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The Very Secret Diary of Goose

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June 9, 1995

My Minion's friend showed up today after six damn years, stinking of aliens and pretending not to know me. I thought maybe she could tell me what really happened to my Minion, who never came back at all. If they had taken me with them on that flight, I would have made sure they both came back.

Stupid humans.

Still, not all bad. Minion's friend (she is calling herself Vers, how stupid) had a human male with her, called Furry or something, and he treats me with the respect and affection that is my due.

I did not shirk my responsibilities, despite Vers' (frankly insulting) behaviour. I kept an eye on them while they were on base, and made sure they were looking in the right place for the Minion's notes and records. And they picked the best vehicle, the one I'd already chosen for them, to escape from the humans (and Skrulls) who were chasing them.

Wish they'd strapped me in though. High-g makes it so difficult to maintain a dignified demeanour.


We are in a nice quiet wooded place with lots of catchables. I have not eaten so well for a long time. The rodent population back at base is near extinction. Okay, so I may have snacked on an infiltrator or two, the ones with the fetching multi-armed insignia. Nobody seemed to object.


Busted. That Skrull leader (who is apparently not a bad guy any more) was able to identify me. Nice to make an impression though, and Minion's friend Vers -- who I am considering promoting to the position of Minion, since the position is apparently vacant -- was happy to use me to threaten the Skrull.

New Minion's friend Furry continues to pet and fuss over me. The Skrulls think he is very brave. He better not try anything or I will have his eye out.


Previous Minion always smelt nice, just like this blue glowing thing (a 'tesseract' apparently), which I like very much. Come to think of it, New Minion has something of the same odour. I think she remembers me now.


That Kree fellow is a nasty bit of work. He grabbed me in a most uncomfortable way, and then his subordinate put a *muzzle* on me and put me in a *cage*.

They will be sorry.


Tesseract. NOM.

New Minion's friend Furry is much more respectful now.


I said those Kree would be sorry. And by 'sorry' I meant 'devoured'.

Unfortunately I also had to remind Furry to be respectful and not touch me when I don't want to be touched. He will not forget me in a hurry.

June 13, 1995

Something I've eaten has disagreed with me. Probably I should not have had that last Kree warrior. There were sharp bits.

Furry is now my devoted Secondary Minion and says I am a good kitty. And really what's a little indigestion when one has saved the world?