Chapter 1: Kirishima - Dysphoria
A trans mans worst nightmare meets the comfort of a true friend!
This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening! This has to be the worst day of your life.
You woke up feeling terrible and painfully self-conscious about everything. The way your binder couldn’t seem to keep them down (to you anyway), the way your packer is fitting not-so-right in your underwear, the way your voice seemed pitched a little higher than yesterday. Were you just late for an injection? No, it wasn’t for another few days.
You dressed and went about your morning routine to get ready for school. Gods, you didn’t want to go to school today. It felt like everyone on the way of your commute was staring at you. Surely no one knows. You’ve been on hormones for a few months now. You’re finally bulking up and you’ve already started growing (and shaving) facial hair. You’ve been able to pass easily. So why was today different?
You met with your friends from class along the way. They were a rowdy and loud bunch so a relatively quiet guy like yourself stood out. Today they seemed to notice something was up. Bakugou threatened (offered?) coffee and Ashido was asking if you were sick. You decline both. Kaminari assumed you were just having a rough morning and proceeded to all but drown you in the near infinite archive of memes he had saved on his phone. That and Kirishima’s blatant excitement for today’s endurance training course cheered you up and made for a pleasant distraction.
Class was pretty much the same as any other Tuesday; English, Math 1, the announcements, and the hero lessons part 1. Part one was in the classroom today and part 2, after lunch, would be held outside at one of the many training courses.
You began feeling sick close to the end of the hero lessons, almost wanting to throw up with the twisting pain in your gut. Something wasn’t right. Maybe you could stick it out. Yeah. Think of it as endurance training. You could get through it.
It was on and off until the end of the period. Thank the gods, you made it to lunch. Maybe you could just go to the bathroom and take care of this. It was probably just something bad about the leftovers you ate for breakfast. And if it continued, you’d see Recovery Girl.
You sigh at the toll of the bell and pack away your notebook and pencils. Everyone else seems to either be rushing to get to the cafeteria or more consumed in conversations with friends. You just want to get out and make this pain stop. You wince as you stand and pick up your bag. Its like you’ve been socked in the stomach by All Might himself.
“Ah! Y/N! You’re bleeding!” you hear someone exclaim. You don’t bother to recall who.
You immediately whip around and see the sizable red stain on the seat of your desk.
You feign horror and proclaim you’re going to Recovery Girl right away before bolting out of the classroom. You hear yelling after you but you’re busy clutching your stomach as you rush for the bathroom at the end of the hall. Without hesitation, you rush into a stall and lock it.
This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening! They saw. So many saw. They can still see it! You haven’t had a period in a couple months now. You thought the testosterone had stopped it altogether! Why now?! Why today? This has to be the worst! How do you even begin to fix this?! Do you go to recovery girl and hope word doesn’t get out? Do you call your parents? You can’t call your friends! They don’t know you’re trans!
You hear footsteps enter the bathroom and realize that you’ve screwed yourself over. You’ve trapped yourself in the restroom and now have no way to call someone or to run to recovery girl.
Oh fuck. Oh fuck. It’s Kirishima! Play dumb! “Who’s Y/N?” NOT THAT DUMB!
“Hey, I know those shoes anywhere! You’re not fooling me.”
You have no idea what he’s talking about.
“Are you okay? I thought you were going to recovery girl,” he continued.
You lie and say you felt sick on the way and stopped to use the toilet.
“Man, you suck at lying. Recovery girl is in the other direction and your pants aren’t even down.”
You remain silent. Man, you’ve really fucked up now.
“Dude, we’re friends, right?”
You hesitate but say yes.
“Then you can tell me what’s going on. I won’t say anything. I’m not Monoma.”
You can’t tell him and you express that just a little too loud.
You just can’t. It’s too personal. Just as you finished saying that, another wave of cramping washes over you and you lean against the stall wall, groaning.
“Dude! Let me help! You’re hurt or sick or something. Whatever it is, I can handle it.”
Once the pain subsides a bit, you concede. You ask him to promise.
You reiterate louder.
“Okay, okay! I swear on the Crimson Riot that I won’t tell a soul unless you want me to!”
You still find yourself hesitating and let out a shaky breath. You’re… not a man, you say. It immediately sends pangs through your heart as the words come out.
“What? Of course you are.”
Not really. You weren’t born one like he is. You still have…girl parts…
There’s silence. It seemed to stretch on for minutes. “So… its like a girl’s period.”
