“So, this is the brake and this is the accelerator. You see, the round one, and then the square one. They're just like… just like a round and a square, I don't have to explain you that, okay? What are you, an idiot? Haven't you attended primary school, BoJack? It's a primary school thing, you know, maybe a no-school-at-all thing. A round and a square, all right. So, you put your feet on the round - no, not round, call it brake. It's a brake, BoJack, speak as an adult, okay? So you put your feet on the brake and then you twist the key and the car will click and then it will start. Simple as that. Simple enough for you? Augh, yeah, I know, all right, you're not that dumb. You know what does your mother say? That you are just my son. As if it was an explanation, as if she was perfect. Guess what? She's not, she's never been. I mean, when we first met she was okay, just - just okay, but then she get worse, and worse, and worse. Do you think she's perfect? She's not. Do you think I'm perfect? Of course you don't, because I'm not. You know what would make me a step closer to being perfect? Not having married your mother. She's not that bad but she ain't that good either. She's like a brake, the round one, she just stops me. And if you push her, you can hear my head clicking and clicking like a fucking bomb ready to explode. But it ain't her fault.
Don't you ever dare to blame her, okay? She's your mother and you're a lucky kid, okay? And I'm a man that can make a sandwich all by himself. Okay, so, then, when the engine is on you can just move the gear stick to D and go forward. Unless you don't want to go forward, then you just move to R and you go backward. It's a simple concept, okay? If there's a wall in front of you don't go forward, because you'll destroy my fucking car and then I'll fucking destroy you. Do you know how much does a car cost? It costs, it costs more than you will ever be able to spend, so don't destroy my car. Your mother already destroyed it once, because she can't drive but she still thought it was a good idea to take it and go buy her damn cigarettes. She still thinks it's a good idea to teach you how to drive, and I don't get why. Cars are for driving away, and you won't ever drive away. You know, you'll find a woman, you will marry her and then she will destroy the car that you won't have, because by that moment you'll still be living on our couch, but you'll have a damn ring on your finger, remembering you that there's a woman by your side that doesn't love you and that you don't love. It's not always like that, but that's how it will be for you. Don't go fucking forward if there's a wall in front of you, okay? You can move backward, you can always move backward, unless there's a wall behind you, and if there's a wall in front of you and another wall behind you then you're fucking trapped, exactly like your mother trapped me. Listen, I'm not saying she's bad, but… I'm not saying she'd deserve to die, but - don't, don't you dare twisting me around here, okay? These are not my words, why are you looking at me like that? You mother does not deserve to die, but she would probably be happier somewhere else, and I would too, so… yeah, there's a round and a square. C'mon, twist that damn key and just… just let’s go.”
“...shouldn't we wear the seat belt, dad?”
“What are you, a girl?! Yeah, wear you damn seat belt if you want to, but don't say to your friends that I told you to do it, because that's what they'll call you: a girl! And don't ever get a ticket because you're not wearing that goddamn seat belt, because I won't pay it for you!”
“...what should I do, then?”
“Don't wear it and don't get a fucking ticket. And don't get married, if you don't want your wife to destroy your car.”
“Will I have a car?”
“No, you won't, are you deaf? Listen, I'm not into this anymore, I'm going to make me a sandwich all by myself. There's a wall in front of you, you see? Don't-destroy-my-car, understand, BoJack? Simple enough for you?”