"Fucking shit." The boy mumbled to himself before taking a well-needed breath. His eyes began to tear up, but he was quick to wipe them away.
Not here, Bambam. Never here.
He looked around the prison cell. It was a small room with a metal door that could only be opened from the outside. The door had a single hatch, one that his head could probably fit through, which was probably for quick access to the inmates. The cell had a cramped bathroom with only enough room to fit a metal sink and toilet. There were no windows, for obvious reasons, and there was a plain bunk bed at the other side of the room.
Bambam sighed. He looked at the beds and assumed that his cellmate probably claimed the bottom bunk. He climbed up to his bed and stared at the ceiling. He really should get some rest before tomorrow.
His first night's sleep in prison. Exciting.
Bambam was awoken by an incredibly bright light aimed right at his eyes, along with loud banging against the metal door. He furrowed his eyebrows and sat up, signaling that he was awake and that the officer can fuck off now. Upon seeing the boy awake, the officer aimed his flashlight at the bottom bunk. Bambam heard a male under him groan.
"Okay! I'm up. I'm up."
Bambam held his breath. He was quite nervous to meet his cellmate. The man was a prisoner as well, and Bambam had no idea what he's done to get here. He closed his eyes and hoped they exchanged quick greetings and go, or even better, ignore each other for the rest of their time served.
Which his cellmate seemed to be pretty good at. The man got up without looking at Bam and went for the toilet. Bambam panicked when the other male started to undo his pants. The bathroom door was left open so quickly averted his eyes back to the officer.
"Rise and shine Im Jaebum. You have fifteen minutes, so hurry up...both of you." The officer closed the hatch and the two were left alone.
"Both of you?" Bambam's cellmate, which he now knew was named Jaebum, muttered quietly to himself before glancing at Bambam. His eyes widened for a second, but then it quickly turned normal as he sighed to himself and shook his head in discontent. Jaebum finished up and flushed the toilet, not saying a word as he proceeded with his routine. Bambam felt so incredibly awkward as he finally turned his head, eyeing the other male as he washed his face.
Okay, now Bambam was starting to be the scary one. He snapped back to reality and realized that he too should wash up. He climbed out of bed and brushed his teeth and washed his face. The two then made their beds just in time for a different officer to arrive. They were let out and all the prisoners were escorted to the dining hall where a long line was formed before the cafeteria staff.
Bambam closed his eyes. This fucking sucked. It's only his first day and he's already done with being here. He's alone, he has no one except for himself.
"Bitch ass accountant." Bambam mumbled as he joined the others in line.
After grabbing his tray, he looked around the dining hall and found an empty table in the middle of the room. He saw some other prisoners sitting together and conversing, but there were also some who quietly sat alone. He was determined to be one of them. He was NOT trying to befriend criminals, even though he himself was just the same. Not the same, just similar. Not too similar though, he's a good person. Good people make mistakes too.
He sat down and dug into his breakfast. There was a small bowl of oatmeal, a glass of milk, some water, and broccoli. He didn't really think that any of these food items went well together, but then again, this was prison. He shouldn't be expecting gourmet meals.
Bambam was completely set on keeping his eyes on his food as he absolutely did not want to lock eyes with any scary people. But then he started to get an odd feeling, which urged him to look up from his tray. Bambam looked around the dining hall, trying his best to look casual.
He kept looking, and bingo. That odd feeling was because someone was staring at him. And that someone was none other than his cellmate, Jaebum. Jaebum was sitting alone in the far corner of the dining room, his tray looked almost untouched. Strange. Bambam kept his eyes on the other man's, wanting his cellmate to turn away first. But he didn't. Bambam realized that Jaebum wasn't looking directly into his eyes, but instead on his body. It was odd, it seemed like he was in some kind of daze. As if he was looking around and then just so happened to zone out at Bambam.
And then Jaebum's eyes landed on Bambam's. Now they were really staring at each other. And Bambam was not going to turn away first. Jaebum's gaze was sharp, his eyes itself could pass as a threat. On the other hand, Bambam eyes were softer, and he probably just looked sad staring back at death in human form.
So that's why Bambam turned out to be the first one to look away. Jaebum was so...scary. What's his problem? Bambam was extremely uncomfortable, especially knowing that he'll be seeing that man everyday. He understands if the other doesn't like him, but isn't straight up glaring at him making it a bit obvious?
Bambam shook his head. No. It's alright. He'll be fine. He's just overthinking. Jaebum probably had his reasons, and he shouldn't think about them right now.
After breakfast was telephone calls/visitors, and Bambam had to laugh at the fact that he already had someone come to visit. He had a feeling he knew who it was.
He was escorted to the visitor room, where the visitor and prisoner were separated by a glass divider. He slipped into the booth and picked up the phone, not even knowing how much he needed to hear the other male's voice.
