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A Quiznacking Space Road Trip (Voltron Chat Fic)

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Ungrateful Ants


KazooKid: o-

SassyBinch: i’ll smack u so hard that pink synthetic wig will go down the block

Mattsquito: omg

ambuLANCE: pidge i will disown you

KazooKid: i’m

SassyBinch: okay

[SassyBinch sent an image]

KazooKid: i’m calling the cops

SassyBinch: fbi

Mattsquito: hello??? 911 ??

ambuLANCE: yes hello

Mattsquito: 0.0

ambuLANCE: what the fuck do you want

ambuLANCE: state your emergency or i’m hanging up

SassyBinch: bitchass

ambuLANCE: do you have an emergency or can i hang up

SassyBinch: why is this a furry rp gtfo

ambuLANCE: what no i wasn’t doing a furry rp you soggy noodle

KazooKid: I'M-

Mattsquito: toasted grilled burnt to a crisp

[HoneyNutShirios is online]

[InterGAYlactic is online]

[QueenOfAllQueens is online]

[CoranicMechanic is online]

[PurpleCrayon is online]

[ButterflyElf is online]

[AcxauallyILikeGirls is online]

HoneyNutShirios: hEY GANG

SassyBinch: ,,,

ambuLANCE: que mierda

Mattsquito: EVERYONE QUICK describe yourself using a text face

Mattsquito: ᕦ( ͠°◞  °)ᕥ

SassyBinch: (╹◡╹)凸

HoneyNutShirios: ┬──┬ ︵(╯。□。)╯

KazooKid: (✿ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧

ambuLANCE: (ಥ⌣ಥ)︻╦╤─

She’sAKillerQueen: (-_- ✿)ノ

Acxa: ♪☆\(^0^\) ♪(/^-^)/☆♪ (I like music)

CoranicMechanic: ヽ(^෴^)ノ

InterGAYlactic: ┬┴┬┴┤凸( ͡° ͜ʖ├┬┴┬┴

PurpleCrayon: ಠ_ಠ

ButterflyElf: |˚–˚|

HoneyNutShirios: i

ambuLANCE: omg keef

InterGAYlactic: ,,,

InterGAYlactic: lancey lance



[ambuLANCE added KazooKid , SassyBinch , HoneyNutShirios , She’sAKillerQueen to Keith♡♡♡]

HoneyNutShirios: oh no now i have to deal with two of you

ambuLANCE: hhhhhhh i’m so in love

KazooKid: just, talk to him!

ambuLANCE: i can’t! he’s just so,, and i’m just,,,,, fuck

ambuLANCE: ughh i’m doomed

SassyBinch: try flirting with him

ambuLANCE: believe me, i’ve tried

ambuLANCE: everytime i get bold enough to do it, then i chicken out once i see him

ambuLANCE: he’s just so adorable, brave, strategic, and even though he’s moody and seems hateful he’s actually really sweet and pure

ambuLANCE: whenever he smiles, i feel like i could vault over jupiter

SassyBinch: aw that’s actually really sweet

SassyBinch: keith: [exists] you: I WOULD DIE FOR YOU


KazooKid: oh no i just realized how much your feelings must have been hurt during that space game show thingy

HoneyNutShirios: oh yeah, you guys don’t really talk about that. what happened?

SassyBinch: so basically we appeared in some sort of family feud game show hosted by some guy named bob and he forced us to do it. keith did some sort of pictation thingy and

ambuLANCE: i’m gonna interrupt and just say that bob put keith’s bangs up into a ponytail and a pacifier in his mouth and i fuckin died he was so cute

SassyBinch: and suddenly zarkon, lotor, and some other dude were resurrected just for the game show, also haggar was there too. it was such a dysfunctional family

SassyBinch: zarkon chose lance to do some sort of memory game where he had to remember the names of 5 random aliens we met on our entire space journey since day 1, and lance only got the last one right, who was bi boh bii

SassyBinch: then bi boh bii appeared and gave lance clues when he did a guessing game, which was in bi boh bii’s language and he was CRUSHING it, except the last one. then lance was thrown into a tank of bubbling acid

HoneyNutShirios: oh jeez

SassyBinch: then i had to do a little mini golf thing in order to save lance, but i hit the ball just right for it to bounce everywhere so i could jump on bob and demand that he let us go. but apparently i won the mini game by doing that and lance was poofed back to those game show podiums

SassyBinch: then finally, we had to choose one person on the team to leave the game show and the rest of us would stay there for all eternity, and everyone said something cheesy about who they chose. no one chose themselves, which is how we all got out. i, for obvious reasons, chose hunk, hunk chose allura, allura chose me, and guess who chose each other

HoneyNutShirios: lance and keith?

KazooKid: yes, or in other words klance

ambuLANCE: sksksks

SassyBinch: but the thing is, keith bullshitted his way through it and didn’t even give a good explanation as to why he chose lance

KazooKid: lance said “i chose keith. he’s our leader, plus he’s half galra, so i think he’s, like, the future” and keith said “i just don’t want to be stuck here for eternity with lance”

ambuLANCE: i’m still upset by it

HoneyNutShirios: wow look at that it’s lecture time

ambuLANCE: NO NONO WAIT don’t do that

ambuLANCE: then he’s gonna think i’m just selfish and trying to guilt trip him into saying something nice about me

HoneyNutShirios: i highly doubt that

ambuLANCE: please shiro?

