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As we live

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Hiya! Thanks for checking out my story.

First, I wanted to introduce myself, my name is Julie and I love to write. This is my first serious fanfiction so please be nice to me. :). Hate will not be allowed here and any and all comments that are hateful will be deleted.

Second, this fic deals with some serious topics that will be listed in this chapter. I have not been through all of the things I am writing about and am not writing from experience. Please do not take my words as the truth because I have not experienced everything in this story. If something in the story triggers you please let me know via comment or message and I will see what I can do. Some things cannot be taken out because of plot. I will list TWs at the beginning of every chapter so be safe and make sure to read those. Let me know if I forget any warnings and I will add them.

Third, I do not own Thomas Sanders (obviously) or Sanders Sides and the like. There are a few original characters but they are not relevant or main characters and are just there for filler or because I didn't have enough canon characters.

Fourth, if anyone needs to talk about anything my chat is always open. Also I can do Spanish translations and spell/error checks if you want me too on your stories! :)

Without further ado,

This story will have topics relating to:
          •mental illnesses such as depression, anxiety, ptsd, more may be added as I go.
          •self harm and other self inflicted pain both physical and mental.
          •prostitution and sex. There will be no smut scenes but I will mention it.
          •immigration (idk why that's a warning but I've seen it some places to just in case) and racism.
          •homophobia, sexism, objectifying others, discrimination.
          •homosexuality, lgbtq+ folks, gender queer, the like.
          •violence such as car/bus accidents, beating people up, self harm, more will be added as I go.
          •self deprecation, self doubt, intrusive thoughts, paranoia, self hatred, self esteem issues, self love issues.
          •angst. A lot of it.
          •dark humor.
          •mentions of the dark web.
          •bullying, teasing.
          •food mentions.
          •let me know if I'm missing anything.


Hey guess what? This will also be on Wattpad! Wanna read it? My user name is Lord__Loki (with two underscores) and it’s under the same title.

Okay my loves, see you later!!

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Hiya! Thanks for reading my story.

So let's get some stuff straight: they don't all look like Thomas. In fact only Thomas looks like Thomas. Woah. Sh👀k.

Let's get to it.

First we have Roman King.

Roman King, age 16, was born in Ciudad Juarez, México. He moved to the USA only three months ago. He went to a school in Chicago for those three months before moving to Dexterville, Minnesota (not a real place). In this book you will see him journey through high school facing up against many many challenged cause I'm a sucker for Roman angst. He is gay and identifies as a male. He is lower middle class and his family, which consists of him mother, Rachel, and him, have enough money to get what they need.....but not much extra. He thrifts most of his clothes or he got them from his friend Santi that I'm now realizing I wrote to sound like a sugar daddy and I- oop. (Also I'm well aware that Rachel isn't a Spanish name and neither is King but I'm getting there okay. Plot.)
Looks: Latino, tan skin, dark brown eyes, dark brown curly hair that is always parted to the side. He wears very pastel/Pinteresty outfits. He always wears a necklace. He loves putting on makeup and is very good at it.

Virgil Sanders, age 17, was born in Dexterville, Minnesota. He's lived there all his life. He used to suffer from severe anxiety but after a long time of treatment and therapy he had gotten better. He still has anxiety it's just not as severe. In this book you'll see him journey through high school facing many challenges from the past, present, and future. He is bi and identifies as a male. He is upper middle class and his family, which consists of his mother, father, sibling, Remy, and brother, Thomas, are pretty well off. Also may I just say that Dexterville is a pretty rich town. It's also pretty divided. Like one side of town is the super nice rich people houses and the other side is not. His sibling Remy is biological while his brother Thomas was adopted.
Looks: Half Japanese half American, pale skin, light green eyes, black hair that falls in front of his face in a fringe. He wears what you would expect him to wear. Emo clothing. He always wears dark makeup.

Logan Crofter, age 17, was born in Minneapolis, Minnesota. He moved to Dexterville when he was 6. In this book you will see him journey through high school facing many issues such as, the loss of a loved one and emotions. Just emotions in general. He is pan and ace. He identifies as male. He is upper middle class as well. His family consists of him mama, mother, and sister Missy.
Looks: African American, dark skin, brown eyes, black curly hair that is in a small afro on top of his head and slowly fades out. He has glasses. He wears more comfortable clothing that is athletic but still professional looking.

Patton Hart, age 18, was born in Phoenix, Arizona. He moved to Dexterville when he was 4. In this book you will see him journey through high school facing problems of the past. He is bi. He identifies as male. He is upper middle class. His family is his dad, mom, his three cats (Matcha, Oolong, and Kombucha), three dogs (Almond, Soy, and Coconut), and his bunny Latte.
Looks: American, olive skin, blue eyes, red straight hair always in a man bun, freckles. He has glasses. He wears his normal clothing just slightly younger looking.

