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cigarette daydreams

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Bill Denbrough has a way with words that Richie Tozier cannot understand. How does he carve the words to make them his own, shaping them until they have a whole new meaning yet still apply to the fundamental laws of the universe? Richie has tried and tried, filled and filled notebooks with mindless scribblings attempting to encapsulate the things he has seen or felt, yet never once has he come close to describing things the way Bill does, with fancy words and hidden meanings running deeper than has been explored. He is told that that is not all that matters, that good writing comes out of the worst experiences ('you can make them your own, turn them into something better'), but Richie thinks otherwise. To him, a good writer is born as one, words flowing through their bloodstream and pouring out when they touch pen to paper. Bill also has the control of an artist, able to command his pencil, bend paintbrushes to his will and, perhaps what Richie admires most of all, can convey raw emotions onto paper with only the lightest of strokes, making it resonate within people until they threaten to burst at the seams.

Richie often thinks that Bill is like the sea: strong, steady and dangerous. He is quick-witted and sometimes he may not be able to force the words out fast enough when they clump together in his throat and stumble on his tongue, but they still send a knife spinning into your heart, hitting where it hurts the most. Bill is the Losers Club's constant, the lifeline they all cling to, always there and never willing to give up. It's like the gravitational pull of the water to the sun, pulling you in and sweeping you back out. Loyalty runs through his veins and pulses in his fingers; he carries the world on his shoulders and holds it all together, supporting the very foundations that could cause the earth to collapse if he is not strong enough. He is a natural born leader, his stutter does not stop him and he will not let it. He takes control when others are too scared to do so and Richie has no doubt that he would step up even when he is as well. He takes pride in the things he does, he is selfless and forgiving, unafraid to love but unafraid to hurt; Richie has known this ever since they first met at the mere age of five and he has carried it with him ever since.

Richie isn't even ashamed to say that he had a crush on Bill when they were younger, when he didn't even realise that a boy loving another boy was perceived to be wrong. Bill is great, perfect even, and something about the way his eyelashes flutter as he blinks used to make Richie's heart beat just a little bit faster. Sometimes he felt that he wasn't the only one of the Losers to feel that way. He could sense it when Eddie would clutch Bill's hand tightly, as if he was afraid to let go; when Stan's eyes seemed to linger just a second too long as they bathed in the glimmering pools of the quarry. Even Beverly, beautiful brave Beverly, found comfort in Bill Denbrough's arms. Something about him just felt so safe, so much like a home that many of the Loser's Club didn't have, that they couldn't help but feel drawn to him.

And he always seemed to lead the group with the same vigour no matter what; not when things got too rough at home, not when Henry Bowers was out for blood and that stupid damn clown broke them and gave them memories they could never really forget, not even after leaving Derry. He showed them that fighting is only right if it's for a good cause, something that stuck with Richie and resurfaced whenever he felt red-hot anger bubble through his veins. Bill is a fighter, and a damn good one at that. Richie is always reminded of this fact, seeing him comfort others when they're down, lifting them up and bringing so much pure energy into the world that Richie can't help but wonder how he keeps on going with the fire that burns and destroys everything and everyone he's ever loved, with the war that rages in his heart. Bill is a leader, a fighter, the glue that holds the Losers Club together. He is a masterpiece, broken but still beautiful, and Richie thinks that some part of him will always love Bill Denbrough.