crying and Harry could hear his sobs
“ sing for me maybe” Harry smiled

“ what are you.. I am crying Harry.. “

 

“stop that and sing”

Liam was watching him with a smile. Harry was the only one who believed in Louis ‘ voice. He said it always calmed him down.

 

Harry looked at Liam “ can we put him on speaker? “

 

“ I am not singing on a fucking speaker Harry” Louis was yelling

“ I need you to be the last voice I hear” Harry said softly

 

“ I am gonna kill you Harry styles”

 

******
"Your hand fits in mine like it's made just for me
But bear this mind it was meant to be
And I'm joining up the dots with the freckles on your cheeks

 

And it all makes sense to me
I know you've never loved the crinkles by your eyes when you smile

 

You've never loved your stomach or your thighs
The dimples in your back at the bottom of your spine
But I'll love them endlessly

I won't let these little things slip out of my mouth
But if I do, it's you, oh it's you, they add up to
I'm in love with you and all these little things"

 

Harry was closing his eyes, seeing them dancing at that birthday Louis made for Harry four years ago. They were happy and Louis was singing only for Harry.
Harry felt he was drifting away but he didn’t care cause the last thing he heard was Louis’ voice. Louis’ laugh. And that what he wanted

 

“ alright Tommo.. He slept, you can stop now”

Chapter Text

Louis was running in the hospital hallways looking frantically at anyone he could recognise. He had been here millionth of times but he never felt what he was feeling at that moment. His heart was about to stop literally stop whenever the image of Harry lying still on the operation table while someone was opening his skull crossed his mind.

 

Louis heard a familiar voice talking around him. He looked around and he saw Niall chatting with another nurse. He ran towards him and he didn’t give him time to react at all and he punched him on the nose

 

“aww... What was that for? “ Niall screamed holding his nose that started to bleed right away

Louis felt hands were around him trying to stop him but he ignored “you knew.. You bloody arse you knew” he shouted at Niall

Niall raised his hand “ calm down.. “

Louis wanted to attack again but he felt pain in his shoulder and then he was on the ground and a weight was above him

“ you need to calm down so we can talk” Niall was saying above him, but he wasn't the one who was above him

 

“I won’t ever forgive you.. “Louis said still struggling

 

“stop doing that... “

“let me go” Louis was still screaming, he heard Niall saying “ easy on him.. He is a friend “

“let me go” Louis was so angry, he was losing his temper and he was so scared

“ he will be okay, right Louis? You won't attack again? “Niall said asking Louis

Louis gritted his teeth “ I will fucking kill you.. “

Niall groaned and the heavy man above Louis pressed harder

“fine.. “Louis could barely say “ I will be good”

Slowly he felt the weight above him lightened and he finally could breath again.

Niall helped him to stand and once he was on his feet he pushed Niall again.

Niall “God.. Stop”

“I won’t... God how could you not tell me”

Then they heard “ Louis.. “

It was the one and only, Anne.

 

Louis looked at her and Gemma was standing beside her and then he stormed and hugged her.

She patted his back softly “ I am glad you are here”

Louis looked at her “ how could this happen? “

She nodded and then she sighed “ he is in surgery now.. They say it will take long. Let’s have a talk”

Louis slowly nodded while Gemma hugged her too and they all walked away from Niall.

In the waiting room, Louis was sitting with Gemma and Anne, they all looked tired and exhausted. They all were crying

“ we just found out last week.. He knew ten days ago” Gemma started

Louis nodded, Harry knew while they were at the middle of their fights while Louis was being an arse to him.

“ it’s called anaplastic astrocytoma.. It’s a rare tumor that hit the brain.. And they still don’t know if it’s malignant or not. Once they remove it they will do the test. It was in his parietal lobe and that explains his headache and dizziness.. And lately he was having difficulties with writing and reading”

Louis had to press his mouth and bit his lips. He had no idea of any of these symptoms. He knew Harry was tired he knew he was having headache and dizziness spills. But when was the last time Harry didn’t has them.

“ they say it’s big and they will try to remove it all.. But any way he will have to do the radiation and the chemo therapy afterwards.”

 

Louis covered his face and he could not hide his tears anymore, he cried and Anne rubbed his back, Louis lived through this before, the waiting.. The misery.. The chemo and the sickness, he has been there before and he lost the battle, he couldn’t lose Harry too, not to this bloody cancer

“ I will not lose him.. “ he said through his tears

Anne sighed “ he is strong.. “

“ it’s aggressive type.. Let’s just hope he comes out of it okay” it was Gemma

Louis looked at her with opened mouth, she shrugged “ I am being realistic here”

Anne “ Gemma please “

Gemma sighed and didn’t talk again.

Louis covered his face with his hands again “ how did I miss this? “

“ you were busy “ Gemma said again

Anne sighed while Gemma continued “ you were paying attention obviously not to him”

Louis looked at her narrowing his eyes “ I was shot.. “

She chuckled and didn’t talk again.

Louis looked at Anne “ I am so sorry... I am so sorry I missed that”

Anne shook her head “ that’s not your fault.. He will be okay.. I know my son I feel it”

Louis shook his head again and he cried “ why didn’t you tell me? “

Anne shrugged softly and said “ he asked us not to tell you”

Gemma said “ he didn’t want you to pity him. Didn’t want his sickness to affect your decision “

“what decision? “ Louis frowned he felt he couldn't stand Gemma any more

Gemma sighed “ you are divorced now Louis. Focus please”

And Louis was terribly shocked, that last hour he forgot everything about being divorced, all he cared about was his husband, was Harry. But he realized that they were now divorced and he would be a stranger to Harry
He looked at Anne with eyes full of dread, she nodded slowly. He looked down again and he was fighting for some air. He couldn’t breath, he couldn’t focus on breathing and he wanted to breath.

He stood up, Anne “ where are you going? “

Louis tried “ just... To breath.. “

Then he walked away, But Niall was there, he noticed how he was struggling and he took his hand and he walked him to a quiet room. He sat him on a bed and he was talking to him. Louis couldn’t form any word and he didn’t actually care.

 

Niall was screaming his name and he was trying to make him focus but Louis wanted to close his eyes, his ears were buzzing and his vision got blurred, was it a panic attack?

 

“ can you hear me.. Stay with me.. You are okay”

 

Finally Niall made sense, louis looked at Niall, and Niall nodded “ you are okay.. Just breath with me okay, in and out... Yes.. Good”

Louis was unintentionally following Niall instructions, Niall stayed by his side with a huge cotton on his nose that was previously bleeding.

“I am sorry about your nose” Louis finally said after ten minutes

Niall tried to smile “ I understand... “

Louis shook his head “ I shouldn’t.. That was.. “

“don’t think about it.. If I were you I would be the same..”

Louis looked at him and then he sighed “ you know.. “

 

Niall shrugged “ I was with him when we find out...”

“ I mean about me and him”

Niall frowned “ of course I know you idiots.. You were not that careful just to know.. And I am the smartest between the five of us so of course I know.. By myself “

Louis smiled slowly, he looked down again “ how bad is it? “

Niall took a deep breath “ bad... Really bad”

“oh God.. “

Niall “ he needs us all now.. “

Louis “i should have known.. I should be the one who takes his hand and calm him.. He must be so scared.. I could do something. I mean he came to me last night crying. . And.. Shit”

Niall put his hand on his shoulder “ take it easy on yourself.. He is a bloody stubborn and we all tried to convince him to tell you but... Nothing, he insisted not to tell you”

 

Louis nodded “ he wanted the divorce that much”

Niall looked at him “ of course not. He never imagined you would sign the papers”

Louis looked at Niall shocked, Niall nodded “he expected you to do what he wants.. He expected you to come out”

Louis looked down, and suddenly it became all clear now, Harry never left the house, Harry never fought that hard for this, he was really trying and asking for a divorce was his last option, but what about Nick? Was he trying to make him jealous? But no.. He wouldn’t use Nick’s feeling this way.

Niall sighed and patted his thighs “let’s go.. We need to stay with his family “

Louis nodded and walked after Niall outside.

He froze when he saw Nick standing by Gemma, Nick knew about his cancer too?

Once Nick saw him the blood drained from his face, Louis ignored him totally and then he walked to sit by Anne.

Then he saw Zayn. And Fuck.

Zayn was walking towards them shyly he was looking at Louis “ how is he? “

Louis “ please tell me you didn’t know.. “

Zayn sighed “ Nick just told me and I was trying to call you.. Where is your phone? “

Louis had no idea where was his phone. Zayn sat beside him and he asked Anne “ how is he? “

Anne shrugged “ still nothing.. “

Zayn nodded and he patted her hands “ he will be fine.. “

She nodded and didn’t talk. Gemma and Nick then came and sat beside them, Niall and Sophie also sat beside them and they all waited. They all waited for Harry to be okay, they all believed he would be okay.

 

******

Louis was standing alone in the rain, it was raining heavly and the feeling inside his heart was too much that he wanted to blow his chest to have some relief.
He was crying and he was watching the stone in front of him, he couldn’t believe what just happened. He couldn’t believe he just buried his mother and he would have to live the rest of his life without her.

He felt a hand wrapping him and then the rain that was falling in him stopped. Harry showed up holding an umbrella, Louis looked at him and he lied his head on Harry’s shoulder. That exactly what he wanted

“ we will all miss her lou.. She was a great woman”

Louis nodded “ and now she died.. “

“she will always be in our hearts”

Louis sniffed and looked at Harry “ it hurts Harry.. It hurts too much”

Harry with tears in his eyes nodded “ I know.. I know lou.. “

Harry and Louis were three years married when Jay died. Harry was always by her side specially during her last days. She asked for him to stay with her, she wanted only him to sleep with her in the same room in her last days. He was there when her heart stopped and he was holding her hands and telling her beautiful stories and prayers to ease her journey to the other side.

“ you will never leave me” Louis said, then he looked at him in the eyes “ promise me”

Harry frowned “ Lou.. "

“promise “ he said it sternly

“ yeah.. Yeah.. Forever “ then he kissed his forehead

 

“ wake up... Tommo.. Come on”

Louis was still feeling Harry’s lips on his forehead when he opened his eyes

 

“ he is out of surgery “ it was Zayn who said it, Louis looked around him and he saw Anne and Gemma were talking to some doctor wearing his blue scrub. Louis stormed to them and he heard

“ right now he is sedated and unconscious.. He... Excuse me who are you? “ he was talking to Louis

Both Anne and Gemma looked at Louis, Anne said “ oh he is his... Er.. His.. “

“flatmate” Gemma Said

The doctor nodded “oh you are the singer then.. “

Louis didn’t move, he could not, all he wanted TO know was about Harry

“ so you are not family.. “ the doctor added.

Louis looked around him looking for Liam, Liam would tell him everything.. Where the hell was Liam

“ I am sorry, but you can’t be here sir. I would want you to stay with the others and Harry’s family will tell you the news if they wanted” then he looked at the family again

 

Louis frowned “but I am.. “

The doctor looked at him again “ you are?.. “

Gemma sighed “ it’s okay lou.. We will tell you everything “

Louis wanted to scream I AM HIS HUSBAND but he didn’t, he couldn’t, and after all he wasn’t anymore.
Louis took few steps back and he saw Liam walking around with Niall, he ran to them and he stood in front of him

 

Liam said once he saw him “he is okay”

“I need to see him”

Liam sighed “ you can’t Tommo”

Louis gritted “ I need to see him”

Liam shook his head and said “ the tumor was big.. We tried to remove it all but it was very dangerous.. We removed most of it and with Radiation and Chemo we can interfere again.. “

 

Louis didn’t talk, Liam continued “ he is in intensive care and he will be there till tomorrow night.. We need to watch everything closely and we hope everything would end up okay”

 

“is it malignant? “ Louis suddenly asked

Liam “ we took a biopsy and we still testing it, we will find out tomorrow.. He will be awake by tomorrow.. Louis please don’t worry”

 

“of course I will be worried.. How the hell could you hide this from me.. “

Liam tried “I... “

“not now.. I need to see him” Louis said angrily

“ you can’t... “ Liam said again and Niall sighed “ we will tell you everything”

“so you can see him but I am his husband and I can’t? “

Niall didn’t talk but Liam said “yes you can’t.. “

Louis rubbed his face in frustration “ last time he was in intensive care I could see him”

“well last time you were his husband... Last time you told his doctor that you were his husband .. Now this is different “

 

Louis looked down and he did not talk anymore. Everything was crashing and everything was making it true. The only fact that kept hitting his head was they were divorced.. He wasn’t family anymore.

 

******

Louis didn’t leave the hospital, he was waiting in front of the intensive care for Anne. She was with Harry five minutes ago and he could barely sit on his chair.

He was having different scenario in his mind of invading the intensive, he was an officer after all and no one could touch him , maybe he will attack with his gun.. All he needed was just seeing him to believe he was okay.
Anne showed up barely standing, he rushed to her to help her sit beside him, she was crying

“ Gemma is with him” he asked

She nodded slowly, he didn’t ask anything else. She rested her head on his shoulder and cried. He let her cry. She was a mother and it was awful seeing her only son this way.

 

Few minutes later and Gemma sat beside her mom, she wasn’t crying, she hugged her mom too and they stayed like that, hugging, praying, and hoping that tomorrow would be a better day.

They all hoped.

Chapter Text

Next morning Harry was transmitted to his room, he opened his eyes and he recognized his mom and sister, he did not talk at all and then he slept again.

 

At the start it was okay for Harry to sleep for the full day, but at night they tried to wake him up... Harry didn’t.

 

Liam and Dr Derek tried not to panic and they tried different ways with Harry but they were all in vain.

Louis didn’t leave the hospital ever since the accident, although he wasn’t allowed to see Harry he didn’t leave his side, he asked his mother and Gemma about his state every hour. But when he started to see large number of doctors were coming and leaving with a frown on their faces, he knew there was something wrong.

 

“ Liam” he called Liam when he saw him leaving Harry’s room, he walked to him and Liam waited impatiently, “what is going on? “

 

Liam sighed “ nothing is going on”

 

Louis looked at the closed door “ he didn’t wake up, you said he will wake up hours ago.. So what is going on? “

 

Liam took a moment then said “ we don’t know.. “

Louis opened his mouth but nothing came out
Liam continued “ we will wait till mid night, if he didn’t wake up we will do some CT scans”

“what could possibly be wrong?”

Liam shrugged “ alot of things.. And also nothing. The biopsy result showed it was benign tumor so that is a good news.. He is resting.. We believe he will wake up soon”
.
Louis rubbed his eyes to stop the tears, he looked at Liam “ I have to see him”

Liam sighed “ Louis.. I can’t.. “

“you don’t get it.. I have to see him. Please.. Please I have to.. I am dying here don’t do this to me”

“I am sorry.. It is the system.. You are not family”

Louis groaned “ fuck the system.. I am family.. I am the family, I am not letting a bloody paper to define me to him“

Liam was watching him he said softly “I am not trying to punish you here I swear.. But it’s serious.. “

Louis huffed “ please.. Anne would let me. Please “

Liam finally said “ I will see about it.. “ he was leaving, but Louis grasped his arm and looked at him with tears in his eyes “ please.. “

Liam patted his hand and nodded “ I will see what I can do.

*****
Louis was leaving the bathroom to his way to the chair he didn’t leave since the accident, then he saw something that boiled the blood in his veins.

Nick was leaving Harry’s room.

Louis ran to him and yelled “ what are you doing there? “

Nick looked at him face pale and said “ I was seeing Harry.. “

Then he saw Niall came from the room and closed the door behind him, he looked at him angrily “ really! He can see him and I can’t.. What the fuck”

Niall was going to take his hand to move away when he noticed eyes were on them, but Louis yanked his hands away and yelled again “ what the hell”

Niall gritted his teeth saying “let’s go so we can talk”

Louis ignored Niall completely and looked at Nick “ why are you here? Who do you think you are? “

Nick shook his head “ I am his boyfriend Louis.. I can see him.. I am family”

And no, Nick didn’t. He didn’t say it. Louis attacked him but Nick was stronger he grasped the hand that was going to attack and Louis found himself again on the ground.

******
In a private room, Louis was on the couch while Niall was patching his hand, they were both in silent. Louis was hurt when he tried to attack again, but he hurt his hand and he needed stitches

The door was slammed open and Liam stormed inside, he yelled at him “ one more stupid move and I can’t let you in the hospital itself.. What the hell is the wrong with you”

Niall didn’t look at Louis, Louis shrugged “ he was with Harry”

Liam yelled again “ so you hit him? We were with Harry.. “

Louis groaned “ you know what I mean”

Liam took a chair and put it beside him “no Louis I don’t.. Please explain “

Louis looked at him “he is Nick? How could you let him inside and please don’t tell me he is family I am gonna kill someone if I heard this word again”

Liam huffed “ but he is.. He is his boyfriend.. But you are... “ he shrugged “ his ex flatmate? “

“ you can’t define me like that”

“ it’s not about me Louis.. It is the rules. You are an officer you know how to respect rules. And I promised you will see him.. What was that about? “

Niall finished his work and then he leaned on the back of the chair, louis looked at him “ don’t you have something to say”

Niall nodded “ actually I do.. You both are so stubborn like hell.. I mean you are divorced.. I have never seen you like this before and that’s not just because the way he is no now.. You are so stupid.. Both of you are”

Then he left the room without any other word.
Liam huffed and closed his eyes, it was along day and he was really exhausted

Louis looked at him “I am sorry”

Liam nodded, Louis sighed “ I mean it, I am just nervous “

“I know..” then he looked at him “ you have to control your anger. Harry is having a long journey.. And being a part of it will be his decision..”

All Louis could do was just nodding his head and trying hard not to think of what was said.

At midnight, no one was there with Harry, Anne and Gemma left and Liam promised them he will watch him all the night.

Nick and Zayn also left and there was only Louis who again refused to leave.

He was sleeping on the chair when he felt someone patting his shoulder, he opened his eyes and there was Liam “ it’s time”

Louis didn’t understand at the start then he saw Liam walking to Harry’s room so he ran after him.

Liam stopped in front of the door and turned to Louis “ I am giving you ten minutes.. Try to be quiet okay”

Louis nodded frantically trying his best to calm his heartbeat.

Liam opened the door and Louis entered and closed the door behind him.

He looked at Harry and he gasped, Harry looked small on that big hospital bed. Harry who he always called him his giant looked so small and helpless. Louis walked towards him and with every step he took his heart was banging hard that he felt his chest was going to explode.

Harry’s head was wrapped with a huge white gauze and Louis couldn’t control his tears, he covered his mouth so he won’t make sound and disturb Harry but he felt pain was shooting all over his body, he felt his legs weren’t able to carry him anymore and he needed to sit.

He literally collapsed at the chair beside Harry and he looked at Harry’s face. White and pale, his pink lips were white and lifeless, his cheeks were so pale and Louis wanted just to kiss him there.

Slowly he took his hand and kissed it softly, he then looked at Harry and said whispering “ wake up sunshine.. You said we will meet when you wake up.. So wake up”

He then closed his eyes “ you promised me Harry.. You promised you will never leave me.. Forever, remember? “ he wiped his tears “ please baby don’t leave me.. Please “

Louis felt Harry’s fingers twitched between his hand, he looked at the fingers and he was about to smile when Harry’s whole hand twitched.