HoneyNutShirios: alright, but you two will have to talk about this at some point

ambuLANCE: i know, i just

ambuLANCE: i don’t want him to feel pressured or anything, and he likes to keep these kind of things private with no one else up in his/our business

HoneyNutShirios: yeah

She’sAKillerQueen: Wait so, Lance is in love with Keith?

KazooKid: that was established

ambuLANCE: wHaT dO i Do

She’sAKillerQueen: Just talk to him, Lance. Nothing too professional or personal, just… talk. Make him laugh, open up to him about something to subtly let him know that you trust him. But don’t force anything, the most important part is letting the conversation come into its own.

SassyBinch: i never knew you were such a romantic, allura

She’sAKillerQueen: Yes, well, it’s a talent.

She’sAKillerQueen: Oh! Coran asked me to tell you four that we’re almost at our next stop. He already let the others know. Lance, you can talk to Keith there!

ambuLANCE: alright, wish me luck

HoneyNutShirios: you’ll be fine

KazooKid: you’ll do great, bro!

SassyBinch: yeah sure

[ambuLANCE is offline]

SassyBinch: he won’t need luck

KazooKid: keith too?

HoneyNutShirios: yep




InterGAYlactic > HoneyNutShirios

InterGAYlactic: SHIRO


HoneyNutShirios: calm down i was just talking to him

InterGAYlactic: is he okay?

HoneyNutShirios: yep, he was just worrying about something, but it’s all good now

InterGAYlactic: about what??

HoneyNutShirios: that's completely confidential, but he's fine so you don't need to worry

InterGAYlactic: ,,,,,,,,,,,, ok,,,




Ungrateful Ants

[CoranicMechanic is offline]

[PurpleCrayon is offline]

Mattsquito: oh i almost forgot

[Mattsquito added Shay to Ungrateful Ants]

[ambuLANCE is online]

KazooKid: !! :O

Shay: hello all! matt showed me the group chat, so i know about it and who is who already

KazooKid: shay!!! :D

Shay: :D hunk!!

ambuLANCE: :\ lance¡

Aardvark: are you ok

ambuLANCE: hahahahahahhahahahahhaha no

AcxauallyILikeGirls: why not

ambuLANCE: haaaaa anxiety

ambuLANCE: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Mattsquito: oofie 

KazooKid: what's got you down bud?

ambuLANCE: oh :) you know :) just,, ranting to myself about not being good enough :)) for You Know Who :))))))

KazooKid: i say vol, and you say tron!

KazooKid: vol?

ambuLANCE: demort 

KazooKid: yeah you're definitely out of it 

InterGAYlactic: alright [whips out a giant roll of paper filled with names] who do i gotta put on my hit list

ambuLANCE: put me down bls 

InterGAYlactic: wait no i take it back

ambuLANCE: blease 

HoneyNutShirios: no death for you

ambuLANCE: damnit 

She'sAKillerQueen: Oh I see who you're talking about...

ambuLANCE: hhhhn i just 

ambuLANCE: :) i'm a mess :)))

Mattsquito: I'M A LOSER






HoneyNutShirios: -_- i don't know why i didn't expect anything different from you two

Aardvark: i have raised you well, matt

Aardvark: mattyb raps

Aardvark: mattress

Aardvark: yoga mat

Mattsquito: bitch i'm older than you, i let you inherit my knowledge 

InterGAYlactic: what the fuck is even going on

Aardvark: i wasn't done asshole 

Aardvark: ,, crystal math

Mattsquito: [bows excessively] yes thank you, thank you

Aardvark: besides, i took your intellect as well as enhancing mine to surpass your own, i took all the credit for it, i'm not a meme AND i evolved into a whole-ass pidgeot while you're still an unevolved wooper 

Mattsquito: >:O

KazooKid: oy vey

ambuLANCE: but seriously, i'm a mess for this person and in general and bsbhjajsbdbsja

 ambuLANCE: i'm gonna fuckign,,,,,

ambuLANCE: ugh 





ambuLANCE: AAAAAifuckinglovethisboyAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA 

ambuLANCE: he's got perfectly clear skin, his eyes are such a beautifully deep purple that seem to withhold galaxies inside them, he can actually pull off a mullet really well and it looks so soft and i just wanna run my fingers through it, and that scar??? hO BOy it's so fucking hOT I JUST???????


Aardvark: disgustening

KazooKid: *disgusting 

Aardvark: did i fucking stutter 

HoneyNutShirios: this is honestly pretty cute

HoneyNutShirios: lance i give you my blessing

ambuLANCE: skjdhsjsjfjfd thanks shkshdhs 

KazooKid: we're landing in a few seconds, go get your man!!

ambuLANCE: akfbbsbsnanan 

[ambuLANCE is offline]

[HoneyNutShirios is offline]

[KazooKid is offline]

[Aardvark is offline]

[She'sAKillerQueen is offline]