sorry about the hiatus im back. This is based on the P!nk song "Just Like A Pill" and its also based off a hardcore scene in one of my roleplays sO here we go.
"I know after everything we've been through with the professor attempting to start a second apotheosis and I know you went to help him and I know how stressed you've been lately and if I lose you I'd never forgive myself so Emma Perkins, will you marry me?" Emma spun around to see Paul on one knee. Was he joking?
"Paul Matthews I swear to god if this is a joke I will-"
"No, Emma, I'm being dead serious. So will you?" She nodded and took the ring. Paul carried her bridal style inside as she laughed. But Paul had grabbed the professor by the collar to stop him from infecting himself and then thrown him on the floor. "I just need to go to her...OUR room!" She said and ran up the stairs. She was going to have a panic attack. Paul had never seen her have one before. She wanted to keep it that way. She knew Paul would never hurt her but...he could. "Emma?!" Paul shouted after her, following her. This wasn't going to end well. Her fights never did.
I'm lying here on the floor where you left me, I think I took too much
"Emma? Do you not want to go through with it?" His heart was beating. What if she said no?
"No I do o-of course I do." She had a sad smile on her face. Her breathing was becoming short and her heartrate had increased.
"Then what's up?" He wrapped an arm around her and she jumped. She didn't like sudden contact.
"I'm emotionally exhausted" and having a panic attack and I don't want you to see me like this "that's what's up" She replied.
"I know and it's normal! We're all completely exhausted." He was trying to make the situation lighter. Something was telling him it wasn't working.
"No Paul you don't get it I..." if she could say it she would, but she couldn't.
"I'm here to listen, Em."
"I know but I can't explain it!" By now tears were falling from her eyes.
"Just try." He smiled, wiping them away with the corner of his thumbs.
"I am Paul!" She sounded pissed, she wasn't. Her anxiety was eating her up inside.
I'm crying here. What have you done?
"Do you not want to talk to the professor tomorrow?" When Paul guessed what was wrong, he usually got it right. He was going to say she was scared of him and it was all over. Her heart beat faster than before and she felt like she was going to throw up. "Did Ted say something to you when we went to visit him?" Another no. "Then what is it? You can tell me anything you know that right? Especially now that we're engaged-" Paul came to a conclusion and turned away from Emma. "You don't want to get married, do you?"
"Paul I want to marry you! I just can't tell you what it is!" because she'd end up dead. She'd never seen Paul angry and she wanted it to stay that way. He smiled and turned back towards her. "You can tell me anything, I want to be with you no matter what it is." She shook her head harder. She knew what his next guess was going to be. "Well I don't know what I can do if you won't tell me!" he said, slightly raising his voice. Emma jumped. She'd accidentally made it obvious. "What, are you scared of me or something?" Emma bit her lip and more tears filled her eyes. Don't let him know. "Emma?" His voice became concerned. She squeezed her eyes shut tighter. She couldn't tell him. "What? Your scared of me?" Her chest tightened and if she wasn't going to vomit then, she probably would soon. "Where did this come from?" He wasn't expecting that to be the genuine answer. Don't let him know. That plan had gone out the window. She wanted to say 'since you threw the professor against a wall' but nothing happened. "Emma I can't help if you don't talk to me!" Paul was desperate, but then again so was Emma. Emma remained silent. "Well then, I don't know what to say." He was becoming more frustrated. As Paul was becoming angrier, she was becoming more vulnerable. If she needed to, she could get out the window. But she wouldn't be able to escape Paul's grasp. Eventually, Paul sighed and stood up. "Talk to me when your ready, I guess." Why was Emma scared of him? As Paul left, her breathing slowed down and she no longer had the urge to vomit. The panic attack was over. She was okay again. As all of this was happening in the bedroom, Paul sat on the sofa, head in hands. He felt so small proposing to Emma now and he realised it wasn't the best of times. He walked to the mirror. "I'm not a scary guy..." he mumbled to himself. He had a quick conversation with Bill about Alice. But Emma got curious, who was he on the phone to? She could hear him. She thought she was safe. She got lost in her thoughts and didn't hear Paul walking back up the stairs. "Are you going to talk to me yet or?..." His voice seemed surprisingly small, yet Emma still tensed up. God not another panic attack... "Emma don't freak out!" He rushed to her side. "I'm not a scary guy! Or...apparently I am to you." Emma was crying again. He was right, he wasn't scary. Until he got pissed. How badly she wanted to scream at him, to tell him he was missing the point, but she couldn't speak. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do, Emma! Can't you see I'm trying?" Yes.
"Yes!" her voice was supposed to sound intimidating, but if anything it sounded meek.
"Then what do you expect me to do?"
"I can't tell you because I'm just not ready to tell you flat out!"
"Admit it, you don't want to marry me!"
"I do want to marry you why can't you understand that!"
"Because you're not talking to me!"
"Stop shouting! Please stop shouting..." Somehow, she'd managed to back herself against the wall and instinctively, her arms shielded her face.
"What the hell? Where has this come from?!"