Then slowly all his body started to convulse and the heart monitor peeped loudly. Seconds later and the door was opened and Liam with two nurses rushed to Harry’s side

“ Louis.. Get out” it was Liam who said but Louis was glued in his place

Then a nurse walked closer to him and took his hand, he ushered him out of the room and looked sorrily before closing Harry’s door on his face.

 

Louis couldn’t move his eyes from the door, he had no idea what just happened, was Harry waking up? Was Harry having a seizure? What was happening?

Chapter Text

“ he will have to do a surgery again”

 

That was all Louis could remember, that was all Louis actually heard.

 

After the door was closed on his face, few minutes later the door was opened again and Harry was removed before Louis’ eyes on his bed where the two nurses were attached to him, Liam was talking to Louis but Louis was only locking his eyes with Harry till he disappeared inside the lift.

 

Liam talked to him but Louis couldn’t hear anything, he was about to have another panic attack maybe but he didn’t, so the last thing he heard before Liam’s face disappeared and replaced with Niall’s was

“ he will have to do a surgery again”

Niall took His hand and sat him on the nearby chair, he knelt beside him and rubbed his thighs talking but again Louis wasn’t paying any attention.

 

Suddenly his mind was taken back to the minute he lived before with his sister, when she left them too. He was with her so as Harry at the hospital when they thought she was saved but suddenly everything crashed and..

“ Louis... LOUIS “

When Louis opened his eyes that he didn’t realize he was shutting them, he saw Zayn’s face in front of him.
“let’s have some fresh air” Zayn said helping Louis against his well and walked him outside the whole hospital.

*******

Flashback,

“ Harry.. Harry.. Where are you love”

Louis was calling Harry at the middle of their flat, he just returned from his work and he was so hungry, and once he opened the door he smelled the lovely smell of Harry’s cook.

He rushed to the kitchen and he saw Harry was actually resting his head on the table and his eyes were closed,

“ are you sleeping Harry? “

He walked to him and shook him softly, at the start Harry didn’t move at all, it sounded weird Harry had a day off tonight, but he looked so exhausted. Finally he whimpered and he opened his eyes slowly.

“come on love.. Wake up” Louis said smiling, and he moved to the stove and checked the food “ wow.. My favourite. “he turned to look at Harry, he frowned “ are you okay? “

Harry’s eyes were red and he looked so tired, he squeezed his eyes with his fingers “ sorry.. I slept”

Louis laughed “ you did.., now set the table I am gonna change really fast I am starving”

Harry stood up slowly and was going to walk but he almost fell and he supported himself and leaned on the chair, Louis ran to Harry’s side and wrapped his hand around his waste “ what is it? “

He sat him on the chair, Harry’s eyes were squeezed shut and he pressed on his temples “ I am okay, just exhausted.. “

Louis sat in front of him “ are you sure? Are you dizzy? “

Harry opened his eyes and smiled “ I am okay Lou.. Go and change your clothes.. Come on go I am hungry”

He stood again but this time he looked steadier and he walked to the stove trying to avoid looking at him.

 

End of flashback.

Louis was smoking his cigarette sitting on the deck outside the hospital, sitting beside him was Zayn watching the sunrise. Both drown in their thoughts, both silent and both were unable to talk.

 

Louis threw his cigarette underneath him and he crashed it with his shoe. He realized how angry Harry would be now if he knew Louis was smoking on an empty stomach. Or if he knew Louis was smoking again.

He finally decided to gather his shit, he needed to be strong for Harry, he should be strong for harry.

“ why are you here? “ Louis asked Zayn

Zayn looked at him examining if he could talk or not with him “ Liam called me.. Told me you were having a panic attack again when Harry was taken to the surgery”

 

Louis nodded he looked down again, Zayn sighed “ he will be okay, I am sure he will be”

 

“I can’t believe I let this happen under my eyes , what kind of husband that just ignores his husband's symptoms”

“you didn’t know.. “

Louis groaned “ but I did.. Damn.. I saw all the signs, I saw him suffering... And fading away but I just stayed away.. I didn’t want to believe there was something wrong with him... “ he shook his head in frustration “
shit, I should have known.. I should “

 

Zayn was watching him, he took a deep breath “ that doesn’t matter now. He is a doctor he knows these signs better than anyone.. I mean if you missed it or didn’t pay the right attention it was him who should paid more attention to himself”

“ don’t blame him”

“i am not blaming him and I don’t want you to blame yourself either. Liam told me this tumor has been growing for six years now.. It happens “

Louis looked at him shocked, he didn’t know that piece of information, he then looked down and he wanted to scream loud. He was angry and he was frustrated, he wanted to blame someone, anyone..

“ what time is it? “

Zayn looked at his watch “ it’s 6 am.. I called Gemma and told her about the surgery.. They are gonna be here in any minute now”

Louis closed his eyes in a shock “ he has been there for more than two hours ”

Zayn nodded “ yup... Do you want to get inside again? “
Louis shook his head “ but i have to”

 

******
“ brain haemorrhage “ Liam started “he has a brain aneurysm which caused the bleeding, we fixed the bleeding but we put him in an induced coma till he recover perfectly.. “

 

Louis, Anne and Gemma were listening to Liam. Anne started to cry right away and Gemma had to hold her, she collapsed between her daughter’s arm and she helped to sit her down.

Louis looked at Liam “ is he going to be okay? “

Liam was watching Anne then he looked at Louis “ he passed the danger, the bleeding didn’t affect anything, we will just have to wait for him to regain his strength slowly”

Louis nodded and then Dr Derek showed and walked to Liam, he looked at Louis and then said to Liam “ can we have a moment? “

Liam nodded and walked with him away from Louis.
Louis walked to the intensive care where Harry was, Anne and Gemma were still sitting Gemma was trying to calm Anne down and obviously she was failing because Anne didn’t stop crying, Gemma looked at Louis helplessly and he walked towards them.

 

He sat beside Anne and he took his hand, she looked aT him and she said “ he is too young for this”

 

Louis nodded, but Anne completed “he is only 26 and he is a heartbroken divorced young man who is fighting for his life. He does not deserve any of this”then she looked at Gemma “ I need to see my son”

 

Gemma nodded “ okay mom we will, but not now. He needs rest”

Anne shook her head “ I need to see my baby. I need to see him Gemma please, let me see my baby”

 

Gemma wiped her tears and looked around her obviously looking for Liam, when she spotted him she looked at Louis who nodded at her, she kissed her mom and she walked to Liam.

 

Anne was still crying when Louis pressed softly on her hand, she looked at him and she sighed. She closed her eyes and wiped her tears away

 

“ you broke his heart Louis” she said, “ you broke my son’s heart and he does not deserve this. He loved you but you let him down.. He thought you will choose him but you chose yourself as always”

 

Louis was watching Anne, he knew Anne loved him and considered him as a son, he knew she was hurt, her son was literally dying and she was losing her mind. He didn’t want to think twice about what she said but it hurt. It hurt deeply and badly.

 

“ all he wanted was you to tell your truth. He wanted to be able to love you in public. He was sick of hiding and of acting.. “ she stopped and she cried again

“ wants.. “ Louis said “ you are talking like he is dead. He is alive there. And he wants all of us to be strong for him”

 

Anne looked at him and then her look turned into anger “ it’s all your fault”

Then she took her hand away and hit him in his shoulder “you promised me you will take care of him, you promised me nothing bad will happen to him”

 

Louis couldn’t take it anymore, he cried because she was true he promised, and he let all of them down

“ he was just a kid when you took him to live with you here in London. Do you remember what you said to me Louis? That he will be always under your eyes, he will be your life. How could you miss all of that? He had cancer Louis and you missed it” then she looked down “ and I missed it.. I am a bad mother.. Oh God I am an awful mom how... “

 

Louis didn’t let her finish, he hugged her close and she cried on his shoulder so hard, she tried to resist the hug and she tried to hit him again, but he didn’t let her, he cried with her and he rubbed her back softly when she eventually stopped fighting.

 

*****

 

The three days where Harry was in induced coma were too painful. Louis couldn’t get inside Harry’s room at all, even Liam couldn’t let him in. He also didn’t leave the hospital for even an hour. He stayed there, ate there, took his shower and slept there. He could not leave Harry alone. He just couldn’t.

 

At the end of the third day, Liam told them they put Harry out of his induced coma and they would wait for Harry to wake up by himself, it might take hours or even days.

 

The waiting was a punishment, Gemma and Anne took turns to watch Harry, just watching him sleeping there. And it was killing Louis. He couldn’t get inside as he wasn’t a family Nick didn’t show up again inside Harry room, although he visited daily hut he didn’t allow himself inside again. Zayn and Gigi also came daily, and they all had one wish and one pray, they all prayed that Harry will wake up again.

 

But Harry didn’t.

For more three other days harry didn't.

Chapter Text

Harry didn’t wake up after moving him out of his induced coma for three days, for the doctors it was absolutely alright, but for Louis and his family it was destructive news. They waited by his side day and night, begging, crying, praying.

 

Eventually Harry responded and at the morning of the fourth day, Harry opened his eyes.

 

Harry was in Anne’s watch when he opened his eyes, she freaked out and she stormed outside the room to call for his doctors. Louis was waiting outside as usual and when he saw her running out the room his heart sank as he thought something bad happened.

 

When the doctors entered Harry’s room they didn’t let anyone in with them till they finish examining him.

Liam was taking his hand while Derek was examining his eyes response and his other vitals.

Finally Doctor Derek said “ Harry.. Do you know where you are? “

Harry was looking at him with no expression at all, just staring at him.

Derek looked at Liam, Liam nodded and started “ Harry.. Look at me.. Can you look at? “

Slowly Harry moved his eyes to Liam, Liam smiled “ that’s right.. Do you know me? “

He got nothing, Liam squeezed Harry’s hand softly “ Harry squeeze my hand if you remember me”

Derek and Liam waited looking at the hand, Slowly harry squeezed faintly Liam could barely felt it.

Liam sighed and looked at him “ goo, do you know where you are? “

Again Harry pressed his hand, Liam “ do you know what happened? “

But Harry didn’t do anything, just staring at Liam.
Liam nodded and looked at him “you had a brain cancer Harry, and we removed your tumor six days ago”

Harry frowned weakly and Liam asked “ do you understand me Harry? “

Again Harry pressed softly.

Derek put his hand on Harry’s feet “ Harry.. Can you move your fingers for me please? “

Harry didn’t look at Derek, he was still staring at Liam
Liam asked him “ Harry, move your leg fingers.. Please “
Slowly Harry did.

Liam and Derek gave a long breath they both were holding.

Liam then smiled and looked at Harry “ you will be okay Harry.. You will be fine”

Harry didn’t do anything, then he slowly closed his eyes.
*****

Next time Harry opened his eyes it was at midnight, Gemma was with him when he wake up and looked at her, she was reading and she didn’t recognize what happened.

“ Gem” Harry tried his voice and it was awful the way he heard it.

 

Gemma startled and she looked at him, first thing she smiled and then she cried and took his hand and kissed it “ you are awake love”

He was watching her, he tried to raise his hand to wipe her tears but it felt like a struggle, when Gemma noticed she patted his hand that was between hers and she raised it to wipe her tears and again she kissed his hand “ you scared us Harry. You have no idea what we were thinking “

She slowly smiled and nodded

Gemma took a deep breath and she tried to calm her heart a little bit

“ mom was losing her mind. I would give you a phone to talk to her right now but you shouldn’t “

Again he nodded.

Then he frowned and looked around him, she narrowed her eyes “ are you looking for something? “

He looked at her and nodded, he whispered “ Lo.. “

She nodded and said “ Louis? He is outside”

Harry frowned deeper, Gemma added “ he wants yo be here he fought to be here, but he can’t he is not family and your doctor prevented him”

Harry didn’t respond at that and Gemma wanted to slap herself for what she just did, she pressed his hand softly “ do you remember what happened before the surgery? Between the two of you I mean? “

Harry closed his eyes and he didn’t answer, but when he opened his eyes again the tears fell down on his cheeks and Gemma wiped them away and then she kissed his forehead.

*****
Next morning, Harry was more alert the next morning, he was lying in a sitting position with a pillow behind him, he was more focused, he remembered most of what happened before the surgery specifically their divorce.

Harry was weak, tired and exhausted, he was sad, disappointed and depressed. His mother was with him and she refused to leave his room once she saw him finally awake. She was trying to paint a smile back on his face and he didn’t have the power to tell her that he was okay, he wasn’t okay.

At the middle of the day, Niall entered the room cheerful as usual “ you were missed Dr Styles... The kids are asking about you. You should gain your strength back as fast as you can”

Harry smiled, Niall sat beside him on the bed “ how do you feel? “

Harry shrugged “ like a bus.. Crashing my brain” he tried to smile

“ it will get better. “ Niall said and Harry nodded
Niall looked at Anne “ you need rest. Go to have some sleep and come back”

She was looking at Harry and she shook her head, Harry looked at his mom “ mom.. Please “

His mom smiled “I am okay”

Niall “ for couple of hours. Come on you look like you need it. I can’t fight you and Louis.. I need to win with one of you”

Anne smiled and looked at Niall “he is still outside? “

Niall sighed “ he didn’t leave his seat.. “

Anne looked at Harry “ would you like to see him Harry? “

Harry actually didn’t know if he wanted or not, but he kind of felt sorry for Louis, so he slowly nodded.

His mom stood up “ okay.. I am gonna call him for you and I will come back at night”

She kissed his forehead and she walked out of the room.

Niall looked at Harry “ he didn’t leave the hospital Harry, you need to convince him”

Harry didn’t give any response and then the door was opened.

Louis walked directly to Harry, his eyes were fixed on him and he looked as if he was still not believing Harry was awake.

Harry was looking at Louis without any feelings on his face, he didn’t feel anything. Louis sat in front of him and he smiled

“ you are awake finally” Louis was looking at Harry nervously, and obviously he was trying not to lose control of his voice

Harry was still looking at him, Niall smiled and stood up “ okay, I am gonna leave you two together. I will be outside if you need anything “

Louis nodded and he watched till Niall closed the door, he looked at Harry again and he stood up again and took few steps closer to him, then he hugged Harry but Harry didn’t hug him or even tried even if he knew he wouldn’t be able to live his arms

Louis frowned and let Harry and looked at him “ are you okay? “

Harry was watching him, Louis sighed, he sat on the chair “ you scared us Harry”

Harry finally took a deep breath and looked in front again.

Louis took his hand “ I can’t believe you hid that thing from me Harry, I can’t believe you didn’t tell me about your cancer. I mean what were you thinking? “

Harry said without looking at him “ we are divorced”

Louis was shocked he didn’t expect that this would be the first word he heard from Harry after his coma
Louis swallowed thickly “ this can be fixed”

Harry shook his head “ I don’t want to”

Louis frowned “ don’t want what? “

Harry looked at him “ you are a free man now Louis. You don’t have to be with me, you shouldn’t be here”

“ what are you talking about? “ Louis asked but his voice betrayed him

“ you divorced me. So I don’t want to see you again”
“Harry. What... What is going on? “

Louis clutched his chest because his heart hurt
Harry looked at him “ what do you expect? “

Louis “ Harry.. I have been waiting for you.. I didn’t even go home ever since I knew about your cancer.. “

“ that was stupid” then he cursed under his breath “ I shouldn’t have told you.. I shouldn’t have called you that night.... But it was a moment of weakness “

“a moment of... Harry what are you doing? “

Harry took a deep breath “ we are done Louis, we are finally done. Finally no more pretending and no more acting... Finally we will be free again”

 

“ Harry ... Please don’t “

Harry closed his eyes “ get out”

“ Harry? “

“Get Out” he yelled loud that he pressed his head with his hands and gave a painful scream.

The door was opened and Liam rushed inside looking shocked at the two of them, then he headed to Harry who was still screaming. The nurses also entered and one of them pushed Louis outside the room.

Again the door was closed on his face, again he was alone helpless and shocked, confused and hyperventilating.

 

Cause that was Harry who asked him to be out that was Harry who didn’t want him anymore with him. That was Harry who said they were finally free.

Chapter Text

“ so according to this, we will start the radio alongside the chemo next Thursday, doctor Sandler will be with during the treatment and he is the best “ Dr Derek said while Harry was lying in a sitting position on the hospital bed. Liam was standing beside Dr Derek watching Harry who seemed completely abstracted.

 

Dr Derek looked at Liam and Liam again looked at Harry “ are you still with us? “

Harry didn’t move his eyes from the spot he was staring at

“ Harry” Liam said louder and Harry flinched

Dr Derek sighed and looked down, while Liam said “ we were telling you important arrangements about the treatment procedure and obviously you weren’t even listening “

Harry looked at Dr Derek shyly “I am sorry, i am so sorry”

The elder doctor gave him a soft smile “ Harry is there anything bothers you? What takes your mind away? It has been four days since you wake up and you are the same”

“sorry” harry said again

Derek “okay.. Get some rest we will talk later”

Then he gave Liam a look before leaving room.

Liam waited till Derek disappeared behind the door and he looked at Harry “ say something Harry”

Harry looked at him and slowly shook his head and closed his eyes, he didn’t smile, he didn’t talk. Harry barely talked after waking up, barely smiled, barely did anything other than staring at nothing.

Liam sighed and sat beside Harry “ what is it about? “

He got no response, Liam added “ you still can talk to him if you want Harry”

Harry looked at him “ who? “

“you know who”

Harry shook his head again, Liam “ you need him”

“ stop saying that” he gritted his teeth

“but you do, he needs you too, you have no idea how is he doing right now. He is literally dying”

Harry didn’t talk didn’t look at Liam

“ why did you do this Harry? If it was gonna hurt this much then why did you do it? “

Harry took a deep breath “ I don’t need him, I can do it by myself “

Liam was going to talk but Harry said “ Liam please enough talking about him”

“but.. “

Harry took a deep breath and then he crossed his arms and looked at his lap.

Liam was watching him, finally he nodded and left the room.

******
It was two hours later, Harry was talking to Nick and Gigi who came to see him when Niall opened the door and stormed inside “ what the hell is the wrong with you? “

Harry was expecting that, he didn’t say anything, it was Nick who said “ how are you talking to him like that? “

“I am his friend.. And what the hell are you doing here. Do you think I believe this play you are playing on us”

he didn’t give Nick time to react as he glared at Harry “ and you.. You asked for a different doctor? What did Liam do? “

Harry said “ just like what you are doing now”

Niall fumed and started to count on his finger “first it was Louis you asked the security not to let him in and then Liam you.... “

Harry cut him “yes Niall and you will be the third if you kept acting this way”

Niall looked between the three people in the room, and then he left the room slamming the door behind him.
Nick looked at Harry “ why did you do that? “

Harry rubbed his face “ he can’t stop talking about Louis. Everything I do must be related to Louis.. And I just don’t want that, I don’t want anyone remind me of what is happening “

Gigi cleared her voice, Harry looked at her
She smiled and took his hand “ you don’t have to do it now, I mean you get better first and then teach Louis his lesson”

Harry chuckled “ what are you talking about Gigi”

She said “ you know what I am saying. Listen this secret you’ve been carrying was too much, I know how much you wanted him to come out so he can be with you.. But this.. This is too much too I mean you are divorced Harry and then you asked for not letting him in your room as long as you are here.. You are like cutting him out of your life”

“I am”

“but why? I thought you love him”

Harry sighed “ I thought I did too” then he looked at her “ the minute I wake up I have that feeling in my heart. I don’t love him anymore, I feel angry of myself that I let him play with my feelings all that time. I let him abuse me and I convinced myself he had every right because of the money he gave us long time ago... But he doesn’t own me. He did not and he won’t. And I don’t want him anymore in my life”

Nick said “ it’s not easy Harry.. “

Harry looked at him and shrugged “ it is for me. I don’t want him anymore. I know you all don’t believe me. But this is my true feelings”

Gigi “ but he loves you Harry”

Harry laughed sarcastically “yeah right” then he looked at Gigi “he signed the paper Gigi”

“you signed them first”

“of course I did. I was hurt. I am the one who was hurt for so long and now I am a new person and I will never let this happen to me again”

Gigi “ Harry... “

“gigi please. If you want to be a part of my life then you will not talk about him anymore”

Gigi slowly nodded and then Nick sighed, he looked d at his watch and said “i have to go now. I will see you later, okay”

Harry nodded but he was still angry, Gigi stood up too “ I have to go too”

Harry looked at her “ Gigi I am sorry”

She shook her head “ it’s not that I swear but I have some business.. I will come by tomorrow, is that okay”

Harry nodded and he looked ashamed, she kissed him on the cheeks and then she left so as Nick.

