My body shook with uncontainable sobs as I sat curled up in the corner flight deck, safely hidden from prying eyes behind boxes of mechanical gear. I’d started the moment I got back to the Mao after fighting Bei-Tech and hadn’t stopped since. That was 6 hours ago but still the tears hadn’t run dry.
Nik was dead. Shot down by people that had already taken far too much from both of us. It was one straw too many for me. I’d felt myself shatter - heart and soul fractured and crumbling into the dark abyss which had opened inside me. I didn’t know if I could be whole again after so much loss and I wasn’t even sure I wanted to be.
The sound of footsteps echoed in the silence of the abandoned deck and i shrunk further in on myself to make sure I was well and truly hidden. I didn’t want anyone to see me like this even if they all probably knew anyway. The steps sped up, slowed down, stopped, came closer and moved away seemingly at random, whoever had come here was clearly looking for something. I just hoped they found it before they found me.
“(Y/N)?” A voice. An impossible voice. A voice I knew so well and thought I’d never hear again, saying my name. Stars it had never sounded so bittersweet.
“(Y/N)?” There it was again, that flawless imitation of Nik’s voice, cruelly conjured from my memories. My sniffles got a little louder as I shook my head to try and rid myself of the phantom and i heard the footsteps stop, their owner listening. I tried to silence myself but a loud hiccup escaped.
The steps came quickly towards me and I tried to clean myself up as best in could before they got there. I realised it was all in vain when Nik came into view from around a stack of toolboxes.
“…No. Nonono… not this, please not this…” I shook my head and scrambled backwards as he took a step towards me, a mixture of concern and relief on his face.
“(Y/N), hey, it’s okay, it’s just me.”
“No. No it can’t be…”
“No!” I yelled and scrubbed at my eyes to make the vision go away. But it was still there when I opened them again. “It can’t…you’re dead! You can’t be here!”
“(Y/N), I’m not dead. I promise. I’m here. I’m real.” He crouched down and cradled my face in his hands. Hands that were warm and solid and so very, very real. Fuck, they were real.
“H-how? I hated the raspiness of my voice but there was nothing I could do about it after all the crying.
“Well now isn’t the time for ‘I told you so’ but the parachute you all gave me shit about saved our lives.”
“He’s okay as well.” I felt most of the tension seep out of my body and I slumped forward, Nik catching me in his arms as fresh tears fell. Tears of relief this time. “Shhh, it’s okay. I’m sorry I did that to you. I know what it’s like thinking you’ve lost someone and I never wanted to put you through that…again.”
“I’m just…I thought I lost you…for real this time.”
“I know, and I’m so sorry. If it helps this’ll be the last time.” That got a small laugh out of me and I felt Nik smile as he pressed a kiss to my forehead.
“It had better be, I don’t think I can take it again.”
“I promise.” One of Nik’s hands tilted my head up from where it rested on his chest so he could bring our lips together. Kissing Nik wasn’t something I thought I’d ever get to do again and I savoured every second of contact as if it was all still a dream or a memory that would fade too soon.
With a sudden surge of need, I tangled a hand in Nik’s hair and pressed our lips more firmly together. He didn’t hesitate in responding just as enthusiastically, his hands gripping tightly enough that it was slightly painful as he pulled me closer. I didn’t mind the pain. Pain meant it was real, that he was real. I knew I wasn’t holding him very gently either but he didn’t seem at all bothered.
Desperation and relief fuelled every action as hands roamed - both of us reassuring ourselves that we were still here and whole…physically at least. Emotionally? That was another story, one we’d deal with another time. For now at least I wanted to lose myself in Nik, drown in his touch if I could, and get rid of the lingering despair that had clawed away at my heart every moment I’d thought him lost to me.
I managed to mavouver myself into his lap and wasted no time in beginning to grind against him, the need coursing through my veins not allowing me to tell him what I wanted with words. Words weren’t something either of us needed right now anyway, contact was. In every touch it was clear what we craved and our bodies responded automatically and enthusiastically to the silent questions and pleas. It was only after I slid my hands down Nik’s chest and started working on the button of his trousers that he pulled back slightly.
