You wake up at four in the morning to blank eye-sockets hovering about five inches from your face.
Your magic is generally very weak, like it is for most monsters on antidepressants, but as you shriek you find that you still have enough for electricity to arc from you to the figure looming over you. The next thing you know you're panting as you stare at Papyrus' somewhat charred bones crumpled on your floor.
He lays there for a moment, blinking, and then in one fluid motion hops to his feet. “DOCTOR! I HAD NO IDEA YOU COULD SHOCK PEOPLE LIKE THAT! IT'S LIKE YOU HAVE YOUR OWN TASER WITH YOU AT ALL TIMES, HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED BECOMING A POLICE OFFICER? I HEAR THAT THEY ELECTROCUTE A LOT OF PEOPLE!”
You wheeze at Papyrus for a moment and then let your clenched jaw fall open. “aaaAAAAAAAAAAA”
He blinks at you. “AAA? OH YOU'RE SCREAMING AT ME! DO YOU WANT ME TO SCREAM BACK IN A TEST OF LUNGS? DESPITE MY APPARENT LACK OF THEM I CAN ASSURE YOU I AM VERY GREAT AT THAT GAME.”
You close your eyes, take a deep breath, and count to ten as Papyrus waits expectantly. You then grab a pillow and scream into it for a good few minutes. Papyrus' expression doesn’t change, and you eventually have to concede that this isn't accomplishing anything. Calmly, you set your screaming pillow to the side and brace yourself to try and figure out what's going on. “P-Papyrus what, a-are you doing here, o-oh my god???” You're exhausted brain is creakily starting up again and you rub your eyes. “Y-You know Undyne i-isn't here right? S-She's doing the p-protest medic t-training thing with the dogs?”
To your surprise Papyrus seems to brighten even more at the mention of this. “EXACTLY! AND SHE ORDERED ME TO RESUME YOUR TRAINING WHILE SHE'S GONE! HER EXACT WORDS WERE 'WAKE THAT NERD UP EVERYDAY AND TELL HER SHE'S AWESOME!!!! AND THEN MAKE HER RUN A MILE!!!!!!' WHICH IS VERY SWEET? THE NEXT TIME I GO AWAY I'M GOING TO HAVE HER WAKE UP FRISK, SANS, AND LADY TORIEL EVERY MORNING, AND TELL THEM THAT THEY ALL HAVE TERRIBLE SOCK OBSESSIONS AND THEY NEED TO CLEAN THEM THEMSELVES NOW THAT I AM NOT THERE!!!”
So this is Undyne's fault. You'll remember that. Attempting a smile you nod “I-I see. So how about, we pick this up when it's actually m-morning? O-or early afternoon, noon maybe!”
Papyrus throws his hands into the air with a groan. “IT IS CLEAR MY BROTHER HAS INFECTED YOU WITH HIS LAZY WAYS! JUST LIKE YOU'VE INFECTED HIM WITH YOUR BABY CARTOONS!!!” Papyrus considers you for a moment in an exaggerated hand on chin thinking position. “I SUPPOSE I MUST RESORT TO BROTHER WRANGLING LEVEL MEASURES THEN!”
Before you can ask any questions or offer any protest you find yourself flailing as Papyrus slings you like a sack of potatoes over his shoulder. The position is familiar, you do spend a significant amount of time with Undyne, but the shoulder is much bonier than you're used to and you yelp as he takes off in a sprint.
You are going to kick Undyne’s whole ass when she gets back.
You expect Papyrus to sprint down the escalator to take you both downstairs. What you don't expect is for him to ignore the escalator entirely, and vault over the side of the safety rail into your living room. You scream bloody murder as Papyrus pats your back.
“THERE YOU GO! EMBRACE THE ADRENALINE RUSH, NATURE’S CAFFEINE!!” He proceeds to sprint you to your kitchen and set you down on the counter. “I'LL GET THE ACTUAL COFFEE STARTED! WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR BREAKFAST?”
