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Debbie's Musings

Chapter Text

As I look in the mirror above the sink in my bathroom, I see a woman I don't recognize, the somber woman is strange to me.

Her normally fluffy, loud curly hair, is demurely styled. No colorful hair clips, in the shapes of butterflies. No sparkly hair ties, with little pony tails sticking out.

Her makeup instead of bright happy shades was muted, with dull colors. The normal fire engine red lipstick was a mauve color.

The outfit was on the total opposite end of the spectrum, then the norm for me. She was wearing black dress slacks and with a black tank top covered by a sheer black shirt; with gold minute designs running down the front.

Tears formed in her eyes as I took a step closer, taking my hand and softly running down her face, she did the same...wait...it was me. I back up, this wasn't me, these dark colors, the hair, none of it. Then it came back to me, my brother, Vic, he was dead.

I began sobbing letting it all out, the anger at the sonovabitch for dying on me, and anger at myself for never apologizing before he died. The tears fell faster as I fell to the floor, my forehead resting upon the cold tile.

I laid there, for what seemed like days, letting all of it out. I sniffled a few times sitting up and grabbing a wash cloth from the basket on my sink. Wetting it in the sink I washed my face. Enough crying, my family was waiting. I pulled my makeup out from back under the sink and re applied everything. Snapping the lipstick tube shut, I tossed it in my case and smiled at the picture sitting on my counter.

It was of me and Vic one Christmas, sitting on the couch as Micheal took our picture. I blew a kiss at him.

"I'll see you again baby brother." I walked out, softly closing my door and went down stairs to my family.

Chapter Text

I have a dream....I sound like that wonderful man Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

(smiles real big, eyes twinkling)

I can handle that. Anyway I have a dream, it is that one day my gorgeous son, let me clarify that, my gorgeous GAY son and his gorgeous GAY partner, can get married, legally. In front of God and all the world.

I just don't want my boys to get married, I want all of the beautiful gay men and women to have the same chance at love. A chance to celebrate their love.

I mean it's only fair right? We all bleed the same damn color, shit out the same damn holes. Why can't we all have the same fucking rights?

(huffs a little angrily)

But until the assholes up in that giant white building out in Washington decide to get off their very clogged and un-liberal asses, I guess I'll wait to get married to my honey Carl.

(nods and picks up her serving tray and starts to walk away, then comes back)

Maybe I'll start a collection jar for laxatives for those sonaovbitches.....

Chapter Text

"Em honey, could you get the fucking door? My hands are up the turkey's ass!" I yelled from the kitchen.

Today was Thanksgiving, and what I would be thankful for is if someone could answer the Goddamn door.

"EMMETT!!" I yelled again.

It could have been anyone of the family, I was expecting them all. Mel, Linds, and Gus were at Britton with Justin and Brian. They had come down from Canada the week before. On the way through they had dropped off my gorgeous grandbaby Jenny Rebecca at my son Michael's house; where she was spending time with Ben and Hunter as well.

Ted and Blake were coming over, along with their baby boy Jacob. They had adopted the cute little shit two years back. Making a wonderful addition to our extended family.

Drew was supposed to be showing up today to have dinner with our family as well. After playing the field and becoming a "grown" Gay man, he came back to Emmett, who couldn't have been happier. It was real hard on Em sometimes when Drew was gone on away games, and he had to stay behind to plan parties. But bless that gorgeous ass of Drew's he called every day he was gone.

"Goddamn it Emmett!" I grabbed the towel off the counter where it was sitting next to my open recipe book. Hey sometimes I do need to look at it, so fucking sue me. I wiped my dirty hands on it and placed it in my apron pocket. The front of it said "Got Lube?"

Just as I was about to answer the door my resident "Nelly Bottom Queen" came bouncing down the stairs.

"Drewsie's here!!" He yelled clapping his hands as he ran to the door flinging it open. Drew was standing on the other side with his arms wide open. Emmett jumped up and wrapped his legs around his boy friend's waist, peppering his face with kisses. Drew laughed as he carried Em in, kicking the door shut with his foot.

"Hey Debbie." Drew said in sexy gravelly voice, smiling. I smiled back, glad he made it home safe.

"Holy shit," I said walking towards him. "You just keep getting more gorgeous every time I see you." I grabbed him in a hug and slapped his ass.

