He looked into black desolate space from his office window. Drink in hand he lifted it up and stared out at it, freezing as he took a sip of the whiskey and let it burn down his throat. In the vast emptiness of the universe we have found a fullness of cultural diversity. The words rung in his ears. It had only been about 2 months since he had said that and when he said it he felt on top of the world and now everything and everyone was crumbling down before him.
Do you ever sit in your quarters and look out of the window? He does now. Everything had changed. In the emptiness of space you never know what’s going on or what’s wrong with other cultures or people. That’s just the way it is. Just like it was in the 21st Century even though you were right next to someone you were worlds away.
Replaying things that had happened in the last month or weeks was not pleasant. From Locar being condemned to death to war with the Kaylons. The universe was crazy, insane even. Despite creating a peace treaty with the Krill it wouldn’t have happened if Gordon’s now dead friend actually attacked them. He can’t get a break. Something never goes to plan or if it does it is just messed up by the end of it all.
The door chimed, knocking him back to reality. “Come in” He exclaimed loud enough so the person on the other side could hear. Turning around slowly, he immediately recognised her. Of course it would be her, she knew him the best and knew when something was up. She had his back.
”Hey,” she spoke, “You alright? You haven’t talked much recently with me or anyone. Something up?” She became more worried as she spoke obviously noticing the whiskey in his hands.
”I’m fine. You?” He replied, he didn’t want to talk much but he did notice the words hanging between them, obviously thinking the same thing. The fact that this month had sucked.
”I’m okay. You been feeling it too?” She asked, she knew him well, too well sometimes.
”Yeah,” he muttered before downing the rest of his whiskey and placing the glass on the windowsill, “You have too haven’t you?” She nodded as she moved around the room to the synthesiser and produced two more whiskeys. “This has sucked.” He stated not really knowing what to say without sounding like a dickhead or revealing something that he didn’t want people to know about.
They cautiously and slowly moved to the desk and sat down, him on his own chair and Kelly on the chair opposite him. The words hung in the air between them but were never said. He was never good at talking about things like this, he bit his tongue, what is he supposed to say. He had so much to say, to talk about but he didn’t know how to put them into words. It was a difficult situation trying to talk about something that was serious and important without sounding horrible or unsympathetic towards the situation and as a Captain and Commander of a starship made it worse. You had to see both sides of an argument and whatever you said or say it will come back to haunt you.
They sat in silence for about fifteen minutes. They were comfortable being in each other’s space, they were still thinking about the same thing but it was enough that they were sharing the same space, it felt right. “Well what a month we’ve had, war against the Kaylons and the peace treaty with the Krill and even the unfortunate fate of Locar, it’s unfortunate.” Ed stated trying to make it sound like a joke but failing to make anything sound relatively funny, which wasn’t him.
”It really is but I guess we couldn’t do anything with Locar or the Kaylons.” She informed him.
”Yeah, but both of those I feel guilty about. Locar died because of who he loved and many of my own people were killed due to stupid me taking them to Kaylon in the first place. I don’t know what to do.” Ed said, getting faster and faster as he spoke.
”Hey, it wasn’t your fault you never knew what was going to happen-“ Kelly spoke softly
“But, it was my idea and I have to take responsibility for that-“ Ed muttered.
”No you don’t. You went to Kaylon because you didn’t want to loose one of you’re valued officers and you went there because you are loyal. And again you never knew what was going to happen. She stated still in a calm soft tone that calmed him down.
”Again, I have to take responsibility for those who died I was their captain and I failed them.” He explained. As he did so, Kelly got up out of the chair and moved to the side of him. She hesitantly grabbed hold of his forearms and pulled him up. He knew she was going to do something. She locked eyes on his and stared at him looking for what she expected to find when she did that to him. She knew he suffered from depression and knew the signs. All of them were there. Sadness, anger, guilt, isolation. It made more and more sense as she she read him, he was isolating himself from everyone because he was upset with himself for nothing.
”Ed, you haven’t failed, every Captain goes through this once in a while. But I will tell you now, you are the best captain I know and I couldn’t think of anyone better to run this ship than you. You deserve to be in the captains chair.” Kelly comforted him. He wanted to say something back, deny all of what she had said but he couldn’t, he just couldn’t. He trusted Kelly more than anyone else and she wouldn’t lie to him. “And you know what Ed, I love for that and I always will no matter what, you are best person I know and always will because you are just you and you are amazing at being you.”
She drew him closer to her making sure she got her point across but she didn’t know. All she was faced with was a look of wonder and amazement on his face. Had she done something wrong? “You have no idea how long I have wanted you to say that. I love you too.” He stammered through the words unable to actually process the full event due to the alcohol.
”You have no idea how long I have wanted to say that and you know what I don’t want to hide it anymore.” She insisted. And before Ed knew it she closed the gap between them and kissed him. It was only a short one but it felt right. Safe and secure was what it felt like kissing Ed and it was just right. After breaking apart Ed rested his thumb on her lips and traced them and began stumbling like an idiot over his words. “You know I wang to do this the right way with dates- and dates...” she cut him off with one finger on his lips and a peck on his cheek. She just nodded she was to happy to talk she would, like Ed, start stuttering like an idiot and instead she kissed him again this time deeper and passionate.
They fell back on to the chair behind them and fell over. The familiarity of it all was crazy, it was like been young ensigns again but back then they didn’t know how lucky they were. They laughed it off and just stayed there for awhile, this was what they wanted.