There are more characters but I don't wanna write it all out so deal with it. I'll do a brief description of what they look like. 

Remington "Remy" Sanders: Japanese American, pale skin, light green eyes, dark brown wavy hair to their shoulders. non-binary. Age 18. Biological sibling of Virgil.

Thomas Sanders: American, looks like himself. Age 15. Adopted brother of Virgil and Remy.

Emile Picani: Indian, brown skin, brown eyes, black hair in a half shave. Age 18. Identifies as male.

Damien "Deceit" Dexter: Yee Dexter as in Dexterville. His ancestors founded the town. Really white, Really really pale skin, light brown eyes, blond hair that covers his eyes. Age 18. Identifies as male.

This story also had Joan, Talyn, Valerie, Terrence, and some original Sides. The four real people look like themselves and identify as what they do in real life.

Alrighty that's all for now. Goodbye my loves.

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He was wearing a cardigan. A soft yellow yarn that sat calmly on his shoulders. Blue jeans faded, a white Queen shirt tucked into them secured with a thick black belt decorated with the Gucci logo, wrist adorned with a yellow velvet scrunchie. He had black velvety boots that went up to his knees, adorned with small yellow flowers. His brown hair was a tumble of curls upon his head and a yellow flower crown was placed gently on top of them. His brown eyes framed with dark eyeliner that winged up perfectly at the ends. His lips were painted a dark coat of red, complementing his silky tan skin. He had a small silver chain around his neck. Hanging from it was a small silver plate with the words ‘i am enough’ written on it. Everything about him was put together perfectly. As if he had stepped straight out of Pinterest. And that made Virgil jealous.

Who was this boy to appear out of nowhere looking beautiful. Why wasn’t Virgil that pretty? He has tried once. But not everyone was picture perfect, camera ready. Not everyone was Roman Reyes.


He was wearing a black hoodie over a purple shirt. Black ripped jeans clearly worn yet looking perfectly crisp, black fishnets visible from underneath them. He had black combat boots on and a black earring in his right ear. His black hair was flopped over one of his eyes in a fringe. The boys stunning green eyes were surrounded by black eyeshadow, on his eyelids and underneath his eyes making him look similar to a raccoon. His skin was pale and almost ghost like. His lips were chapped and a light pink, almost white color. He had a black bag that he carried with him everywhere, covered in pins from various shows, bands, films, and movements. He looked like he had stepped straight out of Hot Topic. And Roman loved it.

He wanted to talk to him. To be friends with him. To be liked. Cool. Edgy. Rich. Popular. But he couldn’t. Not everyone was Virgil Sanders.


He was wearing a black t-shirt with a dark blue letterman jacket that hugged his arms. His faded black skinny jeans fit perfectly. He had a pair of white Adidas on. His dark brown hair was a curly Afro like texture that was slowly faded to a have on the sides. The athletes eyes were a beautiful brown color. They were framed by his thick black rimmed glasses. His skin a was a smooth chocolate brown that perfectly complemented the rest of him. He had a stack of books and a football with him at all times. He looked like he had stepped out of both a Nike’s ad and a library at the same time. And Patton was absolutely in love.

He was so happy that he had met him. He only wished he could tell him. But there was a minor complication, Patton was terrified. He wanted to be confident and just get out with it. But not everyone was Logan Crofter.


He was wearing a light blue polo and a grey cat cardigan tied around his shoulders. His beige slacks made him look far older than he actually was. He had on a pair of brown dress shoes that he had clearly borrowed from his father. His red hair went down to his chin but he always wore it in a little bun. The dad-friend had bright blue eyes and silky olive skin. He had a pair of thin frame circular spectacles atop his nose. He looked like he had just stepped out of the Sims 4 Cats and Dogs pack. And Logan must admit, he was very confused.

Why would a man so young, 18 to be exact, dress so mature for his age. He wanted to ask him but after his research he concluded that the inquiry could be found rude. The look fit him though. Logan had tried it out once, but it didn’t work for him. Not everyone was Patton Hart.

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Roman was nervous, terrified really. Enough that he felt as if he would hurl up his small breakfast. It was his first day at a new school halfway through the year. Of course he was grateful to start anew after the fiasco of a school he used to go to. But he was worried that the people at this school wouldn’t be any better. That they would make fun of him again and call him stupid.