"Thanks Debbie," He said laughing.

"Em honey why don't you get Tall Dark and Handsome here something to drink." I suggested walking back into the kitchen, I could already smell the bird cooking. The boys followed me, Drew sat down at the table while Em went to the fridge. Opening it he took out a beer and popped the top and handed it to Drew. He had just sat down on his lap when the door rang again.

"I'll get it!" Em said jumping up and skipping to the door. Holidays were his favorite, always making him excited. What can I say, they were mine too. For while there though after Vic died, it was hard. But I finally figured he would have wanted me to be happy and not think sadly about him. So I celebrated everyday and made sure the holidays were extra special.

"GAMMA DEBBIE!!" Jenny Rebecca squealed excitedly running into the kitchen. I scooped her up into my arms and kissed her cheek with wet noisy kisses. She giggled, her shiny, black pigtails bouncing merrily.

"Guess what Gamma?" She asked very seriously. Hunter, Ben, and Michael came into the kitchen then, each carrying a dish.

"What honey?" I asked. She leaned in and whispered in my ear.

"Hunter said 'shit'." She giggled when I gasped dramatically.

"Hunter Novotny-Bruckner! Get you skinny butt over here!" I said loudly pointing at the floor in front of me with my finger of my free hand.

"Uh-oh," Michael said, a smile on his face. "You got the whole name, you're in trouble." He finished laughing.

"Shut up." I said pointing at him. He zipped his lips shut and placed his Yucca Tofu pie, courtesy of Ben on the table. I honestly have no clue how they can eat that fucking shit day after day.

Hunter shuffled over frowning.

When he was just a few feet from me I lifted my hand and pointed my finger in his face.

"What have I told you about swearing in front of your little sister?" He mumbled something into his chest and shuffled his large feet again.

"What was that smart mouth?" I asked sarcastically cupping my ear and tilting my head toward him. "I didn't quite catch that..." He looked over at Ben who nodded. No one was going to save him.

"That you would shove your foot so far up my as..."

I glared and lifted my foot.

"My butt, I could clean your shoe with my tongue." Everyone smiled and held back laughter. I almost couldn't.

"That's right." I said putting the wiggiling J.R. down.

"You gonna do it again?" I asked him putting my fists on my hips.

"No Grandma." He replied sullenly.

"All right then," I said the frown on my face turning into a smile. I open my arms wide. "Now come here and give me a hug." Turning his frown upside down he walked forward.

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By that afternoon the house was full with my family, nothing could have made me happier. I loved all the noise and choas. All the toys spread haphazardly around the rooms, the kids running from room to room, wanting everything from hugs to something to drink. Ted and Blake along with Jacob had showed up with Carl walking through the door shortly after. He took one look around the chaotic living room and smiled walking over to me stepping over toys and shoes. He smiled and kissed me loudly on the lips.

"Hi doll."

"Hi Detective." I said wrapping my arm around his waist and resting my head on his shoulder. We watched everyone for a few minutes when the door rang again, Mel, Linds, and Gus were here. Gus ran in looking for Hunter and his sister, while Mel and Linds with a more sedate pace came in. They also carried dishes, that veggie shit no doubt. Each of them smiling the kissed mine and Carl's cheek, wishing us a Happy Thanksgiving.

 

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Dinner time had rolled around when Taylor-Kinney brood had yet to show up. Gus came running in the room from the backyard where Hunter, J.R. and him were playing catch.

"Whare are Daddy and Daddy Jusin?" He asked, his small hands in his pockets, a frown marring his face.

"I don't know baby." Mel said. "They should be here real soon though."

"Otay..." He said head hanging. He turned back around and headed back outside.

"Damn that Brian." I mumbled frowning. Everyone else mirrored me. The timer rang in the kitchen, telling the bird was done.

"You sit Debbie," Lindsay said standing up smiling and gesturing for me to stay seated.

"Thanks honey, my feet are just so damn tired." For the last two weeks I had been working doubles at the Diner, just so I could have these couple days off.

"Leave to Brian to be late, because him and Justin were fucking." Michael said shaking his head.

"We weren't," Brian gently pushed Gus's head down onto his shoulder, in attempt to cover his ears. "Fucking." Gus smiled from his Daddy's arms, he was a Kinney after all.