Harry was left alone in the room, and he couldn’t stand this anymore, he cried, he hid his tears and cried like never before. He was changing everything, and everything around him was changing. He was about to start a hard and painful journey and he chose to start it alone. No Louis, no secrets, no pressure. He knew he would do it alone and he wanted to cut any hope that might raised in his heart he wanted to shut the people around him up because if they kept talking he knew he would be convinced, he knew he would come back to Louis because he knew deep deep down that he needed his Louis beside him.

 

*****
It was before midnight when his door was knocked and opened. Lottie entered and she ran to his side and gave him a tight and warm hug. She started to cry right away and he rubbed her back softly

She sat beside him and she said “ I am sorry I wasn’t here before.. But.. I was... I couldn’t “

“I understand “

She shook her head and she wiped her tears “ I am so sorry. But I was so scared Harry”

Harry nodded “ I know. I told you I understand “

She looked at him and she said “ I heard you don’t want to talk about Louis”

Harry kept silent, but she said “ he is not okay Harry. He is very depressed.. And he is scaring me”

Harry nodded and looked at her “ he will be okay”

“ Harry...stop punishing him please “

He frowned and said “ but I am not”

She shook her head “ please Harry... For me.. For mom and FIZZY don’t do that”

He looked at her and wiped her tears “ Lottie. I know how much you love him, i know that whatever he does you always find him excuses and I totally understand that, he is your elder brother and he loves you with all his heart, but it is a different story when it comes to me. He is not treating me the way I deserve, he doesn’t care about me, and he always wanted to set me up with different people and then he asked me to go in a relationship with his friend.. I am his husband who was promised a few months and then he will let the world know about us. I can’t do this anymore, if I did it for you or for your family then it would be unfair for both of us”

Lottie nodded but the tears were still falling “ you don’t love him anymore”

He was watching her thinking for the right and the honest answer “ no, I don’t love him the way I did before. Something had broken inside my heart, something had changed and I just can’t... I can’t do this anymore “

She nodded and then she took a deep breath “ can I at least see you from time to time”

He was shocked “ you are my sister. All of you are my sisters and I want you to come and see me from time to time” he sighed “ I will have a long and hard path, and I need you to support me”

She smiled despite her tears and she kissed him on his nose, then he she said “ be strong for us”

 

He smiled and she waved goodbye and she left the whole room.

Chapter Text

Louis was trying his best to be strong and not to lose his mind and cause a disaster. He avoided all the people he knew, he declined their phone calls, he didn’t open his door for visitors and he stayed by himself trying to figure out a way to change Harry’s mind.

 

Zayn was trying daily to contact him but Louis treated him like the others and he avoided him.

 

Louis was sitting at the middle of his living room drinking some hot tea looking at nothing and avoiding everything.

“ so you are alive”

 

Louis startled at Zayn’s voice and looked directly behind him where Zayn was standing by the kitchen open bar, he put the food he got them on the bar and headed towards Louis

“ how did you get in here? “ Louis asked with a cold tune.

Zayn sighed and sat beside him “ I met Lottie and took the keys from here”

Louis frowned “ Lottie doesn’t have the keys”

Zayn smiled and didn’t answer, Louis sighed and looked in front again “ Gemma”

Zayn nodded, Gemma had the keys when she used to live with them for the months last year.

“ she says hi” Zayn added
Louis didn’t move.

Zayn sighed “ he is starting the treatment tomorrow... He is very down and he doesn’t let anyone talk to him, he even cut Liam from his case and called security for Niall”

 

Louis looked at him shocked, Zayn shrugged “they say when they removed the tumor they removed a part of his sanity” Louis looked down, he wished to be there with him but he was angry at Harry

“I say he is scared” Zayn stated “he is freaking out and he doesn’t want to show it, he doesn’t want to confess that he needs you and he is being the stubborn we all know...but this time with little aggressiveness”

Louis left his seat and walked to the kitchen “ what do you want Zayn? I was trying to avoid you”

“were you? “ Zayn pretended being shocked

Louis looked at him “ wasn’t I obvious? “

Zayn giggled “ Well.. I am here to put an end for this stupid behaviour. You can’t lock yourself here”

Louis put his cup in the sink and he didn’t answer, Zayn said from behind him “ do something “

Louis looked at him “ like what? What do you want me to say? He doesn’t want me anymore in his life.. So okay”

“his life? “ Zayn said with sarcasm “ what life are you talking about. He is losing his life Louis.. He doesn’t have life anymore.. So are you trying to waste the few days he has left locking yourself here feeling sorry “
Louis yelled because he couldn’t hear any other word about Harry dying “ he doesn’t want me anymore. We are divorced he wants that”

“and do you? Are you happy about this”

“I don’t care”

Zayn frowned “ what are you saying Louis.. I am Zayn.. I know you. He is dying. Your husband.. Your best friend... Your childhood friend is dying there at the hospital so someone of you stop being ridiculous and do something before it’s too late”

Louis didn’t talk, he started at the empty sink that only contained the tea cup and he cried. He just cried because Harry was dying and he didn’t want to see Louis any more, he wanted to die alone. So yeah.. Harry Was mad at him but could Louis let him die angry? Or would he just go and try to apologise and make Harry forgive him?

 

******

Harry was walking now by himself, maybe few steps but that progress. He could finally leave his bed and he could stretch his body, be could balance himself for a whole minute without falling down and he was happy about it.

 

He was with his nurse doing his daily exercise (walking the hallway in front of his room). They just had finished and she put him on his bed, he didn’t want to sleep, he sat there trying to catch his breath, although he walked for few minutes but it felt like hours.

The nurse just left to bring him some snake as a reward, it was nothing it was just some coffee, Harry could kill for some coffee ever since the surgery.
He felt the door was closed, did she come that fast, he looked behind him and he saw Louis standing there leaning on the door. At first Harry felt scared, panic was growing in his chest and his heart was beating so fast

“ I need to talk to you” Louis started with strong and steady voice

Harry closed his eyes to control the panic and he said “ I don’t “

“I don’t care” Louis said and he walked towards him taking a chair in his hand, he put the chair right in front of Harry and he sat on it “ you will listen then... I will talk and you will listen “

Harry looked at Louis and he saw how determined he was, he sighed “ I am gonna call the security and... “

“do whatever you want Styles... I am cop. Let them put one foot inside this room and I will teach this whole hospital a lesson”

Harry looked at him and for a second he was about to laugh.

“ now. I know you are getting better and I know you are staring your treatment tomorrow .. So I know you have your whole brain still inside and you will hear me”

Harry was still looking at him without uttering a single word

Louis took a deep breath and then he saw how Harry looked, he was like in pain

“ are you okay? “

“just talk Louis.. Let’s end this” Harry was barely sitting still, he wasn’t dizzy but he looked like he wanted to lie down

“ okay.. “ Louis said nervously and then he stood up “ I can’t do this... I can’t pretend that us divorced is okay.. I.. Harry what is wrong? “

Harry was pressing on his temples, then the door was opened and the nurse entered holding a cup of coffee , she looked at Louis and then at Harry “ everything okay Dr Styles? “

Harry didn’t open his eyes “ I want to lie down Amy please. The nurse Amy rushed to help him to lie down and Louis watched Harry’s face and how the pain was written all over it. It hurt that Harry didn’t even want Louis to touch him.

The nurse covered him with his light blanket “ what do you feel? “

Harry was still closing his eyes “ I am okay.. Thanks”

“ the coffee is beside you, the way you like it”

He smiled and looked at her “ thanks Amy.. “

Amy smiled back at him, and then she looked at Louis who was watching them with a huge concern

“ Amy can you leave us alone for a little bit? “ Harry asked kindly

The nurse Amy looked between them again and then she slowly walked out of the room after giving Louis a warning look.

Harry looked at Louis “ I am listening... “

Louis bit his lower lip first then he said “ I am sorry”
Harry frowned, Louis continued “ I shouldn’t have signed the papers... I should have talked to you first.. I was so stupid”

Harry didn’t talk and Louis found that was a good sign, at least he was listening

“I was angry Harry, I was very angry and I thought you were cheating on me”

Harry raised a brow, Louis shook his head “and don’t tell me that was my idea.. I never wanted this to happen.. “ then he sighed and looked down “ and I am sorry for asking you to get in a relationship with Nick.. That was stupid. That was so stupid and I understand how did it made you feel”

Harry slowly nodded his head but he didn’t talk.
“ I can’t believe I lost you Harry.. I just can’t believe that.. That’s so... I don’t know where my mind was and I can’t believe that I let my anger control me this way... And I am scared”

Harry wiped his fallen tears, Louis added with a shaky voice “ I know it has been more than five years and I know I promised you less... But I am so scared. I mean this is a huge step for me Harry it is very difficult and it panics me”

Harry slowly nodded, Louis moved closer to him “ but I love you and I want you back. I need you Harry they keep telling me that you need me but it’s me who needs you. I am not strong like you and I need you back”

“ you need me back as what? “ Finally harry said
Louis just looked at him, he was taken back by the question

“ as your secret boyfriend, or secret husband? Or maybe just a friend? For more five years? “

Louis opened his mouth to answer but Harry sighed “ Louis.. Do you know what is wrong with me? I have few years left.. Maybe not even five years. Do you think I want to spend them in the shadow again? Do you think I want to waste what I have left scared of saying something or showing something I shouldn’t? God Louis that was exhausting and I can’t do this anymore.. Not anymore”

Louis shook his head slowly, it was painful to hear what Harry just said

“ if you want me back in your life. Then I will be back in light I won’t hide anymore in the dark, I won’t pretend thing I am not”

Louis cried and said “ I can’t.. “

“I am dying Louis.. “ Harry said crying too “ this is the last thing I am asking”

“you are not dying... Stop saying you are”

“but I am... “

Louis looked down and pressed his mouth shut, Harry was watching him, slowly he nodded and then he took a deep breath “ I am not sorry Louis for signing the paper, I am not sorry for the divorce. I am sorry for you. I feel sorry for you because you are torturing yourself.. Being someone else isn’t the answer. I can’t participate in this. This is your last chance with me. I am ready to get back if you say to the world who you really are”

Louis didn’t raise his head, didn’t look at Harry or say anything.

 

“ yeah.. I am not sorry” Harry said wiping his tears

“ those years we had together I won’t ever forget them. What you did for me and for my family was huge and I will never forget what you did. But.. What we had is over now. There is no future for us Louis. I guess I repaid you well by keeping your secret safe with me. The money I will return... And that’s it”

Louis looked at Harry “ please.. Let’s try something else”

Harry chuckled sarcastically “ there is nothing else Louis.. “

“Harry I can.. “

“please.. Just go”

Louis shook his head “ but I don’t want to, I want to be with you while you are fighting this disease “

Harry looked at him in the eye and said “it’s not your battle anymore Louis.. You just go and live the life you want”

“live? “ Louis whispered, he sighed “ there is no life without you.. “

Harry shrugged “ my life is complicated Louis and you couldn’t stand it”

“so it’s my fault? “

Harry frowned “ does it matter whose fault is it?”
Louis looked at Harry, and he could read that Harry was being honest, was being true. There was no future between them, the life between them had ended and they would have to try the new life now.

“ I can’t let you fight alone”

“ and I can’t let you fight with me.. “

Louis cried “ I don’t want you die”

“I don’t want to die"

Louis hugged Harry “ this is hard Harry.. This is very hard”

Harry hugged back and he rested his head on Louis shoulder “ but this is the right thing”

“then why it feels so wrong? “ Louis sobbed hugging him tightly

Harry cried and let the tears fall free “ sometimes the right thing hurts”

Louis looked at Harry in the eyes and said “ how is us being apart is the right thing Harry? “

Harry cupped Louis’ face “ we won’t be happy together lou.. “

Louis sobbed “ how did this happen? “

Harry shrugged with tears and then he said “ it just happened. We let it happen and now we made our decisions.. “

Louis shook his head “ I don’t wanna do this”

Harry nodded “but you will... You will be okay. You will have a great life in front of you. But don’t you ever treat yourself badly “

Louis shook his head “ I can’t live without you Harry please “

Harry smiled while tears were still running, he kissed Louis on his lips and then he said while their forehead was touching “ one day, we will meet again. And maybe life would give us a second chance”

Louis didn’t talk, he cried.

“ take care of yourself boobear”

Louis sobbed, he hugged Harry again so tightly. And Harry hugged him too. But this time they both knew that was the last hug, that was the last talk. And tomorrow would be a different life. Tomorrow each one would go through his own path. Alone. Heartbroken . And disappointed.

Tomorrow was going to be a different story for both of the..

Chapter Text

Harry was lying on his bed alone. The door was knocked and opened and then Harry’s doctor and a nurse entered

 

“ good morning doctor Styles. My name is Mike and I will be your nurse for the coming days” the nurse said while Dr Sandler who was Harry’s oncologist sat beside Harry. Looking at the file in his hand

 

Harry looked at him and he tried to smile. Nurse Mike was a little older than Harry, he looked cheerful
something like Niall and he even had the same smile.

 

“ we worked together. I know you won’t remember me but I remember you very well”

 

Harry frowned and tried his best to remember him, the nurse waved his hand “ don’t exhaust that mind” he walked inside towards Harry “ so, Doctor Sandler told me we will start the treatment tonight. First the chemo then the radio.. So are you ready? “

 

Harry frowned and nodded nervously, doctor Sandler looked at Harry and sighed “ it’s okay to be not ready. It’s okay to be scared doctor Styles.. But together we will make it”

 

“please call me Harry” he looked at both of them
Sandler nodded and said “ you will see me only at the first day of every week and most of the work will be done with Mike”

 

Mike smiled and nodded “ I am gonna take extra care of you harry. If anything at all bothered you I need to know. Anything “

 

Harry again nodded

 

“so, do you want to discuss what are we going to do? “ Doctor Sandler said

 

Harry shrugged “ chemo and radio”

 

“ that’s right. We are starting with temozolmide... It is highly toxic and you can’t touch them.. We will take a single dose daily an hour prior of the radio session for three weeks. In days where no radio you will also take it in the morning ”

 

Harry nodded and he didn’t comment at all.

“ we will do blood test weekly and after the three weeks treatment we will see for the adjuvant treatment, it will be six cycles where you will take the capsules for the first five days and then repeat them after 22days. Blood test will be done a day before or at the first day of each cycle”

 

Harry nodded as he was listening carefully, Dr Sandler added “the dosing and the timing of the chemotherapy maybe changed based on your blood counts and your side effects”

 

Mike sighed and he looked at Harry “ you signed for a hospital treatment Harry... But is there anyone you want to be with you during this first day? “

 

Harry wanted to say yes, I want Louis. But he shook his head. He didn’t even wanted his family to be with him, his mom begged him but he refused to put her in this at the very first day. He didn’t know how he would react and he didn’t want to be surprised in front of them, he never wanted to show his family his weakness. It was only Louis. But now Louis was forever gone.

 

Mike smiled at Harry “ well, you can consider us family if you want” doctor Sandler agreed nodding
Harry smiled at them “ of course, but it’s not that. I have a very supportive family and friends. It just I don’t want them to be there today.. Not for today”

 

“I understand... But you need to understand that being around the people you love helps a lot” doctor Sandler said

 

“I know” Harry whispered. He did know. And he did wanted the people he loved, he wanted Louis.

Mike took few steps away from Harry but Harry didn’t pay attention what he was doing, he was thinking about Louis, last night Louis left crying after Harry begging him not to come again. But Harry wished that he would come again. If he did Harry would wrap his hands around him and cry, he would beg him this time not up leave him alone.

 

“are you ready Harry for your first dose” said Mike with a sad smile.

 

Harry looked at him and he felt his stomach twisted, was he ready? No he wasn’t, he needed someone to hold his hand while doing this, why did he push everyone away? Even Liam and Niall who he knew they were outside waiting for their names to be called. Why he was stubborn as always.

 

Harry slowly nodded his head and Mike said “open your mouth”

 

Harry did and Mike put the capsule in his mouth and then gave him a big glass of water, doctor Sandler “ today we will try it without any antiemetic to find out how your body respond, if it was bad we will give the antiemetic first thirty or forty five minutes prior”

 

Harry tried to sound strong when he nodded.

Doctor Sandler sat beside him “ I have to explain the side effects Harry”

 

Harry sighed and rested his head on the pillow, he let Mike talk without paying any attention, he didn’t care about the side effects. So what? He would experience them.. What could happen? Panicking? He is already panicking ever since he knew about the tumor.

 

“wake up Harry, it’s time for radiation “ Mike said.

 

Harry opened his eyes, he didn’t know he slept for an hour. He looked around him and there was no sign for Doctor Sandler.

 

Mike smiled “ he left, he has a lot of work. Also Doctor Derek was here but you were sleeping and we didn’t want to wake you up”

 

Harry nodded slowly, Mike said “ okay, time to leave that bed”

 

Mike took Harry’s hand, and he sat him up, Harry saw the wheelchair beside the bed and he didn’t like it.
Mike said “ only for the first week. Then we will walk”
Harry nodded and let Mike help him putting him on the chair and pushing him.

 

Harry started to feel little dizzy and he knew that was a side effect he neglected to listen.

 

Mike said “ nauseous? “

 

Harry nodded and closed his eyes, Mike nodded “ okay.. I will give you the antiemetic now”

 

And he took few steps away, Harry was trying his best not to vomit, not yet, he still had the radiotherapy. He felt Mike’s hand on his shoulder and then he opened his eyes, Mike smiled and he pressed the drug in the cannula that was fixed in his hand.

 

Then he started to push Harry out of the room.

 

Harry closed his eyes during the way, he was scared and his emotions were confused. He didn’t want to open his eyes because he felt he was about to cry.
When Mike entered the room where he will have to change his clothes. He felt his heartbeat accelerated. And he started to hyperventilate.

