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Feeling Your Pain (Sans X Female!Reader)

Chapter Text

Your P.O.V.

 

    You wake to a quiet and bright morning. The sun shone through your uncovered window, warming your skin and blinding your (e/c) eyes. The last "reset" happened yesterday, ending the world in a wave of black. A void or a power no one could escape. It had always frightened you when it came. So quickly and silent, like a graceful and painless death that hovered over the entire earth.  Now everything was normal again as if nothing had happened. No one remembered any trace of anything. No one mentioned the dark black void that had swallowed them up an hour ago. It was as if the black sheet had wiped their memories and forgot to wipe yours. This was the hundredth time that the world had "reset" and you had had enough of it.

    Your mother was downstairs making pancakes as she had every time the world had just restarted itself. They were in their usual heart shape form that Frisk used to insist they were made in and you helped yourself to a couple, even though you had grown tired of the taste and routine. Silence coated the room like thick, sticky maple syrup. At first you didn’t mind it, but the silence gave you room to think. However, thinking was the worst thing you could do right now. Finally, you couldn't stand the silence anymore. You slammed your fist on the table. "I'm tired of this!" You raised your voice to show your aggravation, something that you did rather rarely.

    Your parents looked up at you, confusion shining in their eyes. "Excuse me? Tired of what?" Your mother asked, stiffening slightly as if to stop herself from telling you to not raise your voice. She had always hated it when you raised your voice, but you didn’t care anymore. You didn’t care about anything really anymore. All you wanted was for life to go back to normal. Before Frisk disappeared and the resets began happening.

    "Stop acting like this is okay! Like nothing has been happening. I've relieved today and the next four days a hundred times! So have you! So. Why. Don't. You. Remember!" Your voice broke down into a sob, anger turning into a broken frustration, and then ending in a sense of despondency. "I just want to continue. Continue my life. Not be stuck in five days. I just want it to stop."

    Your mother looked at your father with concern. "I know all the stress from Frisk's disappearance is hard (y/n), it may even cause weird dreams and hallucinations, but I want you to know that we are all going through this together. We're here for you." Your mother studied your frail and sobbing frame with pity. But that didn’t matter. What mattered is that she didn’t believe you. No one did.

    You furiously wiped your tears away. You knew it was no use talking to them. You knew that they would never understand what you were trying to convey. You got up from seat abruptly, hastily put on your black rain jacket and burst out of the house in hopes to flee from your issues and to stop these repeats. The second you were outside you broke into a run, tilting your head up to the blue sky and facing your destination. Mt. Ebott.

~ .*. ~

    You ran into the mountain's cave system, stopping just in time to avoid falling into a large crevice that was set into the solid stone. You shuddered, your mind describing the possibilities of what could have happened if you hadn’t caught yourself. You hated heights, but unfortunately, your sibling did not care. You sighed, ready to face your fear as you took a step towards the edge.. You had to find your sibling and stop this madness. You closed your eyes, tied up your (h/c) hair and took a deep breath in. "Here goes nothin'" you mutter and jump into the large hole hoping and praying that you would survive.

    The fall didn't last too long and the flowers cushioned your fall, causing you to land mostly unharmed, safe for having the wind knocked out of you, and a few cuts and scrapes. You let out a gasp of horror when you saw that the beautiful golden flowers beside you were stained red with dried blood. They too, were trampled and pressed into the disturbed earth. That has to be Frisk's blood, you thought, heart racing with worry. You stood up and brushed the flowers and dirt off of you. You opened a door located in front of you and stepped in without hesitation. The only thing on your mind was the concern for your sibling,

    You pushed through a beautiful, temple like area. Little pockets of light danced across the purple stone floor, making the place seem practically magical. There seemed to be traps and puzzles everywhere but they had already been solved. It was a shame because you loved figuring out puzzles. They were something to get your mind off of life and to distract you from the true evils of the world. You entered a room and found your sibling, Frisk, holding a stick over a frog monster, ready to strike. There was no way that monster would survive the blow, knowing how powerful Frisk could be.

    "Frisk, stop!" You said, tackling the stick out of Frisk's hand and falling to the ground. The frog monster let out a yelp and ran away as quick as possible, as you stood up and brushed the dirt off you, your gaze falling to the stick that broke under your weight.

    "(y-y/n)?" Frisk asked meekly, studying you. You nod, giving them a hug. "Sis! It's been fore- one day but I already missed you!" A day? Does Frisk forget the resets to?

