Fergs and you have been dating for a few months. After that day in The Dog House, y'all have gone on a lot more dates, and you were lowkey right, most of them were accompanied by weird mixtures of John, Joe, Colby, Cyrus, and Fergal's roommates who you were introduced to after about four weeks. They immediately welcomed you into their family group they dubbed “The Bullet Club” when they were younger. You made fun of him for that, but it's still cute.
Fergal hella freaked out when you introduced him to your other college friend Alejandro. They're another good friend who doesn't hang out as much since they made it big as a composer but they still make time to hang out and fuck around with you guys. Apparently Fergal is a fan and that day was spent with him sorta crying about meeting them.
Colby and Cyrus and currently at Colby, Joe, and John's place. Technically Colby and Cyrus have been together extremely long enough to be living together by now but they both like their living situations too much. The only solution they could come up with is having one big place for Joe, John, Colby, Cyrus, and you, and possibly Fergal now. They haven't discussed that with all of you yet so you don't know, forget I told you, this is your Creator, sup.
Now you and Fergal are currently sitting in your apartment watching We Bare Bears. You are flipped upside down on the couch, legs hanging over the top and body at an awkward side angle to keep your head on the cushions and still be able to see. Fergal is sitting near your head with his arms draped across the back of the couch over your legs. You’ve got Fergal's pet frog, named Bubbles, sitting on your chest held between you hands. You still don't know why he got a frog he is allergic to but you don't care she is amazing. The night is chill then Fergal suddenly sits up a bit and looks down at you.
“So, Colby and Cyrus… explain? I mean like how did they meet because Colbs is like,” Fergal grips his hands in front of him and makes a real low, strange groan from the back of his throat. “and Cyrus is,” he opens his hands and makes a high pitch squeak/hum thing. “just… how?”
You've noticed his side eyes at Colby and Cyrus while you guys hang out, not mean looks but definitely filled with a bit of confusion. It was only a matter of time. He's inquiring about The Origin™.
“Oh fuck man, okay.” You say while swinging your legs down to sit upright, careful not to disturb Bubbles. You decide it's best to just dive right into the story. “So Cyrus was in school much longer than I was right? Law school and such, but we've been living here for a long ass time since before I dropped out I think.”
Fergal nods along This much he already knows but it's a story you gotta lay the groundwork.
“Alright so Cyrus’ schedule was beyond fucked. He'd wake up at six AM, leave the house for classes at seven, come back at like one and sleep all day, wake up and then do all his work. It was wack as fuck. Sometimes I would wake up just because insomnia and see him at the table downing Rockstar and going to town on some paper.” You reminisce the insanity of your best friend's daily life back then and the backlash he still has that makes him take constant naps. Fergal is still quiet just listening but his eyes widened at the thought of four years like that. You continue.
“At some point during his years in law school, he would just starting leaving at two AM with all his stuff. I guess he wanted a change of scenery. That's when he found The Dog House. He would go in since they are open at crazy hours and eat tons of donuts while doing his work. He never took me to that place, he forgot it existed in the mortal realm rather than just being a weird dissociation. That's what he told me after my first time I went there with you.” You look over at him and he’s smiling thinking about the memory. You smile back at him but this is a Tale™, so you gotta keep going.
“Aaaaanyways, One Fateful Night!” You say holding Bubbles up for emphasis.
“You are really getting into this aren’t ya?” Fergal asks, laughing.
“Fucking yeah, this is a monumental time in my favorite boy’s life, I will always be into telling this story.” You say, extremely seriously.
“Okay, okay, continue, it’s cute when you get into it.” Fergal says, and leans in. Another positive to this man? He doesn’t get jealous, mad, or annoyed when you call Cyrus your favorite boy or show lots of physical affection for him. He finds it endearing and that makes you happy.
“Al fucking right, soo uuuh law school, late nights, donuts, okay right! So One Fateful Night! Cyrus shows the fuck up laptop, backpack, etc. and Colbs is working, making food, he’s gotta go early a lot to make bread and shiz , anyway anyway, the place is empty besides Johnny, Colbert, and Cyroceros. Joe waaasss… somewhere? I don’t know probably at home sleeping that man needs it.” You realize that at this point your story telling was getting a little out of wack but who cares. Fergal was laughing and it’s a good time spilling the tea about your friends.
