Dirty Little Secrets Chapter 420: What Are You? My Love Interest?
Several fics ago, before crap got real, Hitoshi Shinso and Katsuki Bakugo sparred in their usual training spot, feeling extra angsty and pubescent today. They clashed and hit and kicked and generally tried to get as close to murdering each other as possible. Especially today, as their relationship-related angst was at an all time high.
Why does everyone assume I’m in love with Todoroki? I'm not! He's just my friend! My incredibly attractive and intriguing friend with nice muscles I have NOT been sneaking peeks at in the locker room! Shinso thought as he dodged an almost too close swipe from Bakugo. And besides, I can't let myself fall in love with anyone! I have a secret to hide and I don't want them roped into it. Not when I might get in trouble for possible murder. The only person I'm indifferent to dragging down is Bakugo...
Bakugo snarled at him, sweat glistening on his face.
... Who is actually kind of attractive...
Meanwhile, Bakugo was thinking as well.
Stupid Kirishima and his stupid everything! Making me feel
! I don't
a relationship! I'm King Explosion Murder, and this king rules alone! So just forget your stupid “crush” on him and those stupid closet kisses and FOCUS on beating the
out out General Studies!
He kneed Shinso in the gut, making him cough a bit of blood up, somehow. Shinso wiped the blood away defiantly.
...Okay, that was kinda hot... Bakugo thought.
Meanwhile, Hanta Sero and Mina Ashido watched as this fight continued, the tension notably shifting from competitive/angry tension to more belligerently romantic. Both were kinda disturbed.
Ashido was particularly offended at the sight.
“THIS GOES AGAINST MY PAIRINGS! It was supposed to be Shintodo and Bakushima for endgame! And if Shintodo didn't work out and my crush didn't work out, maaaaybe me and Shinso’d get together. Dunno, hadn't planned that far ahead...”
Sero rubbed the back of his head, turning a bit red. “Y-ya know, Ashido... You wouldn't necessarily have to date Shinso, I mean...”
“Aw, come on, we have some of the best chemistry in the squad!”
“No, I meant, maaaaybe someone else is intere-”
Suddenly, a giant bolt of lightning estimated to be 1.21 gigawatts cracked down behind them, startling the two teens. (Shinso and Bakugo, however, were too wrapped up in circling each other and debating if one another's eyes were ALWAYS that pretty.)
From the smoke emerged a much older Denki Kaminari, looking rugged, ragged, and desperate. “OH GOOD, I'M NOT TOO LATE!” He exclaimed.
Ashido and Sero blinked in unison. “Kaminari?”
Kaminari looked down at them and smiled down, sadly. “Mina... Sero... It's been years... It's me. Kaminari. I know I look totally different...”
“No you pretty much look like you but in your twenties...” Ashido said.
“And if you were thrown into the world of Mad Max...” Sero said.
“I can prove it's me though! I know secrets only I'd know!”
Both of their eyes widened in fear. “Kami, no-”
“Like Sero! I know you've been crushing on Mina since the first day!”
“ DUDE! ” Sero said, horrified.
“And Mina! You like Tsu but have little interest in Sero outside of being a friend!”
“KAMINARI!” Ashido shouted, flustered and mad that she now had to have an awkward talk with Sero after this.
“Yup! It's me. Now, listen up. I'm from the future and need to stop the apocalypse!”
Sero and Ashido bolted to their feet. “What apocalypse!?”
“The one they caused!” Kaminari said, pointing at Bakugo and Shinso. Bakugo had Shinso pinned down to the ground.
“Nice moves, pretty boy,” Shinso flirted.
“Not bad yourself, hot stuff,” Bakugo flirted back.
Shinso raised an eyebrow and smirked. “What about Kirishima?”
Bakugo mirrored Shinso. “What about Icyhot?”
“...Touché...” Shinso said, then grabbed Bakugo’s face and kissed him.
Suddenly, thunder roared.
“NO! I’M TOO LATE!” Kaminari shouted in anguish.
“Well, maybe if you weren't busy EXPOSING YOUR FRIEND’S CRUSH we could've solved this earlier! In like five to ten years I'm never talking to you again,” Sero said.
“Well, that'll be easy... You're like the first to die in the apocalypse...” Kaminari said.
“ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?”
Suddenly, another Kaminari, much older than the previous one, appeared in another bolt of lightning. “GUYS, I- SONUVA-! I'M TOO LATE, /AGAIN/!”
Kaminari turned to Kaminari. “Me!? Where's younger me!?”
“He didn't make it...” Kaminari said sadly. “He died testing Hatsume’s time machine...” Kaminari put his hand on Kaminari’s shoulder. Suddenly, things started to rumble.
“YOU FOOLS!” An even older Kaminari said out of nowhere, “YOU CREATED A PARADOX! NOW WE DON'T EVEN GET AN APOCALYPSE! JUST THE COLLAPSE OF ALL OF REALITY!”
“Holy crap! Then how are you here, Kaminari?” Sero said.
“I'VE BEEN IN THE IMMENSE NOTHINGNESS THAT AWAITS US ALL FOR YEARS, I LEARNED EVERYTHING BUT HOW I SURVIVED!” Kaminari shouted.
Meanwhile, Shinso and Bakugo were still uncharacteristically making out. They looked at each other in a way that was waaaaaay too lovey-dovey.
“I love you...” Shinso said.
“I love you, too...” Bakugo said.
Ashido looked around at the crumbling chaos her reality was becoming. The Kaminaris and Sero were fighting. Shinso and Bakugo were being all over each other. She had no idea where Kirishima was but she bet that he was experiencing weirdness, too.
She puffed her cheeks angrily. And Tsu’s absent, so I can't go run and smooch her before the end of all reality! This bites!
Suddenly, she realized something.
“Guys, we'll be fine!” Ashido shouted to Sero and The Kaminaris.
“How?” They asked.
“BECAUSE NONE OF THIS IS CANON! TO EITHER THE REAL CANON OR DIRTY LITTLE SECRETS!” She shouted just as all of that reality disappeared. “IT'S AN APRIL FOOL'S-”
The Author looked down at the void that was the What Am I, Your Love Interest? Universe, a subsidiary of the Dirty Little Secrets Universe. She shed a single tear for the lost, especially its Ashido, who had just achieved enlightenment but not enough to save herself in the end. Why was it every time she tried to do Shinbaku, the reality it happened in collapsed?
And was it worth it? Creating and destroying a universe for a quick April Fool's Day joke? Could she live with being an unjust god to her interpretations of pre-existing characters!? IS SANITY THE PRICE TO PAY...FOR POWER !?
The Author stared into the mirror, her reflection staring back in existential dread. They both agreed on one thing:
She really needed to get her freaking WIPs done and post a project again.