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A Quiznacking Space Road Trip (Voltron Chat Fic)

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 Voltron Squad

[SassyBinch is online]

[SassyBinch renamed Voltron Squad to Ungrateful Ants]

[NinjaJediHitchhiker is online]

NinjaJediHitchhiker: hey, the chat’s up and running again!

[ambuLANCE is online]

[100%CinnamonRoll is online]

[SassyBinch is online]

[HoneyNutShirios is online]

[LostChild is online]

[QueenOfAllQueens is online]

[#1Gay is online]

[CoranicMechanic is online]

[PurpleCrayon is online]

SassyBinch: thou art righteth, dearest brother

SassyBinch: i killed the chat a few days ago so i could fiddle around and add some features

ambuLANCE: oooooooo what’d you add

SassyBinch: screenshots, we can edit the designs/backgrounds of specific chats, video chats, profile pics, sending pics/videos, y’know, the basics

ambuLANCE: owo owo

NinjaJediHitchhiker: uwu

100%CinnamonRoll: gasp

100%CinnamonRoll: matt you didn’t just do that

HoneyNutShirios: ?

ambuLANCE: uh oh not again

SassyBinch: oof

100%CinnamonRoll: you have committed a sin too great to be wiped clean. you have carelessly insulted the entity of every mcclain in existence. most importantly, you have punctured the abilities of none other than leandro charles mcclain in order to cover up your own flexible range.

#1Gay: i don’t know what’s going on but i'm scared

NinjaJediHitchhiker: wait what did i even do wrong

100%CinnamonRoll: i would tell you but then i would be committing the same sin

100%CinnamonRoll: leandro charles mcclain would you please demonstrate for the class

ambuLANCE: uwu

100%CinnamonRoll: thank you. only the mcclains have the right to do that

ambuLANCE: but hunk, you're an honorary mcclain, so you do too

HoneyNutShirios: so your real name isn’t actually lance?

ambuLANCE: nope! it’s actually leandro, lance is just a nickname

SassyBinch: keith how’s it going over there

#1Gay: i- he- what-

100%CinnamonRoll: that’s how you know you’re too gay for your own good

SassyBinch: he has reached new levels

[HoneyNutShirios changed #1Gay ’s name to TooGay]

TooGay: yes

[ambuLANCE changed TooGay ’s name to TooGayForLance]

TooGayForLance: yes

SassyBinch: keith you might wanna restate that

TooGayForLance: wait no-8if7wydtet2h1h

HoneyNutShirios: uh oh spaghettios

TooGayForLance: fheuahvfdhfs nb2uy712ehdb  bzkosmo just teleported over here with lance and i panicked

ambuLANCE: i fell on him

TooGayForLance: no you practically tackled me

ambuLANCE: i tackled him

100%CinnamonRoll: oh?

SassyBinch: kinky,, lenny face

NinjaJediHitchhiker: you just typed out “lenny face”

SassyBinch: y’all i’m too lazy

TooGayForLance: n O piD g E

ambuLANCE: NO i didn’t even realize that kosmo was gonna dump me on top of this edgelord

ambuLANCE: he was probably gonna teleport to keith i doubt that he meant to drag me along

ambuLANCE: alrighty i'm back in red

ambuLANCE: oKAy who wants to play truth or dare?

SassyBinch: yesyesyes

PurpleCrayon: Sure, Keith's father taught me how

100%CinnamonRoll: of course!

HoneyNutShirios: why not? it's a good opportunity to get closer as a team as well as friends

NinjaJediHitchhiker: aw yee

QueenOfAllQueens: Truth or Dare is a very popular universal game, of course I'll play!

CoranicMechanic: Seconded!

LostChild: Me too

TooGayForLance: i don't know…

ambuLANCE: pleeeeaaaseeee

TooGayForLance: well..


TooGayForLance: don't do it


ambuLANCE: keef

TooGayForLance: fine

SassyBinch: O_O

CoranicMechanic: OOH! I’ll go first!!

CoranicMechanic: Shiro!! Truth or Dare?

HoneyNutShirios: truth

CoranicMechanic: What’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you?