“Why do they even stay open that late?” Fergal asks shaking his head. “I’ve told them so many times, they need to sleep. Jeez it’s only them working there!” He throws his arms up.
“Yeah they really should. No lie John told me they were gonna but Colby insisted they keep it open until the ass hours in the morning. Colby is a sap about meeting Cyrus in those early hours but he’d never say it because he’s a bitch.” You explain. Bubbles is now on the table and your playing with her as she hops around after your hands.
“He is a bitch then, that’s cute, but stupid they need to go to sleep.” Fergal states plainly.
“You right, but it’s fun to make fun of Colby for any reason. Fudge where was I????” You hold your hands in front of you and look around, utter confusion on your face. You flail for a bit and Bubbles jumps into your hand but only half way so you gotta catch her.
“Hon, the Fateful Night.” Fergal says.
“Oh yeah! Thanks babe! Okay Fateful Night, Colbious, Johnson, and Cypress Hill all in The Dog House.” You gesture as if laying out a scene, Bubbles along for the ride.
“I love your nicknames.” Fergal says affectionately.
“Thank you my dearest Fergology.” You say, you are a fucking nerd but he smiles so wide at that.
“Fergology?” He laughs.
“Yeah you know the study of Fergal Devitt, it’s something I’ve taken up pretty seriously.” You state winking at him.
“Damn… how can you still get me like that it’s not fair.” Fergal says into his hands.
“My extensive research pays off my man. Any fucking ways Fergal, we are getting off topic.” You lowkey scold playfully.
“Right, right, sorry.” He sits back up and leans back in.
“Colby was making bread and shit, I don’t know what it’s all called I just fucking eat it man. The man completely unaware he is about to meet the love of his entire life.” Bubbles supplies a little croak for dramatic affect.
“He walks out from the kitchen, tired as fuck because he’s been there forever and it was like five in the morning already. So he walks out to ask Johnny boy if they could just close up so they can nap in the couch in the back office. When he sees a beautiful, majestic, ethereal being, with dark circles under his eyes and in boxers. Still, he was enraptured in his beauty.” You say with total dramatics at this point. You are on the verge of standing up and doing a full pantomime performance to go with the spoken word drama.
“What is this now? Your Colby x Cyrus fanfic?” Fergal asks.
“Hey man, I can admit that my best friend is hot as fuck alright we have a bromance.” You are laughing too at this point but there is no lie in what you just said. It’s just, how can you not laugh along to this dude’s cute high pitched giggle laugh? It’s impossible, don’t even try.
“Continuing, because there might be a bit of fallacy in my statement. Colby was tired and frustrated at being awake that he saw Cyrus and was looowkey pissed. He was ready to say some shit like ‘Hey man, we are closing we need you to leave.’ When Cyrus just died. He saved his finished document and knocked the fuck out. This man can fall asleep in like five minutes at this point.” Fergal’s concern grows again through his eyes even though this is a tale of the past, specifically about four years ago. Fuck Colby and Cyrus have been together for four years?? Fuck.
“I know, sounds bad but it’s chill. At this point John had already known Cyrus for a bit since he works the night shift a lot and he knew about him and how he operated. The guys have a reserve blanket and shit in the back right? So John just put that over him and carried him to the back. Colby was lowkey just standing there like ??? John came back, packed Cyrus’ shit and put it back there with him.” John is a really great person and you owe him a lot for taking care of Cyrus while he was having a hard time in law school.
“So John is taking care of shit, and Colby is still standing there useless but John finishes and locks up the place. He grabs Colby’s arm and drags him back to the other couch and highkey lays Colby down and climbs on top of him. I am quoting directly from John, the Street Dog himself, ‘We are going to nap and cuddle like men, shut the fuck up and go to sleep.’ and that is beautiful.” You say in all seriousness.
“Oh yeah, John has done that to me.” Fergal says.
“You what.” It’s not so much a question as much as it is you processing Fergal and John napping together because that is honestly so cute.
“Un momento, por favor.” You say, not even waiting for a response as you put Bubbles back down and take out your phone.
You text John:
“Yo so you’ve napped with Fergal.. is there evidence…”
*zip* You get a reply immediately:
“ehy yiu jealps/” (the key if you dont get it: why you jealous?)
