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Suit and Tie,

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Duncan’s home was large, glistening clean and carpeted. Hell, his front room was bigger than Scott’s entire house. If that wasn’t enough to make his feel out of place, his boyfriends parents were in fine evening wear and expensive accessories. Pink shining pearls and silver watches. Scott was in his best outfit; his father’s cleanest shirt, and whichever jeans had the least amount of blood on them. It was hard to look trendy with ‘Veterans Against Reagan’ written against his chest in comic sans.

Duncan’s mother Angelique ‘Call me Mom’ Smith was sitting on their sofa. She had her legs crossed and was swinging her foot. Her heels were as tall as Scott’s fist and it hurt his feet to look at them.

David ‘That’s Sir to you’ Smith wasn’t sitting down, instead hovering by the sofa with his arms by his side. He was staring at Scott up and down, eyes lingering on the his shirt for far longer than necessary. It was almost eery the similarities between him and his son; same face shape, same hair (kinda), same piercing, disapproving scowl. At least with Duncan Scott could tell what he was thinking behind those tough eyes. With this guy? He had no idea. Only that he felt small, stupid and insignificant.

Angelique ‘ahhemm’ed into her fist before spreading out her arms, as if for a hug. Scott didn’t move.

“It’s so nice to have you here Scott. Duncan has told us a lot about you.”

There was something very honest behind her eyes. Scott had come to tell when people were lying, and there wasn’t a hint of deception about her. Still, he had also learned that people can turn on you in a heartbeat, so he wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows yet.

“Mum!” Duncan hissed beside him, his hold on Scott’s waist loosening. Angelique tittered to herself, and fixed her son a warm look.

“Oh sweetie, it’s my job to embarrass you. Especially in front of your girl-boyfriend.”

Scott noticed the slip-up. He didn’t mind it. Duncan had told him he’d never introduced any of his ex boyfriend's to his parents before. The memory brought a smile to Scott’s face, which David must have mistook for something else.

“Don’t get too comfortable. We’re leaving in an hour. Which should give you more than enough time to go upstairs and,” his eyes raked Scott again and he sneered, “clean up.”

Duncan’s grip tightened again. Scott sucked in a breath through his teeth and fixed a smile at Sir Smith .

“Of course Sir.”

And he let Duncan lead him upstairs.

They didn’t say anything as they walked up. Scott wasn’t even thinking about Mr and Mrs Smith, he was too focused on the fact that ‘were there stairs made of marble?! Are you kidding me?? Oh man am I getting dirt everywhere, I thought I got it all out! Good thing they don’t have carpets’.

They reached the top and Duncan opened a door in front of them. He gave a little chivalrous bow, which Scott snorted at and shoved his shoulder as he walked past. They both snickered at each other.

Closing the door behind them, Scott thought he was in a spa. Did people like Duncan own spas? That was a rich-people-thing wasn’t it? Because goddamn there was no way this was just a bathroom.

“So this is the bathroom.” Duncan stated, gesturing lazily. As if this was a regular occurence and wasn’t totally blowing Scott’s mind or anything. He ran a hand through his hair-growing suspiciously into a mullet with all the green dye out-and tapped his fingers against a wall.

“There’s the bath. There’s the shower. Shampoo, conditioner, face wash, soap, bath bomb, salts, razor and gel. You need anything?”

Shortly after ‘shampoo’ Scott’s brain started malfunctioning, and he just nodded dimly. Did people put salt in their baths? And bombs?

Duncan raised an eyebrow at him, and touched Scott’s arm gently.

“Do you need help?”

Scott didn’t answer, just stared at the weird tube of what looked like candy next to the shower. They didn’t look like salts. And why were they pink?

He saw Duncan give a glance to his hair-which he did try to clean, he really did. But getting bird seed out of your roots is harder than it looks-and sigh.

“Okay, i’ll explain. See conditioner is-”


They both flinched. David’s voice echoed around the bathroom walls and down the hallway. Duncan stood up straighter, and he frowned. Scott was clutching onto a blue bottle-shaving cream comes in scents?-and trying not to focus too hard on anything in particular.

Duncan sighed again.

“I gotta go babe. Just… try it by yourself, and don’t hurt yourself. ‘Kay?”


Duncan gave him a light kiss on his cheek, and closed the door behind him. Leaving Scott on his own. Behind the door he could hear Duncan trudging down the stairs in his loud steel-toed boots, and his father’s voice. David sounded angry. Duncan started yelling back, but he was far enough away that Scott couldn’t tell what was being said. He assumed it was about him.

Scott shook his head, and stepped further into the bathroom. Pinks and creams surrounded him and he was nearly blinded by the overhead lights. They even had those light bulbs around their mirror like movie stars.

Fiddling with the bath taps he got them running, and put in the plug. It was refreshing to not have to run back and forth between the bathroom to the front room with piping hot kettles of water.

Just as he was pulling his shirt over his head, Scott noticed some odd bottles on the counter. Tossing the shirt aside-where it lay crumpled in the corner of the room-he went over and picked one up.

Foundation? Highlighter? Gloss? They smelled like heaven but they looked like hand sanitizers. Or something to oil a car. He rolled them around in his hands, smearing them with pale goop, and saw more viles.

Lipstick. Oh, he knew that one! Albertha sometimes went dumpster diving for them, along with eye shadows and mascara. Scott realised she would probably know what these all were, she loved this kind of stuff.

A small voice in the back of his head suddenly piped up, one he hadn’t heard since The Island;

‘Steal it.’


‘They don’t deserve this stuff! Angelique can just go and buy more, Albertha deserves it more than she does. You’ll be a good brother if you do, and it’s not like they’ll know it’s you.’

Fuck. That was a good point. Scott tossed the vile from hand to hand, getting used to the feel between his fingers. He could just slip it in his pocket, and no one’ll ever know. Plus this is such a pretty shade of red, all Albertha owns are pinks and they go horribly with her ginger hair, and-

“Scott, dear? Are you okay? Are you taking a bath?”

Scott startled and the vile fell from his grip. It clattered on the floor, and the sound echoed around the room. Sucking in a shaky breath, he turned to the door.

“Ye-yes Miss! Thank you! Pardon me!”

“That’s okay deary! Take your time, our cab is late so it’ll be another hour yet!”

Scott listened closely as Angelique walked away, and clutched his chest.

What was he doing?! He vowed to change his ways after The Island, he and Duncan both had! And if Albertha knew he stole something-even if it was just makeup-she would never accept it!

He picked up the vile, placed it back on the counter and moved back to the bath. It was almost full up now. He stuck his hand in. Mmmm, the perfect temperature.

‘You don’t deserve this’.

The Voice was back. Scott scratched at his hair and watched as flecks of dirt fell to the floor.

‘You nearly stole from them and now you’re going to dirty their bath? Look at you, spreading filth and disease wherever you go-’

Scott did the first thing that came to mind and started humming loudly, a nonsensical tune that came out of nowhere. Eventually the voice died away, and he started undressing. The tune slowly morphed into ‘The Mariner’s Revenge’, and he felt just a bit happier.

Then he slipped into the bath.

Fuuuuckkkk, this was nice. All thoughts were washed away as warm, soapy water splashed around his shoulders and he sank down. God, even his own bed wasn’t this comfortable. He wondered how Duncan would react if he asked to move in. What would happen if he just slept here? Nice way to die, that’d be for sure.

Humming quieter, Scott reached out for the closest bottle, and read the label.

Shampoo. Almond oil, tea leaves and mango. Well, this bath might be nice but he was gonna have a heck of a time figuring this shit out. Maybe he can call Duncan up here to help him.