 

Mike must had noticed because he knelt beside him and said “ Niall is waiting outside, do you want me to call him? “

 

Harry with eyes closed nodded his head. He felt Mike leaving the room and it was few seconds later when he felt a hand taking his. He opened his eyes and Niall was kneeling beside him with tears in his eyes but smile on his face

 

“ I would kill you if you hadn’t let me in”

 

Harry smiled despite what he was feeling, he then sighed and said “ I am too scared”

 

Niall nodded and said “ to be honest, I am scared too. But old Mike here is a good nurse and he told me it will be okay, it will pass perfectly” Niall was looking at Mike and so did Harry, Mike nodded at them with a reassuring smile

 

Harry then sighed and said “ I want him here Niall.. “
Niall said “ I can call him for you”

 

But Harry cried and pressed Niall’s hand strongly “no, please don’t.. “

 

Niall nodded and then he wiped his tears “Liam is out there waiting too.. “

 

Harry cried harder and Niall just hugged him, then Harry felt other hands were surrounding them and he knew it was Liam. Harry and Liam hadn’t talked ever since Harry cut him from the case. Liam was angry at the start but that day was a different story

 

“ it will be fine” Liam said

 

Harry then pulled himself apart and he laughed “I feel stupid”

 

Liam frowned while Niall said “ never. It’s okay to be scared Harry”

 

Harry nodded and wiped his tears “ do you remember eight years ago.. When he had that test and we were all scared shit.. I cried and you hugged me and assured me that it would pass and I would be a great doctor “

 

Niall nodded “ yup..i remember “

 

Liam chuckled “I could never forget, you locked yourself at the bathroom and Louis called us for help”
Niall continued “ you let us in and Louis brought us pizza and Indian food”

 

Harry giggled “who brought Indian food with pizza anyway?

 

“Tommo” Liam and Niall said at one voice

 

Harry took a deep breath and he said “ let’s do it”

 

Liam and Niall knew he was trying to run his feelings, he didn’t want to remember Louis or even talk about him, they knew it would make it worse anyway so they skipped it. They helped him stand up and dressed him the gown. Then Niall entered with Mike in the room where the radio machine was, the radio therapist was waiting for them. Niall and Mike helped Harry to lie down, Niall pressed Harry’s shaking hand softly and patted them while Mike said

 

“ that mask was made specially for you” he smiled and then he put the mask on his face, Harry almost gasped when he felt the mask on his face, Niall whispered “ easy”

 

While Harry tried his best not cry. Tried his best to stop his brain that was shouting (call Louis).

 

Niall patted his hand again “ I will have to go outside... But I am waiting “

 

Harry nodded, Mike said “ this would take Exactly 25 minutes Harry.. You will be okay don’t worry”

 

Harry nodded. Then Niall’s face was replaced with the therapist who smiled and him “ hello doctor Styles, my name is Bella”

 

Harry giggled “ I know you.. We are parking together “
The therapist smiled “we do... “ then she looked at the machine and she said “ you will be okay, I will be outside watching you. Don’t let this machine scare you.. Try to think of happy thoughts”

 

Harry swallowed thickly and nodded, she said “ if you need anything.. Call my name.. I will hear you, you will hear us. So you are not alone”

 

You are not alone.

 

But he was alone. And that was painful.

 

He heard her footsteps leaving the room, and then he felt the machine started and he again started to panic.
Bella said through the microphone “ Dr Styles... Please calm down”

 

But Harry could not, Bella said “Dr Styles there’s no need to be scared”

 

But that didn’t help at all, then he heard Liam saying “ we are here Harry.. Calm down”

 

He tried, he really did.

 

Then he heard Louis’s voice singing the song at the day of the surgery, he heard Liam saying his phone recoded it and with Louis’ voice he started to calm down. He started to breath regularly. His mind was full with memories. A specific memory when they went together to Italy, when they were walking in the streets while Harry was amazed by everything and taking hundreds of photographs, while Louis was looking for the best place to eat. Harry kept telling him he would miss all the fun, he asked him to put the phone down and enjoy the view, he told him food was everywhere and anything would be great. Eventually Louis put the phone down and he sat by Harry who asked for a stranger to take them a photo that Harry put it on it fridge for years, although it had no specific view but Harry always loved it and considered it one of the honest photo they ever had.

********

“ good morning Dr Styles, how are feeling today? “

Said the oncologist doctor Sandler that Harry continued his treatment with seven months ago.

 

Harry who was sitting in front of him with a smile on his face “ feeling a lot better doctor, what about you?”

 

“ the doctor put the file down and then he looked at Harry “ I am okay Harry thanks. And your scans are great, so as your blood counts. You are responding wonderfully to the treatment I am more than happy”

 

Harry nodded and he looked down, he was more than happy himself. He started to finally feel a little better, his hair started to grow back, he started to walk for full ten minutes without feeling out of breath and dizzy, and this week he will start his work back again.

 

“ how is the headache? “ the doctor asked

Harry nodded “better. I can sleep at night”

The doctor sighed “that was a bad journey you had Harry... Those last months were tough and exhausting. I hope you remain better”

 

Harry smiled and said “ thank you for standing me... I mean. I know how I was”

 

Sandler smiled “ you were one of my best patient Harry.. “ then he sighed and said “ congratulations Harry... You are cancer free”

 

Harry wanted to scream and jump, although he knew that this would be the result but hearing those words caused him tears in the eyes

 

The doctor smiled “ we need to do blood tests and scans monthly but you are okay.. Congratulations “

 

Harry found his voice finally and said “ thanks... Thank you so much”

Chapter Text

It was late at night when Louis Parked his car at the place he used to for the last two weeks. He left his car and he looked at his phone. He tried to call Niall again but Niall didn’t answer and that caused him more tension.

 

He walked inside the hospital, trying to smile at the faces of the workers and the nurses he used to see them daily he was worried and anxious and all he wanted was finding either Liam or Niall.

 

He took the elevator and presses the third floor. Once the door was opened at his floor his heart started to beat very fast and again he became anxious.

He walked towards Harry’s room and then he saw finally someone who could reassure him

“Mike” Louis almost yelled and he walked d directly to him.

Mike tried to smile, Louis “is everything okay? “

Mike sighed and Louis directly knew there was something wrong.

Then the door was opened and Niall came out of the room. Louis frowned and asked Mike “ is he still awake? “

Mike nodded “ today was a very tough day”

Louis tried his best to contact his shaking body “ is it the infection again? “

Mike shook his head, then Niall said “ you can’t get inside tonight Tommo, he is awake and he is in so much pain”

“God what is going on? “

Niall frowned and looked at Mike “ what did you tell him? “

“nothing yet”

Niall nodded and then took Louis’ hand “ I will explain everything.. Let’s have a seat “

Louis “God.. Is it serious? What? Did he faint again? Another asthma attack? “

Niall sighed “he is okay now.. Just calm down.. Come on”

Louis had been seeing Harry daily after he fall asleep. He was staying with him for two hours daily only watching him sleeping. He was talking daily with his nurse and he made sure to keep updated with every single detail of Harry’s condition. He also made sure that Harry had no idea what was going on.

 

“ blood clot? “ Louis asked Niall while there were together sitting in the stuff room

Niall nodded “ deep vein thrombosis.. It rarely happens. This morning after the radio he looked more pale and he complained of chest pain and he became breathless.. We thought it was his attack again but Mike noticed his leg was swollen and he could hardly touch it without awful screams. Then he coughed blood”

 

Louis tried his best not to panic, Niall noticed so he said reassuring “ we gave him anticoagulants immediately, they don’t breakup the existing clot but they y prevent it from growing bigger and others forming. This will allow his body to gradually break the clot down and reabsorb it”

 

Louis closed his eyes “ tell me is he okay or not?”

Niall sighed and patted his thigh “ he’d passed the threat. But he is in a lot of pain right now and he can barely sleep. But we consider him lucky that we figured it out so early”

 

Louis bit his lower lip to stop the tears, Niall said “ he will be okay”

Louis shook his head “ that’s too much. He had a lot already.. The headache and the muscle and joints pain are awful he is always dizzy, he vomits all the time. He is always out of breath and he can barely walk by himself.. What is this? How is this okay? “

 

Niall nodded “ no one said it was easy. He knows the risks, this is cancer he is fighting. Brain cancer not an easy type Tommo. But it needs time and patience “

Louis nodded but this time his tears betrayed him “ I hate seeing him in pain”

“I know.. I know”

“it hurts. I feel helpless and awful watching him struggling like that while doing nothing.. This is unfair “

Niall sighed “ just pray for him Louis”.

Louis nodded and wiped his tears, Niall stood up “ I am gonna check on him. If he is sleeping I can let you in”
Louis nodded and Niall left to his room.

Next thing Liam entered the room, when he Saw Louis “ Tommo.. What are you doing here? “

Louis again wiped his tears, and Liam turned pale “ what happened? Did he know? “

Louis shook his head “ Niall said something about blood clot”

Liam was shocked he curses “ no fuck.. “

Louis sighed “ he can’t sleep so obviously I can’t see him”

Liam frowning “ when did this happen? “

Louis shrugged “ this morning I guess.. “

Liam nodded sadly “ it hurts like hell.. But gladly they found it before it could cause any damage”

Then the door was opened again and Niall entered looking at Louis “ I am sorry Louis. But he is awake... He can’t sleep” Louis nodded

Liam “ I have an idea... “

 

****

 

Liam was with Harry in the room, he didn’t close the door he left it slightly opened so Louis could see him without being seen.

Louis looked at Harry who was lying on his bed now with red eyes and red nose. He was crying from the pain and once he saw Liam he cried on his shoulder. Louis was crying too and he wished from All his heart that he could switch places with Liam. He wanted to hug Harry and to kiss his pain away. He wanted to stay close and to rub his hair softly and tell him some bedtime story or maybe a story from Louis’ work that Harry always loved it to hear. Louis wished that he could comfort Harry and support him, tell him words that come from the heart. He wanted Harry to sleep on his chest while he whispering to him that he would be okay again. He would be whole again. He would be Harry again.

 

******
Three days passed and Louis was coming daily but he couldn’t see Harry. Harry couldn’t sleep well lately and they didn’t want to risk being caught. Tonight was a different story.

 

“Gemma and his mom were here” Mike said to Louis while walking together to Harry’s room.

Louis nodded, Mike “ Gemma knows”

Louis snapped his head up to him, Mike shrugged “ wasn’t me... But maybe someone told her. I don’t know she asked me and I didn’t what to lie. She said it was okay”

Louis nodded again. They were right infront of the room, when Mike entered first to make sure Harry was sleeping.

 

When Louis entered, he sat at the chair he used to sit on. He was watching Harry. He looked better, he was sleeping deeply and Louis knew Harry was a dead sleeper. He was watching his chest coming up and down steadily and he slowly got closer. He hesitantly tried to touch Harry’s hand. With a shaky fingers he did. He took his hand between his and he printed a kiss on his palm

 

“ I love you Haza. Please be okay” he whispered.

 

But Harry didn’t move, didn’t feel Louis, unlike previously when they were a couple Harry always felt him, when he was sleeping and Louis came late Harry always felt him when he lie on the bed beside him, he always cuddle him and sleep on his chest. Louis cried remembering that moment. He cried remembering how Harry used to be happy, and healthy. He missed his old Harry.

 

******
Four weeks later,

Louis was in his office at the station. He was anxious shaking his leg drumming his fingers on his knees waiting.

He was looking at his cell phone impatiently waiting for the phone call he was expecting.

When the phone flashed before ringing he snapped it up and answered right away “ tell me”

He heard a sigh through the line, he closed his eyes “ no Niall”

“I am sorry. I really wished it would be something else”
Louis didn’t talk, his tears formed immediately in his eyes

“ he will have to do it.. I am so sorry”

“it’s six months Niall” he groaned through the phone

“I know.. “

Louis took a deep breath and asked “how did he take it? “

“ you know he didn’t sleep last night. But he took it strongly. I think he was expecting this”

Louis shook his head in frustration “ when can he start? “

“ next week.. “

“is it gonna hurt too? “

“ it depends on his blood count. Kidney and liver functions... But it won’t be daily. He will take the drug Just for the first five days and then repeat the process after 22 days. So he can take it home”

Louis frowned “ Home? “

Niall sighed “ yes home.. He wants to take it at home.. Besides it might be more than 6 cycles”

“what do you mean? “

“ we still don’t know yet. We will try six months first and then we will be sure. But that’s why he wants to do it at home”

Louis “but. How will I see him then? And what home? Home is with me at my flat Niall? “

Niall sighed deeper “he wants to live with Liam. And to be honest that would be great. At least he will be safe with Liam, he will take care of him”

“ but how will I see him?” he asked again

“ we will find out a way don’t worry about it. I will call you later i have to go”

And the call was ended.

Louis put the phone down on the desk in front of him and then he rested his head on his hands and he wanted to stop the tears

“ was that about Harry? “ Nick asked from behind

Louis flinched and he looked at Nick with big eyes.
For Louis information, Nick and Harry were still in that fake relationship. He had no idea it was fake as Nick continued visiting Harry day after day.

 

Louis didn’t know how to answer that, he just kept staring at him.

Nick sighed “ i know about his adjuvent treatment. He just told me”

Louis nodded slowly, Nick “ so you were seeing him how exactly? “

Louis sighed, okay he was trapped here and he knew lying wouldn’t save him

“ I can explain.. “

Nick crossed his arms, Louis said “ but promise me you won’t mention it to him Nick please “

Nick nodded “ I promise.. “

Louis looked at the ground and Confessed “ I was seeing him daily after midnight “

Nick didn’t talk at the start, then he said “ why are you doing this to yourself “

Louis sighed “listen I know you are his boyfriend.. “

“I am not” Nick said hastily “not anymore... He broke up with me last week”

Louis had no idea about that “ why? “

Nick shrugged “ I think he wasn’t ready for a relationship right now.. He.. He broke up and I respected that. But we are still good friends “

Louis only nodded his head, because he could not think of what Harry was thinking, why did he do that? He needed Nick right? He needed someone to take care of him and love him. And to be honest with himself Louis confessed that Nick was a good man for Harry.

Nick stared for a few seconds and the he looked down and walked away.

******
Liam and Louis decided that Liam can call him daily at night behind Harry’s back so Louis could hear his voice. And every Sunday Liam would take Harry for breakfast and Louis would always be there.

Louis was so depressed at the start, every time he heard Harry’s voice he cried. He cried himself till he fell asleep. He was in so much pain and no one could feel him.

“Harry are you awake? “ Liam said through the phone that was in his pocket at the moment.

It was at the third month of his treatment. At the third day of the drug.

Louis was on his couch pressing his ears on the phone to hear every single word Harry would say

“ Harry, are you okay? “ Lima said concerned

And then Louis heard shuffles and he knew Liam was walking to Harry

“ I am okay Li” Harry said with a scratch voice, no need to say he was crying

“ why are you crying? “ Liam asked softly

Harry took a shaking breath “ I look awful”

Louis’ heart dropped cause never, even bold and with white pale face Harry looked marvellous

“ what are you saying Harry? You hair is growing back and you look better”

Harry chuckled sarcastically “yeah right”

That wasn’t the first time Harry had a break down about the way he looked. Harry loved his hair and losing it crashed his heart down

“ yeah, right. Plus only three months left and everything will be great again”

Harry sighed “ I will never be the same again Liam.. Look at me.. Look at how I look” he cried and Louis cried harder

Liam sighed “ Harry...please calm down. You know you will be okay, we talked about it, you said you feel better”

Harry sobbed “ I miss louis”

And the world stopped around Louis

“ I miss him and I want him. I need him and I can’t Liam.. I just can’t “ he was sobbing and Louis wasn’t breathing

“ do you want me to call him for you”

“god no” Harry said during hiccups “ he can’t see me this way. It will break both of us if he sees me this way”

“Harry.. It is okay, you can talk to him through the phone”

“no” Harry said again “ I can’t Li. It will make me weaker. I must be strong “

Liam sighed “ Harry, come on now. If you need him just call him.. “

Louis heard Harry sniffles “and tell him what Liam? Hello Louis. Come and watch me dying”

Louis covered his mouth to stop the screams he was about to give

“you are not dying Harry” Liam said and Louis nodded his head.

“ I can’t call him. I can’t. I am so angry at him and I wanted him to be there for me as my husband.. But he signed the papers “

“Hay Harry stop it” Liam said louder maybe because Louis was on the line hearing him. Maybe because he knew how these words would make Louis feel and he was already feeling guilty enough

“ you wanted him to sign the papers.. So stop bringing this up. If you want him.. Call him he is dying there waiting for your call”

Is he? “ Harry asked

“ yes.. He is”

Then Louis heard Harry’s phone ringing.

“who is this? “ Liam asked

And Louis heard Harry’s sighing “ he is Calum.. I told you about him”

Louis didn’t know how to think exactly!!! Who was Calum?

“ I didn’t know you were talking “

Harry sighed “ I didn’t want to talk. But he doesn’t take no as an answer.. I have to take this” Harry said

Liam nodded and Louis again heard shuffles.

“ Louis.. Are you there? “

Louis swallowed hard and then said “ yeah..”

Liam took a deep breath “ I am sorry you had to hear that”

Louis nodded although Liam could not see him “ I will call you later Liam” and he ended the call.

 

******

 

Three months later, Louis was in his car looking through his window at the street. He was alone and a phone was in his hand.

The phone rang and he answered immediately

“ he is cancer free Louis.. He is okay” it was Niall sayng or screaming

Louis took a deep breath he was holding and he closed his eyes. When he opened them again he saw Harry crossing the street hand in hand with another man.

“ are you with me? “ Niall said

Louis was watching Harry with a big smile and fat tears “ I am with you Niall”

“ he is okay “ Niall said “ he just called me”

Louis nodded while watching Harry getting inside the car with the stranger man “ he is” he agreed

“ are you okay? “ Niall asked concerned

Louis shook his head but he said “ I am more than okay.. “

Niall “ okay. Where are you? “

Louis saw the car leaving the street “ I am going home “
Niall said “good. I will see you there then””

Chapter Text

A year later,

 

Louis was running, he was running too fast trying to catch him. His lungs hurt and he cursed himself for smoking again.

 

“Tommo.. We are losing him” Zayn said from behind but Louis didn’t care. He kept running ignoring all his muscles pains and lungs screams.

Louis saw the criminal getting into a narrow alley. He followed him hut once he reached it, it was empty.. He ran for few metres and then he stopped. He turned behind and he saw Zayn panting behind him

“ where the hell did he go? “ Zayn asked

 

Louis was looking around him, it was dark and there was no sign of him.

 

“ I can’t believe we lost him again”Zayn groaned
And then they heard gun shots flying over their heads, they tried to cover but Louis felt pain in his left arm, and then he saw Zayn collapsing on the floor.

 

Louis felt the shots weren’t stopping and Zayn was exposed. He didn’t think twice before running and covering him pulling him away.

 

When they were somehow protected he looked at Zayn who was unconscious and bleeding from his stomach. Louis tried to shake him to wake him up he didn’t believe Zayn wasn’t wearing his protective vest but they were having their dinner and were out of duty when they saw the criminal they were looking for the past two months walking by them. They ran after him but what they didn’t know he was armed and he shot and he hurt.

 

*******

Louis saw the medics running by Zayn who was on the stretcher still unconscious inside the hospital. He was trying to run after them but he was too dizzy and he started to lose his balance slowly. Last thing he saw before falling down was Niall walking towards him.

When Louis opened his eyes he sunlight. Last thing he remembered they were at night and Zayn was hurt..

 

ZAYN?

 

He sat bolt up right top fast and then he winced when he felt the pain shot in his left arm. He put his hand on it and he felt the dressing covering his wound.