He had put on his favorite outfit. Not too casual but not too formal. It was perfect. A pair of mom jeans (the best jeans) that he had splurged on after finding out they existed, with a Gucci belt from Santiago back in Mexico, a vintage Queen shirt he found at Goodwill, a yellow cardigan that was really his mother’s, a pair of black knee high velvety black heeled boots with small yellow flowers that he had bought from Payless, and a small silver necklace with the words ‘I am enough’ engraved on the silver plate that hung from the chain that Santi had given him after he went through his darkest time of depression. He felt killer. He had made sure his hair looked perfect and adorned it with a yellow flower crown and he had slipped a yellow velvet scrunchie on his wrist. He put on his eye makeup and his signature red lips and even though he had bought all his makeup from the Walgreens in his old town, he looked great.

The day was off to a good start. But that wasn’t saying much as it was 6:00 am and he hadn’t gotten to school yet. He had high hopes, he knew, but every time he was disappointed. But he refused to start off the day with a negative outlook. He was going to have a good day. Even if the fates didn’t want him too.


Patton was absolutely ecstatic! It was March 20th, 2019 and he was ever so excited to show around the new student. His name was Roman King and he had just moved to Dexterville from Chicago, Illinois. He was a sophomore at age 16, two years younger than Patton, and he excelled in theater according to his old school. Pat wanted to make a good impression but didn’t want to try to hard so he wore his normal outfit.

Sometimes people made fun of Patton for his clothes. But he liked them and he wouldn’t let anyone change that.


Logan was annoyed. He had somehow let Virgil convince him to sleepover on a school night. Not only was it a school night, it was also the day before his German test. He was only mediocre at German. He knew English, Spanish, French, and Latin. But not German.

Of course he want actually mad at Virgil. Just slightly upset. The night overall had been, as the kids say, ‘lit’. It was a fun night. They had chatted about sports (Logan) and bands (Virgil) as well and boys, girl's, drama and school in general. They had watched A Nightmare Before Christmas, it went well with Virgil’s Jack Skellington hoodie, and Despicable Me, which matched Logan’s unicorn onesie. They ate pizza and ate ice cream but overall the best part was when they FaceTimed Patton.

Logan would never admit it himself but, he was quite fond of Patton. The bubbly boy added a light to his life that Logan wouldn’t have otherwise. He was glad that Virgil’s sibling Remy had become friends with him. It was them that introduced Patton to Logan. And even if he was confused about his choice of clothing, he was grateful to have another close friend.


Virgil was emo. That’s it that’s the story.


I’m kidding. (Kind of)


Virgil was suspicious. He had heard of a new kid moving to the school from Patton. The little gossip. His name was supposedly Roman King. He was a 16 year old sophomore from Chicago.

Patton was nice. Too nice. He would invite Roman to sit with them and Roman would say yes. Then there would be a new addition to their friend group that he didn’t want. He was in the same grade as Thomas, Virgil’s brother, so maybe they would become friends. Then he would be forced to know him.

For all Virgil knew, this dude was a total jerk. So why should he try and get to know him anyway?


Roman gathered up his stuff and walked out the door. He ignored the few wolf whistles he got from older men who thought he was a girl. No matter how many times he told them, they just wouldn’t believe it.

His heels clicked on the old broken sidewalks as he walked, humming an old Queen song under his breath. He watched his surroundings as they slowly changed from the ‘ghetto’ to the suburbs. And then. Then he saw his new school. He’d never been there before. He had only ever seen it once.

He pushed open the extravagant wooden doors and stepped inside. The place was huge. It was big and beautiful. He saw a map posted to the back of the door. A freaking map! For a school! He found his way to the main office, the sound of his feet echoing loudly in the big room. The second he stepped into the office he was tackled.

Chapter Text

A bubble of energy with red hair was hugging him before he could take two steps into the office.

“Oh-! Hello!”

The red hued person stepped back at smiled at him.

“Hiya!” They said. “I’m Patton Hart, your student guide!”

“I’m Roman,” He replied. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Ooh. I love your accent. Where are you from?”

“Oh. Um. Mexico.”

“Fun. Fun. So anyway, I’m Patton, I’m a senior. I’m 18. My pronouns are he/him and I love animals!”

“I’m Roman King. I’m a sophomore, and I’m 16. My pronouns are also he/him. I just moved here.”

“From Mexico?” The bubbly boy questioned him.

“No. From Chicago. But I moved to Chicago from Mexico three months ago.”

“Cool! How are you liking Dexterville so far?”

“It’s nice. Small, definitely small. Change of scenery from Chicago.”

“I bet! Am I saying this right? Hola, mi amigo,” Patton asked, the Spanish words sounding foreign on his Americanized tongue.