"I miss you." The other man spoke first, looking like he was already about to cry. Bambam smiled at him for displaying his emotions so easily.
"Yugyeom, if you already miss me on my first
day, how are you going to survive the entire four years?" Bambam was still smiling at his friend, who was usually an idiot but seemed very vulnerable at the moment. "I miss you too, but you don't see me crying to the officers, now do you? Let's just talk normally, I want to enjoy my time with my best friend."
Yugyeom laughed at this comment, wiping a tear that escaped his eyes. He shook his head, trying to get himself together. "Okay. Okay, I think I'm done." Yugyeom took a deep breath. "So how much time do we have?"
"Less than an hour because of your weeping. I only get one visitor every other week, so make this memorable."
"Okay, you missed quite a lot. But don't worry because I'm the bestest friend anyone can ever have. First things first, Jackson and Mark finally got together."
"Yeah, and it was because of you- well, sort of. He confessed to Mark while trying to comfort him. Since he's really sad about your situation."
"Fucking finally. We've all known each other since we were children and they only get together now?"
"I know! After that, Mark ignored Jackson for like almost two days, I guess he panicked, but then Jackson had enough and forced him to dinner and then BAM! A couple was formed."
The two friends talked like that for as much as they could, jumping from topic to topic in their limited time. Yugyeom told Bam about everything, how Youngjae found a good job at a cafe. How Bambam's cats are doing well in Yugyeom's care. It seemed like most of their problems were going away, and Bambam couldn't be happier for them. He just wished he could be a part of their happiness. He wanted to be happy too. He was scared, he didn't think he could survive prison. He didn't know what was coming, and it terrified him. It really did.
But Bambam didn't mention any of that to Yugyeom. He didn't want to make the other feel sadder than he already was. So he just laughed and talked about positive things. It seemed best for the both of them.
Time went by, and it was time for the two to wrap it up.
"Who knows, Bam? Maybe there is a sexy, misunderstood prisoner with a cool backstory waiting for you in there. Like the leader of some mafia. Like you know it's always like this in the stories-"
"Okay. Sorry you two, times up." Officer Park interrupted Yugyeom and waited for Bambam to get out of the booth, but not without Yugyeom staring him down. Bambam gave Yugyeom one last glance along with an eye roll as a response to his previous bullshittery.
His first day was irrelevant after meeting with Yugyeom. Seeing his best friend made him realize how sad he actually was. He realised how truly empty and alone he will feel like for a long time. His life was complete shit. Leisure time was shit. Lunch was shit. Supper was shit. Prison is shit. And Bambam felt like shit, as he should.
It was nearly time for bed, and the inmates were taken back to their cells. Bambam was the first one to enter the cell, and Jaebum came in not too long after. The officers began roll-call, and so the two boys lied in their beds and waited for their names to be called.
"Here!" Finally. Bambam can sleep. He closed his eyes and was just about to enter a state of relaxation when he heard the officer shout.
"LIGHTS OUT!" And boom. It was completely dark. There was a bit of light coming from the hallway, but it didn't do much as it was purposely dimmed.
He heard some shuffling beneath him, which was probably Jaebum getting comfortable. He payed no mind to the other man, until a bright light lit up from his cellmate's bed. What..? There was the sound of paper, like someone flipping a page. Was Jaebum really reading? With a bright ass light like that while Bambam was trying to sleep?
Annoyed, Bambam sat up and sighed, trying his best to make it an obvious sound of distress.
Nothing. Jaebum didn't even move. He'll have to taste Bambam's wrath.
"Excuse me, I think I remember the officer saying lights out, not lights on, so can you please turn that off? It's way too bright." Bambam tried his best to sound nice, even though the entire sentence gave his pettiness away.
"Um, no. I'm reading."
Bambam blinked. He had to process what just came out of this dumbass man's mouth. He was starting to feel his blood boil. "I asked you nicely. I can't sleep with that on, and we're not even supposed to be up right now."
"You asked nicely, and I said no."
"You'll get in trouble." Bambam didn't know what else to say, and he immediately cringed when these words came out.
He heard Jaebum laugh. "What? Are you gonna tell on me?"
Bambam stayed silent, while Jaebum continued talking.
"Just because we're cellmates it doesn't mean I have to go out of my way to please you. This is a prison cell, not a college dorm. Know your place."
Bambam scoffed at this, he couldn't believe what he was hearing. He wanted to say something back, but he couldn't think of anything. Plus, Jaebum was right, he needs to stop acting like he isn't in prison. He needs to accept his reality. He lied back down and stared at the ceiling.