John turned off his autocorrect because it kept censoring his cussing but that revealed that he is terrible at typing and doesn’t give a rat’s ass to fix it. You are pretty much the only one who can decipher it. Everyone else just calls him.
“Nah bro that’s cute as fuck I want pics”
“asl josepkibe uuo kniw hrs a sap fir ghat shiy” (ask josephine you know he's a sap for that shit)
“Josephine got it should’ve known he really is a sap”
You switch messages:
Fergal speaks up.
“Uh babe? The story?” He asks.
“Yeah just give me a sec, I am making an important discovery, just put on your gloves and play with Bubbles.” Yes, Fergal has designated gloves so that he can actually carry his own pet, the pet that he bought with his own money, that he takes care of, that if he touches he will get a terrible rash.
“Alright, I’ll trust you, hey Bubbles, how are you girlie?”
“What, is everything okay?” This sweet man.
“Everything is fantastical my main bro Im just in the market for some pics particularly one involving Johnasaurus and Fergidelic cuddling and napping?”
“Ah yeah I got that, it’s so cute, here, *picture of awesomeness and beauty*
It’s my phone background”
“Guess we’ll be matching then thanks joseph I love you bye!”
You finish your task of changing your phone screen and pocket it. You turn back around to see Fergal cupping Bubbles and looking at her lovingly.
“Having fun?” You ask him.
“She’s just so cute!” Fergal replies.
You smile and take Bubbles back so Fergal can take off the gloves.
“So did you get what you were looking for?” He asks.
“I did indeed, but that can be discussed later. The Origin™ needs finishing.” He makes a look that you know means, ‘Well then how come you needed to interrupt the story in the first place’ but you lowkey ignore it and jump back in. “SO the naps happen. Cyrus’ alarm goes off. He started getting used to sleeping there. The first time he did I was scared but he mentioned that he was safe so I let him be. He knows how to take care of himself more than people give him credit for. Anyways. Colby wakes up all irritable because he basically only got an hour of sleep.”
“Ah yes, Colby is serious about his sleep.” Fergal puts in.
“Yes so he wasn’t happy at all. But my bro destroyed him in one minor second. Upon waking, Colby was cussing and shit being all mad, not necessarily at Cyrus that’s just a grumpy man right there.” Fergs nods along in agreement.
“Cyrus shrinks down a lot and tries to apologize, he hates being a burden and this did him in. Cyrus was so tired and just balled his eyes out in front of Colbs. John was quick to pick him up off the floor and hug him and after enough dirty looks at Colby, he realized his mistake. He apologized immediately to Cyrus and patted his back and stuff which was nice.”
“He made Cyrus cry?” Fergal asks, hella concerned now. Bubbles tries to hop out of your hands onto Fergal, but you catch her before medical assistance is necessary.
“Yeah it was rough from what John told me and I can imagine, that boy gets worn out a lot, especially then. Don't worry this ends in a happy ending.” You say trying to reserve Fergal's probable thoughts to murder Colby but I mean, you've been there.
He just sort of nods slowly and you keep it going.
“So Colby starts calming him down saying it's not his fault, Colbs was just tired, everything was fine. So Cyrus calmed down a bit but he still had class. Sooooo valiantly, Colby volunteered to go take notes and record the lecture for him.”
“I guess that is nice but how helpful could his notes really be?” Fergal asks which is a valid as fuck question.
“Oh they were awful which is why it's good he also recorded it.” You answer.
“Anyways, Cyrus didn't really like that idea, for good reason, but with enough prodding from John and Colby he agreed. Cyrus gave him his backpack explaining which notebook to use and John drove Cyrus home. I guess he walked him up to the door even but he left quick before I was out of my room.” You think back on how long you could've been friends with these people but circumstance fucked you.
“That was a weird time. Cyrus walked in and I got up to check on him. He came in with no bag with eyes red from the tears, I thought he'd gotten mugged but he sorta just collapsed on the couch and slept for a loooong time.” Fergal was just concerned and confused at this point while listening.
“I need to give Cyrus so many hugs the next time I see him.” Fergal states, not really to you more as a mental note for himself.
“Make sure you remember to ask. That man is pretty clingy but every once in a while he will have a day where physical contact makes him uncomfortable.” You remind him.