HoneyNutShirios: death

TooGayForLance: of course

HoneyNutShirios: pidge, truth or dare

SassyBinch: dare

HoneyNutShirios: i dare you to insult science

SassyBinch: yo i have the inability to do that

HoneyNutShirios: alright then, i dare you to insult someone using science

SassyBinch: hey lance, are you composed of barium, silicon, carbon, bismuth, technetium and hydrogen?

SassyBinch: cause you’re a Ba Si C  Bi Tc H

ambuLANCE: ;~;

100%CinnamonRoll: hue

SassyBinch: keith t or d

TooGayForLance: truth bitch

SassyBinch: do you have a crush on anyone?

TooGayForLance: ………….. yes

TooGayForLance: and for the record, you already knew that so fuck you

TooGayForLance: also,

[TooGayForLance changed their name to InterGAYlactic]

ambuLANCE: keith… did you just…….

InterGAYlactic: make a pun? yeah

100%CinnamonRoll: HAHAH i get it! it’s because you’re half galra and gay! o man that’s great



ambuLANCE > 100%CinnamonRoll

ambuLANCE: hEs sO aDOraBlE aaaAAAAaaaaAAaaAaAaAaAAAAAAAA



Ungrateful Ants

InterGAYlactic: ok uhh hunk truth or dare

100%CinnamonRoll: uh oh.. truth??

HoneyNutShirios: don’t worry hunk, it’s physically impossible for anyone to harm you in any way

HoneyNutShirios: you only have to be afraid of pidge

NinjaJediHitchhiker: pidge is a fuccin rat who lives in the vents

SassyBinch: ssssssssssssssssss

InterGAYlactic: oh god

InterGAYlactic: anyway hunk, what’s your biggest pet peeve

InterGAYlactic: i wanna know so i don’t mess up in some way and get on hunk’s bad side

100%CinnamonRoll: wELL,,

ambuLANCE: oH no

100%CinnamonRoll: my biggest pet peeve is when SOMEONE pours my favorite cereal down the drain

ambuLANCE: wow would you look at the time!!! gotta go!!

100%CinnamonRoll: i will NEVER forget that lance!! you know how much i loved those fruit loops!!

ambuLANCE: well soRRY that i reacted in such a way when you THREW MY SKETCHBOOK OUT THE WINDOW

100%CinnamonRoll: THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT

QueenOfAllQueens: Paladins! Please calm down!



SassyBinch: guys please


InterGAYlactic: it’s really unnatural to see you guys fight, i don’t like this


ambuLANCE: BrO

100%CinnamonRoll: bRO


100%CinnamonRoll: BROOOOoooOOO

CoranicMechanic: this is extremely unsettling

SassyBinch: guys!! you’re scaring the baby!

PurpleCrayon: What baby? There is no baby with us?

InterGAYlactic: shiro

CoranicMechanic: but Shiro isn’t-

HoneyNutShirios: i'm fragile, okay??

ambuLANCE: fine… i’m sorry hunk

100%CinnamonRoll: i’m sorry too buddy

ambuLANCE: bbtwneleoitrotawseonmwsbscow??

100%CinnamonRoll: bbtweneleoitrotawseonmwsbscow

NinjaJediHitchhiker: what

100%CinnamonRoll: it means ‘best bros that will never ever leave each other in the roughest of times and will support each other no matter what stupid bs comes our way’

InterGAYlactic: do i even want to know

ambuLANCE: it’s our bro slogan

100%CinnamonRoll: krolia t or d

PurpleCrayon: Truth

100%CinnamonRoll: i heard somewhere that keith wasn’t originally going to be “keith”. what were you going to name him before you changed your mind?

SassyBinch: oh?

PurpleCrayon: Well, Keith’s father changed my mind and we decided on Keith Akira Kogane, but I wanted his name to be Yorak

100%CinnamonRoll: omg

HoneyNutShirios: i think i’m dying again

ambuLANCE: iM cRyIng

LostChild: Don’t cry??

SassyBinch: hOlY sHiT tHaT’s FuCkIn HiLaRiOuS

InterGAYlactic: MOM

CoranicMechanic: I don’t see what’s so funny about this.

QueenOfAllQueens: Well I think it’s a lovely name.

PurpleCrayon: Thank you princess. But I think that Keith’s father had the better idea.