    "Yeah, I missed you too Frisk. We all got really upset when you left. Why did you leave us?" You ask as Frisk burrowed into your arms. You smiled a bit, but you wanted answers.

    "I wanted to see if the monsters were really all that bad. I was convinced it was all a misunderstanding. I wanted to help them." Frisk replied in their always-happy tone. That was your sibling. Always wanting to go save the world and help others. Their large curiosity didn’t help with that either. A mix between curiosity and the hunger to make things as right as possible could end up being chaotic at times.

    You narrowed your eyes. "I could've come with you, ya know. I could've helped protect you from whatever that frog thing was." You didn’t like the idea of your sibling heading into danger. Despite how annoying Frisk could be, you cared about them. They were your sibling for God’s sake, and it had terrified you when Frisk first disappeared. You felt this odd compulsion to always stay by Frisk’s side, and most of the time, you followed that gut feeling through. Frisk may not like it completely, but you were going to watch over them.

    Frisk looked down, ashamed slightly. "I know, but I thought you wouldn't have liked the idea and would have made me stay." There was some truth in that, but not much.

    You ruffled their hair. "I don't think anything I could've said would've changed your mind. You're too determined." Frisk smiled and hummed a happy tune.

    "I need to call Goat Mom and tell her that you're here. She's going to be so happy!" Frisk said pulling out an old, foreign-looking phone. You studied it closely. "Goat Mom gave it to me." Frisk said when they saw you inspecting it. You had no idea who this “Goat mom” person would be, or how she knew your sibling, but you figured that they couldn’t be too dangerous. And if they were, you’d be there to watch over Frisk. Despite your timid nature, you had a fighting side that only came out if your loved one was in danger. It hardly ever saw the light of day, but it was there, hidden.

    Frisk entered a room and called "Goat Mom" on her phone while you explored the hallway, careful not to drift too far away from your sibling. You didn’t want to get lost.  A few of those frog creatures were hopping about so you were wary of your surroundings. The last thing you wanted to do was to get in a fight or get lost. However, you didn’t want to bother your sibling as well. You wondered who this "Goat mom" could be, as you walked back and forth along the narrow purple hallway. Honestly your sibling gave people the wackiest of nicknames sometimes. The person Frisk was talking about could be anyone for all you knew.

    "Goat Mom is here!" Frisk called out happily. You followed the sound of Frisk's voice until you came across a room where you found Frisk hugging a white goat monster. You instantly tensed up, but Frisk shot you a reassuring look, and you soon hid any sign of fear.

    The monster was covered in white fur and had a rather large set of fangs, that you eyed suspiciously. She was wearing a purple dress with weird symbols on it that you had never seen before. The goat monster looked up, showing her kind red eyes. Not ones of evil, but ones that radiated light and sympathy. It was odd the way that captured you in a sort of embrace of red as you stared into her eyes. "Oh! You must be Frisk's sister, (y/n)! I am Toriel, keeper of the Ruins, the place you are located currently. Come, let me show you two your rooms. I'm baking butterscotch-cinnamon pie for both of you." Toriel said, beckoning you to follow her. Her voice was gentle and soft, not too loud, but not so quiet it was inaudible. Frisk squealed with delight, breaking the calming silence Toriel had created.

    Butterscotch-cinnamon pie? You shrugged. It's not like anything else was normal around here. You let out a sigh and followed Frisk and Toriel curiously. You wanted to head back, but at the same time, the underground seemed to draw your soul in.

Chapter Text

  Toriel's house was very welcoming, an attribute you noticed the second you laid your eyes upon the place. It fit the monster’s genial personality quite well. You gaped at the tiny house in The Ruins, surprised by not only its size, but the way that it was constructed. Oddly colored, and yet appealing to the eyes. The soft oranges and browns of the outside reminded spectators of a moment by the fireplace resting on a rug. However, you didn't have much time to look around and truly appreciate the home. Frisk was dragging you along. Your sibling had always been a ball of energy, but this was the most excited you had seen them in a while.

    You entered the house and the first thing you noticed was that it smelled like freshly baked pie. You took a deep breath, inhaling the sweet smell. It had been awhile before you had been able to savor such scent. Neither one of your parents were the best at baking, so most of the pie you had would be store bought. Store bought pie would never replace the delight of newly baked pie.

