Richard “Dick” Gumshoe was a man who was never at ease. He was prone to excitement, prone to anger, and prone to worry. On the particular spring morning Miles encountered the bumbling detective in the precinct, he appeared to be fraught with the latter. Though he wasn’t sure if he should inquire, the man’s incessant mumbling to no one in particular prompted Miles to open his mouth.
“Detective, is everything quite alright?
Gumshoe paused in his mumbling. He looked at Miles briefly before looking away and fumbling with a file folder. “Yup! Couldn’t be better, sir.” The file slipped from his grasp, the contents floating in every which way before landing on the floor in a pile around the detective’s desk.
Gumshoe sighed and resignedly began picking up the papers. “Okay, okay, you got me. I have something that’s been on my mind this morning.”
Miles watched at his subordinate stacked the contents of file together, crumpling some no doubt important forms in the process. “And what exactly is the cause of all this… excitement?”
Gumshoe stood, making a sour face. He deliberately didn’t look at Miles at he responded. “No offense, Mr. Edgeworth, but I don’t think you’d be any help with this...”
Miles stiffened, offended by his subordinate’s insinuation. “And what exactly makes you so sure of that?”
Gumshoe shifted his weight and glanced doubtfully at the prosecutor. “Well… You don’t… You don’t know much about women, do you, Mr. Edgeworth?”
Miles crossed his arms, near indignant now. “Of course I know things about women, Detective. I don’t live under a rock.”
Gumshoe flushed slightly from embarrassment. “No, of course not, sir! But that’s not really what I meant.”
“Well? What did you mean exactly then?”
“Well… You swing the other way, don’t you, Mr. Edgeworth?”
Miles stared at Gumshoe for a moment before flushing slightly himself. “Ah. I think I understand now.”
Detective Gumshoe smiled sheepishly. “Yeah, so that’s why. Otherwise you’d be the first person I’d go to for advice but uh… Y’know.”
“I understand, Detective.” He glanced around the precinct, not wishing to leave his subordinate without advice. His gaze landed upon a certain fowl tempered detective a few desks away. “May I suggest that we ask Detective Skye?”
Gumshoe nodded enthusiastically. “Good idea, pal!”
The two walked over to the detective in question who was currently glaring at her computer, her hair partially up in an unkempt bun.
“What?” She hissed before looking up. “Oh, it’s you Mr. Edgeworth! Can I help you with something?” she asked, her tone drastically becoming more enthusiastic as she sat up more straight in her chair.
“Not me, per se, but you can help me by helping Detective Gumshoe.”
Ema nodded, turning to the detective. “Sure, what’s the sitch?”
Detective Gumshoe rubbed the back of his neck. “Well… I, uh- So, you know Maggey, right?” Ema nodded. “I want to know how to ask her on a date! And I don’t want to mess it up like I usually do with things because I really, really like her and I don’t want to make her upset.”
Ema nodded again, staring blankly at the screen of her computer. “And you want my advice for how to woo her?”
“Yes, please! I’ll do anything!”
Ema burst out laughing hysterically for nearly a minute, much to Gumshoe and Miles’ immense confusion. When she had stopped laughing, she noticed the two men’s solemn expressions. “Oh, you were serious.”
“Of course I’m serious, pal!”
Ema wiped a tear from her eye. “Come on, you guys, you should know by now that every time I see a pretty girl my brain short-circuits and I end up glubbing like a fish. I’m not exactly an authority here.”
Miles sighed and crossed his arms. “Well, you are dating Kay, aren’t you?”
Ema shrugged. “Sure, but it doesn’t mean I know how it happened. Plus, she tends to make most of the decisions and I just go along with them.”
Gumshoe sighed dejectedly. “It’s hopeless.”
Ema wrapped a comforting arm around the detective’s shoulders. “Don’t give up so soon, Gummy. I’m sure we can find someone else.”
Miles tapped his chin. “Who would have more successful experience with women?”
Ema frowned. “Not Phoenix, not Larry, not Lang… Hmm… Is everyone really that hopeless?”
“Does anyone in this damn precinct know how to do their job?!”
Immediately, the three turned to one another, Miles and Ema considerably more excited than the third.