“Yep. It’s perfect.”

“Yay! Now let’s get down to business,” The boy said handing him a manila folder. “This is your personal file. It has your schedule, your medical, your personal info, a map of the school, your locker combo, your lunch code, and some other things you’ll need. You need to double check your medical and personal info and have your parent or guardian sign it. Then you just bring those back to the office and give it to the office staff. You’ll want to double check everything to make sure it’s correct and see if anything needs to be changed.”


“Now why don’t you take out your schedule and we can go look around?”

“That sound great,” Roman answered, thumbing through the folder until he found it.

“That also has your locker combo and lunch code on it. And the map is on the back.”

“Okay,” He said flipping the paper over and looking at the map.

Patton led him around the school, showing him his classes and where the lunch room was and some other things he would need to know.

“Alrighty! This here is your locker. I’ll leave you to get settled. I’ll be in the library if you need me.”

“Great. Okay!”

“And Roman,” Patton said, gently touching him arm.


“If you need anything, feel free to reach out and let me know,” His voice turned slightly threatening and his smile dropped. “And if anybody gives your trouble you tell me and I’ll take care of it.”


The smile was back on Patton’s face. “Great! Okay I’ll see you around! If you need anybody to sit with at lunch let me know. I have a great group of friends. Ugh, they’ll love you! Okay goodbye now!”

The boy slipped away, leaving Roman to put his things away and prepare for the day.


Roman already hated this school. Not only did he get lost, making him late to his first hour class of math, he also sucked at math and barely got three problems done. After his math class he had been walking to his Music Studies classroom when he was cornered by a group of four.

They hadn’t said much. Just introduced themselves as Damien Dexter (“Yes, that Dexter.”), Evelyn Green, Derek Netter, and Pansy Netter. After that they had asked him where he moved from.

“Chicago,” He had said. “But I’m originally from Mexico.”

“Oh. How cool,” Damien had spoke.

“Damien here basically speaks in lies. He’s deceitful like that,” Pansy had said. “People don’t like him because of it. But everyone loves me!”

“What Damien meant to say was that you probably stole one of our hard working Americans job,” Derek said, disgust lacing his voice before turning to Damien, his voice turning sweet. “You gotta be more clear with your words, babe.”

“Ugh. Derek and Damien are dating. How sickeningly sweet,” Evelyn said with an eye roll and a look that could only be described as envy.

“I-um. I assure we didn’t take anyone’s jobs when we moved here,” Roman said, offended.

“Well we can’t be too sure about that,” Derek said, the tone of judgement back in his voice. “Filthy Latinos like you don’t deserve to be in America.”

“Well, we better be off. We won’t be seeing you again,” Damien turned on his heel and stalked away, Derek, Pansy, and Evelyn trailing behind him.

For some reason, Roman doubted that they would leave him alone.


By the time Roman got to Music Studies, he was 5 minutes late.

“Mr. King! Your first day and you're already late. Doesn’t give me a good impression for the rest of the year!” The teacher spoke. “Go sit down!”

Roman found an empty seat near the back and cursed at himself silently.

“As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, we will be starting a new project today. You will be in a group of four and before you ask Mr. Hart, yes you can choose your partners. You will talk amongst yourselves and must pick one song to describe the four of you.

“You will then analyze the song and make a presentation stating why it applies to you and different literary and sound devices it uses. You will then present the to class your presentation and you must make your own recording of the song in which you alter it to fit your own comfort zones which will be presented to the class as well. Now, scatter. Begin!” And with that the teacher sat down at his desk as everyone scrambled to find their groups.

Sitting alone at his desk Roman realized he would have no one to join. As he stood up slowly and began to look around, he felt a hand on his shoulder. He jumped and spun around, almost spraining his ankles in his heels.

“Hiya Roman!” Patton. It was just Patton.

“Well, my group and I still need another person,” Patton said, pointing a thumb over to two other people. One was wearing all black and looked very, very emo and the other had a letterman jacket and the most beautiful brown eyes that made Roman almost want to break his no dating jocks rule. “You wanna join?”

“Oh. Um, sure,” He replied, cringing as the butcher the word ‘sure’ with his accent.

“Great come on over. I’ll introduce you!”

He followed Patton over to the two other teens.

“Hey boys! I found another person!” Patton said.

“Hola,” Roman said awkwardly waving before internally kicking himself for his minor use of Spanish.

“Hey,” The boy in black said. “I’m Virgil. Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too.”

“My name is Logan Crofter. Adequate timing. We need another group member anyway.”

“My name is Roman Rey-. Sorry. Roman King. I just moved here from Chicago.”

