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Avengers on Twitter

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Avengers headcanons @canibeanavenger

What if all the avengers were Lgbt, wouldn’t that be cool, it would be great if there were superheros I could relate to.

 

Flowers @picturesofflowers

I did see spiderman at a pride parade once

 

Spiderman @friendlyneighborhood

Spiderman, more like Bi-derman

 

Avengers headcanons @canibeanavenger

Wait really?

 

Spiderman @friendlyneighborhood

Yep, I have a girlfriend right now but I am bi

 

Avengers headcanons @canibeanavenger

Ha, in your face homophobes, Lgbt superheroes do exist

 

Spiderman @friendlyneighborhood

I’m not the only one.
Probably going to get killed for this, but here I go
@youknowwhoiam @captainamerica @metalarmman @hawkeye @birdman @blackwidow @brucebanner @godofthunder @butterknives @scarletwitch @ppotts @captainmarvel

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Egg @boi

We know that spiderman is bi but what about all the people he listed

 

Avengers headcanons @canibeanavenger

I don’t know, but I think it's hilarious watching the homophobes and transphobes of twitter try to explain how spiderman’s tweet was a joke

 

Egg @boi

I know right

 

Off @mylawn

But it was so obviously a joke, there are no gay superheros, and that was probably a fake account anyway

 

Avengers headcanons @canibeanavenger

I don’t think it was

Off @mylawn

Yes it was, they can’t be gay

 

Natasha Romanov @blackwidow

Yes they can, I am a gay superhero. And we aren’t all just gay, personally I’m also ace.

 

Flowers @picturesofflowers

@blackwidow you are amazing. Superheroes showing homophobes they are wrong is my new favorite thing

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Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

I would like to call out @friendlyneighborhood on his transphobia, he is an awful person.

 

Spiderman @friendlyneighborhood

Just to be clear, I wasn’t actually being transphobic, we were having movie night and I burn the popcorn and now he is mad at me. Personally I think @youknowwhoiam is being transphobic for calling me out on twitter for burnt popcorn.

 

Egg @boi

Wait what! You guys are both trans!

 

Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

Yep.

 

Egg @boi

How did I not know this

 

Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

Shield agents are good at their jobs.

 

Mira Smith @msmith

You are going to hell, God doesn’t make mistakes, he gave you the body that you were supposed to have.

 

Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

I guess I will see you there then and he does make mistakes, you’re a great example of one

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Avengers headcanons @canibeanavenger

@hawkeye why are you always wearing avengers merch if you are an avenger

 

Clint Barton @hawkeye

Because I get it for free

 

Nick Fury @catstolemyeye

By free he means that he steals it from shield. He doesn’t take much so I’ve given up on trying to stop him

 

Clint Barton @hawkeye

He used to yell at me for it, but I just kept turning off my hearing aids

Avengers headcanons @canibeanavenger

Wait Clint, you’re deaf, how did I not know this

 

Clint Barton @hawkeye

I thought that people knew that I was deaf, it's not like I try to keep it a secret

 

Avengers headcanons @canibeanavenger

I never heard anything about you being deaf, I don’t even think it says it on your Wikipedia page

 

Clint Barton @hawkeye

How does it not say anything, I can think of multiple times that I haven’t had my hearing aids and was having a conversation in sign language in public, it seems impossible that people didn’t notice that one of the avengers was deaf. They would either have to be really oblivious or don’t want to accept that a superhero can be disabled.

 

Off @mylawn

But you guys are superheros, you aren’t supposed to be disabled.

 

Clint Barton @hawkeye

It really doesn’t matter if a superhero is disabled or not, they can still be superheros. I’m also not the only disabled superhero, Tony has the arc reactor in his chest keeping him alive, Rhodey has to wear leg braces to walk, and Bucky only has one arm.

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Red @magicspells

@butterknives I was hoping that you could give me some advice. Someone who I thought was my friend just laughed at me when I told him that I PTSD and said that I couldn’t have it because I wasn’t in a war. Was he right, am I faking it?

 

Loki @butterknives

Of course not. Don’t let anyone ever tell you that your mental illnesses aren’t real, people who do that are jerks and don’t deserve your time.

 

Red @magicspells

Thank you so much for responding. It made me feel a lot better, but sometimes I still feel like I can’t be useful because of my mental illness.

 

Loki @butterknives

That is not true at all. I have PTSD from being mind controlled by Thanos and I still help the avengers save the world all the time, sometimes it is hard but I have friends who are always there to support me and help me feel better. Many of the other avengers have mental illnesses too. Don’t let yours define you, find friends who will support you no matter what and remember that you can do anything.

 

Red @magicspells

Thank you, your advice really helped.

 

Egg @boi

I know that this wasn’t for me, but I really needed to hear this today.

 

Loki @butterknives

I’m glad that my advice helped you, even if it was unintentional.

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Steve Rogers @captainamerica

I just watched @captainmarvel eat 2 ½ batches of pancakes because I was the only one who showed up to breakfast and she said that if no one was going to show up, no one deserved them.

 

Carol Danvers @captainmarvel

They knew I was making pancakes and they chose to sleep in, so they don’t deserve pancakes.

 

Sam Wilson @birdman

Wait I want pancakes, that’s not fair

 

Carol Danvers @captainmarvel

It’s too late now, I ate all of them.

 

Sam Wilson @birdman

Is that even humanly possible

 

Carol Danvers @captainmarvel

Apparently

 

Sam Wilson @birdman

You’re insane. I can’t believe you ate all of the pancakes

 

Steve Rogers @captainamerica

At least you didn’t have to watch her eat all of them, she only let me have three before eating each of the rest by stuffing the entire pancake in her mouth.

 

Avengers headcanons @canibeanavenger

I thought you guys were somewhat normal, excluding the power and that stuff, but I am slowly beginning to realize that I am wrong.

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Flowers @picturesofflowers

Hey @friendlyneighborhood do you have any good avengers stories

 

Spiderman @friendlyneighborhood

I have a ton. One time Clint lost his hearing aids in the vents while spying on people, but was too embarrassed about losing them that he didn’t tell anyone. He managed to make it through a whole week before anyone noticed.

