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In Summary, Feelings Suck

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Felix had always been a bit off with other kids. He didn’t mean to be, but he was. The only person who didn’t think he was strange other than his little brother Oscar, was his best friend Ellen, who had been his next door neighbour since before he could even remember.

 Things got worse when they hit high school, Felix had always been teased and pushed around from time to time when he was younger but now it was constant, especially from this other kid named Jake Riles who was slightly shorter than him and one of, if not the youngest kid in their year level. It didn’t make it better that Jake was good mates with the most popular kid at Bremin High, Sam Conte, who Felix had been crushing on since year 7.

Sam never did anything to Felix, or anyone really, he was this really nice kid that was sometimes a bit selfish and lived in the clouds who loved skateboarding, drawing, food, his family and unfortunately for Felix, his girlfriend Mia. Don’t get him wrong, Felix thought that Mia was a lovely girl and even if he didn’t, Felix would have to say she was anyway because Ellen liked her. Of course, they couldn’t act on their feelings so they would just pretend to vomit every time they saw the two being affectionate around the school yard and make a sarcastic quip or two, helping each other to squash the queasy feeling of jealously in the pits of their stomachs.

Then Felix accidentally made Sam, Jake and the Brainiac of their year level; Andy Lau, end up in a universe where none of them were ever born. At first it wasn’t ideal for Felix with the whole “who are you?, I don’t know what you’re talking about” thing with Oscar but Oscar could walk again and that’s all that really mattered to Felix. But then the others came to his house, asking about weird things happening and he saw Ellen, who was dressed differently and Felix came to the conclusion that, yeah… he fucked up.

Fast-forward a bit, their mums are sick and Felix works out a spell to help them recover. After telling the others and Phoebe, Sam tells him to forget everything Sam has ever said to him, about being a freak because saving their mums makes him cool in Sam’s book and Felix can’t help but smile. Afterwards is the best Felix has felt in a long time emotionally, even though he’s physically drained, Sam wrapped his arm around him and excitedly talked to him all the way back to Phoebe’s and even made him food when he woke up. Felix felt like nothing could bring him down in that moment.

That was until Andy read his book of shadows and figured it all out. Suddenly, Felix was back to being king of the outsiders except, it was worse than before. Felix had really grown to care about these guys, even Jake but he screwed everything up and it was back to square one with Jake and Andy. Sam was the angriest of the three, always seeing the glass half empty in this universe while the others saw some positives to the situation and now Sam took every chance he could to tell Felix that he hated him.

Little while after that, Mr. Bates gets possessed, then Oscar, then Sargent Riles and Felix runs off and bumps into Roland. Felix decides that, to fix everything, he would sacrifice himself to the restoring demon. Turns out that alternative universe Ellen had the same idea and Sam asked if it would work. The boys make it back home without anyone being sacrificed but Felix found out sometime after they got home, before the welcome home party Sam's brother set up.

"So we told other Ellen and Mia while looking for stuff that could help, apparently incense wouldn't work by the way, and other Ellen asked if you getting killed would send us back and Sam asked if would work..." Jake noticed Felix's face drop. "But Andy and I immediately tackled that issue, you know what Sam's like, he's a bit emotional at times. He was just upset and his feelings got the best of him for a second." Felix just watched the ground as he and Jake walked around Bremin. Their Bremin. "Yeah, sure"

Then Andy disappears and the cops are on their backs, especially Felix’s and it’s never a good time to bring it up until Felix figures out that, for Andy to return home, someone has to swap with him, be where ever he disappeared to, trade themselves for Andy and take his place and Felix felt it would be best if he sacrificed himself to be swapped. With Jake constantly telling Felix that he wanted Andy back and that they had to get him home and the knowledge that Sam thought that maybe, if Felix was killed, they would go back home when they were in the alternative universe, Felix thought they would be happier if he was gone. If he never existed, Oscar would be able to walk and Sam, Jake and Andy would have never gone through everything that happened over the past month, it would be better for everyone.