“Alrighty! Introductions have been made. The gratefulness I have towards you for joining our group is infinitesimal!” Patton said.

“The use of that word was not correct Patton. Infinitesimal means extremes small. I assume you meant infinite.”

“Riiiiight. Right. Anyway let’s sit down. We have a project to do!”

They sat down at a nearby table before Logan started talking about the rubric and the expectations.

“The directions didn’t give us many boundaries. But we should just go off from what we know,” Logan said.

“I hope we get a good grade on this. I don’t think he likes me very much.”

“That’s Mr. Peterson for you. If you are even a tiny bit late, he hates you. That’s why he was rude. Just try not to be late,” Virgil mentioned.

“I didn’t mean too. I was stopped in the hallway by some people. They were talking to me.”

“Who?” Patton asked, curiosity lacing his voice.

“I believe their names were Damien, Evelyn, Pansy, and Derek.”

“Oh. Them. What did they say?” Logan questioned.

“They asked me where I was from. Then told me I didn’t deserve to be in America,”
Patton gasped.

“It’s okay though,” Roman continued “I’m used to it.”

“It’s not okay,” Virgil insisted.

“It’s nothing. We better start working on the project.”

“Yes. We should do that,” Logan replied.

“Well, Mr. Peterson said that we need to pick a song that describes all of us. So I guess we should start with that!” Patton remarked.

“Perhaps we should begin with getting familiar with one another,” Logan said.

“But Logan, we already know each other!” Patton answered.

“Well I for one know nothing about Roman other than the fact that he moved here from Chicago and that he is a sophomore,” Logan replied before looking terribly ashamed of himself. “Oh I am so sorry! I assumed your gender. I apologize.”

“It’s alright. I identify as he/him anyway.”

“Good. I don't want to misgender anybody.”

The four boys sat down at a table.

“So? Let’s find out what we have in common!” Patton exclaimed.

“Well let’s begin with the basics,” Logan said, his voice suddenly one of authority. “Where were we all born, our families, our favorite activities, our ‘pasts’ so to speak.”

“Well I was born here in good old Dexterville, Minnesota,” Virgil said dryly.

“I was born in Minneapolis.” Logan started.

“I’m from Phoenix! Arizona!” Patton squealed out.

“I was born in Ciudad Juarez Mexico.”

“I live with my mom, dad, my sibling Remy, and my brother Thomas,” Virgil said.

“And I with my mother and my mama. My sister Missy just moved out,” Logan replied.

“Ooh. I love Missy! She’s so nice! Always giving compliments! Anyway I live with my mom, my stepdad, my three cats, Matcha, Kombucha, and Oolong, my three dogs, Almond, Soy, and Coconut, and my rabbit Latte,” Another squeal emitted from Patton.

“It’s just me and my mom,” Roman said briskly.

“What about your dad?” Logan and Patton asked bluntly, in unison.

“Guys!” Virgil whisper shouted, smacking him lightly on the arm. “Sorry. You don’t have to answer that. Logan and Patton don’t really understand barriers.”

“It’s fine. He died when my mom was pregnant with me. I never met him. He died in the army.”

“Oh I’m so sorry,” Patton sympathized. “My dad died too. I know it can be hard.”

“Oh no it’s alright. Of course I wish I knew him but it’s fine, because I didn’t, so I doesn’t affect me all that much.”

“Mr. King! More working, less talking!” Mr. Peterson yelled from his desk. Boy did this teacher have it out for him.

“Well, we better get back to work,” Roman remarked.

Chapter Text

Virgil's fears and uncertainties about Roman diminished the moment he saw him. This short, small, and beautiful man wasn't anything to worry about. He was kind, Virgil could tell, and he didn't seem the kind of person to break apart friendships. Not intentionally at least.

But then again, Virgil barely knew this boy. He could be terrible, hiding some deep dark secret, just waiting for the right time to pounce. But, he wouldn't do that. ‘But he might.’

Thoughts ran through Virgil's head faster than he could make sense of them. Music had gone fine. They got to know each other but nothing much except that. ‘Got to know each other? All he said was his name and where he was from.’ Yes, Roman didn't say much. But it was okay for now. After all, Patton talked enough for the four of them.

‘But isn’t it strange how little he said?’ It was a little strange how he skirted around topics and seemed uncomfortable the whole time. ‘Like he was hiding something!’ Or maybe Roman was just awkward around new people. God knows Virgil used to be a mess around people.