 

Spiderman @friendlyneighborhood

Another time Sam was making toast for everyone and he cut it in half diagonally and when he gave a piece to Fury he picked up the plate and throw it like a frisbee, which cracked a window and shattered the plate.

 

Nick Fury @catstolemyeye

I can’t eat it if it is cut diagonally, he should have known that.

 

Spiderman @friendlyneighborhood

Throwing the plate may have been an overreaction. It was toast.

 

Nicky Fury @catstolemyeye

It was a crime.

 

Egg @boi

Nick Fury hates diagonally cut toast. I feel like this knowledge gives me power.

 

Nick Fury @catstolemyeye

I’m going to kill you @friendlyneighborhood, people are sending me pictures if diagonally cut toast now.

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Natasha Romanov @blackwidow

I just scared Tony and he screamed and tried to punch me in the face.

 

Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

I was barely awake and you were sitting on my bathroom counter. I had the right to scream.

 

Egg @boi

What happened and why did it happen at 3:30 in the morning

 

Natasha Romanov @blackwidow

I heard Tony coming up from his lab and I decided to scare him, so I snuck into his bathroom before he got there and sat on the counter. When he turned on the lights he screamed and tried to punch me. His screaming woke up Steve who tried to get up to see what was happening, but ended up getting tangled in the blankets and face planted before he could reach the bathroom.

 

Steve Rogers @captainamerica

I got a bloody nose because of you.

 

Natasha Romanov @blackwidow

You didn’t have to try and run out of the bed. The bathroom is only ten feet away.

 

Steve Rogers @captainamerica

I was woken up at 3:00 by my boyfriend screaming, I was worried.

 

Natasha Romanov @blackwidow

You’re overprotective.

 

Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

For your information I like his over protectiveness, and I’m pretty sure you would murder someone if they scared Wanda.

 

Natasha Romanov @blackwidow

I can neither confirm nor deny that information.

 

Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

@scarletwitch we’re now the ‘has an overprotective partner’ club. Meetings are every other Thursday.

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Sam Wilson @birdman

Bucky just threw his arm at me because my alarm woke him up.

 

Bruce Banner @brucebanner

One time Thor put his hammer on the pop-tarts because I tried to eat one of them. He also refused to talk to me for the rest of that day.

 

Steve Rogers @captainamerica

Tony had Clint put my shield in the vents for a week after I accidentally dented his suit with it during a mission.

 

Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

You locked me out of my lab for a week because I missed one of our dates.

 

Steve Rogers @captainamerica

You had been working for 72 hours, you needed sleep.

 

Loki @butterknives

I’ve locked him out of his lab for eating the last doughnut once.

 

Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

That was you!

 

Loki @butterknives

Yep. I have also put an enchantment on Steve’s shield so it would move to a different room every time he put it down, stolen Fury’s eye patch and Bucky’s arm, and put spells on Clint’s arrows so that they wouldn’t fly straight. It is hilarious to watch you guys try to figure out what is happening.

 

Avengers headcanons @canibeanavenger

New life lesson, always stay on Loki’s good side.

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Steve Rogers @captainamerica

Some homophobic guy tried to get me to take his side in an argument he was having with a guy wearing a rainbow flag pin. He said that I was from the 30s so I would understand why it was wrong to be gay, and he refused to believe me when I said that I didn’t care about someones sexuality. Why should it matter who someone loves, they’re not hurting anyone.

 

James @thatsmyname

But it wrong.

 

Steve Rogers @captainamerica

No, its not. I think I can speak for all of the Avengers when I say this, if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, abilist, or discriminate against people for any reason, unfollow all of us.

 

James @thatsmyname

I really don’t think that you can speak for all of them.

 

Carol Danvers @captainmarvel

Yes he can. Most of us are lgbt and those who aren’t are supportive.

 

James @thatsmyname

You can’t be lgbt, you are superheros.

 

Carol Danvers @captainmarvel
That's not how it works. I’m gay and Steves bi, I would say others, but I don’t want to out them.

 

James @thatsmyname

You are disgraces to god and are all going to hell.

 

Steve Rogers @captainamerica

I guess I’ll see you there then.

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Egg @boi

I just saw Sam Wilson fly over central park carrying a screaming Bucky Barnes. Would it be to much to ask what happened @metalarmman @birdman

 

Sam Wilson @birdman

He wanted to get across town without getting stuck in traffic so I flew him, but he forget to mention that he is afraid of heights.

 

Bucky Barnes @metalarmman

You’re my boyfriend you should know that

 

Sam Wilson @birdman

You never said anything, I assumed you would be fine.

 

Bucky Barnes @metalarmman

Well I wasn’t

 

Sam Wilson @bridman

I’m sorry, I never meant to scare you. Can you please come out from wherever you are hiding?

 

Bucky Barnes @metalarmman

It’s fine. And I might be stuck in the vents, Clint gave me a map, but my arm got stuck and I can’t move

 

Sam Wilson @bridman

I’ll come get you, you idiot.

 

Bucky Barnes @metalarmman

Thanks

 

Egg @boi

That was adorable.

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Flowers @picturesofflowers

@butterknives is it true that you gave birth to a horse

 

Loki @butterknives

Yes, it is.

 

Flowers @picturesofflowers

How did that happen

 

Loki @butterknives

There was a giant that offered to rebuild the wall around Asgard for Freyja’s hand in marriage, we didn’t know that he was a giant at the time, so I convinced Odin to let him help because he would never finish in time, so he would never marry Freyja. He ended up being almost finished before the deadline we gave him, so I was tasked with distracting his horse so it could not pull the stones for him. The horse was not distracted by anything, so I turned into a female horse and seduced him.

 

Flowers @picturesofflowers

What happened to your child

 

Loki @butterknives

I offered him to Odin as an apology for almost getting Freyja taken away by a giant.

 

Flowers @picturesofflowers

Isn’t Odin dead though, where is Sleipnir now

 

Loki @butterknives

He mainly stays on Asgard, roaming around the palace, but sometimes I bring him to Midgard, the spider boy loves him. I also find it hilarious when Tony forgets that he is there and screams after seeing a horse in the kitchen. He’s tried to convince me to not let Sleipnir in the tower, but he backed down when I mentioned Bucky’s service dog and that he is my son.

