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Ri-DICK-ulous

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The situation was utterly ridiculous .

Megatron ran a servo over his face plates with a groan as he counted his options. His heat was settling in in full and he could tell it wouldn’t be an easy one. Blitzwing, the first to come to mind, was insane. Three personalities left little room for any sort of care taking. On the other hand, Lugnut was powerful, strong in all the ways a good sire should be with only the small issue of his obnoxious devotion. He would be honored to help his lord and humbled to be of service and Megatron would never hear the end of it! That and thoughts of his conjux Strika and Megatron had to fight a full frame flinch.

She would kill him. Snuff his spark, Lord or not.

Blackarachnia was still a tentative ally, she was smart, strong, nearly perfect if he was thinking logically. He was not, instead all that came to mind was blue and red and cannot have.

Squirming at a wave of warmth through his body he opening his vents to try and dispel the building heat, it was to no use. Heat cycles were notorious among war builds, and Megatron knew from experience he would be no exception. He hissed, letting his face fall once again into his servos, and forced his body to hold still. He would not succumb to the whims of his body so easily. He just prayed to Primus that the heat hadn’t advanced enough to affect any other-

“HAHAHHAhahahah Lord Megatron where arrrre you?” Frag. Blitzwing’s voice held Randoms manic shriek. Megatron grimaced. It was time to make use of the tunnels their base resided in and make a hasty retreat. If the triple shifter found him he doubted he would put up much of a resistance.

He would rather be doomed to the Pit then trust Britzwing anywhere near his panel.

It only took a cycle or so to find his way out of the cave systems. It spit him out to the forest that surrounded their mountain home. Organic trees stretched high enough to comfortably cover him from any of his arial bots, providing enough cover for him to relax if only a fraction. It would work well as a place to wait out his heat cycle in peace. And with that in mind he set off to gather enough materials to make a comfortable place to sit and self service until he was forced to reset.

He didn’t make it three miles.

It was the leader of the space bridge technicians, all vibrant blue and red, moving about a clearing with his axe like some sort of deadly dancer. Twisting through every motion, swinging wide while keeping every motion in tight. He danced on his peds, light, graceful, controlled. He pivoted, swept one leg out and an arc, kicking up dirt and debris, before following through in one powerful twist that had the axe flying end over end into the trunk of tree. It stuck with a resounding thunk , and Megatron found he had to deny a request for his cooling fans. What was that bots name? He found himself ransacking his memory banks for the few encounters he had that involved the colorful bot. Whatever the bots name was his title stood as a Prime and that meant he had some leadership skills which would mean he would be quite the sire-

No, no no, no. He would not be interfacing with the little autobots leader because he looked good twisted to stick his aft out like some gift from Primus-

He needed to leave.

Heat cycles were odd and controversial things. They could be handled by a bot alone but more often than not assistance was needed, and Primus help anybot who went and imprinted on a possible mate.

Unfortunately (or blessedly as his heat was screaming ) as he moved to step away, to leave as quietly as he had arrived, a branch snapped under his ped. And of course, the sound reverberated just after the Prime had pulled his axe from his target, and he turned.

“Megatron!” Megatron wasn’t a coward, but when ones heat has imprinted on another bot, and said bot was glaring in ways that sent warmth to all the wrong ( right ) places, there was really only one option.

Megatron ran. Taking off in a sprint through twisting trees and rough terrain. He could hear the Autobot behind him, keeping pace if nothing else. Megatron was struggling though, between the heat of his panel and the growing arousal from the chase, he was practically stumbling. Transformation cog unresponsive as heat protocols over rode it.

With a shout a cord spiraled around Megatron’s ankles, tightening in time between one step and the next. He came down hard, groaning in more than just pain as the Prime hauled him onto his back. Before he could properly make sense of the haze settling itself over his processor the little bot had grabbed his servos and was working through the motion of cuffing him.

“Kinky,” Megatron purred, and to his great satisfaction, caused the Autobot to blush violently.

“No! You’re under arrest!” the poor bots voice was practically shrieking with nerves. Face plates glowing with the rising energon. Optimus , that was the bots name, Optimus.

“Is it really honorable to you little Autobots to arrest a defenseless mech in heat?”

“You’re not defenseless and-” Optimus jumped back as if Megatron’s armor had burned him, “You’re in heat?!” Megatron couldn’t help but laugh, at the bots scared virgin face and at the pure ridiculousness of the entire situation. Might as well take advantage.

“Well yes, we all go through one,” Megatron shifted, twisting in his binds to show off as much of his form to the flustered bot as he could, “Offering help would be the good thing to do, don’t you agree?”