"I don't know!" She loved Paul. She just hated herself for being scared whenever someone lost their temper. "Just please stop shouting..."
"Are you going to talk to me?" His voice had calmed down. He'd listened to her.
"I-Yeah." She gave in.
"What is it?"
"When you shout it...it reminds me of when my dad used to shout at me and because of what you did to the professor earlier...i just feel like I don't know you anymore."
"Emma, babe, I'm still me! I just got protective because he hurt you that's all-"
"Emotionally! Not physically or mentally and you hurt him physically! There's a difference!"
"I know I shouldn't have done it but god you don't need to be afraid or me because of it!"
"Okay...okay." She began to calm down.
"Good." he smiled and kissed her lightly. "But if we're gonna get married, we need to be honest with each other okay?"
"Okay I'll try but it's not that easy..." A lot had happened when she was a child she didn't want to speak of. Ever again.
"It just isn't, ok!" Paul furrowed his eyebrows and looked back down towards the ground. "You see this is what I mean! Whenever I struggle with something you act exactly like that!" She gave a half assed gesture towards him.
"It shouldn't be difficult for you to talk to me about most things-" it wasn't.
"It's difficult for me to talk to anybody about it! And if you can't accept that..."
"If I can't accept that..."
"Fuck it. If you can't accept why I can't talk about some topics maybe we shouldn't get married after all!" As soon as those words left her mouth, she regretted it instantly.
"You know what! maybe your right!" And he left the room again. Emma was done for now. Paul came back suddenly. "And I knew you didn't want to marry me..."
"I never said I didn't want to I just-" She was dead no matter what now.
"Why didn't you tell me when I asked you?"
"Because I do Paul I really want to marry you!"
"It doesn't seem that way." He folded his arms.
"Because of everything that's happened today and you decide this is when you want to marry me? When you see me at my worst?"
"I know the timing wasn't the greatest but it shouldn't matter..."
"It does matter Paul! It matters a hell of a lot to me!"
"So because of the timing you don't want to get married."
""You're not getting it!"
"You're right I'm not!"
"Because you can't read between the fucking lines! All your doing is jumping to conclusions!"
"You literally said we shouldn't get married I hardly think I'm jumping to conclusions!"
"I never said we shouldn't get married!" he wasn't listening to her.
"Yes you did!"
"I didn't, Paul!"
"Why don't you want to marry me..."
"Paul I didn't say that please stop!"
"Do you want to marry me yes or no final chance."
Paul sighed. "Then why didn't you say that before."
"I did Paul!" She was sick of fighting yet it wouldn't stop. Finally Paul sat down on the bed beside her again as she went silent.
"Well it's getting late, shouldn't we sleep?"
"You. Not we. You can sleep. Don't act like everything's going to go back to normal because of our fight ended!"
"Babe we're allowed to fight it's normal!"
"But not as much as we fight!"
"What do you want me to do then? Stay mad at you for longer?" He laughed. Was she a joke?
"It's not funny, Paul! Can't you see how much you're hurting me! I don't know why I'm effected by people shouting but I know it's a lot worse than PTSD. I thought you out of everyone would understand. Apparently that's no longer the case. If you think I'm a joke I'll step foot out that door and never return. This time I mean it."
"You know I don't want that but the amount of times you've suggested it lately makes me think you do..."
"What leaving you? Paul I am this close." She gestured with her hand.
"What are you talking about? Is there something you're not telling me?"
"I've told you everything yet you still think that there's more?!"
"Well it's not exactly out of charatcer for you to not tell me everything is it?!" He snapped and Emma wasn't feeling the best again.
"So it's my fault now?"
"That's now what I'm-" but he reconsidered. "Yes. I've done nothing."
"You know what...."
I can't stay on your life support there's a shortage in the switch
"I'm done." the ring fell to the floor almost in slow motion and Emma had to get herself out of there as quick as possible. As she left she could hear Paul screaming and punching the wall. She was almost frozen to the floor.
I can't stay on your morphine cause it's making me itch
She didn't want to go...but she couldn't really turn back again could she? Paul's eyes began to gloss over. He wasn't crying over Emma. Yeah it might have been the worse breakup he's ever experienced but there wasn't any point crying over the prettiest, smartest, sassiest, funniest girl he'd ever dated. He truly thought they had a future. He felt pathetic for proposing and he heard the front door shut. She was really gone. Emma half hoped Paul would run after her, to win her back. But he didn't. But she knew where she was going to go. Back to Guatamala. Well....that was the plan.
I said I tried to call the nurse again but she's being a little bitch. I think I'll get out of here where I can run. Run as fast as I can. To the middle of nowhere. To the middle of my frustrated fears and I swear. Your just like a pill, 'stead of making me better, you keep making me ill...you keep making me ill.
She was crossing the road and it all went dark. There was a pain searing through both of her legs. A pedestrian phoned an ambulance. Paul was saved as an emergency contact. She hadn't changed it. So now she was in hospital, blinded by pain, while the nurse was on the phone to Paul. "Mr Matthews said he'll be here as soon as possible." The nurse told Emma. Great. Emma couldn't avoid him now.