 

Steve Rogers @captainamerica

One time I heard Tony shout ‘fucking horse’ at about 3 a.m., apparently Sleipner had stepped on his foot. It was pretty hilarious.

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Nick Fury @catstolemyeye

Happy trans day of visibility to all of my trans and nonbinary friends, but especially to all of my trans Avengers. You may be annoying sometimes, but I love you guys. @youknowwhoiam @birdman @butterknives @friendlyneighborhood @ppotts

 

Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

Aw, old man eyepatch loves us.
Happy trans day of visibility everyone.
Stay strong, you can do it.

 

Sam Wilson @birdman

Remember that no matter what, someone out there will always support and love you, even if you haven’t met them yet.

 

Loki @butterknives

Don’t let anyone tell you your identity isn’t valid, it is your identity not theirs, their opinion doesn’t matter.

 

Spiderman @friendlyneighborhood

It may seem eons away, but one day you will be able to come out and be your true self.

 

Pepper Potts @ppotts

Nobody knows you as well as you do, be yourself and don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise. You are beautiful and amazing, no matter what anyone says.

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Spiderman @friendlyneighborhood

I just saw @hawkeye do a backflip onto a railing, then do a triple flip into the pool. It was amazing.

 

Clint Barton @hawkeye

Bucky said that if I could do it he would get in the pool, so I did it. He is now standing grumpily in the shallow end.

 

Natasha Romanov @blackwidow

It’s great. I’m kind of glad he doesn’t have a knife though, if he did one of us would probably be dead.

 

Bucky Barnes @metalarmman

This is torture.

 

Egg @boi

I wish I could see that

 

Spiderman @friendlyneighborhood

Now Loki is doing back flips and landing like a foot away from Bucky every time.

 

Sam Wilson @birdman

Now Fubar is trying to climb onto his shoulders and Bucky’s just standing there like a statue.

 

Bucky Barnes @metalarmman

I’m not going to let him fall in. Unlike you guys Fubar is actually nice.

 

Sam Wilson @birdman

You’re not wrong, but it is still hilarious to see an extremely fluffy, 50 pound dog sitting on your shoulders.

 

Egg @boi

Now I really wish I could see that

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Steve Rogers @captainamerica

Peter woke me up at 3am last night to ask me for help on his history test.

 

Spiderman @friendlyneighborhood

You fought in WWII, so I thought that I would ask you. I didn’t realize that it was 3am

 

Steve Rogers @captainamerica

How did you not realize that it was 3am, it’s not that hard.

 

Spiderman @friendlyneighborhood

I was working in the lab with Tony when I remembered that I had a test

 

Steve Rogers @captainamerica

That makes sense. @youknowwhoiam Stop corrupting the kid.

 

Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

He was the one who wanted to work in the lab with me. I didn’t know that he had a test.

 

Steve Rogers @captainamerica

Peter you’re not allowed to work in the lab on school days.

 

Spiderman @friendlyneighborhood

Why

 

Steve Rogers @captainamerica

Because you need sleep.

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Flowers @picturesofflowers

@captainamerica when did you do those fitness test and detention videos

 

Steve Rogers @captainamerica

What videos?

 

Flowers @picturesofflowers

You know, the Captain America fitness challenge. It’s a thing in pretty much every school.

 

Steve Rogers @captainamerica

I have no idea what you are talking about.

 

Avengers headcanons @canibeanavenger

How do you not know about them, you are in them. I have a link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hoxh_6TgUVY

 

Steve Rogers @captainamerica

You’re right that is me, but at the same time it’s not. Who could have done this. As far as I know I don’t have a doppelganger.

 

Loki @butterknives
Wait those are actually a thing!? I never thought that they would be used.

 

Steve Rogers @captainaerica

What do you mean?

 

Egg @boi

Well there is only one shapeshifter on the Avengers.

 

Steve Rogers @captainamerica

When? Why? And How?

 

Loki @butterknives

It’s pretty easy to get people to do stuff when you look like the famous Captain America. I just walked into a school and said I wanted to help the kids. They had an idea an I went along with it.

 

Steve Rogers @captainamerica

I don’t believe that you were willing to help children, you hate all of them except for Peter.

 

Loki @butterknives

I was going to tell them how to use knives properly, but they gave me a script, so I didn’t have much of a choice. But there are still embarrassing videos of ‘you’ doing school psa’s so I guess there is an upside.

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Avengers headcanons @canibeanavenger

Everyone has weird things, but what about the avengers. We know that Nick Fury hates diagonally cut toast and that Bucky is afraid of heights, but what about the others.

 

Flowers @picturesofflowers

@friendlyneighborhood, you got anything

 

Spiderman @friendlyneighborhood

I do have some good stories, but the person to ask is @catstolemyeye, his job is knowing things about them that other people don’t.

 

Nick Fury @catstolemyeye

The kids right it is my job.

 

Nicky Fury @catstolemyeye

One time Clint and Coulson were out getting coffee for the team a lady asked him if he wanted to go on a date with her, and instead of politely telling her that he was aromantic and wasn’t interested he took out his hearing aids, threw them at Coulson, and ran out of the coffee shop shouting that he couldn’t hear her, leaving Coulson to deal with the woman and all of the coffee.

 

Flowers @picturesofflowers

That is amazing. What others stories are there?

 

Nick Fury @catstolemyeye

Another time Bucky found Peter in his room crying, so like any normal person would do, he went out and got him a pint of ice cream and a puppy.

 

Bucky Barnes @metalarmman

What was I supposed to do, he was sad.

 

Nick Fury @catstolemyeye

Not get Peter a puppy without Steve and Tony’s permission maybe.

 

Bucky Barnes @metalarmman

I did get yelled at for an hour for that, but it was worth it.

 

Nick Fury @catstolemyeye

Another time Clint fell asleep on top of the fridge and Tony saw him and screamed, waking us all up. Everyone ran into the kitchen to see what had happened and we found Tony curled up on the floor and Clint looking startled while clinging to the fridge like his life depended on it, it was hilarious.