"Sunshine was giving me a blow job." Justin groaned along with everyone else.

Some things never change.

"Wats a blow job Daddy?" Gus asked.

"Let's eat!" I said jumping up.

Chapter Text

(watches some twinks fawn over Brian in the dinner and rolls eyes)

 

The obsession men have with that Brian Kinney is beyond my understanding as just a human being. Just look at my Michael, how fucked he was before he met Ben, thank god he did. That Brian has an ego the size of the fucking universe. Smokes pot like chimney, does fucking drugs like some people drink water. Has more sex the a french prostitute on 2 for 1 day. Drinks way to much, I keep trying to tell him to cut back, but never listens to me..ever. He thinks he's better than everyone else. Not to mention prettier too. Doesn't know when to keep his damn mouth shut...

But he is also the most, kind, caring, generous person I have ever met. He takes care of his own. You need anything, anything at all, it's yours. Even if he acts like he is being put out about it. He's a wonderful Father to his beautiful baby Gus, even though he won't admit it to himself. He believes in others. He's tough, smart, loyal, and most of all he's honest, even if he would be better off keeping that goddamn mouth of his shut. The first person to lend a hand in times of trouble and the last to leave when times get bad. He's a fighter. He's Brian Kinney for fuck sake.

 

(sighs and watches him walk out the door)

That Brian..he's always been my favorite...

Chapter Text

It was lunchtime in the diner and every Top, Bottom, Queen, and Twink were in, ordering low fat this and that.

"Honey, the only thing on this menu, that's low fat is the water." I said to young blond, who looked if he needed some of my lasagna to put some meat on his bones.

"Then I'll have a glass of water." He said putting the menu down, and looking up at me with a fucking superior sneer on his face. I recognized some of his friends and saw them wince at they way he was talking to me.

"Okay, one plate of my foot up your ass and side of manners, coming right up." I said smiling and walking over to the ordering window.

I ripped the order slip off and stuck in the revolving order carousel, I tapped the bell and heard another ring, signaling someone was walking in the front door. More snotty Queens who think there's protein in a glass of water and a cracker probably. I turned and saw a gorgeous piece of man flesh walk in.

He was dressed in all black, black pea coat, black shirt, black jeans and black boots. The whole effect made his sparkling blue eyes stand out and be noticed. His black hair was cut in a style that I hadn't seen before, and his swagger was that of a man that new who he was and dared anyone to try and say different. When he got closer to the counter I saw hidden in his eyes, some one who was lost and alone. Someone who needed a friend.

He came to the right place. He sat down on of the stools and smiled at me as I walked up to him.

"Jesus Christ, you're fucking gorgeous." I said making him laugh. It was a deep sound, making dimples appear on his smoothly shaven face.

"Thanks." He said unbuttoning his coat, and laying it across his lap.

"What can I do ya for Honey?" I asked taking my pen out and licking the tip.

"Something hot, that fills the void." He said, some of the sparkle leaving his eyes. Well if there wasn't double meaning in that, I would give away my velvet cat painting.

"I got just the thing," I said. "One bowl of mother's love!" I yelled at the serving window. I heard Danny one of cooks, yell back in response. I turned back to the gorgeous man and leaned on the counter.

"What's your name honey?" He looked down for moment considering.

"Jack."

"Nice to meet you Jack, I'm Debbie and this here is Liberty Diner." He smiled at me once again showing the fucking adorable dimples, and perfect white teeth.

"You here just visiting?" I asked him as I held up a coffee pot. He nodded.

"I'm hoping to find a home here, seems to be my kinda place." He said as I poured him a cup.

"Don't mind me asking, but are you Gay honey?" I asked setting the coffee pot back down.

"Why you offering?" He asked a mischievous glint in his eyes. I laughed and smacked his cheek, making him smile.

"I got me a man, named Carl. Local Detective." He nodded appreciative. Then got serious.

"Well, I guess you could say, I swing both ways..." He said, eyebrow raised. I laughed and looked around the diner.

"Well you got choices from both worlds here." I said gesturing with my head to the habitants of the room. He turned and looked and his eyes settled on Brian in a booth reading a newspaper and drinking his own cup of coffee. I saw his blue eyes darken with desire.