“(Y/N),” his voice was breathy and slightly hoarse and it shot a bolt of need through me. “We can’t…not here…someone might-”
“They won’t.” I cut him off and returned to kissing him as I finally managed to get his trousers undone. He let out a groan as I palmed him through his underwear but still tried to protest.
“They might.” With a sigh I sat back a bit and removed my hand from him. He actually had the audacity to pout a little at that even though it was his own fault.
“Everyone is too busy with other things to care about coming to the flight deck. Trust me I’ve been here for hours and not a single person has come in here except you. No one’s gonna walk in on us. …But like, if you don’t want to…” I trailed off, wondering if maybe he really didn’t want to have sex right now - it wasn’t like him to be this worried about something so small.
“No I want to, stars I want to so bad, but what if someone wanders by and hears us or something?”
“Well then you’ll just have to keep your pretty mouth shut won’t you? I know it’s hard but I think you can manage.” I smirked at him and he rolled his eyes but I saw some of the tension seep from him at seeing my significantly lighter mood. It melted something in me into a warm little puddle that he worried so much despite him being the one that almost died.
“It was more you I was worried about.” He smirked right back at me, clearly no longer concerned about the prospect of being walked in on, maybe he’d just been worried I wasn’t thinking clearly and might regret it.
“Well if you keep my mouth busy then we won’t have a problem, will we?”
“No, we won’t, and I think I’m up to that particular task.” Just to prove it, he brought our lips together again in a kiss so hot and intense it felt like my whole body was being engulfed in flames. When he broke it I was left breathless and desperate for more. More of those kisses, more of those hands that were burning at my waist, more of everything Nik would give. As it happened, he was willing to give me everything.
I returned my hand to where I knew Nik wanted it and he he moaned a little at the contact. While one of his own hands slid up my shirt, the other found its way down the back of my trousers and rested firmly against my ass as he pulled me closer to him. His lips moved from my own and to my neck, kissing every inch of skin he had access to and leaving marks I’d never be able to hide. Another day I might have complained, but they’d be a reminder that this had happened and Nik was here. I let him make as many as he liked. Eventually he moved his hand on my butt between us to pop open the button of my trousers, far quicker than I’d managed, and slid his fingers into my underwear.
I gasped out at the first touch and reflexively moved my hips into his hand, chasing the tiny jolts of pleasure he brought. I felt his pleased smile against my flushed skin and pressed my hand more firmly against him in retaliation. His answering groan left a grin on my face to match his.
Nik, the little shit that he was, normally took his time, teasing me until I threatened to kick his ass into next week if he didn’t get on with it, but not today. He paused briefly after the first stroke of my clit and I was fully prepared to growl out my frustration - now was not the time for this - but, to my surprise he slid two fingers into me just a moment later. A loud noise that was equal parts surprise and pleasure escaped me and my hands flew to my mouth to try and stifle the ones that followed as Nik continued to move his fingers in a steady but certainly not slow rhythm.
He looked up at me and I had to stifle another goan at the unfiltered desire in his gaze. It seared my skin and heated my blood until it felt more like lava was running through my veins. His free hand left its place up my shirt and pulled my own away from my mouth so he could kiss me once more - hot, hard, and desperate. Now with his lips to muffle the obscene string of sounds I couldn’t seem to contain and my hands free, I pushed Nik’s underwear down as far as I could and pulled out his already fully-hard cock. Wrapping a hand around it, I began stroking in the same rhythm as he set with his own hand in me. His breath hitched audibly and his movements stuttered to a stop for a moment at the stimulation I provided him before I rolled my hips impatiently and swiped my thumb over his head. He groaned at the extra pleasure but restarted his movements, this time adding a third finger and pressing his thumb firmly against my clit.