This is happening, there's no way out of it, and if there's anything you're good at it's knowing when to roll over and accept your fate. “U-uh, coffee is f-fine.”
Papyrus stares at you blankly for a moment, and then claps his hands pointedly, “I'LL MAKE OATMEAL THEN.”
As Papyrus bustles around your kitchen, starting the coffee machine and setting some water to boil you lay your head down on the table. By the time everything's done your soul has slowed down enough that you’ve started to doze again. This is remedied by Papyrus propping you up and shoving a cup of coffee into your claws before placing the bowl of oatmeal in front of you.
“UNDYNE INSTRUCTED ME IN HOW TO MAKE YOUR COFFEE! AND I TEMPERED HER METHOD BY USING TORIEL’S TRAINING TO MAKE IT LESS BURNED!”
You hum in appreciation, it is good coffee.
By the time you munch through your oatmeal you’re almost feeling awake, though definitely not alive, alert, or enthusiastic. By the time Papyrus has you outside in the brisk barely morning air you are fully awake and Uncomfortable. Papyrus jogs in place beside you and you end up going into your own, discombobulated jog just to try and warm up. Papyrus keeps pace beside you, shouting encouragement.
“YES! PEDDLE YOUR MEAT LEGS! REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE A VALUED FRIEND AND A BLESSING TO EVERYONE AROUND YOU!” You feel your face prickle with heat as your mouth admits a sound somewhere between a squeak and a squawk. Fruitlessly you attempt to speed up to put distance between you and Papyrus’ words, Papyrus keeps pace easily.
“DOCTOR ALPHYS YOU ARE EXTREMELY SMART AND COOL! YOUR UNDERNET POSTS BRIGHTEN MY DAY! AND YOUR SEXY ROBOT BRIGHTENS MY TV!” You have never run so hard in your life, the bottoms of your feet burn against the sidewalk as you book it.
“REPEAT AFTER ME!” Papyrus puffs out his chest and bellows even louder then his usual volume, “I AM A JOY TO BE AROUND!”
In the end Papyrus gets you to run three miles before you lay on the ground and refuse to get up. He carries you home and your whole body hurts for the rest of the day. You grumpily text Undyne to call him and assume that’ll be the end of that.
He’s back the next morning. You open your eyes to empty eye sockets and quickly cover your head with the blanket. “nooooooooooooo”
“I THINK WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO SAY IS, YES PAPYRUS!”
It goes like this for the rest of the week, Papyrus breaks in, makes you food and coffee, and then takes you for a run. You text Undyne and Sans and even Toriel that they have to find a way to restrain Papyrus. Their answers range “FEEL THE BURN!!!! <3” to ‘lol better u than me’ to ‘I am sorry dear but it is my belief that Papyrus is some sort of unstoppable force, you may have to admit defeat.” all of which are completely useless garbage responses, but the last one you at least reluctantly agree with.
You have no chance when faced with Papyrus’ determination.
It’s the speaker that turns your reluctant defeat to acceptance. Papyrus suggests bringing a clip on bluetooth speaker that you had lying around. It's out of pure spite that you connect it to your playlist of anime openings. Papyrus thinks anime is for babies and you briefly harbor the hope that being forced to listen to it as you run will force him to give up.
Papyrus complains about baby cartoons for only the first ten minutes, by the end of the run he’s humming to the tunes. By the third run with the new addition he reluctantly asks what Sora ni Utaeba is from.
By the time Undyne comes back, two weeks after she left, you and Papyrus have an arrangement. Laid out as, only week days and no earlier than seven, you will run in exchange for the food that Papyrus has been making you, and at least an hour of anime after you get back.
It’s awful. It’s kind of great. Morning’s spent with weeb music blasting out of a little speaker as Papyrus scream’s at the sky.
“I AM A DELIGHT!”
And you scream back,
“I am a delight!!!!!!”