"Oh no honey, not that one.." I patted his hand as he turned back to me.

"Why not?" He asked. Justin walked in from outside and slid into the booth next to Brian and they kissed. He looked a little crestfallen, but not much as he watched them.

"Ahhh..." he said. I nodded as the bell rang over by the counter. Thinking, I walked over and grabbed the steaming bowl of chicken soup and carefully carried it back to him. Setting it in front of him, I leaned back down on my arms.

"Why don't you come over to dinner tonight," His eyebrows rose.

"Why?" He asked incredulous of a perfect stranger asking him over.

"Cause it looks like you need a home cooked meal and you can meet some of my family, make some new friends." I said as someone yelled for me.

"Hold your fucking tiaras, I'm coming!" I yelled back. He laughed.

"Sure," He said eyes going soft. "I'd like that." A matchmaking scheme began to form in my head, he and Em would be cute together. I smiled softly back at him, and walked over to take another order.

Looks like I can add another one to my list of Lost Boys. I thought to myself smiling.

Chapter Text

I wander room to room, seeing nothing of his left behind. Not a goddamn thing.

No old prescription bottles.

No old notes left behind.

Not even a fucking sock behind the dryer, I know I fucking checked.

I finally sit on the couch he helped me pick out, after he got out of the hospital. Said he liked the color.
I stare at the TV's blank screen, remembering the good times, as well as the bad.

It was time though.... I thought to myself, hugging the doll I kept from the set I bought for him when he was sick.
I feel a little lost and alone here in this empty cold house, no one to talk to.........

FUCK IT.

Walking into the kitchen I flip on the radio. Shaking my hips I start whipping together some Tiramisu.

Chapter Text

I was working at the Diner when I got the call.

"DEBBIE!" Kikki, formerly Kenny the old waiter, called from across the room.

"Your son's on the phone." She said, holding the purple phone in the air.

Immediately I knew in the bottom of my heart, it couldn't be good. Michael never called me at work, unless it was life or death.

I ran over dropping my full tray on a table filled with Queens, and dashed behind the counter. I snatched the phone from Kikki's manicured hand and put it to my ear-fuck, my hands were shaking.

"Michael?" I heard some sniffling and someone paging a Dr. Wills to the ICU, stat.

Oh fucking shit, the Hospital.

"Michael, dammit, answer me!" I pleaded, scared shitless, clutching the phone even tighter.

"Ma, it's Justin." My whole body went numb as the receiver crashed to the floor. Quickly picking it up again I held to my ear.

"...hurt, real bad. I need you to come." He said voice sounding small and frightened.

"I'm on my way baby." I hung up the phone and yelled to Kikki, to cover my my shift, there was a family emergency. I didn't even wait to see if she heard me or not.

I ran outside and stuck two fingers in my mouth, whistling for a cab. Several people turned and stared as a yellow cab pulled in front of me.

My damn hands were shaking so bad it took me a few tries to open the door. Finally I yanked it open ans flung myself inside. Slamming the door I yelled to the driver.

"Alahaigney General..NOW." The driver sensing danger pulled back into traffic, narrowly avoiding getting hit. On the trip over my thoughts were jumping around in my head like some methed out crystal queen. Going from the worst possible case scenario, to the he's only hurt marginally and he'll be alright. But my stubborn fucking head kept going back to worst case scenarios.

The fifteen minute drive across town was in my opinion fourteen minutes too long. I flung a twenty at the cabbie and jumped out the car, apron flapping in the wind. Rushing through the revolving doors, I ran to the nurses station.

"Sunshine, no Justin Taylor, where is he?" I asked impatiently.

"What is your relationship to Mr. Taylor?" The overly polite nurse asked me. I wanted to punch her in her simpering face.

"We're family for Chrissake!" I said practically yelling. She typed something in her fancy computer.

"He's on the fifth floor, ICU, room 314." Without a backward glance I ran to the wall of elevators and hit the up button. I waited impatiently for the doors to open, when they did I dashed inside and punched the button for the fifth floor.

From my brother Vic's stay in the Hospital, I knew it like the back of my hand. So when the doors opened, I ran off down the correct hall and what I saw nearly brought me to my knees. Brian Kinney crying red tears, covered in blood, Sunshine's blood.