But of course, Oscar knew what Felix was up to after his vision, stopped Felix’s plan and told Sam, Jake and Ellen. Thankfully everything worked out with Andy coming home and Phoebe and Alice taking his place in Negative Space with Bear, but it didn’t mean Felix wasn’t in big shit with his friends and Oscar when they had their get together for Andy’s return in Felix’s backyard, which brings us to now…

“Felix, what on earth were you thinking, trying to swap yourself with Andy?” Ellen asked him while in his room, away from everyone else. Ellen thought that maybe with it just being her interrogating Felix about the situation, he might open up about it more than “We need to get Andy back”. “It would be better for everyone, Ellen.” Felix said quietly. “How? HOW WOULD IT BE BETTER FOR EVERYONE?” Ellen couldn’t help but shout, her best friend was willing to leave and she need to know why.

 Unknowingly, Ellen had let the others know that something was up by shouting so they decided to see what was going on for themselves. “It just would be, okay?” Felix muttered. “No. Not okay, Felix. You were willing to leave me behind, Oscar behind, your parents, Jake, Andy! Even Sam behind Felix, and I know you’re going to say it’s just a stupid crush but it’s obviously more than that now. What is going on?”

Jake, Andy and Oscar turned to Sam who was honestly, very confused. Felix had a crush on him? Since when? For how long? “Did you not know?” Andy asked him. “Uh, no, I didn’t…” Sam muttered. “Really mate, it’s been obvious he’s like you since year 7.” Jake said. “Year 7, seriously?” Sam asked. “Yeah, that’s why I teased you all the time asking when you were going to ask the goth kid out.”  Jake replied. “I thought you meant Ellen.” Sam said.

“You know how desperately everyone wanted Andy back.” Felix said putting his head in his hands. Honestly, he was getting frustrated. “That’s not an answer Felix.” Ellen replied. “IF I WAS THE ONE GONE, EVERYTHING WOULD BE OKAY! YOU SAW THE OTHER UNIVERSE! OSCAR COULD WALK, MY PARENTS WERE HAPPY, YOU WERE HAPPY! IN THAT UNIVERSE I DIDN’T SCREW EVERYONE’S LIVES UP!” Felix shouted, everything he was feeling was bubbling over. “I RUINED ANDY’S LIFE AND JAKE’S AND SAM’S! THEY WERE MISERABLE AND IT WAS ALL MY FAULT!” He was getting close to tears. “I just wanted to make things right, as much as I could.” Felix wiped his eyes with his sleeve.

“Did you know that when we were gone and demon Bates kidnapped me, other you asked if I got killed, if would it change everything back?” Felix smiled at Ellen sadly, tears in his eyes. “No, who told you about that?” Ellen asked, tears running down her face. “Jake did, sometime between us coming back and the party where Andy ran off.” Looking at the ground, Felix tried not to cry. “You know I would never even think of something like that, Felix.” Trying to reassure her best friend, Ellen sat down on Felix’s bed and put an arm around him. “I know, I know, it’s just a shitty thing to hear. But it gets worse.” Felix wiped his face with his sleeve. “Sam asked other Phoebe if it would work.”

Ellen saw red. “I’m going to kill him”, she muttered angrily, standing up and heading for the door. “Ellen, don’t. It shouldn’t matter, it doesn’t matter.” Felix tried to get her to listen. “It obviously still does, Felix, and he’s going to pay for it!” Ellen replied, opening Felix’s bedroom door.

When Jake, Sam and Andy tumbled into the room, Oscar couldn’t help but laugh. After everything he had just heard, Oscar, who had put his two cents in by glaring at Sam, punching him hard in the arm and whisper shouting “What the fuck is wrong with you?”, was quite happy that Sam had taken it the hardest, being squashed under Jake and Andy.  Ellen glared at him though, so he quickly shut up. He didn’t know what was going to happen but Oscar was sure that whatever played out in the next few minutes were probably going to scar him for life.