 

“ you are okay” that was Liam, Louis looked at him and he was standing beside him checking his chart.

Suddenly he returned two tears ago when he was shot in his chest

“ Zayn? “ Louis asked

“he is okay too. He had a surgery but right now he is okay.. Luckily you both weren’t severed injured.. Thanks bullets didn’t hurt any organ”

“bullets? “

Liam “ you were shot. Remember? “ Louis nodded and Liam continued “ three times at the same arm.. We are happy you still be able to use it. But it needs a lot of exercises when it healed, you made a surgery and it went easily, you might be dizzy and lightheaded because of the anaesthesia ”

 

Louis nodded and Liam sat beside him “ Zayn was shot twice in his stomach.. He bled a lot but thankfully he is stable now”

Louis sighed “I need to see him”

Liam nodded “ he is with Gigi. His mom and sisters also came to see him. We... Hadn’t called your sisters yet. We think it will be easier if they heard it from you”

Louis nodded “ yeah.. Thanks so much”

Liam nodded “ wasn’t my idea.. Anyway.. Here is your phone “ he gave it to him and then he sighed and stood up “ I am gonna go and check on Zayn, I will come back to get you”

 

Louis nodded and Liam moved out of the room, Louis rested his back on the pillow. He looked at the phone that was in his hand and he called his sisters.
******
Louis was walking with Liam, Liam tried to put him on the wheelchair because of the dizziness he might have but Louis refused, he walked beside Liam slowly but he could make it.

Liam opened the door and first thing he saw was Gigi. She looked at him with red eyes and red nose but she wasn’t crying and she rushed to him and gave him a tight hug “ you idiot.. You are two idiots”

 

Louis smiled and looked at Zayn who was on bed lying and looking extremely pale and exhausted, he was looking at him with a faint smile.

Louis let go of Gigi and he walked to him “ you scared me”

Zayn nodded but he didn’t talk, Louis frowned “ are you in pain? “

Gigi said while sitting beside him “ he is.. He can barely talk”

Louis looked at the door “ we should call his doctor to give him some morphine”

Gigi nodded and looked at Zayn with a sad smile “ Harry said he will talk to the doctor “

Louis didn’t comment at all, Harry was here in London? he suddenly felt he couldn’t stand and he needed to sit right away, was Harry here? At the same place? Was he here at that exact room?

“ how are you? “ Gigi asked Louis

He was out of breath and somehow he was panicking again, but why? He was finally okay without him. He was finally accepting the idea of Harry being with another man.

 

“ breath... Louis breath” it was Gigi trying to calm him down

Louis opened his eyes and he was sitting on the chair trying to breath while Gigi was sitting in front of him trying to make him breath.

 

“ God, shall I call a doctor? “ Gigi said panicking

Louis wanted to answer her, he tried to reassure her but he could not open his mouth. Louis hadn’t seen Harry since Harry travelled with Calum five months ago. Although he was still seeing him behind Harry's back. They travelled to Manchester and Harry was supposed to start his new work there with Calum. Louis cried for days that Harry could do that, he could leave London and his job just to be with Calum.
He still remember how many times he tried to talk to Harry and how much he tried to contact him but Harry always was closing every opened door till all the door had locked on his face.

But why he was here again? Did they finally break up?

 

“ Louis.. God” Gigi said shouting his name now.

Louis closed his eyes and he tried to calm his breath. He took long in and gave long out. He opened his eyes again when he felt he was doing better and he saw panicked Zayn and Gigi looking at him.

 

“ I am okay” Louis started and then the door was opened, Niall entered the room saying as cheerful as always “ bonjour Mr superman”

 

When he noticed the look on their faces he frowned and then he noticed Louis. He smiled “ oh. Our superheroes are collected together “

 

He saw Louis trying to smile, and then he asked “ what is happening? “

 

Then Harry entered the room “ just give him the morphine already “

Harry had no idea Louis was here, he entered the he room laughing with dimples and everything, he was looking at Zayn and then he looked at the chair where Louis was sitting and for a second he gasped

“ Louis.. “

Louis didn’t talk or anything, Harry walked closer to him “ I didn’t know you wake up. Last time I checked you were still sleeping “

He knelt beside him “ how do you feel? “ he put his hand on his thigh and Louis couldn’t talk. He just looked at the hand and for a second he wished that this moment never came. He gasped and he looked at Harry with big eyes, Harry was frowning watching him and then he asked

“ are you alright? What do you feel? “

Louis looked again at the hand, at the specific finger where the ring was surrounding it and he didn’t talk again. Gigi who was still in front of him patted his shoulder understanding what Louis was feeling.

Gigi “ I guess he needs to go to his room”

Niall finished giving the morphine to Zayn, he took Gigi’s place and he said “ I will take him”

Then he helped Louis to stand up, and together they walked away out of the room. Leaving the three of them in the room.

Louis hadn’t said a word during his return to his room, once Niall put him on his bed he said “ feeling better?”

But Louis looked at him and said “ he is married? “

Niall bit his lower lip trying to hid his nervousness “ I wanted to tell you. But they told me it was over, you wouldn’t care anyway”

Louis frowned and was going to talk, Niall shrugged “it was obvious Louis. They were together for more than a year. Calum is deeply in love with him. Harry loves him too. And you know with his previous cancer and Harry is thinking widely taking huge steps in his life”

 

Louis swallowed his tears and sighed “ oh God”

Niall took a deep breath “he is living his life Louis. It’s time for you to live yours too”

Louis looked down and he didn’t talk at all. The world was still spinning around him. His mind was still trying to believe what he saw. Harry got married. Harry was in love with someone else and he married him. Harry was married.

 

The door was opened again and Gigi entered the room looking at him sadly. He looked at her and sighed again looked at the floor.

Niall left the room saying he had some work but he would be back again and he left them to talk.

Louis said “ I need to lie down.. The world doesn’t want to stop spinning “ he reached his hand for Gigi and she helped him.

When he was comfortable enough, and Gigi was sitting in front of him waiting for him to say anything. He started “ I never believed it was serious.. I guess I didn’t want to believe “

Gigi nodded at him with a sad face, he looked at her “ you knew? “

She sighed “ you know I know Louis. We are friends. He is my best friend “

Louis nodded. That was true. Harry and Gigi were close. He was the one who convinced her to stay with Zayn, he was the one who convinced him to be engaged to him and to marry him in two months.

She said “ it happened when they were in Manchester. They did it alone. No one knew until they came, we were all surprised and his mom was shocked. I guess she believed he can’t love again”

Louis looked at her “ but he could”

Gigi agreed “ he could.. I am so sorry Louis, that's why no one told you he was back. We were trying to save you the pain. I am so sorry you found out like this ”

Louis shook his head “no. No.. I mean I was stupid to think otherwise. They were in a relationship for too long I know Harry and I know he always wanted a commitment. He always wanted to start a family and to be a father” he chuckled “ that was my mistake believing that maybe they will break and maybe I will get my chance again... I waited but I was wrong”

Gigi said “ he changed. He says the cancer made him see clearly, he says he should take every chance he has”

Louis shook his head “ it was me.. Not the cancer. He doesn’t want to be in a relationship with no guarantees again. He doesn’t want to waste his time again”

Gigi was watching Louis, he said “ I will be okay Gigi. Don’t look at me this way, I will be fine. I don’t know why I panicked to be honest.. I guess I am stressed out”

Gigi nodded, he said “ I need some sleep.. I am sorry”

 

He didn’t want to sleep but he just wanted to be alone. She knew and she respected his wish. She kissed him on the cheek before leaving the whole room leaving him for his thoughts that might eat him alive.

*****

Louis was leaving the hospital three days later, he was better, he felt better and he wanted to be as far as he could from Harry.

He was in his room struggling to wear his shoes when he felt the door was opened and someone entered, he expected a nurse and he wanted a nurse to dress him his shoes

“ you got shot again”

No, no nurse.

It was Harry.

Louis froze and then he looked at Harry. Harry was leaning on the wall “ you promised “

Louis frowned but he didn’t talk

“ your sisters need you. I know you didn’t tell them about this accident. I told Liam and Niall not to care them. I know you wouldn’t do it”

Louis sighed and he didn’t talk, he didn’t know what exactly Harry wanted.

Harry sighed and said “ do you feel better? “

Louis slowly nodded, Harry snapped “ aren’t you talking to me? “

“what do you want me to say Harry? “ Louis asked confused

Harry shook his head in frustration and he said “ don’t look that hurt please “ he said sarcastically

“ what? “

“ when you knew I am married, you looked hurt, as if you cared” harry said

Louis frowned, Harry “ he is a good man, I love him. He supported me. He stayed by side when I was sick, he helped me to be better. And he is brave, he is not scared to show who his is truly is”

Louis bit his lower lip not to cry, he nodded while Harry was showering him with hard words

“ just wanted to tell you I am happy. And you need to be happy too. I heard you act like life has stopped ever since the divorce “

 

Louis closed his eyes “ I am fine Harry. Don’t worry about me”

“I am not worried about you. I am just... Never mind” he said angrily and nervous

And he stormed outside the room.

Louis took a deep breath, then he stood up ignoring his untied shoes. He took his wallet and his phone and then he moved out the room.

He was walking outside the hospital when he saw Calum entering it, he looked down trying again to forget the slap he just took. Trying to forget what Harry just told him although these words would hint him for days. But he had to believe it. Harry was married, he was happy and in love. So maybe Louis should try to be happy too.

Chapter Text

Harry was alone in the staff room trying to keep calm and to stop his shaking hands. He didn’t know why did he do that? Why did he talk to Louis? He thought he was over him but seeing him again while Louis was trying to avoid him made the blood boil in his veins. He thought Louis cared more than this, he was so angry that Louis didn’t try harder. Although he was the one who told him not to come again but he prayed that Louis would be the stubborn he always was and try harder. He never expected that Louis would never visit him or try to see him again. He felt like he was a burden and Louis finally dropped him. This idea was depressing even his friends always told him Louis was waiting for his call but Harry never believed it.

 

So when Calum showed up that day at the cafe Harry was having breakfast with Liam, and Calum tried to hit on him, Harry accepted the flirt easily, he wanted to feel something other than the pain he felt, but what he didn’t know that Calum would fall in love with him and Harry will also live him. He didn’t know that Calum would stick with him and support him, be the boyfriend Harry always dreamt to have. Calum was very cheerful hopeful young man with wild dreams that he put aside during Harry’s treatment. So when Harry was totally okay Calum had to go to Manchester to start work there. Harry went with him when Calum told him. He felt his life would be incomplete if they separated and he went as a way of repayment. But work didn’t work there and they had to come back after getting suddenly married.

 

Harry loved Calum truly. He was perfect I everything, he loved Harry from the bottom of his heart and he could took Louis place easily. Harry didn’t have to think twice to be with him and take him as his husband. But that night when he saw Louis Louis unconscious between Niall’s hand he didn’t know his heart would beat that way. He hated how he felt and he tried to avoid Louis but how could he? So when they met at Zayn’s room and the way Louis looked when he saw the ring in Harry’s finger angered Harry, Louis had no right to feel this way. And Harry also had no right to talk to him this way again.

Harry hated the feeling Louis made him feel. Although he stopped blaming Louis for not coming out and he caught himself feeling guilty for pushing Louis this way, but he also hated how Louis let go of his hands when he was literally dying. They weren’t just married, they were lifetime friends and Harry knew if they switched places Harry would never leave Louis’ side till he made sure he was completely okay.

“ you still undressed? “ Harry heard Calum saying from behind. Harrybwas still wearing his grean scrub

He looked at his husband with a smile “ I will be ready in ten minutes.. Just I have to see my friend first”

 

Calum nodded “ Zayn.. How is he? “

Harry sighed “ better.. Wait for me here”

Calum nodded and walked to him kissed him and sat on the couch.

Harry hastily walked outside the room, what was he running from? Why did he feel he was being caught? And what the hell was happening?

He found Zayn was sleeping so he didn’t stay. He took Calum and they left the hospital.

Harry was with Calum who was driving and talking harry was barely paying attention to a word

“ Harry? “ suddenly Calum called his name

Harry flinched and looked at him, “ I was calling your name.. What is wrong? “

Harry sighed “ I am sorry.. I must zoomed out”

Calum was still looking at him, he then looked at the road “ are you okay? What do you feel? “

Harry shook his head “ I am fine. Just headache”

Calum pressed his mouth shut and didn’t say any word. Harry knew he must was thinking of bad ideas. Like the cancer was back. That was a possibility anyway. When he was healed the doctors said it maybe come back again and that’s why he should make scans and tests every three months.

Harry rested his head on the window and he wanted to close his eyes, but he saw him again. Louis was walking alone on the pavement. He was looking down and when the car passes him Harry could see his face and the look hurt. Harry turned his head back to have a better look

“someone you know? “ Calum asked

Harry closed his eyes and rested his head again on the window “no”

And again Calum didn’t talk till the end of the ride.

******

Harry was walking towards Zayn’s room, he hadn’t seen him since this morning and he wanted yo make sure he was feeling okay. But he saw something that made his feet glued to the floor.

 

Louis and Nick were together talking to Mike. Mike as his old nurse Mike. Louis was talking and smiling softly while Mike was touching his wounds in a comforting way. Then he gave him a hug and then Louis left.

 

So what dis this mean? How did they know each other? They were acting as if they knew each other closely, so what did it mean?

Nick was getting inside again when Harry called his name, Nick stopped and looked at Harry with a smile “ Doctor Styles.. Or should I call you Dr Jones now”

Harry tried to smile “ Harry would be fine”

They hugged an quick hug “so, you and Louis? “

Nick frowned “ me and Louis? “

Harry sighed and looked down, he is always straight forward person, he had no idea of trying to be smart to get his point by other ways.

“ I am sorry. But I saw him talking to Mike? “

Nick left the knob as he was ready to get inside, he looked at Harry “ what about them? “

“ they know each other? “

Nick nodded “ I guess.. I mean I think they met before. Why is it a problem “

Harry shook his head “ it’s not a problem. I was just wondering”

Nick smiled and patted his forearm “ don’t over think about it. So how is the married life? “

Harry knew Nick was changing the topic, he smiled “ okay, it’s really great”

Nick nodded but Harry felt words were at the top of his tongue but the Nick said “ I am just glad you are happy.. Aren’t you getting in? “ he said while again
putting his hand on the door knob.

Harry nodded “ I will follow”

Then he walked away. Okay, Nick was hiding something, and how come Louis and Nick looked also close? They were always fighting and he remembers how much Louis hated Nick.

 

“Mike? “ Harry called when he saw Mike holding a file and reading it, he looked at Harry and grinned widely

“Dr Styles. Glad to see you okay again”

Harry smiled and gave Mike an honest hug, Mike rubbed his hair “ i am really glad you are okay kiddo”

“thanks Mike.. I was looking for you lately”

Mike nodded “ wasn’t working just started last week”

“everything okay? “ Harry asked concerned

“ yeah.. Just needed some rest. What about you.. Haven’t seen you since months when you left to Manchester .. When did you come back? “

 

Harry sighed “ three months ago.. “

Mike smiled “ and how is that fellow? CALUM was his name? “

Harry giggled “ he is okay.. We are married now”

Mike opened his mouth in a huge shock, then he gathered himself “ congratulations.. “

He then looked down like trying to control himself
“Mike.. Can I ask you something? “

Mike looked at him and nodded “sure”

“ Louis Tomlinson.. You were just talking to him” Mike stared at Harry and didn’t talk, Harry sighed “ he is an old friend and I saw him talking to you.. So is he okay? “”

Mike was looking at Harry maybe trying to think of a proper answer, but the waiting was killing Harry

“ he is your friend? “ Mike asked

Harry bit his lower lip before nodding, he hated to lie specially to Mike

“ he is”

“so ask him” Mike answers casually.

Harry Sighed “ i can’t.. Just tell me how do you know him Mike please “

Mike nodded he took a moment before saying “ I know him through you”

Harry frowned and Mike continued “ we were spending two hours daily during your treatment.. He used to come when you are sleeping and he used to stay with you. He used to call me to check on you daily actually he is still calling me”

 

Too much information “ wait, wait what are you saying? “

Mike took a deep breath “I know you used to be married, and I know how much he lives you. I mean I know true love when I see it kid and he is in love with you..maybe he did a mistake by not coming out, but it’s not like you gave him options “

 

“you don’t know me, you don’t know anything “Harry snapped and he regretted it immediately

Mike smiled “ we spent a month talking daily just about you. Even when you were taking your treatment at home.. When you collapsed he was there by your side before you wake up. He regretted signing this paper Harry and he told me if he could turn back the time. He would change a lot of things.. “ then he patted his shoulder “ but no one can come back in time. And the chance you lose.. You just must learn how to deal with this loss. You are married now to someone else and he knew that, you are living your life happily, right? “
Harry looked at him and didn’t talk, Mike smiles “ you are happy harry? “

 

Harry nodded his head and looked down at the floor then walked away.

When Harry entered Zayn’s room later he was still shocked. Zayn was alone in the room when he saw Harry, he tried to sit right and looked at Harry with a huge frown

 

“ are you okay? “

Harry sat in front of him on the chair and he said “ you all lied to me”

Zayn looked at him with big eyes “ what happened?”

Then the door was opened and Liam entered looking at Zayn with a smile “ how are you now.. What is going on? “

He looked between Zayn and Harry, Harry looked at Liam “ you lied too”

“lied? “ Liam asked and looked at Zayn who shrugged.

Harry was still shocked when he said “ he was visiting me daily when I am sleeping.. And no one told me”

then he looked at them and both of them were looking at him silently

“ you lied to me.. All of you”

“ we didn’t lie” it was Liam “ you didn’t want to hear from him, or about him. You wanted to cut him from your life no matter how much he tried”

Harry looked at him “ you take his side now? “

Liam snapped “there is no sides here. You both are our friends, you both were so stubborn and idiots. You pushed him to come out and you know how scared he was. Then you blamed him for not doing what you want.. “

 

“he wanted to sit me up with people... “

“because he was scared, he was trying to save his secret”it was Zayn who sighed

“and what about me? “ Harry snapped and stood on his feet.

“ you had enough... We know that. But you didn’t give him any other choices Harry. It was either that or divorce. You filed for the divorce you signed the paper first and then you blamed him for doing what you want” it was Liam again

“I didn’t want him to sign it. I wanted him to tell the truth”

“ and he could not tell the truth Harry. He couldn’t”

“ he divorced me. He didn’t even try.. He was trying to set me with people..come on.. I am not the bad guy here”

“and he is not the bad guy too” Zayn almost yelled

Harry looked between both of them “ are you two blaming me? “

Liam sighed “ no we are not. It’s your life Harry we get it. But also you should stop blaming him too”

Harry didn’t talk

“he loved you Harry. And the minute he knew about your cancer he wanted to stay with you” Zayn said

Harry chuckled “ yeah.. Again. He wanted me to keep acting, as if I could pretend any more”

Zayn shook his head “ he didn’t care he just wanted to stay with you. Why do you think he came daily while you were sleeping “.