    "Oh, the pie is done! I will be back in a second, my children." Toriel said, running to where you assumed was the kitchen. She moved swiftly for a monster her height, and you admired her careful steps. You would never be able to manage that yourself.

    "I love this place," Frisk commented with a satisfied sigh. "It's a shame we have to leave so soon.” As those words fell from your siblings your eyes widened with shock. Toriel’s hospitality had pulled you into a trance. You had began to believe that you’d be staying with her forever, or at least stay in the Ruins. You weren’t the kind of person to explore and push boundaries. Once you found a wondrous place, that was it, you were done. Frisk however, wanted to hop from place to place, not caring what was left behind.

    "We're leaving?!? Where would we go?" You ask frantically. Even though you were Frisk's older sister, Frisk was much braver than you were. You weren’t as versatile, while Frisk never looked back. Frisk had immense levels of curiosity, leading them to not care what they were facing. Call it bravery or recklessness, but Frisk was fearless.

    "You want to see the rest of the underground, right? I want to go home too..." Frisk said softly. You sensed a sense of homesickness from your sibling, causing your heart to sink slightly. You never liked it when your sibling was miserable. Their innocent personality, mixed with their rather young age made practically everyone do their best to make them as happy as possible. Besides, Frisk was kind of the person who activates a motherly instinct within everyone. Because of their habit of getting hurt, people were always taking care of them.  

    "Well yeah, I guess. Don't monsters hate us because we banished them here though? What would we do if we get attacked?" You said, lowering your voice so Toriel wouldn't hear you. Despite how kind the goat monster was, you soon realized you couldn’t trust anyone here beneath the surface. You didn’t know them well, and you didn’t know what their intent was. For all you knew, that pie could be poisoned. Besides, you didn’t think monsters would forgive and forget that easily. Your kind had stripped them of their home and locked them into a dark, unforgiving world. If you were them, you wouldn’t forgive that easily, and that was saying something. You were often kind and forgiving, but there was a fine line between venial and unforgivable.

    "Don't worry. They can't be that bad, right? We can make it. I know we can." Frisk smiled, determination and surety in their voice. You hesitantly nodded, faking confidence. You knew that no matter what, your sibling would leave, and you vowed to be right behind them. You would protect them with what little you could do. You smiled to yourself. Frisk would probably be the one defending you, not the other way around.

    "My children? The pie is ready. Come and get some!" Toriel said in her sing-song voice. You sank into relief. Toriel may be able to convince Frisk to stay here in the Ruins. Either that, or she could give you advice on how to get through the underground. Frisk perked up and dragged you to the kitchen with newfound enthusiasm. You and your sibling each grabbed a slice of pie and sat down.

    Despite your previous fears of the pie being poisoned, you soon relaxed and began eating. There are no words to describe the taste of warm, homemade, just-baked pie, especially Toriel's. You and Frisk devoured your slices quickly. How did Toriel make it taste so good? If you were to have more time with her, you would have asked how to make it. You might even had gone as far as to ask her if the two of you could make it together.

"So... When are we leaving The Ruins?" Frisk asked Toriel out of the blue. There was no hesitance in your sibling’s voice as they asked the question. You almost choked on your last bite of pie. You thought Frisk would have at least spent a few nights here! It was peaceful, practically a haven, in the goat monster’s home. Plus, she had clearly shown she had no intent in murdering both of you.

    Toriel’s eyes widened slightly, before she released a sigh. "My children, you must never leave the ruins. Other monsters would kill you for either revenge, or your soul. You must stay here, where it is safe." Toriel looked straight at Frisk, when she spoke, but after she finished, she glanced over to you. You nodded slightly, showing her that you were on her side. The last thing you wanted was the monster to be upset with both of you.

    "But we need to get home. Our parents must be worried and miss us a lot." Frisk had hit a soft spot. A look of pain flashed across Toriel's face. Her face showed a series of conflicted emotions, and she stood up.

    "Stay here my children. I must go do something." Her words were iced over and hollow with despair. You felt a flicker of pity and guilt for the lonely goat monster. You turned to Frisk as Toriel left the room, moving briskly. Frisk watched her, counting somethng on their fingers. You didn’t know what they were counting, but you found it rather odd and unerving. It was as if they knew something you didn’t. However, you reminded yourself of what was going on, and brought your gaze back to Frisk, your eyes asking what they should do next.