You confirm but you feel your throat closing at you do. The emotions are beginning to well up like bile in your throat.
“Dude, that’s manly as hell!”
You are left both speechless and horrendously confused.
“It’s like your fighting for the right to be you! Like you’re up against a really nasty villain to prove yourself and no one else has to. I think that’s many as hell! You’re earning your manhood in ways none of us have too! Like right now! It sounds like it really hurts and honestly, I don’t think I could bleed for days and still be okay. That’s totally badass!
Does he really mean that?
“Of course I do! Manliness isn’t about your body! Its about that chivalrous spirit and living life without regrets! So in my book, you’re more man than anyone else I know!”
Its getting hard not to cry out of relief. You still need to stop the bleeding and there’s no way you can do that here.
“It’s okay dude. Just come on out. I’ll help you get to recovery girl. She’ll know what to do.”
You reach out and unlock the stall. You step out slowly, not meeting his eye at first. A hand on your shoulder is all it takes for you to look up and completely lose it. You wrap him tightly into the biggest hug you can muster right now, sniffling in an attempt to force the tears back. He hugs you back, of course, and twice as tight. It makes the cramps more painful but you don’t care.
His acceptance was more than you could have asked for.
When he lets go, he pulled your bag off your shoulders and carries it in his hand. You hadn’t even noticed that you still had it on the whole time. He pulled one of your arms over his shoulders, allowing you to lean on him as he walked you back out into the hallway.
The hallway was thankfully empty. Everyone was probably at lunch. You couldn’t help but feel relief. Then you turned your head and to your shock and horror, there stood the badass of 1-A himself with his usual scowl.
“Going to Recovery Girl?”
“Uh yeah,” Kirishima answered while you were busy staring in shock.
“Good,” he huffed. “Wipe your face, Y/N! You’re a man, aren’t you?” His words hit you as if he’d slapped you himself. But it was like… a slap of understanding? It was all you needed to know that he’d heard every word that was said back in the bathroom. Does this mean he doesn’t care? That he’s accepting it too? It’s hard to say with a guy like him.
“Bakugou! That’s rude!” Kirishima exclaimed. “Men can cry too!”
“Shut up, shitty hair! I wasn’t talking to you!” he shouted back, shoving his hands in his pockets and turning down the hall in the direction of the infirmary. You and Kirishima follow suit.
Several long seconds pass as you three round corners, occasionally slowed by more cramps coming on.
“You two are so fucking slow,” Bakugou growled. “Hurry up before I carry you myself.”
He didn’t even give you guys time to process his words before he all but scooped you up and began walking you down the halls.
“My hero,” you say sarcastically as he speeds you down the hall with Kirishima lugging your bag right behind.
Chapter 2: Ojiro - Overthinking
You find yourself overwhelmed with life but maybe a simple man can help you simplify your situation.
You've been stressed before but today it feels so much worse. There's so much piled onto your plate that it feels like you're going to crumble under the weight. Each class has more homework than the last and you can't help but wonder if they expect you to sleep at all. But on top of that, you still had your usual chores at home and you were still trying to keep up with training outside of classes.
Every day you silently beg the universe for a break! Even if it's just some time to go hang out with your friends. You know you've missed more than a few outings in the past couple months.
And of course to make matters worse, every time you try to remember everything you need to do, your mind begins reeling at the thought of all that work and it leaves you sitting there, doing nothing while you scream internally and work yourself into near panic. You could probably keep up with all of the activity if you could just stay calm long enough to do it!
Today, your thoughts are frantic, constantly filing through your tasks faster than you can fully comprehend and it's almost impossible to focus on Present Mic's lesson. His voice seemed too loud and it clashed with the sound of your own thoughts. You find yourself just starting at the open notebook in front of you, your hand shaking as your heart and mind race. Kaminari is clicking his pen again, creating further dissonance. Did Sato always write so loudly?! When did that light start flickering?
A voice cuts through your thoughts. "Y/N? Is everything alright?" Mic asks.
Suddenly 20 pairs of eyes laid on you. You can't take this! You immediately jump up and announce that you need to go before rushing out of the room. No permission was granted and that only made you want to explode. You were going to be in trouble now too! Just great! That detention! Or worse! Suspension?! Could they do that?! Oh you hope not! That'd only make everything worse!
You find yourself ducking around the corner and resting against the wall. You drop to the floor as your heaving breathes give way to trembling sobs. You're whole body is shaking and try as you might, it won't stop. You wish the world would just stop for a moment. Just long enough for you to calm down at least!