 

Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

It was not funny, that was terrifying.

 

Nick Fury @catstolemyeye

Whatever you say. Well that is all the stories for now, there will definitely be some later, but I don’t want to get killed in my sleep so, better not annoy them too much.

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Spiderman @friendlyneighborhood

@philtheseceretagent I was listening to the Mulan soundtrack and Mulan sounds a lot like someone on your team, is May Mulan?

 

Phil Coulson @philtheseceretagent

Possibly.

 

Spiderman @friendlyneighborhood

How could you have a disney princess on your team and never tell me?

 

Phil Coulson @philtheseceretagent

I didn’t figure out until last year.

 

Spiderman @friendlyneighborhood

But Mulan is my favorite movie.

 

Phil Coulson @philtheseceretagent

If you want to ask her about it, be my guest, but I can’t guarantee that the reaction will be positive.

 

Spiderman @friendlyneighborhood

I will get her to sing a song from Mulan. Whatever it takes.

 

Phil Coulson @philtheseceretagent

Have fun getting your ass kicked kid.

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Bucky Barnes @metalarmman

A PSA to everyone, please don’t pet people's service dogs unless the person says you are allowed to, they are working.

 

Jordan @jordanjames

Yeah, please don’t. Distracting a service dog could get someone seriously injured or killed. Even if the person doesn’t need the dog to survive, they still need it for something, and it is annoying and disrespectful to try and pet the dog without permission from the owner.

 

Trees @leaves

I have a seeing eye dog and someone distracted him while I was walking down the street and I ran into a pole and broke my nose.

 

Off @mylawn

If you’re really blind then how are you participating in this conversation if you can’t see what we are typing? You are faking it.

 

Trees @leaves

I have a program on my phone that reads things out to me, so I don’t actually have to be able to see to know what you are saying.

 

Off @mylawn

How can you type then?

 

Trees @leaves

I haven’t always been blind, so I knew how to type before I lost my vision.

 

Bucky Barnes @metalarmman

@mylawn stop harassing people, they are just trying to have a conversation. Your input is not needed.

 

Off @mylawn

They are complaining about people petting their dogs that they say they “need” for their “disabilities”, I’ve pet plenty of service dogs without the owner's permission and everyone was fine. How are you supposed to know that you aren’t supposed to pet the dog anyway, it’s a dog, people should be allowed to pet it.

 

Bucky Barnes @metalarmman

You are the worst type of person. These people do need service dogs for their very real disabilities. Most dogs also wear vests that clearly indicate that they are working and should not be pet, and you should respect that and not pet them. Anyways, no matter if the dog is a service dog or not, you should still ask before you pet it.

 

Off @mylawn

You’re just some entitled jerk who thinks that he can tell me what to do. I can do whatever I want and you can’t stop me.

 

Bucky Barnes @metalarmman

You are the entitles jerk who thinks he can risk other people's safety just because he thinks a dog is cute. And I can and will file a lawsuit against you for intentionally interfering with a service dogs work.

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Loki @butterknives

I keep getting kicked out of movie theaters.

 

Egg @boi

Why would they kick you out? Aren’t you an Avenger

 

Loki @butterknives

Yeah. Sometimes I do deserve it though. A few weeks ago I was at the movies with Peter, it was an action movie set on a boat, so every time someone jumped or got pushed off the boat I yelled a diving score, we both got kicked out that time.

 

Egg @boi

That is pretty hilarious. But what happened to get you kicked out the other times

 

Loki @butterknives

I was probably being too loud. I usually have very strong reactions to major plot developments.

 

Sam Wilson @birdman

Yeah, he does. He got us both kicked out one time, of a movie that we both really wanted to see and had waited for two years for it to come out, because when the identity of the villain was reveal he screamed “I knew it” while shaking me back and forth. Tony ended up getting us the movie before it was being sold because he got annoyed with us constantly talking about missing the ending.

 

Egg @boi

I wish that I could get movies early.

 

Loki @butterknives

All you have to do is become friends with Tony Stark and then annoy him into buying things.

 

Carol Danvers @captainmarvel

The hardest part is becoming friends with him, he is incredibly easy to annoy.

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Pepper Potts @ppotts

Everyone at Avengers tower is a complete idiot.

 

Nick Fury @catstolemyeye

Agreed.

 

Pepper Potts @ppotts

You’re fine, but everyone else… Tony literally designed the tower and he got lost trying to find the kitchen.

Nick Fury @catstolemyeye

Everyone is pretty bad, but him and Steve are the worst. Steve accidentally locked their bedroom last week and forgot the code, so Jarvis wouldn’t let them back in. I found them asleep on the couch.

 

Pepper Potts @ppotts

Clint got lost in the vents for a week once.

 

Nick Fury @catstolemyeye

Everyone thought that the tower was haunted, especially Bucky, who was the only one that believed in ghosts before that.

 

Pepper Potts @ppotts

When I found him he started sobbing and hugged me for five minutes straight.

 

Avengers headcanons @canibeanavenger

You know I thought that the Avengers were at least somewhat normal, but the more I hear about them, the more wrong I realize I am.

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Bruce Banner @brucebanner

@youknowwhoiam what did you say to Thor. He is curled up in bed crying.

 

Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

The truth.

 

Bruce Banner @brucebanner

What does that even mean?

 

Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

I said that the Hulk probably doesn’t love him as much as you do.

 

Bruce Banner @brucebanner

Why would you say that to him?

 

Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

He broke one of my suits. Anyways Hulk punched him across a room once.

 

Bruce Banner @brucebanner

He got hit by lightning, Thor’s whole god of thunder thing probably scared him.

 

Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

Fine. But he still broke one if my suits, which should be punishable by death.

 

Bruce Banner @brucebanner

It was a new one wasn’t it.

 

Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

Yes.

 

Bruce Banner @brucebanner

Look, he says that he is sorry and that he will pay you for it if you take back what you said earlier.

 

Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

I don’t need his mix of pop tarts and Asgardian coins that he calls money, just tell him that I’m sorry and that Hulk probably loves him too.