The younger boy felt something wet trickle down his face. Tears? Why the fuck was he crying? He quietly wiped the tears, but that just caused more to come out. No. He couldn't do this now. He shouldn't show his weaknesses here, especially with a mean man wide awake under him. Was he trying to get his ass beat?
The overthinking made Bambam cry even harder, and he was trying his best to stay silent. He was doing so well too, until-
He heard the flip of a page.
As much as he wanted to somehow swerve this situation, for Jaebum to miraculously have earphones on, he knew that there was no way the other man didn't hear him. He expected for Jaebum to tell him to shut up, or to kick the bottom side of his bunk, but nothing happened.
Instead, he heard his cellmate sigh, and a flick of a switch. Jaebum shuffled around in his bed, and then it was completely silent. The two were left in the dark. Thank you Jaebum.
That was their last encounter for about a month. After uh, he likes to refer to it as "the incident", him and Jaebum haven't interacted at all. They completely ignored each other, and it was what Bambam wanted. But he couldn't help but feel that they still...didn't completely ignore each other. Jaebum seemed to have sacrificed his flashlight for Bambam, as he doesn't use it at all anymore. He is extremely thankful for that, has even spotted his cellmate reading during leisure time instead. He doubts that Jaebum is doing it for him, but if he is, it was probably because Jaebum felt bad for him.
Why did he have to cry? And on the first day, too?
And then there are the stares. Bambam has caught Jaebum looking at him from afar multiple times. It was different from his first day, when Bambam was the first to break eye contact. This time, it's always Jaebum who hurriedly looks away, as if he wasn't supposed to be caught. He wanted to ask Jaebum about it, but always chickens out due to Jaebum's cold aura in the cell.
It was only today, during Bambam's fifth week in prison, that Jaebum approached Bambam.
The inmates were having supper, and Bambam was sitting at a table by himself. That is, until two men sat on the empty spots beside the younger. The man on his left threw his arm around Bambam, and the small male was clearly uncomfortable.
"Hi. I'm Jinhee. And my friend over here is Haemin. What's yours?"
Bambam was dumbfounded. This was so straightforward he didn't know what to do. What did they want?
"Um...I'm Bambam..." Bambam tried to wiggle out of Jinhee's arm, but the man wouldn't budge.
"Wow. Very unique. You know, we've been watching you ever since you arrived. You're really pretty. Like so pretty. How can a man be so cute?" The man to his right, Haemin, finished. Both men laughed and Bambam was quite disturbed to say the least.
"Um...thanks? Is there something you guys need?" Bambam was confused. Why are these men suddenly bothering him?
"Yes actually, there is something we need. But we'll have to explain it to you before anything goes down." Jinhee's grip got tighter. "So...Bambam. When you're in prison, you can't really tend to your special needs. Am I right?" Bambam nodded, his eyes furrowing. "And everyone wants to be satisfied. So as men, it's really hard for us to get the pleasure we desire, especially since we're here." Bambam's blood went cold, he hopes this isn't going where he thinks it's going.
"Okay...." Bambam was starting to get scared, he didn't even have the guts to try to break free.
"Me and my buddies over there were looking for someone to help us with that, and we think you're just meant for it. How about you let us do you? You know, since it's meant to be." Haemin gestured towards a certain table of inmates, and rubbed Bambam's lower back.
To everyone else, the three looked like they were having a regular conversation. The two guys were putting on a friendly face despite what they were saying. These guys were good.
Bambam pushed their hands off of him and got up, only to be pulled back onto the bench by Haemin. "Woah woah woah, don't go to the guards for help, unless you want to get your face fucked up. Do you want that? You're pretty face ruined?" Jinhee looked so serious and Bambam knew he wasn't joking.
"Please- just leave me alone. I-"
"You what?" Haemin urged, hand sliding under the table to Bambam's crotch. "Come on, It'll be fu-"
"Hey, I don't think he wants to be touched like that." The three men looked up to see none other than Jaebum standing there. Bambam looked back to the table he saw Jaebum eating at earlier. He had left his tray in order to come for Bambam. "Let's go, you can sit with me." Jaebum pushed Haemin's hand off of Bambam and grabbed the youngest boy's wrist, pulling him from the table.
"What's your problem, man? Mind your fucking business." Jinhee attempted to grab at Bambam again, but the younger quickly hid behind Jaebum.
"Ooooh I get it. Aren't you guys sharing a cell?" Haemin asked, but Jaebum ignored his question and went to grab Bambam's tray from the table.
"They're probably fucking each other already, must be the reason why Mr. Im Jaebum is so pressed." Jinhee mocked the two, but he couldn't stand the way Jaebum continued to ignore their comments. Jinhee balled his fist. "You think your tough, huh? Come here then, Jaebum."
No reply. Instead, Jaebum put his free hand on Bambam's back and gently pushed the younger towards his table.