Back then someone could come up to him and before they even got a words out Virgil would A) run away B) start rambling so much that he scared the person off or C) worry so much that he would send himself into a panic attack. ‘Because you were weak.’ No. Because he was anxious. Either way it had gotten much better. He would talk to anyone now. Hell, he talked to everyone. (Not by choice, Patton made new friends quickly.)

Virgil knew one thing from his encounter with Roman. He needed to get to know this boy. But he couldn't get too close to him. Virgil could know Roman but Roman can't know Virgil. So maybe it was unfair but, who cares about fair anymore. What's not fair is that Roman can look that cute and that hot at the same time. ‘Can you like tone down the gayness for one second. He's probably straight.’ Probably straight? He was wearing heels. But, when it comes to what someone wears, that does not define someone. Virgil should know. Everyone expected Virgil to be the loner outcast that listened to MCR and Panic! (He did listen to MCR and Panic! but that was besides to point.) but, Virgil was actually quite popular.

In fact, some people said he was the most popular person in school. Not that Virgil cared. Maybe it was thanks to his sibling Remy (they gossiped a lot, leading to everyone knowing who they are.) or maybe thanks to his brother Thomas (his sweet personality made it hard not to love him.) or maybe even thanks to Logan (he was the both the best football player and the best student Dexterville High had ever seen.). But Virgil credited it all to Patton.

He had met Patton when he was a sophomore and Patton was a junior. Remy had come home one day talking about how they had made a new friend and that they wanted Virgil to meet him. Even though Virgil was panicking, he agreed. Patton met Virgil and they became good friends. Virgil met Patton's friends, Logan, Joan, Talyn, Valerie, Emile, and Terrence, and they all became close. Next thing Virgil knew, he was on everybody's radar. People wanted to be friends with him, to date him, to fight him. Virgil didn't care about being popular, it didn't really matter, but it was nice to feel wanted. And it had some pretty awesome perks too. Like parties and presents and friends. But no, Virgil could care less about being popular.


As soon as Virgil sat down at his lunch table, Patton, sitting directly across from him, told him that he had invited Roman to sit with them.

“Just make sure your nice to him, okay? It's his first day and i want him to feel welcome,” He had said, hope apparent in his big blue eyes.

“Yeah sure Pat. But,” Virgil said, looking around his crowded lunch table. “Isn't the table kind of full?”

Logan sat to his right, leaning his head on Virgil's shoulder immediately after sitting down, eyes glued to a fantasy book about time travel (Virgil's arm subconsciously wrapped around him as a form of comfort whenever his book got intense). To his left was sitting Joan, in the middle of a heated debate with Talyn, who was sitting across from them, about whether or not milk should be poured before or after the cereal. Thomas, Valerie, and Terrence sat at the very end of the table to the left, throwing fries at each other while talking about their favorite parts of Captain Marvel. Remy sat on Patton's left with Emile sitting on top of them, the two of them being all lovey dovey.

“Oh we’ll make room, I'm sure!” Patton exclaimed.

“And if we don't, Logan can just sit on top of you,” Remy commented nonchalantly.

“What he’s practically on top of you anyway,” They added after seeing Virgil’s ‘I'm so done with you’ look.

“Or, you could just leave,” Virgil said, voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Gurl! Uh, uh. You did not just say that to me, no ma'am!”

“You so dramatic, oh my god.”

“Now, Virgil! Let's try and be nice today!” Patton exclaimed. “At least when Roman comes.”

“Ughhhh. I don't wanna!” Virgil said, completely aware that he sounded like a child.

“Want to,” Logan corrected softly from his place at Virgil's side.

“Right. That.”

“I have to go talk to the guidance counselor anyway,” Talyn said, starting to get up from the bench and back onto the floor. “She's helping me with some college stuff.”

“No!” Joan whined.

“You'll see me in science, Joan, calm down.” And with that they walked out of the cafeteria.

The next ten minutes of lunch went fine. Patton, Remy, and Virgil chatted as Logan read softly besides them.

“Oh my God! Roman!” Patton exclaimed, standing up abruptly, almost knocking Remy over in the process. “What happened?!?”

Virgil looked behind him, jaw dropping at the slight. In walked, no limped, in Roman. A bruise dusted his right cheek and his eye was swelling slightly. His perfectly put together outfit was ruffled and if Virgil hadn't seen his face, he would have been convinced that Roman had just had a make-out session in the janitors closet. Romans eye make-up was messed up, mascara and eyeliner ruined giving him the appearance of a raccoon. His red lipstick was smeared across his chin. (Again, if Virgil hadn't seen the bruises he would be convinced he had been French kissing instead of being in French class.) (French kissing was much more fun than French class. Virgil knew from experience.) Roman looked terrible. Defeated.