 

Bruce Banner @brucebanner

Thank you, Tony. I didn’t want Thor to be sad all day.

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Sam Wilson @birdman

Racists need to fuck off. They should all go live in a cave somewhere, where they don’t have contact with the outside world.

 

Egg @boi

I can agree.

 

Sam Wilson @birdman

I was just trying to eat lunch and this lady came up to me and started making racist comments.

 

Flowers @picturesofflowers

I hate those people with a burning passion, they should just let people live their lives and go in the cave with all of the other racists. This one lady on the subway told me to go back to Mexico as soon as she saw me sitting there. Like lady, first of all I’m not Mexican, I’m Colombian, but she probably doesn’t even know that the two are separate countries, and second, I was born in New York.

 

Sam Wilson @birdman

I am so sorry you had to go through that, people are awful. After a mission once a reporter completely ignored me, saying that I wasn’t an important Avenger even though I saved over a hundred people that were trapped by terrorists that day. The reporter also ignored Fury and Rhodey.

 

Flowers @picturesofflowers

That guy sounds awful.

 

Sam Wilson @birdman

He was, but Fury ended up getting him fired for making racist comments.

 

Flowers @picturesofflowers

That’s good.

 

Sam Wilson @birdman

It is. And a PSA to the lady on the subway who made a racist comment about this very nice person that I have been talking to, go find a cave and live in it and don’t come back out.

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LILY @lilyb

I work at a McDonalds and I just took the orders of about half of the Avengers. They were all in full uniform, Captain America is cleaning off his shield the napkins at the food pick up station.

 

Jordan @jordanjames

Whos there? And Which McDonalds?

 

LILY @lilyb

Tony, Steve, Loki, Wanda, Clint, Natasha, and Fury. And it is the one that is a few blocks from the tower.

 

Jordan @jordanjames

I wish I could be there.

 

LILY @lilyb

You really do, this is amazing.

 

Natasha Romanov @blackwidow

It is pretty cool, not many people get to know what the Avengers order from McDonalds.

 

LILY @lilyb

Oh my fuck. Natasha Romanov just responded to one of my tweets.

 

Natasha Romanov @blackwidow

Or did I

 

LILY @lilyb

The Avengers came into McDonalds during my shift, ordered from me, and now the Black Widow is responding to my tweets. This might be the best day of my life.

 

Natasha Romanov @blackwidow

We do interact with people who aren’t famous online pretty often, but I’m glad you’re excited. And today can get better.

 

Jordan @jordanjames

@lilyb, what does she mean I need to know.

 

LILY @lilyb

She got up and asked me for a marker, then pulled a photo of herself out of her wallet and signed it, then gave it to me. I’m getting it framed. This is the best day of my life.

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Carol Danvers @captainmarvel

I feel betrayed. My girlfriend has a pegasus and she never told me.

 

Valkyrie @iamking

Babe, I’m sorry. I didn’t know how much you liked them.

 

Carol Danvers @captainmarvel

It’s a pegasus, Val, how could I not like it.

 

Thor @godofthunder

She does have a point. Pegasi are rare and majestic creatures, it is hard not to love them.

 

Carol Danvers @captainmarvel

See, I’m not the only one.

 

Valkyrie @iamking

I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you about him. If it makes you feel better I’ll let you ride him wherever you want to go.

 

Carol Danvers @captainmarvel

Really!?

 

Valkyrie @iamking

Of course. I would have let you do it sooner if I knew how excited you would be about it.

 

Carol Danvers @captainmarvel

You are the best girlfriend in the universe.

 

Egg @boi

That was adorable.

 

Thor @godofthunder

They are even cuter in person.

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Bucky Barnes @metalarmman

To anyone suffering with a mental illness, you will be okay. It may seem hard at the moment, but you can do this, you can get through it, things will eventually get better.

 

Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

And if people tell you that you have to hide who you are to be accepted by society, they are wrong. Be yourself, be open about the problems that you face. Some people may leave, but that is okay, the people that truly care about you will stay by your side the who time.

 

Loki @butterknives

Remember to be kind to yourself. Go for a walk, even if it is a short one. Eat something and drink water. Do something that makes you happy. Talk to someone you trust, they will listen. It is okay to feel bad, but just remember that things will get better, even if it seems like it will take a million years.

 

Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

This month the Avengers will be setting up 300 free mental health treatment centers all over the country for anyone who can’t afford or doesn’t have access to treatment.

 

Bucky Barnes @metalarmman

The locations of these facilities will be posted on the Avengers website.

 

Loki @butterknives

They will also be open 24 hours a day so people who can’t ask for help because of abusive parents or partners. If you need it, please get help.

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Wanda @scarletwitch

Nat is possibly the worst cook that I have ever seen.

 

Natasha Romanov @blackwidow

It wasn’t that bad, I only lit half of the kitchen on fire.

 

Wanda @scarletwitch

Only half. The kitchen not being on fire would have been better. Also for anyone who wants to know, I asked her to make ramen, and the kitchen ended up being on fire.

 

Natasha Romanov @blackwidow

I said I was sorry, but at least I haven’t tried to cook anything with lightning. Tony, Steve, Thor, and Bucky all tried to make pie with lightning last week.

 

Bucky Barnes @metalarmman

Hey, I didn’t actually cook anything, I just gave Tony my arm to use as a lightning rod. Thor was the one that summoned the storm and Steve used his hammer to get the lightning for his pie. I only watched.

 

Wanda @scarletwitch

Nat, I take back what I said, you are an amazing cook, you didn’t try to cook a pie with lightning.

 

Steve Rogers @captainamerica

Hey, I thought that it would turn out better if I used the hammer, since I can use it to control the lightning. Tony’s exploded like five feet farther than mine, so . . .

 

Wanda @scarletwitch

@birdman, @brucebanner. Do you want to join the our partners can’t cook club? And also prevent Steve and Tony from ever cooking again.

 

Sam Wilson @birdman

Yes.

 

Bruce Banner @brucebanner

Yes.

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Egg @boi

If any of the Avengers see this, I know it is a bit early, but what are you guys going to do for you Halloween costumes?

 

T’challa @theblackpanther

We were all going to go trick-or-treating in really bad costume store versions of our suits.

