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Without you I’m nothing

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Josh rushes over leaping into the tub before thinking, he pulls his phone out of his pocket throwing it on the floor. He sees that Tyler is still slightly awake, barley holding on. Feeling the cold water washing down his back Josh shoved his fingers down his throat holding them there until Tyler starts vomiting into the tub and onto his jeans, “josh stop stop I wanna die! I wanna die!” Josh continues to stuff his fingers down Tyler’s throat as he is too weak to stop him.

When Tyler has thrown up a good amount josh leaped out of the cold water reaching for his phone dialing quickly. “911 what’s your emergency?” “My best friend overdosed i- I made him throw up a lot but I don’t know if that’s enough please hurry” josh proceeds to ring off the address staring and his best friend crying and mumbling death wishes in the tub in front of him, “is he breathing?” Josh nods even though she can’t see “yes yes he’s breathing just barley conscious I’m right here with him” the woman hums in agreement “do you know what he took?” Josh put his phone down searching the room he sees a pill bottle empty in the sink. It was his bottle of lorazepam.

Before he could tell the woman he heard sirens he throws his phone down running to the front door. He opens it and directs the paramedics to Tyler they bring him out asking josh questions which he didn’t know the answers to. He watched as they hailed out the man he loved and may never be able to tell.


Hes holding Tyler’s hand when he wakes up. “Josh what’s this?” He asks lifting up his right hand where the iv was stuck in his small hand. “Iv baby” Tyler nods very drowsily and lays back down, Josh feels the squeeze he provides before falling back asleep. “Tyler I love you, I’m sorry I never told you I’m sorry I wasn’t there, I know I could have prevented this I’m so dumb! Just I’m sorry. Please be okay. Please...”

When Tyler wakes up again he looks better, more knowing of the situation he’s in, but it doesn’t take long until he looks panicked, “josh please don’t tell me I’m going somewhere please I can’t I’ll die! I-“ josh cuts him off “they’re waiting for your heart rate to return to normal and then we’re going home ty don’t worry.” Tyler nods softly looking around the room curiously. “I’m sorry, I just never felt so empty” josh sighs “I know it’s my fault Tyler I’m sorry.” The younger boy shakes his head looking up at Joshua. “I was stupid and I listened to him, there’s nothing you could have done.” The pink haired man sits there still riddled with guilt knowing he put Tyler in this position.


When Tyler returns home Jenna is all over him, stroking his hair, staying the night, leaving josh no time to confess his feelings to Tyler. Josh realizes Tyler still hasn’t told the blonde one night when he sees them kissing softly on the couch. He and Jenna have been sleeping in the living room, not talking much just silently holding and cuddling.

Jenna goes to work one day giving josh strict instructions on the younger boy practically telling josh to cut up his food, it’s purely out of worry but Tyler is doing better in his eyes at least. Josh watches Tyler, his small frame leaned against the couch whining out laughs at some jokes. His hand looks so sad with the little dot where the iv was. Josh whimpers remembering the events from a week ago. This was his chance.

“Hey ty.” Before he sits down he has an idea something that would let Tyler know he’s serious. “Do you wanna come to dinner with my family tomorrow? They’ve been wondering how you’ve been.” The brunette looks up, “yeah of course josh” he smiles, eyes lighting up. Josh pulls him in and just holds him, Tyler moves his hands up to his neck wrapping them around. “Again josh I’m sorry.” He can feel the smaller man start to sob and he just holds him closer whispering remedies into his ear making sure Tyler was comfortable in his grip. “I love you josh” he cry’s out and josh just nods and holds his head down.

“Just want you to know without you I’m nothing” and with those words josh feels Tyler smile.


Tyler looked handsome, incredibly beautiful. Josh had to question his priorities a few times staring at him in his white shirt, pink tie and nervous smile. His chocolate eyes so prominent he was angelic. Josh swallowed, “ready to go?” The soft boy nods and follows josh out the door.

When they arrive joshs dad and mom welcome Tyler with a smile on their face complimenting his outfit and of course hugging their son and asking him how he’s been. When they sit down small talk insues as Ashley asks for mashed potatoes and Bill asks for the meat. Tyler waits for everything to eventually reach him. Josh waits patiently for everyone to settle before he believes it’s a good time to talk about why he brought Tyler here.