“It would if i thought you wouldn’t offline me the first chance you get!”

“Oh don’t be so dramatic, this could be a mutually beneficial meeting,”

“Oh what, i get to brag about fragging you to a bunch of bot who would never believe me and you get your heat dealt with?” Optimus had calmed significantly, less panic on his face plates and more grudging contemplation. Megatron tried to shift, too pull himself upright or display more he hadn’t decided yet, only for the bot to press his servo to his chest and keep him down. Optimus looked skyward, muttered what sounded like ‘i can’t believe I’m considering this,’ and looked back at the more prone bot. “Why didn’t you get help from your Decepticons?”

“You’ve met them little Prime, why don’t you tell me.” the Autobot grimaced, and gave a soft nod.

“Then, you’re sure there is no bot, or alternative, you could use for dealing with your heat?” The little do gooder was trying to rationalize this to himself, work around his own moral code. Who was Megatron to judge, quite honestly if it meant getting a spike in his over sensitive valve then he was willing to do just about anything.

“None. Now come on,” he rolled his hips to draw attention to his modesty panels “Show me what you’ve got.” the Autobot flushed, squirmed, looked once again to the sky as if it held answers he needed, and then finally nodded.

“I’ll help you,” as if he wasn’t getting something out of this , “but I’m not releasing you from those cuffs. I don’t need you ripping my head off like some kind of praying mantis.”

“A what?”

“Never mind.” Optimus moved, carefully unwinding his grapples from his legs to prevent them from tangling.

“Hmm too bad you can’t use those.” the only response Megatron got was an impatient stare and a servo on his panels. He hummed, pleased at the slight pressure, and rolled his hips up to meet it. Slowly, painfully slow, Optimus began to glide his servos across his pelvic span, tracing transformation seams and toying with what wires he could. He messages the insides of Megatron’s thighs, pulling a sigh from the mech, and pushed them apart just enough to settle between them.

“You tell me if anything i do is uncomfortable or painful, understand?”

“Yes, yes I get it. Now hurry up!”

“If we’re doing this at all we’re doing it at my pace.”

He groaned, threw his head back in exasperation, if the prissy little autobot didn’t get on with it he-

He gasped, jolted as lithe servo tips found sensitive protoform, pressing and teasing. It wasn’t enough, not nearly, but it was contact that his heat so desperately needed. Those fingers dance over long untouched wires and protoform, lighting up sensors Megatron didn’t ever know he had. Groaning he reached down with his cuffed servos in an attempt to prompt Optimus to do something as heat and liquid fire pooled behind his panel.

“Oh, hold on,” Optimus pulled his axe from his back, lodging it high and deep enough that when he dragged Megatron’s cuffs to hang off them it kept his servos out of reach. Megatron squirmed, and optimus pulled him down in a slouch that prevented him from getting his peds under him.

“Didn’t think you’d have it in you Opt-mmph!” Optimus’s servos pressed against his modesty panel. Messaging the metal enough to send a shock of pleasure up Megatron’s back strut. The panel's snapped back, spilling lubricant over waiting servos as the valve walls flexed. Optimus began to trace, servos lingering on plush valve lips, dipping in just enough to tease sensitive nodes before backing away. Building on the intense throb already there. Megatron twitched his hips, trying to push his hips towards Optimus’s servos but unable to find the traction he needed. It left him to tremble and squirm, abdominal plating tensing and flexing as he did everything he could to roll his hips into the sensation he craved.

“You’re smaller than i thought you’d be.” Megatron’s optics snapped open, when had he closed them?, as a snarl built behind his denta. If Optimus started complaining about his equipment then he was going to start kicking his way out of this- “Its cute.”

All thought screeched to a halt as Megatron sputtered. He knew his valve was small, it had been pointed out to him by nearly all of the few partners he had bothered to take over the years, but never had it been pointed out by the other mech calling it cute .

“I was kinda worried we wouldn’t really be compatible,” Optimus grinned, optics sparking with mirth, “Don’t have to worry about that now.”

Megatron let out a breathy gasp as finally a finger slid its way into his soaking valve, it crooked, dragging itself over long untouched nodes and sparking pleasure in its wake. He could feel the calipers of his valve cycle down against the intrusion. Optimus thrust his hand forward and Megatron moaned. Valve lubrication enough to make an obscene noise with every thrust.