 

Egg @boi

Oh my gods, I love that.

 

Scott Lang @manofants

It was my idea, just so everyone knows.

 

T’challa @theblackpanther

Yeah, but I was the one who convinced everyone. He mentioned it at a team meeting a few months ago and no one listened.

 

Scott Lang @manofants

Well of course people will listen to you, you’re a king.

 

T’challa @theblackpanther

It was still funny. You looked so betrayed when I brought it up last week.

 

Scott Lang @manofants

That’s because I had been betrayed, it was my idea.

 

T’challa @theblackpanther
Its mine now, regular sized man.

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Red @magicspells

Guys, I just saw Steve Rogers propose to Tony Stark, it was the cutest thing ever.

 

Avengers headcanons @canibeanavenger

Where were you!?

 

Red @magicspells

I live near the compound and I was sitting in one of the trees by the lake.

 

Avengers headcanons @canibeanavenger

What happened?

 

Red @magicspells

They were walking on the side of the lake when Steve got down on one knee and pulled out a ring. Tony started crying and said yes, then Steve picked him up and spun him around. They both looked so happy, its was adorable.

 

Avengers headcanons @canibeanavenger

He does not seem like the man that would cry when he got proposed to, but good for them.

 

Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

Hey, don’t call me out. Crying is a perfectly normal reaction.

 

Spiderman @freindlyneighborhood

Congrats, Mr. Stark. I’m so glad Steve finally asked, he had been freaking out about it for a few months, he thought that you were going to say no.

 

Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

I would never say no, I love him too much.

 

Spiderman @friendlyneighborhood

Aww. You two are adorable.

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Sam Wilson @birdman

Fubar is the weirdest dog I have ever met.

 

Flowers @picturesofflowers

Why are you tweeting this a 3am?

 

Sam Wilson @birdman

Because he just woke me up by hitting me on the head with his food bowl. It’s not like Bucky, his owner, was just on the other side of the bed or anything.

 

Bucky Barnes @metalarmman

Babe, he’s hungry, just get him some food.

 

Sam Wilson @birdman

Why are you up?

 

Bucky Barnes @metalarmman

Because you’re not exactly the quietest person in the world.

 

Sam Wilson @birdman

It’s 3am and I’m annoyed, I’m not trying to be quiet.

 

Bucky Barnes @metalarmman

Just feed the dog and come back to bed, you’re a better pillow than the actual pillows.

 

Sam Wilson @birdman

Fine, but if he jumps on me when he’s done eating I’m pushing him onto your face.

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Avengers headcanons @canibeanavenger

@catstolemyeye do you have any more stories about the Avengers being weird?

 

Nick Fury @catstolemyeye

Clint regularly turns off his hearing aids during meetings so he doesn’t have to pay attention. He still thinks that nobody knows about it, but we just don’t tell him.

 

Clint Barton @hawkeye

Really. You could have at least said something.

 

Nick Fury @catstolemyeye

Barnes was the one that wanted to see how long it would take you to notice that everyone knew.

 

Clint Barton @hawkeye

That asshole. Tell the story about him and Fubar dancing.

 

Nick Fury @catstolemyeye

Last week when Barnes thought he was home alone he asked Jarvis to play disney songs and he sang along while holding Fubar up by his front paws and dancing. Tony had actually been in his lab and when he came up for some food he saw them dancing and took a video of the whole thing and sent it to all of the Avengers. He’s not going to live that one down anytime soon.

 

Avengers headcanons @canibeanavenger

Can we have the video?

 

Nick Fury @catstolemyeye

I would say yes, but I would like to be alive tomorrow, so no.

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Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

Steve and Bucky have been making old man jokes all week and they won’t stop. Somebody please help me.

 

Steve Rogers @captainamerica

You should respect your elders young man.

 

Bucky Barnes @metalarmman

You should make fun of senior citizens.

 

Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

You guys didn’t age for like 70 years, technically you’re like 30.

 

Steve Rogers @ccaptainamerica

Maybe, but legally both of us are over 100 years old.

 

Bucky Barnes @metalarmman

Which means, old man jokes.

 

Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

If I’m dead by next week, you know the cause.

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Bruce Banner @brucebanner

We need to stop ignoring climate change.

 

Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

If we don’t do something soon the effects on the planet will be irreversible.

 

Bruce Banner @brucebanner

Even if you can’t do anything big, you can still do something. Recycle, don’t litter, don’t use plastic straws, use more energy efficient products, support green companies, don’t buy from companies that have no regard for the environment, wright to your state representative. All action against climate change helps.

 

Trees @leaves

But if I can’t do much, then why should I help? Honest question, I’m not trying to be rude.

 

Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

You should help because if everyone thinks that they can’t help because they are only one person, then nothing will get done because no one will be doing anything.

 

Trees @leaves

Okay, that makes sense, thanks for responding.

 

Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

No problem. If you want to make more of an impact, contact representatives, support petitions against climate change, or boycott companies that actively ignore the problem of climate change.

 

Off @mylawn

Why should we take action against something that doesn’t exist.

 

Bruce Banner @brucebanner

We should take action because it does exist and is a serious problem. How can people still believe this.

 

Off @mylawn

Because it is true.

 

Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

Why do you keep responding to our tweets with stupid comments. See the other person was nice and asked a question because they didn’t know, you just say things to be annoying.

 

Off @mylawn

No, I say things because you guys need to be educated.

 

Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

You are the one who need who to be educated. Talk to any scientist for, like, five minutes, it will help. In the meantime, please never talk to anyone again until you have gotten a basic education.

Chapter Text

Egg @boi

@hawkeye how do you deal with being deaf. I just lost my hearing in an accident and I’m not sure how to cope with it.

 

Clint Barton @hawkeye

I’m sorry that happened to you. Being deaf is kind of hard to deal with at first, but it get easier with time. When I first lost my hearing I refused to talk to anyone and I would ignore them when they tried to sign to me. Don’t do that. Find people who will help you get through it and learn how to read lips and sign as soon as you can, but in the meantime just ask people to write things down.

 

Egg @boi

Thanks. Do you have any advice on realizing when people are talking to you or when something is happening that you can’t hear?

