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For My Own Good

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“You ever decide I’m worth more than that bottle in your hand, come find me.” You spat, tears trekking down your face as you turned your back on your boyfriend Jimmy Havoc.

“You can’t just walk away.” Jimmy said, words slurred by the liquor he had consumed.

“Really? Cause this is me doing just that.” You said without turning around, exiting the hotel room and hurrying down the hallway towards the elevator. It was only once the doors were closed safely around you that you allowed yourself to break down. Just because it was the right decision didn’t mean it was any easier to make. You couldn’t keep on fighting for a relationship with someone who loved his booze more than you.

Don’t cry to me, if you loved me
You would be here with me
You want me, come find me
Make up your mind

It had been three months since that fateful day. The day you pulled the trigger and ended your relationship with Jimmy. You were still a mess. You knew it was for the best, but it still hurt. If anything the time apart had proven to you that it was what you needed to do. Jimmy’s behavior in the past few months had only solidified your decision. And it killed you that he wasn’t willing to even try to get sober to get you back.

Oh he claimed he wanted you back. Confronted you whenever he could. Cried to you that you didn’t understand and that if you supported him you would love him no matter what. It made you feel like shit. It didn’t help that his friends laid on the guilt trip as well. As if it was all your fault that he was falling down a black hole. You had tried. Tried for years to get him on his feet. To give up his dependence on the bottle. Ultimately you had to pull the plug. For your own mental health. You couldn’t keep loving someone who didn’t want to be loved.

Couldn’t take the blame, sick with shame
Must be exhausting to lose your own game, selfishly hated
No wonder you’re jaded
You can’t play the victim this time
And you’re too late