“Please, anyone but her! I’ve got a weak heart and I’m not sure I could take much more of Ms. von Karma than I already have to.” Gumshoe pouted.
Ema scoffed. “Come on, Fran’s harmless. Plus, she’s the best person to ask.”
“‘Harmless’ isn’t the first word I’d use to describe her, pal. Or any of them.” Gumshoe appeared to be eyeing the nearest exit.
Ema persisted. “Come on, do it for Maggey!”
Miles pushed his glasses up. “Love requires great sacrifice, detective.”
Gumshoe sighed. “Okay, okay.”
By now, Franziska had taken notice of the three musketeers and made her way over to them, arms as cross as the rest of her.
She glanced from Ema to Miles to Gumshoe. “I don’t like the looks on any of your faces.”
Ema nudged Gumshoe. “Hey, Gummy, didn’t you have something to ask Fran?” Franziska raised an eyebrow.
Gumshoe immediately fell to his knees before Franziska, quivering visibly. “Oh please, Ms. von Karma! Please give me some of your wisdom to help me woo Maggey!”
Franziska immediately recoiled. “Are you serious? Pick yourself up, detective, you’re embarrassing yourself.”
Gumshoe stumbled to his feet, still hunched over. “Please, Ms. von Karma, I’m begging you!”
“Please. As if I have time for something like that.” She turned to leave.
Ema rushed forward and grabbed her arm. “Wait, Fran! Please help him out. Me and Miles are both useless and without your help Gummy might never be able to win Maggey’s heart.”
Franziska glared at Gumshoe through the corner of her eye. “Fine.”
Gumshoe stood. “Yeah, sorry for asking, I’ll just- wait. Did you say yes?!”
“Yes. Pay attention, scruffy.”
Miles grinned lightly, very pleased with himself. “I told you that my dear sister had a soft side.”
Franziska turned her glare to her brother. “Miles, do not test my patience or I swear you will regret it.” She brushed a lock of hair behind her ear. “Very well. What is the problem?”
Gumshoe stood upright and saluted. “Yes, sir! Well, as you know, I’ve been in love with Maggey for a while now and I want to ask her on a date now that all the problems between us have been figured out.”
“So? What’s the problem? Just ask her.”
“That’s what I need help with! I don’t know what a good first date would look like. You see, I’ve never been on one before and I don’t want my first to be a bad one!”
Franziska sighed, grabbing a notepad from Ema’s desk. She began scribbling notes on it, then handed it to Gumshoe. “A first date should show the willingness to commit, but not the indication that you intend on moving very quickly. Try dinner at a nice restaurant, even if it is a cliche. Though for the two of you, I think a cliche might be best as it is.”
Gumshoe looked doubtfully at the list in his hand. “I’m pretty sure that these are all out of my price range.”
“Then, pick any restaurant! That’s not what matters.” Franziska said, irritation seeping into her tone. “Just make sure you get her a gift. Don’t waste money with flowers- they die too quickly. Buy her a plant or some jewelry.”
Gumshoe dutifully transcribed all of Franziska’s notes. Miles held back a chuckle as he noticed that Ema was peaking over Gumshoe’s shoulder and copying the notes for herself onto her phone.
“And make sure you wear a decent cologne and not too much. And be on time. And make sure you drop her off at night. And ask her if she wants to be kissed when you do. Understand?”
Gumshoe nodded happily. “Yes, sir! I can’t thank you enough!”
Franziska sighed. “There’s no need to thank me. After all, I was simply doing it as a favor for Maggey.”
Miles scoffed amusedly. “Franziska, it’s perfectly acceptable for you to admit that you want to help those around you once in a while.”
Franziska rolled her eyes. “ Miles , it’s perfectly acceptable for you to shut your mouth once in a while.”
Gumshoe and Ema joined in laughing at Miles’ expense as even Franziska dared a grin.
“Ms. von Karma, do I have permission to hug you?” Gumshoe asked quickly, looking as though he were on the verge on tears.
“I- Fine. Just this once. And make it quic-” Before she could finish, the large detective had already wrapped his arms around Franziska, now quite audibly sobbing. Ema joined in the hug, pulling Miles in with her. And so, the four embraced with unabashed sentimentality in the middle of the precinct and though Franziska might never admit it, she quite enjoyed it.