 

Clint Barton @hawkeye

Turn on the flash for when you get notifications on your phone, that will be extremely helpful. Get hearing aids if you can, if you can’t that’s okay, but they are very helpful. Some people get service dogs to alert them, but they take a lot of money and time to train, so that may not be the best option for you. If you are with a friend, have them tap you on the shoulder or something to alert you.

 

Egg @boi

Thank you for the advice. It is just really weird not being able to hear anymore.

 

Clint Barton @hawkeye

It is kind of weird, but the weirdness fades with time and you get used to it. Also, not the most helpful piece advice, but you should still have it, watch shows with subtitles on, Don’t miss out on something you wanted to watch because you can hear it. It won’t be the same, but at least it’s something.

 

Egg @boi

I planned on doing that. I’m not missing the next season of Doctor Who just because I can’t hear it.

 

Clint Barton @hawkeye

I’m glad that you’re optimistic about it, stay that way. This will be a lot easier to get through if you are optimistic.

Chapter Text

Stephen Strange @timedoctor

I just spent a week on a mission with the Avengers, and I can confirm that they are extremely weird.

 

Avengers headcanons @canibeanavenger

What happened.

 

Stephen Strange @timedoctor

A lot. One day Steve and Thor sat on opposite sides of safe house living room and stared at each other while trying to get the hammer come to them, it just sat in the middle of the room the whole time, and I’m pretty sure that neither of them blinked the whole time.

 

Avengers headcanons @canibeanavenger

Well, I guess at least we know that if both of them try to summon the hammer at the same time that it will do nothing.

 

Stephen Strange @timedoctor

I also woke up one night and saw Clint hanging upside down out of a ceiling vent, wrestling with my cape. Steve and Tony are also really loud go fish players. I am never playing cards with them again, they were both screaming.

 

Egg @boi

I love that the avengers play go fish in their free time. It brings me joy.

Chapter Text

This isn't an actual update, but I just wanted to say that I will not be posting updates for this story as often anymore. I am working on a few others, so updates will be farther apart. I have been working on the camping au, which is focused on stony, and the first chapter should be out soonish. There are a few others that I am working on, but am not sure when they will be posted.

Chapter Text

Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

Happy Pride Month everyone! This month we will be holding fundraisers for Lgbt organizations that are dedicated to helping people who need it, more information about this will be on the avengers website. We will also be telling everyone our identities. None of the Lgbt Avengers are at all secretive about their identities, but the media seems to be insistent on ignoring any aspect of us that does not fit their definition of “normal”.

 

Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

I am bisexual, and married to the best man to ever exist, and trans. I started my transition when I was 17, sadly transitioning did not completely erase my dysphoria, but it help so much and my life is so much better now that I can be my true self.

 

Steve Rogers @captainamerica

I am bisexual, and despite my husbands comment, he is the best man to exist and I am so glad that I am married to him. Being bi in the 40s was incredibly hard, I already got beat up enough for being small, but everything was made worse by my sexuality. Things today are so much better, but still not as good as they should be. We need to have pride this month and show that who we love does not make us less than anyone else.

 

Loki @butterknives

I am genderfluid and pansexual. I love who I am, but sometimes doubt my identity or feel wrong because of it. This isn’t because my identity isn’t valid, but because of societal standards that do not include who I am. There is nothing wrong with me, and there is nothing wrong with who you are, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

 

Bucky Barnes @metalarmman

I am Pansexual. I also struggled with growing up in a time where liking another man was seen as something that went against human nature. Some people still believe that, but it is getting better and we need to keep working towards a better world.

 

Clint Barton @hawkeye

I’m aromantic. I’ve had people tell me that I have to have romantic feelings for people or that I don’t belong, but those things aren’t true. Don’t let people who won’t accept you have an affect on you life, they don’t matter, you do.

 

Sam Wilson @birdman

I am a gay trans man. I did not start transitioning until my late twenties, when I had moved out of my parents house because they were extremely transphobic. But now I have supportive friends, many that are like family to me, and an amazing boyfriend.

 

Natasha Romanov @blackwidow

I am asexual and gay. In the red room they tried to make me straight. It was an awful experience that I hope no one ever has to go through, but people still do. I set up a fund against conversion therapy, the link to it is on the Avengers website.

 

Bruce Banner @brucebanner

I am gay and ace. I had a supportive family growing up and have supportive friends now. I know that some people are not as luck as I have been and I am so sorry. If you can get away from unsupportive people and find ones who will support you.

 

Thor @godofthunder

I am pansexual. Most Asgardians are fairly accepting, but my father would pretend that me and my brother were “normal” and lock us in our rooms if we tried to say otherwise.

 

Spiderman @friendlyneighborhood

I’m bi and trans. I didn’t have money to transition, but Mr. Stark gave me the money and helped develop testosterone that will work with my accelerated metabolism because of my powers.

 

Wanda @scarletwitch

I’m bisexual. The country where I used to live was not very accepting, but now I am able to be who I am and love who I love.

 

Pepper Potts @ppotts

I’m trans. I have had people question my ability to run a company because of who I am, but I never let that get to me. I am just who I want to be and that doesn’t affect my ability to do anything.

 

Carol Danvers @captainmarvel

I’m gay. I grew up in a time where that wasn’t accepted, but it has gotten better, even though it has been such a short time.

 

Valkyrie @iamking

I’m bi. There have been struggles, but I have had a relatively easy time, and I hope that everyone can have that, and one day everyone will, but we will have to work for it.

Chapter Text

Flowers @picturesofflowers

What it humans had wings. Being able to fly would be so cool.

 

Sam Wilson @birdman

Well, I do have wings, even if they are mechanical ones.

 

Loki @butterknives

I have boots that let me walk on air, not quite wings, but it could be counted as flying.

 

Flowers @picturesofflowers

But one of you is a superhero and the other is a god, I’m talking about a world where everyone has wings.

 

Loki @butterknives

That would be fun. I have met a few species that have wings, there are so many things that are different on those planets, less traffic, flight classes in schools, landing spots everywhere.