Soft footsteps come down the hall and you try to quiet yourself to no avail. An equally soft voice cuts through the silence. "Y/N what's wrong?" such a gentle but plain voice could only belong to one person in your class. Ojiro Mashirao looks down at you with concern, his thick tail swishing low to the ground like an anxious cat. You assume that Mic sent him after you.
You say you're fine but it's obviously not true. He moves to crouch beside you. "Did something happen?"
You tell him no.
He frowns. "You know you can tell me. I'm not exactly one to gossip. If it's really bothering you so bad, I don't mind listening."
You don't want to just dump it all on him but the words come out before you can stop them. A warm tail wraps around your back and you hold the fur close to your chest as you speak. There's just been so much going on. You have the papers due for three classes, the book reading for English which you haven't started, A presentation for history, a test that needs to be made up, the dishes at home, the laundry, you still need to clean your room, it's your turn to cook dinner tonight and you don't know what to mak-
Two warm hands suddenly cup the sides of your face, dragging your attention away from your list and to the boys dark eyes. You freeze as you meet his gaze. It almost feels like your heart stopped too. Nope, it's still beating like an over excited rock band drummer.
"Take a deep breath with me," he said firmly. He drew in a slow breath, held it for a couple seconds, and let it out. In 5 seconds, hold five seconds, let out five seconds. He repeated the step maybe ten times and with each repetition, you feel your mind going blank and your heart slowing despite its best efforts. You're still shaking as he lets go of your face and just goes back to wrapping his tail tighter around you. It almost feels like a hug. You hug the girth of his tail.
A faint pink has risen to his cheeks as he averts his gaze momentarily. "Sorry. The touching was uncalled for." He's technically still touching you but you don't mention it. "You were letting your mind run away with you and I was worried you might make yourself faint."
You tell him it's okay and thank him. You still feel the anxiety but the panic has mostly passed.
"Is all of that why you've been so stressed?"
He seems to sit in thought a moment. "I think you're just overthinking a lot of this."
You mentally recoil from his words.
"If you break them down into individual tasks like that, it seems like a lot. But it's really not much. If you'd like, I can help you a little."
You tell him he doesn't have to.
"I know. But what kind of person would I be if I left a friend to struggle on their own?"
You're ready to turn him down but the glimmer in his eyes and that soft, hopeful smile change your mind. What's the worst that can happen?
"What is due tomorrow?"
The reading for English and one of the papers.
"That's only two things!"
But what about the other assignments?
"Those don't matter yet. You just need to take care of the reading and the paper. Cleaning is easy if you just focus on one thing at a time and we can train together after school."
But it all matters!
"But those things are the most important right now. You can worry about the other things afterwards."
You're hesitant and it shows.
"Do you want to study with me today? I can help."
You're still a bit wary but you accept. Maybe a little help is what you need. He's so calm and, honestly, that kind of energy may be good for you.
He unwraps his tail from around you, pulling it free from your grasp. He stands and offers his hand to you to help you up. "Let's go back to class," he smiled. "I'm sure someone will catch us up."
You accept his hand and allow him to pull you to your feet. Maybe he's right and you just need to simply your life. Perhaps plain and simple isn't so bad.
Chapter 3: All Might - Failure
You failed and someone paid the price for it. Can some dandelion man really make it better?
You hurt. Not just physically, but internally as well. Sure it was just a training exercise but you can’t believe it went this poorly. You were the reason your team fell behind and ultimately failed. If you’d just been smarter about the whole thing and listened, no one would have gotten hurt.
You and Uraraka had been paired up against Todoroki and Jiro which probably wasn’t much of a fair fight anyway. But if you’d listened to what your partner had been saying, she wouldn’t have had to rush in and save your ass and get herself hurt.
You flinch at the sting on your cheek as Recovery Girl kissed the burn. You felt the ache in your skin subside and the ringing in your ears finally stopped only for a wave of exhaustion to wash over you. Right, Recovery Girl’s quirk was effective based on your stamina.
She patted your hand and told you to rest while the rest of the training session was happening outside. Uraraka was curled up over a trashcan, puking as her quirks backlash hit her.
You feel terrible. Guilty. You failed miserably and she’s paying the price for it.
If you weren’t so damn tired, you wouldn’t have been able to rest with a clear conscience. You only dozed however until Uraraka roused you and helped you back to the locker rooms to change back into uniform.