Harry shook his head in frustration “ he is such a coward. Even when he wanted to do something for me he did it behind my back”

“ because you didn’t want him too.. Because you asked him not to come back again... Because he didn’t want to fight anymore with you.. Because he didn’t want to screw that too” Liam said angrily, then he sighed “and it wasn’t easy for him to know that you were falling in love with Calum..it wasn’t easy for him to see him holding hands with you while all he got was one side silent conversation with you while you were sleeping”

Harry yelled “ and now you blame me for Calum”

“no one is blaming anyone Harry. We know.. We know what you have been through.. We know that you had enough and we know Louis did you no good. But he tried to fix things with you. He tried and he begged. He loves you and you know that but you chose yo let him go”

“” how did I know that? “ Harry yelled “ no one told me”

“oh we did” Liam said “ we always told you to call him, we always told you he was waiting, even your sister tried to change your mind"

" she knows too?"

" no one wanted to interfere again"

 

“that’s different... The only he did effort for me.. No one told me about it”

 

Zayn “ because you would cut this too”

 

Liam “ what difference does it make now anyway? You are married”

 

“it would” Harry yelled angrily “ it waould make a difference.. I wouldn’t cut him because I needed him. I needed him so much and I needed him to come” Liam was going to interrupt him but he yelled “ not me calling him. I needed him to come by himself, I was angry no I was furious I just found out I had a deadly cancer and I was two steps from death itself... So hell I was angry at every single one of you and I was furious at him but I still needed him to come”

 

“ stop saying needing him, you chose someone else” Liam yelled

“ he made me choose someone else. I had to look for my safety at someone else’s warm” Harry yelled back

“ stop blaming him for everything Harry. Previously we supported you because you were sick.. Now what’s your reason” Liam said and both Harry and Zayn
looked at him with big eyes

 

Harry was frozen for a second “ because I was sick?”

Liam sighed anx regretted what he said right away“ I didn’t mean it this way Harry”

But Harry looked down, Liam took few steps closer “ I was worried about you, I love you Harry and seeing you ruining your life was destroying me and I had to support this. I had to keep my promise and never mention his name because last time I did you cut me out of your case and you were ready to cut us out of your life”

 

Zayn agreed by nodding and Liam continued “ so we all did what you wanted. You were sick and fighting cancer is hard battle and we all were scared that you might lose it... “

 

Harry didn’t raise his head up but when Liam tried to put his hand in his shoulder Harry stepped back, and the he stormed outside the room ignoring Liam and Zayn who were calling his name.

 

******

It was raining heavily that night, but Harry just ignored, he ran and he didn’t stop until he was in front of the closed door, his old closed door. He was soaking wet and he was too cold all his body was shaking.

 

He didn’t think twice before ringing the bell. He didn’t wait a lot and the door was opened, Louis was staring at him shocked “ what.. Oh my God.. You are shaking”

 

Then he took his hand and he let him inside “there is a storm outside.. What was in your mind? “

 

Louis was looking frantically at Harry while Harry was only staring at his eyes. Suddenly all the strength he had melted. Suddenly all the anger he felt disappeared
“ you never let me go” Harry started

 

Louis frowned deeper, he put his hand in his forehead checking for fever “ what is wrong with you are you sick? “

 

Harry took his hand and then he put it on his lips, Louis gasped “ Harry.. “

Harry said while still looking at Louis’ eyes, those eyes he missed a lot, those eyes he never forgot

“ you were there all the time” Harry said again

Louis didn’t talk, but tears talked for him. They started to fall freely and speak his heart out

“ you came every night for me”

Louis nodded “ I came every night”

“ you didn’t want me to know” Harry said with tears. He was confused, he was too confused and he wasn’t thinking right

“ I was scared that you will find someway to stop those visits... I needed them”

Harry nodded and he kissed his hand, Louis was watching with tears and his couldn’t know what he was feeling Exactly

 

“I needed you” Harry said, he was sniffing “ I needed you so bad”

Louis nodded and said with a shaking voice “ I know.. I heard you. When you lived with Liam I was hearing every night conversation you had”

 

Harry closed his eyes still holding his hand “ why didn’t you tell me. I needed to know that”

“I was scared”

“ you are always scared.. Now look at us” Harry said angry

Louis swallowed his tears “ we are fine”

But Harry moved closer and he cupped Louis’ face “ I missed you”

Louis whispered “ i missed you too”

Harry’s face was inches away from Louis “ I want you”

But Louis closed his eyes, Harry was married

“ you are marri... “ but Harry didn’t let him finish, Louis felt his lips were between Harry’s. And he was about to melt, but suddenly he opened his eyes and pushed Harry away “no”

 

Harry looked at him shocked, Louis gasped “ you are married.. We can’t do this. You can’t do this”

 

Harry was still staring at him, Louis sighed “ I am so sorry, I should... Fuck” he groaned, but when he saw Harry covering his mouth crying

 

“ I love you Harry, I love you so much... But Harry you are married. You are not a cheater. You don’t wanna do this”

 

Harry was staring at Louis, and he was crying, he was crying so much and he didn’t know what exactly to do. He took few steps away. The right thing was to leave, so harry did left. He ran outside again

 

Louis yelled “Harry.. It’s freezing out there”

 

But Harry ignored him, Louis hastily took his jacket and another jacket and his ran after him.

 

Harry didn’t look back because all he wanted was disappear, he wanted to disappear and never show up again, never live again

 

“Harry wait...” Louis was calling him

He ignored and he kept running

“ Harry”

He kept running

 

“WATCH OUT”

 

BUT HE DIDN’T WATCH OUT.

Chapter Text

Louis was running in the hospital hallways, his face was pale and he was very nervous and agitated. He opened the room door and he stormed inside.

 

Liam, Niall and Gigi were sitting around Zayn who was lying on his bed

“ what happened? “ Louis asked nervously, and they all looked at him.

 

“ i am okay” it was Zayn, he said weakly

Liam looked at him “ one of his wounds got infected”

“and?” Louis asked getting closer

Niall who finished Checking his blood pressure “ he will be okay... “

Gigi sighed “ sorry for waking you up”

Louis took a deep breath and saved his hand reassuring “ it’s okay, I was awake anyway”

Niall then asked looking at his phone “ Have you guys seen Harry? His husband called me two hours ago asking about him and till this moment there is no sign”

Liam and Zayn looked at each other and Liam said “we saw him last night.. But he left before the storm I guess”

Louis swallowed thickly but he did not say anything.
Niall sighed and put the phone on his ear, then he huffed “ he is not answering “

Zayn “ have you called his family? “

Niall nodded “ Calum did, they have no idea where he is”

Liam said “he is not a kid, he will be okay”

Niall didn’t answer that, he tried to call again. Liam looked at Niall “ what? “

Niall put the phone down again and looked at them “ Calum says he wasn’t okay recently. His headache and dizziness spill returned “

They all gasped in a huge shock

“ what does it mean? “ it was Louis who asked

Niall looked at him “ we still don’t know, but we are worried that it is back”

“his cancer? “ Louis asked with huge eyes

Liam nodded “it’s always possibility. His last check up was okay... So it might be some exhaustion, he is knocking himself here although his doctors say he must take it easy on himself but we all know how he stubborn he is”

Niall groaned “ now we must find him”

Gigi looked between them “ do you think he found out something? “

“ you mean he did the scans? “ Liam asked

She shrugged “maybe.. Maybe that’s why he disappeared.. “

“oh my god” Niall said and again tried to call him

“no, no... “ Louis said shutting them all up

“ he was with me, he came to see me last night and we talked.. I... He.. He got angry and he ran out the place. I tried to stop him there was a storm outside but his didn’t listen and he disappeared. I thought he would come to you” he was talking to Liam

“me? “ Liam asked “ why me? Why wouldn’t he go home”

 

Louis didn’t know what to say, he hesitated and then Liam said “ what happened? “

Louis sighed “ nothing happened.. It just.. You told him about me? “

Liam huffed “ God.. I know he would do something stupid. I know.. What did he do? “

“he didn’t do anything... I didn’t give him time to do anything... “

Then Niall’s phone rang, and they all looked at him. He shook his head “ it’s Calum”

Then he answered “ yes Calum.. Anything yet?”then he sighed “ okay... I don’t know” then he looked at Louis “ yes he is with me.. Okay. I will call you later”

“ what? “ Louis asked once he put the phone down
Niall sighed “ he is coming, he needs to talk to you”

*****

When Louis saw Calum coming towards him he slightly started to panic, what could possibly be the reason for that talk?

 

Calum shook hand with him very politely with an honest smile and then they sat again at the coffee shop beside the hospital where they decided to meet

“ I wanted to meet you long time ago” he started and Louis nodded

 

“since that day I saw you crying beside Harry’s room, when he collapsed during his adjuvant treatment and we thought he wasn’t responding “

Louis looked at him frowning, he didn’t know that Calum saw him that night. He didn’t see Harry because Calum didn’t leave his side while he was sleeping and Louis made sure not to leave too the hospital, so if he had any chance and Calum leave he would be able to see Harry. It never happened.

 

Calum smiled “ i asked about you and they told me who you were”

Louis again nodded silently, Calum sighed “ I asked Harry about you one day. He didn’t speak enough but I always felt he has feelings for you”

Louis shook his head but Calum said “ I tried to believe him when he said he does not... But I love him so much and I know there is something that is going on... And then he saw you one day few months ago.. And I saw his eyes. He tried to hide it but I saw them and all I saw was love and craving. “

 

“ Mr Jonas... I... “ Louis tried but Calum shook his head “ please officer Tomlinson.. Let me finish. I love my husband... I was trying very hard to win his heart... I did everything I can to prove to him what he means to me and it took you one meeting and you win his heart back”

 

“ I don’t know what you are talking about”

 

Calum’s face frowned “ oh I guess you do.. I know he met you last night, I know you are the reason he is missing... “

 

Louis opened his mouth but he found no words
“ I just need you to stay away from him. Last year he was fighting to keep alive and we are finally living... So please stay away from us”

 

And at the moment he stated to lose his patience “ I don’t know what makes you think that I could stay in your path.. I didn’t try to talk to him I didn’t try to contact him.. So maybe there is something else that made him still looking at his past “

 

Louis regretted what he said immediately but as always it was too late to change his mind. Calum took a long moment to talk “ yeah maybe there is. Maybe you ruined him that he can’t live happily.. Maybe he needs a relation where he suffers and treated badly”

“ I never treated him bad.. You don’t know what you are talking about”

Calum took a deep breath “ officer Tomlinson please, I am trying to save my marriage, I am trying to win us a good life. If you still care about him... Please give him a chance to be happy”

Louis shook his head in frustration, this man had no idea how much he care for Harry that he let him marry other man, he watched him living in a relation with another man while he just stayed there alone crying himself. This man had the gut to show up and to blame him for Harry’s misery while all Louis did was making Harry as comfortable as he wanted

 

Louis jumped on his feet “ that’s enough” he yelled
“ you have no right to talk to me about this. He is your husband and obviously he is not happy with you so maybe you should start to think about this and not blame me for you failure”
The man accepted the words with understanding, he stood up too and Louis expected a punch in the face but instead “ officer tomlinson... I am not trying to blame you or anything.. I am sorry if that how it sounded. But I am trying to protect my husband, I am trying to make him happy because he wasn’t happy for a long time ago”

 

Louis looked at him and all he saw was an honest man who was truly trying to protect Harry, but Louis also was trying to protect Harry, wasn’t he?

Louis heard a phone ringing, and he saw Calum looking at his phone. He picked it up immediately “ Harry.. Where are you? “

Then his face turned pale “ what’s wrong? Your inhaler? I don’t know.. Harry are you having an attack?... Fuck. Where are you? I am coming baby...just hold on”

 

“ what is happening? “ Louis asked panicking

 

********

Harry’s heart was still beating fast even after two hours from being hit. He was this close from being crashed by the car put Louis jumped at the last minute and pushed him away. Harry still remember how Louis was frantically examining him for any wounds. He still remember how he was shouting at him and yelling asking if he was okay.

 

Harry left Louis and walked away when Louis took him to the nearest coffee shop to clean him, but once Louis was asking for some clean cloth Harry left and never looked back.

He walked for hours under the rain rethinking of what he just did, he tried to kiss Louis but Louis turned him down. Louis had the every right to do that Harry was a married man, he loves Calum so how could he so that, Calum didn’t deserve that at all. Why did he do that? Why did he let his weakness control him as before, why Louis always made him weak?

 

He found himself returning home, he couldn’t let Calum see him this way, so he stayed at his car that was parking in front of their home. and waited till Calum left the home early in the morning and he knew he must be looking for him. He tried to call him several times before.

 

He entered his house and he headed directly to the bathroom, he was shaking as his clothes were wet and the weather was too cold, he took off all his clothes and he entered the shower cabinet, he opened the water and he let it warm him. He slipped on the wall and he St and let the water wash him up. He wanted to forget what he just did and he wanted to have some peace. He blamed Louis for this, he blamed Zayn, Lima and Niall for not telling him he blamed his mom and Gemma for hiding this. He cried and he hugged his knees. He didn’t want to be this way, he didn’t want ti be trapped between the tow of them, he loves Calum but he also could not stop loving Louis.

 

He stayed for God knows how long. And then he left the bathroom, he dressed some comfy pyjama and then he sat on his bed, he opened the drawer next to him and he took the pills he used to use to sleep when he was on pain, he was in pain now too, his mind was in pain. So he took the whole bottle just to relax his mind. It wasn’t fatal he knew.

 

He didn’t drink water, he knew it wouldn’t kill him, he was a doctor and he knew what he was doing right?
He lied his head on the pillow and he closed his eyes. He waited to sleep.

When he opened his eyes he couldn’t breath. And at this moment he realised what he just did, he took too much sleeping pills while his lungs were already protesting the bad weather and he knew his asthma was giving him some altering signals for a long period now which he ignored.

 

Sleeping bills always disturb the asthma. He was having an asthma attack and his mind couldn’t think where his inhaler was. So he didn’t know what to do.
He was coughing bad now and he searched frantically in the drawers.. Nothing.

 

He picked his phone to call Calum and he prayed that Calum could help.

 

He was getting dizzy so he collapsed on the floor, with rigid breathes and tried to tell Calum that he couldn’t breath. He told him he was coming. Then he heard Louis’ voice and he smiled.

 

He called Louis... He called the one he lived and Louis was coming to save him.

Chapter Text

Louis was literally losing his mind when he saw the medics were trying to revive Harry’s heart. When Calum and Louis ran to Harry, Louis called the ambulance, he knew how bad Harry’s asthma. Although it visits him rarely, but when it comes it knocks him out.

 

When they arrived the place it was too quiet and Louis knew there was something awful and he tried to be ready. But he was never ready to see Harry lying g on the floor not breathing with blue lips and no pulse at all.

 

Louis does not remember exactly what happened when he saw him this way but all he remembers that he was watching the medics doing their job while someone had a tight grip on him. Not anyone.. Calum.

 

Calum was the best between the two of them, he was crying but he controlled himself. He did not hug Harry and refused to let him go, he didn’t interfere with the medics work and begged Harry to wake up. No he was in control and he grasped Louis strongly so he won’t set him free.

 

When they arrived the hospital and Harry was rushed inside a closed room, it was when Louis started slowly to see clearly the surroundings around him.

Slowly he started to focus and he saw Calum sitting beside him crying. He saw Gigi was also there, Zayn on a wheelchair, and then he saw Niall walking towards them.

First one to reach Niall was Calum. He saw Niall’s lips moving but he didn’t hear anything, then he saw Calum kneeling on his knees and then Niall hugged him with a smile. Louis saw Gigi pushing Zayn and they stopped in front of Niall and he told them the news, Gigi also started to cry and Niall hugged her too.

Louis closed his eyes, maybe that was a dream. Maybe all of that wasn’t happening. When he opened his eyes he saw Niall stand g in front of him

“ are you okay Tommo? “ Niall asked, Louis looked at him and didn’t say a word, “he is okay now. He is sleeping “

Then he looked behind him “ I sent Calum to his room. We are expecting him to wake up in few hours”

Louis gave a long shaky breath he was holding, Niall sat beside him and he didn’t talk. Louis looked at him and he knew there was more to say, and Louis didn’t ask.

Half hour later, Calum showed up with red eyes and he said to Louis “ if you want to see him.. You can go”

Louis looked at Calum and he saw how sad he was. Louis wanted so hard to see Harry but he knew how it would sound to Calum, so he shook his head

Calum sighed “ come on.. I know you want to do this, i want you to do this”

Louis looked at him confused and Calum said with a nervous tune “ he asked about you”

“ he is awake? “ Niall was the one who talked

Calum shook his head “ no, but he said his name few times.. So I guess he needs him or whatever it means”
Louis bit his lower lip and he said “ he must be confused.. It means nothing “

Calum slowly and sadly nodded and then he walked away from them, away from the room. And Louis had that feeling in his heart that he was walking away from Harry too, and Louis wouldn’t let this happen.

 

Niall and Louis entered Harry’s room, he was sleeping and both of them were trapped in their memories where Harry used to lie on the same hospital bed unable to wake up as the chemo and radio had knocked him out.

 

Louis sat on the chair beside him while Niall sat on the bed next to him. Niall took Harry’s hand and he patted softly on it

“ he is my best friend “ Niall started

Louis looked at Niall and he saw tears in his eyes and he was shocked

“ ever since you introduced him to us long years ago and we clicked” he chuckled “ I still remember how nervous he was, he was trying to hide behind you all the time like you are his shield. I knew there was something going on with the two of you”

Then he looked at Harry’s face “ I remember how many times he tried to hide his tears.. How many times he tried to look strong and happy “ then he looked at Louis “ he has been through a lot “

Louis nodded “ I know”

Niall sighed “ I don’t blame you” he shook his head “ I understand how you were and still feeling, I know how it’s hard to do this. But he.. He never got it. And then he was diagnosed and he was scared. Damn he is still scared... He is fighting a long battle and we all know who is winning “

 

Louis looked at Harry again and he saw him again not breathing in his head

“ I don’t know what to do”

Niall looked at him and sighed “I know.. And I know he doesn’t know what to do too, asking for divorce was the stupidest thing he ever did. Giving him the divorce was your stupidest thing... Now he is married to a great guy who he can’t love him fairly”

 

Louis swallowed his tears, he knew all this confusion Harry was in because of him. He was the reason Harry lost his sanity, he was the reason Harry was lost.

 

The door was opened and Zayn on the wheelchair showed up and Liam was pushing him. Liam put Zayn beside Louis and he took the other side of Harry’s bed. He checked his chart and then he sighed and looked at Niall. Louis could see a silent agreement between the two of them but he was too scared to ask.

He looked at Harry again and then he looked at their friends that no matter what happened they were always together. They always supported them and they always stayed. Louis was grateful for them and he was too sorry that this friendship was going to an end.

Louis was watching them and he knew he would miss them so much. But he just had to leave. Staying there with Harry would lead to awful decisions Harry and him might take. He wouldn’t let Harry live in misery again. He will leave and never look back, he will let Harry live happily with a great man called Calum. He must do this even if it was hurting.

******
When Harry opened his eyes, he felt an elephant was sleeping on his chest, he tried to take a long breath and he felt something under his nose, he touched it and it was a nose cannula. He tried to remember what happened

“ it was an asthma attack “ Calum said beside him.

Then he leaned and took his hand “ it was an awful night Harry, we thought we lost you”

We? Harry frowned and he tried to talk, but Calum shushed him “ don’t talk, they say it will hurt” then he kissed his hand “ I was too scared Harry” Harry saw tears filling his eyes.