 

Flowers @pituresofflowers

Wait, if you can shapeshift, can’t you just grow wings.

 

Loki @butterknives

I guess, but I would have to learn how to fly first. It sounds fun though, and the helicopter pad at the compound would be a great take off spot.

 

Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

If anyone wants to know, Loki just grew wings and ran out of the compound.

 

Flowers @picturesofflowers

Oh my gods, he actually did it.

Chapter Text

Spiderman @friendlyneighborhood

Happy Father’s Day to @youknowwhoiam and @captainamerica. You guys are great and I love you.

 

Carol Danvers @captainmarvel

Happy Father’s Day @iamking, I’m still not sure how I convinced you to adopt a cat, but he thinks that you are a great dad.

 

Valkyrie @iamking

Aw, that’s so sweet. But you are definitely the better dad.

 

Thor @godofthunder

From my observations, Me Snuggles thinks that you are both excellent fathers.

 

Carol Danvers @captainmarvel

Aw, babe, we’re excellent fathers.

 

Valkyrie @iamking

We have to raise our son right. He will grow up to be the most powerful cat in the universe.

 

Spiderman @friendlyneighborhood

Maybe you could start by getting him to not walk around the compound meowing at three am.

 

Valkyrie @iamking

I can’t guarantee anything.

 

Egg @boi

Petition to make Mr Snuggles the official avengers mascot.

Chapter Text

Egg @boi

@friendlyneighborhood are any of the avengers going to storm area 51

 

Spiderman @freindlyneighborhood

Not sure, but it sounds like something Bucky, Sam, and Loki would do.

 

Egg @boi

What about you

 

Spiderman @freindlyneighborhood

It sounds fun.

 

Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

Absolutely not. I am not letting you go on some stupid raid of area 51.

 

Spiderman @friendlyneighborhood

Why not. It would be so much fun.

 

Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

Because it has gaurds, running up to it unprepared would be stupid. If you really want to go there you should have asked me, I own it.

 

Flowers @picturesofflowers

Wait, what!?! Tony Stark owns area 51. When did this happen and why do I not know about it?

 

Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

It was a while ago. The government put it up for sale and I bought it.

 

Egg @boi

Are there aliens there?

 

Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

I don’t know, are there?

 

Flowers @picturesofflowers

If Tony Stark owns area 51 then it’s probably some five star alien hotel.

 

Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t.

 

Egg @boi

Oh my Gods, area 51 is an alien hotel.

Chapter Text

Clint Barton @hawkeye

@boi how are things going? Are you doing okay with the whole being deaf thing?

 

Egg @boi

It’s fine, but I really miss music.

 

Clint Barton @hawkeye

Yeah, I get that. You will get used to it, it may take a while but you will learn to live without it.

 

Egg @boi

I don’t mean to be offensive, but how would you know what it’s like to not be able to listen to music for a long period of time, don’t you have hearing aids.

 

Clint Barton @hawkeye

You’re fine. When I first lost my hearing I was a kid and wasn’t able to get hearing aids because I ran away and didn’t have any money. I do have them now though, Tony made me a pair when I joined the avengers.

 

Egg @boi

Oh. Sorry. I shouldn’t have asked that.

 

Clint Barton @hawkeye

Don’t worry about it, I get how it could be confusing. And if hearing aids are an option for you, I could probably get Tony to make you some.

 

Egg @boi

Not going to lie, but I’m kind of honored that an avenger is offering to give me hearing aids, but my doctor said that hearing aids won’t help. She did recommend a service do though.

 

Clint Barton @hawkeye

In that case, I shall summon Bucky. @metalarmman someone needs advice about service dogs.

 

Bucky Barnes @metalarmman

@boi I can give you advice about trainers and dog breeds if you want. If you live in New York we could even meet up somewhere.

 

Egg @boi

Wait, you would really do that for me?

 

Bucky Barnes @metalarmman

Of course, you seem like a good person who needs help, and that’s what the Avengers do, help people. I’ll DM you some more of the details so we won’t get swarmed with people if we meet up somewhere.

 

Egg @boi

Thank you both so much. You guys are amazing.

Chapter Text

Harley Keener @potatogun

@youknowwhoiam Peter is insulting my potato gun skills

 

Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

Peter how could you do this to my son.

 

Spiderman @friendlyneighborhood

All I said is that being able to build and shoot a potato gun isn’t exactly a useful life skill. And I’m your real son, you just broke into his garage a couple of years ago.

 

Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

He is my son and you insulted his potato guns.

Spiderman @friendlyneighborhood

It’s. A. Potato. Gun.

 

Harley Keener @potatogun

Don’t insult my life’s work

 

Spiderman @friendlyneighborhood

You’re like 20, and it’s a hobby.

 

Harley Keener @potatogun

It’s my life’s work Peter

 

Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

Yeah, It’s his life’s work.

 

Spiderman @friendlyneighborhood

What’s happening?

 

Harley Keener @potatogun

The potato guns have taken over

 

Avengers headcanons @canibeanavenger

What the fuck did I just read

Chapter Text

Bucky Barnes @metalarmman

Was no one going to tell me about Sebastian Stan. I mean the guy looks just like me and not one person thought to mention it.

 

Scott Lang @manofants

Well I did tell you to watch hot tub time machine, he’s in that.

 

Bucky Barnes @metalarmman

You never said anything about my doppelganger being in it.

 

Scott Lang @manofants

Well, I figured that you would find that out for yourself.

 

Bucky Barnes @metalarmman

A warning would have been nice. It’s kind of confusing seeing yourself in a movie, especially when you don’t remember the last 70 years of your life.

 

Scott Lang @manofants

That’s a fair point.

 

Bucky Barnes @metalarmman

It’s kind of creepy, the guy looks exactly like me.

 

Scott Lang @manofants

Maybe you guys are related somehow. You should try and meet him, and maybe bring me so I can get a picture with him.

 

Bucky Barnes @metalarmman

Scott. No. If I do meet him, I’m not bringing you along.

 

Scott Lang @manofants

But he’s famous.

 

Bucky Barnes @metalarmman

You work with the avengers.

 

Scott Lang @manofants

That doesn’t count. You guys aren’t movie famous.