Both our movements sped up as the pleasure and desperation for more built. I could feel release slowly creeping up on me and when Nik curled his fingers just so and hit a spot that had me seeing stars I knew I wouldn’t last much longer and was fairly sure he wouldn’t either. I ground down furiously against his fingers making sure to keep him hitting that same spot inside me over and over and was almost there when he abruptly removed his hand from my underwear. I barely had time to comprehend what he was doing through my desire-addled thoughts before I was laid down on the floor and Nik was dragging my trousers and underwear down my legs and throwing them off to the side along with my boots. He pulled his own down enough to keep them out of the way but was too impatient to bother with more as he leaned over me to connect our lips hungrily and finally slide himself into me. He didn’t move immediately and I could tell from the tension in his body that he was waiting a moment to calm down and make it last more than a few seconds but I was completely out of patience and shifted my hips to try and urge him on.
“Please…Nik please,” I begged when my efforts went unrewarded. “I need you, please just…I need you to fuck me.”
“…Fuck.” The word was breathed out shakily against my skin and it only made me more desperate. Luckily Nik’s patience had evaporated with my pleas and he finally drew his hips back and thrust back into me.
He didn’t bother starting steady this time but immediately set a hard and fast rhythm that had me crying out with no restraint as I attempted to move my hips to meet his. He wrapped an arm under me and lifted my hips, effectively stopping my own movements but changing the angle so he hit my g-spot on every thrust. My back arched as my pleasure doubled and I gripped desperately at Nik’s shirt - the only thing keeping my nails from scratching up his skin from the force of my grip.
I felt myself hurtling towards my release and with just a few more thrusts from Nik I was clenching around him and crying out his name as it flooded through me and I came harder than I ever had before. I barely noticed Nik coming soon after as the waves of my orgasm washed over me and blocked out anything that wasn’t a feeling of total bliss.
I only came back to myself when I felt him pull out of me, a soft whine from the empty feeling he left and the overstimulation leaving my lips. I heard him flop down beside me and turned my head to look at him. Beads of sweat ran down the side of his face and his expression was one of exhausted contentment. His chest was rising and falling heavily as he tried to regain his breath and his hair was an absolute mess that I couldn’t resist reaching up to run my hand through. A smile worked its way onto his face and he turned towards me, shifting a bit so he could press a soft kiss to my lips. I noticed him wince a little as he pulled away again and immediately sat up with a frown.
“You’re hurt.” I said accusingly. I could feel tears prickling at my eyes as it reminded me of how close he’d come to dying.
“I’m fine.” I didn’t buy it and he could tell. “I am, I promise. It’s nothing serious and a medic already looked me over and said I was okay.”
“But you almost weren’t.” My voice was barely more than a whisper and shook slightly. Nik immediately sat up as well and pulled me into his arms.
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t ever do that again, you asshole.”
“What? Fuck you so good you black out for 5 minutes?” I hit his shoulder playfully at that.
“No, that you can do again. A lot. But next time you almost die, I’m killing you myself.”
“I don’t doubt that you will. But you don’t have to worry, that’s never happening again.”
“Good.” I kissed him quickly once more before getting up and fetching my clothes from where Nik had thrown them earlier. My legs were a bit weak and shaky but I managed to pick them up and put them on without issue. As soon as I was done I felt arms slide around my waist and lips against my cheek.
“Y’know, if you’re planning to go, you should probably fix your hair.” Nik murmured, his smirk clear in his voice.
“There’s really no point when you did that.” I lifted a hand to point at my neck as I replied.
“Good point. Come on then, let’s go be useful.”
“Or we could go do something else…somewhere more private…” I turned in his arms and looked up at him, eyebrow raised suggestively.
“Something else sounds good.” I grinned as I disentangled myself from his arms and started to walk away. He caught up in just a couple of steps and slid a hand into my back pocket as I wrapped my arm around his waist. I smiled and leaned into him a bit as we made our way through the ship halls glad my waking nightmare was finally over and my friends and I had lived through it. Nik had come back to me and I was never, ever, going to lose him again.