PurpleCrayon: Alright, Lance truth or dare?

ambuLANCE: dare

PurpleCrayon: Change the usernames of 4 people

ambuLANCE: bet

[ambuLANCE changed LostChild ’s name to ButterflyElf]

[ambuLANCE changed  QueenOfAllQueens ‘s name to She’sAKillerQueen]

[ambuLANCE changed NinjaJediHitchhiker ’s name to Mattsquito]

[ambuLANCE changed 100%CinnamonRoll ’s name to KazooKid]

InterGAYlactic: what the actual??

SassyBinch: matt is a literal mosquito tho, gold star on that one lance

ambuLANCE: thank you ^^

Mattsquito: shut the fuck up you aardvark

SassyBinch: i thought i was a rat

Mattsquito: same difference

SassyBinch: no not really

She’sAKillerQueen: I don’t kill! At least, only for war purposes.

ambuLANCE: chill it’s just a lyric from an earth song

She’sAKillerQueen: Oh. Nevermind then.

HoneyNutShirios: ok but why is hunk’s name from a very old kids show?

ambuLANCE: have i got a SToRy FOr yOU

SassyBinch: ( ^ is that a veggie tales reference i see?)

ambuLANCE: (why yes dear sweet pidgeon)

KazooKid: time to meet a side of me that you’ve never known

ambuLANCE: hunk and I have been friends since before the garrison, right? this took place at my house. so one morning i woke up, and before long i heard a loud noise outside

ambuLANCE: at first i ignored it, but then it got LOUDER. so i looked outside and there i see hunk facing my bedroom window

ambuLANCE: playing a handful of kazoos at once

ambuLANCE: into a megaphone

ambuLANCE: i don’t remember what i yelled to him from the window, but hunk replied “kazoos for days” before speeding away on a tiny scooter

SassyBinch: #friendshipgoals

Mattsquito: ew stop

[SassyBinch changed their name to Aardvark]

Aardvark: never, peasant

Mattsquito: D:

InterGAYlactic: why do I feel like that’s something shiro would do?

KazooKid: idk man but it’s seems uncharacteristic of him

InterGAYlactic: not unless you’ve known him since you were like, 12

She’sAKillerQueen: I keep forgetting that you and Shiro have known each other for longer than everyone else has.

ambuLANCE: matt my dude t or d

Mattsquito: dare

ambuLANCE: yeet ok

ambuLANCE: uhh do an imitation of everyone in the group chat, as well as zarkon, haggar, lotor, axca, and shay 

Mattsquito: shiro- "i'm takashi shirogane and i have big-ass muscles, and all my advice comes directly from naruto"

Mattsquito: allura- "my name is allura and i was born into the royal british family even though i'm from a different planet. but i'm not stuck up and i love everyone the same, except for my ex and his family. they can go die"

Mattsquito: keith- "i'm keith and i'm emo af. i have abandonment issues and i like sword fights. CRYPTIDS"

Mattsquito: lance- "hey there demons, it's me, ya boy. i like girls and i'm the super hot sharpshooter. but i also hate myself on the inside and i'll let that self-hatred fester silently and destroy my very mental/emotional being, but I'll never tell anybody"

InterGAYlactic: aw lance ):

ambuLANCE: chjddjkwyu no 

Mattsquito: hunk- "hello, i'm hunk. i'm a gift from God himself, or maybe i am God. i love to cook and i make people feel loved and happy"

 Mattsquito: pidge- "it's me, pidge. i'm like, 11 and i won't hit puberty for the next 24 years. i'm robotsexual, lesbian for the loch ness monster, and i'll kick your ass to the next universe even though i'm just a toddler"

Mattsquito: coran- "wassup i'm the altean nigel thornberry and i'm the friendly supportive uncle of this space family"

Mattsquito: krolia- "i'm keith's badass galra mom and i love my baby boy"

Mattsquito: romelle- "i'm romelle, and i'm energetic with a lot of questions. i am innocent, pure, but i can be scary depending on the situation"

Mattsquito: zarkon- "it is i, your emperor, who commanded the furry race and enslaved more than a third of existence. i've ruled the furry empire for over 10000 decaphoebs and was defeated by 4 children and their dad in only 2 years."