At this point, the guards in the room were paying more attention to the two loud inmates. So when Jinhee got up and attempted to strike Jaebum, they came just in time to prevent any serious injuries.
For Jaebum at least, Jinhee ended up on the floor, clutching his jaw.
"HEY! BREAK IT UP YOU TWO!" Officer Park stopped Jaebum from continuing and another officer brought Jinhee to his feet, forcing him out of the dining hall. Since they saw what happened, Jaebum wasn't the one who would be suffering the extra labor.
"I'm sorry about that, officer. He was causing trouble and was about to hit me, I was defending myself." Officer Park sighed and patted Jaebum on the back.
"Please try your best to stay away from the problematic inmates. Go sit down. You still have 10 minutes." The officer left, and the two proceeded to the table.
They sat down and Jaebum slid Bambam's tray over to him. Bambam was expecting Jaebum to say something to him, but he just resumed eating like he didn't just punch someone in the jaw. Many of the other inmates were staring at the man, but he seemed unbothered by the attention. The smaller looked down at his tray. How did he manage to punch someone THAT hard and not drop this thing? Impressive. And hot.
Bambam visibly cringed at his thoughts. Ew, no Bambam! No! He absolutely cannot think of another prisoner like this. He shouldn't be complimenting someone who was in jail, what is wrong with hi-
"Bambam? Can you hear me?" Jaebum waved his hand in front of Bambam's face.
"Oh. Sorry, what did you say?"
"I asked if you were okay. You seem a bit traumatized, judging by your facial expressions." Jaebum said nonchalantly.
"I'm fine...just thinking." His voice wavered at the end, Jaebum made him quite nervous to say the least. "Also um, thank you for helping me. I didn't stand a chance against those guys." Bambam was really genuine, he wanted to repay Jaebum, but there weren't much options for that in prison.
Jaebum nodded. "Those guys have no shame, I almost feel bad for them." He replied, taking a sip of water afterwards.
Bambam played with his food, having lost his appetite long before. "By the way," Bambam started, "you and I never had a proper introduction. Wait- is this weird? I understand if you don't want to know me it's just that you saved me and I'm thankful so the least we could do is exchange names properly-"
"I'm Jaebum." The older male held his hand out towards Bambam.
Bambam placed his hand in the other's. "I'm Bambam. From Thailand, that why its unusual." He said, and the two finished off their supper with a firm handshake.
Jaebum did not expect the two of them to get as close as they did in the span of three weeks. Ever since they introduced themselves, his cellmate began to talk to him more, and their conversations seemed to get longer and longer as the days went by. This is not what he wanted, right? He was just doing the right thing at first, but becoming close was a bit much for him. He hasn't met anyone new in so long, is so used to familiar faces, but that just makes the younger all the more interesting to him. He didn't know why he kept answering Bambam's questions. He didn't know why he told the other about his personal life. He didn't understand why he let Bambam in, but he did. And since they were practically stuck together until Jaebum's release, it seemed like there was no going back. But if they do get closer, Jaebum was sure his interest (attraction?) would only get stronger.
The pair were lying on their beds in silence, Jaebum getting ready to sleep after a tough day.
"Jaebum, can I ask you a personal question?" Bambam interrupted the silence that surrounded their dark cell.
Bambam waited for Jaebum to answer, almost thinking he was asleep by how long the other took to reply. Just when he decided to go to sleep himself, Jaebum's voice rang from underneath him.
"...Sure. Go for it, Bam." Jaebum seemed hesitant, and Bambam caught that, but his curiosity went ahead of him and he just went for it.
"Why..." Bambam hesitated, he didn't want to seem rude to his friend, but his mouth was faster than his brain, "Why are you here?"
The room went silent for what felt like a minute. Giving up on a reply, Bambam continued. "You don't have to answer that, I was just curious. I'm here because I robbed a bank. Can you believe that? Me? Robbing a bank? How stupid..." The younger laughed, trying to joke about his situation so that the tense atmosphere could die down.
"Huh....I didn't expect that of you to be honest." Jaebum started, and Bambam lit up with delight at his cellmate's voice. "I used to sell drugs." Jaebum said bluntly, and on the bed above him, Bambam's eyes were wide open in surprise. He didn't expect that from the other either.
"It's weird, because I never did drugs. I just needed the money. So I got my hands on meth, heroin, and cocaine and started dealing." Bambam wasn't saying anything, and it frightened Jaebum. He assumed the younger was disgusted in him. "I know, it sickens me too. I harmed so many people, all to benefit myself. If I could go back, I'd get a normal fucking job and be a normal person. The easy way out got me to where I am now." Jaebum started to tear up, remembering how his many client's condition got more and more fucked up with every meeting. And he still sold them what they wanted.
Bambam was still silent.
