There was a dream in a dark place that spoke so loud a universe followed in its wake.
You never really thought to think of it, back when you and your friends were just playing games. Too many dogs, too many clowns, and too many combinations thereof to allow for an extended self-reflective think on the matter of existence. Right up until the moment you won, fun and fear were all any of you could handle.
Since then, over six years have passed on the home you made together. You'd like to say that Earth C is a peaceful and happy place, but the fact is that you just don't know. You'd have to leave your house for that.
Your name is JOHN EGBERT, and you are JUST OVER 22 YEARS OLD. You have a variety of INTERESTS, including a passion for REALLY TERRIBLE MOVIES, being NOT VERY GOOD at programming computers, and...
Other things too, presumably.
You are feeling particularly MAUDLIN today, and there is something on your mind that you can't quite put into words. Seems as good a time as any to talk to your friends.
John: hey, rose?
John: ...are you busy?
Rose: That depends on your definition, Egbert.
Rose: If by "busy" you mean "struggling to collaborate with a certain timebound meme-child and his angry bullfrog of a boyfriend in corralling a mob of bloodthirsty carapacians,"
Rose: Then no, obviously I am not in the least bit busy.
Rose: What is it?
John: what’s what?
Rose: YOU called ME.
Rose: What’s wrong?
John: it’s nothing.
John: i mean...
Rose: You’re obviously trying not to bother me, which I respect and appreciate, but vaguely gesturing at a nothing that is clearly a something only really manages to
Rose: Hold on.
Rose: Hello John
Rose: How Do I Change The Text Color On Roses Glossy Palmhusk
Rose: No This Is Karkat
Rose: That Was Sarcasm
John: you’re getting good at that.
Rose: Thank You I Am Trying
Rose: Though I Think Our Typing Quirks May Get In The Way Of Any Attempted Ruse
John: have you tried caps lock?
Rose: Caps Lock
Rose: dO yOU mEAN lIKE tHIS
Rose: oH nO
Rose: i dONT lIKE tHIS rUSE
Rose: jOHN hOW dO i uNLOCK tHE cAPS
Rose: Nevermind I Figured It Out
Rose: This Conversation Is Off To A Very Inauspicious Start
John: where’s rose?
Rose: Why Are The Text Color Options Hidden Behind So Many Menus
Rose: Someone Needs To Tell Whoever Made This Interface That Color Variance Is The Most Popular Customization Option Among Their Target Demographic Of Verbose And Confused Teenagers
Rose: We Are All Literally Friends With The Woman Who Owns The Company That Made It This Seems Like A Very Easy Fix
Kanaya: Found It
Kanaya: Yes John
John: where’s rose??
Kanaya: She Appears To Be Channeling The Essence Of Sundry Dark Majyyks In An Attempt To Frighten The Carapacians Back Into Their Can Hives
John: what’s going on?
Kanaya: Honestly John
Kanaya: I Am Unclear As To The Precise Details Of The Situation But I Am Already Convinced That It Is Karkats Fault
John: oh, uhhh...
John: do you need help?
Kanaya: Arent You On The Other Side Of The Planet
John: i can do the windy thing!
Kanaya: The Windy Thing
John: yeah you know, turn into wind, mysteriously appear places.
John: it’s sort of...
John: i mean it’s my aspect?
Kanaya: Yes John I Know All Of The Things That You Just Said
Kanaya: That Was A Skeptical Statement Not A Question
Kanaya: I Havent Seen You Do The Windy Thing In Sweeps
Kanaya: Couldnt You Just Appear Here With Your Other Ability
John: yeah probably, but it...
John: i don’t really...
Kanaya: You Dont Like To Use It
Kanaya: The Windy Thing Is Unreliable And The Other Thing Makes You Sad
Kanaya: We Have Had This Conversation Several Times
Kanaya: Hence Previous Skepticism As To Your Ability To Promptly Cover Great Geographical Distances
John: thanks for the callout, kanaya.
Kanaya: I Am Fairly Certain You Called Me
John: i called rose!
Kanaya: John We Are Literally Married
Kanaya: In Your Culture That Is Like Becoming The Same Person
John: wait, like fusion???
John: do you become a large lady with a fun combination of your names?
Kanaya: I Think You Are Making A Reference To Something That I Do Not Understand
Kanaya: But Yes
Kanaya: Just Like That Thing You Said And Its Various Cultural Implications We Become One Disproportionately Oversized Being With A Charming And Easily Recognizable Portmanteau For A Name
Kanaya: Only In This Case Not Like That At All And Instead Entirely Metaphorical
Kanaya: That Was More Sarcasm
John: i know.
John: i thought that sounded like something john would say...
John: i mean, uh.
John: something i would say?
John: sorry it's been a weird morning.
John: just tell me if everyone is okay? is rose safe?
Kanaya: Rose Is A God She Will Be Fine
John: cool, got it.
John: tell rose to call me back i guess.
Kanaya: I Will Do That Just As Soon As I Find The Chromaspectrum Menu Again
Kanaya: Are You Still There