“Get the fuck up, Conte…” Ellen said quietly. Jake and Andy had gotten off Sam and were slowly getting up. “Ellen, seriously, it’s fine, it happened. It doesn’t matter.” Felix said, standing up and wiping his eyes. He just wouldn’t stop crying. “Yes, it does.” Sam said, getting up off the ground. “Other Ellen should have never asked if you getting killed would send us back and I should have never even considered it, not for a second.” Sam looked over Ellen’s shoulder and up at Felix. “It was stupid and selfish and I was just so angry with you at the time but that’s not an excuse. I’m really sorry Felix.” Tears brimmed Sam’s eyes.

“We should probably leave them alone to talk things out…” Jake suggested, lightly pushing Andy out the door with his hand on his back. “Come on Ellen, they’ll be fine.” Ellen looked at Felix, who simply nodded. “Okay…” Ellen said, quietly retreating.

Felix sat back down on his bed, Sam following in suite. “You know, we might have never been involved in any of this mess because of you… but that doesn’t mean we would happy if you were gone.” Sam said quietly. Felix shook his head, “Yeah right.” He muttered. “Seriously dude, we care about you heaps! Andy and Jake, you’re basically like a brother to them.” Sam said, putting his hand on Felix’s back. “I’m not like a brother to you?” Felix asked, he thought that, if Andy and Jake saw him as family, Sam would too. Apparently, he was wrong.

Sam quickly turned around to Felix, crossing his legs on the bed. “Not like a brother, no… I already have my brothers for that, plus Jake and Andy, Oscar even.” Felix looked at the ground, tears welling up again. “Oh…” Sam was confused on why Felix still looked so down. “Oh what, dude?” Sam thought about it for a second. “Oh… OH! I didn’t mean anything bad by saying you're not like a brother to me, it’s just…” Felix sighed. “I get it Sam, don’t worry about it.” Felix crossed his arms and looked away, Sam couldn’t see him cry, he already had done enough of that today.

“Felix, look at me… C’mon dude, look at me.” Sam said getting up and putting a hand on Felix’s face. Felix’s cheek was wet from crying and Sam felt his heart break. “I heard what Ellen said before, about you liking me…” Felix started to panic. “Shit… You weren’t supposed to know about that, ever. I’m really sorry Sam, I didn’t mean to it’s just I’ve liked you for so long and then we were stuck together and how could I not like you? But you’re in love with Mia and that’s understandable, she’s so kind and beautiful and everything I’m not. I completely understand if you want to beat me up and never speak to me again-“

Sam backed his face up a little, hand still on Felix’s cheek, stroking his thumb against it. “Felix, it’s okay.” Felix was very confused, “You… You kissed me… Why did you kiss me?” Sam smiled softly “Because I wanted to.” Felix smiled back but a thought lingered, “But Mia…” “Mia and I are just going to be friends from now on, plus I think she likes someone else too.” Sam pulled Felix back in.

AWW!” Sam turned and looked behind him and Felix looked around Sam from where he was sitting on his bed. Ellen, Andy and Oscar were on the other side of the window glaring at Jake. “I said that out loud, didn’t I?” Jake laughed awkwardly. “DUDE! Could you guys rack-off for a second, please?” Sam said looking between the four other teens. Felix, still sitting on his bed, put his head in his hands, trying to hide himself blushing. “Okay, Okay! We’ll be off having some cake. Since you're distracting him Felix, Sam can’t eat it all.” Ellen said, smirking. Felix's blush increased behind his hands. “What on earth did I miss while I was gone?” Andy asked Jake. “I’ll fill you in, c’mon.” Jake said as they left the window.

“Hey, they’re gone now.” Sam said pulling Felix’s hands from his face. Sam kissed Felix once more and while the taller boy was stunned, Sam asked, “So… when where you going to tell me that you’ve been crushing on me since year 7?” Felix quickly snapped back into reality, “Who told you that?” “Jake.”