Mattsquito: haggar- "i'm a witch, i can turn you into a frog. i became an evil zombie with alzheimer's after i had sex with interdimensional, corrupted quintessential being"

Mattsquito: lotor- "i'm a weasel and i'm sly as fuck. i'm a dramatic, whiny bitch with daddy issues. i only drink respect women juice, and all i've ever wanted was a ballerina barbie"


KazooKid: this is too true

Aardvark: i'm lIVING

Mattsquito: axca- "i thought i was part of the mean girls club, but nah. i suddenly wanted to join the coalition for the dude with the flippity mullet hair and scar"

Mattsquito: shay- "hello! i'm shay and i'm really calm and gentle. i may or may not have feelings for hunk."

KazooKid: dgjdsgjddhjfdsf

ambuLANCE: [wink wink nudge nudge]

CoranicMechanic: I don't know what many of your earth terms mean but it all seems terrifyingly accurate based on the content.

ambuLANCE: axca has a crush on keith?!???!

PurpleCrayon: Well yes, haven't you noticed?

InterGAYlactic: ew no thanks 

ButterflyElf: Keith, aren't you dating Axca?

InterGAYlactic: eW NO


QueenOfAllQueens: exCUSE ME

InterGAYlactic: except allura, romelle, my mom, pidge, and i guess axca

QueenOfAllQueens: Thank you.


QueenOfAllQueens: I'm going to assume you meant me.

QueenOfAllQueens: Dare! You don't scare me!

Mattsquito: add axca to the group chat

[QueenOfAllQueens added Acxa to Ungrateful Ants]

Acxa: um....... hello?

PurpleCrayon: Hello there, fellow Galra rebel.

QueenOfAllQueens: Greetings.

KazooKid: eat your vegetables 

Aardvark: tweet tweet motherfucker 

HoneyNutShirios: hi axca

CoranicMechanic: Nice to talk with you again!

ButterflyElf: Who 

InterGAYlactic: salutations welcome to hell 

ambuLANCE: skskksdkeksjsndjjrjryhsbbabm

Acxa: who are you? what do you want?

Mattsquito: this is the official Voltron chat group 

Aardvark: Voltron + matt, romelle, krolia, coran and shiro

Mattsquito: slander 

Acxa: oh, I see, hi!!

Acxa: is keith here, then?

ButterflyElf: [Looks at the camera like I'm in The Office.]

ambuLANCE: omg did she just

Aardvark: who is responsible 

HoneyNutShirios: uh,,

Aardvark: how do you plead

Mattsquito: [mouths] not guilty!

HoneyNutShirios: hot milky 

Mattsquito: just lock him up

KazooKid: whEezE

InterGAYlactic: maybe we should say our names so that axca knows who is who

ambuLANCE: so you're just gonna ignore that shiro showed romelle memes and vines?

InterGAYlactic: i've gotten used to it

InterGAYlactic: anyway i'm keith

QueenOfAllQueens: Allura

KazooKid: hunk

ambuLANCE: lance 

CoranicMechanic: Coran Coran the Gorgeous Man!!

ButterflyElf: Romelle 

PurpleCrayon: Krolia

Aardvark: pidge

Mattsquito: matt

HoneyNutShirios: shiro

Acxa: I see




ambuLANCE > Acxa

ambuLANCE: prepare for interrogation 

Acxa: huh??

ambuLANCE: there has been a rumor

ambuLANCE: that you have

ambuLANCE: a crush

ambuLANCE: on keith

Acxa: wh

ambuLANCE: is it true because square up i will throw down 

Acxa: woah woah woah, who thinks that??

ambuLANCE: literally everyone

Acxa: they must be as blind as Shovian Ochamix'

ambuLANCE: what

Acxa: giant, blind, winged creatures that live deep in the tunnel system of the planet Drek

ambuLANCE: so.... you don't have feelings for keith?

Acxa: are you kidding? i like girls


Acxa: this is because you love him, right

ambuLANCE: jncdjkfhds what

Acxa: I know jealousy when I see it

ambuLANCE: valid point



Ungrateful Ants

ambuLANCE: aight welcome to our gang acxa

Mattsquito: eat ass

ambuLANCE: smoke grass

Mattsquito: sled fast


Mattsquito: SLED GANG

HoneyNutShirios: what am i seeing with my pupils

Aardvark: a masterpiece at it's finest

She'sAKillerQueen: Romelle Truth or Dare?