Roman walked up to them and Patton had him sit on the empty seat next to him.

“What happened Roman? Who did this? Who do i have to kill?” Patton asked, fire in his eyes.

“Nothing, nothing I'm fine. I just…..tripped?” Roman said, sounding more like a question than an answer.

“That's not reassuring,” Virgil said. “And i know your lying. So tell me, what really happened.”

“I-,” Roman sighed dejectedly. “I was walking to lunch. And, uhm, well I accidentally bumped into Pansy. And all hell broke loose. I don't even know what happened. I was apologizing and then, boom, I was on the floor and they were laughing. But I'm fine!”

“Awww,” Patton cooed. “Roman! I'm so sorry! Do you know where they went? Where I can find them?”

“No. Sorry Patton,” Roman said. “But really, it's fine.”

Patton launched himself at Roman and hugged him.

“Ay, diablo!” Roman exclaimed. “Patton, your hurting me.”

“Oh! I'm so sorry!” Patton said, immediately removing himself from him, guilt all over his features.

“It's ok,” Roman reassured. “Just be careful.”

“I'm gonna take you to the nurse!” Patton said, determined.

“Going to,” Logan mused, still dedicated to his book.

Patton flashed Logan a smile before grabbing Roman and practically dragging him out the door.

“Hey Rem? V?” It was Thomas, sliding over to sit in front of him and next to Remy. “Can I talk to you guys about something?”

“Sure Thomas. Whats up?” Virgil answered at the same time as Remy nodded.

Thomas looked nervous. “Well I just. God this is harder than I thought it would be.”

Virgil turned worried, terrible thoughts running through his head. “Thomas? What's wrong?”

“Iwannameetmybirthparents!” He blurted out before flinching, expecting the worst.

“O-oh,” Virgil said, dumbfoundedly.

Remy just blinked.

“I’m sorry,” Thomas squeaked out.

“No, no Tommy, it's okay. Can i ask why?” Virgil rushed to say.

“I feel like a part of me is missing,” He said before catching himself. “Not that I don't love you guys! I do, more than anything. But I just want to know who they are. Or were. Why they gave me up. If they had a choice. There's this whole part of my life that is just blank. I was seven when you guys adopted me but I don't remember anything. It's scary Virgil. It's really scary.”

“Alright Thomas. We’ll talk to Mom and Dad.”

“Remy?” Thomas asked. “You haven't said anything. Do you hate me?”

“Of course not!” They exclaimed. “It just surprised me is all.”

Thomas smiled before turning white as a sheet. “Will Mom and Dad hate me?”

Remy wrapped Thomas in a hug. “Of course not!”

“Are you sure?” Thomas said, voice cracking, as he removed himself from Remy's embrace. Virgil thought he was about to cry.

“We’re sure Tommy. They will understand,” Virgil reassured him.

“Okay…,” Thomas said, uncertainty lacing his voice. A tear ran down his cheek and Virgil reached out and wiped it off.

“Don't cry Little Brother. Everything will be just fine.”

Thomas sighed heavily before smiling slightly and sliding back over to Valerie and Terrence.

Virgil couldn't help but panic internally. ‘What if Thomas likes his birth parents better than you? And he never comes back? What then Virgil? What happens then?’

‘Everything will be okay,’ He told himself.

But for some reason, he couldn't bring himself to believe it.

Chapter Text

Heyo. So I’m in the process of writing the next chapter and I promise I’m almost done. I don’t have much motivation for this chapter but like I have to finish it or I’ll be real disappointed in myself. So Yeet. Anyway I was wanted to put Remus into the story but wasn’t sure how to fit him in. After a while of thinking I figured it out. So I might put him in. Would y’all want that? It would prolly be angsty as fuck. So. Yeah.

Chapter Text

He wasn’t a very expressive person. Not with most people, that is. He was an athlete and a model student. People expected so much from him so he wasn’t about to let petty feelings get in the way.

There were only a few people he could really be honest with. Virgil, Patton, and Emile. And Remy on occasion. Logan knew that it wasn't healthy to keep everything inside. He knew that. So he didn't. He talked to people when he was upset. When he was happy. It was usually Virgil.

Virgil, his best friend, was a great listener. Not the greatest at giving advice, but a great listener nevertheless. Logan told Virgil everything. Except for one thing. But everyone has their secrets.

Sometimes, when he tried hard enough, he almost felt like he was a kid again. Having fun and playing around. Not having to worry about grades and papers, nor games and points. He could feel free. But then, well, then reality would come crashing down around him.

When he was around Virgil he usually felt free. But not always. There was sometimes this heavy burden of being around him. It was like being around a raging fire. Beautiful but if you get to close your bound to get burned.

