It had been an accident, really. Roman hadn´t meant to walk into Virgil singing. The purple haired boy was sitting in the edge of his bed, with a keyboard on its stand facing him. The melody coming from the musical instrument was somber, almost like asking for something. After a moment of Virgil hitting the notes, he opened his mouth and started singing with a low voice:
“Cross my heart and hope to die,
You never cross my fucking mind
Do you know what your little lies do,
Do you know what I had to fight through?”
After the first line ended, Roman knew who the song was talking about. The relationship with Deceit had affected Virgil a lot. He now had trust issues and low self-esteem, and it was all Deceit´s fault. The latter lied to him the entirety of their relationship, divulged information Virgil told him and only him, and shot down his self-esteem. When V finally decided to leave him, after almost 7 months of this constant paranoia, he came to us and asking for help, but he had also gained a family. The song continued:
“Nothing that you say is mildly true.
Spit deceit through shifty smiles
Two faces you´ve had for a while
You act like such a fucking child”
Now, Roman realized, this song had been written when Virgil was still with him after he had forgiven and let go of many things he had done. The resentment was clear on his voice, the anger and the hurt he felt all those months.
“Who are you now?
You´re so hostile to me
I´m feeling homicidal, you better run and try
And hide “
Roman knew now, something had snapped inside Virgil´s mind. He knew it was bound to happen sometime, but not in this form. He had expected Virgil to break things, scream himself hoarse or shut himself to death, but not this, never this. Somehow, this was worse, so unlike Virgil that it hurt. The boy sounded angry, but the expression on his face showed that he blamed himself, maybe for believing, maybe for staying.
“Ooh, I was living in denial
Through all this time you had me riled up
All the shit has finally piled up”
The song was now raising in pitch, sounding angrier and angrier every time. Yes, he blamed himself, but he had learned that it wasn´t his fault, little by little. He was done now, and even if he missed Deceit sometimes, he´d never go back to him
“There´s no chance of reconciling us
With the falsehoods I´ve been filing away
For months, you´ve made these stories up
Sick from the untruths you´re throwing up”
As the song continued, Virgil hit some buttons on the synthesizer Roman just noticed that was at his side. This added some beat accompanying the piano. Virgil was screaming now, letting out all the emotions that he had bottled up.
“Had me thinkin´ I was crazy but
Turns I´m you´re favorite thing to discuss
You keep on talking, shut it up
You keep rubbing salt into the cut”
Now this, this was something Roman didn´t know. Sure, he knew Virgil had lived with the other sides for most of his life, how couldn´t he? What he didn´t know, however, was that Deceit liked to talk about him with the others too. He knew from the boy´s angry voice and his tear-filled eyes that the things Deceit shared with them were V´s feelings, his dark secrets, all the vulnerability he had let himself feel, the other had shared. The boy´s voice continued its crescendo.
“Broke the cycle, need to reconstruct
You´re no use to me, I´m giving up”
This was the part where he was absolutely screaming. The pitch and the volume had reached their maximum levels. Tears were falling down both Roman´s and Virgil´s cheeks. Roman couldn´t help but feel an uncontrollable sadness for the boy. Deceit had severely damaged him. Virgil was anxious and fearful by nature, but the lying snake had completely broken him. It was his fault Virgil wasn´t happy.
“Baby you´re a loser and I´m ashamed to say I
Ever knew ´ya
A user taking all I´d give ya”
The song had now returned to its normal volume. Virgil wasn´t screaming anymore, but tears were rolling down his cheeks. It was obvious the boy was struggling against the lump in his throat, but the determination in his eyes, accompanied by the look of betrayal and anger that was still there; those were the things that pushed him through.
“I swear to god I´ll never miss ya
Swear to god, I haven´t missed ya”
Sobs were racking through his body, his whole body was shaking with the force of the sobs that the boy was trying so hard to suppress. Anger, defeat, and determination were evident in Virgil´s voice. He was trying so had to get over Deceit that it was causing him an incredible amount of pain. Virgil sure knew that Deceit had been a lying, abusive asshole; but he was still his first love, his first kiss, his first of everything. He had been the first person to show him, love, in the first months of his relationship with him, everything was perfect. And that was the thing that Virgil was trying to get over.
“God I hope I never miss ya”
When the last line of the song was finished, Virgil immediately curled into a ball, arms hugging his legs and face buried in his knees, he let go. He gave in to the tears, the sobs, His whole body was shaking with the force of them. He let himself fall against the bed and buried his face into the pillows. That was when Roman stepped in.
He rushed to Virgil´s side and wrapped his arms around him. He whispered words of comfort and pulled the crying boy against him. Virgil buried his face in Roman´s chest and gripped his sash. He wasn´t even upset that Roman had listened to him pouring out his feelings, he just cared that Roman was there. Roman´s scent was enveloping him. All of his senses were buried in Roman.
Roman, the one who was showing him comfort and a shoulder to cry on in this time of incredible difficulty.
Roman was holding him
Roman was there.