Harry wiped the tears away and smiled, Calum sighed and nodded “ you are okay now. That’s the point”

Harry coughed slowly to clear his voice “ I can’t remember “

Calum nodded again “ yeah.. You can’t. It doesn’t matter now. What matters is you are okay”

Harry nodded and then he remembered he was with Louis, he tried to kiss him, he remembered he was almost hit by a car and he remembered taking sleeping pills and his face turned white.

Calum was watching him “ what happened last night Harry? Why did you do this? “

Harry closed his eyes and sighed “ I didn’t want to do it.. I didn’t want this “

Calum nodded “ I believe you”

Harry opened his eyes and tears were falling down hastily “I am sorry.. I am so sorry. I did something “

Calum frowned and he pressed softly Harry’s hand “ what? “

Harry was crying hard now “ I don’t know why I did it, I don’t know how I did it. But all I know is i am sorry, you don’t deserve this”

Calum was watching Harry, he didn’t talk but tears also were falling down now

Harry took a deep breath and his free hand clutched his chest “ I tried to kiss him, I tried to kiss Louis.. “

Calum pressed his mouth shut and he nodded, although Harry could feel his accelerated breaths, and his fast heartbeat, but Calum didn’t talk, didn’t say anything at all, he just was watching him.

Harry sobbed and he covered his eyes “ I am so sorry “

Calum said whispering “ I know.. Let’s not talk about it now” then he took a deep breath, Harry looked at him and then he hugged him so tight. Calum rubbed his back and then said “ Gemma is outside.. She wants to see you, should I send her in? “

Harry pulled away and rested his back on the pillow. He nodded and wiped his tears away.

Calum left the room and few seconds later and he saw Gemma walking towards him. She hugged him and kissed his forehead

“how are you feeling? “ she asked

He sighed and nodded, he still couldn’t talk, she rubbed his hand “ everything okay? “

He shook his head and he looked at her “ you didn’t tell me about Louis”

She frowned “what about him? “

He looked at her “ he was seeing me daily when I was having my treatment “

She was watching her brother, then she sighed “ would it make difference back then? “

“it would” he argued, but she shook her head “no, not at that time. If you knew you would cause more trouble, you would try your best to make it never happen again... “ he was watching her with tears in his eyes, she was absolutely right, she smiled softy “ so why does it make a difference now? “

He didn’t know how to answer that, because why? Why it did make difference after a whole two year? Why he started to have feelings again? Or did the feelings he had before ever disappeared?

*****
When Louis entered the hospital the next morning, he saw Gigi was talking to Gemma. So Harry’s family were there too.

Gemma saw him and she walked to him, she hugged him “ I missed you”

He smiled and hugged her top, she looked at him “ how are you? I heard you were shut again? “

He shrugged “nothing serious.. I am okay. How is your brother? “

She sighed “ I have no idea, I mean.. He says he didn’t want to do it on purpose.. “

“do what? “ Louis asked confused

Gemma looked at him “ okay, did I miss something? Cause I know you were here last night so I am sure you know what happened? “

“ he had an attack”

She nodded “ because he overdosed? “

“overdosed!!! “

Gemma sighed “ you two I swear... “

 

“Gemma what is going on? “

 

She looked at him “he says he wanted to sleep. He took a lot of his strong sleeping pills he used ti take when he was sick.. And they had a bad influence o his asthma... So he had that attack “

 

Louis pressed his mouth shut, he had no idea what did Harry do, did he did it on purpose? Did he wanted to end his life? Sleep forever?

“it was an accident.. I believe my brother “ she said looking at him “ now tell me what is going on between you two cause I know there is something “

He sighed and he told Gemma everything happened in those last two days.

******
Louis opened the door, he saw Harry was sleeping and that exactly what he wanted. He walked slowly and he sat in the chair beside him and he stared at him.

He then looked down and he shook his head “ I can’t believe I am doing this Harry... But I guess I have to”

Then he looked at him “I never wanted to ruin your life again. I never wanted to show up again I don’t know how did this happen “

Then he shook his head in defeat “ but I am leaving.. And I will never come back.. And you will go on with your life with Calum..because he loves you and this is the kind of man you deserve, you won't hurt yourself again and you will live happily “

He looked down to wipe his tears

“ but I want you” it was Harry

Louis snapped his head up “ I know you will come when I am sleeping “

Louis didn’t talk, Harry “ I want you”

Louis shook his head “no you don’t.. You weren’t happy with me harry”

Harry shook his head and stated to cry again “ I was.. “

Louis shook his head “no, you weren’t.. You wanted something I couldn’t give to you”

“I don’t care, I wanted you to come out but I don’t care... I want you now”

Louis “you are married Harry”

“this is a mistake “ then he sobbed “ Calum is good.. He is perfect but he is not you. I always wanted you. It is always you”

Louis shook his head “ no Harry... Stop”

“please Louis.. Don’t go”

But Louis jumped on his feet “ stop it”he yelled

“ you are married..to a good man. And I tried with you a lot but you always pushed me away.. What is happening with you”

Harry tried to yell “ I still love you”

Then they both glared at each other

Louis shook his head “ love me? And you know this now? “

Harry whispered “no.. I always know that. But I always thought you don’t care... I always thought you let me go... I was waiting for anything.. “

“you are married.. “

“i know.. “ he sobbed, Louis yelled “ you can’t think this way Harry. I love you too. I love you so much but I can’t let you hurt Calum this way, if we come back again I will hurt you and you will hurt yourself again"

" I did not try to kill myself, I just wanted to sleep"

"because of me, you hurt yourself because of me and I will never let this happen again"

 

Harry nodded and kept crying, Louis watched Harry crying and he sat beside him on bed “ it hurts me too”

Harry again nodded frantically but still crying, Louis took Harry’s hands and he kisses one “ us won’t happen again”

Harry looked at him with begging eyes, Louis “ that’s why I have to leave”

“please don’t “ Harry whispered

Louis shook his head, Harry said “ we keep doing the same thing Louis. We are running away from each other and I am done running “

Louis didn’t talk, Harry pressed his hands “ last time I begged you to leave... And I was wrong. Now I am begging you to stay.. Please stay”

Louis looked at him “ I don't want to baby, but this is wrong.. Staying is wrong”

Harry sobbed harder “ how can I convince you Lou. “

Louis was watching Harry crying “ why are you doing this? “

Harry looked at Louis’ eyes but he didn’t answer, he looked down and then Louis left his hands. He printed a kiss on his forehead “ I know I probably be the selfish person ever.. But I am doing the right thing”

Harry closed his eyes and he felt Louis leaving the bed
. Louis walked out of the room and closed the door behind him. He leaned on the wall beside the room and he wiped his tears away. Then he walked passing Calum who was standing there but Louis didn’t see him. He didn’t know he heard them too.

Louis left the hospital deciding not to show up again. Deciding to disappear for real this time.

 

Louis walked passing the room that Liam and Niall were in looking at some x-rays, both shocked and both in tears

 

“ this is bad” Niall said

Liam sighed “ we have to tell him”

Niall nodded and then he wiped his tears away.

Chapter Text

Harry was in his bedroom in the house he shared with Calum. Calum just helped him changing his clothes and then he headed to the bathroom to have a quick shower.

 

Harry was lying on the bed his back was resting on the pillow behind him, a warm cup of tea or some herbs on his hand, a phone in his hand and he was talking to his mom

 

“ yes mom, I will call you.. Okay love bye”

 

He then put the phone beside him on the bed and rested his head and closed his eyes. His phone rang again and Harry reached his hand and took the phone and answered he expected his mom again she must forget something to say

 

He smiled “ yes mom...”

 

“where the hell are you? “ it was Liam yelling and shouting Through the phone.

Harry sighed and pressed his eyes with his fingers “ stop yelling at me”

“Well I can’t, cause you ran out of the hospital behind all our back, you weren’t suppose to leave no Harry I needed you” he said the last word nervously

Harry huffed “why? Why do you want me, I feel better “

“it’s not your word to say” Liam groaned

And Harry chuckled “ really? Well it’s my..... “ then he froze “ Did you find something? "
Liam hesitated “ lt’s okay Harry... I will come to see you in the evening... Okay? “

Harry covered his mouth to control his gasp, he nodded and whispered “ okay”

He put the phone down and he was still gone with the idea that started to from in his mind. He knew he wasn’t okay recently, he knew his chest was hurting and he was coughing a lot and he still remember when he coughed blood, he didn’t pay attention because he was always tired and exhausted and maybe that’s why he lost a lot of his weight and damn.... It is back.

 

“ what’s in your mind? “ Calum said sitting beside him.
Harry opened his eyes and looked at Calum, he was still looking sad. Since that talk and Calum always looked sad so Harry knew there was something going on in his mind and he would never blame him for anything he wanted

“ nothing.. Are you okay? “ Harry asked Calum.

He wanted something else to distract him, he couldn’t think that his cancer was back at that moment where he was fighting his emotions. Harry still blamed himself for begging Louis to stay, he never expected that thing from himself and he regretted it once Louis left the room that night, okay Harry loves him and he lives him back but they will never be a thing, Louis was still scared to come out and although Harry told he it wasn’t matter anyway Louis still felt he wasn’t fair or even enough for Harry. Calum on the other hand was the perfect partner, the one who holds your hands and fight your demons against everyone.

 

“I am fine Harry”Calum sighed and he lied beside him “ do you want anything? I will turn the light off”

Calum already Gave Harry his back, he was upset, Harry sighed and said “ can we talk? “

Calum froze for a second then he looked at Harry “not now Harry” Harry slowly nodded and he really wanted to talk now, he wanted to distract his mind

“ let’s have our nap and we can talk at the evening “

Harry slowly nodded and lied too, Calum turned the light off and slept.

For the two hours nap Harry couldn’t close his eyes, and when he left his bed he was sure that his cancer was back, he revised in his mind all ten events that only lead to one conclusion

“ Harry, when did you left the bed? “

Calum entered the kitchen where Harry was drinking a cup of coffee, he was dressed and he was trying to avoid the eye contact with Harrry

“ you are going out? “ Harry asked

Calum nodded and looked at him “ you are okay to be left alone right! “

Harry nodded “ yeah, Liam is on his way anyway “

Calum took a moment thinking of something to say, then he just nodded he walked away.

Harry opened the door to Liam, and he wasn’t alone, Niall was also there and the look he held said everything.

Liam and Niall entered the house and walked inside “you are alone? “ Liam asked

Harry walked them to the kitchen “I am.. Calum had something to do.. So tea? “

Niall sat on a bar without talking while Liam walked and stood beside Harry “ everything is okay between the two of you? “

Harry pressed the kettle and looked at Liam and shrugged “ I don’t know... “

“you don’t know? “

Harry sighed “ I told him about Louis.. I told him I know and I told him I went to see him”

Liam nodded he leaned on the counter and crossed his hand “ what happened that night? Did you fight? What made you take those pills Harry? “

And only then when Niall snapped his head up, Harry noticed but didn’t comment

He took a deep breath, he knew he owned his friend an explanation “ ii tried to kiss him... “

Liam gasped shockingly while Niall just looked down as if he was expecting that

“ he turned me down and he... He didn’t want me back”
his eyes started to burn him so he pressed them and said “ I just wanted to shut my mind for a few hours.. I never meant it to be this way.. I just forgot about my asthma.. I am sorry” he said busing himself by pouring them their tea.

He then put the two cups on the bar where Niall was sitting, Liam also sat beside Liam.

Harry looked between them “ so, how bad is it? “

Niall looked at him with opened mouth “ you know? “

Harry felt the world span for few seconds, although he expected this but he didn’t want to believe it was happening again, he tried to act strong so he shrugged “ I felt it... I mean I didn’t pay attention to the signs... again.. but... how bad is it? “

Liam talked because NIALL again started to cry “ it’s your lungs this time”

Harry swallowed thickly and he shook his head “ I was never a smoker.. How did this happen and when? “ he groaned angry from the whole situation

“actually.. It was always there Harry” Liam said and Harry looked at him with a mixture of confusion and shock

“ it was always there but we all thought it was your asthma.. You were always suffering from bad cough and shortness of your breath.. You were always blaming your asthma but it wasn’t your asthma Harry.. Have you ever think how did you got your brain tumor? “

It was when he gasped “oh God.. “

Niall finally talked “ actually we have no idea how are you still standing still but maybe the chemo you took helped a little”

Harry looked down and he didn’t talk at all, his mind was blank, nothing was going on in his mind

“we are so sorry Harry, but we are gonna make it, right? “

Harry didn’t answer, he didn’t even listened

Then he felt he was engulfed by someone arms, and he then Niall put his head on his shoulder and rubbed his back “ we will always be here Harry, you are not alone in this

Harry looked at Niall who could not stop his tears and he knew it was really bad this time. Harry sighed and patted his shoulder, he looked at Liam who was also looking down crying

“ so what’s next? “ Harry asked Liam

Liam looked at him and wiped his tears “ we need to take a biopsy to analyse it, we need to know if it was benign or malignant... “

Harry covered his face and sighed “ it’s happening again... Oh god, my mom”

Niall put his hand on his shoulder “ we will make it... “

Harry looked at him and then he looked down, he wanted to cry and he wanted to scream his lungs out, that was unfair. That was so much and he wanted to collapse and hug himself and cry.

Liam and Niall again surrounded him for so long, and finally they had to leave after deciding to take him tomorrow morning to the hospital to put the treatment plan.

They had to leave Harry alone because Calum took so long to come back home. Harry promised them he will be there first thing in the morning with Calum and they didn’t have to take him themselves.

Harry waited for Calum who didn’t show till after midnight, he came directly to the bedroom where Harry was lying down trying to keep calm.

Calum as recently tried to ignore him as best as he could. Harry was watching him and he waited till Calum changed his clothes and lied beside him as n the bed

Harry was still watching “ are you okay? “

Calum looked at him and nodded “ and you? “

Harry “ where did you go? “

Calum frowned “ why do you ask? “

Harry sighed “just tell me Calum? “

Calum chuckled “ are you suddenly interested in me?"

 

“what? “

Calum groaned “ Harry, cut the attitude... I can’t take it anymore”

Harry nodded “ okay, I have been asking you lately to sit and talk”

“talk about what Harry? “ he snapped and jumped on his feet “ talk about how you cheated on me? You kissed you ex and even after he pushing you away you begged him to come back, you think us a mistake... What do you want to talk about? “ he yelled the last words

“how did you... “ Harry was going to ask but Calum yelled again “ I heard you that night”

He then took a deep breath and he was trying to calm himself down “ I have been thinking what to do ever since.. And the only thing I came up with was.. “

“please don’t.. “ Harry whispered, not now he wanted to say

 

Calum was watching him “ I was with my lawyer Harry.. We can’t do this anymore.. I can’t do this knowing you are not happy.. And guess what.. I won’t be happy “

Then he shook his head “I did everything I could to make you happy. But it wasn’t enough and it is killing me Harry”

Harry was watching him crying, Calum was leaving him too, but what did he expected?

Calum looked down “ I am going to sleep outside, tomorrow I need you to move”

Harry didn’t talk, well that was Calum’s place from the start, then Calum left the whole room.

*****
Louis just finished packing his stuff, he was ready to leave now to stay few days with his family and start a new work there beside them.

His doorbell rang and he frowned, he didn’t expect anyone to visit him this early.

He walked slowly to open the door and it was Gemma. Louis looked at her surprised

“ where the hell have you been.. “ she entered the flat and she looked around her “ what is going on? “

She looked at him “ are you leaving? “

Louis sighed “what are you doing here Gemma?”

She looked at him and sighed “ Harry needs you”

Louis raised his brow, she said “ I know I am the last one you expect to tell you this... But he really needs you.. “

“I am leaving Gemma. “

“well you can’t “

“I can’t? “

“he needs you”

“I can’t... I can’t be what he needs Gemma”

“he just needs you there Louis. He can’t do this alone”

“do what? He is not alone.. He has Calum”

She looked at him and she didn’t answer, Louis “please, tell me they are still together “

She shook her head “ they are not"

Louis rubbed his temples “ what happened? “

“doesn’t matter what happened, Calum filed a divorce.. Harry signed it.. They are now divorced end of story”

“that easy? “

“it was never easy.. But Harry can’t make him do something he doesn’t want.. And it’s not just you so don’t blame it on you”

Louis looked at her waiting for more, “ they were not in love. They loved each other but there were not in love... He is not you... And all Harry wanted and still wants is you”

“I don’t think so”

“ God stop being stubborn please... There is no time for this “

Louis was getting annoyed “ what does it even mean “

She looked at him “ we found out that it’s back”

“ what... What’s back? “ Louis asked praying for
something else

“ his cancer Lou.. It is back, or it never left form the start. It turned out he has a lung cancer and that’s how he got his brain tumor... It’s really complicated and he really gave up”

Louis was watching Gemma with opened mouth, he then looked down, and he didn’t talk

Gemma “ so he needs you.. He needs you Louis and we all need you, please “ she started to cry again " we still don't know how to tell mom, I mean when she knew about the divorce she was so depressed... I don't know hw she will make it.."

 

He looked at her she was hyperventilating, sobbing hard and she was really in need of a hug, and he just ran and hugged her too tight “it’s gonna be okay”

He wanted to believe this, he wanted to believe that everything would be okay, Harry would be okay.

Chapter Text

Sorry for not updating recently but I am working on the last chapter.. I hope you will like it

Chapter Text

Louis was banging on the door with his both fists, he was so angry and he was ready to kill someone right now.

 

When the door was opened, Louis froze as he saw Harry looking pale at him he then stormed inside and Louis followed him

Harry angrily said “ what do you want? “ but he didn’t look at him, Louis was walking after him “ you know why I am here”

 

Harry stayed silent for few seconds then he sighed “ who told you? “

 

“does it matter? “ Louis asked leaning on the wall of the room Harry entered, his bedroom where a bag was on the bed filled with clothes “you are going somewhere? “

 

Harry didn’t answer, he just zipped his bag and then he took a moment before looking at Louis “why are you here? Do you think you can convince me? “

 

Louis slowly shook his head “ no, I know you. When you put something in your mind no one can change it”.
Harry frowned “ you are not here for my treatment? “
Louis took a deep breath “ of course I want you to start the treatment.. I just want to understand why are you running away”

 

“ I am not running “ he snapped

Louis looked at the bag and didn’t talk, Harry shook his head in frustration “ don’t try to act like you are caring”

“but you know I care”

Harry laughed hysterically “oh my god, who was stupid enough to ask you to talk to me? “

Louis was so calm “no one asked me, I want this”

“why? “ Harry yelled

Louis glared at him “stop being annoyed and talk to me”

Harry gave a loud and frustrated laugh “ talk to you? You? “ then he walked and stopped right in front of Louis “I want you out of this house and never come back...”

“Harry..” Louis tried, he knew how angry Harry looked and upset

“ just go... “ he yelled

“no” Louis said

Harry glared at him breathing fast and then he coughed and turned his head away.

Louis was watching him, Harry leaned on the chair and he was coughing his lungs out. Louis felt it was never ending. He stepped closer and he put his hand on Harry’s back.

Harry stopped coughing hut was still struggling to breath

“ do you need your inhaler Harry? “ Louis asked

But Harry ignored him, he straightened his back and he said “ go away”

Louis sighed “ okay, I will leave if that what you want. But just tell me why are you doing this to yourself? “

Harry didn’t answer

“ Harry please.. You will die”

Harry covered his eyes with his hands, Louis again put his hand on his back “ you can’t die”

Harry looked at him and he chuckled “ and then what?”