"Bambam? Please say something." Bambam sensed the pain in his voice, and assumed he was crying. He sat up and climbed down from the top bunk. When he looked towards Jaebum, he found that he was correct. Jaebum hurriedly wiped his tears, not wanting Bambam to see him in such a state.
"It's okay," Bambam sat next to Jaebum. "Everyone makes mistakes. We needed something that couldn't be given so easily, so we took matters into our own hands. It was selfish of us, and what we did was unforgivable. But we can change who we are. We can't change the past, but we can improve as individuals and make the world better. We learned a lesson." Bambam lied beside Jaebum to hug him, and the older let him. Bambam looked up at him and wiped the tear stains off of his face.
"I'm sorry for making you talk about that." Bambam said, and Jaebum shook his head. He hugged Bambam tighter.
"No, it's fine. It's part of gaining each other's trust, I guess." Jaebum replied, he closed his eyes, ready to fall asleep.
"Bambam?" Jaebum called, eyes still closed. The smaller male looked up at Jaebum expectantly.
"You can call me JB."
Bambam smiled at this, relieved that it was concealed by the darkness.
Jaebum fell asleep holding Bambam in his arms, and the younger couldn't deny the unsatisfying feeling that ran through his body as he gently slipped out and went back to his bed.
The day after their spontaneous heart to heart conversation and cuddle session was extremely awkward. Jaebum was avoiding Bambam, and the younger didn't understand why. Things like that were supposed to bring friends closer, right?
When they woke up, Jaebum didn't say much to him. He knew they only really knew each other for a month, but in that month they had gotten quite close, and Jaebum was not going to mess that up. Bambam couldn't be alone again.
He had had enough by dinner, when he asked Jaebum if he was okay, and the headass replies with "I'm fine."
"You're not fine, Jaebum hyung. What's wrong?"
"You're making a big deal out of nothing."
"It's about last night, isn't it?"
Jaebum's cheeks grew red at this, and immediately got up with his tray.
"Where are you going?"
"Somewhere else. Don't follow me."
Bambam's mouth dropped open. Jaebum was acting like a child. And that was Bambam's job. He got up and followed Jaebum, the other looking back and glaring while walking to another table. He sat down and dropped his tray (with much attitude, to Bambam's disgust) only to have Bambam sit right next to him. Bambam immediately continued the conversation.
"JB, if you're uncomfortable with skinship, we don't have to do it anymore. I was just comforting you."
Jaebum mentally groaned. The younger had him fucked up. First of all, he used JB instead of Jaebum. Secondly, the older did want the skinship, that's why he was so moody. He was confused, he doesn't know what could happen if they continue to get closer than they did last night. If Jaebum felt a pang in his chest when Bambam's arms wrapped around him then, what will he feel later?
He stayed silent and opened the milk carton at the corner of his tray. Bambam watched as he brought the carton to his lips, completely ignoring him.
"Tch, you even look like a child." Jaebum rolled his eyes at this, downing the milk unaffected. He placed it down and looked at his cellmate straight in the eyes.
"Listen, I'm just in a bad mood today, okay?" Bambam looked like he was about to say something, so Jaebum continued. "I'll be fine by tomorrow. Right now I just need to be alone. Alright?"
Bambam surrendered at this, sadly getting up with his tray, but Jaebum nearly yanked him back down to his seat.
"Mentally alone. I just need to think. You don't have to leave."
Bambam's eyes furrowed. How confusing.
Jaebum wasn't one to fall so easily, but Bambam was testing his limits.
Four months later, Bambam found himself rushing into the visitors room, anticipating to see a familiar face again. There, his eyes widened with shock at who it was. He couldn't hide his disbelieving expression, and he didn't try to. An officer took him to a booth where he immediately sat down and grabbed the phone. Bambam's eyes have already began tearing up. The man on the other side grabbed the phone as well, and winced at the sad voice that rang through.
"I missed you so much, hyung. What took you so long? Everyone else came to visit me except y-you." Bambam couldn't help it, he cried to his older friend. He didn't even bother to wipe his tears.
"Holy fuck, Bambam, don't do that. It took me this long to get myself together, don't make it harder. I missed you too, I still do." His friend spoke, looking up at the end in an attempt to prevent tears from falling.
"Really? It took you almost six months to come and see me? Mark, it hurt me so much to wait for you. You don't even know. You were the one who always took care of me. I needed you. You always told me that you'd be there for me, no matter what, but then-"
"And I will! I will! It's just- it's hard to see you like this. The thought of you being here is terrifying. I'm worried. And I'm sorry, but I'm here now. I always was, I just needed time." Mark placed his hand on the glass divider. Bambam aligned his hand with Mark's, the older giving a small smile, Bambam nodding and removing his hand to wipe away his tears.