“Right, ask for hug, if hug is accepted… not gonna lie it might last for a while.” He says. He puts a glove back on to stroke Bubbles.
“That's great.” You say smiling. “Back to the story. So he collapses and I'm sort of just standing there perplexed. I would try to inquire about what happened to him but I figured he was tired as shit and could do with a full day of sleep. I got him a blanket and made sure his face was exposed so he didn't die and left him like that. I just went to work and hoped he'd be okay.”
You sort of wish you could've helped out more but whenever you bring it up he tells you not to apologize. Cyrus will always say he chose to have a weird schedule and that you were taking care of a bit more of the bills since you were getting paid but still, you feel like simply paying wasn't nearly enough of the support Cyrus deserved. Fuck, I gotta give him a hug, too.
“You alright?” Fergal asks you, reaching out to lay a comforting hand on your knee. Apparently your reflection was evident on your face but you are good now. Bubbles tries to jump out of your hands but this time towards your face and this time she succeeds.
“Thank you, Bubbles. That was a very nice hug.” You say much less sarcastic than that statement sounds. You grab her before she can fall and restart the story again.
“So I'm at work whatever, alright so I get back home and there is this dude fucking camped out at our door. That was not chill with me I was ready to fight, then I saw Cyrus’ bag and I got REAL mad. I walked up to him and fucking say, 'Where the fuck did you get this and how did you get here?’ I was not having this shit.” You lowkey get riled up ever so slightly thinking about some bitch fucking with your friend.
“Not gonna lie, thinking about you beating up Colby, it's kinda hot.” Fergal says, shit eating grin in place.
“Oh yeah? Well then you'll love this next part.” You respond with your own smirk in place. “Alright so Colby looked up at me and raised his hands in a surrender. He said, 'Look I know Cyrus, he stayed at the place I work at last night but he didn't get much sleep. I went to his class for him to take notes for him.’ I wasn't very convinced so I asked him 'How do I know that's the truth?’ And this motherfucking, goddamn, bitch ass fucking said to me, 'Well you aren't an idiot, are you?’” Fergal loses his shit.
“HE FUCKING SAID WHAT TO YOU? WHAT A GODDAMN DICK, WHAT THE HELL!” Fergal had stood at the beginning of this and looked ready to fucking throw down.
“Hey, hey it's okay!” You say through laughs. He's ready to defend your past honor and it's adorable. You’ve stood up, too and you hold out your hands in front of you to calm him down. You would hold his face or grab his shoulders but Bubbles. That’s dangerous. “We haven't gotten to the best part yet.” You say.
“What's that?” He asks, now having stilled.
“I punched him across his dumb ass face.” You say filled with pride.
Fergal lowkey lunges at you, you move Bubbles out to the side and Ferg grabs your face and kisses you hard. I guess he really was turned on by violence against Colby. Should I be concerned about that? Naaaah.
He pulls back after a while, breathing kinda hard and says, “Holy shit that's so fucking hot.” Okay maybe I should be concerned. You gotta ask.
“Should I be concerned that you get turned on by me being violent to Colby?”
“It's not that, well maybe that a little bit, it's more you defending yourself and the people you care about. Like a superhero. That’s hot. I just like Colby getting hit because he deserves it.” Oh okay that's chill. Wait though… does this mean… superhero roleplay………. fuuuuuuuuck
Before you get too thirsty, because you are not ashamed to admit that's pretty sexy, I don't even like sex that much??? I'm fucking DEMI?? Whatever, you divert your mind back to the original task.
“Stop distracting me with your hotness, I have a tale to tell!” You exclaim. Fergal laughs and pulls you back down on the couch with him.
“Yes, please continue.” He says.
“Okaaaay. So I punch Colby, because he was being a duck, I mean dick, the fuck am I an iPhone or something? Fuck me.”
“Mmm can I?” Fergal says in your ear.
“Goddamnit Fergonomics, I love you and maybe later but right now, shut the fuck up.” You don't even look at him right now but from the corner of your eye you see him throw his head back on the couch and laugh hysterically.
“I don't want you to agree just because I asked, I don't mind not having sex, you know.” He says. You appreciate this man so much.
“No, IIIIIII sooooorta.. have an idea…. Fucking Fergal Stop Distracting Me!” This man will fucking kill me. More goddamn laughing from your right.