“I’m in love with Tyler” Tyler chokes, Abigail turns, Jordan drops his fork. Everyone else keeps eating. When Laura pipes in with a laugh. “We know dear bill, Ashley and I have been betting when you’d finally tell us.” Abigail and Jordan both say “you knew?!” In almost perfect unison. Bill laughs and Ashley nods smiling. “You’re always so happy around him I never saw you that happy around any other girl josh. We accept you for who you are and Tyler is an incredibly handsome and kind young man who I wouldn’t mind you dating Joshua” josh hadn’t looked at Tyler through this whole encounter and when he does look, Tyler has never looked more happy in his life. His smile is so wide as wide as when he told him Jenna loved him for the first time.


When they get home Tyler hugs him, “I got to figure some stuff out josh” he pulls away from the older man smiling so wide it was crooked he had happy tears in his eyes as he slipped away into his room.

Josh could hear him sobbing later that night when Jenna got there.

She was there in the morning as bright as ever, he figured Tyler hadn’t told her yet. “He loves you” she said staring into her coffee. “He really loves you josh I know he doesn’t love me anymore I just... don’t wanna leave yet.” Josh looked at her with shock in his eyes. “How.. do you know.?” Jenna sighs softly but smiles nonetheless “the way he looks at you. Like you hung the moon. He doesn’t react to my touches anymore he talks about you a lot.” The pink haired boy just nods knowingly. He feels incredibly bad but he doesn’t know what else to do. It’s not his fault. None of it is. “He used to look at me that way. That’s just what sucks.” She looks down sadly “I’m in love with my coworker” she starts sobbing and josh rushed towards her side.

“It’s been going on for a while I just couldn’t tell Tyler I love him too much. She’s just so god” josh rubs the blondes back. She weeps into her cup before looking up again, “her names Debby and I love her, I don’t know what to do I still love Tyler I don’t want to leave yet but he loves you I love her it- I’m-“ then she just stops. She stands up and thanks josh grabs her coat and just goes. Leaving her watered down coffee behind.


Tyler is sitting on the couch when josh comes in. He plops down next to the younger boy smiling. “How’s ty guy?” Tyler blushes softly grabbing a pillow and hitting josh. “Don’t ever call me that again” josh is still laughing when he leans in grabbing the brunettes lips in a soft kiss, holding his cheeks with both hands. Once he pulls away Tyler releases a shakey breath and puts his hand on joshs thigh. “Sorry josh I just I’m still with Jenna it’s just weird” josh pulls away and nods knowingly before whispering an apology. “Just why haven’t you fucking told her Tyler? I admit my feelings for you infront of my whole damn family and you just can’t even break up with your girlfriend who you don’t even love!” Tyler’s mouth is agape looking at josh with tears in his eyes one softly streaming down his tan skin. “She knows you love me Tyler! She doesn’t even love you anymore!” With that the small man had gotten up and slammed the front door behind him as he stomped out.

“Fuck!” Josh hits his head over and over “god why am I so STUPID” he stops and starts crying. He never cried. He just sobbed and sobbed and sobbed crying for Tyler screaming about how dumb he was, how he almost lost Tyler and how he’s about to lose him again. He runs into his room slamming the door before he starts ripping through books. Throwing his things against the wall. He ends his rampage with ripping off his clothes and laying down. Closing his swollen eyes hoping Tyler comes back tomorrow.


Josh wakes up with a text from Jenna.

Jenna: Tyler is at my place.

He throws his phone down on his bed deciding he would like a big glass of vodka for breakfast. He walks out and sees Tyler walking in eyes practically swollen shut. He walks over and sits down at the dining room table staring at josh as he pours his vodka with a hint of orange juice he sits across from the smaller man staring him down. “I broke up with Jenna.” He chokes out. “But you’re an asshole josh” Tyler starts to sob again.

"Blurry told me to kiss you and if you rejected me he was right and I had to do it." His skin is red from the constant stream of tears. He still looks beautiful in Josh's eyes. "You did. After I got out of the hospital he's left me alone but night he came back." Josh starts crying too. He hated seeing Tyler hurting like this especially over fucking blurry. "Josh I just never felt that way before it was like the whole world was numb and the only way I could ever feel again was to die."

The older man's throat was closed and he had tears streaming down his pale skin. All he wanted to do was kiss Tyler, hold him, tell him it was all gonna be okay because he was here now, he was gonna take care of him and they would be happy. Josh couldn't drink his vodka if he wanted to.