Logan remembered a time when he was in love with Virgil. It was not too long before him. It was a childish crush really. A desperate hand reaching for comfort, but unable to get to it. A ragged gasp of childhood innocence, before getting sucked back down into the cold abyss that is cruel reality.

Being around Virgil was painful. But the good kind of pain. The kind of pain you get after cracking your knuckles. Temporary. And it brings you back down to earth.

So yes, Virgil was pain. But Virgil was also love. And hope. And kindness. Virgil was a vast array of emotions. And thank goodness for that.

Logan was ever so grateful to God for giving him Patton.

If Virgil was fire, then Patton was water. While Virgil ignited him, hurt him while at the same time making him warm, Patton cooled him off. After a particularly tough test or football game or random memories popping up when they shouldn't, Patton would help him. He’d only known Patton for a year now yet he felt closer to him than his friends from the yearbook committee, whom he had known for years now.

And, well, if anyone asked he would deny it, but Logan couldn't help but love him. It was a terrible thing. To love. He had done it once before. Not Virgil, someone else. (He never truly loved Virgil. He just wanted to feel capable of love) Virgil wasn't real. No, it was just him trying to feel what everyone else was feeling. He had loved someone once. Deeply. Him.

Adam was beauty. Adam was grace. He was pain and pleasure. He was demons and angels. But most importantly, he was Logan's.

He had only been 14 at the time, but he had never felt closer to someone. Adam was the kindest person Logan had ever met. He was even nicer than Patton which was hard to beat.

Then, one day, on their one year anniversary of dating, they had stepped off of the sidewalk and were crossing the street. They were going to a museum. Then a car came barreling down the road, heading right towards the group of people in front of them. And Logan saw the love of him life jump in front of the children, protecting them up with his body. And die. The children survived but Adam was not so lucky. He was a hero. But that didn't make Logan feel any better.

Virgil knew. He tried to be supportive when Logan had bad days. But Patton was better at it. Patton knew just the right words and just the right time to say them.

And besides, Patton understood in a way Virgil never could. Patton got bad days too. Especially when Alfonso’s anniversary came up.

Logan was grateful for Emile too.

Emile was like the bandage over his burn wounds. He allowed Logan to talk to him with zero judgment. Providing him closure.

Emile wanted to be a therapist. And in Logan’s opinion he would be darn good at it. But then again Logan wasn’t a licensed professional so his opinion on the matter didn’t really count.

If he was grateful for Emile then he had to be grateful for Remy too.

Virgil’s sibling was a lot to deal with. But they made Emile happy. Which made Logan happy.

Remy was like…..the hand ripping off the bandage. He provided a well needed reality check with a side of blunt truth. Their words stung in a way that didn't make the original pain go away, but distracted him for the time being.

Besides, Remy only ripped off the bandage when they knew you were ready for it. When they knew you could handle it. It was soothing to Logan, to know that at least someone thought he was strong enough to hear the truth.

Remy and Emile were always together so it was nice to know that both the bandage and the hand ripping it off made a good team.

Roman was,....

Roman was interesting. The amount of observations Logan made that were apart from the norm was surprisingly large. First one being that he kept stuttering on him name, as if even he didn't know it. Then there was the fact that he was wearing womens jeans to high school. And the makeup. Logan had nothing against Romans strange fashion sense but he felt bad for the boy. Damien Dexter was gonna eat him alive.

Logan had only had a few conversations with him. He had been hoping to speak with him during lunch but the poor boy had gotten absolutely yeeted by Damien. (Logan’s been trying to put modern slang into his everyday vocabulary. So far it's been pretty *grabs notecard* litty.) So, he instead opted for option two: reading. He was currently reading ‘Tobacco in my sheets.’ by Lord_Loki on AO3. (Shamelessly self promoting.) it got a little intense so he was glad that Virgil had one arm wrapped around his shoulder for comfort.

Virgil and his siblings had a pretty deep conversation at lunch. Logan was pretty sure that they had forgotten he was there. Emile had moved from Remy's lap to Thomas’ empty seat (he had moved to Pattons seat to be near his siblings) and leaped into conversation with Valerie, Joan, and Terrence.

Logan was still there, perched on a cold, wobbly bench leaning on Virgil’s shoulder as Vee comforted his brother. Logan felt a little bad about being there in such a personal moment, but if they were going to forget he existed, he might as well act like he didn’t.

So he made a mental note to ask Virgil about it later before fully absorbing himself in his book, while also attempting to learn comforting skills through osmosis. He wasn’t stupid, he knew it wasn’t going to work.