“AlRight. No more distractions. I am just going to sit here, hold Bubbles, and fucking finish this goddamn story.” You lowkey glare at him but can't hold it for too long before smiling again.
“Woo okay so Colby got punched and then he thankfully starts apologizing but I mean he just got punched and the sound of pain was pretty fucking loud, this boy yelped. It woke Cyrus up and he comes and looks through the little hole to see what's up and sees Colby grabbing his face in pain and me probably looking like I'm gonna kill him I'm not really sure.” At this point your explanation is getting faster, you are just really into this story man.
Somehow Fergal is still following and looks very attentive.
“Cyrus opens the door and just fucking grabs his bag and says, 'Thanks Colbs!’, gives him a lil kiss on the cheek, because he is very sweet, and walks back in leaving the door open. He collapses on the couch and falls asleep again.” It's been a few months since you and John, the Creators of the story, first got together to create the entire script and it is lowkey hitting you how strange your first meeting with Colby was. Why the fuck did that seem normal at the time???
“God this is a fucking weird story?? I mean logically I knew that but telling it now instead of just writing it out with Johnson is fucked. I punched Colby and then I invited him in for questioning???” You say. The storytelling aspect is sorta dying down to just utter nonsense and bull shit. Fergal doesn't seem to mind, he just agrees that this is a weird ass story.
“Oof okay, so yeah. I invite him in but I guess it lowkey isn't an invite if I immediately start interrogating his ass. Tell him to sit at the table and pull up a chair myself and start rattling off questions: 'Why did you take his classes for him?’, ‘Why the fuck did you make him cry?’, 'Are you trying to get something from him because next time I won't stop at one punch’ shit like that. I don't mess around when it comes to my babe.” You say. Man Colby was alright but he was such a dick sometimes.
“I'd expect nothing less of the #1 Cyrus supporter. It's really sweet how much you care about him.” Fergal says. He looks at you tenderly making you smile.
“It's true, I'd do anything for him.” Cyrus makes you so happy. “That's why the questions were so extensive. After a while I decided he was fine, still a dick though and I kicked him out of our place. I walked over to Cyrus and sat down on the floor beside him. I knew he was probably dead asleep but I still spoke to him. I said, “Cyrus, I love you man, and you know how to take care of yourself, but sometimes I wish I could be with you all the time just to give you the support you really deserve.’ Something like that.” You get a bit emotional, not tear level but still it strikes you the amount of shit you would throw yourself through just to protect one person. You suppose now you feel that way about Fergal, too.
“I mean after that I guess the story is pretty normal or normaler. After Cyrus woke up we talked forever, I made sure he was okay, he promised that he would update me more frequently about what's going on so that I can step in to help, it was nice.”
Fergal easily senses your emotional state and puts his hand on your leg while leaning his head on your shoulder. You smile and turn your head to give him a kiss at the top of his head. You set Bubbles on your leg and stroke him. You keep going.
“Cyrus kept going into The Dog House, Colby started being nicer and they started talking more while they were both there. Then one day I got a weird ass text from an unknown number saying something like, 'Hey what's Cyrus’ favorite food’ with no name. I was about to hunt this person down and figure out how they know Cyrus but then he finally followed up after a bit saying it was Colbs. I figured he didn't do much harm and Cyrus was telling me more positive things about him so I complied and said it was pizza and fried chicken. He said that whatever it was he would make it for him but that was better ordered so Colby, as a romantic gesture, got KFC and Pizza Hut and asked out my boy, the lovely Cyrus.”
Fergal looks up at you from your shoulder, eyes bright from the whirlwind of a story.
“That was wild, but actually quite lovely.” He says.
“Yeah it is. I like that stor–” You start but suddenly the door bursts open. It's Cyrus.
“Well,” He huffs an unamused laugh, “me and Colby just broke up.” Cyrus’ face is full of rage. He doesn't say anything else just quickly stalks to his room and slams the door.
Two seconds later, one of Cyrus’ stuffed animals comes flying out of the room and the door is re-slammed.
“That stuffed penguin, that's the one Colby got him. He named it Seth.” You say, you are pissed. Colby is in a world of fucking hurt.
“...He had bruises on his arm..” Fergal says, his voice is sad and concerned and angry all at the same time.
“I am going to kill Colby Lopez.” You state. You aren't joking.