Optimus was smiling, looking up at Megatron as the mech struggled against the pleasure, begging for more with his body. He added a second finger and pressed down on the mech stomach as he arched. His legs were trembling, hips twisting away and towards the pleasure. With an added third finger the decepticon leader was a trembling moaning mess.

“For fraAAGs s-sake Autobot, get on with it.”

“Ask me nicely,” His thumb brushed over the softly glowing anterior node, rolling a slow circle as the fingers within spread wide. Megatron’s legs jolted, digging burrows into the soft earth as he jerked his arms as he tensed in a minor overload. “I don’t have to give you my spike, I can just do this and deal with the heat.” Megatron spit static as those sinful fingers kept moving and flexing through the ripples of his overload. “This is protocol after all.” he pulled out and thrust in causing Megatron to shout. “‘When helping a fellow with a heat cycle one does not need to compromise their own equipment.’” a second thrust had Megatron thrashing in a second wave of pleasure. Lubricant was gushing from his valve, making the servo practically slip in completely despite the tight squeeze. “Primus, you’re practically swallowing me here, bet i could fit my whole servo in there,” he pressed deep, as if to test the words, “Unless you want something else?”

“You-!” Megatron gasped groaning and shivering as heat kept building, he felt like he was melting . Trembling whimpers caught in his vocalizer before dissolving into binary clicks. He could, he couldn’t, he whined, thrashing as his heat rolled over him in a wave.

“Do you want my spike?” Megatron screamed. Binary coming in a wordless screech as he did everything he could to push towards Optimus. “I guess that can count as a yes.”

A click and Optimus’s spike covering was spiraling away to allow it to pressurize. He pulled his fingers out, Megatron sobbed with the loss, and moved his servo over his spike spreading the lubricant that had gathered over his servo.

Leaning forward he brushed the head of his spike over the fat wet lips. Barley dipping in. Lightly the head bumped Megatron’s outer node, causing the mech to cry out in a sob. Optimus gasped, rolling his hips to drag his spike through the wet folds. He moaned.

“You’re so fun to tease,”

“You-nngh- slagging-AH! Torturer ,” his voice broke into a high whine as the spike pressed in past his soft folds. Optimus moaned, doubling forward as he sheathed himself completely in the tight warmth of Megatron’s valve. Gripping Megatron’s hip he rolled his forward to grind up into the small spasming valve as whimpers and gasps escaped the both of them.

“Tell me if you need to stop.”

“Don’t you dare. ” Optimus gave a soft laugh before he moved slowly, hooking his arms under Megatron’s knees, pushing forward as he ground in. Megatron’s moan rattled his body as he was pressed in half. Leaning forward Optimus dragged his glossa over Megatron’s neck, liking a dragging his denta over the cables. He pulled out slowly, feeling the sucking drag of the sweet little valve until all that was left was the head of his spike. He thrusted forward.

Hard and fast.

Setting a brutal pace he pinned the squirming hips in place as Megatron thrashed in sobbing pleasure. He struggled, body bowing in an effort to get more of the burning please pain mix. He felt like he was rising, charge was arcing between his wires. A roaring scream built with the most powerful overload rocked his frame and finally he crashed into blissful stasis.

Chapter Text

“What the frag.”

Megatron had onlined, oddly satisfied and completely baffled as memories made their way sluggishly through his processor. He squirmed, looking down at the mess of fluids across his plating and the lounging bot sitting across from him. Presumably waiting for Megatron to online.

“Finally awake? Because you’re still under arrest and i can’t drag you around. You’re too heavy.”

“Autobot what was that ?” His vocalizer spit static alongside the words and he found his bafflement growing and lacing with revelation. This bot knew how to frag. And that was something he desperately needed more of.

The autobot had the indecency of blushing. Like what he had been doing was a lucky first try rather than the obviously well practiced show.

“Its mandatory for all Autobots to learn how to deal with a comrade or prisoner during their heat,” he rubbed the back of his helm, looking everywhere but Megatron's slowly lighting face.

“So all that was taught to you, and every autobot frags like that?” it was a rhetorical question, there was no way every single autobot was so attentive as that had been, but the amusement in teasing Optimus now was too much to resist.

“No!” there was jealousy in his shriek and he was immediately flushed as Megatron’s growing grin let him know it had no gone by unnoticed. “L-look! You’re still under arrest so stop it with the mind games!”

“Oh autobot,” Megatron grinned broadly as he easily broke through the stasis cuffs, the poor bot had completely forgotten to turn the effectively useless things on, “We both know that's not true, but I am very interested in a repeat of that performance.”

Optimus let out a startled shriek as Megatron lunged forward.