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ODE TO GAMORA, BY HULK

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SAGA OF GUARDIANS AND AVENGERS, AND BEAUTY OF GAMORA

COMPOSED BY HULK

SPELLING EDITED BY ARROW MAN

 

 

I. GUARDIANS COME TO EARTH

FIVE FALL FROM SKY
WHILE HULK EATING PIE
(HULK NOT REALLY EAT PIE
BUT THAT RHYME WITH SKY)

FIVE FALL FROM SKY
IN METAL SHIP THING
FIVE KNOWING NOT
THE BADNESS THEY BRING

BALD TATTOO MAN
AND HELMET-HEAD JERK
AND LITTLE RACCOON
WHO UNDER TREE LURKS

AND SHE OF GREAT BEAUTY
GLAMOROUS AND FAIR
SHE WHO PUNCH HARD
AND HAVE PERFECT HAIR

FIVE FALL FROM SKY
FOLLOWED BY CURSE
CURSE OF BAD LUCK
AND STENCH EVEN WORSE

 

 

II. AVENGERS FIGHT EVIL

SIX ARE WE
WE SIX ARE BEST
AVENGERS FIGHT EVIL
VILLAINS AND PESTS

FIVE FALL FROM SKY
BRINGING A CURSE
AVENGERS GO FIGHT!
HIT THEM WITH PURSE

BUT MISUNDERSTANDING!
THEY HEROES TOO
WE FIND REAL VILLAIN
BEAT BLACK AND BLUE!

THEN HEROES TOGETHER
ALL GO FOR FAST FOOD

 

 

III. HEROES OF SPACE

HELMET-HEAD JERK
LEADER OF TEAM
COCKY AND DUMB

NOT COOL LIKE HE SEEM

BALD TATTOO MAN
BIG, TOUGH, AND STRONG
(NOT AS MUCH AS HULK)
HIM AND HULK GET ALONG

LITTLE RACCOON
FURRY AND SMALL
HAVE POINTY SHARP TEETH
HE SHOOT HULK IN BALLS

HULK NOT LIKE LITTLE RACCOON

TREE IS TREE
HULK NOT KNOW WHAT TO SAY ABOUT TREE

BUT GAMORA!

GAMORA LOVELY!
ANGEL FROM ABOVE
GAMORA GREAT!
HULK FALL IN LOVE

 

 

IV. ODE TO GAMORA

GAMORA GREEN LIKE HULK
GAMORA TOUGH LIKE HULK
BUT GAMORA NOT HULK

GAMORA LOOK DELICATE
GAMORA LOOK SMALL
BUT GAMORA TOUGH LIKE HULK!

GAMORA LIKE FLOWER
BEAUTIFUL ROSE WITH SHARP THORNS
LOOK, BUT DO NOT TOUCH
OR GET CUT BY SHARP THORNS

GAMORA TOUGH, INSIDE AND OUT
BUT HULK SEE PAIN IN AMETHYST ORBS
HULK WANT TO FIX PROBLEM
BUT NOT WANT TO TOUCH THORNS

 

 

V. GUARDIANS LEAVE

GUARDIANS LEAVE
GUARDIANS GO
WE ASK THEM STAY
THEY SAY NO

UP INTO SPACE
UP INTO SKY
BEYOND SHINY STARS
WE SAY GOODBYE

HULK SAD
HULK MISS GAMORA
AND BALD TATTOO MAN

HULK NOT MISS LITTLE RACCOON AND HELMET-HEAD JERK
AND HULK STILL NOT SURE WHAT TO THINK OF TREE

BUT MOSTLY HULK MISS GAMORA

HULK WISH HULK HAD MORE TIME
TIME TO MAKE HER SMILE
TIME TO BUY HER LUNCH
TIME TO HEAL PAIN IN AMETHYST ORBS

NOW SHE IS GONE
UP INTO SKY
NOT MEANT TO BE
HULK SAY GOODBYE

GOODBYE, GAMORA

 

 

 

IMPORTANT NOTE: POEM SAY AVENGERS HIT GUARDIANS WITH PURSE, BUT THAT JUST FOR RHYME PURPOSES. AVENGERS NOT REALLY HAVE PURSE. EXCEPT FOR MAN IN SUIT. HE RICH AND HAVE LOTS OF PURSE. HULK DEFINITELY NOT HAVE PURSE. HULK TOO COOL FOR PURSE.

***

When Bruce Banner regained consciousness he was lying on the floor of what appeared to be an abandoned warehouse, mostly naked save for a pair of oversized purple shorts. This was not at all unusual; he had found himself in such a situation many times before and surely would many times again. What was unusual was how the floor around him was littered with smashed typewriters. What was even more unusual was the fact that he was not alone; for perched on a large wooden box across from him was none other than Clint Barton.

Clint waved at him. “Hey.”

“Uh, hey.” Bruce glanced around, taking in the sight of dozens of broken, mangled typewriters. Confusion was written on his face in a big bold font, perhaps Arial Black.

“Do I even what to know what happened here?”

Clint held up a notepad and a red pen. “I’m your editor… or the Other Guy’s editor anyway. You never told me he had a creative side.

“I wasn’t aware that he did.”

“Well, he does. His poetry is…” Clint paused, clearly wracking the vocabulary portion of his brain for the most appropriate and least offensive word. “…interesting.”

Bruce recognized a euphemism when he heard one. “How bad is it?”

“Two words: amethyst orbs.”

“Oh god.”