"...Do you have a boyfriend?"
Bambam's reading session was interrupted by his cellmate's sudden question. He was reading a book that Jaebum gave him, the older wanting him to have some other form of entertainment for when he was out of the cell.
Bambam laughed. "Pfft. Do I LOOK like I have a boyfriend? Please, I wish." Bambam turned the flashlight, which was also Jaebum's, back to the page he was on.
"Yeah, actually. You do look like you'd have a boyfriend." Jaebum muttered, and Bambam couldn't help the pink tints that formed on his cheeks.
"And why would I have a boyfriend while I'm in prison, Jaebum? If anything, we'd break up before I go. I won't let my imaginary hunk of a man go through such a hassle." Bambam joked, and Jaebum was smiling on his bunk.
"Come down here, Bammie."
Bambam sighed. "Whyyyy? I'm always the one moving beds. Why don't YOU come up to me for once." He was joking, he was expecting Jaebum to kick at his bunk or something. But then he heard the man move around and the bunk beds squeaking as Jaebum climbed his way up.
The smaller boy laughed. "Oh my gosh, I was joking! You're so embarrassing." He scooted to the side, making as much space as possible for Jaebum on the small bed. Jaebum lied down next to him and crossed his arms. A classic JB-in-bed position.
He took the flashlight from Bambam and faced it to the ceiling, so that it dimly lit up the entire room and they could see each other.
"Hey," Bambam pouted. "why are you lighting up the room? We might get caught."
"Because I want to talk to you." Jaebum replied, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
Bambam gave Jaebum a look and Jaebum smiled in return.
"You can talk to me in the dark, on your bed, without the light." Bambam attempted to grab the flashlight, but Jaebum was quicker.
"Well, I want to see you. I want to look at you while we talk. Is that too much to ask for?"
Bambam swears his heart yeeted it's way out of his body. Did this man really just say that? I wAnT tO sEe YoU. I waNt tO lOoK aT yOu wHiLe wE tAlk- how can he say things like this so easily? Does he even think about Bambam's sensitive heart?
"Well, um. Okay..." Bambam put the book down and pulled the blanket up to his face, trying to hide the redness. "Proceed then, hyung."
Jaebum took some of the blanket and covered himself as well before he spoke. "I saw you in the visitors room this morning. Who was that guy you were cryin-er, speaking to?" Jaebum looked away from Bambam, his free hand playing with the covers.
The older looked anxious, as if he was waiting for some horrible news to come out. But Bambam didn't catch that.
"Oh, you were there? I didn't see you." He removed the covers from his face to speak properly. "That was my friend. My really close friend, actually. He's like my older brother, he's been taking care of me since we were kids." Bambam caught Jaebum sighing after he said this. "Why're you asking? Do you know him?"
Jaebum's face relaxed. "Just curious. I thought he was...someone else I guess."
"Oh no," Bambam's eyes widened, "You didn't think he was my boyfriend, did you?"
Jaebum's face reddened. "I mean, it's not like it's my business but I-"
"Ew! ew ew ew ew EW! I don't fuck with that incest shit, hyung. Just no." Bambam shuddered, and Jaebum laughed at his silly actions.
Bambam was really cute. Too cute. But he was also very oblivious. What was Jaebum supposed to do with him?
"Alright. Let's sleep, Bam. I'm going back to bed."
The next day, Jaebum had a lot on his mind. He was completely sure about his feelings for Bambam at this point. He acknowledged the fact that he liked Bambam long before the boy even thought of Jaebum as more than a friend. He acknowledged that he didn't share his things with Bambam just to be nice. He acknowledged that he didn't protect Bambam just because it was the right thing to do. And he acknowledged that he didn't always want to be close to Bam just because he was a touchy person. No, these reasons were absolutely irrelevant to the truth. He liked Bambam. Loved Bambam. He was in love with his cellmate. He fell in love in prison. Funny, isn't it? Jaebum sometimes laughs when he thinks of it, too. Which is more likely than you'd would think.
Though he has to admit that liking Bambam is hard. Jaebum is pretty sure the boy thinks he's straight, which he most definitely isn't. The two have never really talked specifically about their sexualities to each other, but Bambam always obviously hinted that he liked men in their many conversations.
He's tried many times to hint his feelings to the younger, but Bambam is painfully oblivious to everything. It physically pains him, how Bambam doesn't seem to know the difference between straight up flirting and being extra friendly.
Jaebum has had enough. His feeling were becoming too much, and he had to do something. So he decided that he would confess.Tonight. He wanted to get it over with, no matter the outcome he could possibly get. Everything was already too much. And plus, if things went downhill, it wasn't as if Bambam could avoid him, right?
Bambam had just finished washing his face, and was about to head up to his bunk when JB stopped him.