    "We need to go after her." Frisk declared and stood up. You nodded uncertaintly and followed her. You knew your sibling’s intention was to convince Toriel to let them leave, but your intention was rather different. You just wanted to comfort the goat monster, and make sure she was okay. However, you had a sickening feeling that the two of you would leave her behind, not even caring about her sorrow. As you saw Frisk’s harsh and determined look, your suspicions were proved true. You and Frisk made your way down a dark and lonely corridor. This area of the house no longer contained the welcoming, genial personality like it used to. Frisk stopped and you peered out from behind them to see what was going on.

    Toriel was standing in front of a door. She turned her head and you saw tears trailing down her face, dampening her white fur. Toriel's hands were ablaze. "My children, please go." Toriel said, her voie trembling slightly. Frisk stayed still and then took a determined step forward. You, however, didn’t dare move. "Please, leave this hallway." Toriel's voice grew frantic. The flames on her hands flickered and then grew larger, causing you to take a step back.

    "Wh-What are you doing?" You asked, coming from behind your sibling. Frisk’s determination had practically pulled you back forward again, and now you were by their side, ready to defend your sibling.

    "Behind this door is the only exit from The Ruins. I am going to destroy it. If you try to stop me, I will have no choice but to fight you."

    Frisk stood firmly, but you stood back slightly, truly afraid of what would happen. You didn’t know how to fight, and you knew Frisk couln’t either "I won't let you do it." Frisk stated, unfaltering.

    Toriel sighed, looking down for a moment. "Then I have no choice. Prove to me that you can survive out there!" Tears fell from her cheeks as the room went aflame and fire launched itself at you. You dodged timidly and clumsily, realizing your sibling was much better at this than you. Where did she learn to dodge?

    The fire slowed down and it was easier for you to get closer to Toriel. When you saw your chance, you made your move. You ran towards Toriel, ignoring Frisk's cry for you to stop. Yes, you were being impulsive, something that was rather rare, but at the moment, you didn’t care. Fear glinted in Toriel's eyes and she flinched, but you did not plan to attack. You opened your arms wide and hugged her tightly, burying your face in her soft, white fur. Instantly the fire was extinguished and Toriel broke down into tears. Frisk just stood there, frozen while they watched.

    "My children," Toriel said in between sobs. "If you must go, please be careful and show mercy." You looked at Frisk and they nodded. You turned back to the goat monster and nodded.

"I'm sorry but we have to leave. We will be careful and I promise we will show mercy. We will look out for each other." You said calmly, tears rolling down your cheeks. Toriel pulled out a phone, placing it in your hands carefully.

    "Call me if you need anything my children. Frisk can give you my number. Please be safe." Toriel's voice was filled with sorrow, but she looked at you with hope in her eyes. You felt another flash of pity and guilt, but Frisk tore you away from your emotions.

    "We will!" Frisk called out as she opened the door and your eyes were blinded by a flash of white.

Chapter Text

For those of you who thought this was a major update, I’m sorry. And, for those who are reading this at a different time, who are coming across this months after this chapter than I’m sorry if you may be confused. However, if you got this far into anything I’ve written, then it is important you read this.

I’ve been going through some challenges lately. It’s hard trying to find the light when you are sinking in a pool of scattered ideas that will never work, or good ones that fade away the second you reach for them. It’s frusturating to look at your screen while working and knowing that someone else is on the other side waiting for you to update. And when I say it like that, it sounds like I think so highly of myself. It’s hard to actually think that there is someone out there who actually wants to read my stuff. Sometimes it feels like they’re all fictional.

The truth is, I write for myself, and because of that, it is hard to keep up with demands. Your feedback is wonderful, but sometimes it’s poison because I realize how true it is. “This is really great. Keep up the hard work!” It’s so hard to have to admit that I can’t keep up the hard work because the idea is gone. I hate the fact that I have people waiting on stories I haven’t updated for two months, just because I didn’t want to try and update it. It feels almost selfish to sit there and deny people a good story because I can’t take the emotional stress.

So I want to apologize for the inconsistensy. For the fact that my mind fails me, and will continue to fail me. I will try to keep up with the very small demand. I will try to keep up with my schedule, but be prepared for me to fail you.

Your positive feedback encourages me, but that joy only lasts for awhile. It’s hard to revive it because then it often sounds like lies. Sometimes I need a little critism to motivate me.

I ask of you one favor so that I may be able to please you better. Please give me feedback, and I mean real feedback. The truth. The pros and cons. Give me something to build off so I can learn to not just write for myself, but for the world.

Thank you.