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A Friendly Abduction

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“Give. Him. Back.” Serena growled into the radio, her grip on the transmitter vicelike. The voice on the other end chuckled, as if amused.

“Eh... no.” Captain Kaasil Saar said smoothly, “I stole him fair and square.”

“Give Feston back right now or I swear to the stars I will end you.”

“Is it a crime to want to spend time with my favorite Lorvian?” Saar asked, trying to sound innocent. She gritted her teeth.

“No, but it is a crime to kidnap him!” she snapped, “Give him back right now, or my wrath will be swift and merciless!”

“You act as though I’m a danger to him.” Saar chuckled, “Feston, my friend, tell your guard dog that I’m not a villain.”

“Hey Serena!” Feston sounded downright cheery, and she relaxed slightly at the evidence that he had not been harmed, “It’s okay, really, Saar’s just enthusiastic about showing his affection to people. And he’ll definitely apologize for calling you a guard dog.”

“I don’t-“

“Right, Saar?” Feston chirped, and Saar sighed.

“I am sorry for calling you a guard dog.” Saar grudgingly said, and Serena sighed with exasperation.

“Ugh. Feston, you okay?” she grumbled.

“Fine.” he sounded perfectly happy, “Saar’s taking me to Trichtinon Prime for the Solar Festival! He says it’s a holiday on his planet that you’re supposed to spend with your closest friends.”

“And he picked you?” she asked skeptically, and Saar made a sound as if offended.

“Feston is a marvel!” he exclaimed, “And a funny man. I enjoy his company very much.”

“It’s okay, Serena.” Feston chirped, “If I’m not back in three lunar cycles, you can storm the planet to get me back.”

“Don’t think I won’t.” she warned, and Feston made a happy sound.

“Aw, I knew you cared!”

“You mistake me.” she said, “If I let you stay kidnapped, Proxy will vent me into space and rescue you herself.”

“I have such good friends!” Feston laughed, and Serena gave an exasperated noise.

“Three lunar cycles.” she said firmly, “No more than that.”

“Yes, ma’am.” he said, “I promise. And Saar does too.”

“I do.” Saar chuckled, “But we are almost out of comms range, so we must bid you goodbye.”

“No funny business with Feston.” Serena warned, “Got it?”

“Funny business? Me? You insult me.” Saar sounded way to cheeky, “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

“I don’t trust you.” she said bluntly, and Saar scoffed.

“Ye of little faith. I wouldn’t dream of doing anything like, say, smooching our fuzzy friend.”

“Huh?” Feston chimed in, and Serena hissed.

“Don’t even think about it.” she hissed, but an exaggerated smooching sound echoed through the radio, and Feston made a surprised noise, somewhere between a gasp and a buzz. Serena growled. 

“You son of a-“ the radio clicked, the dial tone signaling that they had left comms range. She growled and sat heavily in the pilot’s seat, crossing her arms and huffing.

“Three lunar cycles, asshole.” she huffed to herself, “Just you wait.”

She was gonna stick a goddamn tracking chip on that man.