"...Why don't you lie with me for a while? We can talk before we sleep again." Bambam thought Jaebum was acting weird today, he seemed very nervous for some reason. He took this as an opportunity to get Jaebum to open up. He was worried about him.
"Sure. I have something to talk about with you anyway." Bambam crawled over Jaebum, which Jaebum paid no mind to as he knew Bambam preferred to be in the inside.
"So, what's up?" Bambam asked, noticing how Jaebum was nervously fidgeting with his fingers. It was weird to see him like this. He seemed like an untouchable person, very assertive and undeniably handsome. It was weird to see him seem so...unsure about something? Bambam doesn't know. Something was off.
He muttered, "I wanted to tell you something, but..."
"I'm scared of how you'd react."
"I won't judge you. Go on."
"Jaebum, hurry up."
"Why are you acting so weird today?" Bambam decided that if Jaebum didn't get to his point, then he might as well get to his.
"What?" Jaebum gave Bam a look, "What are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about how you seem so...out of it today. You barely talked at all and act like you're about to perform in front of a million people. What's going on with you? Did someone do something? Did I do something?"
"No! No, of course not." He looked away from Bambam again, "I'm just feeling weird today I guess."
"Because of me?"
"Well, honestly, yes." Bambam's eyes showed
"What did I do? I'm sorry." He grabbed Jaebum's hand, which was still fidgeting, and held it gently.
Jaebum would've sworn his heart was trying to escape his body. It was beating so fast, so curse this goddamn prison for being dead silent at night.
Jaebum was quiet, which urged Bambam to continue. "Whatever I did, I'm sorry. Please don't be mad at me anymore." Bambam looked at Jaebum with such sad eyes, he looked so innocent and was so genuine that Jaebum was sure he could combust at any moment. Why doesn't this boy already have a boyfriend?
"I like you, Bammie."
Bambam went completely blank, as if his body and mind were on lockdown mode. His hand was stiff in Jaebum's hold, and he slowly looked up to the older.
"W-what?" He was shaking, and he cringed at himself for it. Did Jaebum just confess? Was he being serious?
Isn't this man straight????
He has never had someone straight up confess to him before, and he was on the spot. He was nervous, especially because he likes Jaebum too. Jaebum grabbed his other hand to hold, stopping them from shaking.
"Why are you shaking?" Jaebum pulled the covers over them, and Bambam took this as an opportunity to cover half of his face with them. He was embarrassed.
Jaebum continued, "I-I said I like you. And not like a brother. It's romantic interest. It's okay if you don't like me back." Bambam then quickly exclaimed something, which was muffled by the cover on his face. Jaebum leaned in closer, and pulled the covers away so he can hear him better. "What was that, Bam?"
"I said," he seemed to be looking at everything except Jaebum, "I like you too."
The pressure on Jaebum's chest was suddenly gone, and he felt so relieved after all these pent up emotions. "How long have you liked me?" Jaebum scooted down to Bambam's level so that they were face to face. Bambam was still avoiding eye contact.
"I don't know...." Bambam started thinking deeply, "maybe since last month?" Jaebum hummed in response. Not really paying attention to the youngers words, but more at where his eyes were wandering.
"Look at me, Bambam."
"It's rude to avoid eye contact while you're talking to someone." Jaebum pulled Bambam closer, and moved the smaller's face so that they were looking at each other.
They were close. They were so close and Bambam was scared. "Jaebummie hyung?"
"Yes?" Bambam felt Jaebum's hot breath on his face, and he needed out.
"You're scary. This is scary. This has never happened to me before. I'm scared." He suddenly blurted, and Jaebum laughed, pulling back a bit.
"You're really cute." Jaebum casually stated, Bambam's nervousness made Jaebum's go away. He was back to his normal self now, knowing that the younger felt the same.
"Can you stop? I can't breathe, I really just need to calm dow-"
"Can I kiss you?" Bambam completely froze, for the second time that night, at something that Jaebum had said.
"Uuuuuuuuh." What was Bambam supposed to say?
"Uh? Is that a no?"
"So it's a yes?"
Bambam was panicking. "Well-yes. You can kiss me. But give me a moment to breathe first, please." Jaebum smiled at this, crossing his arms and looking around the cell. He checked his imaginary watch from time to time, just to exaggerate.
"Times up." He scooted closer to Bambam, and leaned in. Bambam on the other hand stayed still, preparing himself for what was coming.
Jaebum gently cupped his face, giving Bambam one last look before going in. He pressed his lips to the the smaller's, and it took Bambam a while to process his reality before moving his lips with Jaebum's.
Their lips molded perfectly together, and Jaebum found that it was just like he had imagined. Bambam's lips were so soft, so pink and plump that he couldn't help but to give it a small lick in the midst of their exchange. Bambam yelped at this, and pulled back in embarrassment, but Jaebum followed.