ButterflyElf: Uhh truth?

She'sAKillerQueen: Is it true that you are somewhat skilled in combative technique?

ButterflyElf: I guess so, but I'm not as good at it as you.

ButterflyElf: You are a very talented fighter, Allura.

InterGAYlactic: did Allura just squeal?




ButterflyElf > KazooKid

ButterflyElf: She's also very attractive and wonderful.

KazooKid: !!!!! :0




 Ungrateful Ants

Acxa: may I join the game?

CoranicMechanic: Of course!

Aardvark: sure

ambuLANCE: ye 

ButterflyElf: Truth or Dare, Acxa?

Acxa: hmm.... I'll go with Truth.

ButterflyElf: Do you like-like Keith?

Acxa: no, definitely not. I'm what the humans call a lesbian

InterGAYlactic: ohh hELLL YEAH

ambuLANCE: thank

InterGAYlactic: what

ambuLANCE: what

Acxa: I just looked through the chat history, and I guess we're back at coran now??

Aardvark: yoi 

Acxa: Truth or Dare?

CoranicMechanic: Dare!!

Acxa: change my user i'm not as creative as you guys

KazooKid: aww you can actually be pretty nice acxa

Acxa: ....were you... being.. sarcastic...?

She'sAKillerQueen: No, Hunk is just a sweet boy.

ambuLANCE: yes indeedy do

KazooKid: cvgdasf thanks

[CoranicMechanic changed Acxa's name to AcxauallyILikeGirls]

InterGAYlactic: LGBTQ+ UNITE 

AcxauallyILikeGirls: [high fives you]

Aardvark: [high five]

HoneyNutShirios: [high five]


ButterflyElf: "[high five]"

InterGAYlactic: [high fives y'all back]

KazooKid: southern keith? is that you?

InterGAYlactic: shut your fucking mouth

HoneyNutShirios: i just yawned goodnight heathens

InterGAYlactic: goodbye old man

[HoneyNutShirios is offline]

PurpleCrayon: I'm tired too

[PurpleCrayon is offline]

[CoranicMechanic is offline]

[She'sAKillerQueen is offline]

[ButterflyElf is offline]

ambuLANCE: now that they're gone




[ambuLANCE added  KazooKid InterGAYlactic Aardvark Mattsquito  and  AcxauallyILikeGirls to  OPERATION GET ALLURA AND ROMELLE TOGETHER]

ambuLANCE: we gotta do something about those two


ambuLANCE: thanks pidge I was already starting to get resent that long-ass name

Aardvark: no problem my guy (⌐■_■)

ambuLANCE: (⌐■_■)

AcxauallyILikeGirls: are you sure they actually like each other though?

[KazooKid sent (3) photos]

KazooKid: yes

KazooKid: but can we do this later i'm about to fall asleep

ambuLANCE: sknzv dn ako2 283 83BP 83 s1881 uhzhJV Nie882 99 hri91owhbf ge

Aardvark: i'm guessing lance fell asleep on his transponder 

InterGAYlactic: big mood

Mattsquito: speaking of transponders, hunk i was able to get shay one of her own

Mattsquito: i'll add her to the main chat once we wake up

KazooKid: yay! ok goodni

AcxauallyILikeGirls: aaaand he's down

AcxauallyILikeGirls: goodnight

[AcxauallyILikeGirls is offline]

Mattsquito: lil sis, knowing you: PIDGE GO TO SLEEP 

Aardvark: sleep? idk her

Mattsquito: close your fucking eyes you gremlin

Aardvark: asshole

Mattsquito: shorty 

Aardvark: titan

Mattsquito: bitch 

Aardvark: motherfucker

Mattsquito: demon

Aardvark: ok fine i'll sleep

Aardvark: fuckign asswipe 

[Aardvark is offline]

[Mattsquito is offline]


InterGAYlactic: i was just about to write "is this what it's like to have siblings" but then i remembered that shiro is the same way lmao