"And you said you loved me a few days ago" Tyler laughs with a soft smile fitting the boys soft demeanor. "And I'd never been happier the world was full of so much love Josh and I couldn't even take it it was so amazing and I just wanted to kiss you for years." He stops smiling and starts crying again. "But don't ever expose Jenna like that. That was her business and you had no right blurting it out to me, she would have told me when she was ready." He looks up at Josh with hate in his eyes. There's nothing soft behind them and it almost sends Josh into a panic attack. "Don't talk to me for a few days please josh. I'm trying to figure things out okay? I need time"

Tyler gets up and leaves Josh by himself, an untouched glass of vodka sitting in front of him.


Before Josh knows it he has another brunette in his room. Dark eyes short hair. He hated himself so much, Tyler needed time, he didn't want Josh to fuck some girl. He just kept going.

Running his hands down her soft skin, her pale pale skin. Her perfect skin. He looked up at her. Started into her eyes. Her eyes weren't chocolate like his were, her hair was lighter and too long. Her body was curved unlike Tyler's. She stripped herself of her shirt and that was it for Josh. Her bra was flowered. Tyler loved flowers. "Out" he pointed towards the door. "What? I just got here we haven't even done anything!" Josh gets off of her handing her her shirt from off the ground. "Please just go I'm sorry I can't do this"

She stares at him before huffing and putting her shirt on. She stomped to the door pushing it open hitting the brunette in the face. "What the fuck?" She yells at him shoving him slightly before running out of the house. Tyler was gonna watch. "Bitch!" Tyler screams before looking at Josh with a bloody nose.

"Do you even want me, Josh?" He grabs his nose and walks off into the bathroom leaving Joshua alone with his shirt off wondering why he could have done that to Tyler.


A few hours later Josh is knocking at Tyler's door. He hears soft cries behind it. He waits for a few minutes before just walking in. "Tyler?" He looks up eyes red, "what Josh" Josh closes the door behind him before walking in. "What do you have to figure out?" Tyler had the most confused look splattered on his face so Josh decides to explain "you said you had to figure some things out, what are those things?" The small boy nods now understanding the question. "How I'm gonna come out to my family, yours may except you but mine probably won't. They've always hated gay people or anyone who likes the same sex." Josh waits. Waits for Tyler to talk more, for him to explain more reasons why he can't have Josh yet.

"That's it?" Josh rings out with a laugh, "it's not funny Josh stop" he immediately stops not wanting to upset the angel before him more than he already has in the past few months.

"Tyler who cares what they think they can't do anything to prevent you from being happy. I know you love them but if they don't want you to be happy my family will accept you as their son, they fucking love you Tyler." Tyler giggles and answers with "you cuss a lot now." Before starting to weep again. "I just don't wanna be a disappointment, I don't even work, I quit playing basketball. They're already disappointed in my I can't come out as bi and ruin their world even more. I'm the worst son anyone could ever have and I hate myself." Josh lays down on the bed with Tyler and pulls him down to lay with him. "Cuddle with me Tyler let's stop being sad okay?" The small boy sniffles but is no longer crying.

He lays peacefully on Josh's chest with the older man stroking his hair softly. "I'm sorry I tried to kill myself Josh" the pink haired boy shushed the soft one and they fell asleep like that. Tyler splayed across Josh's chest with Josh's hands in his beautiful brown hair.


"my tree house is on fire, and for some reason I smell gas on my hands? This is not what I had planned this is not what I had planned. down in the forest, We'll sing a chorus" Tyler sings out softly, voice cracking on a few of the words. He turns away from his keyboard writing a few things down in his blue black notebook filled with melancholy lyrics, poems and chords. The cotton candy head boy stood in the doorway watching him with care, making sure he didnt get too emotional and hurt himself. Josh noticed the more the boy did music the more he was happy and willing to talk after something bad happened. Tyler continues to write his song until Josh interrupted his thoughts. "you should do that as a job or something Ty, you're really good i have to say."

Josh walks over and puts his hand on the smaller ones shoulder. "I can drum for you, I can see you reaching millions someday Tyler, you're friken amazing dude." and Tyler stands up and looks Josh straight in his eyes. "i would love that." and Josh feels baby skin soft skin hit his as their noses bump and lips touch. Josh tilts his head and grabs Tyler's hips pulling him toward him. Tyler's hands travel to Josh's cheeks and around the back of his head pulling them closer if possible together. The brunette is the one who deepens the kiss, opening his soft wet mouth for Josh to explore with his tongue. Josh of course does he couldn't resist the boy before him.