Classes for the rest of the day passed by in a blur but only because you couldn’t focus on them. You were still thinking about the exercise. About your failure. The word weighs heavy on your shoulders and repeats itself in your mind. You try to justify your actions but the word creeps back up. Failure.
It’s not the first time you’ve struggled in this course, whether it be in studies or in training. Maybe you’re just not cut out to be a hero. Maybe you really should just stop. Go to a normal high school. You’d probably be better off there. Your classmates would probably be better off without you slowing down the class.
The final bell tolls and you shoulder your pack to head out. You really don’t want to talk to anyone today after all that’s happened. No one seems to stop you either.
“Excuse me, young man,” a deep voice came from behind you. You stop your pace and turn to find a tall, skeletal figure in an… honestly quite abhorrent yellow pinstriped suite that was suspiciously similar to the one All Might was wearing earlier. You’re not sure what this guy wants but it would be disrespectful to just walk away from a potential member of UA staff. He brushes long blonde bangs from his eyes as he comes to a stop in front of you. “I saw your fight today on the training grounds.”
“That was quite a fumble you had there. I’m glad to see you’re all right,” he said. You slouch under the reminder of your failure and he takes notice. “/Are you/ all right?” he asks, his gaunt face somehow looking softer with his change in expression.
You feel crushed under the weight of his words. You tell him the truth. You don’t think you’re fit to be a hero. You’re going to quit.
“What?!” he says, shocked. “But you’ve been doing so well!” You’re not sure how he’d know that. You’ve never seen him before.
No. You haven’t. Every time you mess up, someone gets hurt and that’s not how a hero is supposed to be.
“My boy, that’s no reason to give up,” he said, his voice softer than you’d expect from someone like him. “A hero is a hero because they’re human; they make mistakes. Sometimes, bad things happen but in the end, you made your best judgement and you cannot be faulted for that. The hardest lesson a hero has to face is that you can’t save everyone…” His voice took on a solemn tone.
Your gaze falls to the floor. This guy sounds like he’s been through a lot. Was he a hero? You’re sure you would have recognized him.
Suddenly a couple of hands rest on your shoulders before pulling you in close. “Please don’t give up,” he says. “Learn from your mistakes and make them a weapon in your arsenal.”
The man is so thin and bony but he loose embrace feels so secure. Why does it feel like this is a man you’d trust with your life? Why does he care so much?
You feel tears welling up but force them down so your body doesn’t shake. This close, you can feel his warmth, sense his steady breathing and heart beat. It’s oddly soothing. Something about this man breaks you down and yet makes you feel so at ease. You feel like you could tell him anything. You resist the urge to hug him back.
“I’ve seen you do many great things, young man, and I know you’ll do many more. Your mistakes are not failures but lessons to be learned. They’re stepping stones along the way. You’ll make a fine hero so try not to be so hard on yourself.”
He pulls away and looks you in the eye with a soft smile. “Now go home and rest, my boy. You’re going to need it after the day you’ve had. And just remember, if you ever have doubts like this again, I am here. Erm… your teachers are here… and the other students…” He stammered out the last words as if suddenly caught in a lie. “Well, have a nice day,” he says hurriedly in farewell before turning down the hallway.
What a strange man. But a helpful one. Something about those bright blue eyes of his… gave you hope? You’re not sure. You’re probably still tired from the session with Recovery Girl.
You head for home, the man’s words still ringing through your head.
Chapter 4: Ojiro - a calm moment
Just a calm moment with Ojiro. Cuddles and movies in your day off.
There's comfort in the way he holds you. The warmth against your back and a gentle arm draped over your ribs. His tail was draped lazily over both of your legs. It's not quite what you'd call spooning as you aren't curled in on yourself but it must be something like that.
Despite being shorter than you, he usually insists on being against your back. Probably because of his spare appendage. His head rested on the pillow just above yours so he can see your computer screen as you both relax to watch a movie.
His tastes in movies is strange but you try to be open minded. It's a film in Mandarin Chinese but the subtitles are on for you. You watch American cartoons so you're used to subtitles.
Honestly, the movie is pretty good but the moment you're sharing with Mashirao is better. The afternoon sun peeks through your curtains and you're comfortably warm. Your other friends and classmates are enjoying their day off elsewhere and the dorms are quiet. You can hear distant bird calls but it's far from unpleasant. If you focus, you can feel Mashirao's chest rise and fall against your back.
Everything is calm. A gentle reprieve from the hustle of life here at Yuuei high school. The day draws on slowly but you wouldn't change it for the world. For just this moment, there is peace