Holding back a sob I ran towards him. Michael was sitting next to his best friend, his own tears dripping down his face. He looked up as I got closer.

"Honey why don't you go and get us something to drink." He nodded and got up, glancing every few seconds over his shoulder at Brian and me; till he disappeared around the corner.

I finally got a good look at my other "son", and what I saw shattered my heart.

The pain in his hazel eyes overshadowed every other emotion flickering in and out of his gaze. I put my arms around him, blood covered clothes and all, and simply held him to my chest, his face pressed against my shoulder.

I knew he was holding back so I whispered in his ear as I began rubbing circles on his back.

"It's alright baby, let it go, just let it go..." And the dam broke. His body convulsed with anguished, quiet sobs. His hands were gripping my vest so hard I heard buttons breaking.

I began to rock him as the sobs got worse, his body heaving with them. My heart broke even more as my own tears fell into his hair.

In that instant, I knew from the tips of my stylishly painted toenails to tips wig covered head that Brian, the man who doesn't do boy friends; would have gladly traded places with Justin.

I just kept holding him.

Chapter Text

Oh shit...oh fuck....a positive....Oh god....

I sit down shakily on the toilet, breathing heavy, the pee rod if you will slipped out of numb fingers and clattered to the pea green tiled floor.

I placed my long blond hair covered head between my knees and take deep breaths....

in

out

in

out

in........

What am I going to do? It was just supposed to be a comforting thing..nothing more, between friends good friends...Danny's gay, he'll, he'll just leave.....

 

~A few months later~

I haven't told him, its for the best, he goes his own way and I go mine. I can fucking take care of this baby AND my self without the help of a man. My son or daughter needs a hero, someone he/she can believe in, someone who isn't a drag queen...

I walk to the fridge looking for some damn rabbit food the Dr. said I should eat, HA! Steak and fries would be helluva lot better..but I should do as he says, what I do know? I bend over to reach the bottom of the fridge for salad fixings and I feel it....him....her...moving ever so slightly.

My Baby.

My Love.

He/She flutters again and I am filled with the overflowing love I thought I would never feel again, not since Danny. I place my hand on my stomach and rub soothing circles. Tears welled in my eyes, the happiest tears in my life...

My Little Honey Bun....

Chapter Text

I had just finished washing the supper dishes, the water a faint red, stained with lasagna sauce. Vic insisted we should have it, I hadn't made it in forever, so what the hell?

As I was pulling out the rainbow colored stopper in the sink thunder boomed so loud it made me jump.

"SONOVABITCH!" I yelled as I clutched my chest looking out the window above the sink. It had been pouring out for the last four hours. Which was good considering my damn flowers needed a drink, just like I was about pour me one when the doorbell rang. Frowning wondering who the hell could be out in this downpour, I went over to the front door and pulled aside the curtain. There was Sunshine, soaking wet and carrying a back pack. Internally I sighed and and wondered what the fuck the asshole Brian had done now. I quickly opened the door concern on my face.

"Sunshine what's the matter?"

"My old room still empty?"

Oh shit....

"Of course, come on in, you'll catch your death...." He smiled his trademark smile, but it didn't reach his eyes. I opened the door farther and he walked past me and into the kitchen. Following him I grabbed a fresh dish towel and handed it to him.

"Thanks.." He mumbled, wiping his face then his hair. I sighed. Goddammit.

"What he do?" I asked him placing my hands on my hips and popping my gum.

"Who?" He asked trying to sound non-chalant, like he walked everyday over to my house in the pouring rain.

"You know exactly who I mean, now spill it." I demanded going over to fridge and grabbing the lasagna back out, reaching over I grabbed a plate from the strainer and scooped some onto a plate, setting the timer on the microwave I set it inside and shut the door. Turning I saw Justin staring at the floor, towel forgotten on the table. I cleared my throat. He hunched a little more in on himself and he started shaking.

"Oh baby.." I ran over to him and placed my arms around him and he clung to me once again mumbling under his breath.

"What?" I asked him sitting back and placing my hand on his cheek wiping tears.

"He's never gonna love me his he?" He asked a fresh wave of tears flowing out of his eyes. Fucking Kinney, I'll break his god damn neck for this.

I took too long to answer making him begin to sob even harder, taking him back in my arms I held him the as storm went away.