"Can we do it Joshie? please?" and Josh fucking melts into Tyler. "god yes of course, Ty" he grabs the frail boys wrist and drags him into his room, on his California king bed he lays Tyler down directing him to stay there while he gets what he needs. Joshua William Dun was practically a puddle of jello on the floor, this is what hes been waiting for for months. Fucked countless girls to forget about his big fat crush on his best friend in the doorway but it never worked. And now he got to touch the ethereal angel for real. Josh got the condom and lube and turned to see a shirtless Tyler, his tattoos complimenting his tan skin. god he was beautiful Josh thought as he dropped the things next to Tyler.

The older man stripped his shirt off staring at Tyler the whole time. "Can I undress you, Tyler?" he nods smiling at Josh. He carefully pulls off the soft boys pants throwing them aside, he then slowly pulls down Tyler's underwear and sighs in arousal. The brunettes cock was flushed red and leaking immensely. Josh can't resist it so he grabs it, tugging up and down softly. Tyler lets out the prettiest noises and Josh knows he better get dancing before he comes just from that. The bigger man quickly strips off the rest of his clothing when he hears a small gasp. "m knew it was big but god josh" Tyler groans out. Josh picks him up and pulls him father onto the bed. He flips Tyler over and fucking growls when he sees Tyler's ass. He leans down and opens Tyler's ass with his hands before slowly starting to lap at the tight muscle. The small boy tastes amazing and he can't stop. Josh starts to slip a finger into Tyler's ass and he yelps at that and starts pushing back onto his best friends finger. Josh starts to finger him with two fingers and Tyler is moaning so loud humping against the pillow. "Stop m gonna cum" Josh quickly pulls his fingers out and pulls away letting Tyler rejuvenate.

After a few minutes of Tyler whining Josh groans out "Fuck, Ty can i please fuck you?" Tyler pants out a soft yes and josh walks over grabbing Tyler's scarred wrists pushing them above his head before kissing him roughly, exploring the younger ones mouth deeply, when he pulls back a trail of spit links them together still and they moan at the sight.He pulls away for a moment grabbing the condom and sliding in on quickly lubing his dick up after. He moves back over to Tyler and starts kissing him again, Josh starts lining up his cock and Tyler chokes out something, "Go slow Joshie please" Josh pushes in and almost cums then and there. Just knowing it's Tyler sends a wave of pleasure over him and his moans loudly into Tyler's mouth. Tyler pulls away from the kiss as Josh starts slowly thrusting into him. The pain was overwhelmed by pleasure and it felt so amazingly good. He cried out over and over again tasting blood in his mouth he realizes he was biting his tongue, but everything was so good that the pain from his mouth just went straight to his dick. Josh started rubbing his hands over Tyler's hips, "Tyler you're so perfect, most perfect boy I've ever seen I'm gonna cum" Tyler was so close and that just made it all perfect, "I love you Josh!" he shouts as he cums all over him and Josh's chest, the pink haired boy groans and falls flat on Tyler, barley holding his weight up. "I love you too, Tyler. More than anything."


three months later


The knock on the door was expected but it still spooked Tyler who was slaving away making dinner and cleaning the table. Josh answers the door to Jenna and Debby. "Hey you guys! Just in time Ty's almost done with dinner, come in, come in!" Josh steps aside letting the blonde and red head couple enter the apartment. They both greet Tyler as they step into the kitchen, Tyler returns the favor with a smile and a "Hey you guys!" He steps away from the stove and gives Jenna and Debby a hug, asking about their new place and their cats. "Oh honey bug is so sweet, Tyler. I think Josh would really love him, we'll bring him over some time!" Debby compliments Tyler on his shirt and Jenna and Josh start a whole conversation about what kind of cat Josh wants when the oven beeps. Tyler excuses himself and takes the biscuits out of the oven placing them on a plate and then of the table.

He dishes out soup into 4 bowls before placing everything on the table. Everybody sits down and thanks Tyler before all the previous conversation continues. Josh turns and pecks Tyler on the lips, "thank you, baby." before turning back to Jenna. And as Tyler looks around the table and sees most of the people who care about him in one place, Tyler cant help but be overwhelmed with emotions. More than anything the only thought in his head, was that he was glad he was alive.