They started slowly, taking enough breaks to catch their breaths, foreheads pressed together. But then things started getting heated, when Jaebum began using his tongue to deepen the kiss. He kissed the younger hard, hungry for the amazing feeling Bambam was giving him.
Bambam ended up lying on his back with Jaebum on top of him, the sound of wet kissing filling the otherwise quiet cell. The older had a hand on the back of his neck, and their legs were tangled together. The smaller loved the feeling, he wasn't so shy anymore and was just living in the moment. But their make out session was getting out of hand. Bambam was certain that they were heading to a place he wasn't sure he was ready for yet. So despite how good it all felt, he had to stop it. He gently pushed at Jaebum's chest, the older disconnecting their lips and looking at Bambam in confusion.
"This is...getting a bit messy...I think we should stop before anything else happens." Bambam's face was extremely red, and his lips were glowing the colour because of their passionate exchange. He looked so beautiful.
Jaebum brought his thumb to Bambam's lower lip, caressing the soft area before looking into the younger's eyes. "One more?" He asked, seeing the smaller boy get even redder at the question.
Bambam covered his face, embarrassed at what Jaebum was doing and asking of him. Jaebum pulled his hands down, looking at him for an answer. And Bambam gave in.
Since they confessed to each other, Jaebum couldn't keep his hands and lips off of Bambam. Every chance he got, he gave the younger boy a quick peck. He was extremely touchy, his hands always on a part of Bambam's body- his hands, his thighs, his face, you name it. Even after months of officially being together, Bambam thought he'd never get used to this feeling.
Of course, he did tone it down when they were out of their cell, but inside was a completely different story. Bambam couldn't blink without Jaebum kissing him. He loved it though, it made him feel special. And an intimate relationship was just what he needed. It helped him cope with being where he was.
The two lovers were on Jaebum's bed, tangled up in another passionate exchange. Jaebum wanted to "talk" again before they slept, but they ended up in a very...heated session. Bambam was so caught up in kissing, he loved Jaebum's lips and how the older was just so good at kissing him. He was so caught up, maybe too caught up in the moment, that he couldn't help the little yelps and moans he made during their exchange. And it drived the older crazy.
"Ja-jaebum" Bambam breathed, his breath hitching when Jaebum started to suck on his sensitive skin. He felt Jaebum getting hard against his thigh, and this was usually when they would stop. Especially since he was hard too. But he just didn't want this moment to end, how could he when the hottest man on earth was doing such things to him?
Jaebum gave the younger butterfly kisses up his neck, and when he reached his lips he gave Bam a small peck. The older winced when he moved around only to feel Bambam's hard on press against his. He immediately put some distance between them and kissed Bambam again, before dragging the younger's bottom lip as he pulled apart. His eyes never left Bambam's lips.
"Yeah?" Jaebum replied, but he was still in a daze and went for Bambam's jawline right after the word left his mouth. He gave small kisses to the area, waiting for Bam to continue.
"You-you know what, hyung. We're a mess." Jaebum stopped kissing him and looked at the younger in the eyes.
Jaebum sighed, gave Bambam another small peck and got off the boy to lay beside him.
"Sorry," Jaebum started, "I guess I got carried away this time." He laughed, knowing full well he always goes overboard when kissing Bambam.
"I know it sucks, it really does. But I want our first time to be special. Not in a prison cell, Beommie." Bambam cupped Jaebum's face, squishing his cheeks as he waited for the other to reply.
"I know, I know. I want that too. It'll be hard, but I know I want it to be special." Jaebum smiled at his lover and kissed his forhead.
"See? This is why I love you. You're so patient and str-" Bambam froze. He jus- he just casually whipped out the L word. Holy fuck.
Jaebum was frozen as well, shock written all over his face.
"What...did you say?"
Fuck it. He said it, it's out there, and that's how he feels.
"I said, that's why I love you."
"You love me?"
"That's how you truly feel about me?"
Jaebum wore a smile so big that Bambam's heart could melt on the spot. He leaned in and kissed Bambam on the lips, his nose, his cheeks, his forehead, his chin, hi-
"Okay! Okay that's enough- ew eWw." Bambam struggled to get away. Jaebum laughed and stopped, and this time he was the one to cup the other's face.
"I love you too."
And at this moment, with both of them lying down together half hard, Bambam knew that prison wouldn't be so bad. As long as Jaebum was beside him. This was their time to change for the better, to become the versions of themselves they always wanted to be. They could help each other in the process, make each other happy, and they will. They definitely will.
"I wanna show you how much I love you right here in this bed so fucking bad-
Bambam sighed. He is truly thankful that he and Jaebum are cellmates.