Louis looked at him frowning, Harry sighed “ I have my treatment I get better and then what? It will come again and again... I don’t want to waste the rest of my life this way”

“Harry.. “

“you don’t get it, I don’t want to live like this”

“like what Harry... Do you understand what you are doing? You are giving up, you are letting everyone down.. “

“everyone? I did everything for everyone.. All my life I was doing this for everyone... Seriously Louis why are here now cause I was begging you not to leave.. “

“you were married.. “

“and now I am not, what difference does it make Louis..”

“it does... I didn’t want to ruin your life cause all I am doing is ruining it, and I couldn’t. You were happy and he was happy, he was a good man who really loved you.. “

“but I didn’t “ Harry gritted his teeth, he was very angry at himself “ I know he loved me, and I know he is a good man,, no he is actually perfect but I couldn’t love him Louis do you know why? “

Louis was staring at him, Harry said “ because I was always thinking about you.. It was always you. God Louis I hated you so much but also I couldn’t stop loving you.. It is like I am cursed or something. You think you were ruining my life but it was me.... I ruined my life, I was doing nothing but hurting myself and I can’t do this anymore.. I don’t have time for this, I want to live a little”

Louis didn’t know he was crying listening to Harry, but
he wiped his tears and said “ we can make it again”

“but I don’t want to, you don’t have to do it, You are just here because I am sick”

“no..”

“yes... “ Harry yelled, then he looked down “ you don’t want me Louis, so just go and leave me alone”

“you want me to let you die that easily Harry? “

Harry laughed “ I don’t care what you want Louis anymore.. We are done”

Louis was watching him “ I am so sorry”

“don’t... Please “

“but I am Harry” then the tears fell again “ I was just trying to protect you, I was... “

“protect me from who? “

“from me” Louis said louder “ all I did to you was pain. I entered your life and I took all the love and I gave you nothing. When we divorced Harry I knew how awful that was... I still can’t believe I let you go.. I love you Harry styles.. I did and I will always do.. But I don’t know how to fix this, I don’t know how to heal you Harry. There is no words or things to do to make you forgive me, and that’s why you need to be okay because I need to show you how sorry I am”

Louis wiped his tears and Harry was watching him, he took few steps closer to him and then he said “ it’s too late now”

Louis was shaking his head, Harry said “ I am dying, and you don’t have time to fix what you did, so what about letting me do I want”

Louis “why are you this stubborn? “

Harry didn’t talk, he ignored him and he looked away.
Louis was hesitated for a second but he touched Harry’s back. Harry tensed but Louis pretended he didn’t notice that

“ I am not letting you go that easy Harry. Not again”

He felt Harry’s shoulder shaking and he knew Harry was crying

“ I love you more than anyone, those past two years taught me the toughest lesson I could ever learn... Some times you have to lose what you have to appreciate it”

Harry was sobbing now, then he looked at Louis “ it’s too late anyway”

“no” Louis was crying too “ you will be okay.. “

Harry shook his head “ I won’t, I never was okay... I... “ then he sobbed “ I am dying Louis and I hate how I spent my life. I didn’t did what I want.. I didn’t live the way I wanted and now I am dying too early and I won’t have my chance to do anything I ever wanted"

Louis cupped his face while Harry was still crying “ you still has the time Hazza, don’t you ever lose hope baby”

Harry cried “ what the use of hope? “

Louis pressed his mouth, Harry sobbed “ I have nothing to live for.. “

Louis just hugged him, Harry cried on his shoulder “nothing... I don’t want to do it any more, the suffer and the pain... Why would I live through this again? “

“because...” then he looked at Harry’s eyes that was filled with tears and he said “ because you deserve to live.. You deserve a second chance.. Second life.. Because I need you too”

Harry cried harder “ I needed you Louis.. I needed you and I... I feel weak, you make me weak”

Louis nodded “ I am sorry... I am so sorry you suffered this much because of me Harry.. I am so sorry”

Harry slowly nodded and then he hugged Louis, Louis hugged him back

“ tell me what to do Harry, please what should I do? “
Louis was crying now. Harry stopped crying but he buried his head in Louis’s neck and he didn’t talk.

 

******

Louis was walking in the station holding some papers in his hand

“Tommo? “ Nick called him.

Louis looked at him and the look on Nick’s face was anger “ you didn’t tell me about Harry”

Louis didn’t move, he just ignored him and looked back at the papers, Nick “ why didn’t you? “

Louis still looking at the papers “ I thought you know. I mean aren’t you close? “

Nick walked towards him and then he gritted “ you know we aren’t that close.. Not anymore “

Then he took a deep breath “ anyway, how is he? Did he start the treatment? “

Louis looked at him “ no” and he walked to his desk followed by Nick “ what do you mean no? “

Louis out the papers on the desk and he sat on his chair, he wasn’t in need to talk about Harry dying now, not to Nick exactly “no, means no.. He doesn’t want the treatment “

Nick’s face was pale as sheet “ and then what? “

Louis was too angry that Nick made him say this “ then he will die”

Nick frowned “ what the hell is wrong with you? He is not taking his treatment and you are sitting here care about nothing “

And that was it. Louis jumped and took Nick out of his guard. He caught him from his collar “ don’t you ever talk to me this way again Grimmy or I swear”

Nick yanked his hands away, and he pushed him, he glared at him “ that’s what you are good at, making empty threats.. Making empty promises” then he sighed “ what the use of talking to you anyway” and he gave him his back and walked away, but the words were still ringing in his ears, empty promises? Did Nick know something?

Louis was going to sit back on the chair when he saw Zayn looking at him. Then Zayn walked at him “ what was that about? “

Louis sighed and rested his head on his palms “ Harry”

Zayn didn’t move or talk, Louis looked at him “ what? “

Zayn “ when did you see him last time? “

And he panicked “ few days ago, what happened? “

Zayn “ we can’t find him”

And no, he promised Louis he wouldn’t run, he promised him he would stay and think about his options.

“ how? “

Zayn shrugged “Gemma says he suddenly
disappeared.. She was out and when she returned him he wasn’t there, no clothes, no bags.. Just nothing. She tried to call him and when he answered he only apologised”

 

“dammit Harry.. Where the hell are you? “ Louis cursed under his breath

“ Liam also called me” Zayn said putting his hand on his shoulder, Louis looked at him, he knew why Liam called Zayn, the result of the biopsy came out, and they all were already knowing it was malignant but they needed to make sure

“so I guess when he knew the result he ran away “ Zayn said

Louis stood up “ I must find him”

Zayn followed him “ but where? They were looking for so long”

But Louis just walked away.

******
Louis had that feeling in his heart, he felt Harry and he felt he knew where he was. But no matter where he looked ked there was no sign of Harry.

Louis was lying at the middle of the night on his bed, his phone in his hand talking to Lottie and then he saw Harry was online. Hastily he sent him

“ where are you? “

He waited for a full minute then Harry answered “ I am okay”

Louis huffed and typed “ where are you? “

But he got nothing, he then typed “I am calling you”

He dialled his number and after the fourth ring and when Louis was going to lose hope he answered
“ yes Louis” Harry said slowly, obviously he also was about to sleep

“ where are you? “ Louis said

Harry sighed through the phone “ I am okay”

“ where are you Harry? “ Louis said angrily

“I will be back Louis. I just needed some time okay?”

Louis frowned “ is that mean? Will you take your treatment? “

Harry didn’t talk at once then said “ I mean.. The results are bad”

How did he know?, Louis asked “ did you call Liam or Niall? “

Harry didn’t answer, Louis “ okay, when are you coming back? “

Harry said “soon”

“ Harry, stop being this stubborn and tell me okay”

It took Harry few seconds to say “ I have to go Lou.. I will see you soon”

“no.. No” Louis almost shouted hut Harry ended the call

******

Louis couldn’t sleep that night, again thinking about where he could find Harry

Nick

Nick?, damn Nick!

Nick was there when he ward about the results from Zayn, Zayn knew about Harry’s cancer from Harry. Nick knows where Harry, Nick had Harry.

Lois jumped on his feet, it was still early but he knew what to do.

When Nick opened the door still sleepy all Louis wanted to do was punch him on the face

“Louis? “ he said with scratchy morning voice
Louis kind of pushed him inside so he can have a better look, he didn’t talk, he just walked between the living and the opened kitchen but there was no trace of Harry or anyone else.

He looked at Nick who was leaning at the front wall crossing his arms over his chest watching Louis
“ have you finished? “ he asked

Then he walked to the kitchen and operated his coffee maker, Louis was watching him from the open bar
Nick sighed while filling the coffee in the maker “ he knew you will come for him”

So he was here?

“it took you long “ Nick then looked at him and leaned on the counter

Louis was again looking around him and he saw the closed rooms, he looked at Nick after all he was a man with good manners, Nick shook his had “he is not here.. You can look for yourself if you don’t believe me”

Then he poured the coffee for himself a d for Louis.
He put Louis’s cup on the bar where Louis took few steps and sat on the long chair in front

Nick “ he wants his privacy “

Louis again started fuming “ Listen Nick... I know you were his boyfriend and whatever but I need to find him.. I have to because.. “

“you were his husband “ Nick said casually and Louis froze

Nick looked at him “yes yes I know... Long time ago”

Louis swallowed thickly and looked at the vapours that coming from his hot coffee thinking of what to say
“ he had to tell me, he didn’t want to, and he made me promise him never tell you anything.. “

Louis looked at Nick “ how did he tell you? While making out or was he drunk? “ yes he was angry, Harry had betrayed his trust

Nick just laugh, and then he looked at Louis “ we never did any of this”

Louis’ anger was replaced by confusion, Nick nodded “ we were never together Louis. It was a play he played on you so you think he was cheating and give him his divorce.. I am sorry I participated in this... But he thought you would never give up on him. He thought you will fix everything and come out maybe”

Then he took a sip from his coffee “ to be honest Louis. I never expected such info like this. I never suspected you to be gay.. I mean I know since for ever.. And when it slipped from Harry’s mouth I thought he was hallucinating.. But when I cornered him and asked you know how Harry can’t lie.. So I thought about it and.. “ he looked at louis’ eyes “ you are a brave strong man Louis who never paid attention of people around him. If harry never mentioned it I would never know.. So it made me come to this conclusion... Either you are a very amazing actor who maintained his level through all this years.. Or you are not even gay”

Louis looked down, Nick sighed “ that’s why you never came out? “

Louis again looked at the vapours and he sighed “ I don’t know what exactly I am”

Then he looked at Nick, Nick nodded “ obviously “

Louis shrugged “ it was only Harry. I mean Harry came out when he was fourteen and he suffered a lot. He had seen too much and all i could do while he cried daily was just cuddling him and trying to calm him down.”

He shook his head “ I know i am not gay. I never paid attention to any other man, but it was only Harry”

Nick shook his head “ then why did you do that? “

“because I love him, I am truly in love with him”

Nick shrugged “you could be just close friends..”

Louis looked down again “ no... I couldn’t. It was the only way to protect him. The only way to make him stay” he looked at Nick “ he had a terrible past with his stepfather, I was his only safe place. And eventually he stole them, he left them with no place to live.. They were lost and broke.. It was the only way to make him take the money”

Nick nodded understanding, Louis sighed “ I gave him all the money he needed, I wasn’t rich and it wasn’t my money, it was my dad’s and he died. So I tried to make something nice. And while doing this... I fell in love with him, I mean who couldn’t “

Nick looked at him “ you were torturing yourself Louis”

Louis shook his head “ no, never. I was in love with him. And I thought with time maybe I will recognise who truly I am. But with days I was making sure I am not gay.. I am only gay for him, but it was too late we were already married”

Nick gave a long breath “ that’s... I don’t know what this is. But you are a great friend who did a tremendous mistake. I mean you made him fall in love with you madly, you were the centre of his life.. I still believe you are. You made a huge sacrifice but you won’t live this way forever “

Louis nodded “ I don’t know how to make him understand.. “

Nick shook his head “ I don’t know how.. But he will understand that’s for sure. He loves you and he will accept anything comes from you... That’s why I am telling you where he is.. “

Louis looked at him with opened mouth

“not because you want, but because you are the only one who can convince him to start his treatment “
*******

Louis sighed before he knocked on the room number 208 at the hotel where Harry was staying.

 

Harry opened the door and then he almost gasped.

He shook his head in frustration “ I know he would betray me” he said and then he left a room for Louis to enter

“it’s not betraying.. He is trying to help.. Like any one who knows you want”

Harry was watching Louis “ I told you I am coming back, I just need time”

Louis “ and I am here to know when”

Harry didn’t talk, he sat on the chair in front of the bed.
Louis walked and sat beside him “I know you harry enough to catch you when you lie”

Harry looked at him, he then shook his head and looked on front again “ you don’t understand “

“I don’t? “

Harry huffed and left the chair “no.. I don’t want to die okay. But I... I feel like I can’t go through this again.. I mean.. I just finished my old treatment few months ago”

Louis nodded “ I know”

Harry looked at him, Louis nodded “but you did it Harry, and you can do it again”

“last time I wasn’t alone” harry snapped

Louis frowned “ you are not alone”

Harry giggled sarcastically “ yeah, right. Thirty old man who was divorced twice having cancer twice... Last time I had Calum.. I had you even behind my back”

“ I am still here... I don’t know about Calum but I am sure he will support you when he knows.. Harry you are taking this treatment for us. You don’t want to get better for us. You want to get better because you still have a life... A good life to live. You are a great doctor.. Think about all the kids that you can help”

Harry gave a shaking breath and looked down “ I am so tired Lou.. “

Louis left his seat, and he walked to him. He wrapped his hands around him “ I know baby, but you have to do it. For you.. I know you want to live you are a quitter Harry. I know you are not”

Harry looked at him with tears in his eyes “ I am not strong enough “

“yes you are”

Then Harry sobbed “ you always see me differently... I am not what you think I am”

Louis cupped his face “ you are exactly what I think you are. Strong, kind, caring person. I know you don’t want to let us down.. But Harry don’t be hard.. Let’s take it step by step. And I am sure you will be fine”

Harry hugged him tight and sobbed on his shoulder “ I am sorry lou”

Louis frowned but hugged Harry too “ what for baby? “

Harry cried “ for making you someone you are not.. For pushing you to do something that isn’t you”

Louis froze and then he looked at Harry’s eyes “ Nick told you already? "

Harry frowned confused at the start “Nick? “

Louis sighed “ then what are you talking about Hazza? “

Harry took a deep breath and then he wiped his tears “ I knew.. Okay. That you are not gat. I heard you talking to Zayn that day.. Before our marriage” then he shook his head crying “ and I tried to make you change your mind... I mean.. I know you weren’t gat but I married you.. I was so scared to be alone again and I only thought about myself”

He looked at Louis’ eyes and cried “God I am so sorry for what I was doing, I was the most selfish person alive.. I mean when I heard you telling Zayn you are not gay and you were just doing this for me.. I didn’t want to believe it at the start, I mean what kind of person who do this for someone who loves him. I thought I could change you? But I knew you had enough.. And then I knew you were trying to tell and I was panicked and then i was diagnosed... And I know if you knew you will never tell me the truth. I gave your freedom so you can be who you are but you stuck with me and when I knew I got furious because again I was ruining your life... I am so sorry Louis. For everything... Please I am sorry”

He was sobbing, but Louis hugged him, he was crying too “ shh now.. Stop it. Don’t you dare apologise for me.. I am the one who is sorry for not telling you. We could handled it better than this. I mean divorce and married again.. And divorce again... That’s hard Harry I know.. And I am not sorry for staying with you, or for being your boyfriend or husband. My fears also controlled me. If I told the truth I was scared that I would lose you forever. And I swear to God I love you more than anything in my life. I just don’t know who I am now Harry. Or ever” he tried to laugh

Harry frowned “ I made you like this”

Louis shook his head “no” then he looked at him “no, you were honest from day one.. It was me who was lost and stupid. But I am gay for you Harry. That’s all I can say, I don’t even know if this exists or not”

Harry shook his head “ it doesn’t matter. Who cares how does you work?”then he sighed “ I loved you too”

“loved? “ Louis asked

Harry looked at him and nodded “I will always be in love with you Louis. But I can’t be with you again. Not like this.. Not until you know what do you want”

Louis’ tears formed in his eyes “ we were together before”

Harry nodded and swallowed his tears “ as long as I loved and crave these days but it was a mistake. And you the only one who paid for it. Now no more”

“Harry...” louis wanted to talk but he didn’t know what to say

“it’s okay.. I will keep you in my life as my best mate ever. But I won’t.. I can’t put you through this again”

Louis pressed his mouth shut and he hugged Harry so tight.

*****

Louis was running in the hospital hallways, and then he entered one bug room full with people sitting on huge chairs and wires were hooked to their arms.

 

Then he saw Harry sitting on one of these chairs, taking his chemo covered with a blanket and his eyes were closed. It had been five months since nce he started

 

He walked to him and he put his hand on his, Harry opened his eyes and Louis said “ sorry I am late”

 

Harry smiled but he looked sleepy “ it’s okay”

 

Louis say beside him on the chair “ I had a lot of work and the traffic was awful”

 

Harry smiled again and closed his eyes, Louis was watching him “ feeling better? “

 

Harry giggled “ yeah.. I just feel so sleepy.. I don’t know why”

 

Louis “then sleep, I will be here when you finish”

Harry shook his head “no, talk to me”

Louis rested his back on the chair “ well.. Gigi is killing Zayn with the marriage preparations.. She is very accurate and he is very.... You know messy”

Harry smiled “she was calling me this morning and she told me about the band he forgot to call”

Louis laughed “ yeah.. And he missed the appointment with the cake.. It is too much for him, I mean I don’t know what he would do without us. I mean I fixed everything for him.. Ours would be so much better. I just can’t believe I let you cancel it”

Harry laughed “ I didn’t cancel it, just delayed it till I got my hair back.. I can’t marry bold Lou”

Louis shrugged “ I love you this way... That’s what matters and you are not even bold”

Harry opened his eyes finally and looked at him “ are you sure about this? “

“your hair? “

“no silly... Us.. Again? “

Louis sighed “ I am more than sure. It is always you who I want, I can’t live without you Harry... So you better have a speed recovery so we can have our great day”

 

Harry didn’t talk again, he looked at a specific spot on the blanket, Louis took his hand “ I know what I am done Harry.. I don’t care about anything else. I don’t care about what people would call me. I just care about you”

 

Harry looked at him “I am just scared that you won’t want this after a while”

 

Louis tried to smile “I know I did this before.. But not this time.. Now I am sure. I mean I proposed in front of all my station didn’t I? “

 

Harry smiled and nodded “you did.. That was scary

 

Louis nodded “ you have no reason to be scared now. I am doing this because I want it, not because you are sick... Not because you need me. It is because I need you Harry, I do”

 

Harry smiled and kissed him on his lips, then he rested his back and said “now.. Read me something.. I don’t feel like I can talk anymore”

 

Louis nodded “ with pleasure “

 

Then he took the book beside Harry, Harry closed his eyes and Louis started to read. As usual it took Louis two pages and Harry slept. Louis clos d the book and looked at his fiance, his best friend, and his ex husband who was soon going to be his husband. And he smiled. Yes he was sure this time about what he was doing, yes he wanted this from the bottom of his heart. And yes he was happy.